WEBVTT 00:06.026 --> 00:07.778 Previously on Velma. 00:07.778 --> 00:08.696 Guilty. 00:08.696 --> 00:11.031 Based on what? 00:11.031 --> 00:13.451 I'm saving money to hire a private investigator 00:13.451 --> 00:15.619 to find my biological family. 00:15.619 --> 00:17.538 Norville, guess what Daphne gave me? 00:17.538 --> 00:19.248 Uh, is it mononucleosis? 00:19.248 --> 00:21.375 Because I saw you two kiss last night. 00:21.375 --> 00:24.628 Honestly, I think what I really need is a friend. 00:24.628 --> 00:26.005 Me too. 00:26.005 --> 00:28.174 But also maybe a friend who found who-- 00:28.174 --> 00:29.633 No. 00:29.633 --> 00:31.469 Let's just keep it simple and try and be friends again. 00:31.469 --> 00:32.595 Yeah, you're right. 00:39.226 --> 00:40.895 Now, this may be hard to believe, 00:40.895 --> 00:43.022 but I was never that popular. 00:45.357 --> 00:47.318 I just never seemed to really fit in 00:47.318 --> 00:48.486 with the other girls. 00:48.486 --> 00:49.653 Ugh, weirdo. 00:49.653 --> 00:51.155 Which was fine. 00:51.155 --> 00:53.324 I always took pride in not fitting the mold. 00:55.493 --> 00:57.119 Oh God! 00:57.119 --> 00:58.704 And while you'd think a brush with a serial killer 00:58.704 --> 01:00.331 might have brought us all together... 01:00.331 --> 01:01.540 Well, it's official. 01:01.540 --> 01:03.959 Two weeks without a murder, y'all. 01:03.959 --> 01:05.461 ...you'd have thought wrong. 01:05.461 --> 01:07.004 Oops. 01:08.047 --> 01:10.007 Ugh. I hate hot girls. 01:10.007 --> 01:11.091 Except Daphne. 01:11.091 --> 01:12.593 Help! Help! 01:12.593 --> 01:14.470 I just found another dead girl killed 01:14.470 --> 01:17.056 in exactly the same way as the others. 01:18.224 --> 01:19.350 Well, great. 01:19.350 --> 01:22.019 A $10,000 banner down the drain. 01:22.019 --> 01:23.646 Another dead girl? 01:29.193 --> 01:31.195 So I got good news 01:31.195 --> 01:32.738 and I got bad news. 01:32.738 --> 01:34.990 The good news, as this new girl was murdered 01:34.990 --> 01:36.534 while Fred Jones was in jail, 01:36.534 --> 01:37.868 Fred is exonerated 01:37.868 --> 01:39.370 and going free. 01:39.370 --> 01:42.248 But we just turned his room into an ice skating rink. 01:42.248 --> 01:43.958 Now for the bad news. 01:43.958 --> 01:46.836 The real murderer is still on the loose. 01:48.045 --> 01:49.880 Now, are there any more questions? 01:49.880 --> 01:51.674 Yeah, I have one. 01:51.674 --> 01:54.009 How come no one ever cared this much about my missing mom? 01:57.471 --> 01:59.557 All right! Quiet! 01:59.557 --> 02:01.225 Now, there's a good reason 02:01.225 --> 02:03.727 we're taking this case more seriously 02:03.727 --> 02:05.354 than the "missing mother" 02:05.354 --> 02:06.981 of a mouthy girl. 02:06.981 --> 02:08.357 We've had a breakthrough. 02:08.357 --> 02:10.734 Now, after careful review 02:10.734 --> 02:12.403 of all the evidence, 02:12.403 --> 02:14.071 we have found a pattern. 02:14.071 --> 02:15.197 Interesting. 02:15.197 --> 02:18.742 Each of the victims is hot. 02:18.742 --> 02:20.327 Oh my God! We're hot. 02:20.327 --> 02:21.287 Hold on! 02:21.287 --> 02:22.705 Are you telling us 02:22.705 --> 02:24.874 life is now even harder for beautiful girls? 02:24.874 --> 02:27.293 Gigi and her friends already spent half their days 02:27.293 --> 02:28.752 responding to compliments. 02:28.752 --> 02:31.380 Thank you, Dad. That's so nice. 02:31.380 --> 02:32.423 Tragically, yes. 02:33.340 --> 02:34.884 Our hot little baby. 02:34.884 --> 02:38.345 Now, we don't have the money to protect every student. 02:38.345 --> 02:42.766 So instead we've decided to rank the five hottest girls 02:42.766 --> 02:44.727 at Crystal Cove High School, 02:44.727 --> 02:47.646 and give them each a personal police detail. 02:47.646 --> 02:48.606 Fun, right? 02:48.606 --> 02:49.690 Yeah. We're calling it 02:49.690 --> 02:52.109 the Crystal Cove Hope Initiative. 02:52.109 --> 02:54.486 Yeah, acronyms. 02:54.486 --> 02:56.780 Wait. So a couple of middle aged white dudes 02:56.780 --> 02:58.866 are gonna decide which of us are hottest? 