WEBVTT 00:00:00.050 --> 00:00:10.050 ..:: Presented by ZarFilm website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:01.730 My husband. 00:01:02.600 --> 00:01:03.910 Thank you for last night. 00:01:19.390 --> 00:01:21.080 Thank you for last night. 00:01:40.510 --> 00:01:42.350 Thank you for last night. 00:02:13.050 --> 00:02:14.690 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 00:02:16.350 --> 00:02:17.740 Shit. 00:02:32.320 --> 00:02:37.610 Today, these visually-impaired senior citizens will fulfill a lifelong dream: 00:02:40.490 --> 00:02:42.180 To swim with dolphins. 00:02:44.700 --> 00:02:45.960 Hey, check this out. 00:02:47.010 --> 00:02:49.310 - What is that? - Careful. 00:02:49.530 --> 00:02:51.660 That is four years of research. 00:02:51.830 --> 00:02:55.620 A technological breakthrough which might just save a life or two. 00:02:55.840 --> 00:02:57.620 - What's it for? - A device to prevent... 00:02:57.750 --> 00:02:59.620 ...the beaching of cetaceans. 00:02:59.790 --> 00:03:02.670 - That's whales to you and me. - Cetaceans, huh? 00:03:02.830 --> 00:03:05.060 That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 00:03:07.750 --> 00:03:10.270 I'm not a man-whore. 00:03:10.490 --> 00:03:12.630 I'm a fish enthusiast. 00:03:12.890 --> 00:03:14.710 I stopped man-whoring when I met my wife. 00:03:14.930 --> 00:03:17.180 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon... 00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:19.140 ...because you tried to feed the sharks. 00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:21.970 You tell your mom I was trying to feed the turtles. 00:03:22.100 --> 00:03:24.370 I didn't realize there was meat sauce on the lettuce. 00:03:24.580 --> 00:03:27.930 Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't even work, you stupid he-bitch. 00:03:28.100 --> 00:03:30.580 - Come on, I got it. - Hey, you little bastards. 00:03:30.880 --> 00:03:33.060 Give that back! That's not a toy! 00:03:34.710 --> 00:03:37.010 That's the one. That's your grandma. 00:03:37.190 --> 00:03:39.020 Give me...! Come on! Give me...! 00:03:49.760 --> 00:03:52.880 Something seems to be going wrong. I'm not sure what's happening. 00:03:56.370 --> 00:03:57.810 I gotcha! I got...! 00:04:09.670 --> 00:04:11.890 Hey, everybody. I'm home. 00:04:16.100 --> 00:04:18.680 Hi, Kate. I missed you today. 00:04:19.890 --> 00:04:22.110 The prototype's almost working. 00:04:22.410 --> 00:04:24.150 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 00:04:29.500 --> 00:04:33.290 Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where three blind swimmers are missing. 00:04:33.470 --> 00:04:35.460 I hope that man rots in hell! 00:04:36.370 --> 00:04:38.760 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ball... 00:04:46.030 --> 00:04:48.380 - Hello? - Deucey, Deucey, Deucey. 00:04:48.550 --> 00:04:50.200 It's your old buddy T.J. here. 00:04:50.460 --> 00:04:52.420 - T.J? - I'm in Amsterdam. 00:04:52.600 --> 00:04:55.690 Man, you'd love it here. It's like Disneyland for college students. 00:04:55.990 --> 00:04:57.160 You wouldn't believe this. 00:04:57.330 --> 00:05:00.340 Why don't you come and let your friend T.J. show you a good time. 00:05:00.550 --> 00:05:02.600 - Oh, that's crazy. I can't. - Look. 00:05:02.820 --> 00:05:05.250 It ain't like you got something better to do over there. 00:05:05.420 --> 00:05:07.330 Amsterdam is so far away. 00:05:07.550 --> 00:05:10.810 Police have just released a sketch of a man wanted for questioning. 00:05:10.990 --> 00:05:15.340 Witnesses report he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 00:05:16.030 --> 00:05:18.910 On the other hand, far away could be good. 00:05:22.030 --> 00:05:23.560 Is my wife gonna be okay in there? 00:05:23.730 --> 00:05:26.080 - She'll be fine, sir. - All right. 00:05:26.300 --> 00:05:29.550 Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 from Helsinki is now arriving... 00:05:29.730 --> 00:05:32.510 Excuse me. I think there's been a mix-up. 00:05:33.640 --> 00:05:35.420 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 00:05:35.600 --> 00:05:38.690 That's okay. I always wondered what it felt like to be a white woman. 00:05:39.730 --> 00:05:41.820 - Can I borrow it? - Give me that. 00:05:42.870 --> 00:05:43.910 Hold on. 00:05:44.250 --> 00:05:47.000 All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 00:05:54.690 --> 00:05:55.950 Excuse me. 00:05:56.210 --> 00:05:57.430 Okay. 00:06:06.650 --> 00:06:09.700 Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 00:06:10.520 --> 00:06:12.340 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:16.260 You have nothing to worry about. I'm a fish expert, remember? 00:06:17.610 --> 00:06:19.570 What is that over there? 00:06:19.870 --> 00:06:23.080 Oh, that's just some kid with a fin on his back, trying to scare us. 00:06:23.400 --> 00:06:25.350 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 00:06:26.050 --> 00:06:28.870 Do you think the hotel would let us swim out here if there were sharks? 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:34.080 Come on. This is Mexico. 00:06:35.220 --> 00:06:37.260 They know what they're doing. 00:06:49.270 --> 00:06:51.230 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 00:06:51.390 --> 00:06:54.350 Fuck you, American, you imperialist bastard! 00:06:54.880 --> 00:06:57.960 I love America. I love President Bush. 00:06:58.140 --> 00:07:00.610 Thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq. 00:07:00.830 --> 00:07:03.190 - Shut up! - Oh, shit! 00:07:05.090 --> 00:07:07.180 Oh, hello. Sir. 00:07:07.580 --> 00:07:10.570 - Is this okay? - You did miss a spot. 00:07:16.490 --> 00:07:17.790 Did I get it? 00:07:18.360 --> 00:07:20.580 Put some elbow in it. 00:07:22.920 --> 00:07:24.140 Sorry, honey. 00:07:30.270 --> 00:07:31.920 What's with all these red lights? 00:07:33.230 --> 00:07:35.710 I wonder if they know their curtains are open. 00:07:38.570 --> 00:07:39.840 Oh, man. 00:07:42.580 --> 00:07:44.360 Ahoy there! 00:07:44.880 --> 00:07:46.970 Big Deucey in Amsterdam. 00:07:48.450 --> 00:07:50.100 Man, get on over here. 00:07:50.840 --> 00:07:52.540 Deucey. 00:07:53.100 --> 00:07:55.400 - Look at this boat. - Check this out. 00:08:00.370 --> 00:08:02.010 You like that? 00:08:07.840 --> 00:08:09.410 I couldn't be happier for you. 00:08:09.580 --> 00:08:11.190 Come, let me show you my float-crib. 00:08:11.490 --> 00:08:14.580 - Okay. - Looking like money. 00:08:14.760 --> 00:08:18.240 I'm telling you, you gonna have a good time, man, huh? 00:08:19.760 --> 00:08:22.370 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 00:08:24.590 --> 00:08:27.320 It's nice. I like what you've done with it. 00:08:27.540 --> 00:08:30.840 Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat. 00:08:31.020 --> 00:08:33.150 This is where I live. This is my home. 00:08:33.370 --> 00:08:36.070 I don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 00:08:37.670 --> 00:08:40.460 What do you think of the float-crib? You feeling it? 00:08:40.640 --> 00:08:43.540 T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:45.330 No, no, no. It's just high tide. 00:08:46.710 --> 00:08:49.150 Is that what I think it is? 00:08:49.550 --> 00:08:52.380 Yeah. I brought Kate. 00:08:52.850 --> 00:08:55.240 I really wanna show her a good time, you know? 00:08:55.420 --> 00:08:57.510 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 00:08:59.110 --> 00:09:00.590 Deucey. 00:09:01.330 --> 00:09:05.020 Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. 00:09:05.420 --> 00:09:08.250 - You gotta move on with your life. - T.J! 00:09:10.510 --> 00:09:11.980 Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? 00:09:12.160 --> 00:09:14.070 I no more man-whore. Too much danger. 00:09:16.900 --> 00:09:18.380 Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. 00:09:20.890 --> 00:09:22.210 Listen up, Lil' Kim. 00:09:22.370 --> 00:09:25.550 When your little bony ass had SARS, who got you out of quarantine? 00:09:26.560 --> 00:09:28.940 - Go make me some money. - No way! 00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:31.120 I take my three inches elsewhere. 00:09:36.940 --> 00:09:39.200 So I thought I'd come over here and make a killing. 00:09:39.380 --> 00:09:41.380 Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. 00:09:41.600 --> 00:09:43.730 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho... 00:09:43.950 --> 00:09:46.250 - ...is a floating man-ho. - Makes sense. 00:09:46.430 --> 00:09:48.560 Then all these man-whore murders started. 00:09:48.860 --> 00:09:50.900 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 00:09:51.080 --> 00:09:52.600 What kind of world do we live in... 00:09:52.820 --> 00:09:55.470 ...where the streets ain't safe for male prostitutes? 00:09:55.730 --> 00:09:57.650 Here's your hashish. 00:09:58.600 --> 00:10:00.740 - Enjoy. - Hashish? 00:10:00.900 --> 00:10:02.780 - Yeah. - No. 00:10:04.990 --> 00:10:06.550 I thought this was a coffee shop. 00:10:06.730 --> 00:10:09.250 Let me break it down for you, Deucey. You're in Amsterdam. 00:10:09.430 --> 00:10:12.260 If you want coffee, you go to a café. 00:10:12.420 --> 00:10:16.610 If you want marijuana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, you go to a coffee shop. 00:10:16.820 --> 00:10:18.570 That's where you is now. 00:10:26.560 --> 00:10:29.250 Put that away. Cops. Cops! 00:10:30.130 --> 00:10:32.090 Hold it right there. 