WEBVTT

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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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(Man) 'Whenever I get gloomy
with the state of the world,

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'I think about the arrivals gate
at Heathrow airport.

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'General opinion makes out
that we live in a world of hatred and greed

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'but I don't see that.

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'Seems to me that love is everywhere.

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'Often it's not particularly dignified
or newsworthy but it's always there.

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'Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters,
husbands and wives,

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'boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

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'When the planes hit the Twin Towers,

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'none of the phone calls from people on
board were messages of hate or revenge,

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'they were all messages of love.

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'lf you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling
you'll find that love actually is all around.'

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I feel it in my fingers

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I feel it in my toes

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Feel it in my toes, yeah

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Love is all around me
And so the...

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- (Feedback)
- I'm afraid you did it again, Bill.

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(Sighs) It's just I know the old version
so well, you know.

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Well, we all do.

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That's why we're making the new version.

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Right, OK, let's go.

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(Intro begins)

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I feel it in my fingers
In my fingers

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I feel it in my toes

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Feel it in my toes, yeah

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Love is all ar...

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Oh, fuck, wank, bugger,
shitting arsehead and hole.

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Start again.

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(Intro begins)

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I feel it in my fingers
In my fingers

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I feel it in my toes

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Feel it in my toes, yeah

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Christmas is all around me
All around me

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And so the feeling grows

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So the feeling grows

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It's written in the wind
In the wind

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It's everywhere I go

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Everywhere I go

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So if you really love Christmas
Love Christmas

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Come on and let it snow

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Come on and let it...

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This is shit, isn't it?

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Yep, solid gold shit, maestro.

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- God, I'm so late.
- It's just round the corner, you'll make it.

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You sure you don't mind
me going without you?

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No, really. I'm just feeling so rotten.

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- I love you.
- I know.

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I love you even when you're sick
and look disgusting.

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I know. Now, go or you will actually miss it.

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Right.

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- Did I mention that I love you?
- Yes, you did. Get out, loser.

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Karen, it's me again.

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I'm sorry, I literally don't have
anybody else to talk to.

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Absolutely. Horrible moment, though.
Can I call you back?

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Of course.

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Doesn't mean I'm not terribly concerned
that your wife just died.

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Understood.

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Er, bugger off, call me later.

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So what's this big news?

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We've been given our parts
in the nativity play

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and I'm the lobster.

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- The lobster?
- Yeah.

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- In the nativity play?
- Yeah. First Lobster.

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There was more than one lobster present
at the birth of Jesus?

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Duh.

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Best sandwiches in Britain.

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Try my lovely nuts?

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Beautiful muffin for a beautiful lady.

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Morning, my future wife.

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(Man) OK, you can stop there. Thanks.

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(2nd man) I need a couple of orange gels.

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By the way, he introduced me as John
but everyone calls me Jack.

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Oh, fine. Nice to meet you, Jack.

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He got me right, though. I'm just Judy.

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Great, Just Judy!

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- No surprises?
- No surprises.

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- Not like the stag night?
- Unlike the stag night.

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- You admit the prostitutes were a mistake?
- I do.

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And it would've been much better
if they'd not turned out to be men?

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That is true.

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Good luck, kiddo.

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(Cheering, applause)

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(Press shouting) Prime Minister, over here!

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(Cheering)

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Thank you.

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- Welcome, Prime Minister.
- Woh! I must work on my wave.

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How are you?

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- How are you feeling?
- Erm...

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Cool. Powerful.

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Would you like to meet
your household staff?

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Yes, I would like that very much indeed.

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Anything to put off
actually running the country.

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- This is Terence. He's in charge.
- Morning, sir.

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Good morning.
I had an uncle called Terence.

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Hated him, I think he was a pervert.
But I very much like the look of you.

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- This is Pat.
- Hello, Pat.

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Good morning, sir. I'm the housekeeper.

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Oh, right. I should be easier than the last lot.

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No nappies, no teenagers, no scary wife.

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And this is Natalie. She's new, like you.

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- Hello, Natalie.
- Hello, David. I mean, sir.

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Shit, I can't believe I've just said that.

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And now I've gone and said "shit".
Twice. I'm so sorry, sir.

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You could've said "fuck"
and we'd have been in real trouble.

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Thank you, sir. I had a premonition
I was gonna fuck up on my first day.

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Oh, piss it!

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Right, I'll get my things
and then let's fix the country, shall we?

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Yeah, I can't see why not.

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- It's all right.
- Did you see what I did?

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- Yes, I did.
- I just went "blurh".

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- Hello there.
- I'm right over here.

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Yeah, I'm in here. OK. Good. Thank you.

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Ah.

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(Clears throat)

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Oh, no.

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That is so inconvenient.

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In the presence of God,
Peter and Juliet have given their consent

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and made their marriage vows
to each other.

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They've declared their marriage
by the giving of rings.

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I therefore proclaim
that they are husband and wife.

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(Organ plays Wedding March)

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And you resisted
the temptation for surprises.

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Yeah, I'm mature now.

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(Wedding March becomes
La Marseillaise)

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(Chorus) Love, love, love

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Love, love, love

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- Love, love, love...
- Did you do this?

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Er, no.

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Love, love, love, love

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There's nothing you can do
that can't be done

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Oh, it...

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There's nothing you can sing
that can't be sung

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There's nothing you can say
but you can learn how to play the game

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It's easy

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All you need is love

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All you need is love

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All you need is love, love

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Love is all you need...

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Look, it's Pikey.

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Hello! What the hell are you doing here?

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Oh, I just popped over
to borrow some old CDs.

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- The lady of the house let you in, did she?
- Yeah.

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- Lovely, obliging girl.
- Yeah.

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I thought I'd pop back and see
if she's better. This is good.

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- Oh.
- Listen, erm, I've been thinking.

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I think we ought to take Mum out for
her birthday on Friday. What do you think?

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- I just feel we've been bad sons this year.
- Sounds fine. A bit boring but fine.

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(Girlfriend) Hurry up, big boy!

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I'm naked and I want you at least twice
before Jamie gets home.

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(Music and chatter)

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(Juliet) I am so happy to see you!

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- Delicious delicacy?
- Er, no, thanks.

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Taste explosion?

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- Food?
- No, thanks.

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Yeah, a bit dodgy, isn't it?

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Looks like a dead baby's finger. Oooh.

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Oh. Tastes like it, too.

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I'm Colin, by the way.

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- I'm Nancy.
- Wicked.

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- What do you do, Nancy?
- I'm a cook.

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- Ever do weddings?
- Yes, I do.

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- They should've asked you to do this one.
- They did.

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- God, I wish you hadn't have turned it down.
- I didn't.

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(Embarrassed giggle) Right.

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- I've worked out why I can't find true love.
- Why is that?

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English girls. They're stuck up, you see.

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And I am primarily attractive to girls
who are cooler, game for a laugh.

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Like American girls.
So I should just go to America!

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I'd get a girlfriend there instantly.
What do you think?

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I think it's crap, Colin.

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That's where you're wrong.

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American girls would dig me
with my cute British accent.

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- You don't have a cute British accent.
- Yes, I do! I'm going to America.

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Colin, you're a Ionely, ugly arsehole.
Accept it.

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Never. I am Colin, God of Sex.
I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all.

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Bit of quiet
while we finish the lighting, guys!

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- The traffic today was just...
- Unbelievable.

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Judy, could you take the top off this time?

00:14:05.300 --> 00:14:09.560
Lighting need to know when we're gonna
see the, erm, nipples and when we're not.

00:14:09.600 --> 00:14:13.230
Yes, OK. Right.
At least it's nice and warm in here.

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Not always the case, is it?

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I was standing in for Brad Pitt once
on Seven Years In Tibet...

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- Yes, yeah.
- Bloody freezing...

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Guys, time's tight
and we have to get the actors in.

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- Fine.
- I promise I won't look.

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(Judy laughs)

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(Director) Right, let's have
another look at that, please.

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Can you just put your hands on her breasts?

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- OK, yeah. Is that all right?
- Yes.

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I'll warm them up!

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- And massage them, please.
- Right.

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It's junction 13 that's just murder, isn't it?
Total gridlock this morning.

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Jo and I had a lot of time
to prepare for this moment.

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Some of her requests,

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for instance, that I should bring
Claudia Schiffer as my date to the funeral,

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I was confident she expected me to ignore.

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But others she was pretty damn clear about.

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When she first mentioned
what's about to happen,

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I said, "Over my dead body."

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And she said, "No, Daniel, over mine."

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And as usual, my darling girl...

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and Sam's darling mum was right.

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So she's going to say her final farewell
to you not through me but,

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inevitably,

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ever so coolly,

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through the immortal genius
of the Bay City Rollers.

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(On speakers)
Bye bye baby, baby goodbye

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Goodbye baby, baby bye bye

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Bye bye baby

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Don't make me cry
Goodbye baby, baby bye bye

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You're the one girl in town I'd marry

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Girl I'd marry you now if I were free

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I wish it could be

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I could love you but why begin it?

00:16:41.000 --> 00:16:44.090
Cos there ain't any future in it

00:16:44.130 --> 00:16:47.710
She's got me but I'm not free so...

00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:51.510
(From DJ booth)
Bye bye baby, baby goodbye

00:16:51.550 --> 00:16:56.260
Goodbye baby, baby bye bye

00:16:56.310 --> 00:16:59.180
Bye bye baby, don't make me cry

00:16:59.230 --> 00:17:03.270
Goodbye baby, baby bye bye

00:17:03.310 --> 00:17:05.110
Wish I never had known you...

00:17:05.150 --> 00:17:07.730
Do you love him?

00:17:07.780 --> 00:17:09.860
Er, er, what?

00:17:09.900 --> 00:17:13.700
No, l-I just thought I'd ask bluntly
in case it was the right question

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and you needed someone to talk to about it
and no one had ever asked you.

00:17:18.700 --> 00:17:23.500
No. No. No is the answer. Absolutely not.

00:17:23.630 --> 00:17:25.590
...on my finger...

00:17:25.670 --> 00:17:27.500
So that's a no, then?

00:17:27.630 --> 00:17:29.760
Yes. Erm...

00:17:29.840 --> 00:17:32.300
Bye bye baby, baby goodbye

00:17:32.340 --> 00:17:34.430
Goodbye baby, baby bye bye...

00:17:34.470 --> 00:17:37.390
This DJ, what do you reckon?

00:17:37.430 --> 00:17:40.350
- The worst in history?
- Probably.

00:17:40.390 --> 00:17:42.850
I think it all hangs on the next song.

00:17:42.940 --> 00:17:44.980
Now here's one for the lovers.

00:17:45.020 --> 00:17:49.070
That's quite a few of you,
I shouldn't be surprised and a half.

00:17:49.110 --> 00:17:51.320
(S Club Juniors: Puppy Love)

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And they called it...

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- He's done it, it's official.
- Worst DJ in the world.

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Oh, I guess they'll never know...

00:18:04.580 --> 00:18:07.000
(Knocks)

00:18:07.880 --> 00:18:09.750
Sarah's waiting for you.

00:18:10.840 --> 00:18:13.430
Oh, yes, of course, erm...

00:18:14.090 --> 00:18:16.390
Great, er, good, good.

00:18:16.510 --> 00:18:20.720
How are you doing, Mia?
Settling in fine? Learning who to avoid?

00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:22.480
Absolutely.

00:18:24.810 --> 00:18:26.600
- Harry?
- Sarah,

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switch off your phone and tell me exactly
how long it is that you've been working here.

00:18:36.530 --> 00:18:39.490
Two years, seven months,

00:18:39.530 --> 00:18:42.250
three days and, I suppose, what, two hours?

00:18:42.290 --> 00:18:47.330
And how long have you been in love
with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?

00:18:48.380 --> 00:18:50.460
Um...

00:18:53.380 --> 00:18:58.390
Two years, seven months, three days
and, I suppose, an hour and 30 minutes.

00:18:58.430 --> 00:19:00.140
Thought as much.

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- Do you think everybody knows?
- Yes.

00:19:02.350 --> 00:19:04.600
- Do you think Karl knows?
- Yes.

00:19:05.690 --> 00:19:08.690
Oh, that is... that is bad news.

00:19:08.730 --> 00:19:14.190
I just thought that maybe the time
had come to do something about it.

00:19:15.240 --> 00:19:17.740
- Like what?
- Invite him out for a drink

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then casually mention you'd like to marry
him and have lots of sex and babies.

00:19:22.740 --> 00:19:25.080
- You know that?
- Yes.

00:19:26.290 --> 00:19:28.580
And so does Karl.

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Think about it, for all our sakes.

00:19:31.170 --> 00:19:33.710
It's Christmas.

00:19:35.170 --> 00:19:38.720
Certainly. Excellent. Will do.

00:19:38.760 --> 00:19:41.010
Thanks, boss.

00:19:42.560 --> 00:19:44.850
- Hi, Sarah.
- Hi, Karl.

00:19:48.850 --> 00:19:51.230
(On radio: Christmas Is All Around)

00:19:51.310 --> 00:19:53.360
(Mobile)

00:19:55.490 --> 00:19:58.740
Babe. Absolutely, fire away.

00:19:59.860 --> 00:20:02.080
Mia, Mia, would you turn that down?

00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:05.910
What is that?

00:20:05.950 --> 00:20:09.580
That was the Christmas effort
from the once great Billy Mack.

00:20:09.670 --> 00:20:12.590
Oh, dear me, how are the mighty fallen.

00:20:12.670 --> 00:20:18.300
I can safely say that is the worst record
I've heard this century...

00:20:18.340 --> 00:20:22.510
Oh, and coincidentally,
I believe Billy will be a guest

00:20:22.550 --> 00:20:25.310
on my friend Mike's show
in a few minutes' time.

00:20:25.970 --> 00:20:28.560
Welcome back, Bill.

00:20:28.600 --> 00:20:30.690
Billy, welcome back to the airwaves.

00:20:30.730 --> 00:20:33.900
New Christmas single,
cover of Love Is All Around.

00:20:34.020 --> 00:20:39.320
Except we've changed
the word "love" to "Christmas".

00:20:39.360 --> 00:20:42.570
Yes, is that an important message
to you, Bill?

00:20:42.620 --> 00:20:45.080
(Snorts) Not really, Mike.

00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:49.500
Christmas is a time for people
with someone they love in their lives.

00:20:49.540 --> 00:20:52.040
- And that's not you?
- That's not me, Michael.

00:20:52.080 --> 00:20:56.090
When I was young and successful,
I was greedy and foolish

00:20:56.130 --> 00:21:00.300
and now I'm left with no one,
wrinkled and alone.

00:21:00.340 --> 00:21:03.090
- Wow. Thanks for that, Bill.
- For what?

00:21:03.140 --> 00:21:06.010
For actually giving
a real answer to a question.

00:21:06.060 --> 00:21:09.810
It doesn't often happen here
at Radio Watford, I can tell you.

00:21:09.850 --> 00:21:13.610
- Ask me anything, I'll tell you the truth.
- Best shag you ever had?

00:21:13.730 --> 00:21:16.440
- Britney Spears.
- Wow.

00:21:16.480 --> 00:21:18.820
No, only kidding! (Snorts)

00:21:18.860 --> 00:21:21.240
- She was rubbish.
- OK, here's one.

00:21:21.280 --> 00:21:25.950
How do you think the new record
compares to your old, classic stuff?

00:21:25.990 --> 00:21:29.500
Come on, Mikey, you know as well as I do
the record's crap.

00:21:29.540 --> 00:21:31.250
(Bill laughing)

00:21:31.290 --> 00:21:34.750
But wouldn't it be great
if number one this Christmas

00:21:34.790 --> 00:21:37.130
wasn't some smug teenager

00:21:37.210 --> 00:21:41.510
but an old ex-heroin addict
searching for a comeback at any price?

00:21:41.550 --> 00:21:45.100
Those young popsters come Christmas
will be stretched out naked

00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:47.850
with a cute bird balancing on their balls

00:21:47.890 --> 00:21:51.520
and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat
with me manager Joe,

00:21:51.560 --> 00:21:53.690
ugliest man in the world,

00:21:53.730 --> 00:21:58.190
fucking miserable because
our fucking gamble didn't pay off.

00:21:58.230 --> 00:22:03.530
So if you believe in Father Christmas,
children, like your Uncle Billy does,

00:22:03.610 --> 00:22:07.370
buy my festering turd of a record.

00:22:07.410 --> 00:22:10.450
And particularly enjoy
the incredible crassness

00:22:10.500 --> 00:22:14.960
of the moment we try to squeeze
an extra syllable into the fourth line.

00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:17.290
I think you're referring to

00:22:17.340 --> 00:22:19.670
"If you really love Christmas..."

00:22:19.710 --> 00:22:23.010
"Come on and let it snow." Ouch.

00:22:23.050 --> 00:22:25.090
So, here it is one more time,

00:22:25.140 --> 00:22:28.470
the dark horse for this year's
Christmas number one,

00:22:28.510 --> 00:22:33.020
Christmas Is All Around.
Thank you, Billy. After this, the news.

00:22:33.060 --> 00:22:35.600
Is the new prime minister in trouble already?

00:22:36.730 --> 00:22:40.780
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes

00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:44.450
- OK. What's next?
- The President's visit.