02:58.866 --> 03:01.160 Okay. Well, if you have a better idea 03:01.160 --> 03:03.329 of how to make the list maybe you should do it, Velma. 03:03.329 --> 03:04.955 You want me to make the list? 03:04.955 --> 03:06.123 I'd rather die. 03:06.123 --> 03:07.875 Velma, please. 03:07.875 --> 03:10.210 That's a very insensitive thing to say. 03:10.210 --> 03:11.670 I mean, especially from a student 03:11.670 --> 03:14.465 who is in no danger from a hot girl murderer. 03:15.841 --> 03:18.510 Also, if you don't do it, a bunch of other girls 03:18.510 --> 03:20.012 will be murdered, of course, 03:20.012 --> 03:21.263 and with them, 03:21.263 --> 03:23.974 Crystal Cove's tourism based economy. 03:23.974 --> 03:25.726 Not the economy! 03:27.978 --> 03:30.481 Fine. Though don't forget that ranking hot girls 03:30.481 --> 03:33.692 is exactly how the Trojan War and Facebook started. 03:35.486 --> 03:36.695 Velma, wait up. 03:36.695 --> 03:38.656 On behalf of hot girls everywhere, 03:38.656 --> 03:41.075 thank you for agreeing to make that list. 03:45.329 --> 03:46.455 Friends, Velma. 03:46.455 --> 03:48.374 We both just need to be friends right now. 03:48.374 --> 03:50.751 Especially because I finally have enough money 03:50.751 --> 03:53.462 to hire a detective to find my birth parents. 03:53.462 --> 03:55.297 Uh, hello. I'm a detective. 03:55.297 --> 03:57.216 Velma, you already have too much on your plate. 03:57.216 --> 03:59.760 And our relationship is complicated enough as it is. 03:59.760 --> 04:00.886 Is it though? 04:00.886 --> 04:02.554 Maybe we should hug again to see. 04:02.554 --> 04:04.014 No, you're right. 04:04.014 --> 04:05.432 But if you want to help, take something off my plate, 04:05.432 --> 04:07.351 make this hot girl list for me. 04:07.351 --> 04:09.812 Uh, you mean the list of which of my friends might get to live? 04:09.812 --> 04:12.022 No thanks. One, I hate making lists, 04:12.022 --> 04:13.732 and two... Oh, no, this is a list. 04:13.732 --> 04:15.651 But I can't do it. 04:15.651 --> 04:18.445 Next to you, every other girl looks like a potato in a dress to me. 04:18.445 --> 04:19.363 Aw. 04:22.491 --> 04:24.451 You guys talking about the hot girl list? 04:24.451 --> 04:28.205 Be careful, 'cause us bitches will do anything to get on it. 04:29.623 --> 04:30.541 Anything. 04:31.709 --> 04:33.460 Have fun with this. Bye. 04:33.460 --> 04:35.713 ♪ I just like the attention ♪ 04:35.713 --> 04:38.007 ♪ Baby you know I got tricks up my sleeve ♪ 04:38.007 --> 04:40.384 ♪ Come to my intervention ♪ 04:40.384 --> 04:42.720 ♪ Do I have your attention ♪ 04:42.720 --> 04:44.555 ♪ All eyes on me ♪ 04:47.224 --> 04:50.185 - Ooh. - ♪ Do you like what you see? ♪ 04:50.185 --> 04:52.021 Pick me, Velma. 04:52.021 --> 04:53.981 ♪ All eyes on me ♪ 05:00.738 --> 05:02.740 Hey, Velma. You need to finish that list. 05:02.740 --> 05:03.949 It's bad enough girls might die, 05:03.949 --> 05:05.576 but now my trumpet is dented. 05:05.576 --> 05:07.786 I'm trying. This is the first chance I've had to focus. 05:07.786 --> 05:09.997 Thank God, hot girls would rather be murdered 05:09.997 --> 05:11.206 than enter the band room. 05:11.206 --> 05:12.875 And the hot girls are distracting 05:12.875 --> 05:14.460 because you recently came out 05:14.460 --> 05:16.754 and get too turned on to focus. 05:16.754 --> 05:17.921 - Got it, copy. - Norville, 05:17.921 --> 05:19.715 I didn't come out, I told you. 05:19.715 --> 05:22.551 I like Daphne but also find Fred attractive. 05:22.551 --> 05:25.554 He has this deep, inexplicable magnetism. 05:25.554 --> 05:26.972 That's called being rich, but go on. 05:26.972 --> 05:30.017 But Daphne, our personalities just click. 05:30.017 --> 05:30.976 I can't explain it. 05:30.976 --> 05:32.644 Mmm, I see. 05:32.644 --> 05:35.522 But if you had to explain it, so I... I mean, someone 05:35.522 --> 05:38.192 could possibly study Daphne's personality and emulate it, 05:38.192 --> 05:39.943 so you liked him instead of her. 05:39.943 --> 05:42.279 Ugh. This is exactly the problem with this list. 05:42.279 --> 05:45.032 Men make everything about them and what they want. 05:45.032 --> 05:46.450 Not me. I'm an ally. 05:46.450 --> 05:47.785 Now get back to my question. 