WEBVTT 00:00:00.497 --> 00:00:20.497 ..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:00:54.521 --> 00:00:57.490 What's happening right now is important only in the context... 00:00:57.591 --> 00:00:59.752 of our continuing evolution as a species. 00:00:59.860 --> 00:01:03.159 Roger, all I'm saying is that I wish my sister would learn to read a subway map. 00:01:03.264 --> 00:01:05.424 By saying that, you disregard the primary importance... 00:01:05.499 --> 00:01:07.967 of utility in human relationships. 00:01:08.068 --> 00:01:11.231 Our ability... Men's ability to read maps... 00:01:11.338 --> 00:01:12.771 to navigate, makes us useful. 00:01:12.873 --> 00:01:15.740 You should discourage your sister from even looking at a map. 00:01:15.843 --> 00:01:20.007 Are you saying that we women have an inferior sense of direction? 00:01:20.781 --> 00:01:22.942 Which way is north, Joyce, without looking around? 00:01:23.050 --> 00:01:24.449 What? 00:01:24.551 --> 00:01:26.451 You heard me. Point north. Quick. North. 00:01:26.553 --> 00:01:27.850 Quick. North. 00:01:27.955 --> 00:01:29.422 North. North. 00:01:31.725 --> 00:01:33.955 - You're right. - Is he right? 00:01:34.061 --> 00:01:35.790 - He's right. - Very impressive. 00:01:35.896 --> 00:01:38.023 As she has throughout history... 00:01:38.132 --> 00:01:41.659 the female responds to the male who displays the most utility. 00:01:41.769 --> 00:01:44.636 By honing those skills which make me useful... 00:01:44.738 --> 00:01:48.003 I stave off my inevitable obsolescence. 00:01:48.108 --> 00:01:50.770 You stay home honing your ability to program a VCR? 00:01:50.878 --> 00:01:53.972 My VCR's been flashing 12:00 for three years. 00:01:55.316 --> 00:01:57.216 What else, Roger? 00:01:57.318 --> 00:02:01.220 Oh, driving a standard shift. Lifting heavy things. 00:02:01.322 --> 00:02:03.381 - Air guitar. - Yes, yes. 00:02:03.490 --> 00:02:05.321 Go ahead and chuckle, okay? 00:02:05.426 --> 00:02:08.725 But until women evolve the ability to move objects telepathically... 00:02:08.829 --> 00:02:10.296 And they will... 00:02:10.397 --> 00:02:12.524 Physical strength remains a primary utility. 00:02:12.633 --> 00:02:14.464 Here's to brute strength then. 00:02:16.570 --> 00:02:21.098 Roger, you're forgetting a very important male utility. 00:02:21.208 --> 00:02:22.470 What's that? Barbecuing? 00:02:25.646 --> 00:02:26.670 Sex. 00:02:26.780 --> 00:02:31.149 Yeah. I want a guy to do more than just program my VCR. 00:02:31.251 --> 00:02:35.187 Oh, I'll program your VCR, baby, like you never had it. 00:02:35.289 --> 00:02:37.553 It's a top-loader. You think you can handle that? 00:02:37.658 --> 00:02:40.149 Interestingly, a group of scientists in England... 00:02:40.260 --> 00:02:43.093 just announced their intention to fertilize an egg... 00:02:43.197 --> 00:02:45.165 without the use of sperm cells. 00:02:46.867 --> 00:02:48.164 I don't understand that. 00:02:48.268 --> 00:02:52.227 Every cell in the human body contains a copy of the genome pattern. 00:02:52.339 --> 00:02:55.331 The only reason sperm cells have all the fun is that up until now... 00:02:55.442 --> 00:02:57.342 they were the only ones with access. 00:02:57.444 --> 00:02:59.725 Within Christopher's lifetime, artifiicial insemination... 00:02:59.813 --> 00:03:03.271 will render sperm as useless as an assembly line worker in Detroit. 00:03:03.384 --> 00:03:06.717 Luckily, my accountant set up a golden parachute for my sperm years ago. 00:03:06.820 --> 00:03:09.015 In case they were downsized. 00:03:10.457 --> 00:03:13.949 Just so you know, Roger, you know that we women... 00:03:15.195 --> 00:03:17.720 make love because we like it. 00:03:17.831 --> 00:03:19.890 - Not just to procreate. - Yes. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.936 - But are men absolutely necessary? - I don't know that. 00:03:24.037 --> 00:03:25.937 Think of the structure of the female genitalia. 00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:28.701 Wait. Wait. Okay, got it. 00:03:29.910 --> 00:03:32.401 What is the most sensitive part of the vagina? 00:03:32.513 --> 00:03:36.313 - I can't believe we've gotten into this. - I think you know this, Donovan. 00:03:36.417 --> 00:03:40.376 It's the clitoris, fiirst discovered by Renaldus Columbus in 1559. 00:03:40.487 --> 00:03:41.818 He thought it was India. 00:03:43.891 --> 00:03:45.950 Oh, no! No! 00:03:46.059 --> 00:03:49.222 The crown of the clitoris contains 8,000 nerve fiibers. 00:03:49.329 --> 00:03:52.230 It's a far great concentration than in any part of the male body... 00:03:52.332 --> 00:03:53.560 even our fiingertips. 00:03:53.667 --> 00:03:56.761 It is the most effiicient, pleasure-delivery system... 00:03:56.870 --> 00:03:58.565 ever devised by nature. 00:03:58.672 --> 00:04:00.299 Now, ask yourself... 00:04:00.407 --> 00:04:03.570 why didn't the clitoris end up inside the vagina... 00:04:03.677 --> 00:04:06.168 so that intercourse would be naturally... 00:04:06.280 --> 00:04:08.976 compellingly, constantly pleasurable for a woman? 00:04:09.082 --> 00:04:11.277 - I know the answer. - Yes, Ms. Maynard. 00:04:11.385 --> 00:04:16.186 Because in primitive time, women died of childbirth. 00:04:16.290 --> 00:04:19.157 So for intercourse to be too pleasurable... 00:04:19.259 --> 00:04:21.853 wouldn't make sense from a Darwinian standpoint. 00:04:21.962 --> 00:04:24.931 - I'm impressed. - Absolutely right. 00:04:25.032 --> 00:04:28.126 - What does that tell us? - Evolution is looking out for us girls? 00:04:28.235 --> 00:04:29.998 - Exactly. - That for women... 00:04:30.103 --> 00:04:33.869 intercourse and sexual fulfiillment were never intended to intersect. 00:04:35.375 --> 00:04:37.536 New technology just makes it offiicial. 00:04:37.644 --> 00:04:42.513 Future generations of women will evolve clitorises... "clitori, clitorati"... 00:04:42.616 --> 00:04:43.878 "Clitorissimo." 00:04:47.754 --> 00:04:51.315 that are larger, longer, even more sensitive. 00:04:51.425 --> 00:04:54.519 And a woman's ability, as well as her desire to self-stimulate... 00:04:54.628 --> 00:04:56.528 will increase exponentially... 00:04:56.630 --> 00:04:59.030 as intercourse is robbed of its procreative utility. 00:05:00.334 --> 00:05:02.174 - I'm confused and frightened. - You should be. 00:05:02.236 --> 00:05:06.036 The species is not static. We're in a constant state of flux. 00:05:06.139 --> 00:05:09.131 Two genders has been the default setting for one reason only: 00:05:09.243 --> 00:05:11.507 So far it's been the only way to propagate the race. 00:05:11.612 --> 00:05:13.512 Is there any species that just has one gender... 00:05:13.614 --> 00:05:16.139 that doesn't have male/female? 00:05:16.250 --> 00:05:17.649 Starfiish, for one. 00:05:17.751 --> 00:05:20.879 Next time I see a starfiish, I'm gonna tell him to go fuck himself. 00:05:22.589 --> 00:05:23.920 Come on. You love it. 00:05:25.192 --> 00:05:26.921 No, we don't. 00:05:28.328 --> 00:05:30.193 So where are we headed? 00:05:30.297 --> 00:05:32.424 Equality? Equality, what is that? 00:05:34.167 --> 00:05:35.498 Is that a principle of nature? 00:05:35.602 --> 00:05:38.366 We all sit around reading subway maps together. 00:05:38.472 --> 00:05:40.599 No. Of course not. Natural selection. 00:05:40.707 --> 00:05:43.232 Now that is a principle of nature. 00:05:43.343 --> 00:05:45.903 Selection. Something has to lose. Something has to be defeated... 00:05:46.013 --> 00:05:48.277 in order for something else to be selected. 00:05:48.382 --> 00:05:50.350 So, what does this mean? 00:05:53.487 --> 00:05:56.081 We have to take orders from Joyce for the rest of lives. 00:05:57.024 --> 00:05:58.719 That's right. I like that. 00:05:58.825 --> 00:06:01.658 It means that 10 or 15 generations from now... 00:06:01.762 --> 00:06:03.787 men will be reduced to servitude. 00:06:05.766 --> 00:06:07.893 Technology and evolution will have combined... 00:06:08.001 --> 00:06:10.731 to exclude sperm from procreation... 00:06:10.837 --> 00:06:14.739 and our fiinal destiny will be to lift couches... 00:06:14.841 --> 00:06:18.174 and wait for that day when telepathy overcomes gravity... 00:06:18.278 --> 00:06:23.079 and our gender's last remaining utility is lost forever. 00:06:23.183 --> 00:06:24.480 Forever. 00:06:25.185 --> 00:06:26.880 Oh, my God, Roger. 00:06:29.890 --> 00:06:33.326 - What? I'm done. - Then I rest my case. 00:06:38.031 --> 00:06:39.498 Thank you. 00:06:41.335 --> 00:06:42.962 Love you people. 00:06:50.844 --> 00:06:52.311 Yeah, this is good. 00:07:47.200 --> 00:07:49.998 - Jesus! - No, just me. 00:07:51.672 --> 00:07:53.537 How did you get in here? 00:07:56.343 --> 00:07:59.210 - Where did you get those? - Copied them from yours. 00:07:59.312 --> 00:08:03.112 - When? - Last week when you sent me for bagels. 00:08:05.585 --> 00:08:06.813 Give them to me. 00:08:06.920 --> 00:08:09.388 Aren't you tired of constantly having to buzz me in here? 00:08:09.489 --> 00:08:13.084 See how your brain works? How does once a week turn into "constantly"? 00:08:13.193 --> 00:08:17.254 Actually, last week was two times, including, I believe, Friday... 00:08:17.364 --> 00:08:21.733 when you woke me out of a dead, pleasant sleep and demanded the use of my body. 00:08:21.835 --> 00:08:23.996 - You could have said no. - What? Are you kidding me? 00:08:24.104 --> 00:08:25.765 That was a call to action. 00:08:25.872 --> 00:08:28.067 I dressed in 30 seconds like a volunteer fiireman. 00:08:28.175 --> 00:08:29.175 I was insane... 00:08:29.242 --> 00:08:32.700 You should stop talking and listen to me. I got something to say to you. 00:08:32.813 --> 00:08:34.178 Oh, yeah? 00:08:34.281 --> 00:08:37.512 - Words are my stock-in-trade, Joyce. - I know. 00:08:37.617 --> 00:08:40.347 You can't just stop up the floodgate. 00:08:40.454 --> 00:08:42.422 - Put that down. - What? 00:08:43.924 --> 00:08:45.619 - We need to stop this. - Stop what? 00:08:45.726 --> 00:08:48.422 God, I love watching you in the bathroom. 00:08:48.528 --> 00:08:52.965 You're like an athlete after the game, scraping off the war paint. 00:08:53.066 --> 00:08:55.398 I meant, we need to stop seeing each other. 00:08:55.502 --> 00:08:57.129 Oh, really? 00:08:58.972 --> 00:09:00.872 This whole thing was a bad idea. 00:09:00.974 --> 00:09:04.102 Generally, I have good judgment, but this time, right out the window. 00:09:04.211 --> 00:09:07.612 This whole thing is a great idea. Nobody knows about us. 00:09:07.714 --> 00:09:09.909 We all go out, I sit there and... 00:09:10.016 --> 00:09:11.745 you know, a few hours later... 00:09:11.852 --> 00:09:13.820 I know I'm going to be the traveling salesman... 00:09:13.920 --> 00:09:16.252 and you're going to be the lonely housewife. 00:09:16.356 --> 00:09:21.191 I need you to be an adult about this. No scenes. 00:09:21.294 --> 00:09:24.525 Joyce, I am your boy. I'm your thoroughbred. 00:09:24.631 --> 00:09:27.259 Adult. Understand? 00:09:28.935 --> 00:09:32.063 Forget about the keys, okay? Just keep the keys with... 00:09:40.881 --> 00:09:45.614 Tonight is our last night, so let's make it a good one. 00:09:49.723 --> 00:09:51.350 Good-bye sex is never good. 00:09:51.458 --> 00:09:53.426 Next week, we'll have "get back together" sex... 00:10:01.468 --> 00:10:03.993 - Can I stay the night? - Roger, no. 00:11:31.625 --> 00:11:32.922 Right. 00:11:45.639 --> 00:11:49.268 Hi. Can I have a Cosmo and a Maker's Mark on the rocks? Thanks. 00:11:49.376 --> 00:11:52.868 - Let's have a talk. - I'm sorry. I'm with some people. 00:11:52.979 --> 00:11:54.139 Let me guess. 00:11:56.549 --> 00:11:58.346 You're relatively new at the company. 00:11:58.451 --> 00:12:02.387 Maybe you moved to New York from somewhere else. Somewhere friendly. 00:12:04.858 --> 00:12:07.053 First you took pride in being alone. 00:12:07.160 --> 00:12:09.958 Wanna make a name for yourself in the big city. 00:12:10.063 --> 00:12:13.692 After a while, you started thinking how it might be nice to meet somebody. 00:12:13.800 --> 00:12:17.429 Winter's not far off, and it gets lonely sometimes. 00:12:18.672 --> 00:12:21.072 Okay. And? 00:12:21.875 --> 00:12:24.901 And so you develop a crush on your supervisor... 00:12:26.846 --> 00:12:29.280 even though the other women in the offiice tell you... 00:12:29.382 --> 00:12:31.407 "Keep clear. He's bad news." 00:12:31.518 --> 00:12:33.782 - Why is he bad news? - Because he's a player. 