WEBVTT

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Look at me, mommy.

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I'm running, yeah!

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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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Woooo, yeah!

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I found my ball, mommy, yeah!

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Fuck this!

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Mommy, get over here, yeah!

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Oh, my goodness!

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Good job!

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Oh, I'm so proud of you.

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Throw it super far this time,
mommy.

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Okay.

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I'm gonna lose this darn
weight, yeah.

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I know you are, honey.

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Okay, last one.

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It might rain, okay.

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Okay, ready?

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Wait, it went that way.

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Hi, mister.

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What's your name?

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Hey, why is your mouth so wet?

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Oh, god!

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No!

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Oh, my god!

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He just ate my fucking leg!

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Oh, Honey Bear!

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Why is it taking too
long to die?

00:02:05.593 --> 00:02:06.894
Honey Bear!

00:02:06.928 --> 00:02:07.795
Honey Bear!

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Oh, my Honey Bear!

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Oh, my god!

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Oh, no!

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Oh, god!

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With us now is our
Doggone News correspondent,

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Zoey Spencer.

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Zoey, what do you know?

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Well, the competition is
refusing to roll over, Brett,

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and it's been a rough start

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for the highly favored Chester
Pinscher.

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He's not keeping his knees up,
Zoey.

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IF Chester keeps those knees up,

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he's best in show this year.

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We'll be right back
after this.

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Calloway dog treats.

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Is this heaven?

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Oh, man.

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I would wreck that face.

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Well, you're all set Mrs. H.

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Oh, thanks,
Matt.

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I wish I can afford new shocks.

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Ah, don't sweat.

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I patched him up like new.

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Oh, you are such a lifesaver,
as always.

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And to thank you, I wish I
could,

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I wish I could patch you
up like new.

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Oh, wow.

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That's, that's, that's
all right, Mrs. Higgins.

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No, it was, it was, it was my
pleasure.

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It sure could be your
pleasure.

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Boom.

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Just saying...

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Full disclosure, I like to hit.

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What?

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Well, the course trot

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is where our front runner is
struggling.

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Chester needs to raise those
knees, Brett.

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See?

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Knees up, ass out.

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How many times did I
tell you that growing up?

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Goddammit, dude.

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Hey, Matt.

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Check out my new baby.

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Whoa, is this it?

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Yeah.

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She's beautiful, man.

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Oh, thanks.

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6.4-liter engine,
eight-speed transmission.

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She'll bring in more
than the '88 Corvette.

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Oh, she better.

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I love the garage, man,
but business is so slow.

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It doesn't help that you
give away free shocks, Matt.

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I'm sorry, man.

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She's an old lady.

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I'll make it up to you.

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You're a terrible businessman,
but a promising mechanic.

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Hell, the best gear-head I've
seen

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in over 10 years in the yard.

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Thanks, man.

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That means a lot.

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That's the kind of talent
you don't throw away.

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It's the kind you partner up
with.

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Wait, are you saying
what I think you're saying?

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Yeah, running the garage,
you and me as co-owners,

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turning this place around.

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What do you think, Matt?

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Let me think on it.

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Okay.

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Don't make me wait too long.

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What's up, Brenda?

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Mike?

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Yeah, no, no, this is Matt.

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The mechanic?

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Yes, yes the mechanic.

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No, I was just calling to say
how much,

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I had so much fun.

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It was fun the other night,
right?

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Uh-huh.

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Sorry, I heard you say uh-huh

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but then I didn't hear
you say anything else.

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That's all I said.

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No, I got it.

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That's all you said.

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Okay, that's great.

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That's great.

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Well, anyways, do you wanna
go for like a hike sometime?

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I know you mentioned your
weight.

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You were trying to lose some.

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Are you calling me
fat?

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No, I'm not saying
you need to lose weight.

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I just, you said you
wanted to go on a diet.

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And anyways, no, hike's a bad
idea.

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So, well, listen.

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You have a have a blessed day.

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Okay.

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Bye, Mark.

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All right, bye.

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God, I'm off my game.

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Your game?

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Brenda?

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Oh, yeah, no, you're still
there.

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That's, that's great.

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We should totally hang.

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Oh, Jesus Christ!

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Although Chester has yet to
win

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his first blue ribbon,
the Pinscher brothers

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have dominated dog show
competitions for years.

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That's right, Brett.

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And as you know, Chester
is following the path

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of older brothers Brutus and
Aurelius,

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all blue ribbon champions.

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A remarkable family.

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Well, and Brett,
here is some trivia for you.

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There's actually a
fourth Pinscher brother,

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but he was the runt of the
litter

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and he ran away at a young age.

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Very fascinating,
Zoey.

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Well, I guess we can't
all be superstars, can we?

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Hmm.

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In other news, another
vicious coyote attack

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has shaken Los Angeles.

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Incredibly, somehow, the
latest victim survived.

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I may have had my legs taken
from me.

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But guess what.

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You don't love with your legs.

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You love with your heart.

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And I still have that, so
I'm gonna be just fine.

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Allan, let's do this,
buddy!

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Yes!

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It's showtime, baby!

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I missed you, buddy.

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I missed you, dude.

00:08:17.198 --> 00:08:18.933
So how was your date last
night, amigo?

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I didn't hear you come in.

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Well, I guess it wasn't a
date.

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When I dropped her off,

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Brenda thanked me for the friend
day.

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What the hell is a friend day?

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Apparently, it's the
combination

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of the words friend and day.

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Goddammit.

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She actually said that?

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Yeah.

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It didn't exactly set the
mood for our first kiss,

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so I just proceeded to give
her the most awkward high five

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in the history of the world and
left.

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Forget her, man.

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We're focusing on our
shit right now anyway.

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You're not gonna be a
grease monkey forever, yo.

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Come on, Allan.

00:08:46.761 --> 00:08:48.229
I like working on cars though.

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Besides, we gotta eat, right?

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Wow.

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Hey, Matt, what's the
first thing you're gonna do

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when we're rich and famous?

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Well, life isn't all
about cash and fame.

00:09:00.509 --> 00:09:02.743
I mean, sure, those are
great things to think about.

00:09:02.777 --> 00:09:04.945
But being happy and having each
other

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is more important than showbiz.

00:09:06.914 --> 00:09:08.349
Exactly.

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It's gonna be wall to wall sex
for me too.

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Pah, pah.

00:09:12.720 --> 00:09:13.687
Yeah, work those Ps.

00:09:13.721 --> 00:09:17.291
Peter Pan pumped it up
with the P. Diddy jams.

00:09:17.324 --> 00:09:18.125
That's what he does.

00:09:18.159 --> 00:09:19.126
Yeah.

00:09:19.160 --> 00:09:21.729
Peter Pan pumps it up
with the P, Diddy jams.

00:09:21.762 --> 00:09:22.563
You know what else?

00:09:22.596 --> 00:09:23.764
What's that?

00:09:23.798 --> 00:09:26.834
P. Diddy and Peter Pan are
doing pushups in Kazakhstan.

00:09:26.867 --> 00:09:27.668
Ooh, I like that.

00:09:27.701 --> 00:09:29.538
Yeah, say it with me now.

00:09:29.570 --> 00:09:31.439
P. Diddy and
Peter Pan

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are doing pushups in Kazakhstan.

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And we are ready.

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That was good.

00:09:37.678 --> 00:09:38.712
Yeah, yeah.

00:09:38.746 --> 00:09:39.548
All right.

00:09:39.580 --> 00:09:40.381
All right, come on.

00:09:40.414 --> 00:09:41.215
All right.

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Oh, wait, listen, Allan.

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Uh-huh.

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Before we go in there,

00:09:45.554 --> 00:09:48.355
look, if things go south in
there,

00:09:48.389 --> 00:09:50.057
just take it easy, okay?

00:09:50.091 --> 00:09:51.225
We don't need another episode

00:09:51.258 --> 00:09:52.393
- where you scream at the...
- Oh, dude.

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Not a chance, buddy, for real.

00:09:54.261 --> 00:09:58.399
Got my emotions under
control, like a eunuch.

00:10:11.045 --> 00:10:12.947
What is this?

00:10:12.980 --> 00:10:15.249
It's a river otter!

00:10:15.282 --> 00:10:16.684
That sucks.

00:10:16.717 --> 00:10:18.819
You're welcome!

00:10:18.853 --> 00:10:23.390
And so this big elephant
gets super pissed at the zebra

00:10:23.424 --> 00:10:26.927
and says, "That was a terrible
call, ref."

00:10:32.733 --> 00:10:34.835
That was the punchline, kids.

00:10:34.869 --> 00:10:37.071
Don't lock the joy inside.

00:10:37.104 --> 00:10:39.874
That was a terrible call, ref,

00:10:39.907 --> 00:10:40.975
like referee,

00:10:42.209 --> 00:10:46.347
because zebras and refs both
have white and black stripes.

00:10:46.380 --> 00:10:48.149
You know, with like.

00:10:48.182 --> 00:10:51.185
You know, they kinda look
similar.

00:10:51.218 --> 00:10:52.786
What the hell, parents!

00:10:52.820 --> 00:10:55.022
They don't know their animals
yet?

00:10:55.055 --> 00:10:57.158
Go home and get your piano,
Rowlf.

00:10:58.459 --> 00:10:59.528
Seriously?

00:10:59.561 --> 00:11:01.662
You think if I was a muppet,
I'd be doing this gig?

00:11:01.695 --> 00:11:04.498
You're either Rowlf or a
bear took a shit on Snoopy.

00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:06.901
Oh, laughter.

00:11:06.934 --> 00:11:08.869
Maybe you and me should trade
places.

00:11:10.204 --> 00:11:11.438
Allan, calm down.

00:11:11.472 --> 00:11:12.273
Screw this.

00:11:12.306 --> 00:11:14.208
I wanna pet his anus with my
thumb.

00:11:15.109 --> 00:11:17.178
What do his eyes feel
like?

00:11:18.045 --> 00:11:19.146
No, no, no, no, not the
shakes.

00:11:19.180 --> 00:11:21.348
Allan, Allan, Allan.

00:11:21.382 --> 00:11:22.183
It's okay.

00:11:22.216 --> 00:11:23.585
It's okay, it's okay.

00:11:23.618 --> 00:11:25.352
Allan, it's okay.

00:11:25.386 --> 00:11:27.154
It's okay, it's okay.

00:11:32.993 --> 00:11:34.128
So he was telling this joke,

00:11:34.161 --> 00:11:35.930
but the kids, they
weren't really laughing.

00:11:35.963 --> 00:11:37.064
And I think it just was really...

00:11:37.097 --> 00:11:39.300
They weren't laughing.

00:11:39.333 --> 00:11:40.701
They weren't laughing.

00:11:40.734 --> 00:11:42.136
Hey, shh.

00:11:42.169 --> 00:11:44.438
I'm writing a prescription
for Allan's anxiety.

00:11:44.471 --> 00:11:46.006
But Allan is on the edge.

00:11:47.942 --> 00:11:50.444
Call me immediately if this
happens again.

00:11:50.477 --> 00:11:51.912
I will.

00:11:51.946 --> 00:11:53.682
Thank you, Dr. Williams.

00:11:53.714 --> 00:11:54.516
Okay.

00:11:54.549 --> 00:11:57.751
And listen, I was thinking,

00:11:57.785 --> 00:11:59.954
maybe we shouldn't perform
anymore.

00:11:59.987 --> 00:12:01.956
Allan puts so much pressure on
himself.

00:12:01.989 --> 00:12:02.923
It can't be healthy.

00:12:02.957 --> 00:12:04.391
This is my dream.

00:12:04.425 --> 00:12:06.360
Laugh, you little fuckers.

00:12:06.393 --> 00:12:09.063
You know about his family
being famous show dogs

00:12:09.096 --> 00:12:10.599
and him being the runt of the
litter.

00:12:10.632 --> 00:12:12.634
I just, I wanna be encouraging,

00:12:12.667 --> 00:12:14.603
but I'm worried about
his hopes being crushed.

00:12:14.636 --> 00:12:16.270
You can't pet my anus.

00:12:16.303 --> 00:12:17.171
Hey.

00:12:17.204 --> 00:12:17.972
Shh.

00:12:18.005 --> 00:12:19.039
You're doing great, Matt.

00:12:19.073 --> 00:12:20.609
Don't beat yourself up over
this.

00:12:20.642 --> 00:12:23.578
You and Allan are fantastic
together.

00:12:23.612 --> 00:12:26.947
Look, Allan is gonna take
one pill twice a day.

00:12:26.981 --> 00:12:28.482
And he needs to exercise more.

00:12:28.516 --> 00:12:30.884
I just wanna be rich and
famous.

00:12:30.918 --> 00:12:33.787
Ellie, she walks Mr. Wrinkles,

00:12:33.821 --> 00:12:35.289
you know, my little Chinese
Shar-Pei.

00:12:35.322 --> 00:12:36.591
You'll both love her.

00:12:36.625 --> 00:12:37.424
Thank you.

00:12:37.458 --> 00:12:38.259
Where am I?

00:12:38.292 --> 00:12:39.326
Shh.

00:12:39.360 --> 00:12:41.295
Allan, you are in my
office, and you are safe.

00:12:41.328 --> 00:12:42.997
How are you feeling?

00:12:43.030 --> 00:12:44.365
Okay, I guess.

00:12:45.899 --> 00:12:47.535
It happened again?

00:12:47.569 --> 00:12:49.270
Oh, it sure did, buddy.

00:12:49.303 --> 00:12:50.237
But don't you worry.

00:12:50.271 --> 00:12:52.540
We're gonna get you
fixed up like new, okay?

00:12:52.574 --> 00:12:54.208
I love you, Matt.

00:12:54.241 --> 00:12:55.976
I love you, pal.

00:12:56.010 --> 00:12:57.411
And Dr. Williams,

00:12:57.444 --> 00:12:59.514
one more question while
I have you real quick.

00:12:59.547 --> 00:13:00.481
Of course.

00:13:00.515 --> 00:13:01.949
Yeah.

00:13:01.982 --> 00:13:05.419
Medically speaking, is
my dick still growing?

00:13:05.452 --> 00:13:06.920
Or is this pretty much
what I have to work with?

00:13:06.954 --> 00:13:07.756
Allan!

00:13:07.788 --> 00:13:08.956
- I'm sorry.
- What?

00:13:08.989 --> 00:13:10.625
I'm not a puppy anymore, you
know.

00:13:10.659 --> 00:13:11.726
Hey, does that scale still work?

00:13:11.760 --> 00:13:13.027
I'm getting little Allan
up there and just...

00:13:13.060 --> 00:13:13.994
Oh, that's enough, Allan.

00:13:14.028 --> 00:13:14.962
Take care of business.

00:13:14.995 --> 00:13:15.796
Okay, sorry, Dr. Williams.

00:13:15.829 --> 00:13:16.631
Allan.

00:13:16.665 --> 00:13:19.166
There are streets out there.

00:13:20.901 --> 00:13:22.403
So what gives, dude?

00:13:22.436 --> 00:13:24.773
I come in from the doghouse
last night to snuggle

00:13:24.805 --> 00:13:26.675
and I get the cold shoulder?

00:13:26.708 --> 00:13:28.242
I didn't give you the
cold shoulder, Allan.

00:13:28.275 --> 00:13:31.746
Hmm, interesting theory,
because it was your shoulder,

00:13:31.780 --> 00:13:34.348
it was cold, and it nudged me
away.

00:13:34.381 --> 00:13:36.785
Allan, I nudge you because
you laid across my face

00:13:36.817 --> 00:13:38.986
in the middle of the night
and I couldn't breathe.

00:13:39.019 --> 00:13:41.355
Nudges are walls people build
around their hearts, Matt.

00:13:41.388 --> 00:13:43.057
Allan, I couldn't breathe!

00:13:43.090 --> 00:13:44.158
I thought I might die.

00:13:44.191 --> 00:13:46.393
That's a perfectly good
reason for a nudge.

00:13:46.427 --> 00:13:47.261
Well, I need,

00:13:47.294 --> 00:13:48.228
thank you, sir.

00:13:48.262 --> 00:13:50.699
I need a human companion
who would rather die

00:13:50.732 --> 00:13:53.200
than interrupt even a moment
of my innocent slumber.

00:13:53.233 --> 00:13:54.935
That's ridiculous.

00:13:54.968 --> 00:13:55.969
Wait.

00:13:56.003 --> 00:13:57.639
Are you still annoyed I asked
Dr. Williams

00:13:57.672 --> 00:13:59.507
to use her scale to weigh my
dog-hood?

00:13:59.541 --> 00:14:02.309
Well, now that you mention it,

00:14:02.343 --> 00:14:03.578
in what world do you think it's
okay

00:14:03.611 --> 00:14:05.747
to ask another person to weigh
your junk?

00:14:05.780 --> 00:14:07.981
She's a doctor, god.

00:14:08.015 --> 00:14:09.651
Just tracking my progress, dude.

00:14:09.684 --> 00:14:10.585
Excuse me?

00:14:10.618 --> 00:14:12.486
I said I'm just tracking my
progress.

00:14:12.520 --> 00:14:14.888
Why don't you just use a
ruler like everyone else does?

00:14:14.922 --> 00:14:16.890
The ruler method is flawed,
dude.

00:14:16.924 --> 00:14:19.794
If I shove the end into my
groin, I can force an extra inch.

00:14:20.662 --> 00:14:21.995
Ooh, that must be Ellie.

00:14:22.029 --> 00:14:22.831
Who?

00:14:22.863 --> 00:14:24.131
Your new dog walker.

00:14:24.164 --> 00:14:25.366
But why?

00:14:25.399 --> 00:14:26.467
Because you need someone

00:14:26.501 --> 00:14:27.868
to get you to take your anxiety
pill

00:14:27.901 --> 00:14:28.837
in the middle of the day,

00:14:28.869 --> 00:14:30.739
and an extra walk will do you
some good.

00:14:30.772 --> 00:14:31.840
I already hate her knock.

00:14:31.872 --> 00:14:32.674
Allan.

00:14:32.707 --> 00:14:33.508
Oh, I'm great.

00:14:33.541 --> 00:14:34.341
I'm wearing my fox onesie.

00:14:34.375 --> 00:14:35.844
Perf.

00:14:35.876 --> 00:14:36.711
Be nice.

00:14:40.648 --> 00:14:41.716
Hi, I'm Matt.

00:14:42.784 --> 00:14:43.984
Ellie.

00:14:44.017 --> 00:14:44.853
Yeah.

00:14:49.289 --> 00:14:50.457
Oh, you wanna come in?

00:14:50.491 --> 00:14:51.291
Yes.

00:14:51.325 --> 00:14:52.126
Yeah, come on in.

00:14:52.159 --> 00:14:55.195
And you must be Allan.

00:14:55.229 --> 00:14:56.765
I'm full grown, you know.

00:14:56.798 --> 00:14:57.599
Oh.

00:14:57.632 --> 00:14:59.366
Yeah, you you look it.

00:14:59.400 --> 00:15:00.635
Damn straight.

00:15:00.668 --> 00:15:01.636
I only mention it

00:15:01.669 --> 00:15:03.838
in case the pajamas gave
you the wrong impresh.

00:15:03.872 --> 00:15:06.974
I wear them for both
comfort and nerd hipness.

00:15:07.007 --> 00:15:08.543
No, the onesie's clutch.

00:15:08.576 --> 00:15:10.779
It takes a confident
male to rock a onesie.

00:15:10.812 --> 00:15:11.613
Respect.

00:15:11.646 --> 00:15:12.814
Mm, yeah.

00:15:12.847 --> 00:15:14.816
Respect backsies to the maxies.

00:15:14.849 --> 00:15:16.885
Flattery will get you
everywhere, mah lady.

00:15:16.917 --> 00:15:17.719
Oh.

00:15:17.752 --> 00:15:19.521
Anyway, Matt is running very
late

00:15:19.554 --> 00:15:20.954
and has to leave immediately.

00:15:20.988 --> 00:15:23.825
So that'll give us a chance
to see if we're a good match.

