1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,480 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:11,160 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,560 [soft music] 4 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,480 [Jeremy] Now that we were heading into high summer, 5 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,760 it was time for one of the most enjoyable jobs 6 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,680 on the farming calendar: 7 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,800 putting the cows back in the fields 8 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,400 after their winter confinement in the shed. 9 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,200 [Jeremy] Right, so we get four in the trailer and off to Cow Ground. 10 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:52,160 [Kaleb] Yep. 11 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,280 [Kaleb groans] 12 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,280 [Jeremy groans] 13 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,240 Open that gate up. 14 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,000 I like working with you now. 15 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,000 -[Jeremy] What, you didn't used to? -[Kaleb] No. 16 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,240 [Jeremy chuckles] 17 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:07,960 Go on then, cows. Good cows. 18 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,120 -Go on. Yes. -[Kaleb] Get on. 19 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,880 -[Kaleb] Go on. -[Jeremy] There we go. 20 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,160 [Kaleb] Go on. 21 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,200 [Kaleb groans] 22 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:16,680 [Jeremy] Right. 23 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,800 [Kaleb] Are you gonna go on your own and I'll get the next four in? 24 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,160 [soft music] 25 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,520 [Jeremy] This is one of my favourite days, 26 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,560 releasing the cows into the fields, 27 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,960 because they're so happy after... What? 28 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,680 Five, six months being locked up in the barn? 29 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,040 They suddenly have the freedom, all that grass. 30 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,480 And it's like: "Oh, I remember." 31 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,080 [Jeremy] I arrived at the cow field, 32 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,000 remembering well the last time we did this. 33 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:46,960 [mooing] 34 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:48,600 [Jeremy] Look at them! Excited cows! 35 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,680 Free! 36 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:50,760 [Lisa] Hey. 37 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,760 -So happy! -[Jeremy laughs] 38 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,120 [Jeremy] "I'm free and out!" 39 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,680 [Jeremy] And he released the raptors. 40 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,200 Wait. 41 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,320 There. You're free. Now go. 42 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:19,960 [Jeremy] Is that it? 43 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:21,520 [cow mooing] 44 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,560 Come on! Where's all the running around? 45 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,040 You're supposed to dance around and be happy. 46 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,080 You ungrateful bastards. 47 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,680 [soft music] 48 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:41,360 [Jeremy] After that letdown, I went to inspect my Space Penises, 49 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,840 fully expecting some more disappointment. 50 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:47,960 Right. 51 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,000 I'm rather optimistically going to bring... 52 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,360 One crate? Two crates. 53 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,960 Two crates for my mushrooms. 54 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,040 I'll get into my Darth Vader outfit. 55 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:01,120 My rubber gloves on. 56 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,320 Yay! Holy Moly! 57 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,720 Look at those. 58 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,000 And those! 59 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,280 This is amazing. 60 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,760 Look at these beauties. Look at this. 61 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,280 This could work. This could actually work. 62 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,200 So what you do to pick them, 63 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,920 it's a twisting, strangling motion like... 64 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,520 That's not quite right. 65 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,880 God! I'm having mushrooms on toast tonight. 66 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,960 [Jeremy] Having boxed up the mushrooms, 67 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,000 I high-tailed it over to the farm shop 68 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,080 before it opened for business. 69 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,040 -[Jeremy] Lisa? -[Lisa] Yeah. 70 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,280 -I've got good news. -[Lisa] Yeah? 71 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,160 Wow! They're beautiful. 72 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,240 -They are, aren't they? -What are they? 73 00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,880 -Grey oyster mushrooms. -Oh, my God. 74 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,120 I've made a thing for them. 75 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,360 -So we're selling them by the punnet. -Yeah. 76 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,200 How much do you reckon for a punnet? 77 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,440 -[Jeremy] I say £3, £3,50. -Yeah. 78 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,800 [Jeremy] We then went to show them to Scott, 79 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,080 the chef in the shop's burger van. 80 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:14,800 -Wow. -Aren't they beautiful? 81 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,640 -[Scott] These are all grown up at the... -[Lisa] Yes. 82 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,880 We're growing these. We're gonna have a regular supply of mushrooms. 83 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,160 We can do mushrooms on toast or something in the mornings. 84 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,160 -Yeah, mushrooms on toast. -[Lisa] Yeah! Amazing. 85 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,160 [Jeremy] Everybody wants mushrooms on toast. 86 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,360 We can make mushroom ketchup if you get to the end and you've got loads left. 87 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,880 -[Lisa] Ooh! -Nice! 88 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:31,800 -Yeah? -Mushroom soup? 89 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,240 Yeah. Whatever you like. 90 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,760 -Vegan burger. -Yeah! 91 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,800 -Finally we get... Oh, it's not vegan. -[Jeremy] Shit. 92 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,920 [chuckles] 93 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,240 [Lisa] What have you done? 94 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,120 What's wrong, love? 95 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,360 Oh no. What's wrong? 96 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,000 Are you all right? 97 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,640 [Lisa] Are you crying or laughing? 98 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,800 We've won the appeal. 99 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,320 -[Lisa gasps] -[woman] Shut up! 100 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,920 -[Lisa] No way! -Ah, nice! 101 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,240 [laughing] 102 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,320 Oh, my God! 103 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,200 We've won the appeal! 104 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,040 -Oh wow! -[Lisa] What happened? Tell me! 105 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,720 -Stop the lights. -I'm reading it. 106 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,680 [woman] Well done, guys. 107 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:07,760 -Oh, my God! -[Jeremy] Oh, God. 108 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,240 I've been so worried. 109 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,160 -It's a hell of a long document but... -Bloody hell. That's juicy. 110 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,200 [Jeremy] Point 41: 111 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,680 "I shall for the purposes of clarity and understanding," 112 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,680 this is the planning inspector, 113 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,320 "correct the allegation to a change of use to a mixed use 114 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,120 comprising agriculture, café, 115 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:31,320 restaurant, farm shop, parking and lavatory facilities." 116 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,000 -He's given us the whole shebang? -[woman] Blimey! 117 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,600 -The whole lot. -[woman] Yes! 118 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,520 It seems we aren't... That's gone. 119 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,160 We aren't allowed to have a restaurant there. 120 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,080 -But we can have this here. -[Scott] Amazing. 121 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,960 And we can make that a café in there. 122 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,640 [all laughing] 123 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:46,960 This is very... 124 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:50,760 This is the biggest "fuck you" to the council I've ever... 125 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:55,240 [Lisa chuckles] Oh, my God! I've been so worried. 126 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:56,720 That is amazing. 127 00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,480 But it's also common sense. 128 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,120 -Well, of course it's common sense! -I know. 129 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,640 The council didn't have any, and there's an inspector... 130 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,520 Do you think the council will appeal? 131 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,400 -I don't think the council will appeal. -And spend everyone else's money? 132 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,480 This inspector's taken... How long? Four months? 133 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,600 I don't think he's going to have made a mistake, is he? 134 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,720 Basically, we're safe. And it seems to be for three years. 135 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,240 We're good to go for three years. 136 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,160 -We're back in business. -[Lisa] The shop can do anything. 