00:12:34.621 --> 00:12:37.146 He's a guy who collects trophies. 00:12:37.257 --> 00:12:39.885 Every woman who takes a job there ends up in bed with him. 00:12:41.361 --> 00:12:43.261 And if you give in to temptation... 00:12:43.363 --> 00:12:46.799 you'll end up the punch line to a sordid joke by the water cooler. 00:12:46.900 --> 00:12:48.367 Am I hot or cold? 00:12:51.204 --> 00:12:54.139 - It's a good story. - It's a cliche. 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:56.208 So what do you do when you're not reducing the world? 00:12:56.309 --> 00:12:58.971 What's wrong with reduction, boiling things down to their essence? 00:12:59.079 --> 00:13:02.981 What's wrong with... seeing what's really going on? 00:13:03.083 --> 00:13:06.143 And what's really going on? What's the big revelation? 00:13:07.087 --> 00:13:08.850 Why should I tell you? 00:13:08.955 --> 00:13:11.253 Telling you isn't going to change anything. 00:13:11.358 --> 00:13:15.795 For instance, I could tell you that what you think of as your personality... 00:13:15.895 --> 00:13:18.659 is nothing but a collection of Vanity Fairarticles. 00:13:18.765 --> 00:13:23.202 I could tell you your choice of sexual partners this evening... 00:13:23.303 --> 00:13:26.170 was decided months ago by some account executive at Young & Rubicam. 00:13:26.272 --> 00:13:29.469 I could tell you that given a week to study your father... 00:13:29.576 --> 00:13:31.703 and the ways in which he ignores you... 00:13:31.811 --> 00:13:35.144 I could come up with a schtick you'd be helpless to resist. Helpless. 00:13:39.819 --> 00:13:42.720 I could tell you all that, but what would you do with the information? 00:13:42.822 --> 00:13:45.290 Are there women who fall for this stuff? 00:13:46.626 --> 00:13:48.253 I'm telling the truth as I see it. 00:13:48.361 --> 00:13:51.125 You wanna go fuck your boss? What business is it of mine. 00:13:55.435 --> 00:13:58.802 He's not Daddy. He's just a guy in a suit. 00:14:03.576 --> 00:14:07.444 You feel compelled to contribute to the pathetic... 00:14:07.547 --> 00:14:10.482 heartbreaking predictability of it all, by all means... 00:14:31.404 --> 00:14:32.871 - Hi. - Hi. 00:14:37.410 --> 00:14:41.278 - You waiting for someone? - Yeah, my fiiance. 00:14:41.381 --> 00:14:44.782 - Hey, congratulations. - Thanks. 00:14:47.420 --> 00:14:50.321 All right. Congratulations. 00:14:55.095 --> 00:14:56.585 Is he a kind man, your fiiance? 00:14:56.696 --> 00:14:58.664 Does he treat you with respect? 00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:02.529 Not that it's any of your business, but, yes, he does. 00:15:03.870 --> 00:15:07.636 - That must make you nervous. - Why would that make me nervous? 00:15:07.740 --> 00:15:10.208 Oh, come on. 00:15:10.310 --> 00:15:13.177 Look at the time. Let's do the math together. 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:14.974 What are you talking about? 00:15:15.081 --> 00:15:18.278 Let me guess, low self-esteem... 00:15:18.384 --> 00:15:23.481 and premenopausal... concern led you to pursue a series of... 00:15:25.391 --> 00:15:26.756 Semiabusive relationships? 00:15:26.860 --> 00:15:31.297 But a recent dose of therapy has convinced you... 00:15:31.397 --> 00:15:33.558 that inner-beauty is what really matters, and... 00:15:35.435 --> 00:15:40.634 you really deserve that perfect partner who treats you with such respect. 00:15:40.740 --> 00:15:42.674 Do you want me to call the bartender? 00:15:42.775 --> 00:15:44.709 Unless you're an idiot... Which I don't think you are... 00:15:44.811 --> 00:15:46.711 Unless you're some kind of pathetic, self-help junkie... 00:15:46.813 --> 00:15:49.407 you and I know your guy's gonna wake up one morning, and... 00:15:50.717 --> 00:15:53.049 He's gonna look around, fiigure out how old you are... 00:15:53.153 --> 00:15:56.316 and what you're really like, and that's the day he's gonna go out... 00:15:56.422 --> 00:15:58.390 for a pack of smokes and never come back. 00:15:59.159 --> 00:16:00.990 By that time... How you doing? 00:16:02.262 --> 00:16:05.231 If she doesn't see what's coming, I fucking weep for her. 00:16:18.611 --> 00:16:20.875 - Can I help you, sir? - Hey. No, thanks. I'm good. 00:16:20.980 --> 00:16:22.743 I said, "Can I help you, sir?" 00:16:24.617 --> 00:16:28.485 - Where's that other guy? The... - He's home sleeping. 00:16:28.588 --> 00:16:32.354 Okay. Well, it's very important that I see Joyce Maynard right away, so... 00:16:32.458 --> 00:16:35.086 Okay. I understand. Why don't I just leave her a note? 00:16:37.630 --> 00:16:39.359 It's important that I see her in person. 00:16:39.465 --> 00:16:42.059 That's not gonna work, so why don't I... 00:16:42.168 --> 00:16:44.534 call you a cab and you go home and sleep it off? 00:16:44.637 --> 00:16:46.730 Why don't you go fucking home? 00:16:46.839 --> 00:16:49.433 Okay. You know what? We don't understand each other. 00:16:49.542 --> 00:16:53.444 I'm her boy. I'm her boy, okay? Who are you? Who are you? 00:16:53.546 --> 00:16:57.949 I am the man who's gonna call the police if you don't get out of my lobby! 00:17:48.201 --> 00:17:51.500 Roger, it's Susan. It's Thursday, and I want you to call... 00:18:29.842 --> 00:18:31.969 - Roger, pick up line two. - Who is it? 00:18:32.078 --> 00:18:35.078 - It's regarding the new campaign. - Which new campaign? Get a name, please. 00:18:37.483 --> 00:18:40.680 - It's Susan. - Tell her I'm out. 00:18:40.787 --> 00:18:43.620 - She says it's important... - Tell her I'm out. 00:18:50.363 --> 00:18:53.992 Yeah. This is, like, surly. That's like, "What is that?" 00:18:54.100 --> 00:18:55.897 - And this is, like... - You want surly? 00:18:56.002 --> 00:18:58.163 - This is like '90s, adorable normal guy. - I am that. 00:18:58.271 --> 00:19:00.171 - That's your problem. - That's your nightmare. 00:19:00.273 --> 00:19:03.333 Hey, Roget. You going to Joyce's tonight? 00:19:04.911 --> 00:19:06.538 What? 00:19:07.280 --> 00:19:10.340 - Didn't you get the E-mail? - What E-mail? 00:19:13.119 --> 00:19:14.711 About the party? 00:19:15.755 --> 00:19:17.188 You going? 00:19:17.290 --> 00:19:19.918 Joyce throws a party, I don't ask questions. I just show up. 00:19:30.269 --> 00:19:31.793 She's on a conference call. 00:19:31.904 --> 00:19:34.498 Ted, there's someone in my offiice. 00:19:34.607 --> 00:19:36.768 - Bye, Ted. - It's okay, Donna, you can... 00:19:36.876 --> 00:19:39.777 - Bye, Donna. - I'll call you back in fiive minutes. 00:19:39.879 --> 00:19:43.645 "Five minutes"? This is a fiive-minute situation? 00:19:43.750 --> 00:19:45.411 Sit down. 00:19:45.518 --> 00:19:47.577 I don't wish to sit down. I wish to stand. 00:19:48.588 --> 00:19:50.556 Did you try to get into my building last night? 00:19:52.892 --> 00:19:55.486 Why am I not invited tonight? Everyone will be there except me. 00:19:55.595 --> 00:19:57.586 What is that going to look like? 00:19:59.899 --> 00:20:02.800 - Let's reestablish some boundaries. - Let's not. 00:20:04.737 --> 00:20:07.763 I'm your boss. You work for me. 00:20:07.874 --> 00:20:10.069 You write very good copy. 00:20:11.544 --> 00:20:16.811 But I have a hundred resumes on my fiiles for guys just like you. 00:20:16.916 --> 00:20:19.612 But do those guys do that thing that I do? 00:20:19.719 --> 00:20:21.482 The thing that you like? 00:20:22.355 --> 00:20:27.190 I have explained to you that I do not wish to see you socially any longer. 00:20:35.468 --> 00:20:37.436 Find a way to deal with it. 00:20:48.648 --> 00:20:50.775 What's that supposed to do? 00:21:22.882 --> 00:21:24.042 Nick? 00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:28.150 Uncle Roger. How's it going? 00:21:29.856 --> 00:21:31.653 What are you doing here? 00:21:32.592 --> 00:21:35.322 What? Oh. I wanted to see where you work. 00:21:36.462 --> 00:21:40.193 - Yes. No. What are you doing here? - What? 00:21:40.299 --> 00:21:43.029 - You mean here in New York here? - Yes. 00:21:43.135 --> 00:21:46.662 I had an interview at Columbia, so Mom said I should look you up. 00:21:46.772 --> 00:21:49.707 - Sit down. - Okay. 00:21:49.809 --> 00:21:51.709 That's what all the phone calls were about. 00:21:51.811 --> 00:21:54.177 - The phone calls? - Yeah. Your mom's been calling me. 00:21:54.280 --> 00:21:57.909 - Did you speak to her? - We're playing phone tag. 00:21:58.017 --> 00:22:00.247 She said you could show me what you do here. 00:22:00.353 --> 00:22:02.321 She did? 00:22:02.421 --> 00:22:05.584 Well, there's not a whole lot to show you, Nick. 00:22:05.691 --> 00:22:08.922 Really? Like, what do you do all day? 00:22:09.028 --> 00:22:10.996 What do I do all day? 00:22:11.964 --> 00:22:14.694 I sit here and think of ways to make people feel bad. 00:22:16.302 --> 00:22:19.032 - I thought you wrote for commercials. - I do... 00:22:19.138 --> 00:22:22.107 but you can't sell a product without fiirst making people feel bad. 00:22:22.909 --> 00:22:24.206 Why not? 00:22:26.946 --> 00:22:28.914 Because it's a substitution game. 00:22:30.049 --> 00:22:32.609 You have to remind them that they're missing something from their lives. 00:22:32.718 --> 00:22:34.549 Everyone's missing something, right? 00:22:34.654 --> 00:22:36.588 - Well, yeah. I guess. - Trust me. 00:22:36.689 --> 00:22:39.283 And when they're feeling suffiiciently incomplete... 00:22:39.392 --> 00:22:42.486 you convince them that your product is the only thing that can fiill the void. 00:22:42.595 --> 00:22:44.825 So, instead of taking steps to deal with their lives... 00:22:44.931 --> 00:22:48.662 instead of working to root out the real reason for their misery... 00:22:48.768 --> 00:22:51.669 they run out and buy a stupid-looking pair of cargo pants. 00:23:00.146 --> 00:23:03.912 - So... is it fun? - It can be. 00:23:04.016 --> 00:23:06.814 Look, I actually was about to call it a day. 00:23:06.919 --> 00:23:08.887 That's cool. We can go get something to eat. 00:23:11.591 --> 00:23:15.118 - Fine. Let's get out of here. - Great. 00:23:39.752 --> 00:23:42.619 You gave me a scare. I thought you were having a narcoleptic episode. 00:23:42.722 --> 00:23:46.283 - What? When? - Back at the offiice, you know? 00:23:47.760 --> 00:23:50.285 That's standing meditation. It calms me down. Thanks. 00:23:50.396 --> 00:23:52.796 Why should you calm down? You're a teenager. Thank you. 00:23:52.898 --> 00:23:54.866 My brain gets all sloppy when I'm stressed... 00:23:54.967 --> 00:23:57.629 so the meditation helps me focus and block out the bad stuff. 00:23:57.737 --> 00:24:00.501 - Bad stuff? - Like fear and pain, you know? 00:24:00.606 --> 00:24:04.337 It's a visualization. I picture a blue triangle, and that's me. 00:24:04.443 --> 00:24:08.038 I put all the other stuff outside the triangle in a red fiield. It works. 00:24:10.449 --> 00:24:12.246 So, how's your folks? 00:24:17.289 --> 00:24:20.349 - They got divorced. - What? 00:24:20.459 --> 00:24:22.484 Yeah. My dad moved out. 00:24:22.595 --> 00:24:24.995 - You're kidding. When did this happen? - A while ago. 00:24:25.097 --> 00:24:27.463 I haven't seen you since Grandma's funeral. 00:24:33.572 --> 00:24:35.699 - Jesus, Nick. I'm sorry to hear that. - It's no big deal. 00:24:35.808 --> 00:24:38.299 I still talk to my dad. He calls from the road. 00:24:38.411 --> 00:24:39.901 How's your mom doing? 00:24:40.012 --> 00:24:41.377 She's fiine. You know. 00:24:43.416 --> 00:24:45.714 - Surprised she didn't come with you. - Maybe she was afraid to see you... 00:24:45.818 --> 00:24:47.683 after what happened at the funeral. 00:24:47.787 --> 00:24:50.847 That happened because your grandfather's a king-size prick. 00:24:53.359 --> 00:24:54.917 All right? 00:25:04.136 --> 00:25:05.899 So when's your interview? 00:25:07.273 --> 00:25:09.798 - It was today. - How'd it go? 00:25:09.909 --> 00:25:12.275 Fine, I guess. I did the interviews 'cause Mom wants me to. 00:25:12.378 --> 00:25:15.108 - You're not interested in college? - Why keep going to school... 00:25:15.214 --> 00:25:17.774 when anything I need to fiind out about I can look up myself? 00:25:17.883 --> 00:25:20.613 Dad didn't go to college. By the time he was my age, he was on the road. 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:23.018 - How is everything here? - First-rate. Thanks. 