WEBVTT

00:00:00.976 --> 00:00:20.976
..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:46.166
Hello, Helen... I' d almost
forgotten you work here

00:02:48.908 --> 00:02:51.536
I know, I know, you'd almost
forgotten I work here...

00:02:51.643 --> 00:02:54.911
but I swear I was up all night toying
with ideas for the fashion show...

00:02:55.013 --> 00:02:56.777
...and I've really hit
on something. You see...

00:02:59.885 --> 00:03:00.750
What?

00:03:05.692 --> 00:03:08.629
I took four bottles of vodka on Friday,
it was my birthday, you know that

00:03:08.729 --> 00:03:11.721
I was having a party and I was
running late, so I borrowed some

00:03:11.831 --> 00:03:13.561
I bought some more to replace it

00:03:13.667 --> 00:03:16.228
Not a lot of use to me when
I had nothing to offer the executives

00:03:16.338 --> 00:03:17.862
who dropped by late Friday

00:03:19.073 --> 00:03:21.703
Off the top of my head, you could
have told them you'd run out

00:03:21.810 --> 00:03:24.007
It's, it's popular stuff

00:03:24.678 --> 00:03:27.275
Bullshit, bullshit... We're in PR.
That's what we do, isn't it?

00:03:30.216 --> 00:03:32.380
But you didn't do that,
did you, Paul?

00:03:33.222 --> 00:03:34.187
No

00:03:35.289 --> 00:03:37.385
So I'm out... am I?

00:03:42.797 --> 00:03:44.232
Well, this is just perfect

00:03:45.500 --> 00:03:48.268
Congratulations. You've wanted me
out for ages, now you've done it.

00:03:48.372 --> 00:03:49.895
Very well done

00:03:52.843 --> 00:03:56.042
For theft. Pretty foolproof

00:03:56.144 --> 00:03:59.776
Okay, I'll go... I'll go

00:03:59.881 --> 00:04:02.852
I was getting a bit choked up with all
the testosterone flying about the place

00:04:02.952 --> 00:04:05.113
Best I get out before
I start growing a penis

00:04:07.625 --> 00:04:10.058
Oh! Told you... lesbian

00:04:25.742 --> 00:04:29.235
I really didn't think it'd be
so easy to crack, did you?

00:04:29.347 --> 00:04:30.836
No
Oops

00:04:33.384 --> 00:04:34.613
Thank you

00:06:47.359 --> 00:06:50.295
District Line information.
Due to a derailment at Victoria...

00:06:50.396 --> 00:06:52.864
...District Line trains are
subject to extensive delay

00:06:52.965 --> 00:06:55.765
We suggest you find
alternative means of transport

00:07:27.400 --> 00:07:30.336
Are you all right, love?
Oh, it's a bit of a nasty cut

00:07:31.204 --> 00:07:32.832
Might need a couple of stitches...
Come on

00:07:43.818 --> 00:07:46.150
Oh-oh... Ah, Beatles' lyrics, eh?

00:07:46.252 --> 00:07:47.119
What?

00:07:47.222 --> 00:07:50.350
'Elastic Thrombosis'.
They're guilty of lyric poaching

00:07:50.459 --> 00:07:51.950
They're Beatles' lyrics,
aren't they?

00:07:52.060 --> 00:07:53.687
I don't know, sorry

00:07:54.596 --> 00:07:55.528
Of course you do. Come on,
everyone is born knowing all

00:07:55.631 --> 00:07:56.791
the Beatles' lyrics instinctively

00:07:56.897 --> 00:07:59.799
They're passed into the foetus subconsciously
along with all the amniotic stuff

00:07:59.900 --> 00:08:03.394
In fact, they should be called
'The Foetles'

00:08:07.275 --> 00:08:08.937
Not a fan, clearly

00:08:31.034 --> 00:08:33.197
It's funny the way nobody
talks on the tubes, isn't it?

00:08:34.005 --> 00:08:36.634
I mean, I rarely catch
the tube myself but, er... or lifts

00:08:37.674 --> 00:08:39.906
Confined spaces,
everybody shuts down. Why is that?

00:08:40.913 --> 00:08:43.575
Perhaps we think everyone else
in the tube or the lift

00:08:43.681 --> 00:08:44.978
is a potential psychopath
or a drunk...

00:08:45.082 --> 00:08:47.417
...so we close down and pretend
to... read a book or something

00:08:47.518 --> 00:08:49.579
You've got a terrible tea stain
on your book

00:08:49.687 --> 00:08:52.885
Look, I don't think you're a psychopath.
I just want to read my book

00:08:52.990 --> 00:08:54.652
I, I understand. I apologise

00:08:56.261 --> 00:08:59.721
I'm in a little bit of a good mood
today as a matter of fact so I'll just

00:08:59.831 --> 00:09:00.958
...sorry

00:09:03.035 --> 00:09:04.591
Have we met before?

00:09:04.703 --> 00:09:08.233
No, no, honestly, honestly,
I'm, you... you seem familiar

00:09:08.341 --> 00:09:09.830
I don't think so

00:09:10.475 --> 00:09:12.775
Yes... Yes, you were
in the lift just now

00:09:13.313 --> 00:09:14.804
You dropped your earring,
I picked it up

00:09:15.781 --> 00:09:18.080
Oh yes, you did... Thank you

00:09:18.184 --> 00:09:19.516
Pleasure

00:09:20.320 --> 00:09:21.548
Do you work there?

00:09:21.654 --> 00:09:24.215
I did do but I've just
been fired. Okay?

00:09:25.658 --> 00:09:28.628
Oh no, that's... that's horrible,
I'm sorry

00:09:28.728 --> 00:09:30.698
It's okay, you didn't do it

00:09:30.796 --> 00:09:34.996
I thank you for your concern and glad
you're in a good mood, et cetera

00:09:35.101 --> 00:09:38.368
I thank you for picking up my earring
but... I just want to read my book

00:09:51.651 --> 00:09:54.555
Well, I get off at this stop.
I'm only telling you in case

00:09:54.656 --> 00:09:55.781
you get off at this stop, too...

00:09:55.889 --> 00:09:57.222
...and you get up before me
and then I get up and you think

00:09:57.325 --> 00:09:58.224
I'm following you which I'm not

00:09:58.327 --> 00:10:01.025
I mean, I wouldn't. I mean...

00:10:01.763 --> 00:10:02.753
...you know

00:10:04.199 --> 00:10:06.668
I really didn't mean any offence.
Please forgive me

00:10:07.569 --> 00:10:09.937
I'm really not a nutcase...
I apologise

00:10:16.846 --> 00:10:19.747
Excuse me. Um, I'm sorry

00:10:20.416 --> 00:10:23.751
I, I'm sure you're not a nutcase or a
psycho or anything, it's just that, um

00:10:23.853 --> 00:10:28.156
...I'm not, I'm not that good at,
um... you know, um...

00:10:29.959 --> 00:10:32.258
Constructing sentences?

00:10:32.362 --> 00:10:33.420
Anyway...

00:10:34.130 --> 00:10:35.155
I'm James

00:10:36.099 --> 00:10:37.089
Helen

00:10:45.374 --> 00:10:47.605
I never figured out
why we didn't make it, Gerry

00:10:48.444 --> 00:10:51.210
You went back to America, remember?
I couldn't afford the bus fares

00:10:51.315 --> 00:10:52.613
I came back though

00:10:54.351 --> 00:10:58.984
Turn my back for three lousy years and you
callously ditch me for another woman

00:10:59.857 --> 00:11:02.726
Mmm, I know, I suppose
I'm just naturally impetuous

00:11:03.794 --> 00:11:06.993
I live with someone. A man.
I live with a man

00:11:07.098 --> 00:11:08.224
Really?

00:11:08.668 --> 00:11:12.127
Mmm! I have people consider soul mates
who don't confide in me this much

00:11:12.237 --> 00:11:16.869
And what would he say if he knew you were
walking up from the tube in broad daylight

00:11:16.975 --> 00:11:18.102
...with a complete stranger?
Mmm, big deal

00:11:24.416 --> 00:11:26.943
Well, it was nice to meet you,
Helen... Sorry about your job, really

00:11:27.053 --> 00:11:29.352
I suppose being a Gemini
can have its down sides

00:11:30.656 --> 00:11:32.750
Hey, remember what
the Monty Python boys say?

00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:35.721
What..."Always look
on the bright side of life"?

00:11:36.530 --> 00:11:39.297
No..."Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition"

00:12:35.291 --> 00:12:36.589
What?

00:12:48.839 --> 00:12:50.967
I didn't think you liked Elton John

00:12:52.542 --> 00:12:54.204
I, I do, I do sometimes

00:13:05.490 --> 00:13:08.220
You really shouldn't just stop like that.
Set a woman back three days

00:13:08.327 --> 00:13:10.227
doing a thing like that

00:13:13.165 --> 00:13:14.462
Who is she?

00:13:15.832 --> 00:13:17.300
She's Lydia

00:13:30.717 --> 00:13:32.082
Well, I've had a dreadful day

00:13:32.885 --> 00:13:36.379
I got sacked.
And so did you it would seem

00:13:38.723 --> 00:13:40.022
Cup of tea?

00:13:40.928 --> 00:13:41.987
That'd be nice

00:13:43.428 --> 00:13:46.400
You bastard! You bastard!

00:13:46.499 --> 00:13:48.865
You useless shagging bastard!

00:13:57.044 --> 00:14:02.451
I come home and catch you up to
your nuts in Lady Shagging Godiva

00:14:03.418 --> 00:14:08.287
I am working all hours to support you while
you are supposedly writing your first novel

00:14:11.127 --> 00:14:12.956
How long?
Huh?

00:14:15.096 --> 00:14:17.122
Do you love her?

00:14:18.667 --> 00:14:20.327
No, don't tell me,
I'm not interested

00:14:22.571 --> 00:14:26.908
I'm only asking because I need
to know exactly how big a mug I am

00:14:28.577 --> 00:14:30.875
Look, er... Iook...

00:15:40.252 --> 00:15:41.685
Hello?
Helen? Is that you?

00:15:41.787 --> 00:15:46.750
No, it's your bit of stuff.
Wednesday... shag day, remember?

00:15:55.068 --> 00:15:56.900
Have you just got up, you lazy git?

00:15:57.002 --> 00:15:59.439
Er, no. Er... well I, er...

00:16:00.207 --> 00:16:02.175
...I didn't sleep that well
last night and then, er...

00:16:03.777 --> 00:16:07.078
you know when you left I kind
of... I went into a really, er...

00:16:07.181 --> 00:16:10.948
...a really, really deep, deep,
er, deep, deep sleep

00:16:11.718 --> 00:16:14.952
And, er... I think I might be, er, coming,
coming down with, er... anyway, er

00:16:15.624 --> 00:16:17.387
...what are you doing home
at this time of...

00:16:19.894 --> 00:16:22.729
Oh my God, what happened to you?

00:16:24.767 --> 00:16:27.794
Well, it depends.
Which story do you want first?

00:16:27.904 --> 00:16:29.097
What?

00:16:29.204 --> 00:16:32.175
Well... I got mugged. And...

00:16:36.178 --> 00:16:37.236
What are you doing?

00:16:38.948 --> 00:16:40.472
I can't stand Elton John.
You know that

00:16:42.518 --> 00:16:45.614
Well, anyway... listen, tell me...

00:16:45.721 --> 00:16:47.350
...what happened?
What happened to your head?

00:16:48.224 --> 00:16:50.717
Well, I got mugged
and sacked only not in that order

00:16:50.826 --> 00:16:52.419
Although it wasn't an actual mugging,
it was only an attempted mugging

00:16:52.528 --> 00:16:53.496
according to the policeman...

00:16:53.595 --> 00:16:55.963
...because they didn't...

00:16:56.066 --> 00:16:57.966
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
wait a sec, wait a sec.

00:16:58.067 --> 00:16:59.263
Come here... Come here

00:17:00.604 --> 00:17:03.095
Now sit down. Just sit here. Okay?

00:17:04.975 --> 00:17:09.914
Now... now you're in shock, darling,
okay. You've had a bit of

00:17:10.013 --> 00:17:11.446
a little bit of a shock. Okay?
Now just relax

00:17:13.984 --> 00:17:15.816
Um... do you want a brandy?

00:17:17.288 --> 00:17:18.846
It's four in the afternoon

00:17:18.958 --> 00:17:20.483
Of course it is... sorry

00:17:21.825 --> 00:17:23.192
Gerry!