00:22:44.450 --> 00:22:48.580
Ah, yes, yes. I fear this is going to be
a difficult one to play. Alex.

00:22:49.660 --> 00:22:54.000
There's a strong feeling in the party
we mustn't allow ourselves to be bullied

00:22:54.040 --> 00:22:56.580
- like the last government.
- (AIl) Here, here.

00:22:56.670 --> 00:23:00.750
This is our first really important test,
let's take a stand.

00:23:00.800 --> 00:23:05.510
Right. Right. I understand that
but I have decided...

00:23:07.050 --> 00:23:09.140
not to. Not this time.

00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:13.730
Let's not forget that America
is the most powerful country in the world.

00:23:13.770 --> 00:23:16.310
I'm not going to act like a petulant child.

00:23:18.360 --> 00:23:22.150
Who do you have to screw round here
to get a cup of tea and a biscuit?

00:23:29.160 --> 00:23:30.910
Right.

00:23:30.950 --> 00:23:32.700
(Knocking)

00:23:32.740 --> 00:23:34.910
Yeah, come in.

00:23:39.130 --> 00:23:41.800
- These are from the Treasury...
- Uh-huh.

00:23:41.840 --> 00:23:44.960
...and these are for you.

00:23:45.010 --> 00:23:46.800
Excellent. Thanks a lot.

00:23:46.840 --> 00:23:51.050
I was hoping you'd win, not that
I wouldn't have been nice to the other bloke,

00:23:51.100 --> 00:23:55.020
just always given him the boring biscuits
with no chocolate.

00:23:55.060 --> 00:23:56.980
Thanks very much. Thanks...

00:23:58.650 --> 00:24:00.770
Natalie.

00:24:05.240 --> 00:24:10.070
God, come on, get a grip.
You're the Prime Minister, for God's sake.

00:24:12.120 --> 00:24:14.660
So what do you reckon
to our new prime minister?

00:24:14.700 --> 00:24:19.290
Oh, I like him. I can't understand
why he's not married, though.

00:24:19.330 --> 00:24:22.500
You know the type, he's married to his job.

00:24:22.540 --> 00:24:25.800
Either that or gay as a picnic basket.

00:24:25.840 --> 00:24:29.090
Excuse me, Judy, if you could
just lower the nipples

00:24:29.220 --> 00:24:31.680
- and cheat them a bit to the left?
- OK.

00:24:34.930 --> 00:24:37.560
I have to say, Judy, this is a real pleasure,

00:24:37.600 --> 00:24:41.270
it's lovely to find someone
I can actually chat to.

00:24:41.350 --> 00:24:43.440
- Thank you!
- Oh, well, you know.

00:24:43.520 --> 00:24:45.230
- And ditto.
- Thank you.

00:24:45.280 --> 00:24:47.650
The move again, please, Judy.

00:24:47.690 --> 00:24:50.240
- Ooh, sorry.
- Oh, God, sorry. You all right?

00:24:53.330 --> 00:24:56.410
- Exciting news!
- What?

00:24:56.450 --> 00:24:59.830
I've bought a ticket to the States.
I'm off in three weeks.

00:24:59.870 --> 00:25:01.290
- No.
- Yes!

00:25:01.330 --> 00:25:05.500
- To a fantastic place called Wisconsin.
- No!

00:25:05.550 --> 00:25:09.220
Yes! Wisconsin babes,
here comes Sir Colin!

00:25:09.260 --> 00:25:13.470
No, Col! There are a few babes in America,
I grant you,

00:25:13.510 --> 00:25:16.310
but they're going out
with rich, attractive guys.

00:25:16.350 --> 00:25:19.600
Tone, you're just jealous.

00:25:19.640 --> 00:25:23.560
You know perfectly well
that any bar anywhere in America

00:25:23.610 --> 00:25:28.030
contains ten girls more beautiful
and more likely to have sex with me

00:25:28.070 --> 00:25:32.740
- than the whole of the United Kingdom.
- That is total bollocks. You're mad.

00:25:32.780 --> 00:25:37.740
No, I'm wise. Stateside I am Prince William
without the weird family.

00:25:37.790 --> 00:25:40.080
- No, Colin, no!
- Yes!

00:25:40.120 --> 00:25:41.330
- Nyet!
- Da!

00:25:41.370 --> 00:25:42.750
- Nein!
- Ja, darling!

00:25:42.790 --> 00:25:46.590
Right, the Christmas party,
not my favourite night of the year

00:25:46.630 --> 00:25:48.960
and your unhappy job to organise.

00:25:49.010 --> 00:25:52.010
- Tell me.
- It's basic, really.

00:25:52.050 --> 00:25:55.890
Find a venue, over-order on the drinks,
bulk buy the guacamole

00:25:55.930 --> 00:25:59.970
and advise the girls to avoid Kevin
if they want their breasts unfondled.

00:26:00.020 --> 00:26:04.520
- Wives and family and stuff?
- Yeah. I mean, not children.

00:26:04.560 --> 00:26:08.190
But their wives and girlfriends, et cetera.

00:26:08.230 --> 00:26:13.990
Oh, Christ, you haven't got some horrible
six-foot, tight-T-shirt-wearing boyfriend?

00:26:14.070 --> 00:26:18.830
No. I'll just be hanging around the mistletoe,
hoping to be kissed.

00:26:20.200 --> 00:26:22.910
Really?

00:26:22.960 --> 00:26:25.040
Right.

00:26:34.380 --> 00:26:38.260
He now spends all the time in his room.
I mean, he'll be up there now.

00:26:38.300 --> 00:26:42.020
- That's not unusual. My horrid son...
- Bernard?

00:26:42.060 --> 00:26:46.650
Bernard. Stays in his room all the time.
Thank goodness.

00:26:46.690 --> 00:26:49.480
Yeah, but Karen, this is all the time.

00:26:50.940 --> 00:26:55.110
I'm afraid that there's something
really wrong, you know?

00:26:55.160 --> 00:26:57.240
I mean, clearly it's about his mum

00:26:57.280 --> 00:27:02.450
but Christ, he might be injecting heroin
into his eyeballs for all I know.

00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:04.290
(Karen) At the age of 11?

00:27:04.330 --> 00:27:08.590
(Daniel) Well, maybe not his eyeballs, then.
Maybe just his veins.

00:27:08.630 --> 00:27:13.010
The problem is his mum
always used to talk to him, you know, and...

00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:20.060
I don't know, this whole stepfather thing
seems suddenly to somehow matter

00:27:20.100 --> 00:27:22.390
like it never did before.

00:27:22.430 --> 00:27:27.270
Listen, it was always going to be
a totally shit time.

00:27:27.310 --> 00:27:29.900
Just be patient.

00:27:29.940 --> 00:27:32.320
And maybe check the room for needles.

00:27:32.360 --> 00:27:37.360
And then when he sometimes does
come out, it's obvious he's been crying.

00:27:46.540 --> 00:27:50.090
It's just such a ridiculous waste.

00:27:50.130 --> 00:27:53.380
And now if it's going to ruin
Sam's life as well...

00:27:54.670 --> 00:27:57.550
I just don't know.

00:27:57.590 --> 00:28:00.300
Get a grip.

00:28:00.350 --> 00:28:02.560
People hate sissies.

00:28:02.600 --> 00:28:05.890
No one's ever gonna shag you
if you cry all the time.

00:28:05.930 --> 00:28:08.900
Yeah. Absolutely.

00:28:08.940 --> 00:28:11.020
Helpful.

00:28:18.700 --> 00:28:22.580
So, what's the problem, Samuel?

00:28:24.490 --> 00:28:29.290
Is it just Mum or is it something else, huh?

00:28:30.670 --> 00:28:32.840
Maybe school?

00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:35.960
Are you being bullied?

00:28:37.050 --> 00:28:39.260
Or is it something worse?

00:28:41.050 --> 00:28:43.390
Can you give me any clues at all?

00:28:44.930 --> 00:28:48.180
- You really want to know?
- I really want to know.

00:28:48.230 --> 00:28:50.770
Even though you won't be able to help?

00:28:50.900 --> 00:28:53.480
Even if that's the case, yeah.

00:28:55.480 --> 00:28:57.940
OK. Well...

00:28:59.150 --> 00:29:01.910
truth is, actually...

00:29:02.950 --> 00:29:04.870
I'm in love.

00:29:04.910 --> 00:29:06.540
Sorry?

00:29:06.580 --> 00:29:11.170
I know I should be thinking
about Mum and I am but I'm in love.

00:29:11.250 --> 00:29:15.500
I was before she died
and there's nothing I can do about it.

00:29:15.550 --> 00:29:19.630
- Aren't you a bit young to be in love?
- No.

00:29:19.670 --> 00:29:22.720
Ah, well. OK, well...

00:29:24.600 --> 00:29:27.100
I'm a little relieved.

00:29:28.180 --> 00:29:30.350
- Why?
- Because I...

00:29:30.390 --> 00:29:32.520
thought it'd be something worse.

00:29:32.650 --> 00:29:35.610
Worse than the total agony of being in love?

00:29:35.730 --> 00:29:38.360
Er...

00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:41.110
No, you're right.

00:29:41.150 --> 00:29:43.320
Total agony.

00:30:20.360 --> 00:30:22.570
- Night, Sarah.
- Night, Karl.

00:30:27.030 --> 00:30:29.120
(Mobile)

00:30:32.460 --> 00:30:34.540
Yeah, absolutely.

00:30:35.630 --> 00:30:37.880
Free as a bird. Fire away.

00:31:09.410 --> 00:31:11.540
Alone again.

00:31:12.790 --> 00:31:14.540
Naturally.

00:31:14.580 --> 00:31:16.710
- I'll deal with it.
- Mm.

00:31:17.790 --> 00:31:21.380
- Ah. Natalie.
- Sir.

00:31:23.340 --> 00:31:24.970
Thanks.

00:31:25.010 --> 00:31:27.090
Natalie.

00:31:29.390 --> 00:31:32.140
Erm, I'm starting to feel...

00:31:33.310 --> 00:31:37.060
uncomfortable about us
working so closely every day

00:31:37.100 --> 00:31:41.690
and me knowing so little about you,
it seems elitist and wrong.

00:31:42.780 --> 00:31:44.610
Well, there's not much to know.

00:31:44.650 --> 00:31:48.200
Well, erm, where do you live, for instance?

00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:50.450
Wandsworth. The dodgy end.

00:31:50.490 --> 00:31:53.870
- Ah, my sister lives in Wandsworth.
- Oh.

00:31:55.120 --> 00:31:57.710
So which exactly is the dodgy end?

00:31:57.750 --> 00:32:01.380
At the end of the high street,
Harris Street, near the Queen's Head.

00:32:01.460 --> 00:32:04.300
- Oh, yeah, yeah, that is dodgy.
- Hm.

00:32:04.380 --> 00:32:08.640
Erm, and you live
with your husband? Boyfriend?

00:32:09.890 --> 00:32:12.890
- Three illegitimate but charming children?
- No.

00:32:12.930 --> 00:32:17.600
I've just split up with my boyfriend, so
I'm back with my mum and dad for a while.

00:32:17.690 --> 00:32:21.980
- Ah. Sorry.
- No, it's fine.

00:32:22.020 --> 00:32:24.480
I'm well shot of him.

00:32:24.530 --> 00:32:27.360
- He said I was getting fat.
- I beg your pardon?

00:32:27.400 --> 00:32:31.370
He said no one'd fancy a girl
with thighs the size of tree trunks.

00:32:31.410 --> 00:32:34.040
Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.

00:32:35.370 --> 00:32:37.460
No.

00:32:44.460 --> 00:32:46.670
You know, erm...

00:32:47.300 --> 00:32:50.640
being Prime Minister,
I could just have him murdered.

00:32:51.720 --> 00:32:54.180
Thank you, sir. I'll think about it.

00:32:54.310 --> 00:32:58.180
Do. The SAS are absolutely charming.

00:32:58.270 --> 00:33:02.270
Ruthless, trained killers
are just a phone call away.

00:33:07.940 --> 00:33:10.030
Oh, God.

00:33:12.700 --> 00:33:15.040
Did you have this kind of problem?

00:33:17.450 --> 00:33:20.080
Yeah, course you did, you saucy minx.

00:33:20.120 --> 00:33:23.590
So, let's go. We can definitely crack this.

00:33:23.630 --> 00:33:25.880
Remember, I was a kid once, too.

00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:30.340
So, come on, it's someone at school. Right?

00:33:30.380 --> 00:33:32.300
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh. Good, good.

00:33:32.340 --> 00:33:35.470
And what does she, he, feel about you?

00:33:35.510 --> 00:33:38.480
SHE doesn't even know my name.

00:33:38.520 --> 00:33:41.350
And even if she did, she'd despise me.

00:33:41.390 --> 00:33:43.770
She's the coolest girl in school.

00:33:43.810 --> 00:33:47.940
And everyone worships her
because she's heaven.

00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:50.530
Good. Good.

00:33:51.780 --> 00:33:53.950
Well,

00:33:53.990 --> 00:33:56.700
basically you're fucked, aren't you?

00:33:57.660 --> 00:34:01.290
(All I Want For Christmas Is You)

00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:05.380
Hi there and welcome back.

00:34:05.460 --> 00:34:09.800
So, three weeks till Christmas, looks like
the real competition is gonna be Blue.

00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:14.390
I saw them on the show last week.
They weren't very nice about my record.

00:34:14.430 --> 00:34:16.850
No. Little scamps.

00:34:16.890 --> 00:34:20.350
But very, very talented musicians.

00:34:20.390 --> 00:34:24.690
Yeah. I understand you've got a prize
for our competition winners.

00:34:24.730 --> 00:34:26.230
Yes, I have, Ant or Dec.

00:34:26.270 --> 00:34:30.320
It's a personalised felt-tip pen.

00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:32.030
Oh, great.

00:34:32.110 --> 00:34:35.870
It's brilliant. It even writes on glass,

00:34:35.910 --> 00:34:40.700
so if you've got a framed picture,
like, for instance, this one of Blue,

00:34:40.750 --> 00:34:42.830
you can just write on it.

00:34:54.880 --> 00:34:56.550
(Kids snickering)

00:34:56.590 --> 00:35:00.470
(Dec) Er, a lot of kids watching, Billy.
(Billy) Oh, yeah.

00:35:00.560 --> 00:35:03.390
Hiya, kids.

00:35:03.440 --> 00:35:06.860
Here's an important message
from your Uncle Bill -

00:35:06.900 --> 00:35:09.070
don't buy drugs.

00:35:11.030 --> 00:35:14.110
Become a pop star
and they give you them for free.

00:35:14.150 --> 00:35:18.990
And I do believe it's a commercial break.
We'll see you soon. Bye-bye.

00:35:19.030 --> 00:35:23.830
All I want for Christmas is you

00:35:31.130 --> 00:35:35.260
- Look at him! Eurh!
- Just a minute.

00:35:35.300 --> 00:35:37.890
Actually, they're not funny. They're art.

00:35:39.100 --> 00:35:41.310
(Laughing)

00:35:42.430 --> 00:35:45.140
OK, let's say, er, Thursday, my place.

00:35:45.190 --> 00:35:49.560
Great. I've got Juliet on the other line,
she wants to ask you a favour.

00:35:49.610 --> 00:35:54.610
- (Sighing) OK, fine.
- Thanks and, er, be nice.

00:35:54.650 --> 00:35:59.780
- I'm always nice.
- 'You know what I mean, Marky, be friendly.'

00:35:59.820 --> 00:36:02.200
- I'm always...
- (Juliet) 'Mark? '

00:36:02.240 --> 00:36:05.210
Hi. How was the honeymoon?

00:36:05.250 --> 00:36:08.040
It was great.
Thanks for the gorgeous sendoff.

00:36:08.080 --> 00:36:11.670
- So, what can I do for you?
- 'It's only a tiny favour.'

00:36:11.800 --> 00:36:14.760
I've just tried the wedding video
and it's a disaster.

00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:17.930
- 'It's come out all blue and wibbly.'
- I'm sorry.

00:36:17.970 --> 00:36:21.640
I remember you filming a lot
and I wondered if I could look at it.

00:36:21.680 --> 00:36:23.810
To be honest, I didn't really...

00:36:23.850 --> 00:36:28.560
Please. All I want is one shot of me
in a wedding dress that isn't turquoise.

00:36:28.600 --> 00:36:33.570
I'll have a look but I'm pretty sure I wiped it,
so don't get any hopes up.

00:36:33.610 --> 00:36:36.490
- 'Must go.'
- (Click)

00:36:41.120 --> 00:36:43.950
Any progress with our matchmaking plans?

00:36:43.990 --> 00:36:47.960
No. I've done fuck-all and never will
because he's too good for me.

00:36:48.000 --> 00:36:50.080
How true.

00:36:51.540 --> 00:36:53.590
- (Sarah) Stop.
- (Mobile)

00:36:53.670 --> 00:36:55.880
And of course, your mobile goes.

00:36:56.880 --> 00:36:59.550
Hello. Hi. How you doing?

00:37:00.680 --> 00:37:03.560
- So, how's the Christmas party going?
- Good.

00:37:03.600 --> 00:37:05.810
Think I've found a venue.

00:37:05.890 --> 00:37:09.270
- What's it like?
- Good. Good.

