WEBVTT
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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
.:: www.bolboljan.net ::.
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Hey, Andy!
What's up, dude?
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Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara.
How you doing?
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When you going to get a car?
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- Hey, why don't you get a car?
- I can't afford it.
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- So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on?
- See you then.
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I'll bring a soda.
Hey, enjoy your orange.
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- Okay, take care.
- See you. Bye-bye.
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- That guy needs to get laid.
- Tell me something I don't know.
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Good morning.
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Excuse me. Pardon me.
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Sorry.
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Excuse me.
Thank you.
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- Good morning.
- Hey.
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- Good morning, Paula.
- Andy.
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Excuse me.
I have a question.
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What is the difference between
Hi8 and Digital video tapes?
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I'm not a salesman,
so, I could probably...
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Welcome to Smart Tech.
How can I be of service to you?
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Well, I was just wondering...
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what is the difference between these?
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Well, if I'm photographing
someone as fine as yourself...
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I'd probably go Digital.
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# Hey, don't worry
I've been lied to #
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- My God. Sorry I'm late, man.
- No problem.
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Oh, man.
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- I had a weekend.
- Yeah?
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We went to Tijuana, Mexico,
you know...
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and we thought it would be fun,
you know, to go to this show.
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Everyone's, "You gotta
check out one of these shows. "
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And, you know,
it's a woman fucking a horse.
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We get there, and, you know,
we think it's gonna be awesome...
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and it is not as cool
as it sounds like it would be, man.
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- It's kind of gross.
- Yeah.
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You think,
"A woman fucking a horse"...
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and you get there and it's...
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- ... a woman fucking a horse.
- Yeah.
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It was really giving it to her.
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And you know what...
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to be honest, I felt bad for her.
We all just felt bad for her.
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- Yeah.
- Kind of felt bad for the horse.
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- Wow, that's something.
- So what did you get up to?
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You know, I just kind of hung out.
I was...
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God, Friday, when I went home...
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I really wanted
an egg-salad sandwich.
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And I was just obsessing
about it and I was like:
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"Man, I'm gonna make one of those. "
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So Saturday I went out and I got,
like, a dozen eggs...
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and I boiled them all
and then I just...
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I spent, I don't know,
probably three hours...
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like, three-and-a-half hours
making...
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you know, the mayonnaise
and the onions and paprika...
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and, you know, all the accoutrement.
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And then, by the time I was done...
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I just really didn't feel
like eating it.
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- I can imagine.
- And I didn't have any bread.
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So, you know, it was pretty good.
It was a good weekend.
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- Sounds pretty awesome.
- Yeah, it was fine.
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Sounds really fun.
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- Cool.
- Cool.
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Cool, cool.
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- Hey, Paula.
- Yeah.
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I gotta tell you something.
I'm really excited about it.
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For the first time today,
I woke up...
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I came to the store,
and I feel confident to say to you...
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that if you don't take
this Michael McDonald DVD...
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that you've been playing
for two years straight, off...
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I'm going to kill everyone
in the store...
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and put a bullet in my brain.
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- David, what do you suggest we play?
- I don't care. Anything.
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I would rather watch
Beautician and the Beast.
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I would rather listen
to Fran Drescher for eight hours...
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than have to listen
to Michael McDonald.
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Nothing against him, but if I hear
Yah Mo B There one more time...
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I'm gonna yah mo burn this place
to the ground.
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You're such a smart ass.
Get back on the floor.
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Fuck you.
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This is a great TV.
Nothing beats a plasma.
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What are you doing?
That's my customer.
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It certainly is not.
When I came upon her, she was unattended.
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- No, that's my...
- Wait.
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Go to the checkout there.
Pick up there, please.
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She was unattended
because I went to the back...
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to get the brochure
that she requested.
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I apologize, but it's too late.
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The transaction has been completed.
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Then you're gonna give me
half the commission.
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You'll receive none of the commission.
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I need to talk to Paula.
This is crazy.
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This is bullshit.
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Every time I make a sale,
you go crying to Paula.
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How about Jesse Jackson?
Old Jesse needs a cause.
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Sick of you poaching my customers.
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I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit.
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You wanna take this shit outside?
Just take it outside and squash it?
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Let's stay inside, so everybody can see
what a pussy you have, okay?
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Because when I remove the blade
I keep in my boot from its sheath...
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I can't return it
until it has spilled blood.
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Look, listen to me. You are fucking
with the wrong nigger.
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Hey! You're fucking with
the wrong sun-nigger, okay?
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Dude, I will hang your old ass
by your turban.
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Turban now? Do you see
any fucking turban here?
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Do I talk like a turban guy?
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Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee?
You want a Slurpee?"
00:07:12.063 --> 00:07:15.294
Fuck you, okay?
I was born in Brooklyn.
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Brooklyn, okay?
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My accent is a fucking
Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
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All right, man.
Calm down, dude.
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Look, you still covering
my shift on Friday or what?
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If I can keep this commission,
with pleasure.
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- Cool, then. All right, pop.
- No problem.
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- How about Andy?
- No.
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Come on, man.
We need, what, five guys...
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- ... to play a decent poker game, right?
- Yeah.
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If we cancel this,
I'm gonna have to go...
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to some stupid-ass
birthday party with Jill...
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and that shit ain't happening.
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- No.
- Why not?
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He's a really nice guy and all
but I'm pretty sure that...
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he is a serial murderer.
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Who cares, man?
He's a nice guy.
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I just wanna get drunk,
fucked up, and play some cards.
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That's great.
Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade...
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in some creepy apartment,
that's what I'm saying.
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I don't really see any other options.
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Andy. My man.
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You got any plans
later on tonight?
00:08:05.784 --> 00:08:08.014
Why, do we have to unload
the Sony truck?
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No, the guys are getting together,
we're playing some poker...
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thought, you know,
you'd wanna play.
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With you guys?
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Yeah, sure.
That would be cool.
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- You know how to play, right?
- Yeah, I play online sometimes.
00:08:22.400 --> 00:08:24.698
- We're gonna play in the store.
- Great.
00:08:24.903 --> 00:08:26.393
Are we allowed to do that?
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- Absolutely not.
- Yeah.
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Oh.
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Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula.
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I'm just kidding.
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I'm kidding. That sounds great.
Cool, I'll see you guys tonight.
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- Okay.
- All right.
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Oops.
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- I almost feel guilty.
- No, you don't.
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Going down!
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Going down!
00:09:02.474 --> 00:09:03.702
Dumbass.
00:09:04.576 --> 00:09:06.043
And a full house.
00:09:06.478 --> 00:09:07.843
- Oh, my dukes!
- What?
00:09:07.979 --> 00:09:10.345
How much fucking online poker
do you play, dawg?
00:09:10.415 --> 00:09:13.441
For like an hour or two a night,
when I'm not playing Halo.
00:09:13.952 --> 00:09:16.420
Why did you invite this guy?
He's a fucking ringer, man.
00:09:16.488 --> 00:09:17.682
This is hog shit.
00:09:17.756 --> 00:09:19.951
You, you're a fucking asshole
to tell me to come here.
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You tell me he was a nice guy,
didn't you?
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Well, fuck you people,
and fuck you, you and you...
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fuck and kiss my big brown
fucking ass, okay?
00:09:27.399 --> 00:09:28.764
I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
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- Peace.
- All right, man.
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Fuck a goat.
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- Good night.
- I love that guy.
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Dude, you totally...
Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn.
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About to go see Ellen
in a little bit.
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Going now?
Late-night action, huh?
00:09:40.712 --> 00:09:41.804
Dude, you know how it goes.
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Does your girlfriend know
about all these late-night visits?
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It's like an unspoken agreement.
Yeah.
00:09:46.084 --> 00:09:49.144
It's like a completely
and utterly unspoken agreement.
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If you knew her, if you knew
who I was dealing with...
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you wouldn't be saying this shit.
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There's nothing you can't do
with this woman...
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straight up and down.
I've done every single thing...
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I could possibly create.
I've literally lubed up...
00:09:58.863 --> 00:10:01.229
and made love to the arches
of her feet. All right.
00:10:01.299 --> 00:10:02.391
- Wow!
- Yeah.
00:10:02.467 --> 00:10:04.128
- Foot fuck!
- That's sick, man.
00:10:04.202 --> 00:10:05.726
- Wow.
- That is not sick.
00:10:06.137 --> 00:10:08.071
- I will give you sick.
- Oh, shit.
00:10:08.139 --> 00:10:10.937
I was sleeping with a woman
recently, she had the...
00:10:11.009 --> 00:10:14.308
- Her tits were unbelievable.
- Oh, man, I love titties.
00:10:14.913 --> 00:10:17.473
And so we're doing it
and I'm about to finish...
00:10:17.549 --> 00:10:19.574
and her dog starts licking my ass.
00:10:19.651 --> 00:10:23.985
I swear to God, I have to decide,
do I finish or do I stop the dog?
00:10:24.055 --> 00:10:25.955
I know your nasty ass.
He finished.
00:10:26.024 --> 00:10:28.390
I finished.
And then I stole the dog.
00:10:29.627 --> 00:10:31.322
No, I didn't, but...
00:10:31.596 --> 00:10:34.064
You know, sometimes,
Amy and I would make love...
00:10:34.132 --> 00:10:36.259
till it was almost like
we weren't two people...
00:10:36.334 --> 00:10:38.996
but we were two spirits
or something.
00:10:39.070 --> 00:10:42.267
Our souls were connected in this way,
I can't describe it.
00:10:42.340 --> 00:10:45.935
Time stood still. It was like we were
sharing the same heart.
00:10:46.010 --> 00:10:49.810
Stop, man! Why do you always come
and kill the vibe with those things?
00:10:49.881 --> 00:10:51.849
"Sharing the same heart,"
that's like some...
00:10:51.916 --> 00:10:53.042
Britney Spears shit, man.
00:10:53.118 --> 00:10:56.110
This is three grown ass men,
don't nobody want to hear that shit.
00:10:56.187 --> 00:10:58.451
Yeah, man, come on,
nobody wants to hear that shit.
00:10:58.523 --> 00:11:01.083
Thank you, Andy.
Dude, you broke up two years ago.
00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:03.593
- You get over it at some point.
- Two years, man.
00:11:03.661 --> 00:11:05.219
You need to get past that...
00:11:05.296 --> 00:11:08.527
because no ass is worth thinking
that much about...
00:11:08.867 --> 00:11:10.095
I always say.
00:11:10.368 --> 00:11:11.801
Andy, do me a favor.
00:11:11.870 --> 00:11:15.271
Would you please help him redeem himself
by telling a real sex story?
00:11:15.340 --> 00:11:16.329
Yes.
00:11:17.642 --> 00:11:21.043
I don't... You know what,
I'm a gentleman and I don't...
00:11:21.579 --> 00:11:22.910
I don't kiss and tell.
00:11:22.981 --> 00:11:26.314
Fuck it, I raise you.
Nastiest shit you've ever done.
00:11:26.584 --> 00:11:28.279
I'm talking about nasty.
00:11:29.521 --> 00:11:30.545
Wow.
00:11:30.688 --> 00:11:33.714
So many stories are running
through my head right now.
00:11:35.794 --> 00:11:37.284
I dated this girl...
00:11:37.862 --> 00:11:41.457
for a while, and she was
really a nasty freak.
00:11:41.533 --> 00:11:46.402
She just loved to get down
with sex all the time.
00:11:46.471 --> 00:11:49.031
She was like, any time of day,
she was like:
00:11:49.107 --> 00:11:51.837
"Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. "
00:11:51.943 --> 00:11:53.240
And I'd be nailing her.
00:11:53.311 --> 00:11:54.539
- Oh, shit.
- She'd be like:
00:11:54.612 --> 00:11:56.978
"Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. "
00:11:57.215 --> 00:12:00.651
- She talk dirty to you?
- She loved to dirty-talk.
00:12:01.319 --> 00:12:03.549
Totally into it.
She'd be like:
00:12:03.621 --> 00:12:08.581
"Yeah, let's screw, let's...
I wanna fuck. "
00:12:09.594 --> 00:12:11.221
God, it was so dirty.
00:12:11.696 --> 00:12:15.792
She'd be like, "Me so horny,
me love you long time. "
00:12:16.067 --> 00:12:17.091
So...
00:12:17.168 --> 00:12:20.069
- So what were the titties like?
- Yeah, describe her...
00:12:20.138 --> 00:12:22.231
Yeah, she had great tits.
00:12:22.373 --> 00:12:25.501
No, I mean, like, detailed.
Did she have, like, you know...
00:12:25.577 --> 00:12:27.374
- ... them little pink teeny nipples.
- Oh, yeah.
00:12:27.445 --> 00:12:29.936
Or like the long
National Geographic nipples.
00:12:30.014 --> 00:12:32.574
You have like the bumpy Braille nipples,
the Stevie Wonders.
00:12:32.650 --> 00:12:34.015
Yeah, they were nice.
00:12:34.085 --> 00:12:37.316
You know, when you, like,
you grab a woman's breast and it's...
00:12:37.655 --> 00:12:39.850
And you feel it and...
00:12:40.658 --> 00:12:44.617
it feels like a bag of sand
when you're touching it.
00:12:45.897 --> 00:12:47.296
Bag of sand?
00:12:49.534 --> 00:12:51.559
You know what I mean.
Why don't we just play?
00:12:51.636 --> 00:12:53.297
Why don't you just deal the cards?
00:12:53.371 --> 00:12:54.998
What are you talking about?
00:12:55.073 --> 00:12:57.132
Have you ever felt
a breast before, man?
00:12:57.208 --> 00:12:58.197
Yes.
00:12:58.276 --> 00:13:00.836
- Dude, are you gay?
- No, I'm not gay.
00:13:00.912 --> 00:13:02.539
I've been with tons of women.
00:13:02.614 --> 00:13:04.639
I touched a guy's balls
at Hebrew school once.
00:13:04.716 --> 00:13:06.684
Dude, it's not a big deal.
You like to fuck guys.
00:13:06.751 --> 00:13:09.379
I'm cool. I got friends
who fuck guys, in jail.
00:13:09.587 --> 00:13:10.815
No, I'm not gay.
00:13:10.889 --> 00:13:13.881
No, I've borked a lot of women
in my day.
00:13:13.958 --> 00:13:15.084
You've "borked"?
00:13:15.326 --> 00:13:18.124
Hold up.
Yo, answer this question:
00:13:19.163 --> 00:13:20.528
Are you a virgin?
00:13:22.100 --> 00:13:23.465
Are you a virgin?
00:13:23.635 --> 00:13:25.899
Yeah, not since I was 10.
00:13:25.970 --> 00:13:28.530
It all makes sense.
You're a virgin.
00:13:28.606 --> 00:13:31.131
- I am... Shut up.
- How does that happen?
00:13:31.209 --> 00:13:32.642
He's a fucking virgin.
00:13:32.710 --> 00:13:36.009
I knew it. That makes so much sense, man.
Look, he's a virgin.
00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:38.378
- You guys are hilarious.
- All right, come on, don't be mean.
00:13:38.449 --> 00:13:40.542
I'm not being mean.
I'm trying to help the partner out.
00:13:40.618 --> 00:13:42.347
I'm trying to say
I wanna get you laid, dude.
00:13:42.420 --> 00:13:43.614
I understand what's going on.
00:13:43.688 --> 00:13:46.521
You guys are so up your asses.
00:13:46.724 --> 00:13:50.125
From now on, your dick is my dick.
I'm getting you some pussy.
00:14:00.571 --> 00:14:05.008
A bag of sand! Come on, man!
You could do better than that.
00:14:05.443 --> 00:14:08.901
God, me so horny?
Me so stupid!
00:14:14.986 --> 00:14:16.510
Oh, come on.
00:14:19.757 --> 00:14:22.282
It's gonna be fine.
They don't even remember.
00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:24.123
Those guys are cool.
00:14:31.903 --> 00:14:33.427
This is gonna be bad.
00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:36.231
Yeah, well,
virgin's not a dirty word.
00:14:36.307 --> 00:14:38.332
You know what's a dirty word,
is asshole...
00:14:38.409 --> 00:14:39.899
and that's what you guys are.
00:14:39.978 --> 00:14:43.209
You know, I may not have had sex,
but I could fuck you up.
00:14:45.216 --> 00:14:46.444
Yeah.
00:14:51.889 --> 00:14:53.117
Come on.
00:14:56.194 --> 00:14:57.957
- Hey, David.
- Hey, Andy.
00:15:01.132 --> 00:15:03.191
- What's up?
- Cal, good morning.
00:15:08.773 --> 00:15:10.263
- Hey, Andy.
- Hey.
00:15:10.341 --> 00:15:12.275
We're gonna have to get you
some punani.
00:15:14.846 --> 00:15:18.213
Andy, it's going down,
partner. We're gonna be...
00:15:20.585 --> 00:15:22.849
This for you, partner, this for you.
00:15:22.920 --> 00:15:25.889
Waves of them coming at you
on Friday, Saturday.
00:15:25.957 --> 00:15:28.551
By Sunday,
your nuts gonna be drained.
00:15:28.626 --> 00:15:32.255
Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you.
It's okay not to have sex.
00:15:32.830 --> 00:15:34.764
Not everybody is a pussy magnet.
00:15:34.832 --> 00:15:38.768
- What are you? 25?
- I'm 40.
00:15:38.970 --> 00:15:41.564
Holy shit, man.
You've got to get on that.
00:15:41.739 --> 00:15:45.971
Life isn't about sex.
Life is about children and passion.
00:15:46.377 --> 00:15:47.366
Yeah.
00:15:47.445 --> 00:15:49.538
- And spirit.
- Yeah, life's about passion.
00:15:49.614 --> 00:15:52.174
It's not about fucking
and balls and pussy.
00:15:52.250 --> 00:15:55.549
It's about love.
It's about people.
00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:59.153
- It's about connection.
- It's all about connections.
00:15:59.223 --> 00:16:03.387
It's not about cock and ass and tits
and butthole pleasures.
00:16:03.461 --> 00:16:05.190
It's not about
butthole pleasures at all.
00:16:05.263 --> 00:16:08.494
It's not about this rusty trombone
and dirty Sanchez.
00:16:08.566 --> 00:16:11.535
- Please stop.
- And Cincinnati bowtie.
00:16:11.702 --> 00:16:16.469
And your pussy juice cocktail
and this shit-stained balls.
00:16:16.541 --> 00:16:18.031
- Mooj, just please stop.
- Just relax...
00:16:18.109 --> 00:16:20.304
All right.
That's enough, party's over.
00:16:20.611 --> 00:16:22.340
Let the virgin get back to work.
00:16:26.751 --> 00:16:27.877
Andy!
00:16:28.186 --> 00:16:30.552
Andy, come on.
We were just kidding.
00:16:30.922 --> 00:16:31.980
Pointless.
00:16:32.056 --> 00:16:34.354
Andy, nobody cares
that you're a virgin.
00:16:34.425 --> 00:16:36.256
Don't be such a baby.
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:38.726
They were just having fun.
They didn't mean anything.
00:16:38.796 --> 00:16:40.593
- Get away from me, David.
- Wait a minute.
00:16:40.665 --> 00:16:42.565
- Stop following me!
- Hold up.
00:16:46.170 --> 00:16:48.001
- Hold on.
- I'm gonna have to quit my job now.
00:16:48.072 --> 00:16:49.334
You don't have to quit your job.
00:16:49.407 --> 00:16:51.238
You know what, I don't wanna
go out with you guys.
00:16:51.309 --> 00:16:52.640
- Fine.
- Okay? I don't need your help.
00:16:52.710 --> 00:16:55.201
Okay, fine, you don't have to go out
with us if you don't want.
00:16:55.279 --> 00:16:57.804
You know what, I respect women,
I love women.
00:16:58.149 --> 00:17:01.516
I respect them so much that I completely
stay away from them.
00:17:01.752 --> 00:17:03.982
- Okay.
- I have a very fulfilling life.
00:17:07.758 --> 00:17:11.592
And now, I am making
your silver pants blue.
00:17:12.597 --> 00:17:14.588
Get some roadburn, come on!
00:17:14.899 --> 00:17:17.060
Come on, sucker!
00:17:17.135 --> 00:17:20.468
# Now, pretty ladies
around the worid #
00:17:20.638 --> 00:17:22.697
# Got a weird thing
to show you #
00:17:24.041 --> 00:17:25.633
Oh, my God!
00:17:29.814 --> 00:17:32.612
Hey, Will and Grace, back to work.
00:17:32.683 --> 00:17:34.878
Hey, Haziz, can you just
give us a second?
00:17:34.952 --> 00:17:37.250
We're just kind of
in the middle of something.
00:17:37.355 --> 00:17:39.016
I'm on my break, okay?
00:17:39.090 --> 00:17:41.524
Fuck off, Haziz.
Leave us alone, all right?
00:17:41.592 --> 00:17:43.685
- Fuck off? Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
00:17:43.761 --> 00:17:45.729
- Fuck you! Fuck off.
- Fuck off.
00:17:45.796 --> 00:17:47.525
I'm gonna kick you in the nuts,
asshole.
00:17:47.598 --> 00:17:50.829
Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay?
I have a family.
00:17:50.902 --> 00:17:51.994
Watch how you talk to me!
00:17:52.069 --> 00:17:55.061
It's a free country, Bambi.
I can smoke out here if I want to.
00:17:55.139 --> 00:17:56.401
Smoke my pole.
00:17:56.474 --> 00:17:58.772
- You are a very unkind man.
- Get inside!
00:17:58.843 --> 00:18:00.174
This is not professional.
00:18:00.244 --> 00:18:02.542
Paula, this asshole over here...
00:18:02.613 --> 00:18:04.410
- It's okay.
- Paula!
00:18:04.515 --> 00:18:06.983
It's all right. Come on.
You know, it's just...
00:18:07.518 --> 00:18:09.383
So, how could this not have happened?
00:18:09.453 --> 00:18:11.353
It just never happened.
00:18:11.789 --> 00:18:15.190
When I was young, I tried,
and it didn't happen.
00:18:15.826 --> 00:18:19.262
And then I got older and I got
more and more nervous...
00:18:19.397 --> 00:18:22.798
because it hadn't happened yet.
And I got kind of...
00:18:23.768 --> 00:18:26.430
weirded out about it.
Then it really didn't happen...
00:18:26.504 --> 00:18:29.701
and then, I don't know,
I just kind of stopped trying.
00:18:30.241 --> 00:18:32.436
Do you want to give it
another shot?
00:18:32.510 --> 00:18:34.273
Maybe it's too late.
00:18:35.379 --> 00:18:38.177
Sometimes I feel that
it is just too late for me.
00:18:38.749 --> 00:18:40.580
No, that's crazy.
00:18:40.651 --> 00:18:43.620
You're 40 years old.
You know, 40 is the new 20.
00:18:43.688 --> 00:18:45.679
You wanna spend the next 60 years
of your life...
00:18:45.756 --> 00:18:47.246
never experiencing sex?
00:18:47.325 --> 00:18:49.384
And not just sex, but love...
00:18:49.460 --> 00:18:54.397
and a relationship, and laughing
and cuddling and all that shit.
00:18:55.032 --> 00:18:56.363
I don't know.
00:18:57.602 --> 00:19:00.765
- I wouldn't know what to do.
- Look, you gotta take a risk.
00:19:00.838 --> 00:19:02.499
You gotta risk it.
Look at me.
00:19:02.573 --> 00:19:04.473
I went out with this girl
for four months...
00:19:04.542 --> 00:19:06.271
and it was the greatest...
00:19:06.944 --> 00:19:08.673
greatest thing in my life.
00:19:09.614 --> 00:19:13.516
Until she went down on this
guy in an Escalade, I think.
00:19:14.185 --> 00:19:15.709
And, you know, instead of saying:
00:19:15.786 --> 00:19:18.778
"Okay, what am I doing
that caused this behavior?"...
00:19:18.856 --> 00:19:20.687
I dumped her. Stupid decision.
00:19:20.758 --> 00:19:23.625
I spent the last two years
of my life regretting it.
00:19:23.694 --> 00:19:25.594
Why don't you get her back right now?
00:19:25.663 --> 00:19:27.756
Because she's dating this pot dealer.
00:19:27.832 --> 00:19:29.459
Stupid horrible decision.
00:19:29.533 --> 00:19:32.696
But, hey, that's her journey, you know.
I gotta respect that.
00:19:32.770 --> 00:19:34.032
I gotta give her the space.
00:19:34.105 --> 00:19:38.041
She wants to be some immature little bitch
and blow everybody...
00:19:38.109 --> 00:19:40.134
- ... that's love, man.
- It sounds horrible.
00:19:40.211 --> 00:19:42.372
Of course it's horrible.
It's suffering...
00:19:42.446 --> 00:19:44.971
and it's pain and it's...
You know, you lose weight...
00:19:45.049 --> 00:19:46.539
and then you put back on weight...
00:19:46.617 --> 00:19:48.710
and then you call them
a bunch of times...
00:19:48.786 --> 00:19:52.153
and you try and email and then they move
or they change their email...