05:47.785 --> 05:50.120 Our whole lives, girls are told by guys 05:50.120 --> 05:52.372 there's a right way to be hot, and I'm not it. 05:52.372 --> 05:55.125 Guys even teach us to be ashamed of our own bodies. 05:55.125 --> 05:57.336 Every little kid knows how to draw a penis, 05:57.336 --> 05:59.129 but make a little kid draw a vagina, 05:59.129 --> 06:00.798 and what happens? 06:00.798 --> 06:02.716 - You go to jail? - Exactly. 06:02.716 --> 06:04.051 But now, because of this list, 06:04.051 --> 06:05.886 I have to validate everything I hate 06:05.886 --> 06:07.846 about men's ideas of beauty norms 06:07.846 --> 06:09.139 or girls will die. 06:09.139 --> 06:10.808 And one of them might be Daphne. 06:10.808 --> 06:12.893 Imagine all the things you'd miss about her personality. 06:12.893 --> 06:15.312 In this form, out loud, and go. 06:15.312 --> 06:18.190 Okay, look, I know my hottest list won't help you. 06:18.190 --> 06:20.526 ♪ I just like the attention♪ 06:20.526 --> 06:22.152 ♪ Baby you know I got--♪ 06:22.152 --> 06:23.487 But if you can manage 06:23.487 --> 06:25.781 to not get too horned up from his magnetism, 06:25.781 --> 06:27.699 we do know a guy who might be able to help. 06:31.829 --> 06:32.746 Mmm. 06:33.372 --> 06:34.498 Mom, stop. 06:34.498 --> 06:37.209 Not in front of my gang. 06:39.962 --> 06:40.879 Hey, Fred. 06:40.879 --> 06:42.506 Wow! You look good after jail. 06:42.506 --> 06:44.716 And you're way less stabbed to death than I expected. 06:44.716 --> 06:46.176 Uh, thanks. You look-- 06:47.136 --> 06:48.387 Why am I here? 06:48.387 --> 06:50.264 I need your help ranking the five hottest girls 06:50.264 --> 06:51.390 at Crystal Cove High. 06:51.390 --> 06:52.724 Yeah, I don't know. 06:52.724 --> 06:54.351 I did that for the science fair last year 06:54.351 --> 06:56.478 and got suspended. 06:56.478 --> 06:58.856 Your entry was called, "From Freud to Jung: An exploration in horniness." 06:58.856 --> 07:02.067 But it's fine. The police need the list to keep hot girls safe. 07:02.067 --> 07:04.111 Oh, so like charity work? Okay. 07:04.111 --> 07:06.822 But if this doesn't help restore my public image 07:06.822 --> 07:08.824 as a good guy, I'mma be pissed. 07:10.033 --> 07:10.909 All right. 07:11.743 --> 07:13.787 Yes... 07:21.753 --> 07:22.713 Yeah! 07:23.881 --> 07:25.048 Daphne, Olive, 07:25.048 --> 07:27.092 Gigi, Becca and... Kimmy? 07:27.092 --> 07:28.385 But Kimmy's so sweet. 07:28.385 --> 07:30.095 Wait. Is it an inner beauty thing? 07:30.095 --> 07:32.264 No, it's a huge-cans thing. 07:32.264 --> 07:33.974 Now, anything else I can do for you? 07:33.974 --> 07:36.226 Yeah, maybe read this. 07:36.226 --> 07:37.769 The Feminine Mystique. 07:37.769 --> 07:39.688 No way, I love Mystique. 07:39.688 --> 07:42.941 Is this about whether Jennifer Lawrence is hotter than Rebecca Romijn? 07:42.941 --> 07:44.318 Well, I'm excited to see 07:44.318 --> 07:47.070 how they settled that in under 400 pages. 07:47.070 --> 07:50.741 Look, kid, I know you wanna find your biological parents, 07:50.741 --> 07:53.744 but as my name makes clear, I'm too short 07:53.744 --> 07:55.704 and too high to be useful. 08:00.709 --> 08:02.586 Moms, my door's locked. 08:02.586 --> 08:04.838 Sorry, sweetie, we had no choice. 08:04.838 --> 08:07.382 The serial killer is targeting hot girls, 08:07.382 --> 08:09.509 and you're almost as hot as Donna. 08:09.509 --> 08:11.011 Oh, you. 08:11.011 --> 08:13.013 But you can't just imprison a totally innocent person. 08:13.013 --> 08:14.848 What don't you get about cops? 08:16.558 --> 08:18.435 Visitor! 08:18.435 --> 08:20.270 Norville? What are you doing here? 08:20.270 --> 08:22.105 Well, with all the talk about hotness, 08:22.105 --> 08:24.107 I'm writing an article for the student newspaper titled, 08:24.107 --> 08:26.652 "Reasons someone might like someone else's personality." 08:26.652 --> 08:27.778 So what do Velmas-- 08:27.778 --> 08:29.613 Uh, I mean, people see in you? 08:29.613 --> 08:31.073 We have a student newspaper? 08:34.159 --> 08:36.036 Hey! Who just threw a rock through my window? 