WEBVTT 00:02:13.892 --> 00:02:19.262 Tuesday, January 1st, 1856. 00:02:19.286 --> 00:02:26.886 ..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:02:27.906 --> 00:02:29.862 Fair and very cold. 00:02:32.911 --> 00:02:34.697 This morning, 00:02:34.788 --> 00:02:37.621 ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter. 00:03:17.455 --> 00:03:19.016 The water froze on the potatoes 00:03:19.040 --> 00:03:20.655 as soon as they were washed. 00:03:22.711 --> 00:03:25.953 With little pride, and less hope, 00:03:27.090 --> 00:03:28.546 we begin the new year. 00:03:32.262 --> 00:03:33.573 On the porch after sunup, 00:03:33.597 --> 00:03:35.588 I could hear the low chirping of sparrows 00:03:35.682 --> 00:03:38.344 in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow. 00:04:15.222 --> 00:04:18.430 Dyer has maintained that with good health, 00:04:18.516 --> 00:04:20.256 and a level head, 00:04:20.352 --> 00:04:21.842 there is always an excellent chance 00:04:21.937 --> 00:04:23.518 for a farmer willing to work. 00:04:37.244 --> 00:04:40.532 He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens. 00:04:42.332 --> 00:04:45.665 And I'm certain that because his mind is in such a bad state, 00:04:45.752 --> 00:04:47.538 it affects his whole system. 00:05:15.282 --> 00:05:16.550 He told me this morning 00:05:16.574 --> 00:05:19.862 that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see. 00:05:21.246 --> 00:05:22.656 You're late with the milking. 00:05:22.747 --> 00:05:23.953 She wasn't suffering. 00:05:25.500 --> 00:05:26.535 And you? 00:05:40.724 --> 00:05:44.057 Since our acquisition of this farm, 00:05:44.144 --> 00:05:47.602 my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole. 00:05:49.357 --> 00:05:51.518 This way he knows what each crop 00:05:51.609 --> 00:05:54.646 and field pays from year to year. 00:05:54.738 --> 00:05:57.980 And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters 00:05:58.074 --> 00:06:00.486 that might otherwise go overlooked... 00:06:03.288 --> 00:06:06.576 From tools lent out to bills outstanding. 00:06:08.543 --> 00:06:10.079 That I have done. 00:06:12.630 --> 00:06:15.997 But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages 00:06:16.092 --> 00:06:17.923 of the most passionate circumstances 00:06:18.011 --> 00:06:19.501 of our seasons past. 00:06:22.557 --> 00:06:25.264 No record of our emotions or fears. 00:06:26.394 --> 00:06:27.930 Our greatest joys. 00:06:28.980 --> 00:06:30.891 Our most piercing sorrows. 00:06:40.992 --> 00:06:43.358 With our child, 00:06:43.453 --> 00:06:45.785 it was as if I'd found my bearings. 00:06:48.375 --> 00:06:51.287 But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure. 00:06:53.838 --> 00:06:54.918 Would you like to try? 00:06:58.635 --> 00:07:00.045 Like this, papa? 00:07:02.389 --> 00:07:03.424 That's it. 00:07:05.850 --> 00:07:08.341 She often seemed separate from us, 00:07:08.436 --> 00:07:11.974 as if she was working at just fitting in where she could. 00:07:13.566 --> 00:07:16.182 They saw his brothers and sisters 00:07:16.277 --> 00:07:18.233 and they were the mouse's family... 00:07:19.989 --> 00:07:21.589 There is something so affecting 00:07:21.616 --> 00:07:23.982 about mute and motionless grief and illness 00:07:24.077 --> 00:07:25.567 in a child so young. 00:07:29.082 --> 00:07:31.824 She put her arms around me and said nothing else. 00:07:36.548 --> 00:07:38.539 But it felt like we were speaking. 00:10:06.489 --> 00:10:08.605 I have become my grief. 00:10:13.788 --> 00:10:16.530 I have become my grief. 00:10:21.796 --> 00:10:24.082 "Welcome sweet day of rest”, 00:10:24.173 --> 00:10:26.835 says the hymn. 00:10:26.926 --> 00:10:31.841 And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease. 00:10:33.141 --> 00:10:34.176 As for me. 00:10:35.184 --> 00:10:36.845 I no longer attend. 00:10:38.479 --> 00:10:41.061 After the calamity of Nellie's loss, 00:10:42.233 --> 00:10:44.269 what calm I enjoy 00:10:44.360 --> 00:10:47.978 does not derive from the notion of a better world to come. 00:10:51.826 --> 00:10:53.782 I want to purchase an atlas. 00:10:55.955 --> 00:10:58.315 - It could be a bother. - No, no. No bother. 00:11:08.217 --> 00:11:09.217 Who is that? 00:11:10.136 --> 00:11:11.216 His name is Finney. 00:11:12.472 --> 00:11:15.088 - His wife tallie. - Hyah! 00:11:15.183 --> 00:11:16.327 I met them at the feed store. 00:11:16.351 --> 00:11:17.966 They seem to keep to themselves. 00:11:20.605 --> 00:11:22.186 They're renting the zebrun farm. 00:11:36.829 --> 00:11:38.660 Monday, February 4th. 00:11:41.084 --> 00:11:42.995 Why is ink like fire? 00:11:44.629 --> 00:11:46.165 Because it is a good servant, 00:11:47.131 --> 00:11:48.712 and a hard master. 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:55.799 Did you say something? 00:11:58.226 --> 00:12:00.012 I want to purchase an atlas. 00:12:07.735 --> 00:12:09.976 I suppose there are more frivolous purchases 00:12:10.071 --> 00:12:11.106 one could make. 00:12:17.745 --> 00:12:19.235 I've saved 90 cents of my own. 00:12:19.330 --> 00:12:21.571 I can't imagine a better way to spend it. 00:12:25.461 --> 00:12:27.326 Could buy your husband a gift. 00:12:32.093 --> 00:12:33.503 What better gift could I give him 00:12:33.594 --> 00:12:35.710 than a wife who is no longer a dullard? 00:12:40.935 --> 00:12:41.995 My self-education 00:12:42.019 --> 00:12:45.056 seems the only way to keep my unhappiness 00:12:45.148 --> 00:12:46.558 from overwhelming me. 00:13:59.138 --> 00:14:00.298 Good afternoon. 00:14:04.101 --> 00:14:06.308 I've been using a broom on my porch. 00:14:06.395 --> 00:14:07.510 The snow is so dry. 00:14:10.525 --> 00:14:11.525 I'm tallie. 00:14:13.528 --> 00:14:14.563 Abigail. 00:14:18.241 --> 00:14:19.572 I hope I'm not intruding. 00:14:20.201 --> 00:14:21.201 No. 00:14:21.285 --> 00:14:23.697 I just, I needed to get away for the day. 00:14:23.788 --> 00:14:25.494 The farm is a slaughterhouse right now. 00:14:25.581 --> 00:14:27.117 My husband is killing his hogs. 00:14:32.505 --> 00:14:33.711 Would you like to come in? 00:14:34.799 --> 00:14:35.914 Yes, I'd love that. 00:14:39.971 --> 00:14:42.303 Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering. 00:14:47.228 --> 00:14:48.622 I know it's the dullest of all things 00:14:48.646 --> 00:14:50.046 to have an ignorant neighbor come by 00:14:50.106 --> 00:14:51.767 and spoil a Sunday afternoon. 00:14:51.858 --> 00:14:53.598 Oh, no, you're the most welcome here. 00:14:53.693 --> 00:14:55.979 But I know the feeling. 00:14:56.070 --> 00:14:58.812 Sometimes, I imagine during the widow weldon's visits 00:14:58.906 --> 00:15:02.569 that I've been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic. 00:15:02.660 --> 00:15:04.150 Oh, widow weldon! 00:15:04.245 --> 00:15:05.906 She got going on the county Levy once... 00:15:05.997 --> 00:15:08.579 She saw I had noticed her hair, 00:15:08.666 --> 00:15:11.248 and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl. 00:15:11.335 --> 00:15:14.168 She said that back then, she'd worn it longer 00:15:14.255 --> 00:15:17.122 and plaited in a bun at the back of her head. 00:15:19.677 --> 00:15:22.544 In the winter sun through the window, 00:15:22.638 --> 00:15:25.425 her skin had an underflush of Rose and Violet 00:15:25.516 --> 00:15:29.259 which so disconcerted me that I had to look away. 00:15:34.108 --> 00:15:35.268 As always, 00:15:36.402 --> 00:15:38.063 when it came to speaking 00:15:38.154 --> 00:15:41.988 and attempting to engage another's affections, 00:15:42.074 --> 00:15:45.783 circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety. 00:15:47.580 --> 00:15:51.698 From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root, 00:15:51.792 --> 00:15:53.999 all curled in upon itself. 00:15:54.086 --> 00:15:56.247 I hope I'm not keeping you from something. 00:15:56.339 --> 00:15:57.339 No. 00:16:00.217 --> 00:16:01.457 I'm glad you've come. 00:16:03.596 --> 00:16:06.053 Finney saw your husband at the cooperage. 00:16:06.140 --> 00:16:08.631 He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets. 00:16:10.102 --> 00:16:12.764 With some asperity? 00:16:12.855 --> 00:16:15.267 My husband mentions everything with some asperity. 