WEBVTT

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..:: Presented by ZarFilm website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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Left.

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Stop sign, left.

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One, two, three,

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four, five.

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Mr. Burnz?

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Are you Charlie Burnz?

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Charlie Burnz, I'm talking to you.

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Mr. Burnz, Charlie Burnz.

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Sweep up a little bit.

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Make sure all the props
are in the right spot.

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Hey, Marge?
Hey, Charlie.

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Where is everybody?

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Charlie, it's Monday.
They're at the writers' meeting.

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Oh, of course-- Wow.

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I had a long weekend.
Okay. All right.

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Take it easy.
See you later.

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Better hurry.
They're pitching new sketches!

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Yeah, we made sure
to take a lot of care

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not to offend anybody
with this next sketch,

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so please strap in
and, uh, you know, enjoy.

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Okay, so this is--
this is an infomercial

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for a brand-new comedy album.

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Uh, we start with shots
of planets and stars,

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just these beautiful shots of space.

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And then, we hear a VO,
and we see a chyron.

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In the tradition of George
Carlin and Richard Pryor,

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we bring you the next comedy voice.

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And we cut to a photograph
of Stephen Hawking.

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But we photoshopped him
in front of a brick wall.

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So he looks like he's at a comedy club.

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We have a microphone
where his computer is.

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Is it just me, but what's the deal

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with black holes?

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Am I right? Ha. Ha. Ha.

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You people like impressions?

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So how do you think the meeting went?

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Some very funny ideas.

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But, Brad, somebody's got to talk to Roger

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about his inflections.

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I know, I know.
I think he gets nervous.

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No, come on.

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Geo-rge Carlin,
Rich-ard Pryor.

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My God, Stephen Hawking
pronounced his name

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better than he does.

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Here's one for the new segment.

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Or as Roger calls it,
the new "seg-ment."

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All right, I'll give this to the guys.

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By the way, there's a new
invention called computers.

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You may wanna get one.

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You know, I had one,
but I like this.

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We started out together.
I love the feel of the paper.

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I like the fact that the key leaves a mark

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that wasn't there a second ago.
Wow.

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But I did treat myself to one of these.

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Ooh, look at you.
You know how to work it?

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Absolutely, unless I wanna

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send an e-mail, a text
or make a phone call.

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Oh, that's not important.
Not at all.

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Wanna get something to eat?
Uh, I have a lunch date.

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Oh, look at you, Mr. Social.

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No, it's someone who won an auction

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to have lunch with me
at the charity event

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for inner-city libraries.
That sounds like a blast.

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This restaurant nice.
Excuse me.

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Oh, no. Heh.

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Sorry. Bye.

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Maybe you, sir. Hello. Uh...

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Oh, Phil Donahue.
Nice to meet you.

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The hell was that about?
Sir, uh, hi. Uh...

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Oh, no, sorry, sorry to bother you.
Wrong person.

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Excuse me. Bye-bye.

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Excuse me.
Are you, by any chance, looking for me?

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I'm Charlie Burnz.

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You gotta be shitting me.
What?

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This was you?

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Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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You took some hits along the way, huh?

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Yeah, you might say that,
but that's a very old picture.

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That was actually taken on the Mayflower.

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I did win the shuffleboard tournament.

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Well, belated congratulations.

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I'm Emma Payge.
Emma, pleasure. Sit down.

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Sorry I'm late.
Don't worry about it.

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Not a problem.
Glad you're here.

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Thank you for bidding on me at the auction.

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I'm so flattered that somebody your age

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would be a fan of my work.

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Truth?
Sure.

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I don't know who the hell you are.

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My ex bid on you.

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You didn't?
Nope.

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How did this...?
Well, he's an actor,

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and he was doing a scene

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from one of your plays
in his acting class,

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and he wanted to meet you, so he bid.

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Um, how much?
Twenty-two.

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$2200? That's fantastic.
$2200, my ass!

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Twenty-two dollars.

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Twenty-two dollars was the winning bid?

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Mm-hm.
It started at 20,

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and then it went up
in 50-cent increments.

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Oh, that's so sad. Heh.

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Hello.
Welcome to Le Monde.

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I'll be your server.
What can I get for you?

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Have you eaten here before?
No.

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They have the greatest steak sandwich.

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That's all I get.
It's fantastic.

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That's perfect.
I'll have the seafood salad.

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Okay. And for you, sir?
Um, I'm gonna have the--

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Oh, can I have extra clams,
extra calamari

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and extra crab meat?

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Of course. And for you, sir?
I'm gonna have the--

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Oh, and can I have
a lobster tail right on top,

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with extra mussels?
Lots of mussels.

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The ones from New Zealand,
not from Jersey

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because they got black hairs.

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Who knows what's in those?

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That can be really toxic.
Are you done?

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There are a few species
you haven't mentioned yet.

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Heh-heh, go ahead.

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I'm gonna have the--
Oh, can I have a Diet Coke?

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Heh-heh-heh.
And for you, sir?

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I'm gonna have a tuna sandwich,
whole wheat toast,

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and an iced tea.
Very good.

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Why would you order a
tuna sandwich when you said

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they had the best steak sandwiches?

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While you were ordering half
of the Atlantic Ocean,

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I developed a hankering for
the only fish left on the menu.

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Heh. Touché, old man. Touché.

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So let me ask you a question.

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If you don't know who I am,
how come your ex didn't come?

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I caught him cheating on me.
Oh!

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And he said it was because
I'm the worst lay in the world.

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And trust me, he is wrong, okay?

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You ought to see my moves.
It's "Circus do Lay."

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Okay. Well, let's, uh--
Let's get through lunch first.

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Mm-hm. I'd break your back, old man.

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Thank you.
Yeah, have you laid out, dead,

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with a smile on your face.

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And your kids will be like,
"How did he die? How did my dad die?"

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And I would just look at them
in their eyes and say, heh,

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on top of me.

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That's a really lovely thought.

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Heh-heh, you funny, old man.

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I'm glad I came, even if it was

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to shove you up my ex's big fat ass.

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Now, there's a compliment
you don't hear every day.

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Whoa, look what the tide brought in.

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Yeah.
Thank you very much.

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Please enjoy.
Uh, Emma, enjoy your buffet.

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Mm-hm.
So... I take it you like comedy.

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Nope.

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You don't?
Mm-mm.

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I mean, I love to laugh, but in real life.

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You know what I'm saying?

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Well, you know,
that's what I do in real life.

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I'm a comedy writer.
You ever watch "This Just In"

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on Sunday nights on Funny?
Mm-mm.

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I also, uh, write for Broadway

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and, um, movies and five books and...

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And, um, what do you do?

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Char-- Charlie,
I don't feel so good.

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Why is your face suddenly
bigger than it was before?

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I can't feel--
I can't feel my lips.

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Oh, God, are you allergic to seafood?

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I'll say maybe I am.

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What should I do?
Call the hospital.

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What? What?
Call the hospital! Call--

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Call the-- The hospital!

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Dial the nearest hospital!
Dial the nearest hospital!

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I do not know.
Let me check the Web.

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Dial the nearest hospital!
Is everything all right?

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Aah! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Okay, what did you do?

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I didn't do anything!
These are Jersey mussels!

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What?
I knew they were Jersey mussels!

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Jersey? No! I'm from Jersey.
I need emergency. Emergency.

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This is an emergency!

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Everybody, calm down.
Everybody, relax.

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We should call the ambulance.
Siri! What is wrong with you?

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Ma'am, have you had an allergic
reaction to seafood before?

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Mm-mm.
You just randomly ordered,

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and this is what happened?
I had a hankering.

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Okay, just try to relax.
We're almost there.

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You're gonna be okay.

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Charlie? Charlie.

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Charlie!

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You're all I've got, Charlie!
Please don't leave me!

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Oh, boy.

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Mr. Burnz?

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Oh, I'm not supposed to fill these out.

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What's your relation to Miss Payge?

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She won me in an auction.

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Fine, don't believe me.

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She doesn't have insurance,

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and she really shouldn't be
leaving here by herself.

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No insurance?

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Okay.

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Eleven hundred dollars?

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Yes. And you'll get the
ambulance bill in the mail.

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You can pay me on the way out.

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Your daughter is going to be fine.

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My d--?

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Great. Isn't that great?

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She told me all about
how you adopted her

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from that orphanage in Kenya.

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That's very special.
Oh, she told you?

00:12:08.851 --> 00:12:10.026
Yeah.
Yeah, well...

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Ha-ha, well, uh, she is special.

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Well, this is a pretty severe reaction.

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Are there other allergies
I should know about?

00:12:17.338 --> 00:12:19.601
I think really you should
talk to her about that,

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or I can put you in touch with
one of the elders of her tribe.

00:12:23.039 --> 00:12:26.303
You could ask for Mbolo.

00:12:26.477 --> 00:12:28.740
It's good that you reacted
as quickly as you did.

00:12:28.914 --> 00:12:30.829
A little longer, may have
been a different story.

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Here are her prescriptions.

00:12:32.962 --> 00:12:33.963
Pharmacy is that way.

00:12:38.489 --> 00:12:39.838
Six hundred dollars?

00:12:41.536 --> 00:12:43.755
So a tuna sandwich
cost me close to two grand.

00:12:43.929 --> 00:12:45.975
Welcome to New York, pal.
What's this?

00:12:46.149 --> 00:12:49.239
That's epinephrine. You need
to inject her within the hour.

00:12:49.413 --> 00:12:50.806
And if I don't?
She'll die.

00:12:51.894 --> 00:12:52.808
Next.

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"Remove blue safety release
by pulling up, straight up."

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Okay.
What's taking so long?

00:13:02.992 --> 00:13:05.429
I'm having trouble reading the
directions without my glasses.

00:13:05.603 --> 00:13:07.866
And honestly,
I'm a little nervous about it.

00:13:08.040 --> 00:13:09.172
Okay.
Oh, no.

00:13:09.346 --> 00:13:11.392
Hell, no. Put that thing down.

00:13:11.566 --> 00:13:13.655
Ain't no way in hell
I'm gonna let you stab me

00:13:13.829 --> 00:13:16.048
with that Lego stick while
your hand shaking like that.

00:13:16.222 --> 00:13:17.398
You might put out one of my eyes.

00:13:17.572 --> 00:13:18.747
They said I have to do it

00:13:18.921 --> 00:13:20.444
within the hour or you'll be in trouble.

00:13:20.618 --> 00:13:21.750
We'll just wait an hour.

00:13:21.924 --> 00:13:23.360
If I'm not dead, you can go home.

00:13:23.534 --> 00:13:25.449
Fine. Enjoy your bloating.

00:13:28.496 --> 00:13:30.628
All right. Stick me, old man.

00:13:35.328 --> 00:13:37.243
[GROANS]

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Ow! God--

00:13:39.463 --> 00:13:41.987
Motherf-- Ow!

00:13:42.161 --> 00:13:44.555
Son of a--!

00:13:44.729 --> 00:13:46.078
Okay.

00:13:46.252 --> 00:13:47.906
Show time's over.

00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:52.607
Make me some tea, maybe it'll
help with the bloating...

00:13:52.781 --> 00:13:55.827
"Only hold in for a few seconds."
Ah.

00:14:02.573 --> 00:14:03.835
"Slippery when wet"?

00:14:04.009 --> 00:14:06.055
You looked?
I had to. I really--

00:14:06.229 --> 00:14:08.231
I had to. That's not
something you wanna do

00:14:08.405 --> 00:14:09.711
with your eyes closed.
Believe me.

00:14:09.885 --> 00:14:11.277
It could have ended up someplace

00:14:11.452 --> 00:14:14.193
we both wouldn't be happy about.

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Thank you. I promise I will pay you back

00:14:17.066 --> 00:14:18.546
every dime that you laid out.

00:14:18.720 --> 00:14:20.722
You don't have to do that.
How are you feeling?

00:14:20.896 --> 00:14:23.333
Like you shot me up with
five six-hour energy drinks.

00:14:23.507 --> 00:14:26.510
So I've got about a good
30 hours of energy! I'm lit!

00:14:28.338 --> 00:14:30.166
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.

00:14:30.340 --> 00:14:32.081
Why did you tell the doctor
I was your father?

00:14:32.255 --> 00:14:34.823
Heh, I thought it would be cool
to have a white dad.

00:14:34.997 --> 00:14:37.042
Oh, and the orphanage story?

00:14:37.216 --> 00:14:38.609
I was a little loopy by then.

00:14:38.783 --> 00:14:40.481
I'm sure that was the mussels talking.

00:14:40.655 --> 00:14:42.395
Yup, those mussels were definitely talking.

00:14:42.570 --> 00:14:44.354
Yeah, must have been.

00:14:44.528 --> 00:14:46.704
Well, listen,
try to get some rest.

00:14:46.878 --> 00:14:49.228
Um, do you need anything else?
I have 20 bucks left.

00:14:50.795 --> 00:14:51.883
I'll be fine.

00:14:52.057 --> 00:14:53.494
Look, I wanna apologize to you

00:14:53.668 --> 00:14:55.321
for saying all that stuff about my ex.

00:14:55.496 --> 00:14:56.975
I should have never done that.

00:14:57.149 --> 00:14:59.804
You are a good man,
and that was not fair to you.

00:14:59.978 --> 00:15:03.068
Hey, I understand. This way out?
Yep, that way.

00:15:04.635 --> 00:15:05.984
Perky.
Yeah.

00:15:17.779 --> 00:15:19.345
Good try.

00:15:21.391 --> 00:15:22.827
Ah! All right, that's--

00:15:23.001 --> 00:15:24.612
It's all right. It's a base hit.

00:15:34.839 --> 00:15:36.667
Sorry, Rex. That's a match.

00:15:39.278 --> 00:15:40.758
I don't know why you play against me.

00:15:40.932 --> 00:15:42.717
It's good aerobics.
Yeah, for me.

00:15:42.891 --> 00:15:44.675
I'm running around like crazy.

00:15:44.849 --> 00:15:46.634
I'm gasping for air. You just--

00:15:46.808 --> 00:15:49.506
You just stand at the net.
Somehow it's six-love, six-love.

00:15:49.680 --> 00:15:50.812
Six-love?
Six--

00:15:50.986 --> 00:15:52.944
You get perverse pleasure

00:15:53.118 --> 00:15:55.468
beating your only son like this?
Yeah, a lot.

00:15:59.168 --> 00:16:01.431
Listen, Dad, uh...

00:16:01.605 --> 00:16:03.433
Francine wants to know

00:16:03.607 --> 00:16:06.610
if you are coming to Lindsay's bat mitzvah.

00:16:06.784 --> 00:16:08.133
My daughter wants to know

00:16:08.307 --> 00:16:10.179
if I'm coming to my
granddaughter's bat mitzvah?

00:16:10.353 --> 00:16:12.616
Why wouldn't I?
She says you never RSVP'd.

00:16:14.357 --> 00:16:18.013
Why didn't she just call
instead of asking you to ask me?

00:16:18.187 --> 00:16:19.841
Don't be upset.
You know how she gets.

00:16:20.015 --> 00:16:21.756
It'll be a fun day.
We'll be together.

00:16:21.930 --> 00:16:24.323
I don't want Lindsay to think
I wasn't gonna come.

00:16:24.497 --> 00:16:26.369
Who knows what your sister says to her?

00:16:26.543 --> 00:16:28.197
Just give her a call.

00:16:30.591 --> 00:16:33.637
This was fun.
I'll see you next week?

00:16:33.811 --> 00:16:36.292
When I lose to you, again.

00:16:36.466 --> 00:16:37.728
I gotta go.

00:16:37.902 --> 00:16:40.644
I have a 3:00.
I'm a little nervous.

00:16:40.818 --> 00:16:44.517
I'm submitting my design for
a new building in Union Square.

00:16:44.692 --> 00:16:47.085
Well, it could be a big thing for me.

00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:49.566
I RSVP'd. I know I RSVP'd.

00:16:49.740 --> 00:16:53.352
Dad, don't worry about that.
And wish me luck.

00:16:53.526 --> 00:16:54.615
About what?

00:16:56.921 --> 00:16:59.358
For my building, for the design.

00:16:59.532 --> 00:17:03.624
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

00:17:04.755 --> 00:17:06.322
Yeah. I'll see you.

00:17:07.976 --> 00:17:09.847
I'm gonna call her right now.

00:17:10.021 --> 00:17:12.328
Daddy! Daddy!

00:17:12.502 --> 00:17:14.852
Daddy! Daddy!

00:17:15.026 --> 00:17:17.942
I did something wrong, Daddy!

00:17:18.116 --> 00:17:20.858
I'm scared! Daddy!

00:17:21.990 --> 00:17:24.296
Daddy!

00:17:33.175 --> 00:17:36.613
Oh, hi. This is--
Craziest thing. I--

00:17:36.787 --> 00:17:38.354
I forgot what locker I was using.

00:17:38.528 --> 00:17:39.485
Heh-heh, that's okay.

00:17:39.660 --> 00:17:41.574
I have a master. Uh...

00:17:41.749 --> 00:17:43.576
Let's start with this row.
Okay, good.

00:18:09.994 --> 00:18:12.344
That's perfect.
You're gonna crush this.

00:18:12.518 --> 00:18:14.303
Give me a high-five.

00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:18.699
I'm proud of you.
You're doing so beautifully.

00:18:18.873 --> 00:18:22.877
Yeah. I'm just getting a little
nervous about my speech.

00:18:23.051 --> 00:18:26.141
Have you started writing it yet?
Yeah.

00:18:26.315 --> 00:18:28.230
Mmm...

00:18:29.753 --> 00:18:31.276
It's your grandfather.

00:18:33.191 --> 00:18:35.063
Hi, Papa Charlie.
Hey, Lindsay, honey.

00:18:35.237 --> 00:18:36.934
How's my favorite bat mitzvah girl?

00:18:37.108 --> 00:18:38.283
Good. Heh-heh.

00:18:38.457 --> 00:18:39.763
Ask him if he's coming.

00:18:39.937 --> 00:18:41.722
What do you mean?
Grandpa's not coming?

00:18:41.896 --> 00:18:43.680
Are you coming?
That's why I'm calling.

00:18:45.464 --> 00:18:46.596
Of course I'm coming.

00:18:46.770 --> 00:18:47.902
I wouldn't miss that for the world.

00:18:48.076 --> 00:18:49.468
Great. I'm so happy.

00:18:49.642 --> 00:18:51.340
Hey, when you're happy,
I'm happy.

00:18:51.514 --> 00:18:53.255
Um, can I speak to your mom?

00:18:53.429 --> 00:18:55.953
Tell him I can't talk to him right now.

00:18:56.127 --> 00:18:59.391
Uh... She said she'll call you back.

00:18:59.565 --> 00:19:01.698
Yeah. Okay.

00:19:01.872 --> 00:19:03.265
I can't wait to see you.

00:19:03.439 --> 00:19:04.701
I can't wait to see you too.

00:19:04.875 --> 00:19:07.704
So tell me.
You got a pretty dress?

00:19:07.878 --> 00:19:09.619
You're gonna have to see when you come.

00:19:09.793 --> 00:19:11.273
Okay.

00:19:11.447 --> 00:19:13.014
Um...

00:19:13.188 --> 00:19:15.451
Can you help me with my speech?

00:19:15.625 --> 00:19:18.454
Yeah, of course.
We'll punch it up real good.

00:19:19.760 --> 00:19:21.370
Yeah. Okay, kid.

00:19:21.544 --> 00:19:22.806
See you soon.

00:19:23.981 --> 00:19:26.462
I had a bad day.

00:19:26.636 --> 00:19:29.857
Thanks for seeing me so late.
I really appreciate it.

00:19:30.031 --> 00:19:33.512
I, uh-- I couldn't remember

00:19:33.686 --> 00:19:36.080
where my locker was in my health club.

00:19:36.254 --> 00:19:37.821
I've been going there for years.

00:19:39.040 --> 00:19:40.824
It was so damn embarrassing.

00:19:40.998 --> 00:19:42.783
That should be expected.

00:19:42.957 --> 00:19:47.526
Don't panic.
Are you doing what we talked about?

00:19:47.700 --> 00:19:50.355
Yeah. I try not to vary my routine.

00:19:50.529 --> 00:19:53.794
I walk the same way to work every day.
I eat right.

00:19:53.968 --> 00:19:56.492
I'm getting some exercise.

00:19:56.666 --> 00:19:58.973
And, uh, I'm taking my meds.