08:36.036 --> 08:39.623 Do you have any idea what a pain it is to get out the vacuum? 08:39.623 --> 08:40.582 Huh? 08:40.582 --> 08:42.542 There's no one there. 08:42.542 --> 08:43.835 And this isn't a rock. 08:43.835 --> 08:45.963 It's a geode from the crystal mines, 08:45.963 --> 08:47.881 The crystal mines? 08:47.881 --> 08:50.467 That old tourist attraction that's now a seagull toilet full of condoms? 08:53.679 --> 08:56.223 Here's your dumb list of hot girls. 08:56.223 --> 08:58.809 Of course, if society exerted half this effort 08:58.809 --> 09:01.311 teaching girls not to be slaves to the patriarchy, 09:01.311 --> 09:03.397 we wouldn't have this problem in the first place. 09:03.397 --> 09:05.232 Boys don't like a know it all, Velma. 09:05.232 --> 09:07.567 Wait. Oh my God, that's it. 09:07.567 --> 09:10.862 Boys don't like a know it all. 09:10.862 --> 09:12.656 If the serial killer 09:12.656 --> 09:14.491 only wants hotties, instead of spending half our town budget 09:14.491 --> 09:16.827 on police protection for five smoke-shows, 09:16.827 --> 09:18.328 why don't you just teach them 09:18.328 --> 09:20.539 to be not hot like you, Velma? 09:20.539 --> 09:21.832 Wait. So you're saying 09:21.832 --> 09:23.959 I get to actually release these girls 09:23.959 --> 09:25.794 from the shackles of the male gaze? 09:25.794 --> 09:27.462 Exactly. 09:27.462 --> 09:28.880 Uggo lessons! 09:28.880 --> 09:29.756 Mmm. 09:31.717 --> 09:33.010 Hi, girls. 09:33.010 --> 09:36.096 Velma, your new way-cooler friends are here. 09:36.096 --> 09:38.265 Oh, we're not friends. 09:38.265 --> 09:39.850 Because of Velma 09:39.850 --> 09:42.311 our personal police details, which we earned by being hot, 09:42.311 --> 09:45.063 got downgraded to uggo lessons. 09:45.063 --> 09:46.982 You know, maybe a good place to start 09:46.982 --> 09:50.193 would be not referring to what we're doing as "uggo lessons". 09:50.193 --> 09:52.404 I was thinking, maybe goddess renewals. 09:52.404 --> 09:53.905 I don't care what you call it. 09:53.905 --> 09:56.700 We're not starting until Daphne gets here. 09:56.700 --> 09:58.035 Oh, Daphne isn't coming. 09:58.035 --> 10:00.746 Her moms have her in a full on Rapunzel sitch, 10:00.746 --> 10:02.372 so she gets a pass. 10:02.372 --> 10:03.790 Okay. But the thing is, 10:03.790 --> 10:06.251 we kind of rely on Daphne to tell us what to do. 10:06.251 --> 10:07.461 She's like our queen bee, 10:07.461 --> 10:09.713 and you're like a... a King Kong. 10:10.714 --> 10:12.132 Well, interestingly enough, 10:12.132 --> 10:14.343 a key component to being not hot 10:14.343 --> 10:15.427 is not fitting in. 10:15.427 --> 10:17.137 And the best way to not fit in 10:17.137 --> 10:19.556 is to never just do what other people tell you to do. 10:19.556 --> 10:21.475 Like how King Kong didn't listen to people, 10:21.475 --> 10:22.768 so airplanes killed him? 10:22.768 --> 10:24.227 No. You know what? 10:24.227 --> 10:26.480 We need to start these uggo lessons right now. 10:28.940 --> 10:30.442 Daphne, your moms are gone, 10:30.442 --> 10:32.402 but how are you gonna get out? 10:32.402 --> 10:34.237 Damn! 10:34.237 --> 10:36.865 Thank you for helping me find who threw that geode 10:36.865 --> 10:39.910 and for explaining geodes in terms I can understand, 10:39.910 --> 10:41.203 the hot-girls of rocks. 10:41.203 --> 10:42.537 Daphne, look, 10:42.537 --> 10:44.373 I'm always up for anything geode related, 10:44.373 --> 10:45.248 know that, 10:45.248 --> 10:46.792 but have you wondered 10:46.792 --> 10:48.794 if this is the serial killer trying to lure you out? 10:48.794 --> 10:50.712 I have. And have you wondered 10:50.712 --> 10:52.422 how grateful everyone would be 10:52.422 --> 10:55.300 if we caught him, including Velma? 10:55.300 --> 10:56.426 What? Velma? 10:56.426 --> 10:57.969 Why would I care what Velma thinks? 11:00.347 --> 11:02.766 The Feminine Mystique is a total rip-off. 11:02.766 --> 11:05.143 Not one mention of a sexy shape-shifter. 11:05.143 --> 11:09.106 This was more disappointing than George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman. 11:09.106 --> 11:11.274 Ugh, I feel weird. 