00:19:52.223 --> 00:19:53.747
but that's just love.
00:19:54.225 --> 00:19:56.159
Do you realize that
this is the first time...
00:19:56.227 --> 00:19:58.525
we've spoken for more than,
like, 30 seconds?
00:19:58.596 --> 00:19:59.654
Uh-huh.
00:20:00.031 --> 00:20:02.898
- It's kind of nice.
- Come out with us this weekend.
00:20:03.634 --> 00:20:06.034
No pressure.
We'll just have a good time.
00:20:06.270 --> 00:20:08.898
Okay, yeah, I will.
I'll give it a shot.
00:20:08.973 --> 00:20:09.997
Great.
00:20:10.074 --> 00:20:12.269
But I'm not going to have sex
with anybody.
00:20:12.343 --> 00:20:15.073
Good, sex should be
the last thing on your mind.
00:20:27.058 --> 00:20:28.958
Logjam. Hi.
00:20:34.865 --> 00:20:35.854
Shit.
00:20:39.470 --> 00:20:40.630
Oh, God.
00:20:44.942 --> 00:20:46.102
Sorry.
00:20:47.712 --> 00:20:49.577
See you later.
Thanks for the dance.
00:20:59.090 --> 00:21:01.115
I'm okay. It's all right.
00:21:07.164 --> 00:21:09.029
Oh, come on, bus!
00:21:15.773 --> 00:21:17.934
Oh, come on, dogs!
00:21:21.078 --> 00:21:23.012
Shit! You gotta be kidding me.
00:21:39.330 --> 00:21:42.959
I mean, I'm kind of nervous.
I never had oral sex before.
00:21:43.467 --> 00:21:48.097
Jennifer told me how to do it.
It's gonna kick ass.
00:21:54.545 --> 00:21:56.274
What are you doing?
00:21:56.347 --> 00:21:57.746
Okay, just...
We're almost there.
00:21:58.883 --> 00:22:01.249
We have one.
Houston, we have one.
00:22:02.019 --> 00:22:04.249
You'll pull my fucking hair out!
00:22:04.321 --> 00:22:06.221
- We did it.
- God!
00:22:06.290 --> 00:22:07.985
Oh, my God,
you came in your pants.
00:22:08.058 --> 00:22:10.856
- What did you do?
- I had some Cream of Wheat.
00:22:11.362 --> 00:22:13.660
- You know what else is sexy?
- What?
00:22:14.231 --> 00:22:15.926
- Me...
- Yeah?
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:17.194
...sucking...
00:22:18.569 --> 00:22:21.094
on your...
00:22:21.705 --> 00:22:22.729
toe.
00:22:22.807 --> 00:22:24.707
- That's what you want to suck on?
- Yeah.
00:22:24.775 --> 00:22:29.075
- It's just so big and thick.
- Okay.
00:22:30.781 --> 00:22:32.112
Yeah.
00:22:35.152 --> 00:22:36.141
That tickles.
00:22:37.288 --> 00:22:39.347
I'm sorry. Oh, no.
00:22:39.423 --> 00:22:41.448
- Your nose is bleeding.
- You think?
00:22:41.525 --> 00:22:43.925
- I'm sorry.
- I'm hot.
00:22:44.161 --> 00:22:46.220
But, now,
you can't have any of this.
00:22:46.964 --> 00:22:48.932
You should just give up forever!
00:22:57.775 --> 00:22:59.538
Cal, what do you think?
Is this too yellow?
00:22:59.610 --> 00:23:00.634
No.
00:23:00.978 --> 00:23:03.071
What's Curious George like
in real life?
00:23:03.147 --> 00:23:04.341
Come on, man.
00:23:14.091 --> 00:23:16.491
Wow, this is pretty crowded.
00:23:16.794 --> 00:23:19.661
Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night.
00:23:20.831 --> 00:23:22.264
Okay, look now.
00:23:22.333 --> 00:23:24.563
So, this is what's about to happen,
all right?
00:23:24.635 --> 00:23:27.331
You about to go run down
some drunk chicks, all right?
00:23:27.404 --> 00:23:29.838
And don't confuse that with tipsy.
We talking about drunk.
00:23:29.907 --> 00:23:31.932
I want vomit in the hair,
bruised-up knees.
00:23:32.009 --> 00:23:33.499
A broken heel is a plus.
00:23:33.577 --> 00:23:35.101
That's what you want to find, okay?
00:23:35.179 --> 00:23:37.977
No, Dave already told me
I didn't have to have sex tonight.
00:23:38.048 --> 00:23:39.072
And now he's gone, so...
00:23:39.149 --> 00:23:41.140
Dude, just stop thinking
for a minute, all right?
00:23:41.218 --> 00:23:42.845
You ain't got to think
on this one.
00:23:42.920 --> 00:23:44.854
All you got to do
is use your instinct.
00:23:44.922 --> 00:23:46.355
Show me your instincts.
00:23:46.423 --> 00:23:49.187
My head, my heart.
I follow my heart.
00:23:49.260 --> 00:23:51.888
Now, I'm gonna show you this
one time, all right?
00:23:51.962 --> 00:23:54.692
Instincts.
Show me your instincts.
00:23:55.299 --> 00:23:57.494
- Show me your instincts.
- They're right here.
00:23:57.835 --> 00:23:59.632
Own your instincts.
00:23:59.803 --> 00:24:02.704
All you doing is using your instinct.
That's it.
00:24:02.773 --> 00:24:05.571
That's how a tiger know
he got to tackle a gazelle.
00:24:05.643 --> 00:24:07.543
There's a code written in his DNA.
00:24:07.611 --> 00:24:09.306
- It says, "Tackle the gazelle. "
- Okay.
00:24:09.380 --> 00:24:12.543
And believe it or not, in every man,
there's a code written that says:
00:24:12.616 --> 00:24:14.550
- "Tackle drunk bitches. "
- No.
00:24:14.618 --> 00:24:18.110
You know what,
I don't feel comfortable...
00:24:19.390 --> 00:24:21.654
hitting on drunk "bitches,"
you know.
00:24:21.725 --> 00:24:22.885
I don't think that's right.
00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:24.154
Okay, hold up.
00:24:24.228 --> 00:24:27.095
First of all, you making it out to be
some kind of bad thing.
00:24:27.164 --> 00:24:29.598
I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense.
You did.
00:24:29.667 --> 00:24:31.362
It just does...
This doesn't feel right.
00:24:31.435 --> 00:24:34.302
Of course it don't feel right.
What has felt right for you didn't work.
00:24:34.371 --> 00:24:36.965
You need to try some wrong, dawg.
00:24:39.109 --> 00:24:41.543
Okay, how do I tell
which ones are drunk?
00:24:41.612 --> 00:24:43.307
Now you're talking all right.
Check this out.
00:24:43.380 --> 00:24:45.143
- You see this redhead over here?
- Where?
00:24:45.215 --> 00:24:48.776
- With the big old titties.
- I'm not gonna stare at a woman.
00:24:48.852 --> 00:24:51.446
Dawg, I'm not telling you
to stare at nobody.
00:24:51.589 --> 00:24:54.353
I'm telling you to use your peripherals.
Now look at me.
00:24:54.425 --> 00:24:55.892
- See. Look. See?
- Yeah.
00:24:56.327 --> 00:24:57.658
I'm not looking at you.
00:24:58.395 --> 00:25:00.955
- No. I'm looking at...
- You're looking at her?
00:25:02.866 --> 00:25:06.427
- What do you want me to do?
- I want you to use your peripherals.
00:25:06.804 --> 00:25:08.738
See? I'm not looking at you.
00:25:09.807 --> 00:25:14.039
No. See, I'm looking at the redhead
at 3:00 with the big titties.
00:25:14.244 --> 00:25:17.111
You see her, racked up right there,
see her?
00:25:17.514 --> 00:25:19.004
- Yes.
- Yeah.
00:25:19.283 --> 00:25:22.514
- You find one with the peripherals.
- Okay.
00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:26.048
You see, over by the post.
00:25:26.824 --> 00:25:28.052
It looks like a...
00:25:28.125 --> 00:25:29.854
It's either a ficus...
00:25:29.927 --> 00:25:31.656
It might be a rubber tree plant.
00:25:31.962 --> 00:25:34.829
All right, if you're making a joke,
dawg, it's not funny.
00:25:34.898 --> 00:25:37.492
I see a blonde and she's very pretty.
00:25:37.568 --> 00:25:40.002
Better, okay. All right.
00:25:40.070 --> 00:25:42.095
- Now with your peripherals...
- Yeah.
00:25:42.172 --> 00:25:44.640
...you got to scope out a hot,
drunk chick.
00:25:44.808 --> 00:25:46.139
And then you should make your move.
00:25:46.210 --> 00:25:48.041
- Okay? All right.
- Yes.
00:25:48.245 --> 00:25:51.043
And remember, it's more important
that she's drunk than she's hot.
00:25:51.148 --> 00:25:53.582
For this first one. Go get her.
Peripherals, though.
00:25:53.651 --> 00:25:54.811
All the way.
00:25:55.953 --> 00:25:57.215
All peripherals.
00:26:04.561 --> 00:26:05.858
That boy is stubborn.
00:26:08.732 --> 00:26:12.031
Hi, I'm Andy.
You look comfortable.
00:26:12.269 --> 00:26:14.703
Can I get you another cocktail?
00:26:14.805 --> 00:26:15.931
Too drunk.
00:26:16.006 --> 00:26:19.442
- But you got the right idea.
- But clinically alive.
00:26:21.578 --> 00:26:22.567
- Hey!
- Yo!
00:26:22.646 --> 00:26:25.046
I'm having trouble
finding the drunk people.
00:26:25.115 --> 00:26:27.345
- You want to know where there's one?
- Yeah.
00:26:27.418 --> 00:26:31.252
I. I, Captain Yellowshirts.
00:26:32.423 --> 00:26:34.550
Okay. Have a good one.
00:26:34.625 --> 00:26:35.819
- Yo!
- What?
00:26:35.893 --> 00:26:39.056
I met a girl and she's here
with a bachelorette party...
00:26:39.129 --> 00:26:41.154
and they invited us to party with them.
00:26:41.432 --> 00:26:44.367
- Okay, that's good.
- It's so good...
00:26:44.435 --> 00:26:46.096
because no one is hornier
than a girl...
00:26:46.170 --> 00:26:48.798
who's about to watch her friend
get married to a guy.
00:26:48.872 --> 00:26:50.305
It's so funny.
00:26:54.445 --> 00:26:58.245
So we just decided because
this is my last night as a free woman...
00:26:58.315 --> 00:27:01.409
before I marry Dan,
that we would just wig out.
00:27:01.618 --> 00:27:03.313
We're wigging out!
00:27:04.321 --> 00:27:07.119
You guys are hilarious.
00:27:08.392 --> 00:27:09.654
Wait a minute.
00:27:09.727 --> 00:27:13.254
Yes, Mr. President.
Yes, the erection results are in.
00:27:14.498 --> 00:27:17.296
Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis.
00:27:17.768 --> 00:27:19.565
I really mean this.
00:27:20.504 --> 00:27:22.938
Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake?
00:27:23.240 --> 00:27:24.298
I do.
00:27:24.408 --> 00:27:27.673
- She does.
- Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker.
00:27:29.813 --> 00:27:31.405
What a good guy. What a...
00:27:31.482 --> 00:27:33.473
Dan, the guy Robin's marrying...
00:27:33.550 --> 00:27:36.781
is such a good guy.
00:27:36.854 --> 00:27:38.446
He sounds like a good guy.
00:27:38.522 --> 00:27:41.548
I hated him for like two years
'cause he cheated on me.
00:27:41.825 --> 00:27:43.053
- Oh.
- But...
00:27:45.496 --> 00:27:47.726
he's really changed now.
00:27:48.899 --> 00:27:51.993
- He's a really good guy now.
- Your friends seem nice.
00:27:52.069 --> 00:27:54.560
You have really kind eyes,
you know that?
00:27:54.772 --> 00:27:58.037
Thanks. Your hat has sequins.
00:28:00.611 --> 00:28:01.600
Mmm.
00:28:05.282 --> 00:28:06.340
Mmm.
00:28:12.322 --> 00:28:14.552
- Your hands are on my belt.
- What?
00:28:14.625 --> 00:28:16.650
- Your hands are on my belt.
- I'm sorry.
00:28:16.727 --> 00:28:17.921
It's good.
00:28:18.862 --> 00:28:20.090
You're cute.
00:28:20.164 --> 00:28:22.359
This is kind of lame.
You wanna get out of here?
00:28:22.432 --> 00:28:23.922
Okay, yeah.
00:28:29.139 --> 00:28:30.538
- Yeah.
- Fuck.
00:28:31.108 --> 00:28:32.439
- Come on.
- Okay.
00:28:37.815 --> 00:28:39.146
You wanna drive?
00:28:39.216 --> 00:28:41.741
I don't have a car with me here, so...
00:28:41.819 --> 00:28:43.684
Cars just suck.
00:28:45.656 --> 00:28:46.816
I'm driving.
00:28:48.058 --> 00:28:49.082
Are you drunk?
00:28:49.159 --> 00:28:50.717
No, I didn't have anything
to drink.
00:28:50.794 --> 00:28:52.989
- Blow into this?
- Okay.
00:28:58.068 --> 00:29:01.936
- What is this?
- The judge recommended I get one.
00:29:08.512 --> 00:29:12.004
- Whoa, okay. Wow.
- That's fast.
00:29:13.917 --> 00:29:16.442
- Okay.
- Come on, you're in the lasso.
00:29:19.456 --> 00:29:21.185
# Missy be puttin' it down #
00:29:21.258 --> 00:29:22.350
# I'm the hottest round #
00:29:22.426 --> 00:29:23.950
# I told y'all mother-uh #
00:29:24.027 --> 00:29:25.221
# Y'all can't stop me now #
00:29:25.295 --> 00:29:26.353
# Listen to me now #
00:29:26.430 --> 00:29:27.692
# I'm lastin' 20 rounds #
00:29:27.764 --> 00:29:29.254
# And if you want me, people #
00:29:29.333 --> 00:29:30.857
# Then come on get me now #
00:29:31.768 --> 00:29:35.829
And Dan's like,
"You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!"
00:29:37.040 --> 00:29:39.873
And I'm like,
"You're the bitch, bitch. "
00:29:39.943 --> 00:29:41.672
- You know?
- Yeah.
00:29:41.745 --> 00:29:43.474
What was your name again?
00:29:43.747 --> 00:29:45.271
- Andy.
- Andy.
00:29:45.349 --> 00:29:50.082
Let me tell you something, Andy.
Don't ever be named Dan.
00:29:50.387 --> 00:29:53.151
Dan rhymes with man,
and men jerk off.
00:29:53.223 --> 00:29:54.690
And he was a jerk-off.
00:29:54.758 --> 00:29:57.454
- Do you know what I mean?
- Look out! The car!
00:29:57.761 --> 00:30:00.730
- Wow.
- I like you.
00:30:01.164 --> 00:30:02.654
You're not a...
00:30:05.002 --> 00:30:06.026
Ugh.
00:30:06.103 --> 00:30:09.129
I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich
or something.
00:30:10.474 --> 00:30:12.499
- You're cute.
- No.
00:30:18.982 --> 00:30:21.974
- That tasted good.
- That tasted like shellfish.
00:30:23.287 --> 00:30:26.051
Look out! Sorry.
00:30:27.090 --> 00:30:28.182
Watch it!
00:30:30.594 --> 00:30:33.085
- Do you think I'm pretty?
- Oh, yes.
00:30:33.397 --> 00:30:34.864
Oh, God, yes!
00:30:36.300 --> 00:30:40.667
- You're not looking at me.
- Yes, you're pretty.
00:30:40.737 --> 00:30:43.399
Do you think I'm pretty?
Look at me.
00:30:43.473 --> 00:30:46.533
- Look at me!
- I'm looking! You're pretty!
00:30:46.610 --> 00:30:49.010
God, I just wanna live!
00:30:50.647 --> 00:30:53.207
God, I hope I get my period soon.
00:30:53.350 --> 00:30:56.842
- I am in a bad mood.
- Okay.
00:30:56.920 --> 00:30:59.753
I'm so tired.
00:31:00.490 --> 00:31:01.889
Hey, whoa!
00:31:03.026 --> 00:31:05.460
Oh, God! Turn away!
00:31:05.796 --> 00:31:07.957
Hey, get off the wheel.
00:31:09.666 --> 00:31:12.260
You're not gonna get in my pants
acting like that.
00:31:12.336 --> 00:31:13.894
I'm starving.
00:31:14.137 --> 00:31:16.662
Let's get some fucking French toast.
00:31:18.742 --> 00:31:22.371
- Okay, here we are.
- Oh, God, we made it.
00:31:22.446 --> 00:31:23.811
Home sweet home.
00:31:25.115 --> 00:31:26.776
Oh, mommy!
00:31:30.654 --> 00:31:34.454
- Are you okay?
- The fucker came out of nowhere.
00:31:35.859 --> 00:31:38.225
Okay. We're okay.
00:31:41.465 --> 00:31:42.796
Are you okay?
00:31:43.433 --> 00:31:45.594
Well, are you...
What's the matter?
00:31:51.274 --> 00:31:52.536
I'm sorry.
00:31:53.110 --> 00:31:56.568
That's okay.
I think I kind of had that coming.
00:31:57.347 --> 00:31:59.508
I'll still have sex with you
if you want.
00:31:59.583 --> 00:32:02.609
You know what, I think I'm gonna
pass on the sex, if you don't mind.
00:32:02.686 --> 00:32:05.177
At least I don't have
to work out tomorrow.
00:32:05.922 --> 00:32:07.822
- Did you have a daiquiri tonight?
- Yeah.
00:32:07.891 --> 00:32:08.949
I thought you might.
00:32:09.526 --> 00:32:10.891
It was a very bad night.
00:32:12.796 --> 00:32:13.888
Yeah, laugh.
00:32:13.964 --> 00:32:16.296
You know what, you guys wouldn't be
laughing right now...
00:32:16.366 --> 00:32:19.858
if some girl had just vomited
shellfish sandwich into your mouth.
00:32:21.071 --> 00:32:22.936
You know what, you're right,
it's my bad.
00:32:23.006 --> 00:32:24.997
Let me apologize to you
first of all...
00:32:25.075 --> 00:32:28.909
for not mentioning in detail
that when you pick up a drunk woman...
00:32:28.979 --> 00:32:31.641
who's falling down
on her way out of the bar...
00:32:31.715 --> 00:32:34.548
- ... that you should probably drive.
- I drive a bike.
00:32:34.618 --> 00:32:38.179
Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong,
who asked you to drive a bike?
00:32:38.255 --> 00:32:40.416
You know what, I'm not the only person
in the worid...
00:32:40.490 --> 00:32:41.650
who rides a bike.
00:32:41.725 --> 00:32:44.421
Yeah, everyone rides a bike,
when they're fucking six.
00:32:44.494 --> 00:32:46.621
Why don't you kiss something?
00:32:46.696 --> 00:32:49.824
Because this is over,
you guys, okay?
00:32:49.900 --> 00:32:51.561
Can I just interject for a second?
00:32:51.635 --> 00:32:53.034
Let me just say...
00:32:53.136 --> 00:32:55.502
you're putting the pussy up
on this pedestal.
00:32:55.572 --> 00:32:57.096
You're just building
the pussy up, man.
00:32:57.174 --> 00:32:58.573
What are you even talking about?
00:32:58.642 --> 00:33:00.610
"Building the pussy up,"
what does that mean?
00:33:00.677 --> 00:33:05.376
You making the pussy into this
great big Greek goddess named Pussalia...
00:33:05.449 --> 00:33:06.643
and what you're doing is...
00:33:06.716 --> 00:33:10.015
you're psyching yourself into thinking
it's some impossible feat.
00:33:10.087 --> 00:33:11.452
Yeah, I think you're right.
00:33:11.521 --> 00:33:13.489
I'm putting the pussy up
on a pedestal.
00:33:13.557 --> 00:33:14.956
- Right.
- That's it.
00:33:15.158 --> 00:33:16.955
It's "Pussalia," right?
00:33:17.027 --> 00:33:19.495
- Look where you going.
- I don't wanna say the word anymore.
00:33:19.563 --> 00:33:21.827
- Say what word?
- "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it.
00:33:21.898 --> 00:33:24.162
Fuck it.
"Pussy" is a scientific word.
00:33:24.267 --> 00:33:26.360
Dude! New pants, man.
00:33:26.903 --> 00:33:27.892
You know what, Dave?
00:33:27.971 --> 00:33:30.531
You know, you said there wasn't gonna be
any pressure at all.
00:33:30.607 --> 00:33:32.234
- I'm not pressuring you.
- Excuse me.
00:33:32.309 --> 00:33:33.936
Can one of you guys help me, please?
00:33:34.010 --> 00:33:35.568
No hablo English, lady.
00:33:36.980 --> 00:33:39.278
I actually am helping
a customer right now.
00:33:39.349 --> 00:33:41.715
- Okay, well...
- I'm on break.
00:33:41.785 --> 00:33:44.345
But our stock supervisor
is very knowledgeable.
00:33:44.421 --> 00:33:46.912
He can answer all of your questions
and he'd love to help you.
00:33:46.990 --> 00:33:48.048
Thank you.
00:33:48.125 --> 00:33:49.683
- Have a nice day.
- You, too.
00:33:50.594 --> 00:33:54.860
- Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish.
- Hi, Andy is my name.
00:33:55.465 --> 00:33:58.559
- This one looks pretty good.
- You don't wanna buy that VCR.
00:33:58.635 --> 00:33:59.624
I don't?
00:33:59.703 --> 00:34:01.500
No, actually to be
totally honest with you...
00:34:01.571 --> 00:34:02.902
you don't wanna buy any VCR.
00:34:02.973 --> 00:34:04.668
It's a dead technology.
00:34:04.741 --> 00:34:08.871
It's like getting
an eight-track player.
00:34:08.945 --> 00:34:11.345
- Yeah.
- Or a Betamax.
00:34:11.414 --> 00:34:13.473
You know what, actually
I'd recommend this one.
00:34:13.550 --> 00:34:14.676
This is a dual.
00:34:14.751 --> 00:34:17.811
You've got the VCR and DVD combo.
00:34:17.888 --> 00:34:21.415
So, you know, that technology would be
probably pretty good for...
00:34:21.691 --> 00:34:22.817
- Six months or so?
- Yeah.
00:34:22.893 --> 00:34:24.190
That's good.
00:34:24.327 --> 00:34:26.261
At best. Sorry.
00:34:26.396 --> 00:34:28.762
- No.
- As good as it gets.
00:34:28.899 --> 00:34:30.093
Okay, that sounds good, then.
00:34:30.167 --> 00:34:31.259
Okay, all right.
00:34:32.435 --> 00:34:33.493
- It's perfect.
- Sorry.
00:34:33.570 --> 00:34:34.832
Coming through.
00:34:35.172 --> 00:34:36.264
Okay.
00:34:36.339 --> 00:34:39.069
God, you know, it's so funny,
I work right across the street...
00:34:39.142 --> 00:34:40.575
and I've never been in this place.
00:34:40.644 --> 00:34:42.077
- Really? Where at?
- Yeah.
00:34:42.145 --> 00:34:44.773
The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay"
store.
00:34:45.582 --> 00:34:47.277
- Yes.
- And that's the name?
00:34:47.517 --> 00:34:49.883
Yeah, I was looking for something...
00:34:50.053 --> 00:34:52.920
...you know, obvious.
So I chose that.
00:34:52.989 --> 00:34:55.184
I don't understand.
So, what, you do what?
00:34:55.559 --> 00:34:57.527
Well, I take the stuff
that you don't want...
00:34:57.594 --> 00:34:59.687
and then I "sell" it on eBay.
00:34:59.763 --> 00:35:02.254
But you don't actually
sell anything in the store?
00:35:03.233 --> 00:35:04.791
No. I don't.
00:35:05.535 --> 00:35:07.628
So why do you have a store?
00:35:07.704 --> 00:35:09.001
I don't know.
00:35:09.072 --> 00:35:12.337
No, I think it's because, you know,
I wanna maybe look professional...
00:35:12.409 --> 00:35:15.378
and not like a crazy person
who's just gonna steal all your shit.
00:35:15.445 --> 00:35:17.811
Sure. I didn't mean anything by that.
00:35:17.881 --> 00:35:19.348
No, it's okay.
00:35:19.516 --> 00:35:23.213
You know what, you should come by sometime
if you want, you know...
00:35:23.286 --> 00:35:25.083
see it for yourself, check it out.
00:35:25.155 --> 00:35:26.713
I'll check out your empty store.
00:35:26.790 --> 00:35:30.021
Yeah, it's the one across the street
that's not empty.
00:35:31.361 --> 00:35:32.851
Here's my number. So...
00:35:33.396 --> 00:35:35.864
- All right.
- So, just anytime.
00:35:36.533 --> 00:35:39.400
Why do I need your number
if you're across the street, though?