00:25:24.724 --> 00:25:29.889 But... the good thing about college is you get to hang out a lot. 00:25:29.995 --> 00:25:32.395 - It's good for the social skills. - Yeah. 00:25:36.569 --> 00:25:41.768 So... my mom says you're kind of, you know, like a ladies' man. 00:25:41.874 --> 00:25:45.105 - She said that? - But she says it like it's a bad thing. 00:25:45.211 --> 00:25:47.179 That sounds like her. 00:25:47.980 --> 00:25:51.381 - Is it true? - What about you? You have a girlfriend? 00:25:53.185 --> 00:25:57.144 No. I mean, you know, not yet. 00:25:58.691 --> 00:26:03.321 Look. I'm getting older, and there's a lot of stuff that I wish I could... 00:26:06.899 --> 00:26:11.268 There's a lot of stuff that I haven't... There's certain things I need to... 00:26:11.370 --> 00:26:13.338 Yeah. I thought you said you could look that stuff up. 00:26:13.439 --> 00:26:15.430 No. I mean, not this. 00:26:15.541 --> 00:26:18.305 You don't understand. I need someone who knows what to say... 00:26:18.410 --> 00:26:21.174 I'm kidding you, Nick. That's what college is for. 00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:26.274 You fiind some football player who needs tutoring, and he helps you get girls. 00:26:26.385 --> 00:26:29.354 - You don't get it. - I get it. I was 16 once, all right? 00:26:30.289 --> 00:26:32.655 What are you going to do if you don't go to college? 00:26:32.758 --> 00:26:35.124 Design software. Maybe work on simulation games. 00:26:35.227 --> 00:26:37.707 That's right. You're the computer whiz. There is money in that. 00:26:37.797 --> 00:26:39.797 I already make money setting up systems for people. 00:26:39.865 --> 00:26:42.265 I'm working on a web page for Granddad for his research. 00:26:42.368 --> 00:26:44.893 What, the old man? He's actually spending money? 00:26:45.004 --> 00:26:46.198 Yeah, good money too. 00:26:46.305 --> 00:26:48.671 It's funny, 'cause he yells at his computer like it's a person. 00:26:48.774 --> 00:26:50.833 He's always going, "That bitch ate my fiile." 00:26:50.943 --> 00:26:54.470 - Or, "She's playing hard to get." - You spend a lot of time there? 00:26:54.580 --> 00:26:55.580 Yeah, nowadays. 00:26:55.648 --> 00:26:58.845 I go over after school, and he comes over and eats dinner with us. 00:26:58.951 --> 00:27:02.819 Wait a minute. He eats dinner with you and Susan? 00:27:02.922 --> 00:27:06.824 Sure. Since Grandma died, there's no one taking care of him. 00:27:06.926 --> 00:27:09.827 Even after they split up, she went over every day to cook dinner. 00:27:09.929 --> 00:27:13.558 I mean, every single day. She was nuts. 00:27:18.237 --> 00:27:20.205 Yeah, she was nuts. 00:27:24.143 --> 00:27:25.508 So, Nick. 00:27:27.513 --> 00:27:29.640 You need some help with the ladies? 00:27:33.052 --> 00:27:35.282 All right. Here we go. Get this straight. 00:27:35.354 --> 00:27:39.552 Sex is everywhere, okay? It is all around us. 00:27:39.658 --> 00:27:42.593 It's not some distant destination. It's not Everest. 00:27:42.695 --> 00:27:46.256 It is right here. You have to attune yourself to it. 00:27:46.365 --> 00:27:48.265 You have to bring yourself into alignment. 00:27:48.367 --> 00:27:50.267 You have to fiind the zone, Nick. Okay? 00:27:50.369 --> 00:27:53.998 Do that, and I promise you a whole world will open up. 00:27:55.140 --> 00:27:58.507 Look at me. I walk around in a state of total receptivity. 00:27:58.611 --> 00:28:01.910 - I'm like a fucking lightning rod. - All right. Fine. What do I do? 00:28:03.182 --> 00:28:06.208 For starters, let's get rid of that little meditation. The blue triangle. 00:28:06.318 --> 00:28:09.845 We don't block things out, Nicholas. We let them in. 00:28:09.955 --> 00:28:11.320 Let what in? 00:28:11.423 --> 00:28:13.755 There are millions of women in this city. 00:28:13.859 --> 00:28:17.090 Millions. Most of them are blessedly unaware of the countless ways... 00:28:17.196 --> 00:28:19.926 in which their bodies are exposed to our eyes. 00:28:20.032 --> 00:28:22.728 So, fiirst, learn to read the sun, where it sits. 00:28:22.835 --> 00:28:28.535 You'll notice... correlation between backlighting and transparency. 00:28:28.641 --> 00:28:31.667 They wear light-colored clothing, underwear shows right through. 00:28:31.777 --> 00:28:34.712 Bra straps, panty lines. No need to stretch or squint. 00:28:34.813 --> 00:28:38.943 It is there for us, okay? For example... 00:28:46.558 --> 00:28:47.616 What? 00:28:47.726 --> 00:28:50.126 Are you blowing my cover like some construction worker? 00:28:50.229 --> 00:28:53.255 - No. I was just... - Use your head. 00:28:54.166 --> 00:28:58.432 Step back. Let her pass. Okay? Give it a few seconds. 00:28:58.537 --> 00:29:01.904 Watch this, and then camouflage the move. Pay attention. 00:29:06.178 --> 00:29:08.840 Checking of the watch is good. Or of the pager. 00:29:08.948 --> 00:29:11.508 Or looking for a street sign like you're lost. 00:29:11.617 --> 00:29:14.211 You saw me do a combination. Whatever it is, don't get caught. 00:29:14.320 --> 00:29:16.948 Do you think women have a clue what goes on up here? 00:29:17.056 --> 00:29:20.617 What do they think, it's just stock quotes, drill bit sizes? 00:29:20.726 --> 00:29:23.422 They don't know shit! Let's keep it that way. 00:29:23.529 --> 00:29:27.295 - All right. - Watch. What about your eyes? 00:29:27.399 --> 00:29:29.959 - What? My eyes? - Your eyes. How's your vision? 00:29:30.069 --> 00:29:32.629 - No, it's good. It's 20-20. - Okay. Peripheral? 00:29:32.738 --> 00:29:35.468 - I don't know. It's fiine, I guess. - Fine's not gonna cut it. 00:29:35.574 --> 00:29:39.032 You gotta work your muscles like you're training for the fucking Olympics. 00:29:39.144 --> 00:29:41.908 - Yeah. - Up, down, left, right, et cetera. 00:29:44.883 --> 00:29:46.578 - Here. Follow my fiinger. - Okay. 00:29:46.685 --> 00:29:48.312 - Tell me when it's gone. - All right. 00:29:49.188 --> 00:29:51.554 - Okay. Stop. - That's it? 00:29:51.657 --> 00:29:53.784 You need a hundred, a hundred and ten degrees... 00:29:53.892 --> 00:29:56.156 before you're ready for the street. 00:29:56.261 --> 00:29:58.229 I see behind me on a good day. 00:29:58.998 --> 00:30:00.488 - You play video games? - Sure. 00:30:00.599 --> 00:30:02.499 Good. That stuff is training for the eyes. 00:30:02.601 --> 00:30:03.568 Registering images in a split second. 00:30:03.669 --> 00:30:05.796 It's invaluable. Oh. Right there. 00:30:05.904 --> 00:30:08.464 Blue sweater. Blue sweater. Median. Blue sweater. Blue sweater. 00:30:12.378 --> 00:30:15.108 That young lady just... And you missed it. 00:30:15.214 --> 00:30:17.239 - I know. - In just a fraction of a second. 00:30:17.349 --> 00:30:21.046 That's all. But a trained eye can get in there for a look. 00:30:21.153 --> 00:30:23.713 You have to learn to anticipate your opportunities, okay? 00:30:23.822 --> 00:30:25.813 Getting out of a cab, wind from a subway grate... 00:30:25.924 --> 00:30:30.020 or as you so sadly missed there, bending over to pick something up. 00:30:30.129 --> 00:30:33.030 These are situations which require lightning reflexes. 00:30:33.132 --> 00:30:36.465 - I tell you, I can do that. - Your a step slow right now, Nick. 00:30:36.568 --> 00:30:40.129 Hey, no wonder. I remember what it's like out there. 00:30:40.239 --> 00:30:41.706 No interaction. No face time. 00:30:41.807 --> 00:30:44.970 Look at me. Every day I have the street, the subway, the ATM line... 00:30:45.077 --> 00:30:47.170 the offiice, the gym, the... 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:48.940 What have you got? 00:30:49.048 --> 00:30:51.608 Young people sitting in cars in Ohio. 00:30:51.717 --> 00:30:53.685 Wistful glances at the stoplight. 00:30:53.786 --> 00:30:55.617 No, I go to school. That's interaction. 00:30:55.721 --> 00:30:57.313 Okay. Let's work with that. 00:30:57.423 --> 00:30:59.789 The high school building is four stories, if memory serves. 00:30:59.892 --> 00:31:01.757 - It's fiive stories now. - Whatever. 00:31:01.860 --> 00:31:05.091 It's multistory, and that means stairs, which is good. 00:31:05.197 --> 00:31:08.655 Free yourself from the tyranny of eye level. Come here. 00:31:08.767 --> 00:31:10.792 Use the angles. High for cleavage. 00:31:12.504 --> 00:31:15.962 - Low for the skirts. - All right. 00:31:16.075 --> 00:31:19.704 Remember, there's no shame in calling on an old standby, right? 00:31:19.812 --> 00:31:22.542 Dropping of the pencil. Tying of the shoe. Just don't telegraph it. 00:31:22.648 --> 00:31:25.208 What about reflective surfaces? Mirrors, windows? 00:31:25.317 --> 00:31:27.410 What, in school? No, there's no mirrors. 00:31:27.519 --> 00:31:29.919 What about that ugly glass trophy case that... 00:31:30.022 --> 00:31:32.022 - Yeah, that's there. - Well, use it. It's perfect. 00:31:32.057 --> 00:31:35.356 Go stand over there for a second. Keep going. Keep going. Stop. 00:31:36.762 --> 00:31:40.061 If you can't stare directly, turn your back and use the glass. 00:31:40.165 --> 00:31:41.393 Hi, gorgeous. 00:31:41.500 --> 00:31:44.936 Remember, angle of incidence equals angle of reflectives. 00:31:45.037 --> 00:31:48.598 In other words, if you can see them, they can see you. So be alert. 00:31:48.707 --> 00:31:50.937 - This is really complicated. - It's rocket science. 00:31:51.043 --> 00:31:53.603 - You were smart to ask for help. - I have a good one. 00:31:53.712 --> 00:31:55.441 When they're wearing short sleeves... 00:31:55.547 --> 00:31:58.607 and they raise their arms to fiix their hair, you can see in that gap there. 00:31:58.717 --> 00:32:01.982 Now, see? That shows me you're using your faculties. 00:32:02.087 --> 00:32:04.783 - Don't they know we can see in there? - Of course they do. 00:32:04.890 --> 00:32:07.654 Breasts are very sensitive. They know when they're exposed to air. 00:32:09.461 --> 00:32:13.022 Are women gonna walk around with their hands clamped to their sides? No. 00:32:13.132 --> 00:32:15.327 Their hair has to be dealt with eventually... 00:32:15.434 --> 00:32:19.461 and it is our job, it is our vocation to be ready. 00:32:19.571 --> 00:32:23.098 All right. So all this looking is fiine, but how do you take the next step? 00:32:23.208 --> 00:32:25.176 I need to meet someone. 00:32:29.581 --> 00:32:31.640 If you can't see how the two things are related... 00:32:31.750 --> 00:32:33.479 there's nothing I can do for you. 00:32:33.585 --> 00:32:35.985 - Wait. Relax. Come on. - You think we are kidding around here? 00:32:36.088 --> 00:32:38.249 - Do you think this is a joke? - No. Why do you think I'm here? 00:32:38.357 --> 00:32:42.088 - You have got to make sex a presence... - I'm sorry. 00:32:42.194 --> 00:32:44.128 - In your mind, in your life... - All right. 00:32:44.229 --> 00:32:46.026 - In your spirit. - I'm sorry. 00:32:50.235 --> 00:32:53.693 - All right. - What? No. I don't smoke. 00:32:53.805 --> 00:32:55.432 Better learn. 00:32:58.677 --> 00:33:01.544 - Okay. - Come on. 00:33:10.255 --> 00:33:12.223 Here. Wait here. 00:33:31.243 --> 00:33:33.575 Okay. Stay on this side of me. 00:33:39.718 --> 00:33:41.185 Excuse us. 00:33:46.358 --> 00:33:48.826 In, in, in. Go, go, go. Hurry. 00:33:52.097 --> 00:33:53.564 Oh, yeah. 00:33:57.236 --> 00:33:58.965 Okay. We're in. 00:34:00.038 --> 00:34:01.266 Good. 00:34:01.373 --> 00:34:04.570 So, fiirst, a survey of the terrain. 00:34:09.815 --> 00:34:11.840 Technically, it's still happy hour. 00:34:12.918 --> 00:34:16.183 Your casual drinkers have yet to pack it in. Lots of groups. 00:34:16.288 --> 00:34:19.451 Not exactly ideal for our purposes, but not impossible. 00:34:19.558 --> 00:34:22.118 So, we need to make an impression. 00:34:22.227 --> 00:34:25.685 Send out a signal that back here is the place to be. 00:34:25.797 --> 00:34:28.163 All right. What do you do? What do you say? 00:34:28.267 --> 00:34:30.292 Who cares? You're overcomplicating it. 00:34:30.402 --> 00:34:33.200 You spend the whole night sitting here thinking of the perfect line... 00:34:33.305 --> 00:34:34.829 what good is that? 00:34:34.940 --> 00:34:39.934 Just make contact. Separate yourself from the rabble. Watch this. 00:34:43.482 --> 00:34:46.451 Hey! Roses. Rosebud. 00:34:48.120 --> 00:34:49.849 Hi. Come here. 00:34:49.955 --> 00:34:51.752 Come here. Come here. Come here. 00:34:57.929 --> 00:35:01.592 Hi. Could you... 00:35:01.700 --> 00:35:04.362 Could I get you to take a... Yeah. 00:35:08.240 --> 00:35:11.573 - Hey. - Nick here thinks you're beautiful. 