11:11.858 --> 11:12.776 Nice. 11:12.776 --> 11:14.778 Banging bod, unhooked bikini. 11:14.778 --> 11:16.279 Oh, hello. 11:16.279 --> 11:17.906 What do we have here? 11:17.906 --> 11:19.116 Sensible shoes, 11:19.116 --> 11:20.951 forging her own identity, 11:20.951 --> 11:23.495 regardless of what society expects. 11:23.495 --> 11:26.456 She's just got this kind of mystique. 11:27.165 --> 11:28.083 Wait. 11:35.424 --> 11:37.342 What have you done to me? 11:38.718 --> 11:40.637 So we have one day to unlearn 11:40.637 --> 11:42.764 a lifetime of internalized misogyny. 11:42.764 --> 11:44.433 I'm getting waxed at 4:00. 11:44.433 --> 11:45.725 Then we have until 4:00. 11:47.436 --> 11:49.855 No, terrible, too flattering. 11:49.855 --> 11:51.523 Oh, these might work. 11:51.523 --> 11:53.859 Damn it! Now you look hot and relatable, 11:53.859 --> 11:55.652 like an athlete who wears glasses. 11:55.652 --> 11:57.988 Ugh, just put on the sleeping bag. 11:57.988 --> 12:01.491 ♪ Oh-oh-oh Go totally crazy♪ 12:01.491 --> 12:03.410 ♪ Forget I'm a lady ♪ 12:03.410 --> 12:05.787 ♪ Men's shirts, short skirts ♪ 12:05.787 --> 12:07.831 ♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪ 12:07.831 --> 12:09.374 How do we do our hair? 12:09.374 --> 12:10.959 Wet bun or cut it, baby. 12:11.835 --> 12:13.211 ♪ Oh-oh-oh, ♪ 12:13.211 --> 12:15.130 ♪ get in the action ♪ 12:15.130 --> 12:16.923 ♪ Feel the attraction ♪ 12:16.923 --> 12:19.259 ♪ Color my hair Do what I dare ♪ 12:19.259 --> 12:20.844 ♪ Oh-oh-oh, ♪ 12:20.844 --> 12:22.304 ♪ I wanna be free, yeah ♪ 12:22.304 --> 12:26.099 ♪ To feel the way I feel ♪ 12:26.099 --> 12:27.976 ♪ Man! I feel like a woman! ♪ 12:29.769 --> 12:31.396 So welcome to the Crystal Cove Historical Society. 12:31.396 --> 12:33.356 You can learn anything about geodes 12:33.356 --> 12:34.608 and the crystal mines here. 12:34.608 --> 12:35.859 And time permitting, 12:35.859 --> 12:38.695 walk through the hall of controllers. 12:40.447 --> 12:42.657 So Crystal Cove's famous crystal mines 12:42.657 --> 12:45.535 were discovered in the 19th century 12:45.535 --> 12:48.205 by a prospector who thought he'd found a gold mine 12:48.205 --> 12:49.706 and was looking for a rock 12:49.706 --> 12:51.249 with which to bash his partner's brains in. 12:52.542 --> 12:53.877 I'm rich! 12:53.877 --> 12:55.754 But the crystal were worthless. 12:57.214 --> 13:00.008 Then came the 1970s, and everything changed. 13:00.008 --> 13:03.428 A nation betrayed by Vietnam and endless guitar solos, 13:03.428 --> 13:05.222 people abandoned their old belief systems 13:05.222 --> 13:07.182 in favor of literally anything else. 13:07.182 --> 13:10.060 Enter the healing power of crystals. 13:10.060 --> 13:12.562 And Crystal Cove became a boom town. 13:12.562 --> 13:15.524 The mines themselves became a tourist destination. 13:15.524 --> 13:17.859 But by the 1980s, the crystal fad ended, 13:17.859 --> 13:20.320 replaced by the aerobics fad and the cocaine fad. 13:20.320 --> 13:22.197 Crystal Cove never recovered. 13:22.197 --> 13:24.658 The mines closed and the guy running the display 13:24.658 --> 13:26.034 got into sexual pottery. 13:26.034 --> 13:27.410 Which is why I'm ending the tour early. 13:27.410 --> 13:28.662 Norville. 13:28.662 --> 13:30.830 I feel like I've been here before 13:30.830 --> 13:31.998 as a baby. 13:37.170 --> 13:38.380 Is that crazy? 13:38.380 --> 13:40.257 No, I vividly remember breast feeding. 13:40.257 --> 13:41.383 Though I did stop at five. 13:41.383 --> 13:43.510 Ugh. What if that geode 13:43.510 --> 13:46.096 was thrown by my birth parents? 13:46.096 --> 13:47.806 Maybe they're also trying to find me 13:47.806 --> 13:49.266 without my mom's finding out. 13:51.101 --> 13:53.144 We have to go there. 13:53.144 --> 13:55.188 Mayor Dave, Sheriff Cogburn, 13:55.188 --> 13:56.940 I want you to remember this moment. 13:56.940 --> 14:00.735 For far too long, we have told girls that pain is beauty. 14:00.735 --> 14:02.070 Well, today 14:02.070 --> 14:03.989 you will see these painfully beautiful girls 14:03.989 --> 14:06.700 transform from "Damn" to "Eh..." 14:09.035 --> 14:11.413 Ooh, they are so hot, Daddy likey. 