WEBVTT

00:00:00.030 --> 00:00:20.030
..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

00:00:28.654 --> 00:00:34.366
to Ingrid

00:00:40.332 --> 00:00:46.829
Marianne shows
her photos

00:01:03.730 --> 00:01:07.724
Johan became
a multimillionaire in his old age.

00:01:08.068 --> 00:01:10.310
A very old Danish aunt

00:01:10.445 --> 00:01:13.813
who'd once been
a world-famous opera singer

00:01:14.032 --> 00:01:18.026
left her fortune to Johan.

00:01:19.079 --> 00:01:23.494
When he found himself
financially independent,

00:01:23.917 --> 00:01:26.660
he left his job at the university.

00:01:28.338 --> 00:01:33.959
He bought
his grandparents' summerhouse...

00:01:34.761 --> 00:01:37.674
a ramshackle,
turn-of-the-century villa

00:01:37.806 --> 00:01:40.469
in the wilderness near Orsa.

00:01:43.604 --> 00:01:46.938
He and I have had no contact...

00:01:47.816 --> 00:01:51.105
no contact at all, for many years.

00:01:53.113 --> 00:01:56.777
Our daughters are far away...

00:01:57.284 --> 00:01:59.196
even from me.

00:02:00.871 --> 00:02:03.739
Martha lives in a home,

00:02:03.874 --> 00:02:07.788
sinking ever deeper
into the isolation of her disease.

00:02:07.961 --> 00:02:11.875
I visit her now and then,
but she doesn't recognize me.

00:02:12.674 --> 00:02:18.215
And Sara married a successful lawyer.

00:02:18.347 --> 00:02:20.714
They moved to Australia,

00:02:20.849 --> 00:02:24.217
where they work for a prestigious firm.

00:02:24.394 --> 00:02:26.351
They have no children.

00:02:29.274 --> 00:02:30.936
Myself?

00:02:35.113 --> 00:02:38.106
I'm still active in my profession,

00:02:38.325 --> 00:02:41.659
but at the pace I choose.

00:02:41.953 --> 00:02:45.242
Mostly family disputes and divorces.

00:02:52.923 --> 00:02:55.666
I've been thinking I ought to go...

00:02:56.843 --> 00:02:58.300
visit Johan.

00:02:59.262 --> 00:03:01.504
ONE

00:03:01.848 --> 00:03:04.932
Marianne puts
her plan into action

00:05:43.343 --> 00:05:46.211
For a long time now I've been thinking...

00:05:47.055 --> 00:05:49.342
I ought to come visit Johan.

00:05:54.563 --> 00:05:56.771
And now I'm actually here.

00:05:59.526 --> 00:06:02.314
He's sitting out there on the veranda.

00:06:03.947 --> 00:06:05.859
And I've stood here...

00:06:06.449 --> 00:06:10.363
watching him and hesitating...

00:06:11.204 --> 00:06:13.366
for at least ten minutes.

00:06:16.710 --> 00:06:21.876
Perhaps I should have ignored
this completely irrational impulse.

00:06:22.799 --> 00:06:24.711
I mean this trip.

00:06:27.095 --> 00:06:31.089
I actually don't like irrational impulses.

00:06:31.224 --> 00:06:34.058
I'm really not the impulsive type at all.

00:06:34.728 --> 00:06:36.765
But here I am.

00:06:40.066 --> 00:06:43.400
So I have to make up my mind.

00:06:43.570 --> 00:06:46.984
Either I walk quietly back to my car

00:06:47.115 --> 00:06:50.074
parked down by the road...

00:06:51.912 --> 00:06:55.405
or I walk up to him.

00:06:56.124 --> 00:06:58.286
Of course...

00:06:58.668 --> 00:07:03.584
I could just stand here a bit longer

00:07:03.924 --> 00:07:07.292
and allow my confusion to run riot.

00:07:08.011 --> 00:07:09.923
But not too long.

00:07:11.514 --> 00:07:13.756
One more minute.

00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:22.603
This minute is taking its sweet time.

00:07:26.279 --> 00:07:28.612
Thirty-three seconds...

00:07:33.745 --> 00:07:36.362
Forty-seven seconds...

00:07:41.962 --> 00:07:44.375
Fifty-five seconds.

00:08:12.283 --> 00:08:15.492
- Did I wake you up?
- It's you, Marianne!

00:08:15.996 --> 00:08:17.487
Hello.

00:08:17.664 --> 00:08:20.156
No, don't get up.

00:08:21.960 --> 00:08:24.418
Typical, sneaking up on me.

00:08:24.546 --> 00:08:27.038
I wasn't sneaking up on you at all.

00:08:27.674 --> 00:08:32.009
We haven't seen each other
in 30 years... 32 years.

00:08:32.804 --> 00:08:36.514
- We just lost track of each other.
- That's only natural.

00:08:36.641 --> 00:08:38.598
People start out together,

00:08:38.727 --> 00:08:41.811
then they part ways
and talk on the phone,

00:08:41.980 --> 00:08:44.973
and finally there's silence.
- It's so sad.

00:08:45.316 --> 00:08:47.933
- Is that a reproach?
- Not at all.

00:08:48.069 --> 00:08:51.028
We just had nothing
to say to each other.

00:08:51.364 --> 00:08:55.324
Then you suddenly call
and say you want to visit.

00:08:56.286 --> 00:08:59.120
You didn't sound very enthusiastic.

00:08:59.289 --> 00:09:01.531
Enthusiastic? I said no.

00:09:01.708 --> 00:09:03.449
I still say no.

00:09:03.585 --> 00:09:07.829
I don't want this.
But you don't give a damn.

00:09:07.964 --> 00:09:10.126
I had to come!

00:09:10.425 --> 00:09:12.382
May I ask why?

00:09:12.552 --> 00:09:14.544
I'm not telling.

00:09:15.055 --> 00:09:16.637
You're laughing.

00:09:17.098 --> 00:09:18.805
Johan...

00:09:20.393 --> 00:09:23.682
I drove 200 miles...

00:09:24.189 --> 00:09:28.024
and managed to find
your lair deep in the forest.

00:09:28.610 --> 00:09:33.150
But now that I've seen you,
kissed you, and spoken to you,

00:09:33.281 --> 00:09:35.238
I can go.

00:09:35.450 --> 00:09:37.066
No, you can't.

00:09:38.411 --> 00:09:40.277
I can't?

00:09:40.747 --> 00:09:44.582
- You have to at least stay for dinner.
- Why?

00:09:44.709 --> 00:09:47.497
I told Miss Nilsson a week ago

00:09:47.629 --> 00:09:51.418
that an ex-wife would be
visiting this Thursday.

00:09:51.549 --> 00:09:55.589
I can't suddenly say
there's to be no dinner.

00:09:55.929 --> 00:09:58.512
She'll be mad as hell.

00:09:58.765 --> 00:10:03.476
- Who is Miss Nilsson?
- Agda. Agda Nilsson.

00:10:03.728 --> 00:10:05.390
Are you a couple?

00:10:08.024 --> 00:10:10.266
Good God in heaven!

00:10:10.610 --> 00:10:12.897
No, Lord protect us.

00:10:15.323 --> 00:10:19.943
You two live out here all alone
deep in the forest?

00:10:20.495 --> 00:10:23.283
Miss Nilsson lives down in the village.

00:10:23.623 --> 00:10:28.118
She spends four hours a day here
cooking and cleaning,

00:10:28.294 --> 00:10:30.832
and then she goes home.

00:10:31.381 --> 00:10:34.499
She's religious and mean-spirited.

00:10:35.135 --> 00:10:37.627
So it's not exactly a romantic idyll.

00:10:38.596 --> 00:10:41.464
I'm actually afraid of the old bitch.

00:10:41.683 --> 00:10:43.800
- Afraid of her?
- Yes.

00:10:43.977 --> 00:10:48.563
She got it in her head somehow
we'd be getting married.

00:10:48.731 --> 00:10:50.723
Anyway, stay for dinner.

00:10:50.859 --> 00:10:53.476
She made up the guest room too,

00:10:53.611 --> 00:10:56.479
so she expects
you'll be spending the night.

00:10:59.242 --> 00:11:01.529
I suppose I better accept.

00:11:02.704 --> 00:11:06.163
I have such a confounded time
getting out of this chair!

00:11:06.332 --> 00:11:08.619
No, don't help!

00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:11.831
What is it, Johan?

00:11:13.882 --> 00:11:16.124
I intend to give you a hug.

00:11:16.301 --> 00:11:18.714
Give me a hug?

00:11:29.189 --> 00:11:31.431
Damn you, Johan!

00:11:34.652 --> 00:11:37.315
You damned old fool!

00:11:37.572 --> 00:11:40.485
- And how old are you?
- Me?

00:11:41.826 --> 00:11:44.614
- I don't know. Do you?
- Eighty-six.

00:11:44.913 --> 00:11:47.576
Not you! Me!

00:11:47.707 --> 00:11:50.871
Fifty-five... or so.

00:11:53.379 --> 00:11:56.543
I'm 63.

00:11:56.716 --> 00:11:59.379
Really? That old?

00:12:01.471 --> 00:12:07.217
And they took out
my ovaries and uterus.

00:12:08.895 --> 00:12:10.636
Does that bother you?

00:12:11.439 --> 00:12:13.897
Yes... sometimes.

00:12:14.776 --> 00:12:16.267
Let's sit on the bench.

00:12:17.737 --> 00:12:20.104
It's so beautiful here.

00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.402
"Where such beauty
is itself revealing,

00:12:22.533 --> 00:12:25.526
in all that lives,
in all creation stealing,

00:12:25.745 --> 00:12:29.455
what must the Source be, the Giver?
Beauty forever."

00:12:30.124 --> 00:12:32.787
You can recite from the hymnal!

00:12:32.919 --> 00:12:34.751
Grandma taught me.

00:12:34.921 --> 00:12:37.789
And Granddad rewarded me
with tin soldiers.

00:12:43.012 --> 00:12:45.550
We can enjoy the view...

00:12:45.682 --> 00:12:48.140
and hold hands if we like.

00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:50.391
Hold hands?

00:12:50.520 --> 00:12:54.264
- Didn't we do that in the old days?
- I guess we did.

00:12:54.607 --> 00:12:56.599
I haven't held anyone's hand since...

00:12:56.859 --> 00:12:59.602
I guess I've stopped holding hands!

00:13:04.450 --> 00:13:07.693
You certainly have a beautiful view.

00:13:08.913 --> 00:13:12.327
Can you see
the lake cottage from here?

00:13:12.750 --> 00:13:15.788
You can see the light
reflected off it there,

00:13:15.962 --> 00:13:17.999
beyond the rocks.

00:13:18.965 --> 00:13:21.799
I passed by it on my way here.

00:13:22.135 --> 00:13:23.967
It looks inhabited.

00:13:24.137 --> 00:13:27.426
- You might say that.
- What's that tone of voice?

00:13:27.557 --> 00:13:29.924
Henrik lives there.

00:13:30.059 --> 00:13:33.769
Yes, Henrik, my dear son.
Mr. Assistant Professor.

00:13:34.439 --> 00:13:37.273
So you two are finally talking.

00:13:37.483 --> 00:13:39.145
Not exactly.

00:13:39.652 --> 00:13:41.860
I got a brief letter

00:13:41.988 --> 00:13:45.277
announcing that he'd be
moving in there for the summer.

00:13:45.616 --> 00:13:49.155
He and his daughter Karin
have been there since late April.

00:13:50.330 --> 00:13:54.199
Doesn't sound like
a thriving interaction.

00:13:54.334 --> 00:13:58.795
Polite conversation if we happen
to cross paths, and that's it.

00:13:59.422 --> 00:14:01.789
Fat little Henrik!

00:14:02.175 --> 00:14:05.839
- He must be...
- Sixty-one.

00:14:05.970 --> 00:14:09.304
- My God!
- You can say that again.

00:14:11.851 --> 00:14:14.343
And his daughter, Karin?

00:14:14.562 --> 00:14:16.349
Karin is 19.

00:14:17.273 --> 00:14:20.107
Her mother died of cancer
two years ago.

00:14:20.902 --> 00:14:23.519
Anna...

00:14:24.697 --> 00:14:25.733
Tell me.