00:16:18.110 --> 00:16:19.441 I told him that once, 00:16:20.488 --> 00:16:21.568 and... 00:16:21.656 --> 00:16:24.113 He observed in response that it seemed to be quite a favor 00:16:24.200 --> 00:16:25.736 to get a kind word from me. 00:16:25.826 --> 00:16:27.596 And I told him that if he was married to himself, 00:16:27.620 --> 00:16:29.611 he'd soon find out what a favor it was. 00:16:31.290 --> 00:16:32.809 My mother always said that having children 00:16:32.833 --> 00:16:34.198 would resolve that dilemma. 00:16:35.378 --> 00:16:37.164 My mother made the same claim. 00:16:39.882 --> 00:16:40.917 And yet... 00:16:42.009 --> 00:16:43.124 Here we are... 00:16:44.595 --> 00:16:46.005 Both childless. 00:16:50.476 --> 00:16:52.762 My daughter, Nellie, would have been five today. 00:16:54.855 --> 00:16:56.766 Oh. 00:16:56.857 --> 00:16:58.063 How did she pass? 00:17:01.278 --> 00:17:02.734 Diphtheria. 00:17:02.822 --> 00:17:04.028 Last September. 00:17:05.992 --> 00:17:07.232 I'm so sorry. 00:17:15.084 --> 00:17:16.369 - Hello. - Oh. 00:17:16.961 --> 00:17:17.961 Good afternoon. 00:17:18.587 --> 00:17:19.587 I'm Dyer. 00:17:20.965 --> 00:17:21.965 Tallie. 00:17:27.805 --> 00:17:29.716 Oh, it's late, isn't it? I should be getting on. 00:17:31.726 --> 00:17:33.136 Don't go on my account. 00:17:33.227 --> 00:17:34.262 Oh, no. 00:17:36.731 --> 00:17:38.312 That's a nice wrap you have. 00:17:38.399 --> 00:17:40.105 Thank you. 00:17:40.192 --> 00:17:42.274 I never receive compliments for my clothes. 00:17:47.575 --> 00:17:49.281 I'm so glad you've come. 00:17:49.368 --> 00:17:50.904 Meeting you has made my day. 00:17:51.579 --> 00:17:52.579 It has? 00:17:53.664 --> 00:17:55.245 Well... 00:17:55.332 --> 00:17:58.324 How pleasant and uncommon it is to make someone's day. 00:17:59.795 --> 00:18:02.628 Thursday, February 14th. 00:18:04.717 --> 00:18:06.753 Dyer's third night with the fever. 00:18:10.681 --> 00:18:11.761 Drink this. 00:18:28.991 --> 00:18:30.982 I plan on getting sick more often. 00:18:32.828 --> 00:18:34.443 My wife smiles at me. 00:18:43.506 --> 00:18:45.167 Promise me you're not gonna die. 00:18:48.469 --> 00:18:50.926 That would be the opposite of my intention. 00:18:57.436 --> 00:18:58.747 I've restored him somewhat 00:18:58.771 --> 00:19:00.386 with an enema of molasses, 00:19:00.481 --> 00:19:02.096 warm water and lard. 00:19:03.734 --> 00:19:06.692 Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose. 00:19:10.032 --> 00:19:13.616 I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with tallie. 00:19:15.621 --> 00:19:18.283 We compared childhood beds... 00:19:18.374 --> 00:19:19.489 Mine in which the straw 00:19:19.583 --> 00:19:22.620 was always breaking up and thinning out. 00:19:22.711 --> 00:19:25.919 And hers, which was as hard, she claimed, 00:19:26.006 --> 00:19:27.621 as the pharaoh's heart. 00:19:31.762 --> 00:19:33.468 I should be taking care of you. 00:19:34.974 --> 00:19:35.974 I agree. 00:19:43.858 --> 00:19:47.771 Her manner is sweet and calm and gracious. 00:19:47.862 --> 00:19:49.693 And yet her spirits seem to quicken 00:19:49.780 --> 00:19:52.567 at the prospect of further conversation with me. 00:19:55.286 --> 00:19:57.402 I find that everything I wish to tell her 00:19:57.496 --> 00:20:00.283 loses its eloquence in her presence. 00:20:03.043 --> 00:20:05.534 So how did you come to meet Dyer? 00:20:05.629 --> 00:20:07.460 He was the oldest son of a neighbor. 00:20:07.548 --> 00:20:09.288 He helped out on my father's farm. 00:20:10.426 --> 00:20:12.542 And was he instantly smitten by you? 00:20:14.054 --> 00:20:15.169 He was, wasn't he? 00:20:15.264 --> 00:20:17.004 He was instantly smitten by you. 00:20:20.978 --> 00:20:25.563 He admired what he viewed as my practical good sense. 00:20:25.649 --> 00:20:29.141 You don't countenance words like "smitten", do you? 00:20:29.236 --> 00:20:31.318 I suspect I use all the same words you do. 00:20:31.405 --> 00:20:33.521 I suspect you don't. 00:20:33.616 --> 00:20:35.277 In speech, yes, because you're shy. 00:20:35.367 --> 00:20:37.367 But I bet you're more accomplished in your writing. 00:20:42.833 --> 00:20:43.833 Thank you. 00:20:46.170 --> 00:20:49.503 Your good sense, that's all your husband was smitten with? 00:20:52.509 --> 00:20:54.295 And my efficient habits. 00:20:55.471 --> 00:20:56.506 That's all? 00:20:57.181 --> 00:20:58.512 My handy ways. 00:21:02.811 --> 00:21:04.642 Dyer likes mechanical things. 00:21:07.233 --> 00:21:08.668 I have no doubt he would've been happier 00:21:08.692 --> 00:21:10.148 had he been allowed to pursue 00:21:10.236 --> 00:21:13.023 the natural scientific bent of his mind. 00:21:13.113 --> 00:21:15.274 Circumstances forced him into farming. 00:21:16.825 --> 00:21:20.283 And despite all of that, his heart compelled him to you? 00:21:23.540 --> 00:21:25.496 Well... 00:21:25.584 --> 00:21:28.542 You would have to ask him about that. 00:21:28.629 --> 00:21:30.415 And what would you say if I asked you? 00:21:40.683 --> 00:21:43.174 I suppose that as a suitor, he was... 00:21:44.311 --> 00:21:47.223 Not generous, but he was just. 00:21:47.314 --> 00:21:50.431 And that he was affectionate, if not constant. 00:21:59.618 --> 00:22:01.529 I wasn't sure of his suitability. 00:22:06.041 --> 00:22:08.407 But my family felt that more improving 00:22:08.502 --> 00:22:09.582 might be in the offing. 00:22:11.797 --> 00:22:14.630 After all, it is a long Lane that has no turning. 00:22:20.222 --> 00:22:22.804 You both have much to be thankful for. 00:22:25.811 --> 00:22:26.846 We do. 00:22:46.081 --> 00:22:47.366 It's still too soon. 00:22:50.961 --> 00:22:51.961 Sorry. 00:22:52.046 --> 00:22:54.833 Tuesday, February 19th. 00:23:02.848 --> 00:23:06.966 My reluctance seems to have become his shame. 00:23:07.061 --> 00:23:10.929 His nighttime pleasures, which were never numerous, 00:23:11.023 --> 00:23:13.639 have curtailed even more. 00:23:13.734 --> 00:23:17.477 And I have so far refused to engage his persistence 00:23:17.571 --> 00:23:19.527 on the subject of another child. 00:23:54.274 --> 00:23:55.274 Evening. 00:23:56.568 --> 00:23:57.933 This is my husband Finney. 00:23:58.028 --> 00:23:59.068 And you already know Dyer. 00:23:59.113 --> 00:24:00.113 Our paths have crossed. 00:24:00.197 --> 00:24:02.609 And this is the Abigail that I've been mentioning. 00:24:02.699 --> 00:24:04.761 My wife talks about you as if you're all about the house, 00:24:04.785 --> 00:24:06.054 and everything reminds her of you. 00:24:06.078 --> 00:24:09.036 Oh, well, it's all I can do but sit cross-legged and morose 00:24:09.123 --> 00:24:10.158 whenever she's away. 00:24:11.667 --> 00:24:13.703 - Come in. - Thank you. 00:24:13.794 --> 00:24:16.501 The rain so heavy that it broke down our mill. 00:24:20.884 --> 00:24:21.919 Did you miss me? 00:24:23.220 --> 00:24:24.255 Yes. 00:24:25.722 --> 00:24:26.882 You look different. 00:24:28.225 --> 00:24:29.260 No... 00:24:32.521 --> 00:24:33.977 Finney seems agreeable. 00:24:36.859 --> 00:24:38.599 Yes, he is, when he chooses to be. 00:24:53.041 --> 00:24:55.202 I guess I'm supposed to offer a toast. 00:24:55.294 --> 00:24:56.729 But when it comes to the social graces, 00:24:56.753 --> 00:24:59.495 I'm about as smooth as coming down a rocky hill in the dark. 00:24:59.590 --> 00:25:01.171 What my husband means is he's so happy 00:25:01.258 --> 00:25:02.373 to finally get together, 00:25:02.468 --> 00:25:03.753 and to see Dyer again. 00:25:07.097 --> 00:25:08.177 Cheers. 00:25:10.267 --> 00:25:11.723 Part of what I value about my wife 00:25:11.810 --> 00:25:14.301 is how she taught me to associate with my fellow beings. 00:25:19.318 --> 00:25:21.434 Finney, that's a handsome neck tie you've chosen. 00:25:22.070 --> 00:25:23.150 Thank you. 00:25:23.238 --> 00:25:24.318 But with my neck, 00:25:24.406 --> 00:25:27.022 my head sticks out like a chicken in a poultry wagon. 00:25:27.117 --> 00:25:28.482 Your tart was wonderfully savory. 00:25:28.577 --> 00:25:30.067 Oh, did you like it? I'm so glad. 00:25:30.162 --> 00:25:31.389 I was worried I wouldn't have enough eggs 00:25:31.413 --> 00:25:33.745 - because we had an accident. - Oh. 00:25:33.832 --> 00:25:36.574 My hired hand pulled down a box of eggs and broke two dozen. 