137 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,200 -[laughing] -Fuck! 138 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,000 [soft joyful music] 139 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,320 [Jeremy] Lisa decided to celebrate this victory over the council 140 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,560 by inviting all her thin, blonde Oxfordshire friends over 141 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,120 for a spot of goat yoga. 142 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,480 [instructor] Squeeze and retract the shoulder blades to open up the chest. 143 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,840 Into your Warrior 3 position. 144 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,920 Keep the hips square, shoulders square, core on. 145 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,160 And then press... 146 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,000 [Jeremy] I'm sure this was all very modern 147 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,560 but I hadn't bought the goats to be used as wellness props. 148 00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,880 I'd bought them to lay waste to my brambles, 149 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:03,840 something they could hopefully start doing now they had a campsite. 150 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,600 However, we could only move them up there 151 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,640 if they were big enough. 152 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,120 [Jeremy] Right. 153 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,440 -Do you know what we're doing? -We've gotta weigh them. 154 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,080 -And then, if it's underweight... -Yeah? 155 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,800 That's less than 17 kilograms, we spray it red. 156 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,000 -Not the whole thing. -17 kilos? 157 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,120 -Yeah. -Wow. 158 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,800 And then if it's ready to go outside, it's green. 159 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,080 We're hoping they're all green because Lizzie's coming to take the milk machine. 160 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,160 They're on solids now, aren't they? 161 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,560 -How do we get them into the harness? -[Lisa] Here, look. 162 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:39,840 [Jeremy] You know how you get into it. 163 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,800 [Lisa] Right. Okay. Let's take a fatty. 164 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,000 -Don't! Stop eating my jeans. -[Lisa] Quick. 165 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,760 -Uh-uh-uh. Stop it. No. -[Jeremy laughs] 166 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:51,960 [Lisa] Ow! 167 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,040 [Lisa grunts] Stop it! 168 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,120 -[Jeremy laughs] -Okay. That is 96. 169 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,640 You didn't... Well, 96 what? 170 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:00,640 Pounds? 171 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,080 [Lisa] Kilograms. 172 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,120 It's not 96 kilograms. That's heavier than me. 173 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,880 Right. Green. 174 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,800 No, don't let go until we've sprayed. 175 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,400 No, just spray. It's all right. 176 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,840 No, don't let go! Bring it back or else we're gonna lose it. 177 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,240 [Lisa] Wait, I'm just... Oh, my God. We're gonna be here for days. 178 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,760 -[Jeremy] Stop it. -[goat bleating] 179 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,240 -No, you've gotta get it in the middle. -It's heavy enough, I can tell you. 180 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,880 This one's just coughed and been sick all over me. 181 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,120 Get off. Get off! 182 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,600 This one is 16 with two back legs on the floor. 183 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,520 -[Jeremy] Well, that's not accurate. -That is definitely over 17. 184 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,480 [Jeremy] In the middle of this festival of incompetence... 185 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:41,720 [Jeremy] Come on, man. 186 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,480 [Jeremy] Lizzie, the goat expert, arrived. 187 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:45,880 [Lisa] Hi, Lizzie. 188 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,000 What are you doing? 189 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,080 [Jeremy] Weighing them. 190 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,760 [Lizzie chuckles] How's that going? 191 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,640 -Not very well. -No! You surprise me. 192 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,080 -[Lisa] What did we say? 18 point...? -[Jeremy] But we haven't marked it. 193 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:57,640 -[Lisa] I have. -Oh, you have? 194 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,160 -[Lisa] Yes. -Is there an easier way of doing it? 195 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,240 Yeah. I can definitely think of one. 196 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:05,440 Like, use the scales. That would be my recommendation. 197 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,760 [Jeremy] How do you make a goat stand on a weigh scale? 198 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,280 Just, he'll stand there. It'll be fine. 199 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:13,360 [goat bleating] 200 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,840 [Jeremy] So in fact, that's plugged into the mains, yeah? 201 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,160 [Lizzie] Yeah. We're all good. 202 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,520 If you stand by the screen when I put him on. 203 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,520 It should give you a weight. 204 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,640 -Oh, yeah. 19.46. -There you go. 205 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,880 So how... Ow! That really hurt. 206 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,000 You're getting weighed next for being a horrible goat. 207 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,880 Christ Al-bloody-mighty. This is a porker. 208 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,480 Wow. 28.66. 209 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,200 -Oh! -[bleating] 210 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,200 -Next time, if you put your hand not... -Yes, I've got that wrong. 211 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,320 23.92. 212 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:46,200 So you have grown good, solid, healthy goats! 213 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,720 -So we're happy? -We're very happy. 214 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,640 [Lizzie] You've done a very good job. 215 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,200 All of these boys are certainly over seventeen. 216 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,520 -And very ready to go out. -Ready to go out. 217 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,480 [Jeremy] Right. 218 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,880 [Jeremy] Before moving the goats to their campsite, 219 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,160 there was something I needed to clear up with Lizzie. 220 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,520 What's this I heard about... Well, I was reading in my book, 221 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,720 that if they escape then they're... 222 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,760 -That would... Yeah, like... -[Jeremy] Get off. 223 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:17,760 -If you get the... -[Jeremy] Stop it. 224 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,760 If you get the fencing wrong, it's carnage, 225 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,520 because you'll never keep them in, like, ever. 226 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,040 Once they learn... They're so clever. 227 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,400 If they start escaping, that's it. 228 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,080 [Jeremy screams] Fuck me! 229 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,480 -I think it's trying to. -[Jeremy] Jesus Christ! 230 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:34,640 [Lizzie laughs] 231 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:35,840 Right. 232 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,480 Sorry, what were you saying about the fencing being catastrophic? 233 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,200 It could be catastrophic if you don't get it right. 234 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,160 So... Ow! 235 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,760 -Do you want a lunch box? -[Lizzie] Yeah! 236 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,520 -[Jeremy] I need a cricket... They know. -You need a cricket box. They do know. 237 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,400 It's because I cut their balls off. That really hurts. 238 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,360 -Don't do that again. -[bleating] 239 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,200 Do not. Don't do that again. 240 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:00,600 Get off! 241 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,640 -They used to be so sweet. -[Lisa] They were so small and cute. 242 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,320 [Jeremy] And now they're just eating things. 243 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:09,640 -But if one does keep getting out... -[Lizzie] Yeah. 244 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,600 Best will in the world, what damage is it going to do? 245 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,160 Apart from kicking people in the nuts. 246 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,480 So we had one really bad group years and years ago 247 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,240 and they went for all our sapling trees. 248 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,600 they went through two fields to get to the sapling trees. 249 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,080 [Lisa] They could go onto the road and cause an accident. 250 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,280 Or your chillies. 251 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,360 -I don't know how many they'd eat... -They wouldn't. 252 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,200 They would certainly go through your polytunnel. 253 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,440 Horns in a polytunnel wouldn't be a good mix. 254 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,440 So, really, we've gotta be very careful. 255 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,240 [Lizzie] You really, really do, yeah. 256 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:38,800 -[Lisa] Can you imagine... -Look at Joe. He's in real trouble. 257 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,520 -[chuckles] -[Joe screams] 258 00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,480 -[Lisa] Here's our decoy here. -Help! 259 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,000 [laughing] 260 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,160 -[Lisa] It likes you a lot. -[Lizzie] Literally nothing's sacred. 261 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:47,480 Ow! 262 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:52,680 [Jeremy] We then showed Lizzie the field where the goats would live. 263 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,880 [Jeremy] If I leave this alone for much longer, it will all just be bramble. 264 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,880 [Lizzie] Yeah. They'll take the worst of the brambles out. 265 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:05,680 [Jeremy] And at every opportunity, she came back to the topic 266 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,400 of their escaping skills. 