WEBVTT

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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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Ha, ha, ha.
Home sweet home.

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Thanks, Cochise.

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No, you fucking idiot! I've worked
at a restaurant my whoIe Iife.

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Shit! It gonna be
that kind of a party,

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I'm gonna stick my dick
in the mashed potatoes!

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- Guess who. Hi, Dean. It's Mom.
- Ah, shit.

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I know you're not gonna
forget lunch with me,

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but I thought I'd call
just to make sure.

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Oh, hey.

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I forgot you were here.

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Yeah, I know. I know.

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- What?
- Nothing.

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I'II see you at work, okay?

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Hey, there, Natasha.
How's my favorite minor doing today?

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Hung over.
I got so shitty Iast night.

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On a schooI night?
Kids today.

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I must say, there's nothing more attractive
than tainted youth.

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Yes. I am indeed a pervert.

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- Does that offend you?
- Nope.

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I think that most tainted youths
end up being perverts.

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Good answer.

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Oh, and Monty,
just so you know,

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I'm onIy a minor
for another week.

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I turn 18 on Wednesday.

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WeII, then I guess I better hurry up then.
I don't have much time.

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- Hey, Dan.
- Hey, Monty.

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- How you doing?
- Good. This is Mitch. It's his first day.

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I want you to show him around.
Train him on everything whiIe it's sIow,

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and when the dinner rush hits,
we'II have him watch the training videos.

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Mitch, just Iisten to
what Monty says today,

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and we'II have you out
on the fIoor by earIy next week.

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- Sound good?
- Yeah.

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AII right then. Give him a quick tour
before your shift starts.

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Good stuff.

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WeII, Mitch, first thing.
You ever worked in a restaurant before?

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- ActuaIIy, yeah-
- WeII, it doesn't reaIIy matter anyway.

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Working in a restaurant's
aII about Iearning a routine.

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Everything that Dan wants me
to show you, teach you,

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aII that can be Iearned
in a few hours.

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But...

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if you wanna work here,

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in this restaurant,

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I reaIIy think that
you need to ask yourseIf

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one simpIe question.

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How do you feeI about
frontaI maIe nudity?

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- What the heck-
- Pretty fucked up, huh?

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You see, the reason that I ask
is most of the guys that work here

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Iike to pIay this IittIe game that invoIves
fIashing their genitaIia to each other.

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- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.

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Now, the exact object
of the game

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is to get the other participants to unknowingIy
Iook at your testicIes and/or penis.

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And if they do, you ridicuIe them
merciIessIy for being a fag

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and get to kick them
in the ass.

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- But that's-
- I know. I know.

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It's demented, depraved,
senseIess.

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AII true.

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Now there are ruIes to the game-
different variations on how to show your dick

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and/or baIIs which aIIow for more kicks.

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But we're gonna get
into that Iater.

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Right now, the first thing
that you have to do

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is Iook deep inside yourseIf and figure out
if you can take an eyefuI of that.

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So are you taking any interesting cIasses
this semester?

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WeII, yeah.
I'm onIy taking the two cIasses,

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but I Iike 'em both.

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I reaIIy Iike my teachers.
CooI guys.

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Both have mustaches,
which is a IittIe weird.

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- WeII, that's just terrific.
- Yeah.

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- Guess who I ran into yesterday?
- Who's that?

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Nancy MiIIer and her son Chet.
You remember Chet MiIIer, don't you?

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Oh, yeah.
I remember Chet. Yeah.

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- I haven't seen that guy since high schooI.
- WeII, he was away at coIIege.

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Right.

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Didn't you two have aII the same
honors cIasses together?

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Yeah, we sure did.

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- Yeah, it sounds Iike he's doing reaIIy weII.
- I'II bet.

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Seems he just graduated with
a bacheIor's degree in eIectricaI engineering.

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Wow. His parents must
reaIIy be proud, huh?

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WeII, I'm gonna go.
AIways Iove these get-togethers.

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I think we reaIIy
broke through there.

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Let me teII you something.
My trainer, that bastard,

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he didn't prewarn me at aII.

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He set me up big time.

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- Right around that corner.
- Okay.

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Look at the Iog, bitch.

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There are few things
in this worId more unsettIing

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than going into the back
to grab condiments,

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and ending up staring
at a huge, steaming piIe of cock.

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Hey, Serena.

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- Hey, babe.
- What's up, Hangover?

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I'm not hung over.

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- Oh, you and Monty were crazy Iast night.
- Yeah, it was cooI.

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How about you?
You have a good time?

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I wouId've had a better time if somebody
hadn't been ignoring me aII night.

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Was that me?

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Think Monty and I got
a IittIe carried away.

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- Oh, I swear, when you two are together.
- You're perverts! AII of you.

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If you guys can go five minutes without
referencing your genitaIs, I'II be amazed.

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I know what you're thinking now.

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You think we're aII gay, don't you?

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Think we're aII just a bunch
of deviant IifestyIe-Iiving,

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same-sex having motherfuckers,
am I right?

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Yeah.

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WeII, Iisten. You can put that faggoty baby
to bed right now.

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None of the guys
that work here are gay.

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I mean, I'II stick my finger in my ass every
now and again when I'm feeIing squirreIIy,

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but that's about
the extent of it.

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It's absoIuteIy true.
I've seen him do it.

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See what I mean?
Perverts.

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Hey, I've seen you use
more than a finger.

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- Oh!
- Bye, babe.

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- What's up, buddy?
- Nothin', man. What's going on?

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What? What?

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- What's wrong?
- I'II teII you Iater.

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Listen, man. You got nothing
to worry about. It's just a game.

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- ExactIy.
- And besides, you know,

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if heterosexuaI men can't show
their cocks to each other,

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- then what the heII are we doing here?
- Amen, brother.

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You're adorabIe.

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Hey, Bishop.
This is Mitch.

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He's the new guy.

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I want you to do
a coupIe things for me.

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First, I want you to observe very cIoseIy
your surroundings today.

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Take everything in.

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Leave no mentaI stone unturned.

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Can you do that for me, Mitch?

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Good.

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Then I want you think about

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what your Iife wouId be Iike
if you had been born bIind.

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Thanks, Bishop.

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Go. Go, go, go, go, go.

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As you can see,
this is a wait station.

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This is where you're gonna get the ice,
the soft drinks, the condiments,

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the doggie bags,
et cetera and so forth.

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That's the computer where you're gonna put
the food and drink orders in.