00:17:24.295 --> 00:17:25.728
Are you okay?

00:17:25.830 --> 00:17:29.233
Me? I'm fine... Um, I'm fine.
I'm just... No, anyway, anyway

00:17:29.802 --> 00:17:31.564
Tell, tell, tell me what happened

00:17:58.666 --> 00:18:00.725
And I just couldn't help
thinking...

00:18:00.834 --> 00:18:04.532
if I had just caught that bloody
train it would never have happened

00:18:04.638 --> 00:18:06.630
I'd have been home ages ago

00:18:06.739 --> 00:18:10.700
Oh, well, you don't want to go
wondering about things like that

00:18:10.809 --> 00:18:13.803
You know, um,'if only this',
and 'what if that'. I mean...

00:18:17.784 --> 00:18:19.275
It's done now

00:18:20.521 --> 00:18:21.647
Come on

00:18:23.123 --> 00:18:24.284
Follow

00:18:25.526 --> 00:18:26.755
Splash

00:18:26.862 --> 00:18:28.693
I'm going to take you out...

00:18:28.796 --> 00:18:31.766
and get you alarmingly out of
your head on Grolsch and then...

00:18:31.866 --> 00:18:34.462
Dry
Thank you

00:18:34.568 --> 00:18:37.266
Um, and then follow, follow,
follow, follow, follow...

00:18:38.073 --> 00:18:39.974
and then when you've sung all your
favourite Barbra Streisand songs

00:18:40.074 --> 00:18:41.373
at the top of your voice...

00:18:41.477 --> 00:18:43.741
and got us slung out of the pub...

00:18:45.347 --> 00:18:46.609
Ah, here we are. Yeah, put this on

00:18:47.214 --> 00:18:50.244
I'm going to let you have intimate
carnal knowledge of a Lamb Passanda

00:18:50.354 --> 00:18:52.151
...which I know your diet
does not allow, with a...

00:18:52.256 --> 00:18:54.588
...double Tarka Dahl
which you can then, er...

00:18:54.691 --> 00:18:56.216
...puke up all over the, er...
pristine doorstep of Herr

00:18:56.324 --> 00:18:57.350
and Frau Goebbels next door and...

00:18:57.459 --> 00:19:00.021
I'll help you

00:19:01.565 --> 00:19:03.225
Oh, I love you, Gerry

00:19:03.800 --> 00:19:06.269
Gerry! She's not here!

00:19:06.370 --> 00:19:09.203
Anna, you're Helen's best friend.
I mean, where else would she be?

00:19:09.304 --> 00:19:11.297
Come in and search the place
if you want. She's not here, Gerry

00:19:11.408 --> 00:19:16.815
What is it you've done anyway? It can't be
that nice if she's walked out on you

00:19:16.914 --> 00:19:19.407
Okay, look, I, I'm sorry.
Look, if she comes here...

00:19:19.516 --> 00:19:22.350
...just let me know or, or get her
to ring me or, or something

00:19:22.453 --> 00:19:24.217
That's all I ask

00:19:24.321 --> 00:19:26.517
Like you say, Gerry,
I'm Helen's best friend

00:19:26.623 --> 00:19:28.717
If she comes here
I'll do what she asks

00:19:55.756 --> 00:19:58.454
Well, she's got a point...
You can't stand Elton John

00:19:58.557 --> 00:20:01.426
Russell, forget about Elton John.
That's not the issue. What do I do?

00:20:01.527 --> 00:20:02.551
Gerry...

00:20:02.662 --> 00:20:04.564
you've been telling me for weeks
you couldn't hack it juggling

00:20:04.663 --> 00:20:05.961
between Helen and Lydia...

00:20:06.066 --> 00:20:08.330
...and you wish you hadn't
got involved with her again

00:20:08.435 --> 00:20:09.265
I know

00:20:09.369 --> 00:20:11.600
And you didn't think you were
cut out for infidelity

00:20:11.705 --> 00:20:12.535
I know

00:20:12.638 --> 00:20:15.370
But you couldn't end it with Lydia,
'cause you weren't sure how she'd take it

00:20:16.778 --> 00:20:20.307
And I told you that something
if you remember my words,

00:20:20.414 --> 00:20:22.406
something 'ungoverned by you'
would happen...

00:20:22.516 --> 00:20:24.781
...to bring the situation to a head

00:20:26.120 --> 00:20:27.882
And... something has

00:20:33.692 --> 00:20:35.218
It's not funny actually, Russell

00:20:35.798 --> 00:20:37.858
No, I'm sorry, old man...
I beg to differ

00:20:38.499 --> 00:20:40.798
It is funny.
It's very, very, very funny

00:20:42.404 --> 00:20:44.635
And look at you, it's not as though
you're rushing frantically

00:20:44.739 --> 00:20:46.299
about the place trying to find her

00:20:46.408 --> 00:20:47.967
I went to Anna's. She wasn't there

00:20:48.077 --> 00:20:51.979
Oh, you went to Anna's. Boy,
you're a one man SAS crack unit

00:20:54.150 --> 00:20:56.482
You want my opinion?

00:20:56.585 --> 00:20:58.143
Will I like it?

00:20:58.253 --> 00:21:00.815
Well, of course not...
It'll be based on reality

00:21:09.832 --> 00:21:12.201
No, no, no. You don't advertise
a new restaurant. It's very uncool

00:21:13.435 --> 00:21:15.405
It's word of mouth... People talk

00:21:16.005 --> 00:21:19.635
And how do these people who talk know where
you are so that they can talk about you?

00:21:20.243 --> 00:21:22.577
Hey, listen, it's your restaurant,
Clive. I just want it to work

00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:24.478
Helen

00:21:24.581 --> 00:21:28.715
Hello, James. Rather annoying
chatty bloke on the tube

00:21:29.787 --> 00:21:31.254
Oh yes, hi

00:21:31.589 --> 00:21:34.491
You look all stressed up
with nowhere to go

00:21:34.592 --> 00:21:37.118
It's only a job,
you'll get another one

00:21:37.228 --> 00:21:39.494
No, it's something else, isn't it?

00:21:39.597 --> 00:21:42.658
You know sometimes it helps
to just say whatever it is out loud

00:21:44.035 --> 00:21:45.934
Of course it also helps if people
just mind their own business

00:21:46.038 --> 00:21:47.503
and leave you alone. I'm sorry

00:21:47.605 --> 00:21:50.839
When I left you at the tube earlier,
I went home and found my boyfriend...

00:21:50.942 --> 00:21:52.239
...in bed with another woman. Shit!

00:21:52.344 --> 00:21:57.250
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's... I mean, what an idiot

00:21:58.016 --> 00:21:59.746
It's okay, you weren't to know

00:21:59.853 --> 00:22:01.787
No, not me, your boyfriend.
He's an idiot

00:22:03.957 --> 00:22:06.153
Sorry, it's not my place

00:22:07.059 --> 00:22:08.425
It's okay

00:22:09.263 --> 00:22:12.234
Well, look, if it makes you feel any better,
you see that bloke over there?

00:22:12.798 --> 00:22:15.667
Not only does he own a personalised
matching set of crocodile skin luggage...

00:22:15.768 --> 00:22:17.931
...but his favourite TV programme
is'Baywatch'

00:22:19.137 --> 00:22:20.971
So you see there's always someone
sadder than you

00:22:24.011 --> 00:22:25.171
Do you love him?

00:22:25.979 --> 00:22:29.073
No, I could never
love a 'Baywatch' fan

00:22:30.951 --> 00:22:34.352
Hey, you did a joke in the midst
of your turbulent emotional state

00:22:34.454 --> 00:22:36.390
That's very positive

00:22:37.158 --> 00:22:38.989
Listen, you decide you want
company we're over here... Okay?

00:22:41.762 --> 00:22:42.923
I'm really sorry, Helen

00:22:56.312 --> 00:22:59.806
Two of your most disgustingly
large Grolsches, please...

00:22:59.915 --> 00:23:03.215
...and a large Jack Daniels
with ice, and I'll have the same

00:23:08.323 --> 00:23:10.623
You're behind. Can we have another?

00:23:14.462 --> 00:23:15.796
Fifteen?

00:23:43.127 --> 00:23:45.096
Gerry came looking for you

00:23:45.197 --> 00:23:46.459
Is it what I think?

00:23:47.498 --> 00:23:48.989
Depends

00:23:49.100 --> 00:23:53.539
Is what you think that I walked in on him
shagging 'Lydia' in my bed and I walked out?

00:23:54.640 --> 00:23:55.835
Pretty much

00:23:56.208 --> 00:23:57.939
Then, yes

00:24:12.792 --> 00:24:13.851
Oh, hold up... hold up

00:24:15.260 --> 00:24:17.559
This morning was sensational

00:24:17.662 --> 00:24:19.689
Oh, I can't...
sorry, I can't hear you

00:24:19.799 --> 00:24:21.289
I can't hear you

00:24:21.400 --> 00:24:22.868
Gerry, can you hear me?

00:24:22.969 --> 00:24:23.833
Didn't know it was on

00:24:23.936 --> 00:24:25.928
Ready, steady, go!

00:24:28.708 --> 00:24:29.697
I'll see you, Clive

00:24:34.881 --> 00:24:36.144
Who's that?

00:24:36.250 --> 00:24:37.444
My friend

00:24:39.786 --> 00:24:42.278
Come on, you... Let's get you home.
You drunken eejit

00:24:45.125 --> 00:24:46.422
And again

00:24:47.828 --> 00:24:49.058
Come along

00:24:50.963 --> 00:24:52.489
Can I give you a lift anywhere?

00:24:52.600 --> 00:24:55.467
Er... yeah.
That, that'll be great, thank you

00:24:55.568 --> 00:24:57.801
Oh, hands up
if you drank too much, eh?

00:24:59.441 --> 00:25:01.534
Hey... I'm not as drunk
as thinkle peep I am

00:25:01.643 --> 00:25:03.909
Put a wick in her mouth
and she'd burn for a fortnight

00:25:10.317 --> 00:25:12.753
Um, 9 Menlove Avenue. Thanks a lot

00:25:17.393 --> 00:25:18.223
French bean, some chicken,
some rice...

00:25:18.327 --> 00:25:19.885
...one more little Indian

00:25:19.994 --> 00:25:22.659
No. Oh, come on.
Really, I'll be sick

00:25:22.766 --> 00:25:24.529
Well, we're on schedule for that
but we've gotta move location...

00:25:24.633 --> 00:25:26.295
...so just don't swallow
for ten minutes

00:25:30.941 --> 00:25:32.604
He didn't fancy me

00:25:32.709 --> 00:25:35.508
He, he offered us a lift.
He was just being concerned

00:25:36.713 --> 00:25:39.343
Uh-huh... Well let me tell you,
if he was being that concerned about me

00:25:39.450 --> 00:25:41.475
...I wouldn't be helping you
into bed right now

00:25:42.853 --> 00:25:43.877
Am lin bed?

00:25:43.986 --> 00:25:46.352
Yes... You're staying with me
for a while

00:25:46.455 --> 00:25:48.288
Don't worry... You'll be fine

00:25:48.392 --> 00:25:49.882
Just fine

00:25:52.696 --> 00:25:55.690
There we go. There we go

00:26:01.073 --> 00:26:06.445
Are you some peculiar, thus far
undefined breed of dickhead?

00:26:07.247 --> 00:26:10.307
You have two head problems

00:26:10.414 --> 00:26:15.217
One: That was close... Very close

00:26:15.854 --> 00:26:18.619
Put in layman's terms...
she nearly caught you

00:26:19.726 --> 00:26:24.130
And two... and this is far
more worrying than the first one

00:26:26.265 --> 00:26:28.393
You're talking to yourself
in the mirror again

00:26:30.804 --> 00:26:32.135
Really bad sign

00:26:47.489 --> 00:26:51.584
No, bigger sip... big, bigger sip.
Bigger sip... Don't throw up all over me

00:26:55.694 --> 00:26:57.687
There are no PR jobs

00:27:00.366 --> 00:27:02.358
I'm going to need
some part-time work, Gerry

00:27:05.942 --> 00:27:07.739
What you need is a change of image

00:27:07.843 --> 00:27:12.281
Er, you know that goes back like and then like
I don't know sort of comes like slant

00:27:47.250 --> 00:27:50.086
No, no...
That's for you, sir

00:28:20.518 --> 00:28:24.957
Hey, gorgeous. What do you do when you're not
serving up 'mad cow' burgers in here, eh?