00:35:40.670 --> 00:35:43.662
I don't really have a good answer
for that, Andy. I just...
00:35:43.740 --> 00:35:45.708
- Sorry.
- Just giving it to you.
00:35:45.942 --> 00:35:49.036
So I'll write you up,
and I'll meet you over at the register.
00:35:49.112 --> 00:35:50.773
- Okay.
- And check you out... Check out.
00:35:50.847 --> 00:35:52.178
- Okay, see you over there.
- Okay.
00:35:52.249 --> 00:35:53.238
Okay.
00:35:53.650 --> 00:35:55.709
- Awful chatty.
- Hey...
00:35:56.119 --> 00:35:58.280
Look, I think she gave me
her number.
00:35:58.355 --> 00:36:00.880
She wrote down her number,
but I think she gave me her number.
00:36:00.957 --> 00:36:02.322
- No, she gave you.
- Dude, man.
00:36:02.392 --> 00:36:03.984
See, you still mad at me?
00:36:04.060 --> 00:36:05.925
- No, I was never.
- Right, you see what I mean?
00:36:05.996 --> 00:36:07.896
Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man.
Yeah.
00:36:07.964 --> 00:36:09.397
- This is pretty cool.
- Yeah.
00:36:09.466 --> 00:36:11.400
- Unbelievable.
- Come on, give him some credit, man.
00:36:11.468 --> 00:36:12.662
The man pulled a number.
00:36:12.736 --> 00:36:15.296
It's just... I was in...
I can't believe that happened.
00:36:15.372 --> 00:36:16.839
What you did with you's own hand.
00:36:16.906 --> 00:36:19.067
Man, she just gave me her number.
00:36:19.242 --> 00:36:23.872
That's great, man. I'm telling you,
love is a mysterious fig.
00:36:23.947 --> 00:36:24.971
It is.
00:36:25.048 --> 00:36:27.812
Okay, here's a question.
When should I call her?
00:36:28.418 --> 00:36:29.680
- You like her?
- Yeah.
00:36:29.753 --> 00:36:31.220
You definitely don't want to call her.
00:36:31.288 --> 00:36:32.915
When is the next Olympics?
00:36:32.989 --> 00:36:34.354
So what you just got to do is...
00:36:34.424 --> 00:36:36.153
just get you a bunch
of these hood rats...
00:36:36.226 --> 00:36:37.659
run through them,
just knock them out.
00:36:37.727 --> 00:36:38.785
Boom, boom, boom.
00:36:38.862 --> 00:36:41.422
And once you've done slayed like 20,
30 of them hood rats...
00:36:41.498 --> 00:36:44.228
now you ready to go up
to the upper echelon type ho.
00:36:44.301 --> 00:36:46.428
- You know what I mean?
- I'm not a big ho runner.
00:36:46.503 --> 00:36:48.300
My uncle used to drive a ho runner.
00:36:48.371 --> 00:36:50.236
Screw these analogies.
What he's saying is...
00:36:50.307 --> 00:36:52.332
you are going to be so bad
at sex the first time...
00:36:52.409 --> 00:36:54.343
you don't want to have sex
with someone you like...
00:36:54.411 --> 00:36:56.845
'cause they'll think you're a weirdo
for being so lame at it.
00:36:56.913 --> 00:36:58.972
You want to have sex
with hood rats first...
00:36:59.049 --> 00:37:01.108
so that by the time
you get to the girl you do like...
00:37:01.184 --> 00:37:04.642
you're not terrible at sex,
you'll be mediocre at it.
00:37:04.988 --> 00:37:06.455
Probably still pretty bad, though.
00:37:06.523 --> 00:37:08.753
Let's put it up for my man
for pulling that number.
00:37:08.825 --> 00:37:11.191
- Way to go, man.
- Politicked his ass off.
00:37:11.261 --> 00:37:13.559
- You did politic.
- Thanks a lot.
00:37:13.663 --> 00:37:15.688
Like a train, round the bend.
You ready?
00:37:49.899 --> 00:37:50.888
Yeah.
00:37:52.035 --> 00:37:53.229
- I can't.
- Do it.
00:37:53.303 --> 00:37:54.930
- I can't pee in public.
- Gotta do it.
00:37:55.004 --> 00:37:56.596
I've got a mental block about it.
00:37:56.673 --> 00:37:59.870
- Come on, do it.
- I'm shy!
00:38:04.114 --> 00:38:06.742
I peed in public!
00:38:07.050 --> 00:38:09.382
- Let me out.
- I can't hear what you're saying.
00:38:09.452 --> 00:38:12.012
- I don't want to be in here.
- It's a soundproof room.
00:38:12.722 --> 00:38:14.883
- Just learn the techniques.
- Right on, man.
00:38:16.393 --> 00:38:18.258
You guys, this is not funny!
00:38:49.526 --> 00:38:50.515
Hello.
00:38:57.167 --> 00:38:58.532
Hey, what you watching?
00:38:58.601 --> 00:39:00.728
- Dawn of the Dead, man.
- Great.
00:39:00.870 --> 00:39:02.963
The store is slow.
Paula's gone.
00:39:03.039 --> 00:39:05.439
- Yo, is Paula back?
- No. She's not here.
00:39:05.909 --> 00:39:07.877
- She said we can't watch this in here.
- You sure?
00:39:07.944 --> 00:39:10.310
I know.
Can I ask you something in confidence?
00:39:10.380 --> 00:39:12.439
I know this is gonna sound weird.
00:39:13.149 --> 00:39:14.639
Am I good-looking?
00:39:14.717 --> 00:39:16.446
Do you think a woman
will find me attractive?
00:39:16.519 --> 00:39:18.214
Oh, my God!
00:39:18.988 --> 00:39:21.582
- Oh, my God, the blood just...
- Okay, never mind.
00:39:21.658 --> 00:39:23.489
Wait, Andy. Hold up.
00:39:23.560 --> 00:39:26.552
Listen, this is embarrassing for me.
This is hard to talk about.
00:39:26.629 --> 00:39:29.097
- Are you ready for my honest answer?
- Yes.
00:39:29.499 --> 00:39:31.865
Yeah.
I think you're a good-looking cat.
00:39:32.635 --> 00:39:34.193
I don't think that anybody knows it...
00:39:34.270 --> 00:39:35.862
and I don't think anybody can see it.
00:39:35.939 --> 00:39:37.099
Well, that's why I'm asking you.
00:39:37.173 --> 00:39:39.698
You seem really well-groomed
and really put together.
00:39:39.776 --> 00:39:42.472
I mean, look, dude.
You think this was an accident?
00:39:42.812 --> 00:39:45.337
All of this right here?
Premeditated, partner.
00:39:45.415 --> 00:39:48.816
You gotta highlight your attributes,
like a diamond in the rough.
00:39:48.885 --> 00:39:50.614
You willing to make some sacrifices?
00:39:50.687 --> 00:39:51.745
Absolutely.
00:39:51.821 --> 00:39:54.619
You see that whole Teen Wolf thing
you got going right there?
00:39:54.691 --> 00:39:56.556
You need to wax that right out.
00:39:56.626 --> 00:39:58.491
- Does it hurt?
- No. Waxing don't hurt.
00:39:58.561 --> 00:40:00.552
I mean, not unless you're a bitch.
You know what I mean?
00:40:00.630 --> 00:40:02.120
It didn't hurt me.
I get it done all the time.
00:40:02.198 --> 00:40:03.893
What the fuck!
00:40:07.403 --> 00:40:09.303
Fuck that nigger up!
00:40:10.240 --> 00:40:12.708
Bitch, get out of the room!
00:40:15.645 --> 00:40:17.670
This is gonna be good.
00:40:17.747 --> 00:40:19.977
- This the one right here, right?
- Hi, how are you?
00:40:20.049 --> 00:40:22.074
So this is your first time
getting body waxed?
00:40:22.151 --> 00:40:23.209
Yes, it is.
00:40:23.286 --> 00:40:25.379
- Take off your shirt.
- Okay.
00:40:28.758 --> 00:40:30.658
We're gonna need more wax.
00:40:30.727 --> 00:40:33.059
I'm staying.
This is gonna be good.
00:40:33.696 --> 00:40:36.494
And clear all my appointments
in the afternoon.
00:40:36.733 --> 00:40:38.064
Here we go.
00:40:38.401 --> 00:40:39.732
That feels warm.
00:40:42.872 --> 00:40:45.966
I like your sweater.
Does that come in a V-neck?
00:40:47.343 --> 00:40:49.834
She starts doing his pubes,
I'm out of here.
00:40:51.814 --> 00:40:53.406
You gonna look good after this, man.
00:40:53.483 --> 00:40:54.711
Thanks, man.
00:40:55.084 --> 00:40:56.449
- So, ready?
- Yeah.
00:41:02.559 --> 00:41:04.424
You fucker!
00:41:05.562 --> 00:41:08.156
I'm sorry.
That's just your job.
00:41:08.231 --> 00:41:11.689
- You want me to stop now?
- No. It's okay.
00:41:13.202 --> 00:41:14.430
Let's do another one.
00:41:14.504 --> 00:41:16.165
That one little patch
looks sexy though.
00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:18.264
- Does it look good?
- Yeah, it looks really good.
00:41:19.475 --> 00:41:21.841
It looks man-tastic.
00:41:23.012 --> 00:41:24.172
Okay.
00:41:25.815 --> 00:41:29.444
Wow! I didn't expect that at all.
I really didn't expect that.
00:41:30.019 --> 00:41:32.419
You got it. The first one
is the only one that hurts.
00:41:32.488 --> 00:41:34.956
Yeah.
Those hairs are pretty deep.
00:41:35.024 --> 00:41:36.116
Okay.
00:41:36.426 --> 00:41:38.053
- You ready?
- Yup.
00:41:41.864 --> 00:41:43.627
Sucker motherfucker!
00:41:44.067 --> 00:41:46.365
You shithead! I hate you!
00:41:46.436 --> 00:41:48.233
I hate you so much!
00:41:49.372 --> 00:41:50.600
That one hurt.
00:41:50.673 --> 00:41:53.039
That one hurt
just as much as the first one.
00:41:53.109 --> 00:41:55.100
- That's great, man.
- Man!
00:41:57.013 --> 00:41:59.277
One, two, three.
00:42:00.450 --> 00:42:04.443
Fuck me!
00:42:04.887 --> 00:42:08.379
In the asshole!
00:42:10.593 --> 00:42:11.719
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
00:42:11.794 --> 00:42:13.386
I really don't swear this much.
00:42:13.463 --> 00:42:14.896
You know what,
I got a weak stomach.
00:42:14.964 --> 00:42:16.761
That's all I can really take.
I'll see ya'll.
00:42:16.833 --> 00:42:19.199
- Jay.
- Be tough, Andy, you got it.
00:42:19.268 --> 00:42:21.361
- Where did Jay go?
- He went to throw up.
00:42:21.437 --> 00:42:22.699
- Ready?
- Yup.
00:42:23.406 --> 00:42:24.464
One, two.
00:42:25.675 --> 00:42:27.939
Cocksucker motherfucker!
00:42:28.077 --> 00:42:29.738
You pulled on two.
00:42:31.014 --> 00:42:32.675
Why didn't you pull on three?
00:42:32.749 --> 00:42:34.080
Freddy pie hole!
00:42:35.818 --> 00:42:37.718
No! Kelly Clarkson!
00:42:42.925 --> 00:42:44.688
Ya'll done or ya'll...
00:42:44.761 --> 00:42:46.285
- That's fucked up.
- Oh, shit falls!
00:42:46.362 --> 00:42:47.488
That's fucked up.
00:42:50.500 --> 00:42:52.434
I hate you.
00:42:52.502 --> 00:42:54.868
Stop smiling, you jerk!
00:42:54.937 --> 00:42:56.131
You pussy.
00:42:56.205 --> 00:42:58.298
Oh, God. What's next?
00:42:58.675 --> 00:43:00.905
- You're doing the nipple.
- Not the nipple.
00:43:00.977 --> 00:43:02.706
- Come on.
- Not the nipple.
00:43:02.779 --> 00:43:04.474
Please, Cal, hold my hand.
00:43:04.881 --> 00:43:07.679
- You kidding me, man?
- Hold my goddamn hand, man.
00:43:08.251 --> 00:43:10.515
- Do it! Just hold.
- Okay, here we go.
00:43:11.788 --> 00:43:12.812
Ready?
00:43:13.489 --> 00:43:14.786
No. Yup.
00:43:14.857 --> 00:43:16.791
One, two, three.
00:43:17.360 --> 00:43:19.760
Nipple fuck!
00:43:21.130 --> 00:43:23.598
Mika, you should burn in hell!
00:43:24.067 --> 00:43:26.729
Okay, all right.
No, seriously, I think I'm done.
00:43:26.803 --> 00:43:29.169
I think we're done.
I think that's good.
00:43:31.307 --> 00:43:32.638
You know what, guys...
00:43:32.709 --> 00:43:35.234
this is not a good look for me!
00:43:35.645 --> 00:43:37.476
You look like a man-o'- lantern.
00:43:37.547 --> 00:43:39.515
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it. Thank you.
00:43:59.068 --> 00:44:00.797
- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
00:44:00.870 --> 00:44:02.462
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
00:44:02.939 --> 00:44:04.998
Andy, I owe you an apology, man.
00:44:05.074 --> 00:44:08.510
I wasn't very nice to you
for the past two-and-a-half years.
00:44:08.578 --> 00:44:09.704
You were nice to me.
00:44:09.779 --> 00:44:12.441
No, I was... I thought
you were really boring and...
00:44:12.515 --> 00:44:14.813
I kind of thought
you were a serial killer.
00:44:16.119 --> 00:44:17.518
I'm not joking.
00:44:18.020 --> 00:44:20.887
- Hey!
- Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry.
00:44:20.957 --> 00:44:23.289
Don't worry. There's a lot of
padding in these.
00:44:23.359 --> 00:44:25.725
I could hurl it off the balcony,
it would be fine.
00:44:25.795 --> 00:44:27.524
- Yeah. It will be fine.
- We couldn't break this...
00:44:27.597 --> 00:44:28.655
- ... if we tried.
- No problem.
00:44:28.731 --> 00:44:30.824
Look, you shouldn't listen
to Dave and Jay, okay?
00:44:30.900 --> 00:44:33.994
Those guys are crazy.
You should listen to me, okay?
00:44:34.070 --> 00:44:37.039
Look, there is a hot-ass girl
who works right there.
00:44:37.106 --> 00:44:40.439
There she is, in the bookstore.
You should ask her out, man.
00:44:42.411 --> 00:44:44.242
Something wrong with her underpants.
00:44:44.347 --> 00:44:45.814
Yeah, they're not in my mouth.
00:44:45.882 --> 00:44:47.850
You know, I kind of...
00:44:49.085 --> 00:44:51.280
like the woman from the eBay store.
00:44:51.454 --> 00:44:52.478
That's great, but...
00:44:52.555 --> 00:44:53.852
you're not gonna get with anyone...
00:44:53.923 --> 00:44:55.550
unless you play the odds on this, man.
00:44:55.625 --> 00:44:57.525
You need to plant a lot of seeds.
00:44:57.593 --> 00:45:01.085
It's like this.
When I was growing pot, I realized...
00:45:01.631 --> 00:45:04.725
- ... that the more seeds I planted...
- Thank you.
00:45:04.834 --> 00:45:07.132
...the more pot
I could ultimately smoke.
00:45:07.203 --> 00:45:10.434
I think I have all the advice
that I can handle right now.
00:45:10.506 --> 00:45:11.598
Don't get bitter.
00:45:11.674 --> 00:45:14.541
I'm not bitter.
I almost lost a nipple, okay?
00:45:14.610 --> 00:45:16.407
That was Jay's idea, okay?
00:45:16.479 --> 00:45:19.073
And I wasn't going to say anything,
but waxing your chest is...
00:45:19.148 --> 00:45:21.639
like the gayest thing
you could possibly do, okay?
00:45:21.717 --> 00:45:25.448
Look at me. Looks are not important.
Really look at me.
00:45:25.555 --> 00:45:28.490
I am ugly as fuck
by traditional standards...
00:45:28.558 --> 00:45:30.992
but I get with women.
00:45:31.060 --> 00:45:33.187
Aren't you curious
as to how that's possible?
00:45:33.262 --> 00:45:35.492
I am not ugly as fuck.
00:45:35.565 --> 00:45:37.396
I didn't say you were ugly as...
00:45:37.466 --> 00:45:38.933
- Well, you implied it.
- Okay.
00:45:39.001 --> 00:45:41.595
It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck
or you're ugly as shit.
00:45:41.671 --> 00:45:44.765
It's about talking to women,
and I know how to do that...
00:45:44.841 --> 00:45:48.208
because I observe,
because I am a novelist.
00:45:48.878 --> 00:45:50.778
What? You never told me that before.
00:45:50.847 --> 00:45:53.645
That's because I am not
an arrogant prick, Andy.
00:45:53.749 --> 00:45:56.149
Okay? The problem most men have is...
00:45:56.485 --> 00:45:57.975
they don't know how to talk to women.
00:45:58.054 --> 00:46:01.751
You know what my problem is?
I am not interesting.
00:46:01.891 --> 00:46:04.485
What am I supposed to say?
"I went to magic camp?"
00:46:04.861 --> 00:46:06.658
"I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?"
00:46:06.729 --> 00:46:09.857
"I am a seventh-degree
imperial yo-yo master. "
00:46:11.000 --> 00:46:13.025
Do me, yo-yo master.
00:46:13.102 --> 00:46:16.902
I want you to do me,
'cause you're the yo-yo guy.
00:46:17.240 --> 00:46:18.468
Are you done? Listen.
00:46:18.541 --> 00:46:20.475
The problem most men have is...
00:46:20.543 --> 00:46:24.001
they just plain straight up
have no clue how to talk to women.
00:46:24.413 --> 00:46:27.314
Just ask a question, okay?
That's it.
00:46:27.450 --> 00:46:30.647
Because women do not care
about what you have to say...
00:46:30.720 --> 00:46:32.187
at all anyway, you know.
00:46:32.255 --> 00:46:34.280
And all they want to do
is talk about themselves.
00:46:34.357 --> 00:46:36.086
So you're just gonna
let them do that.
00:46:36.158 --> 00:46:37.785
Okay? So remember.
00:46:37.860 --> 00:46:41.091
Questions, be cool,
and be kind of a dick.
00:46:41.163 --> 00:46:44.291
Here, be David Caruso in Jade.
00:46:44.800 --> 00:46:46.961
Okay. I know exactly
what you're talking about.
00:46:47.036 --> 00:46:48.526
You do. That's good.
00:46:50.339 --> 00:46:51.738
There she is.
00:46:54.577 --> 00:46:56.306
Go plant that seed, man.
00:46:56.913 --> 00:46:58.676
Plant it with your finger.
00:47:10.893 --> 00:47:12.326
Can I help you?
00:47:14.363 --> 00:47:15.990
I don't know. Can you?
00:47:17.667 --> 00:47:19.635
Are you looking for something?
00:47:21.003 --> 00:47:23.631
Is there something
I should be looking for?
00:47:27.910 --> 00:47:29.468
We have a lot of books.
00:47:29.912 --> 00:47:33.006
So, maybe it depends
on what you like.
00:47:38.020 --> 00:47:39.487
What do you like?
00:47:39.755 --> 00:47:43.247
We have a great section of...
00:47:43.759 --> 00:47:45.226
do-it-yourself.
00:47:45.294 --> 00:47:47.660
Do you like to "do it yourself"?
00:47:48.597 --> 00:47:50.758
Sometimes. I mean...
00:47:51.334 --> 00:47:54.895
if the mood strikes.
00:47:56.172 --> 00:47:58.333
How is the mood striking you now?
00:48:05.281 --> 00:48:06.748
What's your name?
00:48:07.483 --> 00:48:08.677
What's your name?
00:48:08.751 --> 00:48:10.810
I'm Beth.
00:48:13.522 --> 00:48:14.648
Andy.
00:48:15.925 --> 00:48:17.051
Andy.
00:48:19.729 --> 00:48:22.323
- Don't tell on me, okay, Andy?
- I wont.
00:48:24.033 --> 00:48:26.365
Unless you want to be told on...
00:48:27.236 --> 00:48:28.225
Beth.
00:48:31.040 --> 00:48:32.632
Wow. That totally worked!
00:48:32.708 --> 00:48:34.835
I literally said nothing.
And she found me fascinating.
00:48:34.910 --> 00:48:36.741
I would've thought
you were doing that for years.
00:48:36.812 --> 00:48:38.541
- Should I have asked her out?
- No. That's the key.
00:48:38.614 --> 00:48:40.047
You wait for it to grow into a plant...
00:48:40.116 --> 00:48:41.606
and then you fuck the plant.
00:48:45.688 --> 00:48:46.746
Okay.
00:48:47.623 --> 00:48:48.851
This is easy.
00:48:49.692 --> 00:48:51.023
All right.
00:48:51.527 --> 00:48:54.155
Hello, Trish. How you doing?
What's going on?
00:48:55.798 --> 00:48:56.958
Good joke.
00:48:57.033 --> 00:48:58.796
This is a fun conversation.
00:48:58.868 --> 00:49:01.234
Just grow a backbone
and call her.
00:49:01.370 --> 00:49:03.964
She asked you to call her.
She wants you to call her.
00:49:11.147 --> 00:49:12.114
Hello.
00:49:12.648 --> 00:49:14.013
Hey, how you doing?
00:49:15.951 --> 00:49:17.748
- How you doing?
- I'm well.
00:49:18.154 --> 00:49:19.587
Who is this?
00:49:20.289 --> 00:49:23.315
- This is James.
- James. Do I know you, James?
00:49:24.894 --> 00:49:26.919
I was wondering whether
you had a few minutes...
00:49:26.996 --> 00:49:28.896
to talk about
a little laundry detergent.
00:49:28.964 --> 00:49:31.091
Are you a telemarketer, James?
00:49:31.333 --> 00:49:32.357
Yep.
00:49:32.435 --> 00:49:33.766
Are you at the top
of a tall building?
00:49:33.836 --> 00:49:36.270
Can you get to a roof quickly?
Jump off!
00:49:36.338 --> 00:49:37.498
I mean, you people are sick.
00:49:37.573 --> 00:49:39.370
Get a real fucking job,
why don't you?
00:49:39.442 --> 00:49:41.000
Go shoot yourself
in the fucking head.
00:49:41.077 --> 00:49:43.910
Hey, why don't you just, you know,
get a knife and run into it?
00:49:43.979 --> 00:49:45.378
Why don't you do that, huh?
00:49:45.448 --> 00:49:46.745
- Okay.
- I'll see you later, James.
00:49:46.816 --> 00:49:50.149
- Nice to talk to you.
- Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye.
00:49:51.887 --> 00:49:52.876
Oh.
00:49:56.092 --> 00:49:58.458
Hey, man.
Got a big box of porn for you.
00:50:00.229 --> 00:50:02.561
- Can I come in?
- Yeah.
00:50:04.500 --> 00:50:06.400
Sweet video game chair.
00:50:10.339 --> 00:50:11.601
So what's in the box?
00:50:11.674 --> 00:50:14.040
It's my personal collection
of erotica.
00:50:14.443 --> 00:50:15.569
I want to give it to you.
00:50:15.644 --> 00:50:18.579
I think there might be a few tapes
in there that just might open up...
00:50:18.647 --> 00:50:20.171
Pandora's box of love.
00:50:20.249 --> 00:50:21.273
Okay.
00:50:21.350 --> 00:50:24.148
Amy and I, we used to watch
Harry Twatter...
00:50:24.253 --> 00:50:25.743
and we'd put it on the television...
00:50:25.821 --> 00:50:27.755
and then act it out
as it was going on...
00:50:27.823 --> 00:50:29.450
and it was...
00:50:31.494 --> 00:50:33.018
She's adorable.
00:50:33.963 --> 00:50:35.396
Fucking bitch.
00:50:35.464 --> 00:50:37.489
Well, you know,
this is really gracious and kind...
00:50:37.566 --> 00:50:38.726
and generous and everything.
00:50:38.801 --> 00:50:41.531
But I just don't want
a big box of porn in my apartment.
00:50:41.604 --> 00:50:44.038
There's some really
great stuff in here.
00:50:44.106 --> 00:50:46.472
Really great movies in here,
man.
00:50:46.742 --> 00:50:48.266
Hey, did you ever see
School of Rock?
00:50:48.344 --> 00:50:49.811
- Yeah.
- Well, this is...
00:50:49.879 --> 00:50:51.506
It's called School of...
00:50:51.847 --> 00:50:52.973
You know...
00:50:53.282 --> 00:50:56.649
- That's nice.
- But it stars Jack Black Cock.
00:50:57.520 --> 00:50:58.714
That makes sense.
00:50:58.787 --> 00:51:00.618
Dude, here it is.
00:51:00.689 --> 00:51:03.249
Boner Jams '03.
It's a mixed tape I made.
