WEBVTT

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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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- Ally, recap?
- Remember the Kowolskis?

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They've owned this shop
for 30 years, and they are
attempting to set a record

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by making
Buffalo's largest cookie,
and you have to wear this.

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- A hair net?
- Health department.

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You're kidding me.
If you're working
around the cookie,

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you have to have it on.

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It's the law.
I just did the hair.
The hair is perfect.

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All right. Give it to me.

00:01:03.396 --> 00:01:06.899
God, why do you hate me?

00:01:06.983 --> 00:01:09.443
We're rolling. And speed.

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For three decades,
the Kowolski family bakery

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has been a mainstay
in downtown Buffalo,

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known for their
sinfully sweet,
cream-filled Polski Pierogis,

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and the occasional
sugar-induced coma
that follows.

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But today, in honor of
their 30th anniversary,

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they've invited us
to ride along
as they go for the record

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on Buffalo's biggest cookie.

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Vol. Vol.
You need a tissue
or something?

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Can we get Vol a tissue
or a spoon?

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It's a good thing
we're wearing these today,

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'cause I wouldn't want
any stray hairs

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to fall into the booger.

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Are we gonna do this again?
No. We can cut to B-roll.

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Moving on! So tell me, Mama.
Why make
Buffalo's biggest cookie?

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Well, man
from health department

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say he find
rat pellet in our pastry,
but I say, "No."

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ls big chocolate sprinkle.
But he shut store down.

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So we clean up,
make big cookie

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for to bring customers back.

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Well, I admire your candor.
Let's try that again,
shall we?

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So tell me, Mama.
Why make
Buffalo's biggest cookie?

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So the children
of the neighborhood
will be happy?

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That's right. it must be
wonderful seeing the smiles
on their little faces.

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I work in back.
I see no smiles.

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The previous Buffalo record
was eight feet, seven inches,

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baked by Gladys Pelsnick.

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If this cookie beats Gladys's,
it will prove once and for all

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that the Kowolskis
have much more free time.

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And the cookie is 10 feet,
four inches.

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We have a new record!

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Cue the cheesy
inspirational music!

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But what are we
really looking at here?

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Is it just a big cookie,
or does this cookie represent
the pride of Buffalo,

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its dedicated
and hardworking citizens
the key ingredient,

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with a few nuts thrown in,

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and, finally, the love of
our families, which provides
the warm, chewy center,

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making our beloved Buffalo
the sweetest place to live.

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And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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I'm Bruce Nolan,
Eyewitness News.
And cut it.

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What do you think?

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I think it's really good.
It sucks.

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It's a story about a cookie.

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The Pillsbury Doughboy
will be riveted.

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Honey, it was funny.
It made me laugh.

00:04:07.497 --> 00:04:09.414
There's nothing wrong
with making people laugh.

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I'll never be an anchorman,
not with this.

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The job's right there,
but I can't reach it,

00:04:13.503 --> 00:04:15.545
because every time
they make me do this stuff,

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I have to act
like a total goof
in order to make it work.

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I have no credibility.
Not good. Not good.

00:04:22.136 --> 00:04:23.553
You know what?
Now you're just
sounding silly.

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Know what? Forget it.

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It's not important, right?
It's not important.

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Let's watch it one more time.
Oh, no.

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Just once more. Please?
No. No.

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Bruce, you promised
you would help
with this album.

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Now, you get
your goofy butt over here.

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Uh-uh.

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Okay.

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Okay. Okay. Now, you just
go through this stack,

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and you pick
your favorites.

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Oh, come on.
This is fun. Right?
Isn't this fun?

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This is nice.

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Evan's gonna get
that anchor job,
I just know it.

00:05:01.884 --> 00:05:03.510
Ah, Bruce!
He's the favorite.

00:05:03.594 --> 00:05:06.013
All right. You know what?
Just forget it.
Let's just forget it.

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This is just our life.
We can always just have
some kid do it for us.

00:05:11.311 --> 00:05:16.148
Whoa! Hold the phone!
I like this one.
Our weekend at the lake.

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How did you get that?
That's supposed to be
in our private stash.

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You look perky, hon.
It must've been cold.
All right. Just give it to me.

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I think I'll put this
on my computer

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and use it as wallpaper.
No, no, no.

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Okay. Give it to me. Come on!
No, no, no.

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All right. Fine.
Do with it what you will.
I don't care.

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I will do with it
what I will.
Jesus.

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You know, I might even
send this in to Playboy.

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I hear their layouts
can be quite tasteful.
Give that to me right now!

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Jesus.
Right now!

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Rough stuff!
I'm gonna hurt you...

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Sweetie? Time to get up.

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Good dream. No. No.

00:06:07.617 --> 00:06:11.995
Well, the Buffalo Sabres lost
again last night at the hands
of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

00:06:12.121 --> 00:06:15.165
It was a shootout
on the ice for our home...
Of course. They're my team.

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And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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You know, I think
there might be something
to this cookie line.

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All the greatest anchors
have had their own
signature sign-off,

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like Wal-ter Cron-kite.

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And that's the way it was.
That's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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And that's the way...
l like it...

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Oh, no. Grace, the dog!

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I'm in the shower!

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No, Sam! Bad dog!

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Inside, bad. Outside, good.

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Oh, you're done now. Great.

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B-E-A-utiful.

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Come on.
Let's go back inside
and have a shit.

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What is the deal-io?
We are having a blood drive.

00:07:19.939 --> 00:07:21.481
Creepy. Needles. Yuck.

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Well, they need my blood.
I have a very rare blood type.

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I'm A. B. -positive.
Really?

00:07:27.029 --> 00:07:28.363
I'm I. B. -positive.

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I be positive,
they ain't touching me with
no needle. it's just so...

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Helpful and lifesaving?
No. it's your blood.
It's blood.

00:07:36.330 --> 00:07:39.207
Blood's supposed to
stay inside the body.
That's where it's meant to be.

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Besides, they stockpile
this stuff
in a warehouse somewhere.

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It's all frozen on ice,
and they tell everybody
there's a shortage.

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That's just not true.
Where did you hear that?

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From a very reliable
friend of a friend of a girl,

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whose sister's going out
with someone very high up
in the government.

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But for your own protection,
I cannot discuss it
at this time.

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Now, get out
before they see us together.

00:07:57.101 --> 00:07:58.310
Oh, no.

00:08:01.397 --> 00:08:04.858
Oh. Here. Hold on a second.
You need these more than I do.

00:08:04.942 --> 00:08:07.235
What is these?
Prayer beads.

00:08:07.320 --> 00:08:11.239
The kids made them for me.
They will keep you safe.

00:08:11.324 --> 00:08:12.657
I hope they're powerful.

00:08:12.742 --> 00:08:16.244
I'm gonna need
a frigging miracle
to get to work on time.

00:08:26.797 --> 00:08:30.759
This isn't happening.
Not now.
Not during sweeps week.

00:08:30.843 --> 00:08:33.678
Not during sweeps week!

00:08:34.931 --> 00:08:36.598
Oh, God.

00:08:37.475 --> 00:08:40.268
Yeah. Yeah.
Meeting's started without me.

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This is my luck.
This is my luck!

00:08:45.733 --> 00:08:47.234
Shit.

00:08:49.403 --> 00:08:51.863
Oh, come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on!

00:08:55.326 --> 00:08:59.454
Jesus. Get out of there!

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"R Ewe Blind."
No, but I'm late.

00:09:09.090 --> 00:09:12.217
Is your child
in dire jeopardy?

00:09:12.301 --> 00:09:14.052
Find out tonight
after the game.

00:09:14.136 --> 00:09:15.595
Okay. Promos are approved.

00:09:15.680 --> 00:09:17.180
Now, let's...
Uh, Jack,

00:09:17.265 --> 00:09:19.516
shouldn't we be focusing
on Pete's retirement?

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I mean, this is his last week.

00:09:20.851 --> 00:09:23.311
Yeah, Jack. Any word on
the open anchor position?

00:09:23.396 --> 00:09:26.439
Evan, when I know something,
you'll know something.

00:09:27.149 --> 00:09:30.193
Sorry I'm late. Traffic was...

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Did you guys
already play the spots?
It's a nice story, Bruce,

00:09:34.198 --> 00:09:36.074
but we're gonna go
with Evan's piece,

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sex scandal
in the mayor's office
for sweeps.

00:09:39.453 --> 00:09:42.664
Oh, yeah. Sweeps.

00:09:44.125 --> 00:09:46.960
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

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I'm just
messing with you, Bruce.

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See, you just got to
remember that the newsroom
is like a big cookie.

00:09:58.514 --> 00:10:00.640
Do you like jazz, Evan?
Yeah.

00:10:00.725 --> 00:10:02.350
Let me play something for you.

00:10:09.525 --> 00:10:12.611
I can hold that note
all day, buddy.
Knock it off, guys.

00:10:12.695 --> 00:10:14.863
Bruce, we're gonna
keep your story in reserve.

00:10:14.947 --> 00:10:16.364
Now, can we get back
to the board,

00:10:16.449 --> 00:10:19.159
so we'll have something
to put on the air today?

00:10:19.452 --> 00:10:22.537
Great choice, Jack.
This is the Cadillac
of bolognas.

00:10:22.622 --> 00:10:25.165
Okay. Thanks.
Jack, can I talk
to you a second?

00:10:25.249 --> 00:10:27.792
Yeah. Sure, Bruce.
What do you need?
Sweeps.

00:10:27.877 --> 00:10:30.462
Bruce.
Jack. Jack!
Hear me out here.

00:10:30.546 --> 00:10:31.921
I'm starting
to get desperate, man.

00:10:32.006 --> 00:10:34.382
I'm pushing 40,
and what have I got
to show for it?

00:10:34.467 --> 00:10:36.134
I've hit some kind
of a ceiling here.

00:10:36.218 --> 00:10:38.803
There's an anti-Bruce barrier
I can't get past.

00:10:38.888 --> 00:10:42.182
And Evan is loving it,
by the way. Loving it.

00:10:42.266 --> 00:10:46.186
He gets the stories.
He gets on sweeps. Maybe
I should be more like Evan.

00:10:46.270 --> 00:10:48.730
You don't wanna be like Evan.
Evan's an asshole.

00:10:48.814 --> 00:10:51.650
I can be an asshole.
No, Bruce. You can't.

00:10:56.572 --> 00:10:59.407
You gonna pick that up?
Yeah. I'm sorry.
It's... I'm losing it.

00:10:59.492 --> 00:11:02.994
It's just this
whole anchor thing opening up
has got me nuts.

00:11:03.079 --> 00:11:04.079
Hi, Susan.

00:11:04.163 --> 00:11:05.955
Hi, Susan.
Hi, Jack.

00:11:07.541 --> 00:11:10.669
Look, Bruce.
You're a good reporter.
You make people laugh.

00:11:12.630 --> 00:11:17.801
All right. I'll tell you what.
Today is the 156th anniversary
of the Maid of the Mist.

00:11:17.885 --> 00:11:19.886
I want you at Niagara Falls
in an hour.

00:11:19.970 --> 00:11:22.681
Maid of the Mist?
That's always live.

00:11:23.766 --> 00:11:25.350
But Evan
always does live feeds.

00:11:25.434 --> 00:11:28.228
Now you and Evan
get the live feeds.

00:11:28.312 --> 00:11:31.731
I'm going live? During sweeps?
But watch your step, Bruce.

00:11:31.857 --> 00:11:36.027
I've seen your outtakes.
Jack, you will
not regret this.

00:11:36.112 --> 00:11:39.823
And I won't forget you
when I go national.
Uh, can you...

00:11:41.283 --> 00:11:42.742
Thanks, pal.

00:11:43.828 --> 00:11:47.580
Can I have your wish now?
I'm gonna put it in
the wish jar. Thank you.

00:11:47.665 --> 00:11:49.874
Okay. Put your wish in there.
Me too.

00:11:49.959 --> 00:11:53.795
Put your wish in there.
Look at that.
Looks like a big wish.

00:11:53.879 --> 00:11:57.006
Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin,
don't... Don't eat that.
Don't eat that.

00:11:57.091 --> 00:12:00.176
Don't put that in your mouth.
That's paste, honey.

00:12:01.971 --> 00:12:05.724
That must've tasted awful.
Mommy!

00:12:05.808 --> 00:12:09.728
Oh, Zoe-Baboey!
Did you have a good time
with Aunt Crazy today?

00:12:09.812 --> 00:12:13.398
Yeah? See how nice this is?
Baby on the hip?

00:12:13.482 --> 00:12:15.275
Oh, it's amazing.
You've become Mom.

00:12:15.359 --> 00:12:17.902
The transformation
is complete.

00:12:19.029 --> 00:12:20.447
Oh.
I'll get it.

00:12:20.531 --> 00:12:22.240
- Small Wonders Day Care.
- Grace?

00:12:22.324 --> 00:12:24.826
No. it's Debbie,
the sister whose life
you're not wasting.

00:12:24.952 --> 00:12:27.912
Oh, all right.
Okay, okay, okay.
Bye, Debbie!

00:12:27.997 --> 00:12:32.917
Hi. Hi. Sorry. Debbie forgot
to take her meds today.
Where are you?

00:12:33.002 --> 00:12:38.006
Oh, a little place called
the winner's circle. I'm at
the falls doing a live report.

00:12:38.090 --> 00:12:41.259
Live? That's great!
Yeah! it's happening, hon.

00:12:41.343 --> 00:12:43.052
I got sweeps, and I'm live.

00:12:43.137 --> 00:12:45.638
You know what that means?
They're seeing
if I can think on my feet,

00:12:45.723 --> 00:12:48.558
you know, like, I might
have to do in a live news
anchor situation.