00:15:23.858 --> 00:15:26.994
Hey, who's nudging who now,
huh, buddy?

00:15:27.027 --> 00:15:29.831
It was great meeting
you, Ellie, really great.

00:15:29.864 --> 00:15:30.665
You too.

00:15:30.698 --> 00:15:31.733
I like your glasses, by the
way.

00:15:31.766 --> 00:15:32.567
- Yeah.
- Oh.

00:15:32.600 --> 00:15:33.400
They're cool.

00:15:33.434 --> 00:15:34.401
Do they

00:15:34.435 --> 00:15:35.469
help you see?

00:15:35.503 --> 00:15:36.671
Oh, yeah.

00:15:36.704 --> 00:15:39.440
They are not just worn
for style.

00:15:39.473 --> 00:15:40.441
Cool.

00:15:40.474 --> 00:15:41.543
I like your sideburns.

00:15:41.576 --> 00:15:42.911
Do they keep your face warm?

00:15:42.943 --> 00:15:44.612
Thanks.

00:15:44.646 --> 00:15:46.113
Yeah, they do.

00:15:46.146 --> 00:15:47.916
This one got burned off a
couple of years ago though.

00:15:47.948 --> 00:15:49.818
Allan and I were camping,
got in a food fight,

00:15:49.851 --> 00:15:52.219
and I got hit by a
burning hot marshmallow.

00:15:52.252 --> 00:15:53.053
Gah.

00:15:53.086 --> 00:15:54.354
Not exactly a brush with death

00:15:54.388 --> 00:15:56.056
but the story lives on somehow.

00:15:56.089 --> 00:15:57.157
All right, my man, I know you
gotta run.

00:15:57.191 --> 00:15:57.991
I guess I gotta...

00:15:58.025 --> 00:15:58.793
Have a great day.

00:15:58.827 --> 00:15:59.627
Yeah, all right.

00:15:59.661 --> 00:16:00.461
Get outta here.

00:16:00.494 --> 00:16:01.295
- All right.
- Bye, Allan.

00:16:01.328 --> 00:16:02.129
Hey, Ellie, it was really nice...

00:16:02.162 --> 00:16:03.731
Yeah, you, oh.

00:16:03.765 --> 00:16:04.998
Okay.

00:16:05.032 --> 00:16:08.402
Why don't you take off your
jacket and step into my lair?

00:16:08.435 --> 00:16:11.739
All right, let the interrogaysh
commence.

00:16:11.773 --> 00:16:15.175
That's shortsies for
interrogation.

00:16:15.209 --> 00:16:17.077
So official.

00:16:17.110 --> 00:16:17.912
Let's start.

00:16:17.946 --> 00:16:18.813
All right.

00:16:18.847 --> 00:16:20.882
Let's get down to biz.

00:16:20.915 --> 00:16:23.317
That's short for biznasty.

00:16:23.350 --> 00:16:25.854
But you're got a hip
Silverlakey kind of girl.

00:16:25.887 --> 00:16:27.889
I bet you're down with
the abbrevs, mah lady.

00:16:27.922 --> 00:16:29.891
Oh, I love the abbrevs.

00:16:29.924 --> 00:16:33.060
But you do seem to say mah lady
a lot.

00:16:34.696 --> 00:16:36.363
Do you not like it, mah lady?

00:16:36.396 --> 00:16:38.833
Oh, no, it's fine.

00:16:38.867 --> 00:16:40.067
I mean, I could see it

00:16:40.100 --> 00:16:43.638
getting a little annoying after
a while.

00:16:43.671 --> 00:16:46.306
Well, I don't wish to call you
mah lady

00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:48.676
if mah lady does not like it.

00:16:48.710 --> 00:16:50.678
Every now and then is perf.

00:16:50.712 --> 00:16:51.546
Okay.

00:16:51.579 --> 00:16:52.847
First quesh.

00:16:52.881 --> 00:16:55.550
That's a question, and
it's a pretty big one.

00:16:55.583 --> 00:16:57.451
Are you a sociopath?

00:16:57.484 --> 00:16:58.586
No.

00:16:58.620 --> 00:17:01.923
Every time I murder somebody,
I feel terribly guilty.

00:17:01.956 --> 00:17:04.324
Witty banter, check.

00:17:04.358 --> 00:17:05.459
Ha, that's great.

00:17:05.492 --> 00:17:06.961
All right, second quesh.

00:17:06.995 --> 00:17:07.829
That's question.

00:17:07.862 --> 00:17:08.730
Wait, real quicksies.

00:17:08.763 --> 00:17:09.731
Uh-huh.

00:17:09.764 --> 00:17:12.199
Do you always say the
abbrev version of a word

00:17:12.232 --> 00:17:14.401
and then follow it up with the
full word?

00:17:14.434 --> 00:17:18.006
Because that kinda defeats
the point of the abbrevs.

00:17:18.038 --> 00:17:18.873
PTML.

00:17:20.608 --> 00:17:22.510
Point taken, mah lady.

00:17:23.511 --> 00:17:24.311
- Okay.
- Okay,

00:17:24.344 --> 00:17:25.412
question number two.

00:17:25.445 --> 00:17:26.446
Oh, yeah.

00:17:26.480 --> 00:17:27.815
So we're on a walk.

00:17:27.849 --> 00:17:28.950
It's a hypothetical.

00:17:28.983 --> 00:17:31.351
We're on a walk and, you
know, I see a burden in a bush

00:17:31.385 --> 00:17:34.722
or something like that,
and I just go nuts.

00:17:34.756 --> 00:17:37.992
Now, do you panic and drop the
leash?

00:17:38.026 --> 00:17:41.763
Or do you kinda take control a
little bit?

00:17:41.796 --> 00:17:43.430
Oh.

00:17:43.463 --> 00:17:47.367
Well, I guess I would
take control, rein it in.

00:17:49.336 --> 00:17:50.370
Ooh.

00:17:50.404 --> 00:17:53.206
Yeah, just, you know,
a gentle tug on the leash

00:17:53.240 --> 00:17:55.043
to remind you who's in control.

00:17:55.075 --> 00:17:56.811
Ooh, message received!

00:17:56.844 --> 00:17:59.581
Yeah, and if things
got really out of hand,

00:17:59.614 --> 00:18:01.649
maybe a firm pat on the butt

00:18:01.683 --> 00:18:04.786
with an, "Allan, no," thrown in.

00:18:04.819 --> 00:18:05.620
O,

00:18:05.653 --> 00:18:06.821
M,

00:18:06.854 --> 00:18:08.355
G.

00:18:08.388 --> 00:18:11.059
I could hug your face forever.

00:18:11.091 --> 00:18:12.326
Oh.

00:18:12.359 --> 00:18:15.029
Well, you know, I think we're
done here.

00:18:15.063 --> 00:18:17.532
Anything you wanna tell
me before a trial rub?

00:18:17.565 --> 00:18:19.099
Run, trial run.

00:18:19.132 --> 00:18:19.934
Sorry.

00:18:19.968 --> 00:18:21.168
Trial run?

00:18:21.201 --> 00:18:24.939
Actually, there is something
I like to be upfront about.

00:18:24.973 --> 00:18:26.040
Oh, please.

00:18:28.208 --> 00:18:29.644
This is an indica vape pen.

00:18:29.677 --> 00:18:30.511
Mm-hmm.

00:18:30.545 --> 00:18:32.446
This strain is called Death
Star.

00:18:32.479 --> 00:18:35.282
And while I am totally anti dark
side,

00:18:35.315 --> 00:18:39.053
if I smoke this all day, I
sleep like a baby all night.

00:18:39.087 --> 00:18:40.088
Oh.

00:18:40.120 --> 00:18:41.823
You know, I'm all for
national legalizache,

00:18:41.856 --> 00:18:43.825
but Matt and I, honestly, you
know,

00:18:43.858 --> 00:18:46.961
we've barely dabbled with
the Mary Jane ourselves.

00:18:50.197 --> 00:18:52.100
Blow that fucker in my eye!

00:18:52.132 --> 00:18:52.967
Oh, shit!

00:18:55.703 --> 00:18:56.537
Oh, yeah!

00:18:57.471 --> 00:18:58.305
I love you, man!

00:18:58.338 --> 00:18:59.107
I love you,
my man!

00:18:59.139 --> 00:19:01.042
I love you!

00:19:08.716 --> 00:19:10.350
All finished?

00:19:10.384 --> 00:19:11.218
No.

00:19:17.792 --> 00:19:18.893
Well, you're obviously hired.

00:19:18.926 --> 00:19:19.894
Oh.

00:19:19.927 --> 00:19:22.130
You give me a sense of
control,

00:19:22.162 --> 00:19:24.632
and yet, I never forget who's
boss.

00:19:24.666 --> 00:19:27.702
Yeah, yeah, it felt natural.

00:19:27.735 --> 00:19:29.504
You're very pretty, you know.

00:19:29.537 --> 00:19:30.638
Oh.

00:19:30.672 --> 00:19:32.573
Well, thank you, Allan.

00:19:33.875 --> 00:19:36.878
Oh, is that you and Matt there?

00:19:36.911 --> 00:19:38.513
Yep, that's him.

00:19:38.546 --> 00:19:39.547
Hmm, cute.

00:19:41.115 --> 00:19:42.382
Oh.

00:19:42.416 --> 00:19:46.754
Well, hey, you know, Matt's
great, but spoiler alert,

00:19:46.788 --> 00:19:49.489
he's a bit of a boozer and
a registered sex offender.

00:19:49.524 --> 00:19:50.825
Oh.

00:19:50.858 --> 00:19:54.162
Well, that's only two strikes, I
guess.

00:19:54.194 --> 00:19:55.262
Could be worse.

00:19:55.295 --> 00:19:57.131
Oh, yeah, it's not a big deal.

00:19:57.165 --> 00:19:59.567
I mean, you know, he was
caught masturbating in a,

00:19:59.600 --> 00:20:01.201
you know, a movie theater or an
airplane.

00:20:01.234 --> 00:20:04.138
I can't remember, but
water under the bridge.

00:20:04.172 --> 00:20:04.972
Right.

00:20:05.006 --> 00:20:06.140
Oh, you know what?

00:20:06.174 --> 00:20:08.643
After a successful walk, I
usually like to take a nap,

00:20:08.676 --> 00:20:12.212
but I would love to watch the
movie Rocky for the 65th time.

00:20:12.245 --> 00:20:14.582
Oh, big fan, huh?

00:20:14.615 --> 00:20:15.750
Are you kidding me?

00:20:15.783 --> 00:20:17.384
Sly wrote the script in two
weeks.

00:20:17.417 --> 00:20:18.218
That's redonk!

00:20:18.251 --> 00:20:20.088
That is redonkulous.

00:20:20.121 --> 00:20:20.922
And you know what?

00:20:20.955 --> 00:20:21.889
I would love to join you,

00:20:21.923 --> 00:20:23.858
but my boyfriend's about to pick
me up.

00:20:25.827 --> 00:20:28.730
Oh, but you would love him,
mm-hmm.

00:20:29.564 --> 00:20:31.065
And you know what?

00:20:31.099 --> 00:20:32.365
You should meet my dog.

00:20:32.399 --> 00:20:34.669
She's a big fan of Rocky too.

00:20:34.702 --> 00:20:39.006
I mean, Rocky as well,
not Rocky 2, the sequel.

00:20:39.040 --> 00:20:40.307
Solid film, sure,

00:20:40.340 --> 00:20:43.878
but it doesn't hold a
candle to the orig feech,

00:20:43.911 --> 00:20:46.881
which is short for original
feature.

00:20:51.986 --> 00:20:53.286
We have more candidates to
interview,

00:20:53.320 --> 00:20:55.123
but thank you so much.

00:20:56.090 --> 00:20:58.693
Allan.

00:21:07.267 --> 00:21:08.102
Ellie!

00:21:09.070 --> 00:21:11.338
Do you really like the movie
Rocky?

00:21:11.371 --> 00:21:13.608
People forget how gritty and
real it is.

00:21:13.641 --> 00:21:15.042
And it has turtles.

00:21:15.076 --> 00:21:16.343
Cuff and Link.

00:21:16.376 --> 00:21:18.613
And I bet your boyfriend's
super cool, huh?

00:21:18.646 --> 00:21:20.915
Like a total alpha male badass?

00:21:20.948 --> 00:21:23.483
Hmm, somewhere in that
ballpark.

00:21:23.518 --> 00:21:25.418
His name is Steve.

00:21:25.452 --> 00:21:27.155
Sounds like a dick.

00:21:27.188 --> 00:21:28.421
Well, that's okay.

00:21:28.455 --> 00:21:29.791
You're hired if you still want
the job.

00:21:29.824 --> 00:21:30.658
Oh.

00:21:31.759 --> 00:21:33.493
Yeah, I'll take it.

00:21:33.528 --> 00:21:34.629
Fantastic!

00:21:34.662 --> 00:21:35.863
Friendsies?

00:21:35.897 --> 00:21:37.265
Friendsies.

00:21:41.836 --> 00:21:42.670
Ooh.

00:21:43.771 --> 00:21:45.106
Fuck you, Steve.

00:21:55.516 --> 00:21:57.384
Mail man.

00:21:57.417 --> 00:21:59.352
Neither rain nor snow?

00:21:59.386 --> 00:22:01.956
Fuck you, man!

00:22:01.989 --> 00:22:02.990
Allan, no!

00:22:04.091 --> 00:22:05.893
Yeah, set me straight, baby
girl.

00:22:05.927 --> 00:22:07.394
I'm so naughty.

00:22:07.427 --> 00:22:09.630
I'm so sorry.

00:22:09.664 --> 00:22:11.866
Allan, drink your milkshake.

00:22:11.899 --> 00:22:14.168
All right, I'm chilling out.

00:22:23.443 --> 00:22:24.344
Oh, shit.

00:22:44.198 --> 00:22:45.032
Dude.

00:22:47.467 --> 00:22:48.603
Where do you think you're
going?

00:22:52.139 --> 00:22:54.609
Oh, little dude, you touch that
ball,

00:22:54.642 --> 00:22:58.411
I will eat you whole, poop
you out and eat you again.

00:22:58.445 --> 00:22:59.680
Yeah, beat it!

00:22:59.714 --> 00:23:01.215
There you go.

00:23:01.249 --> 00:23:02.316
That's right.

00:23:03.718 --> 00:23:05.019
Tough guy, huh?

00:23:05.052 --> 00:23:07.420
Let's see how tough you
are when your number's up.

00:23:07.454 --> 00:23:09.090
Right, Kev?

00:23:09.123 --> 00:23:10.558
Food goes in here.

00:23:10.591 --> 00:23:12.026
Oh, geez, Kevin.

00:23:12.059 --> 00:23:12.860
What?

00:23:12.894 --> 00:23:13.694
That's where it goes.

00:23:13.728 --> 00:23:14.662
Shut up, Kevin!

00:23:14.695 --> 00:23:15.830
We need to move!

00:23:15.863 --> 00:23:16.998
Now!

00:23:17.031 --> 00:23:18.799
I swear, if you're
weren't my sister's kid,

00:23:18.833 --> 00:23:20.701
I'd have you for breakfast.

00:23:20.735 --> 00:23:22.469
I can play ball if I wanna.

00:23:22.503 --> 00:23:23.838
Big dogs are just jelly.

00:23:28.843 --> 00:23:29.777
You got this, Matt.

00:23:29.810 --> 00:23:31.545
Come on, you got this.

00:23:31.579 --> 00:23:32.580
Fuck, here they come.

00:23:32.613 --> 00:23:34.481
I don't act on those impulses.

00:23:34.515 --> 00:23:36.416
Sure, you know, I'd love to
kill a squirrel, you know,

00:23:36.449 --> 00:23:39.253
but that's somebody's
mother or brother or sister.

00:23:39.287 --> 00:23:40.087
And I'm not a dick.

00:23:40.121 --> 00:23:40.922
You know what I'm saying?

00:23:40.955 --> 00:23:42.156
Oh, hey, guys.

00:23:42.189 --> 00:23:43.257
What are you doing
here, man?

00:23:43.291 --> 00:23:46.294
Oh, work was slow, so Stan cut
me loose.

00:23:46.327 --> 00:23:48.095
I was thinking maybe
we'd go by the lagoon,

00:23:48.129 --> 00:23:49.931
check out some ducks.

00:23:51.032 --> 00:23:53.301
Do you wanna come, Ellie?

00:23:53.334 --> 00:23:55.403
That sounds great

00:23:55.435 --> 00:23:56.837
This day sucks.

00:24:01.175 --> 00:24:03.744
The sun's reflection
in the water is really pretty.

00:24:03.778 --> 00:24:04.679
Totes.

00:24:06.881 --> 00:24:08.182
The inherent beauty all around
us

00:24:08.215 --> 00:24:09.850
implies an underlying conscience

00:24:09.884 --> 00:24:14.355
or even creator who loves
us and wants us to be happy.

00:24:14.388 --> 00:24:15.957
Or you're a nerd.

00:24:15.990 --> 00:24:17.490
One or the other, I guess.

00:24:17.525 --> 00:24:18.726
Hey, non-sequitur,

00:24:18.759 --> 00:24:21.494
but Matt and I have a comedy
show tonight,

00:24:21.529 --> 00:24:23.898
if you're not hanging
out with your boyfriend.

00:24:23.931 --> 00:24:25.333
What, you have a boyfriend?

00:24:25.366 --> 00:24:28.703
I, I mean, of course you have a
boyfriend.

00:24:28.736 --> 00:24:29.971
You're amazing.

00:24:32.006 --> 00:24:32.807
What does he do?

00:24:32.840 --> 00:24:34.241
Is he in a dangerous line of
work?

00:24:34.275 --> 00:24:35.576
Good thinking, dude.

00:24:35.609 --> 00:24:37.778
He does drive a motorcycle.

00:24:37.812 --> 00:24:39.981
Well, I don't know how
dangerous it is

00:24:40.014 --> 00:24:42.683
being a green juice barista but,

00:24:43.818 --> 00:24:45.720
it doesn't matter, guys.

00:24:45.753 --> 00:24:46.754
We broke up.

00:24:48.488 --> 00:24:49.991
I'm so sorry, Ellie.

00:24:50.024 --> 00:24:51.192
Oh, it's okay.

00:24:51.225 --> 00:24:53.027
We were struggling for a while.

00:24:53.060 --> 00:24:54.762
Nobody's to blame.

00:24:54.795 --> 00:24:59.499
Well, Steve's lack of
communication is to blame.

00:24:59.533 --> 00:25:00.501
That and the fact that he sent

00:25:00.534 --> 00:25:03.871
a dick pic collage to his
neighbor.

00:25:03.904 --> 00:25:05.072
A collage?

00:25:05.106 --> 00:25:06.307
Yeah.

00:25:06.340 --> 00:25:09.043
A lot of time and effort went
into this.

00:25:09.076 --> 00:25:12.313
It was a bunch of pics of
his dick wearing tiny hats,

00:25:12.346 --> 00:25:14.448
Indiana Jones's fedora,

00:25:14.482 --> 00:25:17.718
one of those jester hats with
the little bells on the end,

00:25:17.752 --> 00:25:18.753
Santa's hat.

00:25:18.786 --> 00:25:19.587
No!

00:25:19.620 --> 00:25:20.421
I'm getting off track.

00:25:20.454 --> 00:25:22.957
The point is I'm totally fine.

00:25:27.628 --> 00:25:29.296
Oh, why am I crying?

00:25:30.264 --> 00:25:32.400
Oh, it was the sorting
hat from the Harry Potter

00:25:32.433 --> 00:25:34.101
that really put me over the
edge.

00:25:34.135 --> 00:25:34.935
Oh, no.

00:25:34.969 --> 00:25:35.936
No, no, no, no.

00:25:35.970 --> 00:25:36.771
It's okay, Ellie.

00:25:36.804 --> 00:25:38.739
Everybody has a tipping point.

00:25:38.773 --> 00:25:41.375
Terrible choice of words, my
man.

00:25:41.409 --> 00:25:44.311
But I know something that might
help.