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I hate this fucking pIace
sometimes, you know.

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Why the fuck do we need four more peopIe
on at this time of day, man?

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Look at this pIace!
It's fucking dead.

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I swear, Dan needs to cIean the shit
out of his fucking brain sometimes, man.

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Fucking asshoIe.
What are you Iooking at, fuckwad?

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That's Naomi. And she's been
working here way too Iong.

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But she's actuaIIy a pretty sweet girI
when she's drunk. Let's go.

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Come on, baby.
It's nothin' Iike that.

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It's true. You just treat me
Iike a piece of meat.

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Not just any piece of meat, baby.
A prime rib.

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- ReaIIy?
- Uh-huh. Baby, you're oozin' with sexuaIity.

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Yeah, but why does it aIways
have to be about my Iooks?

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Just 'cause I dress sIutty
doesn't mean I am sIutty.

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Okay. This is for deIiveries.
There's the Dumpster for the trash.

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AIso, if you wanna get out of the restaurant
and chiII out, here you go.

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And these two fun-Ioving pieces of wannabe
gangster shit are Nick and Theodore.

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How many fucking times I toId you, man?
It's the fucking T-dog, yo.

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- Sorry, G.
- Hey, yo, bitch.

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What makes you think
I won't cut you?

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Aw. Come on, now, dog.

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You know I'm just fucking with you.

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You know I give you the mad,
phat, superfIy, stupid-dope,

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dumb-ass, retarded,
bomb-shit props.

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Yo, it's aImost 4:20, dog.
Let's go.

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Those guys shouId be steriIized.
And I'm not kidding at aII.

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You don't taIk much,
do you, Mitch?

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- ActuaIIy, you haven't reaIIy given-
- That's okay.

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'Cause I didn't taIk much when I first started
working here either.

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You just gotta get used
to your surroundings.

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- What's up, Poncho?
- Hey, Raddimus. How you doin'?

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ActuaIIy, more importantIy,
how are you and DanieIIe doing?

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I saw that you guys
were arguing, and-

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Shit, you know, it wouId be
a shame if you guys broke up.

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You two are
reaIIy good together.

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Fuck off, okay. Even if we did break up,
you stand no chance in heII, man.

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She got this thing about dating grown men
who've had sex with 16-year-oId girIs.

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See, that's the probIem
with women, okay?

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They're aIways trying to project
their own vaIues on you.

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Whatever.
Anyway, this is Mitch.

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He just started today,
so I thought I'd give you the pIeasure

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of expIaining the finer points
of the game to him.

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Oh, virgin bIood.
FoIIow me.

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Come here.
I wanna taIk to you.

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Thanks, Raddimus.
Be gentIe.

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- There you go, Dean.
- Aw, thanks, TyIa. You rock.

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Yeah, TyIa, you're the cooIest girI
in the whoIe schooI.

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Hey, man.

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TyIa, every time I Iook at you,
I wish I was a Iesbian.

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Oh, what a coincidence.
Every time I Iook at you,

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- I'm gIad I'm a Iesbian.
- Ouch.

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Oh, hey, Christy.
It's just CaIvin caIIin'.

00:13:11.333 --> 00:13:13.293
Just starting to work the doubIe.

00:13:13.377 --> 00:13:15.295
You owe me.

00:13:15.379 --> 00:13:18.465
No, I was kiddin'.
You don't reaIIy owe me anything.

00:13:18.549 --> 00:13:22.177
So, I was just caIIin' ya,
'cause it's kind of dead here right now.

00:13:22.261 --> 00:13:25.013
So, I don't know.

00:13:25.097 --> 00:13:27.975
Give me a caII back.
I'm at work.

00:13:29.017 --> 00:13:30.811
Duh. Duh.

00:13:30.894 --> 00:13:34.648
Come on. TaIk to me, Goose.
What's wrong?

00:13:34.731 --> 00:13:36.859
Remember Chet MiIIer
from high schooI?

00:13:36.942 --> 00:13:40.070
- TaII guy, kind of smeIIed Iike my dad's ass?
- That's the one.

00:13:40.195 --> 00:13:43.991
My mother toId me he graduated with his
bacheIor's degree in eIectricaI engineering.

00:13:44.074 --> 00:13:46.034
Yeah, so?

00:13:46.118 --> 00:13:49.329
WeII, you know, we were in aII
the same cIasses in high schooI.

00:13:49.413 --> 00:13:51.331
We're the same fucking age.

00:13:51.415 --> 00:13:53.250
WeII, yeah.
But eIectricaI engineering?

00:13:53.375 --> 00:13:55.878
- Come on. Screw that noise.
- Yeah, but come on, man.

00:13:56.003 --> 00:13:59.006
We haven't even graduated
from community coIIege.

00:13:59.089 --> 00:14:00.924
Haven't even got
our A.A. degree.

00:14:01.049 --> 00:14:04.219
Then when we do, what? What the heII
can you do with an A.A. degree anyway?

00:14:04.344 --> 00:14:07.264
You can get a job substitute teaching
for retarded kids or something.

00:14:07.389 --> 00:14:08.599
ExactIy.

00:14:08.724 --> 00:14:12.853
That's the dish area back there.
This is where you pick up the food.

00:14:12.936 --> 00:14:15.606
That's FIoyd. FIoyd!

00:14:15.731 --> 00:14:17.733
WeIcome to Thunderdome, bitch.

00:14:17.816 --> 00:14:21.111
Okay, that's the dry area, man.
That's where we keep aII the condiments.

00:14:21.236 --> 00:14:23.822
Right over here.
This is the cooIer.

00:14:23.947 --> 00:14:26.950
The miIk and vegetabIes, whatever.

00:14:27.075 --> 00:14:30.245
Back here is the freezer.
You'II find the meat-

00:14:30.329 --> 00:14:32.789
Okay, so Iet me teII you
about this IittIe game we pIay.

00:14:32.873 --> 00:14:36.460
I assume Monty went over
the basic idea with you, right?

00:14:36.585 --> 00:14:38.420
- Yeah, he-
- You know the object, right?

00:14:38.545 --> 00:14:40.964
To have the other guy
Iook at you naked.

00:14:42.633 --> 00:14:44.051
Are you okay with that?

00:14:46.261 --> 00:14:48.680
What are you, some kind of a fucking sick,
demented pervert, huh?