00:37:09.310 --> 00:37:14.440
It's an art gallery. Full of dark corners
for doing dark deeds.

00:37:16.280 --> 00:37:19.650
Oh. Right.

00:37:19.700 --> 00:37:23.910
Good. Well, I suppose I should
take a look at it or something.

00:37:23.950 --> 00:37:26.120
You should.

00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:35.920
(Typewriter clacking)

00:37:36.710 --> 00:37:38.800
(Bell tinkles)

00:37:45.140 --> 00:37:46.720
Ah, bonjour, Eleonore.

00:37:46.770 --> 00:37:49.640
Bonjour, Monsieur Bennett. Welcome back.

00:37:49.730 --> 00:37:51.810
And this year you bring a lady guest?

00:37:51.850 --> 00:37:55.110
No. There's a change of situation. Just me.

00:37:55.150 --> 00:37:59.610
- Oh. Am I sad or not sad?
- I think you're not surprised.

00:37:59.650 --> 00:38:02.410
- And you stay here till Christmas?
- Yeah, yeah.

00:38:02.450 --> 00:38:07.700
Good. Well, I find you
a perfect lady to clean the house.

00:38:07.740 --> 00:38:10.330
This is Aurelia.

00:38:10.370 --> 00:38:12.330
Ah.

00:38:12.370 --> 00:38:16.460
- Er, bonjour, Aurelia.
- Bonjour.

00:38:16.500 --> 00:38:21.680
(French) Er, je suis, er, très heureux
de vous avoir ici.

00:38:22.430 --> 00:38:26.810
Unfortunately, she cannot speak French,
just like you.

00:38:26.850 --> 00:38:28.810
She's Portuguese.

00:38:28.850 --> 00:38:31.480
(Italian) Ah, ah, buongiorno.

00:38:31.520 --> 00:38:33.480
Eusebio, er, er...

00:38:33.520 --> 00:38:35.940
(Pidgin Spanish) Er, molto bueno...

00:38:37.190 --> 00:38:42.240
I think she's ten years too young
to remember a footballer called Eusebio.

00:38:42.280 --> 00:38:44.700
And "molto bueno" is Spanish.

00:38:44.740 --> 00:38:46.280
Right.

00:38:46.320 --> 00:38:49.120
Anyway, it's nice to meet you and...

00:38:49.700 --> 00:38:51.910
Can you drive her home after her work?

00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:55.790
Oh, absolutely, yes.
Con-Con grande, er, pl-plesura.

00:38:55.880 --> 00:38:58.090
Which is what? Turkish?

00:39:05.800 --> 00:39:07.850
(Pidgin Portuguese) Bello.

00:39:09.510 --> 00:39:11.600
Er, bella.

00:39:12.770 --> 00:39:15.150
Er, mon-montagno,

00:39:15.230 --> 00:39:17.270
arvarez...

00:39:20.230 --> 00:39:22.780
No, right. Silence is golden.

00:39:24.820 --> 00:39:27.030
As the Tremeloes said.

00:39:28.870 --> 00:39:30.580
Clever guys,

00:39:30.620 --> 00:39:35.920
although I think the original version was
by Frankie Valli And The Four Seasons.

00:39:35.960 --> 00:39:37.960
Gr-great band.

00:39:38.000 --> 00:39:40.550
(High-pitched humming:
Silence Is Golden)

00:39:40.630 --> 00:39:43.010
Oh, shut up.

00:39:43.050 --> 00:39:45.430
(Cheering)

00:39:53.850 --> 00:39:56.020
(Press) Mr President!

00:39:57.770 --> 00:40:00.520
- Over here, sir!
- What will you be talking about?

00:40:01.980 --> 00:40:03.650
Mr President, welcome.

00:40:03.690 --> 00:40:05.320
It's a pleasure to meet you.

00:40:05.360 --> 00:40:08.200
Come through.
I'm sorry your wife couldn't make it.

00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:11.530
So is she. Although she would have been
kind of Ionely.

00:40:11.580 --> 00:40:13.660
Yes. Pathetic, isn't it?

00:40:13.700 --> 00:40:16.210
Just never been able to tie a girl down.

00:40:16.290 --> 00:40:18.920
Not sure that politics and dating go together.

00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:21.960
Really? I've never found that.

00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:26.470
Yeah, you're still sickeningly handsome,
whereas I look like my Aunt Mildred.

00:40:26.510 --> 00:40:31.220
- Very jealous of your plane, by the way.
- Thank you. We love that thing.

00:40:31.260 --> 00:40:33.560
Ah, Natalie. Hi.

00:40:33.640 --> 00:40:36.350
Morning, ma'am. How's your day so far?

00:40:36.390 --> 00:40:39.100
- (Natalie giggles)
- Excellent.

00:40:41.770 --> 00:40:45.530
(Sighs) My goodness,
that's a pretty little son of a bitch.

00:40:45.570 --> 00:40:47.650
Did you see those pipes?

00:40:47.700 --> 00:40:50.910
Yeah, she's terrific. At her job.

00:40:50.950 --> 00:40:55.660
No, absolutely not. We cannot
and will not consult on that either.

00:40:55.700 --> 00:40:57.620
That is unexpected.

00:40:57.660 --> 00:41:00.170
Well, it shouldn't be.

00:41:00.210 --> 00:41:03.420
The last administration
made it perfectly clear.

00:41:03.460 --> 00:41:06.340
We're being consistent with their policies.

00:41:06.380 --> 00:41:09.260
With all respect, they were bad policies.

00:41:09.300 --> 00:41:12.550
Thanks, Alex. I don't think
we're making progress here.

00:41:12.600 --> 00:41:16.520
Let's, erm... move on, shall we?

00:41:19.020 --> 00:41:22.440
Well, now, that was an interesting day.

00:41:24.020 --> 00:41:28.070
Sorry if our line was firm but there's
no point in tiptoeing around today,

00:41:28.110 --> 00:41:30.910
then just disappointing you for four years.

00:41:30.950 --> 00:41:33.910
I have plans and I plan to see them through.

00:41:33.950 --> 00:41:37.040
Absolutely.
There is one final thing to look at.

00:41:37.080 --> 00:41:40.330
It's very close to my heart.
Just give me a second.

00:41:40.370 --> 00:41:43.000
I'll give you anything you ask for.

00:41:43.040 --> 00:41:46.170
As long as it's not something
I don't wanna give.

00:41:50.930 --> 00:41:52.590
Hi.

00:41:52.640 --> 00:41:54.720
Pathetic.

00:42:15.450 --> 00:42:18.910
It's great Scotch.

00:42:18.950 --> 00:42:22.920
I'II, erm... I'll be going, then.

00:42:24.380 --> 00:42:26.710
Er, Natalie,

00:42:26.750 --> 00:42:31.720
I hope to see much more of you
as our countries work toward a better future.

00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:34.260
Thank you, sir.

00:42:50.530 --> 00:42:52.490
Er, yes, Peter.

00:42:52.530 --> 00:42:54.820
Mr President, has it been a good visit?

00:42:54.860 --> 00:42:58.450
Very satisfactory indeed.

00:42:58.490 --> 00:43:01.200
We got what we came for

00:43:01.250 --> 00:43:04.750
and our special relationship
is still very special.

00:43:04.790 --> 00:43:07.340
Prime Minister?

00:43:07.420 --> 00:43:11.920
I love that word "relationship".
Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it?

00:43:11.970 --> 00:43:15.510
I fear that this has become
a bad relationship.

00:43:16.680 --> 00:43:20.810
A relationship based on
the President taking what he wants

00:43:20.850 --> 00:43:25.900
and casually ignoring all those things
that really matter to, erm...

00:43:28.520 --> 00:43:30.570
Britain.

00:43:30.690 --> 00:43:34.820
We may be a small country
but we're a great one, too.

00:43:34.900 --> 00:43:38.120
The country of Shakespeare,
Churchill, the Beatles,

00:43:38.160 --> 00:43:41.410
- Sean Connery, Harry Potter.
- (Laughter)

00:43:41.450 --> 00:43:44.460
- David Beckham's right foot.
- (Laughter)

00:43:44.500 --> 00:43:47.210
David Beckham's left foot, come to that.

00:43:47.250 --> 00:43:51.300
And a friend who bullies us
is no longer a friend.

00:43:51.340 --> 00:43:54.590
And since bullies only respond to strength,
from now onward,

00:43:54.630 --> 00:43:58.390
I will be prepared to be much stronger.

00:43:58.430 --> 00:44:01.720
And the President
should be prepared for that.

00:44:01.770 --> 00:44:04.600
(Press clamouring)

00:44:11.570 --> 00:44:13.650
Mr President!

00:44:17.740 --> 00:44:19.030
Joe.

00:44:20.080 --> 00:44:22.330
It's your sister on line four.

00:44:23.700 --> 00:44:28.250
All right. Er, yes, I'm very busy
and important, how can I help you?

00:44:28.290 --> 00:44:30.460
Have you gone completely insane?

00:44:30.500 --> 00:44:34.260
- You can't always be sensible.
- 'You can if you're Prime Minister.'

00:44:34.300 --> 00:44:37.090
- It's the Chancellor on the other line.
- It isn't!

00:44:37.130 --> 00:44:39.930
- 'I'll call you back.'
- No, you won't!

00:44:41.810 --> 00:44:47.730
The trouble with being the Prime Minister's
sister is it puts your life into perspective.

00:44:47.770 --> 00:44:50.900
What did my brother do today?
He fought for his country.

00:44:50.940 --> 00:44:55.530
What did I do?
I made a papier-mâché lobster head.

00:44:55.570 --> 00:44:58.110
What is this we're listening to?

00:44:58.240 --> 00:45:00.490
Joni Mitchell.

00:45:00.530 --> 00:45:03.410
I can't believe you still listen to Joni Mitchell.

00:45:03.490 --> 00:45:07.040
I love her and true love lasts a lifetime.

00:45:08.500 --> 00:45:13.550
Joni Mitchell is the woman who taught
your cold English wife how to feel.

00:45:13.630 --> 00:45:17.800
Did she? Oh, well, that's good,
I must write to her and say thanks.

00:45:19.180 --> 00:45:21.470
Which doll for Daisy's friend Emily?

00:45:21.510 --> 00:45:25.770
The one that looks like a transvestite
or the one that looks like a dominatrix?

00:45:26.980 --> 00:45:30.440
(Female DJ) 'It's almost enough
to make you feel patriotic,

00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:34.150
'so here's one
for our arse-kicking prime minister.

00:45:34.190 --> 00:45:36.940
'A golden oldie for a golden oldie.'

00:45:36.990 --> 00:45:39.360
(Pointer Sisters: Jump)
Hold me

00:45:39.400 --> 00:45:42.160
I'll give you all that you need

00:45:43.240 --> 00:45:46.330
Wrap your love around me

00:45:46.370 --> 00:45:50.040
You're so excited
I can feel you getting hotter

00:45:50.120 --> 00:45:51.830
Oh baby

00:45:51.880 --> 00:45:56.500
I'll take you down, I'll take you down

00:45:56.550 --> 00:45:58.920
Where no one's ever gone before

00:45:58.970 --> 00:46:00.840
And if you want more

00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:05.720
If you want more, more, more

00:46:05.760 --> 00:46:08.560
Jump for my love

00:46:08.640 --> 00:46:10.480
Jump in

00:46:10.600 --> 00:46:12.350
And feel my touch

00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:16.570
Jump, if you wanna taste
my kisses in the night then

00:46:16.650 --> 00:46:19.280
Jump for my love

00:46:20.490 --> 00:46:24.950
I'll take you down, I'll take you down

00:46:24.990 --> 00:46:26.490
Where no one's ever gone

00:46:26.530 --> 00:46:28.450
- (Music stops)
- Yeah, erm,

00:46:28.500 --> 00:46:33.670
Mary, can we move the Japanese
ambassador to four o'clock tomorrow?

00:46:33.710 --> 00:46:37.250
- Certainly, sir.
- Terrific. Thanks so much.

00:46:44.640 --> 00:46:47.390
Erm. Would you like the last, er...?

00:46:47.430 --> 00:46:49.770
(Portuguese) Thank you very much but no.

00:46:49.810 --> 00:46:51.980
If you saw my sister, you'd understand why.

00:46:52.020 --> 00:46:54.150
That's all right, more for me.

00:46:54.190 --> 00:46:56.440
(Portuguese)
Just don't go eating it all yourself,

00:46:56.480 --> 00:46:57.980
you're getting chubbier every day.

00:46:58.020 --> 00:47:02.530
I'm very lucky I've got a constitution
where I never put on weight.

00:47:02.610 --> 00:47:04.700
(Phone)

00:47:04.740 --> 00:47:08.410
- Hello.
- (Ringing continues)

00:47:15.210 --> 00:47:17.670
Oop. Sorry.

00:47:17.790 --> 00:47:19.920
(Ringing continues)

00:47:21.170 --> 00:47:22.840
Hello?

00:47:38.730 --> 00:47:41.320
- Thank you.
- (Portuguese) Não!

00:47:41.360 --> 00:47:44.570
- Eu peço imensa desculpa.
- Oh, no. Hold on.

00:47:44.610 --> 00:47:47.160
- God, it's half the book. Oh, no.
- Que desastre.

00:47:47.280 --> 00:47:50.790
Just leave them, please!
They're not important.

00:47:50.830 --> 00:47:53.540
They're not worth it!

00:47:53.580 --> 00:47:56.540
Stop! Stop.

00:47:56.580 --> 00:47:59.210
Aa-ahh.

00:48:00.380 --> 00:48:02.590
It's all just rubbish.

00:48:04.220 --> 00:48:06.380
Just leave it.

00:48:18.270 --> 00:48:21.520
Oh, God, she's in.

00:48:21.570 --> 00:48:25.400
And now she'll think I'm a total spaz
if I don't go in too.

00:48:26.490 --> 00:48:28.870
(Portuguese) Fuck - it's cold!

00:48:32.410 --> 00:48:34.790
Fuck - it's freezing! Fuck!

00:48:34.830 --> 00:48:38.210
(Portuguese) This stuff better be good.

00:48:38.750 --> 00:48:41.710
It's not worth it,
this isn't bloody Shakespeare.

00:48:41.750 --> 00:48:43.630
(Portuguese) I don't want to drown

00:48:43.670 --> 00:48:46.470
saving some shit my grandmother
could have written.

00:48:46.510 --> 00:48:47.970
Just stop. Stop.

00:48:48.010 --> 00:48:50.760
(Portuguese) What kind of idiot
doesn't make copies?

00:48:50.850 --> 00:48:52.720
I really must do copies.

00:48:54.100 --> 00:48:56.310
There'd better not be eels in here.

00:48:56.350 --> 00:48:59.480
(Portuguese) Try not to disturb the eels.

00:48:59.560 --> 00:49:01.520
Oh, what the hell is that?

00:49:11.740 --> 00:49:14.080
Thank you. Thank you so much.

00:49:18.460 --> 00:49:22.000
I know. I'll name
one of the characters after you.

00:49:22.090 --> 00:49:26.590
(Portuguese) Maybe you could name
one of the characters after me.

00:49:26.630 --> 00:49:29.800
Or give me 50% of the profits.

00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:33.050
Or I could give you 5% of the profits.

00:49:36.060 --> 00:49:38.850
(Portuguese) What kind of book is it?

00:49:47.650 --> 00:49:49.780
- Romance?
- Yes.

00:49:49.820 --> 00:49:52.820
It's, erm...
(Imitates horror film sound effects)

00:49:52.870 --> 00:49:54.120
Ah, er...

00:49:54.160 --> 00:49:56.410
(Portuguese) Thriller... crime...

00:49:56.450 --> 00:50:00.460
(Portuguese) Sim.
(English) Crime. Crime, murder.

00:50:00.500 --> 00:50:02.250
(Portuguese) Frightening? (Gasps)

00:50:02.290 --> 00:50:05.420
Er, scary? Yes, sometimes scary.

00:50:05.460 --> 00:50:09.920
And, er, sometimes not.
Mainly scary how bad the writing is.

00:50:19.140 --> 00:50:21.600
Mm.

00:50:23.480 --> 00:50:27.320
(Portuguese) I'd better get back to work.

00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:31.110
- Ah.
- (Portuguese) Later you'll drive me home?

00:50:31.240 --> 00:50:33.280
Sure.

00:50:36.580 --> 00:50:39.580
It's my favourite time of day...

00:50:39.620 --> 00:50:41.710
driving you.

00:50:43.960 --> 00:50:48.550
(Portuguese) It's the saddest part
of my day, leaving you.

00:50:54.340 --> 00:50:55.890
Sorry.

00:51:23.290 --> 00:51:26.790
(TV) 'And coming up
later this morning, it's this guy... '

00:51:26.840 --> 00:51:31.210
There's no beginning, there'll be no end

00:51:31.340 --> 00:51:35.090
- Cos on Christmas...
- '... the bad grandad of rock'n'roll,

00:51:35.140 --> 00:51:37.760
'here at 10:30. Do not switch off.'

00:51:43.690 --> 00:51:45.600
Banoffee pie?

00:51:45.690 --> 00:51:47.440
No, thanks.

00:51:47.480 --> 00:51:50.980
Thank God. You would've broken my heart
if you'd said yes.

00:51:51.030 --> 00:51:54.530
Right, well, lucky you.