00:25:44.345 --> 00:25:46.480
A hug from a super cute dog.

00:25:46.515 --> 00:25:49.216
- Oh.
- If only we had one handy.

00:25:49.250 --> 00:25:50.918
Oh, thanks, Allan.

00:25:52.086 --> 00:25:54.722
Yeah.

00:25:54.755 --> 00:25:57.725
And Ellie, if you don't
wanna be alone tonight,

00:25:57.758 --> 00:25:59.727
you should come to our show.

00:25:59.760 --> 00:26:01.195
Yeah.

00:26:01.228 --> 00:26:05.933
I'd love to, guys, but I
have my OPKC meeting tonight.

00:26:05.966 --> 00:26:06.801
Oh.

00:26:09.003 --> 00:26:10.471
OPKC?

00:26:10.505 --> 00:26:12.940
Owl pillow knitting club.

00:26:12.973 --> 00:26:14.041
My therapist said I should focus

00:26:14.075 --> 00:26:15.510
on what makes me happy right
now.

00:26:15.544 --> 00:26:20.549
And frankly, I love getting
high and knitting owls on shit.

00:26:20.748 --> 00:26:21.550
I got nothing.

00:26:21.582 --> 00:26:22.383
You?

00:26:22.416 --> 00:26:23.684
No, I'm good.

00:26:27.154 --> 00:26:29.690
Oh!

00:26:29.723 --> 00:26:32.059
Vanilla Ice likes spicy rice!

00:26:32.093 --> 00:26:34.462
Vanilla Ice likes spicy fucking
rice!

00:26:34.495 --> 00:26:35.296
Boom!

00:26:35.329 --> 00:26:36.130
Yeah!

00:26:36.163 --> 00:26:37.064
We are ready!

00:26:37.098 --> 00:26:38.265
Yes, we are!

00:26:39.800 --> 00:26:42.970
By the way, dude, owl
pillow knitting club?

00:26:43.003 --> 00:26:44.105
Oh, god, what was that?

00:26:44.138 --> 00:26:46.107
I mean, at least you
know the excuse is real.

00:26:46.140 --> 00:26:47.408
Who would make something like
that up?

00:26:47.441 --> 00:26:48.876
I don't know.

00:26:48.909 --> 00:26:50.778
Speaking of making shit up,

00:26:50.811 --> 00:26:53.747
I told Ellie that you're
a registered sex offender.

00:26:53.781 --> 00:26:54.982
All right, let's have a great
show now.

00:26:55.015 --> 00:26:55.816
Wait, wait a minute.

00:26:55.850 --> 00:26:56.750
What?

00:26:56.784 --> 00:26:57.885
Why would you make up something
like that?

00:26:57.918 --> 00:27:00.221
So I look amazing by
comparison, dude.

00:27:00.254 --> 00:27:01.889
God, it's called being a good
wing man.

00:27:01.922 --> 00:27:04.391
God, that bums me out, Allan.

00:27:04.425 --> 00:27:05.826
I don't want Ellie thinking
that.

00:27:05.860 --> 00:27:06.660
Calm down.

00:27:06.694 --> 00:27:08.195
It's not a big deal.

00:27:08.229 --> 00:27:11.365
I said you were caught
masturbating on a plane one time.

00:27:11.398 --> 00:27:12.233
Geez.

00:27:13.267 --> 00:27:14.068
Dude!

00:27:14.101 --> 00:27:14.935
What?

00:27:15.870 --> 00:27:16.770
Hey, man.

00:27:18.372 --> 00:27:20.374
What's going on, Tommy?

00:27:20.407 --> 00:27:22.443
Henry's hanging it up.

00:27:22.476 --> 00:27:23.277
What?

00:27:23.310 --> 00:27:24.579
All right, all right, all
right.

00:27:24.613 --> 00:27:25.412
What's up?

00:27:25.446 --> 00:27:26.380
Listen up.

00:27:26.413 --> 00:27:28.482
After 30 years of running this
club,

00:27:28.517 --> 00:27:31.986
one of the things I
learned is to make sure

00:27:32.019 --> 00:27:34.556
that you love the journey,

00:27:34.589 --> 00:27:36.690
no matter what happens on stage
or off,

00:27:36.724 --> 00:27:39.793
because life is about the road,
guys,

00:27:42.163 --> 00:27:43.797
not the destination.

00:27:44.798 --> 00:27:45.799
I don't like change, Matt.

00:27:45.833 --> 00:27:46.834
- Shh.
- And while I still have

00:27:46.867 --> 00:27:51.872
a little bit of road left in me,

00:27:52.673 --> 00:27:57.478
I'm turning the reins over to
my brother-in-law, Barrick.

00:27:57.512 --> 00:27:59.413
And I'm hoping some fresh blood

00:27:59.446 --> 00:28:02.917
will breathe new life
into this whole place.

00:28:02.950 --> 00:28:04.952
Henry, this is crazy, man.

00:28:04.985 --> 00:28:05.953
You can't retire.

00:28:05.986 --> 00:28:09.290
You mean too much to us,
to the whole community.

00:28:09.323 --> 00:28:11.859
Ah, it's just it's gotten
so competitive, Matt.

00:28:11.892 --> 00:28:14.762
I mean, people can get
everything they want

00:28:14.795 --> 00:28:16.830
right on the internet.

00:28:16.864 --> 00:28:20.502
Why leave the house when you
can sit in your underwear

00:28:20.535 --> 00:28:23.103
and watch high definition porn?

00:28:25.540 --> 00:28:28.275
Yeah, but people still
need to socialize, man.

00:28:28.309 --> 00:28:32.479
You can only masturbate so
many times in a day, right?

00:28:32.514 --> 00:28:34.583
You haven't met my
brother-in-law, Barrick.

00:28:35.449 --> 00:28:37.051
Barrick.

00:28:37.084 --> 00:28:38.752
Take the floor.

00:28:46.193 --> 00:28:47.596
Now, listen up.

00:28:49.930 --> 00:28:52.099
As the new boss, obviously

00:28:52.132 --> 00:28:53.934
I'm gonna be changing shit up
everywhere.

00:28:53.968 --> 00:28:57.137
So if you don't like change, you
know,

00:28:58.372 --> 00:28:59.473
get the hell out now.

00:28:59.507 --> 00:29:00.341
Church!

00:29:00.374 --> 00:29:01.576
Change is the shit!

00:29:01.610 --> 00:29:02.776
Allan.

00:29:02.810 --> 00:29:07.414
And there's only one opinion
that matters from now on,

00:29:07.448 --> 00:29:09.551
and that's mine.

00:29:09.584 --> 00:29:11.720
FYI, this is me laughing.

00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:13.722
Ha-hee!

00:29:17.391 --> 00:29:19.628
This isn't me not laughing.

00:29:22.530 --> 00:29:23.964
Okay?

00:29:23.998 --> 00:29:26.433
Are you grokking the difference?

00:29:26.467 --> 00:29:31.472
If you stop getting stage
time, there ain't no mystery.

00:29:31.839 --> 00:29:35.242
It's because you're not seeing
enough of.

00:29:36.143 --> 00:29:37.177
Huh?

00:29:37.211 --> 00:29:38.045
Comprende?

00:29:39.079 --> 00:29:42.416
All right, I got some
mind-blowing news.

00:29:43.551 --> 00:29:47.821
The Booker himself is gonna
be coming to this club,

00:29:49.724 --> 00:29:52.493
this very club next Friday
night.

00:29:54.795 --> 00:29:58.165
Judging by your impressed
murmuring,

00:29:58.198 --> 00:30:01.603
you all know how the Booker got
his name.

00:30:02.936 --> 00:30:06.006
You get managed by this guy,

00:30:06.040 --> 00:30:09.043
hey, you're as good as booked.

00:30:09.076 --> 00:30:11.412
His clients appear on Live
Tonight with Kenny Baker

00:30:11.445 --> 00:30:13.748
all the fucking time,

00:30:13.782 --> 00:30:16.283
but you gots to make me first,

00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:20.755
first.

00:30:22.590 --> 00:30:24.425
Break a leg, assholes.

00:30:31.865 --> 00:30:33.133
What a prick.

00:30:33.167 --> 00:30:34.168
Good pep talk.

00:30:37.772 --> 00:30:39.541
I know guys like this.

00:30:39.574 --> 00:30:42.209
Deep down, all they need is a
hug.

00:30:42.242 --> 00:30:43.377
Yeah, I don't know, Allan.

00:30:43.410 --> 00:30:45.179
This guy seems like a tough
cookie.

00:30:45.212 --> 00:30:49.183
My man, never underestimate
the cuteness of this face.

00:30:49.216 --> 00:30:50.150
What?

00:30:50.184 --> 00:30:52.152
I'm gonna go schmooze this
hurting soul.

00:30:52.186 --> 00:30:53.755
Now, Allan, wait!

00:30:56.558 --> 00:30:59.326
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa.

00:30:59.360 --> 00:31:01.596
That is far enough, Garfield.

00:31:01.629 --> 00:31:02.731
Garfield?

00:31:02.764 --> 00:31:04.198
That's, that's not even a dog.

00:31:04.231 --> 00:31:07.000
Yeah, not another step.

00:31:07.034 --> 00:31:09.436
I got a serious medical condish
over here.

00:31:09.470 --> 00:31:10.839
You like abbrevs, dude?

00:31:10.871 --> 00:31:11.740
I like to abbrevs!

00:31:11.773 --> 00:31:13.907
And I don't give a shit.

00:31:13.941 --> 00:31:15.976
I'm allergic to flea-ridden
mutts.

00:31:16.009 --> 00:31:18.580
Your fur touches my skin,

00:31:18.613 --> 00:31:19.980
I could die.

00:31:20.013 --> 00:31:23.217
But you haven't lived until
a puppy's licked your face.

00:31:23.250 --> 00:31:24.318
Yeah, pass.

00:31:25.252 --> 00:31:28.489
Look at you, completely
disgusting.

00:31:28.523 --> 00:31:31.425
The fleas on you, fucking,
pooping.

00:31:33.127 --> 00:31:36.063
Picture that, fleas pooping and
fucking,

00:31:36.096 --> 00:31:38.132
rolling around in the poop.

00:31:38.165 --> 00:31:39.634
It makes me sick.

00:31:39.667 --> 00:31:42.336
Now, scram, Rick and Morty!

00:31:42.369 --> 00:31:43.170
The cartoon?

00:31:43.203 --> 00:31:44.004
I'm not sure...

00:31:44.037 --> 00:31:44.839
I said scram!

00:31:44.873 --> 00:31:45.807
All good.

00:31:50.712 --> 00:31:53.313
I know what you're thinking
right now.

00:31:53.347 --> 00:31:55.683
Is this a little dude neutered
or not?

00:31:55.717 --> 00:31:59.420
Well, I'm happy to report
that my sack is intact,

00:31:59.453 --> 00:32:00.722
all thanks to this guy.

00:32:00.755 --> 00:32:02.356
He let me keep my balls, people.

00:32:02.389 --> 00:32:03.558
I sure don't want him licking
mine.

00:32:04.425 --> 00:32:05.325
Good thing he's a heavy
sleeper.

00:32:05.359 --> 00:32:06.393
What?

00:32:06.427 --> 00:32:08.462
And now that you know
I still have my dog-hood,

00:32:08.495 --> 00:32:11.098
I feel obligated to warn
the ladies out there

00:32:11.131 --> 00:32:12.567
that once you to go furry,

00:32:12.600 --> 00:32:15.035
oh, you'll never worry again.

00:32:17.539 --> 00:32:19.841
What's the next joke?

00:32:19.874 --> 00:32:21.175
Something about my dick.

00:32:21.208 --> 00:32:22.476
Oh, yes.

00:32:22.510 --> 00:32:24.178
So my dick walks into a bar.

00:32:32.219 --> 00:32:34.188
This is bullshit.

00:32:34.221 --> 00:32:36.356
We were funny tonight, Matt.

00:32:36.390 --> 00:32:39.393
Yeah, well, funny is in the
eye of the beholder, Allan.

00:32:39.426 --> 00:32:41.995
If Barrick doesn't think
we're funny, we're not funny.

00:32:42.029 --> 00:32:44.566
That's why the comedy
business is so risky.

00:32:44.599 --> 00:32:46.768
What's that got to do with
anything?

00:32:46.801 --> 00:32:47.936
I don't know.

00:32:47.968 --> 00:32:48.937
Sometimes I think

00:32:48.969 --> 00:32:51.305
it's better to think of
our thing as a hobby,

00:32:51.338 --> 00:32:53.541
take some of the pressure
out of the situation.

00:32:55.577 --> 00:32:56.878
What's wrong?

00:32:56.911 --> 00:32:57.946
Oh, nothing.

00:32:57.978 --> 00:32:59.980
You just said I give up
a million different ways.

00:33:00.013 --> 00:33:01.048
I'm not giving up.

00:33:01.081 --> 00:33:03.383
I'm just trying to be realistic.

00:33:03.417 --> 00:33:05.452
What's going on with you,
dude?

00:33:05.486 --> 00:33:07.522
That's crazy talk.

00:33:07.555 --> 00:33:09.389
Seriously, what is up?

00:33:11.391 --> 00:33:12.392
Okay.

00:33:12.426 --> 00:33:13.260
Look,

00:33:14.529 --> 00:33:17.799
Stan offered me co-ownership
of the junkyard.

00:33:17.832 --> 00:33:21.368
It'd mean more
responsibility, longer hours,

00:33:21.401 --> 00:33:23.203
maybe even some weekends.

00:33:23.237 --> 00:33:25.940
Oh, so kiss our hobby goodbye.

00:33:25.974 --> 00:33:28.075
No, no, I'm not saying that.

00:33:28.108 --> 00:33:29.544
We can still perform now and
then.

00:33:29.577 --> 00:33:33.815
It's just the junkyard
puts a roof over our heads.

00:33:33.848 --> 00:33:34.849
Fuck that!

00:33:34.883 --> 00:33:36.551
Dude, we'll live on the streets

00:33:36.584 --> 00:33:38.318
and drink our own urine if we
have to.

00:33:38.352 --> 00:33:41.255
Matt, I was born to make
people laugh.

00:33:41.288 --> 00:33:43.490
If that gets taken away, I'm
nothing.

00:33:43.525 --> 00:33:44.424
Hey, come on.

00:33:44.458 --> 00:33:45.627
No, not now.

00:33:47.529 --> 00:33:49.496
I haven't made any decisions
yet, Allan,

00:33:49.531 --> 00:33:52.901
because no matter what, we're a
team.

00:33:52.934 --> 00:33:53.835
It's you and me, pal.

00:33:53.868 --> 00:33:55.703
We're partners.

00:33:55.737 --> 00:34:00.542
You are such a pussy, it
blows my mind, dude.

00:34:00.575 --> 00:34:02.442
At least I have my date
with Ellie tomorrow.

00:34:02.476 --> 00:34:03.310
A date?

00:34:04.512 --> 00:34:05.680
Don't get carried away, Allan.

00:34:05.713 --> 00:34:08.048
She's your dog walker.

00:34:08.081 --> 00:34:09.483
No, buddy.

00:34:09.517 --> 00:34:11.351
She's more than that.

00:34:11.385 --> 00:34:13.186
Ellie is special.

00:34:13.220 --> 00:34:14.054
Yeah.

00:34:18.125 --> 00:34:20.360
You know, it's funny.

00:34:20.394 --> 00:34:22.162
I always get a little
pleasure out of my walkers

00:34:22.195 --> 00:34:23.330
watching me go number one.

00:34:23.363 --> 00:34:25.265
Goodnight, Allan.

00:34:25.299 --> 00:34:27.167
Hell, even number two.

00:34:27.200 --> 00:34:29.003
Oh, Jesus Christ.

00:34:29.037 --> 00:34:32.640
But I don't know if I
want that with me and Ellie.

00:34:32.674 --> 00:34:33.942
She's too pure.

00:34:37.110 --> 00:34:39.747
Goodnight, Allan.

00:34:39.781 --> 00:34:41.281
Goodnight, dick.

00:34:44.552 --> 00:34:47.689
Ooh, dressed up a little bit
today.

00:34:47.722 --> 00:34:48.990
Ooh, very nice.

00:34:50.457 --> 00:34:53.126
All right, game face, game face.

00:34:55.763 --> 00:34:57.431
Oh, hello, mah la...

00:34:58.432 --> 00:34:59.266
Buzz kill.

00:35:00.702 --> 00:35:01.703
Who is this?

00:35:03.037 --> 00:35:05.205
Allan, be nice.

00:35:05.238 --> 00:35:07.441
This is Princess Leia.

00:35:07.474 --> 00:35:09.142
I thought you two might like to
meet.

00:35:09.176 --> 00:35:11.111
Is she of drinking age?

00:35:11.144 --> 00:35:13.648
She's 21 in human years.

00:35:13.681 --> 00:35:14.849
Why?

00:35:14.882 --> 00:35:18.285
So she can have a drink
while she does her intruding.

00:35:18.318 --> 00:35:20.655
Do you like booze, Princess?

00:35:22.456 --> 00:35:23.357
Uh, yes.

00:35:28.261 --> 00:35:29.564
He's cute

00:35:29.597 --> 00:35:30.865
but kind of a dick.

00:35:30.898 --> 00:35:32.499
Hmm, right up your alley.

00:35:32.533 --> 00:35:34.035
Hmm, touche.

00:35:34.068 --> 00:35:36.638
But we can't all have loving
fathers

00:35:36.671 --> 00:35:37.505
Hmm, no.

00:35:38.740 --> 00:35:42.043
All right, P. Leia, feel free
to get comfortable anywhere

00:35:42.076 --> 00:35:44.344
on the floor and out of the way.

00:35:44.378 --> 00:35:45.379
Allan!

00:35:45.412 --> 00:35:46.714
You're being a dick.

00:35:46.748 --> 00:35:48.415
Apologize to Princess Leia.

00:35:48.448 --> 00:35:49.249
What?

00:35:49.282 --> 00:35:51.284
This is me being nice.

00:35:51.318 --> 00:35:56.423
All right, let's let the
wine and conversation flow.

00:35:56.456 --> 00:35:59.292
Allan, I'm your dog walker.

00:35:59.326 --> 00:36:01.763
This isn't an appropriate friend
day.

00:36:01.796 --> 00:36:02.630
Oh.

00:36:03.931 --> 00:36:06.233
I see what's going on here.

00:36:06.266 --> 00:36:09.737
You wanted me to meet Princess
Leia.

00:36:09.771 --> 00:36:12.807
Translation, let's see
if the mutts hit it off

00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:15.009
because you're too good for a
dog.

00:36:15.043 --> 00:36:19.479
Wait, unless this is a
menage a paw type of thing.

00:36:19.514 --> 00:36:21.015
Allan, no!

00:36:21.049 --> 00:36:21.883
That's it.

00:36:21.916 --> 00:36:23.417
This walk is over!

00:36:24.484 --> 00:36:25.987
I'll urinate on the carpet.

00:36:26.020 --> 00:36:28.856
And you can forget about my
goddamn anxiety pill, lady.

00:36:28.890 --> 00:36:32.827
I'm kind of in the mood for a
life-threatening panic attack.

00:36:32.860 --> 00:36:34.896
This is my goodbye dance.

00:36:34.929 --> 00:36:37.832
I know it looks like the robot,
but it's totally original.

00:36:37.865 --> 00:36:38.966
Oh, yeah.

00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:41.268
It's how I celebrate the
removal of poison in my life.

00:36:41.301 --> 00:36:42.870
Goodbye, poison.

00:36:42.904 --> 00:36:43.971
Bee boo beep.

00:36:45.640 --> 00:36:47.141
Du du di du di du.

00:36:51.012 --> 00:36:52.180
Ellie, wait!

00:36:55.616 --> 00:36:57.217
Ellie, Ellie.

00:36:57.250 --> 00:36:59.954
Look, whatever Allan
just did, I'm so sorry.

00:36:59.987 --> 00:37:01.622
It's okay, Matt.