00:12:48.642 --> 00:12:50.185
Oh, my gosh.

00:12:50.269 --> 00:12:52.687
Yeah.
It's what we've always
talked about, Grace.

00:12:52.772 --> 00:12:55.607
Jack practically came out
and told me.
Practically?

00:12:55.691 --> 00:12:58.401
Well, he didn't spell it out,
but legally, he can't.

00:12:58.486 --> 00:13:00.278
But this is exactly
what happened to Susan Ortega

00:13:00.362 --> 00:13:03.072
just before
they bumped her up.

00:13:03.157 --> 00:13:05.241
It's good. it's good.
It's good.

00:13:05.326 --> 00:13:07.452
Okay. Well, honey,
I just don't...

00:13:07.536 --> 00:13:09.662
I don't want you
to get too ahead of yourself.

00:13:09.789 --> 00:13:12.123
Bruce?
Oh, I got to go.
They're calling me in.

00:13:12.208 --> 00:13:14.292
Oh. Okay, honey.
Good luck. I love you.

00:13:14.376 --> 00:13:16.377
Love, love, love,
love, love.

00:13:17.087 --> 00:13:18.671
Let's do it.

00:13:18.756 --> 00:13:21.925
They want you
close to the falls.
Really?

00:13:22.009 --> 00:13:23.802
I'm gonna get soaked.
That's the point.

00:13:23.886 --> 00:13:25.470
They want you to put this on.

00:13:25.554 --> 00:13:28.389
Part of the condition of us
getting the exclusive.

00:13:28.474 --> 00:13:32.477
You know what?
Nothing can bother me today.
Nothing.

00:13:32.561 --> 00:13:36.523
Okay. Now, remember.
It's their
156th-year anniversary.

00:13:36.607 --> 00:13:38.650
149 capacity.
Right.

00:13:38.776 --> 00:13:42.362
They cater to tourists,
honeymooners...
And people insanely thirsty.

00:13:42.446 --> 00:13:43.488
I get it.
Okay.

00:13:43.572 --> 00:13:46.324
And you are gonna
be interviewing
lrene Dansfield.

00:13:46.408 --> 00:13:49.285
Irene! Pleasure to meet you.
Truly.

00:13:49.411 --> 00:13:52.455
You look beautiful.
lrene's mother rode on
the maiden voyage.

00:13:52.581 --> 00:13:54.833
Wow. Rub that in my face,
why don't you?
Ninety seconds!

00:13:54.917 --> 00:13:58.753
Ninety seconds? Holy hell.
Uh, yeah. Okay. 90 seconds?

00:13:59.088 --> 00:14:04.217
Because of the fast response,
the toxic chemicals were
cleaned up without incident.

00:14:04.301 --> 00:14:07.345
Susan?
Bruce Nolan is standing by
at Niagara Falls,

00:14:07.429 --> 00:14:10.431
but before we go
live to Bruce, we have
an announcement to make.

00:14:10.933 --> 00:14:16.187
As everyone knows,
after 33 years, our beloved
Pete Fineman is retiring.

00:14:16.856 --> 00:14:21.609
Pete's shoes are
virtually impossible to fill,
but the show must go on,

00:14:21.694 --> 00:14:27.073
and we could think of
no one better than
our very own Evan Baxter.

00:14:27.491 --> 00:14:30.577
Oh... Oh, boy.

00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:33.872
Congratulations, Evan.
Thanks, Susan.
I'm thrilled and honored.

00:14:33.956 --> 00:14:34.956
And as you said,

00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:38.710
no one can replace
the great Pete Fineman,
but I will do my best.

00:14:38.794 --> 00:14:43.423
I have to say, I am so proud
to be a part of our
local community of Buffalo,

00:14:43.507 --> 00:14:48.595
and I think, in a lot of ways,
a great city is like
a great recipe, really.

00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:54.225
You take hardworking citizens,
add some caregivers,
maybe a few nuts,

00:14:57.479 --> 00:15:01.274
all sprinkled
with the love and support
of our good families.

00:15:01.358 --> 00:15:05.570
Ultimately, that makes
one sweet place to live.

00:15:05.654 --> 00:15:07.405
That was amazing.
I meant it.

00:15:07.489 --> 00:15:10.074
I wish I'd written something.
And now let's go live

00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:12.827
to that wacky Bruce Nolan
out at Niagara Falls.

00:15:12.912 --> 00:15:14.537
Hey! Wacky Bruce!

00:15:17.750 --> 00:15:20.877
Bruce? Talk, Bruce. Hello?

00:15:20.961 --> 00:15:22.962
Talk, honey. Talk.
What's going on?

00:15:23.047 --> 00:15:24.964
We got a Walt Disney.
He's frozen solid.

00:15:25.049 --> 00:15:26.758
We may not have audio.
Check the feed.

00:15:26.842 --> 00:15:29.177
We may be having a bit
of technical difficulty.

00:15:29.261 --> 00:15:30.261
Feed's good, Jack.

00:15:30.346 --> 00:15:33.306
Move. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Talk, Bruce, damn it!

00:15:33.390 --> 00:15:36.142
All right. Get ready
to pull the plug.
Come on, baby.
Say something.

00:15:36.226 --> 00:15:39.687
Say something.
Bruce, talk.

00:15:42.733 --> 00:15:44.484
- Hi, Susan.
- Oh, thank you, God.

00:15:44.568 --> 00:15:46.861
Bruce Nolan here
aboard the Maid of the Mist

00:15:46.946 --> 00:15:49.530
in fabulous Niagara Falls,
New York.

00:15:50.074 --> 00:15:54.452
First off, let me just add
another congratulations
to Evan Backstabber...

00:15:54.536 --> 00:15:56.829
Pardon me. Bastard.
Baxter, rather.

00:15:56.914 --> 00:15:59.707
It is good to see
what someone
with talent can do,

00:15:59.792 --> 00:16:02.877
when great opportunities
are given to them
instead of me.

00:16:04.296 --> 00:16:08.383
Anyway, I'm here
with Katharine Hepburn's mom.
Tell me.

00:16:08.467 --> 00:16:10.718
Why did you throw the blue
Heart of the Ocean jewel

00:16:10.803 --> 00:16:13.012
over the railing
of the Titanic?

00:16:13.097 --> 00:16:15.390
Did you feel bad at all
letting Leo DiCaprio drown,

00:16:15.474 --> 00:16:18.101
while you were safe,
floating on the door?

00:16:18.185 --> 00:16:19.686
Could you have taken turns,

00:16:19.770 --> 00:16:23.189
or were you just too afraid
to freeze your big,
fat ass off?

00:16:24.233 --> 00:16:25.984
I guess that's how life is,
isn't it?

00:16:26.068 --> 00:16:30.863
Some people are drenched,
freezing to death on a stupid
boat, with a stupid hat,

00:16:30.948 --> 00:16:34.325
while others
are in a comfy news studio,
sucking up all the glory.

00:16:34.410 --> 00:16:37.829
- Oh, well. No big deal.
- Oh, boy.

00:16:37.913 --> 00:16:39.998
Oh, look.
It's the owner of
the Maid of the Mist.

00:16:40.082 --> 00:16:42.083
Let's have a talk with him,
shall we?
Come on in here, Bill.

00:16:42.167 --> 00:16:43.376
That's all right.
No, no, no, no. No, no.

00:16:43.460 --> 00:16:44.669
Come on. Let's have a talk.

00:16:44.753 --> 00:16:46.671
Come on. What are you doing?

00:16:46.755 --> 00:16:49.549
Bill, you've been running
the Maid of the Mist
for 23 years now.

00:16:49.633 --> 00:16:51.718
Tell me. Why do you think
I didn't get the anchor job?

00:16:51.844 --> 00:16:54.637
Hey, man.
I don't want problems.
Is it my hair, Bill?

00:16:54.722 --> 00:16:56.180
Are my teeth
not white enough?

00:16:56.265 --> 00:17:03.187
Or like the great falls,
is the bedrock of my life
eroding beneath me?

00:17:03.439 --> 00:17:08.776
Eroding! Eroding! Eroding!

00:17:10.070 --> 00:17:11.487
Cut the feed. Go to black.

00:17:11.572 --> 00:17:12.822
Go to black.
I'm on it.

00:17:14.450 --> 00:17:18.453
I'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness News.
Back to you, fuckers!

00:17:19.872 --> 00:17:21.706
Oh, boy.
Oh, my God.

00:17:26.795 --> 00:17:31.632
That is perfect.
That is the motivation
that I needed!

00:17:31.717 --> 00:17:34.135
Right there! Thank you.

00:17:35.137 --> 00:17:38.264
Thank you, W. K. B. W.!

00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:42.143
Wimpy Kitty Baby Whiners!

00:17:42.227 --> 00:17:44.353
That's what that stands for!

00:17:45.773 --> 00:17:49.984
I'll see you on Channel 5,
where they do the real news.

00:17:51.278 --> 00:17:54.322
Do I look blind to you?
Do I look blind to you?

00:17:55.282 --> 00:17:58.910
Hey.
Let's go, man.
Come on. Let's go.

00:17:59.703 --> 00:18:04.290
What are you doing over there?
Come on.
Leave the poor guy alone.

00:18:05.125 --> 00:18:06.584
You okay, man?

00:18:08.545 --> 00:18:10.588
Yeah, you'd better
keep walking.

00:18:10.672 --> 00:18:12.757
What? What'd you say, ése?

00:18:12.841 --> 00:18:15.426
Run, man! Run!

00:18:17.054 --> 00:18:18.971
Oh, God!

00:18:21.225 --> 00:18:25.144
Okay, okay, okay!
I didn't mean it!
I was just kidding!

00:18:25.229 --> 00:18:27.188
Hey, you forgot your things.

00:18:31.777 --> 00:18:34.153
Say something to that.
Say something.

00:18:37.199 --> 00:18:43.454
B-E-A-utiful.

00:18:47.292 --> 00:18:49.919
That's what I get...

00:18:50.003 --> 00:18:53.297
That's what I get
for trying to help someone.

00:18:55.134 --> 00:18:57.677
Oh, don't look at me, Walter.

00:18:57.761 --> 00:18:59.512
Oh, no!

00:19:03.600 --> 00:19:08.855
Well, that's my payment,
I guess. That...
That is my reward.

00:19:13.735 --> 00:19:16.863
Just? Just get a clue!

00:19:18.198 --> 00:19:19.907
Thank God
you're all right.

00:19:19.992 --> 00:19:22.493
God. Yeah.
Let's thank God. Shall we?

00:19:22.578 --> 00:19:25.037
For his blessings
are raining down upon me.

00:19:25.164 --> 00:19:28.166
Wait! That's not rain!
Bruce, please
don't do that, honey.

00:19:28.250 --> 00:19:30.835
You know that
everything happens
for a reason.

00:19:30.919 --> 00:19:34.505
That I don't need.
That is a cliché.
That is not helpful to me.

00:19:34.590 --> 00:19:36.632
A bird in the hand
is worth two in the bush.

00:19:36.717 --> 00:19:40.011
I have no bird.
I have no bush. God has taken
my bird and my bush.

00:19:40.095 --> 00:19:43.306
Oh, I see.
So God is picking on you,
is that what you're saying?

00:19:43.390 --> 00:19:46.684
No. He's ignoring me
completely.

00:19:46.768 --> 00:19:50.188
He's far too busy
giving Evan
everything he wants.

00:19:50.272 --> 00:19:53.774
Oh, that's great, Sam,
but you missed your target.
I'm over here!

00:19:53.859 --> 00:19:56.235
Don't get mad at the dog.
It's not the dog's fault.

00:19:56.320 --> 00:19:58.988
No. it's God's fault.
I gave him
the wrong coordinates.

00:19:59.072 --> 00:20:00.406
All right. You know what?
Enough. All right?

00:20:00.490 --> 00:20:02.116
Will you stop being
such a martyr?

00:20:02.201 --> 00:20:04.785
I am not being a martyr.
I'm a victim.

00:20:04.870 --> 00:20:06.621
God is a mean kid
sitting on an anthill

00:20:06.705 --> 00:20:08.789
with a magnifying glass,
and I'm the ant.

00:20:08.874 --> 00:20:11.083
He could fix my life
in five minutes
if he wanted to,

00:20:11.168 --> 00:20:14.170
but he'd rather
burn off my feelers
and watch me squirm!

00:20:14.254 --> 00:20:17.048
Sweetheart,
I know you're mad.
It's understandable.

00:20:17.132 --> 00:20:22.887
What Evan did is slimy
and wrong, but this day
could've been so much worse.

00:20:22.971 --> 00:20:27.683
I'm just glad you're okay.
Okay? News flash!
I'm not okay.

00:20:27.768 --> 00:20:31.229
I'm not okay with
a mediocre job! I'm not okay
with a mediocre apartment.

00:20:31.313 --> 00:20:34.148
I'm not okay
with a mediocre life!

00:20:42.366 --> 00:20:45.826
So is that what you think
that we have?
A mediocre life?

00:20:45.911 --> 00:20:49.163
Don't make this about you.
About me?

00:20:49.248 --> 00:20:54.502
How could I make this
about me? it's about you!
It's always about you!

00:20:54.586 --> 00:20:57.213
Perfect. Perfect.

00:20:57.297 --> 00:20:59.257
I'll have
the worst day of my life

00:20:59.341 --> 00:21:01.926
with a side order of guilt,
please!

00:21:04.805 --> 00:21:05.846
Oh.

00:21:07.266 --> 00:21:11.102
Okay, God.
You want me to talk to you?

00:21:11.186 --> 00:21:14.397
Then talk back.
Tell me what's going on.