267 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,680 [Jeremy] And do they need things to climb on? 268 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,920 We don't give them stuff outside because they roll them into the electric fence 269 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,760 -and then use that as an escape. -No! 270 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,080 -[Jeremy] No! -Yes. 271 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,040 -[Jeremy] What? Like Stalag Luft III? -Yeah, honestly. Like that. 272 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,920 Well, so rewind. 273 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,760 If we put their sort of wooden toys they've got in their barn now 274 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,000 and put them in here, they'll use them as a launching pad? 275 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,920 Yeah. We found that with the big sort of oil barrels? 276 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,400 They roll them up into the fence to short it out or use them to hop over. 277 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,560 -[Lisa] That's so cool. -[Jeremy] No! 278 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,360 [Lizzie] They'll definitely be up on that pig hut 279 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:44,640 and over that fence, like, within hours if they had access to it. 280 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,200 -[Jeremy] Jesus. -[Lisa] Clever, right? 281 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,760 They're very intelligent. Do not underestimate them. 282 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,880 [classical music] 283 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,120 [Jeremy] While we were wondering if a goat 284 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,440 could jump a fence on a motorcycle, 285 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,160 Kaleb and Charlie were having a much grander day 286 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:04,680 in London. 287 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,440 They'd been invited to Downing Street 288 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,480 to talk to the Prime Minister 289 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:13,520 about his "Back British Farm to Fork" initiative. 290 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:17,600 And given the importance of the meeting, they met in a café 291 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,880 for a pre-match chat. 292 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:21,800 -[Charlie] So today? -[Kaleb] Yeah? 293 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,280 -Quite a lot of people going. -Quite big? 294 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,120 Jeremy told me to say... He said: "Kaleb, erm, 295 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,120 if you want any talking points, 296 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,600 just tell Ricky that he's probably not going to be Prime Minister anymore." 297 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:32,560 Rishi. 298 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:33,720 Rishi. 299 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,760 The president. The prime minister, sorry. 300 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,720 [Charlie] Yes, that'll be a great place to start. 301 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,960 I would definitely go: "Oi. Hello, Mr President. 302 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,240 -How are you, Ricky?" -"Come and see me on the weekend". 303 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:44,560 "You won't be Prime Minister for long." 304 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,360 So what are you gonna talk about? 305 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,960 -What's your focus? -[Kaleb] I'll do it on young farmers. 306 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,280 -Good. -Young people getting into farming. 307 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,800 You can't go and farm your own farm nowadays. 308 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,160 A, they're so expensive. And B, everything's in a scheme. 309 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,080 -I got a quote for a tractor yesterday. -Yeah. 310 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,320 After discount, it's £205,000. 311 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,080 I know. It's insane. 312 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,960 -Oh, Christ. We'd better go. -Hm? 313 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,320 We're gonna be late. 314 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,160 [police sirens] 315 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,640 [Charlie] Trafalgar Square. 316 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,320 -[Kaleb] I drove through here! -[Charlie] Yeah. 317 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:19,480 [Kaleb] I didn't put my indicator on in this junction here. 318 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,880 -Really? -Yeah. 319 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:21,960 [Charlie] There's Nelson, look. 320 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,160 -[Kaleb] Who's Nelson? -He was an admiral. 321 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,920 -[Kaleb] He's up quite high up. -He won a battle. 322 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,000 -Do you know what he's looking at? -What? 323 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,760 -[Charlie] You see where those flags are? -Yeah. 324 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,520 [Charlie] That's Admiralty Arch. 325 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,600 -OK? -[Kaleb] Right. 326 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,120 [Charlie] He's looking on the top of the arch. 327 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,720 There are loads of ships. 328 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,840 -And he's looking at that. -He led the Battle of Trafalgar. 329 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,080 [Kaleb] All that concrete to build a man that's looking over some... 330 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,120 "I Heart London." Fuck that. 331 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,560 Press the button. 332 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,520 [Charlie] You press the button. 333 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,920 -[Kaleb] Where are we going? -[Charlie] We're going down Whitehall. 334 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,760 -[Kaleb] What is that? -[Charlie chuckles] 335 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,560 -[Charlie] It's a... -[Kaleb] Now what? 336 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,120 [Charlie] It's a very... Just keep going. 337 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,120 So here we are. This is Whitehall, this is where it all happens. 338 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,000 [Kaleb] What happens? 339 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,680 The management of the country! 340 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,600 There you go. Cabinet offices. 341 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,040 -[Kaleb] What's that? -You know what the Cabinet is? 342 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,160 -[Kaleb] No. -They're the more senior ministers. 343 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,000 [Kaleb] And they all work in there, do they? 344 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,040 [Charlie] I don't know what time it is. What time is it? 345 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,760 9:11. 346 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,440 [Charlie] Oh, we're a bit early. 347 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,760 We'll hang around. 348 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:36,600 [Big Ben chiming in the distance] 349 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,160 Morning. 350 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:40,920 Morning. 351 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,520 Morning. 352 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,680 Are you now just gonna try and get 353 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,280 -people to say "good morning"? -Yeah. 354 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:48,680 Morning. 355 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,360 -They'll think you're a fruitcake. -I'm just saying "morning"! 356 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,320 They... They don't wanna talk. 357 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:01,120 [Jeremy] Soon it was time for them to head for that famous black door. 358 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,280 [Kaleb] Ready? We gotta knock? 359 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,440 [Charlie] Yeah. 360 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,200 -Christ, all right. -[crew] You might need to do it again. 361 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:12,480 What, knock? 362 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,320 -[doorman] If you want to step in. -[Charlie] Okay. 363 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,400 -[doorman] Hi, guys. You all right? -[Kaleb] How're you doing? 364 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,600 [doorman] Just a hint. 365 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,400 If you knock that loud again, I'll throw you out. 366 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:23,640 [Kaleb] Say that again? 367 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,920 -[doorman] Don't knock so loud. -[Charlie] Sorry, we're farmers. 368 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,400 -[doorman] I don't care. -[Charlie] Okay. 369 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,000 -[doorman] I'm not. -[Charlie] Okay. 370 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,720 [Kaleb] That told us. 371 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,240 [Jeremy] While Kaleb and Charlie were being told off 372 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,720 by the Downing Street door police... 373 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,480 [Jeremy] Come on, goats. Let's get you in. 374 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,360 [Jeremy] Lisa and I were finally moving the goats 375 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,320 into their new home. 376 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,040 So the idea is... This is their training garden. 377 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,200 -[Lisa] Yep. -[Jeremy] And they live in here 378 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,360 until they've really eaten all the dock leaves and what have you. 379 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,600 -Okay. -Then you move them down. 380 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,560 And the idea is that their mouths get, 381 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:58,640 you know, used to... 382 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,120 -[Lisa] Hardened. -Yes, exactly. 383 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,800 -Oh! -And they get hard mouths. 384 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,240 But then, 385 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,320 you see the bramble bushes, which is what I want them to start eating. 386 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,520 -[Lisa] Yes. -So when they start hitting brambles, 387 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:13,240 that's going to be interesting for me. That's what I want them to eat. 388 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,160 [Jeremy] Before all that, though, 389 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,320 we had to go through the unpleasant but necessary business 390 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:22,160 of getting them used to the electric fencing. 391 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,720 -[Jeremy] Out you come. -[Lisa] They are coming out! 392 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,080 -So the white fence is gentle power. -[Lisa] Yes. 393 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,640 [Jeremy] And the orange fence is the national grid. 394 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:36,320 Oh, look: "I'm plotting... I've got an escape route here." 395 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,680 "Hey, guys. Follow me." 396 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,560 "I reckon we could be over in a jiffy." 