00:28:25.056 --> 00:28:26.523
Well now then, let me see

00:28:26.625 --> 00:28:28.117
I get up about seven thirty a. M...

00:28:28.227 --> 00:28:30.720
...make and deliver sandwiches
in the West End during the day...

00:28:30.830 --> 00:28:33.355
...before I come here about
six o' clock and finish at midnight

00:28:33.465 --> 00:28:36.834
After that, if I've got any energy left,
I give my boyfriend a blow job

00:28:36.937 --> 00:28:39.201
Would you like some mayonnaise
with that?

00:28:40.873 --> 00:28:41.638
You don't mean that

00:28:41.740 --> 00:28:43.505
I do... Really

00:28:45.045 --> 00:28:47.742
So... you were together two
and a half years, and...

00:28:49.114 --> 00:28:51.709
...you've been sitting here
like suicide on a stick for a week

00:28:51.818 --> 00:28:53.811
Nine days, Anna

00:28:54.988 --> 00:28:56.286
But bollocks to him?

00:28:56.389 --> 00:29:01.227
Yes. I mean why hasn't he even called to see
if I'm okay to admit that he's a twat?

00:29:02.630 --> 00:29:04.030
"Hello, Helen, it's Gerry

00:29:04.131 --> 00:29:06.760
I'm a twat. Please come home,
I love you. " All that shit

00:29:06.867 --> 00:29:09.961
Oh, I don't care anyway Bollocks
to him. I'm over him

00:29:10.273 --> 00:29:12.137
Oh... you're over him

00:29:12.239 --> 00:29:15.676
Yes. Totally and utterly
and completely over him

00:29:15.777 --> 00:29:16.574
No, you're not

00:29:16.678 --> 00:29:17.405
I am

00:29:17.511 --> 00:29:18.240
You're not

00:29:18.348 --> 00:29:21.477
Anna, I'm over him. What do you mean
I'm not? How do you know I'm not?

00:29:22.552 --> 00:29:24.918
Well, two things really

00:29:25.021 --> 00:29:27.546
One: You're still counting how
long you've been apart in days...

00:29:27.656 --> 00:29:29.487
...and probably hours and minutes

00:29:29.591 --> 00:29:32.927
But... the big flashing red light way of
telling you're not really over someone

00:29:33.029 --> 00:29:34.894
...is when you're still
reading their horoscope...

00:29:34.997 --> 00:29:37.763
in the hope that they're going to get wiped out
in some freak napalming incident

00:29:38.334 --> 00:29:39.496
Smart arse

00:29:41.004 --> 00:29:41.972
What is he?

00:29:42.070 --> 00:29:43.162
A wanker

00:29:44.207 --> 00:29:46.004
Oh, Aries

00:29:46.110 --> 00:29:48.044
Aries. Aries

00:29:50.080 --> 00:29:53.539
Well... just shows how much I know

00:29:53.648 --> 00:29:57.916
With Mars your ruler in the ascendancy... you will
get wiped out in a freak napalming incident

00:29:58.022 --> 00:30:00.185
...and Helen says bollocks to you
This guy's very good

00:30:05.728 --> 00:30:08.220
You go. No, I will. No, you

00:30:08.999 --> 00:30:12.460
I'm not in, I'm out.
You don't know where or who with

00:30:12.570 --> 00:30:14.264
Specially who with

00:30:15.407 --> 00:30:16.931
Quickly, go on

00:30:17.043 --> 00:30:19.477
I am not answering the door
like this

00:30:19.576 --> 00:30:22.776
Anna, please, you have to.
It won't be him anyway

00:30:23.381 --> 00:30:24.644
So there's no big deal, is there?

00:30:30.590 --> 00:30:32.580
Bollocks to him

00:30:32.691 --> 00:30:34.853
Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him.
Bollocks to him. Bollocks to him

00:30:34.961 --> 00:30:37.086
Bollocks to him

00:30:48.674 --> 00:30:52.945
Come on. You don't drink your fatty drinks,
you'll never really achieve quality cellulite

00:30:54.647 --> 00:30:56.479
Haircut suits you by the way.
No, it does. It does, no gag

00:30:56.583 --> 00:31:02.583
Never make a joke about women's hair,
clothes or menstrual cycles, page one

00:31:02.689 --> 00:31:05.488
Look, James,
maybe I shouldn't be here

00:31:05.592 --> 00:31:08.392
I'm sorry, I'm not being fair

00:31:09.963 --> 00:31:14.903
You know, under normal... circumstances,
et cetera... you're really nice... and funny

00:31:15.002 --> 00:31:18.404
My friend Anna thinks you're cute

00:31:18.506 --> 00:31:20.099
Wait, hold, hold

00:31:20.210 --> 00:31:23.645
Your friend Anna thinks I'm cute?
Your friend Anna thinks I'm cute?!

00:31:24.680 --> 00:31:27.378
Shit, I just blew, wait...

00:31:28.315 --> 00:31:30.581
Two eighty-five,
two eighty-five on the wrong girl

00:31:32.352 --> 00:31:33.651
Helen, listen...

00:31:34.089 --> 00:31:37.151
sometimes we are plonked into people's lives
when they just need to be cheered up and reassured

00:31:37.258 --> 00:31:42.758
...and it turns out that
for some reason it's your job

00:31:42.866 --> 00:31:44.528
We don't know why.
In your case it's my job

00:31:44.634 --> 00:31:47.297
But I'll be honest...

00:31:48.504 --> 00:31:52.772
the fact that I find you... moderately attractive
just makes the job easier on my part

00:31:53.609 --> 00:31:57.674
My intentions are completely honourable
I have no desire to overstep the mark, seriously

00:31:59.582 --> 00:32:01.643
D'you prefer diamonds or sapphires?

00:32:01.752 --> 00:32:03.013
Sorry, nothing

00:32:03.118 --> 00:32:04.883
'Moderately attractive'?

00:32:04.989 --> 00:32:07.753
Uh-huh, I knew you were listening

00:32:07.858 --> 00:32:11.489
Well, you know, lose the sad eyes,
the droopy mouth, I could get you an upgrade

00:32:13.497 --> 00:32:16.229
So... having firml y established
the ground rules...

00:32:16.333 --> 00:32:18.167
...what are you doing
two weeks on Saturday?

00:32:18.337 --> 00:32:19.494
Probably killing myself

00:32:19.603 --> 00:32:21.663
Excellent.
What time does that finish?

00:32:21.772 --> 00:32:23.206
Do you like boats?

00:32:26.276 --> 00:32:28.405
D'you know we haven't done that
for two months

00:32:28.511 --> 00:32:30.448
Don't be daft

00:32:30.550 --> 00:32:33.385
Two months... Almost to the day

00:32:34.218 --> 00:32:37.212
Almost to the day? Listen to you
what are we, a survey?

00:32:38.822 --> 00:32:40.019
Gerry...

00:32:40.792 --> 00:32:44.662
...how did one of my Waterford crystal
brandy glasses get into the laundry basket?

00:32:45.766 --> 00:32:46.595
To the where?

00:32:46.700 --> 00:32:48.030
The laundry basket

00:32:49.534 --> 00:32:53.064
I don't know. Can I answer
questions on 70s pop music?

00:32:53.172 --> 00:32:56.768
Last week, when I got the sack
and I came back, am I going mad?

00:32:56.876 --> 00:33:00.439
But there was a bottle of brandy and two
glasses on the dressing table, wasn't there?

00:33:01.447 --> 00:33:03.211
I don't know.
I mean, I couldn't really say

00:33:03.317 --> 00:33:04.875
Well, there were, I'm sure

00:33:04.985 --> 00:33:07.715
Oh, hang on, no, wait a minute.
No, I, no, I could say

00:33:07.821 --> 00:33:10.756
There was a bottle and one glass
because if you...

00:33:10.856 --> 00:33:13.121
No, I'm certain there
were two glasses, Gerry

00:33:13.226 --> 00:33:17.165
Helen, I'm... not sure I like
where this conversation is going

00:33:17.264 --> 00:33:21.602
I, I told you, I couldn't sleep
so I got up in the night...

00:33:21.703 --> 00:33:23.136
to get a drink to
knock myself out It was still there

00:33:23.238 --> 00:33:24.170
in the afternoon when you got home

00:33:24.272 --> 00:33:27.141
I mean you had also, that day if,
if you remember had taken a blow

00:33:27.241 --> 00:33:29.142
to the, the, the, the head

00:33:30.445 --> 00:33:31.641
We'd just had a party

00:33:31.747 --> 00:33:35.114
Maybe one of y our mad friends
like Anna threw it there

00:33:36.217 --> 00:33:37.344
I mean, Jesus

00:33:38.455 --> 00:33:41.856
Let's, let's spoil the moment
properly, shall we?

00:33:41.957 --> 00:33:43.084
What are you trying to say?

00:33:43.193 --> 00:33:45.684
Am I shagging a brandy drinker? Yes

00:33:45.793 --> 00:33:49.492
Gerry, ease up, will you,
for Christ's sake. I'm only asking

00:33:50.033 --> 00:33:53.937
Oh, no, women never ask.
No, they don't ask, they insinuate

00:33:54.038 --> 00:33:57.700
And you are insinuating, not very subtly,
may I add, that I am...

00:34:02.378 --> 00:34:03.277
Thanks

00:34:04.313 --> 00:34:07.750
No, no, no. No, no, no, no,
thank you, thanks

00:34:09.319 --> 00:34:11.653
I mean... I mean thank you...
thank you

00:34:12.790 --> 00:34:15.520
I mean this, you know, this,
this is the... this is the right time,

00:34:15.625 --> 00:34:18.061
isn't it, to address our,
our relationship, isn't it?

00:34:18.162 --> 00:34:21.327
I mean, it's, it's, it's perfect.
Perfect moment

00:34:21.432 --> 00:34:24.596
Gerry, for God's sakes,
I asked a simple question

00:34:24.701 --> 00:34:26.534
There's no need to
become Woody Allen

00:34:39.184 --> 00:34:42.177
Thanks, James. I'm sorry
if you had a lousy time

00:34:42.285 --> 00:34:43.346
Are you kidding?

00:34:43.454 --> 00:34:45.947
In my book getting to drink
two chocolate milkshakes

00:34:46.059 --> 00:34:47.924
in the one sitting represents
social splendour

00:34:48.025 --> 00:34:49.790
It's one of the perks
of being shallow

00:34:50.663 --> 00:34:52.598
Take care, Helen. You'll be fine

00:35:09.751 --> 00:35:11.047
Thank you very much

00:35:20.059 --> 00:35:23.930
It's amazing how you can actually learn
to despise inanimate objects...

00:35:24.029 --> 00:35:25.727
...like tin openers
that don't open tins...

00:35:25.834 --> 00:35:28.166
...egg mayonnaise and skipjack tuna

00:35:28.935 --> 00:35:29.700
Are you going out?

00:35:30.505 --> 00:35:32.030
Yeah. I was just writing you a note

00:35:32.140 --> 00:35:34.132
I'm off to the library.
I have some stuff to read up on

00:35:35.110 --> 00:35:35.805
Okay

00:35:36.644 --> 00:35:38.772
Yeah, well... I won't be
more than a couple of hours

00:35:40.848 --> 00:35:42.373
Would you rather I didn't go?

00:35:42.484 --> 00:35:44.349
Oh no, no, of course not. Go

00:35:46.055 --> 00:35:47.181
Okay, bye

00:36:36.807 --> 00:36:39.210
Lydia, what are you talking about?
She followed me

00:36:39.310 --> 00:36:41.540
I said I was going
to the library...

00:36:41.645 --> 00:36:44.377
...so I've come to the library,
for God's sake!

00:36:46.417 --> 00:36:48.613
Of course I can't come now,
I mean what if she's still lurking

00:36:48.719 --> 00:36:50.621
or waiting round the corner
or something?

00:36:52.524 --> 00:36:53.752
Lydia, I don't know
why she followed me.

00:36:53.858 --> 00:36:55.087
I'm not a sleuth! I have taken
two hours off work, Gerry...

00:36:55.728 --> 00:36:58.594
Oh, look, look, please. No, okay,
please don't get hysterical

00:36:58.696 --> 00:37:01.064
Don't get hysterical.
Look, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry

00:37:01.333 --> 00:37:03.928
I've booked a hotel in Dorset.
Are we still going?