00:14:48.805 --> 00:14:52.226
- No. I was- He toId me.
- Come on, bro. I'm just fucking with you.

00:14:52.351 --> 00:14:53.894
Look, man, we're aII sick.
AII right?

00:14:53.977 --> 00:14:57.564
Now, Iook.
The main thing to remember

00:14:57.648 --> 00:15:01.568
is to get the other guy to unknowingIy
Iook at your cock and baIIs.

00:15:01.652 --> 00:15:04.947
Okay, don't just fucking puII down your pants
and say, ''Look at my dick!''

00:15:05.030 --> 00:15:07.032
You gotta be sneaky.

00:15:07.157 --> 00:15:10.494
I'm gonna go through the positions with you.
The first one's the easiest.

00:15:10.619 --> 00:15:13.288
CaII that one ''The Look.''
AII right?

00:15:13.413 --> 00:15:15.832
AII you gotta do, puII down your pants
reaI quick, show 'em the goods.

00:15:15.958 --> 00:15:19.753
If they Iook, you get to
kick 'em in the ass once.

00:15:19.837 --> 00:15:24.508
Second one is caIIed
''The Brain.'' Right?

00:15:24.633 --> 00:15:28.804
What you gotta do is isoIate your nuts
with your fist.

00:15:28.929 --> 00:15:31.557
Okay, now, take the time
to Iook at it, okay?

00:15:31.682 --> 00:15:35.185
Because it bears
a striking resembIance to-

00:15:35.310 --> 00:15:36.895
Aha. Brain. Yeah.

00:15:38.772 --> 00:15:41.900
Okay. For that you get
two kicks.

00:15:42.025 --> 00:15:47.197
- So-
- The third one, I caII it the ''Bat Wing.''

00:15:47.322 --> 00:15:51.743
Okay. What you do is you take
the excess skin from your nuts,

00:15:51.869 --> 00:15:56.248
and you take it and you make it fIat
Iike paper, aII right?

00:15:56.373 --> 00:15:59.126
Now, once again, you take
the time to appreciate this.

00:15:59.209 --> 00:16:03.088
You see that it Iooks aII veiny and aIive
Iike a bat wing, aII right?

00:16:03.213 --> 00:16:08.093
If they Iook, they get
three kicks, aII right?

00:16:08.218 --> 00:16:09.511
But you can't forget this,
aII right?

00:16:09.636 --> 00:16:11.930
You gotta caII 'em
a fag, okay?

00:16:12.055 --> 00:16:14.933
Very important.
The game Ioses it's meaning

00:16:15.058 --> 00:16:17.144
if you don't humiIiate them
for being a fucking meatcake.

00:16:17.227 --> 00:16:18.478
You got that?

00:16:18.562 --> 00:16:20.355
I just don't understand

00:16:20.439 --> 00:16:22.733
why your mom gives you
so much shit anyway.

00:16:22.858 --> 00:16:24.067
I don't know, man.
You know.

00:16:24.193 --> 00:16:26.361
She's my mom. She wants me
to succeed in Iife.

00:16:26.445 --> 00:16:28.530
Yeah. Whatever the heII that means.

00:16:28.655 --> 00:16:31.200
Jesus, I'm just gIad
my mom's not Iike that.

00:16:31.283 --> 00:16:34.870
So I caIIed your house
today at 2:00.

00:16:34.995 --> 00:16:36.371
You were stiII asIeep,
weren't you?

00:16:36.455 --> 00:16:38.373
That's an understatement.

00:16:38.457 --> 00:16:41.210
So what did you do Iast night?
I trust my IittIe angeI

00:16:41.293 --> 00:16:43.045
didn't do anything immoraI.

00:16:43.128 --> 00:16:45.797
WeII, Iet's see.

00:16:45.923 --> 00:16:49.968
I started by getting compIeteIy
hammered drunk. It was bad.

00:16:50.093 --> 00:16:54.139
Then drove whiIe intoxicated to pick up
this disease-infested prostitute.

00:16:55.724 --> 00:16:57.434
Uh-huh.

00:16:57.559 --> 00:17:01.230
From there, Iet's see. Me and the hooker
went back to my pIace-

00:17:01.313 --> 00:17:03.023
The hooker and I.

00:17:03.106 --> 00:17:07.194
Excuse me. The hooker and I
went back to my pIace.

00:17:07.277 --> 00:17:09.238
And from there-

00:17:09.321 --> 00:17:13.367
God, it was just a bIur of intravenous
drug abuse and unprotected sex

00:17:13.450 --> 00:17:15.994
whiIe taking
the Lord's name in vain.

00:17:17.412 --> 00:17:21.875
Dean, did you know that when Monty was
a chiId, everyone thought he was retarded?

00:17:22.042 --> 00:17:24.753
Dean, doesn't my mom
Iook oId?

00:17:24.837 --> 00:17:27.297
I mean, Iike, much oIder
than she rightfuIIy shouId?

00:17:27.422 --> 00:17:32.344
So why aren't you and Serena stiII together?
I Iiked her.

00:17:32.469 --> 00:17:34.429
I don't know.
I guess it got oId.

00:17:34.513 --> 00:17:36.515
We had a reIationship
based on orgasms.

00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:38.517
Oh, how charming.

00:17:38.642 --> 00:17:41.019
You are being safe,
aren't you?

00:17:41.144 --> 00:17:44.314
I don't think I couId handIe
the idea of you reproducing.

00:17:44.439 --> 00:17:48.318
Come on, Mom.
Of course I'm being safe.

00:17:48.443 --> 00:17:50.279
I puII out.

00:17:50.362 --> 00:17:52.197
Yes, weII, your father
puIIed out too,

00:17:52.322 --> 00:17:54.867
but we've aII seen
the tragic end of that story.

00:17:54.992 --> 00:17:57.703
You think I wanna have kids?
AbsoIuteIy not.

00:17:57.828 --> 00:18:00.539
That's why I stick to anaI sex.

00:18:02.165 --> 00:18:04.126
If onIy I had been so Iucky.

00:18:07.171 --> 00:18:08.839
Okay, so that's
the Abraham LincoIn.

00:18:08.964 --> 00:18:11.216
But remember, you have to shave it
so it Iooks Iike his beard.

00:18:11.341 --> 00:18:13.135
Otherwise, it don't count.

00:18:13.260 --> 00:18:17.431
Now the Iast one.
The Iast one is caIIed ''The Goat.''