00:21:14.481 --> 00:21:17.358
What should I do?
Give me a signal.

00:21:19.278 --> 00:21:23.572
Oh, I need
your guidance, Lord.
Please send me a sign.

00:21:27.703 --> 00:21:30.121
Ah, what's this joker
doing now?

00:21:35.752 --> 00:21:39.255
Okay. All right.
I'll try it your way.

00:21:39.339 --> 00:21:44.427
All right.
Lord, I need a miracle.

00:21:45.554 --> 00:21:49.140
I'm desperate.
I need your help, Lord.

00:21:49.224 --> 00:21:53.144
Please reach into my life.
Hey!

00:21:54.563 --> 00:21:58.482
What the he...I got you!

00:22:24.801 --> 00:22:25.926
Hey!

00:22:42.444 --> 00:22:45.780
Fine! The gloves are off, pal!

00:22:45.864 --> 00:22:48.366
Come on!
Let me see a little wrath.

00:22:48.450 --> 00:22:52.119
Smite me, O mighty smiter!

00:22:53.205 --> 00:22:55.664
You're the one
who should be fired!

00:22:55.749 --> 00:23:00.419
The only one around here
not doing his job is you!

00:23:01.171 --> 00:23:03.631
Answer me!

00:23:18.397 --> 00:23:20.564
Sorry. Don't know you.

00:23:21.483 --> 00:23:23.567
Wouldn't call you if I did.

00:23:27.489 --> 00:23:28.739
Oh.

00:23:36.331 --> 00:23:38.833
Oh, God. Oh.

00:23:44.840 --> 00:23:47.341
Hello, "5550123."

00:24:11.700 --> 00:24:16.162
Oh, no! Sam,
this has got to stop.

00:24:18.748 --> 00:24:20.332
All right.
Now, get it straight here.

00:24:20.417 --> 00:24:23.461
That's the house.
This is the bathroom.
House. Bathroom.

00:24:23.545 --> 00:24:26.630
Bathroom. House.
House. Bathroom.
Bathroom. House.

00:24:29.050 --> 00:24:30.634
What's the point?

00:24:55.410 --> 00:24:58.245
"5550123"

00:25:00.624 --> 00:25:03.667
Denied that promotion at work?
Is life unfair?

00:25:03.752 --> 00:25:06.795
Is there someone
less talented than you
reaping all the benefits?

00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.966
Is your name Bruce?
Then do we have
the job for you.

00:25:11.051 --> 00:25:14.345
We're located at
7725623rd Street.

00:25:14.429 --> 00:25:18.015
So come on down,
or we'll just
keep beeping you.

00:25:35.075 --> 00:25:36.700
"Omni Presents."

00:25:37.911 --> 00:25:40.996
Oh, yeah.
The glass is half full.

00:25:41.456 --> 00:25:42.790
Oh, geez!

00:25:44.751 --> 00:25:50.005
Come on! Look!
What is that? What is that?

00:25:51.466 --> 00:25:54.802
Ah, geez! Thank you.
Thank you again.

00:26:02.644 --> 00:26:04.061
What the...

00:26:11.820 --> 00:26:13.821
You're looking for Room 7.

00:26:16.491 --> 00:26:18.409
Yeah. I figured.

00:26:18.493 --> 00:26:20.703
You want me
to even those up for you?

00:26:24.332 --> 00:26:25.916
How do I get to Room 7?

00:26:26.001 --> 00:26:29.587
That'll be on
the seventh floor.
Stairs are right over there.

00:26:29.671 --> 00:26:32.047
- I'd rather take the elevator.
- Out of order.

00:26:32.132 --> 00:26:35.259
I love the stairs though.
They were my second choice.

00:26:35.343 --> 00:26:37.761
Do you mind giving me a hand
with this floor?

00:26:37.846 --> 00:26:40.764
What? That's good.

00:26:42.058 --> 00:26:43.517
Are you serious?

00:26:43.602 --> 00:26:46.895
Oh, I'm kind of busy.

00:26:46.980 --> 00:26:51.025
Um, rain check.
I'll hold you to it.

00:26:52.277 --> 00:26:55.446
I'm free on the seventh
at 7:00.

00:26:58.158 --> 00:26:59.992
Seventh at 7:00 it is.

00:27:03.330 --> 00:27:05.122
This looks promising.

00:27:10.920 --> 00:27:17.176
Hello?
Another "hugantic, ginormic"
waste of my life.

00:27:17.886 --> 00:27:19.136
Hello?

00:27:20.972 --> 00:27:24.433
Yo! I'm looking
for whoever runs this joint.
Be right with you.

00:27:24.517 --> 00:27:28.145
I'm trying to fix a light.
Tell me if it's working.

00:27:28.229 --> 00:27:30.481
Yeah. Seems to be.

00:27:30.565 --> 00:27:34.443
Kind of bright, though.
Yeah. it is for most people.

00:27:34.527 --> 00:27:38.781
Spend their lives in the dark
trying to hide from me.

00:27:40.492 --> 00:27:42.660
Oh, the elevator's broken,
huh?

00:27:42.744 --> 00:27:45.663
Yeah,
but I'll get around to it.

00:27:47.123 --> 00:27:50.793
You install the Clapper?
No, but catchy jingle,
isn't it?

00:27:51.586 --> 00:27:56.090
Clap on, clap off.
Clap on, clap off the Clapper.

00:27:57.425 --> 00:27:59.593
Just can't
get it out of my head.

00:28:00.303 --> 00:28:03.847
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna go now.

00:28:03.932 --> 00:28:06.767
Okay. But the boss'll be
right out.

00:28:14.693 --> 00:28:19.071
You must be Bruce.
I've been expecting you.

00:28:21.491 --> 00:28:23.117
This is hilarious.

00:28:23.201 --> 00:28:25.953
So you're the boss
and the electrician
and the janitor?

00:28:26.037 --> 00:28:29.206
Must be
a killer Christmas party.
Don't get drunk, though.

00:28:29.290 --> 00:28:31.166
One of you might need
a ride home.

00:28:33.002 --> 00:28:37.256
You always were funny, Bruce,
just like your father.

00:28:37.340 --> 00:28:40.050
He didn't mind
rolling up his sleeves,
either, son.

00:28:40.135 --> 00:28:43.595
People underestimate
the benefit
of good old manual labor.

00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:46.724
There's freedom in it.
Some of the happiest people
in the world

00:28:46.808 --> 00:28:50.436
go home smelling
to high heaven
at the end of the day.

00:28:50.520 --> 00:28:52.563
All right. What is this?

00:28:52.647 --> 00:28:55.315
How do you know my father,
and how did you
get my pager number?

00:28:55.400 --> 00:28:58.110
Oh, I know quite a lot
about you, Bruce,

00:28:59.362 --> 00:29:01.989
just about everything
there is to know.

00:29:02.323 --> 00:29:07.035
Everything
you've ever said or done
or thought about doing,

00:29:08.288 --> 00:29:10.497
right there
in that file cabinet.

00:29:11.750 --> 00:29:15.127
Wow. A whole drawer
just for me.
Yeah.

00:29:15.211 --> 00:29:19.173
Mind if I take a look?
It's your life.

00:29:20.508 --> 00:29:22.342
This ought to be good.

00:29:37.025 --> 00:29:39.693
Now, this last entry
was a little disturbing.

00:29:51.456 --> 00:29:53.540
"The gloves are off, God.

00:29:53.666 --> 00:29:56.251
"God has taken my bird
and my bush.

00:29:56.336 --> 00:29:59.671
"God is a mean kid
with a magnifying glass."

00:29:59.756 --> 00:30:03.258
"Smite me, O mighty smiter!"

00:30:03.343 --> 00:30:07.554
Now, I'm not much
for blaspheming, but
that last one made me laugh.

00:30:07.639 --> 00:30:09.515
Are you spying on me?

00:30:13.061 --> 00:30:14.478
Who are you?

00:30:15.647 --> 00:30:17.231
I'm the one.

00:30:17.816 --> 00:30:21.485
Creator of the heavens
and the earth,
alpha and omega.

00:30:22.529 --> 00:30:24.822
Oh, I see where this is going.

00:30:24.906 --> 00:30:27.866
Bruce, I'm God.

00:30:27.951 --> 00:30:31.119
Bingo! Yahtzee!
Is that your final answer?

00:30:31.204 --> 00:30:35.833
Our survey says, "God!"
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing!

00:30:35.917 --> 00:30:37.626
Well, it was
nice to meet you, God.

00:30:37.710 --> 00:30:39.086
Thank you
for the Grand Canyon,

00:30:39.170 --> 00:30:41.255
and good luck
with the apocalypse.

00:30:41.339 --> 00:30:44.591
Oh, and by the way, you suck!

00:30:45.260 --> 00:30:47.177
You know what would've been
a little more impressive,
though?

00:30:47.262 --> 00:30:50.722
If you hadn't used
the cheesy
file cabinet illusion.

00:30:50.807 --> 00:30:52.516
Anybody with a brain stem
can tell that

00:30:52.600 --> 00:30:55.519
that drawer is being fed
through the wall
from the other side.

00:30:55.603 --> 00:30:59.106
All you have to do is
find the crease,
right around here.

00:30:59.190 --> 00:31:02.860
There is a seam here
or a hollow spot.

00:31:07.282 --> 00:31:11.201
Where? Through the drywall
and concrete?

00:31:14.289 --> 00:31:17.457
Okay. That is a good one.
That is a good one.

00:31:18.167 --> 00:31:21.044
Okay. How many fingers
am I holding up?
Now, Bruce.

00:31:21.170 --> 00:31:24.047
Thou shalt not
tempt the Lord...
Hey, if you can't do it,
man, that's cool.

00:31:24.132 --> 00:31:28.969
Three. Two. Four.
Nine. Six. Eight. One.

00:31:31.097 --> 00:31:32.389
Okay.

00:31:33.516 --> 00:31:36.268
How many now?
Seven.

00:31:42.901 --> 00:31:45.527
You've been doing
a lot of complaining
about me, Bruce.

00:31:45.653 --> 00:31:48.780
And quite frankly,
I'm tired of it.
Wait. Don't come near me.

00:31:48.865 --> 00:31:50.699
When I'm backed into a corner,
I'm like a wild animal.

00:31:50.783 --> 00:31:52.242
I don't wanna hurt you,
but I will, out of instinct.

00:31:52.327 --> 00:31:55.954
You haven't won a fight
since grade five,
and that was against a girl.

00:31:57.373 --> 00:32:00.417
Yeah, but she was huge.
She had been held back.

00:32:00.501 --> 00:32:04.755
And the sun was in your eyes.
Oh, there you go.

00:32:04.839 --> 00:32:07.382
In a way, I brought you here
to offer you a job.

00:32:07.467 --> 00:32:09.718
Job? What job?
My job.

00:32:10.345 --> 00:32:13.555
You think
you can do it better,
so here's your chance.

00:32:13.640 --> 00:32:18.101
When you leave this building,
you will be endowed
with all my powers.

00:32:19.520 --> 00:32:21.063
Whatever you say, pal.

00:32:23.608 --> 00:32:27.903
Okay. That did not happen,
and no one
needs to hear about it.

00:32:27.987 --> 00:32:29.696
I'm deleting the program.

00:32:31.783 --> 00:32:35.327
No. No.
I'm having a breakdown,
that's what it is.

00:32:35.411 --> 00:32:39.957
Normal, everyday
psychotic episode caused by
a tumor or brain lesion.

00:32:40.041 --> 00:32:41.792
Come on. Start!

00:32:43.711 --> 00:32:44.711
That was lucky.

00:32:50.885 --> 00:32:52.594
Come on, man. Calm down.

00:32:52.679 --> 00:32:56.264
You did not meet God,
you do not have his powers.

00:32:56.391 --> 00:32:58.976
if that was God,
then I'm Clint Eastwood.

00:32:59.060 --> 00:33:00.519
Holy hell!

00:33:06.818 --> 00:33:10.028
Be careful
what you wish for, punk.

00:33:10.113 --> 00:33:12.698
No. No. No.

00:33:12.782 --> 00:33:18.662
I am a reasonable,
sane human being
with a .44 Magnum,

00:33:18.746 --> 00:33:21.540
the most powerful handgun
in the wo...

00:33:22.166 --> 00:33:25.252
I'm not Clint Eastwood.
I'm Bruce Nolan.

00:33:25.336 --> 00:33:28.338
Bruce Nolan. I'm Bruce No-lan!

00:33:42.270 --> 00:33:44.438
Oh, it's not real.
It's not real.

00:33:46.899 --> 00:33:49.609
Coffee?
Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.

00:33:49.736 --> 00:33:53.363
We have a special
on soup today.
No. That's fine. Thank you.

00:33:53.448 --> 00:33:55.866
It's tomato. I made it myself.

00:33:57.201 --> 00:33:58.785
Okay.
Okay.

00:34:33.321 --> 00:34:35.655
Excuse me. I need a sp...

00:34:42.497 --> 00:34:44.164
it's okay. I found one.

00:34:51.839 --> 00:34:53.423
Here's your soup.

00:34:53.508 --> 00:34:56.718
Oh, soup. Right.
Uh, yeah. Right.

00:35:47.228 --> 00:35:48.645
Having fun?

00:35:51.482 --> 00:35:56.278
Thy... Thou...
Come.
Take a closer walk with me.

00:35:57.655 --> 00:36:00.031
Let me explain the rules.
Rules?

00:36:00.116 --> 00:36:03.702
Yeah. You left in such a rush,
I didn't get a chance
to explain.

00:36:05.163 --> 00:36:08.331
Two extra fingers
freaked me out a little bit.

00:36:08.416 --> 00:36:10.750
I just figured
I'd get your attention.