00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:42.570 Now, that joint looks loose. If you want, I'll roll the next one. 00:10:43.650 --> 00:10:45.440 Have a good evening, huh? 00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:49.040 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 00:10:49.180 --> 00:10:51.430 It's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 00:10:51.610 --> 00:10:53.650 No. I'm not smoking nothing. 00:10:53.830 --> 00:10:55.170 Oh, come on, man. 00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:57.560 - Deucey don't smoke. - Suit yourself. 00:10:57.740 --> 00:11:00.180 Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer... 00:11:00.400 --> 00:11:02.570 ...the gigolo with the most below. 00:11:02.740 --> 00:11:04.350 What do you want, T.J? I'm busy. 00:11:04.530 --> 00:11:06.960 I wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 00:11:07.090 --> 00:11:09.830 - He's a gigolo from America. - Hi. 00:11:14.010 --> 00:11:16.170 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 00:11:16.350 --> 00:11:18.700 How much you getting for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 00:11:18.870 --> 00:11:20.090 I could get you more. 00:11:20.260 --> 00:11:22.310 A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 00:11:22.520 --> 00:11:24.180 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 00:11:24.350 --> 00:11:25.700 See you around, T.J. 00:11:25.920 --> 00:11:27.390 The Man-whore Awards are coming up. 00:11:27.570 --> 00:11:29.050 You wanna win the Golden Boner? 00:11:29.180 --> 00:11:30.830 I already won it twice. 00:11:31.010 --> 00:11:32.700 Just ask your ex-fiancée. 00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:35.660 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 00:11:37.710 --> 00:11:39.830 I can't believe prostitution's legal here. 00:11:40.050 --> 00:11:42.660 Oh, yeah, it's big business. They got a union, dental plan. 00:11:42.840 --> 00:11:45.700 Man, if I had a he-bitch like Heinz Hummer... 00:11:45.880 --> 00:11:47.710 ...put me back in the game. 00:11:48.010 --> 00:11:49.930 - Is he that good? - "Is he that good?" 00:11:50.090 --> 00:11:52.660 They don't call him "Lord of the Wangs" for nothing. 00:11:53.100 --> 00:11:54.960 Man, what I wouldn't give... 00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:56.660 For Heinz's wang? 00:11:57.400 --> 00:12:00.100 No, I don't want Heinz's wang! I want him as a client. 00:12:01.830 --> 00:12:03.570 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 00:12:03.750 --> 00:12:06.800 Talking about me wanting Heinz's big juicy wang. 00:12:07.020 --> 00:12:08.180 People would think I'm gay. 00:12:09.140 --> 00:12:11.490 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world: 00:12:11.620 --> 00:12:13.190 His reputation. 00:12:13.310 --> 00:12:16.190 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 00:12:17.580 --> 00:12:19.280 - What is this? - Spacecake. 00:12:21.060 --> 00:12:22.890 - Why do they call it that? - You know... 00:12:23.100 --> 00:12:25.370 ...it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 00:12:28.620 --> 00:12:30.500 I'm starving. 00:12:33.100 --> 00:12:36.190 - It's a little dry. - Keep eating. It gets better. 00:12:37.410 --> 00:12:39.670 - You sure you don't want any? - No. 00:12:39.800 --> 00:12:42.840 Never been high, never gonna be. 00:12:44.540 --> 00:12:46.190 This is pretty good cake, though. 00:12:47.070 --> 00:12:48.370 Fucking excellent. 00:13:23.770 --> 00:13:25.370 You. 00:13:27.940 --> 00:13:29.160 Come on in here. 00:13:29.640 --> 00:13:31.420 You...? You want me to...? 00:13:31.590 --> 00:13:33.070 Yes, you. 00:13:52.420 --> 00:13:55.210 - Maybe you can help me. - Really? 00:13:55.380 --> 00:13:59.290 I don't want a man who's chiseled and sculpted. 00:13:59.940 --> 00:14:02.720 I like soft and weak. 00:14:02.900 --> 00:14:06.120 - You do? - I want a man who's unemployed. 00:14:07.510 --> 00:14:10.070 And went to a community college. 00:14:10.210 --> 00:14:12.640 I am, and I did. 00:14:12.860 --> 00:14:15.640 - You know what really turns me on? - What? 00:14:15.860 --> 00:14:18.600 Is thinking about him in his tighty whities... 00:14:18.690 --> 00:14:20.730 ...sitting at his computer... 00:14:20.950 --> 00:14:23.380 ...and visiting different porn sites... 00:14:23.560 --> 00:14:28.120 ...and taking the free tour with no intention of ever joining. 00:14:28.300 --> 00:14:29.910 I don't have a credit card! 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:33.030 - Kiss my chest. - Okay. 00:14:34.600 --> 00:14:36.210 Harder! 00:14:36.600 --> 00:14:37.820 - Bite me! - You sure? 00:14:37.950 --> 00:14:39.380 Harder! Bite me harder! 00:14:41.610 --> 00:14:45.080 Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! 00:14:47.600 --> 00:14:50.040 No more spacecakes for you. 00:14:52.340 --> 00:14:56.780 Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. I must have gotten a contact buzz. 00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:59.080 What'd I tell you about making me look gay? 00:14:59.260 --> 00:15:01.380 Not ten minutes go by and you got your sloppy mouth... 00:15:01.520 --> 00:15:03.080 ...all over my breasteses. 00:15:03.300 --> 00:15:04.570 My nipple's ruined! 00:15:05.040 --> 00:15:07.090 You're lucky I was born with a spare. 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:11.860 There go one of my ho's. 00:15:12.180 --> 00:15:14.080 The old guy in the walker's one of your ho's? 00:15:14.300 --> 00:15:17.910 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there making me my money? 00:15:18.170 --> 00:15:21.300 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 00:15:21.560 --> 00:15:23.820 Deucey, meet me back at the float-crib. 00:15:24.440 --> 00:15:27.260 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 00:15:27.530 --> 00:15:31.570 I raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. Then: BAM 00:15:33.040 --> 00:15:35.040 Feel my pimp hand. 00:15:37.570 --> 00:15:38.790 Where's the boat? 00:15:50.750 --> 00:15:53.490 Oh. You scared me. 00:15:55.790 --> 00:15:57.920 Hey. Do you know who I am? 00:15:58.100 --> 00:16:02.570 I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 00:16:02.790 --> 00:16:05.270 I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 00:16:05.570 --> 00:16:08.220 I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... 00:16:08.400 --> 00:16:10.620 ...that will make you scream all night. Okay? 00:16:10.790 --> 00:16:14.230 But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 00:16:17.050 --> 00:16:19.180 Wait a second. Do I know you? 00:16:22.800 --> 00:16:25.620 "New-jizz-fizz... 00:16:27.010 --> 00:16:29.790 ...ver-bur-ger-king... "? 00:16:43.140 --> 00:16:44.760 Heinz. 00:16:51.670 --> 00:16:53.620 Man, are you wasted. 00:16:58.760 --> 00:17:00.270 I gotcha. 00:17:02.110 --> 00:17:04.060 Coming up next, more weather. 00:17:05.880 --> 00:17:07.360 What's this? 00:17:09.190 --> 00:17:11.110 Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. 00:17:13.190 --> 00:17:14.930 Holy shit. 00:17:16.320 --> 00:17:18.680 Europe just got a little better. 00:17:20.060 --> 00:17:23.070 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 00:17:23.710 --> 00:17:26.150 - You gotta keep your bitches in line. - Yeah. 00:17:27.150 --> 00:17:30.020 - What's he doing here? - I found him passed out in the alley. 00:17:30.420 --> 00:17:32.590 I couldn't just leave him there. 00:17:32.800 --> 00:17:34.110 I put in a good word for you. 00:17:34.290 --> 00:17:36.670 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 00:17:37.240 --> 00:17:38.940 I knew you'd come around. 00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:44.720 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 00:17:46.290 --> 00:17:49.550 No. He can't be. 00:17:49.810 --> 00:17:53.280 I'm telling you, Heinz is dead. See for yourself. 00:17:58.730 --> 00:18:00.030 Watch this. 00:18:05.900 --> 00:18:07.900 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 00:18:14.250 --> 00:18:16.760 I can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 00:18:16.940 --> 00:18:19.730 - What were you thinking? - I didn't know you could die from pot. 00:18:19.900 --> 00:18:23.590 This is no pot-related fatality. This is no ganja accident. 00:18:23.810 --> 00:18:25.550 This man was murdered. 00:18:28.080 --> 00:18:29.600 The Man-whore Killer did this? 00:18:32.640 --> 00:18:35.330 - We gotta call the police. - No, no, no! Hey, hey! 00:18:35.470 --> 00:18:36.940 Goddamn, white boy. 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:39.420 You think the police gonna believe a stone-black pimp... 00:18:39.560 --> 00:18:42.210 ...had nothing to do with a dead prosti-dude in his float-crib? 00:18:52.730 --> 00:18:55.550 Before I toss your dumb ass in the canal, I just wanna say... 00:18:55.730 --> 00:18:57.910 ...for the record, under T.J.'s management... 00:18:58.080 --> 00:19:00.040 ...this would've never happened. 00:19:03.600 --> 00:19:06.510 I just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 00:19:10.990 --> 00:19:12.560 Goddamn! 00:19:13.220 --> 00:19:15.430 No wonder Delisha never came back. 00:19:15.650 --> 00:19:18.390 That shit's the real Loch Ness monster. 