00:51:03.325 --> 00:51:07.421
All these great scenes that I was
really into in the summer of 2003.
00:51:07.730 --> 00:51:10.494
- I think you'd really dig it.
- Yeah. Now I can see that.
00:51:10.566 --> 00:51:12.090
This is...
00:51:12.368 --> 00:51:13.801
Everybody Loves Raymond.
00:51:13.869 --> 00:51:15.302
That's probably not supposed to be...
00:51:15.371 --> 00:51:17.168
This is a good show.
I just tape it sometimes.
00:51:17.239 --> 00:51:19.298
Well, I don't think
you understand something, Dave.
00:51:19.375 --> 00:51:23.835
I don't want this stuff, okay?
Because I don't do that, that much.
00:51:23.913 --> 00:51:25.881
- What, masturbate?
- Yeah.
00:51:26.982 --> 00:51:29.348
Dude, I've jacked it twice
since I've been here.
00:51:29.418 --> 00:51:32.512
- Are you kidding me? Why not?
- It's not a hobby of mine.
00:51:32.588 --> 00:51:34.920
Well, then, that's the only hobby
you don't have.
00:51:34.990 --> 00:51:37.390
No, seriously, I just don't feel
comfortable talking about...
00:51:37.459 --> 00:51:38.551
You need to.
You're wound up.
00:51:38.627 --> 00:51:40.219
You're like one of these
action figures...
00:51:40.296 --> 00:51:42.025
all hermetically sealed in your box.
00:51:42.097 --> 00:51:44.463
- You gotta play with...
- Don't!
00:51:44.533 --> 00:51:45.625
Don't take it out!
00:51:45.701 --> 00:51:48.329
I'm sorry.
You know what, it's just...
00:51:48.470 --> 00:51:51.166
It loses its value if you
take it out of its packaging.
00:51:51.240 --> 00:51:54.368
I'm just saying, let it out.
Give it some air, man. Play with it.
00:51:54.443 --> 00:51:57.105
- Take your porn with you.
- I'm not taking it.
00:51:57.179 --> 00:51:58.840
Take your box-o-porn.
00:51:58.914 --> 00:52:01.712
- It's my gift to you.
- No. I don't want it.
00:52:01.984 --> 00:52:03.144
David, it's not...
00:52:03.219 --> 00:52:04.277
Andy, for the last time...
00:52:04.353 --> 00:52:06.218
I don't want your giant box
of pornography.
00:52:06.288 --> 00:52:08.586
No, no, no!
Come on, man.
00:52:08.857 --> 00:52:10.154
So uncool.
00:52:10.759 --> 00:52:11.953
Uncool?
00:52:12.995 --> 00:52:16.795
Uncool is trying to give an honest man
a big box of porn, Andy.
00:52:17.700 --> 00:52:20.032
For the last time,
I don't want to watch...
00:52:20.102 --> 00:52:21.763
School of Cock with you.
00:53:31.840 --> 00:53:33.740
It's nothing official.
00:53:34.710 --> 00:53:37.702
Just a little token
of my appreciation.
00:53:58.600 --> 00:54:01.899
Hi, Andy.
I'm gonna talk dirty to you.
00:54:01.970 --> 00:54:06.270
I want to have
lots of sexy sex with you.
00:54:06.442 --> 00:54:10.503
I want to touch your big,
fat noodle...
00:54:10.612 --> 00:54:14.480
'cause I want to have
naughty intercourse with you.
00:54:14.717 --> 00:54:18.653
I want you to put your penis on,
I mean, in me, Andy.
00:54:18.954 --> 00:54:22.355
I want to do lots of,
lots of sexy...
00:54:22.424 --> 00:54:25.120
hot things with you. Shit.
00:54:25.894 --> 00:54:28.988
This really isn't working, Andy.
I don't know what to say...
00:54:29.064 --> 00:54:30.497
because I am you.
00:54:32.601 --> 00:54:33.966
Okay. New tape.
00:54:36.238 --> 00:54:39.071
Nothing is ever good enough
and it's always our fault.
00:54:39.141 --> 00:54:41.006
Hey, you can't speak
to your mother like that.
00:54:41.076 --> 00:54:42.941
- You do.
- She's not my mother.
00:54:47.950 --> 00:54:50.282
I heard Dave gave you
the box of porn.
00:54:50.652 --> 00:54:51.710
Yeah, he did.
00:54:53.122 --> 00:54:55.090
You ever watch, like,
Primetime Live...
00:54:55.157 --> 00:54:57.182
when they take a black light
into a hotel room...
00:54:57.259 --> 00:54:59.750
and show you all the semen
all over the bedspread?
00:55:00.362 --> 00:55:01.351
Yeah.
00:55:01.964 --> 00:55:04.125
You blind someone with that box.
00:55:04.733 --> 00:55:06.564
Could see that thing from space.
00:55:10.105 --> 00:55:12.699
This right here, you looking at
the Bentley of big screen TVs.
00:55:12.775 --> 00:55:15.141
I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce
of big screens...
00:55:16.745 --> 00:55:19.179
Sometimes, I think these butterflies
are in here.
00:55:19.681 --> 00:55:21.615
I think he might be fooling us all,
though.
00:55:21.683 --> 00:55:22.615
Really?
00:55:22.684 --> 00:55:24.879
I actually think he might be,
like, some genius...
00:55:24.953 --> 00:55:27.046
and this is like some big,
like, hilarious...
00:55:27.122 --> 00:55:30.114
Like he's bored at work and he
just wanted to kick up some shit...
00:55:30.192 --> 00:55:31.557
so he told us all he's a virgin.
00:55:31.627 --> 00:55:33.720
You're seeing that a lot of stuff
that's not there.
00:55:33.796 --> 00:55:35.764
You're just projecting all over him.
00:55:35.964 --> 00:55:37.522
He might be an idiot savant...
00:55:37.599 --> 00:55:40.591
but he's not, like,
clever enough to go that deep.
00:55:40.669 --> 00:55:42.034
But he's got a great body.
00:55:42.104 --> 00:55:44.436
- Would you fuck him?
- In a New York minute.
00:55:44.506 --> 00:55:46.133
- You would fuck him?
- Absolutely.
00:55:48.444 --> 00:55:50.241
Hey, Andy, what are you doing
for lunch?
00:55:50.679 --> 00:55:52.874
I don't know.
I have a turkey sandwich.
00:55:52.948 --> 00:55:55.781
We're gonna go around the corner.
I think you should come with us.
00:55:55.851 --> 00:55:58.649
There's this great place.
A lot of cute giris.
00:55:59.054 --> 00:56:00.521
I don't know. Okay.
00:56:01.457 --> 00:56:03.357
We brought you a shirt.
00:56:03.792 --> 00:56:05.589
This place is pretty fancy.
00:56:06.895 --> 00:56:07.919
Something going on?
00:56:07.996 --> 00:56:09.827
Hey, who's ready
to have some fun?
00:56:11.900 --> 00:56:13.299
Hey, guys...
00:56:14.736 --> 00:56:17.204
No, don't ignore me.
I know what this is.
00:56:17.272 --> 00:56:19.763
Within one hour,
you'll each have 20 dates.
00:56:19.908 --> 00:56:23.207
Don't... Please don't do this.
I saw this on Primetime Live.
00:56:23.345 --> 00:56:25.074
All right, ninja master.
00:56:25.481 --> 00:56:27.472
We've given you all the advice
we have to give.
00:56:27.549 --> 00:56:28.743
Now you gonna put it in action.
00:56:28.817 --> 00:56:30.785
Advice? You guys all
gave me different advice.
00:56:30.853 --> 00:56:32.753
- He thinks you're a pothead.
- I am.
00:56:32.921 --> 00:56:35.981
Dude. Hey, partner.
What are you whining about?
00:56:36.058 --> 00:56:38.219
- You asked for this shit.
- No, I didn't.
00:56:38.293 --> 00:56:40.124
Will you just quit whining
like a bitch?
00:56:40.195 --> 00:56:42.720
- I'm not whining like a bitch.
- You are whining like a bitch.
00:56:42.798 --> 00:56:45.790
And you about to cram
like 10 years of pimpage into one day.
00:56:45.868 --> 00:56:48.735
- I don't want to cram pimpage.
- And after that...
00:56:49.171 --> 00:56:50.900
you on my level. Come on.
00:56:50.973 --> 00:56:53.441
- Just ask questions.
- This is a bad idea.
00:56:56.445 --> 00:56:57.776
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
00:56:57.846 --> 00:56:59.074
I'm fine.
00:57:00.249 --> 00:57:01.443
Are you fine?
00:57:02.217 --> 00:57:03.241
Yeah.
00:57:04.119 --> 00:57:05.746
You're fine then?
00:57:06.421 --> 00:57:09.584
Are you fucking retarded?
What the hell's the matter with you?
00:57:09.925 --> 00:57:11.483
Do you want me to be fucking retarded?
00:57:12.661 --> 00:57:15.027
When I look into the eyes
of the children and the parents...
00:57:15.097 --> 00:57:16.530
and they are smiling and saying:
00:57:16.598 --> 00:57:18.862
"Thank you, Dr. Montalban,
you saved my child"...
00:57:18.934 --> 00:57:20.026
it was worth it.
00:57:22.905 --> 00:57:24.031
Amy...
00:57:24.706 --> 00:57:26.833
- ... what are you doing here?
- David.
00:57:28.210 --> 00:57:30.542
- And you are Gina?
- Gina.
00:57:30.646 --> 00:57:32.341
- Hey, what's up?
- Nothing.
00:57:32.481 --> 00:57:35.041
Look, I'm going to be
real honest with you.
00:57:35.117 --> 00:57:37.608
It's been a long time
since I've been with a man.
00:57:37.686 --> 00:57:40.348
Spent a lot of time with the ladies.
00:57:40.422 --> 00:57:42.856
Looking to get back up
on that pogo stick.
00:57:42.925 --> 00:57:44.893
- You know what I'm saying?
- Excuse me.
00:57:44.960 --> 00:57:48.919
Remember that time when we made love
and you cried in my arms?
00:57:48.997 --> 00:57:51.431
Please don't reminisce about
the times we fucked, please.
00:57:51.500 --> 00:57:53.365
- It's so creepy.
- Let's go to Paris.
00:57:53.435 --> 00:57:56.268
I want to take you underneath
the Eiffel Tower and make love to you.
00:57:56.338 --> 00:57:57.600
- Cut it out.
- Cut what out?
00:57:57.673 --> 00:58:00.233
This go to Paris! We've been broken up
for like two years, man.
00:58:00.309 --> 00:58:01.742
I don't want to date you anymore.
00:58:01.810 --> 00:58:03.437
- You're a whore.
- I am not a whore.
00:58:03.512 --> 00:58:05.139
I just didn't like you.
00:58:05.213 --> 00:58:06.339
This is so us.
00:58:08.584 --> 00:58:10.176
- Psycho talk.
- What?
00:58:10.252 --> 00:58:12.083
- You're a good-looking man.
- Thank you.
00:58:12.154 --> 00:58:14.554
Very pretty.
Real soft, delicate features.
00:58:14.623 --> 00:58:17.114
You're real feminine, you know,
which is good for me...
00:58:17.192 --> 00:58:19.854
because that would be
a simple sort of transition.
00:58:19.928 --> 00:58:21.122
You know what I'm saying?
00:58:21.196 --> 00:58:24.359
Maybe throw a little rouge
on you, tuck your sac back.
00:58:24.433 --> 00:58:25.991
- You game?
- No.
00:58:27.135 --> 00:58:30.866
You need to stop fucking around
with my friend, okay?
00:58:30.939 --> 00:58:33.806
Because you're giving him hope,
and it's driving the man crazy.
00:58:33.875 --> 00:58:36.935
I moved, I changed my e-mail address,
my phone number.
00:58:37.012 --> 00:58:38.411
He's practically stalking me.
00:58:38.480 --> 00:58:40.914
Well, I didn't know all that.
So, I'm sorry.
00:58:42.184 --> 00:58:43.310
I love Minnesota.
00:58:43.385 --> 00:58:45.979
I grew up in a town
outside of Minneapolis...
00:58:46.054 --> 00:58:48.921
with a population of, like,
500 people. Really small.
00:58:48.991 --> 00:58:51.255
Yeah, it's like
the Land of a Thousand Lakes.
00:58:51.326 --> 00:58:54.090
What about you? You're used to, like,
a really big city.
00:58:54.229 --> 00:58:56.424
Really... God, yes.
00:58:57.532 --> 00:59:00.865
The town that I grew up in
was really small. I mean...
00:59:01.003 --> 00:59:03.870
you know, it was just so safe.
There was no crime.
00:59:03.939 --> 00:59:07.136
I mean, a girl could just walk
from one end of town to the other...
00:59:07.209 --> 00:59:10.042
and just, you know,
feel completely safe.
00:59:13.215 --> 00:59:14.546
You suppose he's had enough?
00:59:14.616 --> 00:59:17.050
Spank bank has once again been filled.
00:59:17.953 --> 00:59:19.477
I'll tell you who's the hottest.
00:59:19.554 --> 00:59:22.648
You're gonna think I'm crazy.
Let me tell you. Gina.
00:59:23.058 --> 00:59:26.084
Can't get va-Gina out of my head.
Va-Gina all week.
00:59:35.937 --> 00:59:37.336
- You know what's a fun game?
- Huh?
00:59:37.406 --> 00:59:39.340
You take three Excedrin PMs...
00:59:39.408 --> 00:59:42.138
and you see if you could whack off
before you fall asleep.
00:59:44.079 --> 00:59:46.639
You always win is the best part
about the game.
00:59:49.418 --> 00:59:51.318
- Are you Andy?
- Yeah.
00:59:51.386 --> 00:59:52.978
Is this yours?
Did you write this stuff?
00:59:53.055 --> 00:59:55.717
My girlfriend, Jill,
found your speed-dating card.
00:59:56.491 --> 00:59:57.788
Yeah, right.
00:59:57.859 --> 00:59:59.986
God, I've been looking
for that speed-dating card.
01:00:00.062 --> 01:00:01.859
Thank you so much
for bringing it to me.
01:00:01.930 --> 01:00:04.057
So, you actually wrote
that one girl looked like...
01:00:04.132 --> 01:00:06.032
she was
"hurting for a squirting"?
01:00:06.301 --> 01:00:09.065
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting,
I wrote that.
01:00:09.137 --> 01:00:11.469
So you wrote "ho fo show. "
01:00:12.274 --> 01:00:14.765
Yeah, I remember that girl.
She was a ho.
01:00:15.510 --> 01:00:16.704
Fo show.
01:00:16.912 --> 01:00:18.971
Let me show you
how this device works.
01:00:19.047 --> 01:00:20.776
Right, I'm just looking
for a cordless phone.
01:00:20.849 --> 01:00:23.477
Yup, it's great. You can do anything,
make video diaries...
01:00:23.552 --> 01:00:27.249
Hey, Amy, how's it going?
How you feeling? I'm great.
01:00:27.456 --> 01:00:30.084
I feel fantastic since we broke up.
01:00:30.625 --> 01:00:32.252
I feel awesome!
01:00:32.327 --> 01:00:34.989
Can you just show me the department
where there would be phones?
01:00:35.063 --> 01:00:37.224
How have you been?
What's been going on...
01:00:37.299 --> 01:00:39.358
I bet... Hey, have you been
doing a lot of this?
01:00:41.670 --> 01:00:43.035
Sir, please, sir.
01:00:43.105 --> 01:00:44.572
You are never gonna meet anybody...
01:00:44.639 --> 01:00:47.301
with that kind of mentality about women,
you sick son of a bitch.
01:00:47.375 --> 01:00:49.104
Who the fuck are you
to put me on trial?
01:00:49.177 --> 01:00:50.838
I've never even met you.
01:00:50.912 --> 01:00:53.107
So why don't you back the shit off,
all right?
01:00:53.181 --> 01:00:55.206
And stop with the inquisition.
01:00:55.317 --> 01:00:56.579
That's how you talk?
01:00:56.651 --> 01:00:58.516
You know what,
I don't have to answer to you.
01:00:58.587 --> 01:01:00.111
You ain't my bitch.
01:01:00.188 --> 01:01:01.746
Know what I saying?
01:01:01.823 --> 01:01:04.155
So, shit, man. Fuck it.
01:01:04.226 --> 01:01:06.251
You shouldn't even be
hanging out with this pervert.
01:01:06.328 --> 01:01:08.455
I don't hang out with him.
I work with him and that's it.
01:01:08.530 --> 01:01:10.225
I tried to introduce him
to a few nice people...
01:01:10.298 --> 01:01:11.390
he made a fool of himself.
01:01:11.466 --> 01:01:13.127
I don't mess with him, baby.
That's not me.
01:01:13.201 --> 01:01:15.431
You should keep your ho
on a leash.
01:01:15.504 --> 01:01:17.165
- Bro, I can't let you...
- Hey.
01:01:17.239 --> 01:01:19.400
I can't let you be talking
to my woman like that, dawg.
01:01:19.474 --> 01:01:21.635
- Know what I'm saying?
- Bitch is running wild, man.
01:01:21.710 --> 01:01:24.941
You miss that ass?
That's the ass of a free man.
01:01:25.013 --> 01:01:27.379
That ass is going out tonight,
maybe to a club.
01:01:27.449 --> 01:01:29.007
Maybe to a night club.
01:01:29.217 --> 01:01:30.548
Hey, Andy...
01:01:30.619 --> 01:01:32.951
- ... take a look at your pal.
- Oh, my God.
01:01:33.021 --> 01:01:35.581
Yeah, he's performing
a public colonoscopy.
01:01:35.657 --> 01:01:37.056
Isn't that sweet?
01:01:37.125 --> 01:01:38.615
I'm gonna send
David home for the day...
01:01:38.693 --> 01:01:39.853
and you're gonna fill in for him.
01:01:39.928 --> 01:01:41.623
- What? Selling things?
- You got that right.
01:01:41.696 --> 01:01:42.924
I don't think that's a good idea.
01:01:42.998 --> 01:01:44.522
And you're gonna have to
talk to people, too.
01:01:44.599 --> 01:01:46.226
I know that's a frightening
concept to you...
01:01:46.301 --> 01:01:47.529
but I think you can handle it.
01:01:47.602 --> 01:01:49.365
So get out there
and start selling some shit.
01:01:49.437 --> 01:01:50.734
...thing for Amy.
01:01:51.072 --> 01:01:52.539
- Hold it.
- Check it out.
01:01:52.607 --> 01:01:54.006
I miss her.
01:01:56.878 --> 01:01:58.846
Dude, the floor's
the ultimate aphrodisiac.
01:01:58.914 --> 01:02:00.711
All you got to do
is go make your pick now.
01:02:00.782 --> 01:02:03.148
- Come on, man.
- Okay.
01:02:03.919 --> 01:02:05.910
And you could act
a little enthused about it.
01:02:05.987 --> 01:02:07.079
Yeah.
01:02:08.490 --> 01:02:11.687
That's right. That's right.
Gazelle in the pink top.
01:02:12.861 --> 01:02:14.556
- Oh, shit.
- Hi.
01:02:14.629 --> 01:02:16.688
Looks like you're
checking out digital cameras.
01:02:16.765 --> 01:02:18.699
You know what, he ain't going
to do it willingly.
01:02:18.767 --> 01:02:21.600
No. We need to, like,
really facilitate things a bit more.
01:02:21.670 --> 01:02:23.194
- Yo, Andy.
- Yeah.
01:02:23.271 --> 01:02:24.795
What's up, dude?
This is Jay, man.
01:02:24.873 --> 01:02:26.135
Hey, Jay.
01:02:26.241 --> 01:02:27.674
I am throwing a party tonight.
01:02:27.742 --> 01:02:29.471
It's gonna be real mellow,
just chilled up.
01:02:29.544 --> 01:02:30.943
Now, you really
need to be there.
01:02:31.012 --> 01:02:33.537
It's gonna be really, really colorful.
01:02:33.815 --> 01:02:35.112
Are you free?
01:02:35.984 --> 01:02:37.042
Yeah, I think so.
01:02:37.118 --> 01:02:39.518
That was a joke, man.
I know you're free.
01:02:39.821 --> 01:02:41.186
- I'm okay.
- Gotta go, man.
01:02:41.256 --> 01:02:42.348
All right, bye.
01:02:45.126 --> 01:02:47.253
So, tell me, Montel...
01:02:47.629 --> 01:02:50.689
why weren't we invited to the party?
What are we, Al-Qaeda?
01:02:50.765 --> 01:02:51.857
No, hold up.
01:02:51.933 --> 01:02:54.128
- No, no.
- It's not that kind of party, y'all.
01:02:54.202 --> 01:02:56.227
You're not coming
to our fucking party either, okay?
01:02:56.304 --> 01:02:57.362
Fuck you, okay?
01:02:57.439 --> 01:02:59.202
First of all,
it ain't that kind of party.
01:02:59.274 --> 01:03:01.174
- Go fuck a goat.
- Yeah.
01:03:01.276 --> 01:03:03.107
Why you always telling me
to fuck a goat, man?
01:03:03.178 --> 01:03:04.202
Fuck a goat!
01:03:20.762 --> 01:03:21.922
Hello?
01:03:24.232 --> 01:03:25.358
Hello?
01:03:27.168 --> 01:03:28.362
Hello.
01:03:29.971 --> 01:03:31.666
Hello. Hi.
01:03:32.641 --> 01:03:35.166
- Are you here for Jay's party?
- Yes.
01:03:35.577 --> 01:03:37.204
I am Jay's party.
01:03:39.047 --> 01:03:42.141
You know what, hiring a transvestite
prostitute isn't helping me, man.
01:03:42.217 --> 01:03:44.481
What? Ain't nobody hired
no damn transvestite.
01:03:44.552 --> 01:03:45.576
What are you talking about?
01:03:45.654 --> 01:03:47.485
She was really nice, incidentally.
01:03:47.555 --> 01:03:49.284
If that sister was a transvestite...
01:03:49.357 --> 01:03:51.450
that was the Mona Lisa
of transvestites.
01:03:51.526 --> 01:03:53.426
You got a hummer from the tranny,
didn't you?
01:03:53.495 --> 01:03:56.828
You know, aren't we owed one now?
'Cause technically we paid her.
01:03:56.898 --> 01:03:58.229
Get a dick, man.
01:03:58.300 --> 01:03:59.961
Do you guys even like me?
01:04:00.035 --> 01:04:03.493
Or is this some sort of cruel joke
that you're all in on?
01:04:03.571 --> 01:04:05.869
Because I'm not a freak.
I'm a good person.
01:04:05.941 --> 01:04:09.433
I always thought that Matt Damon
was like a Streisand, but...
01:04:10.078 --> 01:04:12.046
I think that he's rocking
the shit in this one.
01:04:12.113 --> 01:04:13.842
Shut up, Dave!
01:04:13.915 --> 01:04:17.783
Hold up. Let's just chill
on the aggression for a minute.
01:04:18.186 --> 01:04:22.282
Look at him.
He is such a bad ass.
01:04:22.924 --> 01:04:25.290
He looks just like Luke Wilson.
01:04:25.360 --> 01:04:26.349
Mmm-hmm.
01:04:26.461 --> 01:04:28.190
So you saying she was definitely a man?
01:04:28.263 --> 01:04:29.287
Yes.
01:04:29.364 --> 01:04:31.457
Okay, well, how do you know
that she was a man?
01:04:31.533 --> 01:04:34.468
Because her hands were
as big as André the Giant's.
01:04:34.803 --> 01:04:37.499
And she had an Adam's apple
as big as her balls.
01:04:38.273 --> 01:04:39.763
So you have no proof.
01:04:39.975 --> 01:04:41.806
You know what?
Just leave me alone.
01:04:41.876 --> 01:04:43.935
Just stay away from me.
Or I'm gonna tell Paula...
01:04:44.012 --> 01:04:45.946
that you're all stealing
the recordable CDs.
01:04:46.614 --> 01:04:49.276
- Come on.
- That's like we were paid to do it.
01:04:49.351 --> 01:04:51.410
We did this 'cause we're your friends...
01:04:51.486 --> 01:04:54.250
and we didn't think you have
the balls to do it yourself.
01:04:54.322 --> 01:04:55.584
- Really?
- Yeah.
01:04:55.824 --> 01:04:57.155
Okay, watch this.
01:04:57.359 --> 01:04:58.826
Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man.
01:04:58.893 --> 01:05:00.793
That's a third strike for me, dawg.
01:05:24.386 --> 01:05:25.375
Hi.
01:05:26.087 --> 01:05:28.214
- Andy. Hi.
- Right, yeah.
01:05:28.390 --> 01:05:30.187
- You remember my name.
- I did.
01:05:30.258 --> 01:05:32.749
- How you doing?
- I'm great. I like your store.
01:05:32.827 --> 01:05:35.387
That's good, yeah.
If you have time, look around. It's...
01:05:35.463 --> 01:05:36.555
Okay.
01:05:36.998 --> 01:05:38.329
How's business been?