00:25:36.668 --> 00:25:38.408 I announced that he was unlucky to eggs 00:25:38.504 --> 00:25:40.335 and no longer allowed to approach them. 00:25:40.422 --> 00:25:43.334 "Unlucky to eggs.” I like that. 00:25:43.425 --> 00:25:45.916 I told him that his shirt had so many holes, 00:25:46.011 --> 00:25:47.626 he can make a necklace of it. 00:25:47.721 --> 00:25:50.884 Well, we often wish we could afford a hired hand. 00:25:50.974 --> 00:25:53.286 We've suffered a great deal from the carelessness of hired hands. 00:25:53.310 --> 00:25:55.330 Mr. holt's hired hand is said to have swum his horse 00:25:55.354 --> 00:25:57.015 over the canal despite the cold. 00:25:57.105 --> 00:25:58.105 Really? 00:25:59.274 --> 00:26:00.810 Yes. 00:26:00.901 --> 00:26:02.061 Winter's been so hard, 00:26:02.152 --> 00:26:03.437 sometimes Mrs. weldon's son 00:26:03.529 --> 00:26:05.986 has had to deliver the mail on skis. 00:26:06.073 --> 00:26:08.735 Now our letters can get lost at breakneck speed. 00:26:08.825 --> 00:26:11.111 Did you write letters to tallie when you were courting? 00:26:12.538 --> 00:26:13.538 I did. 00:26:16.458 --> 00:26:17.698 And did tallie keep them? 00:26:21.004 --> 00:26:22.585 Only tallie knows for sure. 00:26:30.430 --> 00:26:32.967 [Monday, February 25th. 00:26:44.945 --> 00:26:47.732 Finney and tallie's bond confounds me. 00:26:49.616 --> 00:26:51.402 At times, when their eyes meet, 00:26:51.493 --> 00:26:55.907 they seem yoked in opposition to one another, 00:26:55.998 --> 00:26:59.240 while at other times, there seems a shared regard. 00:27:01.712 --> 00:27:03.577 There is something going on between us 00:27:03.672 --> 00:27:05.162 that I cannot unravel. 00:27:08.760 --> 00:27:09.760 Hold this here. 00:27:16.935 --> 00:27:17.970 Okay. 00:27:30.907 --> 00:27:31.907 Thank you. 00:27:57.684 --> 00:27:58.719 Hello, Dyer. 00:27:59.811 --> 00:28:00.811 Well, hello. 00:28:01.521 --> 00:28:02.931 You're off? 00:28:03.023 --> 00:28:04.263 Yes, to town. 00:28:07.861 --> 00:28:09.146 She'll be pleased to see you. 00:28:20.165 --> 00:28:21.496 Happy birthday! 00:28:24.252 --> 00:28:25.617 Brought you some things. 00:28:29.841 --> 00:28:30.956 Hand-knitted? 00:28:31.760 --> 00:28:33.091 I hoped you'd like them. 00:28:33.178 --> 00:28:34.213 I do. 00:28:41.269 --> 00:28:42.304 An atlas! 00:28:47.609 --> 00:28:49.600 The United States of America. 00:28:52.989 --> 00:28:55.651 Oh and a little pot of apple sauce with an egg on top. 00:29:01.707 --> 00:29:03.072 My feet are freezing. 00:29:03.166 --> 00:29:04.497 Oh, let me warm them. 00:29:17.264 --> 00:29:18.264 How's Finney? 00:29:20.308 --> 00:29:21.308 He's Finney. 00:29:33.655 --> 00:29:34.735 Ah, it tickles. 00:29:44.750 --> 00:29:47.412 My husband records trespassers in his journals. 00:29:49.004 --> 00:29:50.665 And this morning, when I asked him 00:29:50.756 --> 00:29:52.246 what he intends to do about them, 00:29:52.340 --> 00:29:54.547 his response was so unpleasant that I... 00:29:55.802 --> 00:29:57.133 Resolved to visit you... 00:29:59.264 --> 00:30:00.904 So that there would be something in my day 00:30:00.932 --> 00:30:02.342 other than his meanness. 00:30:06.146 --> 00:30:08.979 Dyer thinks he has many estimable qualities. 00:30:09.065 --> 00:30:10.225 He does. 00:30:10.317 --> 00:30:13.229 And he also uses a ledger to keep accounting of whom I visit 00:30:13.320 --> 00:30:14.480 and how long I stay. 00:30:14.571 --> 00:30:15.811 Why? 00:30:15.906 --> 00:30:17.271 I have no idea. 00:30:17.365 --> 00:30:18.821 As he's gotten more like this, 00:30:18.909 --> 00:30:20.615 I've given up trying to figure out 00:30:20.702 --> 00:30:22.693 all the peculiarities of his... 00:30:24.247 --> 00:30:25.612 Odd little world. 00:30:29.628 --> 00:30:32.665 I suppose he's especially unhappy with me since... 00:30:34.716 --> 00:30:36.422 I'm yet to give him a child. 00:30:44.768 --> 00:30:46.178 What does it feel like? 00:30:48.522 --> 00:30:50.137 Like nothing at first. 00:30:51.274 --> 00:30:54.141 But then when she began to stir... 00:30:54.236 --> 00:30:56.522 It's like butterflies flapping their wings. 00:30:58.824 --> 00:31:01.190 Later, like a rabbit... 00:31:01.284 --> 00:31:03.115 When she kicked her legs at night. 00:31:06.706 --> 00:31:07.946 It frightens me. 00:31:13.797 --> 00:31:15.537 The thought of having none of that. 00:31:21.596 --> 00:31:22.756 And of giving birth. 00:31:23.849 --> 00:31:25.589 Most of us feel that way. 00:31:28.520 --> 00:31:29.520 But... 00:31:30.772 --> 00:31:33.935 When the time comes, I will be there... 00:31:34.025 --> 00:31:35.356 To guide you through it. 00:31:44.077 --> 00:31:45.613 Dyer must want another child. 00:31:52.627 --> 00:31:53.662 I understand. 00:32:29.539 --> 00:32:30.619 Birthday gifts. 00:32:43.053 --> 00:32:44.463 A box of raisins. 00:32:45.972 --> 00:32:47.758 That needle case you've been needing. 00:32:47.849 --> 00:32:49.305 And a tin of sardines. 00:32:50.185 --> 00:32:51.185 You spoil me. 00:32:53.980 --> 00:32:57.143 Oh, you got gifts from your new friend. 00:33:00.737 --> 00:33:02.068 She left hours ago. 00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:06.406 I just saw her leave. 00:33:16.378 --> 00:33:17.663 The great storm began 00:33:17.754 --> 00:33:20.996 with a faint groaning in the northeast. 00:33:21.091 --> 00:33:23.878 It was like a noise of a locomotive. 00:34:20.525 --> 00:34:21.560 Help! 00:34:59.064 --> 00:35:00.770 Come closer, girl. 00:35:00.857 --> 00:35:02.222 It's warmer over here. 00:35:23.379 --> 00:35:25.916 I'm sorry, I'll be going. 00:35:26.007 --> 00:35:27.167 You should wait it out. 00:35:37.185 --> 00:35:38.185 Come on, mare. 00:36:03.461 --> 00:36:04.826 Dyer! 00:36:13.888 --> 00:36:15.128 Dyer! 00:36:38.830 --> 00:36:40.195 Dyer! 00:37:00.310 --> 00:37:03.552 How long would it be before I receive word of tallie? 00:37:05.815 --> 00:37:07.271 How long could I wait? 00:37:11.070 --> 00:37:12.981 How long will the feed in the barn last? 00:37:16.159 --> 00:37:18.946 Each cow eats 26 pounds of forage every day. 00:37:20.163 --> 00:37:22.324 You should know that. 00:37:22.415 --> 00:37:25.999 They start to skinny down after three days. 00:37:26.085 --> 00:37:28.792 Heard the newspaper predicts the storm'll let up by then. 00:37:28.880 --> 00:37:30.120 But that's probably based on 00:37:30.215 --> 00:37:32.456 an expert's consultation of a goose bone. 00:37:44.062 --> 00:37:47.554 "In a real crisis of nature, we're all at another's mercy." 00:37:48.233 --> 00:37:49.268 Yes. 00:37:51.444 --> 00:37:52.604 My mother liked to say, 00:37:52.695 --> 00:37:55.277 "we tumble from one mortification to another." 00:38:02.205 --> 00:38:05.288 When I was seven, an earthquake knocked down our house and barn. 00:38:07.710 --> 00:38:08.710 Did I tell you? 00:38:09.712 --> 00:38:10.747 Never. 00:38:12.006 --> 00:38:13.667 - An earthquake? - Yes. 00:38:16.552 --> 00:38:18.338 I remember something woke me before dawn. 00:38:18.429 --> 00:38:19.669 I don't know what. 00:38:21.808 --> 00:38:23.218 My father was calling out. 00:38:26.104 --> 00:38:29.517 But I couldn't tear myself away from the window. 00:38:29.607 --> 00:38:33.941 I saw birds fluttering in the air, afraid to set down. 00:38:34.028 --> 00:38:36.440 The river was roiling, and I couldn't move. 00:38:38.449 --> 00:38:39.484 And then... 00:38:44.414 --> 00:38:47.781 Finally, I jumped down to our collapsed stairwell, 00:38:49.961 --> 00:38:51.792 as all my brothers had done before me. 00:38:51.879 --> 00:38:54.291 And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch. 00:39:04.559 --> 00:39:06.049 Later, my mother said 00:39:06.144 --> 00:39:08.886 that the dread never fully went away after that. 00:39:13.526 --> 00:39:16.142 She said, "what was safe if the solid earth could do that?" 00:39:19.449 --> 00:39:23.112 Mother. 00:39:41.637 --> 00:39:43.377 Tallie! You're frozen! 00:39:48.853 --> 00:39:51.640 Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake! 00:39:51.731 --> 00:39:53.687 Open your eyes! Open your eyes! 00:39:59.197 --> 00:40:00.197 Keep your eyes open! 00:40:01.032 --> 00:40:02.032 Keep your eyes open! 00:40:03.868 --> 00:40:05.153 Look at me. 00:40:07.330 --> 00:40:08.991 I would die without you. 00:40:16.297 --> 00:40:17.628 Then you're safe. 00:40:19.759 --> 00:40:21.044 Because I am here. 00:40:23.179 --> 00:40:25.295 Monday, march 17th. 00:40:41.531 --> 00:40:44.364 Half the chickens are lost. 00:40:44.450 --> 00:40:47.908 I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths 00:40:47.995 --> 00:40:50.532 in an attempt to revive them. 00:41:23.948 --> 00:41:24.983 Hobnalils... 