00:18:17.514 --> 00:18:20.767
Okay, it's a bit trickier.
But if you can puII it off,

00:18:20.851 --> 00:18:23.729
you are a god among men,
aII right?

00:18:23.854 --> 00:18:27.941
What you do is you take
your nuts and your dick, right?

00:18:28.025 --> 00:18:29.985
And you tuck it underneath.

00:18:30.068 --> 00:18:33.989
PuII your pants down,
show it, aII right?

00:18:34.072 --> 00:18:35.949
With it sticking out the backside.
You got that?

00:18:36.033 --> 00:18:40.495
Okay, weII, that just about covers
aII the different variations that we have.

00:18:40.621 --> 00:18:42.623
But you know, we're aIways
Iooking for new positions.

00:18:42.706 --> 00:18:45.751
So next time you got a IittIe down time,
you find yourseIf a IittIe bored,

00:18:45.876 --> 00:18:47.294
pIay with your nuts,
you know what I'm saying?

00:18:47.377 --> 00:18:49.880
See what you come up with, okay?
It's aII good.

00:18:50.005 --> 00:18:53.800
AII right. I reaIIy onIy have one thing
I wanna taIk about today,

00:18:53.884 --> 00:18:57.596
and that's teamwork.

00:18:57.721 --> 00:18:59.348
When the dinner rush hits
and things start to get hectic,

00:18:59.473 --> 00:19:02.518
you aII have a tendency to start yeIIing
and screaming at one another.

00:19:02.601 --> 00:19:07.981
That's just dumb and senseIess, 'cause
you're onIy gonna be hurting yourseIves.

00:19:08.065 --> 00:19:13.070
Let's think about it. If you upset the hostess,
she's not gonna seat you.

00:19:13.195 --> 00:19:17.533
If you upset the busboys, they're not gonna
care if your tabIe's ready.

00:19:17.616 --> 00:19:21.161
If you upset the cooks, they're not gonna care
if your food's taking too Iong.

00:19:21.245 --> 00:19:23.455
- The brain!
- Ah, shit!

00:19:23.580 --> 00:19:25.749
Oh, the brain!

00:19:25.874 --> 00:19:29.127
I think you're aII
great waiters and waitresses.

00:19:29.253 --> 00:19:33.006
And you shouId be abIe to reIy on one another
when you're in the weeds.

00:19:33.090 --> 00:19:38.887
Remember, gang. The difference between
ordinary and extraordinary

00:19:39.012 --> 00:19:40.931
is that IittIe extra.

00:19:41.056 --> 00:19:43.892
AII right. That's aII
I have for you today.

00:19:43.976 --> 00:19:46.645
Let's have a great shift.

00:19:46.770 --> 00:19:49.481
Oh, uh, push the fish.
It's about to turn.

00:19:49.606 --> 00:19:51.775
That's it.

00:19:53.861 --> 00:19:57.823
- Dean, can I have a word with you?
- Sure.

00:20:02.077 --> 00:20:03.954
- Have a seat, Dean.
- Thanks, Dan.

00:20:08.792 --> 00:20:11.753
- How Iong you been a waiter?
- Since I was 18,

00:20:11.837 --> 00:20:13.922
so about four years.

00:20:14.006 --> 00:20:17.426
Wow. You don't wanna be
a waiter forever, do you?

00:20:17.509 --> 00:20:19.094
What do you mean?

00:20:19.178 --> 00:20:23.265
Carson got promoted to GM
over at Riverside,

00:20:23.390 --> 00:20:26.059
so we need a new
assistant manager.

00:20:26.143 --> 00:20:28.145
I'd Iike to offer
the job to you.

00:20:28.270 --> 00:20:31.064
- Are you serious?
- Heck, yeah, I'm serious.

00:20:31.148 --> 00:20:33.942
Now I'm not gonna Iie to you.
The job comes with more responsibiIity,

00:20:34.026 --> 00:20:35.944
but it offers a Iot more rewards.

00:20:36.028 --> 00:20:38.530
You get fuII medicaI, dentaI,
two-weeks' paid vacation,

00:20:38.655 --> 00:20:41.408
and I might add,
a hefty pay increase.

00:20:41.491 --> 00:20:44.077
- I do pretty weII.
- CooI.

00:20:44.161 --> 00:20:45.996
It is cooI.

00:20:46.121 --> 00:20:51.293
And, Iet's not forget the power.

00:20:51.376 --> 00:20:54.379
- Right.
- ControI.

00:20:54.505 --> 00:20:58.550
You teII peopIe to do things,
and they have to do it,

00:20:58.675 --> 00:21:00.677
or they get in troubIe.

00:21:00.802 --> 00:21:05.140
I mean, you're in the driver's seat here.
Your finger's on the button.

00:21:05.224 --> 00:21:07.893
- Think about it.
- Okay.

00:21:08.018 --> 00:21:10.979
WeII.

00:21:13.023 --> 00:21:15.526
- Are you okay? If you're not interested-
- No, no, no.

00:21:15.651 --> 00:21:18.403
It's not that I'm not interested,
I just-

00:21:18.529 --> 00:21:21.698
Sorry, Dan, just a Iot of things-
Can I take a IittIe whiIe to think about it?

00:21:21.823 --> 00:21:23.492
Yeah. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah.

00:21:23.575 --> 00:21:26.662
Take your time.
Yeah, don't rush, you know.

00:21:26.745 --> 00:21:28.789
TaIk about it next week
or something Iike that.

00:21:28.872 --> 00:21:30.916
- CooI. Thanks, Dan.
- Let me ask you something.

00:21:31.041 --> 00:21:34.044
- What's that?
- Why don't we hang out?

00:21:34.169 --> 00:21:37.923
- Oh. Like-
- Why don't we hang out more often?

00:21:38.048 --> 00:21:39.591
- We do at work.
- You and me.

00:21:39.716 --> 00:21:42.636
I was thinking to myseIf Iast night,
Iaying in bed, going,

00:21:42.719 --> 00:21:46.390
''Why don't Dean and I hang out?
We're practicaIIy the same guy.''

00:21:49.268 --> 00:21:52.521
I-I-I sort of have a core group of friends.
You have your own friends and-

00:21:52.646 --> 00:21:54.982
You know what?
You'd think I do. I don't.

00:21:55.065 --> 00:21:57.609
- Has anyone seen Dean?
- Oh, he's in the back taIking to Dan.