00:35:13.145 --> 00:35:16.114 If he's got such good taste, what's he doing hanging out with you? 00:35:17.215 --> 00:35:18.705 Good question. Nick? 00:35:22.921 --> 00:35:26.721 - Because he's my uncle? - How awful for you. 00:35:30.162 --> 00:35:31.652 And so on. No big deal, right? 00:35:31.763 --> 00:35:34.391 Now she's aware of our presence, and we can plot our strategy. 00:35:34.499 --> 00:35:37.957 I'm gonna get us some drinks. While I'm there, think of a hook. 00:35:38.904 --> 00:35:42.499 - What? A hook? - A hook. A line. An opening salvo. 00:35:42.607 --> 00:35:46.543 Any minute now, Rosebud is going to be standing right here... 00:35:46.645 --> 00:35:49.170 looking down at you, and you're going to have one chance... 00:35:49.281 --> 00:35:52.910 to either hit it out of the park or strike out miserably. 00:35:54.086 --> 00:35:55.246 Be ready. 00:36:30.889 --> 00:36:33.016 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:37.521 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 00:36:41.099 --> 00:36:44.626 Hello, Nick. Your uncle says you have something to tell me... 00:36:44.736 --> 00:36:47.466 that will absolutely blow my mind. 00:36:49.574 --> 00:36:53.203 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. Those were his exact words. 00:36:55.347 --> 00:36:57.440 Is he playing a little joke on us? 00:37:00.619 --> 00:37:02.883 No, no. He's serious. 00:37:02.988 --> 00:37:05.548 I mean, he's... totally serious. 00:37:06.525 --> 00:37:08.516 - Tonight. - Sorry. 00:37:11.263 --> 00:37:13.891 Thanks. As I was... 00:37:13.999 --> 00:37:15.967 - Tonight. - Right, I was saying that... 00:37:17.436 --> 00:37:19.529 I was saying that tonight is a... 00:37:19.638 --> 00:37:22.334 Tonight is a very important night for me. 00:37:22.441 --> 00:37:25.069 I was just telling her that we made a bet. 00:37:25.177 --> 00:37:28.476 - A bet? - Uh-huh. We made a bet for $ 1,000. 00:37:31.917 --> 00:37:34.784 That I can get somebody to... 00:37:34.886 --> 00:37:36.877 like, fall in love with me. 00:37:40.025 --> 00:37:41.788 Really? 00:37:44.629 --> 00:37:47.962 Love. That's a hard thing to verify, don't you think? 00:37:48.066 --> 00:37:50.466 No, I think we can do it. 00:37:50.569 --> 00:37:52.366 I'm confiident we can. 00:37:54.072 --> 00:37:55.437 A thousand dollars? 00:37:55.540 --> 00:37:57.599 That's not exactly mind-blowing... 00:37:57.709 --> 00:38:01.110 but it's not the worse line I'll hear tonight. 00:38:02.347 --> 00:38:04.247 What? Really? 00:38:05.116 --> 00:38:07.676 Yeah. Good job, Nick. 00:38:07.786 --> 00:38:10.516 - So, do we rate a sit-down? - I'm waiting for a friend. 00:38:10.622 --> 00:38:12.522 I'll run it by her when she shows up. 00:38:12.624 --> 00:38:15.320 Get her over here. There's cash at stake. 00:38:15.427 --> 00:38:19.227 If we do, who sits with who? 00:38:19.331 --> 00:38:21.856 Ladies' choice. Natural selection. 00:38:27.806 --> 00:38:30.172 I wanna sit with him. 00:38:32.844 --> 00:38:34.812 Yes, yes. 00:38:47.692 --> 00:38:48.852 What is this? 00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:51.758 Rum and coke. I told him to mix it weak. We got a long way to go here. 00:38:51.863 --> 00:38:54.730 - Okay. I don't drink. - You kidding me? Take a drink. 00:38:54.833 --> 00:38:58.269 - I don't put alcohol into my body. - You drink that drink. 00:39:00.038 --> 00:39:03.166 Loss of inhibition is crucial to your success tonight, okay? 00:39:03.275 --> 00:39:06.039 Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years. 00:39:06.144 --> 00:39:09.602 You think you're gonna sit here tonight and reinvent the wheel? Please. 00:39:15.120 --> 00:39:20.080 All right. Now, you did one very good thing. You lied. 00:39:20.191 --> 00:39:23.217 You made something up. Keep that part of your brain working. 00:39:23.328 --> 00:39:26.820 We get those girls over here, your fiirst instinct is gonna be to open up. 00:39:26.932 --> 00:39:30.265 To tell the truth. Fight it! Just keep it interesting. 00:39:30.368 --> 00:39:33.769 Play up your novelty. You're a 16-year-old in a bar. 00:39:33.872 --> 00:39:37.774 Why? "My father owns the bar." You got a month to live. 00:39:37.876 --> 00:39:40.640 You're an actor researching... I don't know. Improvise. 00:39:40.745 --> 00:39:43.145 Next, check the time. What time is it? 00:39:43.248 --> 00:39:44.875 It's about 7:02. 00:39:44.983 --> 00:39:48.316 - Do you have a MedicAlert bracelet? - No, it's instructions. 00:39:48.420 --> 00:39:51.116 I'm having my body cryogenically frozen if I die prematurely. 00:39:58.396 --> 00:40:00.596 All right. Leave it. It's spastic enough to be charming. 00:40:00.699 --> 00:40:03.099 So, the time. 7:00. 00:40:03.201 --> 00:40:06.728 We've got nine hours until closing time. An eternity. 00:40:07.539 --> 00:40:09.632 Look at me, Nick, and answer me this question. 00:40:09.741 --> 00:40:11.470 All right. 00:40:12.777 --> 00:40:16.338 Who is the greatest basketball player in the history of the game? 00:40:17.849 --> 00:40:20.317 - Do you mean ever? - Come on. This is easy. 00:40:21.686 --> 00:40:23.586 - Michael Jordan? - Michael Jordan. 00:40:23.688 --> 00:40:25.986 Why was he the greatest? Because he paced himself. 00:40:26.091 --> 00:40:28.321 Because he always had something left at the fiinish. 00:40:28.426 --> 00:40:31.106 Magic Johnson called it "winning time." See those guys over there? 00:40:34.566 --> 00:40:37.330 Yeah. Those guys think they're kicking ass. 00:40:37.435 --> 00:40:39.164 Believe me, it is early. 00:40:39.270 --> 00:40:41.465 We are a long way from winning time, so pay attention. 00:40:41.573 --> 00:40:43.632 - Okay. - You say you want it. 00:40:43.742 --> 00:40:45.369 If you really wanted it... 00:40:46.344 --> 00:40:49.939 you'd be in here, suffering the tortures of the damned with those guys. 00:40:50.048 --> 00:40:52.278 - What? - There's a big difference between... 00:40:52.384 --> 00:40:55.785 being horny and being willing to put in the time night after night... 00:40:55.887 --> 00:40:59.379 I want it. Okay? I go to high school. You don't think that's torture? 00:40:59.491 --> 00:41:01.652 This is a lot of information. 00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:03.785 I'm giving you the keys to the kingdom. 00:41:03.895 --> 00:41:05.157 Yeah, I know. 00:41:05.263 --> 00:41:07.458 How many boys your age get an opportunity like this? 00:41:07.565 --> 00:41:08.565 Yes. 00:41:08.633 --> 00:41:11.473 So, stick your fiinger down your throat. Drink ice water, call it gin... 00:41:11.503 --> 00:41:15.132 I don't care what you do. Be ready to dive in at the moment of truth. 00:41:17.642 --> 00:41:21.806 So... how often do you, like... 00:41:22.947 --> 00:41:25.415 you know, like, get somebody to go home with you? 00:41:28.186 --> 00:41:29.744 Every night. 00:41:30.522 --> 00:41:31.546 Bullshit. 00:41:31.656 --> 00:41:34.352 Just because you're not having sex, doesn't mean the rest of us... 00:41:34.459 --> 00:41:36.256 are sitting around playing cribbage. 00:41:38.663 --> 00:41:40.187 What's cribbage? 00:41:42.167 --> 00:41:44.294 - What? What? - Here we go. Here we go. 00:41:45.336 --> 00:41:47.736 Here they come. This is so stupid. They're, like, twice my age. 00:41:47.839 --> 00:41:50.865 Champions refuse to lose. Be like Mike. 00:41:50.975 --> 00:41:53.535 Here we are. As promised. For one drink. 00:41:53.645 --> 00:41:58.105 - I'm Andrea, and this is Sophie. - I'm Roger. This is my nephew, Nick. 00:41:58.216 --> 00:42:00.548 - Hi. - He really is, like, 16. 00:42:00.652 --> 00:42:02.552 - I told you. - Sit down. 00:42:02.654 --> 00:42:04.622 How'd you get in here, Nick? 00:42:04.723 --> 00:42:08.454 It's funny you should... ask me that. 00:42:08.560 --> 00:42:12.587 'Cause we were, before, discussing it, and... 00:42:13.698 --> 00:42:14.824 Never you mind. 00:42:14.933 --> 00:42:17.493 I'm enjoying the air of intrigue Nick brings to our booth. 00:42:17.602 --> 00:42:20.127 - Cheers, everyone. - I told Sophie about your little bet. 00:42:20.238 --> 00:42:21.705 She thinks you're full of it. 00:42:21.806 --> 00:42:23.364 There's nothing little about a thousand dollars. 00:42:23.475 --> 00:42:26.069 He's got to get someone to fall in love with him? 00:42:26.177 --> 00:42:28.737 - A woman. - A woman? 00:42:28.847 --> 00:42:32.044 Does it have to be a woman? What if some guy takes a shine to you? 00:42:33.585 --> 00:42:36.053 I guess that would count, 'cause we never discussed what gender... 00:42:36.154 --> 00:42:39.920 If Nick is willing to exploit that little loophole, he can have the money. 00:42:40.024 --> 00:42:42.549 - What were you guys talking about? - I don't know. 00:42:42.660 --> 00:42:46.596 - What were we talking about? - We were talking about women. 00:42:46.698 --> 00:42:50.156 Specifiically, the pleasure to be derived from admiring the female form. 00:42:51.870 --> 00:42:54.361 Imagine what it feels like to be admired all day long. 00:42:54.472 --> 00:42:57.270 - Really. - You'd rather be completely anonymous? 00:42:57.375 --> 00:42:59.206 - Not completely anonymous. - Not anonymous. 00:42:59.310 --> 00:43:02.336 I myself would welcome the sensation of a hundred pair of eyes... 00:43:02.447 --> 00:43:04.847 caressing my... booty as I walk down the street. 00:43:04.949 --> 00:43:06.382 Guys always say that. 00:43:06.484 --> 00:43:08.816 Yeah. "We'd love it if women were always staring." 00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:10.080 We would. 00:43:10.188 --> 00:43:13.282 You would love it if no woman ever listened to a word you were saying... 00:43:13.391 --> 00:43:17.122 and just kept her eyes locked on your chest or your crotch? 00:43:17.228 --> 00:43:19.492 If it led to having sex all the time, I would not mind. 00:43:19.597 --> 00:43:22.691 You could deal with never being heard, never being taken seriously? 00:43:22.801 --> 00:43:25.793 If I had something that needed saying, I would wait until right after sex. 00:43:27.472 --> 00:43:30.635 Seriously, for a second, just stop saying the obvious thing. 00:43:30.742 --> 00:43:33.540 Think what it would be like if on every bus... 00:43:33.645 --> 00:43:37.046 there were huge pictures of your naked body. 00:43:37.148 --> 00:43:40.276 - And on every billboard... - Magazine. 00:43:40.385 --> 00:43:42.649 That's right... It was just about your body. 00:43:42.754 --> 00:43:46.781 There was so much time and money and energy spent obsessing and analyzing... 00:43:46.891 --> 00:43:50.054 trying to get a glimpse of your body, that soon it felt like... 00:43:50.161 --> 00:43:52.061 the world had forgotten about everything else... 00:43:52.163 --> 00:43:54.222 and you end up feeling... 00:43:54.332 --> 00:43:57.028 disconnected from your own body, like it's not even yours. 00:43:58.670 --> 00:44:01.730 If you're really serious about avoiding the male gaze... 00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:05.298 - If the goal is anonymity... - I never said the goal was anonymity. 00:44:05.410 --> 00:44:07.139 Here's a little suggestion, okay? 00:44:07.245 --> 00:44:09.475 Putting on makeup. Styling your hair. 00:44:09.581 --> 00:44:13.608 Wearing a killer outfiit and coming to a place like this on a Friday night. 00:44:13.718 --> 00:44:16.846 That's when it gets interesting, because at a certain point... 00:44:16.955 --> 00:44:19.753 - you start internalizing the male gaze. - Not the best course of action. 00:44:19.858 --> 00:44:22.418 Male gaze. Madison Avenue. Fucking patriarchy. 00:44:22.527 --> 00:44:24.427 Whatever it is, it's done its number on you. 00:44:24.529 --> 00:44:27.862 Do you think you have any control over who you fiind attractive? 00:44:27.966 --> 00:44:30.662 - Of course we do. - I think not, and I'll prove it to you. 00:44:30.768 --> 00:44:36.070 Ask any woman, "What's the single most attractive quality a man can possess?" 00:44:36.174 --> 00:44:38.608 - And what do they invariably answer? - Sense of humor. 00:44:38.710 --> 00:44:41.178 - Sense of humor. - Sense of humor is huge. Defiinitely. 00:44:41.279 --> 00:44:45.739 And yet, if two lean, mean, play-by-their-own-rules... 00:44:45.850 --> 00:44:50.310 motorcycle-riding men strolled up to this booth... 00:44:50.421 --> 00:44:54.323 and beat the shit out of us two humorous guys, right... 00:44:55.159 --> 00:44:57.627 and asked you out for a ride, you would be weak at the knees. 00:44:57.729 --> 00:45:00.061 - No way. - Weak at the knees. 00:45:00.164 --> 00:45:02.792 Well, actually, guys who ride cycles are pretty sexy. 00:45:02.901 --> 00:45:05.028 - Thank you. You see? - Sorry. 