01:05:38.400 --> 01:05:41.369
You know, it's coming along.
I mean, it takes a while.
01:05:41.436 --> 01:05:44.462
- Do you want to go out sometime?
- Yes.
01:05:44.939 --> 01:05:47.430
Yes, I would like that.
That would be great.
01:05:47.509 --> 01:05:51.275
I think I'm maybe free this weekend,
if that's okay.
01:05:51.346 --> 01:05:54.144
Or you could call me tomorrow
and we can just firm it up.
01:05:54.215 --> 01:05:55.739
- Okay. Great.
- Great.
01:05:55.817 --> 01:05:59.412
Okay, so I'll call you,
and yeah, that'll be good.
01:05:59.487 --> 01:06:00.977
- How you doing?
- Congratulations.
01:06:01.056 --> 01:06:02.956
Okay, so I'll... Yeah.
01:06:03.291 --> 01:06:04.588
Can I help you?
01:06:04.659 --> 01:06:07.184
Yeah, these are wonderful.
I'll take these.
01:06:07.362 --> 01:06:10.991
Thanks, they are. They're great.
The goldfish just crack me up.
01:06:11.132 --> 01:06:12.156
Funny.
01:06:12.233 --> 01:06:13.325
- Yeah, they are.
- Yeah.
01:06:13.401 --> 01:06:14.595
- Yeah.
- They're cute.
01:06:14.669 --> 01:06:17.832
I don't actually sell anything here.
I just sell them on eBay.
01:06:18.506 --> 01:06:19.700
I don't get it.
01:06:20.041 --> 01:06:21.030
Okay.
01:06:21.209 --> 01:06:24.144
- Can you help me?
- No, you're on your own here.
01:06:24.212 --> 01:06:27.375
Good luck to you, and to you.
And I'll give you a call.
01:06:27.449 --> 01:06:30.441
- Great. Nice to see you.
- Great. Thanks for coming in.
01:06:31.019 --> 01:06:32.043
Bye.
01:06:32.654 --> 01:06:34.713
So, I guess I'll just
give you some money...
01:06:34.789 --> 01:06:37.314
and you can give me
these shoes and...
01:06:37.392 --> 01:06:40.088
You know,
I know it seems so strange...
01:06:40.161 --> 01:06:42.857
Yes. I'd just rather buy them
from you straight up.
01:06:42.931 --> 01:06:44.865
Yeah, I know.
I wish it could be that easy, but...
01:06:44.933 --> 01:06:48.164
I wish, too, but you're making it
extremely difficult for me.
01:06:48.236 --> 01:06:50.397
I'm just trying to get these shoes
back to my house...
01:06:50.472 --> 01:06:51.700
so I can wear them.
01:06:52.173 --> 01:06:53.731
I got a corpse in my way.
01:06:53.808 --> 01:06:54.968
Look out. Just kill it.
01:06:55.043 --> 01:06:58.069
That's just so not fair
that you have blades and...
01:06:58.146 --> 01:07:00.011
I'm telling you, man,
I feel great.
01:07:00.148 --> 01:07:02.173
I'm so...
It's like a weight has been lifted.
01:07:02.250 --> 01:07:05.845
Celibacy is the way to go, man.
Andy had it right, you know?
01:07:05.920 --> 01:07:07.785
Look at him.
He looks younger than all of us...
01:07:07.856 --> 01:07:09.118
but he's 10 years older.
01:07:09.190 --> 01:07:11.681
Why? Because he's never had
a relationship.
01:07:11.860 --> 01:07:14.488
No she-devil sucked
his life force out yet.
01:07:31.012 --> 01:07:33.344
- Hello?
- Hey. Hi. Hello.
01:07:33.715 --> 01:07:34.739
Is this Trish?
01:07:35.717 --> 01:07:37.912
- Who's calling, please?
- This is Andy.
01:07:37.986 --> 01:07:40.216
- Hi, Andy.
- Hi, how you doing?
01:07:40.288 --> 01:07:43.223
- I'm good. How're you doing?
- I'm doing great.
01:07:44.025 --> 01:07:45.287
So you're gay, now?
01:07:45.360 --> 01:07:47.260
No, I'm not gay.
I'm just celibate.
01:07:47.929 --> 01:07:49.988
I think...
I mean, that sounds gay.
01:07:50.064 --> 01:07:52.965
I just want you to know
that this is the first conversation...
01:07:53.034 --> 01:07:56.470
of three conversations
that leads to you being gay.
01:07:56.905 --> 01:07:59.499
There's this and then in a year
it's like, "You know...
01:07:59.574 --> 01:08:02.737
"I'm kind of going to wanna get back
out there, but I think I like guys. "
01:08:02.810 --> 01:08:05.643
And then there's the big,
"I'm a gay guy now. "
01:08:05.914 --> 01:08:08.382
- You're gay for saying that.
- I'm gay for saying that?
01:08:08.449 --> 01:08:11.043
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How? How do you know I'm gay?
01:08:11.119 --> 01:08:13.610
'Cause you macraméd yourself
a pair of jean shorts.
01:08:13.688 --> 01:08:14.780
You know how I know you're gay?
01:08:14.856 --> 01:08:16.949
You just told me you're not sleeping
with women anymore.
01:08:17.025 --> 01:08:18.583
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How?
01:08:18.660 --> 01:08:21.754
'Cause you're gay and you can tell
who other gay people are?
01:08:21.829 --> 01:08:23.319
- Do you know how I know you're gay?
- How?
01:08:23.398 --> 01:08:24.865
You like Coldplay.
01:08:25.567 --> 01:08:26.898
You're dead.
01:08:28.303 --> 01:08:29.361
Come on.
01:08:29.437 --> 01:08:31.405
Leave my torso alone at least.
01:08:32.273 --> 01:08:33.706
I also wanted to call...
01:08:33.775 --> 01:08:36.471
and see what night
you might want to go out.
01:08:36.578 --> 01:08:38.375
I'm actually free tonight.
01:08:40.448 --> 01:08:43.849
Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe
this weekend, but that's good. Okay.
01:08:43.918 --> 01:08:44.907
Great.
01:08:44.986 --> 01:08:46.977
Okay, what time
do you want to pick me up?
01:08:48.423 --> 01:08:49.754
Let's see.
01:08:50.625 --> 01:08:54.220
That's actually kind of a problem
because I ride a bike.
01:08:54.495 --> 01:08:55.894
That's cool.
Are you kidding me?
01:08:55.964 --> 01:08:57.761
I love getting on the back
of a motorcycle.
01:08:57.832 --> 01:09:00.528
My boyfriend in college
drove a motorcycle.
01:09:00.602 --> 01:09:02.399
So, I mean, I'm cool.
01:09:02.470 --> 01:09:06.566
Yeah, I bet that was cool.
I ride a bicycle.
01:09:07.675 --> 01:09:09.302
You know how I know that you're gay?
01:09:09.377 --> 01:09:10.435
How?
01:09:10.511 --> 01:09:12.775
You like the movie
Maid in Manhattan.
01:09:12.847 --> 01:09:14.371
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How?
01:09:14.449 --> 01:09:17.612
I saw you make a spinach dip
in a loaf of sourdough bread once.
01:09:17.685 --> 01:09:19.448
- You know how I know you're gay?
- How?
01:09:19.520 --> 01:09:22.250
You have a rainbow bumper sticker
on your car that says:
01:09:22.323 --> 01:09:24.553
"I love it when balls are in my face. "
01:09:24.626 --> 01:09:25.718
That's gay?
01:09:25.793 --> 01:09:27.158
God damn it!
01:09:27.562 --> 01:09:30.190
I'm ripping your head off right now.
It's off.
01:09:30.265 --> 01:09:32.756
And now I'm throwing it
at your body.
01:09:33.601 --> 01:09:34.625
Fuck you!
01:09:36.104 --> 01:09:37.230
You guys...
01:09:38.006 --> 01:09:40.167
she's picking me up in an hour.
01:09:41.209 --> 01:09:42.836
Oh, drag, dude.
01:09:43.378 --> 01:09:45.642
- She's picking you up from here?
- Yeah.
01:09:45.713 --> 01:09:47.271
That's fucked up, man.
01:09:47.348 --> 01:09:48.975
- Why?
- Why?
01:09:49.684 --> 01:09:53.120
Seriously. I mean,
look at this place, man.
01:09:53.655 --> 01:09:56.920
You gotta see this through
the eyes of a woman, you know?
01:09:56.991 --> 01:09:59.323
What is she going to think
when she comes in here? Look.
01:09:59.394 --> 01:10:01.862
- He's got a billion toys.
- So what?
01:10:01.929 --> 01:10:04.693
And more video games
than a teenaged Asian kid.
01:10:04.766 --> 01:10:06.290
It's all right.
01:10:06.934 --> 01:10:09.732
Is that the
Six Million Dollar Man's boss?
01:10:10.071 --> 01:10:11.231
It's Oscar Goldman.
01:10:11.306 --> 01:10:13.536
- Why do you have that?
- That's worth a lot of money.
01:10:13.608 --> 01:10:15.576
That's much more valuable
than Steve Austin.
01:10:15.643 --> 01:10:19.909
Well, that may be the case.
But none of this shit is sexy, okay?
01:10:19.981 --> 01:10:21.710
I'm not trying to be sexy, man.
01:10:21.783 --> 01:10:23.250
I mean, seriously, Asia?
01:10:23.384 --> 01:10:25.249
You framed an Asia poster?
01:10:25.320 --> 01:10:27.311
How hard did the people
at the frame store laugh...
01:10:27.388 --> 01:10:29.413
- ... when you brought this in?
- They did not laugh at me.
01:10:29.490 --> 01:10:31.390
- Know why you're gay?
- Because you like Asia.
01:10:31.459 --> 01:10:32.721
You guys cool it with the gay.
01:10:32.794 --> 01:10:34.625
You know, she's on her way
over here, okay?
01:10:34.696 --> 01:10:36.425
First, you relax, okay?
01:10:36.497 --> 01:10:39.796
Just stop calming me down
and tell me what I should do.
01:10:39.867 --> 01:10:42.062
Okay, we just take everything
that's embarrassing...
01:10:42.136 --> 01:10:43.194
and we move it out of here.
01:10:43.271 --> 01:10:45.296
So it doesn't look like
you live in Neverland Ranch.
01:10:52.714 --> 01:10:53.942
- Hi.
- Hi. How are you?
01:10:54.015 --> 01:10:55.039
Good.
01:10:55.116 --> 01:10:57.107
So, you wanna head out?
01:10:57.185 --> 01:10:59.050
Did you just move in or something?
01:10:59.120 --> 01:11:01.384
No. Actually I'm getting
new carpet in.
01:11:01.456 --> 01:11:03.856
I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so...
01:11:05.226 --> 01:11:06.557
- Well, you know.
- Yeah.
01:11:06.627 --> 01:11:08.322
- Okay.
- Looks good with the floors.
01:11:08.396 --> 01:11:09.829
- Yeah.
- All right.
01:11:10.164 --> 01:11:11.631
I should tear up the hard wood...
01:11:11.699 --> 01:11:13.826
and see if there's carpet underneath.
01:11:13.901 --> 01:11:15.766
That's never the case.
01:11:19.107 --> 01:11:20.768
- This is gonna be fun.
- Yes.
01:11:20.842 --> 01:11:22.742
You know,
I drive by this place every day.
01:11:22.810 --> 01:11:24.539
I've never been in before.
01:11:25.179 --> 01:11:26.407
I'm glad you came.
01:11:26.481 --> 01:11:29.746
You know, I never really go out
with nice guys like you.
01:11:30.685 --> 01:11:33.552
I think I've avoided nice guys
like you my whole life...
01:11:33.621 --> 01:11:35.088
at my own peril.
01:11:36.958 --> 01:11:38.619
My last boyfriend drank a lot.
01:11:38.693 --> 01:11:39.682
Mmm-hmm.
01:11:39.761 --> 01:11:41.285
- And so...
- This is just punch.
01:11:42.563 --> 01:11:44.360
No, it's okay.
A little bit's fine.
01:11:44.432 --> 01:11:46.696
Buddha punch.
I need some Buddha.
01:11:47.235 --> 01:11:49.703
Excuse me, miss.
Could you gather your team...
01:11:49.771 --> 01:11:52.501
and sing happy birthday
for my daughter, please?
01:12:10.958 --> 01:12:13.688
- That was so good. What?
- That was great. Happy birthday.
01:12:13.761 --> 01:12:15.729
- It's your birthday, too?
- No.
01:12:15.797 --> 01:12:17.890
- It's his birthday, too.
- No, no, no.
01:12:17.965 --> 01:12:20.559
Could you sing for him
and bring him a cake?
01:12:20.635 --> 01:12:22.125
Happy birthday.
01:12:36.117 --> 01:12:38.483
- Thanks a lot.
- Happy birthday, Andy.
01:12:54.802 --> 01:12:57.999
- You really like kissing, don't you?
- Yes.
01:13:00.775 --> 01:13:02.037
I really do.
01:13:02.109 --> 01:13:03.838
Take off your pants, okay?
01:13:05.379 --> 01:13:06.710
- Okay.
- Okay.
01:13:09.217 --> 01:13:11.583
- Wow, this is really gonna happen.
- Oh, yeah.
01:13:11.652 --> 01:13:13.085
Thank God.
01:13:14.522 --> 01:13:17.685
- Okay, I'm taking off my pants.
- Yeah.
01:13:17.925 --> 01:13:19.517
Do you need some help?
01:13:19.894 --> 01:13:23.352
I think I almost got them.
It's hooked on my ankle.
01:13:24.031 --> 01:13:25.589
Wow, that's...
01:13:27.168 --> 01:13:28.999
Hey, wait.
Do you have protection?
01:13:29.070 --> 01:13:30.731
I don't like guns.
01:13:33.674 --> 01:13:35.198
That's funny.
01:13:35.276 --> 01:13:37.642
I have condoms right here. Okay?
01:13:37.712 --> 01:13:39.577
- Okay.
- There's, you know...
01:13:39.647 --> 01:13:42.707
Check the expiration date because
they were from when I was married.
01:13:42.783 --> 01:13:45.616
And we didn't have sex that often.
That's why there are so many, okay?
01:13:45.686 --> 01:13:46.778
Okay.
01:13:51.158 --> 01:13:52.523
I got them.
01:13:54.896 --> 01:13:56.523
How does this go?
01:13:57.031 --> 01:14:01.730
Okay. "Roll over the tip
and down onto the base. "
01:14:03.638 --> 01:14:05.196
Over the balls?
01:14:05.806 --> 01:14:07.171
It doesn't say.
01:14:10.378 --> 01:14:12.573
Do you mind if I use your magnum?
01:14:13.748 --> 01:14:14.737
Yeah.
01:14:16.617 --> 01:14:18.585
Wow. You got to be kidding.
01:14:19.420 --> 01:14:20.887
I am Aquaman.
01:14:22.990 --> 01:14:24.457
What is that?
01:14:42.543 --> 01:14:43.601
Mom?
01:14:44.779 --> 01:14:46.041
What's going on here?
01:14:46.113 --> 01:14:48.047
- Who the hell are you?
- It's Andy.
01:14:48.115 --> 01:14:49.173
Hi, I'm Andy.
01:14:49.250 --> 01:14:50.740
God! What are you doing?
01:14:50.818 --> 01:14:52.843
Marla, get the fuck out of my room!
01:14:52.920 --> 01:14:53.944
You know what...
01:14:54.021 --> 01:14:56.581
I cannot believe that you're allowed
to have sex when I'm not!
01:14:56.657 --> 01:14:58.591
- That is so unfair.
- I'm gonna head out.
01:14:58.659 --> 01:14:59.683
You should go.
01:14:59.760 --> 01:15:02.729
Oh, Jesus!
How many times did you just do it?
01:15:02.797 --> 01:15:03.923
Oh, my God!
01:15:06.334 --> 01:15:07.801
I'm so sorry.
01:15:14.842 --> 01:15:16.776
Dude, teach me.
01:15:27.021 --> 01:15:28.010
Hotline.
01:15:28.089 --> 01:15:31.581
Hi, yes, I'm calling
because it's more than four hours...
01:15:31.659 --> 01:15:34.719
and your ad said to call
if it's been more than four hours.
01:15:34.795 --> 01:15:36.729
How much of the medicine
have you taken, sir?
01:15:37.264 --> 01:15:40.165
I haven't taken any,
but your ad said...
01:15:40.234 --> 01:15:44.102
that if you've had an erection
for more than four hours, you call.
01:15:44.238 --> 01:15:47.605
You're only supposed to call
if you've taken the medicine.
01:15:47.675 --> 01:15:51.076
Okay. I'm sorry.
I must not have heard that part.
01:15:51.145 --> 01:15:53.613
Yes. If you haven't taken
the medicine, you don't call.
01:15:53.681 --> 01:15:55.706
Right. I'm sorry. Right.
01:15:55.850 --> 01:15:58.080
So, there's nothing you can do?
01:15:58.519 --> 01:16:00.578
- I just don't wanna...
- There's nothing I can do.
01:16:00.655 --> 01:16:01.713
I'm in Bombay, India.
01:16:01.822 --> 01:16:04.552
Okay. No, not you personally.
I just don't want...
01:16:04.859 --> 01:16:06.759
I just don't want
to have an erection anymore.
01:16:07.928 --> 01:16:10.089
You know,
you could have sex.
01:16:10.197 --> 01:16:11.186
Okay. Yup.
01:16:11.866 --> 01:16:15.734
That's one thing people do
when they have an erection.
01:16:15.803 --> 01:16:18.363
Yeah, that's not an option.
I don't have sex.
01:16:18.439 --> 01:16:20.771
Okay, well,
then you can masturbate.
01:16:20.841 --> 01:16:22.536
I'd rather not masturbate.
01:16:22.610 --> 01:16:25.579
If you'd like the erection
to go away, you can light a match...
01:16:25.646 --> 01:16:29.707
blow out the flame and put
the hot ember on your wrist.
01:16:30.418 --> 01:16:32.545
And that will focus
the brain elsewhere...
01:16:32.620 --> 01:16:35.145
- ... and you will lose your erection.
- Really? That'd work?
01:16:35.222 --> 01:16:38.020
Take your finger
and flick your testicle...
01:16:38.092 --> 01:16:39.559
and if you do that till it hurts...
01:16:39.627 --> 01:16:41.822
- ... your erection will go away.
- Okay, all right.
01:16:41.896 --> 01:16:43.295
It sounds unpleasant and it is.
01:16:43.364 --> 01:16:45.093
It is a trick we use in India.
01:16:45.166 --> 01:16:48.932
Okay, those are all good pieces of advice.
I really appreciate it.
01:16:49.003 --> 01:16:51.028
We appreciate your business.
01:16:51.205 --> 01:16:53.264
Oh, no.
We didn't get your business...
01:16:53.340 --> 01:16:56.776
No, not this time. I guess
I didn't need you this time. Thank you.
01:17:25.306 --> 01:17:27.866
My goodness, Andy,
you are a terrific salesman.
01:17:27.942 --> 01:17:30.274
- Thank you.
- Gosh, you really got it down.
01:17:30.344 --> 01:17:32.175
- Thanks.
- And your numbers are good.
01:17:32.246 --> 01:17:33.213
Thanks.
01:17:33.280 --> 01:17:35.214
I'm going to put you out
on the floor full time.
01:17:35.282 --> 01:17:36.271
- Really?
- Yeah.
01:17:36.350 --> 01:17:37.248
Wow. Okay.
01:17:37.318 --> 01:17:39.616
Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt
and tie, all right?
01:17:39.687 --> 01:17:40.619
Great. Thanks.
01:17:40.688 --> 01:17:43.714
You know, Andy, I've been thinking
about your problem.
01:17:43.791 --> 01:17:45.952
I think I might have
a solution for you.
01:17:47.161 --> 01:17:50.255
You ever heard of the term
"fuck buddy"?
01:17:52.032 --> 01:17:53.124
What?
01:17:53.267 --> 01:17:55.735
It's a special friend...
01:17:56.670 --> 01:17:57.898
who you fuck.
01:17:58.873 --> 01:18:00.966
No, haven't heard that term.
01:18:01.041 --> 01:18:03.976
When I was a little girl,
I developed early.
01:18:04.645 --> 01:18:07.705
By the time I was 14,
I had this body you're looking at.
01:18:07.782 --> 01:18:10.842
- Can you imagine that?
- I don't want to, no.
01:18:11.452 --> 01:18:14.512
Well, needless to say,
a lot of male attention.
01:18:14.588 --> 01:18:15.748
Like men, yes.
01:18:15.823 --> 01:18:19.816
Especially from our
Guatemalan gardener, Javier.
01:18:19.994 --> 01:18:21.120
Okay.
01:18:21.495 --> 01:18:23.224
You know, Javier...
01:18:24.098 --> 01:18:28.865
before he made passionate yet gentle love
to me for the first time...
01:18:30.237 --> 01:18:34.367
he serenaded me with a beautiful
old Guatemalan love song.
01:18:34.441 --> 01:18:36.102
Really, that's...
01:18:36.477 --> 01:18:38.877
That sounds nice.
01:19:06.273 --> 01:19:07.331
Okay.
01:19:08.976 --> 01:19:10.204
My goodness.
01:19:10.511 --> 01:19:12.741
- I think we better get back to work.
- Yeah.
01:19:12.813 --> 01:19:15.145
- Yeah, I better go back to work.
- Yeah.
01:19:15.216 --> 01:19:17.047
- So, okay.
- All right.
01:19:17.151 --> 01:19:19.016
So, you mull it over
and I'll talk to you soon.
01:19:19.086 --> 01:19:20.917
- All right, I will. Thank you.
- Okay.
01:19:26.026 --> 01:19:29.018
What's up, dawg? What happened?
How was the date with Trish?
01:19:29.096 --> 01:19:31.428
- It was a disaster.
- Really?
01:19:31.498 --> 01:19:34.296
Yes. I've never been
more embarrassed in my life.
01:19:34.501 --> 01:19:36.526
Couldn't get the condoms to work.
01:19:36.604 --> 01:19:39.368
And one of them exploded on my balls.
01:19:39.707 --> 01:19:41.470
And then her kid walked in the room.
01:19:41.542 --> 01:19:42.474
Wait. Hold up.
01:19:42.543 --> 01:19:44.067
She was hiding the kid from you, dawg?
01:19:44.144 --> 01:19:45.475
You know what, it doesn't matter...
01:19:45.546 --> 01:19:47.878
because it was going downhill
straight from there.
01:19:47.948 --> 01:19:50.143
Listen, you don't want
no baby-daddy drama.
01:19:50.217 --> 01:19:51.445
Trust me on this one, all right?
01:19:51.518 --> 01:19:53.577
For all you know,
he in prison right now.
01:19:53.654 --> 01:19:55.019
Let's say y'all living together.
01:19:55.089 --> 01:19:58.058
Next thing you know, you the one
going on the 1st and the 15th...
01:19:58.125 --> 01:19:59.353
to pick up the government check.
01:19:59.426 --> 01:20:01.519
What if he got boys
that's on the outside...
01:20:01.595 --> 01:20:02.687
and they stalking you?
01:20:02.763 --> 01:20:04.663
You see what I'm saying?
You got to think, partner...
01:20:04.732 --> 01:20:06.427
What the fuck are you talking about?
01:20:06.500 --> 01:20:08.968
Here's what you do.
You tell her you're a virgin.
01:20:09.036 --> 01:20:11.163
You test her with this shit, okay?
01:20:11.238 --> 01:20:14.002
Here, tell me. Tell me.
This is how it's gonna go. Tell me.
01:20:14.074 --> 01:20:15.871
- I'm a virgin.
- Sweet.
01:20:16.377 --> 01:20:19.778
I like that because
you don't have chlamydia.
01:20:21.015 --> 01:20:23.745
And I know that,
and that shit is everywhere.
01:20:24.285 --> 01:20:26.082
What if she laughs at me, though?
01:20:26.153 --> 01:20:28.348
Then you punch her in the fucking head
if she laughs.
01:20:28.422 --> 01:20:30.982
I'm not going to punch her in the head.
She's really sweet.
01:20:31.058 --> 01:20:34.619
No. I mean, you punch her
in her fucking head emotionally.
01:20:34.695 --> 01:20:37.687
She's different. She's someone
I felt like I had...
01:20:37.765 --> 01:20:39.096
a connection with.
01:20:39.166 --> 01:20:42.431
All you trying to do right now
is bust off this first night.
01:20:42.503 --> 01:20:45.028
You got a whole lot of semen
back up in you.
01:20:45.105 --> 01:20:46.265
I am going to tell her.
01:20:46.340 --> 01:20:48.171
- You should totally tell her, man.
- I'm going to.
01:20:48.242 --> 01:20:50.472
'Cause I watched this movie
called Liar Liar...
01:20:50.544 --> 01:20:53.206
and the message was, "Don't lie. "
01:20:53.280 --> 01:20:54.975
And that was a smart movie.
01:20:55.049 --> 01:20:56.539
- Yeah, that's the right thing.