00:21:57.734 --> 00:21:59.862
Yeah, you wanna know
what they're taIking about?

00:21:59.987 --> 00:22:02.322
Dan wants to make Dean
assistant fuckin' manager.

00:22:02.406 --> 00:22:05.284
- WeII, did he take the job?
- I don't know. I couIdn't-

00:22:05.409 --> 00:22:07.661
He better fuckin' not have.

00:22:07.744 --> 00:22:09.204
Okay, whoa, whoa.
HoId on.

00:22:09.288 --> 00:22:11.331
I gotta warn you. Take my car,
what do you think's gonna happen?

00:22:11.415 --> 00:22:13.834
- Yeah, I don't reaIIy think-
- Score.

00:22:13.917 --> 00:22:15.669
Okay.

00:22:15.752 --> 00:22:17.838
God.

00:22:17.921 --> 00:22:20.007
Hey, so what was that about?

00:22:20.090 --> 00:22:22.968
Nothing important.
Just buIIshit.

00:22:24.595 --> 00:22:26.555
What?

00:22:28.640 --> 00:22:31.226
Hey, there, foIks. My name's Dean.
I'II be your waiter today.

00:22:31.310 --> 00:22:33.604
Can get you something to drink whiIe
you're Iooking at the menus?

00:22:33.729 --> 00:22:38.567
Hi, there, guys. My name is Serena,
and I'II be taking care of you today.

00:22:38.650 --> 00:22:42.279
Hey, there, Iadies. Hi, my name is Amy,
and I'II be your waitress today.

00:22:42.404 --> 00:22:45.365
Is there anything I can get you to drink
whiIe you're Iooking at the menus?

00:22:45.449 --> 00:22:49.453
Yeah, I want a singIe shot of whiskey
and a doubIe-shot of whiskey,

00:22:49.578 --> 00:22:52.581
and she'II have a water.

00:22:52.706 --> 00:22:55.167
You know, what the heII?
It's our anniversary.

00:22:55.292 --> 00:22:56.877
Why don't you bring her
a Pepsi?

00:22:56.960 --> 00:22:58.837
You'II be taking care of us?

00:22:58.962 --> 00:23:00.881
I Iike the sound of that.

00:23:02.007 --> 00:23:03.884
I Iike that.

00:23:03.967 --> 00:23:05.677
Okay, I don't mean
to be a bitch,

00:23:05.802 --> 00:23:09.223
but the Iast four times we've come here,
the food was awfuI.

00:23:09.348 --> 00:23:14.520
WeII, I apoIogize for
the food the Iast few times,

00:23:14.645 --> 00:23:17.481
and we wiII certainIy do our best
to make sure that doesn't happen again.

00:23:17.606 --> 00:23:19.525
Yeah, that's what
the Iast waitress said.

00:23:21.276 --> 00:23:25.531
- Can I get an extra side of bIue cheese?
- Sir, yes, sir.

00:23:27.241 --> 00:23:30.369
Right. BIue cheese
for you, stat.

00:23:30.494 --> 00:23:35.832
- Have a good day, big guy.
- Thanks.

00:23:35.958 --> 00:23:40.128
Assistant Manager Jackoff.

00:23:40.212 --> 00:23:43.549
Come on, you worthIess dick.

00:23:43.674 --> 00:23:45.759
Just pee.

00:23:45.843 --> 00:23:47.135
Fuck.

00:23:48.387 --> 00:23:50.597
I'II try the other hand maybe.

00:23:53.225 --> 00:23:55.602
Goddamn it.

00:23:55.686 --> 00:23:57.938
I can't beIieve you wouId
do that to me.

00:23:58.021 --> 00:24:01.900
No, that's it. Do not-
Do not caII me back.

00:24:02.025 --> 00:24:04.945
Hey. Are you okay?

00:24:06.238 --> 00:24:08.949
I'm about this cIose to
swearing off men aItogether.

00:24:09.032 --> 00:24:12.536
Let me get you another drink.

00:24:12.744 --> 00:24:14.746
AII right, see what
Serena's doing right there?

00:24:14.872 --> 00:24:18.083
- She's baiting those poor saps.
- I Iove Patrick Swayze.

00:24:18.208 --> 00:24:20.169
- Yeah?
- Yeah, you kind of remind me of him.

00:24:20.252 --> 00:24:22.296
I guarantee you they're gonna
Ieave her a fat tip.

00:24:22.462 --> 00:24:26.300
Women, they're so fuckin' wiIy.

00:24:27.676 --> 00:24:30.095
Oh, but poor, Amy.
She's a different story.

00:24:30.220 --> 00:24:32.139
She was D.O.A.
from the very beginning.

00:24:32.222 --> 00:24:36.518
And by extra Iemon we mean enough
for our waters and then some more.

00:24:36.602 --> 00:24:38.604
Look at the scowI
on that woman's face.

00:24:38.729 --> 00:24:40.147
- It's aII my fauIt.
- That wouId be IoveIy.

00:24:40.230 --> 00:24:41.648
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

00:24:41.732 --> 00:24:42.733
- Don't worry.
- You are too kind.

00:24:42.858 --> 00:24:45.277
She'II be Iucky to get
ten percent.

00:24:45.402 --> 00:24:47.321
I'm surprised you didn't
give those guys a Iap dance.

00:24:47.404 --> 00:24:50.365
Oh, what's that, jeaIousy?

00:24:50.449 --> 00:24:54.203
- Women troubIes, Amy?
- I just don't understand

00:24:54.328 --> 00:24:58.540
what wouId compeI a person to be
such a bitch to a totaI stranger.

00:24:58.665 --> 00:25:03.045
- Maybe she was abused as a chiId.
- Oh, God. I fucking hope so.

00:25:04.087 --> 00:25:05.881
Oh, man.
You Iook reaIIy pissed.

00:25:06.006 --> 00:25:07.925
- You reaIIy are an asshoIe.
- Shenaniganz.

00:25:08.050 --> 00:25:11.595
- Fuck you.
- He has a shy bIadder.

00:25:11.720 --> 00:25:14.389
- So is there-
- Mitch, go in the back, check out the cooks.

00:25:14.515 --> 00:25:17.184
I'II be there in
a few minutes, okay?

00:25:19.394 --> 00:25:22.147
So, what do you think
of Natasha?

00:25:22.272 --> 00:25:25.943
- I think she's iIIegaI.
- Yeah. I've made peace with that.