00:51:54.570 --> 00:51:58.490
- Can I come in?
- Er, yeah, well, I'm a bit busy...

00:51:58.530 --> 00:52:03.460
I was just passing and I thought
we might check that video thing out.

00:52:03.500 --> 00:52:06.460
I thought I might be able
to swap it for some pie

00:52:06.500 --> 00:52:08.790
or maybe Munchies?

00:52:08.840 --> 00:52:13.260
Actually, I was serious - I don't know
where it is. I'll have a look tonight.

00:52:13.300 --> 00:52:16.260
Mark, can I say something?

00:52:16.300 --> 00:52:18.390
Yeah.

00:52:19.430 --> 00:52:21.970
I know you're Peter's best friend

00:52:22.020 --> 00:52:27.150
and I know you've never
particularly warmed to me.

00:52:27.230 --> 00:52:30.150
Look, don't, don't argue.

00:52:30.190 --> 00:52:32.610
We've never got friendly.

00:52:32.650 --> 00:52:35.200
But I wanted to say, I hope that can change.

00:52:35.240 --> 00:52:39.320
I'm nice. I really am.
Apart from my terrible taste in pie and...

00:52:40.700 --> 00:52:43.290
It would be great if we could be friends.

00:52:43.910 --> 00:52:46.000
Absolutely. Absolutely.

00:52:49.580 --> 00:52:52.000
Great.

00:52:52.050 --> 00:52:55.050
Doesn't mean we'll be able
to find the video, though.

00:52:55.090 --> 00:52:58.970
I had a real search when you first called
and couldn't find it so...

00:52:59.010 --> 00:53:01.970
This one says
"Peter and Juliet's Wedding".

00:53:02.060 --> 00:53:04.350
Do you think we might be on the right track?

00:53:04.390 --> 00:53:08.940
Er, yeah, well... Wow. That-that could be it.

00:53:09.060 --> 00:53:11.770
- Do you mind if I...?
- I've probably taped over it.

00:53:11.820 --> 00:53:14.940
Almost everything's episodes of West Wing.

00:53:16.030 --> 00:53:18.110
Oh.

00:53:19.700 --> 00:53:21.830
Oh, bingo.

00:53:23.450 --> 00:53:25.580
That's lovely.

00:53:25.620 --> 00:53:27.790
Well done, you.

00:53:29.120 --> 00:53:31.330
Oh, that's gorgeous.

00:53:32.790 --> 00:53:36.920
Thank you so much, Mark,
this is exactly what I was hoping for.

00:53:43.890 --> 00:53:46.180
I look quite pretty.

00:53:53.440 --> 00:53:55.610
You've stayed rather close.

00:54:49.700 --> 00:54:52.000
They're all of me.

00:54:56.090 --> 00:54:59.210
(Mark) Yeah. Yeah.

00:54:59.260 --> 00:55:01.340
Yes.

00:55:31.500 --> 00:55:33.500
But...

00:55:34.580 --> 00:55:36.790
you never talk to me.

00:55:39.170 --> 00:55:41.260
You always talk to Peter.

00:55:43.840 --> 00:55:46.010
You don't like me.

00:55:47.220 --> 00:55:49.310
I hope it's useful.

00:55:49.350 --> 00:55:52.430
Don't show it around too much.

00:55:52.480 --> 00:55:55.690
Needs a bit of editing.

00:55:55.730 --> 00:55:59.440
Look, I've got to get to a... lunch.

00:55:59.480 --> 00:56:01.440
Early lunch.

00:56:01.480 --> 00:56:04.450
You can just show yourself out, can't you?

00:56:10.120 --> 00:56:14.500
It's a... self-preservation thing, you see.

00:56:17.540 --> 00:56:19.590
(Dido: Here With Me)

00:56:25.720 --> 00:56:28.800
Oh I am what I am

00:56:28.850 --> 00:56:31.810
I'll do what I want

00:56:31.850 --> 00:56:36.650
But I can't hide

00:56:36.690 --> 00:56:38.860
And I won't go

00:56:39.770 --> 00:56:42.610
I won't sleep

00:56:42.650 --> 00:56:45.570
And I can't breathe

00:56:45.610 --> 00:56:48.700
Until you're resting here with me

00:56:48.740 --> 00:56:51.370
And I won't leave

00:56:51.410 --> 00:56:54.200
And I can't hide

00:56:54.250 --> 00:56:57.120
I cannot be

00:56:57.170 --> 00:56:59.750
Until you're resting here

00:56:59.790 --> 00:57:02.670
And I won't go

00:57:02.710 --> 00:57:05.550
And I won't sleep

00:57:05.590 --> 00:57:08.510
And I can't breathe

00:57:08.550 --> 00:57:13.060
Until you're resting here with me

00:57:13.100 --> 00:57:16.020
- (Knocking)
- Yeah.

00:57:18.350 --> 00:57:21.360
Annie, my darling, my dream, my boat.

00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:24.530
Ah...

00:57:24.570 --> 00:57:27.200
- Need you to do a favour for me.
- Of course.

00:57:27.240 --> 00:57:29.320
Anything for the hero of the hour.

00:57:31.120 --> 00:57:34.120
Don't ask me why,
and don't read stuff into this,

00:57:34.160 --> 00:57:36.620
it's just a weird personality thing.

00:57:36.660 --> 00:57:39.750
But, erm, you know Natalie who works here?

00:57:39.790 --> 00:57:42.340
The chubby girl?

00:57:42.380 --> 00:57:44.460
Ooh, would we call her chubby?

00:57:44.500 --> 00:57:49.180
I think there's a pretty sizeable arse there,
yes, sir. Huge thighs.

00:57:50.260 --> 00:57:53.310
Yeah. Well, whatever, erm...

00:57:54.430 --> 00:57:58.310
I'm sure she's a lovely girl
but I wonder if you could, erm...

00:58:00.900 --> 00:58:03.940
redistribute her?

00:58:03.980 --> 00:58:06.070
It's done.

00:58:41.060 --> 00:58:43.190
Hey, Sammo. Can't sleep?

00:58:43.900 --> 00:58:46.020
I got some terrible news today.

00:58:46.150 --> 00:58:48.070
Let's have it.

00:58:48.190 --> 00:58:51.280
- Joanna's going back to America.
- Your girl's American?

00:58:51.320 --> 00:58:53.820
Yes, she's American.

00:58:53.870 --> 00:58:56.280
And she's not my girl.

00:58:56.370 --> 00:59:00.500
And she's going back to America.
That's the end of my life as I know it.

00:59:00.500 --> 00:59:02.710
That is bad news.

00:59:04.790 --> 00:59:07.300
Well, we need Kate

00:59:07.340 --> 00:59:10.670
and we need Leo, and we need them now.

00:59:10.720 --> 00:59:12.510
Come on.

00:59:16.220 --> 00:59:18.390
'Hold on. Hold on.

00:59:18.430 --> 00:59:20.770
'Keep your eyes closed.

00:59:20.810 --> 00:59:25.270
- 'Do you trust me? '
- 'I trust you.'

00:59:26.190 --> 00:59:28.860
- Do you trust me?
- I trust you.

00:59:28.900 --> 00:59:31.490
- Fool!
- Get off, you big bully.

00:59:34.070 --> 00:59:37.160
'AII right, open your eyes.'

00:59:40.290 --> 00:59:43.920
You know, Sammy,
I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary

00:59:43.960 --> 00:59:46.960
but general wisdom is that in the end,

00:59:47.000 --> 00:59:50.460
there isn't just one person for each of us.

00:59:51.550 --> 00:59:53.630
There was for Kate and Leo.

00:59:53.680 --> 00:59:56.390
There was for you.

00:59:56.430 --> 00:59:58.390
And there is for me.

00:59:58.430 --> 01:00:00.350
She's the one.

01:00:02.020 --> 01:00:04.940
Fair enough. And her name's Joanna?

01:00:04.980 --> 01:00:08.190
Yeah, I know. Same as Mum.

01:00:18.490 --> 01:00:20.990
- (Knocking)
- Yeah.

01:00:24.750 --> 01:00:27.830
- Prime Minister.
- Thank you very much.

01:00:43.020 --> 01:00:45.850
(Pidgin Portuguese)
Oh. Appolo... Erm, appologia.

01:00:45.890 --> 01:00:51.150
Grande, er... grande familio,
grande tradizione de Christmas presents.

01:00:51.190 --> 01:00:53.280
Stupido.

01:01:19.390 --> 01:01:22.100
Well, goodbye.

01:01:22.140 --> 01:01:24.270
(Portuguese) Thank you.

01:01:27.310 --> 01:01:29.810
Erm, it was, erm...

01:01:30.900 --> 01:01:33.940
(Portuguese) I will miss you.

01:01:35.280 --> 01:01:38.200
And your very slow typing...

01:01:39.280 --> 01:01:42.120
and your very bad driving.

01:02:33.420 --> 01:02:35.500
(Car horn)

01:02:42.760 --> 01:02:46.970
You know I love Christmas, I always will

01:02:48.480 --> 01:02:53.020
My mind's made up, the way that I feel

01:02:54.440 --> 01:02:59.030
There's no beginning, there'll be no end

01:02:59.070 --> 01:03:04.120
Cos on Christmas you can depend

01:03:10.290 --> 01:03:12.370
Daniel!

01:03:13.460 --> 01:03:17.550
- I have a plan.
- Thank the Lord. Tell me.

01:03:17.590 --> 01:03:20.720
- Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
- Uh-huh.

01:03:20.760 --> 01:03:23.720
- Even the weird ones get girlfriends.
- That's right.

01:03:23.760 --> 01:03:26.220
Meat Loaf definitely got laid at least once.

01:03:26.260 --> 01:03:30.100
For God's sake,
Ringo Starr married a Bond girl.

01:03:30.180 --> 01:03:34.190
Whatever. There's this big concert
at the end of term and Joanna's in it.

01:03:34.270 --> 01:03:38.070
I thought if I was in the band
and played superbly,

01:03:38.110 --> 01:03:41.240
she might fall in love with me.
What do you think?

01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:44.160
I think it's brilliant, I think it's stellar.

01:03:44.200 --> 01:03:48.120
Apart from the one obvious
tiny little baby little hiccup.

01:03:48.160 --> 01:03:51.500
- I don't play a musical instrument?
- Yes, sir.

01:03:52.290 --> 01:03:54.460
A tiny, insignificant detail.

01:03:54.500 --> 01:03:56.670
(Loud, repetitive snare hits)

01:03:57.790 --> 01:04:00.130
(Sugababes: Too Lost In You)
You look into my eyes

01:04:00.170 --> 01:04:02.880
I go out of my mind

01:04:02.920 --> 01:04:04.880
I can't see anything

01:04:04.970 --> 01:04:07.510
Cos this love's got me blind

01:04:07.550 --> 01:04:10.390
I can't help myself

01:04:10.430 --> 01:04:12.140
I can't break this spell

01:04:12.180 --> 01:04:15.850
I can't even try

01:04:17.110 --> 01:04:21.650
Baby, I'm too lost in you

01:04:21.690 --> 01:04:23.900
Caught in you

01:04:23.950 --> 01:04:27.450
Lost in everything about you

01:04:27.490 --> 01:04:32.000
So deep I can't sleep, I can't...

01:04:32.040 --> 01:04:34.790
I suppose I'd better do the duty round.

01:04:34.830 --> 01:04:36.920
You're a saint.

01:04:41.500 --> 01:04:43.840
(Laughs)

01:04:43.880 --> 01:04:46.590
Any chance of a dance with the boss?

01:04:47.640 --> 01:04:49.890
Yeah, sure, sure.

01:04:49.930 --> 01:04:52.310
As long as your boyfriend doesn't mind.

01:04:55.060 --> 01:04:57.100
Not my boyfriend.

01:04:57.150 --> 01:04:59.310
And you're all I see

01:04:59.360 --> 01:05:01.900
And you're all I need

01:05:01.980 --> 01:05:04.110
Help me, baby
Help me, baby

01:05:04.150 --> 01:05:05.650
Help me, baby

01:05:05.700 --> 01:05:11.080
Oh baby, I'm too lost in you

01:05:11.120 --> 01:05:12.330
Caught in you...

01:05:12.370 --> 01:05:14.910
You're looking very pretty tonight.

01:05:16.750 --> 01:05:18.830
It's for you.

01:05:20.290 --> 01:05:22.340
Sorry?

01:05:24.760 --> 01:05:26.970
It's all for you, sir.

01:05:28.840 --> 01:05:30.720
You do

01:05:30.760 --> 01:05:33.930
I'm too lost in you
Baby, baby

01:05:33.970 --> 01:05:38.190
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Yeah, yeah

01:05:38.230 --> 01:05:40.690
Caught in you

01:05:40.730 --> 01:05:43.940
Lost in everything about you

01:05:43.980 --> 01:05:48.110
So deep I can't sleep

01:05:49.240 --> 01:05:53.910
'This must be very exciting for you,
fighting for the Christmas number one.

01:05:53.950 --> 01:05:57.080
- 'How's it looking so far? '
- 'Very bad indeed.

01:05:57.120 --> 01:06:00.330
'Blue are outselling me five to one

01:06:00.380 --> 01:06:03.460
'but I'm hoping for a late surge.

01:06:03.500 --> 01:06:06.550
'And, if I reach number one,

01:06:06.590 --> 01:06:12.550
'I promise to sing a song stark naked
on TV on Christmas Eve.'

01:06:13.680 --> 01:06:16.390
- 'Do you mean that? '
- 'Of course I do, Michael.

01:06:16.430 --> 01:06:19.520
'Do you want a preview? You old flirt.'

01:06:19.560 --> 01:06:21.940
(Parkinson laughing)

01:06:23.020 --> 01:06:24.940
'That'll never make number one.'

01:06:25.190 --> 01:06:28.240
(Justin Timberlake: Like I Love You)

01:06:28.280 --> 01:06:31.740
And I burn every track
Clipse and J Timberlake...

01:06:31.780 --> 01:06:35.410
I suppose it's his job
to dance with everyone, isn't it?

01:06:35.450 --> 01:06:37.660
Some more than others.

01:06:40.870 --> 01:06:43.080
Just one dance?

01:06:43.130 --> 01:06:46.630
- Before we run out of chances.
- Who, me?

01:06:46.710 --> 01:06:50.930
- Unless you just...
- No! No! Good.

01:06:50.970 --> 01:06:53.090
Yes. Thanks.

01:06:54.510 --> 01:06:58.640
You're a good girl
And that's what makes me trust you like I do

01:06:58.680 --> 01:07:01.350
Late at night I talk to you

01:07:01.390 --> 01:07:02.940
Hey

01:07:03.020 --> 01:07:05.070
You will know the difference when...

01:07:05.110 --> 01:07:07.320
(Music changes to slow tune)

01:07:07.360 --> 01:07:09.650
(Norah Jones: Turn Me On)

01:07:13.450 --> 01:07:17.450
Like a flower

01:07:17.490 --> 01:07:21.580
Waiting to bloom

01:07:23.710 --> 01:07:26.500
Like a light bulb

01:07:27.670 --> 01:07:30.050
In a dark room

01:07:32.130 --> 01:07:34.890
I'm just sitting here

01:07:34.930 --> 01:07:37.720
Waiting for you

01:07:37.760 --> 01:07:40.060
To come on home

01:07:40.100 --> 01:07:42.190
And turn me on

01:07:48.070 --> 01:07:50.990
Like the desert

01:07:52.070 --> 01:07:56.870
Waiting for the rain

01:07:57.950 --> 01:08:00.540
Like a schoolkid

01:08:02.210 --> 01:08:04.960
Waiting for the spring

01:08:06.710 --> 01:08:08.550
I'm just sitting here

01:08:08.590 --> 01:08:13.630
Waiting for you to come on home

01:08:13.680 --> 01:08:16.930
And turn me on

01:08:16.970 --> 01:08:21.930
Turn me on

01:08:21.980 --> 01:08:24.190
Well, then. I'd better go.

01:08:24.230 --> 01:08:26.310
OK.

01:08:27.690 --> 01:08:29.900
- Good night.
- Good night.

01:08:47.040 --> 01:08:49.130
Actually...

01:08:49.170 --> 01:08:51.500
- I don't have to go.
- Right. Good.

01:08:51.550 --> 01:08:53.670
- I mean...
- No, that's good.

01:08:54.670 --> 01:08:58.260
Just, erm, would you excuse me
for one second?

01:08:58.300 --> 01:09:01.010
- Sure.
- Just one second.

01:09:08.400 --> 01:09:11.820
Erm, OK, that's done. Erm...

01:09:13.440 --> 01:09:16.950
Why don't you come upstairs
in about ten seconds?

01:09:16.990 --> 01:09:19.280
- Ten seconds.
- Ten seconds.

01:09:28.170 --> 01:09:30.420
(Eva Cassidy: Songbird)

01:09:44.060 --> 01:09:48.350
For you

01:09:49.560 --> 01:09:54.400
There'll be no crying

01:09:56.610 --> 01:10:02.780
For you

01:10:04.410 --> 01:10:09.170
The sun will be shining

01:10:09.540 --> 01:10:14.800
Cos I feel that when I'm with you

01:10:15.880 --> 01:10:19.720
It's all right...