397 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,080 -[buzz] -[goat bleating] 398 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:44,800 [Jeremy] Whoa! Was that a zap? 399 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,200 [Lisa] Oh no. They're eating the gate posts. 400 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,920 [Jeremy laughs] [Jeremy imitates bleating] 401 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,400 "Okay, I'm not eating the gate posts anymore!" 402 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,480 [buzz] 403 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:53,800 [Lisa and Jeremy gasp] 404 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,400 -[buzz] -[bleating] 405 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,080 Sorry. 406 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,720 -[buzz] -[bleating] 407 00:17:58,880 --> 00:17:59,800 [Jeremy] Bah! 408 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,440 -[buzz] -[bleating] 409 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:02,960 [chuckles] 410 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,320 -[buzz] -[bleating] 411 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,040 [laughter] 412 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,080 It's not funny. 413 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,880 -No, it's really mild. And look... -It's not funny. 414 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,760 -[bleating] -[Lisa] I shouldn't laugh. 415 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,080 [Lisa laughs] 416 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,320 I'm not amused. I don't like to see animals in pain. 417 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:17,320 But they do have to learn. 418 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,320 [Jeremy] And quite quickly, 419 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,400 they got the message. 420 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,080 [Jeremy] Well, look at them all now, in the middle. 421 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,640 -[Lisa] Yeah. -Their escape plans are in tatters 422 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,040 because of my security. 423 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:30,720 Eat. 424 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,800 Get your mouths hardened and then you can go and eat brambles. 425 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,080 [softly bleating] 426 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,280 [Jeremy] Back at Number 10, 427 00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:42,400 Charlie was taking part in a highbrow think-tank discussion. 428 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,320 But you went through the list of grants there? 429 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:46,560 [man] Hmm. 430 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:49,080 -And you haven't listed them all? -[man] No. 431 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:50,960 -And all the schemes? -[man] No. 432 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,240 You do need a PhD now in grant applications if you're a farmer. 433 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,640 [Jeremy] Meanwhile, out in the garden, 434 00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,920 President Ricky was in full schmooze mode. 435 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,680 How are you? Rishi, very nice to see you. 436 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,880 So what are you guys... Is this all from the farm? 437 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,200 Yeah, from the farms. We've got a Fenland Flag sausage. 438 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,760 And then we've got our traditional butcher's sausage, our Great Bramblebee. 439 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,320 -Yeah? That's... -And then some bacon going as well. 440 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:17,440 Oh, my God! It's been smelling. We were having Cabinet up there. 441 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,440 Literally, that's the Cabinet room there. 442 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,480 And everyone was just distracted and smelling your stuff coming through. 443 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:23,440 It's great! 444 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,800 -[Kaleb chuckles] -Look at this. 445 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,880 [Jeremy] Then, in the actual Cabinet office... 446 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:29,880 How are you? 447 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,400 [Jeremy] Kaleb got to meet the Prime Minister. 448 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,320 Thanks for coming. Kaleb! How are you? 449 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,000 [Jeremy] This was his big moment 450 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,560 to talk about attracting youngsters into farming. 451 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:43,080 -Are you okay? -I'm very well, thanks. 452 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,320 -You've got lovely hair. -Er, me? 453 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,320 [laughing] 454 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,160 -Had you heard otherwise? -No, no, no. 455 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,480 -It was just a general comment. -I just like hair. 456 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,320 [Jeremy] When the conversation moved outside, 457 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,240 Kaleb finally did talk about young farmers. 458 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:57,640 [Kaleb] The thing is in my head... 459 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,200 [Jeremy] But he made a bit of a meal about getting to the point. 460 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,920 You know, farming's not a job. It's a way of life. 461 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,800 That is it. There's no other option there. It's a way of life. 462 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,200 You don't get up and go: "I've gotta go to work today." 463 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,320 I never ever wake up and go: 464 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,800 "I've really gotta work, I've got an 8 to 5 job. 465 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,080 I can't wait to finish." 466 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,440 Halfway through the day, you go: "Oh, I wanna go home." 467 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,960 I never do that. I wake up and go: "Right, what am I doing today?" 468 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,080 Yesterday... The day before, sorry. I was out there milking cows... 469 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,160 Then I went out there and started mowing for silage. 470 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,080 And then I was spraying. No day is the same. 471 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,280 -Everyone should have a dream. -That's true. 472 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,040 A dream is somewhere to go and to get to. 473 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,000 As soon as you accomplish that dream, if you do it in 2, 3 or 5 years, 474 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:37,760 you've done it, set another dream. 475 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,480 And the thing I say all the time is dreams don't work unless you do... 476 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,480 [Kaleb's voice fades out] 477 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:47,560 [Jeremy] While Kaleb was bringing the country to a grinding halt, 478 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,080 Lisa and I had gone up to the mushroom bunker 479 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,880 to see if any more had fruited. 480 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,760 [Jeremy] Oh shit. 481 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,000 -Oh, my God. -[Lisa] Have they not grown? 482 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,200 -[Jeremy] Oh, my God. -[Lisa] What's wrong? 483 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:05,880 [Lisa groans] 484 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:07,720 What the...? 485 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,480 [Jeremy] Look! How many have we got? Thousands! 486 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,200 [Lisa] Oh, my God. So those are those. 487 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,320 [Jeremy] It's incredible. 488 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,520 [Lisa] Oh, my God. 489 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,080 -[Lisa] Wow. -[Jeremy] Jesus. 490 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,560 [Lisa] These are ready. 491 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,160 [Jeremy] They're very ready. 492 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,400 Right. 493 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,440 -24 hours ago, that didn't exist. -[Lisa] I know. 494 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,520 [Jeremy] Where does the matter come from that's made it? 495 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,240 In 24 hours? 496 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,520 [Lisa] Look at it. 497 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,200 [Jeremy] You need to get selling mushrooms. 498 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,080 [Jeremy] What's more, the extraordinary lion's mane mushrooms 499 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,080 had started to appear. 500 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,520 -[Lisa] Oh wow! -It's like a sponge 501 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,720 that's mated with a cauliflower. 502 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,400 And that's a mushroom. 503 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:59,240 The man said that he reckons that they're space penises. 504 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,600 That does look like it's from space. That really does. 505 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,480 [soft country music] 506 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,200 [Jeremy] There was no way we could fit even a tenth of this lot 507 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,200 into the farm shop. 508 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,040 So I had to abandon my plans for the day 509 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,840 and man a hastily erected mushroom stall. 510 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,120 Can I interest you in the new Diddly Squat range? 511 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,360 Grey oyster mushrooms. These are not like you get at the supermarket. 512 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,480 Or lion's mane mushrooms. 513 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,800 -[customer] May I have some of both? -Yes, of course. 514 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,360 [Jeremy] That's 427 grams. 515 00:22:39,120 --> 00:22:42,080 -That would be £12,81. -[customer] Okay. 516 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,040 Ooh! 517 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,280 [customer] Just out of curiosity... 518 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,400 Are you selling Space Penises? 519 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,320 [upbeat music] 520 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,760 [Jeremy] Up in Piggy Wood, it had now been 11 weeks 521 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,920 since Ajax the boar had done... 522 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,600 boar things with the sows. 523 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,520 [Jeremy] These are the four in question, 524 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,200 -hopefully pregnant. -Yeah, yeah. 525 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,560 [Jeremy] So a local pig expert had come round to scan them. 526 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:19,480 And the news was good. 527 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:21,320 They're all pregnant. 