00:14:26.657 --> 00:14:29.445
Anna and Henrik
were married for 20 years.

00:14:29.869 --> 00:14:32.907
He's never gotten over her death.

00:14:33.664 --> 00:14:35.951
He took an early retirement.

00:14:37.543 --> 00:14:41.708
From what I hear,
they were happy to be rid of him.

00:14:41.881 --> 00:14:44.965
He claims he was
"exploited, mistreated, and persecuted."

00:14:47.470 --> 00:14:50.884
- Like you at one point.
- Me? No.

00:14:51.057 --> 00:14:56.598
Sure, I got tangled up in some
of the usual academic hullabaloo.

00:14:57.397 --> 00:15:02.233
But my honorary doctorate
from the University of Michigan

00:15:02.402 --> 00:15:04.234
put an end to all that.

00:15:04.404 --> 00:15:06.987
We were talking about Henrik.

00:15:07.115 --> 00:15:11.951
He heads an orchestra called
the Uppsala Chamber Soloists.

00:15:12.370 --> 00:15:15.078
But I hear he'll be quitting that too.

00:15:15.248 --> 00:15:19.367
- He has to do something.
- I think he's writing a book.

00:15:21.921 --> 00:15:23.503
And the daughter, Karin?

00:15:25.258 --> 00:15:27.921
Karin also plays the cello.

00:15:28.052 --> 00:15:30.669
She's auditioning
for the conservatory this fall.

00:15:30.972 --> 00:15:33.009
Henrik is her instructor.

00:15:33.433 --> 00:15:37.393
They sit down there
in the cottage with their cellos

00:15:37.520 --> 00:15:39.557
day after day.

00:15:40.648 --> 00:15:43.015
I can tell you she's beautiful...

00:15:43.443 --> 00:15:45.150
like her mother.

00:15:56.706 --> 00:15:59.699
And our daughters?
I know nothing about them.

00:16:03.671 --> 00:16:06.630
Sara moved to Australia.

00:16:08.801 --> 00:16:10.087
Yes, Australia.

00:16:10.303 --> 00:16:14.343
She certainly escaped
the parental reach.

00:16:15.683 --> 00:16:19.302
I happen to get letters and phone calls.

00:16:20.480 --> 00:16:22.267
She's doing well.

00:16:22.398 --> 00:16:24.640
A good law firm, a good husband.

00:16:25.318 --> 00:16:28.061
She's happy with her life.

00:16:28.613 --> 00:16:30.104
And poor Martha?

00:16:32.658 --> 00:16:36.151
Martha is sinking further and further.

00:16:37.079 --> 00:16:39.196
She doesn't recognize me.

00:16:39.916 --> 00:16:43.375
She's no longer conscious

00:16:43.503 --> 00:16:45.586
in our sense of the word.

00:16:49.926 --> 00:16:51.337
And you?

00:16:51.677 --> 00:16:53.589
I can't complain.

00:16:54.430 --> 00:16:57.548
But sometimes I look
at my voluntary isolation here

00:16:57.683 --> 00:16:59.766
and think I'm in hell,

00:16:59.894 --> 00:17:02.978
that I've died and just don't realize it.

00:17:03.606 --> 00:17:07.816
But I live a comfortable life.
No cause for complaint.

00:17:07.944 --> 00:17:12.655
I go back and forth over my past,
now that I have the answer sheet.

00:17:12.782 --> 00:17:14.569
Doesn't sound like much fun.

00:17:14.867 --> 00:17:18.360
That's just it. It's no fun at all.

00:17:18.496 --> 00:17:22.240
But who the hell said
hell was supposed to be fun?

00:17:23.334 --> 00:17:27.578
What does this
"answer sheet" of yours say?

00:17:27.880 --> 00:17:31.419
- You really want to know?
- I asked, didn't I?

00:17:31.592 --> 00:17:34.551
It says my life has been shit.

00:17:34.971 --> 00:17:39.511
A stupid and thoroughly
meaningless life.

00:17:40.560 --> 00:17:44.053
Is our marriage part of your hell?

00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:46.517
According to your answer sheet.

00:17:46.732 --> 00:17:49.315
To be honest, yes.

00:17:49.443 --> 00:17:51.230
Sorry to hear that.

00:17:51.445 --> 00:17:55.064
An old priest once told me
that a good relationship

00:17:55.241 --> 00:17:58.325
between a man and a woman
has two components:

00:17:58.452 --> 00:18:01.741
a good friendship
and unshakable eroticism.

00:18:02.373 --> 00:18:06.083
No one can say
you and I weren't good friends.

00:18:06.335 --> 00:18:08.327
Solid friends.

00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:13.003
- It was a good friendship.
- Absolutely.

00:18:14.176 --> 00:18:16.509
You were unfaithful.

00:18:17.054 --> 00:18:19.762
I was so...
- I was too.

00:18:20.558 --> 00:18:22.925
- So sad.
- That was long ago.

00:18:23.060 --> 00:18:26.019
- It's still painful.
- Not for me.

00:18:26.647 --> 00:18:29.481
No, I suppose not.

00:18:31.235 --> 00:18:33.192
Dearest Marianne.

00:18:33.988 --> 00:18:35.650
So you say.

00:18:36.115 --> 00:18:37.981
Yes, so I say.

00:18:39.201 --> 00:18:42.365
It's so nice sitting here with you...

00:18:42.997 --> 00:18:47.162
with you holding my hand
as we look at the lovely view...

00:18:47.460 --> 00:18:50.669
and refrain from talk of painful things.

00:18:51.672 --> 00:18:54.790
You're the one holding my hand.

00:18:55.509 --> 00:18:57.466
Shit! Dinner!

00:18:57.595 --> 00:18:59.336
You look terrified!

00:18:59.472 --> 00:19:02.340
Miss Nilsson will be furious
if we're late.

00:19:02.642 --> 00:19:05.385
Johan, I need to freshen up.

00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:08.557
I have to get my bag from the car!

00:19:20.993 --> 00:19:22.279
I'm sorry I came...

00:19:23.162 --> 00:19:24.698
TWO

00:19:24.997 --> 00:19:29.833
Almost a week
has passed

00:19:36.258 --> 00:19:38.090
Are you Karin?

00:19:38.344 --> 00:19:41.212
You want to speak
to your grandfather?

00:19:41.639 --> 00:19:45.553
He and Miss Nilsson
went to the dentist.

00:19:45.685 --> 00:19:47.677
They'll be back tonight.

00:19:49.855 --> 00:19:53.269
I'm Marianne. I was once
married to your grandfather.

00:19:53.401 --> 00:19:56.360
I'm visiting.
- I know.

00:19:57.530 --> 00:19:59.362
Come sit down.

00:20:05.371 --> 00:20:08.785
If you want, you can help me
clean these mushrooms.

00:20:08.916 --> 00:20:11.124
Here's a knife.

00:20:16.507 --> 00:20:20.547
If you like, we can talk.
Or we can just sit together.

00:20:22.221 --> 00:20:24.884
You must know Henrik, my dad.

00:20:25.558 --> 00:20:29.302
I've said hello,
but I can't really say

00:20:29.437 --> 00:20:31.224
I know him.

00:20:31.355 --> 00:20:34.473
- My mother is dead.
- I know.

00:20:34.900 --> 00:20:36.812
She died two years ago.

00:20:38.612 --> 00:20:40.695
Your grandfather told me about her.

00:20:42.241 --> 00:20:46.736
Dad retired and now
he's devoting himself to music.

00:20:47.538 --> 00:20:48.904
The cello, right?

00:20:49.540 --> 00:20:53.830
- He's writing on Bach's St. John Passion.
- And you play cello too?

00:20:55.921 --> 00:20:58.584
I hope to get into the conservatory.

00:21:00.468 --> 00:21:02.551
Your dad is the teacher,

00:21:02.678 --> 00:21:04.590
and you're the student.

00:21:07.266 --> 00:21:08.677
Exactly.

00:21:13.189 --> 00:21:16.148
You want to talk about it?

00:21:16.442 --> 00:21:20.937
Do you know Paul Hindemith's
Cello Sonata, Opus 25?

00:21:21.781 --> 00:21:24.899
I know absolutely nothing
about music.

00:21:25.159 --> 00:21:30.029
Dad wants me to play it
for the audition, but it's too hard!

00:21:30.164 --> 00:21:31.951
But he doesn't think so?

00:21:32.208 --> 00:21:35.417
How were you in the days
just before a period?

00:21:38.088 --> 00:21:40.455
I was a premenstrual monster.

00:21:41.467 --> 00:21:45.086
I'd go to sleep an angel
the night before...

00:21:45.554 --> 00:21:48.888
and wake up a devil.

00:21:49.016 --> 00:21:53.306
My brain turns to mush.
And I have trouble waking up.

00:21:53.521 --> 00:21:55.979
Dad is a typical morning person.

00:21:56.524 --> 00:22:00.518
- And this morning you had a lesson?
- Did we ever!

00:22:00.653 --> 00:22:03.487
I wore my nightgown in protest

00:22:03.781 --> 00:22:05.989
and yawned now and then.

00:22:06.992 --> 00:22:11.487
We worked on the fourth movement.
That damn Hindemith wrote:

00:22:11.664 --> 00:22:18.503
<i>"Lebhafte Viertel ohne jeden Ausdruck
und stets pianissimo."</i>

00:22:18.671 --> 00:22:22.381
You understand?
- Sounds hard, whatever it is.

00:22:22.842 --> 00:22:25.676
So I sat there
with my brain a mush,

00:22:25.845 --> 00:22:28.337
trying to be
<i>lebhaft ohne Ausdruck.</i>

00:22:29.306 --> 00:22:34.518
I begged Dad to let me off the hook,
but he was impossible.

00:22:34.687 --> 00:22:38.931
He made me play
the same measures at least 20 times!

00:22:39.108 --> 00:22:41.816
Finally I said calmly,
controlling my anger...

00:22:41.944 --> 00:22:45.062
"I don't give a shit about this!"

00:22:45.197 --> 00:22:49.567
I said it wasn't a lesson,
it was animal torture.

00:22:49.869 --> 00:22:51.656
Henrik was angry too,

00:22:51.787 --> 00:22:55.406
but he laughed and said
to start again from the top,

00:22:55.541 --> 00:22:57.453
where it says...

00:22:57.585 --> 00:23:01.499
<i>"Lebhaft, sehr markiert,
mit festen Bogenstrichen."</i>

00:23:01.630 --> 00:23:04.794
But I was so pissed off,
I messed it up.

00:23:04.925 --> 00:23:07.338
He said I screwed up on purpose.

00:23:07.469 --> 00:23:11.884
So I said
he was clueless as a teacher,

00:23:12.057 --> 00:23:14.390
which was terribly unfair of me.

00:23:14.560 --> 00:23:18.930
Dad is the most patient, sensitive,
caring teacher there is.

00:23:19.231 --> 00:23:23.396
He said it wasn't about his teaching

00:23:23.652 --> 00:23:28.067
but about will and discipline,
and that I was lazy!

00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:30.698
He said I was lazy!

00:23:34.413 --> 00:23:37.997
So I got up
and carefully set the cello aside,

00:23:38.125 --> 00:23:40.583
because my whole body
was shaking.

00:23:41.045 --> 00:23:43.788
I said, "We're done for today.

00:23:44.048 --> 00:23:47.337
I'm going for a walk by myself!"

00:23:56.101 --> 00:23:57.888
He turned pale.

00:23:58.604 --> 00:24:00.812
I've never seen him like that.

00:24:02.900 --> 00:24:04.482
He said...

00:24:04.610 --> 00:24:07.148
"You're not leaving this room."

00:24:08.614 --> 00:24:12.574
I just put on my boots
and headed for the door.

00:24:13.953 --> 00:24:18.573
I didn't hear him coming after me,
but he grabbed my shoulders...

00:24:19.291 --> 00:24:21.749
You're not leaving!

00:24:24.755 --> 00:24:27.463
You're not leaving!

00:26:22.706 --> 00:26:24.868
<i>I sat and cried.</i>

00:26:26.835 --> 00:26:28.451
And I said...

00:26:29.505 --> 00:26:31.167
"Never again.

00:26:31.882 --> 00:26:33.669
Never again.

00:26:34.176 --> 00:26:35.963
Never again."

00:26:37.429 --> 00:26:40.843
I cried and cried until I felt empty.