00:36:10.835 --> 00:36:13.795
I did the same thing
to Gandhi,
he didn't eat for three weeks.

00:36:15.423 --> 00:36:17.174
Anyway, here's the deal.

00:36:17.258 --> 00:36:20.218
You have all my powers.
Use them any way you choose.

00:36:20.303 --> 00:36:23.638
There are only two rules.
You can't tell anybody
you're God.

00:36:23.723 --> 00:36:26.016
Believe me, you don't want
that kind of attention.

00:36:26.100 --> 00:36:28.101
And you can't mess
with free will.

00:36:31.856 --> 00:36:36.776
Can I ask why?
Yes, you can!
That's the beauty of it!

00:36:44.452 --> 00:36:48.121
This is amazing.
Speaking of amazing.
Excuse me.

00:36:48.581 --> 00:36:49.831
Oh.

00:36:52.126 --> 00:36:55.170
Holy sh... Cow.

00:36:55.796 --> 00:36:59.049
Since you're through
with these,
I think I'll keep them.

00:36:59.133 --> 00:37:01.218
Might come in handy someday.

00:37:02.303 --> 00:37:03.970
See you around, kid.

00:37:05.056 --> 00:37:08.558
Where you going?
I'm taking a vacation.

00:37:08.643 --> 00:37:12.687
God doesn't take vacations,
does he? Do... ye?

00:37:12.772 --> 00:37:16.483
Did you ever hear
of the Dark Ages?
Besides, I'm covered.

00:37:16.567 --> 00:37:20.612
You can clear everything up
in five minutes
if you want to, right?

00:37:22.531 --> 00:37:23.740
Ciao.

00:37:57.149 --> 00:37:59.067
I've got the power

00:37:59.193 --> 00:38:01.152
Boom!

00:38:05.992 --> 00:38:07.450
I've got the power

00:38:07.535 --> 00:38:10.287
And he saw that it was good.

00:38:10.371 --> 00:38:12.205
I've got the power

00:38:15.584 --> 00:38:16.876
Whoa.

00:38:26.762 --> 00:38:31.391
Getting, getting
getting kind of heavy

00:38:33.436 --> 00:38:34.519
I've got the power

00:38:34.603 --> 00:38:38.356
B-E-A-utiful.

00:38:43.571 --> 00:38:47.365
Hey. Check it out.
Check it out.
Hey. Check it out.

00:38:47.450 --> 00:38:50.327
Oh, look. it's the hero.
What's up, homie?

00:38:50.411 --> 00:38:54.956
Yo, brethren,
what up with thee?
Blessings on your alley.

00:38:55.041 --> 00:38:57.375
Looking for another can
of whoop-ass?

00:38:57.460 --> 00:39:00.879
You didn't get enough,
Mr. Hero?
He wants some more.

00:39:00.963 --> 00:39:05.133
Surely I say unto you dudes,
I do not wish to fight.

00:39:05.217 --> 00:39:09.179
So as soon as you apologize
and make a full reckoning
of your transgressions,

00:39:09.263 --> 00:39:13.516
I shall absolve you
and continue along
the path of righteousness.

00:39:13.601 --> 00:39:16.436
What are you
talking about, man?

00:39:16.520 --> 00:39:18.855
Straight up.
You talk kind of funny,
you know what I mean?

00:39:18.939 --> 00:39:22.233
I don't know if you've lost it
all up in here or what,
but check this out, homie.

00:39:22.318 --> 00:39:24.486
You want me and the homies
to apologize, right?

00:39:24.570 --> 00:39:26.529
Cool. Tell you what.

00:39:26.614 --> 00:39:28.698
We'll apologize the day
a monkey
comes out of my butt.

00:39:28.783 --> 00:39:30.992
Then you get your "sorry."
How about that?

00:39:33.704 --> 00:39:36.998
What a coincidence,
because that's today.

00:39:46.384 --> 00:39:47.717
Oh!

00:39:54.809 --> 00:39:57.852
Hey, did that monkey
just come out
your crack, man?

00:40:01.232 --> 00:40:02.357
Oh.

00:40:03.692 --> 00:40:06.569
This is some voodoo shit, man.
Let's go!

00:40:06.654 --> 00:40:08.488
Are you guys leaving?

00:40:09.907 --> 00:40:12.367
Hey, don't forget
your parting gifts!

00:40:39.103 --> 00:40:43.857
Hey, little anal-dwelling
butt monkey. Time for you
to go home, little buddy.

00:40:48.863 --> 00:40:52.157
No!

00:40:57.037 --> 00:41:00.248
I am Bruce Almighty!

00:41:00.332 --> 00:41:03.293
My will be done!

00:41:13.345 --> 00:41:16.681
What if God was one of us

00:41:17.224 --> 00:41:20.393
Just a slob like one of us

00:41:20.895 --> 00:41:23.646
Just a stranger on a bus

00:41:23.731 --> 00:41:26.649
Trying to make his way

00:41:26.734 --> 00:41:29.986
Home

00:41:30.070 --> 00:41:32.113
My God.
You can call me Bruce.

00:41:32.198 --> 00:41:34.741
What happened to you?
You seem so...

00:41:39.538 --> 00:41:40.788
...happy.

00:41:40.873 --> 00:41:42.832
Why shouldn't I be
on a night like this?

00:41:42.917 --> 00:41:46.377
Wow. Those are amazing.
What are these?

00:41:46.462 --> 00:41:47.545
They're a new breed.

00:41:47.630 --> 00:41:50.256
Cross-pollination
between tulips and daisies.

00:41:50.341 --> 00:41:53.218
I call them tu-daisies.

00:41:54.428 --> 00:41:55.637
Okay.

00:42:02.603 --> 00:42:06.356
Honey, these flowers
are really beautiful,
but last night...

00:42:06.440 --> 00:42:08.608
Last night, I was only human.

00:42:13.989 --> 00:42:15.615
Barry, help me out here.

00:42:23.249 --> 00:42:24.666
Oh, baby

00:42:25.584 --> 00:42:29.462
Oh, baby
Yeah, I'll be here

00:42:33.968 --> 00:42:37.470
Forever and ever
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

00:42:38.013 --> 00:42:40.848
I'll see you through

00:42:45.854 --> 00:42:50.233
Making love to you right now
That's all I wanna do

00:42:50.317 --> 00:42:53.444
'Cause I found

00:42:53.529 --> 00:42:56.990
What the world
is searching for

00:42:57.074 --> 00:43:02.829
For someone just like you
make me feel the way you do

00:43:02.913 --> 00:43:05.248
Never, never gonna give you up

00:43:05.332 --> 00:43:08.084
I'm never, ever gonna stop

00:43:08.168 --> 00:43:10.878
Not the way I feel about you

00:43:10.963 --> 00:43:14.132
Girl, I just can't
live without you

00:43:14.216 --> 00:43:16.092
Honey. Hi. Wow.

00:43:17.261 --> 00:43:19.929
I've never seen the moon
that big!
Yeah.

00:43:20.014 --> 00:43:21.347
Oh, baby

00:43:21.432 --> 00:43:23.057
We really shouldn't waste it.

00:43:34.028 --> 00:43:37.238
Bedroom?
Five minutes.

00:43:47.166 --> 00:43:49.208
Let there be light.

00:43:52.671 --> 00:43:53.755
I'll be out in a minute.

00:43:55.382 --> 00:43:56.799
Don't rush yourself.

00:43:56.884 --> 00:44:00.970
Sometimes anticipation
can heighten the pleasure.

00:44:01.055 --> 00:44:03.348
Oh, God! Oh!

00:44:05.643 --> 00:44:08.436
It's a funny thing
about pleasure.

00:44:08.520 --> 00:44:14.609
Wow.
It can be quite pleasurable!

00:44:16.904 --> 00:44:18.404
Oh, my God!

00:44:19.490 --> 00:44:22.617
Pleasurable.
Oh, God!

00:44:25.079 --> 00:44:26.496
Oh, God!

00:44:26.580 --> 00:44:28.790
Pleasurable. Pleasurable.

00:44:36.382 --> 00:44:40.510
In international news,
Japanese relief workers
are staging a desperate effort

00:44:40.594 --> 00:44:46.140
to rescue hundreds of people
stranded by a freak tidal wave
that hit Kitamoto City.

00:44:46.225 --> 00:44:48.976
Scientists say the tsunami
may have been caused

00:44:49.061 --> 00:44:52.980
by what they're describing
as unusual lunar activity.

00:44:53.065 --> 00:44:55.108
More on this as it develops.

00:44:58.904 --> 00:45:03.700
Please bless my mommy,
my daddy and especially
my little sister.

00:45:05.619 --> 00:45:08.663
Please help me, Lord.
Please get me through this.

00:45:14.628 --> 00:45:16.212
All I'm asking
is would you help me?

00:45:16.296 --> 00:45:19.549
Thank you
for everything else
in my life. Amen.

00:45:22.803 --> 00:45:24.220
Sam!

00:45:45.284 --> 00:45:46.659
Good boy.

00:45:48.996 --> 00:45:50.538
Forget something?

00:45:54.251 --> 00:45:57.378
Good boy.
There are girls
in the house, huh?

00:46:01.759 --> 00:46:04.010
Morning.
Morning!

00:46:04.094 --> 00:46:07.138
I made you grilled cheese.
Ooh, my favey!

00:46:08.015 --> 00:46:11.684
Honey, last night was just...
Heavenly? I know. I know.

00:46:11.769 --> 00:46:13.436
I mean,
I woke up this morning,

00:46:13.520 --> 00:46:15.980
and I felt like
my boobs were bigger.

00:46:16.064 --> 00:46:20.651
I mean, do they look
bigger to you?
Uh, what? Your... No.

00:46:21.820 --> 00:46:26.365
Bigger?
Oh, come on! Look at them!

00:46:26.450 --> 00:46:31.287
Please.
They are definitely bigger.
I mean, look. They feel huge.

00:46:31.371 --> 00:46:36.542
Well, listen, I have to go,
but this has been
the breast bek... Breast...

00:46:37.753 --> 00:46:40.546
Thank you.
Where are you going?

00:46:40.631 --> 00:46:42.507
To get my job back.

00:46:44.176 --> 00:46:46.469
Yeah, yeah

00:46:46.553 --> 00:46:48.679
I am great

00:46:48.764 --> 00:46:52.183
Yeah, yeah, I am...

00:46:52.267 --> 00:46:54.894
Good grief.
Is that what I'm driving?

00:47:04.947 --> 00:47:07.824
Whoa. Nice car, man.

00:47:07.908 --> 00:47:10.409
Yeah. it gets me
from "A" to "B."

00:47:23.549 --> 00:47:27.510
Oh, darn.
All this horsepower
and no room to gallop.

00:47:30.430 --> 00:47:33.641
Heigh-ho, Silver, away!

00:47:41.733 --> 00:47:44.777
I certainly wouldn't
want to be a fugitive
on the run with Hank,

00:47:44.862 --> 00:47:47.446
Buffalo's number-one
police dog on the job.

00:47:47.531 --> 00:47:50.950
This is Phil Sidleman
reporting from the
Police Canine Training Center,

00:47:51.034 --> 00:47:52.702
Channel 5 News.

00:47:52.786 --> 00:47:53.953
And cut it.

00:47:58.208 --> 00:48:02.211
Hey! Hey!
Look what the cat coughed up!

00:48:02.296 --> 00:48:03.462
Channel 7, right?

00:48:03.505 --> 00:48:06.257
You're the guy
that went crazy?
I had a bad moment.

00:48:06.341 --> 00:48:09.385
What are you doing here?
Just looking for a story.

00:48:09.469 --> 00:48:13.014
There's no story here.
This pond is all fished out.

00:48:13.682 --> 00:48:16.726
Pretty standard stuff anyway.
I don't know.

00:48:16.810 --> 00:48:18.936
My instinct tells me
there's something more.

00:48:19.021 --> 00:48:22.148
Yeah? Well, go with that.
It served you well
in the past, right?

00:48:30.198 --> 00:48:33.659
Hey! Hank found something!

00:48:33.744 --> 00:48:36.370
- Hey, we got a body!
- Over here!

00:48:37.205 --> 00:48:39.665
Get the camera! Now!

00:48:39.750 --> 00:48:41.417
It's locked,
and the keys are inside!

00:48:41.501 --> 00:48:43.961
I guess
every dog has his day.

00:48:44.046 --> 00:48:46.380
Hey, kid.
You wanna make 10 bucks?
Sure.

00:48:46.465 --> 00:48:47.840
You know how to
use one of these?

00:48:47.925 --> 00:48:48.966
Duh.

00:48:51.011 --> 00:48:53.596
Seems to be in tune.
Let's do this.

00:48:53.680 --> 00:48:56.641
The body of Jimmy Hoffa
was uncovered in a field today

00:48:56.725 --> 00:48:59.810
outside of
a canine training center
in Buffalo, New York.

00:49:00.187 --> 00:49:03.522
Bruce Nolan
was the first on the scene.
Thank you, Jane.

00:49:03.607 --> 00:49:06.943
As you can see behind us,
the body
is being carefully exhumed,

00:49:07.027 --> 00:49:09.028
and will be transported
to a medical facility,

00:49:09.112 --> 00:49:11.739
where D.N.A. testing
can confirm the identity.

00:49:11.823 --> 00:49:14.492
That, however,
merely a formality
at this point,

00:49:14.576 --> 00:49:18.120
as in a bizarre twist,
the body was found buried
with a birth certificate

00:49:18.205 --> 00:49:20.456
and complete set
of dental records.

00:49:20.540 --> 00:49:24.961
I'd call that a red-letter day
for any K-9 unit, but was
that enough for old Hank here?