00:41:26.367 --> 00:41:27.607 For better traction. 00:41:30.997 --> 00:41:33.079 The widow weldon's son, on his rounds, 00:41:33.166 --> 00:41:36.203 reported that tallie had gotten home safely, 00:41:36.294 --> 00:41:39.001 with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite. 00:41:39.088 --> 00:41:41.249 We haven't seen your friend down the Lane for a while. 00:41:42.300 --> 00:41:44.291 Finney took her to oneonta. 00:41:48.014 --> 00:41:50.050 So everything is tedious and lonesome? 00:41:51.434 --> 00:41:53.641 Thursday, April 10th. 00:41:57.940 --> 00:42:00.352 Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast. 00:42:02.236 --> 00:42:04.773 Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens 00:42:04.864 --> 00:42:07.731 with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw. 00:42:09.785 --> 00:42:12.276 It always seems that tallie will never appear. 00:42:13.998 --> 00:42:16.785 But I remind myself that time and the needle wear 00:42:16.876 --> 00:42:18.491 through the longest morning. 00:42:20.004 --> 00:42:22.416 And I have noted that when she does arrive, 00:42:23.966 --> 00:42:27.299 my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock 00:42:27.386 --> 00:42:29.468 by rapidly moving water. 00:42:50.535 --> 00:42:51.570 Hello. Oh! 00:42:51.661 --> 00:42:53.492 Oh! Careful. 00:42:55.665 --> 00:42:58.247 Stay. Sit, sit. 00:43:05.174 --> 00:43:07.881 Saturday, April 12th. 00:43:07.969 --> 00:43:11.382 - I spent the last two days... - Very damp, cloudy and cool. 00:43:12.598 --> 00:43:14.134 Smoky. 00:43:14.225 --> 00:43:16.807 Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire. 00:43:19.438 --> 00:43:21.929 Your nose is being gracious. 00:43:22.024 --> 00:43:25.016 Monday, April 14th. 00:43:25.111 --> 00:43:27.727 A terribly bad spring so far, 00:43:27.822 --> 00:43:30.154 but the clover has come up through it, 00:43:30.241 --> 00:43:31.526 and is all right. 00:43:33.452 --> 00:43:34.452 And how's Finney? 00:43:35.663 --> 00:43:37.073 The soul of Patience. 00:43:38.541 --> 00:43:41.374 He's mentioning again the idea of migrating west. 00:43:44.046 --> 00:43:45.661 You're planning on moving west? 00:43:46.757 --> 00:43:48.918 Perhaps. 00:43:49.010 --> 00:43:53.299 I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end. 00:43:53.389 --> 00:43:55.755 Which is what one might expect from Ohio. 00:43:57.810 --> 00:43:59.926 - Tomorrow? - Hm. 00:44:05.026 --> 00:44:08.063 Thursday, April 17th. 00:44:08.154 --> 00:44:11.521 Rain in torrents nearly all night. 00:44:11.616 --> 00:44:14.983 The Lane is flooded and the ditches brim full. 00:44:15.077 --> 00:44:18.069 This morning, only a slight shower. 00:44:18.164 --> 00:44:20.997 Tallie came later than her usual time today. 00:44:22.335 --> 00:44:24.200 She offered no explanation. 00:44:47.485 --> 00:44:51.899 I'm sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous. 00:44:51.989 --> 00:44:53.399 Joyous it was not. 00:44:54.617 --> 00:44:56.232 But I made my own happinesses. 00:44:59.372 --> 00:45:02.614 My husband says, "god puts heavy stones in your path, 00:45:02.708 --> 00:45:04.244 it's up to us to step over them." 00:45:06.921 --> 00:45:08.957 Stones are what the fortunate receive. 00:45:10.341 --> 00:45:14.209 My mother's mother was born in 1780 00:45:14.303 --> 00:45:16.089 right here in schoharie county. 00:45:18.099 --> 00:45:20.681 I often wonder at the courage 00:45:20.768 --> 00:45:22.679 and the resourcefulness of those women. 00:45:24.647 --> 00:45:27.559 Imagine faring forth into a wilderness, 00:45:27.650 --> 00:45:30.062 hoping to build the foundations of a home. 00:45:34.490 --> 00:45:37.357 Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don't have. 00:45:46.127 --> 00:45:47.162 When can you come? 00:45:48.421 --> 00:45:49.456 Tuesday. 00:45:56.220 --> 00:45:57.335 - Hello, tallie! - Good day. 00:45:57.430 --> 00:45:59.216 Was your afternoon gladsome? 00:45:59.306 --> 00:46:00.386 Yes, it was, very. 00:46:03.602 --> 00:46:05.263 - Goodbye. - Goodbye. 00:46:10.401 --> 00:46:12.266 I felt, 00:46:12.361 --> 00:46:14.898 looking at her expression, 00:46:14.989 --> 00:46:18.823 as if she were in full sail on a flood tide, 00:46:18.909 --> 00:46:21.446 while I bobbed along down backwards. 00:46:22.288 --> 00:46:23.994 And yet, 00:46:24.081 --> 00:46:27.323 I never say on her countenance the indifference 00:46:27.418 --> 00:46:30.455 of fortunate towards the less fortunate. 00:47:02.578 --> 00:47:03.578 Good day. 00:47:04.288 --> 00:47:05.323 Good day. 00:47:05.414 --> 00:47:06.414 Are you sick, too? 00:47:07.458 --> 00:47:08.493 Not at all. 00:47:09.668 --> 00:47:11.249 I was hoping to compare colds. 00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:14.120 I'll make you tea and honey? 00:47:40.658 --> 00:47:41.693 What? 00:47:44.036 --> 00:47:45.196 Every morning I wake up 00:47:45.287 --> 00:47:47.869 and I think that I never want to be far from you. 00:47:58.217 --> 00:48:00.445 And under your influence, since you're so good with words, 00:48:00.469 --> 00:48:01.549 I've composed a poem. 00:48:04.807 --> 00:48:07.344 It's entitled... 00:48:07.434 --> 00:48:09.425 "Oh, sick and miserable heart, be still." 00:48:17.403 --> 00:48:18.859 When I was a little girl, 00:48:18.946 --> 00:48:20.857 I thought I could cultivate my intellect 00:48:20.948 --> 00:48:23.030 and do something for the world. 00:48:25.995 --> 00:48:30.455 But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary. 00:48:36.171 --> 00:48:37.536 You're talking about that moment 00:48:37.631 --> 00:48:41.169 that I have dreamed about, when we're carried in triumph 00:48:41.260 --> 00:48:44.502 for having done something wonderful or received at home 00:48:44.597 --> 00:48:48.010 with tears and shouts of joy. 00:48:48.100 --> 00:48:49.340 Do you know what I wonder? 00:49:00.487 --> 00:49:02.648 Is it possible... 00:49:02.740 --> 00:49:05.652 That such a moment hasn't yet come for either of us? 00:49:08.329 --> 00:49:09.694 I think it has. 00:49:13.709 --> 00:49:14.869 Or that it could. 00:49:15.419 --> 00:49:16.419 You do. 00:49:18.547 --> 00:49:19.582 So what do you think? 00:49:21.216 --> 00:49:22.456 What do you think about us? 00:49:27.389 --> 00:49:29.175 I don't know how to put it into words. 00:49:29.266 --> 00:49:30.266 Well, try. 00:49:32.561 --> 00:49:34.017 - I have tried. - Well, try again. 00:49:34.104 --> 00:49:35.389 What do you imagine? 00:49:41.695 --> 00:49:43.231 I imagine that I love 00:49:43.322 --> 00:49:46.405 how our encircling feelings leave nothing out... 00:49:48.410 --> 00:49:49.991 For us to want or seek. 00:49:54.792 --> 00:49:56.453 I've presumed too much. 00:50:06.762 --> 00:50:09.253 It's been my experience that it's not always those 00:50:09.348 --> 00:50:13.557 who show the least who actually feel the least. 00:50:21.652 --> 00:50:23.438 Just my dog's toenails on the wood. 00:50:44.550 --> 00:50:46.882 Why didn't you do what you attempted to do? 00:51:27.259 --> 00:51:28.874 I worry you'll catch my cold. 00:51:31.472 --> 00:51:33.633 You smell like a biscuit. 00:51:41.398 --> 00:51:42.854 I have to go home. 00:52:02.795 --> 00:52:04.751 Astonishment and joy. 00:52:12.846 --> 00:52:15.007 Astonishment and joy. 00:52:26.401 --> 00:52:28.733 Astonishment and joy. 00:52:53.262 --> 00:52:55.594 You haven't accomplished any of your responsibilities. 00:52:58.142 --> 00:53:01.134 - Do you need assistance? - No, I don't think so. 00:53:15.200 --> 00:53:17.156 So it's a cold plate for supper tonight? 00:53:27.838 --> 00:53:29.044 I'll milk the cows. 00:54:07.044 --> 00:54:08.784 Friday, may 30th. 00:54:11.381 --> 00:54:13.497 The sunshine streaming through the branches 00:54:13.592 --> 00:54:17.005 makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade. 00:54:23.644 --> 00:54:27.512 We hold our friendship between us and study it, 00:54:29.233 --> 00:54:32.600 as if it were the incomplete map of our escape. 00:54:42.204 --> 00:54:43.614 When the day is done, 00:54:44.790 --> 00:54:46.280 my mind turns to her, 00:54:46.375 --> 00:54:48.536 and I think, with a special heat, 00:54:50.629 --> 00:54:52.836 "why are we to be separated?” 00:55:15.445 --> 00:55:17.902 Your smile stopped. Is it meant for someone else? 00:55:17.990 --> 00:55:19.605 Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. 