00:19:59.147 --> 00:20:01.714
And by the way, that Namenda.

00:20:01.889 --> 00:20:04.717
Oh, man, it's so constipating.

00:20:04.892 --> 00:20:06.197
It--
Sorry about that.

00:20:06.371 --> 00:20:08.112
Sorry? I was backed up
for eight days.

00:20:08.286 --> 00:20:10.332
I felt like a python
that had swallowed a deer.

00:20:11.899 --> 00:20:14.553
Charlie,
you have medicines

00:20:14.727 --> 00:20:17.556
to help with that, and you can
always give yourself an enema.

00:20:17.730 --> 00:20:19.776
I'm saving that for my birthday.

00:20:19.950 --> 00:20:22.997
A little something special just for me.

00:20:23.171 --> 00:20:25.260
How are you sleeping?

00:20:25.434 --> 00:20:29.394
Why sleep when you can
stay up and terrorize yourself?

00:20:29.568 --> 00:20:31.440
Maybe I get four hours, but maybe.

00:20:31.614 --> 00:20:34.225
And what about those flashbacks?

00:20:34.399 --> 00:20:36.619
That's the craziest thing.

00:20:36.793 --> 00:20:40.275
I can forget what I had for
lunch while I'm having lunch.

00:20:40.449 --> 00:20:43.060
But then, something...
flies into my head, like, bam!

00:20:43.234 --> 00:20:46.498
It could be a moment,
a fragment, a sentence.

00:20:46.672 --> 00:20:48.196
And it's like I'm there.

00:20:48.370 --> 00:20:49.937
Like I can see it

00:20:50.111 --> 00:20:52.156
like I saw it way back then.
It doesn't--

00:20:52.330 --> 00:20:55.856
It's almost like I can smell things.
And then, black.

00:20:56.030 --> 00:20:59.294
It just goes black,
and it goes as fast as it came.

00:20:59.468 --> 00:21:01.383
It's the craziest thing.

00:21:03.994 --> 00:21:07.171
How's the writing going?
I think it helps.

00:21:07.345 --> 00:21:11.175
Um, it keeps my mind active,
and it helps strengthen my denial.

00:21:11.349 --> 00:21:14.613
You know what, this show,
it's all of these young kids.

00:21:14.787 --> 00:21:16.224
I'm like the old man on the block

00:21:16.398 --> 00:21:19.227
whose yard you don't
wanna hit the ball into.

00:21:19.401 --> 00:21:22.099
But I still get stuff on the air.

00:21:22.273 --> 00:21:24.623
I still help shape the show,

00:21:24.797 --> 00:21:28.236
and when one of my jokes hits right,
and the audience laughs,

00:21:28.410 --> 00:21:29.715
there's still nothing like it.

00:21:29.890 --> 00:21:32.283
And I still love it.

00:21:32.457 --> 00:21:34.546
Good. I think you're doing well.

00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:39.334
We're keeping this at bay,
but it's so damn unpredictable.

00:21:39.508 --> 00:21:44.034
Don't let your denial
overrule your sense of reason.

00:21:44.208 --> 00:21:45.775
There's a lot we still don't know

00:21:45.949 --> 00:21:47.298
about this kind of dementia.

00:21:49.257 --> 00:21:50.127
Okay.

00:21:51.650 --> 00:21:53.478
See you next month.
Okay.

00:21:53.652 --> 00:21:56.090
Unless you need me sooner.
Okay.

00:21:56.264 --> 00:21:57.569
Thanks, my friend.

00:21:59.528 --> 00:22:02.357
Oh, by the way, I thought the
show last week was pretty good.

00:22:02.531 --> 00:22:04.359
Was it? Who was on?

00:22:04.533 --> 00:22:07.188
Um, you know, the guy,
what's-his-name?

00:22:07.362 --> 00:22:11.583
The-- From the film.
He's married to-- Oh!

00:22:11.757 --> 00:22:14.847
The one with the hair.

00:22:15.022 --> 00:22:17.676
Would you like some of my meds?

00:22:50.753 --> 00:22:53.495
You just gonna push the lady down, huh?

00:22:53.669 --> 00:22:55.497
You just gonna run over somebody!

00:22:55.671 --> 00:22:56.846
You son of a bitch!

00:22:57.020 --> 00:22:58.891
Come back here and try that again,

00:22:59.066 --> 00:23:00.328
you spineless bastard!

00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:03.331
Hey, hey, hey.

00:23:03.505 --> 00:23:04.723
What happened?

00:23:08.075 --> 00:23:09.728
I was going up the right,

00:23:09.902 --> 00:23:12.993
when I got into a head-on
collision with a dumbass

00:23:13.167 --> 00:23:15.169
who was coming down on the right side,

00:23:15.343 --> 00:23:17.214
but really that's his left side.

00:23:17.388 --> 00:23:19.956
And it's all his fault
because this isn't England!

00:23:20.130 --> 00:23:21.784
How did you know where I live?

00:23:21.958 --> 00:23:23.568
Oh, Google.
Google?

00:23:23.742 --> 00:23:25.309
Here.
What's this?

00:23:25.483 --> 00:23:27.833
The first installment
of the money I owe you.

00:23:28.008 --> 00:23:29.748
Whoa!

00:23:29.922 --> 00:23:31.881
You're a pole dancer?

00:23:32.055 --> 00:23:33.970
God, no.
And this coming from a man

00:23:34.144 --> 00:23:36.407
that makes America laugh for a living.

00:23:36.581 --> 00:23:39.149
My knee! My fucking knees!

00:23:39.323 --> 00:23:41.151
Listen, listen, come upstairs.

00:23:41.325 --> 00:23:42.935
I'll clean you up a little bit,

00:23:43.110 --> 00:23:44.981
and then we can rinse out your mouth.

00:23:45.155 --> 00:23:46.156
Come on.

00:23:48.245 --> 00:23:51.683
Ooh, okay, okay.

00:23:53.424 --> 00:23:55.296
Jeez.

00:23:55.470 --> 00:23:59.343
Man, this dude is doing it.
This is nice.

00:23:59.517 --> 00:24:01.650
Ooh!
Mm, he know a lot of old white people.

00:24:03.434 --> 00:24:05.784
Oprah Winfrey?
Hmm!

00:24:06.829 --> 00:24:08.961
"For Carrie"?

00:24:09.136 --> 00:24:11.268
Hmm.
Okay, here we go.

00:24:11.442 --> 00:24:13.488
According to this wall,
not only are you ancient,

00:24:13.662 --> 00:24:15.664
but you're also famous.

00:24:15.838 --> 00:24:17.448
Sit here.

00:24:25.456 --> 00:24:27.241
You a serial killer?

00:24:27.415 --> 00:24:28.677
What do you mean?

00:24:28.851 --> 00:24:30.461
Well, isn't that what serial killers do?

00:24:30.635 --> 00:24:32.724
Collect pictures of everyone they butchered

00:24:32.898 --> 00:24:35.075
and buried in their backyard?

00:24:35.249 --> 00:24:36.815
Other knee.

00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:42.038
Who are they?
Who?

00:24:44.171 --> 00:24:46.869
Oh, that's my family.

00:24:47.043 --> 00:24:50.002
If they're family, why do you
have their names written down?

00:24:50.177 --> 00:24:51.613
I'm writing something about them,

00:24:51.787 --> 00:24:53.832
and it helps me stay focused.
That's all.

00:24:54.920 --> 00:24:57.271
How did you become a writer?

00:24:57.445 --> 00:25:00.796
I don't think you become one.
I think you just are.

00:25:00.970 --> 00:25:02.711
When I was a kid,
I thought it was fun

00:25:02.885 --> 00:25:05.496
to take the truth
and make it more interesting.

00:25:05.670 --> 00:25:06.584
So you're a liar?

00:25:07.890 --> 00:25:09.413
Nah, I'm just kidding.

00:25:09.587 --> 00:25:10.632
That's beautiful.
Yeah.

00:25:10.806 --> 00:25:12.808
Well, you're as good as new.

00:25:12.982 --> 00:25:14.201
Thanks.

00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:17.291
What was here?

00:25:17.465 --> 00:25:19.336
Oh, there was just some picture that fell.

00:25:19.510 --> 00:25:21.947
Housekeeper put it someplace,
I don't know.

00:25:22.122 --> 00:25:23.558
Listen, I gotta get back to work.

00:25:23.732 --> 00:25:25.299
You gotta get back to making up shit

00:25:25.473 --> 00:25:27.214
because your real life is boring?

00:25:27.388 --> 00:25:29.259
Something like that, yeah.

00:25:29.433 --> 00:25:32.393
Thanks for bringing me
the bag of laundered money.

00:25:32.567 --> 00:25:34.438
The Corleones will be very pleased.

00:25:34.612 --> 00:25:37.137
Um...
But you really didn't have to do that.

00:25:37.311 --> 00:25:40.749
That's where you're wrong, old man.
I did. Mwah!

00:25:40.923 --> 00:25:42.054
Bye-bye.

00:25:43.795 --> 00:25:49.149
Next is Sarah and Roger,
Paula and Gary wrote this.

00:25:49.323 --> 00:25:52.108
A cheesy ad for a law firm.

00:25:52.282 --> 00:25:53.762
Hello, I'm Jerry Loomis.

00:25:53.936 --> 00:25:55.416
And I'm Lorraine Loomis.

00:25:55.590 --> 00:25:57.766
When we got married,
the rules of dating

00:25:57.940 --> 00:26:00.334
were much less confusing
than they are today.

00:26:00.508 --> 00:26:03.075
And that's where we come in.
We're the Sex Refs.

00:26:04.990 --> 00:26:06.949
We go on your dates with you.

00:26:07.123 --> 00:26:08.820
Maintaining a safe distance.

00:26:08.994 --> 00:26:11.214
So if there's any hanky...
or panky.

00:26:11.388 --> 00:26:14.478
We're there to help clarify what
both parties' intentions are.

00:26:14.652 --> 00:26:16.437
So there's no misunderstandings

00:26:16.611 --> 00:26:20.049
that could lead to accusations and lawsuits.

00:26:20.223 --> 00:26:22.138
We deal with the he said-she said aspects

00:26:22.312 --> 00:26:23.922
of miscommunication.
For example,

00:26:24.096 --> 00:26:25.881
You're in a parked car and she says:

00:26:26.055 --> 00:26:27.274
"Would you like to kiss me?"

00:26:27.448 --> 00:26:28.971
But he said she said:

00:26:29.145 --> 00:26:31.321
"Honey, can you please
stick your thumb up my ass?"

00:26:35.020 --> 00:26:37.458
Very different, isn't it?

00:26:37.632 --> 00:26:39.155
BOTH: We think so.

00:26:39.329 --> 00:26:41.810
Or if you're at the top of the Ferris wheel,

00:26:41.984 --> 00:26:44.595
and he says:
"I really don't like heights."

00:26:44.769 --> 00:26:46.249
But she says he said:

00:26:46.423 --> 00:26:48.338
"Wanna see a picture
of my Rottweiler's balls?"

00:26:51.385 --> 00:26:53.996
Now you see why you need us?

00:26:54.170 --> 00:26:57.173
We'll be there to protect you
from vicious accusations,

00:26:57.347 --> 00:26:59.654
subpoenas and defamation suits.

00:26:59.828 --> 00:27:02.047
Sub-poena?
Remember we're on your side.

00:27:02.222 --> 00:27:03.701
No matter what side that is.

00:27:03.875 --> 00:27:05.660
We're Loomis.
And Loomis.

00:27:05.834 --> 00:27:07.444
And we'll see you in court...

00:27:07.618 --> 00:27:09.359
Ship.

00:27:13.929 --> 00:27:15.496
That's good. That was good.

00:27:15.670 --> 00:27:17.541
Well, it's subtle.

00:27:17.715 --> 00:27:19.413
So...
Okay, good job.

00:27:19.587 --> 00:27:22.459
Next sketch is from Darrell.

00:27:22.633 --> 00:27:24.766
Thomas Crapper Jr.

00:27:24.940 --> 00:27:27.769
We open on a 19th century British schoolyard.

00:27:27.943 --> 00:27:30.554
A group of 9-year-old
children are milling about

00:27:30.728 --> 00:27:32.817
and trying to figure out
what they want to do

00:27:32.991 --> 00:27:35.907
now that school is let out.
Wanna come over to my house?

00:27:36.081 --> 00:27:38.170
No. Your house smells.

00:27:38.345 --> 00:27:39.868
How about my house?

00:27:40.042 --> 00:27:42.740
No. Your house smells too.

00:27:42.914 --> 00:27:44.568
My house doesn't smell.

00:27:44.742 --> 00:27:46.091
How come?

00:27:46.266 --> 00:27:48.006
I'm Thomas Crapper Jr.

00:27:48.180 --> 00:27:50.879
My father invented the flush toilet.

00:27:51.053 --> 00:27:53.621
Then let's go over to his house.

00:27:55.405 --> 00:27:56.928
All right, all right.

00:27:59.453 --> 00:28:01.629
All right, guys.
Very funny stuff.

00:28:01.803 --> 00:28:03.805
Let's put together a show.

00:28:03.979 --> 00:28:06.460
Sex Refs.

00:28:06.634 --> 00:28:09.550
Ah. You guys wrote a really funny sketch.

00:28:09.724 --> 00:28:11.421
But, uh...

00:28:11.595 --> 00:28:14.903
But what?
Sarah and Roger were hilarious.

00:28:15.077 --> 00:28:17.122
Correct.
I don't know. I don't know.

00:28:17.297 --> 00:28:19.690
Charlie, what do you think?
Very funny idea.

00:28:19.864 --> 00:28:22.345
But a thumb up the ass,
Rottweiler's balls--

00:28:22.519 --> 00:28:24.304
What are you talking about?
They got laughs.

00:28:24.478 --> 00:28:26.393
Of course they will.
They always will.

00:28:26.567 --> 00:28:28.569
But is it the right kind of laugh?

00:28:28.743 --> 00:28:30.832
Because it's a very smart idea.

00:28:31.006 --> 00:28:32.007
Angry Librarians?

00:28:32.181 --> 00:28:33.182
So funny.
You should do it.

00:28:33.356 --> 00:28:34.575
I agree.

00:28:34.749 --> 00:28:36.968
Thomas Crapper Jr.
Hell, no.

00:28:37.142 --> 00:28:39.754
Yeah. You know,
Darrell's option's coming up,

00:28:39.928 --> 00:28:42.452
and he still hasn't gotten
a sketch on the air.

00:28:42.626 --> 00:28:44.976
It's not that bad.

00:28:45.150 --> 00:28:47.152
First of all, if they spoke
in English accents,

00:28:47.327 --> 00:28:48.763
the way they were supposed to,

00:28:48.937 --> 00:28:50.634
it would've been a little bit better,

00:28:50.808 --> 00:28:52.419
but the whole thing's not framed right.

00:28:52.593 --> 00:28:55.335
Give him another shot.
He'll make it better.

00:28:57.902 --> 00:28:59.948
Listen, we hired Darrell because he wrote

00:29:00.122 --> 00:29:02.951
those really funny essays for the Lampoon.

00:29:03.125 --> 00:29:05.083
I think it's a little hard to make the leap

00:29:05.257 --> 00:29:07.042
from print to live sketches.
It takes time.

00:29:07.216 --> 00:29:10.045
You think he's a good writer?

00:29:10.219 --> 00:29:12.264
Yeah. I think--
I think it's in there.

00:29:12.439 --> 00:29:14.179
But I think it needs to be encouraged.

00:29:14.354 --> 00:29:17.095
Listen, you guys are a
very fast crowd to run with,

00:29:17.269 --> 00:29:19.881
and I also think that
Inflection Mangler Roger

00:29:20.055 --> 00:29:22.710
should be hit in the head
until he says "subpoena" right.

00:29:22.884 --> 00:29:25.103
I mean, come on.
"Sub-poena," what is that?

00:29:25.277 --> 00:29:26.453
A very small poena?

00:29:26.627 --> 00:29:28.106
That's an inferior poena.

00:29:28.280 --> 00:29:31.327
An underground poena?
I mean, what is his problem?

00:29:31.501 --> 00:29:34.330
You know, but here's the thing.

00:29:34.504 --> 00:29:35.984
There's a music to comedy.

00:29:36.158 --> 00:29:38.116
There's a music.
There are notes to comedy.

00:29:38.290 --> 00:29:39.770
He's out of tune.
We're working on it.

00:29:39.944 --> 00:29:42.425
Keep working,
because it's driving me nuts.

00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:45.559
All right. What's next?
Uh, I have to go.

00:29:45.733 --> 00:29:47.604
I'm sorry, I have my--
Oh, oh!

00:29:47.778 --> 00:29:48.953
Excuse me.
Oh, right.

00:29:49.127 --> 00:29:51.042
Yeah.
Have a great time.

00:29:51.216 --> 00:29:53.784
Thanks.
Oh. I wish I could go.

00:29:53.958 --> 00:29:56.091
Hey. You got a job. Ha-ha!
Yeah. All right.

00:29:56.265 --> 00:29:57.527
Good night.
Good night.

00:29:57.701 --> 00:29:59.399
Good night.

00:29:59.573 --> 00:30:02.402
They're, um--
They're honoring Charlie

00:30:02.576 --> 00:30:04.926
and the whole cast
at the American Film Society

00:30:05.100 --> 00:30:07.972
for the 30th anniversary
of Call Me Anytime.

00:30:08.146 --> 00:30:10.584
Kevin Kline, Sharon Stone,
Barry Levinson directing.

00:30:10.758 --> 00:30:13.848
Oh. Such a funny movie.
Have you seen it?

00:30:14.022 --> 00:30:15.502
Mm-hm.
Yeah. It's great.

00:30:16.938 --> 00:30:19.027
All right. What's up?

00:30:20.985 --> 00:30:23.292
Look, you know I love Charlie.

00:30:23.466 --> 00:30:25.468
I know he gave you
your start and everything.

00:30:25.642 --> 00:30:27.731
But...
come on.

00:30:27.905 --> 00:30:30.908
Yeah, I just don't know what
he brings to the show anymore.

00:30:31.082 --> 00:30:33.694
Aside from 40 years' experience?

00:30:33.868 --> 00:30:36.000
And a body of work that includes shows

00:30:36.174 --> 00:30:38.960
that made it possible
for this show to exist?

00:30:40.527 --> 00:30:42.659
Look, I know

00:30:42.833 --> 00:30:45.967
how you can question Charlie's value.

00:30:46.141 --> 00:30:49.840
But he's really smart
and he still writes funny jokes.

00:30:50.014 --> 00:30:52.190
And he's my consigliere.

00:30:52.364 --> 00:30:56.151
So when you write sketches
with a thumb up someone's ass,

00:30:56.325 --> 00:30:58.414
or a Rottweiler's balls,

00:30:58.588 --> 00:31:02.331
he's the one who reminds me what
we should be putting on the air.

00:31:02.505 --> 00:31:06.074
Bottom line, as long as
I am producing this show,

00:31:06.248 --> 00:31:07.771
Charlie will be here.

00:31:09.556 --> 00:31:11.819
Okay?
You got it.

00:31:11.993 --> 00:31:13.864
All right.
Yeah.

00:31:14.038 --> 00:31:15.692
Let's get back to work.
Yeah.

00:31:25.441 --> 00:31:27.051
Come on, come on.

00:31:28.836 --> 00:31:30.968
Close the door, close the door.

00:31:32.709 --> 00:31:34.668
Turn off the lights.

00:31:34.842 --> 00:31:35.886
Come here.

00:31:38.846 --> 00:31:41.413
I can't do this anymore.

00:31:41.588 --> 00:31:43.198
Why?
Oh!

00:31:43.372 --> 00:31:46.201
You're married, I'm married.
I don't want anyone to get hurt.

00:31:46.375 --> 00:31:47.594
Well, neither do I.

00:31:49.117 --> 00:31:51.598
Mm, I just don't know what to do.

00:31:51.772 --> 00:31:54.514
But wait, wait, wait.
Let's make a plan.

00:31:54.688 --> 00:31:58.561
Every year, we will meet
here in the Tuckmans' bathroom,

00:31:58.735 --> 00:32:00.955
at their Halloween party.

00:32:01.129 --> 00:32:02.826
What about the Tuckmans'
Christmas party?

00:32:03.000 --> 00:32:04.349
No, we've got to be strong.