00:49:25.045 --> 00:49:29.465
No, sirree.
Moments later, he busted
a local news camera crew

00:49:29.549 --> 00:49:32.718
with 220 pounds of marijuana.

00:49:32.803 --> 00:49:35.846
I never saw it before,
I swear!

00:49:38.809 --> 00:49:43.729
I'm Bruce Nolan,
and that's the way
the cookie crumbles.

00:49:47.693 --> 00:49:49.902
Yeah! Did you like that?

00:49:52.322 --> 00:49:54.865
Yes. Thank you. Thank you.

00:49:54.950 --> 00:49:57.118
Hi, Bruce.
Oh, hi, Susan.

00:49:57.202 --> 00:49:59.453
Good work. I'm impressed.

00:50:03.917 --> 00:50:06.794
Jack, did you need me
for something?
Bruce! Bruce!

00:50:06.878 --> 00:50:08.754
Just the man I wanna see.
Hey.

00:50:08.880 --> 00:50:13.217
Hoffa?
What are the odds of that?
What are the odds of that?

00:50:13.301 --> 00:50:15.594
Bruce, why don't you sit down?
Okay.

00:50:15.679 --> 00:50:19.348
I'm gonna be
straight with you.
We want you back, Bruce.

00:50:19.433 --> 00:50:23.561
But I want you to understand
it was not my decision
to let you go.

00:50:23.645 --> 00:50:25.312
When the big guy
gives the order, you got to...

00:50:25.397 --> 00:50:26.856
No harm, no foul, Jack.

00:50:26.940 --> 00:50:28.524
I needed some time
to reassess my goals

00:50:28.608 --> 00:50:30.234
and get in touch
with my true self.

00:50:30.277 --> 00:50:33.404
You did that in a day?
Imagine what I could do
with seven.

00:50:34.823 --> 00:50:37.783
Look, Bruce.
It is not in my power
to give you anchor.

00:50:37.868 --> 00:50:40.828
Now, as far as
field reporting goes, if
you're looking for a bump...

00:50:40.912 --> 00:50:44.457
Jack, let's just cut the crap
and get down
to brass tacks here.

00:50:46.960 --> 00:50:49.211
I'm kidding with you,
and you...

00:50:49.296 --> 00:50:54.300
I had you going, Jackie.
Don't even worry about it,
old friend.

00:50:54.384 --> 00:50:57.553
You just give me
a camera, Jack,
I'll give you the news.

00:50:59.473 --> 00:51:03.726
A little less conversation
a little more action

00:51:03.810 --> 00:51:06.520
All this aggravation
ain't "satisfactioning" me

00:51:06.605 --> 00:51:11.650
My secret is that
I let the jalapeños marinate
in a spicy sauce

00:51:12.152 --> 00:51:16.197
for at least 24 hours
before I stir it
into the chili.

00:51:16.281 --> 00:51:20.659
Then I let it all come
to a simmer b... Oh!

00:51:23.914 --> 00:51:25.247
Hold that thought, Hazel!

00:51:25.332 --> 00:51:29.126
It seems as if an asteroid
or some kind of meteorite

00:51:29.211 --> 00:51:33.839
has just hit ground
right outside
the Mark Twain Chili Cook-Off.

00:51:33.924 --> 00:51:36.675
This should certainly
spice things up a bit.

00:51:37.094 --> 00:51:39.220
His stories are all over town.

00:51:39.304 --> 00:51:40.763
From unearthing Jimmy Hoffa...

00:51:40.847 --> 00:51:42.681
To a meteor
crashing to earth...

00:51:42.766 --> 00:51:45.976
Bruce Nolan is rapidly
becoming known as...

00:51:47.687 --> 00:51:51.607
Yeah
a little less conversation
a little more action

00:51:51.691 --> 00:51:55.111
All this conversation
ain't "satisfactioning" me

00:51:55.904 --> 00:51:58.030
A little more bite
and a little more bark

00:51:58.115 --> 00:52:00.074
A little less fight
and a little more spark

00:52:00.867 --> 00:52:04.453
And that's the way
the cookie crumbles!

00:52:09.167 --> 00:52:11.335
Was this Bruce's idea?

00:52:11.419 --> 00:52:16.549
He said he wanted me to
have a day of beauty
and luxurious serenity.

00:52:17.884 --> 00:52:21.220
I got to tell you.
He is really
impressing me lately.

00:52:21.304 --> 00:52:23.681
You know where he's taking me
to dinner tonight?

00:52:24.724 --> 00:52:26.058
Where?

00:52:28.478 --> 00:52:30.062
The Blue Palm?

00:52:31.898 --> 00:52:34.775
Oh, my gosh.
I just got chills.
I know.

00:52:34.860 --> 00:52:38.904
And he told me to prepare
for the most memorable night
of our entire lives.

00:52:38.989 --> 00:52:41.991
Oh, my gosh.
Grace, he's gonna propose.

00:52:42.075 --> 00:52:44.451
Stop it. No. Really?

00:52:44.536 --> 00:52:47.997
Yeah. Really. Come on.
You do the math.

00:52:48.081 --> 00:52:49.874
He sends you all day
to a beauty spa.

00:52:49.958 --> 00:52:52.042
He's taking you to
the most romantic restaurant,

00:52:52.127 --> 00:52:54.336
where you
had your first date.

00:52:54.421 --> 00:52:56.672
You know,
I never thought I'd say this,
but Bruce is right.

00:52:56.756 --> 00:52:57.798
This is your big night.

00:52:57.883 --> 00:53:00.509
Relax and enjoy it.
Oh, God.

00:53:05.849 --> 00:53:09.268
Welcome to
Eyewitness News at 6:00
with Susan Ortega,

00:53:09.644 --> 00:53:12.396
Evan Baxter,
Fred Donohue, sports,

00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:13.731
Dallas Coleman, weather.

00:53:13.815 --> 00:53:16.275
And now,
Buffalo's number-one
news team.

00:53:16.359 --> 00:53:19.486
Good evening, and welcome
to Eyewitness News at 6:00.
I'm Susan Ortega.

00:53:19.571 --> 00:53:22.531
And I'm Evan Baxter,
and here's
what's making news.

00:53:22.616 --> 00:53:25.910
A potential scandal
with the Buffalo P. D.
surfaced today,

00:53:25.994 --> 00:53:27.036
when the mayor...

00:53:37.380 --> 00:53:39.548
I'm sorry. I'm seem to
have something stuck in my...

00:53:39.633 --> 00:53:41.467
Somebody get him some water.

00:53:41.551 --> 00:53:44.386
Looks like my new co-anchor
may need a glass of water.

00:53:48.642 --> 00:53:51.518
Oh. There we go.
Sorry about that.

00:53:51.603 --> 00:53:54.897
In other news,
the prime minister of Sweden

00:53:54.981 --> 00:53:56.482
visited Washington today,

00:53:56.566 --> 00:53:59.485
and my tiny little nipples
went to France.

00:54:00.737 --> 00:54:03.572
What did he just say?
Check the prompter.

00:54:06.451 --> 00:54:09.411
The prompter's fine.
Evan, read the copy, please.

00:54:09.496 --> 00:54:11.830
The copy's good. Just read it.

00:54:11.915 --> 00:54:15.334
The White House reception
committee greeted
the prime rib roast minister,

00:54:15.418 --> 00:54:19.129
and I do the cha-cha
like a sissy girl.

00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:25.219
I "lika" do the cha-cha.

00:54:30.058 --> 00:54:34.103
I'm sorry.
We seem to be having
some technical difficulties.

00:54:34.187 --> 00:54:35.271
In other news...

00:54:39.067 --> 00:54:40.526
My apologies.

00:55:33.079 --> 00:55:36.081
If I ruled the world

00:55:37.542 --> 00:55:40.961
Every day would be
the first day of spring

00:55:43.465 --> 00:55:48.260
Every heart would have
a new song to sing

00:55:49.304 --> 00:55:51.555
And we'd sing

00:55:51.639 --> 00:55:55.392
Of the joy every morning
would bring

00:55:56.853 --> 00:55:59.104
If I ruled the world

00:56:01.441 --> 00:56:04.485
Every man
would be as free as a bird

00:56:05.153 --> 00:56:06.445
May I?
Certainly.

00:56:06.529 --> 00:56:07.529
Thank you.

00:56:07.614 --> 00:56:11.367
Every voice would be
a voice to be heard

00:56:12.619 --> 00:56:14.870
it's perfect.
She'll love it.

00:56:14.954 --> 00:56:19.625
We would treasure each day
that occurs

00:56:20.210 --> 00:56:24.213
You know, I was gonna...

00:56:24.297 --> 00:56:26.882
I was gonna wait
until after the meal,

00:56:26.966 --> 00:56:29.551
but it's gonna burst out of me
like an alien
if I don't do it now.

00:56:29.636 --> 00:56:34.056
Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay.

00:56:34.140 --> 00:56:38.977
This is it, isn't it?
I don't know. I don't know
if I'm ready for this.

00:56:39.062 --> 00:56:41.438
I mean, I'm ready for this.
I just don't know
if I would...

00:56:41.523 --> 00:56:43.982
I didn't think I would have...
I'm sorry. Go on.

00:56:44.067 --> 00:56:48.821
I didn't know
this was so important to you.
Me neither. Me neither.

00:56:48.905 --> 00:56:50.364
Oh.

00:56:51.533 --> 00:56:56.328
Grace.
Yes.

00:57:01.501 --> 00:57:03.210
I got anchor.

00:57:07.340 --> 00:57:08.757
Yes.

00:57:08.842 --> 00:57:11.635
Apparently,
it wasn't working out
with Evan,

00:57:11.719 --> 00:57:16.056
so he's gonna
finish out the week,
and I go live on Monday.

00:57:17.934 --> 00:57:22.020
That's great, honey.
That's great.
I know. I know.

00:57:22.105 --> 00:57:23.689
Wow.

00:57:26.025 --> 00:57:27.985
So that's what
this is all about?

00:57:28.069 --> 00:57:30.612
Well, yeah.
Yeah.

00:57:30.697 --> 00:57:32.030
Grace, we got anchor.

00:57:32.115 --> 00:57:33.657
Jack's throwing me a party
Friday night

00:57:33.741 --> 00:57:35.784
at the Vanderbilt estate
to celebrate.

00:57:35.869 --> 00:57:38.495
What's the matter?
Nothing.

00:57:38.580 --> 00:57:40.747
Now I lay me
down to sleep.

00:57:40.832 --> 00:57:42.291
I pray the Lord
my soul to keep.

00:57:42.375 --> 00:57:43.917
Oh, I feel so stupid.
I feel stupid.

00:57:44.002 --> 00:57:45.836
Wow, it is kind of
loud in here, isn't it?

00:57:45.962 --> 00:57:49.673
No, it's not loud.
Geez, can you keep it down
to a dull roar?

00:57:49.757 --> 00:57:51.467
What are you...
Thank you.

00:57:51.551 --> 00:57:52.676
Is that supposed to be funny?

00:57:52.760 --> 00:57:54.470
'Cause that is not funny.
If I should die
before I wake.

00:57:54.554 --> 00:57:56.805
I pray the Lord
my soul to take.
What are you saying?

00:57:56.890 --> 00:57:59.141
What is wrong with you?
Stop yelling!

00:58:00.602 --> 00:58:05.606
Uh, would you excuse me?
I think I'll take
a little trip to the...

00:58:07.108 --> 00:58:09.776
The wine is going
right through me.

00:58:09.861 --> 00:58:13.113
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

00:58:13.198 --> 00:58:15.199
Keep going, Tony!
You're great!
Oh, God.

00:58:17.994 --> 00:58:23.582
What is going on here?
Oh, what is this?
Give me a break!

00:58:29.130 --> 00:58:30.881
Really something, isn't it?

00:58:33.676 --> 00:58:35.719
Is this heaven?

00:58:35.803 --> 00:58:38.347
No, this is Mount Everest.

00:58:38.431 --> 00:58:41.892
You should flip on
the Discovery Channel
from time to time.

00:58:41.976 --> 00:58:45.604
But I guess you can't now,
being dead and all.

00:58:46.689 --> 00:58:49.775
I'm dead?
Nah, I'm just
messing with you.

00:58:49.901 --> 00:58:54.530
That's not funny, man.
That is not funny!
Okay.

00:58:54.614 --> 00:58:56.990
And what about the voices
in my head?

00:58:57.075 --> 00:59:00.118
Is that part of the hilarity?
No, those are prayers.

00:59:00.203 --> 00:59:03.288
And you keep ignoring them,
they're gonna build up
on you like that.

00:59:03.373 --> 00:59:06.792
But it's just noise.
I can't understand them.

00:59:06.876 --> 00:59:09.378
Well, you're
not listening, son.

00:59:09.462 --> 00:59:11.213
Let's see.

00:59:11.923 --> 00:59:14.550
You've had my powers
for a little over a week now.

00:59:14.634 --> 00:59:16.802
How many people
have you helped?

00:59:20.473 --> 00:59:22.349
I took care of a few things.

00:59:22.433 --> 00:59:25.811
I righted a few wrongs
in my own life first, okay?

00:59:25.895 --> 00:59:27.980
I was gonna help the others.

00:59:28.106 --> 00:59:31.441
I think
I could help the world.
The world?

00:59:31.526 --> 00:59:33.360
That wasn't the world.

00:59:33.444 --> 00:59:36.863
That was just Buffalo
between 57th Street
and Commonwealth.

00:59:38.533 --> 00:59:39.575
Oh.

00:59:39.659 --> 00:59:43.036
I didn't want to
start you off with more
than you could handle.