00:37:04.036 --> 00:37:07.269
Do you wanna cancel it? I mean,
is, is she gonna follow us there?

00:37:07.372 --> 00:37:09.171
Do you wanna end this Gerry
because I am...

00:37:09.276 --> 00:37:11.870
Yes, I, I, I mean no. I, I mean,
no, I, I don't want

00:37:11.977 --> 00:37:15.505
Of course we're still going.
I don't... don't, don't...

00:37:16.817 --> 00:37:18.511
Don't, don't, don't, don't what?

00:37:19.085 --> 00:37:20.451
I don't know

00:37:20.554 --> 00:37:24.356
Look... we're going to dorset, okay.
We're going to have a great time... and, er

00:37:26.427 --> 00:37:27.655
...I'll talk to you tomorrow

00:37:36.805 --> 00:37:41.003
Right, that's the lot.
You don't live there anymore

00:37:41.777 --> 00:37:43.267
Thanks for going again, Anna

00:37:44.844 --> 00:37:46.871
Any evidence of 'her'?

00:37:46.981 --> 00:37:48.348
Nothing that stood out

00:37:52.655 --> 00:37:53.519
Hello?

00:37:54.389 --> 00:37:55.980
Hi, it's James. Is Helen there?

00:37:56.090 --> 00:37:57.321
Helen

00:37:59.261 --> 00:38:00.286
It's James

00:38:05.166 --> 00:38:06.758
Hello?

00:38:07.938 --> 00:38:11.500
Yes, 'tonight' tonight, you know the tonight
that comes immediately after today

00:38:12.308 --> 00:38:14.710
He wants to go out tonight

00:38:14.810 --> 00:38:16.403
Go

00:38:16.513 --> 00:38:18.208
Please come, it'll be a laugh

00:38:18.314 --> 00:38:20.909
Um... okay

00:38:21.617 --> 00:38:23.745
See you

00:38:26.658 --> 00:38:27.283
Okay?

00:38:27.391 --> 00:38:29.484
She doesn't wanna leave here

00:38:30.527 --> 00:38:31.494
I know

00:38:31.694 --> 00:38:34.996
She's really frail, James.
Do you want me to postpone my trip?

00:38:35.098 --> 00:38:36.621
There's another course later
in the year

00:38:36.732 --> 00:38:38.725
It's only a couple of weeks.
You should go

00:38:38.835 --> 00:38:40.234
Are you sure?
It's not that important

00:38:40.338 --> 00:38:43.035
It is important. I want you to go

00:38:43.141 --> 00:38:44.199
Okay

00:38:45.143 --> 00:38:47.305
It's going to be hard to
leave this place, James, but...

00:38:47.411 --> 00:38:49.746
But you've still
got the London flat

00:38:50.515 --> 00:38:53.712
You'll be nearer the hospital and you
can get much better crack in twon

00:38:56.588 --> 00:38:58.454
Hey, you know
what the Monty Python boys say...

00:38:58.557 --> 00:39:01.926
"Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition", I know

00:39:02.727 --> 00:39:03.625
Exactly

00:39:03.728 --> 00:39:05.163
...sorry, let me just...

00:39:06.366 --> 00:39:08.301
...Lydia's becoming
more and more demanding...

00:39:08.401 --> 00:39:10.231
and you, you feel bad because
Helen's working night and

00:39:10.336 --> 00:39:12.238
day to keep the money coming in

00:39:12.738 --> 00:39:15.731
But you've asked Helen to come on
a research trip to Dorset with you...

00:39:16.508 --> 00:39:20.970
knowing that she wouldn't be
able to... to cover up the fact...

00:39:21.549 --> 00:39:23.447
that you're really taking Lydia
And, and despite the fact that...

00:39:23.548 --> 00:39:26.485
Lydia gave you an 'out' on
the phone, which you didn't take...

00:39:26.585 --> 00:39:28.052
...you are having a moral dilemma

00:39:28.655 --> 00:39:31.318
Gerry... you are
a morality free zone

00:39:31.425 --> 00:39:33.893
If I had no morals,
would I be discussing it?

00:39:34.961 --> 00:39:37.932
Whose idea was this trip...
yours or Lydia's?

00:39:40.601 --> 00:39:42.331
You wanna get out
of this Lydia thing

00:39:42.436 --> 00:39:44.132
I foresee problems

00:39:44.538 --> 00:39:47.440
And I wouldn't mind betting you're talking
to yourself in the mirror again

00:39:49.409 --> 00:39:50.742
Very bad sign

00:39:50.845 --> 00:39:53.407
You've no compassion... None

00:39:53.513 --> 00:39:56.347
Why do I bother confiding in you?

00:39:56.449 --> 00:39:59.385
I'm your mate. I'm here to help you

00:40:04.861 --> 00:40:06.329
I'm here to help you

00:40:11.634 --> 00:40:13.864
Nobody expects
the Spanish Inquisition!

00:40:13.970 --> 00:40:16.303
Our chief weapon is surprise

00:40:16.406 --> 00:40:16.805
Surprise and fear.
Fear and surprise

00:40:16.906 --> 00:40:20.276
Our two, two chief weapons
are surprise and fear

00:40:20.377 --> 00:40:21.969
And a ruthless efficiency.
Our three...

00:40:22.077 --> 00:40:25.104
...three main weapons are fear,
surprise and a ruthless efficiency

00:40:25.748 --> 00:40:27.081
I'll come in again

00:40:30.755 --> 00:40:31.846
Here we go

00:40:34.425 --> 00:40:35.892
Pass me your plate

00:40:35.993 --> 00:40:37.985
How do you do, Nigel?
Very nice to meet you

00:40:40.697 --> 00:40:42.633
You all right?

00:40:47.438 --> 00:40:49.270
I am deadly serious

00:40:49.373 --> 00:40:51.707
Oh, just set up my own PR company?

00:40:51.810 --> 00:40:53.335
Yeah, well, why not?

00:40:53.446 --> 00:40:56.280
You've got the experience...
the know-how, the contacts

00:40:57.082 --> 00:40:58.845
You want to spend the rest of
your life working for other people?

00:40:59.615 --> 00:41:01.642
Hey, what's the worst
that could possibly happen?

00:41:02.222 --> 00:41:05.521
Um, I could fail miserably
and look like a complete tosser

00:41:05.623 --> 00:41:07.718
Exactly, so what is there
to worry about?

00:41:16.101 --> 00:41:17.967
I had a really nice time, James

00:41:18.070 --> 00:41:21.199
Did you? Oh, shit. Sorry,
that's against the rules, isn't it?

00:41:21.306 --> 00:41:24.175
Yes, it is, so just bear that
in mind in the future, would you?

00:41:24.277 --> 00:41:26.404
I'm getting over a major break-up

00:41:26.512 --> 00:41:28.880
Yeah, sorry... Won't happen again

00:41:36.090 --> 00:41:37.215
Goodnight, Helen

00:41:41.761 --> 00:41:44.231
Hey... you know everything happens
for the best

00:41:44.331 --> 00:41:46.493
You'll never know if you don't try

00:41:46.601 --> 00:41:49.798
Wear something warm on Saturday...
Can get cold on the river

00:41:50.606 --> 00:41:51.664
Take care

00:42:09.825 --> 00:42:12.055
So, what other ideas has James
run by you?

00:42:12.660 --> 00:42:15.861
Anna, don't do that. Don't do
'desperate mother' acting with me

00:42:15.966 --> 00:42:18.297
He's a friend. Okay? A friend

00:42:22.870 --> 00:42:24.704
not remotely in him
No

00:42:25.475 --> 00:42:28.377
So how come last night was the first night
since you've been here... you didn't ask

00:42:28.476 --> 00:42:30.412
if anyone had called
the second you walked in the door?

00:43:16.963 --> 00:43:18.864
You're sorry?

00:43:18.965 --> 00:43:22.767
You're sorry that four of the staff
here have been cut down... with food poisoning

00:43:22.868 --> 00:43:24.896
after eating your sandwiches?

00:43:25.604 --> 00:43:27.073
And before you speak, yes...

00:43:27.172 --> 00:43:30.736
...they all had the same sandwiches
and the same symptoms at the same time

00:43:31.776 --> 00:43:33.802
Are you trained
in the catering trade, may I ask?

00:43:34.647 --> 00:43:36.548
No, actually I worked in PR
but I...

00:43:36.649 --> 00:43:40.313
Well, you're not doing a particularly good
PR job this morning, are you?

00:43:40.621 --> 00:43:44.490
Luckily for you I've convinced my
colleagues not to take the matter any further

00:43:44.590 --> 00:43:46.423
This time

00:43:46.525 --> 00:43:49.155
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have five people's work to do

00:43:51.565 --> 00:43:52.624
Sorry?

00:43:52.732 --> 00:43:55.566
Helen has been delivering
sandwiches to your office?

00:43:55.669 --> 00:43:58.334
Yes... And today I had reason
to summon her

00:43:59.340 --> 00:44:01.242
Well I made up a reason,
to be brutally honest

00:44:02.409 --> 00:44:05.642
She's quite pretty in a British
horsey sort of way, isn't she?

00:44:06.880 --> 00:44:08.348
Lydia... what are you playing at?

00:44:08.449 --> 00:44:11.010
Have you gone raving mad?
She's not bloody stupid, you know

00:44:11.118 --> 00:44:16.118
I wanted to see what the woman
you ditched me for is like

00:44:16.690 --> 00:44:19.786
Now, now, now, now wait a sec.
Now I did not ditch you for...

00:44:19.894 --> 00:44:21.226
I mean, you went back
to America for...

00:44:21.329 --> 00:44:25.462
I wanted to see what this girl you seem
to have no intention of leaving...

00:44:25.567 --> 00:44:30.006
despite the occasional pre-orgasmic
suggestion that you are...

00:44:30.106 --> 00:44:32.438
...has that is so unleavable

00:44:32.541 --> 00:44:35.670
And I have to say that I ended our
brief meeting at a bit of a loss

00:44:36.212 --> 00:44:38.236
Now, Lydia, don't talk like this.
Now it sounds ugly

00:44:38.348 --> 00:44:42.046
Now I've told you before,
I cannot leave Helen for... for...

00:44:43.987 --> 00:44:44.955
you know

00:44:45.054 --> 00:44:46.079
For me?

00:44:48.892 --> 00:44:50.985
Is that what
you're trying say?

00:44:51.759 --> 00:44:54.356
You can't leave her for me?

00:44:55.266 --> 00:44:57.258
Well, you haven't said
you wanted that, have you?

00:44:57.367 --> 00:44:59.428
Gerry, I'm a woman

00:44:59.536 --> 00:45:01.836
We don't say what we want.

00:45:01.939 --> 00:45:04.875
But we reserve the right to
be pissed off if we don't get it

00:45:04.976 --> 00:45:07.675
That's what makes us so fascinating

00:45:07.777 --> 00:45:09.540
And not a little bit scary

00:45:12.051 --> 00:45:13.142
Hello?

00:45:13.252 --> 00:45:16.118
Ah, Gerald Flannigan, at last

00:45:16.220 --> 00:45:18.553
This is your kindly
Uncle Russell here

00:45:19.757 --> 00:45:20.588
Listen...

00:45:20.692 --> 00:45:24.152
...wherever you were tonight as if
we need to ask, you weren't with me

00:45:24.262 --> 00:45:26.025
Helen called here looking for you

00:45:26.131 --> 00:45:27.291
Okay

00:45:27.398 --> 00:45:28.196
Yeah, all right

00:45:28.301 --> 00:45:29.598
Okay, thanks, mate. Bye

00:45:31.069 --> 00:45:33.936
Oh, thank God, I was so worried.
Where have you been?

00:45:34.808 --> 00:45:37.901
I went to Anna's.
I needed to see a friendly face

00:45:39.212 --> 00:45:40.907
I've had a horrible day

00:45:41.014 --> 00:45:44.415
I met Cruella de Ville's
less nice sister this morning...

00:45:44.517 --> 00:45:46.179
...she completely deflated me

00:45:46.286 --> 00:45:47.981
I know

00:45:48.087 --> 00:45:50.079
How do you know?

00:45:50.189 --> 00:45:53.718
Oh, no, I mean I can tell.
Jesus, you look terrible

00:45:59.966 --> 00:46:02.527
Where were you earlier?
I really needed to talk to you

00:46:03.537 --> 00:46:07.704
Oh, I had some stuff to read up on
so I went to the library

00:46:08.442 --> 00:46:10.741
God, you're always at the library

00:46:12.147 --> 00:46:14.171
I'm sich of waiting on tables

00:46:14.582 --> 00:46:17.483
I know when you finish the book
we'll be millionaires but...