00:45:05.136 --> 00:45:09.368 The fact is that touchy-feely, weepy, in-touch-with-their-feelings guys... 00:45:09.474 --> 00:45:11.408 make you sick... You're repulsed by them. 00:45:11.509 --> 00:45:14.137 Give me the Ice Age, okay? Survival of the fiittest. 00:45:14.245 --> 00:45:17.806 No mixed signals. No bullshit. 00:45:17.916 --> 00:45:21.147 Just the meanest, hairiest bastard wins all the time. 00:45:21.252 --> 00:45:23.049 Let's change the subject right now. 00:45:23.154 --> 00:45:27.921 You know, it's interesting. All this looking is so masculine. 00:45:28.026 --> 00:45:30.756 I mean, you guys are just about the visuals. 00:45:30.862 --> 00:45:33.592 Really. Why is it that when I'm going down on a guy... 00:45:33.698 --> 00:45:36.462 - Sophie! - No, really. 00:45:36.567 --> 00:45:38.899 Why is it that when I'm doing my thing... 00:45:39.003 --> 00:45:40.903 why is it that men always insist on watching? 00:45:41.005 --> 00:45:43.940 Why can't you just close your eyes and concentrate on the feeling? 00:45:44.042 --> 00:45:46.237 It's not the most flattering activity for a woman. 00:45:46.344 --> 00:45:49.074 I'm not sure that that's a... Maybe we can help. 00:45:49.180 --> 00:45:52.980 Nick, jump in here. A woman is doing her thing. 00:45:54.252 --> 00:45:56.220 Why do we have to watch? 00:45:59.691 --> 00:46:02.660 Well, maybe to make sure that it's actually happening? 00:46:03.795 --> 00:46:06.229 I'll buy that. Make sure we're not hallucinating. 00:46:06.331 --> 00:46:10.028 And maybe to fiile it away, in case it's a long time before the next one. 00:46:10.134 --> 00:46:13.592 Two excellent answers. Perhaps you'd elaborate on the fiiling it away part? 00:46:13.705 --> 00:46:15.195 File it away for what? 00:46:17.108 --> 00:46:19.599 - Oh. I don't know. - Come on, Nick. 00:46:19.711 --> 00:46:22.179 We're fiinally treading on some familiar territory here. 00:46:22.280 --> 00:46:25.647 Mom's in the kitchen making Jell-O with fruit. 00:46:25.750 --> 00:46:27.877 - You lock yourself in the bathroom... - Don't sweat it, Nick. 00:46:27.986 --> 00:46:29.886 I grew up with three brothers. 00:46:29.988 --> 00:46:32.786 The closets were pornography museums. More visuals. 00:46:33.658 --> 00:46:35.626 You're right about the visual thing. 00:46:35.727 --> 00:46:37.627 It always drives me nuts when I hear a guy... 00:46:37.729 --> 00:46:40.630 going on about something a girl does that's supposed to be so sexy. 00:46:40.732 --> 00:46:44.168 - Like what kind of thing? - Like how she flips her hair. 00:46:44.268 --> 00:46:46.566 How she stands with one foot to the side. It could be anything. 00:46:46.671 --> 00:46:49.071 - What's wrong with that? - Because that's nothing. 00:46:49.173 --> 00:46:51.038 That's just something she does. 00:46:51.142 --> 00:46:54.168 And she probably only does it because she saw it in a movie. 00:46:54.278 --> 00:46:56.303 It's not their real stuff. 00:46:56.414 --> 00:46:59.542 All that stuff... the hair flips, the mannerisms, the catch phrases. 00:46:59.650 --> 00:47:03.381 They add up to the personality. So they are what's real. 00:47:03.488 --> 00:47:06.821 Yeah, but it's all the outside stuff. That's fiine in the beginning. 00:47:06.924 --> 00:47:08.653 You need the outside stuff. 00:47:08.760 --> 00:47:10.660 You need, like, the reasons to be in love. 00:47:10.762 --> 00:47:12.662 But you can get past that to the part... 00:47:12.764 --> 00:47:14.391 where the little tricks don't mean anything. 00:47:14.499 --> 00:47:17.593 I say you are attracted to what is in front of you. End of story. 00:47:17.702 --> 00:47:18.930 How romantic. 00:47:20.538 --> 00:47:22.733 It takes years and years together. 00:47:22.840 --> 00:47:24.467 - Yeah? - I can't describe it exactly... 00:47:24.575 --> 00:47:26.736 but it's like there's nothing she can do. 00:47:26.844 --> 00:47:29.745 All her usual ways of hooking you in have no effect... 00:47:29.847 --> 00:47:31.838 and yet you're still in love. 00:47:31.949 --> 00:47:33.849 It's like the act is over... 00:47:33.951 --> 00:47:35.885 and you get to the part she's been hiding. 00:47:35.987 --> 00:47:39.787 And she's been hiding it because she thinks that's the part... 00:47:39.891 --> 00:47:43.190 that's gonna blow it or make you leave or get bored... 00:47:43.294 --> 00:47:46.855 but you get to that part, and you're still there. 00:47:47.899 --> 00:47:50.424 And you're even more in love. 00:47:55.173 --> 00:47:56.401 Wow. 00:47:56.507 --> 00:47:59.738 Have you met my nephew? His name is Jesus. 00:47:59.844 --> 00:48:01.641 How old are you, Nick? 00:48:01.746 --> 00:48:03.043 I'm 16. 00:48:03.147 --> 00:48:06.674 Stay strong, Sophie. There's a thousand of my dollars at stake here. 00:48:06.784 --> 00:48:09.412 Are we still on a one-drink limit? 00:48:09.520 --> 00:48:12.546 - I think we can have one more. - Yeah, I'm in. 00:48:12.657 --> 00:48:14.887 Great. Scootch out of there, Sophie. 00:48:14.992 --> 00:48:17.051 - Who wants what? - Sophie knows what I like. 00:48:17.161 --> 00:48:19.755 - Just some ice water, please. - Okay, that's charming. 00:48:19.864 --> 00:48:20.990 Nick? 00:48:21.099 --> 00:48:25.001 A player might consider taking advantage of this time alone with Andrea. 00:48:25.103 --> 00:48:27.799 Andrea. Yeah. You can take your time. 00:48:37.849 --> 00:48:39.817 - Hi. - Hey. 00:48:41.385 --> 00:48:43.580 - What's the deal with your uncle? - I don't know. 00:48:43.688 --> 00:48:46.953 This is really the fiirst time I've hung out with him socially. 00:48:47.825 --> 00:48:50.919 - Do you live in the city? - I live in Ohio with my mom. 00:48:51.863 --> 00:48:53.831 She and Roger don't really speak anymore. 00:48:54.665 --> 00:48:55.927 Ohio? 00:48:56.968 --> 00:48:59.095 Do you have a girlfriend back home? 00:49:00.204 --> 00:49:02.172 No. Not right now. 00:49:10.882 --> 00:49:14.545 Nick, can you do me a favor? 00:49:14.652 --> 00:49:16.119 Okay. 00:49:26.464 --> 00:49:28.227 Pick that up. 00:49:31.569 --> 00:49:34.197 - Protein for stamina. - Let's switch, Andrea. 00:49:34.305 --> 00:49:36.899 - Okay. I suppose it's your turn. - Yeah, good idea. 00:49:37.008 --> 00:49:41.240 Keep things fresh and help us fiight that second-round lag. 00:49:41.345 --> 00:49:43.905 - What's that? - That's a conversational lag... 00:49:44.015 --> 00:49:47.348 that often occurs after the ordering of the second round. 00:49:47.451 --> 00:49:51.148 Actually, Nick was telling me about you and your relationship with his mother. 00:49:51.255 --> 00:49:54.918 - No secret there. She's my sister. - Your relationship with her. 00:49:55.026 --> 00:49:58.052 Not your relationship to her. Nick says they don't speak. 00:49:58.162 --> 00:50:01.256 That's terrible. I mean, you need your family. 00:50:01.365 --> 00:50:04.562 - Yeah. - What do you think happened, Nick? 00:50:05.603 --> 00:50:08.868 My mom's a lot older than Roger. Like nine years. 00:50:08.973 --> 00:50:11.237 You must have been quite the little surprise, Roger. 00:50:11.342 --> 00:50:14.038 A nine-year gap doesn't necessarily mean an unplanned pregnancy. 00:50:15.646 --> 00:50:18.513 But, apparently, I did come as a bit of a surprise. 00:50:18.616 --> 00:50:20.584 Really? I didn't know that. 00:50:20.685 --> 00:50:23.085 That doesn't explain why you and your sister don't get along. 00:50:23.187 --> 00:50:25.883 Let's just say we don't have much in common. 00:50:26.657 --> 00:50:30.093 My mom says that when Roger was little, he could talk himself out of anything. 00:50:30.194 --> 00:50:32.321 He never got in trouble, even when he got caught. 00:50:32.430 --> 00:50:36.696 - She called him "Roger Dodger." - That's perfect for you. 00:50:36.801 --> 00:50:40.100 There's nothing wrong with a high verbal ability. Nick's got it too. 00:50:40.204 --> 00:50:42.331 I wanna be like Granddad. He almost never talks. 00:50:42.440 --> 00:50:44.965 But when he does, everyone kind of leans forward. 00:50:45.076 --> 00:50:47.044 You know, my dad's like that. 00:50:47.144 --> 00:50:49.772 The difference being that what my father has to say is usually... 00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:51.905 some variation on, "Get me another scotch." 00:50:52.016 --> 00:50:54.280 - Like father, like son? - No, like daughter. 00:50:54.385 --> 00:50:56.012 - I get my... - Whose daughter? 00:50:56.120 --> 00:50:58.645 - What do you mean, "like daughter?" - No joke. 00:50:58.756 --> 00:51:02.283 Mom keeps a bottle in the laundry basket. She has for years. 00:51:04.395 --> 00:51:05.919 - Oh, God, Nick. - That's awful. 00:51:06.030 --> 00:51:09.727 She's not a wreck or anything. She's just... What do you call it? 00:51:09.834 --> 00:51:11.834 - High-functioning. - Yeah. That's Susan all right. 00:51:11.869 --> 00:51:13.837 She's always functioned at a high level. 00:51:13.938 --> 00:51:17.704 - She's just really high, you know? - How can you joke about that? 00:51:17.808 --> 00:51:20.333 You can joke about anything that has to do with yourself. 00:51:20.444 --> 00:51:22.435 It's a basic human right. Isn't that right, Nick? 00:51:23.781 --> 00:51:26.443 I think that's constitutional or something. 00:51:26.550 --> 00:51:29.849 Freedom of speech. Freedom to joke. 00:51:29.954 --> 00:51:32.218 You know what? I need the ladies' room. 00:51:32.323 --> 00:51:34.655 Let's let the boys discuss these new revelations. 00:51:34.759 --> 00:51:36.317 - Good idea. - I don't... All right. 00:51:36.427 --> 00:51:37.894 All right. 00:51:40.164 --> 00:51:42.132 Be careful. We'll be waiting. 00:51:43.934 --> 00:51:45.834 Are you sure you want to get laid tonight? 00:51:45.936 --> 00:51:47.563 I thought you would like to know that. 00:51:47.672 --> 00:51:49.572 I am not the one who is here to learn. 00:51:49.674 --> 00:51:51.574 For most of us, this is a forgetting place. 00:51:51.676 --> 00:51:53.507 - All right? - We were talking about Granddad. 00:51:53.611 --> 00:51:55.571 - I fiigured... - You felt qualifiied to jump in... 00:51:55.613 --> 00:51:57.513 and expound on that particular topic? 00:51:57.615 --> 00:51:59.014 That's right. I'm sorry. 00:51:59.116 --> 00:52:02.176 You're an expert on that subject now. You guys are joined at the fucking hip. 00:52:02.286 --> 00:52:04.186 I wanted to keep the conversation going. 00:52:04.288 --> 00:52:06.552 There are four of us in this booth. 00:52:06.657 --> 00:52:08.716 Think of it as a game of bridge. 00:52:10.828 --> 00:52:14.093 In bridge, you have two sets of partners, okay? 00:52:14.198 --> 00:52:16.098 If you hope to become the kind of man... 00:52:16.200 --> 00:52:18.100 that other men choose to go into battle with... 00:52:18.202 --> 00:52:20.568 you have to learn to read your partner. 00:52:20.671 --> 00:52:23.640 It should have been obvious I don't want to talk about the family tonight. 00:52:24.675 --> 00:52:25.903 A little while ago... 00:52:26.010 --> 00:52:28.843 we were listening to Sophie describe herself giving a blow job. 00:52:28.946 --> 00:52:30.846 Don't you think that's slightly more fertile ground... 00:52:30.948 --> 00:52:33.576 than what's at the bottom of your mother's laundry basket? 00:52:35.486 --> 00:52:38.284 Pull your weight and steer the conversation back... 00:52:38.389 --> 00:52:40.789 to something in the same universe as sex. 00:52:40.891 --> 00:52:44.349 Remember, the thing that was supposed to be the primary focus this evening? 00:52:44.462 --> 00:52:46.157 Don't make me resort to the fail-safe. 00:52:48.065 --> 00:52:50.863 - Where are you going? - Excuse me. 00:52:50.968 --> 00:52:52.959 No. Bad idea. 00:52:53.070 --> 00:52:54.469 Ah, Jesus. 00:53:24.568 --> 00:53:26.661 Everything okay over there? 00:53:26.771 --> 00:53:28.671 No. I can't go with you standing there. 00:53:28.773 --> 00:53:31.674 - Why not? - I just can't. Get out of here. 00:53:31.776 --> 00:53:34.472 Can't go through life with a shy bladder, Nick. 00:53:34.578 --> 00:53:36.546 You're gonna be spending a lot of time in bars. 00:53:36.647 --> 00:53:38.687 Most of them will have restrooms just like this one. 00:53:39.984 --> 00:53:42.282 Fine. Then you go. You go fiirst. 00:53:42.386 --> 00:53:45.355 I don't have to. Just came in to rinse my hands. 00:53:47.057 --> 00:53:48.490 Forget it. 00:53:53.063 --> 00:53:55.827 - Let's go, kid. - No, look. I'm with somebody. 