00:59:43.121 --> 00:59:46.707
Well, you took the job, Bruce,
so I suggest you get to it.

00:59:48.167 --> 00:59:51.086
Seeing him smile
would make me so happy.

00:59:51.170 --> 00:59:54.673
Prayers, prayers.
Okay, prayers. Oh!

00:59:54.757 --> 00:59:56.675
This creepy whisper thing
has to end.

00:59:56.759 --> 00:59:59.011
Organization and management
is what I need.

00:59:59.095 --> 01:00:03.724
I need a system.
Something concrete.
Concentrate!

01:00:04.559 --> 01:00:06.226
Files.

01:00:06.311 --> 01:00:09.521
Let all prayers
be organized into files.

01:00:13.901 --> 01:00:17.654
Well, that takes care
of the voices. Not exactly
a space saver though.

01:00:18.781 --> 01:00:23.619
Grace might notice.
I know. Prayer Post-lts!

01:00:31.377 --> 01:00:32.753
Shh!

01:00:38.551 --> 01:00:42.929
Okay, I need something
with a lock, security,
combination, a password.

01:00:44.265 --> 01:00:45.766
A password.

01:00:46.100 --> 01:00:47.267
Yahweh!

01:00:49.687 --> 01:00:51.146
You've got prayers.

01:00:52.398 --> 01:00:55.734
"Welcome to the revelation
superhighway.

01:00:55.818 --> 01:00:59.029
"We bless. No mess."
Downloading now.

01:01:02.367 --> 01:01:04.076
It's good. it's good.

01:01:06.996 --> 01:01:09.081
This is gonna take a while.

01:01:14.754 --> 01:01:16.505
One million and five hundred
forty seven thousand

01:01:16.589 --> 01:01:19.216
five hundred and three
prayer requests?

01:01:21.928 --> 01:01:24.012
I'd better manifest
some coffee.

01:01:27.016 --> 01:01:29.434
Hola, Juan Valdéz.

01:01:30.687 --> 01:01:32.396
Buenos días.
Buenos días.

01:01:32.480 --> 01:01:35.357
Disfrute un buen café.
Gracias, señor.

01:01:35.441 --> 01:01:38.151
Adiós.
Adiós.

01:01:44.158 --> 01:01:48.245
Now, that's fresh
mountain-grown coffee
from the hills of Colombia.

01:02:09.559 --> 01:02:12.310
It's good. it's good!

01:02:16.357 --> 01:02:19.985
Okay, I had to have made
some kind of a dent by now.

01:02:22.405 --> 01:02:24.156
Oh, come on!

01:02:26.409 --> 01:02:29.995
What a bunch of whiners.
This is gonna suck up
my whole life.

01:02:31.664 --> 01:02:33.248
You know what?

01:02:35.835 --> 01:02:37.878
Yes to all!

01:02:38.963 --> 01:02:42.966
Yeah, there you go.
Now everybody's happy.

01:02:51.851 --> 01:02:55.854
I'll drink to that.
My tech stocks
tripled in five days.

01:02:55.938 --> 01:02:58.356
You know something, Joe?
You seem taller.

01:02:58.441 --> 01:02:59.441
I am.

01:02:59.525 --> 01:03:00.942
My daughter pitched
a no-hitter.

01:03:01.027 --> 01:03:04.112
I lost 47 pounds
on the Krispy Kreme diet.

01:03:04.197 --> 01:03:07.324
Hey, there he is,
the man of the hour!

01:03:07.408 --> 01:03:11.369
Bless you. Bless all of you.

01:03:11.454 --> 01:03:15.707
Be fruitful
and do long division
or something.

01:03:16.334 --> 01:03:18.502
Hey, try that.
It's an excellent year.

01:03:18.586 --> 01:03:20.295
Hey, Bruce.
Hey.

01:03:20.379 --> 01:03:21.588
Who do you like
in the game tonight?

01:03:21.672 --> 01:03:25.133
I like the Sabres.
Coach prays a lot.
Okay.

01:03:27.512 --> 01:03:31.181
And I hear it
in the windy storm

01:03:31.265 --> 01:03:34.726
And I feel it in the icy dawn

01:03:35.937 --> 01:03:39.564
God gave me everything I want,
now, come on

01:03:39.649 --> 01:03:43.235
I'll give it all to you, babe

01:03:43.402 --> 01:03:45.987
God gave me everything I want

01:03:46.572 --> 01:03:49.407
Hey, this is Bruce, Grace
and Sam. Leave a message.

01:03:49.492 --> 01:03:51.201
Grace, are you there?

01:03:51.285 --> 01:03:52.786
Hello. it's me.

01:03:53.120 --> 01:03:55.622
Hello? Hello, hello,
hello, hello, hello.

01:03:55.706 --> 01:03:57.958
Come on, Grace.
Come to the party.

01:03:58.960 --> 01:04:00.627
I'll call you later, okay?

01:04:03.422 --> 01:04:04.923
Come on, Sam.

01:04:08.261 --> 01:04:09.302
Help me out here.

01:04:09.720 --> 01:04:11.805
Nature's not doing it.

01:04:11.889 --> 01:04:14.641
What'd you wish when you...
Oh, Sam, don't!
Come on!

01:04:14.767 --> 01:04:17.352
Come on. Tell me.
if I told you,
it might not come true.

01:04:17.436 --> 01:04:20.397
What is it you want, Mary?
What do you want?

01:04:20.481 --> 01:04:22.232
You... You want the moon?

01:04:22.316 --> 01:04:25.694
Just say the word, and
I'll throw a lasso around it
and pull it down.

01:04:25.778 --> 01:04:28.029
Hey, that's
a pretty good idea.

01:04:28.114 --> 01:04:30.574
I'll give you the moon, Mary.
I'll take it.

01:04:31.659 --> 01:04:33.034
Then what?

01:04:33.119 --> 01:04:36.705
Well, then you could
swallow it,
and it'll all dissolve, see?

01:04:36.789 --> 01:04:40.292
The moonbeams would shoot out
of your fingers and your toes

01:04:40.376 --> 01:04:41.751
and the ends of your hair...

01:04:54.181 --> 01:04:56.641
Hey, this is Bruce,
Grace and Sam...

01:04:58.144 --> 01:04:59.644
Hi, Bruce.

01:05:02.356 --> 01:05:04.107
What are you doing in here
all alone?

01:05:04.191 --> 01:05:07.944
Oh, I was just gonna...
Oh, I mean...

01:05:10.823 --> 01:05:13.700
I was gonna give Grace a call.

01:05:13.784 --> 01:05:15.493
Yeah, I didn't
see her in there.

01:05:15.578 --> 01:05:18.496
So, how are
you and Grace doing?

01:05:18.581 --> 01:05:21.875
Well, actually,
we had a bit of a fight.

01:05:21.959 --> 01:05:24.794
Kind of...
I'm not sure if she's...

01:05:24.879 --> 01:05:26.463
You're on fire, Bruce.

01:05:27.465 --> 01:05:29.758
Some women
can't handle the fire.

01:05:30.676 --> 01:05:32.177
Some can.

01:05:32.845 --> 01:05:37.223
That's interesting, 'cause,
you know, I never thought
we would ever talk.

01:05:48.069 --> 01:05:49.569
Grace!

01:05:56.077 --> 01:05:57.994
Everything so confusing

01:05:58.079 --> 01:06:01.957
You might wanna
stop touching me.
Now isn't a good time. Grace!

01:06:02.041 --> 01:06:03.625
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

01:06:03.709 --> 01:06:06.711
Grace! Grace, come here!

01:06:07.296 --> 01:06:10.173
Grace, this is so weird.
I was just calling you.

01:06:10.257 --> 01:06:11.257
Oh, yeah. What?

01:06:11.342 --> 01:06:13.885
And you thought, like,
Susan's mouth was the phone?

01:06:13.970 --> 01:06:15.929
She kissed me. I didn't...
I'm the "kissee."

01:06:16.013 --> 01:06:17.055
Oh, please.
Grace...

01:06:17.139 --> 01:06:18.598
Yeah, you were putting up
a really big fight.

01:06:18.683 --> 01:06:21.476
I tried to fight her off.
I tried to stop her,
but she's really strong.

01:06:21.560 --> 01:06:23.979
Okay, I screwed up.
Can I make it up to you?

01:06:24.063 --> 01:06:27.148
Yeah! Why don't
you get me a boat, Bruce.

01:06:27.233 --> 01:06:28.692
What?
Yeah, a big boat.

01:06:28.776 --> 01:06:32.821
And then maybe
two big bags of cash. Then...
Then I'll be happy.

01:06:32.905 --> 01:06:34.990
Lots of money
and lots of stuff.

01:06:35.074 --> 01:06:38.118
Other people want idiotic
crap like getting married
or having babies

01:06:38.202 --> 01:06:40.036
with the man that
they've loved for five years.

01:06:40.121 --> 01:06:43.248
But not me, Bruce.
Just give me the boat.

01:06:43.332 --> 01:06:45.000
No wonder you stayed single!

01:06:45.084 --> 01:06:48.670
Oh! Grace, don't do this!
I'm not doing this.

01:06:48.754 --> 01:06:50.672
I'm undoing it.
I'll be at Debbie's.

01:06:50.756 --> 01:06:52.590
You take care of Sam
until I can make arrangements.

01:06:55.928 --> 01:06:57.887
You can't leave me.

01:06:59.432 --> 01:07:03.977
I'm the alpha, lady!
I'm the omega, baby!

01:07:05.146 --> 01:07:07.564
Okay, fine. I don't need you.

01:07:13.779 --> 01:07:18.241
What's the matter, Bruce?
She can't handle
a little competition?

01:07:19.285 --> 01:07:21.661
The game's been called
on account of rain.

01:07:37.261 --> 01:07:41.890
An unusually high number
of lottery winners has
New York officials concerned.

01:07:41.974 --> 01:07:44.768
So far, 1,100 winning tickets
have been turned in,

01:07:44.852 --> 01:07:47.645
all strangely
from the Buffalo area.

01:07:48.647 --> 01:07:50.648
More on this story
as it develops.

01:07:51.817 --> 01:07:53.693
Enjoying your party?

01:07:53.778 --> 01:07:56.988
Nothing like
spending quality time
with great friends, huh?

01:07:59.075 --> 01:08:01.242
Grace left me.

01:08:01.327 --> 01:08:03.203
Yeah, I know.

01:08:03.287 --> 01:08:04.788
She'll take me back.

01:08:08.167 --> 01:08:11.669
She'll take me back, right?
Would you take you back?

01:08:15.424 --> 01:08:16.925
Oh.

01:08:17.718 --> 01:08:21.930
How do you make
somebody love you
without affecting free will?

01:08:22.014 --> 01:08:24.140
Welcome to my world, son.

01:08:24.225 --> 01:08:27.769
You come up
with an answer to that one,
you let me know.

01:08:37.029 --> 01:08:39.280
Rise and shine, Buffalo.

01:08:39.365 --> 01:08:43.284
It's 70 and sunny,
and the perfect day
to forgive Bruce.

01:08:43.369 --> 01:08:45.870
I don't know much

01:08:46.956 --> 01:08:49.833
But I know I love you

01:08:53.629 --> 01:08:55.964
Bye.
Have fun.

01:08:56.048 --> 01:08:57.298
You got it.

01:08:57.383 --> 01:09:01.761
Every point of view
has another angle

01:09:02.388 --> 01:09:05.682
And every angle has its merit

01:09:05.766 --> 01:09:09.227
And do you ever feel

01:09:09.728 --> 01:09:13.231
That there
is something missing

01:09:15.151 --> 01:09:19.654
There's a God-shaped hole
in all of us

01:09:19.738 --> 01:09:20.989
And the restless soul
is searching

01:09:21.073 --> 01:09:23.449
Hi. Can I get
a small coffee to go?

01:09:23.534 --> 01:09:24.659
Sure, hon. Just a sec.

01:09:24.743 --> 01:09:29.664
K-Tel Records
brings you the 100 greatest
love songs of all time.

01:09:29.748 --> 01:09:33.168
You'll hear such classics as
"All You Need Is Bruce."

01:09:33.252 --> 01:09:37.005
"If You Can't Be
With The One You Love,
Then Love Bruce."

01:09:37.089 --> 01:09:39.465
"Do That To Bruce
One More Time."

01:09:39.550 --> 01:09:44.512
And who can forget
that classic, "Bruce So Horny,
He Love You Long Time."

01:09:44.597 --> 01:09:49.893
Order today and we'll throw in
at no extra charge
the video Sweatin' To Bruce.

01:09:49.977 --> 01:09:56.107
Just dial 1-900-4GIV HIM.
That's 1-900-4GIV HIM.
Do it now.

01:09:56.192 --> 01:09:59.569
Do you ever feel

01:09:59.653 --> 01:10:02.780
That there
is something missing

01:10:04.950 --> 01:10:09.787
There's a God-shaped hole
in all of us

01:10:09.872 --> 01:10:14.209
And the restless soul
is searching

01:10:14.293 --> 01:10:19.005
There's a God-shaped hole
in all of us

01:10:19.089 --> 01:10:24.594
And it's a void
only he can fill

01:10:24.678 --> 01:10:27.222
Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no.
Oh, gosh, please
don't put that in your mouth.

01:10:27.306 --> 01:10:29.182
We don't eat that.
Oh, that's not food.

01:10:29.266 --> 01:10:33.937
Go to the bathroom, please.
Wash out your mouth.
Wash off your hands.

01:10:34.021 --> 01:10:36.689
God, I swear that kid
is gonna poop an ornament.

01:10:36.774 --> 01:10:39.984
One more time,
you're gonna be
in a lot of trouble.

01:10:40.986 --> 01:10:43.446
All right.
That's it! That's it!