00:55:25.289 --> 00:55:27.496 We need calico and buttons and shoe thread. 00:55:32.921 --> 00:55:35.287 Am I troubling you, sitting here with you like this? 00:55:36.883 --> 00:55:37.918 Not at all. 00:55:43.932 --> 00:55:45.047 I may be late coming to it, 00:55:45.142 --> 00:55:47.178 but I've learned consideration of others. 00:55:50.188 --> 00:55:52.053 I've learned the need for human sympathy 00:55:53.775 --> 00:55:55.231 and the unfulfilled want of it. 00:55:57.195 --> 00:55:59.106 I feel I've provided you with sympathy. 00:56:02.075 --> 00:56:03.440 I suppose that's so. 00:56:20.052 --> 00:56:21.212 The smile returns. 00:56:29.436 --> 00:56:30.551 Good day. 00:56:44.034 --> 00:56:48.323 Oh. 00:56:48.413 --> 00:56:50.495 I believe that intimacy increases goodwill. 00:56:51.416 --> 00:56:53.452 And if that's the case, 00:56:53.543 --> 00:56:54.908 then every minute we spend together 00:56:55.003 --> 00:56:56.868 will make us more cheerful workers. 00:56:59.591 --> 00:57:01.297 Won't our farms benefit from that? 00:57:02.636 --> 00:57:03.716 Won't our husbands? 00:57:07.015 --> 00:57:08.801 All our burdens will be lightened. 00:57:35.293 --> 00:57:38.956 When she left, I was like a skiff at sea 00:57:39.047 --> 00:57:42.005 with neither hand nor helm to guide it. 00:57:44.803 --> 00:57:47.294 They're cleaning out the drain under the street along the fork. 00:57:50.642 --> 00:57:52.633 And several people are down with fever. 00:57:58.525 --> 00:58:01.312 Holt came by to hang the bacon. 00:58:01.403 --> 00:58:04.065 He still hasn't recovered from being beaten by two strangers. 00:58:05.490 --> 00:58:08.653 He had to be hauled to his home in his cart. 00:58:08.743 --> 00:58:10.583 He said the men who did it were gonna kill him, 00:58:10.662 --> 00:58:13.119 and then realized they were mistaken as to who he was. 00:58:13.206 --> 00:58:14.766 Lately, it seems like all you talk about 00:58:14.791 --> 00:58:16.372 are highwaymen and house breakers. 00:58:23.633 --> 00:58:25.464 On the contrary, 00:58:25.552 --> 00:58:27.417 I often defer to your sensitivities. 00:58:29.514 --> 00:58:30.799 And I haven't even told you about 00:58:30.891 --> 00:58:32.506 all the reports in the county of men 00:58:32.601 --> 00:58:35.058 who've poisoned and killed their wives 00:58:35.145 --> 00:58:37.345 because I haven't found it a fitting subject for supper. 00:58:41.109 --> 00:58:43.191 "Killed their wives," he used those words? 00:58:43.278 --> 00:58:44.688 Mm-hm. Those words. 00:58:46.281 --> 00:58:48.693 Have you had any disagreements? 00:58:48.783 --> 00:58:51.115 Yes, about my wifely duties. 00:58:51.203 --> 00:58:53.569 I told him that I was opposed to it, that I was not willing. 00:58:56.500 --> 00:58:57.706 And he accepted that? 00:58:59.211 --> 00:59:01.076 Well, he hasn't touched me since, so... 00:59:13.099 --> 00:59:14.680 But I made myself feel better... 00:59:16.102 --> 00:59:17.433 By composing a poem. 00:59:19.064 --> 00:59:20.554 Can I read you the opening stanza? 00:59:21.983 --> 00:59:23.564 You can read me the entire poem. 00:59:23.652 --> 00:59:25.563 No, I'll start with the opening stanza. 00:59:32.118 --> 00:59:33.824 "I love flowering gardens. 00:59:34.579 --> 00:59:36.661 I love creeping plants. 00:59:36.748 --> 00:59:38.909 I love walking in the air, 00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:40.706 but I fear swarming ants." 00:59:45.840 --> 00:59:47.876 I don't think I can support the rhyme. 00:59:53.056 --> 00:59:54.796 You see why I didn't read the whole thing? 00:59:55.892 --> 00:59:57.348 I'm sorry. 00:59:57.435 --> 00:59:59.721 I've always been contrary and maladroit. 01:00:06.069 --> 01:00:07.855 Earlier, I... I felt that... 01:00:10.156 --> 01:00:13.990 Whenever I would draw close to you, you would retreat, 01:00:14.077 --> 01:00:16.489 and that, if I kept still, you would return 01:00:16.580 --> 01:00:19.413 but you'd stay at a distance, like those sparrows 01:00:19.499 --> 01:00:22.457 that stay in the farmyard and won't come into the house. 01:00:23.878 --> 01:00:26.870 - That's not how I feel. - How do you feel, then? 01:00:26.965 --> 01:00:28.796 When I was in school, 01:00:28.883 --> 01:00:30.623 the teacher had me read "cordelia" 01:00:30.719 --> 01:00:32.175 to an older boy's "king lear." 01:00:33.722 --> 01:00:34.757 Near the end of the play, 01:00:34.848 --> 01:00:37.590 the king and his daughter are imprisoned, 01:00:37.684 --> 01:00:39.675 but he views it in a positive way. 01:00:41.354 --> 01:00:44.061 "Come, let's away to prison," he says. 01:00:45.984 --> 01:00:49.476 "We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage." 01:00:50.614 --> 01:00:51.649 Imprisoned... 01:00:54.159 --> 01:00:55.524 In a positive way? 01:00:56.870 --> 01:01:00.454 Well, maybe that one has to read the entire play. 01:01:00.540 --> 01:01:02.496 It may be only in plays where people 01:01:02.584 --> 01:01:05.451 are imprisoned in a positive way. 01:01:05.545 --> 01:01:08.082 You don't think there's a cage that could work to our benefit? 01:01:14.262 --> 01:01:15.377 I just... 01:01:19.934 --> 01:01:21.174 I only know that... 01:01:24.147 --> 01:01:25.683 I've never liked cages. 01:01:45.460 --> 01:01:48.793 I hope you had a good afternoon in shangri-la or timbuktu, 01:01:48.880 --> 01:01:50.040 wherever it is you've been. 01:01:50.131 --> 01:01:51.917 I had a busy afternoon, yes. 01:01:52.008 --> 01:01:53.293 I would think. 01:01:53.385 --> 01:01:55.341 Five hours you've been gone. 01:01:55.428 --> 01:01:56.543 I went to the drapers. 01:01:56.638 --> 01:01:58.879 I couldn't find anything I liked. 01:01:58.973 --> 01:02:00.868 Then I stopped by the tinker for a sack of coffee, 01:02:00.892 --> 01:02:03.599 but he's now asking 60 cents, and I only had 50. 01:02:03.687 --> 01:02:05.623 Then I thought I would buy you a treat of some kind, 01:02:05.647 --> 01:02:07.228 but Mr. arnolds reminded me 01:02:07.315 --> 01:02:09.195 that I still owed for my last transactions so... 01:02:11.027 --> 01:02:12.858 I was forced to close up my purse. 01:02:15.532 --> 01:02:17.238 Tell me everything about your day. 01:02:17.325 --> 01:02:18.565 Don't hold anything back. 01:02:18.660 --> 01:02:21.527 You're not interested in how your wife spends her time. 01:02:21.621 --> 01:02:23.532 I don't feel I have a wife. 01:02:23.623 --> 01:02:26.456 I feel I have a selfish whore who... 01:02:26.543 --> 01:02:28.829 Who'd rather wander off to another man's house 01:02:28.920 --> 01:02:30.410 than contribute any labor. 01:02:35.260 --> 01:02:37.000 Well, Dyer was off in the fields, 01:02:37.095 --> 01:02:39.302 and her house is on the way back home, so... 01:02:41.391 --> 01:02:42.801 So it's just Abigail and you 01:02:42.892 --> 01:02:45.383 tittering and gossiping away the hours? 01:02:45.478 --> 01:02:48.561 Enjoying each other's company. 01:02:48.648 --> 01:02:51.890 I have certain expectations, and you have certain duties. 01:02:51.985 --> 01:02:54.897 We've talked all night and day about your expectations. 01:02:57.407 --> 01:02:58.772 I will not stay with a woman 01:02:58.867 --> 01:03:00.903 if it continually requires contention. 01:03:00.994 --> 01:03:03.485 Well, then you shouldn't stay with me, should you? 01:03:03.580 --> 01:03:05.241 Don't ask for more than you can handle. 01:03:13.965 --> 01:03:17.457 Sunday, June 8th. 01:03:17.552 --> 01:03:20.965 All afternoon, a hawk has been using a single cloud above us 01:03:21.055 --> 01:03:22.886 as its own parasol. 01:03:38.990 --> 01:03:41.197 To ward off others of its kind. 01:03:55.632 --> 01:03:59.591 Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant. 01:04:03.223 --> 01:04:04.429 God help us. 01:04:32.210 --> 01:04:35.293 When three days went by without a word from her, 01:04:35.380 --> 01:04:38.463 I stole over to her house to look on her 01:04:38.550 --> 01:04:40.165 from what I imagined to be 01:04:40.260 --> 01:04:42.342 a vantage point of perfect safety. 01:04:50.854 --> 01:04:54.438 By turning the lens piece, I could draw her face nearer, 01:04:54.524 --> 01:04:57.982 and hold it there until she turned away. 01:04:58.069 --> 01:05:00.651 Her image provoked a sensation in me 01:05:00.738 --> 01:05:03.195 like the violence that sends a floating branch 01:05:03.283 --> 01:05:06.241 far out over a waterfall's precipice 01:05:06.327 --> 01:05:08.192 before it plummets. 