00:26:44.770 --> 00:26:46.432
Then I thought...

00:26:46.647 --> 00:26:49.515
"I'll go beg Grandfather to help me

00:26:49.650 --> 00:26:53.439
get away from that lunatic!"

00:26:53.570 --> 00:26:58.440
I'd tell Grandfather
that I've put up with lots of things

00:26:58.700 --> 00:27:00.692
but that I've had enough.

00:27:01.078 --> 00:27:04.367
Now the old man
can take care of his crazy son

00:27:04.498 --> 00:27:08.833
and send him to the funny farm
or report him to the police

00:27:08.961 --> 00:27:10.793
or kill him!

00:27:18.637 --> 00:27:22.631
Then I realized
that from this point on...

00:27:23.267 --> 00:27:25.304
I know nothing.

00:27:27.437 --> 00:27:30.020
I know nothing about my life...

00:27:30.440 --> 00:27:34.980
what I'm going to do or be.

00:27:39.158 --> 00:27:44.870
I thought about how Mom
is hopelessly dead and gone...

00:27:45.622 --> 00:27:48.956
and how I can't ask her
about anything anymore.

00:27:50.335 --> 00:27:55.330
At that point I had
such an attack of self-pity

00:27:55.465 --> 00:27:57.798
that I started bawling again.

00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:10.933
You're probably thinking
I'm very high-strung...

00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:14.683
but that's precisely what I'm not.

00:28:14.818 --> 00:28:17.856
- You think Henrik is suicidal?
- What's that mean?

00:28:18.030 --> 00:28:21.569
- That he might kill himself.
- Dad? Kill himself?

00:28:21.783 --> 00:28:27.120
In an extreme situation
like what you describe,

00:28:27.497 --> 00:28:29.363
might he harm himself?

00:28:29.541 --> 00:28:32.534
You know, to be honest...

00:28:33.212 --> 00:28:36.046
I don't know my dad very well.

00:28:36.673 --> 00:28:39.290
I just know that deep down he's...

00:28:39.718 --> 00:28:41.550
well, a good man.

00:28:42.387 --> 00:28:44.800
Or else Mom would never have...

00:28:46.725 --> 00:28:48.887
Mom loved him, you know.

00:28:49.353 --> 00:28:51.265
They loved each other.

00:28:52.105 --> 00:28:54.563
And I guess I was sort of...

00:28:55.150 --> 00:28:58.063
shut out of that love.

00:28:59.238 --> 00:29:03.198
Or so I think
when I'm feeling sorry for myself

00:29:03.325 --> 00:29:05.408
and my boyfriends seem so dreary.

00:29:06.745 --> 00:29:10.910
Why can't I feel
a love like my mother's?

00:29:15.003 --> 00:29:19.998
Were you afraid your dad
might kill himself after her death?

00:29:20.259 --> 00:29:24.094
I never gave him
and his tragedy much thought.

00:29:25.597 --> 00:29:30.058
But I tried to take care of Mom
as much as she'd let me.

00:29:32.145 --> 00:29:36.105
She was never much of a talker.

00:29:38.610 --> 00:29:41.444
But on one of her last days...

00:29:41.905 --> 00:29:45.990
She was usually half asleep
from all the morphine.

00:29:48.537 --> 00:29:52.201
On one of her last days,
as I sat beside her...

00:29:52.374 --> 00:29:55.333
she opened her eyes
and looked at me...

00:29:55.711 --> 00:29:58.203
and said very clearly...

00:30:01.466 --> 00:30:03.503
"You know I love you.

00:30:06.305 --> 00:30:09.093
You know I love you, Karin."

00:30:15.355 --> 00:30:18.314
My mom never used
that kind of language.

00:30:20.777 --> 00:30:24.566
Many years ago
Dad once said jokingly...

00:30:25.240 --> 00:30:27.948
"Anna never says I love you...

00:30:28.285 --> 00:30:31.995
but she continually performs
acts of love."

00:30:37.169 --> 00:30:40.583
What if Grandfather
and Miss Nilsson walked in now?

00:30:40.714 --> 00:30:42.501
That's okay.

00:30:42.674 --> 00:30:44.882
I have another bottle.

00:30:58.690 --> 00:31:01.683
I can't see you married to Grandpa.

00:31:02.152 --> 00:31:04.189
Is that so strange?

00:31:04.654 --> 00:31:07.067
I'm having a hard time imagining it.

00:31:08.033 --> 00:31:11.526
What kind of person is
this Johan of yours?

00:31:11.661 --> 00:31:13.402
Good question.

00:31:14.164 --> 00:31:15.905
Did you love him?

00:31:16.833 --> 00:31:19.667
I've pondered that question
my whole life.

00:31:19.795 --> 00:31:22.037
Was it that difficult?

00:31:23.048 --> 00:31:26.632
We were married 16 years.

00:31:26.968 --> 00:31:28.960
Then we got divorced.

00:31:29.096 --> 00:31:33.431
He'd found someone else...
some feather-brain named Paula.

00:31:34.976 --> 00:31:37.059
I remarried.

00:31:37.229 --> 00:31:40.722
He was a real bore, a glider pilot.

00:31:41.358 --> 00:31:45.568
One day he glided off,
quiet as could be.

00:31:46.071 --> 00:31:48.358
He was never found again.

00:31:53.370 --> 00:31:55.487
For some reason...

00:31:55.622 --> 00:31:59.081
Johan and I got back together
for several years.

00:31:59.793 --> 00:32:01.625
Then I found out...

00:32:01.753 --> 00:32:05.463
he'd taken up with another woman...

00:32:05.590 --> 00:32:07.957
a real slut.

00:32:08.385 --> 00:32:11.924
I was angry and hurt,
and I broke up with him.

00:32:12.931 --> 00:32:16.766
I suddenly realized I'd been
the world's most deceived

00:32:16.935 --> 00:32:21.646
and cheated-on wife and lover ever.

00:32:22.232 --> 00:32:28.229
Johan was notoriously
and compulsively unfaithful.

00:32:28.572 --> 00:32:30.859
You mean my grandfather...

00:32:30.991 --> 00:32:33.529
He was a full-blown liar.

00:32:34.161 --> 00:32:36.244
And he wrote poems.

00:32:37.330 --> 00:32:41.290
A volume got published,
but it was never successful.

00:32:41.418 --> 00:32:45.207
- My grandfather wrote verse?
- Yes!

00:32:45.338 --> 00:32:47.751
Even love poems to me.

00:32:48.341 --> 00:32:50.458
- Did you keep them?
- No.

00:32:50.719 --> 00:32:52.176
But you loved him?

00:32:58.810 --> 00:33:04.181
I was so terribly naive.

00:33:04.524 --> 00:33:09.644
I think it would be impossible today
to be as childish

00:33:09.821 --> 00:33:13.861
and at the same time
such an incredible know-it-all!

00:33:19.789 --> 00:33:22.031
I think I loved him.

00:33:24.669 --> 00:33:27.002
Utterly, without reservation.

00:33:27.881 --> 00:33:30.089
You never suspected?

00:33:30.675 --> 00:33:32.587
Not for a second.

00:33:34.387 --> 00:33:37.175
What made you come here suddenly?

00:33:38.683 --> 00:33:40.925
I don't really know.

00:33:43.188 --> 00:33:45.771
You still love him!

00:33:46.858 --> 00:33:48.599
Don't you?

00:33:48.944 --> 00:33:52.358
If you had to be completely honest...

00:33:59.246 --> 00:34:01.533
I hear people say...

00:34:02.874 --> 00:34:06.333
that Johan's like this or like that.

00:34:06.461 --> 00:34:08.874
Mostly unkind things.

00:34:11.591 --> 00:34:15.631
But I don't know
the Johan they're talking about.

00:34:17.597 --> 00:34:20.340
I've always thought he was a good man.

00:34:21.393 --> 00:34:24.807
Almost helplessly good.

00:34:25.397 --> 00:34:28.014
It was so easy to hurt him.

00:34:28.733 --> 00:34:31.271
He could never defend himself.

00:34:37.492 --> 00:34:39.575
I think Johan...

00:34:41.913 --> 00:34:44.371
is a touching human being.

00:34:48.378 --> 00:34:50.745
He's touching.

00:34:51.673 --> 00:34:53.164
Are you crying?

00:34:53.758 --> 00:34:55.465
A little.

00:34:57.137 --> 00:34:58.628
For Grandfather?

00:35:05.061 --> 00:35:06.927
I'm crying...

00:35:08.064 --> 00:35:09.976
for Johan and Marianne.

00:35:10.775 --> 00:35:12.437
I understand.

00:35:16.948 --> 00:35:19.110
This is crazy.

00:35:31.129 --> 00:35:33.371
My dear girl, tell me:

00:35:37.302 --> 00:35:40.636
What will you do now?
- Go back to Henrik.

00:35:41.014 --> 00:35:42.801
You sure that's wise?

00:35:42.974 --> 00:35:45.637
It has nothing to do with being wise.

00:35:46.603 --> 00:35:48.936
I'll be here a few more days.

00:35:49.064 --> 00:35:51.147
Let me know what happens.

00:35:52.817 --> 00:35:54.900
You can count on it.

00:36:04.996 --> 00:36:06.578
THREE

00:36:06.706 --> 00:36:10.666
About Anna

00:36:25.016 --> 00:36:27.599
That can't ever happen again.

00:36:28.478 --> 00:36:31.061
Ever.
- Ever.

00:36:32.232 --> 00:36:34.224
We must have a serious talk.

00:36:34.359 --> 00:36:39.024
We don't need to talk.
We both know how everything is.

00:36:39.197 --> 00:36:41.985
Nothing needs to be worked out.

00:36:42.117 --> 00:36:44.200
I'm glad it's so simple!

00:36:47.163 --> 00:36:51.077
I was scared to death.
I can't put it any other way.

00:36:51.751 --> 00:36:53.538
Scared to death.

00:36:53.670 --> 00:36:56.162
Do you understand? Do you?

00:36:56.297 --> 00:36:59.210
I'm very tired. I'm going to bed.

00:37:06.224 --> 00:37:09.558
- Are you asleep?
- No.

00:37:28.872 --> 00:37:31.956
I had a similar situation
with Anna once.

00:37:36.212 --> 00:37:40.001
We weren't married then,
but we were living together.

00:37:43.762 --> 00:37:46.095
I may have been a little drunk.

00:37:47.515 --> 00:37:50.098
I let loose with a bunch of nasty shit

00:37:50.268 --> 00:37:52.510
about the goddamn university...

00:37:53.313 --> 00:37:56.431
about my colleagues
and our working conditions.

00:37:56.941 --> 00:38:01.481
And of course about my father,
the old bastard.

00:38:04.616 --> 00:38:06.699
Anna didn't say a word,

00:38:07.076 --> 00:38:09.693
which got me even more riled up.

00:38:11.748 --> 00:38:13.740
I remember thinking...

00:38:15.502 --> 00:38:18.119
"What's she thinking about...

00:38:18.296 --> 00:38:21.380
mending her skirt there by the lamp?

00:38:23.134 --> 00:38:25.000
What's she thinking?

00:38:25.804 --> 00:38:30.674
Probably that I'm unbearable."

00:38:32.602 --> 00:38:34.719
And then she said it.

00:38:36.397 --> 00:38:39.105
"When you go on like that, I think...

00:38:39.317 --> 00:38:42.560
'That's not the man I plan to marry."'

00:38:46.699 --> 00:38:51.615
Then she went into the hall
to get her coat and leave.

00:38:52.247 --> 00:38:57.493
I went mad with fear or something.
I just went mad.

00:38:59.712 --> 00:39:01.954
I tried to stop her.

00:39:02.257 --> 00:39:05.375
She didn't move...

00:39:07.011 --> 00:39:11.381
but a message passed
from her body to mine.

00:39:12.475 --> 00:39:15.138
It said, "I'm leaving.

00:39:17.605 --> 00:39:20.268
I'm leaving you."

00:39:25.572 --> 00:39:28.690
Then I said,
in a voice I didn't recognize...

00:39:29.701 --> 00:39:31.658
"No one leaves me.

00:39:33.705 --> 00:39:38.450
No one walks out on me.

00:39:40.044 --> 00:39:43.333
No one turns around...