14:11.413 --> 14:13.957 Wait. You were supposed to do the opposite. 14:13.957 --> 14:14.958 What the hell, Velma? 14:14.958 --> 14:16.334 Yeah. What the hell, girls? 14:16.334 --> 14:18.295 Where's the hair I wove onto your arms? 14:18.295 --> 14:19.588 It's gone, Velma. 14:19.588 --> 14:22.465 This wasn't an exercise in deprogramming, 14:22.465 --> 14:24.509 it's an exercise in slut-shaming. 14:24.509 --> 14:27.220 No woman should ever have to change who she is 14:27.220 --> 14:30.348 or how she dresses to not be murdered. 14:30.348 --> 14:32.183 But you're more than your looks, Olive. 14:32.183 --> 14:35.020 You can reverse your car without even looking at the camera. 14:35.020 --> 14:36.313 I know, Velma, 14:36.313 --> 14:39.190 just like I know I love looking hot. 14:39.190 --> 14:42.110 You think every girl deep down is like you, 14:42.110 --> 14:43.445 but you're wrong. 14:43.445 --> 14:46.281 In fact, your definition of womanhood 14:46.281 --> 14:49.326 is even more restrictive than ours. 14:49.326 --> 14:51.369 We'll take our police details now, 14:51.369 --> 14:52.537 and no uggos, 14:52.537 --> 14:54.539 just beefcake. 14:57.000 --> 14:58.251 Me-ow! 14:58.251 --> 14:59.210 Cat-fight. 15:01.921 --> 15:04.174 Your definition of womanhood 15:04.174 --> 15:06.843 is even more restrictive than ours. 15:12.057 --> 15:12.849 Hmm. 15:14.059 --> 15:16.311 Something's different about you today. 15:16.311 --> 15:19.522 Wait. You didn't try an energy drink again, did you? 15:19.522 --> 15:21.691 No. It's just that after yesterday, 15:21.691 --> 15:23.568 I have no clue how to be a woman 15:23.568 --> 15:25.445 in a way that doesn't judge other women. 15:25.445 --> 15:27.739 So you picked Monster. 15:27.739 --> 15:30.200 How dare you call any woman a monster, 15:30.200 --> 15:31.493 you monster? 15:31.493 --> 15:33.078 I'm dressed like this to show support 15:33.078 --> 15:35.622 for all the beautiful ways women express themselves. 15:35.622 --> 15:37.457 Even the ones I think are stupid. 15:39.376 --> 15:42.212 I know it's very upsetting that I have to re-evaluate all my beliefs. 15:42.212 --> 15:43.296 Thank you for understanding. 15:43.296 --> 15:44.339 It's not that. 15:44.339 --> 15:45.548 I'm having a baby. 15:45.548 --> 15:47.509 Right. But are you having a baby? 15:47.509 --> 15:50.261 Or did society tell you to have a baby? 15:50.261 --> 15:51.888 Wait, you're really having a baby. 15:51.888 --> 15:53.348 Call 911! 15:53.348 --> 15:55.600 Wait, No. Call a cab. Taxi births make the news. 15:55.600 --> 15:56.810 I am calling, 15:56.810 --> 15:58.770 but we're trapped in the carpool lane. 15:58.770 --> 16:00.397 You have to get these cars to move 16:00.397 --> 16:02.065 so an ambulance can get in. 16:02.982 --> 16:04.401 Okay, I'll, uh... 16:04.401 --> 16:06.236 - Hey! Move, buddy! - Hey! Come on! 16:06.236 --> 16:08.446 It's the hot-girls police details! Yes! 16:08.446 --> 16:10.115 Help, Sheriff Cogburn! Help! 16:10.115 --> 16:12.367 Look out! It's the serial killer! 16:12.367 --> 16:15.036 And he's even crazier than we thought! 16:15.036 --> 16:16.579 What? No! 16:16.579 --> 16:19.416 It's Velma! My dad's goomar is having a baby. 16:19.416 --> 16:21.000 Aw, a wittle guy? 16:21.000 --> 16:23.211 No, you need to get these cars out of here 16:23.211 --> 16:24.421 so an ambulance can get in. 16:25.422 --> 16:26.923 10-4. 16:26.923 --> 16:28.425 All right, everybody. 16:28.425 --> 16:31.803 We got ourselves an official tender moment. 16:31.803 --> 16:33.430 A woman is experiencing 16:33.430 --> 16:36.516 the sacred miracle of childbirth! 16:36.516 --> 16:37.642 Oh! Look at that! 16:37.642 --> 16:38.977 Oh! She's crowning. 16:38.977 --> 16:40.729 Actually, I should probably see this too, 16:40.729 --> 16:42.147 always wondered how it worked. 16:42.147 --> 16:43.273 Come on, fellas! 16:43.273 --> 16:44.941 It's show-and-tell time. 16:44.941 --> 16:46.651 Wait, no! Where are you going? 16:48.737 --> 16:50.155 Olive, please help me. 16:50.155 --> 16:51.781 If we can get these students out of the way, 16:51.781 --> 16:53.533 the ambulance could drive up on the grass. 16:53.533 --> 16:55.952 Sure, but no one's moving, Velma. 