00:19:20.090 --> 00:19:21.560 What's over there? 00:19:23.520 --> 00:19:25.780 - Look where his hand is. - What the shit is this? 00:19:26.910 --> 00:19:29.520 What you looking at? Turn off them damn cameras! 00:19:29.780 --> 00:19:32.390 I ain't gay! I was only looking down his pants... 00:19:32.570 --> 00:19:34.820 ...because I heard his schlong was so big and juicy. 00:19:35.040 --> 00:19:37.660 Wait a minute. That didn't sound right. 00:19:37.870 --> 00:19:39.830 - Perv! - Give me them damn cameras. 00:19:42.650 --> 00:19:43.830 Where is he? 00:19:44.050 --> 00:19:47.480 We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 00:19:47.660 --> 00:19:49.220 The suspected Man-whore Killer... 00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:51.570 ...has been spotted on the Prinsengracht Canal... 00:19:51.740 --> 00:19:53.790 ...attempting to dispose of his latest victim. 00:19:54.950 --> 00:19:56.920 - I ain't gay! - The suspected killer... 00:19:57.050 --> 00:20:00.520 ...has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 00:20:00.700 --> 00:20:02.660 - You idiot. - He is still at large... 00:20:02.830 --> 00:20:04.270 - ... and extremely... - Hold it! 00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:06.090 Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? 00:20:07.010 --> 00:20:09.090 - Where is he? - I don't know. 00:20:11.560 --> 00:20:14.140 - Where is he? - I swear I don't know. 00:20:15.310 --> 00:20:17.830 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 00:20:18.390 --> 00:20:21.700 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:23.920 Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... 00:20:24.100 --> 00:20:28.130 Please, Mr. Bigalow. I've heard this a thousand times. 00:20:28.310 --> 00:20:30.610 You were cold, you were frightened. 00:20:30.750 --> 00:20:33.050 He took you under his arm and fed you. 00:20:33.220 --> 00:20:35.000 He made you feel sexy. 00:20:35.180 --> 00:20:38.450 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 00:20:38.570 --> 00:20:42.270 But your friend is obviously a killer. 00:20:42.450 --> 00:20:43.750 T.J.'s not a killer. 00:20:44.700 --> 00:20:46.580 If he isn't a murderer... 00:20:46.750 --> 00:20:49.710 ...then what was he doing checking out a dead man's penis? 00:20:50.410 --> 00:20:52.710 I guess he was curious. 00:20:53.140 --> 00:20:56.400 He heard it was big and juicy... 00:20:56.580 --> 00:20:58.880 ...and wanted to see for himself. 00:20:59.060 --> 00:21:00.400 A lot of guys do that. 00:21:02.790 --> 00:21:06.140 No, they don't. 00:21:07.360 --> 00:21:09.020 Okay. 00:21:09.760 --> 00:21:11.100 T.J.'s gay. 00:21:11.490 --> 00:21:15.410 - Really? - Not normal-gay, but, you know... 00:21:15.840 --> 00:21:18.500 ...crazy-gay, you know? 00:21:19.140 --> 00:21:21.660 Musical-theater-gay. 00:21:23.320 --> 00:21:25.270 Is that why he puts lipstick... 00:21:26.710 --> 00:21:29.410 ...on all his victims? 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:32.200 Wait a minute. 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:36.020 In the alley, I heard someone whistling. 00:21:36.450 --> 00:21:37.810 And I saw someone. 00:21:40.240 --> 00:21:41.980 A woman... 00:21:43.280 --> 00:21:45.800 ...in a leopard coat. 00:21:46.720 --> 00:21:50.410 People see a lot of crazy things when they're high on spacecake. 00:21:50.630 --> 00:21:52.670 There's drugs in spacecake? 00:21:52.890 --> 00:21:56.850 Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 00:22:03.410 --> 00:22:05.800 - T.J., thank God you're here. - How'd you find me? 00:22:05.980 --> 00:22:08.370 It's the only chicken and waffle place in Holland. 00:22:08.540 --> 00:22:11.460 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 00:22:11.550 --> 00:22:12.980 That's racist. 00:22:13.630 --> 00:22:17.020 - But you are here. - Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 00:22:19.590 --> 00:22:22.030 - It's a nice place. - Did you know Holland invented... 00:22:22.150 --> 00:22:24.290 - ...chicken and waffles? - Really? 00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:27.380 Before that, you could only get chicken or waffles. 00:22:27.590 --> 00:22:30.500 But they were the first to put them together. 00:22:30.900 --> 00:22:34.590 Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that. 00:22:34.730 --> 00:22:36.990 You do know the Dutch started the slave trade. 00:22:37.510 --> 00:22:39.720 Those motherfuckers! 00:22:46.210 --> 00:22:47.590 Who let them print this? 00:22:47.810 --> 00:22:51.770 Look, we're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 00:22:51.980 --> 00:22:55.250 I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part. 00:22:55.380 --> 00:22:58.070 If I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 00:22:58.290 --> 00:23:00.070 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 00:23:00.290 --> 00:23:01.770 But a gay pimp? 00:23:01.940 --> 00:23:04.990 - Like, where I'm going? Vermont? - Look, T.J... 00:23:05.160 --> 00:23:07.120 ...I think I saw the real killer. 00:23:07.340 --> 00:23:08.600 It was a woman. 00:23:09.470 --> 00:23:11.600 Some she-john went on a he-bitch killing spree... 00:23:11.690 --> 00:23:14.040 ...because she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 00:23:14.210 --> 00:23:16.900 - What's a Filthy Lopez? - Forty bucks. Same as downtown. 00:23:17.080 --> 00:23:20.130 All we do is find the she-johns that went out with the dead gigolos. 00:23:20.290 --> 00:23:22.080 - One of them is our killer. - Makes sense. 00:23:22.290 --> 00:23:24.600 - You gotta get back on the horse. - Horse? What horse? 00:23:24.820 --> 00:23:26.040 The man-whore horse. 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:27.820 We gonna use your white ass as bait. 00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:29.690 Bait? Look, I'm not man-whoring. 00:23:29.860 --> 00:23:32.170 We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle. 00:23:32.550 --> 00:23:36.080 Twat-sicle? Gross! No. 00:23:39.080 --> 00:23:40.910 Give this to my mama. 00:23:41.210 --> 00:23:43.560 Tell her I'm sorry I was a disappointment to her. 00:23:43.730 --> 00:23:46.350 Sorry I called her friends in the middle of the night... 00:23:46.520 --> 00:23:48.480 ...when I was pleasuring myself. 00:23:48.600 --> 00:23:51.650 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 00:23:54.040 --> 00:23:58.610 Even if I wanted to, how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 00:23:58.780 --> 00:24:01.040 We'll go to the man-whore union. But be careful. 00:24:01.180 --> 00:24:02.440 They'll be looking for me. 00:24:05.090 --> 00:24:08.830 Meeting of the Royal Order of European Man-whores... 00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:11.300 ...is now in session. 00:24:11.480 --> 00:24:14.040 These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 00:24:14.440 --> 00:24:17.090 That? That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 00:24:17.260 --> 00:24:19.610 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 00:24:20.650 --> 00:24:22.700 That? That's Enzo. He's Italian. 00:24:22.920 --> 00:24:25.180 His nutsack is insured for a million dollars. 00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:27.740 - That's 500 grand each. - Check it out. 00:24:28.220 --> 00:24:30.010 That's Assapopulus from Greece. 00:24:30.130 --> 00:24:33.090 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 00:24:33.220 --> 00:24:34.740 I'd like to never see that. 00:24:35.090 --> 00:24:39.090 I'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, Heinz Hummer. 00:24:39.310 --> 00:24:40.570 Who's the blond guy? 00:24:40.790 --> 00:24:44.050 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of ho's. 00:24:44.220 --> 00:24:47.140 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry VIII crabs. 00:24:47.360 --> 00:24:50.310 But I know Heinz would like to be remembered for most... 00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:54.050 - ...was being a male prostitute. - Hear, hear. 00:24:54.230 --> 00:24:57.050 He was also a supercilious cunt. 00:24:57.790 --> 00:25:01.490 - Who's that guy? - Gian-Carlo. Silverback he-bitch. 00:25:01.700 --> 00:25:04.610 Heinz Hummer was undercutting all of us. 00:25:04.750 --> 00:25:06.450 - What? - Yes. 00:25:06.570 --> 00:25:09.440 He was charging the same price for straight sex... 00:25:09.620 --> 00:25:11.920 ...as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 00:25:12.060 --> 00:25:14.100 - What? - Oh, yes. 00:25:14.360 --> 00:25:18.530 He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer... 00:25:18.710 --> 00:25:21.880 ...as he was for a Portuguese Breakfast. 00:25:23.700 --> 00:25:26.670 As we sow, so shall we reap. 00:25:26.890 --> 00:25:29.970 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 00:25:30.140 --> 00:25:32.190 Until this insane killer is apprehended... 00:25:32.360 --> 00:25:35.710 ...the union is going to institute a new security measure. 00:25:35.880 --> 00:25:39.530 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na... 00:25:40.530 --> 00:25:43.670 ...and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 00:25:43.840 --> 00:25:47.880 There are rings of all sizes available, smaller for our Asian members. 00:25:48.580 --> 00:25:50.010 Y'all know me. 00:25:51.010 --> 00:25:52.840 My name is McManus. 