00:39:43.882 --> 00:39:47.592
and leaves me."

00:39:54.642 --> 00:39:57.476
And I sat down on the floor
and thought...

00:39:58.313 --> 00:40:00.305
"It's over."

00:40:01.566 --> 00:40:04.104
I closed my eyes and thought...

00:40:05.028 --> 00:40:08.817
"Anna's leaving,
and she's never coming back."

00:40:13.286 --> 00:40:17.405
But then I heard her
rummaging around in the kitchen.

00:40:18.625 --> 00:40:20.662
She was making coffee.

00:40:24.255 --> 00:40:26.292
But she didn't say a word.

00:40:28.092 --> 00:40:31.381
Maybe the coffee was to sober me up.

00:40:33.264 --> 00:40:36.723
She didn't say a word
the rest of the evening.

00:40:37.268 --> 00:40:40.136
She just kept on sewing.

00:40:41.856 --> 00:40:44.940
Anna was the silent type anyway.

00:40:45.443 --> 00:40:47.776
She was never very talkative.

00:40:50.281 --> 00:40:54.150
But we didn't need to speak.
We always knew...

00:40:57.997 --> 00:41:01.490
I begged for forgiveness
like a child to his mother.

00:41:01.626 --> 00:41:04.835
"I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

00:41:08.049 --> 00:41:11.633
And that's just what
I want to say to you now...

00:41:12.136 --> 00:41:14.753
but it sounds so ridiculous.

00:41:14.889 --> 00:41:18.553
Anyone can say he's sorry.
It doesn't cost a thing.

00:41:23.356 --> 00:41:26.599
So nothing more was said that night.

00:41:29.404 --> 00:41:33.239
It turned into a night of...

00:41:33.992 --> 00:41:36.109
a night of distance.

00:41:41.332 --> 00:41:43.494
Anna fell sound asleep...

00:41:44.627 --> 00:41:47.586
but I lay awake,
listening to her breathing.

00:41:49.757 --> 00:41:53.671
I watched her
in the light from a streetlamp

00:41:54.178 --> 00:41:56.215
outside the window.

00:41:56.889 --> 00:41:59.677
I gazed at her for a long time...

00:42:00.184 --> 00:42:02.676
and wondered if...

00:42:03.021 --> 00:42:04.887
deep down inside...

00:42:05.023 --> 00:42:08.858
she knew how much
I'd grown to be a part of her.

00:42:09.694 --> 00:42:13.984
Or actually... how much
she'd grown to be a part of me.

00:42:15.825 --> 00:42:19.569
With Anna and me,
it was a question of belonging.

00:42:20.204 --> 00:42:22.412
You understand what I mean?

00:42:23.207 --> 00:42:25.745
And that belonging was...

00:42:27.086 --> 00:42:29.123
a miracle.

00:42:29.255 --> 00:42:31.838
I know that sounds pretentious...

00:42:32.884 --> 00:42:34.876
but there's no better word.

00:42:40.224 --> 00:42:42.591
Toward morning I fell asleep,

00:42:42.810 --> 00:42:46.724
and when the alarm went off,
we got up, had breakfast,

00:42:46.856 --> 00:42:48.893
and chatted as usual.

00:42:50.234 --> 00:42:54.228
I went off to a class,
and Anna went to the library.

00:43:02.246 --> 00:43:06.911
All this is an explanation,
not an excuse.

00:43:07.251 --> 00:43:09.413
There is no excuse.

00:43:14.759 --> 00:43:16.751
If you leave me...

00:43:19.013 --> 00:43:21.221
I'll be destitute...

00:43:21.641 --> 00:43:24.600
or some better word
that doesn't exist.

00:43:25.478 --> 00:43:28.312
You'll have your freedom in due time.

00:43:28.439 --> 00:43:31.557
You'll go to the conservatory
and have real teachers,

00:43:31.692 --> 00:43:33.775
professional teachers,

00:43:33.945 --> 00:43:36.107
and a whole different life.

00:43:38.699 --> 00:43:41.157
Things will be different for me too.

00:43:50.294 --> 00:43:53.287
These months with you have been

00:43:53.631 --> 00:43:57.295
what scripture calls "a state of grace."

00:43:58.803 --> 00:44:01.045
For me, not you.

00:44:03.808 --> 00:44:07.051
It was kind of you
to come back so quickly.

00:44:08.980 --> 00:44:11.142
I don't know what to say.

00:44:12.233 --> 00:44:14.350
It's all so tangled up.

00:44:14.819 --> 00:44:17.186
We don't have to talk about that.

00:44:29.125 --> 00:44:31.037
Sometimes I think

00:44:31.169 --> 00:44:34.628
that some inconceivable punishment
lies just around the corner.

00:45:01.908 --> 00:45:05.117
FOUR

00:45:05.828 --> 00:45:09.993
A week or so later,
Henrik visits his father

00:45:12.251 --> 00:45:15.995
S. Kierkegaard
<i>Either/Or: A Fragment of Life</i>

00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:34.392
Am I interrupting?

00:45:35.399 --> 00:45:37.391
Oh, it's you.

00:45:38.402 --> 00:45:40.109
It's been a while.

00:45:43.866 --> 00:45:45.858
How are you doing?

00:45:46.911 --> 00:45:49.654
Fine, thanks. And you?

00:45:51.707 --> 00:45:54.950
At 60 you have
six things wrong with you,

00:45:55.086 --> 00:45:58.045
at 70 you have seven,
and so on.

00:45:58.589 --> 00:46:00.706
It's a fairly good assessment.

00:46:00.841 --> 00:46:04.255
Of course,
it depends on your priorities.

00:46:17.775 --> 00:46:21.769
I heard your ex-wife
dropped by unexpectedly.

00:46:21.904 --> 00:46:23.645
Typical Marianne.

00:46:23.781 --> 00:46:28.025
She's known since the dawn of time
that I hate improvisation.

00:46:28.953 --> 00:46:30.945
Perhaps we'll meet.

00:46:31.122 --> 00:46:33.114
She's out picking berries.

00:46:33.457 --> 00:46:37.121
I don't know if you'll be here
when she gets back.

00:46:38.754 --> 00:46:41.292
Of course.
I don't mean to bother you.

00:46:41.424 --> 00:46:43.507
I appreciate it.

00:46:47.221 --> 00:46:49.133
What do you want?

00:46:56.314 --> 00:47:00.524
I need 890,000 kronor.
Call it an advance on my inheritance.

00:47:00.818 --> 00:47:05.188
- So you need money again.
- I know. You loaned me 200,000.

00:47:05.406 --> 00:47:07.693
Which you haven't begun to pay back.

00:47:07.825 --> 00:47:09.782
You'll get your money.

00:47:09.910 --> 00:47:13.324
I'm quite certain
I'll never see that money.

00:47:14.582 --> 00:47:18.792
It's amusing to call that a "loan."

00:47:19.253 --> 00:47:22.496
If humiliating me amuses you,

00:47:22.631 --> 00:47:25.374
let's not leave out the fact

00:47:25.509 --> 00:47:29.503
I'm not paying any rent
for the lake house.

00:47:30.473 --> 00:47:33.386
We've been there for five months...

00:47:34.685 --> 00:47:36.768
and you haven't seen a cent.

00:47:36.896 --> 00:47:41.357
- Yet you could afford a new car.
- It's borrowed. The owner is abroad.

00:47:41.484 --> 00:47:45.524
When he returns in October,
I'll be without a car.

00:47:51.619 --> 00:47:55.533
- How's the book coming?
- Fine, thanks.

00:47:57.875 --> 00:47:59.616
There's an exhaustive answer.

00:48:04.215 --> 00:48:08.676
I've stood here for ten minutes
and let you humiliate me.

00:48:09.428 --> 00:48:14.173
If I didn't need the money,
I'd have left long ago.

00:48:14.308 --> 00:48:16.220
You can leave now.

00:48:31.409 --> 00:48:34.652
It's not for me. It's for Karin.

00:48:37.248 --> 00:48:38.910
Oh, right.

00:48:39.875 --> 00:48:42.788
Marianne said you two had a fight.

00:48:43.170 --> 00:48:45.708
Are you trying to get her to stay?

00:48:45.923 --> 00:48:48.085
You think you can bribe her?

00:48:49.969 --> 00:48:53.883
Sometimes I wonder
how Anna put up with you.

00:48:54.014 --> 00:48:56.222
Leave Anna out of this.

00:48:57.810 --> 00:49:01.724
Don't utter Anna's name
with that rotten old maw of yours.

00:49:02.773 --> 00:49:06.232
I like you better... or dislike you less...

00:49:06.444 --> 00:49:08.606
when you use that tone.

00:49:09.113 --> 00:49:14.359
It injects an honest dose of hatred
into your general wishy-washiness.

00:49:26.922 --> 00:49:28.834
It's like this:

00:49:29.842 --> 00:49:34.803
There's a cello I can buy Karin,
an 1815 Fagnola.

00:49:35.014 --> 00:49:38.473
It's an excellent instrument,
almost like a Guarneri.

00:49:39.143 --> 00:49:43.103
Karin has a special talent.
I'm not alone in saying that.

00:49:43.230 --> 00:49:46.223
She could become a great musician.

00:49:46.358 --> 00:49:51.149
The instruction I've provided
so far has been adequate,

00:49:51.489 --> 00:49:54.573
but far short
of what her talent calls for.

00:49:54.700 --> 00:49:59.365
Likewise with her instrument.
She has a passable German cello.

00:49:59.497 --> 00:50:02.581
But she'll be auditioning
for the conservatory soon.

00:50:03.000 --> 00:50:06.835
How do you know
this cello's as good as they say?

00:50:07.338 --> 00:50:11.457
It wouldn't be the first time
you were cheated.

00:50:11.592 --> 00:50:16.007
It has a certificate of authenticity,
and the seller is a decent man.

00:50:16.180 --> 00:50:19.924
And his decency compels him
to sell so cheaply?

00:50:21.393 --> 00:50:25.103
He's old and sick
and can't take care of it anymore.

00:50:27.316 --> 00:50:31.526
He heard Karin play and said
she'd be the perfect heir.

00:50:31.654 --> 00:50:33.611
Isn't that touching!

00:50:51.382 --> 00:50:52.873
Dad...

00:50:54.009 --> 00:50:57.047
where does all this hostility come from?

00:50:58.514 --> 00:51:00.471
Speak for yourself.

00:51:01.475 --> 00:51:05.560
When you were 18 or 19,
I tried to get close to you.

00:51:06.939 --> 00:51:09.101
You'd been seriously ill...

00:51:09.316 --> 00:51:12.400
and your mother wanted us
to talk things out.

00:51:12.861 --> 00:51:14.818
I said to you...

00:51:15.072 --> 00:51:18.031
"I know I've been a bad father...

00:51:18.909 --> 00:51:20.946
and I want to do better."

00:51:21.579 --> 00:51:23.571
And you screamed at me...

00:51:24.164 --> 00:51:26.030
yes, screamed...

00:51:26.458 --> 00:51:30.919
"A bad father?
You've never been a father at all!"

00:51:31.380 --> 00:51:38.093
Then you said you could do
without my forced exertions.

00:51:39.013 --> 00:51:41.721
One should respect honest hatred...

00:51:41.849 --> 00:51:43.761
and I respect yours.

00:51:43.892 --> 00:51:47.385
But I really couldn't care less
if you hate me.

00:51:47.938 --> 00:51:49.930
You barely exist.

00:51:50.774 --> 00:51:53.016
If it weren't for Karin,

00:51:53.152 --> 00:51:55.769
who thank God takes after her mother,

00:51:55.946 --> 00:51:58.984
you wouldn't exist for me at all.

00:52:02.036 --> 00:52:06.155
So there's no hostility here,
I assure you.

00:52:06.957 --> 00:52:10.667
Give me the name and number
of this cello owner

00:52:10.794 --> 00:52:14.037
and I'll look into it.

00:52:35.986 --> 00:52:37.227
There.

00:52:38.489 --> 00:52:39.980
Thank you.

00:52:49.375 --> 00:52:50.866
So what's your answer?

00:52:52.670 --> 00:52:55.663
I'll let you know in good time.

00:52:56.632 --> 00:52:58.874
So the audience has ended?

00:53:02.471 --> 00:53:04.133
I'm leaving.