00:46:19.288 --> 00:46:21.017
...when are you going to finish it?

00:46:22.856 --> 00:46:24.348
I'm going to finish it
very soon, Helen

00:46:26.528 --> 00:46:27.826
Very soon

00:46:30.833 --> 00:46:34.030
Helen, there's something
I want to tell you

00:46:35.403 --> 00:46:37.168
I need to tell you

00:46:38.441 --> 00:46:43.814
Er... it's a little bit to do
with the... brandy glass and, er...

00:46:43.914 --> 00:46:46.678
...a little bit to do with
that woman... you met today

00:46:47.884 --> 00:46:51.821
Only... please let me finish
before you say anything

00:46:53.389 --> 00:46:54.619
Okay?

00:46:58.962 --> 00:47:00.055
Helen?

00:47:04.202 --> 00:47:05.361
Bollocks

00:47:06.071 --> 00:47:08.595
Come on, James!

00:47:10.842 --> 00:47:12.606
Come on, come on!

00:47:14.711 --> 00:47:17.147
Come on, come on!

00:47:37.236 --> 00:47:38.567
That's really weird

00:47:38.669 --> 00:47:41.265
I knew there'd be a boat race going
by with purple and white shirts

00:47:42.674 --> 00:47:44.074
Sorry?

00:47:44.178 --> 00:47:46.408
Why hasn't he asked you to
go with him to Dorset?

00:47:46.513 --> 00:47:48.539
He has... I've got to work

00:47:48.648 --> 00:47:51.619
Anyway it'll be good for him
to get away. We need a bit of space

00:47:53.986 --> 00:47:55.978
Anna, can I ask you
a daft question?

00:47:56.556 --> 00:47:59.856
Did you drop a glass
in the laundry basket at our party?

00:48:00.793 --> 00:48:03.457
Sounds like a ridiculous thing
to do. It was almost certainly me

00:48:05.498 --> 00:48:06.523
Are you okay?

00:48:06.634 --> 00:48:08.124
Just going quietly mad

00:48:08.235 --> 00:48:09.462
Thank God for that. I was worried

00:48:12.505 --> 00:48:14.737
Faster

00:48:20.681 --> 00:48:22.673
And to my left...

00:48:22.784 --> 00:48:24.776
And to my right...

00:48:24.884 --> 00:48:27.048
And with my left...

00:48:27.154 --> 00:48:28.783
And with my right...

00:48:29.557 --> 00:48:32.356
And with the 'head'...

00:48:34.028 --> 00:48:39.767
Father Abraham 'head'
had seven sons, head', '،head'

00:48:39.868 --> 00:48:43.705
Seven sons had
Father Abraham 'head'

00:48:45.707 --> 00:48:47.676
Are you sure
it's just writer's block?

00:48:48.678 --> 00:48:50.110
I mean, you seem so distant

00:48:52.281 --> 00:48:55.481
I'm here, Gerry, if you need
to talk to me about anything

00:48:56.186 --> 00:48:57.414
Hey, that's Helen in there

00:49:01.724 --> 00:49:03.057
Look, she's got blonde hair

00:49:04.428 --> 00:49:07.990
There's loads of them... having some
kind of sponsored epileptic fit

00:49:12.636 --> 00:49:13.762
Lydia

00:49:14.805 --> 00:49:17.402
Maybe it isn't writer's block
at all, Gerry

00:49:18.507 --> 00:49:20.534
Maybe it's Helen block

00:49:21.479 --> 00:49:27.512
I don't want to hear about Helen.
I don't care about Helen

00:49:30.855 --> 00:49:35.227
The trouble is...
you do quite clearly

00:49:37.963 --> 00:49:40.124
I just thought of
a great finish for your book!

00:49:41.864 --> 00:49:43.801
The End!

00:49:57.953 --> 00:49:59.782
Yes, you are, Clive

00:49:59.886 --> 00:50:02.550
He's opening his first restaurant
in six days...

00:50:02.656 --> 00:50:04.955
...and he's completely disorganised

00:50:05.058 --> 00:50:09.556
Well, you know at my old company we had 'wars '
getting Pierre Claude's restaurant open

00:50:09.663 --> 00:50:11.824
You did Pierre Claude?

00:50:12.698 --> 00:50:16.261
Mmm
Er, he's my hero. You did his launch?

00:50:17.003 --> 00:50:19.734
Well I heard that was a really
classy do. People went on about it

00:50:21.040 --> 00:50:22.669
I mean, six days is...

00:50:24.244 --> 00:50:26.214
...could I come down
and take a look?

00:50:26.314 --> 00:50:28.612
I can't promise anything stupendous

00:50:28.714 --> 00:50:32.120
Sure, yeah. Yeah, no problem...
You're kidding?

00:50:32.653 --> 00:50:33.882
Yeah, come down

00:50:33.989 --> 00:50:36.481
Pierre Claude? Oh, wow!

00:50:40.962 --> 00:50:44.399
You're very thoughtful, James.
You give out an incredible amount

00:50:45.166 --> 00:50:48.730
Oh, you're the same.
You encouraged me today

00:50:48.837 --> 00:50:50.964
I saw you jumping up
and down like a mad thing

00:50:52.207 --> 00:50:53.540
Spurred me on

00:50:56.777 --> 00:51:00.147
I love this bridge. My great
grandfather helped to build it

00:51:02.150 --> 00:51:05.849
I often come and... stand on it
when I want to, um...

00:51:07.457 --> 00:51:09.153
Build a bridge?

00:51:09.993 --> 00:51:11.393
I'm sorry

00:51:20.037 --> 00:51:21.232
Oh God, James, don't

00:51:22.907 --> 00:51:24.807
Oh... I'm sorry. I, I...

00:51:25.542 --> 00:51:30.310
...I know this is an ideal sort
of kissing moment...

00:51:30.413 --> 00:51:33.511
...you know, night, moon, boat,
water lapping...

00:51:34.086 --> 00:51:37.147
...you know, it's, um... i
t's perfect and I'm...

00:51:37.254 --> 00:51:40.590
...I'm not feeling that
it would be nice...

00:51:40.693 --> 00:51:43.322
...but I don't really know anything
about you and I'm...

00:51:44.697 --> 00:51:46.823
...I'm still on the rebound

00:51:46.931 --> 00:51:49.662
Oh God, I hate that word but I am

00:51:49.768 --> 00:51:51.932
Ah, who isn't? Everyone is

00:51:52.038 --> 00:51:55.166
I'm on the rebound myself...
in a way...

00:51:57.609 --> 00:51:59.771
So, who are you
on the rebound from?

00:52:01.114 --> 00:52:03.105
A girl called Pamela

00:52:03.216 --> 00:52:06.117
My whole life pivots around.
Pam and I breaking up

00:52:06.219 --> 00:52:07.346
When was that?

00:52:07.454 --> 00:52:09.479
1973, we were eight

00:52:10.890 --> 00:52:13.156
I bloody loved that woman

00:52:13.260 --> 00:52:17.129
No warning, just up gone...
left me for somebody else

00:52:17.799 --> 00:52:18.925
Who?

00:52:19.032 --> 00:52:21.227
Gary Glitter!
The cow

00:52:21.333 --> 00:52:24.931
Gary Glitter, for crying out loud!

00:52:25.672 --> 00:52:30.078
I mean all my friends were being left for
Donny Osmond or David Cassidy or...

00:52:30.179 --> 00:52:32.409
I could have come to
terms with that, given time

00:52:33.045 --> 00:52:36.211
But Gary. Oh she wanted
to 'touch him there, yeah'

00:52:37.153 --> 00:52:38.380
You know?

00:52:38.486 --> 00:52:40.683
Well, I went to pieces
as you can imagine

00:52:40.789 --> 00:52:43.225
And there was no 'junior Prozac'
to see me through so...

00:52:55.270 --> 00:52:57.203
So I, er, I, um...

00:52:57.305 --> 00:52:58.273
I kissed you

00:52:58.374 --> 00:53:00.466
Yeah, yeah, I spotted that too

00:53:00.576 --> 00:53:02.477
You weren't gonna do that

00:53:04.314 --> 00:53:08.046
Um, hmm... would you mind, um...
just putting that down to

00:53:08.149 --> 00:53:10.552
a momentary lapse of,
um, concentration?

00:53:11.186 --> 00:53:12.278
Is that what it was?

00:53:12.388 --> 00:53:13.753
No

00:53:13.856 --> 00:53:16.453
Y-yes, I don't... Oh, help

00:53:22.732 --> 00:53:26.795
I, I don't want to be a confusion
in your life, Helen. I don't truly

00:53:27.103 --> 00:53:30.700
But something's happened to me
since I've met you and...

00:53:31.609 --> 00:53:35.740
...that I wasn't expecting and...
and I don't really...

00:53:37.114 --> 00:53:39.549
...well, well wasn't expecting

00:53:40.085 --> 00:53:42.645
Repetition of expecting.
Must buy a thesaurus

00:53:42.753 --> 00:53:43.687
Anyway, I...

00:54:52.994 --> 00:54:55.521
You did remember to take a full page
ad in 'Adulterer's Weekly'? Jesus!

00:55:01.270 --> 00:55:02.965
Lydia, get in the car, will you?

00:55:03.071 --> 00:55:05.336
How many years have you been going
to paint that stain off?

00:56:31.164 --> 00:56:32.461
He didn't even pay the bill?
Of course not. What do you think?

00:56:32.564 --> 00:56:35.035
Um I'm, I'm just... Would you excuse me,
please? I've just remembered I, I'm...

00:56:39.507 --> 00:56:41.703
What do you mean you
want to see me?

00:56:41.809 --> 00:56:45.338
Jesus Christ, Gerry, what...
How did you get in?

00:56:45.446 --> 00:56:48.883
One of the waiters is,
is a, a friend of Russell's

00:56:48.981 --> 00:56:51.178
He got me a ticket.
It's a great do, Helen

00:56:51.285 --> 00:56:53.447
I, I hear your company's
really taken off...

00:56:53.554 --> 00:56:56.752
Gerry, you can't
just turn up like this

00:56:56.857 --> 00:56:58.486
This is a really important nights
for me

00:56:58.592 --> 00:57:00.184
Yes, I can, Helen

00:57:00.294 --> 00:57:04.393
I can 'just turn up'. It, it's the most
important 'just turn up' I've ever done

00:57:04.999 --> 00:57:06.694
Oh God. We, we can't talk in here

00:57:14.109 --> 00:57:17.376
We've been through too much just
to drop this. Haven't we? Surely

00:57:21.616 --> 00:57:22.708
Helen...

00:57:23.219 --> 00:57:24.813
...please, look at me

00:57:27.791 --> 00:57:28.850
I'm sorry

00:57:31.227 --> 00:57:32.787
Really sorry

00:57:34.162 --> 00:57:36.326
You're too good not to fight for.
The last...

00:57:36.433 --> 00:57:39.096
Oh God, Gerry,
don't talk about fight. I...

00:57:45.842 --> 00:57:47.778
Good looking bloke

00:57:48.547 --> 00:57:49.980
Are you seeing him?
Er...

00:57:50.081 --> 00:57:53.018
I, I'm sorry,
it's not my place to ask

00:57:55.621 --> 00:57:57.052
Is that him?

00:57:57.153 --> 00:57:58.555
Guess so

00:57:59.523 --> 00:58:00.890
Does she know about Claudia?

00:58:00.992 --> 00:58:01.982
No

00:58:02.827 --> 00:58:04.352
I really like her, Clive

00:58:05.264 --> 00:58:07.426
I'm confused.
I feel a bit lost suddenly

00:58:08.933 --> 00:58:11.530
Gerry, I really have to
go back inside

00:58:11.637 --> 00:58:13.128
Will you come and see me, Helen?

00:58:15.105 --> 00:58:18.977
Please, Helen, there's so much
more I want to say. I miss you

00:58:21.279 --> 00:58:23.011
Will you come and see me?

00:58:25.484 --> 00:58:26.712
Please, Helen

00:58:27.754 --> 00:58:28.515
I'll go.

00:58:31.058 --> 00:58:32.457
Thanks for listening. I...

00:58:33.626 --> 00:58:34.785
...I'm really proud of you

00:58:58.887 --> 00:59:00.684
Are you okay?