00:25:53.370 --> 00:25:57.980 I joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons: 00:25:58.150 --> 00:26:00.850 To have intercourse in exchange for cash... 00:26:01.020 --> 00:26:04.020 ...and two, to protect me rights as a man-whore. 00:26:04.190 --> 00:26:05.410 But... 00:26:06.320 --> 00:26:08.060 ...three years ago... 00:26:08.280 --> 00:26:12.540 ...when this union told we man-whores... 00:26:12.710 --> 00:26:16.890 ...that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls... 00:26:17.110 --> 00:26:19.420 ...I strongly disagreed. 00:26:19.580 --> 00:26:21.540 But I did not stand up. 00:26:21.890 --> 00:26:25.030 I'm ashamed to say I stood down! 00:26:25.510 --> 00:26:27.720 And then three months later... 00:26:27.890 --> 00:26:31.240 ...this union told we man-whores... 00:26:31.420 --> 00:26:36.850 ...that we were to begin washing our private areas between customers. 00:26:37.070 --> 00:26:39.500 Our private areas. 00:26:40.330 --> 00:26:44.280 And once again, I'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen... 00:26:44.940 --> 00:26:46.240 ...I stood down! 00:26:47.070 --> 00:26:52.200 But now, sir, for what am I to tell my 8-year-old boy... 00:26:52.500 --> 00:26:54.800 ...when he comes to me and he says: 00:26:54.940 --> 00:26:56.900 "Daddy. Daddy. 00:26:57.070 --> 00:27:02.290 What's that thing hanging off of your he-pussy?" 00:27:03.030 --> 00:27:04.980 How am I to tell him, sir? 00:27:11.470 --> 00:27:14.070 Deucey, you can do this. 00:27:14.200 --> 00:27:15.980 Due to high demand... 00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:19.250 ...each member will be only allowed two tickets... 00:27:19.380 --> 00:27:22.430 - ...to this year's Man-whore Awards. - How's it going? 00:27:23.070 --> 00:27:26.340 I'm Deuce Bigalow. I'm a gigolo from America. 00:27:27.600 --> 00:27:30.860 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 00:27:31.080 --> 00:27:32.380 Homo! 00:27:33.470 --> 00:27:36.770 Now, I'm convinced that the real killer... 00:27:38.030 --> 00:27:39.250 ...is a she-john. 00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:43.560 Which means any one of you could be next. 00:27:45.210 --> 00:27:47.550 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 00:27:47.730 --> 00:27:50.120 Now, if we all work together... 00:27:50.340 --> 00:27:52.340 ...we can find out who the real killer is. 00:27:54.170 --> 00:27:55.860 What do you say? 00:28:02.780 --> 00:28:04.640 How come you didn't tell them I wasn't gay? 00:28:04.860 --> 00:28:07.820 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 00:28:08.170 --> 00:28:10.170 - What do we do now? - T.J. has an old friend... 00:28:10.350 --> 00:28:14.340 ...who just might be able to help us. Come on. Watch your step. 00:28:16.340 --> 00:28:18.080 Right this way, please. 00:28:18.610 --> 00:28:19.870 Deuce. 00:28:22.040 --> 00:28:23.870 Antoine? 00:28:24.390 --> 00:28:26.440 - Sit down. - It's good to see you. 00:28:26.600 --> 00:28:27.820 It's been a long time. 00:28:33.830 --> 00:28:36.220 This is the list from the man-whore union. 00:28:37.080 --> 00:28:40.700 It's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 00:28:40.870 --> 00:28:42.170 Awesome! 00:28:46.520 --> 00:28:49.960 Please be quiet. I went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 00:28:50.220 --> 00:28:52.960 - Sorry. - Now, if you want to compete... 00:28:53.090 --> 00:28:54.870 ...with the European man-whores... 00:28:55.050 --> 00:28:58.350 ...you need to learn how to really please a woman. 00:28:58.700 --> 00:29:01.260 - I should write some of this down. - Go ahead. 00:29:02.090 --> 00:29:05.270 You must be able to pleasure a woman with... 00:29:06.570 --> 00:29:07.830 With your... 00:29:08.700 --> 00:29:10.090 Pleasure her with...? 00:29:15.050 --> 00:29:16.440 Do you want me to try? 00:29:25.620 --> 00:29:26.830 All right. 00:29:27.830 --> 00:29:29.830 Women really like that? 00:29:40.090 --> 00:29:41.570 Man-whore down. 00:29:46.400 --> 00:29:48.620 Get the list. It's in his pants. 00:29:48.840 --> 00:29:51.100 All right. I think I got it. 00:29:57.140 --> 00:29:59.660 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants... 00:29:59.880 --> 00:30:02.060 ...without setting off the faggot alarm? 00:30:04.230 --> 00:30:06.750 Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 00:30:06.970 --> 00:30:08.800 What am I gonna do if she tries to kill me? 00:30:09.020 --> 00:30:11.710 Distract her with your magic she-nis, I'll look for evidence. 00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:13.800 The lipstick and the leopard coat. 00:30:18.410 --> 00:30:22.840 All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. 00:30:23.020 --> 00:30:26.110 Hi, I'm Deuce-- Biggest lady I've ever seen. 00:30:27.230 --> 00:30:29.370 That's a huge bitch. 00:30:32.980 --> 00:30:34.460 Hi. 00:30:37.590 --> 00:30:39.070 Cute kids. Are they yours? 00:30:39.190 --> 00:30:43.540 Those pictures, they come with the frames. I'm unable to have children. 00:30:44.100 --> 00:30:47.590 I'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 00:30:56.500 --> 00:30:57.940 Evidence. 00:31:01.770 --> 00:31:03.590 That big ho got food everywhere. 00:31:05.240 --> 00:31:06.680 You're a nice man. 00:31:06.900 --> 00:31:09.070 Now, take off your clothes. 00:31:09.280 --> 00:31:12.410 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 00:31:12.670 --> 00:31:14.290 Take them off! 00:31:17.110 --> 00:31:18.800 "Dutch Bride. " 00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:43.640 Baby walk to Mommy. 00:31:44.550 --> 00:31:46.590 Come, come. 00:31:46.810 --> 00:31:49.160 No! Like baby! 00:31:49.330 --> 00:31:52.340 Baby walk to Mommy. 00:31:54.600 --> 00:31:56.550 Good baby. 00:32:02.380 --> 00:32:04.080 Come to Mommy. 00:32:10.600 --> 00:32:13.340 Baby hungry? Want booby? 00:32:15.470 --> 00:32:17.380 Baby never eat again. 00:32:29.820 --> 00:32:32.690 You like them big hairy balls, don't you? 00:32:47.910 --> 00:32:50.480 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 00:32:54.480 --> 00:32:55.730 Hold it! 00:32:55.950 --> 00:32:59.000 Hold it right there. Is this truck full of marijuana? 00:32:59.130 --> 00:33:02.780 Is this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:05.830 No unloading pot in the red zone. 00:33:06.130 --> 00:33:07.690 Write him up. 00:33:07.870 --> 00:33:10.520 - But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. - Inspector. 00:33:10.650 --> 00:33:13.660 She's turning 13. We need all this pot for the party. 00:33:13.880 --> 00:33:17.090 Inspector. I got these lipsticks from Marlene Alsmere. 00:33:17.260 --> 00:33:19.490 She was a customer of Heinz. She's big and strong. 00:33:19.650 --> 00:33:22.610 - She could easily be the killer. - The lipstick the killer uses... 00:33:22.790 --> 00:33:24.040 ...is a very rare one. 00:33:24.220 --> 00:33:30.180 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 00:33:30.310 --> 00:33:31.430 But... But... 00:33:31.570 --> 00:33:35.440 Sir, I have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 00:33:36.140 --> 00:33:38.960 - Will you stop doing that? - Will you stop playing these games... 00:33:39.140 --> 00:33:41.750 - ...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? - T.J.'s innocent. 00:33:41.920 --> 00:33:44.350 Oh, don't make me laugh. "T.J.'s innocent." 00:33:45.570 --> 00:33:48.220 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:50.840 That's very nice. Thanks. 00:33:56.270 --> 00:33:59.840 - Let me... Let me help you with that. - Thank you. 00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:04.190 Excuse me for asking... 00:34:04.360 --> 00:34:06.490 ...but why did you slap yourself like that? 00:34:07.970 --> 00:34:09.620 Promise you won't laugh? 00:34:10.230 --> 00:34:11.480 I promise. 00:34:13.360 --> 00:34:17.050 I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 00:34:18.090 --> 00:34:21.620 I have these little rituals that I can't help doing. 00:34:21.750 --> 00:34:25.320 I can't touch doorknobs, I snap my fingers when I see a bus. 00:34:25.490 --> 00:34:28.190 And when someone sneezes, I slap myself three times. 00:34:28.370 --> 00:34:30.710 I've heard of that. That's not so bad. 00:34:32.880 --> 00:34:35.540 I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:37.890 It got me kicked out of school. 00:34:38.060 --> 00:34:40.850 It's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 00:34:41.050 --> 00:34:44.540 Actually, I've got about 130. 00:34:45.660 --> 00:34:47.190 So you're above average. 00:34:48.240 --> 00:34:50.060 I mean... I'm Deuce. 00:34:51.590 --> 00:34:53.590 I'm Eva. 00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:56.240 Is that a Sudanese Sweetlips? 00:34:56.460 --> 00:34:59.630 - How did you know? - It's, like, my top-five favorite fish. 00:35:00.240 --> 00:35:02.540 They have one here at the aquarium. 00:35:02.930 --> 00:35:04.590 I heard this place is incredible. 00:35:09.540 --> 00:35:11.370 The doorknob? 00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:14.670 I'll get it. Okay. 00:35:15.590 --> 00:35:18.070 Thanks. Thank you. 00:35:18.850 --> 00:35:20.200 He's beautiful. 