00:32:08.876 --> 00:32:11.574
Hi, how are you?
Thank you all for being here.

00:32:11.748 --> 00:32:13.576
Good evening, I'm Bob Costas.

00:32:15.186 --> 00:32:16.492
Please welcome

00:32:16.666 --> 00:32:18.712
the director of Call Me Anytime,

00:32:18.886 --> 00:32:19.974
Barry Levinson.

00:32:20.148 --> 00:32:22.324
Its writer, Charlie Burnz,

00:32:22.498 --> 00:32:26.371
and its stars,
Kevin Kline and Sharon Stone.

00:32:33.683 --> 00:32:35.816
I have to say, right off the top.

00:32:35.990 --> 00:32:38.122
I really love this film.

00:32:38.296 --> 00:32:40.647
In fact, I'm bypassing
a Mets-Astros game tonight

00:32:40.821 --> 00:32:43.040
just to be here,
to do this instead.

00:32:43.214 --> 00:32:45.216
All right,
so, what's the germ of all this?

00:32:45.390 --> 00:32:47.175
How did it all get started?

00:32:47.349 --> 00:32:49.786
Well, um, Charlie and I originally met

00:32:49.960 --> 00:32:52.615
on The Carol Burnett Show ages ago.

00:32:52.789 --> 00:32:56.488
And, uh, he wrote
a lot of very funny sketches.

00:32:56.663 --> 00:33:00.884
Shy guy, uh,
always called me Mr. Levinson.

00:33:01.058 --> 00:33:02.886
Even though we were friendly.

00:33:03.060 --> 00:33:04.932
All right, so what happened was, um,

00:33:05.106 --> 00:33:07.804
I read Charlie's script
and, uh, I thought:

00:33:07.978 --> 00:33:10.198
"Well, this is a perfect film to do."

00:33:10.372 --> 00:33:13.505
So the next day, I get a call
from Barry, and he says:

00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:15.638
"I just read this script, it's terrific.

00:33:15.812 --> 00:33:18.467
You gotta read it.
The character, she's you."

00:33:18.641 --> 00:33:20.251
And I said, "She's completely compulsive,

00:33:20.425 --> 00:33:22.166
she'll do anything. I'm in."

00:33:24.081 --> 00:33:26.693
And then the next day,
he called me.

00:33:26.867 --> 00:33:29.913
I read the script and then I was in.

00:33:30.087 --> 00:33:32.829
Literally three days later,
we got a go.

00:33:33.003 --> 00:33:35.092
And I called Charlie with the good news.

00:33:35.266 --> 00:33:38.792
And so, Charlie, you get the call,
what did Barry say?

00:33:38.966 --> 00:33:42.186
Who?
Heh, Mr. Levinson.

00:33:42.360 --> 00:33:43.579
Oh, heh.

00:33:43.753 --> 00:33:47.409
It's so nice to see you.
Nice to... Wow.

00:33:47.583 --> 00:33:50.194
It's great to meet you.
Well, I was...

00:33:50.368 --> 00:33:53.023
I was just thrilled and shocked that, um...

00:33:53.197 --> 00:33:54.808
Mr. Levinson.

00:33:56.331 --> 00:33:57.201
Uh...

00:33:58.812 --> 00:34:00.030
Wanted to direct my first--

00:34:00.204 --> 00:34:01.815
This was my first screenplay.
Yes.

00:34:01.989 --> 00:34:06.907
And that Kevin Kline was gonna play Ben,
and that-- help me.

00:34:07.081 --> 00:34:08.952
Meryl Streep.
Hello.

00:34:09.126 --> 00:34:12.260
Heh, was, uh, gonna play Iris.

00:34:12.434 --> 00:34:15.393
And I kept thinking,
if my parents were alive,

00:34:15.567 --> 00:34:17.178
this good news would've killed them.

00:34:19.049 --> 00:34:20.703
Charlie's work is--

00:34:20.877 --> 00:34:23.750
It's not just comedic,
there's a humanity to it.

00:34:23.924 --> 00:34:27.231
And I think it shows people as real people.

00:34:27.405 --> 00:34:28.972
He's an exceptional writer.

00:34:37.111 --> 00:34:40.201
Hey, old man.
You were great up there.

00:34:40.375 --> 00:34:42.812
Hey. You were inside?

00:34:42.986 --> 00:34:46.337
Yeah. And I loved it.
Second installment.

00:34:46.511 --> 00:34:49.471
It's a little light, boss.
Please don't break my thumbs.

00:34:50.820 --> 00:34:52.300
Well, this is a...

00:34:52.474 --> 00:34:53.693
This is a lovely surprise.

00:34:53.867 --> 00:34:56.434
How'd you know about this?
My loser ex.

00:34:56.608 --> 00:34:59.437
I used his ticket.
You made me laugh a lot.

00:34:59.611 --> 00:35:00.612
I'm really sorry.

00:35:02.614 --> 00:35:05.487
No, I liked seeing you up there.
It was so cool.

00:35:05.661 --> 00:35:07.402
And you've done a lot of big things.

00:35:07.576 --> 00:35:09.360
I got lucky.
Being good

00:35:09.534 --> 00:35:11.928
ain't got nothing to do with luck.

00:35:12.102 --> 00:35:13.277
I guess.

00:35:15.105 --> 00:35:16.672
Why do you have birds in your hair?

00:35:16.846 --> 00:35:18.065
Why not?

00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:20.110
Oh, shit, what time is it?

00:35:20.284 --> 00:35:21.851
Damn! I'm gonna be late for work.

00:35:22.025 --> 00:35:23.374
I gotta go. Come with me.
Work?

00:35:23.548 --> 00:35:24.506
Yeah. Come on.
Now?

00:35:24.680 --> 00:35:26.856
Yeah.
What do you do?

00:35:30.817 --> 00:35:32.514
♪ Up in Harlem at a table for two ♪

00:35:32.688 --> 00:35:35.343
♪ There were four of us
Me, your big feet and you ♪

00:35:35.517 --> 00:35:38.172
♪ From your ankles up
I say you sure look sweet ♪

00:35:38.346 --> 00:35:40.957
♪ But from there down
There's just too much feet! ♪

00:35:41.131 --> 00:35:42.785
♪ Yeah, your feet too big ♪

00:35:42.959 --> 00:35:45.701
♪ I don't want ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪

00:35:45.875 --> 00:35:48.269
♪ I can't use ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪

00:35:48.443 --> 00:35:50.750
♪ I really hate ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪

00:35:50.924 --> 00:35:52.273
Your feet's too big!

00:35:55.406 --> 00:35:58.235
♪ Where d'ya get 'em?
Where d'ya get 'em? ♪

00:35:58.409 --> 00:36:00.672
♪ Your girl, she likes ya
She thinks you're nice ♪

00:36:00.847 --> 00:36:03.414
♪ Got what it takes
To go to paradise ♪

00:36:03.588 --> 00:36:06.156
♪ She likes your face
Said she likes your rig ♪

00:36:06.330 --> 00:36:08.593
♪ But, man, oh, man
Those things are too big ♪

00:36:08.768 --> 00:36:10.465
♪ Your feet's too big ♪

00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:13.424
♪ I don't want ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪

00:36:13.598 --> 00:36:16.036
♪ I'm mad at ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪

00:36:16.210 --> 00:36:18.647
♪ I hate ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪

00:36:20.257 --> 00:36:24.174
Yeah, I come from
a pretty small family. Uh...

00:36:24.348 --> 00:36:27.569
My mom and dad were singers.

00:36:27.743 --> 00:36:29.484
Uh, Mo and Jessie.

00:36:29.658 --> 00:36:31.616
They were kind of like Ashford and Simpson.

00:36:31.791 --> 00:36:33.314
But they never made it big

00:36:33.488 --> 00:36:35.620
because there was already
an Ashford and Simpson.

00:36:37.187 --> 00:36:38.493
We used to have a lot of fun.

00:36:38.667 --> 00:36:40.234
They taught me how to harmonize,

00:36:40.408 --> 00:36:44.499
and my dad made these
really cool weathervanes.

00:36:44.673 --> 00:36:46.153
And my mom, she had

00:36:46.327 --> 00:36:48.895
these beautiful dreamcatchers
that she makes.

00:36:49.069 --> 00:36:50.722
They live just outside of Charlotte.

00:36:50.897 --> 00:36:52.463
I love them both to pieces.

00:36:52.637 --> 00:36:54.161
Oh, they sound great.

00:36:57.555 --> 00:37:00.994
I love the way the air smells after it rains.
Hmm.

00:37:01.168 --> 00:37:03.431
Listen, if you ever need my help

00:37:03.605 --> 00:37:05.563
with what you're going through right now,

00:37:05.737 --> 00:37:08.436
even if you need someone
to talk to, I'm here.

00:37:08.610 --> 00:37:12.483
Well, thank you very much.
But what are you talking about?

00:37:12.657 --> 00:37:15.530
You forgot Sharon Stone
and Barry Levinson's names?

00:37:15.704 --> 00:37:17.358
Oh, that.
I get a little tongue-tied.

00:37:17.532 --> 00:37:20.056
I don't like being on-stage.
And what stage were you on

00:37:20.230 --> 00:37:22.406
when you wrote your family's
names under their pictures?

00:37:22.580 --> 00:37:23.930
I told you, that's how I work.

00:37:24.104 --> 00:37:25.975
It's a project that I'm working on, and--

00:37:26.149 --> 00:37:29.370
Look, I know what you told me,
but don't bullshit me, old man.

00:37:33.591 --> 00:37:35.898
It started innocently enough.

00:37:36.072 --> 00:37:37.682
I'd have trouble remembering things.

00:37:37.857 --> 00:37:40.903
A name, a place, a fork.

00:37:41.077 --> 00:37:43.079
And I'd think,
"You're getting older, Charlie.

00:37:43.253 --> 00:37:45.603
You know, you're having senior moments."

00:37:45.777 --> 00:37:47.779
But one day,
I'm having lunch with this guy,

00:37:47.954 --> 00:37:49.607
and I can't remember his name.

00:37:49.781 --> 00:37:51.566
He's going on and on and on.

00:37:51.740 --> 00:37:53.220
I'm thinking, "Who the hell is this?"

00:37:53.394 --> 00:37:55.613
Then he cracks himself up
and he starts laughing.

00:37:55.787 --> 00:37:58.399
So I faked laughing.
Just to go along with him.

00:37:58.573 --> 00:38:01.315
And while I'm laughing,
I'm panicking.

00:38:01.489 --> 00:38:03.795
Thinking,
"Who the hell is this?"

00:38:03.970 --> 00:38:05.319
Did you know him?

00:38:07.234 --> 00:38:08.452
He was my son.

00:38:12.543 --> 00:38:15.546
Yeah. It's happening.

00:38:17.113 --> 00:38:19.855
Jesus, old man. I'm sorry.

00:38:25.643 --> 00:38:26.557
Who's Carrie?

00:38:28.516 --> 00:38:31.736
I saw that on the title page at your house.

00:38:33.564 --> 00:38:35.088
Carrie was my wife.

00:38:36.437 --> 00:38:37.525
She died.

00:38:39.266 --> 00:38:40.658
A long time ago.

00:38:42.791 --> 00:38:46.751
And I'm writing something for her.

00:38:46.926 --> 00:38:49.145
And I have to finish
before my words run out.

00:38:49.319 --> 00:38:51.756
When did you start working on it?

00:38:51.931 --> 00:38:54.237
About an hour after I was diagnosed.

00:38:54.411 --> 00:38:56.065
And how's it going so far?

00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:58.372
It's going really well.

00:38:58.546 --> 00:39:01.549
My mama would call that
a crock of lukewarm horseshit.

00:39:01.723 --> 00:39:03.681
Don't lie to me, old man.

00:39:03.855 --> 00:39:07.207
I know you haven't started
writing one single word.

00:39:07.381 --> 00:39:09.078
Let me see your phone.
My phone?

00:39:09.252 --> 00:39:10.558
Your phone.
Okay.

00:39:12.038 --> 00:39:13.735
Okay.

00:39:13.909 --> 00:39:17.391
This is my name,
this is my number, okay?

00:39:17.565 --> 00:39:19.349
Now, even if you don't wanna contact me,

00:39:19.523 --> 00:39:21.003
I just want you to know

00:39:21.177 --> 00:39:24.398
that I'm not some allergic-to-shellfish nut

00:39:24.572 --> 00:39:26.226
that's half your age plus four,

00:39:26.400 --> 00:39:29.011
that wants to help you
because you helped me.

00:39:29.185 --> 00:39:31.274
You don't stop for commas, do you?

00:39:31.448 --> 00:39:32.754
Life's too short for commas.

00:39:39.935 --> 00:39:43.199
Darrell, um, this is better.

00:39:43.373 --> 00:39:45.767
Try this as a tag.

00:39:45.941 --> 00:39:48.465
Let's do it in the dress rehearsal.
What do you think?

00:39:49.989 --> 00:39:52.078
Yeah. Yeah, that's great.

00:39:52.252 --> 00:39:53.731
Are we good?
Yeah. Thanks.

00:39:53.905 --> 00:39:56.082
Good. Alrighty.
All right.

00:39:56.256 --> 00:39:58.345
Want to come to my house and play?

00:39:58.519 --> 00:40:00.347
No, your house smells.

00:40:02.088 --> 00:40:03.263
Come to my house and play.

00:40:03.437 --> 00:40:05.656
No, your house smells too.

00:40:07.267 --> 00:40:08.790
My house doesn't smell.

00:40:08.964 --> 00:40:10.270
We can play there.

00:40:10.444 --> 00:40:12.272
Oh, he's Thomas Crapper's son.

00:40:12.446 --> 00:40:14.839
His father invented the flushing toilet.

00:40:15.014 --> 00:40:17.277
That's a lot of crap.

00:40:17.451 --> 00:40:19.627
Not anymore.

00:40:19.801 --> 00:40:22.456
Let's go to his house!

00:40:22.630 --> 00:40:24.762
Ah, yes. Thomas Crapper,

00:40:24.936 --> 00:40:27.765
the, uh, father of the modern toilet.

00:40:27.939 --> 00:40:29.419
I'm Jeff Goldblum.

00:40:29.593 --> 00:40:32.466
Uh... Oh, heh-heh-heh.

00:40:33.771 --> 00:40:35.295
This has been

00:40:35.469 --> 00:40:39.647
a little-known moment
in indoor plumbing history.

00:40:41.475 --> 00:40:44.826
Change your toilet.
Change the world.

00:40:45.914 --> 00:40:47.655
Commercial break!
Two minutes.

00:40:49.657 --> 00:40:50.832
Wow.

00:40:51.006 --> 00:40:52.616
Not bad.
Great fix, Darrell.

00:40:52.790 --> 00:40:54.879
Yeah, the Goldblum thing was funny.

00:40:55.054 --> 00:40:57.273
Thanks.
I think we'll slot it

00:40:57.447 --> 00:41:00.102
after the third commercial break.
Got one on the air.

00:41:00.276 --> 00:41:01.451
All right, so...

00:41:03.149 --> 00:41:05.107
Yeah. Yeah.

00:41:29.697 --> 00:41:31.090
How did you meet Carrie?

00:41:40.925 --> 00:41:44.103
Come on, old man.
How did you two meet?

00:41:52.154 --> 00:41:53.938
Damn it, I hate this stuff.

00:41:55.810 --> 00:41:58.639
Hey, you know what really does the trick?

00:41:58.813 --> 00:41:59.857
What?

00:42:00.031 --> 00:42:01.685
Butter.

00:42:01.859 --> 00:42:04.123
Did you just say butter?
I'm telling you. Butter.

00:42:04.297 --> 00:42:07.038
No, really. There's a lot of tar
on the beach this year.

00:42:07.213 --> 00:42:09.171
What you do is you take a stick of butter

00:42:09.345 --> 00:42:11.173
and just keep rubbing it into the tar

00:42:11.347 --> 00:42:14.698
and somehow it breaks it down,
you can just wipe it away

00:42:14.872 --> 00:42:17.266
and you don't have to use
that tomahawk of a shell,

00:42:17.440 --> 00:42:19.355
which is probably taking off
all the epidermis

00:42:19.529 --> 00:42:21.575
on the bottom of your foot.

00:42:21.749 --> 00:42:23.533
Hi.
Hi.

00:42:23.707 --> 00:42:26.362
I'm Charlie Burnz.
Hello, Charlie Burnz.

00:42:28.582 --> 00:42:30.975
I'm Carrie.
Carrie? Is that short

00:42:31.150 --> 00:42:34.240
for Caren or Carina or a Catherine or...?

00:42:34.414 --> 00:42:36.242
Florence.
Florence?

00:42:36.416 --> 00:42:37.895
Don't ask.

00:42:38.069 --> 00:42:40.550
Florence. Well, that's
a great old-fashioned name.

00:42:40.724 --> 00:42:42.900
That's one of the names
of one of my relatives.

00:42:43.074 --> 00:42:45.729
I could never imagine
my relatives as babies.

00:42:45.903 --> 00:42:47.296
Herman, come away from the water.

00:42:47.470 --> 00:42:49.429
Irving, don't put that puppy in your mouth.

00:42:49.603 --> 00:42:51.344
Ooh, Mildred just pooped in the toilet.

00:42:51.518 --> 00:42:53.041
A big hand for Mildred.

00:42:53.215 --> 00:42:55.086
You don't hear those names.

00:42:55.261 --> 00:42:56.697
That's true.

00:42:58.307 --> 00:43:00.657
Listen, I live in that white house,

00:43:00.831 --> 00:43:02.833
like, right over there,
and I happen to have

00:43:03.007 --> 00:43:05.793
like half a ton of butter.
So if you...

00:43:05.967 --> 00:43:07.664
Yeah, I won a dairy contest.

00:43:07.838 --> 00:43:10.276
You had to guess how much the cow weighed.

00:43:10.450 --> 00:43:12.713
And, uh, I can de-tar you.

00:43:12.887 --> 00:43:15.411
And I mean that in a very respectful way.

00:43:17.239 --> 00:43:18.501
Okay.

00:43:26.248 --> 00:43:27.858
Wow, is that a paint-by-number?

00:43:28.032 --> 00:43:32.123
Oh, it's you again.
Hello, Charlie Burnz.

00:43:32.298 --> 00:43:34.996
Hey, Carrie. It's really good.

00:43:35.170 --> 00:43:36.606
Yeah? You like it?
Yeah.

00:43:36.780 --> 00:43:38.260
You know what else I like?
What?

00:43:38.434 --> 00:43:40.567
Steamed clams.
Oh, yeah?

00:43:40.741 --> 00:43:43.047
Yeah.
I've never had steamed clams.

00:43:43.222 --> 00:43:45.267
Okay, my house, 7 p.m.

00:43:46.790 --> 00:43:48.662
Deal.

00:43:48.836 --> 00:43:51.447
Here we go. Okay, take the clam.

00:43:51.621 --> 00:43:54.537
Spread it apart.
Rinse him in the broth.

00:43:54.711 --> 00:43:58.019
And then to the butter.
And then to your mouth.

00:43:58.193 --> 00:44:00.413
It's a little bit of heaven.
Isn't it great?

00:44:00.587 --> 00:44:02.545
Oh. Oh, God.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

00:44:02.719 --> 00:44:03.981
Oh, God, that's disgusting.

00:44:04.155 --> 00:44:05.809
Please don't sue.

00:44:05.983 --> 00:44:08.159
Oh, man.

00:44:08.334 --> 00:44:10.466
Pizza?
I'll call Gino's.

00:44:23.784 --> 00:44:25.481
I just got this rug.

00:44:26.743 --> 00:44:28.441
This is like tracking Bigfoot.

00:44:34.403 --> 00:44:35.317
Hey.

00:44:36.231 --> 00:44:38.364
Hey. Carrie.

00:44:39.495 --> 00:44:40.888
Good morning.

00:44:45.501 --> 00:44:46.633
Here.

00:44:48.112 --> 00:44:50.376
Good morning, Charlie Burnz.

00:44:52.160 --> 00:44:55.598
Here. A little something for breakfast.

00:44:55.772 --> 00:44:57.426
It's a beautiful day.

00:45:01.343 --> 00:45:03.954
Ha-ha! Oh, God.

00:45:07.393 --> 00:45:08.524
Okay.

00:45:10.265 --> 00:45:12.049
De-tar me.

00:45:12.223 --> 00:45:15.488
But it seems a shame to waste
the butter on my foot.