00:53:57.001 --> 00:53:59.435 Uncle Roger, could you please tell him? He doesn't... 00:53:59.537 --> 00:54:01.903 - How you doing? - No, I don't know him. 00:54:02.006 --> 00:54:03.906 - Bedtime, kid. Let's go. - Uncle Roger. 00:54:04.008 --> 00:54:05.976 - Come on, kid. Out. - Could you please... 00:54:06.844 --> 00:54:09.642 He's my... Uncle Roger! Really, go back in there. 00:54:11.248 --> 00:54:13.113 Look, I'm an actor. I'm researching a role. 00:54:13.217 --> 00:54:15.185 - Good luck with that. - Okay. 00:54:45.516 --> 00:54:47.143 - You okay? - Oh, hey. 00:54:47.251 --> 00:54:50.220 I guess I should've waited to use the bathroom. 00:54:50.321 --> 00:54:54.018 Okay. Unless the novelty of hanging out with prom king here has worn off... 00:54:54.124 --> 00:54:56.752 I suggest we get a bottle and fiind someplace with a view. 00:55:00.664 --> 00:55:03.963 - All right. Let's fiind a view. - Let's fiind a view. Ladies. 00:55:23.687 --> 00:55:25.985 - That was close. - That's good. Thank you. 00:55:26.090 --> 00:55:28.354 - This is the fiinest. - That's good. Just a little bit. 00:55:28.459 --> 00:55:29.585 Thank you. 00:55:29.693 --> 00:55:32.321 Just a little. That's good. That's good. 00:55:34.298 --> 00:55:36.095 - How do you like the wine? - I like it. 00:55:36.200 --> 00:55:38.191 It makes my chest feel warm. 00:55:38.302 --> 00:55:40.896 - Roger, you're a bad influence. - Yes, I am. 00:55:41.005 --> 00:55:43.405 - Alcohol, women of loose morals. - And gambling. 00:55:43.507 --> 00:55:44.974 That's right. Gambling. 00:55:45.075 --> 00:55:47.270 I don't see Nick complaining. 00:55:47.378 --> 00:55:49.676 Although I have to say, for women of loose morals... 00:55:50.748 --> 00:55:53.842 conversation has been pretty tame so far tonight. 00:55:54.818 --> 00:55:58.185 With the notable exception of Sophie's oral presentation. 00:55:58.289 --> 00:55:59.381 Shut up. 00:55:59.490 --> 00:56:03.256 It'd be helpful for Nick to hear more of the female perspective of the sex act. 00:56:03.360 --> 00:56:05.385 - Do you agree? - God. 00:56:06.163 --> 00:56:07.824 Where to begin? 00:56:07.932 --> 00:56:09.900 Nick will get us started. Nick? 00:56:14.338 --> 00:56:15.805 Go ahead. 00:56:16.507 --> 00:56:18.407 Ask away. Any question you like. 00:56:18.509 --> 00:56:19.703 Keep it interesting. 00:56:19.810 --> 00:56:21.107 All right. 00:56:24.181 --> 00:56:26.615 I guess I'd like to know what your fiirst time was like. 00:56:27.651 --> 00:56:30.051 - That's what you come up with? - That is a great question. 00:56:30.154 --> 00:56:31.451 Thank you. 00:56:32.756 --> 00:56:34.223 I'll go fiirst. 00:56:37.494 --> 00:56:40.657 - It was my junior year. - High school or college? 00:56:42.032 --> 00:56:43.590 High school. 00:56:43.701 --> 00:56:46.465 His name was Bobby Rushton, and we weren't even dating. 00:56:46.570 --> 00:56:50.062 I just picked him out one day and decided he was gonna be the one. 00:56:50.174 --> 00:56:52.472 - Why did you pick him? - Sense of humor? 00:56:53.510 --> 00:56:56.411 Ha-ha. He was funny, as I remember, but... 00:56:56.513 --> 00:56:59.311 it was something more than that. 00:56:59.416 --> 00:57:02.715 It was like this vibe. 00:57:02.820 --> 00:57:04.788 I knew he would be nice. 00:57:04.888 --> 00:57:08.483 He wasn't very popular, and I didn't think he'd brag about me to his friends. 00:57:08.592 --> 00:57:11.322 - That's half the fun. - Well, he didn't. 00:57:11.428 --> 00:57:13.396 He was just as nervous as I was. 00:57:14.632 --> 00:57:16.691 Which is part of the reason that I picked him... 00:57:16.800 --> 00:57:19.997 because I think I wanted to have some control. 00:57:20.104 --> 00:57:23.073 - You know? - You were his fiirst as well then? 00:57:23.173 --> 00:57:26.336 Yeah. In fact, I went with him to go get the condoms. 00:57:26.443 --> 00:57:28.468 We biked all the way across town... 00:57:28.579 --> 00:57:31.070 because we were so afraid someone might see us. 00:57:31.181 --> 00:57:33.615 - We planned the thing for a month. - I love this story. 00:57:34.451 --> 00:57:37.887 - Yes. - So, where did you, you know? 00:57:39.556 --> 00:57:42.081 It was in my house, in my room. 00:57:42.926 --> 00:57:44.894 My parents were away for the weekend. 00:57:44.995 --> 00:57:48.658 - Did you bleed? - The usual. Not too bad. 00:57:48.766 --> 00:57:50.734 Wait. So it hurts the fiirst time? 00:57:52.536 --> 00:57:54.868 Well, it really hurts... 00:57:56.407 --> 00:57:58.375 that fiirst second. 00:57:59.543 --> 00:58:02.341 And then after that, it's just new. 00:58:02.446 --> 00:58:06.507 You know? It's like this new feeling for your body. 00:58:06.617 --> 00:58:08.050 So how was he? 00:58:09.286 --> 00:58:12.312 - Matter of seconds? - No way! He kept going like a champ. 00:58:12.423 --> 00:58:14.618 I had to ask him to hurry up, actually. 00:58:14.725 --> 00:58:16.022 - Ow! - Yeah. 00:58:16.126 --> 00:58:20.358 He did admit to masturbating like crazy beforehand so he wouldn't just... 00:58:20.464 --> 00:58:23.695 - Like he wasn't doing that already. - No, he sounds like a nice guy. 00:58:23.801 --> 00:58:26.065 - He sounds like a dream come true. - He was a nice guy. 00:58:26.170 --> 00:58:28.604 He's a cop now. He's got four kids. 00:58:28.706 --> 00:58:31.140 Early sex is an absolute humiliation. 00:58:31.241 --> 00:58:35.200 Oh. Speak for yourself. My fiirst time was wonderful. 00:58:35.312 --> 00:58:37.007 Oh, yeah? 00:58:37.114 --> 00:58:39.082 Let me take a wild guess. 00:58:40.284 --> 00:58:42.479 - An older gentleman. - Right you are. 00:58:42.586 --> 00:58:44.053 - Married? - Right again. 00:58:45.255 --> 00:58:46.688 How old were you? 00:58:46.790 --> 00:58:49.190 I was 19. Freshman in college. 00:58:49.293 --> 00:58:52.091 Guess you didn't spend a lot of time getting to know your roommates. 00:58:52.196 --> 00:58:56.030 No. No, I don't even remember what they look like. 00:58:57.167 --> 00:58:58.964 So what happened? 00:59:00.304 --> 00:59:04.138 Well, believe it or not, he ended up staying with his wife. 00:59:05.242 --> 00:59:06.800 What are the odds? 00:59:06.910 --> 00:59:08.878 What did you do when you realized he wasn't going to leave her? 00:59:08.979 --> 00:59:12.210 Well, Nick, I got over it eventually... 00:59:12.316 --> 00:59:14.284 and vowed not to repeat the mistake. 00:59:14.384 --> 00:59:17.410 - And how's that going? - Some months are better than others. 00:59:17.521 --> 00:59:18.954 - Uh-huh. - Sophie... 00:59:19.056 --> 00:59:21.286 - I didn't say anything. - What can I do? They're all married. 00:59:21.391 --> 00:59:23.552 I promised I would not be a nag. It's okay. 00:59:23.660 --> 00:59:25.924 You, hotshot. Tell us about your fiirst time. 00:59:28.966 --> 00:59:32.732 Actually, I think Nick's story is much more interesting. Nick? 00:59:33.771 --> 00:59:36.069 - This I want to hear. - Yeah. 00:59:38.675 --> 00:59:40.404 Nicholas? 00:59:40.511 --> 00:59:43.639 Well, this is hard to admit, but... 00:59:45.349 --> 00:59:47.977 I've never had sex. 00:59:52.723 --> 00:59:54.520 You're a virgin? 00:59:55.759 --> 00:59:56.987 Yes. 01:00:01.799 --> 01:00:04.097 That is so sexy. Am I right? 01:00:04.201 --> 01:00:06.101 - It's hot. - Really? 01:00:06.203 --> 01:00:07.864 - Yeah. - Do you have a girlfriend? 01:00:07.971 --> 01:00:10.565 - No. Never. - Have you ever kissed a girl? 01:00:10.674 --> 01:00:13.575 Yeah, a couple of times in junior high playing truth or dare... 01:00:13.677 --> 01:00:16.271 but they weren't like real kisses. 01:00:16.380 --> 01:00:17.711 No tongue? 01:00:18.482 --> 01:00:21.645 I guess, but more than that. They were just stiff. 01:00:21.752 --> 01:00:23.652 Not like I imagined that they should be. 01:00:23.754 --> 01:00:26.052 Nick, come here for a second. 01:00:29.793 --> 01:00:31.488 Oh, my God. 01:00:54.651 --> 01:00:56.915 Now, don't fall in love with me or anything, okay? 01:00:58.789 --> 01:01:00.950 That was just to get you through junior year. 01:01:01.058 --> 01:01:02.685 All right. 01:01:05.996 --> 01:01:08.021 I couldn't resist being your fiirst kiss. 01:01:08.131 --> 01:01:09.359 That's right. 01:01:09.466 --> 01:01:12.731 Forever and ever, you will be his fiirst kiss. 01:01:13.604 --> 01:01:15.697 - Get away from me. - Come on. For symmetry. 01:01:15.806 --> 01:01:17.774 No, not a chance. Nick. 01:01:18.575 --> 01:01:21.339 - How do you feel? - My heart is beating really fast. 01:01:21.445 --> 01:01:23.913 - He knows just what to say. - Is he a good kisser? 01:01:24.014 --> 01:01:26.847 Oh, he's gonna break some hearts. 01:01:27.684 --> 01:01:29.413 How 'bout down below, Nick? 01:01:29.519 --> 01:01:31.680 Any, you know, vertical displacement? 01:01:31.788 --> 01:01:34.450 Leave him alone. How you doing, Casanova? 01:01:34.558 --> 01:01:36.185 - I'm okay. - Sure? 01:01:36.293 --> 01:01:37.920 - Yeah. - Okay. 01:01:38.028 --> 01:01:41.395 Look, I confess. I'm married. I keep my ring in my wallet. 01:01:41.498 --> 01:01:43.466 Even if you were married. 01:01:48.105 --> 01:01:49.572 Yeah, yeah. 01:01:52.342 --> 01:01:53.400 So, Nick. 01:01:53.510 --> 01:01:56.775 Take a moment to fiile this away for later. You understand what I mean? 01:01:58.048 --> 01:01:59.106 Just think, Sophie. 01:02:00.050 --> 01:02:03.451 In the next six months, every time Nick jerks off, he'll be picturing you. 01:02:03.553 --> 01:02:05.418 - Don't be an asshole. - I don't do that, okay? 01:02:05.522 --> 01:02:07.922 It's true. Okay, so I'm not married. 01:02:08.025 --> 01:02:10.084 What's important is the emotional unavailability, right? 01:02:10.193 --> 01:02:12.161 - That's what you look for. - I'm leaving. 01:02:14.431 --> 01:02:16.899 And, Sophie, you've even provided young Nicholas here... 01:02:17.000 --> 01:02:19.992 with a particular image to help structure his fantasy. 01:02:21.238 --> 01:02:23.138 Fuck you, Roger. Do you have a place to stay tonight? 01:02:23.240 --> 01:02:25.674 - He's staying with me. - You can come with us. 01:02:25.776 --> 01:02:29.439 He's with me. Unless you're fiinally ready to do something constructive. 01:02:29.546 --> 01:02:31.946 Like help Nick have an orgasm, huh, Sophie? 01:02:32.049 --> 01:02:35.143 - It's time to cut your uncle loose. - You're disgusting. We're outta here. 01:02:35.252 --> 01:02:36.742 - You take care. - Andrea? 01:02:36.853 --> 01:02:38.411 - Oh, disgusting. - Fuck you. 01:02:38.522 --> 01:02:40.353 Ladies? I... 01:02:41.091 --> 01:02:42.991 Was it something he said? 01:02:43.093 --> 01:02:44.424 Asshole! 01:02:45.595 --> 01:02:48.462 But no. Don't I... Okay, here's your chance. 01:02:48.565 --> 01:02:50.485 What are you talking about? Why did you say that? 01:02:50.567 --> 01:02:52.262 Good cop, bad cop. 01:02:52.369 --> 01:02:54.803 I planted the seed. Now go and close the deal, all right? 01:02:54.905 --> 01:02:56.896 - I can't go... - You think you'll get a better chance? 01:02:57.007 --> 01:02:59.339 Go, for Christ's sake, and remember the primary objective. 01:02:59.443 --> 01:03:00.876 Go, go, go! 01:03:11.655 --> 01:03:13.623 Run, Nick, run. 01:03:21.465 --> 01:03:22.796 Sophie! 01:03:24.201 --> 01:03:27.568 Hey, Sophie. I'm sorry. 01:03:28.605 --> 01:03:31.005 Don't worry about it. It's not your fault he's a jerk. 01:03:31.108 --> 01:03:34.635 I know. I wish it didn't have to just end like this. 01:03:36.113 --> 01:03:37.740 We're going now. 01:03:38.615 --> 01:03:40.981 I suggest you call off your bet and go home. 01:03:41.785 --> 01:03:43.878 The bet thing was just bullshit, okay? 01:03:45.555 --> 01:03:46.852 I know. 01:03:48.959 --> 01:03:50.756 You take it easy, okay? 01:03:50.861 --> 01:03:53.386 Look, I want us to... 01:03:54.931 --> 01:03:57.422 Don't spoil the wonderful time we had tonight. 01:03:58.368 --> 01:03:59.995 You know? 01:04:06.276 --> 01:04:08.244 This is to remember me by. 01:04:17.721 --> 01:04:19.621 Take care, Nick. 01:04:19.723 --> 01:04:21.691 We need more men like you. 01:04:47.784 --> 01:04:49.308 Hey. 01:04:49.386 --> 01:04:50.478 What happened? 01:04:50.587 --> 01:04:52.384 What? Nothing happened. 01:04:53.423 --> 01:04:54.447 So you're oh for one. 01:04:54.558 --> 01:04:56.549 She wasn't gonna go for it. I couldn't ask her. 01:04:56.660 --> 01:04:59.421 - You gonna sleep with Sophie tonight? - It was obvious. She was not... 01:04:59.463 --> 01:05:02.296 Are you going to have sex with Sophie tonight? 