00:35:21.060 --> 00:35:22.590 That's really good. 00:35:23.110 --> 00:35:24.720 Thank you. 00:35:36.980 --> 00:35:41.810 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 00:35:43.460 --> 00:35:47.590 Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack a country just to steal their oil. 00:35:48.550 --> 00:35:49.990 What? 00:35:50.110 --> 00:35:54.120 "What?" Did I offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 00:35:54.980 --> 00:35:58.070 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 00:35:58.250 --> 00:36:00.730 What? I just asked you to put your cigarette out. 00:36:00.950 --> 00:36:02.160 And then what is next? 00:36:02.370 --> 00:36:04.380 Take wine away from my children? 00:36:04.720 --> 00:36:08.680 I put out this cigarette. God bless America. 00:36:11.330 --> 00:36:13.770 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 00:36:13.950 --> 00:36:16.640 - So they say. - It could kill every fish in that tank. 00:36:16.820 --> 00:36:18.560 Poor little fishy. 00:36:21.340 --> 00:36:24.330 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 00:36:34.550 --> 00:36:36.770 You have a nice ass. 00:36:39.990 --> 00:36:42.000 I think this belongs to you. 00:36:48.290 --> 00:36:49.820 You dick! 00:36:50.210 --> 00:36:52.780 I would like to take you from behind. 00:36:56.340 --> 00:36:59.290 My penis is uncircumcised. 00:37:01.080 --> 00:37:02.820 No head. 00:37:03.000 --> 00:37:05.040 It's like a torpedo. 00:37:05.860 --> 00:37:09.690 - You pig. - Oh, are you tired of swimming? 00:37:09.910 --> 00:37:13.390 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 00:37:24.560 --> 00:37:27.040 Fuck off, you Yank! 00:37:29.700 --> 00:37:31.610 I'm staying with my uncle for the summer. 00:37:31.790 --> 00:37:33.730 Then I go back to art school in Brussels. 00:37:34.130 --> 00:37:36.570 Could I take you out for coffee sometime? 00:37:36.740 --> 00:37:38.140 You mean like a date? 00:37:38.820 --> 00:37:40.350 Well, yeah. 00:37:45.350 --> 00:37:47.520 Oh, the siren. 00:37:49.090 --> 00:37:51.740 Right. Right. Siren. 00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:55.700 Before I can go on a date I have to collect five different colored tulips... 00:37:55.870 --> 00:37:59.570 ...eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 00:38:00.140 --> 00:38:02.140 Well, that sounds doable. 00:38:08.050 --> 00:38:09.570 What is it? 00:38:12.580 --> 00:38:13.780 The accordion player? 00:38:21.620 --> 00:38:23.530 The Smelly Finger Dance. 00:38:30.830 --> 00:38:32.830 One cheek at a time. 00:38:34.180 --> 00:38:38.140 Hey, guys. I need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say? 00:38:39.580 --> 00:38:42.790 I'm judging a sandcastle-building competition this afternoon... 00:38:42.970 --> 00:38:44.620 ...so I can't help you. 00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:48.220 The dog ate my penis. 00:38:51.320 --> 00:38:54.570 You don't have to walk me any further. I just work over there. 00:38:54.750 --> 00:38:57.490 - I don't mind. - I'm kind of embarrassed of my job. 00:38:57.660 --> 00:39:00.920 I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. What do you do? 00:39:01.840 --> 00:39:03.490 Bye, Deuce. 00:39:04.150 --> 00:39:08.710 Well, well, well. If it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:13.360 It's Bigalow. 00:39:13.500 --> 00:39:15.710 What's your going rate, Douche? 00:39:15.850 --> 00:39:18.970 Well, I was getting $10. 00:39:21.060 --> 00:39:25.370 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 00:39:25.540 --> 00:39:27.540 Sure I know. It's when she says: 00:39:27.750 --> 00:39:31.840 "Please stop. It's okay. You tried. 00:39:33.100 --> 00:39:34.890 Now, get off me." 00:39:39.070 --> 00:39:41.710 I bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 00:39:41.930 --> 00:39:46.160 Well, that depends. If she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:49.110 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 00:39:50.850 --> 00:39:52.550 Is there? 00:39:53.410 --> 00:39:55.110 It's when you stick it in their... 00:39:55.330 --> 00:39:59.590 It's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 00:40:00.020 --> 00:40:03.070 I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 00:40:03.250 --> 00:40:05.240 Small-Below. 00:40:09.810 --> 00:40:11.770 I'll be right down. 00:40:17.550 --> 00:40:18.810 Okay. 00:40:20.240 --> 00:40:22.200 This is the woman that went out with Heinz... 00:40:22.420 --> 00:40:24.470 ...the night before he was murdered. 00:40:27.160 --> 00:40:31.080 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. I ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 00:40:34.640 --> 00:40:37.170 Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. 00:40:37.330 --> 00:40:39.550 Nice to meet you. 00:40:50.290 --> 00:40:52.080 Would you like some bread? 00:40:52.290 --> 00:40:54.300 Oh, I can't have bread. 00:40:54.520 --> 00:40:57.160 It makes my esophageal lining swell up... 00:40:57.340 --> 00:40:59.770 ...and could block my throat-hole. 00:41:00.810 --> 00:41:02.820 - Excuse me for a second. - Sure. 00:41:09.250 --> 00:41:11.690 Pardon me. I had to clear. 00:41:12.690 --> 00:41:14.210 Yeah. 00:41:15.470 --> 00:41:17.940 - So, what do you do? - I just got fired. 00:41:18.080 --> 00:41:20.990 - I'm sorry. - I was a phone-sex operator. 00:41:22.770 --> 00:41:26.860 I only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:30.910 I heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 00:41:31.080 --> 00:41:32.780 I bet you're glad he's dead. 00:41:32.990 --> 00:41:37.780 Heinz was the most gentle man I ever knew. 00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:41.820 I miss him and his mangina. 00:41:43.740 --> 00:41:45.830 I can't take it anymore. 00:41:47.650 --> 00:41:50.560 I'm sorry. I can see that you really liked Heinz. 00:41:52.040 --> 00:41:55.130 - Here, let me get that for you. - Thanks. 00:42:01.870 --> 00:42:04.820 - Let's go. - I think I'm gonna puke. 00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:08.090 I started smoking again when I lost my job. 00:42:08.310 --> 00:42:11.960 If I don't find another one pretty soon, I'm gonna lose my house. 00:42:12.130 --> 00:42:14.740 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 00:42:15.300 --> 00:42:19.130 - Relax. Have some wine. - Thanks. 00:42:32.270 --> 00:42:34.790 I don't normally drink red wine so... 00:42:36.270 --> 00:42:37.700 I have hiccups. 00:42:40.750 --> 00:42:43.870 - Gone down the wrong hole, I think. - Check, please. 00:42:45.530 --> 00:42:48.880 Deuce, I can't thank you enough. 00:42:49.060 --> 00:42:52.620 It's good for you, it's good for them. I'm just glad it worked out. 00:42:54.870 --> 00:42:58.310 - I better get to work. - I'll be hearing from you. 00:42:58.490 --> 00:43:00.010 Okay. 00:43:02.220 --> 00:43:06.570 The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 00:43:06.750 --> 00:43:09.230 There is no parking in the white zone. 00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:12.320 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. 00:43:12.540 --> 00:43:13.750 The white zone... 00:43:15.060 --> 00:43:17.570 I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 00:43:18.790 --> 00:43:22.880 I am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 00:43:23.060 --> 00:43:24.970 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 00:43:26.580 --> 00:43:28.010 Gwyneth. 00:43:28.750 --> 00:43:30.010 Good choice. 00:43:41.590 --> 00:43:42.890 Oh, hey. 00:43:43.060 --> 00:43:47.240 I got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 00:43:53.070 --> 00:43:55.670 So, Enzo... 00:43:55.890 --> 00:43:58.280 ...got any she-johns lined up for tonight? 00:43:58.460 --> 00:44:01.800 Well, I did a Chili Rainbow last night so I'm exhausted. 00:44:01.980 --> 00:44:05.230 What about you, Assapopulus? 00:44:05.410 --> 00:44:07.720 I've got the herpes so... 00:44:07.930 --> 00:44:09.460 What are you gonna do? 00:44:11.370 --> 00:44:12.540 Liar! 00:44:12.760 --> 00:44:15.550 - Mahmoud! - What's your excuse? 00:44:15.770 --> 00:44:18.890 I just realized I'm gay. 00:44:20.850 --> 00:44:23.370 Any of you guys want a blowjob? 00:44:25.670 --> 00:44:27.150 I do. 00:44:28.550 --> 00:44:30.200 Well... 00:44:30.370 --> 00:44:34.760 Okay, then. I better go put that penis in my mouth. 00:44:34.900 --> 00:44:37.200 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer. 00:44:37.420 --> 00:44:38.850 - No. Come on. - No, we're not. 00:44:38.990 --> 00:44:41.940 - Get down! - I don't wanna die! 00:44:42.290 --> 00:44:45.200 You really should find a better hiding place. 00:44:46.330 --> 00:44:47.940 Oh, you haven't heard. 00:44:48.770 --> 00:44:51.770 - Rodrigo's been killed. - No. 00:44:51.990 --> 00:44:55.240 Oh, my God, why? He was just having his ass hair bleached. 00:44:55.380 --> 00:44:57.770 He got much more than that, I can assure you. 00:45:01.330 --> 00:45:04.250 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy that Scotland Yard... 00:45:04.420 --> 00:45:08.500 ...has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 00:45:08.640 --> 00:45:10.120 Thank you very much. 00:45:11.250 --> 00:45:14.550 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 00:45:14.950 --> 00:45:17.470 The Russian women are a little freaky down below. 00:45:17.600 --> 00:45:21.040 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 00:45:21.200 --> 00:45:23.250 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south... 