00:37:01.656 --> 00:37:03.423
I just wanted to introduce
him to Princess Leia

00:37:03.457 --> 00:37:05.026
because I thought they'd hit it
off.

00:37:05.059 --> 00:37:06.828
I guess I was wrong.

00:37:06.861 --> 00:37:08.361
Hi, Princess Leia.

00:37:08.395 --> 00:37:09.731
Hey.

00:37:09.764 --> 00:37:10.798
You're right.

00:37:10.832 --> 00:37:11.799
He is cute.

00:37:11.833 --> 00:37:14.001
Shh.

00:37:14.035 --> 00:37:17.138
Look, Allan's a sweetheart,
most of the time.

00:37:17.171 --> 00:37:18.072
Sure.

00:37:18.106 --> 00:37:19.372
Allan always gets along with
pretty girls

00:37:19.406 --> 00:37:22.143
until he feels spurned,
but that's not fair.

00:37:22.176 --> 00:37:23.477
Oh.

00:37:23.511 --> 00:37:25.012
Thanks.

00:37:25.046 --> 00:37:26.080
What?

00:37:26.114 --> 00:37:28.281
You just said I'm pretty.

00:37:28.315 --> 00:37:29.751
Oh.

00:37:29.784 --> 00:37:31.018
Yeah, yeah.

00:37:31.052 --> 00:37:32.486
Sure, I was just,

00:37:33.320 --> 00:37:34.155
it's not a compliment.

00:37:34.188 --> 00:37:37.158
I was just stating it as
relevant fact.

00:37:37.191 --> 00:37:42.262
Oh, wow, he's a smooth one.

00:37:42.295 --> 00:37:43.898
Look, don't sweat it.

00:37:43.931 --> 00:37:45.199
Allan's just a little emotional.

00:37:45.233 --> 00:37:46.433
It's okay.

00:37:46.466 --> 00:37:49.237
It's like he has something big
to prove.

00:37:49.269 --> 00:37:50.905
Have you ever noticed that?

00:37:50.938 --> 00:37:52.974
He did pretend to take a phone
call

00:37:53.007 --> 00:37:55.042
from Lena Dunham yesterday.

00:37:55.076 --> 00:37:55.977
Exactly.

00:37:56.010 --> 00:37:57.979
Yeah, why does he do stuff
like that?

00:37:58.012 --> 00:38:00.948
Allan comes from this
big famous dog show family,

00:38:00.982 --> 00:38:02.884
but he's the runt of the litter.

00:38:02.917 --> 00:38:05.418
And I think he's insecure about
it

00:38:05.452 --> 00:38:07.121
because he never hit it big
himself.

00:38:07.155 --> 00:38:08.055
Oh.

00:38:08.089 --> 00:38:10.390
Well, that does explain a lot.

00:38:10.423 --> 00:38:12.160
Well, look, nobody's perfect.

00:38:12.193 --> 00:38:14.695
I mean, who hasn't been
arrested once or twice

00:38:14.729 --> 00:38:17.330
for indecent exposure?

00:38:17.364 --> 00:38:19.233
Allan told you I'm a
registered sex offender.

00:38:19.267 --> 00:38:21.434
Registered, so no
big.

00:38:22.804 --> 00:38:23.738
You know he was kidding,
right?

00:38:23.771 --> 00:38:25.273
Oh, yeah, Matt, we know.

00:38:25.305 --> 00:38:28.341
Well, look, can I make
it up to you sometime?

00:38:28.375 --> 00:38:30.443
Maybe take you out for a meal

00:38:30.477 --> 00:38:33.614
when you're not busy
knitting owls and stuff?

00:38:33.648 --> 00:38:34.816
Yeah, maybe.

00:38:36.651 --> 00:38:38.052
Hmm.

00:38:38.085 --> 00:38:39.486
FYI, Matt.

00:38:39.520 --> 00:38:40.521
She's allergic to latex.

00:38:40.555 --> 00:38:41.388
Leia!

00:38:42.590 --> 00:38:43.456
I'm gonna go.

00:38:43.490 --> 00:38:44.292
Okay.

00:38:44.324 --> 00:38:45.325
Yeah, great.

00:38:49.197 --> 00:38:51.732
It's too hard, Sly.

00:38:51.766 --> 00:38:52.600
Talk to me.

00:38:52.633 --> 00:38:54.135
What should I do?

00:38:54.168 --> 00:38:57.238
Kid, life ain't
about how hard you hit.

00:38:57.271 --> 00:38:59.640
It's about how hard you can get
hit

00:38:59.674 --> 00:39:01.441
and keep moving forward.

00:39:01.474 --> 00:39:03.277
That's how winning is done.

00:39:03.311 --> 00:39:06.047
I hear you loud and clear,
Sly.

00:39:06.080 --> 00:39:07.380
Fuck her!

00:39:07.414 --> 00:39:09.650
Yo, Allan,
that's not what I'm saying.

00:39:09.684 --> 00:39:10.483
No, no, no.

00:39:10.518 --> 00:39:11.319
I got this, Sly.

00:39:11.351 --> 00:39:13.221
You don't have to tell me twice.

00:39:13.254 --> 00:39:14.288
Fuck her!

00:39:14.322 --> 00:39:15.990
Damn it, Allan.

00:39:16.023 --> 00:39:18.659
You were so rude just now, I'm
speechless.

00:39:18.693 --> 00:39:20.161
Then don't speak with your
words.

00:39:20.194 --> 00:39:22.429
Speak with your fists.

00:39:22.462 --> 00:39:23.664
What?

00:39:23.698 --> 00:39:26.534
Just spank me like you did
that fateful day on March 19th.

00:39:26.567 --> 00:39:27.434
Never forget.

00:39:27.467 --> 00:39:29.270
Never forget!

00:39:30.204 --> 00:39:31.339
Oh, yeah.

00:39:31.371 --> 00:39:33.307
This is how it's done.

00:39:33.341 --> 00:39:34.141
Hey, bro dog.

00:39:34.175 --> 00:39:34.976
Allan.

00:39:35.009 --> 00:39:35.977
What did I say

00:39:36.010 --> 00:39:37.778
about not pissing on the bed!

00:39:37.812 --> 00:39:39.780
I'm gonna put you down, you
little fucker!

00:39:42.016 --> 00:39:43.184
Die, you fuck!

00:39:46.120 --> 00:39:48.455
That's not what happened and you
know it.

00:39:48.488 --> 00:39:49.857
Yeah.

00:39:49.891 --> 00:39:51.726
This is how it's done.

00:39:53.460 --> 00:39:54.295
Allan.

00:39:54.328 --> 00:39:55.529
Hey, what's up, bro dog?

00:39:55.563 --> 00:39:56.364
Come on, man.

00:39:56.396 --> 00:39:57.365
Don't pee on the bed.

00:39:57.397 --> 00:39:58.232
Jesus!

00:40:01.969 --> 00:40:03.004
Oh, yeah.

00:40:03.037 --> 00:40:05.239
Yeah, I was mad, but I
never laid a hand on you.

00:40:05.273 --> 00:40:07.675
Oh, but you wanted to, pal.

00:40:08.709 --> 00:40:10.410
I could see it in your eyes,

00:40:10.443 --> 00:40:12.947
just like the time you were
upset over the cable bill.

00:40:12.980 --> 00:40:13.781
Oh, god!

00:40:13.814 --> 00:40:14.849
That again?

00:40:14.882 --> 00:40:16.651
I was out of a job and you
signed us up

00:40:16.684 --> 00:40:18.586
for a year's subscription to
Hustler TV.

00:40:18.619 --> 00:40:19.921
Do you know how expensive that
is?

00:40:19.954 --> 00:40:23.124
I've seen you watching
Reservoir Doggy Style

00:40:23.157 --> 00:40:24.424
more than once.

00:40:25.559 --> 00:40:26.360
Well, I mean, yeah.

00:40:26.394 --> 00:40:27.762
I already, I already paid for
it.

00:40:27.795 --> 00:40:29.297
Of course I'm gonna watch it.

00:40:29.330 --> 00:40:30.798
Perv.

00:40:30.831 --> 00:40:32.033
Listen, Matt.

00:40:32.066 --> 00:40:33.634
My eyes are open.

00:40:33.668 --> 00:40:35.468
Ellie was just a distraction.

00:40:35.503 --> 00:40:36.771
I say good riddance.

00:40:36.804 --> 00:40:38.806
Allan, you can't be mad at
somebody

00:40:38.839 --> 00:40:41.809
just because they don't like you
back.

00:40:41.842 --> 00:40:42.677
Hmm.

00:40:43.544 --> 00:40:45.947
I'm sorry, buddy.

00:40:45.980 --> 00:40:48.749
That was harsher than I meant
it.

00:40:50.418 --> 00:40:51.919
Oh, come on, dude.

00:40:54.487 --> 00:40:56.724
Dude, say something.

00:40:56.757 --> 00:40:57.725
Forget it.

00:40:57.758 --> 00:40:59.327
But you can make it up to me.

00:40:59.360 --> 00:41:00.795
Anything, name it.

00:41:00.828 --> 00:41:01.729
Road trip.

00:41:01.762 --> 00:41:02.630
Where are we going?

00:41:02.663 --> 00:41:03.864
Barrick's.

00:41:03.898 --> 00:41:06.667
But grab your phone, because
we have an errand to run first.

00:41:06.701 --> 00:41:10.705
Google radiation suit,
midget, Hollywood, cheap.

00:41:12.239 --> 00:41:13.074
Oh, god.

00:41:17.578 --> 00:41:19.013
Allan, I just want you to know

00:41:19.046 --> 00:41:21.882
that I am completely against
this.

00:41:23.050 --> 00:41:25.152
You do what you gotta do.

00:41:28.556 --> 00:41:29.957
Hello, Barrick.

00:41:31.192 --> 00:41:32.026
Got a sec?

00:41:34.295 --> 00:41:35.596
What the hell is this?

00:41:35.629 --> 00:41:38.132
You, sir, are getting a hug.

00:41:39.734 --> 00:41:41.702
Is that you, Grumpy Cat?

00:41:41.736 --> 00:41:42.536
Come on, dude.

00:41:42.570 --> 00:41:44.071
Yeah, it is you, isn't it?

00:41:44.105 --> 00:41:45.639
What are you, insane?

00:41:45.673 --> 00:41:47.742
Insane for hogs.

00:41:47.775 --> 00:41:50.444
I have the right to refuse
service to anyone, you know.

00:41:50.478 --> 00:41:53.981
You don't have the right to
refuse hugs.

00:41:55.616 --> 00:41:56.817
Tommy!

00:41:56.851 --> 00:42:00.721
Tommy, will you remove this
thing from the premises, please?

00:42:00.755 --> 00:42:02.256
Knock knock, Barrick.

00:42:02.289 --> 00:42:04.592
Can I talk to the hurt
little boy inside you?

00:42:04.625 --> 00:42:07.995
I know he's home, and
I know he wants a hug.

00:42:08.029 --> 00:42:08.929
No.

00:42:08.963 --> 00:42:10.364
All right, look.

00:42:10.398 --> 00:42:13.234
You, you stop saying hugs.

00:42:13.267 --> 00:42:14.068
Hugs.

00:42:14.101 --> 00:42:14.902
Hugs, Barrick.

00:42:14.935 --> 00:42:15.736
Hugs!

00:42:15.770 --> 00:42:16.570
Whoa.

00:42:16.604 --> 00:42:17.405
Hugs, hugs, hugs!

00:42:17.438 --> 00:42:19.006
Oh, no.

00:42:19.040 --> 00:42:20.808
That's not great, Allan!

00:42:20.841 --> 00:42:22.243
Give me a hug!

00:42:22.276 --> 00:42:23.277
No!

00:42:23.310 --> 00:42:24.612
Hugs.

00:42:24.645 --> 00:42:25.613
Okay!

00:42:25.646 --> 00:42:27.314
Your allergies are safe,
Barrick.

00:42:27.348 --> 00:42:29.717
But love, love gets through the
suit!

00:42:29.750 --> 00:42:31.485
Get away from me.

00:42:31.520 --> 00:42:32.586
You're crazy!

00:42:34.255 --> 00:42:35.856
I'm sorry, Allan.

00:42:37.124 --> 00:42:37.958
Oops.

00:42:39.326 --> 00:42:40.161
No!

00:42:45.666 --> 00:42:47.001
You're fine, dude.

00:42:47.034 --> 00:42:47.868
No!

00:42:47.902 --> 00:42:51.372
You're not even allergic to
dogs.

00:42:51.405 --> 00:42:52.541
Oh.

00:42:52.573 --> 00:42:53.542
Oh, wait.

00:42:53.574 --> 00:42:54.642
No, I see it.

00:42:56.210 --> 00:42:57.044
Oh, boy.

00:42:58.612 --> 00:43:01.048
Tell my mother I love her.

00:43:03.851 --> 00:43:04.685
Oh.

00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:06.787
You okay, pal?

00:43:10.424 --> 00:43:11.859
Sounds congested.

00:43:11.892 --> 00:43:13.661
It might be a clogged fuel line.

00:43:13.694 --> 00:43:14.995
All right, I'll take a
look.

00:43:15.029 --> 00:43:16.130
Ooh!

00:43:16.163 --> 00:43:17.031
Hey.

00:43:17.064 --> 00:43:18.567
No, oh!

00:43:18.599 --> 00:43:19.400
Gosh, guys.

00:43:19.433 --> 00:43:20.234
Ellie?

00:43:20.267 --> 00:43:21.068
Oh, god, Chuck.

00:43:21.102 --> 00:43:21.936
Hey, Matt.

00:43:21.969 --> 00:43:23.637
Please don't die on
me, bud.

00:43:23.671 --> 00:43:24.438
- Ellie, hey.
- Oh!

00:43:24.472 --> 00:43:26.107
What's going on here?

00:43:26.140 --> 00:43:27.542
Matt, hi.

00:43:27.576 --> 00:43:29.376
I would like to confirm that
everyone is still breathing,

00:43:29.410 --> 00:43:31.112
- if you could.
- Oh, my god, yeah.

00:43:31.145 --> 00:43:32.146
Good god.

00:43:32.179 --> 00:43:32.980
- Why did we go this way?
- Great, here.

00:43:33.013 --> 00:43:34.014
Here you go, buddy.

00:43:34.048 --> 00:43:35.382
Oh, dear lord.

00:43:35.416 --> 00:43:36.951
She'll kill us all.

00:43:36.984 --> 00:43:39.453
You're all right,
dude.

00:43:39.487 --> 00:43:40.621
What a gentleman.

00:43:40.654 --> 00:43:41.722
Hmm, yes.

00:43:41.755 --> 00:43:43.657
Yes, you may pet me, good sir.

00:43:43.691 --> 00:43:45.392
Yeah, ah, yeah.

00:43:45.426 --> 00:43:48.796
Please tell me this young
man is a romantic suitor.

00:43:48.829 --> 00:43:52.032
Oh, he beats the hell out
of that loser you're dating.

00:43:52.066 --> 00:43:54.368
Was dating, Chuck, past tense.

00:43:54.401 --> 00:43:55.936
She'll go back to him.

00:43:55.970 --> 00:43:57.972
The weak ones always do.

00:43:59.608 --> 00:44:01.576
They know too much.

00:44:01.610 --> 00:44:03.512
Well, you're all clear.

00:44:03.545 --> 00:44:04.778
Thanks.

00:44:04.812 --> 00:44:08.550
I swear I'm not normally
endangering their lives like this.

00:44:08.583 --> 00:44:10.017
So,

00:44:10.050 --> 00:44:11.586
this is where you work?

00:44:11.620 --> 00:44:12.554
Oh.

00:44:12.587 --> 00:44:13.921
Yeah, yeah.

00:44:13.954 --> 00:44:15.590
I might actually become
co-owner.

00:44:15.624 --> 00:44:18.859
But Allan's not too big on the
idea.

00:44:18.893 --> 00:44:19.693
Look, about the other day,

00:44:19.727 --> 00:44:22.096
I feel so bad about what
happened.

00:44:22.129 --> 00:44:23.130
No, don't.

00:44:24.098 --> 00:44:24.899
It's okay.

00:44:24.932 --> 00:44:26.767
It's partly my fault.

00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:28.369
When I realized Allan had a
crush on me,

00:44:28.402 --> 00:44:30.437
I should have just talked to all
about it.

00:44:30.471 --> 00:44:31.540
I shouldn't have tried to
deflect

00:44:31.573 --> 00:44:33.908
by setting him up with Princess
Leia.

00:44:33.941 --> 00:44:35.376
I'm bummed though.

00:44:35.409 --> 00:44:37.512
I really thought they would hit
it off.

00:44:37.546 --> 00:44:39.013
Please fall.

00:44:39.046 --> 00:44:40.447
Please fall.

00:44:40.481 --> 00:44:41.949
I won't kill you.

00:44:41.982 --> 00:44:43.384
Please fall.

00:44:50.659 --> 00:44:52.426
Oh, daddy likey!

00:44:52.459 --> 00:44:57.566
But daddy has to be patient.

00:44:57.599 --> 00:45:00.000
A lotta future poop out there,
boss.

00:45:00.034 --> 00:45:02.303
Kevin!

00:45:02.336 --> 00:45:03.137
I was in a mood!

00:45:03.170 --> 00:45:04.104
You pulled me right out.

00:45:04.138 --> 00:45:05.306
Damn it!

00:45:05.339 --> 00:45:10.144
When things cool off, maybe
you can walk Allan again.

00:45:10.177 --> 00:45:11.912
I would love that.

00:45:11.946 --> 00:45:14.748
And hey, was I super high the
other day,

00:45:14.782 --> 00:45:16.618
or did you ask me out?

00:45:17.785 --> 00:45:18.786
Oh.

00:45:18.819 --> 00:45:19.920
No, you're right on both.

00:45:19.954 --> 00:45:22.557
You were super high, and I
definitely asked you out.

00:45:24.758 --> 00:45:28.597
Look, why don't we just start
over, hmm?

00:45:28.630 --> 00:45:30.030
Why don't Princess Leia and I

00:45:30.064 --> 00:45:33.968
have you and Allan over
for a little tea party?

00:45:34.001 --> 00:45:35.336
Like biscuits?

00:45:35.369 --> 00:45:38.272
Yeah, that's what a tea party
is.

00:45:38.305 --> 00:45:39.206
Yeah.

00:45:39.240 --> 00:45:40.040
Yeah.

00:45:40.074 --> 00:45:42.343
That's, I love. I'd love that.

00:45:42.376 --> 00:45:43.944
But yeah, that sounds great.

00:45:43.978 --> 00:45:44.778
Great.

00:45:44.812 --> 00:45:45.680
Cool, awesome.

00:45:45.714 --> 00:45:46.514
I'll say then.

00:45:46.548 --> 00:45:47.348
- Great, yeah.
- All right.

00:45:47.381 --> 00:45:48.249
Bye, Matt.

00:45:48.282 --> 00:45:49.618
Bye.

00:45:49.651 --> 00:45:50.451
Oh.

00:45:50.484 --> 00:45:51.285
Ow!

00:45:51.318 --> 00:45:53.320
Sorry, I just hit you.

00:45:54.221 --> 00:45:55.022
Sorry.

00:45:55.055 --> 00:45:55.856
Yeah, I'll see you later.

00:45:55.889 --> 00:45:57.057
Okay.

00:45:57.091 --> 00:45:57.925
Bye.

00:45:59.860 --> 00:46:01.195
Are we on, Tommy?

00:46:01.228 --> 00:46:04.398
Matt and I need our big
break, now more than ever.

00:46:04.431 --> 00:46:05.232
Confirmed.

00:46:05.266 --> 00:46:06.166
The Booker will be at the club

00:46:06.200 --> 00:46:08.235
scouting fresh meat tomorrow
night.

00:46:08.269 --> 00:46:10.672
So I can get you into
the green room, Allan,

00:46:10.705 --> 00:46:13.107
but after that, things get
hairy.

00:46:13.140 --> 00:46:15.042
Oh, I wouldn't worry.

00:46:15.075 --> 00:46:17.244
I'm a little hairy myself.