00:53:07.518 --> 00:53:10.852
Can I say just one thing?
- If you absolutely must.

00:53:16.985 --> 00:53:20.695
That story about
an exchange of words 50 years ago

00:53:20.864 --> 00:53:23.026
is no excuse.

00:53:23.158 --> 00:53:25.525
- So that's what you think.
- Yes, it is.

00:53:25.703 --> 00:53:27.615
Poor Anna.

00:53:29.873 --> 00:53:32.115
Are you going to hit me now?

00:53:38.716 --> 00:53:40.457
FIVE

00:55:33.539 --> 00:55:35.656
I hope I'm not interrupting.

00:55:37.584 --> 00:55:39.746
No, I just finished.

00:55:40.671 --> 00:55:42.788
I practice in the mornings.

00:55:42.923 --> 00:55:46.416
It seems the regular organist
is expecting,

00:55:46.552 --> 00:55:49.590
so I'm filling in.
- I thought you were a cellist.

00:55:49.972 --> 00:55:52.680
I have a degree in organ.

00:55:52.933 --> 00:55:56.722
In my day,
it was a smart thing to have.

00:55:57.229 --> 00:56:00.438
Lots of churches, few orchestras.

00:56:00.899 --> 00:56:02.435
What were you playing?

00:56:02.609 --> 00:56:07.149
Bach's Organ Sonata No. 1
in E-flat Major.

00:56:08.866 --> 00:56:11.859
- It was beautiful.
- This is a unique organ...

00:56:12.119 --> 00:56:15.783
a Cahman from 1728.

00:56:16.957 --> 00:56:20.997
No one knows how it ended up
in this wilderness.

00:56:23.964 --> 00:56:26.877
Karin and I gave a concert here
a few weeks ago.

00:56:27.050 --> 00:56:28.507
Free, of course.

00:56:28.677 --> 00:56:31.590
It was almost full.
- Will you give any more?

00:56:31.722 --> 00:56:36.558
No, Karin's preparing for her audition,
and I have to finish my book.

00:56:37.102 --> 00:56:38.388
Your book?

00:56:38.604 --> 00:56:41.096
Yes, I'm writing a book.

00:56:41.648 --> 00:56:44.812
On Bach's St. John Passion.

00:56:46.695 --> 00:56:49.312
I've met Karin a few times.

00:56:49.865 --> 00:56:51.606
I hear she's very talented.

00:56:51.825 --> 00:56:56.160
She's considered exceptional,
and not just by her proud dad.

00:56:56.997 --> 00:57:00.331
- You're her teacher?
- It's turned out that way.

00:57:01.084 --> 00:57:03.246
At the conservatory she'll be taught

00:57:03.378 --> 00:57:07.622
by the top European teachers.
- Won't it be hard letting her go?

00:57:08.759 --> 00:57:10.250
Yes.

00:57:15.015 --> 00:57:16.756
You might say that.

00:57:17.976 --> 00:57:20.719
- You're very attached to Karin?
- Yes.

00:57:21.939 --> 00:57:26.400
- Forgive me.
- No, it's all right.

00:57:29.613 --> 00:57:33.573
- Karin is like Anna.
- Not in appearance.

00:57:34.952 --> 00:57:36.238
What's wrong?

00:57:41.959 --> 00:57:44.793
When I talk about Anna, I cry.

00:57:45.796 --> 00:57:47.628
That's just how it is.

00:57:48.465 --> 00:57:50.297
It can't be helped.

00:57:52.469 --> 00:57:55.553
Anna's been gone over two years...

00:57:56.807 --> 00:57:59.140
and it still hurts just as bad.

00:58:01.478 --> 00:58:03.344
That's just how it is.

00:58:10.487 --> 00:58:13.195
Life itself has become a routine.

00:58:17.452 --> 00:58:20.069
I don't know.
No words can describe it.

00:58:22.374 --> 00:58:24.661
I've become handicapped.

00:58:26.378 --> 00:58:27.994
Just like that.

00:58:29.673 --> 00:58:31.585
Disabled.

00:58:36.346 --> 00:58:39.430
Karin is all that gives my life meaning.

00:58:41.101 --> 00:58:44.060
And... well...

00:58:45.981 --> 00:58:48.519
there wouldn't be
much meaning without her.

00:58:59.411 --> 00:59:02.279
I think a lot about death these days.

00:59:04.624 --> 00:59:06.661
I think like this...

00:59:09.421 --> 00:59:13.540
One day I'm walking
through the forest to the river.

00:59:14.968 --> 00:59:20.054
It's a still and foggy autumn day.

00:59:21.099 --> 00:59:22.886
Absolute silence.

00:59:26.688 --> 00:59:31.433
Then I see someone by the gate...

00:59:32.569 --> 00:59:34.561
coming toward me.

00:59:35.822 --> 00:59:38.610
She's wearing a blue denim skirt

00:59:38.950 --> 00:59:40.942
and blue jacket.

00:59:43.455 --> 00:59:45.321
She's barefoot...

00:59:45.665 --> 00:59:48.578
and her hair's in a thick ponytail.

00:59:49.628 --> 00:59:51.961
And she's walking toward me.

00:59:55.133 --> 00:59:59.093
Anna is walking toward me...

00:59:59.971 --> 01:00:01.837
from the gate.

01:00:04.976 --> 01:00:07.559
And then I realize I'm dead.

01:00:10.857 --> 01:00:13.099
Then the strangest thing happens.

01:00:14.486 --> 01:00:16.102
I think...

01:00:16.571 --> 01:00:18.608
"Is it this easy?"

01:00:21.368 --> 01:00:25.032
We spend our entire lives
wondering about death...

01:00:25.539 --> 01:00:28.202
and what comes after this.

01:00:28.708 --> 01:00:30.870
And then it's this easy.

01:00:36.466 --> 01:00:41.336
In music I sometimes get
just a glimmer. Like with Bach.

01:00:45.016 --> 01:00:46.507
I think I understand.

01:00:46.893 --> 01:00:51.137
Come over for dinner!
A nice meal is guaranteed.

01:00:51.273 --> 01:00:54.641
Karin and I are good cooks.
- I'd like that.

01:00:54.818 --> 01:00:57.777
I must go.
Karin and I have a lesson.

01:00:57.904 --> 01:01:00.066
She's very punctual,
just like her mother.

01:01:00.198 --> 01:01:02.485
She gets angry if I'm late.

01:01:03.076 --> 01:01:04.988
We'll see you soon.

01:01:05.453 --> 01:01:09.037
Listen, I really don't think I can.

01:01:09.166 --> 01:01:13.160
- The old man would be upset, huh?
- Not exactly upset, but...

01:01:13.295 --> 01:01:16.788
- Why are you here really?
- I don't know.

01:01:22.679 --> 01:01:25.672
- You're a lawyer, aren't you?
- Yes. Why?

01:01:26.141 --> 01:01:29.475
Can I take the old man to court?

01:01:29.603 --> 01:01:32.186
Why would you want to do that?

01:01:32.439 --> 01:01:36.854
The bastard's sitting on a fortune,
and he won't die.

01:01:37.861 --> 01:01:41.946
Probably mummified
by his own cantankerousness.

01:01:43.658 --> 01:01:46.867
I politely asked for an advance
on my inheritance,

01:01:47.037 --> 01:01:49.370
but he only humiliated me.

01:01:49.748 --> 01:01:54.038
I'd love to sue him.
- Not while he's mentally competent.

01:01:54.544 --> 01:01:57.332
He's not crazy in that sense.

01:01:57.631 --> 01:02:00.465
No, he's not particularly crazy.

01:02:00.592 --> 01:02:03.005
Are you looking for a little money

01:02:03.386 --> 01:02:06.424
for an old abandoned wife?

01:02:07.307 --> 01:02:09.139
Don't be angry.

01:02:10.060 --> 01:02:12.143
It's natural to wonder.

01:02:12.270 --> 01:02:14.512
You've had no contact for decades.

01:02:15.232 --> 01:02:17.849
I'm not here to milk him for money.

01:02:19.402 --> 01:02:21.485
Are you fucking him?

01:02:22.739 --> 01:02:27.404
Do you hate him so much
that you suddenly adopt that tone?

01:02:27.577 --> 01:02:32.038
Forgive me for desecrating this place

01:02:32.165 --> 01:02:34.953
and spoiling our pleasant chat.

01:02:36.586 --> 01:02:40.045
I hate him in every
possible sense of the word.

01:02:41.091 --> 01:02:43.048
I hate him so much

01:02:43.176 --> 01:02:46.419
I'd happily watch him die
of some horrible disease.

01:02:47.222 --> 01:02:49.509
I'd visit him daily...

01:02:49.641 --> 01:02:53.476
just to witness his torment,
right down to his last breath.

01:02:56.481 --> 01:02:59.394
No, he probably deserves my pity.

01:02:59.526 --> 01:03:01.392
I mean, theoretically.

01:03:04.072 --> 01:03:08.191
I see astonishment
and disgust in your eyes.

01:03:08.326 --> 01:03:10.534
As a lawyer, you should be used

01:03:10.662 --> 01:03:13.450
to the stupidity
and vileness of this world.

01:03:19.296 --> 01:03:22.539
Good-bye, Marianne.
It was kind of you to listen.

01:03:27.637 --> 01:03:31.301
Sometimes I think I'm not quite sane.

01:03:32.350 --> 01:03:35.388
I'm in such pain all the time.

01:05:31.678 --> 01:05:34.261
SIX

01:05:35.098 --> 01:05:40.014
AN OFFER

01:06:54.511 --> 01:06:57.003
- Karin!
- Hello, Grandfather.

01:07:00.892 --> 01:07:04.306
Well... this is my study.

01:07:04.479 --> 01:07:06.937
I haven't been here
since I was little.

01:07:07.065 --> 01:07:09.682
Anna and you would
sometimes come say hi

01:07:09.817 --> 01:07:12.776
when you spent
the summer at the cottage.

01:07:12.904 --> 01:07:15.521
- You smoked cigars back then.
- Did I?

01:07:15.698 --> 01:07:17.860
Yes, you're right.

01:07:18.159 --> 01:07:21.402
I gave them up after reading
a biography of Freud.

01:07:21.538 --> 01:07:25.282
He had 33 operations
for mouth cancer.

01:07:25.708 --> 01:07:27.916
And he still couldn't give up cigars.

01:07:28.044 --> 01:07:29.876
But you're all right?

01:07:30.046 --> 01:07:34.541
Unless you consider
aging itself a disease, I'm fine.

01:07:35.260 --> 01:07:37.752
That's a beautiful picture of Mom.

01:07:38.596 --> 01:07:43.057
I saw it somewhere
and asked for a copy.

01:07:43.893 --> 01:07:45.759
I had it enlarged...

01:07:46.896 --> 01:07:48.808
and there it is.

01:07:49.357 --> 01:07:51.314
I think of Mom every day...

01:07:51.901 --> 01:07:54.063
and dream of her at night.

01:07:54.654 --> 01:07:57.988
I thought the grief would subside...

01:07:58.741 --> 01:08:00.448
but it doesn't.

01:08:00.952 --> 01:08:04.571
But it doesn't hurt
like in the beginning.

01:08:05.707 --> 01:08:07.414
Now it's right here...

01:08:08.167 --> 01:08:10.204
like a part of me.

01:08:11.004 --> 01:08:13.587
I wouldn't want to be without it.

01:08:14.257 --> 01:08:16.840
I can tell you I miss her...

01:08:17.468 --> 01:08:19.175
painfully.

01:08:20.221 --> 01:08:24.261
We didn't see much of each other,
because Henrik and I...

01:08:24.851 --> 01:08:26.592
Well, you know.

01:08:26.978 --> 01:08:31.268
Anna tried and tried,
but Henrik and I could never...

01:08:32.191 --> 01:08:33.853
Well, you know.

01:08:33.985 --> 01:08:37.820
- You wanted to speak to me?
- I did indeed.

01:08:38.281 --> 01:08:39.897
Have a seat.

01:08:40.033 --> 01:08:43.026
Miss Nilsson appeared
with a letter last night

01:08:43.161 --> 01:08:46.780
that she insisted on handing to me,
meaning Dad wasn't to...

01:08:46.956 --> 01:08:49.369
That's exactly right.