01:10:19.760 --> 01:10:22.260
- Just tug it.
- OK.

01:10:22.300 --> 01:10:27.680
I know it's right

01:10:27.770 --> 01:10:31.310
And the songbirds

01:10:31.350 --> 01:10:40.320
Keep singing like they know the score

01:10:40.360 --> 01:10:43.660
And I love you, I love you, I love you...

01:10:43.700 --> 01:10:46.450
You're beautiful.

01:10:46.490 --> 01:10:50.920
Like never before...

01:11:03.680 --> 01:11:05.760
(Mobile)

01:11:09.730 --> 01:11:12.020
l-I'd better answer that.

01:11:16.270 --> 01:11:19.490
Hello. Hi. Hello, darling.

01:11:19.530 --> 01:11:22.530
No, no, I'm not busy. No, fire away.

01:11:23.620 --> 01:11:25.490
Right.

01:11:25.530 --> 01:11:29.580
Yes, I... I'm not quite sure
it's gonna be possible

01:11:29.620 --> 01:11:32.370
to get the Pope on the phone tonight but...

01:11:33.460 --> 01:11:39.090
Yes. Yes, I'm sure he's very good
at exorcism but...

01:11:42.510 --> 01:11:44.970
Well, I'm sure...

01:11:45.100 --> 01:11:48.890
Jon Bon Jovi is as well
and I'll definitely look into it.

01:11:48.930 --> 01:11:52.520
OK? OK, I'll talk to you later.

01:11:52.560 --> 01:11:54.650
All right, bye-bye.

01:12:00.030 --> 01:12:03.950
- Sorry about that.
- No, it's fine.

01:12:03.990 --> 01:12:06.990
It's my brother, he's not well, he calls a lot.

01:12:08.950 --> 01:12:11.410
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.

01:12:11.500 --> 01:12:14.870
I mean, it's not really fine, it is what it is,

01:12:14.920 --> 01:12:18.590
and there being no parents now
and us being over here,

01:12:18.630 --> 01:12:24.050
it's my job to keep an eye on him.
Not my job, obviously, I'm glad to do it...

01:12:24.090 --> 01:12:28.930
That's OK. Life is full
of interruptions and complications.

01:12:31.520 --> 01:12:33.100
So...

01:12:44.990 --> 01:12:47.070
(Mobile)

01:12:50.040 --> 01:12:52.120
Will it make him better?

01:12:53.500 --> 01:12:55.290
No.

01:12:55.370 --> 01:12:57.420
Then maybe...

01:12:58.170 --> 01:13:00.250
don't answer.

01:13:07.720 --> 01:13:10.310
Hey. How you doing?

01:13:11.010 --> 01:13:14.020
Right, right. Oh, no, please.

01:13:14.060 --> 01:13:17.350
Oh, please, please don't, little darling.

01:13:17.400 --> 01:13:22.190
Between the two of us we'll find the answer
and it won't hurt any more.

01:13:22.230 --> 01:13:24.240
No, no.

01:13:24.280 --> 01:13:26.360
I'm-I'm not busy. I...

01:13:28.030 --> 01:13:31.330
Of course, if you want me
to come over I will. Mm-hm.

01:13:33.080 --> 01:13:34.910
OK.

01:13:43.880 --> 01:13:46.760
That was a good night.

01:13:46.800 --> 01:13:49.510
- Except I felt fat.
- Don't be ridiculous.

01:13:49.550 --> 01:13:51.220
It's true.

01:13:51.260 --> 01:13:55.520
Nowadays the only clothes I can get into
were once owned by Pavarotti.

01:13:55.560 --> 01:13:58.480
I always think Pavarotti dresses very well.

01:14:01.980 --> 01:14:04.070
Mia's very pretty.

01:14:05.940 --> 01:14:08.030
Is she?

01:14:09.410 --> 01:14:12.450
You know she is, darling.

01:14:12.490 --> 01:14:14.740
Be careful there.

01:14:37.930 --> 01:14:40.730
Have you been watching stuff on TV?

01:14:42.060 --> 01:14:44.650
Yeah.

01:14:44.690 --> 01:14:46.690
- Every night.
- Good.

01:14:46.740 --> 01:14:48.900
And every day.

01:14:55.830 --> 01:15:00.790
- The nurses are trying to kill me.
- Nobody's trying to kill you, babe.

01:15:06.880 --> 01:15:08.970
Thank you.

01:15:11.680 --> 01:15:14.180
Don't do that, my darling.

01:15:16.470 --> 01:15:18.560
Thank you.

01:15:25.610 --> 01:15:27.780
Don't do that.

01:15:53.180 --> 01:15:54.890
(Dog barking in distance)

01:16:00.430 --> 01:16:04.940
Right. Back at three. Christmas shopping,
never easy or pleasant.

01:16:04.980 --> 01:16:07.900
Are you gonna get me something?

01:16:07.940 --> 01:16:10.030
Er...

01:16:11.530 --> 01:16:13.610
I don't know, I hadn't thought.

01:16:13.660 --> 01:16:15.530
Where's Sarah, by the way?

01:16:15.570 --> 01:16:18.370
She couldn't make it in. Family thing.

01:16:18.410 --> 01:16:22.160
There's a word for hangover
I've never heard before.

01:16:22.210 --> 01:16:26.380
- See you later.
- Yes. Looking forward to it.

01:16:29.750 --> 01:16:31.840
A lot.

01:16:43.890 --> 01:16:46.100
Are you gonna give me something?

01:16:47.110 --> 01:16:49.860
I thought I made it clear last night.

01:16:49.900 --> 01:16:53.650
When it comes to me,
you can have everything.

01:16:53.740 --> 01:16:57.200
So, erm, what do you need?

01:16:58.450 --> 01:17:02.500
Something along the stationery line?
Are you short of staplers?

01:17:02.540 --> 01:17:06.000
No. I don't want something I need.

01:17:06.040 --> 01:17:09.500
I want something I want. Something pretty.

01:17:10.670 --> 01:17:12.590
Right.

01:17:13.670 --> 01:17:15.760
Right.

01:17:23.140 --> 01:17:26.850
Sorry I'm late, I had to drop off
Bernie at rehearsal.

01:17:30.730 --> 01:17:33.440
Right, listen, you keep yourself occupied

01:17:33.490 --> 01:17:36.610
while I do the boring stuff for our mothers.

01:17:58.550 --> 01:18:00.680
- Thank you.
- Thank you.

01:18:00.800 --> 01:18:03.520
Looking for anything in particular, sir?

01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:07.230
Yes. That necklace there, how much is it?

01:18:07.270 --> 01:18:09.480
It's £270.

01:18:10.810 --> 01:18:14.940
- Erm, all right. Er, I'll have it.
- Lovely.

01:18:17.950 --> 01:18:21.070
Would you like it... giftwrapped?

01:18:21.120 --> 01:18:23.910
- Yes, all right.
- Lovely.

01:18:27.000 --> 01:18:29.210
Let me just pop it in the box.

01:18:30.920 --> 01:18:32.420
There.

01:18:32.460 --> 01:18:36.050
- Look, could we be quite quick?
- Certainly, sir.

01:18:36.090 --> 01:18:38.970
Ready in the flashiest of flashes.

01:18:46.430 --> 01:18:48.100
- There.
- That's great.

01:18:48.140 --> 01:18:50.980
Not quite finished.

01:18:54.480 --> 01:18:59.200
- I don't need a bag, I'll put it in my pocket.
- Oh, this isn't a bag, sir.

01:18:59.240 --> 01:19:02.660
- Really?
- This is so much more than a bag.

01:19:09.410 --> 01:19:11.460
Ooh!

01:19:25.850 --> 01:19:28.220
Could we be quite quick, please?

01:19:28.310 --> 01:19:31.100
Prontissimo.

01:19:49.370 --> 01:19:52.120
- What's that?
- A cinnamon stick, sir.

01:19:52.170 --> 01:19:55.710
- Actually, I really can't wait.
- You won't regret it, sir.

01:19:55.750 --> 01:19:58.050
Want to bet?

01:19:58.090 --> 01:20:00.550
'Tis but the work of a moment.

01:20:04.050 --> 01:20:06.300
There we go. Almost finished.

01:20:06.350 --> 01:20:10.850
Are you gonna dip it in yogurt?
Cover it with chocolate buttons?

01:20:10.890 --> 01:20:14.020
No, sir, we're going to pop it
in the Christmas box.

01:20:14.060 --> 01:20:15.690
I don't want a Christmas box.

01:20:15.730 --> 01:20:18.530
- But you wanted it giftwrapped.
- I did but...

01:20:18.570 --> 01:20:20.400
- The final flourish.
- Can I pay?

01:20:20.440 --> 01:20:23.150
- All we need now...
- Oh, God.

01:20:23.200 --> 01:20:25.450
...is a sprig of holly.
- No, no, no, no.

01:20:25.490 --> 01:20:27.490
- No bloody holly.
- But sir...

01:20:27.580 --> 01:20:30.250
- Leave it.
- Ooh!

01:20:30.290 --> 01:20:34.290
- Loitering around the jewellery section?
- No. I was just looking around.

01:20:34.330 --> 01:20:37.000
Don't worry. My expectations
are not that high

01:20:37.040 --> 01:20:40.710
after 13 years of
Mr Oh-But-You-Always-Love-Scarves.

01:20:40.800 --> 01:20:42.840
Actually, I do love this one.

01:20:42.880 --> 01:20:45.090
(Darlene Love: All Alone On Christmas)

01:20:45.140 --> 01:20:47.350
I've gotta know

01:20:47.390 --> 01:20:53.560
Where do the Ionely hearts go...

01:20:53.600 --> 01:20:56.980
- Hey!
- What are you doing here?

01:20:57.060 --> 01:21:00.070
Had to rent out my flat to pay for my ticket.

01:21:00.150 --> 01:21:03.490
You're not actually going ahead
with this stupid plan?

01:21:03.530 --> 01:21:05.280
I bloody am.

01:21:05.320 --> 01:21:08.660
You think this is full of clothes?
Like hell it is.

01:21:08.700 --> 01:21:11.790
It is chock-a-block full of condoms.

01:21:11.830 --> 01:21:15.250
Excellent. Excellent.
Perfect, keep that going.

01:21:15.370 --> 01:21:17.630
(Clears throat) Look, erm...

01:21:18.960 --> 01:21:21.550
sorry to be a bit forward and all that but...

01:21:21.590 --> 01:21:26.260
you don't fancy going for a Christmas drink,
do you? I mean, nothing implied.

01:21:26.300 --> 01:21:31.930
Just maybe go and see something
Christmassy or something.

01:21:31.970 --> 01:21:35.310
Obviously, if you don't want to,
you don't have to. I...

01:21:35.350 --> 01:21:37.100
I'm rambling now, sorry.

01:21:37.150 --> 01:21:39.860
No. That would be lovely.

01:21:39.900 --> 01:21:42.280
Oh, great.

01:21:44.610 --> 01:21:45.950
Yay!

01:21:46.030 --> 01:21:48.160
You know, that is really great.

01:21:48.200 --> 01:21:53.160
Normally, I'm really shy, takes me ages
to get the courage up, so thank you.

01:21:53.200 --> 01:21:55.370
(Repetitive drumbeats)

01:21:59.710 --> 01:22:05.090
- Explain again why you're so late.
- Can't a man have any secrets?

01:22:05.130 --> 01:22:09.390
We've been waiting for hours,
it's the first ever preview.

01:22:09.430 --> 01:22:11.510
...is a thing of the past

01:22:11.550 --> 01:22:14.980
Maybe you can bring us all hope this year

01:22:15.020 --> 01:22:18.020
Visions of sugarplums
have disappeared...

01:22:18.060 --> 01:22:22.150
(Karen) It was a starry night
in ancient Jerusalem

01:22:22.190 --> 01:22:25.400
and the baby Jesus was in his manger.

01:22:33.490 --> 01:22:37.210
Sherlock Holmes is not a real detective.

01:22:37.250 --> 01:22:40.290
(Russian) Is this the way to the train station?

01:22:40.330 --> 01:22:43.500
I would like half-pint of churly.

01:22:44.590 --> 01:22:47.300
I would like a one-day Travelcard.

01:22:47.340 --> 01:22:51.140
(Portuguese) Oh, my God,
I've got a terrible stomachache.

01:22:51.180 --> 01:22:53.470
It must have been the prawns.

01:22:53.510 --> 01:22:56.100
Milton Keynes has many roundabouts.

01:22:57.270 --> 01:23:01.440
(Portuguese) My goodness,
this is a very big fish!

01:23:01.480 --> 01:23:04.520
It tastes delicious!

01:23:04.570 --> 01:23:06.320
All alone on Christmas

01:23:06.360 --> 01:23:08.990
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas

01:23:09.030 --> 01:23:12.990
All alone on Christmas
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas

01:23:13.030 --> 01:23:14.580
Tell me I've got to know

01:23:14.620 --> 01:23:19.330
Nobody ought to be alone on Christmas
Don't leave me alone

01:23:19.370 --> 01:23:24.170
- You'll come back a broken man.
- Yeah, back broken from too much sex.

01:23:24.210 --> 01:23:26.590
You are on the road to disaster.

01:23:26.670 --> 01:23:30.130
No, I am on shag highway, heading west.

01:23:30.760 --> 01:23:32.680
Farewell, failure.

01:23:32.800 --> 01:23:36.680
America, watch out!
Here comes Colin Frissell.

01:23:36.770 --> 01:23:40.350
And he's got a big knob

01:23:41.440 --> 01:23:44.400
(Santana Featuring Rob Thomas:
Smooth)

01:23:51.110 --> 01:23:53.660
- Take me to a bar.
- What kind of bar?

01:23:53.700 --> 01:23:57.120
Just any bar.
Just your average American bar.

01:23:57.870 --> 01:24:00.790
(On jukebox) Man, it's a hot one

01:24:00.830 --> 01:24:04.170
Like seven inches
from the midday sun...

01:24:04.210 --> 01:24:08.000
- Can I help you?
- Yes. I'd like a Budweiser, please.

01:24:08.050 --> 01:24:11.510
- King of beers.
- Bud coming up.

01:24:12.380 --> 01:24:14.680
Oh, my God.

01:24:14.720 --> 01:24:16.640
Are you from England?

01:24:18.260 --> 01:24:20.730
- Yes.
- Oh...

01:24:20.770 --> 01:24:23.810
that is so cute.

01:24:23.850 --> 01:24:27.520
Hi, I'm Stacey. (Giggles)

01:24:27.570 --> 01:24:29.650
Jeannie?

01:24:31.530 --> 01:24:33.660
Yeah?

01:24:33.700 --> 01:24:36.490
- This is...
- Colin.

01:24:38.030 --> 01:24:40.250
Frissell.

01:24:40.290 --> 01:24:42.410
Cute name.

01:24:42.460 --> 01:24:45.290
- Jeannie.
- He's from England.

01:24:45.330 --> 01:24:47.590
Yep. Basildon.

01:24:47.630 --> 01:24:50.550
- Oh.
- Oh.

01:24:50.590 --> 01:24:55.550
Wait till Carol-Anne gets here.
She's crazy about English guys.

01:24:55.590 --> 01:24:57.760
(Stacey) Uh-huh.

01:25:00.810 --> 01:25:04.810
- Hey, girls.
- Carol-Anne, come meet Colin.

01:25:04.850 --> 01:25:07.480
He's from England.

01:25:07.560 --> 01:25:11.780
Well, step aside, ladies. This one's on me.

01:25:14.900 --> 01:25:17.490
- Hey, gorgeous.
- (Gentle growl)

01:25:19.240 --> 01:25:21.370
That is so funny!

01:25:22.750 --> 01:25:25.080
- What do you call that?
- Er, bottle.

01:25:25.120 --> 01:25:27.250
(With English accent) "Bottle."

01:25:27.290 --> 01:25:29.380
- What about this?
- Er, straw.

01:25:29.420 --> 01:25:31.300
(Girls) "Straw."

01:25:31.340 --> 01:25:33.340
- What about this?
- Table.

01:25:34.590 --> 01:25:36.680
- Table. The same.
- Oh, it's the same.

01:25:36.720 --> 01:25:40.140
- Where are you staying?
- I don't actually know.

01:25:40.220 --> 01:25:43.020
I'll just check into a motel like in the movies.

01:25:43.100 --> 01:25:46.390
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, that is so cute.

01:25:46.440 --> 01:25:51.150
No, no, no, listen. This may be a bit pushy
cos we just met you but...

01:25:51.270 --> 01:25:53.780
why don't you come back
and sleep at our place?

01:25:53.820 --> 01:25:55.990
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

01:25:56.030 --> 01:25:59.030
Well, if it's not too much
of an inconvenience.

01:25:59.070 --> 01:26:02.120
- Hell no!
- But there's one problem.

01:26:02.160 --> 01:26:04.290
What?

01:26:04.330 --> 01:26:08.000
Well, we're not the richest of girls,
you know.

01:26:08.040 --> 01:26:13.050
So we just have a little bed and no couch.

01:26:13.090 --> 01:26:16.470
So you'd have to share with all three of us.

01:26:16.510 --> 01:26:22.970
And on this cold, cold night it's gonna be
crowded and sweaty and stuff.

01:26:23.010 --> 01:26:25.810
And we can't even afford pyjamas.