01:05:05.435 --> 01:05:07.903 - No. - Then I repeat: you're oh for one. 01:05:08.004 --> 01:05:11.167 You need to learn how to fiinish. Anyone can get halfway home. 01:05:15.112 --> 01:05:17.307 We're switching to plan B. Hey! 01:05:19.116 --> 01:05:21.744 I think a change of venue will improve your luck. 01:05:40.737 --> 01:05:42.762 Wait! Hold up! Stop! 01:06:26.950 --> 01:06:29.441 Do me a favor. Stay here till we're inside. 01:06:29.553 --> 01:06:31.521 - So where we goin'? - Finish up. 01:06:34.457 --> 01:06:37.551 - We're going to a party. Come on. - Whose party is it? 01:06:39.930 --> 01:06:42.421 Fuck! Over here. Over here. 01:06:43.867 --> 01:06:45.960 Look at this. Beautiful glasswork. 01:07:01.184 --> 01:07:02.583 Whoa, whoa. 01:07:06.556 --> 01:07:07.853 Why we running? 01:07:07.958 --> 01:07:09.858 That doorman has a hateful personality. 01:07:09.960 --> 01:07:12.622 Listen up. It's gonna be a whole new dynamic up there. 01:07:12.729 --> 01:07:13.957 Stay focused. 01:07:14.064 --> 01:07:16.624 Don't talk to any guys. That's a defiinite rally-killer. 01:07:16.733 --> 01:07:19.566 Keep moving at all times. No hiding in the bathroom. 01:07:20.337 --> 01:07:22.362 Here we are. Hey. 01:07:25.809 --> 01:07:27.970 - Look who it is. - Hey, Chris. How are you? 01:07:28.078 --> 01:07:29.978 This is my nephew Nick. Chris. 01:07:30.080 --> 01:07:32.173 - How are you? - How ya doin'? 01:07:37.320 --> 01:07:40.312 Wait. Do you have a bathroom I could use? 01:07:40.423 --> 01:07:42.391 - A what? - A bathroom I could use? 01:07:42.492 --> 01:07:43.550 A what? 01:07:44.494 --> 01:07:46.462 I've been trying to shake this woman all night. 01:07:48.431 --> 01:07:49.898 This is Donovan. 01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:52.434 I'm the only one here that's my age. 01:07:52.535 --> 01:07:54.833 Where did you think we were going, the junior prom? 01:07:56.172 --> 01:07:57.696 I think I'm drunk. 01:08:00.277 --> 01:08:01.403 Come here. 01:08:04.114 --> 01:08:06.446 Nick. Do you know where we are? 01:08:07.717 --> 01:08:10.413 - I think you said Greenwich Street. - We're in winning time. 01:08:10.520 --> 01:08:12.852 - Okay. Winning time. - Right. Okay? 01:08:12.956 --> 01:08:15.516 It's a little harder to recognize than when you're in a bar... 01:08:15.625 --> 01:08:17.593 but the concept is the same. 01:08:19.396 --> 01:08:21.660 There's an incredible moment that happens when a party... 01:08:21.765 --> 01:08:24.791 passes its apex, its peak. 01:08:25.869 --> 01:08:28.929 As if by magic, suddenly every person in the room... 01:08:29.039 --> 01:08:31.007 is acutely aware of the time. 01:08:31.107 --> 01:08:34.270 It is at that moment that the fear hits. 01:08:35.312 --> 01:08:38.372 - What fear? - The fear of the empty apartment. 01:08:39.416 --> 01:08:40.610 Oh. Yeah. 01:08:40.717 --> 01:08:42.947 That is more than most people can stand. 01:08:43.887 --> 01:08:47.118 Desperation creeps into the room like a fog. 01:08:47.223 --> 01:08:50.056 Eyes begin to search the crowd anxiously. 01:08:50.160 --> 01:08:53.493 Standards are drastically lowered. I mean, it's palpable. 01:08:54.397 --> 01:08:56.524 - You know what I'm saying? - Not really. 01:08:59.769 --> 01:09:03.227 What I'm saying is, you have a real shot here, Nick. 01:09:06.476 --> 01:09:10.276 This is the moment that separates a true champion. 01:09:10.380 --> 01:09:12.507 You remember the reason you fiirst asked for my help? 01:09:13.316 --> 01:09:14.578 The primary goal? 01:09:14.684 --> 01:09:16.652 - Yes. - Then let me help you... 01:09:16.753 --> 01:09:18.550 to achieve it. 01:09:30.333 --> 01:09:32.597 All right. So. 01:09:32.702 --> 01:09:35.728 We need to scope out who the drinkers are. 01:09:35.839 --> 01:09:38.672 Every party needs a pace car, a rabbit. 01:09:39.743 --> 01:09:42.871 Always look for the girls who are two drinks ahead of everybody else. 01:09:42.979 --> 01:09:44.537 How do you do that? 01:09:44.647 --> 01:09:47.047 Listen for inappropriately loud bursts of laughter... 01:09:47.150 --> 01:09:49.380 or scan the crowd for somebody spilling a drink. 01:09:49.486 --> 01:09:53.183 Check the dance floor for somebody working out of their zone. 01:09:53.289 --> 01:09:55.257 How about them? They seem pretty drunk. 01:09:59.396 --> 01:10:00.693 Good afternoon. 01:10:02.232 --> 01:10:06.134 God, this is so embarrassing. I don't know how this happened. 01:10:06.236 --> 01:10:08.864 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. 01:10:08.972 --> 01:10:10.269 Hey, Donna. 01:10:11.741 --> 01:10:13.504 - Hi. - How ya doin'? 01:10:13.610 --> 01:10:15.237 - Well... - Good. Listen. 01:10:15.345 --> 01:10:17.245 This is my nephew I want to introduce. Nick. 01:10:17.347 --> 01:10:19.440 - Hi. - I saw you earlier at the offiice. 01:10:19.549 --> 01:10:21.642 Hi, Nick. Donna. 01:10:21.751 --> 01:10:24.219 - Nice to see you. - You too. 01:10:26.156 --> 01:10:28.784 - Roger's showing you the town? - Yeah, some of it. 01:10:29.659 --> 01:10:31.149 Yeah, Nick's visiting. 01:10:31.261 --> 01:10:33.559 Why don't you tell Donna about the bet we got going. 01:10:33.663 --> 01:10:35.290 - See you in a second. - Huh? Wait. 01:10:36.166 --> 01:10:39.533 What bet? What's he got you involved in? 01:10:39.636 --> 01:10:42.070 - Oh, it's nothing. Really. - What is this? 01:10:42.172 --> 01:10:44.106 Oh, that. I don't even know. 01:10:44.207 --> 01:10:45.504 - It's cute. - Thanks. 01:10:45.608 --> 01:10:47.405 I don't even use it. 01:10:47.510 --> 01:10:49.944 Eighty. Hot. Eighty degrees. 01:10:50.046 --> 01:10:52.241 That is hot. Yeah. 01:10:54.751 --> 01:10:59.120 We made a bet whether I can get someone to fall in love with me tonight. 01:10:59.222 --> 01:11:00.519 Wow. 01:11:01.224 --> 01:11:03.590 - For how much? - A thousand bucks. 01:11:05.261 --> 01:11:06.888 Get outta here. 01:11:08.364 --> 01:11:10.332 Well, so, how's it going so far? 01:11:12.235 --> 01:11:14.294 Excuse me. Thank you. 01:11:15.338 --> 01:11:17.238 Thank you. Cheers. 01:11:17.340 --> 01:11:18.534 Yeah. 01:11:19.609 --> 01:11:21.372 To love. 01:11:34.791 --> 01:11:36.782 Oh, hello. 01:11:36.893 --> 01:11:40.590 You're not the infamous Roger Swanson I've heard so much about, are you? 01:11:40.697 --> 01:11:41.925 That's me. Yes. 01:11:42.031 --> 01:11:45.694 Joyce says of all of her copy people, you are the funniest. 01:11:45.802 --> 01:11:47.702 - I'm a laugh riot. - No, she says that. 01:11:47.804 --> 01:11:50.068 - Why would I lie? - What's your name? 01:11:50.173 --> 01:11:52.300 I'm sorry. I haven't introduced myself. 01:11:52.408 --> 01:11:55.309 I'm Patricia. Joyce and I went to college together. 01:11:55.411 --> 01:11:57.504 Nice to meet you. Patty, would you do me a favor? 01:11:57.614 --> 01:11:59.741 Sure. I can certainly try. 01:11:59.849 --> 01:12:02.818 See that kid right over there in the corner? 01:12:02.919 --> 01:12:04.887 - Yeah. - That's my nephew Nick. 01:12:04.988 --> 01:12:06.888 - Oh, really. He's so cute. - He is. 01:12:06.990 --> 01:12:09.117 - He's still a virgin. - No! 01:12:09.225 --> 01:12:11.750 - Swear to God. - Poor boy. How old is he? 01:12:11.861 --> 01:12:13.351 He's 16. Now, listen. 01:12:13.463 --> 01:12:16.364 My time with Joyce taught me that older women fuck like jackrabbits... 01:12:16.466 --> 01:12:19.458 and Nick is at his absolute peak sexually. 01:12:19.569 --> 01:12:21.469 So, I fiigure, the two of you go at it... 01:12:21.571 --> 01:12:23.471 it would be like Frazier and Ali. 01:12:23.573 --> 01:12:25.302 - Right? - Something is wrong with you. 01:12:25.408 --> 01:12:28.206 No, I'm serious. What do you say? 01:12:28.311 --> 01:12:31.439 - As a kind of a... - I'm gonna... 01:12:31.548 --> 01:12:33.345 Red Cross moment or... 01:12:33.449 --> 01:12:35.508 Okay. Nice to see you. 01:12:52.435 --> 01:12:56.030 - How's it goin' over here? - Hey, Roger. 01:12:56.139 --> 01:12:59.199 - Now, who let you in? - Who let me in? You let me in. 01:12:59.309 --> 01:13:00.606 What? 01:13:01.411 --> 01:13:03.675 You know, Nick here is a real ladies' man. 01:13:03.780 --> 01:13:05.748 You're lucky he's spending all this time with you. 01:13:05.848 --> 01:13:08.112 Yeah, that's me. The lucky lady. 01:13:10.286 --> 01:13:13.813 Actually... I think I had too much to drink. 01:13:13.923 --> 01:13:16.050 - Uh-oh. - Would you like to lie down? 01:13:16.159 --> 01:13:18.354 Nick, Nick. Excellent idea. 01:13:18.461 --> 01:13:21.123 Good one. Come on, darling. Let's fiind you a place to lie down. 01:13:21.230 --> 01:13:23.130 Oh, no. Just when things were getting good. 01:13:23.232 --> 01:13:25.200 Things are still good. 01:13:29.872 --> 01:13:31.897 - Come on. - Where are we going? 01:13:32.008 --> 01:13:33.908 - We're going. - We are? 01:13:34.010 --> 01:13:36.774 We're going right around this little corner. 01:13:36.879 --> 01:13:38.847 - Here we go. - I forgot to eat. 01:13:43.886 --> 01:13:46.047 Nick, stay with us. Keep close. 01:13:46.155 --> 01:13:47.554 - Okay. - Good. 01:13:47.657 --> 01:13:50.285 - All right. So I'll just... - Oh, excellent. 01:13:51.561 --> 01:13:53.791 - Are you all right? - I'll just leave you two together. 01:13:53.896 --> 01:13:55.386 - Okay. - No, don't go. 01:13:55.498 --> 01:13:57.989 - You're in capable hands, believe me. - What are you doing? 01:13:58.101 --> 01:13:59.625 Hang on a second. 01:14:11.347 --> 01:14:13.315 What are we gonna do? 01:14:13.416 --> 01:14:17.284 We are not gonna do anything... at all. 01:14:25.495 --> 01:14:27.463 I'll be on guard duty, okay? 01:14:29.399 --> 01:14:32.664 You need to work fast. If I were you, I'd switch to the two-minute offense. 01:14:32.769 --> 01:14:35.033 What are you talking about? Wait, Uncle Roger... 01:14:35.438 --> 01:14:36.735 Love you. 01:14:40.743 --> 01:14:42.210 Don't go. 01:14:55.658 --> 01:14:57.125 Oh, let me introduce you. 01:14:57.226 --> 01:14:59.194 This is Donovan Lehman, Christopher Weland... 01:14:59.295 --> 01:15:01.024 our two collaborators. 01:15:01.130 --> 01:15:03.030 I think they're gonna be perfect for you. 01:15:03.132 --> 01:15:06.226 You told me you wanted something a little bit magic, a bit surreal. 01:15:06.335 --> 01:15:08.860 Hey, hey, Donovan. How are you, man? 01:15:08.971 --> 01:15:11.303 - Roger. Hey, man. - How are you? 01:15:11.407 --> 01:15:12.704 Hey, Chris. 01:15:13.976 --> 01:15:15.204 Look at you two. 01:15:15.311 --> 01:15:18.678 You seem like the happy couple. What's your secret? 01:15:18.781 --> 01:15:21.581 Sorry. You know what they say about dipping the pen in the company ink. 01:15:22.852 --> 01:15:26.219 - I guess so. - I know what they say. Yes, they do. 01:15:28.491 --> 01:15:29.788 All right. 01:15:47.777 --> 01:15:49.244 Look at you. 01:18:04.146 --> 01:18:05.613 Go to sleep. 01:18:39.015 --> 01:18:40.744 I think we got sidetracked there. 01:18:40.850 --> 01:18:43.080 Seriously, Donovan, with all the pressure facing men today... 01:18:43.185 --> 01:18:45.210 it's got to be tough to maintain a relationship. 01:18:45.321 --> 01:18:47.221 I don't know. Let's ask a man. Chris? 01:18:47.323 --> 01:18:49.314 Traditional male roles are being tossed aside... 01:18:49.425 --> 01:18:52.053 before we have any chance to make an internal shift, don't you think? 01:18:52.161 --> 01:18:55.722 Our culture seems designed to emasculate and infantilize. 01:18:56.732 --> 01:18:58.893 - That's a strong statement. - Why don't you go and... 01:18:59.001 --> 01:19:00.628 help yourself to some food? 01:19:00.736 --> 01:19:03.034 It's particularly true in a situation when the woman is... 01:19:03.139 --> 01:19:05.505 two decades older than the man. 01:19:06.475 --> 01:19:08.807 - Roger! - Approximately. 01:19:12.181 --> 01:19:14.149 We were having this discussion the other day... 01:19:14.250 --> 01:19:16.775 Is it your mission in life to humiliate yourself? 01:19:16.886 --> 01:19:18.945 It's more of a hobby really. 01:19:19.055 --> 01:19:21.080 I want you to leave right now. 01:19:21.190 --> 01:19:23.283 You want me to leave and go where? 01:19:24.327 --> 01:19:27.091 Think very hard about what you're doing. 01:19:27.196 --> 01:19:29.426 Go where, Joyce? Where do you want me to go? 01:19:32.568 --> 01:19:33.796 You're through. 01:19:33.903 --> 01:19:36.303 You lied to me. You are a liar. 01:19:36.405 --> 01:19:38.498 - I want you to leave. - Who's he? 01:19:38.607 --> 01:19:40.370 Who the fuck is he? 01:19:40.476 --> 01:19:42.205 Who the fuck is he? 01:19:42.311 --> 01:19:44.336 Who is he? What... 01:19:47.750 --> 01:19:49.047 Don't get comfortable. 