- Yeah.
01:20:57.284 --> 01:21:01.220
Really? All your girlfriends
wanted to have sex with virgins, too?
01:21:01.889 --> 01:21:05.484
That's funny. I didn't even know
you girls talked like that.
01:21:06.126 --> 01:21:09.254
I think my first time
might be your best time, too.
01:21:10.097 --> 01:21:11.496
Well, I knew it.
You know what...
01:21:11.565 --> 01:21:14.625
I knew that you'd react that way
and I knew that...
01:21:14.902 --> 01:21:19.362
you would want to lead me through
my first sexual encounter...
01:21:19.673 --> 01:21:24.167
with all the compassion
and care that someone...
01:21:24.445 --> 01:21:26.072
would give to their soul mate.
01:21:26.146 --> 01:21:28.011
Oh, my God. I'm in trouble.
01:21:31.251 --> 01:21:32.445
Hey, Andy.
01:21:32.920 --> 01:21:34.547
You watching Survivor tonight?
01:21:34.621 --> 01:21:37.089
No, actually I'm going out to dinner
with somebody.
01:21:37.157 --> 01:21:38.089
Hi.
01:21:38.592 --> 01:21:39.616
This is her.
01:21:39.693 --> 01:21:41.718
- Trish, this is Joe and Sara.
- Hi.
01:21:41.795 --> 01:21:43.126
- Hi, Trish.
- Hey.
01:21:43.197 --> 01:21:44.721
But tape it for me, okay?
01:21:44.798 --> 01:21:46.493
- Will do. All right.
- Thanks.
01:21:46.567 --> 01:21:47.693
- So long.
- Bye-bye.
01:21:47.768 --> 01:21:49.463
- See you later.
- Have a good night.
01:21:49.536 --> 01:21:51.936
Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight.
01:21:52.006 --> 01:21:52.995
Yes, sir.
01:21:53.073 --> 01:21:55.598
Yeah, and you better get on me, too.
01:21:55.909 --> 01:21:57.809
What is wrong with this woman?
01:21:57.878 --> 01:21:59.072
Mercy, mercy, mercy.
01:22:05.452 --> 01:22:07.147
I'm so sorry that happened
the other night.
01:22:07.221 --> 01:22:08.245
No, I'm sorry.
01:22:08.322 --> 01:22:10.017
- Oh, my God.
- That was me.
01:22:10.090 --> 01:22:11.079
No.
01:22:11.792 --> 01:22:14.488
Let me...
I have something I want to tell you.
01:22:15.396 --> 01:22:17.330
Kind of hard to talk about.
01:22:18.298 --> 01:22:19.287
But...
01:22:20.034 --> 01:22:23.060
you know, there are certain things...
01:22:23.404 --> 01:22:25.770
about who I am that...
01:22:26.273 --> 01:22:29.265
I'm sorry.
I just have to get this off my chest.
01:22:29.343 --> 01:22:32.039
I am so sorry,
I didn't tell you I had kids.
01:22:32.780 --> 01:22:34.611
Yeah, what was that about?
01:22:34.681 --> 01:22:37.047
Gosh. You know,
that really surprised me.
01:22:39.920 --> 01:22:41.854
No, you should have
told me probably, but...
01:22:41.922 --> 01:22:42.911
I'm sorry. I know.
01:22:42.990 --> 01:22:45.083
What do I care if you have a kid?
01:22:45.559 --> 01:22:47.220
Well, I have two kids.
01:22:48.095 --> 01:22:50.495
Wow. Okay.
How old are they?
01:22:51.498 --> 01:22:52.556
Six.
01:22:53.300 --> 01:22:54.528
Sixteen.
01:22:55.002 --> 01:22:56.367
Twenty-one.
01:22:57.237 --> 01:22:58.568
Forty-two.
01:22:59.473 --> 01:23:01.407
Fifty-six.
How many kids do you have?
01:23:01.475 --> 01:23:03.306
- I have three.
- Okay, three.
01:23:03.377 --> 01:23:05.368
Yeah, and one of them
has a kid.
01:23:05.446 --> 01:23:06.743
A one-year-old.
01:23:07.081 --> 01:23:08.810
That's cool. That's great.
01:23:10.818 --> 01:23:14.310
- I'm really glad we're doing this.
- Me, too.
01:23:18.692 --> 01:23:20.216
Listen, Andy...
01:23:20.627 --> 01:23:23.619
I don't want to send you running
for the hills or anything, but...
01:23:23.697 --> 01:23:28.396
I really feel like if we decide to
do this again, then...
01:23:30.537 --> 01:23:33.768
maybe we should hold off
on the physical part for a while.
01:23:35.676 --> 01:23:38.008
That is a fantastic idea.
01:23:38.812 --> 01:23:40.279
Why didn't I think of that?
01:23:40.347 --> 01:23:41.575
- Really?
- Totally.
01:23:41.648 --> 01:23:44.947
- No sex?
- No. Why do that?
01:23:45.018 --> 01:23:46.815
Because here's the thing.
01:23:46.954 --> 01:23:48.148
From personal experience...
01:23:48.222 --> 01:23:50.918
I found that sex can really
complicate things.
01:23:50.991 --> 01:23:54.051
And what we should be doing right now
is getting to know each other.
01:23:54.128 --> 01:23:55.152
Yeah.
01:23:55.529 --> 01:23:57.520
Well, I never thought
you'd go for it.
01:23:57.598 --> 01:23:58.929
I'm going for it.
01:23:58.999 --> 01:24:01.991
Well, that just is a great,
great notion.
01:24:02.936 --> 01:24:04.028
Are you serious?
01:24:04.104 --> 01:24:06.902
Look at my face.
Look at how serious I am.
01:24:07.207 --> 01:24:08.936
Can you see my nostrils?
01:24:09.009 --> 01:24:10.806
- Yes.
- That's serious.
01:24:11.111 --> 01:24:12.544
That's more angry.
01:24:12.946 --> 01:24:15.176
Yeah, you know what,
most guys would be saying:
01:24:15.249 --> 01:24:18.480
"Yeah," right now, but, like,
by the third date, it would be:
01:24:18.552 --> 01:24:22.079
"Hey, baby, I really need to
physically express how I feel"...
01:24:22.156 --> 01:24:24.522
- ... and all that stuff.
- Well, hey, baby...
01:24:24.591 --> 01:24:27.685
you know, three dates...
Make it 10, 10 dates.
01:24:29.563 --> 01:24:30.860
How about 15?
01:24:30.931 --> 01:24:34.662
Fifteen. Screw your 15.
20 dates.
01:24:34.935 --> 01:24:36.994
- Okay, 20 dates.
- Twenty dates.
01:24:37.437 --> 01:24:39.632
- Okay.
- This is genius.
01:24:40.007 --> 01:24:41.372
It's gonna hurt.
01:24:43.377 --> 01:24:45.345
Not as much as you think.
01:24:47.080 --> 01:24:49.207
We can really get to know
each other this way.
01:24:49.283 --> 01:24:50.272
Yeah.
01:24:50.717 --> 01:24:53.277
- This is one, right?
- No, next one.
01:24:59.226 --> 01:25:01.160
Is it safe to come in,
or are you guys doing it?
01:25:01.228 --> 01:25:02.889
Honey, it's safe.
01:25:05.365 --> 01:25:06.389
Great.
01:25:06.466 --> 01:25:08.127
Well, good timing.
01:25:08.468 --> 01:25:10.163
- Yeah.
- You remember Marla.
01:25:10.237 --> 01:25:13.172
- Hi, we met.
- And this is my little bunny rabbit.
01:25:13.240 --> 01:25:14.673
- Julia.
- Hey.
01:25:14.741 --> 01:25:17.107
- This is Andy.
- Julia, how you doing?
01:25:18.078 --> 01:25:21.639
You know what,
do you by any chance like magic?
01:25:22.115 --> 01:25:24.606
- Yeah.
- I thought that you might.
01:25:24.685 --> 01:25:26.175
Because I noticed on the way in...
01:25:26.253 --> 01:25:28.847
that you had something shiny
behind your ear.
01:25:28.922 --> 01:25:31.356
Marla, did you see that?
Something behind her ear?
01:25:31.425 --> 01:25:32.915
You think you do?
Could I check?
01:25:32.993 --> 01:25:35.291
Do you mind if I check
behind your ear?
01:25:35.529 --> 01:25:36.894
Big money!
01:25:38.332 --> 01:25:40.994
- That's amazing.
- Wow, it is amazing.
01:25:41.068 --> 01:25:43.161
There's something else, too,
behind your ear, I think.
01:25:43.237 --> 01:25:45.899
No, actually it's not behind your ear.
I think it is your ear.
01:25:45.973 --> 01:25:46.962
Rip!
01:25:47.040 --> 01:25:50.498
It is your ear.
There is your ear.
01:25:50.577 --> 01:25:51.908
I ripped it off.
01:25:51.979 --> 01:25:53.503
- Gross!
- Yeah, that's...
01:25:53.580 --> 01:25:56.708
All right. Wait.
Okay, but that means that you...
01:25:56.783 --> 01:25:59.752
walk around with a rubber ear
in your pocket all day?
01:26:00.587 --> 01:26:02.316
Yeah, like half the time.
01:26:02.589 --> 01:26:04.454
You know, I can come
to your high school...
01:26:04.524 --> 01:26:06.492
and do it for your friends
if you want.
01:26:06.560 --> 01:26:08.391
You know what, I should head out.
01:26:08.462 --> 01:26:09.793
- Really?
- Yeah.
01:26:09.863 --> 01:26:11.763
I have to give you a ride home.
01:26:11.832 --> 01:26:13.060
Right. Yes, you do.
01:26:13.133 --> 01:26:15.363
Yeah, 'cause you don't have
a car or anything, right?
01:26:15.435 --> 01:26:16.993
Right, I don't have a car.
01:26:17.070 --> 01:26:19.698
'Cause he doesn't have a car,
and he does magic.
01:26:20.040 --> 01:26:21.098
Awesome.
01:26:21.308 --> 01:26:23.902
And sarcasm is like
a second language to me.
01:26:23.977 --> 01:26:26.036
So, I'm right there with you.
01:26:29.149 --> 01:26:30.548
But, Dad...
01:26:31.285 --> 01:26:34.584
I don't know how to love.
01:26:35.455 --> 01:26:36.979
You never...
01:26:37.057 --> 01:26:41.084
taught me how...
01:26:44.431 --> 01:26:46.296
- Hello.
- Hey, Cal.
01:26:46.466 --> 01:26:48.696
- Hey.
- I just got back from a date.
01:26:48.769 --> 01:26:50.862
Did you tell her
you're a virgin?
01:26:51.238 --> 01:26:53.365
No. I haven't gotten to that yet.
01:26:53.440 --> 01:26:55.635
Really?
Are you having sex right now?
01:26:55.842 --> 01:26:58.037
No. She was incredible.
01:26:58.378 --> 01:27:00.676
She was amazing.
She didn't pressure me.
01:27:00.747 --> 01:27:03.739
And she has three kids.
01:27:03.817 --> 01:27:05.808
And one of her kids has a kid.
01:27:08.055 --> 01:27:09.317
You all right?
01:27:09.756 --> 01:27:14.022
Did you just say she has three kids,
one of whom has a kid?
01:27:14.094 --> 01:27:16.528
- Yeah.
- So, so, she's a grandma?
01:27:16.730 --> 01:27:17.719
No.
01:27:17.798 --> 01:27:19.561
I'm not a doctor
or anything like that...
01:27:19.633 --> 01:27:21.794
but she's a fucking grandma.
01:27:22.636 --> 01:27:24.228
Yeah, whatever, you know.
01:27:24.304 --> 01:27:25.703
She's the hottest grandma
I ever saw.
01:27:25.772 --> 01:27:27.205
Yeah, she is.
She's a hot grandma.
01:27:27.274 --> 01:27:30.004
That's a good-looking grandma.
My grandma looks like Jack Palance.
01:27:30.077 --> 01:27:31.101
Well, she's no Jack Palance.
01:27:31.178 --> 01:27:32.907
No. If Jack Palance
looked like that lady...
01:27:32.979 --> 01:27:34.947
I would want to
fuck Jack Palance right now.
01:27:35.015 --> 01:27:36.039
Yeah, me, too.
01:27:36.616 --> 01:27:37.742
She's a hot grandma.
01:27:37.818 --> 01:27:39.683
Heck, yeah.
No, do a grandma, man.
01:27:39.753 --> 01:27:42.551
You should fuck her
on her plastic-covered couch.
01:27:43.323 --> 01:27:45.348
Fuck her while she watches
Murder, She Wrote.
01:27:45.425 --> 01:27:47.017
She would probably find that
very erotic.
01:27:47.094 --> 01:27:48.322
Yeah, whatever, you know.
01:27:48.395 --> 01:27:51.887
Fuck her and then have her send you
a check for $12 on your birthday.
01:27:52.566 --> 01:27:54.830
I'm the dude with the hot granny.
01:27:56.203 --> 01:27:57.966
What did you want to talk to me about?
01:27:58.038 --> 01:27:59.767
Well, Andy, the numbers just came in...
01:27:59.840 --> 01:28:03.537
and you are by far our best salesman.
01:28:03.910 --> 01:28:06.276
So, I am promoting you
to floor manager.
01:28:06.680 --> 01:28:08.511
This is the bullshit of all bullshits!
01:28:08.582 --> 01:28:10.550
You scumbag! Ass kisser!
01:28:12.886 --> 01:28:14.581
Thank you. That's great.
01:28:14.921 --> 01:28:18.652
- I understand you have a girlfriend.
- Yeah, kind of seeing somebody.
01:28:19.092 --> 01:28:21.720
- I'm very happy for you.
- Thanks. She's great.
01:28:21.862 --> 01:28:23.489
Are you still a virgin?
01:28:24.598 --> 01:28:26.065
You know, I don't really...
01:28:26.133 --> 01:28:28.033
- ... talk about my personal life.
- You're a virgin.
01:28:28.101 --> 01:28:29.466
- Yes, I am.
- Yeah.
01:28:30.837 --> 01:28:32.566
My door is always open.
01:28:33.173 --> 01:28:34.970
- So to speak.
- Great.
01:28:36.476 --> 01:28:37.841
Great. Thank you.
01:28:38.345 --> 01:28:40.313
I'm very discreet.
01:28:43.116 --> 01:28:45.550
But I'll haunt your dreams.
01:28:47.454 --> 01:28:48.819
- Okay.
- Okay.
01:28:54.161 --> 01:28:55.560
Wow.
01:28:57.431 --> 01:29:01.492
- So who's gonna take my job?
- Cal will be taking over your job.
01:29:01.568 --> 01:29:03.399
And he's interviewing people
right now...
01:29:03.470 --> 01:29:04.767
for his old job.
01:29:04.838 --> 01:29:06.863
So, have you ever worked
with electronics before?
01:29:06.940 --> 01:29:08.066
- No.
- No?
01:29:08.308 --> 01:29:11.539
But I have electronics in my home.
01:29:12.612 --> 01:29:16.571
Perfect. That's the job pretty much.
You're very well-qualified.
01:29:17.217 --> 01:29:18.741
More than these other losers.
01:29:20.287 --> 01:29:22.949
- I could do that...
- Wait, last thing.
01:29:23.023 --> 01:29:25.048
I'm also gonna need that
extended warranty on it...
01:29:25.125 --> 01:29:27.457
for the price of "on the house. "
01:29:29.429 --> 01:29:30.726
That I can't do.
01:29:30.797 --> 01:29:33.493
Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger.
All right? Help me out.
01:29:33.567 --> 01:29:35.626
Hold up.
I ain't nobody's nigger.
01:29:36.603 --> 01:29:39.367
I mean, you're somebody's nigger
wearing this nigger tie.
01:29:39.439 --> 01:29:40.963
Now you being condescending.
01:29:41.041 --> 01:29:44.533
See, you've been warned, all right?
Just move forward amicably.
01:29:44.611 --> 01:29:45.976
Okay. Well, check this out.
01:29:46.046 --> 01:29:48.139
First of all, you're throwing
too many big words at me.
01:29:48.215 --> 01:29:49.910
Okay, now because
I don't understand them...
01:29:49.983 --> 01:29:51.450
I'm gonna take them as disrespect.
01:29:51.518 --> 01:29:53.884
Watch your mouth,
and help me with the sale.
01:29:53.954 --> 01:29:56.650
Okay, see,
now you found yourself a nigger.
01:29:56.723 --> 01:29:59.556
You were looking for a nigger?
Nigger here now. See?
01:29:59.626 --> 01:30:02.925
Today's forecast:
Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.
01:30:03.129 --> 01:30:05.120
- You want to go?
- I suggest you move back.
01:30:05.198 --> 01:30:06.825
Then, nig, fire on.
01:30:06.900 --> 01:30:08.197
What are we gonna do?
01:30:08.735 --> 01:30:11.499
What are you gonna do,
Mr. Floor Manager?
01:30:12.906 --> 01:30:14.134
Go, get them, tiger.
01:30:14.207 --> 01:30:15.868
This shit just got rigged.
01:30:15.942 --> 01:30:17.842
- What are you gonna do, bitch?
- I'll tell you what.
01:30:17.911 --> 01:30:19.845
You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?
01:30:19.913 --> 01:30:21.710
You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger?
01:30:21.781 --> 01:30:24.147
Since I was 16, nigger,
I'm saying "frosty. "
01:30:24.217 --> 01:30:25.878
You know what I'm saying,
"spoon", nigger.
01:30:25.952 --> 01:30:27.613
We fucked dwarfs in the ass.
01:30:27.687 --> 01:30:29.621
Nigger, this dwarf here
don't got to be tall...
01:30:29.689 --> 01:30:31.486
to pull the trigger off
in somebody face!
01:30:31.558 --> 01:30:33.788
- Come on nigger, back up.
- What's up? Hey...
01:30:33.860 --> 01:30:35.088
Welcome to Smart Tech.
01:30:35.161 --> 01:30:36.560
- Is this your boy?
- What can I help you with?
01:30:36.630 --> 01:30:38.325
Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you!
01:30:38.398 --> 01:30:40.127
- How can we help you, sir?
- Nigger, what?
01:30:40.200 --> 01:30:42.566
No, he don't need no help.
He's already been served.
01:30:42.636 --> 01:30:45.503
I served him. He's taken care of.
He's a little slow, but he got it.
01:30:45.572 --> 01:30:48.268
See, what he thought was he can come up
in here and make the rules.
01:30:48.341 --> 01:30:50.741
But now he see that Jay make the moves
at Smart Tech...
01:30:50.810 --> 01:30:53.677
that I run this, bitch
and now he bought the bounce.
01:30:55.048 --> 01:30:56.208
This your boy?
01:30:56.349 --> 01:30:58.874
Yeah, that's my boy.
We represent Smart Tech.
01:30:58.952 --> 01:31:00.419
You just got fucked up with him.
01:31:00.487 --> 01:31:03.012
Both y'all niggers going
get clapped up when I get back.
01:31:04.057 --> 01:31:05.319
Both of you all niggers.
01:31:05.392 --> 01:31:07.519
- What did I do?
- It don't fucking matter!
01:31:07.761 --> 01:31:10.958
Yeah, aim high, Willis.
Aim high!
01:31:11.031 --> 01:31:12.498
Please don't do this.
01:31:13.333 --> 01:31:15.324
Jay, what's going on?
01:31:17.504 --> 01:31:18.835
Jill broke up with me.
01:31:18.905 --> 01:31:21.396
I'm so sorry.
What happened?
01:31:21.641 --> 01:31:23.734
I came home a little tipsy.
01:31:24.010 --> 01:31:26.410
And I had one of my condoms
on still.
01:31:28.448 --> 01:31:31.713
Woke up the next morning
and jumped in the shower with her.
01:31:32.385 --> 01:31:34.410
I don't know what I was thinking.
01:31:34.487 --> 01:31:35.613
Why did you cheat on her?
01:31:35.689 --> 01:31:37.987
Because I'm insecure!
You can't tell?
01:31:38.058 --> 01:31:40.458
I know, man.
It's gonna be okay.
01:31:40.527 --> 01:31:42.654
- I'm cold.
- It's gonna be all right, man.
01:31:42.729 --> 01:31:44.356
Seriously, man, I'm sorry.
01:31:44.664 --> 01:31:46.393
I apologize to you. I know.
01:31:46.466 --> 01:31:48.297
If you wanna have
a meaningful relationship...
01:31:48.368 --> 01:31:50.598
you've got to leave the sex out of it,
man. You're right.
01:31:50.670 --> 01:31:51.864
It's all right. You're good.
01:31:51.938 --> 01:31:53.769
I'm sorry. Come here.
I love you, man.
01:31:53.840 --> 01:31:55.330
Man, I love you, too.
01:31:56.543 --> 01:31:58.204
You're a good guy.
01:32:00.347 --> 01:32:02.781
Do you know how I know
you guys are gay?
01:32:02.849 --> 01:32:05.283
You're holding each other
ever so gently.
01:32:05.352 --> 01:32:06.341
Cabron.
01:32:12.859 --> 01:32:13.951
Bravo.
01:32:14.427 --> 01:32:16.019
At least he can cook, Mom.
01:32:20.200 --> 01:32:22.828
I love... Spiderman.
01:32:36.116 --> 01:32:38.380
Pull out slowly and go straight ahead.
01:33:06.980 --> 01:33:08.140
I'm all right.
01:33:08.648 --> 01:33:09.774
Nobody's there.
01:33:09.949 --> 01:33:12.213
I want to know everything about you.
01:33:12.285 --> 01:33:13.343
I want to tell you.
01:33:13.420 --> 01:33:14.444
- You do?
- Yeah.
01:33:14.521 --> 01:33:17.354
Like, what do you want to do?
What are your dreams?
01:33:17.757 --> 01:33:20.692
You don't wanna work at Smart Tech
for the rest of your life.
01:33:21.327 --> 01:33:23.420
I've been working there
for a long time.
01:33:23.496 --> 01:33:27.193
And I've been thinking lately
that maybe I should open my own store.
01:33:27.467 --> 01:33:28.525
- Really?
- Yeah.
01:33:28.601 --> 01:33:32.037
- What kind of store?
- Well, like a stereo store.
01:33:32.105 --> 01:33:34.471
Oh, my God, that is...
Why don't you do that?
01:33:34.541 --> 01:33:36.202
I don't have enough money
to do that.
01:33:36.276 --> 01:33:37.743
What about those collectibles?
01:33:37.811 --> 01:33:40.075
I bet if you sold those,
you could make a lot of money.
01:33:40.146 --> 01:33:43.980
I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe
for $1,000.
01:33:44.317 --> 01:33:45.807
- Really?
- Do you have any of those?
01:33:45.885 --> 01:33:47.011
- Yeah.
- You do?
01:33:47.087 --> 01:33:48.145
I have 47 of them.
01:33:48.221 --> 01:33:49.415
No, you don't.
01:33:49.489 --> 01:33:51.480
- Yeah, in their original boxes.
- You do?
01:33:51.558 --> 01:33:53.651
I could help you sell them on eBay.
01:33:53.727 --> 01:33:56.821
I would not take a commission,
I swear to God.
01:33:56.896 --> 01:33:59.956
You could do it.
You could totally pull it off.
01:34:01.434 --> 01:34:03.459
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Let's do it.
01:34:21.621 --> 01:34:22.815
Aquaman.
01:34:23.256 --> 01:34:24.348
Here.
01:34:24.824 --> 01:34:26.189
Clothes on.
01:34:27.994 --> 01:34:29.894
I'll send you off to...
01:34:30.964 --> 01:34:33.899
a farm with lots of land.
01:34:33.967 --> 01:34:36.765
So, you and other Aquamen
can run around...
01:34:37.871 --> 01:34:40.339
and play in the Aquafields.
01:34:50.550 --> 01:34:52.575
Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin.
01:34:55.021 --> 01:34:57.455
You don't wanna go, do you?
Okay, you can stay.
01:34:57.524 --> 01:34:59.389
Steve Austin can stay.
01:35:03.363 --> 01:35:04.853
Hey, Cal. David.
01:35:05.064 --> 01:35:07.259
Way to sell a big TV.
01:35:07.333 --> 01:35:08.857
She likes you, man.
01:35:09.068 --> 01:35:11.059
Too bad I retired my penis.
01:35:11.371 --> 01:35:14.568
Mooj, we try to be fair with
the schedule but it's hard.
01:35:14.741 --> 01:35:18.268
Okay, but why every damn schedule
comes up, I get most early shift?
01:35:18.344 --> 01:35:21.211
It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo
at 10:00 in the morning.
01:35:21.281 --> 01:35:22.339
No, I understand.
01:35:22.415 --> 01:35:25.350
People buy stereo
between 6:00 and 8:00.
01:35:25.418 --> 01:35:26.407
Mmm-hmm.
01:35:26.486 --> 01:35:29.944
Rich men get off work, then buy stereo.
01:35:30.023 --> 01:35:32.548
- Right.
- Not after fucking brunch.