00:45:15.662 --> 00:45:17.359
Oh!
Come here.

00:45:17.533 --> 00:45:18.752
Okay.

00:45:21.363 --> 00:45:22.930
Hi.

00:45:38.380 --> 00:45:40.991
Well, hello, old friend.

00:46:32.434 --> 00:46:35.002
♪ And you can't tell
The depth of a well ♪

00:46:35.176 --> 00:46:37.744
♪ By the length
Of the handle on the pump ♪

00:46:37.918 --> 00:46:42.618
♪ Baby, how can you
Tell about me? ♪

00:46:42.792 --> 00:46:44.794
♪ Now, you can't tell
A bottle by the label ♪

00:46:44.968 --> 00:46:47.580
♪ That's how it is with me ♪

00:46:47.754 --> 00:46:50.583
♪ Some folks call me a ladle ♪

00:46:50.757 --> 00:46:54.500
♪ Give me a chance
And you'll see, yow! ♪

00:46:54.674 --> 00:46:56.632
♪ You can't tell
The depth of a well ♪

00:46:56.806 --> 00:46:58.721
♪ By the length of the handle
On the pump ♪

00:46:58.895 --> 00:46:59.766
Thank you, boo.

00:46:59.940 --> 00:47:03.422
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

00:47:03.596 --> 00:47:07.251
♪ Baby, baby
Baby, baby, baby ♪

00:47:07.426 --> 00:47:10.951
♪ How can you tell about me?
Hey! ♪

00:47:11.125 --> 00:47:12.561
All right, now,

00:47:12.735 --> 00:47:14.955
make sure you make a donation.

00:47:15.129 --> 00:47:16.826
Thank you,
we'll see you in a few months.

00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:18.219
We're going on tour.

00:47:18.393 --> 00:47:21.178
A tour. Four months, 50 cities.

00:47:21.352 --> 00:47:23.398
Theaters, clubs.
And we got a tour bus.

00:47:23.572 --> 00:47:25.269
Can you believe it?
Man, it's awesome.

00:47:25.444 --> 00:47:27.010
I'm in, all the way.
Awesome.

00:47:27.184 --> 00:47:28.882
All right, guys, I'll see y'all later.

00:47:29.056 --> 00:47:30.449
See you.
That's cool.

00:47:31.841 --> 00:47:33.277
You sounded great.

00:47:34.714 --> 00:47:37.281
What are you doing here?
Em, I'm sorry.

00:47:37.456 --> 00:47:39.588
I messed up. Please.

00:47:39.762 --> 00:47:43.462
It's too late. I've moved on.
I met someone and we're in love.

00:47:43.636 --> 00:47:45.159
What? Already?

00:47:45.333 --> 00:47:46.552
Mm-hm.
Bullshit.

00:47:46.726 --> 00:47:48.467
He's over there. Wanna meet him?
Okay.

00:47:48.641 --> 00:47:50.338
Come on, you'll see if it's bullshit or not.

00:47:50.512 --> 00:47:51.687
Let's see your bullshit.

00:47:51.861 --> 00:47:53.472
Hey.
Hey, old man.

00:47:53.646 --> 00:47:56.170
Hi. Hey, you were great.
I mean, that was just terrific.

00:47:56.344 --> 00:47:57.998
Thank you.
What is going on here?

00:47:58.172 --> 00:48:02.916
Oh. Charlie, this is my ex-boyfriend,
Dwayne St. John.

00:48:03.090 --> 00:48:05.266
Oh, I hear you're a fan.
Thank you.

00:48:05.440 --> 00:48:08.225
This is your boyfriend?
No, he's my bae.

00:48:08.399 --> 00:48:11.315
You used my auction thing!
Oh, yeah, all $22 of it.

00:48:11.490 --> 00:48:14.188
And thank you.
It's the first day of the rest of my life.

00:48:14.362 --> 00:48:15.885
Ain't that right?

00:48:16.059 --> 00:48:17.626
Yeah. Heh-heh.

00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:21.064
I love everything you do.
And now he's doing me. Ha!

00:48:21.238 --> 00:48:22.892
Ain't that right, Charlie?

00:48:23.066 --> 00:48:26.113
You got that right... baby.
Mm-hm.

00:48:26.287 --> 00:48:28.202
We are late for lunch.
Uh-huh.

00:48:28.376 --> 00:48:32.162
And I would love a seafood salad right now.

00:48:32.336 --> 00:48:34.425
Okay.
This is so crazy.

00:48:34.600 --> 00:48:37.994
I'm-- in acting class,
I was doing the scene from your play--

00:48:38.168 --> 00:48:40.170
Do you wanna just take a picture?

00:48:40.344 --> 00:48:42.042
Could I? Okay with you, sir?
Sure.

00:48:42.216 --> 00:48:43.870
Man, this is amazing.
I'll take it.

00:48:44.044 --> 00:48:46.220
I know the password already.

00:48:46.394 --> 00:48:48.701
All right, get closer.

00:48:48.875 --> 00:48:50.093
Okay, now, smile.

00:48:50.267 --> 00:48:51.573
Put your hands up in the air.

00:48:51.747 --> 00:48:53.488
Yeah, like you won something.

00:48:53.662 --> 00:48:54.924
Aah! ha-ha!
Mm-hm.

00:48:55.098 --> 00:48:56.752
There you go. Okay.
Charlie, come over here.

00:48:56.926 --> 00:48:58.493
Is this good enough?

00:49:01.235 --> 00:49:02.628
Now you'll always remember

00:49:02.802 --> 00:49:05.195
what me and your idol look like together.

00:49:05.369 --> 00:49:06.632
Bye-bye.

00:49:12.594 --> 00:49:15.379
You okay?
I will be.

00:49:15.554 --> 00:49:18.208
I want some ice cream.
Okay.

00:49:18.382 --> 00:49:20.820
And a triple vegan delight.

00:49:20.994 --> 00:49:23.213
Wow, that looks like the Olympic torch.

00:49:23.387 --> 00:49:25.694
Hey, I gotta change the name.

00:49:29.698 --> 00:49:31.874
So when would you leave?

00:49:32.048 --> 00:49:35.051
In like a month or so.
It's crazy how things happened.

00:49:35.225 --> 00:49:39.534
This record producer saw our videos and...

00:49:39.708 --> 00:49:42.276
he was digging us,
next thing you know, bam!

00:49:42.450 --> 00:49:45.932
We going on tour for four months,
on a tour bus,

00:49:46.106 --> 00:49:49.022
and we're already talking
about doing an album, it's--

00:49:49.196 --> 00:49:51.328
Charlie, I'm sorry.
I'm doing all the talking.

00:49:51.502 --> 00:49:53.548
You said something good happened?

00:49:53.722 --> 00:49:56.638
I wrote last night.
You did? That's awesome.

00:49:56.812 --> 00:49:58.640
It was fantastic.
Just like the old days.

00:49:58.814 --> 00:50:02.122
Itzhak Perlman starting playing,
and I started writing.

00:50:02.296 --> 00:50:03.863
Izzy Perlman?
Who's Izzy Perlman?

00:50:04.037 --> 00:50:05.429
Not Izzy Perlman.

00:50:05.604 --> 00:50:08.389
Izzy Pearlman sold my
parents Venetian blinds.

00:50:08.563 --> 00:50:11.044
Itzhak Perlman is one
of the greatest violinists

00:50:11.218 --> 00:50:13.742
in the world.
Ask your phone who he is!

00:50:13.916 --> 00:50:15.439
He lives in the building behind me

00:50:15.614 --> 00:50:17.311
and he likes to practice at night.

00:50:17.485 --> 00:50:20.488
I just open my window and it's
like a free Itzhak festival.

00:50:20.662 --> 00:50:23.534
It's one of the reasons
Carrie and I bought the place.

00:50:26.407 --> 00:50:27.408
Ooh!

00:50:29.584 --> 00:50:31.020
What was that for?

00:50:31.194 --> 00:50:33.066
I don't think I would've written anything

00:50:33.240 --> 00:50:34.763
if you didn't get me started.

00:50:36.069 --> 00:50:38.332
You're welcome.
Thank you.

00:50:38.506 --> 00:50:39.768
Tink.

00:50:41.291 --> 00:50:42.858
Hey, um...

00:50:43.032 --> 00:50:44.512
Are you doing anything right now?

00:50:44.686 --> 00:50:47.428
No.
It's my day off.

00:50:47.602 --> 00:50:48.647
Wanna have some laughs?

00:50:48.821 --> 00:50:51.171
Hell, yeah.
Come on.

00:50:51.345 --> 00:50:54.478
Wax museum?
Trust me, it's fun.

00:50:54.653 --> 00:50:56.611
Don't tell me there's one of you here.

00:50:56.785 --> 00:50:58.004
Come on.
EMMA: Heh, okay.

00:50:59.919 --> 00:51:02.225
This is Marilyn Monroe
from The Seven Year Itch.

00:51:02.399 --> 00:51:03.836
Mm. I'd be itchy too

00:51:04.010 --> 00:51:06.577
if I had hot subway air blowing up my ass.

00:51:06.752 --> 00:51:08.449
Is that who I think it is?

00:51:09.842 --> 00:51:11.974
Hello, Dalai.

00:51:12.148 --> 00:51:14.411
Come on, queen.
Smile, girl. Smile.

00:51:16.196 --> 00:51:18.198
What could he possibly be thinking?

00:51:19.939 --> 00:51:21.680
"Shouldn't have had the seafood salad."

00:51:23.507 --> 00:51:25.248
Picasso.
I don't dig him.

00:51:25.422 --> 00:51:26.423
Why?
Sexist.

00:51:26.597 --> 00:51:27.947
If I did a painting of you

00:51:28.121 --> 00:51:29.426
with three willies,
would you be happy?

00:51:29.600 --> 00:51:31.341
I'd be ecstatic.

00:51:31.515 --> 00:51:33.604
The Theory of Relativity

00:51:33.779 --> 00:51:35.563
is never lend your relatives money.

00:51:35.737 --> 00:51:37.826
You can kiss that ten bucks goodbye.

00:51:40.350 --> 00:51:42.701
Golda, tell me again. I don't understand.

00:51:42.875 --> 00:51:44.180
Okay, Mr. Arafat.

00:51:44.354 --> 00:51:46.487
It's "Chanukah,"
not "Hanukkah."

00:51:46.661 --> 00:51:48.097
I'm having trouble with the "hucch."

00:51:48.271 --> 00:51:50.230
I'm having trouble with the "hucch"!

00:51:50.404 --> 00:51:53.320
Pope? Party of five?

00:51:53.494 --> 00:51:55.061
I am not a crook.

00:51:55.235 --> 00:51:56.627
Oh, bullshit, Dickie.

00:51:56.802 --> 00:51:58.717
Then why are you so sweaty?

00:51:58.891 --> 00:52:00.675
Man, he is really cross-eyed.

00:52:00.849 --> 00:52:02.372
That's why he didn't find

00:52:02.546 --> 00:52:04.244
any weapons of mass destruction.

00:52:07.334 --> 00:52:09.118
So you have two kids, right?

00:52:09.292 --> 00:52:12.513
Yeah. Francine teaches math at
a middle school in New Jersey.

00:52:12.687 --> 00:52:14.907
Uh-huh.
And my son Rex is an architect.

00:52:15.081 --> 00:52:17.692
And, uh, Rex is a...

00:52:17.866 --> 00:52:19.520
He's a pretty brilliant kid.

00:52:19.694 --> 00:52:21.087
Well, he should be.
He was born

00:52:21.261 --> 00:52:22.871
at the American Museum of Natural History.

00:52:24.699 --> 00:52:26.919
This was so nice. Thank you.

00:52:30.096 --> 00:52:32.315
I wanna ask you a question.

00:52:32.489 --> 00:52:34.187
And I'm a little nervous about it,

00:52:34.361 --> 00:52:37.625
because I don't remember the
last time I asked this, if ever.

00:52:39.670 --> 00:52:42.891
Would like to be my date for
my granddaughter's bat mitzvah?

00:52:43.065 --> 00:52:45.676
Her name is Lindsay
and she's the love of my life.

00:52:45.851 --> 00:52:47.896
And it would be like
a goodbye party for you,

00:52:48.070 --> 00:52:49.985
except it's a bat mitzvah
and not for you.

00:52:50.159 --> 00:52:53.554
I've never been to a bat mitzvah before.
When is it?

00:52:53.728 --> 00:52:56.383
I don't remember, but it's soon.
Way to narrow it down.

00:52:56.557 --> 00:52:59.821
I have the invitation--
doesn't matter when it is.

00:52:59.995 --> 00:53:01.605
I'd be happy to go.
Yeah?

00:53:01.780 --> 00:53:04.304
But only on one condition.
What's that?

00:53:04.478 --> 00:53:06.306
That we dance together.
Oh, no, no, no.

00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:08.525
You don't understand.
I'm a dangerous dancer,

00:53:08.699 --> 00:53:10.397
one of the few with mambo insurance.

00:53:10.571 --> 00:53:13.966
Oh, come on, Charlie.
It'll be so much fun.

00:53:14.140 --> 00:53:16.185
All right. But to be on the safe side,

00:53:16.359 --> 00:53:17.926
wear a helmet and shoulder pads.

00:53:18.100 --> 00:53:19.885
Done.
Great.

00:53:48.304 --> 00:53:49.828
What's the matter, Carrie?

00:53:50.002 --> 00:53:52.178
I just don't want the summer to be over.

00:53:52.352 --> 00:53:54.180
Well...

00:53:54.354 --> 00:53:56.922
maybe we just keep
our summer going forever.

00:53:59.315 --> 00:54:00.839
Good idea, Charlie Burnz.

00:54:22.904 --> 00:54:26.212
Stop sign...
left.

00:54:26.386 --> 00:54:28.692
Whoa, sorry, pal.
You can't go this way. Not safe.

00:54:28.867 --> 00:54:31.826
This is the way I go.
Sir, go this way. Not safe here.

00:54:32.000 --> 00:54:34.698
I don't know that way.
You gotta go that way.

00:54:34.873 --> 00:54:37.614
I don't know that way,
this is the way I go every day.

00:54:37.788 --> 00:54:40.095
It's a new day.
Cross the street and you'll be fine.

00:54:40.269 --> 00:54:43.707
No! I have to go this way!
Hey, pal, come on. Move!

00:54:46.885 --> 00:54:48.016
Sorry.

00:54:48.190 --> 00:54:49.844
What's the matter with you?

00:54:53.848 --> 00:54:57.765
That's the way I go.
I go that way.

00:55:02.030 --> 00:55:05.729
What, are you crazy?
What are you doing?

00:55:05.904 --> 00:55:08.819
Get the hell out of the way!

00:55:08.994 --> 00:55:10.517
Hey!

00:55:10.691 --> 00:55:13.041
You, old man!

00:55:13.215 --> 00:55:15.000
Get the hell out of the way!

00:55:15.174 --> 00:55:17.393
You're in the middle of the road!

00:55:17.567 --> 00:55:19.134
What, are you deaf?

00:55:59.044 --> 00:56:00.828
Hey, old man! Am I crazy

00:56:01.002 --> 00:56:03.483
or did you say your son
was born in a museum?

00:56:06.007 --> 00:56:08.227
Look at the size of this thing, honey.

00:56:08.401 --> 00:56:10.446
Charlie...
this is the only thing here

00:56:10.620 --> 00:56:13.145
that's bigger than you.
Look at that wishbone!

00:56:13.319 --> 00:56:15.234
Charlie.
What?

00:56:15.408 --> 00:56:17.801
I think my water just broke.
What?

00:56:17.976 --> 00:56:19.890
We gotta get you out of here.

00:56:20.065 --> 00:56:21.588
We gotta get you out of here.

00:56:21.762 --> 00:56:23.633
Oh!

00:56:23.807 --> 00:56:26.375
I'm not gonna make it. Oh!
Honey-- I need a doctor!

00:56:26.549 --> 00:56:28.508
I need a doctor!
What's the problem?

00:56:28.682 --> 00:56:30.031
My wife's having a baby.
When?

00:56:30.205 --> 00:56:31.641
Now!
I'm gonna ask the supervisor

00:56:31.815 --> 00:56:33.643
if that's okay.
Are you kidding me?

00:56:33.817 --> 00:56:35.341
I am a doctor.
What kind?

00:56:35.515 --> 00:56:37.256
Proctologist. Okay.
Close enough.

00:56:37.430 --> 00:56:39.475
Oh, God.
Oh, this baby's coming fast.

00:56:39.649 --> 00:56:41.956
Can you do it somewhere else?
A tour group's coming through.

00:56:42.130 --> 00:56:44.002
Really?!
I have a baby coming through!

00:56:44.176 --> 00:56:46.265
Take a deep breath. Relax.
Call an ambulance now.

00:56:46.439 --> 00:56:48.223
Copy that.
Hi.

00:56:48.397 --> 00:56:49.877
You should know my name.
It's Carrie.

00:56:50.051 --> 00:56:51.357
Hi. Hello.
And that man

00:56:51.531 --> 00:56:53.446
who looks so scared is Charlie!

00:56:53.620 --> 00:56:56.057
Hi, Charlie.
He's the daddy.

00:56:56.231 --> 00:56:57.450
Good.
What's your name?

00:56:57.624 --> 00:56:59.365
I'm Joe Katz. Okay?
Take a breath.

00:56:59.539 --> 00:57:01.323
Relax. You're doing just great.

00:57:01.497 --> 00:57:03.934
Now, listen.
I'll need to remove your underwear.

00:57:04.109 --> 00:57:05.762
Oh, that's a bit aggressive

00:57:05.936 --> 00:57:07.547
for our first date, don't you think?

00:57:07.721 --> 00:57:09.723
There we go.

00:57:09.897 --> 00:57:11.551
What should I do next?
Nothing!

00:57:11.725 --> 00:57:13.466
Sure? They gave us a class with the doll--

00:57:13.640 --> 00:57:15.294
Leave us alone!
Okay. Sorry.

00:57:15.468 --> 00:57:18.645
Charlie. This is like that time
at Rye Playland, remember?

00:57:18.819 --> 00:57:21.430
At the top of the Ferris wheel?
We were so drunk!

00:57:21.604 --> 00:57:23.041
Are you okay?

00:57:23.215 --> 00:57:24.825
Just trying to think.

00:57:24.999 --> 00:57:26.740
Who took your panties off at Rye Playland?
I wasn't there.

00:57:26.914 --> 00:57:28.568
What?
It was Coney Island!

00:57:28.742 --> 00:57:30.483
Oh, you're right!

00:57:30.657 --> 00:57:32.920
Oh, God.
Okay, lean forward slowly.

00:57:33.094 --> 00:57:35.270
And you're gonna push when I tell you.

00:57:35.444 --> 00:57:37.881
Carrie, you're doing great.
Hey! What are you looking at?

00:57:38.056 --> 00:57:39.753
Ew!
Get these scouts out of here!

00:57:39.927 --> 00:57:41.407
Come on, guys. Let's go.

00:57:41.581 --> 00:57:44.323
Come on, boys.This is bullshit!

00:57:44.497 --> 00:57:46.412
You too!
Copy that. And just a reminder:

00:57:46.586 --> 00:57:48.109
We close at 5.
Get out of here!

00:57:48.283 --> 00:57:50.372
Okay. The baby's here.

00:57:50.546 --> 00:57:51.808
The baby's here.

00:57:51.982 --> 00:57:53.984
So a big, deep breath and a big push, okay?

00:57:54.159 --> 00:57:56.291
You can do it. There you go.
Okay.

00:58:04.647 --> 00:58:07.389
Okay. Here you go. Here you go.

00:58:07.563 --> 00:58:09.261
Here you go.
Oh!

00:58:09.435 --> 00:58:12.481
It's a boy.
It's a boy. It's a boy.

00:58:15.267 --> 00:58:16.746
Hey, Charlie.

00:58:16.920 --> 00:58:17.921
Yeah?

00:58:19.184 --> 00:58:21.055
Let's name him Rex.

00:58:23.536 --> 00:58:25.277
That's the perfect name.

00:58:26.843 --> 00:58:28.193
Heh, I'm really glad

00:58:28.367 --> 00:58:30.151
we didn't have him under that big whale.

00:58:30.325 --> 00:58:33.067
Yeah.
Because Moby Dick Burnz

00:58:33.241 --> 00:58:35.417
would be a terrible name for our son.