528 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,360 -They're all pregnant? -All up the duff? 529 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,440 So we don't have to sell them. If they hadn't have been up the duff, 530 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,040 they're just eating food for no reason and they'd have to be bacon. 531 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,800 -Gerald! -[Gerald] Hello, Jeremy. 532 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,560 Hello, Gerald! Hello, hello! Ooh, sorry. 533 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,160 [Gerald laughs] 534 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,680 -[Gerald] You all right? -Yeah. 535 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:39,440 Lovely piggies. 536 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:40,680 -Aren't they great? -Yeah. 537 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,440 You ever kept pigs? 538 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,120 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 539 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,440 -No, this is the mothers. -Yeah. 540 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:50,120 I've heard stories about sows and boars. They can be nasty, can't they? 541 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,640 [Jeremy] What can? 542 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:56,120 Sows and... When they got below the right stuff with the combine 543 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,840 then you... When they got things coming out the side. 544 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,320 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] [laughs] 545 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,840 -[Lisa] Gerald? -Yes, my love. 546 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,800 When you planted all these trees, was it 60 years ago or so? 547 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,080 -You planted these trees? -Yeah. 548 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,280 -60 years ago. -No way! 549 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:12,240 [Gerald] Yeah. 550 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,880 This was all... [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 551 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:17,800 All the way up there. 552 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,400 They grazed right to the... These were all... And all that. 553 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,080 So these trees are younger than you? 554 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,040 Yeah. 555 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,920 -[laughing] -This is Gerald's wood. 556 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:31,280 You used to get the old shovel like that. 557 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,040 -Wow, Gerald. -And then, 558 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:34,920 drop the thing and then heel 'em in. 559 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:38,480 I went round with the... [speaks indistinctly] 560 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,880 Bend it with a pole with all the fluid in there. 561 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,040 As the years went on, like, 562 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,480 there was all those Wellingtonias, all that. 563 00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,560 They were original wood, they were. 564 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,920 -[Gerald speaking indistinctly] -All right. 565 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,200 At least once a fortnight, 566 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:56,680 got the... [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 567 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,080 Stinging nettles. 568 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,120 Similar to that, it was. 569 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:01,880 [chuckles] 570 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,840 That's when bosses were bosses and you didn't say no to 'em. 571 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,320 -Yeah. -[laughing] 572 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:13,680 I'm really chuffed. I did not know that you'd done this. 573 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,320 That's brilliant. 574 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,360 So it shall become known... We shall rename it Gerald's Wood. 575 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,520 [Gerald chuckles] 576 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:24,200 [Gerald] We used to fill it up right in a little... [voice fades out] 577 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,440 [Jeremy] We were now well into June, 578 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:32,240 and life on the farm was a smorgasbord of busyness. 579 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,360 [upbeat music] 580 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:40,920 Up in a field called Downs Ground, 581 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,560 I took part in my first ever grass harvest. 582 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,400 This involved wrapping bales of grass in plastic sheeting, 583 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,360 which we'd feed to the cows in the winter. 584 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,240 [Jeremy over radio] So we're collecting silage, yes? 585 00:25:58,400 --> 00:25:59,200 [Kaleb] Silage, 586 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,200 is grass that has been put in a bag which is wet 587 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,440 and it's gonna ferment with all the sugars that naturally come off the grass, 588 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,360 which is good for the cows with high sugar content. 589 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,600 [Jeremy] Kaleb was still annoyed that when my pigs had been in this field, 590 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,520 they'd made a bit of a mess of it. 591 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,720 [Jeremy over radio] Why have we got "Jeremy Keep Out"? 592 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:27,800 [Kaleb over radio] 'Cause you keep fucking up this field. 593 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,560 [Jeremy] But nevertheless, it looked like we were getting a good crop. 594 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,920 I quite like being a grass farmer. 595 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,840 It's quite sort of mathematical and pleasing. 596 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,040 You think: "I've done that right." 597 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,880 It's like you know when you mow your lawn and you don't have to go over 598 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,720 a bit you've already done? 599 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,120 I wonder if he mows his lawns. 600 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:54,120 All done. 601 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,200 [Jeremy] As soon as the grass harvest was finished... 602 00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,160 [inspector] So we need to have a look at the fertiliser spreader. 603 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:03,000 [Jeremy] It was time for the annual Red Tractor inspection, 604 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,520 where we have to prove the farm is clean and well run. 605 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,800 [inspector] Yeah. That's fine. That's fine. 606 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,400 [Jeremy] And given that Kaleb was now farm manager... 607 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,680 [Kaleb] One, six, six, eight, zero. 608 00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:17,000 [inspector] Eight, zero. 609 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,520 [Jeremy] Things this time round were very unstressful. 610 00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,440 [inspector] The NSF record book. That's great. 611 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:25,520 It's all here. 612 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,360 [inspector] You've got your First Aid box up here, which is great. 613 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,400 Correct signage. 614 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:30,840 -[Kaleb] Yeah. -[inspector] Lovely. 615 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:32,240 -[Kaleb] Sand bucket there. -[inspector] That's great. 616 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:33,640 -How are you doing? -Morning. 617 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,520 [Kaleb] You and mushrooms! 618 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,840 Everywhere, he just appears with mushrooms! 619 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,120 [Jeremy] I just live underground now. 620 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,480 [Jeremy] Yep, no matter how busy Kaleb was... 621 00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,760 The mushrooms were keeping me busier. 622 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,280 [upbeat music] 623 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:58,920 [music stops] 624 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:09,600 So this is the Forth Road Bridge I've created 625 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:14,160 because all day I've been selling mushrooms, constantly, 626 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,160 and we still have this many, 627 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,240 and tomorrow morning, there'll be this many again, 628 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,920 and the next day, and the next day. 629 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,240 [Jeremy] In fact, I had so many mushrooms 630 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,160 that besides selling them in the shop and the burger van... 631 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,160 I was now hawking them round local pubs, 632 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,960 and even rival farm shops. 633 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,680 [Jeremy] I had some last night. 634 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,840 -I cannot tell you how good they are. -[shop clerk] Yeah. 635 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,400 I mean, I cooked some last night. They're amazing. 636 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,320 Jesus. I had these last night. They're fantastic. 637 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,560 [Jeremy] Even though my incredibly varied sales patter 638 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,200 was shifting some decent quantities... 639 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:54,560 [shop clerk] Five. We'll have 5 kilos. 640 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:55,920 [Jeremy] 1.2. 641 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,360 [shop clerk] 6.1 kilos. 642 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,200 [Jeremy] I was still barely scratching the surface. 643 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,000 [Jeremy] For fuck's sake... 644 00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,960 [soft music] 645 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:14,040 [Jeremy] However, there was still time amongst all the madness 646 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,960 to pause for the occasional treat. 647 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,840 [Jeremy] I've got a big surprise for you. 648 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,480 [Lisa sighs] Is it a proposal? 649 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,440 [Jeremy chuckles] 650 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,120 Every time you say you've got a surprise, I'm like: he's gonna propose! 651 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,200 -[Jeremy chuckles] -Every time! 652 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,440 [Jeremy] Remember the tree fell down? 653 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,360 -The big beautiful one? -[Jeremy] We put it back up again. 