01:35:32.625 --> 01:35:34.252
Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
01:35:34.327 --> 01:35:36.921
I'm going to give you
a couple of Jay's shifts.
01:35:37.030 --> 01:35:39.658
And then I'll give you
a couple of mine and that way...
01:35:39.732 --> 01:35:42.895
- ... we'll all be equal, okay.
- Thank you, Andy.
01:35:43.203 --> 01:35:44.329
It's okay.
01:35:44.737 --> 01:35:46.295
You're a good man, Andy.
01:35:48.474 --> 01:35:51.375
By the way,
what date are you on, now?
01:35:51.778 --> 01:35:54.372
I think it's around 17.
01:35:54.447 --> 01:35:57.211
It's hard to tell what actually
constitutes a date, though.
01:35:57.283 --> 01:36:01.151
Three to go. So that means
you're gonna have sex in three days.
01:36:01.855 --> 01:36:04.255
Maybe, I might try to space them out
a little bit.
01:36:04.324 --> 01:36:06.849
- I'll pray for your cock.
- Okay, thanks.
01:36:07.060 --> 01:36:09.119
- Thanks. Thank you.
- Have a good cocky.
01:36:09.295 --> 01:36:11.889
Trish is on the phone.
Here is a shock.
01:36:11.965 --> 01:36:13.933
- Girlfriend with a problem.
- Hello.
01:36:14.200 --> 01:36:16.430
I have done everything but sex!
01:36:16.502 --> 01:36:18.970
I'm a woman, okay?
Deal with it!
01:36:19.038 --> 01:36:21.131
I'm gonna start
taking you back to church.
01:36:21.207 --> 01:36:23.175
We are gonna start going to church.
01:36:23.243 --> 01:36:24.733
- Hello?
- You know what?
01:36:24.811 --> 01:36:26.142
What the hell are you talking about?
01:36:26.212 --> 01:36:28.874
Oh, my God, I cannot believe this.
Thank God you're here.
01:36:28.948 --> 01:36:31.917
Jesus Christ.
Marla locked herself in the bathroom.
01:36:31.985 --> 01:36:32.974
What happened?
01:36:33.052 --> 01:36:34.849
She wants to go
to the family health clinic.
01:36:34.921 --> 01:36:36.946
She wants birth control.
But she's too young.
01:36:37.023 --> 01:36:40.220
I want to have sex with my boyfriend!
But I can't, Mom!
01:36:40.293 --> 01:36:41.555
So, you want me to take her?
01:36:41.628 --> 01:36:43.721
- No, I don't want you to take her.
- Okay, all right.
01:36:43.796 --> 01:36:46.629
I want her to keep it in her pants
until she gets to college.
01:36:46.699 --> 01:36:47.757
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
01:36:47.834 --> 01:36:49.096
"Keep it in my pants"?
01:36:49.168 --> 01:36:51.796
Okay, you didn't keep it
in your pants, Mom.
01:36:51.871 --> 01:36:55.329
I know. I don't want you to make
the same mistakes as me, Marla.
01:36:55.408 --> 01:36:58.434
Mistakes? Okay,
so I was a mistake then.
01:36:58.511 --> 01:37:02.447
No, you're not a mistake.
Your sister was the mistake.
01:37:03.149 --> 01:37:04.639
Oh, my God!
01:37:05.051 --> 01:37:07.884
Her older sister, I mean,
she wasn't planned, you know what I mean?
01:37:07.954 --> 01:37:10.479
Because I was such a...
Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you?
01:37:10.556 --> 01:37:11.614
No.
01:37:11.691 --> 01:37:14.524
You and your boyfriend
have sex all the time!
01:37:14.594 --> 01:37:16.323
Oh, my God!
Are you kidding?
01:37:16.396 --> 01:37:18.227
We never have sex.
Do we ever have sex?
01:37:18.298 --> 01:37:19.629
No, we don't.
01:37:19.899 --> 01:37:21.730
What? Yes, you do!
01:37:21.801 --> 01:37:24.463
You're such a liar!
Why do you lie to me?
01:37:24.537 --> 01:37:25.561
Why?
01:37:29.142 --> 01:37:31.110
I didn't hear anything
after "a liar. "
01:37:31.177 --> 01:37:34.010
- What did she say after "a liar"?
- She sounds like a tea kettle.
01:37:34.080 --> 01:37:35.980
Fuck you!
01:37:38.284 --> 01:37:40.775
- Maybe I should take her.
- No, I don't think so.
01:37:40.853 --> 01:37:43.287
You know, a little information
never hurt anybody.
01:37:57.337 --> 01:37:58.395
Cool.
01:37:59.472 --> 01:38:00.530
Wow!
01:38:03.009 --> 01:38:05.102
Where do you put the penis?
01:38:06.012 --> 01:38:07.343
Oh, shit.
01:38:17.757 --> 01:38:19.418
It is...
01:38:20.259 --> 01:38:21.851
not a Rubik's Cube.
01:38:24.530 --> 01:38:25.519
Shit.
01:38:27.266 --> 01:38:29.359
God, how much longer
are they gonna make us wait?
01:38:29.435 --> 01:38:31.960
I don't know. They should be
out in a second.
01:38:32.405 --> 01:38:33.463
Now, you're all here...
01:38:33.539 --> 01:38:35.939
because you're interested
in obtaining birth control.
01:38:36.009 --> 01:38:37.271
Any questions?
01:38:37.877 --> 01:38:40.209
Here's a cute story.
I came home the other day...
01:38:40.279 --> 01:38:43.271
and he is with his girlfriend
in my marital bed...
01:38:43.349 --> 01:38:46.284
doing things that are illegal
in Alabama.
01:38:46.419 --> 01:38:49.718
Sex acts, right?
Things that my wife won't do, okay?
01:38:50.156 --> 01:38:52.989
- Did you have a question?
- How do I get my wife to do that?
01:38:53.092 --> 01:38:54.491
Does anybody else have a question?
01:38:54.560 --> 01:38:57.893
My daughter is,
for lack of a better word...
01:38:58.297 --> 01:38:59.389
dumb.
01:38:59.665 --> 01:39:01.860
How do I stop her menstrual cycle?
01:39:01.934 --> 01:39:04.198
You want her to stop
having a menstrual cycle?
01:39:04.270 --> 01:39:06.898
I want to stop it,
maybe just for a few years.
01:39:06.973 --> 01:39:09.203
Yeah, I don't think
that's a good idea.
01:39:09.275 --> 01:39:12.369
- Does anybody else have a question?
- I have a question.
01:39:12.445 --> 01:39:16.279
I think some of the people
here might be sexually inexperienced.
01:39:16.883 --> 01:39:19.943
Is it true that if you don't use it,
you lose it?
01:39:20.319 --> 01:39:21.946
Is that a serious question?
01:39:22.021 --> 01:39:23.648
- No. It wasn't.
- Okay.
01:39:24.257 --> 01:39:27.886
Now, there are a lot of activities
that you can engage in...
01:39:27.960 --> 01:39:30.793
without having sex
that are both fun and safe.
01:39:30.863 --> 01:39:32.956
What sort of activities?
I think...
01:39:33.032 --> 01:39:35.262
everybody wants to know
about the activities.
01:39:35.334 --> 01:39:39.896
Well, instead of having intercourse,
you could have outer-course.
01:39:40.373 --> 01:39:42.500
Outer-course?
What's that?
01:39:42.608 --> 01:39:43.973
Yeah, what is that?
01:39:44.043 --> 01:39:48.173
Outer-course is anything
that isn't vaginal intercourse.
01:39:48.481 --> 01:39:50.472
I prefer vaginal intercourse.
01:39:52.151 --> 01:39:53.448
He really does.
01:39:53.786 --> 01:39:57.347
Now, there are ways of having sex
without intercourse.
01:39:58.491 --> 01:40:01.892
Let's see, there are things
like body rubbing or dry humping.
01:40:01.961 --> 01:40:03.292
You could dry hump.
01:40:03.362 --> 01:40:06.490
- There is masturbation.
- Masturbation. Play with yourself.
01:40:06.566 --> 01:40:08.591
- Mutual masturbation.
- Play with a friend.
01:40:08.668 --> 01:40:12.263
Deep kissing.
There is erotic massage.
01:40:12.338 --> 01:40:14.203
That sounds like it would be nice.
01:40:14.273 --> 01:40:16.867
- Oral sex play.
- Sounds like my Friday night.
01:40:16.943 --> 01:40:18.843
Shut up, Seth.
We went to temple.
01:40:18.911 --> 01:40:20.708
Okay, are there any virgins here...
01:40:20.780 --> 01:40:23.476
who are thinking about
having sex for the first time?
01:40:24.750 --> 01:40:25.739
Oh.
01:40:26.185 --> 01:40:28.312
Wait. So you're a virgin?
01:40:30.890 --> 01:40:33.757
- I'd tap that.
- Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"?
01:40:33.826 --> 01:40:36.795
Seth, what, you think you're cool
with your little Jew fro?
01:40:36.863 --> 01:40:40.094
We don't say, "tap that. "
What are you talking about, Seth?
01:40:40.166 --> 01:40:42.464
You know what, I'm a virgin, too.
01:40:44.504 --> 01:40:45.630
That's...
01:40:45.705 --> 01:40:47.570
- We're virgins, too.
- Yeah.
01:40:49.509 --> 01:40:52.478
No, you know what,
it's a personal choice...
01:40:52.545 --> 01:40:54.069
and I don't think it's weird at all.
01:40:54.147 --> 01:40:55.409
You know what your problem is?
01:40:55.481 --> 01:40:57.210
You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.
01:40:57.283 --> 01:40:59.012
That's the second time I've heard that.
01:40:59.085 --> 01:41:01.019
What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing?
01:41:01.087 --> 01:41:04.955
Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this,
'cause it's making me sick.
01:41:05.024 --> 01:41:06.013
So, bye.
01:41:06.092 --> 01:41:08.253
You can get this information
on your website, right?
01:41:08.327 --> 01:41:10.056
- Yes.
- Thanks. Nice meeting everybody.
01:41:10.129 --> 01:41:11.255
Any other questions?
01:41:11.330 --> 01:41:13.264
Do you have any extra-large condoms?
01:41:13.332 --> 01:41:15.163
Seth, you got a tiny penis.
01:41:19.272 --> 01:41:22.400
So, I made that all up to help you out.
01:41:24.477 --> 01:41:26.001
No, you didn't.
01:41:26.245 --> 01:41:29.578
But thank you for doing that.
01:41:32.451 --> 01:41:34.078
How can you tell?
01:41:34.253 --> 01:41:36.687
Well, you know, I go to school
with, like, 400 guys...
01:41:36.756 --> 01:41:38.189
who are all trying to have sex.
01:41:38.257 --> 01:41:40.225
And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it.
01:41:40.293 --> 01:41:41.351
Of course.
01:41:41.427 --> 01:41:44.328
- And you really haven't?
- No, I really haven't.
01:41:44.830 --> 01:41:47.230
Please don't tell your mom,
okay?
01:41:47.300 --> 01:41:49.029
- Yeah, I won't.
- Thanks.
01:41:49.135 --> 01:41:52.298
But when are you gonna tell her?
01:41:52.505 --> 01:41:54.473
Believe me, I'm working on it.
01:41:55.841 --> 01:41:57.570
I am working on it.
01:42:00.580 --> 01:42:01.808
Do you have any weed?
01:42:03.783 --> 01:42:05.011
- Yeah.
- You do have some.
01:42:05.084 --> 01:42:07.211
Can spare any or is it all spoken for?
01:42:07.920 --> 01:42:09.945
I mean, like what are we talking?
Are we...
01:42:10.022 --> 01:42:12.490
Just enough to get me
baked for like a week.
01:42:12.725 --> 01:42:13.783
That's a lot of weed.
01:42:13.859 --> 01:42:15.793
Yeah, I am taking vacation
next week, so...
01:42:15.861 --> 01:42:17.692
- Where are you going?
- I'm not going anywhere.
01:42:17.763 --> 01:42:19.560
- I'll stay in my apartment.
- Just getting baked?
01:42:19.632 --> 01:42:21.122
I want to be baked the whole time.
01:42:21.200 --> 01:42:23.566
Watch TV,
I'll probably re-watch Gandhi.
01:42:24.203 --> 01:42:26.137
- Gandhi baked is good.
- Yes, isn't it?
01:42:26.205 --> 01:42:27.832
I always feel bad
when I watch it baked...
01:42:27.907 --> 01:42:29.841
'cause I get really hungry
and I'm eating a lot...
01:42:29.909 --> 01:42:30.933
and poor Gandhi is...
01:42:31.010 --> 01:42:32.739
- ... fucking starving his ass off.
- Starving, I know.
01:42:36.349 --> 01:42:37.839
- Sounds good.
- Yeah.
01:42:37.917 --> 01:42:40.647
I'm going to take her to capacity.
Are you okay with that?
01:42:40.720 --> 01:42:42.051
Give it a shot.
01:42:42.121 --> 01:42:44.248
Freak! Oh, yeah!
01:42:45.958 --> 01:42:48.586
Michael McDonald, man,
I haven't heard this in years.
01:42:48.661 --> 01:42:50.788
Yeah, I haven't heard it
in like 48 minutes.
01:42:51.530 --> 01:42:54.260
If I get the set,
will you throw in the DVD?
01:42:54.333 --> 01:42:56.597
You don't get the set.
I'll throw in the DVD.
01:42:57.103 --> 01:42:58.161
I'll take it.
01:42:58.237 --> 01:43:00.034
- Really?
- Yeah.
01:43:01.040 --> 01:43:03.235
Y'all want to see something beautiful?
Come here.
01:43:03.309 --> 01:43:06.472
You want to see the most beautiful thing
in the world? Check this out.
01:43:06.545 --> 01:43:10.276
This is my baby right here.
That's my baby's dick right there.
01:43:10.916 --> 01:43:12.645
Looks like a poltergeist.
01:43:12.952 --> 01:43:14.249
That is his foot.
01:43:14.320 --> 01:43:16.652
Look at his dick.
That's not even four months.
01:43:16.722 --> 01:43:18.053
Extrapolate that.
01:43:18.124 --> 01:43:20.490
By the time he's 30,
what's gonna happen?
01:43:20.559 --> 01:43:22.857
Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg.
01:43:22.928 --> 01:43:25.488
Is this the movie about babies
that are geniuses?
01:43:25.564 --> 01:43:28.055
No, this is my child, dude.
Jill is pregnant.
01:43:28.134 --> 01:43:29.260
- That's yours?
- Yeah.
01:43:29.335 --> 01:43:31.360
That's why she broke up
with me in the first place...
01:43:31.437 --> 01:43:33.667
'cause she just thought
that I wouldn't be a good father...
01:43:33.739 --> 01:43:36.071
in light of the fact that
I'd be cheating on her all the time.
01:43:36.142 --> 01:43:37.837
But she got over all that.
It's cool now.
01:43:37.910 --> 01:43:39.844
Congratulations, man.
That is great.
01:43:40.112 --> 01:43:41.670
We having a party tonight, Andy...
01:43:41.747 --> 01:43:43.305
and I really want you to be there, man.
01:43:43.382 --> 01:43:45.873
We celebrating and I really,
really want you to be there.
01:43:45.951 --> 01:43:48.442
It looks like the Doppler radar.
01:43:48.521 --> 01:43:49.579
Can you believe that?
01:43:49.655 --> 01:43:51.282
This child ain't even four months old.
01:43:51.357 --> 01:43:53.621
He ain't four months old yet.
Look at what he's packing.
01:43:53.693 --> 01:43:56.218
Everybody dick looks big
on 60-inch TV.
01:43:56.295 --> 01:43:58.855
My sister's dick looks big on TV,
okay?
01:43:59.832 --> 01:44:02.494
Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland...
01:44:02.968 --> 01:44:05.562
- ... he has bought, like, 15 of these.
- Really?
01:44:05.638 --> 01:44:08.607
Yeah, I think he likes action figures
even more than you.
01:44:08.674 --> 01:44:11.199
- That is impossible.
- I think so.
01:44:12.078 --> 01:44:15.377
Andy, the way these things
are flying off your shelf...
01:44:15.448 --> 01:44:18.417
you know, I think you
could actually make like...
01:44:18.918 --> 01:44:20.476
maybe like $100,000.
01:44:20.553 --> 01:44:22.714
- Really?
- Yeah, you could open your store.
01:44:22.788 --> 01:44:24.187
- Wow.
- Honey...
01:44:24.323 --> 01:44:26.484
- That's a lot of money.
- I know.
01:44:26.559 --> 01:44:29.221
That's incredible.
I wouldn't have done it without you.
01:44:29.295 --> 01:44:30.489
Thanks.
01:44:31.163 --> 01:44:33.961
- And that's not the only good news.
- What?
01:44:34.400 --> 01:44:37.369
- You know what tonight is?
- Survivor is on?
01:44:38.671 --> 01:44:40.195
- No.
- I know.
01:44:40.806 --> 01:44:43.366
Is it The Apprentice?
01:44:44.310 --> 01:44:45.299
No.
01:44:46.078 --> 01:44:47.170
What?
01:44:49.882 --> 01:44:54.216
It's our 20th date.
01:45:00.760 --> 01:45:02.193
- Wow.
- Yeah.
01:45:02.261 --> 01:45:03.592
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
01:45:03.662 --> 01:45:06.961
Seriously?
I think we're at 18.
01:45:07.032 --> 01:45:08.761
'Cause there were
a couple of dates there...
01:45:08.834 --> 01:45:10.699
- ... that don't really count as dates.
- No.
01:45:10.770 --> 01:45:13.432
I'll give you a free pass
on those other ones.
01:45:14.473 --> 01:45:15.633
Thank you.
01:45:15.708 --> 01:45:16.834
- Listen.
- What?
01:45:16.909 --> 01:45:18.137
- Listen.
- Mmm-hmm.
01:45:19.645 --> 01:45:21.272
I really like you.
01:45:27.253 --> 01:45:29.050
I think I'm falling for you.
01:45:29.889 --> 01:45:33.655
I don't know. I kind of see
this going somewhere.
01:45:33.993 --> 01:45:35.187
I do, too.
01:45:35.294 --> 01:45:38.491
I just think we should just
go crazy on each other.
01:45:39.732 --> 01:45:41.723
- Okay.
- Okay?
01:45:42.601 --> 01:45:43.863
Oh, thank God!
01:45:46.672 --> 01:45:47.661
Oh!
01:45:48.340 --> 01:45:50.774
Okay, I should...
I gotta pick those up.
01:45:50.843 --> 01:45:51.969
Don't pick them up now.
01:45:52.044 --> 01:45:53.375
No, I have to pick those up
right now.
01:45:53.446 --> 01:45:55.539
- Wait, we'll get them later.
- Listen, no, I can't, no.
01:45:55.614 --> 01:45:57.241
Listen, it's really important
because...
01:45:57.316 --> 01:45:59.580
once the integrity of the box
gets compromised...
01:45:59.652 --> 01:46:01.950
This is original packaging
and that's why these things...
01:46:02.021 --> 01:46:04.182
are so valuable.
So you don't screw with that.
01:46:04.256 --> 01:46:06.247
- You really don't screw with that.
- All right.
01:46:06.325 --> 01:46:08.384
We can wrap them again later,
you know.
01:46:08.461 --> 01:46:09.826
Yeah, I know.
But you know what...
01:46:09.895 --> 01:46:12.022
this is very important
that we don't lose the value...
01:46:12.097 --> 01:46:13.428
and compromise the integrity of it.
01:46:13.499 --> 01:46:15.729
Andy, I'm throwing myself
at you and...
01:46:15.801 --> 01:46:17.826
all you can think about
is a fucking toy.
01:46:17.903 --> 01:46:20.997
They're not fucking toys!
This is Iron Man, okay?
01:46:21.073 --> 01:46:23.507
I got this when I was in second grade.
01:46:23.709 --> 01:46:26.405
Do you know how hard it is
for a kid to not open that?
01:46:26.479 --> 01:46:27.707
This is important.
01:46:27.780 --> 01:46:29.077
These are my things...
01:46:29.148 --> 01:46:32.447
and you are trying to make me
sell them and I don't want to.
01:46:32.518 --> 01:46:33.849
- No.
- And you're making me.
01:46:33.919 --> 01:46:36.046
- I'm not making...
- You are encouraging me...
01:46:36.121 --> 01:46:38.248
- ... to quit my job.
- I'm not! I'm not trying to...
01:46:38.324 --> 01:46:41.054
You want me to open a store.
You want me to sell everything.
01:46:41.126 --> 01:46:42.889
You know what,
I'm gonna tell you something.
01:46:42.962 --> 01:46:46.090
I don't just change like that.
I can't just change for you.
01:46:46.165 --> 01:46:49.066
I don't... I'm not trying
to change you. I like you.
01:46:49.134 --> 01:46:51.261
I'm just... I'm trying
to help you grow up, Andy.
01:46:51.337 --> 01:46:52.998
Well, thanks a lot.
01:46:53.072 --> 01:46:57.099
I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle
to work in a stockroom.
01:46:57.176 --> 01:46:59.508
You know what, I'm not
in the stockroom anymore.
01:46:59.578 --> 01:47:01.068
- I'm a floor manager.
- Okay.
01:47:01.146 --> 01:47:04.172
And I ride a bike because I like to.
Einstein rode a bike.
01:47:04.250 --> 01:47:06.946
He had a wife who he fucked,
by the way.
01:47:07.620 --> 01:47:09.918
What do I have to do
for you to have sex with me?
01:47:09.989 --> 01:47:12.480
Do you want me to dress up like Thor?
I'll dress up like Thor.
01:47:12.558 --> 01:47:14.150
I'll dress up like Iron Man.
01:47:14.226 --> 01:47:15.955
What do they do?
I'll do it.
01:47:16.028 --> 01:47:17.893
What?
Everything's always about sex.
01:47:17.963 --> 01:47:19.555
Why don't you want to have sex with me?
01:47:19.632 --> 01:47:22.100
Why not? Tell me.
You tell me the truth.
01:47:22.167 --> 01:47:24.362
Is it because I have a kid
who has a kid? Is that why?
01:47:24.436 --> 01:47:25.960
No, it's cool that
you're a grandmother.
01:47:26.038 --> 01:47:27.665
I love the fact
that you're a grandmother.
01:47:27.740 --> 01:47:30.300
- Oh, God!
- You are. You're a hot grandma.
01:47:30.376 --> 01:47:31.536
Oh, my God!
01:47:31.610 --> 01:47:33.703
You are so mean! Get out!
01:47:33.779 --> 01:47:36.509
- Okay, fine. Good!
- Good, fine. You're gonna go.
01:47:36.582 --> 01:47:39.949
- I didn't ask for any of this.
- You asked for all of it, Andy.
01:47:40.352 --> 01:47:41.751
Okay. Great.
01:47:44.823 --> 01:47:45.812
Okay.
01:47:46.191 --> 01:47:47.783
That's the way you want it...
01:47:47.860 --> 01:47:50.795
that's the way homie's gonna play it.
01:47:51.897 --> 01:47:53.558
Yeah. Truth be told.
01:48:11.016 --> 01:48:13.177
Baby, you better
enjoy yourself tonight...
01:48:13.252 --> 01:48:15.584
'cause once this baby's born,
you ain't going out again...
01:48:15.654 --> 01:48:16.678
till that baby is in college.
01:48:16.755 --> 01:48:17.983
- Me?
- Yeah.
01:48:18.057 --> 01:48:20.423
You the club rat. I'm not
the one that be going out.
01:48:20.492 --> 01:48:22.255
I'm not a club rat.
01:48:22.328 --> 01:48:25.058
You're gonna get up,
you march over there...
01:48:25.130 --> 01:48:27.655
and I want you
to hit on Bernadette now.
01:48:27.900 --> 01:48:29.925
Dude, I'm not gonna hit
on Bernadette.
01:48:30.002 --> 01:48:31.128
Yes, you are, man...
01:48:31.203 --> 01:48:33.797
'cause your depression
is boring me for one thing...
01:48:33.872 --> 01:48:35.840
and it's actually making me
a little depressed...
01:48:35.908 --> 01:48:37.876
which is then in turn
making me more depressed...
01:48:37.943 --> 01:48:39.706
that you're actually affecting my mood.
01:48:39.778 --> 01:48:43.145
Look, I'm not in any kind of place
to talk to a woman, all right?
01:48:43.215 --> 01:48:45.376
I'm just... I'm fragile.
01:48:45.517 --> 01:48:47.382
I hired her for you.
01:48:47.453 --> 01:48:51.048
I hired a 90-pound girl
to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech...
01:48:51.123 --> 01:48:52.681
for you, okay?
01:48:52.758 --> 01:48:54.282
I should have hired a 300-pound guy...
01:48:54.360 --> 01:48:55.952
who could lift a 60-inch flat screen.
01:48:56.028 --> 01:48:58.519
But instead I hired a hot girl...
01:48:58.597 --> 01:49:01.964
who can't lift an iPod
to bring you out of your funk.