00:45:23.470 --> 00:45:25.250 ...put a clothespin on your nose. 00:45:25.910 --> 00:45:27.380 I'll keep that in mind. 00:45:29.900 --> 00:45:31.780 Wish me luck. 00:45:31.900 --> 00:45:34.990 Gasov. You mind changing that to the weather channel? 00:45:38.030 --> 00:45:39.730 It's gonna be cold tomorrow. 00:45:42.080 --> 00:45:44.520 I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 00:45:48.650 --> 00:45:52.430 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 00:45:52.780 --> 00:45:54.000 What do you know about it? 00:45:54.160 --> 00:45:57.470 Apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all. 00:45:57.610 --> 00:46:00.030 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 00:46:00.210 --> 00:46:03.520 I think everything happens for reason. 00:46:04.380 --> 00:46:07.000 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil. 00:46:07.260 --> 00:46:11.170 I wasn't, but if you wanna talk about it, cool. 00:46:11.390 --> 00:46:12.730 I grew up in Chernobyl. 00:46:12.910 --> 00:46:14.130 Chernobyl. 00:46:15.170 --> 00:46:17.520 - What a pretty name. - My mother... 00:46:17.700 --> 00:46:21.520 ...she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:26.700 Instead of a nose, I was born with an appendage on my face. 00:46:28.000 --> 00:46:30.520 A male appendage. 00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:34.310 No shit? 00:46:35.310 --> 00:46:39.520 I have always been a little self-conscious about it. 00:46:39.660 --> 00:46:42.040 Well, you shouldn't. I mean... 00:46:42.180 --> 00:46:47.530 A lot of women would love to have a guy's dick on their face. 00:46:47.650 --> 00:46:49.830 Yours is just permanent. 00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:53.610 You are sweet. 00:46:54.480 --> 00:46:57.130 And very handsome for an American. 00:47:00.530 --> 00:47:02.050 I like you. 00:47:09.830 --> 00:47:13.010 I would love to hear some Latin music. 00:47:13.140 --> 00:47:15.480 Well, I'll see if the penis knows any. 00:47:16.660 --> 00:47:18.970 I mean the pianist. 00:47:19.670 --> 00:47:21.660 The guy playing the piano. 00:47:23.310 --> 00:47:27.010 The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 00:47:46.230 --> 00:47:48.060 Damn, no lipstick. 00:47:48.280 --> 00:47:51.360 - You smell nice. What is it? - It's Old Nice. 00:47:52.450 --> 00:47:54.790 It's a knockoff of Old Spice. 00:47:54.970 --> 00:47:59.190 I like it, but I think it makes me sneeze. 00:47:59.400 --> 00:48:01.400 What happens when you sneeze? 00:48:03.750 --> 00:48:05.890 Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. 00:48:06.850 --> 00:48:10.410 Oh, good Lord. Now is a good time to turn. 00:48:21.540 --> 00:48:22.980 Hi. 00:48:34.840 --> 00:48:37.060 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 00:48:37.240 --> 00:48:39.450 Only until I can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 00:48:39.890 --> 00:48:41.980 Is there someone waiting for you back home? 00:48:43.330 --> 00:48:44.800 It's kind of hard to explain. 00:48:46.160 --> 00:48:47.940 Would you like to meet her? 00:48:48.590 --> 00:48:50.290 She's here in Amsterdam? 00:48:51.290 --> 00:48:53.110 It's my wife. 00:48:55.020 --> 00:48:57.590 I got her right here in my duffle bag. 00:49:02.990 --> 00:49:05.770 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 00:49:07.160 --> 00:49:09.800 She passed away a couple of years ago... 00:49:10.020 --> 00:49:12.160 ...and this is all I have left of her and I... 00:49:17.550 --> 00:49:19.600 Nice to meet you. 00:49:19.810 --> 00:49:24.990 She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 00:49:41.290 --> 00:49:43.560 Hey, can I see you when you get off work? 00:49:43.680 --> 00:49:47.640 Oh, you know, I'd really love to, but I'm going to be so tired. 00:49:47.770 --> 00:49:49.730 - Bye. - Okay. 00:50:02.250 --> 00:50:04.250 Eva. Eva. 00:50:05.040 --> 00:50:08.260 Did you just kiss me nine times because of your OCD? 00:50:08.420 --> 00:50:11.080 No. It's because I like you. 00:50:12.990 --> 00:50:14.390 Excuse us, coming through. 00:50:18.040 --> 00:50:20.040 What are they doing in there, anyway? 00:50:20.650 --> 00:50:22.430 They're making a movie. 00:50:22.560 --> 00:50:25.030 Cool. What kind of movie? 00:50:30.440 --> 00:50:32.870 - I better get to work. - Okay. 00:50:33.130 --> 00:50:35.650 In there? You work in there? 00:50:36.570 --> 00:50:39.690 - Yeah. Well... - Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday. 00:50:39.870 --> 00:50:42.040 - Thank you. - Eva. Eva. Listen... 00:50:42.180 --> 00:50:45.650 ...we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 00:50:45.870 --> 00:50:49.130 - All the guys? - Yeah. I can't keep them waiting. 00:50:49.310 --> 00:50:50.560 Bye, Deuce. 00:50:51.560 --> 00:50:54.080 I'll put your name on the list. 00:51:10.130 --> 00:51:11.610 Hey, whoa, whoa. 00:51:11.830 --> 00:51:13.570 Back of the line, buddy. 00:51:13.790 --> 00:51:16.480 Trust me, she's worth the wait. 00:51:20.530 --> 00:51:22.130 It's a closed set, you can't come in. 00:51:22.350 --> 00:51:23.700 Like hell I can't. 00:51:25.180 --> 00:51:26.960 Get off her, you little freak! 00:51:35.440 --> 00:51:37.140 Eva, you don't have to do this. 00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:43.400 Hey, I agreed to one midget, not two! 00:51:46.090 --> 00:51:47.660 Deuce? 00:51:48.580 --> 00:51:50.360 Eva, you don't have to do this. 00:51:50.800 --> 00:51:52.060 Do what? 00:51:52.960 --> 00:51:55.010 - This. - What? 00:51:56.710 --> 00:51:58.230 This. 00:52:01.060 --> 00:52:02.480 You painted that? 00:52:03.280 --> 00:52:05.360 I'm a scenic artist. 00:52:05.530 --> 00:52:07.790 So that's what you do here. 00:52:11.010 --> 00:52:13.060 Hey, little friend. I guess I owe you a big... 00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:19.630 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? Stoner Steve! 00:52:19.840 --> 00:52:22.060 - T.J., is that you? - Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude. 00:52:22.190 --> 00:52:24.660 I've went out with every girl on that list in Holland. 00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:27.970 - Find the rest of those bitches. - Those women live in other countries. 00:52:28.150 --> 00:52:32.410 Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that snatch-pole and go find the real killer! 00:52:32.540 --> 00:52:35.190 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Café! 00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:47.410 Hi. 00:52:48.840 --> 00:52:49.930 Hi. 00:53:52.370 --> 00:53:53.850 Hey, look at that. 00:53:54.030 --> 00:53:55.550 Look at that, right there. 00:54:06.940 --> 00:54:08.340 Are you sure? 00:54:38.950 --> 00:54:40.250 T.J., there you are. 00:54:40.430 --> 00:54:42.640 The girl with the giant ears heard Heinz talking... 00:54:42.860 --> 00:54:46.260 ...about some photo in the man-whore society. We gotta get in there. 00:54:46.430 --> 00:54:49.690 - Why aren't you in disguise? - I'm in disguise. 00:54:50.350 --> 00:54:51.870 I'm in blackface. 00:54:52.740 --> 00:54:54.700 - But you're black. - Yeah, but I'm disguised... 00:54:54.900 --> 00:54:56.650 ...as a different black guy. 00:54:56.820 --> 00:54:58.820 - You look the same. - What you trying to say? 00:54:59.040 --> 00:55:01.210 - We all look alike? - No, that's not it. 00:55:01.390 --> 00:55:04.650 You're such a racist. I got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 00:55:04.820 --> 00:55:06.700 Come on. Jeez, let's go. 00:55:13.350 --> 00:55:16.960 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 00:55:17.040 --> 00:55:20.040 Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 00:55:22.090 --> 00:55:24.790 Still. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:27.660 That's what your mama said after I bang her. 00:55:30.180 --> 00:55:31.520 Okay, that's it. 00:55:31.740 --> 00:55:33.170 Go, go, go! 00:55:38.520 --> 00:55:40.830 Hey, your mama is in here. 00:55:41.000 --> 00:55:42.780 It's okay. I know what I'm talking about. 00:55:42.960 --> 00:55:46.530 If you're going to stick two in there, you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 00:55:46.910 --> 00:55:48.870 I know what I'm talking about, huh? 00:55:49.050 --> 00:55:50.700 Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. 00:56:19.140 --> 00:56:20.880 Hey, this thing is locked. 00:56:29.840 --> 00:56:33.050 Man! I only heard about this place. 00:56:33.270 --> 00:56:36.060 This is where man-whoring all started. 00:56:37.620 --> 00:56:40.020 Check it out. You know who this is? 00:56:40.140 --> 00:56:42.580 He was the first guy to keep from shooting his load... 00:56:42.710 --> 00:56:43.970 ...by thinking about sports. 00:56:46.450 --> 00:56:49.710 This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. 00:56:49.880 --> 00:56:52.450 Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. 00:56:52.620 --> 00:56:55.150 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 00:56:55.370 --> 00:56:58.410 The only thing left of him is this stick... 00:56:58.580 --> 00:57:01.720 ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 00:57:06.670 --> 00:57:10.020 Now, this brother here, Kunta Kuntlicker. 00:57:10.540 --> 00:57:13.280 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass-eating. 00:57:16.110 --> 00:57:17.630 Vladmir Suckmeov. 00:57:18.230 --> 00:57:20.850 The first man-ho in space. They were studying... 