00:46:18.479 --> 00:46:20.515
Get in here, big spoonsies.

00:46:20.548 --> 00:46:21.482
Oh, right there.

00:46:21.516 --> 00:46:22.416
Get in there.

00:46:22.449 --> 00:46:23.250
Nice.

00:46:25.819 --> 00:46:27.722
It's now or never, Matt.

00:46:27.756 --> 00:46:29.957
Tomorrow's show is everything.

00:46:29.990 --> 00:46:32.426
Allan, you're doing it again,
my man,

00:46:32.459 --> 00:46:35.195
putting way too much
pressure on this thing.

00:46:35.229 --> 00:46:36.564
Besides, we're probably
gonna get kicked out

00:46:36.598 --> 00:46:38.633
the second Barrick sees us
anyways.

00:46:38.667 --> 00:46:41.402
Just vibing some
positive thinking, broseph.

00:46:41.435 --> 00:46:44.872
I say we both think super
positive stuff

00:46:44.905 --> 00:46:48.475
while we go to sleep in the
spoons posish.

00:46:48.510 --> 00:46:50.679
We can do that, Allan.

00:46:50.712 --> 00:46:52.781
But no matter what, we got each
other.

00:46:52.813 --> 00:46:54.783
Don't forget that.

00:46:54.815 --> 00:46:55.650
I know.

00:46:57.017 --> 00:46:58.919
You remember the last
time I told you that?

00:46:58.952 --> 00:47:02.356
Oh, the day we became
furry buddy champions.

00:47:02.389 --> 00:47:04.058
Ninth annual, baby!

00:47:04.091 --> 00:47:04.925
Baby!

00:47:12.132 --> 00:47:13.802
Mm-hmm.

00:47:26.514 --> 00:47:30.084
Did I mention I ran into Ellie
today?

00:47:30.117 --> 00:47:31.185
Oh, yeah?

00:47:31.218 --> 00:47:32.319
Yeah.

00:47:32.353 --> 00:47:33.788
It was cool.

00:47:33.822 --> 00:47:35.889
She wants to hang out with us,

00:47:35.923 --> 00:47:37.458
with her and Princess Leia.

00:47:37.491 --> 00:47:39.627
Re-he-he-heally?

00:47:39.661 --> 00:47:43.163
Yeah, nothing profesh,
just over at their place,

00:47:43.197 --> 00:47:45.199
maybe before Operation Booker
tomorrow.

00:47:45.232 --> 00:47:46.735
Re-he-he-heally?

00:47:48.268 --> 00:47:49.704
Why do you
keep doing that, Allan?

00:47:49.738 --> 00:47:51.171
Because she digs me, dude.

00:47:51.205 --> 00:47:52.507
I knew she'd come running back.

00:47:52.540 --> 00:47:55.109
Allan, you can't do that, bro.

00:47:55.142 --> 00:47:56.076
If you're gonna act like that,

00:47:56.110 --> 00:47:57.378
then we're not going over there.

00:47:57.411 --> 00:47:58.212
Okay, okay.

00:47:58.245 --> 00:48:00.414
Don't get biz-zay with the
tis-zay.

00:48:00.447 --> 00:48:01.850
I'm cool.

00:48:01.882 --> 00:48:03.317
All right, cool,

00:48:03.350 --> 00:48:06.987
because you need to apologize,
especially to Princess Leia.

00:48:07.020 --> 00:48:08.590
She digs you, dude.

00:48:09.923 --> 00:48:12.126
She's cool, and she's cute.

00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:15.062
But Matt, the heart wants
what the heart wants.

00:48:15.095 --> 00:48:16.798
And if I don't wanna wreck your
face,

00:48:16.831 --> 00:48:19.333
I don't wanna wreck your face.

00:48:21.770 --> 00:48:23.036
Goodnight, Allan.

00:48:23.070 --> 00:48:24.606
Goodnight, buddy.

00:48:28.576 --> 00:48:29.744
Hey, guys.

00:48:29.778 --> 00:48:31.178
Mah lady.

00:48:31.211 --> 00:48:32.045
Ellie.

00:48:34.181 --> 00:48:35.149
Hi, guys,

00:48:35.182 --> 00:48:36.785
Princess.

00:48:38.185 --> 00:48:40.588
Would you two like some tea?

00:48:40.622 --> 00:48:41.689
Oh.

00:48:41.723 --> 00:48:42.524
Sure.

00:48:42.557 --> 00:48:43.725
Yeah.

00:48:43.758 --> 00:48:44.859
Weed scone?

00:48:47.394 --> 00:48:48.663
- Not for me.
- I don't really like scones.

00:48:48.696 --> 00:48:49.496
I'm watching my glutes.

00:48:49.531 --> 00:48:50.330
Yeah.

00:48:50.364 --> 00:48:52.933
Low dose marijuana gummy bear?

00:48:52.966 --> 00:48:54.569
Yeah, that sounds great.

00:48:54.602 --> 00:48:55.703
You know what?

00:48:55.737 --> 00:49:00.207
Before we enjoy tea and whatever
drugs are laying around.

00:49:01.676 --> 00:49:04.978
can I please address the
elephant in the room?

00:49:05.012 --> 00:49:06.180
Absolutely.

00:49:06.213 --> 00:49:07.549
Great.

00:49:07.582 --> 00:49:12.019
I would like to form apol,
that's formally apologize,

00:49:12.052 --> 00:49:13.922
for my behavior the other day.

00:49:13.954 --> 00:49:14.955
I was hurt.

00:49:14.988 --> 00:49:17.659
And you know, my emotions
got the best of me.

00:49:17.692 --> 00:49:18.893
And look, I get it.

00:49:18.927 --> 00:49:21.328
You know, dogs and humans, they
don't make the best couples.

00:49:21.361 --> 00:49:24.231
But just FYI, I was doing some
googling

00:49:24.264 --> 00:49:26.166
and there actually was a case

00:49:26.200 --> 00:49:30.003
of a canine-human marriage
in Australia in 1907.

00:49:30.037 --> 00:49:32.574
And apparently, they
were terrific together.

00:49:32.607 --> 00:49:34.408
But hey, it doesn't apply here,

00:49:34.441 --> 00:49:37.377
but yeah, I just found
it interesting, yeah.

00:49:37.411 --> 00:49:40.447
Hmm, well, thank you
for the form apol, Allan.

00:49:40.481 --> 00:49:42.282
That's very big view.

00:49:42.316 --> 00:49:43.350
Oh, well, thanks.

00:49:43.383 --> 00:49:46.987
But, you know, I actually
owe a special apology

00:49:47.020 --> 00:49:49.089
to the Princess here.

00:49:49.122 --> 00:49:51.759
Mah lady, could we have a word
in private?

00:49:51.793 --> 00:49:52.794
Um, sure.

00:49:57.364 --> 00:49:59.868
What is it
with this girl and owls?

00:49:59.901 --> 00:50:01.669
Tell me about it.

00:50:01.703 --> 00:50:02.704
Every month or so,

00:50:02.737 --> 00:50:05.372
I utterly destroy something
with an owl on it.

00:50:05.405 --> 00:50:08.108
Keeps me sane.

00:50:08.141 --> 00:50:11.445
And look, I am sorry for
being a jerk the other day,

00:50:11.478 --> 00:50:12.514
but I can't deny it.

00:50:12.547 --> 00:50:14.481
I'm in love with Ellie.

00:50:15.917 --> 00:50:16.718
What?

00:50:16.751 --> 00:50:18.720
Why do you even care?

00:50:18.753 --> 00:50:22.757
You know, for such a smart
dog, you're really dumb.

00:50:22.790 --> 00:50:24.358
She's human.

00:50:24.391 --> 00:50:27.160
And I'm the runt of the
litter.

00:50:27.194 --> 00:50:28.161
I get it.

00:50:28.195 --> 00:50:30.865
But this runt is gonna be big
someday.

00:50:30.899 --> 00:50:33.400
Fame doesn't make you special,
Allan.

00:50:33.433 --> 00:50:38.105
What makes you special is who
you are and who loves you.

00:50:39.239 --> 00:50:42.744
If you don't know that, you're
in trouble.

00:50:45.580 --> 00:50:46.681
Whatcha thinking?

00:50:46.714 --> 00:50:47.515
Oh.

00:50:47.549 --> 00:50:48.348
Oh, nothing.

00:50:48.382 --> 00:50:49.584
Just that it's no use to argue

00:50:49.617 --> 00:50:52.620
because I don't care what you
think.

00:50:56.524 --> 00:50:57.457
I'm glad you guys came
over.

00:50:57.491 --> 00:50:58.292
Yeah, me too.

00:50:58.325 --> 00:50:59.794
Yeah, cool.

00:50:59.827 --> 00:51:00.828
Yeah.

00:51:00.862 --> 00:51:01.663
Oh.

00:51:01.696 --> 00:51:02.530
Oh.

00:51:11.639 --> 00:51:12.807
Not tongue.

00:51:18.145 --> 00:51:20.882
Oh, god.

00:51:22.282 --> 00:51:23.585
No, why?

00:51:23.618 --> 00:51:24.451
That dick!

00:51:26.153 --> 00:51:29.023
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

00:51:29.057 --> 00:51:30.058
I'll kill him.

00:51:30.123 --> 00:51:31.358
Yeah, I'm gonna kill him.

00:51:31.391 --> 00:51:32.225
It's okay.

00:51:40.568 --> 00:51:42.570
They've been in there a while.

00:51:42.604 --> 00:51:46.774
Think they're hooking up?

00:51:46.808 --> 00:51:48.076
I don't know.

00:51:49.744 --> 00:51:51.746
Is Allan neutered?

00:51:53.347 --> 00:51:54.414
Oh!

00:51:54.448 --> 00:51:55.282
Leia!

00:51:56.249 --> 00:51:57.852
Honey, what's wrong?

00:51:57.885 --> 00:51:59.554
What's wrong?

00:51:59.587 --> 00:52:01.623
I've been in here crying for 10
minutes,

00:52:01.656 --> 00:52:06.561
waiting to be held and consoled!

00:52:06.594 --> 00:52:07.862
I'm so sorry, honey.

00:52:07.895 --> 00:52:10.130
We thought you were in here with
Allan.

00:52:10.163 --> 00:52:12.066
Yeah, where is Allan?

00:52:13.568 --> 00:52:14.702
Wait a minute.

00:52:15.903 --> 00:52:16.971
Oh, my god.

00:52:17.005 --> 00:52:19.473
You don't think he saw...

00:52:19.507 --> 00:52:20.307
Oh.

00:52:20.340 --> 00:52:21.109
Fuck.

00:52:21.141 --> 00:52:21.943
Allan?

00:52:21.976 --> 00:52:23.745
Where are you, buddy?

00:52:27.515 --> 00:52:29.984
Keep it together, Allan.

00:52:30.018 --> 00:52:32.020
Don't do anything brash.

00:52:33.320 --> 00:52:35.023
All right, buckaroo.

00:52:35.056 --> 00:52:37.224
You got a lot going on right
now.

00:52:37.257 --> 00:52:39.426
Just concentrate on the task at
hand.

00:52:39.459 --> 00:52:40.260
Everything's gonna be good.

00:52:40.293 --> 00:52:41.562
Just think about it.

00:52:41.596 --> 00:52:45.265
When you're famous and your
face is on all those magazines

00:52:45.298 --> 00:52:46.934
and you're gonna have money
coming out...

00:52:50.705 --> 00:52:51.539
Success.

00:52:52.472 --> 00:52:53.306
Allan?

00:52:55.342 --> 00:52:56.644
Hello, Matt.

00:52:56.678 --> 00:52:58.478
If you're listening to this
message,

00:52:58.513 --> 00:53:00.915
you've either found or will soon
find

00:53:00.948 --> 00:53:03.618
the present I left on the bed.

00:53:03.651 --> 00:53:04.919
I'm sooo sorry.

00:53:06.854 --> 00:53:07.789
I didn't know what I was doing.

00:53:07.822 --> 00:53:10.658
I was just feeling so confused
and anxious

00:53:10.692 --> 00:53:14.227
after seeing you mouth
rape the love of my life.

00:53:14.261 --> 00:53:16.798
And don't bother coming
to the show tonight, dude.

00:53:16.831 --> 00:53:19.366
Your heart was never
into performing anyway.

00:53:19.399 --> 00:53:21.769
It's all good, because I don't
need you.

00:53:21.803 --> 00:53:23.638
I don't need anybody.

00:53:46.661 --> 00:53:48.428
Indians, we deal with
stereotypes, you know,

00:53:48.462 --> 00:53:49.997
just like any other ethnic
group.

00:53:50.031 --> 00:53:51.231
My friends tell me, you know,

00:53:51.264 --> 00:53:54.301
"Hey, but Indians, you guys
got some positive stereotypes.

00:53:54.334 --> 00:53:56.236
"So that's a good thing, right?"

00:53:56.269 --> 00:53:58.506
I go, "Well, it's not positive

00:53:58.539 --> 00:53:59.974
"if you're not living up to
them."

00:54:00.875 --> 00:54:01.909
I go, "People come up to me and
be like,

00:54:01.943 --> 00:54:03.477
'So what are you, like
a doctor or something?'"

00:54:03.511 --> 00:54:05.079
No, absolutely not.

00:54:06.446 --> 00:54:07.648
Thanks for bringing that shit
up.

00:54:09.617 --> 00:54:11.719
Any baby comics you got your
eye on?

00:54:11.753 --> 00:54:13.020
Eh, one or two.

00:54:13.054 --> 00:54:14.454
Somebody will surprise you
tonight.

00:54:14.488 --> 00:54:18.291
And I got you and I a couple of
dates.

00:54:18.325 --> 00:54:19.127
Oh, okay.

00:54:19.160 --> 00:54:19.961
Yeah.

00:54:19.994 --> 00:54:20.795
All right.

00:54:20.828 --> 00:54:21.896
Whoa whoa whoa, hey.

00:54:21.929 --> 00:54:23.030
Big man, big man.

00:54:23.064 --> 00:54:26.934
Say, after your set, maybe
you'll favor us

00:54:26.968 --> 00:54:30.071
with a round of the famous
Manhattan, sir.

00:54:30.104 --> 00:54:32.540
You got it,
Barrick.

00:54:37.377 --> 00:54:38.246
Excuse me, fellas.

00:54:38.278 --> 00:54:39.412
It seems my lunch is...

00:54:43.283 --> 00:54:44.552
Enjoy the show.

00:54:45.787 --> 00:54:48.523
You might wanna
check that out, bruh.

00:54:48.556 --> 00:54:50.024
I think it's the altitude.

00:54:50.057 --> 00:54:52.794
♪ And she likes my taste in art ♪

00:54:52.827 --> 00:54:54.327
♪ She can cook a mean roast ♪

00:54:54.361 --> 00:54:55.663
♪ She lets me suck her toes ♪

00:54:55.696 --> 00:54:58.533
♪ And she likes to have sex in
cars ♪

00:54:58.566 --> 00:55:02.469
♪ She's perfect, except
that the bitch has cats ♪

00:55:02.503 --> 00:55:05.173
♪ And I hate fucking cats ♪

00:55:05.206 --> 00:55:07.875
♪ Cue up the asthma attack ♪

00:55:07.909 --> 00:55:11.279
♪ All 'cause the bitch has cats ♪

00:55:11.311 --> 00:55:13.681
♪ Oh, the bitch has cats ♪

00:55:13.714 --> 00:55:14.549
Okay.

00:55:19.319 --> 00:55:21.722
Oh, chicken taquitos!

00:55:21.756 --> 00:55:23.024
I'm sorry, Tommy.

00:55:23.057 --> 00:55:25.358
I get flatulent when I get
nervous.

00:55:25.392 --> 00:55:26.426
So what's the plan?

00:55:26.459 --> 00:55:27.895
When they introduce my set,

00:55:27.929 --> 00:55:31.132
you stroll out like it's
Sunday afternoon, take the mic.

00:55:31.165 --> 00:55:33.901
You know, Barrick is not gonna
like it.

00:55:33.935 --> 00:55:35.269
I guess we'll see how far
he's willing to take it

00:55:35.303 --> 00:55:37.104
in front of a packed house.

00:55:37.138 --> 00:55:37.972
Is,

00:55:38.806 --> 00:55:39.874
is Matt ready?

00:55:39.907 --> 00:55:41.441
Oh, change of plans.

00:55:41.474 --> 00:55:43.911
Matt won't be joining us
tonight.

00:55:43.945 --> 00:55:44.812
What?

00:55:44.846 --> 00:55:45.847
What are you,

00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:47.849
but guys are a duo.

00:55:47.882 --> 00:55:49.016
Where is he?

00:55:49.050 --> 00:55:50.585
Oh, you know, he's dead.

00:55:50.618 --> 00:55:51.418
What?

00:55:51.451 --> 00:55:52.253
Yep, yep.

00:55:52.286 --> 00:55:53.888
No, long story, but he's dead

00:55:53.921 --> 00:55:55.256
and you can just post it
on your Facebook page.

00:55:55.289 --> 00:55:56.090
We're good.

00:55:56.123 --> 00:55:57.058
What happened?

00:55:57.091 --> 00:55:58.793
You know, it's unclear.

00:55:58.826 --> 00:56:01.361
But yeah, you don't have to
think about Matt ever again.

00:56:01.394 --> 00:56:03.030
My god, when is the autopsy?

00:56:03.064 --> 00:56:05.600
Oh, you know, I don't know
but...

00:56:05.633 --> 00:56:06.567
You don't even know?

00:56:06.601 --> 00:56:07.400
No.

00:56:07.434 --> 00:56:08.236
What do you know?

00:56:08.269 --> 00:56:09.070
You know what?

00:56:09.103 --> 00:56:09.937
I'm getting game face for my
set,

00:56:09.971 --> 00:56:11.739
so it's kinda hard to like focus
on the,

00:56:11.772 --> 00:56:13.708
- on the past.
- That's a fast turn, Allan.

00:56:13.741 --> 00:56:14.542
Oh.

00:56:14.575 --> 00:56:15.375
Well, it's a little brutal.

00:56:15.408 --> 00:56:16.210
That's dark, man.

00:56:16.244 --> 00:56:17.044
Yeah, yeah.

00:56:17.078 --> 00:56:19.013
♪ And I'd give anything ♪

00:56:19.046 --> 00:56:22.316
♪ Just to get between her thighs ♪

00:56:22.350 --> 00:56:25.119
♪ Oh, but she ♪

00:56:25.152 --> 00:56:28.356
♪ She only likes black guys ♪

00:56:28.388 --> 00:56:29.456
All right, thank you.

00:56:29.489 --> 00:56:30.490
I'm Brian Ports.

00:56:30.524 --> 00:56:32.326
Let's keep it going for your
next comic,

00:56:32.360 --> 00:56:35.529
the very funny and well-endowed,
Tommy!

00:56:41.903 --> 00:56:45.405
I took a shit on my owner's
bed tonight.

00:56:46.340 --> 00:56:50.177
Yeah, like the horse head in
Godfather.

00:56:50.211 --> 00:56:51.679
Message sent.

00:56:54.982 --> 00:56:55.883
Stop the show!

00:56:55.917 --> 00:56:57.151
Stop the show!

00:56:57.184 --> 00:56:57.985
You!

00:56:58.019 --> 00:56:59.587
You get off the stage!

00:56:59.620 --> 00:57:02.757
This thing is not supposed
to be in the lineup.

00:57:02.790 --> 00:57:04.692
Dude, what are you doing?

00:57:04.725 --> 00:57:07.061
That was the biggest laugh so
far tonight.

00:57:07.094 --> 00:57:08.896
Booker, I'm allergic.

00:57:08.930 --> 00:57:10.831
If he touches me, I could die!

00:57:10.865 --> 00:57:12.533
He won't touch you.

00:57:12.566 --> 00:57:15.435
Come on, let the dog have his
day.

00:57:15.468 --> 00:57:16.737
Relax.

00:57:16.771 --> 00:57:18.438
Well, make up your mind,
Barrick.