01:49:02.768 --> 01:49:04.292
- You hired her for me?
- Yes.
01:49:04.370 --> 01:49:05.803
So will you go talk to her?
01:49:05.871 --> 01:49:07.668
Yeah, I'm meeting somebody.
01:49:07.840 --> 01:49:08.829
No.
01:49:12.478 --> 01:49:14.605
- Did you just flick me in the nuts?
- No.
01:49:14.680 --> 01:49:17.706
Flicked you in the fleshy patch
where your nuts used to be.
01:49:18.884 --> 01:49:20.681
Quit flicking my balls, man.
01:49:20.753 --> 01:49:23.278
Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls.
01:49:23.389 --> 01:49:25.789
But I'll start punching your nuts.
01:49:26.725 --> 01:49:27.714
Oh!
01:49:28.394 --> 01:49:29.520
Okay.
01:49:33.265 --> 01:49:34.732
Well played, sir.
01:49:35.100 --> 01:49:36.260
- Okay.
- Thank you.
01:49:36.335 --> 01:49:38.462
No problem, man.
Go get 'em.
01:49:39.071 --> 01:49:40.800
Mooj, you done see my son...
01:49:40.873 --> 01:49:42.534
you know his foot gonna be
bigger than this.
01:49:42.608 --> 01:49:45.839
If that baby looks Pakistani,
don't fucking look at me, okay?
01:49:45.911 --> 01:49:49.472
I wouldn't mind. You got good genes.
How old are you? What, 138?
01:49:49.548 --> 01:49:52.483
When your son is born,
is he already in parole?
01:50:00.826 --> 01:50:04.193
I need some poon.
01:50:04.530 --> 01:50:07.522
You guys were so right,
right from the beginning.
01:50:07.833 --> 01:50:12.497
I need genital to genital connection
and that's all I need.
01:50:12.971 --> 01:50:16.498
You know, the thing about relationships
is that they...
01:50:16.709 --> 01:50:18.438
make one person go...
01:50:20.012 --> 01:50:22.242
And the other person go,
"What are you talking about?"
01:50:22.314 --> 01:50:23.542
And then one person goes...
01:50:25.150 --> 01:50:26.777
How much have you had to drink, man?
01:50:26.852 --> 01:50:30.344
How much have I had to drink?
How many pots have you smoken?
01:50:30.422 --> 01:50:31.582
What are you talking about?
01:50:31.657 --> 01:50:34.922
How many times have you gone
to the bathroom in your life?
01:50:34.993 --> 01:50:36.187
Let me ask you that.
01:50:36.261 --> 01:50:39.253
You know what, you don't have
an answer for that, do you?
01:50:39.331 --> 01:50:40.923
Fuck you, man! I'm sorry.
01:50:40.999 --> 01:50:44.196
No, you're such a good guy,
and I appreciate you.
01:50:44.269 --> 01:50:46.260
What's up, baby, I didn't know
you had came already.
01:50:46.338 --> 01:50:48.499
Hey, motherfucker!
01:50:50.876 --> 01:50:52.969
Man, you know what,
tonight is the night.
01:50:53.045 --> 01:50:57.744
You know what, you were
totally right and I was wrong.
01:50:57.983 --> 01:51:02.477
You were right all along.
You cannot have a relationship...
01:51:02.621 --> 01:51:04.816
with somebody until...
01:51:05.457 --> 01:51:07.891
you have sex and that's the long...
01:51:07.960 --> 01:51:09.723
That's the long and short of it.
01:51:09.795 --> 01:51:13.253
- So, thank you.
- That's good.
01:51:13.599 --> 01:51:16.568
And now I have to go hunt
for some hos.
01:51:19.438 --> 01:51:22.737
- He going to be all right?
- No, I don't think he is.
01:51:22.875 --> 01:51:25.207
- Cal's a good guy.
- Yeah, he's a great guy.
01:51:25.277 --> 01:51:27.040
It's so funny, because, you know...
01:51:27.112 --> 01:51:29.910
when I first met him and I thought
you were cute at the store...
01:51:29.982 --> 01:51:32.974
- ... he told me you were gay.
- I'm not gay.
01:51:33.352 --> 01:51:35.980
Cal says that I'm gay because
he has a real problem...
01:51:36.054 --> 01:51:38.386
with his own gayness.
01:51:38.457 --> 01:51:41.756
But seriously, I'm going
to lay it out for you, right now.
01:51:42.394 --> 01:51:44.726
I was a little reticent
to come over and talk to you.
01:51:44.797 --> 01:51:47.630
You're very pretty and you seem very nice.
The truth is...
01:51:47.699 --> 01:51:51.328
I dated this woman, let me rephrase that,
I dated this whore...
01:51:51.904 --> 01:51:53.496
who stomped all over my heart.
01:51:53.572 --> 01:51:56.439
And it's just taking me
a little while to kind of...
01:51:56.508 --> 01:51:58.135
you know, get back in the game.
01:51:58.210 --> 01:51:59.609
Oh, my God. Say no more.
01:51:59.678 --> 01:52:02.272
My last boyfriend Sal junior,
is a scum bag.
01:52:02.347 --> 01:52:04.577
I would totally pay people
to have him killed.
01:52:04.650 --> 01:52:06.811
That's how much I fucking hate
that damn scum bag.
01:52:06.885 --> 01:52:09.046
- God, you're fucking awesome.
- You too.
01:52:10.856 --> 01:52:12.790
Hey, you!
01:52:14.860 --> 01:52:16.589
- Hey.
- Hey.
01:52:16.862 --> 01:52:18.386
How you doing?
01:52:18.831 --> 01:52:21.391
Much better,
now that I'm talking to you.
01:52:21.633 --> 01:52:24.227
Hey, lookie,
I can see through your shirt.
01:52:25.003 --> 01:52:26.265
Nice.
01:52:27.472 --> 01:52:30.168
So, you think we should...
01:52:30.475 --> 01:52:33.069
take this party
to my apartment or what?
01:52:33.579 --> 01:52:36.605
I am RSVPing "yes. "
01:52:40.319 --> 01:52:43.516
Hope you have a big trunk
because I'm putting my bike in it.
01:52:46.358 --> 01:52:47.848
Yeah, let's go!
01:52:52.998 --> 01:52:55.592
Mom, I left my phone somewhere
and I...
01:52:56.335 --> 01:52:57.461
Thank you.
01:52:58.804 --> 01:53:02.069
What's the matter?
Where is Andy?
01:53:02.140 --> 01:53:05.109
- We had a big fight, just...
- Oh, Mom.
01:53:05.644 --> 01:53:07.703
He just stormed out of here.
01:53:07.779 --> 01:53:08.871
What happened?
01:53:08.947 --> 01:53:11.609
Well, I just...
Wait a minute, I thought you hated him.
01:53:11.683 --> 01:53:15.210
I don't hate him. I mean,
he does do magic, but...
01:53:15.320 --> 01:53:17.686
you know, he's a big dork...
01:53:18.090 --> 01:53:20.388
and I like seeing you happy.
01:53:22.127 --> 01:53:23.253
I do.
01:53:25.197 --> 01:53:27.688
- That's sweet, that's really sweet.
- Mom.
01:53:28.367 --> 01:53:31.336
Why don't you just go talk to him,
work it out.
01:53:31.403 --> 01:53:34.236
'Cause if the thing is that important,
you can't just stop.
01:53:35.007 --> 01:53:37.202
Let me dance for you.
I would love it.
01:53:38.443 --> 01:53:42.277
Look at your bra and your breasts
and everything. That's so great.
01:53:43.282 --> 01:53:46.774
Wow! You know what?
You're so hot. You're so hot.
01:53:47.085 --> 01:53:48.712
I'm smoking hot.
01:53:48.787 --> 01:53:51.654
You know what? I'm just going
to have sex with you.
01:53:51.723 --> 01:53:53.816
Yes! Let's have sex.
01:53:53.892 --> 01:53:56.122
- It's going to happen.
- That's why we are here.
01:53:56.194 --> 01:53:58.560
That's totally what's going
to happen.
01:53:58.797 --> 01:54:00.924
We could do it in the...
01:54:01.934 --> 01:54:03.629
Butt, if you want to.
01:54:05.304 --> 01:54:07.238
But, if I want to what?
01:54:07.706 --> 01:54:10.732
- Butt.
- But what? What?
01:54:10.842 --> 01:54:12.867
- Do it.
- Do it?
01:54:13.045 --> 01:54:14.034
What?
01:54:14.546 --> 01:54:17.379
I don't know
what you're talking about.
01:54:17.482 --> 01:54:19.541
- Butt.
- But...
01:54:19.785 --> 01:54:21.116
- What?
- ... what?
01:54:24.122 --> 01:54:26.420
But, it still feels so right.
01:54:39.237 --> 01:54:40.329
Yeah!
01:54:42.841 --> 01:54:46.675
Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah.
01:54:48.113 --> 01:54:49.842
That was a fun day.
01:54:51.383 --> 01:54:54.477
You are so kinky.
01:54:55.187 --> 01:54:56.916
Yeah, I'm so kinky.
01:54:57.456 --> 01:55:00.687
That's why I did this
because I thought it looks...
01:55:00.759 --> 01:55:03.250
You like to shave, don't you?
01:55:03.328 --> 01:55:06.126
- Let's shave each other.
- I don't think you have any hair.
01:55:06.198 --> 01:55:08.029
You know where to shave me.
01:55:08.100 --> 01:55:10.159
- Yeah.
- Because I want to shave you.
01:55:10.235 --> 01:55:11.930
I want to shave your head.
01:55:13.171 --> 01:55:15.036
I wanna give you a buzz cut.
01:55:16.041 --> 01:55:17.736
Let's get in the bath.
01:55:18.110 --> 01:55:19.600
In the bath?
01:55:19.678 --> 01:55:24.047
Yes. We're gonna get dirty.
Dirty, dirty. Sudsy.
01:55:24.149 --> 01:55:26.174
It's just about time I got really dirty.
01:55:26.251 --> 01:55:27.309
Yeah.
01:55:30.122 --> 01:55:34.889
Hey. Hi, it's me,
and I'm on my way to your house.
01:55:34.960 --> 01:55:37.258
I want to do whatever
you want to do, okay?
01:55:37.462 --> 01:55:41.330
Fifty dates. 100.
I hope not, but whatever.
01:55:41.933 --> 01:55:44.697
I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye.
01:55:48.740 --> 01:55:51.675
Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay.
01:55:54.146 --> 01:55:57.081
Wow! Holy shit!
01:55:57.349 --> 01:55:59.909
Wow. This is just
the right thing to happen.
01:56:00.419 --> 01:56:03.786
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow!
Almost got my penis.
01:56:03.889 --> 01:56:05.322
Come to mama.
01:56:06.892 --> 01:56:09.690
I'm gonna really take care
of you tonight.
01:56:09.928 --> 01:56:12.453
You're never gonna forget Beth.
01:56:22.607 --> 01:56:24.632
I just want to please you.
01:56:25.477 --> 01:56:27.069
What do you like?
01:56:27.913 --> 01:56:31.007
I don't know.
What do you like?
01:56:31.550 --> 01:56:33.643
Can I show you what I like?
01:56:34.152 --> 01:56:35.244
Okay.
01:56:48.900 --> 01:56:51.698
It's so hot in here.
01:56:52.437 --> 01:56:54.803
I wanna introduce you to my friend.
01:56:59.144 --> 01:57:01.203
Your friend is so shiny.
01:57:02.147 --> 01:57:05.173
This guy knows exactly what I like.
01:57:10.522 --> 01:57:12.251
Where's you friend going?
01:57:14.092 --> 01:57:16.720
This is how I'm gonna warm up for you.
01:57:17.996 --> 01:57:21.830
That's always good to warm up.
You don't wanna pull something.
01:57:39.484 --> 01:57:41.850
Wow, this is graphic.
01:57:55.700 --> 01:57:57.167
I can't do it.
01:57:58.803 --> 01:58:01.465
God, what are you doing here?
01:58:01.540 --> 01:58:04.202
We came here because we were
concerned about you and Trish...
01:58:04.276 --> 01:58:06.403
and now I could not give a fuck.
01:58:06.478 --> 01:58:09.072
How did you even know where she lives?
01:58:09.214 --> 01:58:11.546
- I hit it like eight months back.
- What?
01:58:11.616 --> 01:58:14.346
Never gave her back the key, man.
You have no idea...
01:58:14.419 --> 01:58:16.478
where this is going, all right?
That girl is a freak.
01:58:16.555 --> 01:58:20.013
Oh, it's happening!
It's happening! Andy!
01:58:20.458 --> 01:58:21.652
You think?
01:58:21.960 --> 01:58:24.190
We've been talking, and look...
01:58:24.629 --> 01:58:26.927
if you love Trish, you can't do this.
01:58:26.998 --> 01:58:30.024
Look, you guys, I don't know
what I'm doing anymore.
01:58:30.101 --> 01:58:32.695
I don't even know who I am.
All I know is...
01:58:32.771 --> 01:58:36.298
that woman scares the shit out of me...
01:58:36.441 --> 01:58:38.671
and I just wanna go home, okay?
01:58:38.877 --> 01:58:41.175
- Let's go.
- We should all get out of here.
01:58:41.246 --> 01:58:42.975
- Okay.
- We should all go.
01:58:43.048 --> 01:58:44.447
It wasn't that good for me.
01:58:44.516 --> 01:58:46.416
We should totally get out of here.
01:58:46.484 --> 01:58:48.679
We should run away from here.
01:58:55.160 --> 01:58:56.184
Hey.
01:58:57.696 --> 01:58:58.754
Cal.
01:59:01.533 --> 01:59:03.228
Go around!
01:59:04.135 --> 01:59:06.228
Come on, just go around me!
01:59:09.441 --> 01:59:11.102
Can't you hear me?
01:59:18.617 --> 01:59:21.677
Hey, there. Hi, Trish.
01:59:23.288 --> 01:59:25.813
Man, I'm really sorry about tonight.
01:59:25.890 --> 01:59:27.289
What's this?
01:59:28.360 --> 01:59:30.021
Those are David's.
01:59:32.097 --> 01:59:33.928
I think he has a problem.
01:59:33.999 --> 01:59:36.490
- These are David's?
- He's into that.
01:59:36.635 --> 01:59:40.071
David's Boner Jams '03?
01:59:40.705 --> 01:59:42.730
Yeah, it's so sad.
01:59:43.241 --> 01:59:46.233
He compiled all the best
boner scenes, I guess.
01:59:47.178 --> 01:59:49.510
This isn't what it looks like,
okay?
01:59:49.981 --> 01:59:53.075
- What does this look like?
- A vagina.
01:59:54.119 --> 01:59:55.677
And what do you do with this vagina?
01:59:55.754 --> 01:59:58.746
To learn.
It's for medicinal purposes.
01:59:58.823 --> 01:59:59.812
Ugh.
01:59:59.891 --> 02:00:02.223
- Hey, I'm sorry. God...
- What's this?
02:00:02.894 --> 02:00:05.863
This your date drug?
Your roofie?
02:00:06.197 --> 02:00:07.687
It's a Mentos.
02:00:08.433 --> 02:00:10.367
They're "The Freshmaker. "
02:00:10.435 --> 02:00:11.834
Yeah, right.
02:00:12.070 --> 02:00:14.038
What are you, some kind of sex pervert?
02:00:14.105 --> 02:00:15.470
Are you a deviant or something?
02:00:15.540 --> 02:00:18.236
- No, I'm not a sexual deviant!
- What is all this?
02:00:18.310 --> 02:00:20.778
I haven't even tried
to have sex with you, so...
02:00:20.845 --> 02:00:23.746
What are you trying to do?
What are you buttering me up for?
02:00:23.815 --> 02:00:24.941
Come on.
02:00:25.016 --> 02:00:26.779
You're not gonna try and kill me,
are you?
02:00:26.851 --> 02:00:29.513
- Look, Trish.
- You didn't get a new carpet.
02:00:29.788 --> 02:00:33.087
I'm not trying to kill you.
I love you.
02:00:33.491 --> 02:00:35.925
- I love you.
- Oh, God!
02:00:36.194 --> 02:00:37.354
Trish.
02:00:45.937 --> 02:00:48.132
Trish. No!
02:00:49.040 --> 02:00:51.565
No. Trish, stop.
02:00:56.081 --> 02:00:57.378
Come on, Trish!
02:01:00.819 --> 02:01:02.753
I need to talk to you!
02:01:02.821 --> 02:01:03.879
No!
02:01:06.057 --> 02:01:07.081
Damn it.
02:01:38.890 --> 02:01:40.255
Oh, my God!
02:01:43.261 --> 02:01:46.128
Andy! Oh, my God!
02:01:46.197 --> 02:01:47.562
Call 911.
02:01:47.732 --> 02:01:49.666
Oh, my... Andy.
02:01:50.468 --> 02:01:52.163
Oh, my God!
02:01:52.237 --> 02:01:55.070
I'm gonna need a minute.
I'm in a lot of pain right now.
02:01:55.140 --> 02:01:56.801
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
02:01:56.875 --> 02:01:58.035
Not bad.
02:01:58.109 --> 02:02:00.475
There were two sides
to that billboard.
02:02:00.545 --> 02:02:02.445
And they both hurt equally.
02:02:02.714 --> 02:02:05.342
Andy. Andy.
02:02:07.452 --> 02:02:09.613
- Are you okay?
- I'm okay.
02:02:10.088 --> 02:02:11.749
No, I'm not okay.
02:02:13.057 --> 02:02:14.456
I'm a virgin.
02:02:16.628 --> 02:02:17.788
A what?
02:02:18.730 --> 02:02:21.096
I'm a virgin.
I always have been.
02:02:22.500 --> 02:02:25.833
Andy, is that what all this was about?
02:02:26.805 --> 02:02:28.102
I'm sorry.
02:02:28.206 --> 02:02:30.572
You're just a virgin, that's all?
02:02:30.708 --> 02:02:33.370
- Yeah.
- That's good. That's a good thing.
02:02:35.146 --> 02:02:37.011
I feel stupid.
02:02:38.683 --> 02:02:41.379
It's okay. I thought
you were trying to kill me.
02:02:43.121 --> 02:02:44.145
No.
02:02:45.023 --> 02:02:46.285
Oh, my God.
02:02:47.392 --> 02:02:49.952
No, I'm not trying to kill you.
02:02:53.832 --> 02:02:56.494
That's why I never tried
to have sex with you.
02:02:56.901 --> 02:02:59.369
I was scared, okay?
I just...
02:03:00.071 --> 02:03:01.902
'Cause I didn't know what I was doing.
02:03:01.973 --> 02:03:03.838
I just didn't think it would be good.
02:03:03.908 --> 02:03:06.877
Of course it'll be good.
We love each other.
02:03:08.480 --> 02:03:09.640
Really?
02:03:11.316 --> 02:03:12.681
I love you.
02:03:14.185 --> 02:03:15.311
Yeah.
02:03:20.024 --> 02:03:22.549
Get the fuck out of the road,
virgin!
02:03:24.362 --> 02:03:25.852
Shut up, you fucking jerk!
02:03:25.930 --> 02:03:28.831
No, that's okay.
That's all right. Sorry.
02:03:30.468 --> 02:03:31.560
You know what...
02:03:31.636 --> 02:03:34.434
for so long I thought that there was
something wrong with me...
02:03:34.506 --> 02:03:37.339
because it had never happened, but...
02:03:39.811 --> 02:03:43.611
I realize now that it was
just because I was waiting for you.
02:04:08.640 --> 02:04:11.404
This was some wedding.
How could they afford it?
02:04:11.476 --> 02:04:14.775
Dude sells his toys and makes
like a half a million dollars.
02:04:14.879 --> 02:04:17.074
- It's crazy, right?
- That's fucking crazy.
02:04:17.148 --> 02:04:19.116
We're gonna get some fucking toys.
02:04:19.183 --> 02:04:21.344
We are all so happy for you.
02:04:21.553 --> 02:04:24.351
I am delighted to say these words.
02:04:25.256 --> 02:04:26.382
Andy...
02:04:26.991 --> 02:04:28.856
you may kiss the bride.
02:04:42.106 --> 02:04:45.234
And for God's sake,
consummate the thing.
02:04:50.214 --> 02:04:53.115
No! Stop it.
I have the key.
02:04:59.991 --> 02:05:02.289
I'm not gonna be done
buffing the marble...
02:05:02.360 --> 02:05:04.055
for about a half an hour,
but...
02:05:04.128 --> 02:05:06.653
you can come in and sit down
if you want...
02:05:06.731 --> 02:05:08.926
or wait in the lobby.
It's okay.
02:05:09.000 --> 02:05:10.524
It's up to you.
02:05:17.709 --> 02:05:20.007
Dude, get the fuck out of here.
02:05:31.022 --> 02:05:32.512
- Ready?
- Yeah.
02:05:38.663 --> 02:05:40.062
- Yes.
- Yeah.
02:05:46.738 --> 02:05:47.727
Whoa.
02:05:48.272 --> 02:05:50.570
You're officially not a virgin.
02:05:51.376 --> 02:05:52.468
Cool.
02:06:00.551 --> 02:06:01.916
Wow.
02:06:09.360 --> 02:06:10.987
Wanna do it again?
02:06:12.096 --> 02:06:13.620
- Yeah.
- Good. Okay.
02:06:13.698 --> 02:06:14.892
Sure.
02:06:15.533 --> 02:06:17.728
That was good. That was okay.
02:06:21.105 --> 02:06:22.163
Okay.
02:06:22.306 --> 02:06:23.364
- You ready?
- Yeah.
02:06:23.441 --> 02:06:26.035
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
02:06:38.823 --> 02:06:40.814
So, how was that for you?
02:06:40.838 --> 02:07:00.838
Telegram Channel and Instagram Page
.:: @bollbolljan_com ::.
02:07:02.613 --> 02:07:05.878
# And love will steer the stars #
02:07:05.950 --> 02:07:10.410
# This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius #
02:07:10.621 --> 02:07:14.921
# Age of Aquarius #
02:07:15.526 --> 02:07:19.963
# Aquarius #
02:07:20.665 --> 02:07:25.102
# Aquarius #
02:07:25.770 --> 02:07:27.863
# Harmony and understanding #
02:07:28.206 --> 02:07:30.766
# Sympathy and trust abounding #
02:07:30.842 --> 02:07:32.707
# No more falsehoods or derisions #
02:07:32.777 --> 02:07:35.769
# Golden living dreams of visions #
02:07:35.847 --> 02:07:38.111
# Mystic crystal revelations #
02:07:38.182 --> 02:07:41.174
# And the mind's true liberation #
02:07:41.252 --> 02:07:45.916
# Aquarius #
02:07:46.190 --> 02:07:50.854
# Aquarius #
02:07:51.262 --> 02:07:55.528
# When the moon is
in the Seventh House #
02:07:56.300 --> 02:08:00.600
# And Jupiter aligns with Mars #
02:08:01.873 --> 02:08:06.640
# Then peace will guide the planets #
02:08:06.911 --> 02:08:10.176
# And love will steer the star #
02:08:10.248 --> 02:08:14.480
# This is the dawning
of the age of Aquarius #
02:08:14.752 --> 02:08:19.382
# The age of Aquarius #
02:08:19.690 --> 02:08:24.286
# Aquarius #
02:08:24.729 --> 02:08:26.890
# Aquarius #
02:08:26.964 --> 02:08:28.864
# It's Aquarius, baby #
02:08:28.933 --> 02:08:31.527
# We ain't talking about no Scorpio #
02:08:31.602 --> 02:08:33.092
# We ain't talking about no #
02:08:33.171 --> 02:08:36.163
# No, we ain't talking
about no Scorpio #
02:08:40.378 --> 02:08:42.073
# Aquarius #
02:08:42.613 --> 02:08:45.446
# Aquarius #
02:08:47.819 --> 02:08:50.219
# Aquarius ##
02:08:56.227 --> 02:08:59.594
# Let the sunshine #
02:08:59.897 --> 02:09:03.333
# Let the sunshine in #
02:09:03.401 --> 02:09:06.802
# The sunshine in #
02:09:07.805 --> 02:09:11.138
# Let the sunshine #
02:09:11.709 --> 02:09:15.110
# Let the sunshine in #
02:09:15.179 --> 02:09:18.706
# The sunshine in #
02:09:19.617 --> 02:09:23.280
# Let the sunshine #
02:09:23.354 --> 02:09:26.846
# Let the sunshine in #
02:09:26.924 --> 02:09:31.054
# The sunshine in #
# Let it shine, let it shine #
02:09:31.329 --> 02:09:34.662
# Let the sunshine #
02:09:34.732 --> 02:09:36.597
# Let it shine #
02:09:36.667 --> 02:09:38.658
# Let it shine, yeah #
02:09:38.736 --> 02:09:42.570
# The sunshine in #
02:09:43.040 --> 02:09:46.498
# Let the sunshine #
02:09:46.878 --> 02:09:50.314
# Let the sunshine in #
02:09:50.381 --> 02:09:53.350
# The sunshine in ##