01:08:49.500 --> 01:08:51.913
Dad's in Uppsala with his orchestra.

01:08:52.754 --> 01:08:54.461
Listen...

01:08:54.839 --> 01:08:57.456
this letter arrived a few days ago,

01:08:57.634 --> 01:08:59.591
and it concerns you.

01:09:00.136 --> 01:09:03.095
Have you heard of Ivan Chablov?

01:09:03.222 --> 01:09:06.135
Sure! He's principal conductor
in St. Petersburg.

01:09:06.476 --> 01:09:08.889
He was on tour here recently.

01:09:09.103 --> 01:09:13.188
Conducting the philharmonic.
They were fantastic!

01:09:13.524 --> 01:09:17.393
I happen to know him
from my years in Leningrad.

01:09:17.654 --> 01:09:20.647
This letter is from him.

01:09:21.658 --> 01:09:24.901
"Johan, my dear friend and brother...

01:09:25.828 --> 01:09:28.195
excuse me to write to you

01:09:28.414 --> 01:09:31.782
in my lousy English and bad German.

01:09:32.293 --> 01:09:35.161
But my wonderful secretary...

01:09:35.338 --> 01:09:39.503
just gave birth to twins.

01:09:41.344 --> 01:09:44.678
But I feel important to write to you...

01:09:45.348 --> 01:09:47.089
my dear friend...

01:09:47.600 --> 01:09:49.842
and the reason
is the following reason:

01:09:51.604 --> 01:09:56.440
One free night, I visited a concert
for very young musicians.

01:09:56.693 --> 01:10:00.277
I must say
I was surprised and happy.

01:10:02.448 --> 01:10:06.818
One very young lady
played the cello there.

01:10:07.036 --> 01:10:10.871
She played a solo by Zoltán Kodály.

01:10:12.208 --> 01:10:17.704
And I was surprised at that very
young musician's unusual talent,

01:10:17.880 --> 01:10:21.544
her maturity,
her craft, and courage."

01:10:22.093 --> 01:10:23.709
Well, I'll be!

01:10:27.390 --> 01:10:30.303
"The head of the school
told me her name

01:10:30.435 --> 01:10:33.098
and that her father
was her primary teacher.

01:10:33.229 --> 01:10:35.391
I got in contact with the father.

01:10:35.565 --> 01:10:38.399
He almost turned me away curtly...

01:10:38.735 --> 01:10:41.273
not to say arrogantly.

01:10:43.072 --> 01:10:45.985
I know that you, my dear Johan...

01:10:46.117 --> 01:10:48.450
are that girl's grandfather...

01:10:48.745 --> 01:10:53.240
and that is the reason
why I now write to you.

01:10:54.584 --> 01:10:58.294
The young person's technique
is very risky,

01:10:58.421 --> 01:11:00.287
partly deficient...

01:11:00.423 --> 01:11:03.587
and can in the soon future come

01:11:03.760 --> 01:11:05.922
to catastrophic consequences.

01:11:07.430 --> 01:11:09.922
I am, as you perhaps not know,

01:11:10.057 --> 01:11:13.767
guest professor
at the Sibelius Academy in Helsinki,

01:11:13.936 --> 01:11:16.303
one of the best schools in Europe.

01:11:16.773 --> 01:11:21.017
I have very good contact
with the president and the teachers,

01:11:21.235 --> 01:11:25.650
and we can,
after an obligatory audition,

01:11:25.782 --> 01:11:28.900
give our young, talented cellist

01:11:29.035 --> 01:11:32.654
instruction of the quality...

01:11:33.873 --> 01:11:37.457
that your highly talented
granddaughter deserves.

01:11:40.797 --> 01:11:43.881
Please tell me your reactions
as soon as possible.

01:11:44.008 --> 01:11:47.297
A warm embrace... Ivan."

01:11:49.764 --> 01:11:52.472
Well, what do you say?

01:11:52.642 --> 01:11:56.477
I should add that I will, of course,

01:11:56.604 --> 01:11:59.893
cover your expenses
for as long as you need.

01:12:01.484 --> 01:12:05.398
I've also spoken to the cello seller

01:12:05.655 --> 01:12:09.444
and made him a good offer,
better than his asking price.

01:12:09.826 --> 01:12:12.614
So if you want the cello, it's yours.

01:12:12.954 --> 01:12:14.991
Assuming, of course...

01:12:15.122 --> 01:12:17.865
that you accept
Chablov's generous offer.

01:12:18.292 --> 01:12:20.249
What do you say?

01:12:20.545 --> 01:12:22.662
I don't know what to say.

01:12:23.631 --> 01:12:26.123
It's all so overwhelming.

01:12:26.509 --> 01:12:31.425
I understand that this letter puts you
in an awkward situation.

01:12:31.931 --> 01:12:34.594
I'll write and tell him you're...

01:12:35.184 --> 01:12:36.766
Overwhelmed.

01:12:36.936 --> 01:12:41.021
...but that your decision affects
certain persons around you.

01:12:41.858 --> 01:12:43.144
"Certain persons"?

01:12:43.860 --> 01:12:47.604
That's right.
Your dad, if I must be specific.

01:12:48.114 --> 01:12:50.447
I need to rest now.
Good-bye, Karin.

01:12:51.367 --> 01:12:52.778
Thanks for the talk.

01:12:58.040 --> 01:13:01.829
Marianne used to say
I was a terrible judge of people,

01:13:01.961 --> 01:13:04.874
that I didn't understand emotions.

01:13:05.047 --> 01:13:06.754
She said that?

01:13:07.133 --> 01:13:11.468
But even an emotional cripple
like myself understands one thing:

01:13:12.054 --> 01:13:16.924
Your mother lived on this earth
to make it less unbearable.

01:13:17.685 --> 01:13:21.019
The darkness grew darker
and the light grew dimmer

01:13:21.147 --> 01:13:23.013
when Anna died.

01:13:23.149 --> 01:13:26.267
It's hard for Henrik
just to go on living.

01:13:26.402 --> 01:13:29.986
Regardless, I've always said
you're like your mother.

01:13:30.239 --> 01:13:32.196
I'm fond of you...

01:13:32.742 --> 01:13:34.483
my little Kajsa.

01:13:35.077 --> 01:13:36.818
Good-bye, Karin.

01:13:37.663 --> 01:13:39.325
Good-bye, Grandfather.

01:14:43.896 --> 01:14:46.354
SEVEN

01:14:48.150 --> 01:14:53.942
THE LETTER
FROM ANNA

01:15:47.752 --> 01:15:51.792
To Henrik from Anna?
From your mom to your dad?

01:15:52.131 --> 01:15:54.498
I found that letter in a book.

01:15:58.387 --> 01:16:02.552
"The 18th of May."
You mother wrote this...

01:16:02.683 --> 01:16:05.221
A week before she died.

01:16:05.436 --> 01:16:07.428
I'd like you to read it.

01:16:12.068 --> 01:16:14.651
I can't make out Anna's writing.

01:16:15.237 --> 01:16:17.445
Will you read it to me?

01:16:18.574 --> 01:16:20.236
I'll try.

01:16:21.243 --> 01:16:24.486
Here, have a bit of my whiskey.

01:16:31.587 --> 01:16:34.500
Mom had learned
a few days earlier

01:16:34.632 --> 01:16:37.170
that she didn't have
much time left.

01:16:37.676 --> 01:16:39.633
She wrote this letter

01:16:39.762 --> 01:16:43.096
because Henrik had a cold
and wasn't allowed to visit.

01:16:45.101 --> 01:16:46.888
It says...

01:16:50.314 --> 01:16:52.727
"The fact you can't visit me

01:16:52.858 --> 01:16:55.521
is perhaps a relief for us both.

01:16:56.821 --> 01:16:59.564
We read each other too well.

01:17:00.157 --> 01:17:02.149
You open the door.

01:17:02.952 --> 01:17:06.411
I make an effort.
You make an effort.

01:17:07.456 --> 01:17:12.542
But I can still see in your face
how sick I am."

01:17:19.510 --> 01:17:21.627
This is the difficult part.

01:17:24.056 --> 01:17:26.594
She writes about me and Dad.

01:17:27.601 --> 01:17:30.685
- And that's painful?
- Yes.

01:17:33.149 --> 01:17:36.392
When you were with her
at the hospital...

01:17:36.777 --> 01:17:40.270
did you talk
about the things in this letter?

01:17:40.489 --> 01:17:42.651
No, never.

01:17:43.993 --> 01:17:45.734
What did she write?

01:17:55.296 --> 01:17:57.128
"Dearest Henrik...

01:17:58.048 --> 01:18:00.665
I must write to you about something

01:18:00.843 --> 01:18:03.005
you and I have never discussed.

01:18:04.180 --> 01:18:07.673
I've sometimes thought
I should talk to you about Karin...

01:18:08.684 --> 01:18:11.017
but it was never necessary...

01:18:11.854 --> 01:18:14.346
because I was always there.

01:18:15.357 --> 01:18:19.226
Then I fell ill,
and I wasn't there anymore.

01:18:20.529 --> 01:18:23.522
Of course I was there...

01:18:24.533 --> 01:18:26.775
but I was pushed aside.

01:18:28.662 --> 01:18:31.370
You and I loved each other.

01:18:32.041 --> 01:18:36.331
I was sure about our love,
if you know what I mean.

01:18:37.755 --> 01:18:42.625
But no love is strong enough
to emerge unscathed

01:18:42.760 --> 01:18:47.175
from something
as devastating as my illness.

01:18:48.891 --> 01:18:51.383
I see that you love Karin...

01:18:51.977 --> 01:18:55.141
but also that you're binding her to you.

01:18:56.315 --> 01:18:59.399
It's good that you've been
her teacher...

01:18:59.735 --> 01:19:02.022
but there is a limit.

01:19:03.322 --> 01:19:07.282
When I'm gone,
that limit will become unclear.

01:19:08.619 --> 01:19:11.077
I know that Karin loves you...

01:19:12.915 --> 01:19:16.875
but you mustn't use her love
for your own purposes.

01:19:17.586 --> 01:19:19.543
You'll harm her.

01:19:20.839 --> 01:19:24.048
You could harm her for good.

01:19:26.845 --> 01:19:31.306
That's why I'm asking you
to set her free.

01:19:33.602 --> 01:19:37.186
You mustn't take advantage
of the affinities you two share.

01:19:37.773 --> 01:19:41.562
You mustn't take advantage of her
through music

01:19:41.694 --> 01:19:44.778
and through your
self-appointed role as teacher.

01:19:47.574 --> 01:19:49.782
Dearest Henrik...

01:19:50.953 --> 01:19:52.945
you're so sensitive...

01:19:53.205 --> 01:19:55.162
so considerate...

01:19:55.541 --> 01:19:57.453
so loving.

01:19:58.377 --> 01:20:03.293
I know all that without a doubt
from all our years together.

01:20:05.592 --> 01:20:10.462
But you must be careful
of the danger in heaping upon Karin

01:20:10.639 --> 01:20:13.803
the orphaned love that will remain

01:20:13.934 --> 01:20:16.017
when I am gone."

01:20:19.148 --> 01:20:21.105
There's more...

01:20:21.567 --> 01:20:24.150
but I don't want to read any more.

01:20:25.154 --> 01:20:29.364
I can't! It hurts too much!

01:20:30.576 --> 01:20:33.193
I can hear my mom's voice!

01:20:43.589 --> 01:20:47.299
Why did you come to me now?

01:20:48.177 --> 01:20:51.261
Don't you think
you're pretty heavily involved?

01:20:51.388 --> 01:20:53.004
Yes, I suppose.

01:20:53.849 --> 01:20:57.559
- And you know Grandfather's plans.
- Yes, he told me.

01:20:59.063 --> 01:21:02.352
I don't expect you
to give me good advice.

01:21:02.691 --> 01:21:05.104
I just need to think out loud.

01:21:05.361 --> 01:21:08.479
I think things
will become clear if I do.

01:21:09.156 --> 01:21:10.397
Go ahead.

01:21:13.535 --> 01:21:15.026
Mom saw.

01:21:17.331 --> 01:21:20.574
Yes, I think she did.

01:21:20.876 --> 01:21:23.539
And everything she warned about

01:21:23.712 --> 01:21:25.795
has happened!