00:57:18.471 --> 00:57:20.841
I got some dick jokes
that people need to hear.

00:57:22.243 --> 00:57:23.044
I could die.

00:57:23.077 --> 00:57:24.178
So what, right?

00:57:24.211 --> 00:57:27.748
Yeah, I'm gonna be making
pushy pushy bouncy bouncy

00:57:27.782 --> 00:57:29.449
with one of these young
ladies later anyway,

00:57:29.482 --> 00:57:31.484
so difference does it make?

00:57:31.519 --> 00:57:32.954
Carry on!

00:57:32.987 --> 00:57:35.890
Puss in boots.

00:57:35.923 --> 00:57:36.757
Huh?

00:57:36.791 --> 00:57:38.893
Well, okay then.

00:57:38.926 --> 00:57:41.329
Let's talk about my furry dick.

00:57:44.398 --> 00:57:47.969
Why do I even care?

00:57:48.002 --> 00:57:50.438
This is what I get for
lowering my emotional walls

00:57:50.470 --> 00:57:53.074
for another self-centered jerk!

00:57:54.742 --> 00:57:55.576
Oh.

00:57:56.777 --> 00:57:58.980
May I destroy an owl pillow?

00:57:59.013 --> 00:58:01.481
You know, to get my mind off
things.

00:58:01.515 --> 00:58:03.718
Oh, of course, honey.

00:58:03.751 --> 00:58:06.954
Here, you can destroy this one.

00:58:06.988 --> 00:58:07.822
Uh, no.

00:58:08.823 --> 00:58:11.859
It kinda needs to be one
you really care about.

00:58:11.892 --> 00:58:13.027
Oh.

00:58:13.060 --> 00:58:14.662
Okay.

00:58:14.695 --> 00:58:15.495
Why?

00:58:15.529 --> 00:58:17.531
I can't explain it, okay?

00:58:17.565 --> 00:58:20.868
Just, I'm just, not a shitty
one, okay?

00:58:20.901 --> 00:58:24.739
I'm very, I'm very emotional
right now.

00:58:24.772 --> 00:58:25.573
Okay, okay.

00:58:25.606 --> 00:58:26.474
Here, here you go.

00:58:26.507 --> 00:58:29.677
You know, I like this one quite
a lot.

00:58:30.544 --> 00:58:31.679
- You can, you can destroy this.
- Oh, yes.

00:58:31.712 --> 00:58:32.913
Oh, perfect.

00:58:32.947 --> 00:58:34.448
Thank you so much.

00:58:35.716 --> 00:58:40.021
You better check yourself
before you wreck yourself!

00:58:46.394 --> 00:58:48.929
And then the elephant gets
pissed

00:58:48.963 --> 00:58:51.232
and turns to the zebra and goes,

00:58:51.265 --> 00:58:53.000
"That was a terrible call, ref."

00:58:54.935 --> 00:58:55.903
All right, that's my time.

00:58:55.936 --> 00:58:56.737
Peace!

00:59:00.408 --> 00:59:01.942
Hey, Allan, hold up.

00:59:01.976 --> 00:59:03.644
I like your stuff, dude.

00:59:03.677 --> 00:59:06.213
Hey, it's the infamous Booker.

00:59:06.247 --> 00:59:07.081
Thanks, man.

00:59:07.114 --> 00:59:08.849
You know, I saw you on stage
tonight

00:59:08.883 --> 00:59:09.784
and I said to myself,

00:59:09.817 --> 00:59:12.720
that dog deserves a much larger
audience.

00:59:12.753 --> 00:59:16.824
I want you on Live Tonight with
Kenny Baker tomorrow night.

00:59:16.857 --> 00:59:18.492
Your life's about to change,
Allan.

00:59:18.527 --> 00:59:19.593
Are you ready for this?

00:59:19.627 --> 00:59:22.363
I was adopted ready.

00:59:22.396 --> 00:59:23.898
Hey, Allan, you got a
place to stay tonight?

00:59:23.931 --> 00:59:24.732
No, man.

00:59:24.765 --> 00:59:25.699
No worries.

00:59:25.733 --> 00:59:26.535
I'll send my car.

00:59:26.567 --> 00:59:27.635
You can stay with me.

00:59:27.668 --> 00:59:28.469
Sweet!

00:59:28.503 --> 00:59:29.303
All right, brother.

00:59:29.336 --> 00:59:32.106
Thanks, Booker.

00:59:40.081 --> 00:59:41.082
Now, ladies and
gentlemen,

00:59:41.115 --> 00:59:45.786
we have a real treat
coming up, which is ironic

00:59:45.820 --> 00:59:49.990
because our next guest
absolutely loves treats.

00:59:50.024 --> 00:59:51.425
Allan, the dog.

00:59:53.060 --> 00:59:54.328
Who here likes cats?

00:59:54.361 --> 00:59:55.463
And I want honesty.

00:59:55.496 --> 00:59:57.665
With a show of hands, just
go ahead and raise 'em up.

00:59:57.698 --> 00:59:58.499
It's okay.

00:59:58.533 --> 00:59:59.733
Who here likes cats?

00:59:59.767 --> 01:00:01.735
Uh-huh, uh-huh.

01:00:01.769 --> 01:00:02.837
Now get the fuck out.

01:00:06.273 --> 01:00:07.708
Welcome back, everyone.

01:00:07.741 --> 01:00:10.177
Allan, so great to talk with
you.

01:00:10.211 --> 01:00:12.813
You are a really funny dog.

01:00:12.847 --> 01:00:14.415
Oh, well, thank you, Kenny.

01:00:14.448 --> 01:00:15.616
You're a funny human.

01:00:17.451 --> 01:00:22.223
Well, before I forget,
unbelievable guest coming up next.

01:00:22.256 --> 01:00:25.426
The Italian stallion himself,

01:00:25.459 --> 01:00:27.795
Mr. Sylvester Stallone will be
with us.

01:00:27.828 --> 01:00:30.164
Are you kidding me?

01:00:30.197 --> 01:00:31.932
Oh, you must be a big fan.

01:00:31.966 --> 01:00:34.101
Happy boners don't lie, Kenny.

01:00:34.135 --> 01:00:35.169
Hello.

01:00:35.202 --> 01:00:37.705
I guess we're gonna need
the old black strip, huh?

01:00:37.738 --> 01:00:38.573
Stay with us.

01:00:38.607 --> 01:00:40.674
Sylvester Stallone, coming up
next.

01:00:40.708 --> 01:00:42.743
Is he coming out right now?

01:00:42.776 --> 01:00:43.578
Sly!

01:00:43.612 --> 01:00:44.445
Sly!

01:00:47.314 --> 01:00:50.718
I gotta be at the garage early
tomorrow.

01:00:50.751 --> 01:00:52.554
I'm gonna accept Stan's offer.

01:00:52.587 --> 01:00:53.988
There's nothing holding me back
now.

01:00:54.021 --> 01:00:55.689
Will you talk to me, Matt?

01:00:55.723 --> 01:00:57.057
I can practically hear the walls

01:00:57.091 --> 01:00:59.528
being constructed around your
heart.

01:00:59.561 --> 01:01:03.397
Matt, communication is
very important to Ellie,

01:01:03.430 --> 01:01:06.333
and I noticed a lack of it
recently.

01:01:06.367 --> 01:01:07.468
Ever since Allan left,

01:01:07.502 --> 01:01:09.737
you've become increasingly
distant and moody.

01:01:09.770 --> 01:01:11.939
Look, I'm happy for him.

01:01:11.972 --> 01:01:13.542
It's just hard because I always
thought

01:01:13.575 --> 01:01:15.876
I was the one keeping Allan
grounded,

01:01:15.910 --> 01:01:18.012
reminding him of the
important things in life.

01:01:18.045 --> 01:01:19.548
But all this time,

01:01:21.081 --> 01:01:23.417
I was just holding him back.

01:01:25.886 --> 01:01:28.322
Right now, I need to be alone.

01:01:28.355 --> 01:01:29.190
I'm sorry.

01:01:31.926 --> 01:01:33.260
Princess Leia.

01:01:36.864 --> 01:01:39.266
I feel a cry sesh coming on.

01:01:39.300 --> 01:01:40.201
Oh.

01:01:40.234 --> 01:01:41.202
Okay.

01:01:41.235 --> 01:01:44.606
I'll go get our blankie
and our Lisa Loeb CD.

01:01:44.639 --> 01:01:46.106
- Okay, thank you.
- Okay?

01:01:46.140 --> 01:01:48.809
Okay.

01:01:48.842 --> 01:01:51.513
♪ You say ♪

01:01:51.546 --> 01:01:53.781
♪ I only hear what I want to ♪

01:01:53.814 --> 01:01:55.416
♪ I don't listen hard ♪

01:01:55.449 --> 01:01:58.419
♪ Don't pay attention to the
distance that you're running ♪

01:01:58.452 --> 01:02:00.087
♪ To anyone, anywhere ♪

01:02:00.120 --> 01:02:03.190
♪ I don't understand if you
really care ♪

01:02:03.224 --> 01:02:04.858
♪ I'm only hearing negative ♪

01:02:04.892 --> 01:02:07.795
♪ No, no, no, no ♪

01:02:13.167 --> 01:02:14.735
Cats are so dumb.

01:02:16.470 --> 01:02:17.271
I don't have a joke.

01:02:17.304 --> 01:02:18.607
I just thought that was
interesting.

01:02:21.742 --> 01:02:24.178
It's really great to be here.

01:02:24.211 --> 01:02:25.112
But I have to admit,

01:02:25.145 --> 01:02:27.314
I did not realize this was a
strip club.

01:02:28.182 --> 01:02:29.250
Daisy, nice work.

01:02:43.464 --> 01:02:44.566
Meow means no.

01:02:44.599 --> 01:02:45.399
It does.

01:02:45.432 --> 01:02:46.367
Meow means no.

01:02:46.400 --> 01:02:48.503
That's why I use duct tape.

01:03:33.548 --> 01:03:34.381
Oh.

01:03:36.817 --> 01:03:37.652
Hey.

01:03:38.753 --> 01:03:39.587
Hey.

01:03:41.488 --> 01:03:42.289
Good talk.

01:03:42.323 --> 01:03:43.123
- See you later.
- No, no.

01:03:43.157 --> 01:03:44.659
Wait, Allan, look.

01:03:45.627 --> 01:03:48.095
I saw you on Live Tonight.

01:03:48.128 --> 01:03:49.764
You kicked ass, man.

01:03:49.798 --> 01:03:51.131
Thanks.

01:03:51.165 --> 01:03:53.267
I'm really excited for you

01:03:53.300 --> 01:03:54.134
and proud.

01:03:55.102 --> 01:03:55.936
Thanks.

01:03:57.338 --> 01:03:59.440
I met Sylvester Stallone.

01:03:59.473 --> 01:04:01.942
They had a black bar on my happy
boner.

01:04:01.975 --> 01:04:02.777
I know.

01:04:02.811 --> 01:04:04.713
I'm super jelly, man.

01:04:04.746 --> 01:04:07.047
So dude, the furry buddy
games are this week.

01:04:07.081 --> 01:04:07.948
What do you say you and I

01:04:07.981 --> 01:04:10.084
go for back to back
championships huh?

01:04:10.117 --> 01:04:11.385
Ooh.

01:04:11.418 --> 01:04:13.921
Unfortunately, this week is bad.

01:04:13.954 --> 01:04:17.358
Besides the furry buddy
thing, it's a little low rat.

01:04:17.391 --> 01:04:19.794
Booker says I'm big time now.

01:04:19.828 --> 01:04:20.829
Seriously?

01:04:21.929 --> 01:04:23.263
That's how you're gonna play
this?

01:04:23.297 --> 01:04:24.733
For reals, dude.

01:04:24.766 --> 01:04:26.233
Lots of auditions.

01:04:26.266 --> 01:04:27.434
Gotta strike while the iron's
hot.

01:04:27.468 --> 01:04:28.268
Yeah, all right.

01:04:28.302 --> 01:04:29.504
Whatever, Allan, fine.

01:04:29.537 --> 01:04:31.372
Just make sure you're there
for the award ceremony Friday.

01:04:31.405 --> 01:04:32.674
It's tradition for the reigning
champs

01:04:32.707 --> 01:04:33.842
to hand over the trophy.

01:04:33.874 --> 01:04:37.478
Or are you too busy having
drinks with Sly that day?

01:04:37.512 --> 01:04:40.515
LB, brother, LB.

01:04:40.548 --> 01:04:42.149
LB?

01:04:42.182 --> 01:04:43.016
YBAD.

01:04:44.284 --> 01:04:45.119
I BAD?

01:04:46.621 --> 01:04:48.422
YBAD if anything.

01:04:48.455 --> 01:04:49.256
What?

01:04:49.289 --> 01:04:50.090
How am I being a dick?

01:04:50.124 --> 01:04:51.492
You're the one who's LHFM.

01:04:51.526 --> 01:04:53.360
Oh, oh, oh, for having
the balls to go out

01:04:53.394 --> 01:04:54.962
and get the success I deserve?

01:04:54.995 --> 01:04:56.029
At least I'm not a BS.

01:04:56.063 --> 01:04:57.131
LB, brother.

01:04:57.164 --> 01:04:58.867
That's an N effing F!

01:04:58.899 --> 01:05:00.735
SBAOTP, brother man.

01:05:01.803 --> 01:05:02.604
What?

01:05:02.637 --> 01:05:04.004
Wait. SBAOTP.

01:05:04.037 --> 01:05:06.340
Oh, yeah, that's right, stabbing
backs all over the place!

01:05:06.373 --> 01:05:08.942
How am I stabbing
you in the back, Allan?

01:05:08.976 --> 01:05:11.513
She's a human, and you're a dog,
okay?

01:05:11.546 --> 01:05:13.280
You're not right for Ellie,
dude.

01:05:13.313 --> 01:05:15.082
She's hot and she's
smart and she loves owls,

01:05:15.115 --> 01:05:16.785
and you're just an idiot

01:05:16.818 --> 01:05:19.353
who's using our jokes to get
famous!

01:05:19.386 --> 01:05:20.454
What?

01:05:20.487 --> 01:05:22.356
Dude, my stuff is brand new.

01:05:22.389 --> 01:05:24.391
But if you wanna L up, let's L
up.

01:05:24.425 --> 01:05:26.594
You don't care about
anyone, do you, Allan?

01:05:26.628 --> 01:05:27.928
You've already bailed on two
families

01:05:27.961 --> 01:05:29.396
because the only thing you
love more than yourself

01:05:29.430 --> 01:05:32.534
is the spotlight, and that's
SAF.

01:05:32.567 --> 01:05:34.001
You're SAF.

01:05:34.034 --> 01:05:36.303
Not as sad as being the ROTL.

01:05:37.572 --> 01:05:39.339
You go there?

01:05:39.373 --> 01:05:40.809
FU!

01:05:40.842 --> 01:05:41.643
No.

01:05:41.676 --> 01:05:42.510
Fuck you!

01:05:42.544 --> 01:05:45.847
Oh, speaking of fucking, how's
the DW?

01:05:46.848 --> 01:05:48.182
You been inside her vagina yet?

01:05:48.215 --> 01:05:50.083
FYIFI, asshole,

01:05:50.117 --> 01:05:52.085
I haven't spoken to
Ellie in a while, okay?

01:05:52.119 --> 01:05:54.388
On your way out the door,
you ruined that too!

01:05:54.421 --> 01:05:55.623
FU, Matt.

01:05:55.657 --> 01:05:57.659
Fu the fucking fuck you!

01:05:58.793 --> 01:06:00.695
Wait, that's good news.

01:06:07.000 --> 01:06:08.168
What up, El?

01:06:10.070 --> 01:06:11.004
Not much.

01:06:12.640 --> 01:06:13.942
Can I come in?

01:06:15.142 --> 01:06:17.846
You completely bailed on me,
Matt.

01:06:17.879 --> 01:06:20.481
I mean, total radio silence.

01:06:20.515 --> 01:06:24.485
And now you're swinging
by unannounced to what?

01:06:24.519 --> 01:06:26.053
What's going on with you?

01:06:26.086 --> 01:06:27.755
You have any beer?

01:06:29.524 --> 01:06:31.693
I have a six pack of The
Hemperor,

01:06:31.726 --> 01:06:34.696
a doseist vape pen and THC
eyedrops.

01:06:34.729 --> 01:06:35.830
Eyedrops?

01:06:35.864 --> 01:06:37.431
Jesus, Ellie.

01:06:37.464 --> 01:06:38.566
Yeah, well, it looks like

01:06:38.600 --> 01:06:40.802
you've had enough to drink
already.

01:06:42.269 --> 01:06:44.204
what's going on, Matt?

01:06:44.238 --> 01:06:45.072
Oh.

01:06:46.006 --> 01:06:47.509
I saw Allan today.

01:06:49.076 --> 01:06:50.143
How is he?

01:06:50.177 --> 01:06:52.614
Oh, just, you know, living his
best life

01:06:52.647 --> 01:06:55.215
now that I'm not holding him
back anymore.

01:06:55.249 --> 01:06:57.050
Matt, that's ridiculous.

01:06:57.084 --> 01:07:00.220
The fact is Allan's gone for
good.

01:07:00.254 --> 01:07:03.223
I really lost my little buddy,
you know.

01:07:03.257 --> 01:07:06.594
And that, that really just hit
me today.

01:07:13.066 --> 01:07:15.402
Oh, haven't seen her, huh?

01:07:16.403 --> 01:07:18.405
Lying sack of shit much?

01:07:19.607 --> 01:07:21.876
I'm sorry, Matt.

01:07:21.910 --> 01:07:22.810
I really am.

01:07:22.844 --> 01:07:24.478
I mean, if I lost Princess Leia,

01:07:24.512 --> 01:07:27.080
I don't know what I would do.

01:07:27.114 --> 01:07:29.216
But why are you here?

01:07:29.249 --> 01:07:30.083
Look, I,

01:07:32.520 --> 01:07:35.489
I don't know why I'm
here, Ellie.

01:07:35.523 --> 01:07:36.791
I don't know, you know.

01:07:36.824 --> 01:07:41.763
One, one second, I have everything
going for me, everything.

01:07:42.597 --> 01:07:44.799
I mean, I got the best
little buddy in the world

01:07:44.832 --> 01:07:46.734
and I meet this cool ass chick

01:07:46.768 --> 01:07:49.571
and I feel that excitement
again in my life.

01:07:49.604 --> 01:07:50.437
And,

01:07:56.243 --> 01:07:57.812
I'm here because I lost Allan

01:07:57.845 --> 01:08:01.749
and I can't bear the
thought of losing you too.

01:08:03.751 --> 01:08:04.586
Ellie, I,

01:08:05.787 --> 01:08:06.621
oh, fuck.

01:08:11.491 --> 01:08:14.929
I know I'm not some
dangerous green juice barista

01:08:14.963 --> 01:08:18.800
who rides motorcycles
and makes dick collages.

01:08:19.968 --> 01:08:22.369
I'm just a simple guy

01:08:22.402 --> 01:08:24.171
who likes fixing cars

01:08:24.204 --> 01:08:28.776
and watching the sunset with
his best buddy, you know.

01:08:29.711 --> 01:08:33.113
I promise I will always be there
for you.

01:08:33.146 --> 01:08:35.115
I'll even put THC eyedrops in my
eyes.

01:08:35.148 --> 01:08:37.317
Fucking crazy, but I'll do it,

01:08:37.351 --> 01:08:40.655
because you are the smartest,
coolest,

01:08:40.688 --> 01:08:45.425
sexiest, owliest, best dog-owning,
best kissing, loving...

01:08:46.761 --> 01:08:47.562
Shut up.

01:08:47.595 --> 01:08:48.663
Just shut up.

01:08:51.431 --> 01:08:53.601
You had me at what up, El.

01:08:58.338 --> 01:09:01.341
From hell's heart, I stab at
thee.

01:09:02.175 --> 01:09:06.080
For hate's sake, I spit
my last breath at thee.

01:09:07.414 --> 01:09:08.215
Whoa.