01:26:25.890 --> 01:26:28.270
No?

01:26:28.310 --> 01:26:30.860
Which means...

01:26:30.900 --> 01:26:33.110
we would be naked.

01:26:37.780 --> 01:26:39.450
No, no, I think it'd be fine.

01:26:39.490 --> 01:26:41.910
- (Girls) Great.
- Erm...

01:26:41.950 --> 01:26:45.080
The thing that's gonna make it
more crowded...

01:26:45.120 --> 01:26:47.330
Harriet. You haven't met Harriet.

01:26:47.410 --> 01:26:49.250
- There's a fourth?
- Yeah.

01:26:49.330 --> 01:26:53.630
Don't worry, you're totally gonna like her
cos she is "the sexy one".

01:26:53.670 --> 01:26:56.460
- Really? Wow.
- Yeah.

01:26:56.550 --> 01:27:00.340
- Praise the Lord!
- Oh, and he's a Christian.

01:27:02.850 --> 01:27:04.470
(AIl) Cheers.

01:27:04.600 --> 01:27:07.100
If I could

01:27:07.140 --> 01:27:09.310
Then I would

01:27:09.350 --> 01:27:13.570
I'll go wherever you will go

01:27:13.610 --> 01:27:15.650
Way up high

01:27:15.690 --> 01:27:17.740
Or down low

01:27:17.860 --> 01:27:22.030
I'll go wherever you will go

01:27:22.070 --> 01:27:25.490
If I could turn back...

01:27:25.540 --> 01:27:28.790
One present only each tonight.
Who's got one for Dad?

01:27:28.830 --> 01:27:30.830
- I have.
- Let Mummy go first.

01:27:30.870 --> 01:27:34.040
- I'll get it.
- No, no, no. I want to choose mine.

01:27:34.130 --> 01:27:36.380
I think I want...

01:27:38.550 --> 01:27:42.340
...this one.
- I have bought the traditional scarf as well

01:27:42.390 --> 01:27:46.350
but this is my other,
slightly special, personal one.

01:27:46.430 --> 01:27:48.560
Thank you.

01:27:48.600 --> 01:27:50.730
That's a real first.

01:27:50.770 --> 01:27:53.230
- Rip it!
- What is it?

01:27:53.270 --> 01:27:55.860
I'm going to... All right, I'll rip it.

01:28:02.410 --> 01:28:04.820
God, that's a surprise.

01:28:06.080 --> 01:28:07.870
(Daisy) What is it?

01:28:09.790 --> 01:28:13.460
It's a CD. Joni Mitchell, wow.

01:28:13.500 --> 01:28:15.880
To continue your emotional education.

01:28:15.960 --> 01:28:18.130
Yes.

01:28:18.170 --> 01:28:20.670
Goodness.

01:28:20.720 --> 01:28:22.720
That's great.

01:28:22.760 --> 01:28:25.720
- My brilliant wife.
- Ah, yes.

01:28:27.970 --> 01:28:32.310
Actually, do you mind if I just absent myself
for a second?

01:28:32.350 --> 01:28:35.310
All that ice cream. Er...

01:28:35.360 --> 01:28:38.610
Darling, could you make sure
the kids are ready to go?

01:28:38.650 --> 01:28:41.780
- Back in a minute.
- (Harry to kids) All right, take it easy.

01:28:42.150 --> 01:28:44.110
(Bernie) Mine first. Mine.

01:28:44.530 --> 01:28:47.330
(Joni Mitchell: Both Sides Now)
Moons and Junes

01:28:47.370 --> 01:28:49.790
And Ferris wheels

01:28:51.250 --> 01:28:56.460
The dizzy dancing way that you feel

01:28:56.580 --> 01:29:01.590
As every fairy tale comes real

01:29:04.010 --> 01:29:06.510
I've looked at love that way

01:29:10.140 --> 01:29:13.810
But now it's just another show

01:29:16.060 --> 01:29:20.610
And you leave 'em laughing when you go

01:29:21.990 --> 01:29:24.740
And if you care

01:29:24.780 --> 01:29:26.990
Don't let them know

01:29:28.780 --> 01:29:32.040
Don't give yourself away

01:29:34.830 --> 01:29:37.170
I've looked at love

01:29:37.210 --> 01:29:40.130
From both sides now

01:29:40.170 --> 01:29:42.300
From give and take

01:29:43.550 --> 01:29:46.720
And still somehow

01:29:46.760 --> 01:29:52.020
It's love's illusions that I recall

01:29:53.890 --> 01:29:56.350
I really don't know love

01:30:00.650 --> 01:30:03.400
I really don't know love at all

01:30:15.160 --> 01:30:17.420
Tears and fears

01:30:17.460 --> 01:30:20.290
And feeling proud

01:30:21.380 --> 01:30:26.470
To say I love you right out loud

01:30:27.550 --> 01:30:30.260
Dreams and schemes

01:30:30.350 --> 01:30:33.140
And circus crowds

01:30:34.470 --> 01:30:37.560
I've looked at life that way

01:30:39.020 --> 01:30:41.230
Oh but now old friends...

01:30:41.270 --> 01:30:42.940
Oh, my God.

01:30:42.980 --> 01:30:46.070
It's a miracle. You're all dressed.

01:30:46.110 --> 01:30:49.200
Come on, come on, come on,
we're horribly late.

01:30:49.240 --> 01:30:51.700
Come on, then. In the car. In the car.

01:30:52.910 --> 01:30:55.790
Well something's lost

01:30:55.830 --> 01:30:57.660
But something's gained

01:30:59.080 --> 01:31:02.420
In living every day

01:31:02.670 --> 01:31:05.760
- Has she noticed you yet?
- No.

01:31:05.800 --> 01:31:10.470
But the thing about romance is people
only get together right at the very end.

01:31:10.510 --> 01:31:12.720
Of course.

01:31:13.810 --> 01:31:17.680
By the way, I feel bad. I never ask you
how your love life is going.

01:31:17.730 --> 01:31:19.730
Er-huh!

01:31:19.770 --> 01:31:21.600
No.

01:31:21.650 --> 01:31:24.610
As you know,
that was a done deal long ago.

01:31:25.900 --> 01:31:30.910
Unless Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case
I want you out of here straightaway,

01:31:30.950 --> 01:31:34.200
- you wee motherless mongrel.
- Oh!

01:31:34.240 --> 01:31:38.120
No, no. We'll want to have sex
in every room, including yours.

01:31:38.870 --> 01:31:41.960
(Male DJ)
'It's a rainy Christmas Eve all over the UK

01:31:42.000 --> 01:31:46.130
'and the question is who is number one
on the Radio One chart show tonight?

01:31:46.170 --> 01:31:50.180
'Is it Blue or the unexpected
Christmas sensation from Billy Mack?

01:31:50.220 --> 01:31:54.140
'You might have guessed it
although you may not believe it.

01:31:54.180 --> 01:31:56.430
'It's Billy Mack.'

01:31:58.600 --> 01:32:01.310
- You are the champion!
- (Crowd) Shh.

01:32:01.350 --> 01:32:03.360
- 'Hi, Billy.'
- Hello.

01:32:03.400 --> 01:32:07.230
'We're live across the nation
and you're number one.

01:32:07.280 --> 01:32:09.900
- 'How will you be celebrating? '
- I don't know.

01:32:09.940 --> 01:32:13.160
Er, either I could behave like
a real rock'n'roll loser

01:32:13.200 --> 01:32:15.950
and get drunk with my fat manager...

01:32:15.990 --> 01:32:18.120
or, when I hang up,

01:32:18.200 --> 01:32:23.080
I'll be flooded by invitations
to a large number of glamorous parties.

01:32:23.120 --> 01:32:26.800
'Let's hope it's the latter. Here it is.
Number one, from Billy Mack,

01:32:26.840 --> 01:32:31.090
- 'it's Christmas Is All Around.'
- Oh, Jesus, not that crap again.

01:32:31.130 --> 01:32:33.800
I feel it in my fingers...

01:32:33.840 --> 01:32:36.350
Bill, it's for you, babe.

01:32:37.350 --> 01:32:39.850
Hello. Elton.

01:32:39.890 --> 01:32:43.400
O-Of course. Of course.

01:32:43.440 --> 01:32:46.860
Send an embarrassingly big car
and I'll be there.

01:32:46.900 --> 01:32:48.610
(Crowd laughing)

01:32:48.650 --> 01:32:52.360
It's gonna be a very good Christmas.

01:32:52.400 --> 01:32:54.490
(Cheering)

01:33:00.330 --> 01:33:03.120
- Right.
- I'd better be getting inside, actually.

01:33:03.160 --> 01:33:07.380
- My mum and... you know.
- Of course, yeah. It's getting a bit cold.

01:33:07.420 --> 01:33:09.920
Erm...

01:33:09.960 --> 01:33:12.800
- Well, good night.
- Night.

01:33:15.390 --> 01:33:17.300
Er...

01:33:22.680 --> 01:33:25.770
Er... OK.

01:33:38.490 --> 01:33:41.200
All I want for Christmas...

01:33:41.240 --> 01:33:44.790
- is you.
- (Laughs nervously)

01:33:44.830 --> 01:33:47.420
Right.

01:33:47.460 --> 01:33:50.500
Thank you. Good.

01:33:50.550 --> 01:33:52.460
Good night.

01:33:53.550 --> 01:33:56.890
Ha ha ha! Ho.

01:33:56.930 --> 01:34:01.180
(Otis Redding: White Christmas)
I'm, I'm dreaming

01:34:02.470 --> 01:34:06.060
Dreaming of a white...

01:34:06.190 --> 01:34:08.770
Oh, look, everyone, it's Uncle Jamie.

01:34:08.810 --> 01:34:11.690
Hi, Uncle Jamie!

01:34:11.730 --> 01:34:16.030
Yes, oh, splendid. It's lovely to see you all.

01:34:16.070 --> 01:34:18.570
And, er...

01:34:19.660 --> 01:34:21.030
I'm off, actually.

01:34:21.080 --> 01:34:24.000
But Jamie, darling.

01:34:24.040 --> 01:34:26.620
Sorry.

01:34:26.670 --> 01:34:29.330
Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

01:34:32.420 --> 01:34:34.380
I hate Uncle Jamie!

01:34:34.420 --> 01:34:37.720
(Girl) I hate Uncle Jamie.
(Boy) I hate Uncle Jamie.

01:34:37.800 --> 01:34:39.930
And try to listen

01:34:41.640 --> 01:34:44.720
To hear

01:34:44.810 --> 01:34:47.100
Hear for the sleigh bells

01:34:47.140 --> 01:34:49.230
That are ringing in the snow...

01:34:49.270 --> 01:34:52.190
Gatwick airport, please. Fast as you can.

01:34:53.150 --> 01:34:55.490
(Song continues on radio, quietly)

01:34:56.570 --> 01:34:59.070
l-l-I

01:35:00.160 --> 01:35:02.200
I'm dreaming

01:35:04.240 --> 01:35:06.960
Of a white...

01:35:07.000 --> 01:35:09.790
- Night, Sarah.
- Night, Karl.

01:35:10.710 --> 01:35:12.790
I, er...

01:35:16.840 --> 01:35:19.760
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

01:35:24.350 --> 01:35:27.850
I want you to know, may your day

01:35:27.890 --> 01:35:31.100
May your day

01:35:31.150 --> 01:35:35.530
Be so merry, merry and bright...

01:35:40.110 --> 01:35:43.160
Hi, babe, how's it going? Yeah.

01:35:43.200 --> 01:35:45.870
Is it all party, party, party down there?

01:35:45.950 --> 01:35:48.040
All of your Christmases

01:35:49.120 --> 01:35:51.710
And may all

01:35:51.750 --> 01:35:55.130
And may all of your Christmases

01:35:56.630 --> 01:35:58.510
Baby may your days

01:35:58.550 --> 01:36:02.300
May your days be merry

01:36:02.390 --> 01:36:04.600
Merry, so merry...

01:36:04.640 --> 01:36:07.810
- Sam, time for dinner.
- I'm not hungry.

01:36:07.850 --> 01:36:11.390
Sam, I've done chicken kebabs.

01:36:11.440 --> 01:36:13.610
(Sam) Look at the sign on the door.

01:36:13.650 --> 01:36:15.730
(Drumming)

01:36:17.730 --> 01:36:19.820
Right.

01:36:25.580 --> 01:36:28.330
It's a little long.

01:36:28.370 --> 01:36:34.380
Dreaming,
dreaming of a white, white Christmas...

01:36:34.420 --> 01:36:36.420
(Doorbell)

01:36:36.460 --> 01:36:38.550
I'll get it.

01:36:44.720 --> 01:36:47.720
- Oh, hi.
- (Peter) Who is it?

01:36:52.270 --> 01:36:54.100
It's carol singers.

01:36:54.230 --> 01:36:56.310
Give them a quid and tell them to bugger off.

01:36:56.360 --> 01:36:58.730
(Turns volume up)

01:36:59.990 --> 01:37:04.910
Silent night

01:37:04.950 --> 01:37:09.330
Holy night

01:37:09.450 --> 01:37:13.870
All is calm

01:37:13.920 --> 01:37:18.380
All is bright

01:37:18.420 --> 01:37:23.010
Round yon virgin

01:37:23.050 --> 01:37:27.430
Mother and child

01:37:27.470 --> 01:37:31.560
Holy infant

01:37:31.600 --> 01:37:36.230
So tender and mild

01:37:36.270 --> 01:37:44.400
Sleep in heavenly peace

01:37:45.700 --> 01:37:51.040
Sleep in heavenly peace

01:37:54.790 --> 01:37:58.920
Silent night

01:37:58.960 --> 01:38:03.470
Holy night

01:38:03.550 --> 01:38:07.800
Shepherds quake

01:38:07.840 --> 01:38:09.850
At the sight...

01:38:09.890 --> 01:38:12.020
(Whispers) Merry Christmas.

01:38:12.060 --> 01:38:16.350
Glories stream

01:38:16.390 --> 01:38:20.820
From heaven afar

01:38:21.520 --> 01:38:30.370
Heavenly hosts sing alleluia

01:38:30.410 --> 01:38:38.540
Christ the saviour is born

01:38:39.630 --> 01:38:45.170
Christ the saviour is born

01:38:48.220 --> 01:38:50.930
Enough.

01:38:50.970 --> 01:38:52.890
Enough now.

01:38:52.930 --> 01:38:55.020
(Sound turned down)

01:38:58.310 --> 01:39:00.270
(Doorbell)

01:39:00.310 --> 01:39:04.990
What the hell are you doing here?
You're supposed to be at Elton John's.

01:39:05.030 --> 01:39:10.240
Well, I was there for a minute or two
and then I had an epiphany.

01:39:10.280 --> 01:39:12.700
- Really?
- Yeah.

01:39:12.780 --> 01:39:14.870
Come on. Just come up.

01:39:14.910 --> 01:39:18.080
So what was this epiphany?

01:39:18.120 --> 01:39:20.920
Erm, it... it was about Christmas.

01:39:20.960 --> 01:39:23.250
You realised it was all around.

01:39:23.300 --> 01:39:27.720
No. I realised that Christmas is the time
to be with the people you love.

01:39:28.800 --> 01:39:30.340
Right.

01:39:30.390 --> 01:39:37.230
And I realised that, as dire chance
and fateful cockup would have it,

01:39:37.270 --> 01:39:39.310
here I am,

01:39:39.350 --> 01:39:41.690
mid-fifties,

01:39:41.730 --> 01:39:44.940
and without knowing it,
I've spent most of my adult life

01:39:44.980 --> 01:39:48.820
with a chubby employee. (Snorts)

01:39:48.860 --> 01:39:51.610
And, much as it grieves me to say it,

01:39:51.660 --> 01:39:57.450
it might be that the people I love is, in fact...

01:39:58.580 --> 01:40:01.460
you.

01:40:02.580 --> 01:40:04.670
Well, this is a surprise.

01:40:04.710 --> 01:40:06.500
Yeah.

01:40:06.630 --> 01:40:08.880
Ten minutes at Elton John's and you're gay?

01:40:08.920 --> 01:40:11.010
No, look. I'm serious here.

01:40:11.050 --> 01:40:16.930
I left Elton's and a hefty number
of half-naked chicks with their mouths open

01:40:16.970 --> 01:40:21.310
in order to hang out with you at Christmas.

01:40:22.900 --> 01:40:28.320
- Well, Bill...
- It's a terrible, terrible mistake, chubs...

01:40:32.160 --> 01:40:35.490
but you turn out to be
the fucking love of my life.

01:40:38.950 --> 01:40:42.870
And to be honest,
despite all my complaining...

01:40:44.750 --> 01:40:47.210
we have had a wonderful life.

01:40:51.720 --> 01:40:53.470
Well...

01:40:55.220 --> 01:40:57.430
thank you.

01:40:59.100 --> 01:41:02.140
I mean, come on, it's been an honour.

01:41:03.690 --> 01:41:06.060
I feel very proud.

01:41:06.110 --> 01:41:08.270
Oh, look, don't be a moron.

01:41:16.490 --> 01:41:19.120
(Clears throat)

01:41:19.160 --> 01:41:22.620
Come on, let's get pissed and watch porn.