01:10:44.281 --> 01:10:45.657
Hi.

01:10:46.408 --> 01:10:50.286
I surrender!
I surrender! I surrender.

01:10:54.166 --> 01:10:55.667
Hi.
Hi.

01:10:59.838 --> 01:11:06.094
I'm doing
my first anchor tonight.
Oh, wow! That's great!

01:11:06.178 --> 01:11:07.929
So how have you been doing?
Good.

01:11:08.013 --> 01:11:09.847
Yeah?
Yeah. Good.

01:11:10.766 --> 01:11:14.686
Just...
Debbie won the lottery.
Oh, yeah? You're kidding.

01:11:14.770 --> 01:11:20.275
But I guess so did
400,000 other people,
so she only won, like, $17.

01:11:23.737 --> 01:11:25.029
I miss you.

01:11:28.784 --> 01:11:30.660
Okay.

01:11:30.744 --> 01:11:34.580
I took the first step.
Jumped out on the ledge.

01:11:36.333 --> 01:11:37.959
Feeling pretty vulnerable too.

01:11:38.043 --> 01:11:39.252
I don't know
what you want me to say.

01:11:39.336 --> 01:11:40.878
Just say you love me
and you want me back.

01:11:41.005 --> 01:11:44.382
No, Bruce.
Come on.
What about all the signs?

01:11:44.466 --> 01:11:48.303
How did you know about that?
Did you talk to Debbie?

01:11:48.387 --> 01:11:51.431
Look, would it help
if I just said that
I was a complete ass?

01:11:51.515 --> 01:11:54.183
Hey, you said "ass."
Yeah, but it's okay

01:11:54.268 --> 01:11:55.560
if I'm talking about a donkey.

01:11:55.602 --> 01:11:58.855
I didn't say "hole."
if I said "ass"...
Wait! Wait!

01:11:58.939 --> 01:12:01.107
Okay, you know what, honey?
Let's go. Let's go inside.

01:12:01.191 --> 01:12:04.235
All right, kids.
Everybody inside.
Time to go inside.

01:12:04.320 --> 01:12:08.990
Grace, please,
none of this seems right
without you.

01:12:13.495 --> 01:12:14.954
Yeah, I got to go.

01:12:15.789 --> 01:12:17.081
Wait!

01:12:24.006 --> 01:12:25.673
How do you feel now?

01:12:29.011 --> 01:12:31.804
Have you completely
lost your mind?

01:12:31.930 --> 01:12:35.558
What? Are you drunk?
Yeah, I'm drunk.
Drunk with power.

01:12:40.731 --> 01:12:43.900
Love me. Love me.

01:12:44.735 --> 01:12:47.945
Love me. Love me!

01:12:49.823 --> 01:12:51.074
I did.

01:13:03.962 --> 01:13:06.964
Yeah, I know, free will.
Oh, God.

01:13:07.383 --> 01:13:11.844
More power outages
reported today caused by
last week's meteorite strike.

01:13:11.929 --> 01:13:15.681
Officials are desperately
trying to repair
several transformers

01:13:15.766 --> 01:13:18.059
damaged by
the ensuing electrical surge.

01:13:18.143 --> 01:13:19.685
The scene
nearly turned violent

01:13:19.770 --> 01:13:22.105
when hundreds of
disgruntled Buffalo residents

01:13:22.189 --> 01:13:25.191
protested last week's
lottery results.

01:13:25.275 --> 01:13:28.736
And doomsayers are pointing
to last week's
strange celestial events

01:13:28.821 --> 01:13:31.906
as signs that prophesy
is now being fulfilled

01:13:31.990 --> 01:13:34.325
and the world as we know it
may be coming to an end.

01:13:35.994 --> 01:13:37.036
World's gone mad.

01:13:37.454 --> 01:13:39.330
Bruce, 30 seconds to air.
Okay. Okay.

01:13:39.415 --> 01:13:42.542
There you are.
It's your big debut.
How are you feeling?

01:13:42.626 --> 01:13:46.170
You know what? Fine.
Never better.

01:13:46.255 --> 01:13:47.713
Show must go on, right?

01:13:51.635 --> 01:13:55.430
The Sabres just won
the Stanley Cup.
You're kidding me!

01:13:55.514 --> 01:13:58.015
Was that tonight?
That's great, isn't it?

01:13:58.100 --> 01:13:59.934
It's getting pretty crazy
out there.

01:14:00.018 --> 01:14:02.770
We're gonna kick live to Fred
at the stadium, okay?

01:14:02.855 --> 01:14:05.273
Five seconds to the open.
This is it.

01:14:05.357 --> 01:14:07.316
You ready?
Born that way.

01:14:07.401 --> 01:14:10.570
Welcome to
Eyewitness News at 6:00,
with Susan Ortega,

01:14:11.447 --> 01:14:12.947
Bruce Nolan,

01:14:13.031 --> 01:14:15.908
Fred Donohue, sports,
Dallas Coleman, weather.

01:14:15.993 --> 01:14:18.119
And now, Buffalo's
number-one news team.

01:14:18.203 --> 01:14:20.329
I'm Susan Ortega.
I'm Bruce Nolan.

01:14:20.414 --> 01:14:22.582
And here's what's making news.

01:14:23.709 --> 01:14:26.210
What happened?
What the hell happened?
We lost power.

01:14:26.295 --> 01:14:28.504
Transformer's down again.
Oh, geez.

01:14:28.589 --> 01:14:30.631
Ever since that
damn meteorite hit.

01:14:32.718 --> 01:14:34.010
It's okay. We're back up.

01:14:34.261 --> 01:14:35.261
We apologize
for the interruption.

01:14:35.554 --> 01:14:37.138
And now back to the news.
Bruce.

01:14:37.222 --> 01:14:38.639
Thank you, Susan.
I'm sorry.

01:14:38.724 --> 01:14:40.975
We're going live
to H. S. B. C. Arena,

01:14:41.059 --> 01:14:44.312
where the Buffalo Sabres
have won the Stanley Cup.

01:14:44.396 --> 01:14:45.605
Great.
Fred.

01:14:45.689 --> 01:14:47.565
We're about to uncork
some champagne

01:14:47.649 --> 01:14:53.196
because the Sabres have won
their first championship
in 22 years!

01:14:55.616 --> 01:14:57.241
What in the blue blazes...

01:14:57.326 --> 01:15:01.996
We'll be back with the
Sabres' Stanley Cup victory
in just a hot second.

01:15:02.080 --> 01:15:05.124
In other news... Bloody hell!

01:15:05.250 --> 01:15:07.543
For the love of God,
what is it now?
The whole booth is down.

01:15:07.628 --> 01:15:11.964
No, it's not! In other news,
fighting erupted

01:15:12.049 --> 01:15:17.053
in the Gaza Strip today,
as lsraelis
and Palestinians...

01:15:17.137 --> 01:15:18.346
Bruce.
What?

01:15:18.430 --> 01:15:21.682
We've got a situation here.
They're rioting
right outside the station.

01:15:21.767 --> 01:15:25.061
You're kidding.
The whole town has gone crazy.

01:15:29.942 --> 01:15:32.693
Come on, Bruce.
Say something.

01:15:32.778 --> 01:15:36.239
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
this just in.

01:15:36.949 --> 01:15:42.328
Possibly, the biggest
breaking news story
this town has ever seen.

01:15:49.586 --> 01:15:51.379
And I got to go.

01:15:52.673 --> 01:15:54.298
I'm sorry, Jack.

01:15:55.592 --> 01:15:57.802
Susan, it's all yours.

01:16:01.306 --> 01:16:05.268
Sabres! Sabres rule!

01:16:08.146 --> 01:16:11.899
Repent!
The end is near! Repent!

01:16:16.488 --> 01:16:19.448
Come back
with my bubble gum machine!

01:16:24.288 --> 01:16:29.208
The lottery sucks!
I only won 17 bucks!

01:16:31.169 --> 01:16:33.879
Channel 7 fries!

01:16:33.964 --> 01:16:36.716
Oh! Oh, no!

01:16:48.854 --> 01:16:52.398
God!

01:16:53.692 --> 01:16:55.151
God?

01:16:56.528 --> 01:16:58.029
Are you here?

01:17:01.491 --> 01:17:07.622
Hello? I need your help.
Clap on. Clap on.

01:17:07.706 --> 01:17:11.417
Clap on! Clap on! Clap on!

01:17:15.297 --> 01:17:16.672
Figures!

01:17:20.302 --> 01:17:23.638
Well, hello there,
Bruce Almighty.

01:17:26.224 --> 01:17:30.019
Not as easy as it looks,
is it, son?
This God business.

01:17:30.979 --> 01:17:32.730
They're all out of control.

01:17:33.649 --> 01:17:36.359
It's mayhem.
I don't know what to do.

01:17:36.443 --> 01:17:39.403
Well, you're
right on time, 7:00.

01:17:42.491 --> 01:17:44.283
The seventh at 7:00.

01:17:59.007 --> 01:18:01.467
All righty then.

01:18:03.553 --> 01:18:07.098
There we are.
It's good. it's good!

01:18:08.725 --> 01:18:10.601
It's a wonderful thing.

01:18:10.686 --> 01:18:15.481
No matter how filthy
something gets, you can
always clean it right up.

01:18:16.733 --> 01:18:19.819
There were so many,
I just gave them all
what they wanted.

01:18:19.903 --> 01:18:21.112
Yeah.

01:18:22.322 --> 01:18:25.991
But since when does
anyone have a clue
about what they want?

01:18:28.662 --> 01:18:30.830
So what do I do?

01:18:33.959 --> 01:18:37.503
Parting your soup
is not a miracle, Bruce.
It's a magic trick.

01:18:39.089 --> 01:18:41.590
A single mom
who's working two jobs

01:18:41.675 --> 01:18:44.468
and still finds time
to take her kid
to soccer practice,

01:18:44.553 --> 01:18:46.053
that's a miracle.

01:18:46.138 --> 01:18:48.013
A teenager
who says no to drugs

01:18:48.098 --> 01:18:51.809
and yes to an education,
that's a miracle.

01:18:53.478 --> 01:18:55.521
People want me
to do everything for them.

01:18:55.605 --> 01:18:58.941
But what they don't realize
is they have the power.

01:19:00.110 --> 01:19:04.155
You wanna see a miracle, son?
Be the miracle.

01:19:08.326 --> 01:19:10.161
Wait. Are you leaving?

01:19:11.163 --> 01:19:13.998
Yeah. I see that
you can handle things now.

01:19:14.082 --> 01:19:17.168
But what if I need you.
What if I have questions?

01:19:17.252 --> 01:19:21.589
That's your problem, Bruce.
That's everybody's problem.

01:19:21.673 --> 01:19:23.174
You keep looking up.

01:19:27.637 --> 01:19:31.766
Order has been
restored in Buffalo after
this evening's downtown riot.

01:19:31.850 --> 01:19:36.687
State officials have suspended
all lottery sales
pending further investigation.

01:19:36.772 --> 01:19:40.733
No injuries were reported
in the melee, however,
there were dozens...

01:20:19.815 --> 01:20:24.193
I've got to be honest
I think you know

01:20:24.736 --> 01:20:29.198
We're covered in lies
and that's okay

01:20:29.282 --> 01:20:30.324
Okay.

01:20:30.408 --> 01:20:32.368
There's somewhere
beyond this I know

01:20:32.452 --> 01:20:34.495
Well, thanks a million.
Oh, not a problem.

01:20:34.579 --> 01:20:35.788
God bless.

01:20:35.872 --> 01:20:38.415
Hope I can find
the words to say

01:20:39.751 --> 01:20:41.335
Never again, no

01:20:41.419 --> 01:20:45.339
Bruce giveth
and Bruce taketh away.

01:20:45.423 --> 01:20:48.342
If you don't like it,
megabyte me.

01:20:48.426 --> 01:20:53.264
'Cause you're a god
and I am not

01:20:53.348 --> 01:20:56.851
And I just thought
that you would know

01:20:56.935 --> 01:20:59.478
Evan.
Bruce.

01:21:02.065 --> 01:21:04.817
I suppose you're here
to gloat about
the anchor position.

01:21:04.901 --> 01:21:08.779
Go ahead. Take your best shot.
Actually, I...

01:21:10.574 --> 01:21:13.868
I just came to tell you
that I've been a royal prick.

01:21:13.952 --> 01:21:17.496
The anchor position is yours.
I turned down the job.

01:21:17.581 --> 01:21:20.666
Oh, and I never really
congratulated you
in the first place.

01:21:21.960 --> 01:21:23.294
Congratulations.

01:21:23.378 --> 01:21:26.255
'Cause you're a God
and I am not

01:21:26.339 --> 01:21:28.090
Thanks, Bruce.

01:21:28.174 --> 01:21:31.093
In the financial world,
things are settling
back to normal

01:21:31.177 --> 01:21:34.388
in what analysts are calling
a fluke market fluctuation.

01:21:34.472 --> 01:21:37.224
You made the right move, Jack.
So what about you?

01:21:37.309 --> 01:21:39.435
Are you ready
to go back out there?

01:21:40.353 --> 01:21:43.188
And do the cutesy stuff?
The lighter side of the news?

01:21:43.273 --> 01:21:47.192
Lower and debase myself
for the amusement
of total strangers?

01:21:47.319 --> 01:21:50.779
Yeah, I could do that.
Sounds like fun.
Good.

01:21:52.032 --> 01:21:55.534
Okay, Sammy,
let's do it right,
like all the other dogs.

01:21:55.619 --> 01:21:58.078
I don't wanna
make you feel bad,
but they're laughing at you.

01:21:58.163 --> 01:21:59.288
They're laughing at you.