01:09:08.248 --> 01:09:09.050
Whoa.

01:09:09.083 --> 01:09:10.183
Whoa!

01:09:10.217 --> 01:09:13.320
Oh, I'll find a way inside,
and I'll kill you, Matt.

01:09:13.353 --> 01:09:14.287
Hey, creeper.

01:09:14.321 --> 01:09:15.123
Oh,

01:09:15.155 --> 01:09:16.456
Well, hi, Princess.

01:09:16.490 --> 01:09:18.225
Hey, nice job on TV.

01:09:18.258 --> 01:09:19.594
Well, thank you.

01:09:19.627 --> 01:09:23.397
I like when you go off
on cat lovers.

01:09:23.430 --> 01:09:28.468
It's funny, because cats
suck so bad.

01:09:28.503 --> 01:09:31.438
So yeah, it's a nuanced like
that.

01:09:31.471 --> 01:09:32.372
Totes.

01:09:32.406 --> 01:09:34.441
Oh, what was Sly like?

01:09:34.474 --> 01:09:36.410
Does he smell like victory?

01:09:36.443 --> 01:09:38.345
Well, well, yes.

01:09:38.378 --> 01:09:39.947
That's exactly what he smells
like.

01:09:39.981 --> 01:09:41.582
Are you, are you a Sly fan?

01:09:41.616 --> 01:09:43.818
Oh, are you kidding?

01:09:43.851 --> 01:09:45.953
Look, I know I sound
like a crazy psychopath,

01:09:45.987 --> 01:09:47.922
but Rocky V is my fave.

01:09:48.756 --> 01:09:51.458
Like when Rocky is beating
the crap out of Tommy Gunn

01:09:51.491 --> 01:09:55.963
in the alley, well, it's
more art than movie.

01:09:55.997 --> 01:09:56.831
Wow.

01:09:58.498 --> 01:09:59.332
Allan?

01:10:00.267 --> 01:10:01.201
You okay?

01:10:01.234 --> 01:10:02.837
Well, yeah.

01:10:02.870 --> 01:10:04.105
I just,

01:10:04.138 --> 01:10:05.372
geez, Princess.

01:10:06.339 --> 01:10:09.342
Would you like to watch the
original Rocky sometime?

01:10:09.376 --> 01:10:12.013
I've seen it like 64 times with
Matt,

01:10:12.046 --> 01:10:14.882
but you know, he's dead to me
now.

01:10:16.249 --> 01:10:17.852
Yeah, sure, okay.

01:10:18.786 --> 01:10:19.587
Awesome.

01:10:19.620 --> 01:10:20.454
How about tonight?

01:10:20.487 --> 01:10:21.488
We can watch it at the Booker's
house.

01:10:21.522 --> 01:10:22.523
Oh, great.

01:10:22.557 --> 01:10:23.958
I can send a car for you.

01:10:23.991 --> 01:10:26.393
Ooh, fancy.

01:10:26.426 --> 01:10:27.695
Oh, but Allan.

01:10:27.729 --> 01:10:28.529
Huh?

01:10:28.563 --> 01:10:31.431
Is this a date or a friend
day?

01:10:31.465 --> 01:10:35.837
Oh, well, you know, we don't
have to put labels on it,

01:10:35.870 --> 01:10:38.305
but I'll take a bath.

01:10:38.338 --> 01:10:39.173
Hmm.

01:10:40.340 --> 01:10:41.374
Lei-lei.

01:10:41.408 --> 01:10:43.544
Matt's taking me out for
makeup drinks.

01:10:43.578 --> 01:10:45.479
Yeah, I didn't know it was a
thing either.

01:10:45.513 --> 01:10:46.313
You good?

01:10:46.346 --> 01:10:47.548
Yeah, you go, girl.

01:10:47.582 --> 01:10:48.816
Yep, nothing to see here.

01:10:48.850 --> 01:10:51.753
Just relaxing on the couch.

01:10:51.786 --> 01:10:52.920
Okay, bye-bye.

01:10:53.988 --> 01:10:55.455
Okay.

01:10:55.489 --> 01:10:56.824
Catch you later.

01:11:07.769 --> 01:11:08.803
Hmm.

01:11:08.836 --> 01:11:09.904
I'd fuck me.

01:11:16.544 --> 01:11:20.014
Are you gonna ask me
in?

01:11:20.047 --> 01:11:21.616
Oh, of course, I'm sorry.

01:11:21.649 --> 01:11:23.151
Sure, come on in.

01:11:23.184 --> 01:11:25.352
I got Rocky all queued up.

01:11:25.385 --> 01:11:27.889
I just need to finish
something up in the kitch-yeon.

01:11:27.922 --> 01:11:28.756
Okay.

01:11:34.128 --> 01:11:35.229
Yo, I'm telling you.

01:11:35.263 --> 01:11:36.329
This never fails.

01:11:36.363 --> 01:11:37.965
But I don't wanna burn you,
dude.

01:11:37.999 --> 01:11:39.066
Oh, don't worry about it,
dude.

01:11:39.100 --> 01:11:40.101
I got a high tolerance for pain.

01:11:40.134 --> 01:11:41.002
Go for it.

01:11:41.035 --> 01:11:42.036
All right.

01:11:43.704 --> 01:11:48.709
Hot, hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

01:11:49.442 --> 01:11:50.578
Let's do this.

01:11:50.611 --> 01:11:51.779
All right, player.

01:11:51.813 --> 01:11:53.080
Go ahead and do your business.

01:11:53.114 --> 01:11:54.882
Oh, business.

01:11:54.916 --> 01:11:56.551
Consider it handled!

01:11:58.186 --> 01:12:00.655
What are you doing
here?

01:12:00.688 --> 01:12:02.523
Yeah, get in there.

01:12:02.557 --> 01:12:04.158
Mm-hmm.

01:12:04.192 --> 01:12:05.860
You're hungry.

01:12:05.893 --> 01:12:06.727
Oh, yep.

01:12:07.695 --> 01:12:09.063
Uh-huh.

01:12:09.096 --> 01:12:09.931
Oh, yeah.

01:12:12.266 --> 01:12:14.769
Say hello to my little friend.

01:12:16.270 --> 01:12:17.672
I'm sorry, Princess Leia.

01:12:17.705 --> 01:12:19.240
At least let me call you an Ubs.

01:12:19.273 --> 01:12:20.473
Already on the way.

01:12:20.508 --> 01:12:23.211
You ruined something
really special here, Allan.

01:12:23.244 --> 01:12:26.747
I was even gonna dress up like
Adrian and let you spank me,

01:12:26.781 --> 01:12:30.117
because I may be shy, but I've
been bad.

01:12:33.353 --> 01:12:34.822
Booker, she didn't go

01:12:34.856 --> 01:12:37.357
for the whole dick in the bucket
thing.

01:12:37.390 --> 01:12:39.994
Yo, you got way bigger
problems, bruh.

01:12:40.027 --> 01:12:41.529
Your shit is cooked!

01:12:41.562 --> 01:12:42.730
Let's take another look

01:12:42.763 --> 01:12:46.033
at this shocking video breaking
tonight.

01:12:46.067 --> 01:12:47.068
Do you know who I am?

01:12:47.101 --> 01:12:47.902
Dude, is that Allan the
dog?

01:12:47.935 --> 01:12:49.537
Do you know who I am?

01:12:49.570 --> 01:12:50.872
Look, I don't care who you
are.

01:12:50.905 --> 01:12:52.006
You're not coming in this bar.

01:12:52.039 --> 01:12:53.140
You're too drunk.

01:12:53.174 --> 01:12:54.407
You're really not gonna
let me drink in this bar.

01:12:54.441 --> 01:12:56.077
No, I'm not gonna tell you
again.

01:12:56.110 --> 01:12:57.144
Get outta here.

01:12:57.178 --> 01:12:58.145
All right, all good

01:12:58.179 --> 01:12:59.446
'Cause guess what.

01:12:59.479 --> 01:13:01.115
Now, this is happening.

01:13:01.148 --> 01:13:02.382
You see that squirrel right
there?

01:13:02.415 --> 01:13:03.317
Yeah.

01:13:03.351 --> 01:13:05.286
This is on you.

01:13:05.319 --> 01:13:06.721
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

01:13:06.754 --> 01:13:09.557
Whoa, whoa whoa, let go, let go!

01:13:09.590 --> 01:13:11.592
Doggone busted.

01:13:11.626 --> 01:13:15.395
Exclusive tonight, we are
confirming here on Doggone News

01:13:15.428 --> 01:13:18.465
that Allan the dog is
the long lost brother

01:13:18.498 --> 01:13:21.702
of the world famous,
award-winning Pinscher brothers.

01:13:21.736 --> 01:13:24.972
We go live right now to our
correspondent, Zoey Spencer,

01:13:25.006 --> 01:13:27.375
standing by in the field
with Allan's brother,

01:13:27.407 --> 01:13:31.212
blue ribbon champion,
the magnificent Chester.

01:13:32.479 --> 01:13:33.915
Chester, what do you
have to say

01:13:33.948 --> 01:13:36.951
about your estranged brother's
recent fall from grace?

01:13:36.984 --> 01:13:38.686
Yeah, we feel sorry for him.

01:13:38.719 --> 01:13:40.621
If this is what Allan ran away
to become,

01:13:40.655 --> 01:13:42.189
we don't understand it.

01:13:42.223 --> 01:13:43.557
I will say this.

01:13:43.591 --> 01:13:45.660
He was right about keeping my
knees up.

01:13:45.693 --> 01:13:47.929
And what does Allan's
original comedy partner

01:13:47.962 --> 01:13:51.198
think of Allan's fall from fame?

01:13:51.232 --> 01:13:53.668
The whole abbrevs
thing is so played out.

01:13:53.701 --> 01:13:56.137
Get some new material, Allan.

01:13:57.305 --> 01:13:58.471
Do you still talk to him?

01:13:58.506 --> 01:13:59.774
No!

01:13:59.807 --> 01:14:00.775
No, no!

01:14:00.808 --> 01:14:03.377
Allan, because Allan's not a
real friend.

01:14:03.411 --> 01:14:05.646
All Allan cares about is
attention

01:14:05.680 --> 01:14:07.281
and getting people to love him.

01:14:07.315 --> 01:14:09.216
And he's got that now, which is
great.

01:14:09.250 --> 01:14:10.751
So (BLEEP) him, okay?

01:14:14.454 --> 01:14:15.323
Hey!

01:14:15.356 --> 01:14:16.489
Hey, no filming in here!

01:14:16.524 --> 01:14:17.325
(BLEEP) you!

01:14:17.358 --> 01:14:18.326
Give me that!

01:14:18.359 --> 01:14:19.160
- You piece of (BLEEP)!
- Damn.

01:14:19.193 --> 01:14:21.228
Charlie Sheen ain't got shit on
you!

01:14:21.262 --> 01:14:22.330
Oh, man.

01:14:22.363 --> 01:14:23.664
Come on, Booker.

01:14:23.698 --> 01:14:25.199
We can beat this.

01:14:25.232 --> 01:14:27.868
You, me and that bag of coke
over there,

01:14:27.902 --> 01:14:28.703
we can do it.

01:14:28.736 --> 01:14:29.904
Together, man.

01:14:30.905 --> 01:14:32.340
Good luck, Allan.

01:14:32.373 --> 01:14:33.941
Man, if we ever pull your
way back up to the top,

01:14:33.975 --> 01:14:35.142
call me, bruh.

01:14:38.879 --> 01:14:39.780
But, but.

01:14:42.750 --> 01:14:43.584
Hmm.

01:14:57.999 --> 01:14:58.833
Hello?

01:15:02.269 --> 01:15:03.838
Allan, is that you?

01:15:05.473 --> 01:15:06.307
Allan?

01:15:35.803 --> 01:15:38.205
Time to crown the winners,
Matt.

01:15:38.239 --> 01:15:40.307
When do we expect Allan?

01:15:40.341 --> 01:15:41.709
Oh, I'm sorry, man,

01:15:41.742 --> 01:15:44.812
but Allan and I had kind of a
falling out.

01:15:44.845 --> 01:15:46.647
I think I'm just gonna have
to crown the winner myself.

01:15:46.680 --> 01:15:48.549
Ah, shucks.

01:15:48.582 --> 01:15:50.684
That's a bummer.

01:15:50.718 --> 01:15:51.552
Yeah.

01:16:01.662 --> 01:16:02.897
Will you hold this furry
buddy?

01:16:02.930 --> 01:16:06.300
Just for the photo op after
we announce the winners.

01:16:06.333 --> 01:16:07.468
All right.

01:16:07.502 --> 01:16:08.903
She's adorable.

01:16:08.936 --> 01:16:10.271
Really?

01:16:10.304 --> 01:16:12.239
You seriously missed the giant
balls

01:16:12.273 --> 01:16:14.075
at the base of this great
pecker?

01:16:14.108 --> 01:16:15.810
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.

01:16:15.843 --> 01:16:17.244
Oh, yeah, they're they,

01:16:17.278 --> 01:16:18.513
ww, those are not small.

01:16:18.547 --> 01:16:19.814
You can look.

01:16:19.847 --> 01:16:20.648
I like it.

01:16:20.681 --> 01:16:21.482
Take a selfie.

01:16:21.516 --> 01:16:24.452
Just use the hashtag my baby
girls.

01:16:35.396 --> 01:16:39.900
A true friend is somebody
who thinks you're a good egg

01:16:39.934 --> 01:16:43.505
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.

01:16:43.538 --> 01:16:48.543
Come on, who
writes this cheese?

01:16:49.743 --> 01:16:51.245
He let me keep my balls, people.

01:16:51.278 --> 01:16:53.948
I sure don't want him licking
mine.

01:16:53.981 --> 01:16:56.050
Vanilla
Ice likes spicy fucking rice!

01:16:56.083 --> 01:16:56.917
Boom!

01:16:58.285 --> 01:16:59.787
I love you, my man!

01:16:59.820 --> 01:17:02.256
I love you!

01:17:02.289 --> 01:17:04.391
Oh, god!

01:17:04.425 --> 01:17:05.826
Yeah, all right.

01:17:05.860 --> 01:17:08.162
All right.

01:17:08.195 --> 01:17:12.099
Hey, I remember that.

01:17:16.871 --> 01:17:17.705
Today?

01:17:18.806 --> 01:17:20.274
I'm coming for you, Matt.

01:17:20.307 --> 01:17:22.343
I'm gonna be there for you!

01:17:22.376 --> 01:17:26.680
And now, for the moment
you've all been waiting for.

01:17:26.714 --> 01:17:31.685
The winner of the 10th annual
furry buddy championship is...

01:17:33.154 --> 01:17:34.421
Matt!

01:17:34.455 --> 01:17:35.289
Matt!

01:17:36.457 --> 01:17:38.926
Matt, it's me, Allan.

01:17:38.959 --> 01:17:41.596
Chuck and Indiana Dan.

01:17:41.630 --> 01:17:44.798
No!

01:17:54.375 --> 01:17:55.610
Welcome back, welcome back.

01:17:55.644 --> 01:17:57.278
You're listening to Chuey
Martinez,

01:17:57.311 --> 01:17:59.747
and this is a new
segment we'd like to call

01:17:59.780 --> 01:18:01.448
where are they now.

01:18:01.482 --> 01:18:03.417
We've been talking to Matt and
Ellie,

01:18:03.450 --> 01:18:06.954
to people who care very,
very much about Allan,

01:18:06.987 --> 01:18:09.223
the dog, not the celebrity.

01:18:10.124 --> 01:18:11.926
So I'm gonna ask both of you
right now.

01:18:11.959 --> 01:18:13.928
If Allan's listening, what
do you wanna say to him?

01:18:13.961 --> 01:18:15.896
Oh, thanks, Chuey.

01:18:15.930 --> 01:18:17.731
Look, I just wanna say,

01:18:17.765 --> 01:18:20.935
hey, Allan, please come home,
buddy.

01:18:20.968 --> 01:18:23.538
I didn't mean to call
you the ROTL, all right?

01:18:23.572 --> 01:18:25.039
It was messed up.

01:18:25.072 --> 01:18:26.675
You're the best dog I've ever
had.

01:18:26.707 --> 01:18:28.375
You're the best dog in the
entire world!

01:18:28.409 --> 01:18:30.545
I just, I love you.

01:18:30.579 --> 01:18:31.845
We miss you, Allan.

01:18:31.879 --> 01:18:33.447
And I love you too.

01:18:34.281 --> 01:18:35.783
Just not that way.

01:18:36.917 --> 01:18:40.120
You know, I love you like a
friend, 'cause we're friends.

01:18:40.154 --> 01:18:41.855
Friendsies!

01:18:41.889 --> 01:18:42.957
I'm sorry.

01:18:42.990 --> 01:18:44.825
Hey, Princess,
I know you're there too.

01:18:44.858 --> 01:18:46.193
And
I guess I forgive you

01:18:46.227 --> 01:18:48.395
for the whole popcorn sitch.

01:18:48.429 --> 01:18:50.164
I was just surprised, that's
all.

01:18:50.197 --> 01:18:52.366
It's not like I'm not DTF.

01:18:56.837 --> 01:18:57.738
Don't be shy.

01:18:57.771 --> 01:18:59.273
Come on by.

01:18:59.306 --> 01:19:01.141
Pet a former celeb.

01:19:01.175 --> 01:19:03.444
What happens at the
pier stays at the pier.

01:19:03.477 --> 01:19:04.613
Anybody?

01:19:04.646 --> 01:19:08.717
Hmm, I wonder what washed
up celebrity tastes like.

01:19:11.118 --> 01:19:15.155
You can smell the desperation.

01:19:15.189 --> 01:19:16.257
Ooh, I bet desperation

01:19:16.290 --> 01:19:17.758
tastes good, boss.

01:19:17.791 --> 01:19:18.926
Patience, Kevin.

01:19:18.959 --> 01:19:21.462
Too many people around.

01:19:21.495 --> 01:19:22.930
Can anybody help a dog out?

01:19:22.963 --> 01:19:24.666
Hey, isn't that Allan the dog?

01:19:24.699 --> 01:19:25.634
Oh, shit.

01:19:26.701 --> 01:19:28.302
It's that birthday brat.

01:19:28.335 --> 01:19:29.504
That is him.

01:19:29.537 --> 01:19:30.672
You wanna pet him?

01:19:30.705 --> 01:19:31.839
He looks kinda dirty.

01:19:31.872 --> 01:19:32.973
Please.

01:19:33.007 --> 01:19:35.409
You want me like quiet?

01:19:35.442 --> 01:19:38.580
Like I'm sorta resisting
but secretly like it?

01:19:38.613 --> 01:19:39.880
Or just all in?

01:19:39.913 --> 01:19:41.015
Resisting.

01:19:41.048 --> 01:19:43.284
All right, let's do this.

01:19:46.053 --> 01:19:47.321
Oh, no.

01:19:47.354 --> 01:19:49.390
The 'gram is gonna love this.

01:19:49.423 --> 01:19:50.224
No.

01:19:50.257 --> 01:19:51.191
Really get in there.

01:19:51.225 --> 01:19:53.294
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's five bucks, dad.

01:19:53.327 --> 01:19:54.161
Here you go.

01:19:54.194 --> 01:19:56.463
This should cover whatever that
was.

01:19:56.497 --> 01:19:58.165
Just don't tell your mom about
this.

01:19:58.198 --> 01:19:59.967
All right.

01:20:11.211 --> 01:20:12.313
Great job on the sign, dude.

01:20:12.346 --> 01:20:13.581
How much you make out?

01:20:13.615 --> 01:20:15.349
Oh, Fred, slow day.

01:20:16.618 --> 01:20:17.885
I mean, do you,

01:20:20.054 --> 01:20:23.390
do you know how much
like a gun would cost?

01:20:23.424 --> 01:20:24.425
Actually, you know what?

01:20:24.458 --> 01:20:25.426
I think it's just cheaper
if you just walk out

01:20:25.459 --> 01:20:27.828
into the ocean with all your
clothes on.