01:05:22.093 --> 01:05:25.210 "For the wife does not have the authority over her own body, 01:05:25.305 --> 01:05:26.305 but the husband does. 01:05:26.389 --> 01:05:27.845 Do not deprive one another, 01:05:27.932 --> 01:05:29.638 so that Satan may not tempt you 01:05:29.726 --> 01:05:31.887 because of your lack of self-control." 01:05:31.978 --> 01:05:35.436 Ephesians 5:33. "Submit to your own husbands, as to the lord..." 01:05:35.523 --> 01:05:37.559 Monday, June 9th. 01:05:53.833 --> 01:05:55.118 Merciful father... 01:05:56.836 --> 01:05:59.122 Turn the channel of events. 01:06:12.727 --> 01:06:15.685 Wednesday, June 11th. 01:06:19.984 --> 01:06:23.021 Dyer has been silent all day, 01:06:23.112 --> 01:06:25.694 and I was happy to be left in my solitude. 01:06:39.963 --> 01:06:40.998 Hello! 01:06:42.090 --> 01:06:43.876 Tallie... 01:06:43.967 --> 01:06:45.332 We haven't seen you for days. 01:06:47.220 --> 01:06:48.255 Have you been ill? 01:06:50.181 --> 01:06:51.781 - Nothing serious, I hope. - Ho! 01:06:54.477 --> 01:06:55.637 She's been under the weather. 01:06:57.397 --> 01:07:00.264 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 01:07:00.358 --> 01:07:03.475 We want to invite you to dinner again this Saturday next. 01:07:03.569 --> 01:07:06.436 But it's our turn. We should be feasting you. 01:07:06.531 --> 01:07:08.396 In the meantime, please be our guests. 01:07:09.993 --> 01:07:10.993 We'd love to. 01:07:11.577 --> 01:07:12.612 Six? 01:07:13.663 --> 01:07:15.153 - Six it is. - Hup! 01:07:33.266 --> 01:07:35.006 My mother once told me in a fury 01:07:35.101 --> 01:07:36.932 when [I was a little girl 01:07:37.020 --> 01:07:38.851 that my father asked nothing of her 01:07:38.938 --> 01:07:41.054 except that she work in the garden, 01:07:41.149 --> 01:07:43.765 harvest the produce, preserve the fruit, 01:07:46.487 --> 01:07:48.193 manage the household duties, 01:07:48.281 --> 01:07:50.943 and help out in the fields when needed. 01:07:51.034 --> 01:07:52.740 She said she appeared in his ledger 01:07:52.827 --> 01:07:55.113 only when she purchased a dress. 01:07:56.622 --> 01:07:58.032 Am I anywhere in there? 01:08:01.419 --> 01:08:04.206 I'm recording spring expenses. 01:08:04.297 --> 01:08:06.504 And how have things changed? 01:08:06.591 --> 01:08:08.456 Daughters are married off so young 01:08:08.551 --> 01:08:11.884 that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl 01:08:11.971 --> 01:08:14.804 is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations 01:08:14.891 --> 01:08:17.382 before she is even full-grown in height. 01:08:21.314 --> 01:08:22.520 That's its purpose! 01:08:41.709 --> 01:08:42.744 Come on. Come on. 01:08:50.676 --> 01:08:51.791 Morning. 01:09:09.070 --> 01:09:10.150 Morning, Jim. 01:09:10.947 --> 01:09:12.483 Morning, ma'am. 01:09:12.573 --> 01:09:13.779 I've got a new book for you. 01:09:13.866 --> 01:09:15.302 Do you know, I'd actually like to see 01:09:15.326 --> 01:09:17.066 that blue dress you have there. 01:09:17.161 --> 01:09:18.241 All right, lady. 01:09:23.000 --> 01:09:24.080 Over here! 01:09:34.804 --> 01:09:36.010 It's two and a half. 01:09:38.015 --> 01:09:39.095 I'll take it. 01:10:10.756 --> 01:10:11.871 My change? 01:10:17.430 --> 01:10:18.465 Thank you. 01:10:20.391 --> 01:10:23.007 The mannings' oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp 01:10:23.102 --> 01:10:24.763 and it set the house ablaze. 01:10:24.854 --> 01:10:26.469 - Fire! - Ho! Ho! 01:10:28.232 --> 01:10:29.501 - Fire! - Before she was driven 01:10:29.525 --> 01:10:31.766 from the house by the flames, 01:10:31.861 --> 01:10:33.897 she heard calls from her sister, 01:10:33.988 --> 01:10:35.979 who was trapped in the upper loft. 01:10:48.544 --> 01:10:50.205 Get her out of there. 01:10:55.760 --> 01:10:57.625 Cassie! 01:11:08.272 --> 01:11:09.637 Get her out! 01:11:14.362 --> 01:11:15.522 Get her out! 01:11:38.177 --> 01:11:41.544 Your wife is to be commended on her hospitality and cooking. 01:11:46.227 --> 01:11:47.933 I can recall the day... 01:11:48.020 --> 01:11:50.386 No, thank you. 01:11:50.481 --> 01:11:55.601 When every family was fed, clothed, shod, sheltered, 01:11:55.695 --> 01:11:57.902 and warmed from the products a good wife 01:11:57.989 --> 01:11:59.854 gathered within her own fence line. 01:12:02.243 --> 01:12:04.700 I heard down by the loggers that Mrs. mannings' oldest 01:12:04.787 --> 01:12:07.324 got fiercely burned in the house fire. 01:12:07.415 --> 01:12:09.246 - Cassie. - And died. 01:12:10.501 --> 01:12:12.366 Yes, she did. 01:12:14.588 --> 01:12:15.998 Well, as my father used to say, 01:12:17.300 --> 01:12:19.086 "the supreme disposer of all events 01:12:19.176 --> 01:12:21.667 does sometimes disappoint our earthly hopes." 01:12:27.184 --> 01:12:29.220 What a marvelous hanging lamp. 01:12:29.312 --> 01:12:31.223 Finney purchased it so that everyone could read 01:12:31.314 --> 01:12:33.225 with equal ease around the room. 01:12:33.316 --> 01:12:35.102 I wasn't brought up to read over much, 01:12:37.069 --> 01:12:39.276 but I do believe a father should give his children 01:12:39.363 --> 01:12:41.695 every chance to improve. 01:12:41.782 --> 01:12:43.864 Children being a sore point in this household. 01:12:46.746 --> 01:12:47.952 And yours, I'd expect. 01:12:51.876 --> 01:12:53.286 You'll have to forgive my husband. 01:12:58.007 --> 01:13:00.168 Even so, 01:13:00.259 --> 01:13:02.295 whatever misfortunes arrive at my doorstep, 01:13:02.386 --> 01:13:05.002 I seek to improve my lot with my own industry. 01:13:09.226 --> 01:13:11.091 I study my options closely, 01:13:11.187 --> 01:13:14.145 and just attend to everything with more vehemence. 01:13:14.231 --> 01:13:16.597 Well, then you should be commended for that. 01:13:16.692 --> 01:13:18.228 I'll give you an example. 01:13:18.319 --> 01:13:21.231 When I first began farming, 01:13:21.322 --> 01:13:23.278 I was so vexed at my own inability 01:13:23.366 --> 01:13:25.448 to stop my dogs barking 01:13:25.534 --> 01:13:27.946 that one January, during a storm, 01:13:28.037 --> 01:13:31.200 I held the dog around the corner of the barn in a Gale 01:13:31.290 --> 01:13:32.530 until it froze to death. 01:13:36.170 --> 01:13:40.163 I nearly froze to death myself, at least froze my hands, 01:13:40.257 --> 01:13:41.963 even with my heavy work gloves. 01:13:42.051 --> 01:13:43.461 That is reprehensible. 01:13:46.389 --> 01:13:49.005 Did I see outside that you use an old shovel plow? 01:13:49.100 --> 01:13:51.967 Well, since you're interested in my machinery, 01:13:53.729 --> 01:13:56.812 I have a hinged harrow that's been giving me trouble. 01:13:56.899 --> 01:14:00.232 The spikes catch the rocks and roots, and they break off. 01:14:00.319 --> 01:14:02.981 Well, our harrow has upright discs. 01:14:03.072 --> 01:14:04.187 Work better? 01:14:05.199 --> 01:14:06.234 Yeah, it seems to. 01:14:09.703 --> 01:14:11.193 Bring the desserts. 01:14:11.288 --> 01:14:13.244 I think we're stuffed. 01:14:13.332 --> 01:14:14.913 My husband insists on his pastries 01:14:15.000 --> 01:14:16.490 and preserved fruits and creams. 01:14:17.545 --> 01:14:18.580 Well, good. 01:14:26.887 --> 01:14:27.967 What is happening? 01:14:28.055 --> 01:14:29.591 Are you in danger? 01:14:29.682 --> 01:14:31.468 What happened to your neck? 01:14:31.559 --> 01:14:33.550 No, I just took a fall over a fence. 01:14:35.187 --> 01:14:36.393 I hadn't heard. 01:14:38.065 --> 01:14:40.105 There are many things about which you haven't heard. 01:14:48.117 --> 01:14:49.237 Back at the table, 01:14:49.285 --> 01:14:51.526 tallie kept strict custody of her eyes. 01:14:53.122 --> 01:14:56.114 Her husband's mood seemed to have darkened. 01:14:56.208 --> 01:14:58.950 He served the pastries and creams himself, 01:15:01.005 --> 01:15:02.836 leaving only her plate empty. 01:15:19.231 --> 01:15:21.643 Saturday, June 21st. 01:15:23.319 --> 01:15:24.809 My heart a maelstrom. 01:15:25.946 --> 01:15:28.278 My head a bedlam. 01:15:28.365 --> 01:15:30.822 A whole week and no visit from tallie. 01:15:32.661 --> 01:15:33.696 No word. 01:15:43.088 --> 01:15:45.955 My anxieties often force me to stop my work 01:15:46.050 --> 01:15:48.166 and pace the house like an inmate. 