00:58:35.591 --> 00:58:37.637
He'd have so much trouble at school.

00:58:39.291 --> 00:58:41.902
Oh, I love you, Charlie Burnz.

00:58:44.470 --> 00:58:46.124
I love you too.

00:59:05.882 --> 00:59:10.104
What do my baby boy
and a T-Rex have in common?

00:59:11.845 --> 00:59:15.414
One is extinct,
the other just stinks!

00:59:18.634 --> 00:59:22.508
All right, Roger.
We'll cue you in five, four...

00:59:22.682 --> 00:59:25.728
Three, two, one...

00:59:25.902 --> 00:59:27.643
Good evening.
And welcome to another episode

00:59:27.817 --> 00:59:30.124
of Old People Who Have Always Looked Old!

00:59:30.298 --> 00:59:31.952
Tonight's subjects are Keith Richards

00:59:32.126 --> 00:59:33.562
and the late Mother Teresa.

00:59:33.736 --> 00:59:35.825
Oh, boy. Did you hear it?
Yeah. I did.

00:59:35.999 --> 00:59:37.914
How does he get away with this?
I don't know.

00:59:38.088 --> 00:59:40.569
All right, listen.

00:59:40.743 --> 00:59:42.049
These sketch ideas are good,

00:59:42.223 --> 00:59:44.138
but they don't always have to be so big.

00:59:44.312 --> 00:59:46.445
Sketches can be small, more personal.

00:59:46.619 --> 00:59:47.794
Something about yourself,

00:59:47.968 --> 00:59:49.578
maybe about your girlfriend or something.

00:59:49.752 --> 00:59:51.754
That would be a problem.
Why is that?

00:59:51.928 --> 00:59:54.714
I don't have one.
I'm incredibly single.

00:59:54.888 --> 00:59:56.194
See? That's funny.

00:59:56.368 --> 00:59:58.718
That I eat every meal alone?

00:59:58.892 --> 01:00:01.242
Oh, that's hilarious.
Heh, no, no.

01:00:01.416 --> 01:00:03.462
I'm talking about a character for the show.

01:00:03.636 --> 01:00:05.072
The incredibly single guy.

01:00:05.246 --> 01:00:06.726
It's different than being single.

01:00:06.900 --> 01:00:08.118
It's incredibly single.

01:00:08.293 --> 01:00:09.772
There might be something funny in that.

01:00:09.946 --> 01:00:11.687
Right.
Find out what's funny about you

01:00:11.861 --> 01:00:14.995
and then write about it.
Okay. I'll try that.

01:00:15.169 --> 01:00:17.780
Okay.
Can I tell you something?

01:00:17.954 --> 01:00:19.391
Yeah.

01:00:19.565 --> 01:00:21.871
When I was at Harvard,
I had a humor class

01:00:22.045 --> 01:00:23.830
and I wrote a paper as you.

01:00:24.918 --> 01:00:26.093
Really?
Yeah.

01:00:26.267 --> 01:00:27.877
I read all your plays,

01:00:28.051 --> 01:00:29.575
I knew your movie scripts.

01:00:29.749 --> 01:00:31.446
I could even tell what jokes were yours

01:00:31.620 --> 01:00:33.405
on whatever TV show you were writing on.

01:00:33.579 --> 01:00:35.233
So I wrote a paper in your style.

01:00:35.407 --> 01:00:36.799
Like you were at Harvard.

01:00:36.973 --> 01:00:40.716
Wow. And how did it do?
Got an F.

01:00:41.891 --> 01:00:43.197
The professor said

01:00:43.371 --> 01:00:44.894
we already have a great Charlie Burnz.

01:00:45.068 --> 01:00:48.681
We don't have a great Darrell Green yet.
He was right.

01:00:48.855 --> 01:00:51.858
Anyway, um, working with you
and knowing you

01:00:52.032 --> 01:00:53.555
is really special to me.

01:00:53.729 --> 01:00:55.470
Oh, thank you, Darrell.

01:00:55.644 --> 01:00:58.560
Listen, while I go get one of the crew

01:00:58.734 --> 01:01:01.346
to vacuum out the smoke
you just blew up my ass,

01:01:01.520 --> 01:01:03.435
take a whack at the incredibly single guy,

01:01:03.609 --> 01:01:05.437
see if there's something funny.
Deal.

01:01:05.611 --> 01:01:06.612
Good.

01:01:06.786 --> 01:01:08.309
Oh, sorry.

01:01:08.483 --> 01:01:11.660
Um... hello?
Hi.

01:01:11.834 --> 01:01:13.575
Hi, yeah.
No, I--

01:01:14.968 --> 01:01:16.752
What to wear?

01:01:16.926 --> 01:01:19.102
Oh, I don't--

01:01:19.277 --> 01:01:22.105
Well, how vintage?
That's very vintage.

01:01:22.280 --> 01:01:23.368
Yeah, heh-heh.

01:01:23.542 --> 01:01:25.195
No, listen, uh...
I'm at work,

01:01:25.370 --> 01:01:26.936
so can I call you back?

01:01:27.110 --> 01:01:29.330
Okay. Uh, bye.

01:01:32.638 --> 01:01:36.076
I'm taking a date to my
granddaughter's bat mitzvah.

01:01:36.250 --> 01:01:39.384
She's a... really fun person.
Never been to one before.

01:01:39.558 --> 01:01:42.256
Neither have I. Can I go too?

01:01:42.430 --> 01:01:44.824
I think one surprise for my
family is all they can handle.

01:01:44.998 --> 01:01:47.392
And believe me, this young
woman is full of surprises.

01:01:47.566 --> 01:01:49.307
She sounds cool.
Yeah, she is.

01:01:49.481 --> 01:01:51.744
She's, uh--
she's very cool.

01:01:54.312 --> 01:01:56.314
What?
Well...

01:01:56.488 --> 01:01:57.750
you're blushing.

01:01:57.924 --> 01:02:00.405
Your face is a little red.
Oh, that's...

01:02:00.579 --> 01:02:02.276
blood pressure. Yeah.
Oh.

01:02:02.450 --> 01:02:04.322
Shouldn't have had the hot dog. Heh, it's--

01:02:04.496 --> 01:02:06.498
See you in a little bit.
Bye.

01:02:08.282 --> 01:02:10.545
Now that I'm a bat mitzvah girl,

01:02:10.719 --> 01:02:13.374
um, I'd like to leave
you with this one story.

01:02:13.548 --> 01:02:16.464
So I turned to Rabbi Teplis and I said:

01:02:16.638 --> 01:02:19.032
"I've been studying for years and years,

01:02:19.206 --> 01:02:21.426
and I ask you:
'What is the meaning of life?'

01:02:21.600 --> 01:02:23.863
And you tell me life is a cookie?"

01:02:26.866 --> 01:02:29.347
And Rabbi Teplis looked at me and said:

01:02:29.521 --> 01:02:30.826
"You mean it isn't?"

01:02:35.962 --> 01:02:40.445
So anyways, to my parents,
I love you so much.

01:02:41.837 --> 01:02:43.535
You've given me everything I have,

01:02:43.709 --> 01:02:46.929
and I wouldn't be here without you.

01:02:47.103 --> 01:02:50.368
Thank you so much. I love you.

01:02:50.542 --> 01:02:53.066
Mazel tov!

01:02:59.986 --> 01:03:02.205
Let's get Lindsay up in the chair!

01:03:04.643 --> 01:03:05.948
One, two, three!

01:03:08.864 --> 01:03:10.910
Look out. Here comes Mom!

01:03:11.084 --> 01:03:13.652
Up in the air, Francine.

01:03:13.826 --> 01:03:16.306
Bend your knees, boys.
Here comes Papa Charlie!

01:03:19.484 --> 01:03:20.963
Mazel tov!

01:03:24.010 --> 01:03:26.316
Come on. Sit down.

01:03:29.494 --> 01:03:31.365
This is amazing!

01:03:31.539 --> 01:03:33.541
That's it, God. I'm converting!

01:03:45.771 --> 01:03:47.381
Hi.

01:03:47.555 --> 01:03:49.078
I'm Francine.
I'm Lindsay's mom.

01:03:49.252 --> 01:03:51.037
Mm. She is so special.

01:03:51.211 --> 01:03:52.647
Oh.
You must be so proud.

01:03:52.821 --> 01:03:54.997
Yeah.
I'm Emma, by the way.

01:03:55.171 --> 01:03:56.782
Oh, hi.
Nice to meet you.

01:03:56.956 --> 01:04:00.786
Yes, nice to meet you.
These spare ribs are delicious!

01:04:00.960 --> 01:04:02.483
Oh, good.
Mm-hm.

01:04:02.657 --> 01:04:04.703
So how long have you been dating my father?

01:04:04.877 --> 01:04:08.707
What? No, no, no.
We're just friends.

01:04:08.881 --> 01:04:11.666
I'm sure.
No. He's just really nice to me.

01:04:11.840 --> 01:04:13.668
Mm-hm.
And I just love his writing.

01:04:13.842 --> 01:04:15.757
Oh.

01:04:15.931 --> 01:04:17.977
Okay. So, um...

01:04:18.151 --> 01:04:20.806
So, what do you do, Emma?
For a living, I mean.

01:04:20.980 --> 01:04:23.156
I'm a singer.
Wow.

01:04:23.330 --> 01:04:25.288
Anything I might be familiar with?

01:04:25.463 --> 01:04:26.725
No.

01:04:26.899 --> 01:04:29.205
But we got a whole bunch of videos

01:04:29.379 --> 01:04:32.252
that are blowing up on Instagram right now.

01:04:32.426 --> 01:04:34.820
Cool.
You should come check us out.

01:04:34.994 --> 01:04:37.736
We perform all over the city.
Where?

01:04:37.910 --> 01:04:41.522
Uh... mostly underground.
Like clubs?

01:04:41.696 --> 01:04:44.264
Sometimes, but more so subway stations.

01:04:44.438 --> 01:04:48.398
Like, uh, Columbus Circle,
Union Square, Penn Station.

01:04:48.573 --> 01:04:50.966
You gotta check us out.
You know what?

01:04:51.140 --> 01:04:54.143
I'm gonna get me some more ribs
because I love meat.

01:04:54.317 --> 01:04:56.406
Anything I could pet, I eat.

01:05:11.117 --> 01:05:12.553
Lindsay...

01:05:12.727 --> 01:05:14.860
I have to tell you how proud I am of you

01:05:15.034 --> 01:05:17.384
that you wanted to have this bat mitzvah.

01:05:17.558 --> 01:05:19.299
And I wanna give you something.

01:05:24.783 --> 01:05:26.219
This...

01:05:26.393 --> 01:05:28.351
This was your Grandma Carrie's.

01:05:30.397 --> 01:05:31.659
And now it's yours.

01:05:34.009 --> 01:05:35.358
Put your hair back.

01:05:35.533 --> 01:05:37.665
See if I can...

01:05:37.839 --> 01:05:39.798
Good. Oh, it looks perfect.

01:05:39.972 --> 01:05:42.540
It's really pretty.
Yeah.

01:05:42.714 --> 01:05:44.672
I'm giving you this...

01:05:44.846 --> 01:05:47.806
because today is the first big step...

01:05:47.980 --> 01:05:49.459
with so many more to come.

01:05:50.635 --> 01:05:52.245
And I'll be there for you

01:05:52.419 --> 01:05:53.420
for all of that.

01:05:55.117 --> 01:05:57.903
And I can't wait to see
who you're gonna become.

01:06:00.035 --> 01:06:01.297
I love you.

01:06:02.734 --> 01:06:03.909
I love you too.

01:06:05.388 --> 01:06:06.781
Thank you, Papa.

01:06:11.394 --> 01:06:13.353
Hey, Dad, by the way...

01:06:13.527 --> 01:06:16.051
I got that job I was telling you about.

01:06:16.225 --> 01:06:17.270
What job?

01:06:18.488 --> 01:06:20.621
The building in Union Square.

01:06:20.795 --> 01:06:22.884
Yeah. Anyway, they love my design.

01:06:23.058 --> 01:06:25.583
Great. Isn't that great?

01:06:25.757 --> 01:06:28.455
Good going, kid. Come here.
Come here. Come here.

01:06:30.631 --> 01:06:34.026
That's great, huh?
You know, Rex is an architect.

01:06:34.200 --> 01:06:36.898
I know. Anyone who's born in
a museum is bound to be smart.

01:06:37.072 --> 01:06:38.857
He told you about that?

01:06:39.031 --> 01:06:40.728
Yeah, he's very proud of you.

01:06:43.339 --> 01:06:45.994
This is her first bat mitzvah.
What do you think so far?

01:06:46.168 --> 01:06:48.344
It's okay so far.
Just okay?

01:06:48.518 --> 01:06:50.216
In the beginning, it was really hot

01:06:50.390 --> 01:06:52.784
with all the dancing
and the chairs up, but--

01:06:52.958 --> 01:06:54.742
Ahem, all due respect to your tribe,

01:06:54.916 --> 01:06:56.483
but it's a little dull now.

01:06:56.657 --> 01:06:58.964
Well, the reading.
It'll pick up again.

01:06:59.138 --> 01:07:01.270
Well, why don't we do
something to help a little?

01:07:01.444 --> 01:07:03.403
Where you going?

01:07:03.577 --> 01:07:05.100
Dad. Dad!

01:07:06.580 --> 01:07:08.103
Hey, hey, hey.

01:07:08.277 --> 01:07:10.497
Do you have the instrumental for...?

01:07:14.849 --> 01:07:16.851
Good evening, everybody.

01:07:17.025 --> 01:07:18.810
Um, my name is Emma Payge.

01:07:18.984 --> 01:07:22.509
I'm a very good friend of Papa Charlie's.
And, Lindsay,

01:07:22.683 --> 01:07:25.207
could you please come
on down to the dance floor?

01:07:25.381 --> 01:07:26.469
Uh...

01:07:26.644 --> 01:07:28.036
This is my first time

01:07:28.210 --> 01:07:30.430
ever coming to a bat mitzvah.

01:07:30.604 --> 01:07:33.520
And I have to say,
so far, I feel so welcome.

01:07:33.694 --> 01:07:35.261
I'm having such a good time.

01:07:35.435 --> 01:07:37.872
DJ, hit that beat.

01:07:38.046 --> 01:07:39.918
And this one's for you, Lindsay.

01:07:40.092 --> 01:07:42.442
If you know the words
to the song, sing along.

01:07:42.616 --> 01:07:45.706
If you don't, I wanna see you
dancing your heart out.

01:07:45.880 --> 01:07:52.495
♪ Oh, come on
Come on, come on, come on ♪

01:07:52.670 --> 01:07:59.285
♪ Didn't I make you feel
Like you were the only man? ♪

01:08:00.503 --> 01:08:02.114
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

01:08:04.116 --> 01:08:05.465
♪ Didn't I nearly give you ♪

01:08:05.639 --> 01:08:07.206
♪ Everything a woman possibly can? ♪

01:08:10.078 --> 01:08:14.909
♪ And each time I tell myself
That I think I've had enough ♪

01:08:15.083 --> 01:08:17.825
♪ But what I'm gonna show you, baby ♪

01:08:17.999 --> 01:08:20.132
♪ Is that a woman can be tough ♪

01:08:20.306 --> 01:08:26.312
♪ Oh, come on
Come on, come on, come on ♪

01:08:26.486 --> 01:08:28.096
♪ And take it! ♪

01:08:28.270 --> 01:08:31.796
♪ Take another little piece
Of my heart now, baby ♪

01:08:31.970 --> 01:08:33.841
♪ Oh, break it! ♪

01:08:34.015 --> 01:08:37.932
♪ Break another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, darling ♪

01:08:38.106 --> 01:08:40.979
♪ Oh, have a
Have another little piece ♪

01:08:41.153 --> 01:08:44.286
♪ Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪

01:08:44.460 --> 01:08:49.596
♪ You know you got it
If it makes you feel good ♪

01:08:49.770 --> 01:08:51.990
Mm, mm, mm.

01:08:52.164 --> 01:08:55.254
Come here, baby. Mm-hm.

01:08:55.428 --> 01:08:57.212
♪ You're out there on the streets ♪

01:08:57.386 --> 01:08:59.084
♪ All looking good ♪

01:08:59.258 --> 01:09:01.303
♪ And, baby, deep down in your heart ♪

01:09:01.477 --> 01:09:02.827
♪ You know that ain't right ♪

01:09:03.001 --> 01:09:04.176
Mm-mm.

01:09:06.004 --> 01:09:08.267
♪ Never, never, never, never ♪

01:09:08.441 --> 01:09:11.444
♪ Never hear me when I cry ♪
Oh! Oh, my hip!

01:09:12.967 --> 01:09:14.969
♪ But each time I tell myself ♪

01:09:15.143 --> 01:09:17.798
♪ That I can't stand the pain ♪

01:09:17.972 --> 01:09:22.890
♪ When you hold me in your arms
I'll sing it once again... ♪

01:09:23.064 --> 01:09:25.893
No. Dad, she's--
she's fantastic.

01:09:26.067 --> 01:09:29.418
She's fantastic.
♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪

01:09:29.592 --> 01:09:32.378
♪ And take it!
Take another little piece ♪

01:09:32.552 --> 01:09:34.554
♪ Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪

01:09:36.774 --> 01:09:40.690
♪ Break another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, darling ♪

01:09:40.865 --> 01:09:43.563
♪ Oh, have a
Have another little piece ♪

01:09:43.737 --> 01:09:47.045
♪ Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪

01:09:47.219 --> 01:09:52.659
♪ You know you got it
If it makes you feel good ♪

01:09:54.530 --> 01:09:56.706
All right. I see you!

01:09:57.969 --> 01:09:59.927
There you go.

01:10:00.101 --> 01:10:02.843
Yeah. Look here.

01:10:03.017 --> 01:10:05.150
♪ I'mma need you to come on ♪

01:10:05.324 --> 01:10:09.458
No. No, thank you.
♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪

01:10:09.632 --> 01:10:11.373
♪ And take it! ♪

01:10:11.547 --> 01:10:15.247
♪ Take another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪

01:10:15.421 --> 01:10:17.815
♪ Break it!
Break another little piece ♪

01:10:17.989 --> 01:10:19.817
♪ Of my heart, yeah, darling ♪

01:10:22.384 --> 01:10:25.692
♪ Have another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪

01:10:27.215 --> 01:10:29.217
♪ You know you got it ♪

01:10:29.391 --> 01:10:30.784
Oh.

01:10:30.958 --> 01:10:34.701
♪ If it makes you feel good ♪

01:10:37.573 --> 01:10:39.358
Francine is amazing!

01:10:39.532 --> 01:10:41.839
Oh, mazel tov to all of you.

01:10:42.013 --> 01:10:43.623
Mazel tov.

01:10:43.797 --> 01:10:45.581
You rocked that shul.

01:10:45.755 --> 01:10:47.583
I mean, it was like Shabbos Night Live.

01:10:49.585 --> 01:10:51.065
You made the whole party.

01:10:51.239 --> 01:10:53.502
I think I had more fun than your family did.

01:10:53.676 --> 01:10:55.591
Why are they looking at me like that?

01:10:55.765 --> 01:10:57.942
Do they not know what's going on here?

01:10:58.116 --> 01:11:00.118
Actually, they don't.
Emma, listen.

01:11:00.292 --> 01:11:01.641
You don't know everything.

01:11:01.815 --> 01:11:03.512
I mean, there's a lot of hard feelings.

01:11:03.686 --> 01:11:04.949
About what?

01:11:06.211 --> 01:11:07.429
Well, they both--

01:11:07.603 --> 01:11:08.996
Well, Francine especially.

01:11:09.170 --> 01:11:11.607
I wasn't around enough when they were kids.

01:11:11.781 --> 01:11:13.131
Which was probably true,

01:11:13.305 --> 01:11:15.742
but I was working,
like, all the time.

01:11:15.916 --> 01:11:19.572
Then after Carrie died, there
was a revolving door of nannies.

01:11:19.746 --> 01:11:22.531
And when I was there...

01:11:22.705 --> 01:11:26.187
I just had a lot of trouble
giving them what they needed.

01:11:26.361 --> 01:11:28.189
I mean, I just was so sad.

01:11:28.363 --> 01:11:30.409
And what do they have against me?

01:11:30.583 --> 01:11:33.586
Well, after she passed away...

01:11:33.760 --> 01:11:36.676
I didn't wanna get involved with anybody.
You know, I couldn't.