00:59:00.788 --> 00:59:03.520
Yes. Just a bit dizzy

00:59:03.625 --> 00:59:05.114
Too much champagne

00:59:17.171 --> 00:59:18.298
Oh, sorry

00:59:25.081 --> 00:59:26.778
Bye now

00:59:27.450 --> 00:59:29.681
Hey... It's official... I love you

00:59:31.255 --> 00:59:33.781
Thank you. You're...
you're a genius. I'm ecstatic

00:59:34.755 --> 00:59:36.384
Have you, er, have you seen James?

00:59:37.126 --> 00:59:40.723
Yeah. Yeah, he had to go...
early start. He apologised

01:00:00.684 --> 01:00:04.213
Business trip... Newcastle
or something. I didn't want to pry

01:00:04.956 --> 01:00:06.950
His secretary
wasn't very forthcoming

01:00:07.724 --> 01:00:08.851
D'you believe he's away?

01:00:08.959 --> 01:00:10.121
Don't know

01:00:10.228 --> 01:00:11.593
Or do you think
he's just avoiding you?

01:00:11.697 --> 01:00:12.357
I don't know

01:00:12.463 --> 01:00:13.395
Did you leave a message?

01:00:13.498 --> 01:00:14.123
No

01:00:14.232 --> 01:00:17.601
D'you think maybe you should have?
Did he actually see Gerry kiss you?

01:00:17.703 --> 01:00:18.863
I don't know

01:00:18.971 --> 01:00:21.303
D'you think he might be hoping you've called
and not known that you have?

01:00:21.407 --> 01:00:22.999
I mean... did you not check
if he has a mobile?

01:00:23.108 --> 01:00:25.599
Anna! Ease up, will you?
Bloody hell!

01:00:26.411 --> 01:00:29.211
They have less questions
than this on 'Jeopardy'

01:00:29.316 --> 01:00:32.809
I was nervous. I wanted to
get off the phone. I felt awkward

01:00:33.652 --> 01:00:36.417
Well, it's such a piddly little thing.
It's hardly worth him getting up tight about

01:00:36.521 --> 01:00:38.889
Oh, Gerry called by the way

01:00:39.426 --> 01:00:42.624
Terrific. That's just...

01:00:43.329 --> 01:00:45.891
Two months ago I want Gerry
to come round, James comes round

01:00:46.000 --> 01:00:48.228
Now I want James to call,
Gerry calls

01:00:59.011 --> 01:01:01.538
It was the weirdest dream.
You were there

01:01:02.215 --> 01:01:05.846
And you had a funny mask
over your face...

01:01:05.953 --> 01:01:09.789
...and you had something that you needed
to tell me but you couldn't say it

01:01:10.358 --> 01:01:13.761
Well that does it, I'm afraid. I'm, er,
taking away your class one drugs for a week

01:01:15.463 --> 01:01:20.095
Anyway... um... there's something
else I wanted to tell you

01:01:22.903 --> 01:01:24.804
I fainted at work the other night

01:01:25.440 --> 01:01:28.137
Oh, sweetheart. Are you okay?

01:01:28.243 --> 01:01:32.545
Yes, but I don't normally faint
so I, um...

01:01:34.816 --> 01:01:36.580
What was that?

01:01:37.186 --> 01:01:40.179
I don't know. The people next door are plainly
engaged in some bizarre sexual ritual

01:01:40.288 --> 01:01:43.455
I may pop in later
and introduce myself

01:01:44.493 --> 01:01:46.086
What were you saying?

01:01:46.194 --> 01:01:47.686
Anyway...

01:01:47.798 --> 01:01:51.064
...I don't normally faint
so I was a little curious...

01:01:56.941 --> 01:01:58.203
Oh shit...

01:01:58.676 --> 01:02:02.076
...I stubbed my foot
on the side of the shagging bath

01:02:02.779 --> 01:02:04.544
God, sounds horrific

01:02:04.648 --> 01:02:05.842
I know

01:02:06.983 --> 01:02:08.212
Ssshhh!
Anyway...

01:02:11.823 --> 01:02:13.619
Listen, there,
there's the landlady.

01:02:13.725 --> 01:02:14.749
She keeps coming up with these,
er... corned beef sandwiches

01:02:14.859 --> 01:02:18.125
Look I, I'll phone you back when, er,
world war twelve has stopped for tea. Okay

01:02:18.229 --> 01:02:19.630
Okay, bye

01:02:22.300 --> 01:02:25.064
So I did a test and it turns out
that I'm pregnant

01:02:27.505 --> 01:02:29.337
I just though you might
like to know

01:02:32.378 --> 01:02:35.280
Have you gone completely insane?

01:02:35.380 --> 01:02:36.541
What are you trying to do?

01:02:36.648 --> 01:02:39.551
What do you mean 'what am I trying
to do'? I think I've broke my toe

01:02:39.652 --> 01:02:44.318
Lydia, I'm on the pissing phone
to Helen, for goodness sake

01:02:45.391 --> 01:02:48.054
In case you've forgotten,
she doesn't know you're here

01:02:48.561 --> 01:02:51.759
She thinks I'm on a research
trip... along. Remember?

01:02:52.399 --> 01:02:53.696
I remeber

01:02:54.700 --> 01:02:57.068
Don't worry, I remeber.
It's pretty hard to forget

01:02:57.170 --> 01:02:59.105
So what are you trying to do? Huh?!

01:02:59.638 --> 01:03:03.805
Coming in here... screeching the
place down when I'm on the phone

01:03:05.010 --> 01:03:06.638
Don't you know, Gerry?

01:03:07.782 --> 01:03:10.582
Don't you know
what I am trying to do?!

01:03:11.953 --> 01:03:15.083
I am trying to
be your girlfriend, Gerry

01:03:15.789 --> 01:03:17.952
I am trying to win you back!

01:03:18.059 --> 01:03:23.019
It's fairly simple. I am standing
on the platform at Limbo Central...

01:03:23.130 --> 01:03:26.364
...with my heart and soul packed
in my suitcase...

01:03:26.468 --> 01:03:30.963
...waiting for the Gerry fucking
Express to roll in...

01:03:31.073 --> 01:03:34.773
...and tell me that my ticket
is still valid, that I may reboard the train

01:03:35.878 --> 01:03:41.843
Only the station announcer keeps coming on
and telling me that my train has been delayed

01:03:41.950 --> 01:03:47.288
...as the driver has suffered a major
panic attack in Indecision City!

01:03:47.390 --> 01:03:50.360
"We suggest you take the bus!"

01:03:50.926 --> 01:03:53.898
That's what I am trying to do,
you cripple!

01:04:02.138 --> 01:04:07.875
Except it's quite clear...

01:04:09.212 --> 01:04:11.909
...that that is
never going to happen

01:04:13.516 --> 01:04:14.950
Is it?

01:04:16.619 --> 01:04:18.350
No reply

01:04:20.257 --> 01:04:21.247
Perfect

01:04:22.661 --> 01:04:26.153
So I... I'm not waiting
any more, Gerry

01:04:27.531 --> 01:04:31.994
I am cashing my ticket in.
I am taking that bus

01:04:32.871 --> 01:04:34.168
Oh God...

01:04:34.673 --> 01:04:38.167
I tell all my friends
"never go back"

01:04:39.412 --> 01:04:41.312
Look at me, I must be crazy

01:04:42.547 --> 01:04:44.345
Don't phone me for a while

01:04:48.421 --> 01:04:52.052
Ow! Oh!
No... don't phone me at all!

01:04:52.158 --> 01:04:53.182
Ever!

01:04:54.594 --> 01:04:56.153
It's over!

01:04:57.564 --> 01:04:59.327
Again!

01:05:01.435 --> 01:05:04.404
I've done it, Russell.
I've bloody done it!

01:05:04.938 --> 01:05:06.929
EXcellent. Congratulations.
Done what?

01:05:07.040 --> 01:05:08.303
I've finished it

01:05:08.408 --> 01:05:10.809
Oh, the book... Oh well, great,
mate, that's great

01:05:11.377 --> 01:05:13.348
Not the book, not the book, Russell

01:05:13.447 --> 01:05:15.440
I'm a novelist, I'm never gonna
finish the book...

01:05:15.549 --> 01:05:17.381
The affair!

01:05:17.484 --> 01:05:19.420
The affair!
The sordid affair with Lydia

01:05:19.520 --> 01:05:21.489
I've blown her out... in Dorset

01:05:21.589 --> 01:05:23.921
I was decisive but fair

01:05:24.025 --> 01:05:25.549
I've just got back

01:05:25.659 --> 01:05:28.357
Oh God, I feel like
I've got out of jail

01:05:28.463 --> 01:05:32.422
No more deceit, no more I ying
to Helen. It was such a mistake

01:05:32.531 --> 01:05:35.561
"Never go back", Russell.
But it's over

01:05:35.869 --> 01:05:39.170
God, I can't tell you
it's such a good feeling

01:05:40.407 --> 01:05:43.846
Well, I'm, I'm very pleased.
How does she feel about it, Lydia?

01:05:44.580 --> 01:05:48.109
Well, you know, she's not jumping
through hoops obviously, I mean...

01:05:48.218 --> 01:05:51.585
...but, but it's the best thing by
far. By far and away the best thing

01:05:51.687 --> 01:05:53.987
I mean she, she knows that.
I mean, she will do when she...

01:05:55.090 --> 01:05:59.120
well, she was upsel I mean bit
farught, you know... obviously

01:05:59.228 --> 01:06:01.128
Oh God, oh God, oh God, I feel good

01:06:01.228 --> 01:06:04.463
I've got to go home. I wanna be home
before Helen comes back from work

01:06:09.004 --> 01:06:09.836
Er, no

01:06:10.975 --> 01:06:12.909
Because you never buy me flowers
when you're meant to...

01:06:13.008 --> 01:06:14.873
...let alone
when you're not meant to

01:06:14.979 --> 01:06:16.344
So, yes, I'm a little suspicious

01:06:16.446 --> 01:06:18.608
I want to know what else you've
been doing that you're not meant to

01:06:18.715 --> 01:06:20.115
Wait, hang on

01:06:20.217 --> 01:06:23.675
Let me get this straight
'cause this is just about brilliant

01:06:23.786 --> 01:06:25.916
I buy you flowers on a whim in a...

01:06:26.023 --> 01:06:30.827
in a, in a fit of, of,
of, um, of romance but...

01:06:31.395 --> 01:06:33.058
See... you couldn't
even think of the word

01:06:33.165 --> 01:06:36.191
But instead of being, of being grateful,
instead of being 'romanced'...

01:06:36.300 --> 01:06:41.569
...you're instantly convinced
that I'm ensconced in some decrepit tacky,

01:06:41.670 --> 01:06:44.303
underhand clandestine affair!

01:06:44.977 --> 01:06:46.307
In a nutshell

01:06:57.657 --> 01:06:58.850
Gerry?

01:07:02.161 --> 01:07:03.526
Are you back?

01:07:05.198 --> 01:07:07.190
I missed you so I came home early
to see you

01:07:07.800 --> 01:07:08.768
God

01:07:11.837 --> 01:07:13.135
What are they?

01:07:14.107 --> 01:07:15.598
Well they're flowers

01:07:16.409 --> 01:07:17.639
For you. Um...

01:07:19.011 --> 01:07:20.309
...d'you not like them?

01:07:21.881 --> 01:07:25.615
That image of her sitting
on top of you, oh God, I...

01:07:26.185 --> 01:07:28.211
...I, I really don't know
why I agreed to come

01:07:28.321 --> 01:07:31.021
Please stop, Gerry, don't, I,
I don't want you to touch me

01:07:31.625 --> 01:07:33.390
I'm, I'm sorry. Um, um, don't go

01:07:34.095 --> 01:07:37.793
Please try and...
put her out of your mind

01:07:38.966 --> 01:07:40.936
She's, she's out of mine

01:07:41.035 --> 01:07:43.094
It's finished... over

01:07:43.204 --> 01:07:45.229
I made a mistake. Such a big...
big mistake and I'm sorry

01:07:45.339 --> 01:07:47.435
I'm truly, truly sorry

01:07:50.345 --> 01:07:53.145
I mean this new bloke, this James
Hammerton that you're seeing...

01:07:53.249 --> 01:07:55.548
...does he not make mistakes?

01:07:55.650 --> 01:07:57.448
How do y ouknow his name?