01:15:49.845 --> 01:15:51.051 I have to see her. 01:16:10.491 --> 01:16:11.606 Ho, ho! 01:16:29.927 --> 01:16:31.963 Tallie! Tallie! 01:17:24.023 --> 01:17:25.103 What has happened? 01:17:26.108 --> 01:17:27.188 They're gone. 01:17:29.737 --> 01:17:31.443 And no goodbye? 01:17:31.530 --> 01:17:32.895 We need to call the sheriff. 01:17:38.454 --> 01:17:41.696 And report what exactly? That our neighbors moved? 01:17:41.790 --> 01:17:43.906 It's the zebrun farm. They were renting. 01:17:44.001 --> 01:17:45.001 I'll go then. 01:17:45.669 --> 01:17:47.125 For what reason? 01:17:47.212 --> 01:17:48.292 There's blood! 01:17:51.508 --> 01:17:52.918 And you never had an accident? 01:18:00.643 --> 01:18:02.099 So we'll just do nothing? 01:18:19.203 --> 01:18:21.194 I'll make the rounds of the neighbors. 01:18:23.332 --> 01:18:24.788 And if we are not satisfied, 01:18:24.875 --> 01:18:26.355 we can take your fears to the sheriff. 01:18:29.546 --> 01:18:30.546 Thank you. 01:18:35.094 --> 01:18:38.086 Monday, June 23rd. 01:18:38.180 --> 01:18:41.047 Dyer said Mrs. nottoway recalled spotting their caravan 01:18:41.141 --> 01:18:44.804 on the country road in the late evening, heading northwest. 01:18:44.895 --> 01:18:45.975 Mrs. nottoway? 01:18:46.063 --> 01:18:47.974 She believed she spied tallie's figure 01:18:48.065 --> 01:18:51.102 alongside her husband's but was unsure. 01:18:51.193 --> 01:18:55.903 A hired hand, she thought, was driving the second wagon. 01:18:55.989 --> 01:18:58.230 Sunday, June 29th 01:18:58.325 --> 01:19:00.941 I spotted the sheriff on his way to church. 01:19:01.036 --> 01:19:04.278 I conveyed my accusations, to no response. 01:19:07.084 --> 01:19:09.450 Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime 01:19:09.545 --> 01:19:11.627 without evidence that a crime had been committed. 01:19:11.714 --> 01:19:12.714 Calm myself? 01:19:12.798 --> 01:19:14.538 I refused to calm myself, 01:19:14.633 --> 01:19:18.046 so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum. 01:19:18.137 --> 01:19:21.049 Monday, June 30th. 01:19:21.140 --> 01:19:23.973 Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum... 01:19:27.855 --> 01:19:29.140 I wake weeping, 01:19:30.065 --> 01:19:31.305 retire weeping, 01:19:32.443 --> 01:19:34.809 stand before my duties weeping. 01:19:40.409 --> 01:19:43.025 Sunday, July 6th. 01:19:43.120 --> 01:19:46.203 I am a library without books, 01:19:46.290 --> 01:19:50.408 a sea of fear, agitation and want. 01:19:50.502 --> 01:19:54.370 Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful. 01:19:54.465 --> 01:19:57.457 I sit violently conscious of the ticking clock 01:19:57.551 --> 01:19:59.542 while he weeps at what he imagines 01:19:59.636 --> 01:20:02.594 to be his own poor, forgotten self. 01:20:02.681 --> 01:20:04.467 Wednesday, July 9th. 01:20:06.226 --> 01:20:08.308 Despite some hours without the laudanum, 01:20:08.395 --> 01:20:10.852 I was so befogged and wild with grief 01:20:10.939 --> 01:20:12.850 that Dyer left me for the afternoon, 01:20:13.817 --> 01:20:16.183 unsettled and wary of my state. 01:20:20.991 --> 01:20:23.357 Tuesday, July 22nd. 01:20:39.426 --> 01:20:41.542 - Weldon? - Good day. 01:20:41.637 --> 01:20:42.989 The renters at zebrun's farm are gone. 01:20:43.013 --> 01:20:44.549 Did they leave a forwarding address? 01:20:45.808 --> 01:20:48.015 No. You've got a letter. 01:20:50.729 --> 01:20:51.809 Hyah. 01:20:56.777 --> 01:20:57.812 Is it from her? 01:21:00.239 --> 01:21:01.319 It is. 01:21:02.574 --> 01:21:04.906 - Oh. - Origin? 01:21:04.993 --> 01:21:06.608 Onondaga county. Do you know it? 01:21:09.164 --> 01:21:10.574 It's north of Syracuse. 01:21:19.424 --> 01:21:20.539 Are you gonna read it? 01:21:22.970 --> 01:21:24.050 To myself. 01:21:38.777 --> 01:21:42.520 Abigail, Abigail, Abigail. 01:21:42.614 --> 01:21:45.947 I'm sorry that all I have to send you is this letter, 01:21:46.034 --> 01:21:49.822 and I'm sorry for all that a letter cannot be. 01:21:51.415 --> 01:21:53.952 Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone. 01:21:55.878 --> 01:21:58.244 I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye, 01:21:59.923 --> 01:22:02.164 and I'm sorry that we seem to have traded 01:22:02.259 --> 01:22:04.045 one sort of misery for another. 01:22:06.471 --> 01:22:08.883 It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods 01:22:08.974 --> 01:22:12.887 always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness. 01:22:14.479 --> 01:22:16.015 If there were only a ruined Abbey 01:22:16.106 --> 01:22:19.018 around here with bats in it, the view would be perfect. 01:22:21.361 --> 01:22:25.320 Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather 01:22:25.407 --> 01:22:29.946 but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains. 01:22:30.037 --> 01:22:31.902 Still, outside the kitchen, 01:22:31.997 --> 01:22:36.240 there are already anemones and heart's-ease, 01:22:36.335 --> 01:22:38.872 and even prettier flowers which my stupidity 01:22:38.962 --> 01:22:42.125 keeps me from naming for you. 01:22:42.215 --> 01:22:46.049 I believe I've enjoyed myself less these last few weeks 01:22:46.136 --> 01:22:48.548 than any other female who ever lived. 01:22:50.682 --> 01:22:52.638 During what little time I have to myself, 01:22:52.726 --> 01:22:55.183 Finney reads aloud instructions for wives 01:22:55.270 --> 01:22:56.885 from the old testament. 01:22:59.524 --> 01:23:01.139 But when it comes to the Bible, 01:23:01.234 --> 01:23:03.566 I have to say that there are a lot of passages 01:23:03.654 --> 01:23:05.645 he may know word for word, 01:23:05.739 --> 01:23:07.445 but which haven't touched his heart. 01:23:09.326 --> 01:23:11.533 I can't account for his state of mind except to say 01:23:11.620 --> 01:23:15.078 that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him. 01:23:16.166 --> 01:23:17.406 And if that's the case, 01:23:18.210 --> 01:23:19.370 I'm sorry for it. 01:23:31.640 --> 01:23:32.675 Ho... 01:23:34.267 --> 01:23:35.347 Good afternoon! 01:23:38.188 --> 01:23:39.519 Afternoon. 01:23:41.733 --> 01:23:42.813 Whoa. 01:23:42.901 --> 01:23:43.936 Hey. 01:23:45.487 --> 01:23:46.727 I've got something for you. 01:23:48.949 --> 01:23:49.984 There you go. 01:23:50.659 --> 01:23:51.739 Thank you. 01:23:51.827 --> 01:23:52.862 Good day. 01:23:53.537 --> 01:23:54.993 Hyah. Come on. 01:24:06.883 --> 01:24:08.999 - Is it for me? - From schoharie county. 01:24:12.764 --> 01:24:14.675 - Your Abigail. - Give that to me. 01:24:14.766 --> 01:24:16.472 Give it. Finney, give... 01:24:18.854 --> 01:24:19.934 Finney! 01:24:20.022 --> 01:24:22.604 "What's to become of the thousands of our sex 01:24:22.691 --> 01:24:24.306 scattered out in the wilderness 01:24:24.401 --> 01:24:27.108 and obliged to tax our strengths? 01:24:27.195 --> 01:24:28.901 I feel as if, at that selfsame hour 01:24:28.989 --> 01:24:30.216 when our prospects were brightest, 01:24:30.240 --> 01:24:32.697 that in the dim distance a black shadow approached. 01:24:33.618 --> 01:24:35.449 And yet still, 01:24:35.537 --> 01:24:37.869 imagine the happiest of unions for us of the sort 01:24:37.956 --> 01:24:39.876 in which two families previously at daggers drawn 01:24:39.916 --> 01:24:42.453 are miraculously brought together on love's account. 01:24:48.091 --> 01:24:49.752 It is your face I bear through the night. 01:24:49.843 --> 01:24:51.925 It is to you I devote a dreaming space 01:24:52.012 --> 01:24:55.129 before I turn myself to sleep, but there is no sleep. 01:24:55.223 --> 01:24:58.715 It's as if within me everything clamors for air, 01:24:58.810 --> 01:25:00.892 and I think if it's like this now, 01:25:00.979 --> 01:25:02.094 what will it be like later? 01:25:03.356 --> 01:25:06.644 I send you what love and support I can. 01:25:08.278 --> 01:25:10.314 I send you all my heart's hopes. Abigail." 01:25:35.680 --> 01:25:37.386 Please know that force alone 01:25:37.474 --> 01:25:40.887 couldn't have gotten me here to a place like this. 01:25:40.977 --> 01:25:45.061 I was told I had to act in support of interest, 01:25:45.148 --> 01:25:50.142 happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved. 01:25:52.405 --> 01:25:54.111 As far as I can figure, 01:25:54.199 --> 01:25:57.157 we're now still only about 85 miles apart. 01:25:58.537 --> 01:26:00.528 But of course, 01:26:00.622 --> 01:26:03.079 people like us don't go on long visits. 