01:19:50.586 --> 01:19:53.555 Don't ever settle in like you own the place. Trust me. 01:19:55.257 --> 01:19:57.225 There's always something gaining on you. 01:19:58.094 --> 01:20:01.291 And here they come now. Hey, guys. Good luck. 01:20:01.397 --> 01:20:03.194 Sorry. Take care now. 01:20:04.367 --> 01:20:07.427 Let me get a coat here. Take care. 01:20:07.536 --> 01:20:10.004 Nice to see you. Thanks, Joyce! Bye-bye! 01:20:11.841 --> 01:20:13.308 What just happened? 01:20:13.409 --> 01:20:15.377 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 01:20:29.125 --> 01:20:31.184 That didn't go exactly as I had hoped. 01:20:36.298 --> 01:20:38.459 What happened in there? What were you shouting about? 01:20:38.567 --> 01:20:40.535 Doesn't matter. What about you? 01:20:40.636 --> 01:20:42.536 - Did you get it on with Donna? - No. 01:20:42.638 --> 01:20:45.471 - Why not? - Are you kidding? She was passed out! 01:20:45.574 --> 01:20:50.477 Nick, you have had one golden opportunity after another this evening. 01:20:50.579 --> 01:20:53.104 You haven't exactly shown yourself to be a clutch player. 01:20:53.215 --> 01:20:55.183 - Hey! - What happened in there? 01:20:55.284 --> 01:20:57.616 - Are you drunk? - I'm going home. 01:20:57.720 --> 01:21:00.120 - Where do you need to be dropped? - What? 01:21:00.222 --> 01:21:01.519 That's it? 01:21:02.625 --> 01:21:05.594 We've had a full evening. I think you're ready to fly solo. 01:21:07.963 --> 01:21:10.591 - You said there was a fail-safe. - What fail-safe? 01:21:11.567 --> 01:21:13.626 Back at the bar. You said there was a fail-safe. 01:21:13.736 --> 01:21:14.862 Did I? 01:21:16.739 --> 01:21:20.300 - I don't think you want the fail-safe. - No, I want it! Just stop. 01:21:20.409 --> 01:21:22.138 - You sure? - Yes, I'm sure. 01:21:22.244 --> 01:21:24.576 I'm not going home like this, all right? 01:21:24.680 --> 01:21:26.011 I'm sure. Okay? 01:21:28.417 --> 01:21:30.317 You know what? You're right. 01:21:30.419 --> 01:21:33.547 Why give into a slump? Let's go down swinging. 01:21:33.656 --> 01:21:36.124 - Yes. Like Michael Jordan. - Right. 01:21:36.225 --> 01:21:39.194 That's the wrong sport, but I like your enthusiasm. Let's go. 01:22:11.560 --> 01:22:13.050 All right. Thanks. 01:22:30.546 --> 01:22:32.104 Come on. Come on. 01:23:27.736 --> 01:23:30.000 Hey. Two of us. 01:23:30.105 --> 01:23:31.595 That's 200. 01:23:36.478 --> 01:23:38.070 One... two. 01:23:40.749 --> 01:23:43.183 - Is he a minor? - I'm an actor. I'm researching a role. 01:24:59.495 --> 01:25:01.292 It's a hundred to fuck me. 01:25:19.381 --> 01:25:20.575 Tip. 01:25:41.937 --> 01:25:42.995 Come on. 01:25:50.646 --> 01:25:52.705 Wait. Just slow down. 01:25:56.285 --> 01:25:57.684 Please slow down. 01:26:53.342 --> 01:26:55.936 - We're goin' home. - Hey! Hey! 01:26:56.044 --> 01:26:58.012 - What are you doing? - Easy, easy. 01:26:58.113 --> 01:27:00.946 Get outta here. Motherfucker, get off me! 01:27:01.049 --> 01:27:03.745 Motherfucker, get off me! 01:27:03.852 --> 01:27:06.548 - Get off me! - Get outta here! 01:27:06.655 --> 01:27:07.952 Nick! 01:27:16.999 --> 01:27:18.330 Nick. 01:27:23.872 --> 01:27:25.999 Nick, don't worry about it. 01:27:33.649 --> 01:27:35.674 It's okay. It's all right! 01:27:39.254 --> 01:27:40.312 Nick! 01:27:43.358 --> 01:27:44.848 Chill! 01:27:46.228 --> 01:27:48.196 It's all right, man. 01:27:49.298 --> 01:27:50.595 Jesus. 01:28:16.091 --> 01:28:18.218 Fucking booze. 01:28:28.270 --> 01:28:29.567 Come on. 01:29:14.049 --> 01:29:15.380 Come here. 01:29:16.451 --> 01:29:18.544 - Jesus. - Don't tell... 01:29:18.654 --> 01:29:20.121 Go to sleep. 01:29:30.832 --> 01:29:32.129 Okay. 01:31:09.398 --> 01:31:11.366 Roger, pick up the goddamn phone. 01:31:11.466 --> 01:31:13.798 Nick is gone. No one's seen him in two days. 01:31:13.902 --> 01:31:16.871 I am frantic, and I need you to call me, please. 01:31:44.466 --> 01:31:46.093 Oh, my God. 01:31:54.476 --> 01:31:55.943 There's coffee. 01:31:58.714 --> 01:32:00.181 I don't drink caffeine. 01:32:02.117 --> 01:32:03.117 Yes. 01:32:07.823 --> 01:32:09.791 I keep losing my balance. 01:32:10.859 --> 01:32:12.690 - That'll pass. - Yeah. 01:32:15.097 --> 01:32:16.462 So, Nick... 01:32:17.232 --> 01:32:19.132 tell me more about Columbia. 01:32:19.234 --> 01:32:21.202 What did you think of the campus? 01:32:23.939 --> 01:32:26.499 I don't know. It was fiine. 01:32:28.910 --> 01:32:31.606 Did you... look around the neighborhood? 01:32:31.713 --> 01:32:35.376 Maybe you could tell me about the different things you saw on your tour. 01:32:41.656 --> 01:32:43.920 I'm sorry I got so mad. 01:32:45.360 --> 01:32:46.827 You're what? 01:32:48.497 --> 01:32:49.794 Last night. 01:32:52.701 --> 01:32:55.727 You were trying to teach me the way that things are done, and I... 01:32:57.339 --> 01:33:00.240 I guess I kept fucking it up. So... 01:33:00.342 --> 01:33:02.606 So I shouldn't have gotten so mad. 01:33:03.478 --> 01:33:06.641 I'm... sorry I disappointed you. 01:33:09.918 --> 01:33:11.385 Uh-huh. Okay. 01:33:11.486 --> 01:33:13.818 Anyone can have an off night. It's happened to me. 01:33:16.725 --> 01:33:18.625 You said you score every night. 01:33:18.727 --> 01:33:20.627 I say a lot of things. Look, Nick. 01:33:23.198 --> 01:33:25.098 Call your mom, will you? 01:33:25.200 --> 01:33:27.100 I'm sure she would like to hear from you. 01:33:28.136 --> 01:33:29.865 Forget it. I'll see her when I get home. 01:33:29.971 --> 01:33:31.939 Call her anyway. Come on. 01:33:44.085 --> 01:33:46.053 I'll leave you to it. 01:33:55.831 --> 01:33:57.799 I guess I'll see you at the next funeral. 01:33:57.899 --> 01:33:59.127 Why? Who's sick? 01:34:00.001 --> 01:34:01.559 What? No, I'm kidding. 01:34:01.670 --> 01:34:02.898 Me too. 01:34:05.974 --> 01:34:07.874 All right. Good-bye, Uncle Roger. 01:34:07.976 --> 01:34:09.443 See you, Nick. 01:34:17.986 --> 01:34:19.749 Don't tip. I got it. 01:34:38.206 --> 01:34:40.936 How long does it usually take to get to the airport? 01:34:41.042 --> 01:34:43.408 - About a half hour, sir. - Right. 01:35:59.955 --> 01:36:01.684 You see Angela today? 01:36:01.790 --> 01:36:03.815 - How come? - No bra. 01:36:07.329 --> 01:36:08.956 I swear to God. 01:36:09.931 --> 01:36:12.832 That's unhealthy. They're gonna sag when she gets older. 01:36:12.934 --> 01:36:14.094 Fuck 'em up. 01:36:14.202 --> 01:36:16.170 So go tell her, Nick. 01:36:16.271 --> 01:36:17.499 What? 01:36:19.140 --> 01:36:20.505 Go tell her. 01:36:20.608 --> 01:36:22.371 Yeah, maybe she doesn't know. 01:36:22.477 --> 01:36:25.173 - You know, you'd be doing her a favor. - Yeah. 01:36:25.280 --> 01:36:26.804 A true favor. 01:36:26.915 --> 01:36:28.212 Yeah. 01:36:57.612 --> 01:36:59.580 Look who dropped by for a visit. 01:37:03.451 --> 01:37:04.918 Girls. 01:37:06.254 --> 01:37:07.619 Young women. 01:37:10.425 --> 01:37:12.859 Female human beings. 01:37:15.130 --> 01:37:17.496 Female hearts beating beneath... 01:37:17.599 --> 01:37:19.328 those tight sweaters. 01:37:19.434 --> 01:37:22.699 Feminine blood coursing through their veins. 01:37:22.804 --> 01:37:26.399 Living, breathing girls. 01:37:28.343 --> 01:37:31.312 What are you young men in the prime of your lives doing about this? 01:37:31.413 --> 01:37:33.176 I'm doing plenty. 01:37:33.281 --> 01:37:35.321 - Yeah? You're getting plenty of action? - Oh, yeah. 01:37:35.383 --> 01:37:37.078 He has to beat 'em off with a stick. 01:37:37.185 --> 01:37:41.952 Unfortunately, I'm not talking about "whack-off.com," okay? 01:37:42.057 --> 01:37:44.753 I'm talking about the girls in this room. 01:37:44.859 --> 01:37:46.884 I'm talking about communicating. 01:37:46.995 --> 01:37:48.553 I'm talking about engaging. 01:37:48.663 --> 01:37:51.188 I'm talking about standing up from this... 01:37:52.834 --> 01:37:56.998 guys-only, Star Trek-convention, frankly, homoerotic little group... 01:37:58.273 --> 01:38:00.639 and introducing yourself to one of these girls. 01:38:00.742 --> 01:38:02.642 Yeah, but I always get so nervous. 01:38:02.744 --> 01:38:05.008 Why? There's nothing at stake. 01:38:05.113 --> 01:38:07.240 If there was a chance of you actually getting laid... 01:38:07.348 --> 01:38:09.077 then you'd have a reason to be nervous. 01:38:09.184 --> 01:38:11.084 Try working someone in a bar for three hours... 01:38:11.186 --> 01:38:14.314 and then you gotta close the deal right before last call. 01:38:14.422 --> 01:38:16.390 That's pressure. Okay? 01:38:17.225 --> 01:38:19.659 You guys can treat this like it's a warm-up. 01:38:20.695 --> 01:38:23.528 You're trying to fiind your style. So you get nervous? 01:38:23.631 --> 01:38:26.600 Maybe you're the nervous guy. Maybe that's your hook. 01:38:26.701 --> 01:38:29.499 So go ahead and blush. Stutter all you want. 01:38:30.305 --> 01:38:32.535 Show her how she makes you feel. 01:38:32.640 --> 01:38:34.835 Think of it. You're combining honesty and flattery. 01:38:34.943 --> 01:38:36.774 - That's lethal. - Yeah, but... 01:38:36.878 --> 01:38:39.346 you can't let a girl know how nervous you are. 01:38:39.447 --> 01:38:41.677 You gotta let her know you're in control, right? 01:38:43.818 --> 01:38:45.547 "In control"? Who is this guy? 01:38:45.653 --> 01:38:48.019 You're in high school. You don't control any... Look at your face. 01:38:48.123 --> 01:38:50.216 Look at what you're eating, for Christ's sake. 01:38:50.325 --> 01:38:52.190 Look at that shirt. 01:38:52.293 --> 01:38:53.726 In control. 01:38:54.562 --> 01:38:56.223 All right. 01:38:56.331 --> 01:38:58.371 Who's the one you guys are all desperate to talk to? 01:38:58.399 --> 01:38:59.423 Angela. 01:39:00.468 --> 01:39:01.468 Defiinitely. 01:39:03.705 --> 01:39:06.538 - Angela. - Okay. Here's what you could say. 01:39:09.043 --> 01:39:11.238 Hi, Angela. My name is... What is it? 01:39:11.346 --> 01:39:13.371 - Darren. - My name is Darren. 01:39:15.884 --> 01:39:18.876 Every time I see you in the hall, I have the urge to talk to you. 01:39:19.587 --> 01:39:21.851 So I try to think of something clever to say... 01:39:21.956 --> 01:39:24.151 but I get so nervous... 01:39:26.094 --> 01:39:28.460 that nothing comes out. 01:39:28.563 --> 01:39:31.794 We don't know each other right now, but I'd like to maybe... 01:39:32.500 --> 01:39:35.492 invite you out for a soda sometime so that we could talk. 01:39:35.603 --> 01:39:37.571 I'd like to see what we have in common. 01:39:38.573 --> 01:39:40.734 But most of all, I'm curious to fiind out... 01:39:40.842 --> 01:39:42.810 what kind of person you really are... 01:39:42.911 --> 01:39:45.573 because I am tired of looking at you from a dist... 01:39:45.680 --> 01:39:47.580 And so on and so forth. 01:39:47.682 --> 01:39:49.582 Take that out for a spin. See how it works. 01:39:49.684 --> 01:39:52.244 Yeah. See her turn around and walk back to the jock table. 01:39:52.353 --> 01:39:53.911 - Yeah. - If that happens... 01:39:54.022 --> 01:39:56.022 you go to sleep knowing you gave it your best shot. 01:39:56.090 --> 01:39:57.990 Remember, she has to show you something as well. 01:39:59.060 --> 01:40:01.119 I'd love it if Angela showed me something. 01:40:02.530 --> 01:40:05.055 - Yeah. Two things. - Yeah! 01:40:06.467 --> 01:40:07.934 I'd lick 'em. 01:40:09.971 --> 01:40:12.667 Well, I tried. Hang in there, Nick. 01:40:12.774 --> 01:40:14.036 Wait. You're going? 01:40:14.142 --> 01:40:16.736 Yeah, I gotta get home, look for work. 01:40:16.844 --> 01:40:18.744 As we speak, consumers everywhere need reminding... 01:40:18.846 --> 01:40:20.780 of just how fat and unattractive they are. 01:40:22.483 --> 01:40:24.451 Nice meeting you, men. 01:40:25.153 --> 01:40:26.780 Keep your sense of humor. 01:40:27.488 --> 01:40:30.946 In ten years, you won't even remember what this place looks like. Trust me. 01:40:35.563 --> 01:40:37.531 Dude, your uncle is strange. 01:40:38.366 --> 01:40:40.266 Yeah, I know. I guess he is. 01:40:40.368 --> 01:40:42.233 Yeah, but he's cool. You gonna visit him again? 01:40:45.506 --> 01:40:46.803 I don't know. 01:40:50.878 --> 01:40:52.175 What? 01:40:55.583 --> 01:40:56.777 What? 01:40:59.387 --> 01:41:00.877 Hey, Nick. 01:41:00.989 --> 01:41:03.287 Some guy, I guess he's your uncle... 01:41:03.391 --> 01:41:05.655 he said you had something to tell me. 01:41:08.563 --> 01:41:11.430 He said it would "blow my mind." 01:41:11.454 --> 01:41:31.454 Telegram Channel and Instagram Page .:: @bollbolljan_com ::.