01:21:59.372 --> 01:22:03.709
Come on. Concentrate.
There you go. Come on.
Pump it out if you have to.

01:22:03.793 --> 01:22:05.669
What am I gonna do with you?

01:22:08.632 --> 01:22:11.258
I know this seems
kind of crazy,

01:22:11.343 --> 01:22:15.888
but desperate times
calls for desperate measures.

01:22:15.972 --> 01:22:19.600
Yeah. Okay. Okay, Sammy.

01:22:19.684 --> 01:22:21.435
Do your thing.

01:22:21.519 --> 01:22:25.439
That's it. That's it.
Good boy!

01:22:27.150 --> 01:22:28.567
Training my dog.

01:22:30.445 --> 01:22:35.491
'Cause you're a God
and I am not

01:22:35.575 --> 01:22:40.245
And I just thought
that you would know

01:22:40.330 --> 01:22:45.125
You're a God and I am not

01:22:45.210 --> 01:22:48.629
And I just thought
I'd let you go

01:22:48.713 --> 01:22:52.466
Yes, we did it! We did it!

01:22:52.592 --> 01:22:54.718
Bow-wow-wow
Yippee-yo, yippee-yay.

01:22:54.803 --> 01:22:57.596
We're doing it doggy style.

01:22:59.474 --> 01:23:03.727
I'll alert Penthouse Forum.
Hi, Deb. How are you?

01:23:04.562 --> 01:23:05.854
How's Grace?

01:23:05.939 --> 01:23:08.732
I really didn't come to chat,
okay, Bruce?
I came for Grace's stuff.

01:23:14.906 --> 01:23:18.367
You need...
No, it's okay. I've got it.

01:23:25.250 --> 01:23:29.420
I don't... I don't know
if she... I don't know
if she wants that or not.

01:23:33.508 --> 01:23:36.468
This is full.
You did all this?

01:23:47.856 --> 01:23:50.024
You know what I do every night
before I go to bed?

01:23:50.108 --> 01:23:54.278
I tuck my kids in,
maybe have a scoop
of ice cream and watch Conan.

01:23:55.822 --> 01:23:57.448
You know what Grace does?

01:23:58.950 --> 01:24:00.451
She prays.

01:24:02.620 --> 01:24:04.204
Most of the time for you.

01:24:26.311 --> 01:24:29.480
Find Grace Connelly.

01:24:32.817 --> 01:24:34.526
The woman does pray a lot.

01:24:36.196 --> 01:24:39.615
Find Grace, then Bruce.

01:24:40.617 --> 01:24:45.079
"Dear God, please help
Bruce find himself,
find contentment, find you.

01:24:45.163 --> 01:24:48.665
"Dear God, please help Bruce.
He seems to be struggling.

01:24:48.750 --> 01:24:50.751
"Dear God,
give Bruce strength."

01:24:50.835 --> 01:24:52.377
"Dear God, bless Bruce."

01:24:52.462 --> 01:24:54.004
Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.

01:24:57.675 --> 01:24:59.093
It's her.

01:24:59.928 --> 01:25:03.680
Sammy, it's her.
She's logging on.
She's praying right now.

01:25:05.600 --> 01:25:07.017
Grace.

01:25:10.688 --> 01:25:12.523
Please, God.

01:25:14.109 --> 01:25:17.569
Please. I still love him.

01:25:19.864 --> 01:25:22.449
But I don't wanna
love him anymore.

01:25:23.076 --> 01:25:25.994
I don't wanna hurt anymore.
Please.

01:25:26.079 --> 01:25:27.704
Help me forget.

01:25:28.790 --> 01:25:34.962
Please help me let him go.

01:25:55.733 --> 01:25:57.151
You win!

01:25:58.611 --> 01:26:00.320
I'm done!

01:26:00.405 --> 01:26:03.949
Please, I don't wanna
do this anymore.

01:26:05.243 --> 01:26:07.411
I don't wanna be God.

01:26:08.037 --> 01:26:10.956
I want you to decide
what's right for me.

01:26:11.457 --> 01:26:14.293
I surrender to your will!

01:26:44.782 --> 01:26:45.949
Am I...

01:26:46.034 --> 01:26:47.701
You can't kneel down
in the middle of a highway

01:26:47.785 --> 01:26:50.078
and live
to talk about it, son.

01:26:50.580 --> 01:26:52.122
But why?

01:26:53.458 --> 01:26:55.167
Why now?

01:26:55.251 --> 01:27:00.005
Bruce,
you have a divine spark.

01:27:00.757 --> 01:27:04.635
You have the gift
for bringing joy
and laughter to the world.

01:27:05.803 --> 01:27:07.971
I know. I created you.

01:27:09.474 --> 01:27:10.515
Quit bragging.

01:27:10.600 --> 01:27:14.102
See. That's...
That's what
I'm talking about.

01:27:14.187 --> 01:27:16.063
That's the spark.

01:27:21.194 --> 01:27:23.070
What do you want me to do?

01:27:24.322 --> 01:27:26.740
I want you to pray, son.

01:27:26.824 --> 01:27:29.451
Go ahead. Use them.

01:27:35.833 --> 01:27:39.169
Lord, feed the hungry.

01:27:39.254 --> 01:27:43.674
And bring peace to

01:27:43.758 --> 01:27:46.009
all of mankind.

01:27:48.012 --> 01:27:50.347
How's that?
Great.

01:27:50.431 --> 01:27:53.350
If you wanna be
Miss America.

01:27:53.434 --> 01:27:56.979
Now, come on.
What do you really care about?

01:28:01.484 --> 01:28:03.068
Grace.

01:28:03.861 --> 01:28:07.364
Grace. You want her back?

01:28:13.329 --> 01:28:14.788
No.

01:28:16.541 --> 01:28:18.750
I want her to be happy.

01:28:20.920 --> 01:28:23.088
No matter what that means.

01:28:23.172 --> 01:28:25.882
I want her to find someone

01:28:25.967 --> 01:28:28.635
who will treat her

01:28:28.720 --> 01:28:31.513
with all the love

01:28:31.597 --> 01:28:33.890
she deserved from me.

01:28:36.102 --> 01:28:38.395
I want her to meet someone

01:28:43.651 --> 01:28:46.695
who will see her always

01:28:46.779 --> 01:28:49.239
as I do now

01:28:53.578 --> 01:28:55.412
through your eyes.

01:28:56.414 --> 01:28:59.666
Now, that's a prayer.
Yeah?

01:29:00.335 --> 01:29:01.877
Yeah.

01:29:02.587 --> 01:29:05.672
It's good.
It's good.

01:29:05.757 --> 01:29:07.382
it's good!

01:29:08.968 --> 01:29:10.927
I'm gonna get right on it.

01:29:12.096 --> 01:29:13.805
Clear!
Whoa!

01:29:13.890 --> 01:29:16.350
That didn't feel very good.
Clear!

01:29:17.435 --> 01:29:19.311
Got a rhythm.

01:29:19.395 --> 01:29:21.271
All right. I got a pulse.
All right. Let's set him up.

01:29:21.356 --> 01:29:23.899
Yeah. Get the backboard
and brace.

01:29:27.612 --> 01:29:29.154
Bruce?

01:29:31.115 --> 01:29:32.407
Bruce?

01:29:34.077 --> 01:29:35.535
Welcome back.

01:29:36.454 --> 01:29:40.499
You're lucky to be alive, son.
Someone up there
must like you.

01:29:55.890 --> 01:29:59.226
I hear all that stuff
winds up
in a warehouse somewhere.

01:30:02.647 --> 01:30:04.481
Grace.

01:30:06.109 --> 01:30:07.818
Hi, baby.

01:30:09.821 --> 01:30:13.073
Oh. Oh, my God,
look at you.

01:30:14.158 --> 01:30:17.744
I was such an idiot.
It's okay.

01:30:17.829 --> 01:30:21.331
It's okay.

01:30:24.544 --> 01:30:27.921
I don't know
what I would have done.

01:30:28.005 --> 01:30:32.676
Oh, God. I swear
I wanted to be mad
at you forever.

01:30:44.856 --> 01:30:47.149
Now you're just showing off.

01:30:58.202 --> 01:31:02.497
This is Bruce Nolan here
at Buffalo's First-Annual
"Be the Miracle" Blood Drive.

01:31:02.582 --> 01:31:06.543
It's a B-E-A-utiful day,
so come on down here.

01:31:06.627 --> 01:31:09.212
Because the life you save
could be mine.

01:31:09.297 --> 01:31:12.799
Let's go over here,
where the Kowolskis have baked
a very special cookie

01:31:12.884 --> 01:31:14.259
just for this occasion.

01:31:14.343 --> 01:31:17.429
Sure, it's a little creepy
and a shameless plug,
but we love them.

01:31:17.513 --> 01:31:20.557
Thank you, Mama.
Vol, finger... lose.

01:31:21.726 --> 01:31:24.311
I myself,
will have given blood
twice this week.

01:31:24.395 --> 01:31:26.646
For those of you
who haven't heard,

01:31:26.731 --> 01:31:32.277
I'd like to introduce you
to the future Mrs. Exclusive,
Grace Connelly.

01:31:32.361 --> 01:31:36.907
There she is. Look at her!
Isn't she beautiful?

01:31:38.201 --> 01:31:42.287
She just gave blood,
and she still has enough left
to fill up her face.

01:31:42.371 --> 01:31:46.333
Yes, behind every great man,
there's a woman
rolling her eyes, folks.

01:31:46.417 --> 01:31:48.168
I'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness News,

01:31:48.252 --> 01:31:51.254
with all the folks down here
at the blood drive,
reminding you to...

01:31:51.339 --> 01:31:54.382
Be the miracle!

01:31:55.092 --> 01:31:56.510
You heard them.

01:31:56.594 --> 01:32:00.222
Okay, cut it.
Thank you, Bruce.
Thanks, Ally.

01:32:01.516 --> 01:32:04.851
Hey. How was that?
That was great.

01:32:04.936 --> 01:32:06.686
Yeah?
That was really great.

01:32:06.771 --> 01:32:08.855
Now, you still have to
go over there.
The nurse is waiting.

01:32:08.940 --> 01:32:11.525
Oh, do I have to?
Oh, it's not gonna hurt.

01:32:11.609 --> 01:32:14.194
In fact,
I think you'll find it
quite pleasurable.

01:32:14.278 --> 01:32:15.654
Ooh, baby.

01:32:39.929 --> 01:32:42.013
Are you ready for a miracle?

01:32:42.098 --> 01:32:44.266
Ready as I can be

01:32:44.350 --> 01:32:47.852
Are you ready for a miracle?
It's ready to set you free

01:32:47.937 --> 01:32:53.108
Are you ready?
Ready

01:32:53.192 --> 01:32:56.611
Are you ready for a miracle?

01:32:56.696 --> 01:33:01.324
Oh

01:33:01.409 --> 01:33:04.077
Are you ready?

01:33:04.161 --> 01:33:06.746
Ready for a miracle
Ready, ready, yes, I am

01:33:06.831 --> 01:33:09.082
Are you ready, are you ready
Yes, I am

01:33:09.166 --> 01:33:11.543
Are you ready for a miracle?
Yes

01:33:13.671 --> 01:33:18.675
Who can take a rainbow,
wrap it in a sigh?

01:33:18.759 --> 01:33:24.055
Soak it in the sun and
make a groovy lemon pie

01:33:24.140 --> 01:33:27.225
Oompah.
Loompah.

01:33:28.102 --> 01:33:31.438
Doompah. Oh, geez.

01:33:33.524 --> 01:33:34.608
I'm sorry.

01:33:34.692 --> 01:33:38.028
I'm a very rare blood type.
I'm A. B. -positive.

01:33:39.488 --> 01:33:41.072
Sounds delicious.

01:33:44.660 --> 01:33:47.495
Yeah, well, there, you know,
there are storehouses
all over the world.

01:33:47.580 --> 01:33:50.498
You know, all over the...
With tons of stuff on ice.

01:33:50.583 --> 01:33:53.543
And it's... Sorry.
You're like this.

01:33:53.628 --> 01:33:56.421
Sorry. Go on.
Okay.

01:33:56.505 --> 01:33:58.840
Positive. I. B. -positive.
Okay, sorry.

01:33:58.924 --> 01:34:01.468
I have a "rarey"...
Oh!

01:34:02.386 --> 01:34:04.804
She has a "rarey." Okay.

01:34:04.889 --> 01:34:07.307
Well, they need my blood.
I have a very rare blood type.

01:34:07.391 --> 01:34:10.226
I'm A. B. -negative.
I'm I. B. -positive.

01:34:10.353 --> 01:34:13.855
Am I A. B. -negative or am I...
I don't know
what you are anymore.

01:34:13.939 --> 01:34:17.192
I'm gonna need
a fricking miracle
to get to work on time.

01:34:30.081 --> 01:34:31.206
Shit.

01:34:34.794 --> 01:34:35.919
Shit!

01:34:40.424 --> 01:34:41.633
That won't work.

01:34:41.926 --> 01:34:43.176
Other stories in the...

01:34:50.226 --> 01:34:53.520
The prime minister of Sweden
visited Washington today.

01:34:53.604 --> 01:34:55.105
And in other...

01:34:58.901 --> 01:35:00.276
In other...

01:35:02.279 --> 01:35:03.947
In other news...

01:35:08.411 --> 01:35:11.121
I'm Bruce Nolan
for Eyewitness No...

01:35:13.457 --> 01:35:17.127
Eyewitness Nose.
Okay, and clear.

01:35:18.713 --> 01:35:22.382
Be the miracle.
That's right.

01:35:22.406 --> 01:35:42.406
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