01:11:36.850 --> 01:11:39.722
So I dated a lot of younger women.

01:11:39.897 --> 01:11:41.637
So they probably looked at us

01:11:41.811 --> 01:11:43.770
thinking there's something else
going on here.

01:11:43.944 --> 01:11:45.641
I'm really sorry they upset you.

01:11:47.774 --> 01:11:50.037
Ladies and gentlemen,
Itzhak Perlman.

01:11:50.211 --> 01:11:51.778
That's him.

01:11:51.952 --> 01:11:54.041
Does he take requests?
Itzhak Perlman is a genius.

01:11:54.215 --> 01:11:56.391
He doesn't take requests.
You still owe me a dance.

01:11:56.565 --> 01:11:57.958
I danced with you.
I danced the horah.

01:11:58.132 --> 01:11:59.177
The horah doesn't count.

01:11:59.351 --> 01:12:00.569
The horah's a dance.

01:12:00.743 --> 01:12:02.180
You run around,
they lift you up,

01:12:02.354 --> 01:12:03.572
and you sweat into your clothes.

01:12:03.746 --> 01:12:05.531
That's a dance.
Mm-mm. Doesn't count.

01:12:05.705 --> 01:12:07.141
Come on, Charlie. We're dancing.

01:12:07.315 --> 01:12:08.969
Come on.
We're gonna go dance.

01:12:13.495 --> 01:12:16.237
Who dances to a violin concerto?
We do.

01:12:17.804 --> 01:12:18.936
Okay.

01:12:35.561 --> 01:12:36.997
What? Oh, there we go.

01:12:37.171 --> 01:12:39.173
Look out. Look out.

01:12:39.347 --> 01:12:40.479
Whoo!

01:13:57.121 --> 01:13:58.296
Whoa!

01:13:58.470 --> 01:13:59.732
Where have you been?

01:13:59.906 --> 01:14:01.995
When?
The last eight hours or so.

01:14:02.169 --> 01:14:03.475
Here.
And just so I know,

01:14:03.649 --> 01:14:04.911
where have I been?
Here.

01:14:05.085 --> 01:14:06.260
With you?
Yeah.

01:14:06.434 --> 01:14:07.957
Oh, that's what I was afraid of.

01:14:08.132 --> 01:14:10.177
Really?
I thought it was kind of nice.

01:14:10.351 --> 01:14:13.354
Emma, I didn't want for this to happen.

01:14:13.528 --> 01:14:15.704
I don't know what you mean
when you say "this."

01:14:15.878 --> 01:14:19.752
But if the "this" you're
referring to is that "this,"

01:14:19.926 --> 01:14:21.406
it didn't happen.

01:14:21.580 --> 01:14:23.538
I got afraid of the thunder and lightning,

01:14:23.712 --> 01:14:25.584
and I snuck in here and spooned you.

01:14:25.758 --> 01:14:27.107
That's it. We just spooned.

01:14:27.281 --> 01:14:28.717
That's it?

01:14:28.891 --> 01:14:30.763
That's it.
Okay.

01:14:30.937 --> 01:14:33.287
Look, you're an attractive older man,

01:14:33.461 --> 01:14:35.463
but your little, frail body
would not be able

01:14:35.637 --> 01:14:37.030
to handle all these groceries.

01:14:37.204 --> 01:14:39.989
I'll break your back.
It's too heavy for you.

01:14:40.164 --> 01:14:42.644
Can't ride this ride.
The ride is too bumpy.

01:14:42.818 --> 01:14:46.474
You might dislocate your shoulder,
then you'd die.

01:14:46.648 --> 01:14:48.868
Can't have that.

01:14:49.042 --> 01:14:52.654
Anyways, thank you
for letting me sleep here.

01:14:52.828 --> 01:14:54.613
Mwah! You're sweet, Charlie.

01:14:54.787 --> 01:14:57.311
You might want to think about
getting some bigger boxers.

01:14:57.485 --> 01:14:59.618
I'm not sure they can handle your groceries.

01:14:59.792 --> 01:15:01.924
They's just too little.

01:15:02.099 --> 01:15:06.233
Three, two, one, now!

01:15:06.407 --> 01:15:08.017
I first became incredibly single

01:15:08.192 --> 01:15:09.802
when the fetus of my twin brother

01:15:09.976 --> 01:15:12.631
left the womb a month ahead of me, because--

01:15:12.805 --> 01:15:14.198
Well, he said he'd had enough.

01:15:16.287 --> 01:15:17.940
This continued when I was an infant,

01:15:18.115 --> 01:15:20.378
when my mom refused to breastfeed me.

01:15:20.552 --> 01:15:23.903
She said, "Let's take things
slow and see where this goes."

01:15:25.557 --> 01:15:27.602
And now I live in this studio apartment,

01:15:27.776 --> 01:15:29.343
where I lie awake at night

01:15:29.517 --> 01:15:33.391
and fantasize about having sex
with another person.

01:15:33.565 --> 01:15:36.350
Which would be fun...
so I've heard.

01:15:37.917 --> 01:15:39.745
And I think I'd be a pretty good lover.

01:15:39.919 --> 01:15:44.053
Find those hard-to-find spots
that drive the women wild.

01:15:44.228 --> 01:15:46.926
Because I have Google Maps.

01:15:47.100 --> 01:15:49.233
"In two inches, make a left."

01:15:55.978 --> 01:16:00.026
If you're also incredibly single
like me, why not give me a call?

01:16:00.200 --> 01:16:02.681
If not...

01:16:02.855 --> 01:16:04.683
...then the wrath of my god,

01:16:04.857 --> 01:16:08.904
the great god Zoomgali,
who is also incredibly single,

01:16:09.078 --> 01:16:10.515
will come and find you,

01:16:10.689 --> 01:16:13.474
and the sounds will color the sky,

01:16:13.648 --> 01:16:16.347
and he will come after you
and your loved ones,

01:16:16.521 --> 01:16:19.393
and damn you to the fires of hell!

01:16:21.743 --> 01:16:23.136
So call me.

01:16:26.270 --> 01:16:27.488
You're killing me.

01:16:29.751 --> 01:16:32.189
Clear. Commercial. Two minutes.

01:16:32.363 --> 01:16:34.669
That was you. That's you, dude.

01:16:34.843 --> 01:16:36.802
Killed it!
Thanks.

01:16:36.976 --> 01:16:38.238
Oh, God.

01:16:38.412 --> 01:16:40.109
I thought my phone was off. Sorry.

01:16:40.284 --> 01:16:43.112
Hello. Yeah. I'm still
at the show. I can't talk.

01:16:43.287 --> 01:16:45.289
I found it.
What did you find?

01:16:45.463 --> 01:16:47.726
That great painting of that old house

01:16:47.900 --> 01:16:50.337
that was hanging in the
empty space on your wall.

01:16:50.511 --> 01:16:52.861
Oh, it's beautiful. I rehung it.

01:16:53.035 --> 01:16:54.994
You're still at my house?

01:16:55.168 --> 01:16:57.301
Yeah. But I'm about
to go back to my place.

01:16:57.475 --> 01:16:59.172
Take it down.
What?

01:16:59.346 --> 01:17:00.608
Take it down.
I don't wanna see it.

01:17:00.782 --> 01:17:02.654
I'm sorry.
I thought you misplaced it.

01:17:02.828 --> 01:17:04.569
Emma, I don't wanna see it,
understand?

01:17:04.743 --> 01:17:05.961
I just don't wanna see it.

01:17:06.135 --> 01:17:07.833
Get rid of it!
Fine.

01:17:10.705 --> 01:17:13.839
New girlfriend?
Huh. I don't even know.

01:17:14.013 --> 01:17:16.320
Hey, you were right.

01:17:16.494 --> 01:17:18.452
He's gonna be good.
Yeah.

01:17:18.626 --> 01:17:22.239
Three, two, one, now!

01:17:22.413 --> 01:17:24.458
In the world of music,
Lady Gaga announced

01:17:24.632 --> 01:17:27.766
she is changing
her name to "Lady Gagaga."

01:17:27.940 --> 01:17:29.855
She gave no explanation for her decision.

01:17:30.029 --> 01:17:32.031
According to a poll,
Americans are concerned

01:17:32.205 --> 01:17:33.554
about a new axis of evil

01:17:33.728 --> 01:17:35.469
that threatens our country's democracy.

01:17:35.643 --> 01:17:37.297
North Korea, ISIS

01:17:37.471 --> 01:17:39.908
and Senate Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell.

01:17:43.782 --> 01:17:47.351
Uh... moving on.
No, no, no.

01:17:47.525 --> 01:17:49.657
Is anyone bothered by this but me?

01:17:49.831 --> 01:17:51.790
Do you hear that it's wrong?

01:17:51.964 --> 01:17:54.227
Your emphasis--
You're an emphasis moron.

01:17:56.403 --> 01:17:57.709
What the hell is he doing?

01:17:57.883 --> 01:17:59.493
Everything you say is off.

01:17:59.667 --> 01:18:02.801
It's not "wi fi," it's Wi-Fi.

01:18:02.975 --> 01:18:07.153
It's not "polar ice caps,"
it's polar icecaps.

01:18:07.327 --> 01:18:09.329
You are a comedy kamikaze.

01:18:09.503 --> 01:18:12.767
Oh, wait. A "comma-kaze."
What the hell?

01:18:12.941 --> 01:18:16.728
Anybody with a correct amount
of chromosomes...

01:18:16.902 --> 01:18:18.817
would know that
it's Mitch McConnell,

01:18:18.991 --> 01:18:20.558
not "Mitch-McConnell."

01:18:20.732 --> 01:18:22.951
You make it sound like
there a lot of McConnells!

01:18:23.125 --> 01:18:25.258
There's only one.
There's no Stewie McConnell.

01:18:25.432 --> 01:18:28.000
Is there a Stewie McConnell
in the house? No!

01:18:28.174 --> 01:18:30.394
What the hell is going on?
Should we cut to commercial?

01:18:30.568 --> 01:18:33.527
Go to commercial?
This is live. Just stay on it.

01:18:33.701 --> 01:18:35.312
Jesus Christ. No, I'm sorry.

01:18:35.486 --> 01:18:37.226
"Jesus, Christ."

01:18:37.401 --> 01:18:40.360
Who, of course,
was born in "Bethle-hem."

01:18:40.534 --> 01:18:43.276
I even put it on the cue card,
because I had...

01:18:43.450 --> 01:18:46.061
Know what this is?
I have no idea. No.

01:18:46.235 --> 01:18:47.802
Thank you, Al. Look at this.

01:18:47.976 --> 01:18:51.023
I had it written the exact
same size so you would know.

01:18:51.197 --> 01:18:53.852
"Mitch McConnell,"
not "Mitch-McConnell."

01:18:54.026 --> 01:18:55.506
Mitch McConnell, you see that?
Al.

01:18:55.680 --> 01:18:57.943
Camera one, spin around.
Give me Al's reaction.

01:18:58.117 --> 01:19:00.511
Yeah. Tell everybody.
Did I tell you that this would happen?

01:19:00.685 --> 01:19:04.863
He told me this would happen.
Everybody. Exhibit A, Al!

01:19:05.037 --> 01:19:06.430
Thank you, Al, you sweet--

01:19:06.604 --> 01:19:09.041
Where is he going?
Get him. Follow him.

01:19:09.215 --> 01:19:10.695
You.

01:19:10.869 --> 01:19:13.175
Look. Look, ma'am,
what does that say?

01:19:13.350 --> 01:19:14.960
"Mitch McConnell."
Thank you very much.

01:19:15.134 --> 01:19:17.092
You, you. Stand up.
What does this say?

01:19:17.266 --> 01:19:19.530
"Mitch McConnell."
Again. I can't hear you.

01:19:19.704 --> 01:19:21.445
"Mitch McConnell."
We got a winner.

01:19:21.619 --> 01:19:23.534
Dang it.

01:19:23.708 --> 01:19:26.232
Take anything off the top shelf,
goddamn it.

01:19:26.406 --> 01:19:28.713
Everybody, tell me.
What does this say?

01:19:28.887 --> 01:19:30.410
"Mitch McConnell."
Can't hear you.

01:19:30.584 --> 01:19:31.977
"Mitch McConnell."
One more time.

01:19:32.151 --> 01:19:33.500
"Mitch McConnell."
Thank you.

01:19:33.674 --> 01:19:35.415
Roger, you're a very talented young guy.

01:19:35.589 --> 01:19:36.938
But I have to tell you,

01:19:37.112 --> 01:19:39.027
I am sick and tired of writing jokes for you

01:19:39.201 --> 01:19:41.073
and having you abuse them,
you dumb turd.

01:19:41.247 --> 01:19:42.291
Oh, boy.

01:19:42.466 --> 01:19:45.686
Dumb turd!
Everybody. Dumb turd!

01:19:45.860 --> 01:19:48.515
Dumb turd! Dumb turd! Dumb turd!

01:19:48.689 --> 01:19:50.561
Stand up. Dumb turd!

01:19:50.735 --> 01:19:51.649
Dumb turd!

01:19:53.128 --> 01:19:54.695
Dumb turd! Dumb turd!

01:19:54.869 --> 01:19:57.698
Mom, Dad, come here.
Papa Charlie is on television.

01:19:57.872 --> 01:19:59.526
Dumb turd! Dumb turd!

01:20:01.746 --> 01:20:04.226
I say dumb, you say turd!
Dumb...

01:20:04.401 --> 01:20:05.271
Turd.
Dumb...

01:20:05.445 --> 01:20:06.446
Oh, my God.

01:20:06.620 --> 01:20:07.795
You say dumb, I say turd.

01:20:07.969 --> 01:20:09.841
Dumb...
I need wide, wide, wide.

01:20:10.015 --> 01:20:10.929
Dumb...
turd!

01:20:11.103 --> 01:20:11.930
Dumb...
turd!

01:20:12.104 --> 01:20:14.628
Dumb turd! Dumb turd!

01:20:14.802 --> 01:20:17.109
Turd!
Turd! That's it, I'm done.

01:20:17.283 --> 01:20:19.328
Thank you.

01:20:26.771 --> 01:20:29.600
Would you get those
damn birds out of your hair?

01:20:29.774 --> 01:20:30.905
Larry!

01:20:36.781 --> 01:20:40.393
Camera one. Back to Roger
and reset. Take one!

01:20:40.567 --> 01:20:43.918
Thank you, "Charlie Burnz."
No, no! Charlie Burnz.

01:20:44.092 --> 01:20:46.921
Sorry. I'll work on it.

01:20:47.095 --> 01:20:49.750
That's the news of the night--
of the night.

01:20:49.924 --> 01:20:51.535
The news of the--

01:20:51.709 --> 01:20:55.060
I guess I'm a dumb turd.

01:20:55.234 --> 01:20:56.322
Thank you...

01:20:56.496 --> 01:20:57.758
Good night.

01:20:59.064 --> 01:21:00.848
And we're clear!

01:21:01.022 --> 01:21:01.936
What was that?

01:21:02.110 --> 01:21:03.285
What the hell was that?

01:21:03.460 --> 01:21:07.028
ALL: What the hell was that?

01:21:07.202 --> 01:21:09.074
Charlie, what was that?
That was hilarious.

01:21:09.248 --> 01:21:10.641
The schmuck can't get a name right.

01:21:10.815 --> 01:21:12.643
Really inspired idea, Charlie.

01:21:12.817 --> 01:21:15.863
Oh, my God, Charlie.
That is live television.

01:21:16.037 --> 01:21:18.213
Charlie, why didn't you tell me?

01:21:18.387 --> 01:21:22.348
I haven't told my kids yet.
I bet they know now. We're live.

01:21:22.522 --> 01:21:24.698
My fault. I should not
have gone back in there.

01:21:24.872 --> 01:21:27.266
I'm so stupid. I'm just
so stupid. It's my fault!

01:21:27.440 --> 01:21:30.008
Stupid? What are you talking about?
Everyone loved it.

01:21:30.182 --> 01:21:32.924
When did you think of this?
Comes to me all the time.

01:21:33.098 --> 01:21:34.839
Every second, it doesn't stop.

01:21:35.013 --> 01:21:37.232
That's why it was so good.
It was so real.

01:21:37.406 --> 01:21:39.408
Holy shit, you guys.
Twitter is blowing up.

01:21:39.583 --> 01:21:41.889
They love you, Charlie.
They love the grumpy writer

01:21:42.063 --> 01:21:43.761
who can't bear to see his words mangled.

01:21:43.935 --> 01:21:46.459
They think you're funny, man.
Funny? Funny?

01:21:46.633 --> 01:21:48.243
Saying I'll be back in a few minutes

01:21:48.417 --> 01:21:51.116
and never seeing that person again is funny?

01:21:51.290 --> 01:21:52.987
Charlie, what--?
It's not funny!

01:21:53.161 --> 01:21:55.599
How can that be funny?
Are you Charlie Burnz?

01:21:58.776 --> 01:22:00.691
Charlie Burnz.

01:22:00.865 --> 01:22:02.170
Mr. Burnz?

01:22:03.781 --> 01:22:05.130
I'm Charlie Burnz.

01:22:08.612 --> 01:22:10.570
Don't tell me that something's wrong.

01:22:12.311 --> 01:22:13.312
Charlie?

01:22:14.661 --> 01:22:15.793
Charlie?

01:22:18.752 --> 01:22:21.929
Nothing's wrong. It's okay.
You're all right, Charlie.

01:22:23.191 --> 01:22:25.759
Hey, come back to my office.

01:22:25.933 --> 01:22:28.893
Lie down for a little bit.
Yeah?

01:22:29.067 --> 01:22:30.459
I'm so tired.

01:22:30.634 --> 01:22:33.027
It's okay. It's okay.

01:22:33.201 --> 01:22:35.247
Come on.
I'm really tired.

01:22:35.421 --> 01:22:37.118
It's all right. It's all right.

01:22:39.120 --> 01:22:41.775
Until tonight, he's been fine.
Yeah.

01:22:41.949 --> 01:22:43.211
Sometimes he's just great.

01:22:43.385 --> 01:22:46.084
You'd never know he had a problem.

01:22:46.258 --> 01:22:49.261
And then it'll just hit him,
but nothing like this.

01:22:49.435 --> 01:22:51.350
I had no idea.

01:22:51.524 --> 01:22:53.482
It's our secret.
Our?

01:22:54.788 --> 01:22:56.660
Nobody else knows?
No.

01:22:56.834 --> 01:22:58.183
Well, we have a problem.

01:22:58.357 --> 01:23:00.185
Social media has blown up.
They love it.

01:23:00.359 --> 01:23:02.274
Everybody is asking, "Who is this guy?"

01:23:02.448 --> 01:23:03.841
They want him back next week.

01:23:04.015 --> 01:23:05.407
I know it's gone viral.
Yeah.

01:23:05.582 --> 01:23:08.410
You know, I'm very nervous
about what people--

01:23:08.585 --> 01:23:10.499
We need to post something right away.

01:23:10.674 --> 01:23:11.979
Twitter, Instagram.

01:23:12.153 --> 01:23:13.807
Sorry to interrupt.
I just overheard.

01:23:13.981 --> 01:23:16.723
Darrell, come on.
Let me do it, please.

01:23:16.897 --> 01:23:18.595
I know what to say.

01:23:20.205 --> 01:23:22.163
Okay. Good.

01:23:22.337 --> 01:23:25.210
I have to run it by the network.
Okay.

01:23:25.384 --> 01:23:28.343
Uh, this is Charlie's friend Emma.

01:23:28.517 --> 01:23:30.519
This is Darrell,
he works with Charlie.

01:23:30.694 --> 01:23:33.000
Hi.
Nice to meet you.

01:23:33.174 --> 01:23:34.480
I'll get started.

01:23:36.787 --> 01:23:37.918
What a night.

01:23:39.485 --> 01:23:40.921
Okay, Charlie. There's the car.

01:23:41.095 --> 01:23:42.923
Go ahead and get in.
Okay.

01:23:43.097 --> 01:23:45.665
Yeah?
Yeah, I got it.

01:23:45.839 --> 01:23:47.536
Thanks.
Hey, Charlie.

01:23:47.711 --> 01:23:49.756
Yeah?
I just wanted to say good night

01:23:49.930 --> 01:23:51.802
and make sure you're okay.

01:23:51.976 --> 01:23:53.368
Thank you.
Yeah.