654 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,400 Come and have a look. 655 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,440 [Jeremy] Look at that. 656 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:47,880 That's the tree we put back up. 657 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,560 [Lisa gasps] Wow. 658 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,600 -[Jeremy] I'm so happy. -[Lisa] Yeah! 659 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,960 'Cause it had been down for 6 months. 660 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,160 And it's alive! 661 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:00,160 [Lisa] But do you know what's weird? 662 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,360 Is that the little branches are growing from absolutely everywhere. 663 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:04,880 [Jeremy] I know. It's incredible. 664 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,160 That is what's called "bursting" back into life, isn't it? 665 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:08,240 [Lisa] It sure is. Yeah. 666 00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:10,760 Well done. That's really nice. 667 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:11,920 -I'm really happy with that. -Yeah. 668 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:14,960 I'll think about the proposal, okay? I'm not ready yet. 669 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,480 [Jeremy] However, Mother Nature's ability to mend itself 670 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,480 isn't always a source of joy. 671 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,960 Sometimes, it can be downright annoying. 672 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:30,960 A point brought into sharp focus... 673 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,520 [Kaleb] Oh, Christ Almighty. 674 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,640 [Jeremy] ...when Kaleb and I decided to resume work on the dam. 675 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:38,960 [Jeremy] I mean, is this... 676 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,080 [Kaleb] We just can't get to it anymore. 677 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,640 We're gonna have to come with a chainsaw and cut all this back. 678 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,360 [Jeremy] When were we last here? 679 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,720 -[Kaleb laughs] -[Jeremy] It wasn't that long ago. 680 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,800 And now a jungle has happened. 681 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,680 [loud metallic clang] 682 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,400 [Jeremy] Happily, though, this meant I had an excuse to fire up WALL-E... 683 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,080 [motor whirring] 684 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:06,360 My most favourite machine in the world. 685 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:07,680 [motor roaring] 686 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,160 [Jeremy] Oh! I'm back. 687 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,160 The emotional support unit. 688 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:18,640 The machine of destruction. 689 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:20,280 Look at it. 690 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:22,080 Mincing. 691 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:26,960 Atomising. 692 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,880 [motor stopping] 693 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,320 -What is...? -What? Chainsaw trousers. 694 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,200 -Are those just the front? -Yeah. 695 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,520 So if you're through like this and you hit yourself, 696 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,120 they hit this and it tangles it up and stalls the engine. 697 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:43,400 [Jeremy] It is "Brokeback". 698 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:45,400 [Kaleb] What's that? 699 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,440 [Jeremy] Yes! Good dogs. Good dogs. 700 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,360 Sit, sit. 701 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,960 Sit, sit. 702 00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:54,880 Sit! 703 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,160 Sit, sit. 704 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,280 No, it's gone. And that one's gone as well now. 705 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,280 [chainsaw whirring] 706 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,840 [Jeremy] Having cleared a new path to the dam site, 707 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:12,960 we got into a construction-worker state of mind 708 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,400 and moved onto the next job. 709 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:17,160 [Kaleb] Lunch! 710 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,520 That looks better now, doesn't it? 711 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,240 [Jeremy] I've had a thought. 712 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,960 Why are we using that tube 713 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,480 when we could use these sleepers instead? 714 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:39,160 [Kaleb] I see. Just put the sleepers across and then put the... 715 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,920 [Jeremy] If we put the sleepers across there... Do you see what I mean? 716 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,840 -[Kaleb] Yeah, yeah, yeah. -[Jeremy] We dig out a hole. 717 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,040 Put some posts in, like this is... Exactly like behind of this. 718 00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,000 Exactly. 719 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,440 Put some posts in. You slot one in, then another, then another. 720 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,640 Then all you have to do, with the clay, is back up the sleepers. 721 00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:57,200 And then... 722 00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:03,000 The water simply comes over the top of the sleepers. 723 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,600 Why didn't we do that before? 724 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,000 I've just got it in my head. We don't need a pipe, do we? 725 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,200 We'll take the pipe out the way then, use it somewhere else. 726 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,880 -Take it back to the farm. -We'll drive that back to the farm. 727 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:20,440 [upbeat music] 728 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,480 [Kaleb] Unhook it. 729 00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:28,160 -You know what I've just worked out? -[Kaleb] What's that? 730 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:34,120 [Jeremy] We are now exactly back to where we began in January. 731 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:36,400 Pipe at the top of the field. 732 00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,040 Nothing done down there. 733 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,160 [Kaleb] We're never gonna finish this fucking dam. 734 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,000 [upbeat music] 735 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:49,040 [Jeremy] However, now we had the sleeper plan in place, 736 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,280 I was much more optimistic that we would. 737 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,800 [Kaleb] Pull it through. Is that proud enough? 738 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,040 [Jeremy] For the first time ever, I want to leave 739 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:01,080 further ahead than we were when we got here. 740 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:04,760 [Jeremy] Having prepped the site 741 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,960 and rammed some supporting posts into the mud, 742 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,440 it was time to place the sleepers. 743 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:13,760 -Ready? -Go. 744 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,120 Right. Digger man. 745 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,920 [Kaleb] Butt-crack alert! Butt-crack alert! 746 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,440 -Warning, warning. -[Jeremy laughs] 747 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,280 -[Kaleb] Down. -[Jeremy] More revs. 748 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,360 [Jeremy] Using the digger scoop, 749 00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,000 I then pushed the foundation sleeper firmly into place. 750 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:37,560 However... 751 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:40,160 [Kaleb] It floats! 752 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,400 [Jeremy] We hadn't thought of that, had we? 753 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:44,960 [Kaleb] I'll stand on it forever. 754 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,160 Did you not bring any nails then at all? 755 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:52,920 It's not... You'll never... 756 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,280 If you put a nail in over the top of the sleeper, 757 00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,600 you're creating a bigger crack, the water will get through. 758 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,160 [Kaleb] I just wanna put a nail there so I can get off it and then pack it. 759 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:05,000 But when the next goes on top, there'll be a gap between them. 760 00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:08,160 We need some clamps. 761 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,840 -Something like clamps? -Or we can just get a big screw. 762 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,760 -To go through a sodden railway sleeper? -Yes. 763 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,360 We've gotta go to StowAg. 764 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,160 I'm not suggesting we put another sleeper on 765 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:25,400 until that one is securely fastened in place. 766 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:26,960 Look. 767 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,160 Why isn't that in a book somewhere that wood floats? 768 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,760 -[Jeremy] Could you rest that on top? -Can you stand on it then? 769 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,440 [Kaleb groans] 770 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:37,800 -[Kaleb] You got it? -[Jeremy] There you go. 771 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:39,160 [Kaleb] There we go. 772 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:41,560 [Jeremy] Right. 773 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:45,840 Another afternoon's work. 774 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,680 And what we've done is... 775 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,440 Nothing of any great worth. 776 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:55,600 I'm not going to be defeated by this dam though. 777 00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:56,920 I'm just not. 778 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:02,600 [Jeremy] It would, however, be a while before I could get back to the dam 779 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,680 because, predictably, there were more mushrooms to shift. 780 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,800 [Jeremy sighs] Shit! 781 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,960 However, Lisa had had a brainwave. 782 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,360 She reckoned that if we dried the lion's mane mushrooms 783 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,680 in the Diddly Squat dehydration unit 784 00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,160 and sold them as a powder, she'd make more money than I was 785 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:28,680 selling them as actual mushrooms. 