00:25:26.068 --> 00:25:29.446
SeriousIy, Iook at her. You know
she has that Scooby-Doo tongue.

00:25:29.571 --> 00:25:31.281
Statutory rape.

00:25:31.406 --> 00:25:33.242
On the other hand,
maybe she is too young.

00:25:33.367 --> 00:25:35.202
Like that's ever
stopped you before.

00:25:35.285 --> 00:25:37.913
That is a very,
very good point.

00:25:37.996 --> 00:25:42.334
And I'm convinced Natasha wiII be mine.
Thanks for the advice, buddy.

00:25:42.459 --> 00:25:44.670
- Hey, anytime.
- Yeah.

00:25:44.795 --> 00:25:47.422
- What's going on with you and Amy?
- What's up, Obsession?

00:25:47.506 --> 00:25:51.176
- Shut up.
- So how Iong have you two been-

00:25:51.301 --> 00:25:54.179
- Three months. Shit or get off the pot time.
- Yep.

00:25:54.304 --> 00:25:58.225
- Has even hinted that he's aware of it?
- No, he's acting obIivious.

00:25:58.308 --> 00:26:01.520
Are you gonna taIk to her or hope you're never
forced to make an actuaI decision?

00:26:01.645 --> 00:26:04.231
- I'm going with option ''B''.
- That's my boy.

00:26:04.314 --> 00:26:07.484
- Have you taIked to him about it?
- No. I'm pIaying hard to get.

00:26:07.609 --> 00:26:10.821
Oh, but haven't you sIept
with him the past five nights?

00:26:10.946 --> 00:26:12.823
WeII, not reaI hard to get.

00:26:12.948 --> 00:26:16.076
She reaIIy is a IittIe badass though.
And fun to hang out with. Laid back.

00:26:16.159 --> 00:26:17.995
Maintenance fees are reaIIy Iow.
I Iike that.

00:26:18.120 --> 00:26:22.791
Yeah, she's a cooI chick. I'd do her.
HeII, I'd probabIy even pay.

00:26:24.209 --> 00:26:25.878
I wouId.

00:26:26.003 --> 00:26:29.047
I don't know, man. I'm not even
thinking about Amy right now.

00:26:29.173 --> 00:26:31.633
- Who are you thinking about?
- Chet MiIIer.

00:26:31.717 --> 00:26:33.802
Come on, man!
You're wracked with regret

00:26:33.886 --> 00:26:37.181
just because some oId fuck-boy
cIassmate graduated coIIege?

00:26:39.474 --> 00:26:42.352
Are you gonna take
the assistant manager job?

00:26:42.477 --> 00:26:43.937
Wait. How the heII
do you know about that?

00:26:44.062 --> 00:26:46.398
Are you fucking kidding me?
You know this pIace.

00:26:46.523 --> 00:26:48.442
PeopIe with the day off
aIready know.

00:26:48.525 --> 00:26:53.113
HaIf of me is Iike take the job. I couId
reaIIy use the money. It's a smart move.

00:26:53.197 --> 00:26:56.700
But the other haIfs Iike,
''Am I fucking nuts?''

00:26:56.825 --> 00:26:59.870
Do I reaIIy wanna
end up Iike Dan?

00:27:01.371 --> 00:27:04.208
Busted.

00:27:07.836 --> 00:27:11.798
Hey, Rocco?
It's Dan down at Shenaniganz.

00:27:11.882 --> 00:27:13.884
Got another one for ya.

00:27:14.009 --> 00:27:16.512
AII right.

00:27:16.637 --> 00:27:18.222
Not on my watch.

00:27:18.347 --> 00:27:21.683
And there you go, foIks.

00:27:21.767 --> 00:27:24.061
Damn, boy. What the heII
took so Iong?

00:27:24.186 --> 00:27:27.147
WeII, you had
the two weII-done steaks,

00:27:27.272 --> 00:27:29.107
so it usuaIIy takes
a IittIe whiIe to cook.

00:27:29.233 --> 00:27:31.527
Yeah, weII, couId you
get me some more ketchup?

00:27:31.610 --> 00:27:34.571
Sure. No probIem.

00:27:36.573 --> 00:27:39.868
Nothin' sets off the fIavor
of a steak Iike some ketchup.

00:27:39.952 --> 00:27:43.747
And his mouth tasted
just Iike buttermiIk.

00:27:43.872 --> 00:27:46.375
Hey, Monty? CouId you
drop off my food, pIease?

00:27:46.500 --> 00:27:48.836
I can't deaI with
that bitch anymore.

00:27:50.921 --> 00:27:53.131
No probIem.

00:27:53.257 --> 00:27:54.967
It's go time, Mitch.

00:27:57.010 --> 00:28:01.265
Hey, there, Iadies. Amy's busy
so I thought I'd bring your food out.

00:28:01.390 --> 00:28:03.475
But I stiII have
some saIad Ieft.

00:28:03.642 --> 00:28:06.937
Oh, weII, wouId you Iike me to take the food
back and bring it out in a few minutes?

00:28:07.062 --> 00:28:09.398
Yeah, and Iet it dry out
under the heat Iamps?

00:28:09.523 --> 00:28:10.983
Just give me the food.

00:28:11.108 --> 00:28:13.735
Okay. There you go.

00:28:13.819 --> 00:28:19.449
Wait. Did that waitress
Iisten to a word I said?

00:28:19.575 --> 00:28:21.451
This steak is medium rare.

00:28:21.577 --> 00:28:26.540
I asked for it medium. And I wanted
extra gravy on my mashed potatoes.

00:28:26.665 --> 00:28:30.586
Let me ask you something.
How hard is your job?

00:28:30.669 --> 00:28:34.882
How inteIIigent do you have to be
to take a food order?

00:28:34.965 --> 00:28:36.216
- Jesus!
- Ma'am.

00:28:36.300 --> 00:28:40.721
Ma'am, you're absoIuteIy right,
and I apoIogize.

00:28:42.764 --> 00:28:44.975
I'm gonna get this fixed
for you right away.

00:28:45.100 --> 00:28:48.020
Good. Now I can
finish my saIad.

00:28:48.145 --> 00:28:49.855
Okay.

00:28:56.778 --> 00:29:01.825
GentIemen, we have our first
officiaI bee-atch of the day.

00:29:01.950 --> 00:29:05.287
Oh, come on, guys.
She wasn't that bad, was she?

00:29:05.370 --> 00:29:08.749
WeII, Amy, it's your tabIe.
You decide.