01:23:53.542 --> 01:23:54.935
Hey, I, um--

01:23:55.109 --> 01:23:57.111
I posted that:

01:23:57.285 --> 01:24:00.071
"Tonight, Charlie Burnz
showed why he's a comedy legend

01:24:00.245 --> 01:24:02.943
when he gave a hilarious
one-time-only performance

01:24:03.117 --> 01:24:04.684
as a disgruntled writer.

01:24:04.858 --> 01:24:06.338
Thank YOU, Charlie.

01:24:06.512 --> 01:24:08.383
The crew and cast of This Just In.

01:24:08.557 --> 01:24:10.255
Hashtag 'dumb turd.'"

01:24:11.735 --> 01:24:13.171
And I put the "you" in all caps

01:24:13.345 --> 01:24:15.347
so it was the wrong inflection.

01:24:15.521 --> 01:24:16.957
Thanks, kid.

01:24:17.131 --> 01:24:18.393
Good night, Charlie.

01:24:18.567 --> 01:24:21.048
You know, Darrell here

01:24:21.222 --> 01:24:23.094
is gonna be a terrific
writer someday.

01:24:24.573 --> 01:24:25.662
I don't know.

01:24:25.836 --> 01:24:27.098
I do.

01:24:28.839 --> 01:24:30.188
I'll see you, kid.

01:24:32.320 --> 01:24:35.628
VIDOR:
This is a scan of your brain in February.

01:24:35.802 --> 01:24:37.891
And this is the one we just took.

01:24:42.722 --> 01:24:45.072
They look the same to me.

01:24:45.246 --> 01:24:47.988
Yes, but your symptoms are changing.

01:24:50.034 --> 01:24:52.079
If I'm right, you may have
a form of dementia

01:24:52.253 --> 01:24:54.342
called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.

01:24:57.215 --> 01:24:59.652
What do you mean, if you're right?

01:25:04.788 --> 01:25:09.314
Only way to get a definitive
diagnosis of CJD is...

01:25:09.488 --> 01:25:11.795
a post-mortem autopsy.

01:25:11.969 --> 01:25:13.100
Well...

01:25:14.623 --> 01:25:15.973
why don't we do that now?

01:25:16.147 --> 01:25:18.889
I mean, I have a lunch,
but I could cancel that.

01:25:20.542 --> 01:25:22.283
What happens next?

01:25:22.457 --> 01:25:25.809
There are other medications
than the ones you're on now...

01:25:25.983 --> 01:25:28.942
that could slow this down a bit,

01:25:29.116 --> 01:25:31.031
but before too long...

01:25:31.205 --> 01:25:32.685
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:25:36.863 --> 01:25:39.083
"Before too long" is how long?

01:25:41.041 --> 01:25:42.129
A year, maybe.

01:25:46.786 --> 01:25:49.484
You probably wanna start
thinking about a caregiver.

01:25:52.052 --> 01:25:53.184
A nurse?

01:25:53.358 --> 01:25:56.013
Yes, or your family.

01:25:56.187 --> 01:25:58.711
Your son and daughter.
Well...

01:25:58.885 --> 01:26:01.018
that's not happening.

01:26:01.192 --> 01:26:04.978
In times like this, you should
be surrounded by loved ones,

01:26:05.152 --> 01:26:08.416
or professionals who are
trained to care for you.

01:26:13.682 --> 01:26:16.555
Uh, I'll do it.
I'll take care of Charlie.

01:26:16.729 --> 01:26:18.513
No, you can't.
You're going away.

01:26:18.687 --> 01:26:20.080
My plans have changed.

01:26:20.254 --> 01:26:22.256
No. No, they haven't changed.

01:26:22.430 --> 01:26:24.737
She's in a band and they're
supposed to go on tour.

01:26:24.911 --> 01:26:26.957
Nah, I don't need to do that.
No. Yes, you do.

01:26:27.131 --> 01:26:28.567
She does need to do that.

01:26:30.221 --> 01:26:32.440
May I ask what your relationship is?

01:26:32.614 --> 01:26:33.877
I don't know.
I don't know.

01:26:34.051 --> 01:26:36.009
How long have you known each other?

01:26:36.183 --> 01:26:38.664
I'm guessing about six months or so.

01:26:38.838 --> 01:26:40.405
Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?

01:26:42.755 --> 01:26:45.236
Are we?

01:26:45.410 --> 01:26:47.760
How would you define
boyfriend and girlfriend?

01:26:47.934 --> 01:26:50.545
Well, are you having sexual relations?

01:26:50.719 --> 01:26:52.417
We spooned.

01:26:55.115 --> 01:26:56.725
Charlie...

01:26:56.900 --> 01:26:59.076
what about your kids?

01:26:59.250 --> 01:27:01.339
I honestly don't know
if they've ever spooned.

01:27:01.513 --> 01:27:03.297
Charlie.

01:27:03.471 --> 01:27:06.997
This is no time for jokes.
Yes, it is.

01:27:07.171 --> 01:27:09.347
It's the perfect time for jokes,
goddamn it.

01:27:09.521 --> 01:27:11.349
Don't try to take away my sense of humor.

01:27:11.523 --> 01:27:13.090
I'd rather die right now.

01:27:14.874 --> 01:27:17.398
Boy, this God...
this God is a real jokester, isn't he?

01:27:17.572 --> 01:27:19.096
What a really funny God.

01:27:19.270 --> 01:27:20.445
"Hey, live your whole life

01:27:20.619 --> 01:27:22.099
and you won't remember any of it."

01:27:23.622 --> 01:27:24.536
Fuck you!

01:27:25.972 --> 01:27:27.626
Damn it.
It's gonna be okay.

01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:29.758
How can this be okay?

01:27:29.933 --> 01:27:31.673
How can this be okay?

01:27:36.374 --> 01:27:38.202
My kids don't know anything.

01:27:40.900 --> 01:27:42.859
I'll tell them at the right time.

01:27:43.033 --> 01:27:44.599
Charlie.

01:27:46.863 --> 01:27:48.168
This is the right time.

01:27:50.910 --> 01:27:52.869
You can't be alone anymore.

01:27:58.483 --> 01:28:00.224
I'll take care of him till I can't.

01:28:03.836 --> 01:28:05.794
I'll write you some prescriptions.

01:28:07.492 --> 01:28:09.668
I'll let the two of you be alone a bit.

01:28:20.418 --> 01:28:22.159
What the hell is wrong with you?
What?

01:28:22.333 --> 01:28:24.204
There's nothing wrong with me.
You're not staying.

01:28:24.378 --> 01:28:25.727
Yes, I am.
No, you're not.

01:28:25.902 --> 01:28:28.817
You heard what the doc said.
It's over, okay?

01:28:28.992 --> 01:28:30.732
That's it.
Please, leave me alone!

01:28:30.907 --> 01:28:34.693
Charlie.
Don't "Charlie" me!

01:28:34.867 --> 01:28:37.696
You have a life!
You have your music, so run.

01:28:37.870 --> 01:28:39.959
Run for the hills, kid.
It's over.

01:28:40.133 --> 01:28:44.398
I'm telling you, it's over.
Please, I just wanna be alone!

01:28:44.572 --> 01:28:47.880
I'm not going anywhere.
I don't want you to stay!

01:28:48.054 --> 01:28:52.276
You hear me?
What are you staying for?

01:28:52.450 --> 01:28:55.670
What's here?
What's gonna be left? Nothing!

01:28:55.844 --> 01:28:57.542
That's not true, Charlie.

01:28:59.544 --> 01:29:01.459
I'm lost. I'm--

01:29:02.808 --> 01:29:05.463
Help, help, help. I'm lost.

01:29:06.594 --> 01:29:09.075
I'm so-- I'm so lost.

01:29:10.424 --> 01:29:12.470
I'm sorry, pal. But I'm in.

01:29:13.645 --> 01:29:15.299
You wanna be with a stranger?

01:29:18.258 --> 01:29:20.695
Pretty soon everyone's gonna be a stranger.

01:29:20.869 --> 01:29:22.741
Not me.

01:29:22.915 --> 01:29:24.438
I'm not gonna leave you.

01:29:27.137 --> 01:29:28.225
Thank you.

01:29:47.505 --> 01:29:49.115
Mm.

01:29:49.289 --> 01:29:50.160
Hi.

01:29:51.509 --> 01:29:53.032
Whose room did this used to be?

01:29:53.206 --> 01:29:54.468
Francine's.

01:29:54.642 --> 01:29:56.644
That explains the chill.

01:29:56.818 --> 01:29:57.906
Something wrong?

01:29:58.081 --> 01:29:59.169
I can't sleep.

01:29:59.343 --> 01:30:01.171
What's up?

01:30:01.345 --> 01:30:03.912
I wrote something.
That's good.

01:30:04.087 --> 01:30:06.132
I wanna read it to you.
Okay.

01:30:06.306 --> 01:30:07.829
This is my journal.

01:30:08.004 --> 01:30:10.528
I've been writing stuff for the book in it

01:30:10.702 --> 01:30:12.660
because typing has become a problem for me.

01:30:12.834 --> 01:30:14.140
I know.

01:30:16.751 --> 01:30:20.103
The book is called For Carrie.
This is the dedication.

01:30:20.277 --> 01:30:23.062
A writer always dedicates
the book to somebody he loves--

01:30:23.236 --> 01:30:24.846
I know what it means.
Okay.

01:30:28.024 --> 01:30:29.416
"To Emma Payge.

01:30:30.896 --> 01:30:32.419
Thank you for taking my truth

01:30:32.593 --> 01:30:35.335
and making it more interesting.

01:30:35.509 --> 01:30:38.643
I kind of love you. CB."

01:30:38.817 --> 01:30:40.862
I kind of love you too, old man.

01:30:41.037 --> 01:30:43.561
Oh. Really?

01:30:43.735 --> 01:30:45.389
Yeah. Big-time.

01:30:47.043 --> 01:30:48.305
Didn't see that coming.

01:30:50.220 --> 01:30:51.438
You make me smile.

01:30:53.049 --> 01:30:54.398
Good night.

01:30:54.572 --> 01:30:55.834
Good night.

01:31:02.841 --> 01:31:03.929
Hey, Emma.

01:31:06.540 --> 01:31:09.282
I'm grateful to you that you're here.

01:31:09.456 --> 01:31:11.937
I wanna have fun. I wanna laugh.

01:31:12.111 --> 01:31:14.896
I want to not be scared.
And I wanna write the book,

01:31:15.071 --> 01:31:16.942
and I wanna do all of that with you.

01:31:17.116 --> 01:31:19.727
But you have to promise me something.

01:31:19.901 --> 01:31:21.338
When it's time...

01:31:22.817 --> 01:31:24.471
you go back out and sing.

01:31:24.645 --> 01:31:26.778
You're an artist,
and that's what you should do.

01:31:26.952 --> 01:31:28.171
Please, promise me.

01:31:29.563 --> 01:31:30.738
I promise.

01:31:30.912 --> 01:31:32.088
Good.

01:31:33.785 --> 01:31:35.743
I'm a bargain for 22 bucks,
don't you think?

01:31:35.917 --> 01:31:37.832
Heh. Hell, yeah.

01:31:40.008 --> 01:31:41.662
Good night.
Good night.

01:32:07.601 --> 01:32:09.255
Oh.

01:32:09.429 --> 01:32:10.691
I must've dozed off.

01:32:10.865 --> 01:32:12.824
These new meds are making me very sleepy.

01:32:12.998 --> 01:32:15.609
I haven't taken a nap
since the Carter administration.

01:32:17.698 --> 01:32:19.657
What do you have there?
Nothing.

01:32:19.831 --> 01:32:21.485
Let me see.

01:32:23.008 --> 01:32:24.444
It...

01:32:24.618 --> 01:32:27.752
It's that--
Emma, I know what it is.

01:32:29.057 --> 01:32:30.450
I know you said get rid of it,

01:32:30.624 --> 01:32:32.713
but it's just so beautiful.

01:32:32.887 --> 01:32:34.150
Give it to me.

01:32:46.510 --> 01:32:49.034
Carrie painted this. Yeah.

01:32:49.208 --> 01:32:51.863
See, she put her name in the bushes.

01:32:52.037 --> 01:32:54.344
See there? In the trees.
Mm-hm.

01:32:57.564 --> 01:32:59.131
This is Lake Charlie.

01:32:59.305 --> 01:33:01.264
Lake Charlie. Where's that?

01:33:01.438 --> 01:33:05.093
That's about two hours
north of the city. Yeah.

01:33:06.834 --> 01:33:08.880
Carrie gave me a lake for my birthday.

01:33:09.054 --> 01:33:10.098
A lake?

01:33:10.273 --> 01:33:12.840
Yeah. It was actually a pond.

01:33:13.014 --> 01:33:16.801
But Pond Charlie didn't sound
as good as Lake Charlie, heh.

01:33:16.975 --> 01:33:18.846
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
What?

01:33:20.718 --> 01:33:23.721
Tell me all about Lake Charlie.

01:33:25.113 --> 01:33:26.158
Okay.

01:33:28.029 --> 01:33:29.509
It was my 40th birthday.

01:33:29.683 --> 01:33:31.903
Happy birthday, Charlie Burnz.

01:33:32.077 --> 01:33:34.122
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Charlie.

01:33:34.297 --> 01:33:37.038
We had a party outside in the garden.

01:33:37.213 --> 01:33:39.389
And after everybody was gone...

01:33:39.563 --> 01:33:42.174
Carrie shows me this photograph
of this woodsy area

01:33:42.348 --> 01:33:43.784
with this beautiful lake on it.

01:33:43.958 --> 01:33:47.440
Happy birthday, Charlie Burnz.
This is for you.

01:33:47.614 --> 01:33:50.791
For me? What is this?
What am I looking at?

01:33:50.965 --> 01:33:54.273
It's called Lake Charlie.
Lake Charlie?

01:33:54.447 --> 01:33:56.797
She was always
trying to get me to stop working.

01:33:56.971 --> 01:34:00.627
And just be alone with her and do nothing.

01:34:00.801 --> 01:34:02.934
And honestly the thought of doing nothing

01:34:03.108 --> 01:34:04.762
terrified me, you know?

01:34:06.851 --> 01:34:09.114
But I loved it so much
and it meant so much to her

01:34:09.288 --> 01:34:13.814
that we'd go up there, you know,
and camp out, like, in a tent.

01:34:13.988 --> 01:34:15.468
Can you imagine me in a tent?

01:34:15.642 --> 01:34:17.731
I mean, to me,
the great outdoors

01:34:17.905 --> 01:34:20.038
would be a lot better if it was indoors.

01:34:20.212 --> 01:34:21.822
Good morning!

01:34:26.218 --> 01:34:29.352
That smells good.
Smells better than me.

01:34:31.310 --> 01:34:32.920
Mm.

01:34:33.094 --> 01:34:34.879
Wow--
Whoa! Look what you did.

01:34:39.579 --> 01:34:41.451
Hey, Charlie?
Yeah?

01:34:41.625 --> 01:34:44.062
You know what I think?
What?

01:34:44.236 --> 01:34:47.326
I think we need a house.
A house?

01:34:47.500 --> 01:34:50.895
Yeah.
The kids will love it up here.

01:34:51.069 --> 01:34:54.333
What? Kids?
Didn't I tell you?

01:34:56.204 --> 01:34:59.730
And that's how she told me
she was pregnant with Rex.

01:34:59.904 --> 01:35:02.298
So she went looking for a house.

01:35:02.472 --> 01:35:04.474
Wait, didn't you guys build a house?

01:35:04.648 --> 01:35:06.389
Oh, no, that's way too easy for Carrie.

01:35:06.563 --> 01:35:09.000
She scoured the countryside,
found this little house,

01:35:09.174 --> 01:35:11.394
she bought it, lifted it up,

01:35:11.568 --> 01:35:14.353
put it on a flatbed truck and
she drove it to Lake Charlie.

01:35:14.527 --> 01:35:16.790
Got a house, Charlie Burnz!

01:35:19.227 --> 01:35:20.490
Thank you.

01:35:20.664 --> 01:35:22.709
So we put in a new foundation,

01:35:22.883 --> 01:35:25.233
plopped the house down on it,
renovated it,

01:35:25.408 --> 01:35:27.323
painted it up,
made it a little bit bigger.

01:35:27.497 --> 01:35:29.368
Mm-hm. It was our happy place.

01:35:29.542 --> 01:35:32.632
Dad, come on! Let's go play.
Daddy, come on!

01:35:32.806 --> 01:35:34.634
And she was right.
Daddy, come on.

01:35:34.808 --> 01:35:35.983
Are you playing or not?

01:35:36.157 --> 01:35:37.637
The kids loved it.

01:35:37.811 --> 01:35:41.641
Aw. Now I know why you
didn't wanna hang the picture.

01:35:43.469 --> 01:35:44.818
No, you don't.

01:35:47.430 --> 01:35:49.519
I'm tired. I can't talk anymore.

01:35:49.693 --> 01:35:53.653
Come on, Charlie. Please?
Don't take this with you.

01:35:53.827 --> 01:35:55.655
I'm not going anywhere yet.

01:35:59.529 --> 01:36:03.794
Okay. My first Broadway play,
It's My Time,

01:36:03.968 --> 01:36:05.709
it opened at the Belasco Theatre.

01:36:05.883 --> 01:36:07.754
Reviews were terrific,
business was great,

01:36:07.928 --> 01:36:09.495
but that wasn't enough for me.

01:36:09.669 --> 01:36:11.584
The star was an actor named Jerry Orbach,

01:36:11.758 --> 01:36:14.195
and there was this one speech
late in the second act.

01:36:14.370 --> 01:36:16.459
It never landed right.
It drove me crazy.

01:36:16.633 --> 01:36:19.636
All I wanted was one show
that was just perfect.

01:36:25.163 --> 01:36:28.384
Things were tense...

01:36:29.776 --> 01:36:32.039
between the two of us.

01:36:32.213 --> 01:36:34.433
I'd been working so much.
What are we doing?

01:36:34.607 --> 01:36:36.174
I'd been on the road for four months

01:36:36.348 --> 01:36:38.611
with the play before it came to Broadway.

01:36:38.785 --> 01:36:41.397
Everybody was looking forward
to spending some time together

01:36:41.571 --> 01:36:43.790
at Lake Charlie,
and what was I doing?

01:36:43.964 --> 01:36:46.532
I was rewriting a play
that was already a hit.

01:36:46.706 --> 01:36:49.753
Charlie, we have to go right now.

01:36:49.927 --> 01:36:51.102
Traffic's gonna be awful.

01:36:51.276 --> 01:36:52.495
I don't like driving in the dark.

01:36:52.669 --> 01:36:54.148
My mom's got the kids there waiting.

01:36:54.322 --> 01:36:55.585
We should have left an hour ago.

01:36:55.759 --> 01:36:57.108
I had to rewrite a speech for Jerry.

01:36:57.282 --> 01:36:59.110
It wasn't landing right.
Oh. Great. Okay.

01:36:59.284 --> 01:37:00.807
That's just great.
He's reading it.

01:37:00.981 --> 01:37:02.548
I wanna make sure it's okay with him.

01:37:02.722 --> 01:37:04.768
Oh. You wanna make sure
it's okay with him?

01:37:04.942 --> 01:37:06.639
With him?
How about with me?

01:37:06.813 --> 01:37:09.425
How about with the kids,
who you haven't seen for months?

01:37:09.599 --> 01:37:11.122
You promised me.
You promised us.

01:37:11.296 --> 01:37:12.950
Stop yelling.
Five minutes, I promise.

01:37:13.124 --> 01:37:15.605
I'll be right in and right out.
The kids are waiting.

01:37:15.779 --> 01:37:17.955
I understand. I'll be right out.
The people are in line,

01:37:18.129 --> 01:37:19.739
the show goes up in an hour.
Five minutes?

01:37:19.913 --> 01:37:21.959
Yeah. Yeah.
I know you're upset,

01:37:22.133 --> 01:37:23.613
but I hate when you get like this.

01:37:23.787 --> 01:37:25.571
If you're not back in five minutes,

01:37:25.745 --> 01:37:29.357
I'm leaving without you.
I heard you, okay? I heard you.

01:37:29.532 --> 01:37:31.272
Goddamn it.

01:37:35.189 --> 01:37:39.672
It took 15 minutes.
When I came out, she was gone.