16:55.952 --> 16:58.329 A lady is giving birth in front of school. 16:58.329 --> 16:59.706 This is literally why 16:59.706 --> 17:01.458 social media exists. 17:01.458 --> 17:04.127 Stop! Or at least get my ring light. It's in the trunk. 17:04.127 --> 17:06.755 Then you'll just have to give them something better to look at. 17:06.755 --> 17:08.256 Wait! You're not thinking-- 17:08.256 --> 17:10.216 Yes, I need you to muster all of your sexiness 17:10.216 --> 17:12.260 and lure everyone away with a sexy dance. 17:12.260 --> 17:14.721 Like a shimmy into a bouncy thing? 17:14.721 --> 17:16.264 I'm not a dancer. 17:16.264 --> 17:17.974 Just show me ass cheeks going in different directions. 17:17.974 --> 17:21.269 And what? You'll just watch and silently judge us? 17:21.269 --> 17:24.397 Pass. Our sexy dancing is for ourselves. 17:24.397 --> 17:26.357 And once to raise money for a dog 17:26.357 --> 17:27.817 that needed hip surgery. 17:27.817 --> 17:30.153 Fine. If you won't do it, I will. 17:30.153 --> 17:31.821 Hey, everyone, look at me! 17:32.906 --> 17:34.699 I'm sexy, I'm fun. 17:34.699 --> 17:35.909 Ooh, yeah. 17:35.909 --> 17:37.619 I'm rolling on some gum. 17:37.619 --> 17:39.412 Did I accidentally tase her? 17:39.412 --> 17:42.332 What's happening? Why isn't this luring the crowd towards me? 17:42.332 --> 17:44.751 Because if you're gonna be sexy, 17:44.751 --> 17:46.169 you have to own it. 17:46.169 --> 17:48.004 You look like a white influencer 17:48.004 --> 17:49.839 trying to choreograph her own dance 17:49.839 --> 17:51.424 instead of just stealing one. 17:51.424 --> 17:52.759 I know. I'm trying, 17:52.759 --> 17:55.512 but I'm just not comfortable owning it. 17:55.512 --> 17:57.764 Wait, that's it. That's the answer. 17:57.764 --> 18:01.851 Just like how you're all women who don't wanna own shorts that cover your butt, 18:01.851 --> 18:04.270 I'm a woman who doesn't wanna own it. 18:04.270 --> 18:06.231 And one isn't better than the other. 18:06.231 --> 18:07.774 Whoa, whoa! Hold on. 18:07.774 --> 18:10.610 So you're saying, while we're all juicy asses... 18:10.610 --> 18:13.363 I'm all sass and glasses, baby. 18:13.363 --> 18:16.199 Velma! Hurry up and do something! 18:16.199 --> 18:17.659 Yes, of course. 18:17.659 --> 18:19.869 Girls, let's do a respective yet equally valid dance. 18:45.145 --> 18:48.606 Oh my God! 18:48.606 --> 18:51.860 Norville, I've definitely been here before. 18:51.860 --> 18:54.571 I feel like all the answers to my questions 18:54.571 --> 18:56.447 about my parents are in there. 18:56.447 --> 18:57.448 The bathrooms? 18:58.283 --> 18:59.993 Wait. I mean in there. 19:00.952 --> 19:02.662 Daphne, this is a bad idea. 19:02.662 --> 19:03.913 It's too coincidental. 19:03.913 --> 19:05.498 The serial killer could know 19:05.498 --> 19:07.292 you're looking for your parents and be manipulating you. 19:07.292 --> 19:09.586 Wow. I would be a really good serial killer. 19:09.586 --> 19:11.087 Was that vocational test right? 19:11.087 --> 19:13.339 I know it's risky, Norville, but I have to try. 19:13.339 --> 19:15.550 Finding my parents is the only way to figure out 19:15.550 --> 19:17.927 why I'm so different from everyone. 19:17.927 --> 19:19.262 This is gonna sound crazy, 19:19.262 --> 19:21.139 but I love danger. 19:29.022 --> 19:30.189 No. Not a cute one. 19:35.987 --> 19:36.779 Oops. 19:39.240 --> 19:40.783 Apologize. 19:42.410 --> 19:44.996 My moms have done everything to teach me to be safe, 19:44.996 --> 19:47.290 but I'm still danger-prone Daphne. 19:47.290 --> 19:48.625 Fighting, dealing drugs, 19:48.625 --> 19:50.960 possibly walking into a serial killer's trap. 19:50.960 --> 19:52.712 Who are my biological parents, 19:52.712 --> 19:54.631 and why am I like this? 19:54.631 --> 19:56.215 What's wrong? 19:56.215 --> 19:57.175 Everything. 19:57.175 --> 19:58.718 I hate danger, 19:58.718 --> 20:01.137 so I can't mimic your personality to make Velma like me. 20:01.137 --> 20:03.181 Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do. 20:03.181 --> 20:04.307 No. 20:04.307 --> 20:05.850 Yep. And it would've worked, too. 20:05.850 --> 20:07.518 I'm inquisitive and athletic, 20:07.518 --> 20:09.020 and I can fake being dumb 20:09.020 --> 20:10.647 after carrying on a conversation with you all day. 20:10.647 --> 20:13.399 - Mmm-hmm. - But I can't make myself like danger. 