786 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,320 -You can sell a hundred grams for £3. -Yeah. 787 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,600 -And they last five days? -[Jeremy] Mm-hmm. 788 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,320 I can sell a hundred grams 789 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,760 for £30, and it lasts for a year. 790 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:46,160 So lion's mane... I went into Chippy, to the health-food shop, 791 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,480 I asked them how much they sell their lion's mane for. 792 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:52,480 And they say they get it in once a week and it's sold out on the day it arrives. 793 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,400 Well, it says here: 794 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,360 "Lion's mane mushroom powder, 795 00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:00,360 -30 servings, for £40!" -[Lisa] Yes. 796 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,200 -£40! -[Lisa] Yes. 797 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,640 I put it in my coffee, and it's like having spearmint through your head. 798 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,640 Your whole mind just opens up. You're really clear-thinking. 799 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,320 The mornings I don't take it, I notice the difference. It's amazing. 800 00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,200 Hold on. It says here that it's good 801 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,280 -for your focus, memory and digestion. -Yeah. 802 00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,560 Right. This is the nutrition values on it, yeah? 803 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,520 Yeah. 804 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,960 -Total fat: nought. -[Lisa] Excellent. 805 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,520 -Sodium: nought. -Excellent. 806 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,280 Total carbohydrate: nought. 807 00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,840 Total sugars: nought. Added sugars: nought. 808 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,200 Protein: nought. There's nothing in it. 809 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,400 Excellent. 810 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,960 How can it help your memory, focus and digestion when it contains nothing? 811 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,320 [Lisa] The magic of mushrooms. 812 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,480 Yes, I know. But if you add butter, there's a point to it. 813 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,200 How can people... Why? 814 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,400 Are you complaining or are you growing mushrooms? 815 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:57,280 [Jeremy] I'm going to struggle to say: "Would you like to buy 816 00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,320 this mushroom powder?" "What's in it?" "Nothing." 817 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,040 -Whatever. -[Jeremy] Honestly, Lisa. 818 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,640 Do your friends eat this shit? 819 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,880 Anyone who's everyone takes lion's mane. 820 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,880 I don't understand this at all. 821 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:13,040 [Charlie] Hello. 822 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:14,560 Hello, cheerful! 823 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,120 Welcome to a world where Lisa is planning on selling 824 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,520 50 grams for £40. 825 00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:21,480 Wow. 826 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,640 -What are you doing? -[Lisa] This is my little dehydrator. 827 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,560 -[Charlie] Yeah? -So this here was a full tray 828 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:32,280 and it goes down next to nothing. Then I'll just blend it up, 829 00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:36,680 stick it in little bags, put a "best within 12 months"... 830 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:39,200 You're gonna sell powder in baggies from a Range Rover? 831 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:40,680 So you... Okay. 832 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,480 How do you know it lasts a year? 833 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:47,160 Because once it's dried and powdered, it has twelve months. 834 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,880 'Cause the stuff I buy is dried and powdered and that's 12 months. 835 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:53,200 So how do you think that they know? They've tested it. 836 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,840 -They've done their testing, yeah. -They've done their testing. 837 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,560 [Lisa] And ours is even better because it comes from down the road. 838 00:38:58,760 --> 00:38:59,760 No, no. They've done their testing. 839 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:02,600 -Uh-huh. -So they've validated... 840 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,920 -[Lisa] Yeah. Yeah. -And verified the fact that... 841 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:06,840 Because dehydrating, you're taking all the moisture out. 842 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:07,960 [Lisa] Yes. 843 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:09,600 -You remove the water content... -Yes. 844 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,080 -So it doesn't grow... -It doesn't grow mould... 845 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,280 -Bacteria. -Exactly. 846 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:17,840 So you've done your Hazard Analysis and Critical Control Point checks? 847 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,360 HACCP. It's basic food standards. 848 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:22,160 But no. No, no. This is from... 849 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,960 This is from farm to farm, so you don't have to do that. 850 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:26,400 -Because... No, no, no. -[Charlie laughs] 851 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,120 That's if you're selling to the wider market. 852 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,080 -[Charlie laughs] -Charlie, I am allowed 853 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,200 to grow tomatoes here and sell them in the shop. 854 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,640 And you're allowed to do that within a farm shop thingy. 855 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:39,280 -No. -Once it's dried, it's dehydrated. 856 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,680 -There's nothing in it but powder. -[Charlie] But how do you know it's dry? 857 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,040 Because it'll go into a powder. 858 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:46,920 But after 3 weeks, it might be full of mould. 859 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,160 You've sold it to somebody and then it's mouldy. 860 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,160 So it didn't last a year, it will have lasted 3 weeks... 861 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,120 Listen. Okay. So what's your solution, Charlie? 862 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,640 Well, you'll have to test it. And then... Whoa, whoa. No, test it. 863 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,640 There'll be a laboratory. We'll find out who tests it. 864 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,080 Or we could just sell them as mushrooms. 865 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:08,400 No, that's a waste, though. Lion's mane in your tea in the morning... 866 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,040 -But nobody wants that. -[Charlie] While we're doing... 867 00:40:11,160 --> 00:40:12,840 How many men do that? None. 868 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:16,760 Not men that you know because you were born two millenniums ago. 869 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,760 This millennium people, they know all about it. 870 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:20,880 [Charlie] Okay, as a solution... 871 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,480 Why do you need to put a year on it? 872 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,880 -You just put six weeks, two months. -[Lisa] Okay. 873 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,160 -And that... -[Lisa] And that covers my arse? 874 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:28,680 -[Charlie] Yeah. -Okay. 875 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:30,560 But you'll have to test it for that long. 876 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:31,560 [Lisa] Okay. 877 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,000 Right. Okay. Onwards. I shall go and flog 'em. 878 00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,640 I might as well just keep on drying here, yeah? 879 00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:40,160 Okay. You need record what you're doing. 880 00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:41,120 [Lisa] Okay. 881 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,960 [Charlie] "I have dried this for two hours." 882 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:44,120 I do a video, yeah. 883 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,640 -Good. -[Lisa] I'm going to take videos. 884 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,600 Okay. So, first of all, video. 885 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,840 First of all, I washed the mushrooms... No, I didn't. 886 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,320 First of all, I cut them off at the base, then I washed them in... 887 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:57,520 There in a fridge, in a... 888 00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,320 First of all, I cut the bottom off and then I washed them. 889 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,800 And the whole kitchen has been, erm, certified. 890 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,160 [voice fades out] 891 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:09,840 [soft music] 892 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,920 [Jeremy] As we came to the end of June, 893 00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,760 everything on the farm was looking wonderful. 894 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,640 But, there was a big but, 895 00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,640 because Charlie was not a happy man. 896 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,760 Put simply, the weather had not been playing ball. 897 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,120 March had been the wettest for 40 years. 898 00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,160 May had been freezing. 899 00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,360 And June had been the hottest on record. 900 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,840 -[Charlie] This looks a mess. -[Kaleb] But why? 901 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,640 [Jeremy] And already Charlie could see the effects of all this turbulence 902 00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:54,640 by examining what remained of Kaleb's oilseed rape. 903 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:59,160 You know, it hasn't pollinated brilliantly. It hasn't, erm... 904 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:00,920 We've got quite a few misses. 905 00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,600 That's probably when it was cold and miserable in April. 906 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:04,560 [Kaleb] Yeah. 907 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,200 -[Charlie] It hasn't thrived, has it? -[Kaleb] No. 908 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,640 -So we're half a tonne an acre down. -Yeah. 909 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,600 Across 25 acres. 12 tonnes. 910 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:15,800 Yeah. 911 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:17,600 £5,000. 