01:37:39.846 --> 01:37:42.196
I was angry.
So I watched the show,

01:37:42.370 --> 01:37:45.069
that damn speech still didn't land right.

01:37:45.243 --> 01:37:46.505
I had a couple drinks with Jerry

01:37:46.679 --> 01:37:48.028
and then I came back here...

01:37:49.856 --> 01:37:53.730
And the next thing I remember
is flashing lights.

01:37:53.904 --> 01:37:55.558
And a policeman in the doorway

01:37:55.732 --> 01:37:59.300
asking me my name over and over again.

01:38:01.302 --> 01:38:03.827
And I'm thinking if I don't answer him,

01:38:04.001 --> 01:38:07.134
then maybe what he's about
to tell me didn't happen.

01:38:15.447 --> 01:38:17.014
He told me Carrie was driving

01:38:17.188 --> 01:38:19.538
on this dark road right near the house.

01:38:19.712 --> 01:38:22.715
She came to this fork in the road...

01:38:22.889 --> 01:38:24.500
and some kid loaded on pills

01:38:24.674 --> 01:38:26.632
driving a Jeep ran the stop sign.

01:38:29.330 --> 01:38:30.941
And he hit her head-on.

01:38:32.420 --> 01:38:34.727
She died instantly.

01:38:34.901 --> 01:38:36.599
Kid walked away without a scratch.

01:38:38.644 --> 01:38:40.385
The last time I saw that beautiful face,

01:38:40.559 --> 01:38:41.517
she was mad at me.

01:38:44.345 --> 01:38:47.871
That's why I can't look at
that picture anymore.

01:38:48.045 --> 01:38:51.962
It makes me remember
the one thing I want to forget.

01:38:59.404 --> 01:39:00.318
I'm sorry.

01:39:05.628 --> 01:39:06.890
Me too.

01:39:15.899 --> 01:39:18.858
Need anything from the store?
Um... Wonton soup.

01:39:19.032 --> 01:39:21.295
I'd like to shampoo my hair.
It's getting a little greasy--

01:39:21.469 --> 01:39:23.210
Charlie.
What?

01:39:25.386 --> 01:39:27.606
I'm just kidding. I'm okay.

01:39:27.780 --> 01:39:30.217
I promise. Thanks.
Good.

01:39:30.391 --> 01:39:32.785
Hey, I was thinking, you know
what we could do someday?

01:39:32.959 --> 01:39:34.395
It could be fun. Um...

01:39:34.570 --> 01:39:37.573
Ever been to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum?

01:39:37.747 --> 01:39:39.792
You ever been there?
It's a lot of fun.

01:39:39.966 --> 01:39:42.360
It's pretty amazing what they do.

01:39:47.147 --> 01:39:49.628
Okay. Sure.

01:40:08.299 --> 01:40:13.217
You're back already?
Okay. Coming, coming, coming.

01:40:16.742 --> 01:40:18.439
Hi!
Hi.

01:40:18.614 --> 01:40:21.660
Come on in. Come on in.
This is a surprise.

01:40:21.834 --> 01:40:25.011
What's the matter?
You look very upset. What's wrong?

01:40:25.185 --> 01:40:26.883
I had a fight with my mom.
Oh.

01:40:27.057 --> 01:40:28.667
She said you were drunk and embarrassing.

01:40:28.841 --> 01:40:31.322
I said you could never be.
You were funny on the show.

01:40:31.496 --> 01:40:33.890
Why does she keep you away from me?
She said something awful.

01:40:34.064 --> 01:40:36.327
Does she know where you are?
She thinks I'm at school.

01:40:36.501 --> 01:40:37.894
How did you get here?
Uber.

01:40:38.068 --> 01:40:39.852
We should tell her you're here.
No!

01:40:40.026 --> 01:40:41.985
She'll be so mad at me.
But, Lindsay...

01:40:42.159 --> 01:40:44.422
Please. I just have to know if it's true.

01:40:44.596 --> 01:40:46.032
Is what true?

01:40:48.121 --> 01:40:51.559
She said it was because of you
that I don't have a grandma.

01:40:51.734 --> 01:40:53.126
She said that to you?

01:40:53.300 --> 01:40:55.955
No. I overheard her
on the phone with Uncle Rex.

01:40:58.305 --> 01:41:00.220
No, Lindsay, no.

01:41:00.394 --> 01:41:02.266
Okay.

01:41:05.835 --> 01:41:07.619
Lindsay never made it to school, Rex.

01:41:07.793 --> 01:41:10.666
She used my Uber account,
and guess where she took it to.

01:41:12.102 --> 01:41:14.017
Charlie, I got your wonton soup,

01:41:14.191 --> 01:41:18.064
but the chef said that you need
to use extra conditioner...

01:41:18.238 --> 01:41:19.239
Charlie!

01:41:21.067 --> 01:41:24.897
I got some short ribs.
They'll be so good.

01:41:26.203 --> 01:41:27.291
Charlie?

01:41:28.509 --> 01:41:31.164
Charlie?
Charlie!

01:41:33.166 --> 01:41:37.170
Where are you, old man?
Charlie, stop playing.

01:41:37.344 --> 01:41:39.651
Hey. Where is she?

01:41:39.825 --> 01:41:42.872
How'd you get in here?
We grew up here. Where is she?

01:41:43.046 --> 01:41:44.221
Who?
My daughter Lindsay.

01:41:44.395 --> 01:41:46.136
And our father. Where's our dad?
Lindsay!

01:41:46.310 --> 01:41:48.051
Dad!
Nobody's here.

01:41:48.225 --> 01:41:49.792
I just got home myself.

01:41:49.966 --> 01:41:51.663
Home?
Do you live here?

01:41:51.837 --> 01:41:54.666
I moved in a few days ago.
Oh, lovely.

01:41:54.840 --> 01:41:57.756
Your dad needs me right now.
I bet he does.

01:41:57.930 --> 01:42:00.672
You might want to rethink
your attitude, Francine.

01:42:00.846 --> 01:42:03.240
What is this?
What is all this about?

01:42:03.414 --> 01:42:05.764
That's research for a project
he's working on.

01:42:05.938 --> 01:42:07.461
With our names under the pictures?

01:42:07.635 --> 01:42:09.768
He doesn't know who we are?
Not all the time.

01:42:11.291 --> 01:42:13.380
Your father's sick.

01:42:13.554 --> 01:42:16.209
He has a form of dementia.
And it's getting worse.

01:42:17.776 --> 01:42:20.083
He can't be alone anymore.

01:42:20.257 --> 01:42:22.694
That's why I moved in, Francine.

01:42:22.868 --> 01:42:26.045
I'm his friend. He's writing
a book about your family

01:42:26.219 --> 01:42:28.395
and I'm helping him finish it.

01:42:28.569 --> 01:42:30.746
I can't believe this.
We had no idea.

01:42:30.920 --> 01:42:33.705
That's because you're too busy
being pissed at him.

01:42:33.879 --> 01:42:37.056
Pretty soon, before you know it,
he's not gonna know who you are.

01:42:37.230 --> 01:42:39.145
But you'll remember him.

01:42:39.319 --> 01:42:41.452
He's done a very good job
of beating himself up

01:42:41.626 --> 01:42:43.323
without you guys piling on.

01:42:43.497 --> 01:42:45.238
You were very happy once.

01:42:45.412 --> 01:42:47.937
It can happen again if you let it.

01:42:49.155 --> 01:42:50.113
How do we find them?

01:42:50.287 --> 01:42:52.115
I put a GPS on his phone.

01:42:52.289 --> 01:42:54.030
Okay.
Let me see.

01:42:57.947 --> 01:43:01.646
No. No, no, no.
It's here. It's here.

01:43:01.820 --> 01:43:03.474
Where the hell are they?
Damn.

01:43:03.648 --> 01:43:06.433
Oh. If she's still using my
Uber account, we can find them.

01:43:30.849 --> 01:43:32.111
I cannot believe this.

01:43:32.285 --> 01:43:33.547
Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong?

01:43:33.721 --> 01:43:35.375
Longer trip than I thought.

01:43:35.549 --> 01:43:37.943
You give five star.
I accept nothing less.

01:43:38.117 --> 01:43:39.423
Is this the best way to go?

01:43:41.338 --> 01:43:44.167
This is all my fault. She overheard
what I said to you on the phone.

01:43:44.341 --> 01:43:46.212
We got in a fight about--
She heard that?

01:43:46.386 --> 01:43:48.258
Yes. I know. I'm sorry, okay?

01:43:48.432 --> 01:43:51.348
What if he does something crazy?
What's he gonna do, Francine?

01:43:51.522 --> 01:43:52.784
What's gonna happen?

01:43:52.958 --> 01:43:54.960
I don't know.
He loves Lindsay.

01:43:55.134 --> 01:43:56.570
Nothing will happen.

01:43:56.744 --> 01:43:58.746
How can you be so sure?

01:43:58.921 --> 01:44:00.531
I know him.

01:44:08.452 --> 01:44:12.021
Papa! Where are you going?
Come back!

01:44:16.329 --> 01:44:20.507
Please stop!
Hey, what about my five stars?!

01:44:23.859 --> 01:44:25.338
Oh, God!

01:44:25.512 --> 01:44:26.862
Lindsay, honey, are you okay?

01:44:27.036 --> 01:44:28.646
Papa Charlie ran away!

01:44:28.820 --> 01:44:29.995
He told the driver to pull over,

01:44:30.169 --> 01:44:31.605
jumped out of the car and ran.

01:44:31.779 --> 01:44:33.477
I'm scared. I'm in the woods.

01:44:33.651 --> 01:44:36.393
Lindsay, don't worry.
Look around. Can you see anything?

01:44:36.567 --> 01:44:39.135
I can see the road.
Go there. Go to the road.

01:44:39.309 --> 01:44:40.484
We're gonna find you.

01:44:48.013 --> 01:44:50.015
Mom! Mom!

01:44:52.844 --> 01:44:53.976
Lindsay!

01:44:55.629 --> 01:44:57.022
Sweetheart.

01:44:59.982 --> 01:45:01.418
Come on, baby girl.

01:45:01.592 --> 01:45:05.857
Oh, my God, Rex.
I know. Let's find him.

01:45:15.693 --> 01:45:17.260
Dad?

01:45:17.434 --> 01:45:18.696
Papa Charlie?
Dad?

01:45:18.770 --> 01:45:20.685
Charlie?
Papa Charlie?

01:45:20.959 --> 01:45:24.441
No, Dad. No. Please, Dad.
Dad?

01:45:24.615 --> 01:45:25.833
Charlie?
Dad?

01:45:28.532 --> 01:45:29.968
Charlie!

01:45:30.142 --> 01:45:31.143
Papa Charlie!

01:45:31.317 --> 01:45:33.015
Charlie!

01:45:34.842 --> 01:45:36.496
Dad!
Charlie!

01:45:36.670 --> 01:45:38.107
Dad!
Dad?

01:45:38.281 --> 01:45:40.239
Charlie!
Papa Charlie!

01:45:40.413 --> 01:45:42.981
Dad! Dad!
Charlie!

01:45:43.155 --> 01:45:46.593
Dad!
Papa Charlie, where are you?

01:45:52.208 --> 01:45:53.644
Charlie!

01:45:55.776 --> 01:45:57.387
Charlie.

01:45:57.561 --> 01:45:59.432
Oh, hey.

01:46:01.347 --> 01:46:02.609
Hey. Hey.
Hey.

01:46:06.918 --> 01:46:10.574
Hey. You okay?
My feet are wet.

01:46:10.748 --> 01:46:11.923
Mine are too.

01:46:13.359 --> 01:46:14.882
Are you okay? You look so upset.

01:46:15.057 --> 01:46:16.797
I'm just happy to see you.

01:46:16.972 --> 01:46:18.451
Dad.

01:46:21.193 --> 01:46:22.586
What are you doing here?

01:46:23.848 --> 01:46:26.111
Hi.
Uh...

01:46:26.285 --> 01:46:31.073
Well, I wanted to show Lindsay Lake Charlie.

01:46:31.247 --> 01:46:32.900
This was our happy place.

01:46:34.380 --> 01:46:36.992
See, with sunsets, we'd stand right here.

01:46:37.166 --> 01:46:40.082
And--
and we'd watch the sun go down there

01:46:40.256 --> 01:46:43.172
and, "Bye-bye, sun.
Bye-bye, sun."

01:46:43.346 --> 01:46:44.390
Somebody would say that.

01:46:44.564 --> 01:46:46.131
That was me, Dad.

01:46:47.393 --> 01:46:49.308
I said that.
Yeah.

01:46:50.570 --> 01:46:51.615
Mm-hm.

01:46:55.923 --> 01:46:58.056
I'm sorry about your mother.
No.

01:46:58.230 --> 01:47:01.842
Dad, you don't have to--
No, I have to. I have to, Rex.

01:47:02.017 --> 01:47:04.280
Let me finish, because
I'm running out of words.

01:47:08.806 --> 01:47:11.069
Francine,
I was not the reason your mom died.

01:47:13.158 --> 01:47:16.727
That kid who ran the stop sign
was the reason your mom died.

01:47:16.901 --> 01:47:20.252
And I adored her so much.
I loved your mother so much.

01:47:20.426 --> 01:47:22.689
And she died mad at me.

01:47:22.863 --> 01:47:24.952
Dad.

01:47:25.127 --> 01:47:28.217
I can't leave here knowing
that you're mad at me too.

01:47:29.827 --> 01:47:32.525
I can't undo it.
I can't undo it.

01:47:32.699 --> 01:47:34.919
There's no rewrites this time.

01:47:35.093 --> 01:47:38.444
Come on. Relax.
Relax your hands.

01:47:39.706 --> 01:47:41.534
No more fists.
Relax your hands.

01:47:46.626 --> 01:47:50.065
Dad. Why didn't you tell us?

01:47:52.676 --> 01:47:55.635
Because I didn't know how.

01:47:57.898 --> 01:47:58.812
And I was scared.

01:48:00.249 --> 01:48:01.902
Of what?

01:48:02.077 --> 01:48:04.688
That maybe you wouldn't care.

01:48:04.862 --> 01:48:06.081
Oh, Dad.

01:48:09.127 --> 01:48:11.608
Forgive me. Please.

01:48:11.782 --> 01:48:14.001
Forgive me so I can forgive myself.

01:48:14.176 --> 01:48:16.830
Because the sight of your
angry eyes keeps me up at night

01:48:17.004 --> 01:48:20.007
and gives me the sweats,
and there's no more time for that.

01:48:20.182 --> 01:48:22.662
There's no more time.
I'm here today.

01:48:22.836 --> 01:48:24.882
Daddy, I'm so sorry.

01:48:25.056 --> 01:48:30.105
Franny, it's okay. It's okay.
I understand. I understand.

01:48:30.279 --> 01:48:31.889
I love you, Pop.
Oh!

01:48:32.063 --> 01:48:33.978
I love you.
LINDSAY: Is there room for me?

01:48:34.152 --> 01:48:36.198
Come here, sweetie.
I love you too, you know?

01:48:39.288 --> 01:48:41.507
Emma. Emma.
Come here.

01:48:46.686 --> 01:48:48.906
Oh, God.
What a long time between hugs.

01:48:59.743 --> 01:49:02.920
Mom was always inventing days for the kids.

01:49:03.094 --> 01:49:05.096
Kids loved "Backwards Day" the best.

01:49:05.270 --> 01:49:07.533
We'd have dinner for breakfast
and breakfast for dinner.

01:49:07.707 --> 01:49:09.535
No, Pop.
It was "Upside-down Day."

01:49:09.709 --> 01:49:11.189
Upside-down day.
God, I loved that.

01:49:11.363 --> 01:49:12.756
We'd have cake for breakfast.

01:49:12.930 --> 01:49:14.323
Can we do that?
Yeah.

01:49:14.497 --> 01:49:16.412
Will you do it with us,
Papa Charlie and Emma?

01:49:16.586 --> 01:49:18.979
Absolutely.
Yeah, sure. Anything for you.

01:49:19.154 --> 01:49:22.679
Is it upside-down day?
Yeah. Upside-down day.

01:49:22.853 --> 01:49:24.681
I got it.
Upside-down day is great.

01:49:24.855 --> 01:49:26.770
Yeah?
This'll be really good.

01:49:26.944 --> 01:49:27.814
Okay.

01:49:29.207 --> 01:49:30.382
Huh.

01:49:32.167 --> 01:49:34.386
Hey, Rex, um--
Oh, tell them the story

01:49:34.560 --> 01:49:36.388
about when Dad was barbecuing outside,

01:49:36.562 --> 01:49:38.869
he was making all these
hot dogs and a bear came.

01:49:39.043 --> 01:49:41.219
Oh, heh-heh!
That's a really good story.

01:49:41.393 --> 01:49:46.268
Okay, I think it was July 4th?
Uh-huh. Dad loves 4th of July.

01:49:51.838 --> 01:49:53.144
It's beautiful here.

01:49:53.318 --> 01:49:54.537
Mm-hm.

01:49:58.976 --> 01:50:00.238
Are you okay?

01:50:04.590 --> 01:50:05.548
I'm here.

01:50:19.866 --> 01:50:23.305
♪ Well, I've seen love go by my door ♪

01:50:23.479 --> 01:50:25.437
♪ It's never been this close before ♪

01:50:25.611 --> 01:50:29.833
♪ Never been so easy or so slow ♪

01:50:31.965 --> 01:50:34.794
♪ I've been shootin' in the dark too long ♪

01:50:34.968 --> 01:50:37.101
♪ When something's not right it's wrong ♪

01:50:37.275 --> 01:50:41.148
♪ You're gonna make me lonesome
When you go ♪

01:50:43.020 --> 01:50:45.675
♪ Dragon clouds so high above ♪

01:50:45.849 --> 01:50:47.764
♪ I've only known careless love... ♪

01:50:51.202 --> 01:50:52.812
Come on. Sun's going down.

01:50:54.814 --> 01:50:57.469
It's going. Come on,
he's not gonna wait for us.

01:50:57.643 --> 01:50:59.906
♪ Right on target, so direct ♪

01:51:00.080 --> 01:51:01.821
♪ You're gonna make me lonesome... ♪

01:51:01.995 --> 01:51:04.694
Come on. Don't wanna miss it.

01:51:07.174 --> 01:51:09.525
Wow. This gonna be a beauty.

01:51:09.699 --> 01:51:13.703
Oh, look at that. Wow.
It's so beautiful.

01:51:13.877 --> 01:51:16.183
Wow.

01:51:16.358 --> 01:51:17.359
Yeah.

01:51:17.533 --> 01:51:18.838
♪ Blue river ♪

01:51:19.012 --> 01:51:20.623
♪ Running slow and lazy ♪

01:51:22.973 --> 01:51:28.935
♪ I could stay with you forever
And never realize the time ♪

01:51:29.109 --> 01:51:31.677
♪ Situations have ended sad ♪

01:51:31.851 --> 01:51:34.637
♪ Relationships have all been bad ♪

01:51:34.811 --> 01:51:38.293
♪ Mine have been like
Verlaine and Rimbaud ♪

01:51:40.207 --> 01:51:43.123
♪ But there's no way I can compare ♪

01:51:43.298 --> 01:51:45.735
♪ All those scenes to this affair ♪

01:51:45.909 --> 01:51:49.652
♪ You're gonna make me
Lonesome when you go ♪

01:51:51.436 --> 01:51:54.787
♪ I'll look for you in old Honolulu ♪

01:51:54.961 --> 01:51:57.399
♪ San Francisco or Ashtabula ♪

01:51:57.573 --> 01:52:02.447
♪ You're gonna have to leave me
Now I know ♪

01:52:02.621 --> 01:52:04.884
♪ But I'll see you in the sky above ♪

01:52:05.058 --> 01:52:06.103
Bye-bye, sun.

01:52:06.277 --> 01:52:07.496
♪ In the tall grass ♪

01:52:07.670 --> 01:52:08.714
♪ In the ones I love ♪

01:52:08.888 --> 01:52:10.150
♪ You're gonna make me ♪

01:52:10.325 --> 01:52:12.283
♪ Lonesome when you go ♪

01:52:14.546 --> 01:52:20.030
♪ You're gonna make me
Lonesome when you go ♪

01:52:20.204 --> 01:52:24.817
♪ You're gonna make me
Very, very lonesome ♪

01:52:24.991 --> 01:52:28.081
♪ When you go ♪

01:52:32.042 --> 01:53:33.696
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