01:26:39.369 --> 01:26:42.532 Dyer refused first to permit my departure, 01:26:42.622 --> 01:26:44.158 and then to accompany me, 01:26:46.418 --> 01:26:47.703 and only caught up to the cart 01:26:47.794 --> 01:26:50.331 at the end of our property and climbed aboard. 01:26:54.217 --> 01:26:57.050 We were the very picture of anguish, 01:26:57.137 --> 01:26:59.253 rattling along side by side. 01:27:01.141 --> 01:27:03.632 The night was fair and warm 01:27:03.727 --> 01:27:05.843 with the appearance of a coming rain. 01:27:05.937 --> 01:27:07.097 A shower. 01:27:48.772 --> 01:27:50.728 It's so hard to write about 01:27:50.815 --> 01:27:52.851 how much I want to thank you, 01:27:52.943 --> 01:27:55.525 but I have to start somewhere. 01:27:57.072 --> 01:27:59.108 Abigail... 01:27:59.199 --> 01:28:04.284 I want to tell you that being with you, even alone, 01:28:04.371 --> 01:28:07.784 has been like being a part of the biggest 01:28:07.874 --> 01:28:13.085 and most spacious community I could ever imagine. 01:28:13.171 --> 01:28:17.210 I feel closer to you than I would a sister since 01:28:17.300 --> 01:28:19.461 everything amazing that I feel, 01:28:20.720 --> 01:28:23.006 I chose to feel. 01:28:25.725 --> 01:28:28.262 And do you know what memory it is that I most Cherish? 01:28:30.522 --> 01:28:34.515 It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me 01:28:36.027 --> 01:28:39.611 once you realized that you were loved. 01:28:42.909 --> 01:28:46.151 I have no way of knowing what is to come, 01:28:46.246 --> 01:28:49.659 but I do know that all of the trust 01:28:49.749 --> 01:28:52.786 and care and courage we shared, 01:28:54.087 --> 01:28:55.793 that will all shine on us 01:28:57.257 --> 01:28:58.497 and protect us. 01:29:00.552 --> 01:29:03.885 You are my city of joy. 01:29:05.598 --> 01:29:07.964 You are my city of joy. 01:29:39.674 --> 01:29:40.834 Whoa. 01:29:48.433 --> 01:29:49.793 Might I ask your business? 01:29:49.851 --> 01:29:52.513 We've come to see tallie. Where is she? 01:29:52.604 --> 01:29:54.890 I heard you on the road. 01:29:54.981 --> 01:29:57.141 You made such a racket. I took you for the tin knocker. 01:29:57.192 --> 01:29:58.294 We've ridden for three days. 01:29:58.318 --> 01:29:59.754 We are not leaving without seeing her. 01:29:59.778 --> 01:30:02.394 I'm not concerned with what you will or will not leave without. 01:30:02.489 --> 01:30:03.758 Keep a civil tongue, friend. 01:30:03.782 --> 01:30:05.568 Where is she? 01:30:05.658 --> 01:30:06.943 I treated her with tea of soot 01:30:07.035 --> 01:30:09.526 and pine-tree root to good effect, 01:30:09.621 --> 01:30:11.057 but sickness always tests our willingness 01:30:11.081 --> 01:30:12.912 to bow before the greatest authority. 01:30:14.250 --> 01:30:16.115 My guess is that it was diphtheria. 01:30:16.211 --> 01:30:17.211 No! 01:30:18.797 --> 01:30:20.608 There is some alienation from marital... 01:31:40.712 --> 01:31:41.872 What time is it? 01:31:44.507 --> 01:31:45.587 I don't care. 01:31:58.688 --> 01:32:01.395 - I have to go. - You're gonna make a Mark. 01:32:09.449 --> 01:32:10.484 Come on. 01:32:11.868 --> 01:32:12.948 Come on. 01:32:15.246 --> 01:32:16.326 Come on. 01:33:06.130 --> 01:33:08.746 Sunday, August 31st. 01:33:10.552 --> 01:33:12.463 Weather very hot and sunny. 01:33:14.556 --> 01:33:16.421 I cleaned out the shed 01:33:16.516 --> 01:33:18.882 which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish, 01:33:19.811 --> 01:33:22.018 washed the windows, 01:33:22.105 --> 01:33:24.016 and preserved apples for the winter. 01:33:27.068 --> 01:33:30.060 Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter. 01:33:32.490 --> 01:33:34.731 I have cut my hand with a paring knife. 01:33:38.246 --> 01:33:40.908 I console myself with the conviction 01:33:40.999 --> 01:33:43.081 that someday in the future when Dyer 01:33:43.167 --> 01:33:46.705 is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies, 01:33:48.047 --> 01:33:49.833 I will join him, 01:33:49.924 --> 01:33:52.916 and take his rifle and go to skaneateles 01:33:53.011 --> 01:33:55.172 and kill Finney where he sits. 01:34:02.395 --> 01:34:04.351 Dyer has been at work on the barn. 01:34:10.403 --> 01:34:13.645 Each day, we enact our separation. 01:34:18.494 --> 01:34:21.076 Sometimes after it gets dark, 01:34:21.164 --> 01:34:24.076 we walk over the hills across our upper fields 01:34:24.167 --> 01:34:25.748 for the wide, wide view. 01:34:28.421 --> 01:34:31.083 And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were, 01:34:33.801 --> 01:34:35.666 while I try to imagine tallie 01:34:35.762 --> 01:34:38.048 and that cordial and accepting home 01:34:38.139 --> 01:34:40.255 that existed solely in our dreams. 01:34:41.934 --> 01:34:45.051 I imagine tallie and Nellie somewhere together, 01:34:45.146 --> 01:34:47.808 and Nellie running her brush through tallie's hair. 01:34:50.026 --> 01:34:53.109 I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own 01:34:53.196 --> 01:34:55.278 that she chastened and refined. 01:34:58.076 --> 01:35:01.284 I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer. 01:35:04.332 --> 01:35:07.119 And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger, 01:35:08.711 --> 01:35:10.417 here, 01:35:10.505 --> 01:35:12.211 as though this was my life. 01:35:15.468 --> 01:35:17.675 As though my life was not elsewhere. 01:35:53.756 --> 01:35:56.088 I've always feared that I would bring misfortune 01:35:56.175 --> 01:35:57.415 to those I loved. 01:36:18.740 --> 01:36:20.731 Are you really saying nothing to that? 01:36:24.871 --> 01:36:26.532 I don't know where to start. 01:36:32.044 --> 01:36:35.457 I can't imagine what more we could do for one another... 01:36:38.509 --> 01:36:40.249 With our constraints. 01:36:41.429 --> 01:36:42.464 You can't? 01:36:47.393 --> 01:36:48.473 I can't. 01:36:55.818 --> 01:36:56.818 You can't? 01:37:06.329 --> 01:37:07.364 Well, then... 01:37:11.584 --> 01:37:13.996 It's a good thing we remember that our imaginations 01:37:14.086 --> 01:37:15.917 can always be cultivated. 01:38:32.540 --> 01:38:37.955 J and well beyond 01:38:39.213 --> 01:38:44.833 j the world to come j 01:38:44.927 --> 01:38:50.172 j I'll section my heart & 01:38:50.266 --> 01:38:56.227 j for my own sympathies j 01:38:56.314 --> 01:39:02.025 j and I believe j 01:39:02.111 --> 01:39:08.152 j we shall receive & 01:39:08.242 --> 01:39:13.282 j surrendering hope 01:39:13.372 --> 01:39:18.036 j from a true sovereignty j 01:39:19.086 --> 01:39:23.921 j it was like a dream j 01:39:24.884 --> 01:39:29.878 j you came to be j 01:39:29.972 --> 01:39:35.433 j then happenstance drew you & 01:39:35.519 --> 01:39:39.762 j next Tome & 01:39:40.858 --> 01:39:46.023 j are you the one j 01:39:46.113 --> 01:39:51.483 j to whom I belong j 01:39:51.577 --> 01:39:57.698 j and here stays resembling j 01:39:57.792 --> 01:40:03.412 j my only song j 01:40:03.506 --> 01:40:07.795 j in my world & 01:40:07.885 --> 01:40:11.969 j to come j 01:40:14.433 --> 01:40:18.517 j fate to be j 01:40:18.604 --> 01:40:25.442 j as morning sun j 01:40:25.528 --> 01:40:32.024 j deeply in your arm j 01:40:32.994 --> 01:40:38.330 j to sweet lovers j 01:40:38.416 --> 01:40:42.910 j will succumb & 01:40:43.963 --> 01:40:47.626 j will succumb & 01:41:01.689 --> 01:41:05.807 J why if you were born j 01:41:06.902 --> 01:41:12.238 j the winter's morn j 01:41:12.324 --> 01:41:17.193 j pair of wings carried thee j 01:41:17.288 --> 01:41:21.702 j back Tome j 01:41:21.792 --> 01:41:27.003 j to begin, it means j 01:41:27.089 --> 01:41:31.583 j constancy & 01:41:31.677 --> 01:41:36.922 j beholding the fathomless j 01:41:37.016 --> 01:41:41.055 j destiny 01:41:42.438 --> 01:41:45.555 j in my world & 01:41:46.442 --> 01:41:50.856 j to come j 01:41:52.740 --> 01:41:56.153 j free to be & 01:41:56.243 --> 01:41:59.906 j as one d 01:41:59.997 --> 01:42:04.081 j in some sweet j 01:42:04.168 --> 01:42:10.129 j oblivion & 01:42:10.216 --> 01:42:15.711 j to the sweet nights j 01:42:15.805 --> 01:42:19.639 j will succumb & 01:43:46.478 --> 01:43:52.064 J and well beyond 01:43:52.151 --> 01:43:57.020 j the world to come j 01:43:57.114 --> 01:44:01.528 j a deafening heart j 01:44:01.619 --> 01:44:07.455 j beats fast for thee j 01:44:07.479 --> 01:44:18.479 Telegram Channel and Instagram Page .:: @bollbolljan_com ::.