00:57:21.060 --> 00:57:23.370 ...the effects of zero gravity on the reach-around. 00:57:23.540 --> 00:57:27.460 - Will you cut it out? - I'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 00:57:29.970 --> 00:57:32.410 Hey. Wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 00:57:34.020 --> 00:57:37.760 That's the blond lady with the leopard coat. This must be the killer. 00:57:39.590 --> 00:57:42.250 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 00:57:42.450 --> 00:57:45.900 I thought I'd go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff link... 00:57:47.320 --> 00:57:50.460 - You left the trophy case open again. - Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 00:57:50.630 --> 00:57:52.070 Deucey. 00:57:53.030 --> 00:57:55.630 - I gotta fart. - You gotta what? 00:57:55.850 --> 00:57:58.330 - I gotta fart. - Well, hold it. 00:58:00.640 --> 00:58:01.940 I hear something. 00:58:05.470 --> 00:58:08.640 I think the building is squeaking. 00:58:08.940 --> 00:58:10.540 Maybe it's a bird. 00:58:17.030 --> 00:58:18.590 You idiot! 00:58:22.240 --> 00:58:23.770 - Go. - Bigalow! 00:58:24.680 --> 00:58:27.110 Security! Stop them! 00:58:29.160 --> 00:58:30.730 T.J. 00:58:43.860 --> 00:58:45.820 - Move the curtain! - What the hell? 00:58:45.940 --> 00:58:47.560 Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 00:58:50.030 --> 00:58:52.600 - Enzo? He kill Enzo. - No, no, I didn't do it. 00:58:52.820 --> 00:58:54.820 What is that? 00:58:55.900 --> 00:58:58.340 That is not a dick in my hand. 00:58:58.520 --> 00:59:02.550 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand. 00:59:10.520 --> 00:59:12.470 Eva. Eva. 00:59:12.610 --> 00:59:14.950 - I'm in the shower. - T.J.'s been arrested. 00:59:15.090 --> 00:59:17.520 I can't hear you! I'll be out in a minute! 00:59:17.600 --> 00:59:21.300 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer... 00:59:21.520 --> 00:59:24.130 ...murdered famed gigolo Enzo Giarraputo. 00:59:24.650 --> 00:59:29.000 Our meteorologist Truus is sick today. Filling in is Henk van de Berg. 01:00:18.220 --> 01:00:21.050 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 01:00:21.220 --> 01:00:22.750 Like what? 01:00:33.570 --> 01:00:36.530 I'll get that. I was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 01:00:38.840 --> 01:00:40.620 So is your uncle home? 01:00:41.180 --> 01:00:44.180 No. We're completely alone. 01:00:45.450 --> 01:00:47.140 Would you like some cheese? 01:00:47.270 --> 01:00:48.660 I'm lactose intolerant. 01:00:49.310 --> 01:00:51.280 Why are you so jumpy? 01:00:51.800 --> 01:00:53.580 Maybe I can help you relax. 01:00:58.270 --> 01:01:00.010 You're shaking. 01:01:01.620 --> 01:01:03.140 Maybe it's because I'm cold. 01:01:03.620 --> 01:01:05.280 I can fix that. 01:01:05.840 --> 01:01:07.710 Why don't you pour us a drink. 01:01:12.750 --> 01:01:16.320 So I guess we're all alone, huh? 01:01:18.060 --> 01:01:19.530 Yes. 01:01:21.010 --> 01:01:23.320 Deuce. You're scaring me. 01:01:24.020 --> 01:01:25.280 Eva. 01:01:27.760 --> 01:01:32.670 Listen, everything I'm about to do is because I really care for you. 01:01:33.320 --> 01:01:34.670 Oh, Deuce. 01:01:35.100 --> 01:01:36.540 Now, I don't know why... 01:01:38.320 --> 01:01:42.370 I don't know why you've done this, but I'm gonna give you everything I've got. 01:02:10.020 --> 01:02:11.420 Deuce? 01:02:21.030 --> 01:02:22.940 - Don't go in there. Stop! - Gaspar. Gaspar. 01:02:23.070 --> 01:02:26.460 I know who the killer is. I know who the killer is. 01:02:33.200 --> 01:02:34.460 I know who the killer is. 01:02:34.600 --> 01:02:37.680 I knew sooner or later someone would figure it out. 01:02:42.990 --> 01:02:45.290 I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you. 01:02:50.120 --> 01:02:51.690 It's Eva. 01:02:53.070 --> 01:02:54.770 It's Eva? 01:02:56.640 --> 01:02:58.720 You mean my niece Eva? 01:02:58.940 --> 01:03:00.940 I know it sounds crazy... 01:03:01.120 --> 01:03:04.070 ...but I found the lipstick. The same lipstick the killer used. 01:03:04.250 --> 01:03:08.200 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, at your house. 01:03:08.380 --> 01:03:12.250 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 01:03:12.470 --> 01:03:16.390 Exactly. Plus, I heard her whistling the same song I heard the killer whistle. 01:03:16.550 --> 01:03:17.950 Like: 01:03:25.030 --> 01:03:27.610 Now, you tell me. Why would anyone but the killer... 01:03:27.810 --> 01:03:31.170 ...be whistling that specific song? The odds would be astronomical. 01:03:31.340 --> 01:03:33.120 Maybe the song got stuck in her head... 01:03:33.300 --> 01:03:35.650 ...because she overheard the real killer whistling it. 01:03:35.860 --> 01:03:37.910 And maybe the real killer is someone... 01:03:38.950 --> 01:03:42.520 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 01:03:43.960 --> 01:03:47.820 Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 01:03:48.470 --> 01:03:51.730 Look, I understand this must be very difficult for you... 01:03:51.910 --> 01:03:54.560 ...to be out-thunk by a civilian like myself. 01:03:54.740 --> 01:03:56.780 But we have to put our egos aside right now... 01:03:56.910 --> 01:03:58.390 ...and do what's best for Eva. 01:03:58.560 --> 01:04:00.610 She's clearly ill and she needs our help. 01:04:00.830 --> 01:04:02.250 You're absolutely right. 01:04:02.430 --> 01:04:05.780 You know, the only thing I can't think of is motive. 01:04:05.910 --> 01:04:08.120 I mean, what could she have against man-whores? 01:04:08.340 --> 01:04:12.910 Maybe because they represent a decline of this once glorious city... 01:04:13.050 --> 01:04:16.130 ...which has become a new Sodom and Gomorrah for rich college kids... 01:04:16.300 --> 01:04:19.440 ...to smoke hash, to fornicate with Venezuelan hookers... 01:04:19.560 --> 01:04:23.570 ...or to defecate on our historic cobblestone streets. 01:04:23.790 --> 01:04:26.310 They don't defecate on the streets. 01:04:31.400 --> 01:04:34.790 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? I mean, he could be a local. 01:04:40.180 --> 01:04:41.570 Where is Eva now? 01:04:42.780 --> 01:04:44.570 She's at your house. 01:04:44.700 --> 01:04:46.350 Good. 01:04:53.700 --> 01:04:55.880 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 01:04:56.010 --> 01:04:58.090 She doesn't seem that dangerous. 01:04:58.310 --> 01:05:02.090 - You're not gonna hurt her, are you? - You can never be too careful. 01:05:04.050 --> 01:05:07.880 - That poor guy. - What a dipshit. 01:05:08.660 --> 01:05:10.400 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 01:05:10.450 --> 01:05:12.140 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 01:05:12.310 --> 01:05:16.280 ...safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos... 01:05:16.440 --> 01:05:19.750 ...are right here under one roof, all asking: 01:05:19.970 --> 01:05:23.930 "Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?" 01:05:24.050 --> 01:05:27.700 In this car, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening. 01:05:27.880 --> 01:05:29.440 - Damn it. - His mother. 01:05:29.490 --> 01:05:33.490 She's the woman that made me start into prostitution... 01:05:33.570 --> 01:05:36.750 ...made me go into prostitution. I wanted to become a doctor, but... 01:05:36.970 --> 01:05:38.840 Uncle, you home? 01:05:39.800 --> 01:05:42.800 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 01:05:44.190 --> 01:05:46.110 "Man-Whore Awards"? 01:05:46.750 --> 01:05:49.580 Please welcome your host for this evening. Johnny Vaughan. 01:05:49.760 --> 01:05:54.230 Thank you very much. Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores... 01:05:54.450 --> 01:05:59.230 ...a night where we celebrate guys who can get wood no matter what. 01:05:59.450 --> 01:06:01.280 Do you know, they have gay-pride days. 01:06:01.500 --> 01:06:03.800 - Oh, my God. - Yes. 01:06:06.500 --> 01:06:09.850 - I'm going to kill them all. - But why? 01:06:10.060 --> 01:06:13.100 Don't you see what's happening to our country? 01:06:17.800 --> 01:06:20.150 But it's murder. 01:06:21.810 --> 01:06:26.500 During the final number, when these man-whores are gathered on-stage... 01:06:26.630 --> 01:06:29.020 ...I push this little button and: 01:06:30.290 --> 01:06:32.450 Bye-bye, gigolos. 01:06:32.590 --> 01:06:37.240 Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend Deuce Bigalow. 01:06:37.420 --> 01:06:38.630 I won't let you! 01:06:41.500 --> 01:06:43.550 If you wanna stop me... 01:06:46.200 --> 01:06:49.540 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 01:06:55.330 --> 01:06:58.290 - Where's Eva? - Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 01:06:58.460 --> 01:07:00.980 - I'm going there too. - I'm coming with you. 01:07:01.640 --> 01:07:05.030 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 01:07:19.380 --> 01:07:20.640 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 01:07:20.680 --> 01:07:21.940 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 01:07:22.120 --> 01:07:27.330 In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival sideshow, eating broken glass. 01:07:27.510 --> 01:07:31.210 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 01:07:31.420 --> 01:07:34.720 And it's all collected in the lining of my anus. 01:07:35.380 --> 01:07:39.250 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 01:07:41.250 --> 01:07:44.210 Here to perform his signature move, the Chili Rainbow... 