01:07:57.552 --> 01:08:00.284
A mate of Russell's works
at the restaurant

01:08:00.389 --> 01:08:04.418
They're... mutual friends. I... I mean,
it's not especially important

01:08:04.527 --> 01:08:07.861
Well I don't want to talk about James Hammerton
or anyone else. I have to go

01:08:08.998 --> 01:08:10.590
Oh, by the, by the way I've, er...

01:08:12.436 --> 01:08:13.926
...I've stopped writing the book

01:08:16.572 --> 01:08:21.535
Helen... the truth is
I can't write without you

01:08:22.180 --> 01:08:23.941
I can't do anything without you

01:08:26.582 --> 01:08:28.415
I want you to
come back to me, Helen

01:08:31.521 --> 01:08:33.250
We were so good together

01:08:34.723 --> 01:08:36.750
Remeber, remember
how good we are together?

01:08:40.730 --> 01:08:42.427
Sorry... Just wait

01:08:46.303 --> 01:08:46.736
Yeah?

01:08:46.839 --> 01:08:49.740
I'm late, Gerry... Four days.
I'm never late

01:08:50.374 --> 01:08:53.275
Oh, Russell. Er, look, hi

01:08:53.377 --> 01:08:55.210
Er, look, mate. Look, er, can I ring you
back in a few minutes, yeah?

01:08:55.314 --> 01:08:58.045
Yeah... Yeah, okay. Okay.
Thanks, mate, cheers. Bye

01:08:59.051 --> 01:09:00.245
It's, er... Russell

01:09:01.919 --> 01:09:04.218
I'm, I'm dying for the loo

01:09:22.610 --> 01:09:26.638
Telephone number 01714443184

01:09:26.745 --> 01:09:28.806
To return the call press three

01:09:33.855 --> 01:09:36.222
Why are you pretending I'm Russell?
You know I hate that

01:09:36.791 --> 01:09:38.656
What's going on?

01:09:39.659 --> 01:09:41.993
Gerry, answer me. Who's there?

01:09:42.096 --> 01:09:44.565
It's Helen actually. We met once

01:09:44.664 --> 01:09:46.964
I interrupted you
faking your orgasm

01:09:47.068 --> 01:09:49.059
Sorry I can't be more specific

01:09:52.773 --> 01:09:54.365
You know what I was thinking?

01:09:55.608 --> 01:09:57.133
You're not going, are you?

01:09:57.578 --> 01:10:02.348
You wanker. You sad, sad wonker

01:10:04.520 --> 01:10:07.081
God, I feel like such a mug!

01:10:07.189 --> 01:10:09.590
The useless, no good...

01:10:09.692 --> 01:10:12.684
...shagging, horrible,
despicable, I ying...

01:10:12.795 --> 01:10:15.389
...two-faced pissing, shagging...

01:10:15.497 --> 01:10:16.193
You said shagging

01:10:20.972 --> 01:10:22.336
You know the worst bit?

01:10:23.473 --> 01:10:25.374
All I could think about was James

01:10:25.475 --> 01:10:28.740
I felt like I was being unfaithful
to James just by being there

01:10:29.881 --> 01:10:31.941
That sounds like the best bit.
And you were

01:10:32.049 --> 01:10:33.847
He didn't call, did he?

01:10:36.187 --> 01:10:37.778
That's nearly a week

01:10:39.690 --> 01:10:41.249
I think I've blown it.
I've blown it, haven't I?

01:10:42.659 --> 01:10:44.594
I blame British Telecom.
All this new technology

01:10:47.164 --> 01:10:50.431
This number if you want
to know who called...

01:10:50.535 --> 01:10:54.439
...another one if you don't
want them to know you called...

01:10:54.538 --> 01:10:58.031
...itemised bills, take away
the first number you thought of

01:10:58.142 --> 01:11:01.774
I mean they are single-handedly condemning
the average red-blooded Englishman...

01:11:01.879 --> 01:11:03.643
...to a life of terminal monogamy

01:11:03.748 --> 01:11:05.910
What are they after?
The Nobel Peace Prize?

01:11:06.717 --> 01:11:08.118
And Lydia might be pregnant

01:11:14.727 --> 01:11:17.755
Oh no more, please...
I can't take it

01:11:19.431 --> 01:11:21.400
Oh this is terrific stuff

01:11:21.835 --> 01:11:24.531
I must say, being with you makes
the wait for the next episode of

01:11:24.636 --> 01:11:26.799
'Seinfeld' much easier to bear

01:11:26.906 --> 01:11:29.535
I didn't reckon on things
turning out this way

01:11:29.643 --> 01:11:33.375
Everything's a cock up.
What's going on?

01:11:34.013 --> 01:11:36.950
Well... to use boxing parlance,
if I may... it's quite simple

01:11:37.717 --> 01:11:39.879
You've just lost

01:11:41.555 --> 01:11:43.455
Are you sure? You've been a bit...

01:11:44.190 --> 01:11:46.854
...I don't know, a bit distant
since I've got back

01:11:46.961 --> 01:11:48.429
I know

01:11:49.262 --> 01:11:50.560
Well, okay...
there are a couple of things.

01:11:50.664 --> 01:11:52.692
Which one do you want
to hear first?

01:11:53.401 --> 01:11:54.766
I don't mind

01:11:54.969 --> 01:11:58.739
Well the 'small'thing is that
I've got an interview for a job

01:11:58.841 --> 01:12:00.467
A PR job, a proper one

01:12:02.376 --> 01:12:04.539
International company
opening up in London

01:12:05.246 --> 01:12:09.581
Chairwoman herself called, said she
had heard a lot about me and...

01:12:09.684 --> 01:12:12.780
she's invited me to her apartment
tomorrow evening for a serious chat

01:12:14.624 --> 01:12:15.920
Jesus Christ!

01:12:17.926 --> 01:12:18.723
What?

01:12:18.827 --> 01:12:24.825
Jesus Christ, I mean that's... that's
not a small thing, that's... that's huge

01:12:24.934 --> 01:12:28.235
I mean it's... I mean it's... it's brilliant.
I mean that's the best

01:12:28.336 --> 01:12:29.965
Is the blind buggered again?

01:12:30.074 --> 01:12:31.769
No. Er... no

01:12:31.874 --> 01:12:33.343
Well, I...

01:12:41.452 --> 01:12:42.477
Are you all right?

01:12:42.585 --> 01:12:46.991
Yeah, no, I'm fine, darling.
My sweetheart, that's great, it's tremendous

01:12:47.090 --> 01:12:48.525
I'm thrilled. I'm so thrill...

01:12:49.493 --> 01:12:50.255
Hello?

01:12:50.360 --> 01:12:51.987
I really need to talk to you

01:12:53.331 --> 01:12:54.424
Hi, Russ. How are you?

01:12:54.533 --> 01:12:58.469
Come by my apartment tomorrow night
at eight. It's important

01:12:59.303 --> 01:13:02.762
Ah, really, mate. No, what a drag

01:13:02.874 --> 01:13:04.172
Oh no, yeah. Okay, yeah, sure.
Sure, sure, yeah

01:13:04.275 --> 01:13:06.438
Yeah, yeah, I'll help you

01:13:06.544 --> 01:13:08.011
Yeah, yeah, cheers, mate.
Cheers. Bye

01:13:09.080 --> 01:13:11.345
It's Russell's family
is descending unannounced

01:13:11.649 --> 01:13:13.641
Yeah, he wants me to, er,
go round tomorrow evening and,

01:13:13.752 --> 01:13:16.953
er... help him clear out,
er, his spare room

01:13:18.956 --> 01:13:20.619
Er, right. Okay. So...

01:13:26.265 --> 01:13:28.532
Sorry, what was the other thing
you wanted to tell me?

01:13:30.337 --> 01:13:32.169
Doesn't matter. It's not important

01:13:59.733 --> 01:14:01.258
Hammerton Enterprises

01:14:07.408 --> 01:14:08.774
Rachael, I'm going out to the shops

01:14:09.243 --> 01:14:10.939
Can I get you anything?
No thanks

01:14:12.615 --> 01:14:13.946
Are you okay?

01:14:14.049 --> 01:14:15.848
Yes

01:14:16.884 --> 01:14:19.080
Yes. Yes, I'm fine

01:14:19.689 --> 01:14:22.681
I just... you know, I go to
the shops, just I'll be, um...

01:14:58.729 --> 01:14:59.958
Sorry

01:15:02.899 --> 01:15:04.527
Hello!
Hi. Hi Hi

01:15:06.571 --> 01:15:07.935
How... how are you?

01:15:08.038 --> 01:15:10.165
I'm... I'm great

01:15:10.274 --> 01:15:11.743
Er, how are you?

01:15:11.844 --> 01:15:14.210
Sorry, you're great

01:15:18.518 --> 01:15:19.414
Business lunch?

01:15:19.517 --> 01:15:21.508
Yeah, just a chat, you know

01:15:22.287 --> 01:15:23.754
Well my office
is just round the corner

01:15:23.854 --> 01:15:28.258
I know. Um... I, I, I thought
you were away on business

01:15:28.359 --> 01:15:31.762
Yeah, I was. I just, I, um,
got back last night as a matter of, er

01:15:34.933 --> 01:15:37.734
Helen, look, please
don't think that I, that I...

01:15:38.471 --> 01:15:40.963
Ah... it's okay, I...
I haven't thought

01:15:41.074 --> 01:15:43.405
I mean I, I,
I didn't think that or not

01:15:43.975 --> 01:15:47.209
No, I mean... don't think
that I have not called you

01:15:47.312 --> 01:15:49.304
I haven't 'not' called you

01:15:49.415 --> 01:15:51.317
I mean, I don't... I don't mean
I haven't 'not' called you

01:15:51.419 --> 01:15:53.581
because that's a double negative...

01:15:53.686 --> 01:15:55.212
...so as to say
that I 'have' called you

01:15:55.322 --> 01:15:56.517
When did you call?

01:15:56.624 --> 01:15:58.419
Er, well I, I didn't

01:15:59.191 --> 01:16:04.257
But I... I didn't 'not' call you in the way
that you might think I didn't call you

01:16:04.364 --> 01:16:06.356
Oh dear

01:16:08.369 --> 01:16:10.861
I wanted to call you

01:16:10.971 --> 01:16:13.567
I even did that dial all but the
last number thing and then not, er...

01:16:15.109 --> 01:16:16.941
It's... ridiculous behaviour

01:16:17.045 --> 01:16:18.604
Totally

01:16:19.881 --> 01:16:23.113
You see, I... I thought you still had to
deal with, with your other, er...

01:16:24.353 --> 01:16:25.685
Gerry?!

01:16:25.788 --> 01:16:27.779
Well I don't know,
is that... yeah, if...

01:16:27.889 --> 01:16:30.017
And I thought it was best
if I allowed youto...

01:16:30.124 --> 01:16:32.559
Gerry is why you haven't called me?

01:16:32.694 --> 01:16:36.724
Well, after Clive's party I didn't
want to just presume that you'd, that we had

01:16:36.832 --> 01:16:40.065
You think I just go to bed with all successful
oarsmen that I come across?

01:16:42.739 --> 01:16:44.401
Sorry, nervous humour

01:16:45.341 --> 01:16:46.742
Well I hoped not

01:16:50.579 --> 01:16:51.979
Sorry, excuse me

01:16:53.551 --> 01:16:54.540
Hello?

01:16:56.886 --> 01:16:58.252
Oh, I see. I'll, um...

01:17:00.591 --> 01:17:03.219
...I'll come straight away.
Okay, thanks

01:17:04.527 --> 01:17:07.054
My... mum had to go into hospital

01:17:07.163 --> 01:17:09.724
She's had some tests done. The results
are through. I should, er, go

01:17:11.502 --> 01:17:13.162
Do you want me to come with you?

01:17:16.374 --> 01:17:18.433
Yeah, that's really nice of you

01:17:21.245 --> 01:17:22.213
Er... well maybe, um...

01:17:23.248 --> 01:17:25.842
I don't... she's quite frail
and I, and I don't know how she's gonna...

01:17:25.950 --> 01:17:27.249
It's okay

01:17:28.286 --> 01:17:29.719
but, um... thanks

01:17:33.224 --> 01:17:35.626
I'm, er, well some friends are
having dinner at Clive's tonight...