01:41:42.060 --> 01:41:44.600
(Natalie) 'Dear sir, Dear David,

01:41:44.640 --> 01:41:48.110
'Merry Christmas and I hope you have
a very happy New Year.

01:41:48.150 --> 01:41:50.690
'I'm very sorry
about the thing that happened.

01:41:50.730 --> 01:41:53.860
'It was a very odd moment
and I feel like a prize idiot.

01:41:53.900 --> 01:41:55.820
'Particularly because -

01:41:55.860 --> 01:41:58.660
'if you can't say it at Christmas,
when can you, eh? -

01:41:58.740 --> 01:42:02.500
'I'm actually yours. With love, your Natalie.'

01:42:22.430 --> 01:42:24.640
Jack, yeah, I need a car.

01:42:24.680 --> 01:42:26.770
Right now. Thank you.

01:42:26.810 --> 01:42:29.020
(Pointer Sisters: Jump)

01:42:38.410 --> 01:42:40.740
Oh, don't wait up.

01:42:44.500 --> 01:42:46.830
I'd like to go to Wandsworth, the dodgy end.

01:42:46.870 --> 01:42:49.130
Very good, sir.

01:42:49.170 --> 01:42:52.840
Tell me how you want me

01:42:52.880 --> 01:42:56.550
I can feel it in your heart beat

01:42:56.680 --> 01:42:59.640
I know you like what you see...

01:42:59.720 --> 01:43:02.640
(Terry) Harris Street. What number, sir?

01:43:02.680 --> 01:43:07.600
(David) Oh, God, it's the longest street
in the world and I have absolutely no idea.

01:43:07.640 --> 01:43:10.610
Wrap your love around me

01:43:10.650 --> 01:43:13.650
You're so excited
I can feel you getting hotter

01:43:13.690 --> 01:43:15.690
(Doorbell)

01:43:15.740 --> 01:43:17.650
Hello, does Natalie live here?

01:43:17.700 --> 01:43:21.200
- No.
- Right, fine, thank you. Sorry to disturb.

01:43:21.240 --> 01:43:23.410
Here, aren't...

01:43:23.450 --> 01:43:26.830
Aren't you the Prime Minister?

01:43:26.870 --> 01:43:31.580
- Er, yes. In fact, I am. Merry Christmas.
- Oh.

01:43:31.630 --> 01:43:35.510
Part of the service now. Trying to get round
everyone by New Year's Eve.

01:43:35.550 --> 01:43:37.630
(Doorbell)

01:43:39.720 --> 01:43:43.050
Ah. Hello. Does Natalie live here?

01:43:43.100 --> 01:43:45.770
- No, she doesn't.
- Oh dear. OK.

01:43:45.810 --> 01:43:49.100
- Are you singing carols?
- Er, no. No, I'm not.

01:43:49.140 --> 01:43:52.400
- Please, sir, please.
- Please.

01:43:55.230 --> 01:43:57.110
Well, I suppose I could.

01:43:57.150 --> 01:43:59.030
Please.

01:44:00.360 --> 01:44:02.620
- All right.
- (Girls cheer)

01:44:04.950 --> 01:44:07.950
Good King Wenceslas looked out

01:44:08.000 --> 01:44:11.750
On the feast of Stephen

01:44:11.790 --> 01:44:15.300
(Joins in with rich, deep voice)
When the snow lay round about

01:44:15.340 --> 01:44:18.800
Deep and crisp and even

01:44:18.840 --> 01:44:22.390
Brightly shone the moon that night

01:44:22.430 --> 01:44:25.010
- (Doorbell)
- Hello. Sorry to disturb.

01:44:25.060 --> 01:44:28.060
- Does Natalie live here?
- No.

01:44:28.100 --> 01:44:30.230
She lives next door.

01:44:32.730 --> 01:44:35.360
Ah. Brilliant.

01:44:35.440 --> 01:44:38.400
You're not who I think you are, are you?

01:44:38.490 --> 01:44:40.570
Yes and I'm sorry about all the cockups.

01:44:40.650 --> 01:44:44.070
My cabinet are absolute crap.
We hope to do better next year.

01:44:44.120 --> 01:44:46.370
Merry Christmas to you.

01:44:59.010 --> 01:44:59.630
(Doorbell)

01:45:01.130 --> 01:45:05.010
- (Chatting stops suddenly)
- Ah. Hello.

01:45:05.050 --> 01:45:07.310
Is, er, Natalie in?

01:45:07.350 --> 01:45:10.270
Oh, where the fuck is my fucking coat?

01:45:11.600 --> 01:45:15.520
- Oh. Hello.
- Hello.

01:45:15.560 --> 01:45:20.690
Erm, this is my mum and my dad
and my Uncle Tony and my Auntie Glynne.

01:45:20.740 --> 01:45:22.700
- Hello.
- Very nice to meet you.

01:45:22.740 --> 01:45:26.570
And, erm... this is the Prime Minister.

01:45:26.620 --> 01:45:29.540
Yes, we can see that, darling.

01:45:29.580 --> 01:45:32.460
And erm, unfortunately, we're very late.

01:45:32.500 --> 01:45:35.580
It's the school Christmas concert,
you see, David.

01:45:35.670 --> 01:45:39.090
All the local schools have joined together,
even St Basil's...

01:45:39.130 --> 01:45:43.010
- Too much detail, Mum.
- Anyway, how can we help, sir?

01:45:43.050 --> 01:45:46.970
Well, I... just needed Natalie...

01:45:49.760 --> 01:45:51.810
on some state business.

01:45:51.890 --> 01:45:56.480
- Oh.
- Right, yes. Of course.

01:45:56.520 --> 01:45:58.320
Right, er...

01:45:58.360 --> 01:46:01.110
Well, perhaps you should
come on later, Plumpy.

01:46:01.150 --> 01:46:02.570
Er, Natalie.

01:46:02.610 --> 01:46:05.160
I don't want to make you late for the concert.

01:46:05.200 --> 01:46:08.870
- No, it's nothing, really.
- Keith'll be very disappointed.

01:46:08.910 --> 01:46:13.080
- No, really, it doesn't matter.
- The octopus costume's taken me months.

01:46:13.160 --> 01:46:15.170
Eight is a lot of legs, David.

01:46:15.250 --> 01:46:17.750
Mm. Erm...

01:46:19.540 --> 01:46:21.670
Listen, why don't I give you a lift

01:46:21.710 --> 01:46:26.840
and then we can talk about
this state business business in the car.

01:46:28.390 --> 01:46:29.930
OK.

01:46:29.970 --> 01:46:32.850
- Lovely, yes.
- Thank you.

01:46:32.890 --> 01:46:35.020
Hold tight, everybody.

01:46:41.610 --> 01:46:44.440
- How far is this place?
- Just round the corner.

01:46:44.490 --> 01:46:47.200
Ah, right. Well, er...

01:46:49.120 --> 01:46:51.370
I just wanted to say...

01:46:53.290 --> 01:46:55.460
thank you for the Christmas card.

01:46:55.500 --> 01:46:57.330
You're welcome.

01:46:57.370 --> 01:46:59.330
Look, I'm so sorry about that day.

01:46:59.380 --> 01:47:02.710
I came in and he slinked towards me
and there was a fire

01:47:02.750 --> 01:47:07.260
and he's the President of the United States
and nothing happened, I promise.

01:47:07.300 --> 01:47:10.470
I just felt like such a fool because...

01:47:10.510 --> 01:47:13.810
I think about you all the time, actually.

01:47:13.850 --> 01:47:17.310
- And I think you're the man that I really...
- We're here.

01:47:17.350 --> 01:47:18.980
...Iove.
- Oh, wow.

01:47:19.020 --> 01:47:21.690
That really was just round the corner. Er...

01:47:23.440 --> 01:47:25.490
Erm...

01:47:27.950 --> 01:47:30.200
Ow!

01:47:34.370 --> 01:47:36.710
(Sighs)

01:47:36.750 --> 01:47:39.000
Well, look, I...

01:47:40.790 --> 01:47:43.300
I think I'd better not come in, you know?

01:47:44.250 --> 01:47:47.880
Nobody wants some politician
stealing the kids' thunder.

01:47:47.920 --> 01:47:51.510
No, please come. It'll be great.

01:47:51.550 --> 01:47:54.260
No, I'd... I'd better not.

01:47:55.350 --> 01:48:00.190
But I will be very sorry

01:48:00.270 --> 01:48:02.360
to drive away from you.

01:48:03.820 --> 01:48:06.030
Just give me one second.

01:48:19.960 --> 01:48:23.130
John's been very mysterious.
Where did you two meet?

01:48:23.170 --> 01:48:26.300
- Erm... erm...
- Um... um...

01:48:29.380 --> 01:48:31.470
No!

01:49:02.790 --> 01:49:06.460
Come on in. We can watch from backstage.

01:49:06.500 --> 01:49:08.710
OK. Terry, I won't be long.

01:49:12.180 --> 01:49:15.100
Look, this has to be a very secret visit, OK?

01:49:15.140 --> 01:49:19.310
Don't worry. This was my school.
I know my way around. Come on.

01:49:22.020 --> 01:49:25.270
Look, the sheep are ready already
and you're not even...

01:49:25.310 --> 01:49:29.360
- Oh, David.
- Ah!

01:49:29.400 --> 01:49:31.700
Oh, how are you?

01:49:31.820 --> 01:49:35.870
Hi, guys. Hey, hey, hey. You all right?

01:49:35.950 --> 01:49:38.080
What the hell are you doing here?

01:49:38.120 --> 01:49:41.160
- Well, you know...
- We always tell your secretary

01:49:41.200 --> 01:49:45.920
that these things are going on but it never
occurred to me you'd actually turn up.

01:49:46.040 --> 01:49:47.920
I thought it was time I did.

01:49:47.960 --> 01:49:51.380
I didn't want anyone to see,
so I'm gonna hide somewhere.

01:49:51.420 --> 01:49:53.880
Good luck, Daisy, good luck, Bernie.

01:49:53.930 --> 01:49:57.680
I've never been gladder
to see my stupid big brother.

01:49:57.720 --> 01:50:01.020
- Thank you.
- All right.

01:50:01.060 --> 01:50:04.020
Oh, now. We haven't been introduced.

01:50:04.060 --> 01:50:07.150
Right. Well, this is Gavin.

01:50:07.190 --> 01:50:09.440
- Hello, Gavin.
- My copper.

01:50:09.520 --> 01:50:11.570
And this is Natalie, who's my, erm...

01:50:11.610 --> 01:50:14.490
- who's my, erm, catering manager.
- Oh.

01:50:14.570 --> 01:50:16.610
- Hi.
- Catering manager.

01:50:16.700 --> 01:50:18.740
Watch he keeps his hands off you.

01:50:18.780 --> 01:50:20.990
20 years ago, you'd have been his type.

01:50:21.040 --> 01:50:26.000
I'll be very careful. Don't try something, sir,
just because it's Christmas.

01:50:26.040 --> 01:50:28.210
- No, seriously.
- (Bell)

01:50:28.250 --> 01:50:30.630
Come on. Showtime. Quickly.

01:50:30.670 --> 01:50:33.340
- Look, see you after, yeah?
- Probably.

01:50:33.380 --> 01:50:36.340
- Thank you, Prime Minister.
- It's all right.

01:50:36.380 --> 01:50:38.600
- Come on.
- Right.

01:50:38.640 --> 01:50:41.890
Catch a falling star
and put it in your pocket

01:50:42.020 --> 01:50:46.600
Save it for a rainy day

01:50:46.650 --> 01:50:50.730
Catch a falling star
And put it in your pocket

01:50:50.770 --> 01:50:53.940
Never let it fade away

01:50:55.030 --> 01:50:59.120
Never let it fade away

01:50:59.740 --> 01:51:04.910
Never let it fade away

01:51:04.960 --> 01:51:07.040
(Cheering, applause)

01:51:12.590 --> 01:51:16.170
Hillier School would now like to present
their Christmas number.

01:51:16.220 --> 01:51:19.180
Lead vocals by ten-year-old
Joanna Anderson,

01:51:19.220 --> 01:51:21.850
backing vocals coordinated by her mother,

01:51:21.890 --> 01:51:24.140
the great Mrs Jean Anderson.

01:51:24.180 --> 01:51:27.100
Erm, some of the staff
have decided to help out

01:51:27.140 --> 01:51:31.690
and for this, we ask you to forgive us.

01:51:31.730 --> 01:51:33.610
Thank you.

01:51:33.650 --> 01:51:35.530
(Applause)

01:51:39.320 --> 01:51:42.950
(A capella) I don't want a lot for Christmas

01:51:42.990 --> 01:51:47.330
There's just one thing I need

01:51:47.370 --> 01:51:50.710
I don't care about the presents

01:51:50.750 --> 01:51:54.670
Underneath the Christmas tree

01:51:54.710 --> 01:51:58.430
I just want you for my own

01:51:58.470 --> 01:52:02.260
More than you could ever know

01:52:02.300 --> 01:52:06.270
Make my wish come true

01:52:06.310 --> 01:52:10.480
All I want for Christmas

01:52:10.520 --> 01:52:18.240
Is you

01:52:20.280 --> 01:52:22.910
I don't want a lot for Christmas

01:52:22.990 --> 01:52:26.290
There's just one thing I need

01:52:26.330 --> 01:52:29.330
I don't care about the presents

01:52:29.370 --> 01:52:32.580
Underneath the Christmas tree

01:52:32.630 --> 01:52:35.960
I just want you for my own

01:52:36.050 --> 01:52:38.970
More than you could ever know

01:52:39.010 --> 01:52:42.140
Make my wish come true

01:52:42.220 --> 01:52:46.890
All I want for Christmas is you

01:52:48.520 --> 01:52:50.850
You baby

01:52:50.890 --> 01:52:54.810
Oh, all the lights are shining

01:52:54.860 --> 01:52:58.990
So brightly everywhere

01:52:59.030 --> 01:53:02.820
And the sound of children's laughter
fills the air

01:53:02.860 --> 01:53:05.280
Laughter fills the air

01:53:05.330 --> 01:53:08.290
Everyone is singing
Oh yeah

01:53:08.330 --> 01:53:10.750
I hear those sleigh bells ringing

01:53:10.830 --> 01:53:13.630
Santa won't you bring me my honey

01:53:13.670 --> 01:53:17.170
Won't you please bring my baby to me

01:53:17.210 --> 01:53:20.170
I don't want a lot for Christmas

01:53:20.220 --> 01:53:23.760
This is all I'm asking for
All I'm asking for

01:53:23.800 --> 01:53:26.760
I just wanna see my baby

01:53:26.810 --> 01:53:30.020
Standing right outside my door

01:53:30.060 --> 01:53:32.730
Cos I just want you for my own

01:53:32.770 --> 01:53:36.150
More than you could ever know
You will ever know

01:53:36.190 --> 01:53:39.530
Make my wish come true

01:53:39.570 --> 01:53:43.740
All I want for Christmas

01:53:43.780 --> 01:53:47.410
Is you

01:53:47.490 --> 01:53:49.790
All I want for Christmas

01:53:49.830 --> 01:53:53.330
And you and you

01:53:53.460 --> 01:53:56.330
And you and you
All I want for Christmas

01:53:57.210 --> 01:54:00.800
All I want for Christmas

01:54:00.840 --> 01:54:03.220
(Cheering, whistling)

01:54:17.020 --> 01:54:19.020
Right.

01:54:22.030 --> 01:54:24.400
So, not quite as secret as we'd hoped.

01:54:24.450 --> 01:54:26.740
- What do we do now?
- Smile.

01:54:27.820 --> 01:54:29.910
Little bow.

01:54:33.330 --> 01:54:35.460
And a wave.

01:54:48.760 --> 01:54:52.020
Absolutely no idea.
I mean, can you imagine?

01:54:52.060 --> 01:54:54.180
I'll see you later, all right?

01:54:54.230 --> 01:54:56.390
I'll speak to you. Bye.

01:54:58.810 --> 01:55:02.980
Tell me, if you were in my position,
what would you do?

01:55:03.030 --> 01:55:05.110
What position is that?

01:55:05.150 --> 01:55:08.910
Imagine your husband
bought a gold necklace

01:55:08.950 --> 01:55:12.080
and, come Christmas,
gave it to somebody else.

01:55:12.120 --> 01:55:14.910
- Oh, Karen...
- Would you wait around to find out...

01:55:15.000 --> 01:55:17.620
- Good night.
- Night, darling. Happy Christmas.

01:55:17.670 --> 01:55:20.670
Would you wait around to find out
if it's just a necklace

01:55:20.710 --> 01:55:23.130
or if it's sex and a necklace

01:55:23.210 --> 01:55:26.880
or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love?

01:55:28.180 --> 01:55:33.310
Would you stay? Knowing life
would always be a little bit worse?

01:55:33.390 --> 01:55:36.850
- Or would you cut and run?
- Oh, God.

01:55:41.480 --> 01:55:44.280
I am so in the wrong.

01:55:44.320 --> 01:55:46.360
A classic fool.

01:55:46.490 --> 01:55:49.660
Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me.

01:55:49.700 --> 01:55:52.580
You've made the life I lead foolish, too.

01:55:54.950 --> 01:55:57.960
Darling. Ooh, darlings!

01:55:58.000 --> 01:56:01.210
Oh, you were wonderful.