00:29:13.837 --> 00:29:15.964
She was a fucking bitch!
Do it.

00:29:17.799 --> 00:29:19.718
Yo, we need to get
some fucking hydroponics

00:29:19.843 --> 00:29:21.720
so we can grow
our own shit, yo.

00:29:21.845 --> 00:29:25.682
HeIIs, yes. Soon as we get the hydro,
we can run this city Iike the fuckin' mob.

00:29:25.807 --> 00:29:29.269
I swear, we gotta grow it, smoke it, seII it.
We'd be a fucking pimp.

00:29:29.394 --> 00:29:31.396
Yo, and you know the bitches
be Iovin' that shit.

00:29:31.522 --> 00:29:34.274
We'II get more fuckin' puss
than Busta, more than Dre,

00:29:34.358 --> 00:29:36.443
more than fuckin' Snoop Dogg.

00:29:36.527 --> 00:29:38.278
So it's on then?
We're getting the fucking hydro.

00:29:38.362 --> 00:29:40.948
We're gonna run this city
Iike the motherfucking mob.

00:29:41.031 --> 00:29:44.201
The first thing we do is add a IittIe extra gravy
to the mashed potato.

00:29:50.207 --> 00:29:54.294
Ah, that's it. Good job, buddy.
Nice one.

00:29:54.378 --> 00:29:57.881
FoIIowed by a thin spread
of cheese for your garIic bread.

00:29:58.006 --> 00:30:00.884
- Some ''fromunda'' cheese.
- Yeah, make us proud.

00:30:02.928 --> 00:30:05.138
Fresh from the taint.
We Iike this. Good.

00:30:05.222 --> 00:30:09.059
- Up next, what we're gonna do-
- How about a IittIe guacamoIe for the steak?

00:30:09.184 --> 00:30:12.980
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

00:30:13.063 --> 00:30:16.608
Come on, man. You can't be mixing
Mexican and ContinentaI.

00:30:16.733 --> 00:30:19.695
Come on, man.
I thought you was better than that.

00:30:20.904 --> 00:30:24.199
AII right.
How about a IittIe garIic saIt?

00:30:27.244 --> 00:30:30.122
That's what I'm taIking about.
Finesse, baby!

00:30:30.247 --> 00:30:32.374
These guys have
a deep commitment to their job.

00:30:32.457 --> 00:30:37.421
FinaIIy, a garnish
of aIfaIfa sprouts.

00:30:37.504 --> 00:30:39.006
Adds a touch of cIa-

00:30:42.384 --> 00:30:46.930
Touch of cIass to any meaI.

00:30:48.140 --> 00:30:50.225
There we go.

00:30:50.309 --> 00:30:52.186
Oh, God.

00:30:52.269 --> 00:30:54.271
Good stuff.

00:31:02.821 --> 00:31:05.657
I'II puII out my motherfuckin' shotty.

00:31:05.782 --> 00:31:06.867
PuII up Iike John Gotti.

00:31:06.950 --> 00:31:10.621
I'II have the motherfucker on the carpet.
I fucked that bitch!

00:31:10.746 --> 00:31:12.456
HeII, yeah, motherfucker.
We be down-

00:31:12.581 --> 00:31:16.001
Okay, NichoIas,
Theodore. Boys.

00:31:16.126 --> 00:31:18.086
It doesn't take ten minutes
to take out the trash.

00:31:18.170 --> 00:31:21.131
Now, if you don't get your asses out front
and start doing some work,

00:31:21.215 --> 00:31:24.510
I'm gonna fire you faster than you can say,
''Yo, MTV Raps.''

00:31:24.635 --> 00:31:25.636
- Yes, sir.
- I'm sorry?

00:31:25.761 --> 00:31:27.638
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

00:31:33.185 --> 00:31:35.103
Hey, Rocco.

00:31:35.187 --> 00:31:37.731
Yeah, right there.

00:31:42.194 --> 00:31:44.154
Here you go, ma'am.

00:31:45.197 --> 00:31:48.575
I had the chefs take
extra speciaI care of it for you.

00:31:48.659 --> 00:31:50.744
I'm truIy sorry
for the inconvenience.

00:32:02.714 --> 00:32:06.218
You know, we shouId probabIy feeI guiIty,
but she broke the cardinaI ruIe:

00:32:06.343 --> 00:32:10.180
Don't fuck with peopIe
that handIe your food.

00:32:10.305 --> 00:32:12.891
AII right. How you guys doin'?
Everything prepared okay?

00:32:13.016 --> 00:32:15.686
CouId be better.
It'II do.

00:32:15.811 --> 00:32:19.022
I'm sorry. Is there anything
I can do to make it better?

00:32:19.147 --> 00:32:21.733
Yeah, get me an extra roII.

00:32:21.859 --> 00:32:23.235
And bring me the check.

00:32:23.360 --> 00:32:24.945
Sure.

00:32:25.028 --> 00:32:27.072
No probIem.

00:32:27.197 --> 00:32:29.491
And I'm gonna sing
that bitch a fucking 187.

00:32:29.575 --> 00:32:31.702
AII right then, CaIvin.

00:32:31.827 --> 00:32:34.288
Just reIax and start
at the beginning.

00:32:34.371 --> 00:32:35.706
Okay.

00:32:36.999 --> 00:32:43.088
About three months ago I just finished my shift,
and I reaIIy had to take a piss.

00:32:43.213 --> 00:32:47.593
So, I go into the bathroom.

00:32:47.718 --> 00:32:51.430
And I'm at the urinal,
just waiting for the flow,

00:32:51.555 --> 00:32:53.432
minding my own business.

00:32:53.557 --> 00:32:57.477
When I notice out of
my peripheral vision

00:32:57.603 --> 00:33:02.566
the guy standing next to me
was looking straight at my dick.

00:33:02.691 --> 00:33:05.485
He's just staring at it
like they're old pals.

00:33:05.569 --> 00:33:07.863
I could practically hear
what he was thinking.

00:33:07.946 --> 00:33:11.950
''Whoa. That's a nice dick. ''

00:33:13.118 --> 00:33:14.661
And that's it.

00:33:14.786 --> 00:33:17.623
Since that time, I haven't been abIe
to use a pubIic bathroom.

00:33:17.748 --> 00:33:19.208
Goodness.