01:07:44.380 --> 01:07:48.900 ...would you please welcome Assapopulus Borealis. 01:08:12.730 --> 01:08:14.170 Deuce! 01:08:14.350 --> 01:08:15.990 Deuce! Right here! 01:08:16.170 --> 01:08:18.480 - Hey, Eva's right behind us. - Deuce, stop! 01:08:21.080 --> 01:08:23.040 What are you doing? She's right back there. 01:08:24.300 --> 01:08:26.250 - He's the killer! - What? 01:08:26.470 --> 01:08:27.870 You're with the killer! 01:08:28.040 --> 01:08:30.520 - I'm with the dealer? - He's the Man-whore Killer! 01:08:30.740 --> 01:08:32.560 Eighteen-wheeler? 01:08:33.440 --> 01:08:34.820 My uncle is the killer! 01:08:35.610 --> 01:08:38.530 Oh! I'm with the... You're the k... 01:08:38.690 --> 01:08:42.130 She says that I am the killer, you stupido. 01:08:47.870 --> 01:08:50.170 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 01:08:50.310 --> 01:08:52.050 What did they do to me? 01:08:53.440 --> 01:08:56.870 All my life I dreamed of being one thing: A gigolo. 01:08:57.040 --> 01:08:59.390 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 01:09:00.750 --> 01:09:04.130 I'll never forget that day. Never. 01:09:04.350 --> 01:09:07.100 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 01:09:07.260 --> 01:09:08.620 Now, today, class... 01:09:08.830 --> 01:09:13.490 ...we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portuguese Breakfast. 01:09:13.650 --> 01:09:16.140 You take an egg and you crack it. 01:09:16.660 --> 01:09:18.700 You mix them up. 01:09:18.880 --> 01:09:21.830 Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 01:09:22.230 --> 01:09:24.490 - And? - And we pour that in there. 01:09:24.610 --> 01:09:28.270 - Beautiful. Very nice, now. And... - And don't forget the Canadian bacon. 01:09:28.480 --> 01:09:30.100 Canadian bacon. I was getting to that. 01:09:30.320 --> 01:09:32.570 - What are you doing? - It's a penis enlarger. 01:09:32.750 --> 01:09:34.870 Just a few pumps and it gets your thing bigger. 01:09:35.050 --> 01:09:37.050 You mind if I give myself a few pumps? 01:09:37.190 --> 01:09:38.530 Go nuts. 01:09:38.660 --> 01:09:40.880 There we go. So there you have it. 01:09:41.060 --> 01:09:44.450 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 01:09:44.620 --> 01:09:46.140 Delicious. 01:09:46.310 --> 01:09:48.530 - Elsa? - Gaspar? 01:09:55.620 --> 01:09:57.410 They knew she was my fiancée. 01:09:57.530 --> 01:10:00.010 And tonight I will get my revenge. 01:10:07.010 --> 01:10:08.530 Leave it! 01:10:20.010 --> 01:10:23.060 I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! 01:10:25.280 --> 01:10:26.540 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 01:10:26.760 --> 01:10:28.720 - Are you okay? - Stop! Stop! 01:10:28.930 --> 01:10:30.540 Police business. 01:10:31.150 --> 01:10:32.490 Come on, we gotta stop him. 01:10:33.750 --> 01:10:36.240 Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. 01:10:36.370 --> 01:10:39.020 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year... 01:10:39.240 --> 01:10:43.330 ...let's take a moment to honor those gigolos who have recently passed. 01:11:02.420 --> 01:11:05.280 Hey, Daddy. I was looking in your underwear drawer and I found... 01:11:05.500 --> 01:11:07.070 ...this bracelet. 01:11:08.070 --> 01:11:11.160 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 01:11:11.370 --> 01:11:15.110 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he... 01:11:15.460 --> 01:11:16.630 His he... 01:11:16.890 --> 01:11:19.030 His he... 01:11:20.370 --> 01:11:22.640 Happy birthday, son, you got a bracelet. 01:11:22.850 --> 01:11:24.120 Great. 01:11:25.900 --> 01:11:27.120 Let's go. Come on. 01:11:27.240 --> 01:11:29.110 Now the award you've all been waiting for: 01:11:29.290 --> 01:11:30.770 The Man-whore of the Year. 01:11:30.990 --> 01:11:33.720 Listen. Go get help. I'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 01:11:33.940 --> 01:11:35.860 Okay. Good luck. 01:11:36.500 --> 01:11:37.760 Excuse me. 01:11:37.980 --> 01:11:40.510 You have to get off the stage now or you'll all be killed! 01:11:40.680 --> 01:11:43.510 Get the hell out of here, Douche, before I have you thrown out. 01:11:43.590 --> 01:11:46.290 - There's a bomb on the stage! - You idiot. 01:11:46.460 --> 01:11:48.200 You're all gonna die! 01:11:49.200 --> 01:11:51.380 I'm the Man-whore Killer. This is a bomb! 01:11:51.550 --> 01:11:54.900 Everybody out! Everybody get out! 01:11:55.030 --> 01:11:56.810 You gotta get out of here! 01:12:01.990 --> 01:12:04.990 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 01:12:07.340 --> 01:12:10.730 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 01:12:10.900 --> 01:12:15.120 I was never able to satisfy a woman. I'll see to it that they won't either. 01:12:20.250 --> 01:12:24.560 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 01:12:25.950 --> 01:12:28.210 Those gigolos don't know what they're talking about. 01:12:28.430 --> 01:12:30.390 Is he talking about us? 01:12:34.560 --> 01:12:36.260 Do you really think all a woman wants... 01:12:36.470 --> 01:12:38.470 ...is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel... 01:12:38.610 --> 01:12:41.780 ...or Turkish Snow Cone or an Irish Facial? 01:12:43.040 --> 01:12:45.820 - Yes, they do, liar. - No, they don't. 01:12:46.740 --> 01:12:50.570 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 01:12:50.780 --> 01:12:52.730 - Or at least pretend to. - Yes. 01:12:53.130 --> 01:12:54.610 What? 01:12:54.820 --> 01:12:56.520 When she's hurting... 01:12:56.700 --> 01:12:58.390 ...ask her how she feels. 01:12:59.650 --> 01:13:01.950 - Cry with her. - Yeah! 01:13:02.090 --> 01:13:04.050 These gigolos are just ripping women off! 01:13:05.610 --> 01:13:09.040 I've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 01:13:11.520 --> 01:13:13.260 I faked it. 01:13:15.270 --> 01:13:17.740 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch... 01:13:17.960 --> 01:13:20.400 ...or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 01:13:21.480 --> 01:13:23.260 This guy knows his shit. 01:13:26.750 --> 01:13:28.310 What are you doing? 01:13:29.700 --> 01:13:31.620 Anyone else? 01:13:37.010 --> 01:13:40.530 If you let a woman know you care, maybe she'll give you an Irish Facial. 01:13:50.700 --> 01:13:53.620 We will die together, man-whore. 01:13:55.360 --> 01:13:58.490 - You don't have to do this. - They ruined my life. 01:13:58.620 --> 01:14:01.880 - Give me the detonator. - No. 01:14:02.050 --> 01:14:03.840 My penis exploded. 01:14:05.270 --> 01:14:07.530 Okay, that's a tough one. I'll give you that. 01:14:09.230 --> 01:14:13.360 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 01:14:15.100 --> 01:14:17.360 No. No. 01:14:17.490 --> 01:14:19.010 Gaspar! 01:14:27.880 --> 01:14:29.580 Are you okay? 01:14:31.750 --> 01:14:33.790 We did it. 01:14:39.660 --> 01:14:41.920 That's the grossest thing I've ever seen. 01:14:42.020 --> 01:14:44.100 And I've seen some pretty gross things. 01:14:44.280 --> 01:14:45.009 - In the car. - Put your head down. 01:14:45.010 --> 01:14:45.710 - In the car. - Put your head down. 01:14:45.930 --> 01:14:47.850 I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 01:14:49.060 --> 01:14:52.800 Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 01:14:53.540 --> 01:14:55.280 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 01:14:55.500 --> 01:14:57.810 Thanks. I'm... That's very... 01:14:59.190 --> 01:15:00.890 This belongs to you too. 01:15:02.500 --> 01:15:04.360 Hang it to the left. 01:15:04.890 --> 01:15:06.500 You gonna eat that? 01:15:06.630 --> 01:15:09.020 - Knock yourself out. - Thank you. 01:15:12.150 --> 01:15:15.580 So I guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 01:15:15.720 --> 01:15:17.500 I don't want you to treat me differently. 01:15:17.630 --> 01:15:19.670 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 01:15:20.070 --> 01:15:22.150 Well, the first one's always free. 01:15:26.640 --> 01:15:29.150 - Deuce! - What? 01:15:29.760 --> 01:15:31.460 Oh, no. No, it's... 01:15:31.590 --> 01:15:33.240 It's just this. 01:15:55.470 --> 01:15:57.370 Deucey! 01:15:57.510 --> 01:15:59.120 Thank you, Jesus. 01:16:00.030 --> 01:16:01.540 Did anybody hurt you in there? 01:16:02.720 --> 01:16:06.030 Oh, you asking if I got ass-punked. Is that what's happening right now? 01:16:06.250 --> 01:16:10.860 - Not if you don't wanna talk about it. - Well, turns out I'm not that attractive. 01:16:11.030 --> 01:16:12.720 Well, you've been cleared of murder... 01:16:12.900 --> 01:16:15.380 - ...but people still think you're gay. - Hey, hey, hey. 01:16:15.550 --> 01:16:17.640 Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. Look at it: 01:16:17.810 --> 01:16:20.680 T.J., the gay man's pimp. 01:16:20.810 --> 01:16:23.640 I mean, I'm gonna corner the market. Check out my new bitches. 01:16:23.820 --> 01:16:25.900 - Hello, darling. - Hi, sweetie. 01:16:26.030 --> 01:16:27.600 Love you. 01:16:29.430 --> 01:16:31.120 Let's get chicken and waffles. My treat. 01:16:31.290 --> 01:16:34.600 So the first thing a brother wants out of prison is chicken and waffles? 01:16:34.780 --> 01:16:37.080 - Oh, come on. - Get your she-cocks back to work. 01:17:40.291 --> 01:18:40.291 Telegram Channel and Instagram Page .:: @bollbolljan_com ::.