20:13.399 --> 20:15.151 I'm far too sane. 20:15.151 --> 20:17.904 So if that's the thrill ride to nowhere Velma's looking for 20:17.904 --> 20:19.155 I'm wasting my time. 20:19.155 --> 20:20.865 I'm sorry, Norville, but trust me, 20:20.865 --> 20:22.951 there's someone other than Velma out there for you. 20:22.951 --> 20:25.328 Yeah, sorry. I can't do this dumb talk anymore. 20:25.328 --> 20:26.663 - I'm gonna hop. - What? 20:26.663 --> 20:28.164 You can't just leave me here. 20:28.164 --> 20:29.749 I'm not afraid of who's in there. 20:29.749 --> 20:31.167 I'm just afraid they'll think I'm a loser 20:31.167 --> 20:33.044 who couldn't get friends to come with them. 20:33.044 --> 20:35.588 Yeah, well, there's no world where I'm ever solving a mystery 20:35.588 --> 20:37.006 in an abandoned amusement park. 20:37.006 --> 20:38.758 So if you want a ride, it's now or never. 20:41.386 --> 20:43.429 Fine, I'm coming. 20:43.429 --> 20:45.682 But you're only getting two stars. 20:51.854 --> 20:53.898 Velma, I know we've had our differences, 20:53.898 --> 20:55.858 but you really saved the day. 20:55.858 --> 20:57.360 And not just because your janky nails 20:57.360 --> 20:58.945 came in handy for cutting the cord. 20:58.945 --> 21:00.738 I was pretty great today wasn't I? 21:00.738 --> 21:03.032 Possibly the greatest woman of all time. 21:03.032 --> 21:04.367 Even better than that girl 21:04.367 --> 21:05.952 with a ponytail that's on the quarter. 21:05.952 --> 21:07.954 You know, after seeing you take charge like that, 21:07.954 --> 21:11.708 I really hope my little girl grows up to be just like you. 21:11.708 --> 21:13.668 Wow. Thank you, Sophie. 21:13.668 --> 21:15.253 On the inside at least. 21:20.508 --> 21:21.884 Nope, not for me. 21:24.262 --> 21:25.430 Yes, for me. 21:26.139 --> 21:26.973 Fred? 21:27.932 --> 21:29.058 I, uh, think you meant 21:29.058 --> 21:30.810 to send this to Daphne next door. 21:30.810 --> 21:31.853 No, Velma, wait! 21:31.853 --> 21:34.022 I'm here because I want you. 21:34.022 --> 21:37.191 To be the before picture in another diet pill scam? 21:37.191 --> 21:38.901 I mean, at least you're asking this time. 21:38.901 --> 21:40.361 No, that book you gave me 21:40.361 --> 21:42.488 opened my eyes to your inner beauty. 21:42.488 --> 21:43.906 Wait, really? 21:43.906 --> 21:45.491 I've dreamt about this moment 21:45.491 --> 21:46.868 one time on an airplane. 21:46.868 --> 21:48.328 I was escorted off. It's not important. 21:48.328 --> 21:50.246 Hey, I'm as surprised as you are, 21:50.246 --> 21:52.123 but you know, what can I say? 21:52.123 --> 21:53.458 That book broke my brain. 21:53.458 --> 21:54.959 So let's make the best of this 21:54.959 --> 21:57.128 reverse Beauty and the Beast nightmare, right? 21:57.128 --> 21:58.296 Wait, what? 21:58.296 --> 22:00.465 Anyway, wanna go to Hand Stuff Point? 22:06.054 --> 22:08.097 Fred, while I'm glad you've learned 22:08.097 --> 22:09.640 to appreciate inner beauty... 22:09.640 --> 22:12.143 Oh, yes. Speak your mind, baby. 22:12.143 --> 22:15.021 Right. Well, I also prefer inner beauty. 22:15.021 --> 22:16.856 And, yes, up until right now, 22:16.856 --> 22:18.274 I found you irresistible. 22:18.274 --> 22:20.318 But now I just find you gross. 22:20.318 --> 22:21.277 What? How? 22:21.277 --> 22:23.446 You know I'm rich, right? 22:23.446 --> 22:26.199 Like, I once sat through an entire opera rich. 22:26.199 --> 22:27.992 Sorry, Fred, but for what it's worth, 22:27.992 --> 22:30.036 I am keeping the picture you sent me 22:30.036 --> 22:31.079 for plane rides. 22:48.596 --> 22:51.140 If Velma can be herself, Gigi, so can you. 22:54.102 --> 22:55.770 Hey, watch where you're going. 22:55.770 --> 22:57.897 Valedictorians have the right of way. 22:57.897 --> 22:58.940 Gigi? 22:58.940 --> 23:00.316 Hi. 23:00.316 --> 23:02.568 Are you talking about my IQ? 23:03.653 --> 23:04.821 You tell me.