01:21:25.923 --> 01:21:28.131
I can't accept Grandfather's offer.

01:21:28.425 --> 01:21:30.917
- You can't?
- No, I can't!

01:21:31.053 --> 01:21:32.419
Why on earth not?

01:21:32.846 --> 01:21:35.714
If I abandon Henrik, he'll die!

01:21:37.643 --> 01:21:40.886
If I leave him, he'll die.
I'm sure of that.

01:21:41.063 --> 01:21:44.352
Marianne, he doesn't even have
the orchestra anymore

01:21:44.483 --> 01:21:47.146
that he's worked with for 30 years!

01:21:47.403 --> 01:21:50.396
He can stay on as a musician,

01:21:50.531 --> 01:21:54.400
but there's this huge
reorganization going on,

01:21:54.535 --> 01:21:58.654
and Dad even won't be part
of administration or planning.

01:21:58.789 --> 01:22:01.406
He says in that case he's quitting.

01:22:01.583 --> 01:22:03.575
I can't leave him now.

01:22:04.044 --> 01:22:07.287
Sometimes
I'm so goddamned tired of him!

01:22:07.423 --> 01:22:11.383
I know it's my future and all that.

01:22:13.929 --> 01:22:18.139
But Mom is dead now,
and Henrik can't manage his own life.

01:22:19.643 --> 01:22:23.432
If anything happened to Dad...

01:22:23.730 --> 01:22:26.939
how do you think I'd live with the guilt?

01:22:27.568 --> 01:22:33.280
No, my future and Henrik's
are hopelessly entangled for now.

01:22:34.199 --> 01:22:36.691
At least you say "for now."

01:22:39.288 --> 01:22:42.622
Only to console myself.

01:22:43.417 --> 01:22:46.956
I want you to know I don't agree.

01:22:47.129 --> 01:22:49.837
No, I'm sure you don't.

01:23:01.560 --> 01:23:03.643
Anna's love...

01:23:04.730 --> 01:23:07.393
This letter is what love is.

01:23:09.151 --> 01:23:10.687
Isn't it?

01:23:17.534 --> 01:23:19.150
I don't know.

01:23:20.412 --> 01:23:22.574
EIGHT

01:23:31.673 --> 01:23:33.084
Back already?

01:23:33.550 --> 01:23:36.668
There wasn't much to do in Uppsala.

01:23:36.845 --> 01:23:39.588
- Hello, Dad.
- Hello, little Kajsa.

01:23:45.854 --> 01:23:47.846
What's that sheet music?

01:23:48.941 --> 01:23:50.978
Bach's cello suites!

01:23:51.568 --> 01:23:53.150
You're crazy.

01:23:53.862 --> 01:23:55.444
Just listen.

01:23:55.572 --> 01:23:59.065
Anderberg suggested
you and I give a concert

01:23:59.326 --> 01:24:02.239
at the university on November 15.

01:24:02.371 --> 01:24:04.579
This is too hard for me.

01:24:04.706 --> 01:24:07.198
We'll play together.

01:24:07.334 --> 01:24:09.246
What do you mean?

01:24:09.378 --> 01:24:12.712
Like a dialogue, facing each other.

01:24:12.839 --> 01:24:16.549
You'll play the parts you can,
and I'll do the hard ones.

01:24:16.718 --> 01:24:20.382
Like the sixth suite,
especially the prelude.

01:24:20.556 --> 01:24:22.798
It'll be fantastic!

01:24:22.975 --> 01:24:25.638
What parts can I handle?
You're crazy.

01:24:25.769 --> 01:24:28.227
The sarabands, for instance.

01:24:28.355 --> 01:24:30.893
It takes a lifetime to master them.

01:24:31.024 --> 01:24:35.268
So we start practicing now.
We have three months.

01:24:35.529 --> 01:24:39.364
- What about my audition?
- You're almost ready.

01:24:39.491 --> 01:24:42.404
And students get permission
to play concerts.

01:24:42.578 --> 01:24:45.912
I already spoke to Börtz.
He says hello, by the way.

01:24:46.081 --> 01:24:48.573
This will be good for both of us,

01:24:48.709 --> 01:24:52.794
now that I'm not busy
with the orchestra.

01:24:56.008 --> 01:25:00.924
I won't even be
concertmaster anymore!

01:25:01.096 --> 01:25:03.634
You must be furious!

01:25:03.765 --> 01:25:08.681
A little, but I tell myself
I'll have more time for you now.

01:25:09.605 --> 01:25:12.393
I can help you
on a whole other level.

01:25:12.524 --> 01:25:14.607
Right. Sure.

01:25:19.072 --> 01:25:21.439
That wasn't too encouraging.

01:25:24.620 --> 01:25:28.330
Hey, my little Kajsa.

01:25:42.596 --> 01:25:46.510
I have the feeling some sort
of discussion is coming on.

01:25:52.814 --> 01:25:55.602
- What is it, little Kajsa?
- I don't know.

01:25:55.942 --> 01:25:58.229
- You don't know?
- No.

01:26:00.030 --> 01:26:04.365
I mean, I guess I know,
but I don't know how to...

01:26:38.193 --> 01:26:41.436
I understand you spoke
to your grandfather, right?

01:26:41.571 --> 01:26:42.652
Yes.

01:26:42.781 --> 01:26:46.070
And with that bitch...
I mean Marianne?

01:26:46.201 --> 01:26:47.658
Yes.

01:26:48.870 --> 01:26:50.862
I see.

01:26:51.039 --> 01:26:54.373
That was all slickly arranged.
I don't mean by you.

01:26:54.543 --> 01:26:56.626
I have to make up my mind.

01:26:56.753 --> 01:27:00.121
- I thought you already had.
- No, <i>you</i> decided.

01:27:00.716 --> 01:27:02.252
Really?

01:27:04.761 --> 01:27:07.174
Is that what you think?

01:27:07.305 --> 01:27:10.673
Dad, I haven't bothered to think.

01:27:11.393 --> 01:27:17.685
I've just thought,
"Dad knows what's best for me."

01:27:25.699 --> 01:27:29.033
Perhaps you've already come
to some kind of decision.

01:27:29.161 --> 01:27:31.073
Have you?

01:27:32.289 --> 01:27:34.952
Are you going to accept
Grandfather's offer?

01:27:44.968 --> 01:27:47.756
- You read this?
- Yes, I did.

01:27:50.056 --> 01:27:52.343
You read Mom's letter to me?

01:27:52.476 --> 01:27:54.934
Don't get so angry.
It's about me!

01:27:55.061 --> 01:27:59.101
But it was to me!
And you read it, just like that.

01:27:59.691 --> 01:28:03.605
You think it's all right
to read Anna's letter to me

01:28:03.779 --> 01:28:05.941
because it's about you?

01:28:06.072 --> 01:28:10.863
If you're going to be like that,
there's no point talking about it.

01:28:11.661 --> 01:28:14.119
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

01:28:14.748 --> 01:28:17.832
I said I'm sorry, damn it!
- Sorry for what?

01:28:19.503 --> 01:28:22.792
Shall we get to work,
or is there something else?

01:28:33.058 --> 01:28:34.799
Dad...

01:28:35.727 --> 01:28:37.844
this is going to hurt.

01:28:37.979 --> 01:28:41.643
Hurt you or me?
That may sound stupid,

01:28:41.817 --> 01:28:43.649
but your tone frightens me.

01:28:43.819 --> 01:28:46.311
I've made up my mind.

01:28:46.488 --> 01:28:49.401
For the first time ever,
it's my own decision.

01:28:49.866 --> 01:28:54.327
- But you're sad?
- Yes, I am sad.

01:28:58.041 --> 01:29:02.160
If you had told me you'd received
that letter from Mom...

01:29:03.338 --> 01:29:06.172
if you had let me read the letter...

01:29:07.050 --> 01:29:09.087
we could have...

01:29:11.346 --> 01:29:13.463
You never told me.

01:29:13.765 --> 01:29:16.257
You should have said...

01:29:22.524 --> 01:29:24.857
Now it's the way it is.

01:29:25.026 --> 01:29:26.813
What's the way it is?

01:29:30.866 --> 01:29:33.700
I'm going to Hamburg
next week with Emma.

01:29:35.829 --> 01:29:40.199
We're going to a school
for young orchestral players.

01:29:41.960 --> 01:29:44.623
Claudio Abbado is coming in October,

01:29:44.796 --> 01:29:47.038
and we're all going to Munich.

01:29:53.388 --> 01:29:56.881
It's for young musicians
from all over Europe.

01:29:57.225 --> 01:29:59.638
You can't be older than 22.

01:30:00.729 --> 01:30:03.563
Abbado will work with us
for six weeks,

01:30:03.732 --> 01:30:06.224
and then we'll give four concerts.

01:30:07.402 --> 01:30:09.894
Emma made a video.

01:30:10.405 --> 01:30:13.898
She sent it to the admissions
committee as a lark.

01:30:14.075 --> 01:30:16.032
We were playing Brahms.

01:30:17.329 --> 01:30:21.949
She and I got a letter
saying we were accepted...

01:30:23.126 --> 01:30:24.913
to that school.

01:30:26.046 --> 01:30:28.254
That we're welcome there.

01:30:29.799 --> 01:30:31.461
And that...

01:30:34.763 --> 01:30:37.130
is exactly what I want to do.

01:30:40.352 --> 01:30:43.470
And it's exactly what I've decided to do.

01:30:45.774 --> 01:30:47.686
And the conservatory?

01:30:57.118 --> 01:30:59.531
How long is this Hamburg course?

01:31:01.873 --> 01:31:03.580
Two years.

01:31:03.959 --> 01:31:06.793
Then there's a paid internship

01:31:06.920 --> 01:31:09.663
with a German or Austrian orchestra.

01:31:09.839 --> 01:31:11.501
Three years.

01:31:13.802 --> 01:31:17.796
- How do you plan to finance this?
- I have my inheritance.

01:31:21.810 --> 01:31:23.972
You've given this a lot of thought.

01:31:24.104 --> 01:31:27.643
I told Emma it was hopeless.

01:31:27.899 --> 01:31:30.516
That you'd already made up your mind.

01:31:36.324 --> 01:31:37.940
Dear God...

01:31:41.997 --> 01:31:43.704
Dear God...

01:31:48.128 --> 01:31:49.869
Dad...

01:31:50.005 --> 01:31:54.466
I don't want to be a soloist.
I don't consider myself a soloist.

01:31:54.718 --> 01:31:57.335
I want to be an orchestral player,

01:31:57.637 --> 01:32:00.345
enveloped in that body of sound,

01:32:00.515 --> 01:32:03.474
in that great communal effort,

01:32:03.852 --> 01:32:07.345
and not sitting alone
and exposed on a stage.

01:32:07.522 --> 01:32:12.062
I don't want others telling me
I'm not good enough.

01:32:12.402 --> 01:32:15.110
I want to decide my own future.

01:32:15.530 --> 01:32:18.147
I want a simple life.

01:32:18.742 --> 01:32:22.201
I want to settle down somewhere

01:32:22.537 --> 01:32:25.029
and live an ordinary life.

01:32:25.165 --> 01:32:28.374
I don't want to be
a poor surrogate for Mom

01:32:28.501 --> 01:32:32.745
who gets your praise
for being something I'm not.

01:32:33.631 --> 01:32:35.497
It has to end.

01:32:37.802 --> 01:32:39.384
And now it's ended.

01:32:47.270 --> 01:32:50.354
At least give it the perfect ending.

01:32:50.690 --> 01:32:52.397
What do you mean?

01:33:01.910 --> 01:33:04.823
Would you play the fifth saraband?

01:33:05.455 --> 01:33:08.573
You know that one.
- Right now?

01:33:08.750 --> 01:33:10.332
Yes, please.

01:34:27.871 --> 01:34:30.488
NINE

01:34:31.499 --> 01:34:34.663
<i>Yes, he's here.</i>
THE CRUCIAL MOMENT

01:34:34.836 --> 01:34:36.498
<i>Thank you.</i>

01:34:41.384 --> 01:34:45.469
- May I ask who that was?
- The hospital.

01:34:45.847 --> 01:34:49.215
Henrik tried
to commit suicide with pills

01:34:49.350 --> 01:34:54.436
and then slashed his wrists
and throat with a razor blade.