01:17:35.727 --> 01:17:39.095
...if you're, if you're not doing
anything, you want to come along

01:17:41.768 --> 01:17:43.134
Well some other time

01:17:43.236 --> 01:17:45.137
I'd love to if that's okay

01:17:46.306 --> 01:17:51.872
Yeah, yeah. Of course, crikey,
it's, it's, it's very, very okay, yeah

01:17:53.846 --> 01:17:57.248
But well, at the risk of sounding
old-fashioned, I'll pick you up at eight

01:17:57.350 --> 01:18:00.150
Is that a 'will' pick me up,
or a 'haven't, not, didn't, might'?

01:18:02.857 --> 01:18:05.690
Listen... don't worry
about your mum. She'll be okay

01:18:06.627 --> 01:18:08.619
Remember Monty Python

01:18:10.830 --> 01:18:12.298
Well I'll see you later

01:18:15.435 --> 01:18:16.733
Bye

01:18:28.583 --> 01:18:30.552
How are you?
Yeah, just... you know...

01:18:34.789 --> 01:18:36.622
Is Gerry excited
about being a daddy?

01:18:36.724 --> 01:18:38.556
I haven't told him yet

01:18:38.661 --> 01:18:41.893
Never seems to
be the right moment somehow

01:18:43.066 --> 01:18:45.295
Come on... let's celebrate
with a proper drink

01:18:46.136 --> 01:18:47.729
Bloody marvellous idea

01:18:49.572 --> 01:18:52.941
I really shouldn't in my condition
but I'm really going to

01:18:53.042 --> 01:18:54.477
What have you got?

01:18:55.444 --> 01:18:57.275
Um... brandy

01:18:57.379 --> 01:18:59.348
Oh, no, yuk. Makes me vomit

01:20:18.333 --> 01:20:19.767
Half day?

01:20:25.540 --> 01:20:27.202
James?!

01:20:29.912 --> 01:20:31.378
Since last night?

01:20:34.149 --> 01:20:35.548
Sorry

01:20:37.086 --> 01:20:38.347
You can't tell from one

01:20:39.321 --> 01:20:40.687
They can be inaccurate

01:20:41.591 --> 01:20:43.023
I bought three packets

01:20:43.625 --> 01:20:45.459
Two in a packet, that's six

01:20:46.194 --> 01:20:47.891
You can tell from six

01:20:49.630 --> 01:20:50.894
What are you gonna do?

01:20:58.039 --> 01:20:59.703
Is James Hammerton in?

01:20:59.809 --> 01:21:01.369
I'm afraid not

01:21:01.477 --> 01:21:03.139
Um, do you know when he's due back?

01:21:03.247 --> 01:21:06.581
I'm not sure. He's gone to visit his mother
in hospital with his wife

01:21:06.881 --> 01:21:08.943
Would you like to leave a message?

01:21:10.821 --> 01:21:12.255
What?

01:21:12.357 --> 01:21:14.416
Can I take a name and number?
Get him to call you

01:21:18.962 --> 01:21:20.258
Um... no, thank you

01:22:07.279 --> 01:22:08.871
There's something
I want you to know

01:22:11.384 --> 01:22:13.980
Anna doesn't drink Brandy, Gerry,
it makes her vomit

01:22:17.358 --> 01:22:19.485
and those glasses were
not used at the party

01:22:19.593 --> 01:22:21.857
They only come out for
special dinners, you know that

01:22:24.499 --> 01:22:27.059
Am I meant to immediately
get the reference here?

01:22:27.899 --> 01:22:29.768
Are you having an affair?

01:22:31.072 --> 01:22:33.064
Just tell me yes or no

01:22:36.912 --> 01:22:39.381
No, I'm not

01:22:48.824 --> 01:22:51.420
Helen, look into my eyes

01:22:52.259 --> 01:22:54.992
I am not having an affair

01:22:57.534 --> 01:22:58.761
I'm not

01:23:03.840 --> 01:23:06.469
Well, I shouldn't have brought this up now,
I've got to go to my interview

01:23:08.911 --> 01:23:10.345
We'll talk later

01:23:12.382 --> 01:23:14.543
Are you going to be here
when I get back?

01:23:14.650 --> 01:23:16.846
Yes. Of course

01:23:20.590 --> 01:23:22.457
Helen... listen

01:23:24.028 --> 01:23:25.620
Good luck, okay

01:23:35.839 --> 01:23:36.601
Hello

01:23:36.708 --> 01:23:38.733
Hi, Anna, is Helen there?

01:23:38.842 --> 01:23:40.605
You've got a damned nerve
phoning here

01:23:41.246 --> 01:23:42.679
What?

01:23:46.918 --> 01:23:50.116
Anna, please, just open the door.
I don't know what's going on

01:23:51.122 --> 01:23:52.350
You dono't know what's going on?

01:23:52.455 --> 01:23:56.362
I'll tell you then. She saw you, James,
at the hospital. With your wife

01:23:56.463 --> 01:23:58.259
You know, the one
with the wedding ring

01:23:58.363 --> 01:23:59.353
What is it with you bloody men?
We're not just here...

01:23:59.465 --> 01:24:01.695
Anna, let me see her. I can...
She's not here

01:24:01.801 --> 01:24:03.290
Where is she?

01:24:03.402 --> 01:24:04.768
What's it to you? I don't know

01:24:05.938 --> 01:24:07.736
Oh shit, shit. Bollocks

01:24:08.475 --> 01:24:10.102
Oh God. You idiot!

01:24:30.497 --> 01:24:31.987
Clive, you seen Helen?

01:24:32.098 --> 01:24:33.896
No. Why?

01:25:04.467 --> 01:25:05.627
Helen!

01:25:08.504 --> 01:25:09.699
Helen!

01:25:13.743 --> 01:25:16.679
Helen...
Helen, you've made a mistake

01:25:16.777 --> 01:25:18.974
Oh, I am such an idiot.
Helen, look at me

01:25:19.081 --> 01:25:20.050
Listen to me, please

01:25:20.150 --> 01:25:24.611
No, you listen!
I never want to see you again

01:25:25.455 --> 01:25:28.290
I have been throught enough
for one year

01:25:28.958 --> 01:25:32.555
I stupidly believed that here was
a man who was different from 'men '

01:25:32.663 --> 01:25:35.258
But it is clear
that I made a mistake

01:25:35.899 --> 01:25:39.667
Now please...
do me a favour and go away!

01:25:40.638 --> 01:25:43.436
I am married, Helen,
but I am separated

01:25:43.541 --> 01:25:45.874
Walk away if you want
but take this with you

01:25:45.976 --> 01:25:49.436
The woman you saw today was
the woman I married three years ago

01:25:49.547 --> 01:25:52.642
We separated six months ago
and soon we'll be divorced

01:25:54.419 --> 01:25:56.353
Nothing aggressive

01:25:56.453 --> 01:25:58.116
I didn't tell you before because...

01:25:59.757 --> 01:26:03.786
...I don't know why, I...
I have wanted to tell you so many times and

01:26:05.064 --> 01:26:08.295
...and now you've found out
another way I wish I had told y ou

01:26:10.235 --> 01:26:12.535
My mother is ill in hospital
as you know...

01:26:12.638 --> 01:26:16.236
...and Claudia agreed to keep up the
pretence that we were okay still for my mum

01:26:17.542 --> 01:26:20.775
As a favour.
She's a very decent woman

01:26:23.517 --> 01:26:25.212
Do you have a mum, Helen?

01:26:29.356 --> 01:26:30.652
Ten minutes, Lydia

01:26:30.756 --> 01:26:33.248
And don't ever turn up at
my kitchen window again like that

01:26:34.295 --> 01:26:36.855
It's over. You know?
You said it yourself

01:26:36.963 --> 01:26:39.262
I know. Sorry, I wasn't thinking

01:26:39.366 --> 01:26:41.062
I just want to show you something

01:26:49.577 --> 01:26:50.544
Oh, Helen...

01:26:51.546 --> 01:26:54.072
if we are not gonna be together then let's
make sure it's for the right reason

01:26:54.181 --> 01:26:56.948
And right now
there is no reason, none

01:26:57.052 --> 01:27:00.180
there is just confusion and
it can be erased in a split second

01:27:04.093 --> 01:27:05.458
Get that, would you?

01:27:20.344 --> 01:27:22.174
Of course, if you don't
want to keep it, darling...

01:27:23.077 --> 01:27:24.443
Who is it?

01:27:25.081 --> 01:27:27.607
Oh, hello again.
You're right on time

01:27:30.654 --> 01:27:32.486
Is this the truth, James?

01:27:44.834 --> 01:27:46.894
Permission to engage
the enemy, sir?

01:27:53.144 --> 01:27:55.707
Thing is, I can't take
the interview just now

01:27:55.813 --> 01:27:59.182
I'm discussing whether or not I'm
going to keep your boyfriend's baby

01:28:02.486 --> 01:28:03.613
James...

01:28:04.924 --> 01:28:06.653
...there's something
I have to tell you

01:28:07.293 --> 01:28:09.660
I'm so sorry you had to
hear it this way, Helen

01:28:13.197 --> 01:28:15.962
Er, I really should just phone
Anna and tell her I'm okay

01:28:18.937 --> 01:28:20.269
Helen

01:28:22.274 --> 01:28:23.742
I love you

01:28:24.043 --> 01:28:25.510
Helen, wait, please. Wait!

01:28:26.045 --> 01:28:27.034
Let me go!

01:28:27.145 --> 01:28:28.409
Helen!
Helen!

01:29:26.208 --> 01:29:28.700
James... are you her husband?

01:29:30.646 --> 01:29:32.877
Er... I will be.
We're, we're getting married

01:29:33.916 --> 01:29:35.510
If I could have a quick word?

01:29:37.788 --> 01:29:40.723
Helen has suffered major
internal injuries, James

01:29:42.059 --> 01:29:44.619
Helen has lost her baby,
I'm afraid, Gerry

01:29:45.997 --> 01:29:48.023
I'm afraid she's lost her baby

01:29:49.700 --> 01:29:51.429
You did know she was pregnant?

01:29:52.937 --> 01:29:54.496
Did you know she was pregnant?

01:29:58.976 --> 01:30:00.808
She will be okay though, won't she?

01:30:01.979 --> 01:30:04.278
She is, she is going to wake up,
isn't she, Doctor?

01:30:56.104 --> 01:30:59.666
Helen, for some reason
I know you can hear me

01:31:03.778 --> 01:31:06.679
I'm glad we got things
sorted out... tonight

01:31:22.463 --> 01:31:25.195
I'm glad you caught
the train that day

01:31:41.183 --> 01:31:43.515
I am going to make you so happy

01:31:47.557 --> 01:31:49.047
I promise

01:32:00.070 --> 01:32:01.263
Helen?

01:32:03.841 --> 01:32:05.399
Helen!

01:32:08.780 --> 01:32:10.247
Helen!

01:32:40.812 --> 01:32:42.338
Can you hear me?

01:32:44.116 --> 01:32:45.914
Can you hear me, Helen?

01:33:15.014 --> 01:33:16.779
I'm sorry I'm late
Ah, no problem

01:33:16.884 --> 01:33:19.981
I'm pleased to say your mother's showing
some signs of improvement this morning

01:33:20.089 --> 01:33:22.215
She's sitting up
and she's had a full breakfast

01:33:22.323 --> 01:33:23.586
That's great

01:33:44.746 --> 01:33:46.238
Helen, I swear...

01:33:52.789 --> 01:33:54.654
I'll do anything you want, Helen

01:33:56.160 --> 01:33:57.456
Will you?

01:33:59.930 --> 01:34:01.863
In that case,
I want you to stand up...

01:34:02.999 --> 01:34:04.697
...walk over to the door...

01:34:05.302 --> 01:34:07.533
...open it... walk through it...

01:34:08.439 --> 01:34:10.203
...then close it behind you

01:34:26.559 --> 01:34:27.719
Ta-ta, mum

01:34:34.665 --> 01:34:36.396
Call us if you have
any problems at all

01:34:36.501 --> 01:34:37.367
Thank you

01:34:37.468 --> 01:34:40.735
You're very fortunate, Helen.
You had a lucky escape

01:34:40.839 --> 01:34:42.705
Say that again

01:34:44.008 --> 01:34:44.908
Thank you

01:34:44.932 --> 01:35:04.932
Telegram Channel and Instagram Page
.:: @bollbolljan_com ::.

01:35:35.229 --> 01:35:36.697
Thank you

01:35:36.798 --> 01:35:39.791
Cheer up. You know
what the Monty Python boys say

01:35:39.900 --> 01:35:42.096
"Nobody expects
the spanish Inquisition"