01:56:01.250 --> 01:56:04.300
My little lobster, you were so...

01:56:04.340 --> 01:56:06.670
What is that word?

01:56:06.720 --> 01:56:08.970
Orange.

01:56:09.010 --> 01:56:12.100
Come on, I've got treats at home.
Dad's coming.

01:56:13.560 --> 01:56:18.310
Sammy! Fantastic show!
Classic drumming, son.

01:56:18.350 --> 01:56:22.440
- Thanks. Plan didn't work, though.
- Tell her, then.

01:56:22.480 --> 01:56:24.400
- Tell her what?
- That you love her.

01:56:24.440 --> 01:56:27.400
No way. Anyway, they fly tonight.

01:56:27.440 --> 01:56:32.780
Even better. Sam, you've got nothing to lose
and you'll always regret it if you don't.

01:56:34.410 --> 01:56:36.620
I never told your mum enough.

01:56:36.660 --> 01:56:41.120
I should have told her every day
because she was perfect every day.

01:56:42.250 --> 01:56:46.590
You've seen the films, kiddo.
It ain't over till it's over.

01:56:48.510 --> 01:56:53.260
OK, Dad. Let's do it. Let's go get the shit
kicked out of us by love.

01:56:53.300 --> 01:56:55.600
Yes.

01:56:55.720 --> 01:56:58.020
- Just give me one sec.
- Yeah.

01:56:59.560 --> 01:57:02.440
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Sorry.

01:57:02.480 --> 01:57:04.650
That's OK.

01:57:04.690 --> 01:57:08.150
- My fault.
- No, no, really, it wasn't.

01:57:08.190 --> 01:57:11.110
You're Sam's dad, aren't you?

01:57:11.150 --> 01:57:14.120
Yeah. Stepdad, actually.

01:57:14.160 --> 01:57:16.950
- Daniel.
- I'm Carol.

01:57:16.990 --> 01:57:18.790
Carol.

01:57:18.830 --> 01:57:23.250
- OK, I'm back. Let's go.
- Yeah. Well...

01:57:24.630 --> 01:57:26.960
I hope we'll meet again, Karen.

01:57:27.000 --> 01:57:29.210
Carol. (Laughs)

01:57:30.590 --> 01:57:35.220
- I'll make sure we do.
- Yeah? Good.

01:57:36.850 --> 01:57:38.930
(Carol laughs)

01:57:43.060 --> 01:57:45.150
- Tell her.
- What?

01:57:45.190 --> 01:57:48.230
- You know...
- Don't be such an arse.

01:57:51.860 --> 01:57:53.990
- Look, there she is.
- Where?

01:57:54.030 --> 01:57:56.320
Over there.

01:57:58.160 --> 01:58:00.200
Oh, no.

01:58:01.290 --> 01:58:04.290
It's OK, we'll go to the airport.
I know a short cut.

01:58:19.470 --> 01:58:21.600
(Portuguese) Good evening.

01:58:21.640 --> 01:58:24.690
- Senhor Barros?
- Sim.

01:58:24.730 --> 01:58:28.440
I am here to ask your daughter

01:58:28.520 --> 01:58:30.480
for her hands in marriage.

01:58:30.530 --> 01:58:32.740
You want to marry my daughter?

01:58:32.780 --> 01:58:34.700
Yes.

01:58:34.740 --> 01:58:36.200
Come here,

01:58:36.240 --> 01:58:37.780
there is a man at the door.

01:58:39.370 --> 01:58:41.620
He wants to marry you.

01:58:41.660 --> 01:58:43.000
But I've never seen him before.

01:58:43.040 --> 01:58:44.460
Who cares?

01:58:44.500 --> 01:58:46.750
You're going to sell me
to a complete stranger?

01:58:46.830 --> 01:58:49.840
Sell? Who said sell? I'll pay him.

01:58:49.920 --> 01:58:54.630
Pardon me. I'm meaning
your other daughter - Aurelia.

01:58:54.670 --> 01:58:58.430
She's not here - she's at work. I'll take you.

01:58:58.470 --> 01:58:59.970
You! Stay here.

01:59:00.060 --> 01:59:02.930
As if I would. Stupid!

01:59:05.890 --> 01:59:10.690
Father is about to sell Aurelia
as a slave to this Englishman.

01:59:14.490 --> 01:59:16.570
Wait. Wait.

01:59:19.910 --> 01:59:21.330
Oh, no.

01:59:22.830 --> 01:59:24.700
You better not say yes, Father.

01:59:24.750 --> 01:59:27.750
Shut up, Miss Dunkin' Donut 2003.

01:59:32.880 --> 01:59:36.470
- Look, we're not actually flying.
- You can't come through.

01:59:36.550 --> 01:59:40.970
Not even to let the boy say goodbye
to the love of his life?

01:59:42.720 --> 01:59:44.640
No.

01:59:46.730 --> 01:59:49.940
- I'm sorry, Sam.
- Boarding pass, sir?

01:59:49.980 --> 01:59:53.570
Just a moment, I know I've got it.
Would you hang on to that?

01:59:53.610 --> 01:59:55.650
- Unless...
- What?

01:59:55.690 --> 01:59:58.280
- Do you want to make a run for it?
- Hold on to that.

01:59:58.320 --> 02:00:00.870
- You think I should?
- Yeah.

02:00:01.490 --> 02:00:04.620
- OK.
- Yes!

02:00:04.660 --> 02:00:09.040
I must have left them
where I was having a cup of coffee.

02:00:26.220 --> 02:00:28.980
(Beeping)

02:01:10.850 --> 02:01:13.480
(Inaudible through glass)

02:01:14.650 --> 02:01:17.070
(Chattering excitedly)

02:01:21.860 --> 02:01:24.530
Apparently he is going to kill Aurelia.

02:01:24.570 --> 02:01:26.740
Cool!

02:02:00.990 --> 02:02:03.070
Joanna.

02:02:04.110 --> 02:02:06.160
Sam?

02:02:09.450 --> 02:02:13.710
- I thought you didn't know my name.
- Course I do.

02:02:13.750 --> 02:02:17.460
Oh, Jesus. Here, I've gotta run.

02:03:09.970 --> 02:03:12.560
- (Portuguese) Where is Aurelia?
- Why should I tell you?

02:03:12.640 --> 02:03:14.640
This man wants to marry her.

02:03:14.680 --> 02:03:17.440
He can't do that - she's our best waitress.

02:03:36.370 --> 02:03:38.170
Boa noite, Aurelia.

02:03:39.710 --> 02:03:41.800
Boa noite, Jamie.

02:03:57.100 --> 02:04:00.110
Beautiful Aurelia...

02:04:00.150 --> 02:04:04.400
I've come here with a view to asking you...

02:04:05.490 --> 02:04:07.650
to marriage me.

02:04:08.990 --> 02:04:13.830
I know I seems an insane person
because I hardly knows you

02:04:15.450 --> 02:04:22.460
but sometimes things are so transparency,

02:04:23.800 --> 02:04:27.170
they don't need evidential proof.

02:04:29.090 --> 02:04:35.100
And I will inhabit here,
or you can inhabit with me in England.

02:04:35.140 --> 02:04:37.680
Definitely go for England, girl.

02:04:37.730 --> 02:04:40.980
You'll meet Prince William -
then you can marry him instead.

02:04:42.020 --> 02:04:48.030
Of course I don't expecting you
to be as foolish as me,

02:04:48.900 --> 02:04:53.620
and of course I prediction you say no...

02:04:54.700 --> 02:05:02.630
but it's Christmas
and I just wanted to... check.

02:05:06.840 --> 02:05:10.470
Oh, God - say yes, you skinny moron.

02:05:13.260 --> 02:05:15.350
(English) Thank you.

02:05:17.140 --> 02:05:19.230
That will be nice.

02:05:21.480 --> 02:05:24.270
Yes is being my answer.

02:05:25.980 --> 02:05:28.280
Easy question.

02:05:28.320 --> 02:05:30.780
(Portuguese) What did you say?

02:05:30.820 --> 02:05:32.200
Yes, of course.

02:05:32.450 --> 02:05:34.910
(Cheering)

02:05:34.950 --> 02:05:37.290
Bravo!

02:06:02.690 --> 02:06:04.810
(English) You learned English?

02:06:05.310 --> 02:06:07.520
Just in cases.

02:06:24.040 --> 02:06:26.960
(Beach Boys: God Only Knows)

02:06:41.100 --> 02:06:43.940
I may not always love you

02:06:44.890 --> 02:06:48.400
But long as there are stars above you...

02:06:48.480 --> 02:06:49.900
Hello, Daisy.

02:06:49.940 --> 02:06:52.900
- This one's Greta.
- Hello, Greta.

02:06:52.940 --> 02:06:55.320
I'll make you so sure about it...

02:06:55.360 --> 02:06:59.410
Here she is. This is Aurelia.
This is Juliet. This is Peter.

02:06:59.450 --> 02:07:02.660
- Mark, didn't see you there.
- Just thought I'd tag along.

02:07:02.700 --> 02:07:05.580
Jamie's friends are so good-Iooking.

02:07:05.710 --> 02:07:07.960
He never tells me this.

02:07:08.000 --> 02:07:11.170
I think maybe now
I have made the wrong choice,

02:07:11.210 --> 02:07:12.920
picked wrong Englishman.

02:07:12.960 --> 02:07:15.180
She can't speak English properly.

02:07:16.050 --> 02:07:18.220
(Daisy) Dad! Dad!

02:07:20.390 --> 02:07:22.060
Oh, God.

02:07:22.100 --> 02:07:25.310
- Did you get us any presents?
- Matter of fact, I did.

02:07:25.350 --> 02:07:27.810
(Bernie) Thanks, Dad.

02:07:30.320 --> 02:07:33.440
- How are you?
- I'm fine. I'm fine.

02:07:35.490 --> 02:07:37.700
Good to have you back.

02:07:37.740 --> 02:07:40.120
Come on. Home.

02:07:42.910 --> 02:07:45.000
There she is.

02:07:46.410 --> 02:07:50.170
- Hi.
- Hello.

02:07:50.210 --> 02:07:54.260
- Aw, he should have kissed her.
- No, that's cool.

02:07:56.260 --> 02:07:59.800
- All right?
- Hey. What are you two doing here?

02:07:59.840 --> 02:08:02.390
- I might get a shag at last.
- Naughty.

02:08:02.430 --> 02:08:05.890
- Got to go.
- Bye.

02:08:05.930 --> 02:08:07.890
Yahoo!

02:08:10.980 --> 02:08:13.440
Now, this is Harriet.

02:08:14.530 --> 02:08:19.240
- Hi. Really pleased to meet you.
- Hello, Harriet.

02:08:19.280 --> 02:08:23.200
I hope you don't mind,
I sort of brought my sister to stay.

02:08:24.910 --> 02:08:29.370
This is Carla. She's real friendly.

02:08:29.420 --> 02:08:31.750
Hello, you must be Tony.

02:08:33.590 --> 02:08:35.710
I heard you were gorgeous.

02:08:35.760 --> 02:08:38.590
God only knows
what I'd be without you...

02:08:38.630 --> 02:08:40.550
(Press shouting)

02:08:40.590 --> 02:08:44.260
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:08:44.350 --> 02:08:47.930
God only knows
what I'd be without you...

02:08:47.980 --> 02:08:50.440
- God, you weigh a lot.
- Oh, shut your face.

02:08:51.690 --> 02:08:55.730
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:08:55.780 --> 02:08:59.700
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:08:59.780 --> 02:09:03.620
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:03.660 --> 02:09:07.580
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:07.620 --> 02:09:11.790
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:11.830 --> 02:09:15.380
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:15.420 --> 02:09:19.590
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:19.630 --> 02:09:23.510
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:23.550 --> 02:09:27.470
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:27.520 --> 02:09:31.600
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:31.650 --> 02:09:35.440
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:35.480 --> 02:09:39.610
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:39.650 --> 02:09:43.320
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:43.370 --> 02:09:47.290
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:47.330 --> 02:09:51.210
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows

02:09:51.250 --> 02:09:56.380
God only knows what I'd be without you

02:09:58.460 --> 02:10:00.880
(Kelly Clarkson: The Trouble With Love Is)

02:10:15.270 --> 02:10:18.820
Love can be a many splendored thing

02:10:18.860 --> 02:10:22.990
Can't deny the joy it brings

02:10:23.030 --> 02:10:26.450
A dozen roses, diamond rings

02:10:26.490 --> 02:10:30.660
Dreams for sale and fairy tales

02:10:30.700 --> 02:10:34.420
It'll make you hear a symphony

02:10:34.460 --> 02:10:38.300
And you just want the world to see

02:10:38.340 --> 02:10:42.010
But like a drug that makes you blind

02:10:42.050 --> 02:10:44.340
It'll fool ya every time

02:10:44.380 --> 02:10:47.890
The trouble with love is

02:10:49.100 --> 02:10:53.230
It can tear you up inside

02:10:53.270 --> 02:10:57.190
Make your heart believe a lie

02:10:57.230 --> 02:11:00.230
It's stronger than your pride

02:11:00.280 --> 02:11:04.570
The trouble with love is

02:11:04.610 --> 02:11:08.870
It doesn't care how fast you fall

02:11:08.910 --> 02:11:12.620
And you can't refuse the call

02:11:12.660 --> 02:11:15.750
See you got no say at all

02:11:17.750 --> 02:11:21.460
Now I was once a fool, it's true

02:11:21.500 --> 02:11:25.550
I played the game by all the rules

02:11:25.590 --> 02:11:28.930
But now my world's a deeper blue

02:11:28.970 --> 02:11:32.350
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too

02:11:33.270 --> 02:11:36.440
I swore I'd never love again

02:11:37.230 --> 02:11:40.730
I swore my heart would never mend

02:11:41.320 --> 02:11:44.690
Said love wasn't worth the pain

02:11:44.740 --> 02:11:47.410
But then I hear it call my name

02:11:47.450 --> 02:11:51.790
The trouble with love is

02:11:51.870 --> 02:11:55.870
It can tear you up inside

02:11:55.910 --> 02:11:59.710
Make your heart believe a lie

02:11:59.750 --> 02:12:02.920
It's stronger than your pride

02:12:03.000 --> 02:12:07.430
The trouble with love is

02:12:07.470 --> 02:12:11.680
It doesn't care how fast you fall

02:12:11.720 --> 02:12:15.270
And you can't refuse the call

02:12:15.350 --> 02:12:18.350
See you got no say at all

02:12:21.020 --> 02:12:23.820
Every time I turn around

02:12:23.860 --> 02:12:27.490
I think I've got it all figured out

02:12:27.570 --> 02:12:31.490
My heart keeps calling
And I keep on falling

02:12:31.570 --> 02:12:35.950
Over and over again

02:12:36.000 --> 02:12:40.040
The sad story always ends the same

02:12:40.080 --> 02:12:42.920
Me standing in the pouring rain

02:12:43.880 --> 02:12:46.880
It seems no matter what I do

02:12:46.920 --> 02:12:49.760
It tears my heart in two

02:12:49.840 --> 02:12:54.850
The trouble with love is
The trouble with love

02:12:54.930 --> 02:12:58.600
It can tear you up inside
It can tear you up inside

02:12:58.640 --> 02:13:03.190
Make your heart believe a lie
Make your heart believe a lie

02:13:03.230 --> 02:13:05.570
It's stronger than your pride

02:13:05.610 --> 02:13:10.570
The trouble with love is
It's in your heart, it's in your soul

02:13:10.610 --> 02:13:13.950
It doesn't care how fast you fall
You're losing that control

02:13:13.990 --> 02:13:18.000
And you can't refuse the call

02:13:18.040 --> 02:13:21.080
See you got no say at all

02:13:21.120 --> 02:13:26.050
The trouble with love is
Ooh, yeah

02:13:26.090 --> 02:13:30.300
It can tear you up inside
Ooh

02:13:30.340 --> 02:13:32.430
(Girls Aloud: Jump)

02:13:37.470 --> 02:13:42.980
Your eyes tell me how you want me

02:13:43.020 --> 02:13:46.480
I can feel it in your heartbeat

02:13:46.520 --> 02:13:50.240
You're so excited
I can feel you getting hotter

02:13:50.280 --> 02:13:52.070
Oh baby

02:13:52.110 --> 02:13:56.790
I'll take you down, I'll take you down

02:13:56.830 --> 02:13:59.290
Where no one's ever gone before

02:13:59.330 --> 02:14:01.250
And if you want more

02:14:01.290 --> 02:14:05.420
If you want more, more, more

02:14:05.460 --> 02:14:09.090
Then jump for my love

02:14:09.130 --> 02:14:10.920
Jump in

02:14:10.970 --> 02:14:12.930
And feel my touch

02:14:12.970 --> 02:14:16.260
Jump
If you want to taste my kisses in the night

02:14:16.300 --> 02:14:20.480
Then jump for my love

02:14:20.560 --> 02:14:23.440
I know my heart
I know my heart can make you happy

02:14:23.560 --> 02:14:27.150
Jump in
You know these arms can fill you up

02:14:27.190 --> 02:14:30.650
Jump
If you want to taste my kisses in the night

02:14:30.740 --> 02:14:34.410
Then jump for my love

02:14:34.434 --> 02:14:54.434
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