01:20:27.861 --> 01:20:30.732
Let Poseidon sort out the rest.

01:20:30.765 --> 01:20:32.032
Jesus Christ.

01:20:36.203 --> 01:20:37.706
I don't know, Fred.

01:20:37.739 --> 01:20:40.474
I guess, I guess I'll see you
tomorrow.

01:20:40.508 --> 01:20:41.442
Okay.

01:20:41.475 --> 01:20:42.610
See you tomorrow, Allan.

01:20:42.644 --> 01:20:43.444
Trust.

01:20:43.477 --> 01:20:44.378
Hey, Allan.

01:20:44.411 --> 01:20:45.245
Uh-huh.

01:20:46.581 --> 01:20:47.816
If you do make it up to
heaven,

01:20:47.848 --> 01:20:51.118
will you ask my ex-girlfriend
what the Netflix password is?

01:20:51.151 --> 01:20:54.888
That's fucking crazy,
Fred, but I'll do it.

01:21:09.903 --> 01:21:10.739
Hmm.

01:21:37.131 --> 01:21:39.967
I think he went that a-way
dude.

01:21:40.835 --> 01:21:41.969
Thanks, man.

01:21:46.106 --> 01:21:50.010
Looky here, fellas.

01:21:55.315 --> 01:22:00.320
I love it when I catch dinner
eating dinner.

01:22:04.291 --> 01:22:05.092
Yeah.

01:22:06.493 --> 01:22:08.128
Don't worry, Princess Leia.

01:22:08.162 --> 01:22:08.962
Once we find Allan, we're
gonna...

01:22:08.996 --> 01:22:09.798
Wait, wait, there he is!

01:22:09.831 --> 01:22:10.632
Stop the car!

01:22:10.665 --> 01:22:11.465
Oh, my god.

01:22:11.498 --> 01:22:12.534
Oh, my god.

01:22:12.567 --> 01:22:13.967
Princess Leia, wait!

01:22:14.001 --> 01:22:14.803
Allan!

01:22:14.836 --> 01:22:15.637
Ah.

01:22:15.670 --> 01:22:16.504
Allan!

01:22:16.538 --> 01:22:19.440
This day just keeps getting
better.

01:22:19.473 --> 01:22:21.041
No, Princess Leia, don't come
over here!

01:22:21.074 --> 01:22:21.876
Oh, god.

01:22:21.910 --> 01:22:22.710
Come here!

01:22:22.744 --> 01:22:23.678
Got you!

01:22:23.711 --> 01:22:27.549
You lay one paw on
her, and I swear to...

01:22:27.582 --> 01:22:29.183
You were saying?

01:22:31.719 --> 01:22:32.554
Oh, I see.

01:22:34.188 --> 01:22:36.190
Is this your girlfriend?

01:22:38.425 --> 01:22:39.493
How adorable.

01:22:40.427 --> 01:22:42.329
Well, don't worry.

01:22:42.362 --> 01:22:44.965
This will be a romantic ending.

01:22:46.568 --> 01:22:47.802
Oh, yes.

01:22:47.836 --> 01:22:50.437
You'll be together as one

01:22:50.471 --> 01:22:53.373
in my poop!

01:22:53.407 --> 01:22:55.309
Beautifully expressed, boss.

01:22:55.342 --> 01:22:56.611
Leia!

01:22:57.812 --> 01:23:01.014
Deal with her, boys.

01:23:01.048 --> 01:23:02.617
I love an audience!

01:23:05.720 --> 01:23:07.589
I love an audience too.

01:23:07.622 --> 01:23:10.023
In fact, the more, the merrier.

01:23:10.057 --> 01:23:10.859
Huh?

01:23:10.892 --> 01:23:12.760
Princess Leia, go for the
popcorn.

01:23:12.794 --> 01:23:13.828
Give it all you've got!

01:23:13.862 --> 01:23:14.696
Huh?

01:23:17.030 --> 01:23:18.833
Oh, man,
we're gonna get you now.

01:23:18.867 --> 01:23:20.334
You better check yourself

01:23:20.367 --> 01:23:23.070
before you go and wreck
yourself.

01:23:23.103 --> 01:23:25.472
Whoa, bitch!

01:23:25.507 --> 01:23:27.174
Ooh, you go, girl.

01:23:29.076 --> 01:23:29.911
Huh.

01:23:34.816 --> 01:23:36.483
That's gonna leave a mark.

01:23:36.518 --> 01:23:38.686
Boss, are you okay?

01:23:38.720 --> 01:23:40.287
I don't think so.

01:23:41.623 --> 01:23:43.791
Ain't gonna be no rematch.

01:23:45.158 --> 01:23:45.960
Buddy.

01:23:45.994 --> 01:23:46.794
Oh, god.

01:23:46.828 --> 01:23:47.795
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, buddy.

01:23:47.829 --> 01:23:48.863
- Are you okay, buddy?
- Oh, my god, I'm okay.

01:23:48.897 --> 01:23:49.697
I'm so sorry.

01:23:49.731 --> 01:23:50.532
I'm sorry.

01:23:50.565 --> 01:23:51.365
No, it's my fault.

01:23:51.398 --> 01:23:52.199
No, it's my fault.

01:23:52.232 --> 01:23:53.033
Oh, god, Matt.

01:23:53.066 --> 01:23:53.868
I was so scared.

01:23:53.902 --> 01:23:54.702
Me too.

01:23:54.736 --> 01:23:56.804
And I'm pretty sure I peed
myself.

01:23:56.838 --> 01:23:57.906
Oh.

01:23:57.939 --> 01:23:59.007
Oh, yeah.

01:23:59.039 --> 01:24:00.942
Oh, I'm soaking wet.

01:24:00.975 --> 01:24:05.312
Oh, is Ellie and Princess
Leia standing right there?

01:24:06.981 --> 01:24:08.550
- Yeah.
- Goddammit.

01:24:08.583 --> 01:24:10.585
Oh, man.

01:24:10.618 --> 01:24:12.620
That was crazy, Allan.

01:24:17.025 --> 01:24:19.928
We kinda fucked those
coyotes up, didn't we?

01:24:19.961 --> 01:24:20.995
We sure did.

01:24:21.029 --> 01:24:23.598
And you know, I was all man

01:24:23.631 --> 01:24:25.465
up until the moment I wet
myself.

01:24:25.499 --> 01:24:26.968
Oh, 100%.

01:24:27.001 --> 01:24:27.835
Good.

01:24:28.836 --> 01:24:31.171
I missed you, buddy.

01:24:31.204 --> 01:24:32.807
I missed you too.

01:24:34.776 --> 01:24:35.710
You know what?

01:24:35.743 --> 01:24:39.446
It was, it was more
than that though, Allan.

01:24:39.479 --> 01:24:41.983
Being away, I realized that I,

01:24:43.283 --> 01:24:44.619
I need you, pal.

01:24:45.620 --> 01:24:47.055
I need you too.

01:24:52.026 --> 01:24:54.963
So how are things at the shop?

01:24:54.996 --> 01:24:56.496
Ah, same old.

01:24:56.531 --> 01:24:57.331
They're good though.

01:24:57.364 --> 01:24:59.266
You know, Stan made me full
partner.

01:24:59.299 --> 01:25:00.935
Oh, dude, that's awesome,
dude.

01:25:00.969 --> 01:25:02.003
I'm proud of you.

01:25:02.036 --> 01:25:03.071
Thanks.

01:25:03.103 --> 01:25:04.237
What about you?

01:25:04.271 --> 01:25:05.339
What do you have next?

01:25:05.372 --> 01:25:06.373
Oh, man.

01:25:06.406 --> 01:25:09.811
I might have a few reality
TV shows left in me,

01:25:09.844 --> 01:25:11.646
washed up celeb type stuff.

01:25:11.679 --> 01:25:13.915
But, oh, bro, I'm finished.

01:25:15.750 --> 01:25:16.684
Finished?

01:25:17.619 --> 01:25:19.152
Come on, Allan.

01:25:19.186 --> 01:25:20.989
You know better than anyone,

01:25:21.022 --> 01:25:22.991
life isn't about how hard you
hit.

01:25:23.024 --> 01:25:25.693
It's about how hard you get
hit and keep moving forward.

01:25:25.727 --> 01:25:28.161
That's what winning is about.

01:25:30.031 --> 01:25:32.100
Rocky Balboa, part six.

01:25:34.068 --> 01:25:36.470
Well, okay, whatcha thinking?

01:25:42.209 --> 01:25:44.946
Comeback
show.

01:25:51.886 --> 01:25:53.054
Oh, god, no.

01:25:54.589 --> 01:25:55.355
All right, first day.

01:25:55.389 --> 01:25:56.189
Take it easy, all right.

01:25:56.223 --> 01:25:57.025
We got this.

01:25:57.058 --> 01:25:57.859
I got this.

01:25:57.892 --> 01:25:58.693
I'm killing it.

01:25:58.726 --> 01:25:59.527
Three, two, one, go!

01:25:59.560 --> 01:26:00.762
- Come on!
- Oh!

01:26:00.795 --> 01:26:02.362
Pulled a hammy, dude.

01:26:02.396 --> 01:26:03.196
Pulled a hammy.

01:26:03.230 --> 01:26:04.398
Come on, Allan!

01:26:04.431 --> 01:26:06.768
Apollo
Creed can't criticize Kanye...

01:26:06.801 --> 01:26:07.669
For being a cool, cold,
calculating...

01:26:07.702 --> 01:26:08.836
Kanye is a cat!

01:26:08.870 --> 01:26:09.671
No, he's not!

01:26:09.704 --> 01:26:10.505
I suck!

01:26:10.538 --> 01:26:11.338
Come on, Allan,

01:26:11.371 --> 01:26:12.172
- you got this.
- I can't do it.

01:26:12.205 --> 01:26:13.007
- It's too hard.
- Ready?

01:26:13.041 --> 01:26:13.841
Go, start from the beginning.

01:26:13.875 --> 01:26:14.842
Here we go, when I'm done with
you,

01:26:14.876 --> 01:26:18.378
you're gonna eat lightning
and crap thunder!

01:26:18.412 --> 01:26:19.246
Hmm.

01:26:24.018 --> 01:26:28.255
For the love of god, can we
please scramble these fuckers?

01:26:28.288 --> 01:26:29.090
We got this!

01:26:29.123 --> 01:26:30.058
We got this!

01:26:30.091 --> 01:26:31.324
Yeah!

01:26:31.358 --> 01:26:32.560
Oh, god, can you hold on a
second?

01:26:32.593 --> 01:26:34.962
I think I've got a boo-boo on my
knee.

01:26:36.864 --> 01:26:37.799
One.

01:26:37.832 --> 01:26:38.498
- Go, go, push!
- You always do this thing.

01:26:38.533 --> 01:26:39.332
Come on!

01:26:39.366 --> 01:26:40.902
Don't be such a little bitch!

01:26:40.935 --> 01:26:41.736
Too far.

01:26:41.769 --> 01:26:42.570
Sorry, yeah, that was too
much.

01:26:42.603 --> 01:26:43.403
Too far.

01:26:43.437 --> 01:26:44.237
All right.

01:26:44.271 --> 01:26:45.073
Yeah, hi.

01:26:45.106 --> 01:26:46.641
Is the patient in 7B still
alive?

01:26:46.674 --> 01:26:48.208
Yeah, according to my
record.

01:26:48.241 --> 01:26:49.276
Oh, oh, great.

01:26:49.309 --> 01:26:50.978
That is a relief.

01:26:51.012 --> 01:26:52.780
I have a gift for the little
guy.

01:26:52.814 --> 01:26:53.614
Come on, three more!

01:26:53.648 --> 01:26:54.682
Three!

01:26:54.716 --> 01:26:55.783
Go, keep going!

01:26:55.817 --> 01:26:56.718
49.

01:26:56.751 --> 01:26:57.585
Come on, Allan!

01:26:57.618 --> 01:26:58.418
50!

01:26:58.452 --> 01:26:59.587
Yeah!

01:26:59.620 --> 01:27:01.022
Apollo
Creed can't criticize Kanye

01:27:01.055 --> 01:27:03.423
for being a cool, cold,
calculated cat.

01:27:03.457 --> 01:27:04.324
Yeah!

01:27:04.357 --> 01:27:05.193
Go!

01:27:06.994 --> 01:27:07.795
You did it!

01:27:07.829 --> 01:27:09.362
Yeah, my man, yeah!

01:27:09.396 --> 01:27:10.464
Yeah!

01:27:10.497 --> 01:27:11.331
Woo-hoo!

01:27:12.166 --> 01:27:13.501
Let's go, Allan!

01:27:15.103 --> 01:27:15.937
Yeah!

01:27:20.273 --> 01:27:22.476
Thank you so much for
coming out tonight, everybody.

01:27:22.510 --> 01:27:25.012
And now, without further fucking
ado,

01:27:25.046 --> 01:27:29.083
are you ready for a
comedy resurrection, huh?

01:27:29.117 --> 01:27:30.685
Yeah!

01:27:30.718 --> 01:27:31.519
All right.

01:27:31.552 --> 01:27:34.522
Well then, I give you Allan the
dog.

01:27:34.555 --> 01:27:37.324
Oh, yeah!

01:27:37.357 --> 01:27:38.159
Awesome.

01:27:38.192 --> 01:27:40.094
Thank you so much.

01:27:40.128 --> 01:27:42.262
Thank you, thank you.

01:27:42.295 --> 01:27:43.064
I love it.

01:27:43.097 --> 01:27:44.132
Thank you.

01:27:44.165 --> 01:27:47.835
I have a big surprise for
everyone here tonight.

01:27:49.302 --> 01:27:50.638
Yeah, no, let it out.

01:27:50.671 --> 01:27:51.839
It's all good.

01:27:52.807 --> 01:27:54.307
I forgive Allan.

01:27:56.010 --> 01:27:57.377
Give it up for Blinky, yo.

01:27:59.647 --> 01:28:00.748
He's doing all right there.

01:28:00.782 --> 01:28:02.150
And I've got great news.

01:28:02.183 --> 01:28:07.188
100% of tonight's proceeds are
going to Blinky's recovery,

01:28:07.755 --> 01:28:08.823
so that's fantastic.

01:28:08.856 --> 01:28:11.458
In just two short weeks,
they're gonna remove the rod

01:28:11.491 --> 01:28:12.627
holding his brain together.

01:28:12.660 --> 01:28:13.460
Yeah, give it up for him.

01:28:13.493 --> 01:28:15.696
Yeah.

01:28:15.730 --> 01:28:16.697
Thanks, Blinky.

01:28:16.731 --> 01:28:20.802
You are an inspiraysh
to us all, for reals.

01:28:20.835 --> 01:28:23.971
Holy schnikies, my
brothers are here tonight.

01:28:24.005 --> 01:28:25.106
Chester, wow.

01:28:25.139 --> 01:28:27.407
Dude, congrats on the blue
ribbon, my man, for real.

01:28:27.440 --> 01:28:28.776
That's awesome, dude.

01:28:28.810 --> 01:28:31.879
And how many times have I
told you growing up knees up?

01:28:31.913 --> 01:28:33.281
Yeah, nice work.

01:28:33.313 --> 01:28:38.385
And guys, I owe you all a form
apol for bailing on the fam.

01:28:38.418 --> 01:28:41.789
You know, and from the heart,
all I can really say is

01:28:41.823 --> 01:28:44.091
now that I'm more famous than
you guys, we're all good.

01:28:45.960 --> 01:28:47.360
No, no, no, I'm just kidding,
man.

01:28:47.394 --> 01:28:49.630
You know, it's not about fame.

01:28:49.664 --> 01:28:51.833
No, man, it's not about fame at
all.

01:28:51.866 --> 01:28:54.268
And there's way more
important things in life.

01:28:54.302 --> 01:28:58.206
And someone here that's very
special to me taught me that,

01:28:58.239 --> 01:28:59.040
my best friend, Matt.

01:28:59.073 --> 01:28:59.907
Can you give him a hand?

01:28:59.941 --> 01:29:00.741
He's right here in the front row
here.

01:29:00.775 --> 01:29:02.877
Yeah.

01:29:02.910 --> 01:29:04.245
Love you, dude.

01:29:04.278 --> 01:29:06.547
I, I've had sex with this guy's
leg.

01:29:08.649 --> 01:29:11.319
Yeah, if only it was
consensual.

01:29:11.351 --> 01:29:13.020
Thank god leg rape isn't a
thing.

01:29:15.488 --> 01:29:18.759
Yo, this dog just pulled
up the PR job of the century.

01:29:18.793 --> 01:29:21.596
Prepare a standard two-year
and get down here now.

01:29:21.629 --> 01:29:23.731
Wow, you guys have been
such a great audience.

01:29:24.599 --> 01:29:26.701
Yeah, thank you so much.

01:29:26.734 --> 01:29:28.169
Thank you, Barrick, for having
us.

01:29:28.202 --> 01:29:29.337
Thank you, Blinky.

01:29:29.369 --> 01:29:30.338
Peace!

01:29:30.370 --> 01:29:31.806
We love you, Allan.

01:29:31.839 --> 01:29:32.673
Whoo!

01:29:37.044 --> 01:29:38.378
Oh, thank you, buddy.

01:29:38.411 --> 01:29:39.247
Yeah!

01:29:40.480 --> 01:29:41.649
I know you could do it.

01:29:41.682 --> 01:29:43.317
Get ready for the next level, my
friend.

01:29:43.351 --> 01:29:44.752
Bang out an X right here

01:29:44.785 --> 01:29:46.554
and you will be the most famous
dog

01:29:46.587 --> 01:29:48.623
that ever walked the earth.

01:29:48.656 --> 01:29:49.757
Bigger than Snoopy?

01:29:49.790 --> 01:29:50.992
Snoopy who?

01:29:51.025 --> 01:29:53.628
Leave here with me tonight,
Allan, and your life changes.

01:29:53.661 --> 01:29:54.629
What about Matt?

01:29:54.662 --> 01:29:55.563
What about him?

01:29:55.596 --> 01:29:57.031
We'll throw some oil changes his
way,

01:29:57.064 --> 01:29:59.066
but we've got the world to
conquer.

01:29:59.100 --> 01:29:59.934
Come on.

01:30:01.468 --> 01:30:02.803
Let's see here.

01:30:09.844 --> 01:30:11.512
You know what, Booker?

01:30:11.545 --> 01:30:12.647
I'll pass.

01:30:12.680 --> 01:30:13.915
I'm gonna stick with the guy

01:30:13.948 --> 01:30:16.017
who stands by me no matter what.

01:30:16.050 --> 01:30:19.086
That's love, and there's nothing
more important than that.

01:30:19.120 --> 01:30:19.921
Damn.

01:30:19.954 --> 01:30:20.755
Allan!

01:30:20.788 --> 01:30:22.089
Excuse me, excuse me.

01:30:22.123 --> 01:30:23.557
Allan!

01:30:23.591 --> 01:30:24.457
Allan!

01:30:24.491 --> 01:30:25.826
Princess Leia.

01:30:27.427 --> 01:30:28.329
I love you.

01:30:29.697 --> 01:30:31.232
I know.

01:30:33.768 --> 01:30:34.635
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:30:34.669 --> 01:30:36.537
I write pretty much all the
jokes, so.

01:30:36.570 --> 01:30:37.805
Matt!

01:30:39.273 --> 01:30:40.541
Hey.

01:30:40.574 --> 01:30:41.375
Ow!

01:30:41.409 --> 01:30:42.243
Oh!

01:30:44.345 --> 01:30:48.481
I gotta admit, Allan's
pretty damn funny.

01:30:48.516 --> 01:30:49.350
I

01:30:50.284 --> 01:30:51.118
forgive

01:30:52.186 --> 01:30:53.020
Allan.

01:30:54.689 --> 01:30:56.090
Yeah.

01:30:56.123 --> 01:30:56.958
Me too.

01:30:59.492 --> 01:31:00.995
Ugh.

01:31:01.028 --> 01:31:02.363
Oh, fuck!

01:31:02.387 --> 01:31:13.387
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