01:34:54.731 --> 01:34:56.939
He's in intensive care.

01:34:57.066 --> 01:35:01.527
Call this number
and ask for Nurse Ingegerd.

01:35:01.654 --> 01:35:03.236
Good God!

01:35:04.115 --> 01:35:07.574
The doctor said
he was found at the last minute.

01:35:07.785 --> 01:35:10.528
A Mrs. Berg was passing
by the cottage

01:35:10.663 --> 01:35:12.780
and looked in the window

01:35:12.957 --> 01:35:16.416
and saw a naked person on the floor.
- Goddamn it!

01:35:16.920 --> 01:35:19.537
The door was unlocked.

01:35:19.881 --> 01:35:23.716
She tried to revive him,
but he was unconscious...

01:35:24.886 --> 01:35:26.843
and he was bleeding.

01:35:26.971 --> 01:35:29.554
The ambulance took 20 minutes.

01:35:29.724 --> 01:35:31.431
My God!

01:35:31.559 --> 01:35:34.051
I should call Karin,

01:35:34.187 --> 01:35:37.476
but she's on her way to Hamburg.

01:35:38.900 --> 01:35:41.859
Henrik consistently fails at everything.

01:35:42.445 --> 01:35:44.812
He can't even kill himself properly.

01:35:46.491 --> 01:35:51.111
Say something, damn it!
- You want an answer to that?

01:35:51.246 --> 01:35:55.490
Anything. Tell me off.
Say something spontaneous for once.

01:35:56.167 --> 01:35:58.910
- I can't.
- You can't.

01:35:59.087 --> 01:36:02.546
Sometimes you act
like a forgotten character

01:36:02.674 --> 01:36:05.166
out of some stupid old movie.

01:36:05.301 --> 01:36:07.167
You can't be for real.

01:36:07.303 --> 01:36:09.090
You don't say.

01:36:10.974 --> 01:36:13.261
Right now... No, let's drop it.

01:36:13.393 --> 01:36:16.136
Go on. Finish it.

01:36:17.021 --> 01:36:19.183
Where did all this contempt
come from?

01:36:19.315 --> 01:36:22.774
I don't remember you like this.
You're a contemptuous old man!

01:36:22.944 --> 01:36:25.357
- Contempt?
- That's right!

01:36:25.613 --> 01:36:27.320
I don't know.

01:36:27.448 --> 01:36:30.941
If I feel contempt for anyone, it's myself.

01:36:31.119 --> 01:36:33.156
I don't know.

01:36:33.288 --> 01:36:35.280
I've never really thought about it.

01:36:37.417 --> 01:36:39.830
And that poor boy.

01:36:40.420 --> 01:36:42.332
Boy?

01:36:42.797 --> 01:36:44.914
Oh, you mean Henrik.

01:36:45.133 --> 01:36:48.752
I probably realized
he was too much like me.

01:36:48.886 --> 01:36:52.800
No, I never did like him.
I thought he looked ridiculous,

01:36:52.974 --> 01:36:55.182
meek and overweight.

01:36:55.435 --> 01:36:58.473
He surrounded me
with a sticky kind of love,

01:36:58.730 --> 01:37:01.643
and I admit I ignored that love.

01:37:02.317 --> 01:37:06.061
He was as devoted as a dog.
I wanted to kick him.

01:37:06.321 --> 01:37:09.655
Figuratively, of course!

01:37:15.288 --> 01:37:18.827
What happens now?
- How will Karin take this?

01:37:19.834 --> 01:37:22.292
She'll blame herself, of course.

01:37:22.545 --> 01:37:26.289
He should have thought of that.
Damn it!

01:37:26.674 --> 01:37:29.132
You think she'll change her mind?

01:37:29.427 --> 01:37:31.965
You think she'll return home?

01:37:32.764 --> 01:37:35.882
- I don't know.
- Will you talk to her?

01:37:37.393 --> 01:37:39.180
If we find her.

01:37:39.312 --> 01:37:41.349
I'll hire you as my agent!

01:37:41.773 --> 01:37:45.016
What do you charge?
Money is no object...

01:37:45.151 --> 01:37:49.316
as long as you lock
her guilt away in your safe.

01:37:49.697 --> 01:37:51.905
What if she returns home?

01:37:52.158 --> 01:37:55.697
She's so attached
to that miserable bastard.

01:37:55.870 --> 01:37:57.907
That would be a disaster!

01:37:58.206 --> 01:38:00.994
Yes, I think so.

01:38:11.260 --> 01:38:13.047
What can I say?

01:38:13.846 --> 01:38:16.384
I was so attached to Anna.

01:38:18.226 --> 01:38:21.594
It was dreadful
when she was taken from us.

01:38:22.897 --> 01:38:24.934
For me too...

01:38:25.191 --> 01:38:29.401
though I was sort of on the periphery
of that catastrophe.

01:38:31.948 --> 01:38:36.864
It's incomprehensible that Henrik
got the privilege of loving Anna.

01:38:39.080 --> 01:38:41.242
And that she loved him.

01:38:44.961 --> 01:38:47.419
I'm sure you're smiling ironically.

01:38:48.256 --> 01:38:49.747
No.

01:38:50.633 --> 01:38:52.499
I'm not smiling at all.

01:38:53.886 --> 01:38:56.253
I'm trying not to cry.

01:38:57.098 --> 01:39:00.432
- You have nothing to cry about.
- Yes, I do...

01:39:01.185 --> 01:39:04.019
but I don't intend to explain it.

01:39:08.025 --> 01:39:09.436
TEN

01:39:09.569 --> 01:39:12.778
HOUR OF THE WOLF

01:40:55.675 --> 01:40:57.632
Sorry to wake you up.

01:40:58.094 --> 01:41:01.508
<i>It's all right.
I'll fall back asleep.</i>

01:41:03.933 --> 01:41:07.643
Johan, is something wrong?

01:41:07.937 --> 01:41:09.553
I don't know.

01:41:10.565 --> 01:41:15.230
I think it's some kind of anxiety.

01:41:15.361 --> 01:41:18.775
Anxiety? What kind of anxiety?

01:41:19.865 --> 01:41:22.653
Now I see. You're sad...

01:41:22.785 --> 01:41:24.367
I'm not sad.

01:41:24.954 --> 01:41:27.537
It's worse.
It's some hellish anxiety.

01:41:27.832 --> 01:41:31.246
It's bigger than me.

01:41:31.752 --> 01:41:34.540
It's trying to push its way out
through every orifice...

01:41:34.672 --> 01:41:38.632
my eyes, my skin, my asshole.

01:41:40.011 --> 01:41:44.255
It's like a gigantic,
total mental diarrhea!

01:41:48.769 --> 01:41:52.137
It's coming out everywhere.
I'm too small for my anxiety.

01:41:52.273 --> 01:41:54.390
Are you afraid of death?

01:41:54.525 --> 01:41:57.393
More than anything,
I'd just like to scream.

01:41:57.528 --> 01:42:00.817
What do you do
with a bawling baby

01:42:01.407 --> 01:42:04.275
that won't be comforted?

01:42:04.452 --> 01:42:07.661
- Come lie next to me.
- There's no room.

01:42:07.955 --> 01:42:11.574
We've slept in narrower beds!

01:42:11.709 --> 01:42:13.917
We won't be able to sleep.

01:42:14.211 --> 01:42:18.501
As if that makes any difference
in these last days.

01:42:18.716 --> 01:42:21.925
I have to take off my nightshirt.

01:42:22.053 --> 01:42:24.340
It's damp from my... indisposition.

01:42:24.472 --> 01:42:26.634
Go ahead.

01:42:32.146 --> 01:42:34.638
You have to take yours off too.

01:42:35.483 --> 01:42:36.974
I do?

01:42:38.569 --> 01:42:40.026
All right.

01:43:09.183 --> 01:43:12.301
Come on, Johan.

01:43:21.904 --> 01:43:23.691
There.

01:43:34.792 --> 01:43:36.408
Good night, Marianne.

01:43:37.420 --> 01:43:38.877
Good night.

01:43:55.855 --> 01:44:00.190
Can you explain once and for all
this sudden visit here?

01:44:00.401 --> 01:44:02.734
I thought you were calling me.

01:44:02.903 --> 01:44:04.860
I've never called anyone.

01:44:04.989 --> 01:44:07.481
I got it into my head.

01:44:07.783 --> 01:44:10.651
It's very strange.
I don't understand.

01:44:11.412 --> 01:44:13.950
I understand
that you don't understand.

01:44:14.999 --> 01:44:17.241
How long will you stay?

01:44:17.418 --> 01:44:20.752
I have a case on the 27th.

01:44:20.921 --> 01:44:22.412
Of November?

01:44:22.923 --> 01:44:24.664
October.

01:44:28.387 --> 01:44:30.094
Good night again.

01:44:30.765 --> 01:44:32.256
Good night.

01:44:36.937 --> 01:44:39.429
Perhaps you're wondering
how things turned out.

01:44:40.649 --> 01:44:44.814
I stayed at Johan's until early October.

01:44:45.780 --> 01:44:49.649
Our time together
was pleasantly relaxing.

01:44:49.784 --> 01:44:52.242
We rarely spoke about

01:44:52.661 --> 01:44:55.404
"sensitive issues."

01:44:56.207 --> 01:44:58.574
We celebrated on the last night.

01:44:58.709 --> 01:45:02.703
Nothing grand, but just enough.

01:45:03.088 --> 01:45:06.707
We promised to keep in touch.

01:45:06.967 --> 01:45:09.300
I think we even fantasized

01:45:09.470 --> 01:45:12.304
about a trip to Florence
the next spring.

01:45:13.057 --> 01:45:16.016
The trip never happened, of course.

01:45:16.435 --> 01:45:19.803
But we continued talking on the phone.

01:45:19.980 --> 01:45:22.814
It became a Sunday custom.

01:45:24.193 --> 01:45:28.358
Then one day
Miss Nilsson answered.

01:45:28.739 --> 01:45:33.279
She said that unfortunately
Johan couldn't take any calls

01:45:33.410 --> 01:45:35.652
but that he would write.

01:45:36.330 --> 01:45:38.788
I asked if he was all right,

01:45:38.916 --> 01:45:42.830
and she said yes,
as far as she could tell,

01:45:43.003 --> 01:45:46.167
but he was a little tired
and he'd write.

01:45:46.507 --> 01:45:49.170
Of course I never got a letter.

01:45:49.343 --> 01:45:53.053
I wrote but didn't get an answer.

01:45:54.223 --> 01:45:56.180
And then there was silence.

01:45:57.059 --> 01:46:01.269
Things are as always with me.
In good order.

01:46:01.647 --> 01:46:03.513
Everything in its place.

01:46:03.691 --> 01:46:05.978
Perhaps I'm a bit lonely.

01:46:06.110 --> 01:46:07.942
I don't know.

01:46:11.699 --> 01:46:15.784
Sometimes... I think about Anna.

01:46:17.872 --> 01:46:24.164
I wonder how she managed her life.

01:46:29.717 --> 01:46:33.301
How she spoke...

01:46:35.723 --> 01:46:37.840
how she moved.

01:46:40.603 --> 01:46:42.515
Her gaze...

01:46:44.148 --> 01:46:48.563
that almost imperceptible smile.

01:46:53.365 --> 01:46:55.357
Anna's feelings.

01:46:59.413 --> 01:47:01.325
Anna's love.

01:47:10.382 --> 01:47:12.044
You know...

01:47:14.762 --> 01:47:18.381
something unusual happened to me

01:47:18.515 --> 01:47:22.930
that might have something
to do with all this.

01:47:24.438 --> 01:47:26.475
When I got back,

01:47:26.690 --> 01:47:29.558
I visited my daughter Martha
at the home.

01:49:02.202 --> 01:49:04.068
And I thought...

01:49:04.788 --> 01:49:07.747
about the mysterious fact...

01:49:10.252 --> 01:49:17.796
that for the first time
in our life together...

01:49:19.386 --> 01:49:21.218
I realized...

01:49:21.889 --> 01:49:23.676
I felt...

01:49:25.893 --> 01:49:28.510
that I was touching my daughter.

01:49:31.607 --> 01:49:33.394
My child.

01:49:33.418 --> 01:49:53.418
Telegram Channel and Instagram Page
.:: @bollbolljan_com ::.