912 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,320 That's a hit, isn't it? 913 00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:22,400 It'll be a challenge in this crop 914 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:23,920 -to make a profit. -Yeah. 915 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:29,040 [Jeremy] And once his happiness hoover was switched on, 916 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,560 he was sucking it up from everywhere. 917 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,800 But they're not animals but they're definitely not plant... 918 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:38,120 -Oh, here we go. -[Charlie] Hello. 919 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,480 [Jeremy] This is bound to be good news, everybody. 920 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,200 Why've you brought me barley? 921 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,040 -So, I've just been for a crop walk. -Yes. 922 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,640 [Charlie] The spring barley, you know it went in a bit later. 923 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:50,680 Yeah. 924 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,400 It's now putting up all these little shoots here, look. 925 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,880 [Jeremy] Don't tell me that's bad to have all... 926 00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:58,400 Well, it might stuff your malting barley. 927 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,520 You might not be able to make beer out of it. 928 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,920 [Charlie] Because you've got these very early mature ones 929 00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,880 and then there's still enough oomph in the soil 930 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,640 to throw out these little tillers. 931 00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:15,280 And those late maturing ones will be a problem at harvest. 932 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:19,520 'Cause we're gonna have some immature fat grains 933 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:20,680 -in with the mature grains. -What... 934 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,080 You can't physically go and take all these out. 935 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,560 -So, you know... -[Jeremy] What do we do? 936 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,920 [Charlie] There's nothing we can do. We just have to hope 937 00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,280 that it's warm and dry, and they mature at harvest. 938 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:36,040 Otherwise, there's no Hawkstone... from here. 939 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,080 -Are you saying that this won't make... -Well... 940 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,840 What weather do we need? 941 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,320 We just want not too hot, so these don't mature too early. 942 00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,840 Goldilocks temperature. Just right. 943 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,680 -Like today. -Like today. 944 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,560 -Until... -For the next six, eight weeks. 945 00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:52,520 Eight weeks. 946 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:55,560 [Charlie] If the weather plays ball, we've got half a chance. 947 00:43:55,766 --> 00:43:58,526 If it doesn't, I'm really worried. 948 00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:00,240 [customer] Yeah, we know all about that. 949 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,440 Do you know about that? 950 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,040 We've got barley and we've got... 951 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:06,160 And how is your spring barley doing? 952 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:07,440 [customer] Seems to be okay I think. 953 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,680 Are you listening to this? Their spring barley's all right. 954 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:10,680 Where are you? 955 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,160 -Market Harborough. Leicestershire. -Leicestershire, yeah. 956 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,760 So what would you say about our spring? 957 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,800 The lower shoots are your problem. 958 00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:20,720 The lower shoots are the problem. Exactly. 959 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,200 [customer] Not what you want to be hearing. 960 00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:23,200 [Lisa] No. 961 00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:26,840 Shit... 962 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:28,840 [soft music] 963 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,920 [Jeremy] Charlie's gloomy arable forecast 964 00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,800 put something of a dampener on proceedings 965 00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:37,320 as the farm manager and I met for a whiteboard catch-up. 966 00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:42,240 And found that Kaleb's outgoings had now gone through 967 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,520 the £100,000 barrier. 968 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,400 It's... it's scary. 969 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,640 [Jeremy] We're having to spend 102,000 970 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:54,240 -and we can't control the outcome. -Yeah. 971 00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,640 Geopolitical events, weather. 972 00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,960 -The price at the end of the day. -[Jeremy] Yeah, exactly. 973 00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,080 It's like going to a casino. If it's a £2 minimum bet, 974 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:04,960 -you'll have a punt. -[Kaleb] Yeah. 975 00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:09,080 A fun night out with your friends. If it's a £50,000 minimum bet, 976 00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:10,680 -you're not gonna bet. -No! 977 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,080 How much would we spend five years ago? 978 00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:17,240 Probably half that, didn't we? 'Cause the fertiliser price has doubled. 979 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,560 78,000... Can you imagine spending £78,000? 980 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,320 -On something you throw on the ground! -Yeah! 981 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,160 You can't even measure its success. 982 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,920 I've got four tonnes left over, yeah? Do you know why that is? 983 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:33,400 Because every time I come to the end of the run, I've turned it off quicker. 984 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,280 Seed costs have gone up... 985 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,520 by 35%, 40%. 986 00:45:40,600 --> 00:45:43,160 Chemicals probably... You know, they've gone up. 987 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:47,640 I mean, for example, glyphosate used to be £40 for a 20 litre can. 988 00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,240 -Yeah. -£162 now. 989 00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:54,680 £162 for a 20 litre can of glyphosate. 990 00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:56,800 -That's weed killer basically? -Yes. 991 00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,720 Christ. These figures are terrifying. 992 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:05,240 [Jeremy] The only positive is that while my side of the board was also in the red, 993 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:10,040 some of my schemes did look like they'd soon be making a profit. 994 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,320 Honey, that... 995 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,400 -That will start coming back in again. -A couple of weeks. 996 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,240 Er... Mushrooms... 997 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:19,360 -[Kaleb] Yeah. -That could go green. 998 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:21,000 -Yeah. -[Jeremy] Mustard, who knows? 999 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,320 -That should be good money. -[Kaleb] It should go green. 1000 00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:25,720 Pigs are costing so much. What's going on? 1001 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,080 No, to be honest, this is the total loss at the moment. 1002 00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:32,320 But by the time all those that we're selling are sold... 1003 00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,040 -Yeah. -...and sold through the shop... 1004 00:46:34,240 --> 00:46:36,760 -[Kaleb] We should. -That should go green. 1005 00:46:36,920 --> 00:46:40,360 Hang on. Why is Wildfarm on my side of the board? 1006 00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:41,920 Well, it's your field. 1007 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,080 Yeah, but I thought it was your experiment? 1008 00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:46,280 [Jeremy] Yeah, on your field. 1009 00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,600 -How is it fair you make the decision... -Yeah. 1010 00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,040 -And it's on my side? -I know. 1011 00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:51,920 -It should be on your side. -No. 1012 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:54,880 [Kaleb laughing] 1013 00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,640 [filming crew laughing] 1014 00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,480 I'm fucking crying! 1015 00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:08,840 What's going on? 1016 00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:10,320 Never... 1017 00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,800 [Jeremy] With Kaleb's side of the board looking so shaky, 1018 00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:18,600 it was vital that my unfarmed project succeeded. 1019 00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,120 So we had to get a shift on, 1020 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,440 making sure the shop and the burger van, 1021 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,600 newly liberated from their council shackles, 1022 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:31,320 were ready and able to deal with the summer-holiday tourists. 1023 00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,120 [cook] Check on, one burger, one bacon. 1024 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:34,680 [customer] Thank you so much. 1025 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:36,880 -[Jeremy] Go. -[Kaleb] Measuring. 1026 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:40,200 [Jeremy] This meant getting cracking with the car park. 1027 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:41,720 [Kaleb] What are we on now? 1028 00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,760 45. We'll go 68. 1029 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,520 [Jeremy] I didn't think this would be difficult. 1030 00:47:47,720 --> 00:47:48,760 [Jeremy] There. 1031 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:50,200 [Jeremy] Or expensive. 1032 00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:51,640 [Jeremy] 53 metres. 1033 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,360 [Jeremy] Or time consuming. 1034 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:54,720 Right here. 1035 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:56,760 [Jeremy] But I was wrong. 1036 00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:58,640 Very wrong. 1037 00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,640 {\an8}[upbeat music] 1038 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,200 £80,000? 1039 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:07,720 Why don't we do it? 1040 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,320 - [Jeremy] We'll do it in two days. - No. 1041 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:13,720 [Jeremy gags and coughs] 1042 00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,120 [upbeat music]