00:33:19.291 --> 00:33:21.418
And the next time I tried to take a Ieak,
I couId've sworn

00:33:21.543 --> 00:33:24.505
the guy standing next to me was staring at me,
and I freaked.

00:33:27.508 --> 00:33:30.344
Quit staring at my dick!

00:33:30.427 --> 00:33:33.639
In retrospect, I think
I might've been mistaken.

00:33:33.764 --> 00:33:35.891
What about the staII?

00:33:36.016 --> 00:33:37.893
No, it didn't work either.

00:33:37.976 --> 00:33:43.398
Every time I go to take a piss, I get the image
of that guy's eyes on my shank.

00:33:43.482 --> 00:33:46.944
And then that's when
I start hearing the voices.

00:33:47.027 --> 00:33:48.445
Voices?

00:33:48.570 --> 00:33:51.657
I get this paranoid feeIing
there are peopIe outside the staII,

00:33:51.782 --> 00:33:54.868
and they know I'm having
a difficult time taking a piss.

00:33:54.952 --> 00:33:58.956
I can hear them saying,
''What's taking him so long?

00:33:59.081 --> 00:34:01.708
Why can't he just piss
Iike a normaI person?

00:34:01.792 --> 00:34:04.294
I don't hear any peel''

00:34:04.378 --> 00:34:06.505
I'm reaIIy fucked up.

00:34:07.464 --> 00:34:10.259
Psychosomatic auditory
haIIucinations.

00:34:12.010 --> 00:34:14.012
Most peopIe have to pay
for such a thing.

00:34:14.137 --> 00:34:15.556
So what the heII shouId I do?

00:34:15.639 --> 00:34:17.057
WeII, first,

00:34:18.058 --> 00:34:21.061
you need to think about how this probIem
affects other parts of your personaIity.

00:34:21.144 --> 00:34:23.021
- Oh.
- See, I recommend-

00:34:30.529 --> 00:34:31.989
Oh, bro, that ain't right, man.

00:34:32.114 --> 00:34:36.910
- Take a Iook at the bat wing, bitch!
- Oh, it's so veiny.

00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:43.792
Damn, Raddimus. Does DanieIIe know that
you Iike to go both ways? How does that work?

00:34:45.586 --> 00:34:47.087
Sweet victory.

00:34:49.381 --> 00:34:52.009
Good job, asshoIe.

00:34:55.137 --> 00:34:57.347
I'm sorry. Go ahead.

00:35:01.101 --> 00:35:04.646
HeIIo, sir. My name is Monty.
This is my trainee, Mitch.

00:35:04.730 --> 00:35:08.942
- How are you doing today?
- Oh, I'm sIipping graduaIIy into seniIity.

00:35:09.026 --> 00:35:13.238
ReaIIy? Do you consider that
a good thing or a bad thing?

00:35:13.363 --> 00:35:15.157
WeII, it's a mixed bag.

00:35:15.282 --> 00:35:20.495
It's good in the sense that
I can take waIks in my underwear.

00:35:20.621 --> 00:35:23.332
I can give smaII chiIdren
the middIe finger.

00:35:23.457 --> 00:35:27.169
But as Iong as I Iook happy
whiIe I'm doing it,

00:35:27.294 --> 00:35:29.963
peopIe just assume I'm seniIe.

00:35:30.047 --> 00:35:31.924
Yeah, so what's the bad?

00:35:32.049 --> 00:35:35.802
WeII, sometimes I give
smaII chiIdren the middIe finger

00:35:35.886 --> 00:35:40.098
and don't reaIize I'm doing it
untiI someone sIaps me.

00:35:40.265 --> 00:35:43.143
So I reaIIy am going seniIe.

00:35:43.227 --> 00:35:45.729
AIzheimer's can't be aII bad.

00:35:45.812 --> 00:35:47.940
You get a chance to meet
new peopIe every day.

00:35:51.527 --> 00:35:54.988
- I Iike you, Monty.
- I Iike you too, sir.

00:35:55.072 --> 00:35:57.658
I Iike you too, Monty.

00:35:57.741 --> 00:36:00.452
So what couId I get you
to drink?

00:36:00.577 --> 00:36:02.120
I trust you.

00:36:03.330 --> 00:36:06.834
You know what?
You can count on me, sir.

00:36:09.586 --> 00:36:11.547
I don't even care if
he gives me a poor tip,

00:36:11.630 --> 00:36:14.216
that is the cooIest oId man
I've met in my entire Iife.

00:36:14.341 --> 00:36:16.760
- How's your tabIe?
- CoupIe of hicks.

00:36:16.885 --> 00:36:19.179
- Yikes.
- Yeah, but the check totaI's $63,

00:36:19.263 --> 00:36:22.474
so even if they tip 15 percent
I shouId make 10 bucks.

00:36:22.599 --> 00:36:26.603
You're a bastard. So far I've made
15 percent of jack shit.

00:36:29.439 --> 00:36:30.649
Jesus.

00:36:34.069 --> 00:36:37.239
There you go, buddy.
It's aII you.

00:36:37.364 --> 00:36:41.785
Thanks a Iot.
We'II see you next time.

00:36:51.461 --> 00:36:53.172
How much did they Ieave you?

00:36:53.297 --> 00:36:55.382
$1.91.

00:36:55.465 --> 00:36:59.219
No fucking way.

00:37:08.812 --> 00:37:12.691
Excuse me, sir.
You forgot your change.

00:37:12.816 --> 00:37:15.903
No. That's for you.
That's your tip.

00:37:15.986 --> 00:37:17.779
Oh, no, no, no.
I insist. You take it.

00:37:17.863 --> 00:37:22.117
You obviousIy need this
more than I do.

00:37:22.242 --> 00:37:26.705
I wanna speak to your manager now, pIease.
This is horse shit.

00:37:26.830 --> 00:37:29.291
Okay, Mitch, you see what
Dean did there?

00:37:29.374 --> 00:37:31.335
Don't ever do that.

00:37:31.418 --> 00:37:33.837
- What, did he stiff you?
- He might as fucking weII have.

00:37:33.962 --> 00:37:36.215
Two bucks on a $63 check.

00:37:36.340 --> 00:37:38.217
Oh, damn.
That is pretty shitty.

00:37:38.342 --> 00:37:43.764
For insuIting me I shouId get some free
gift certificates and a key chain and a hat.

00:37:43.847 --> 00:37:45.265
AbsoIuteIy, sir. Yes.

00:37:45.349 --> 00:37:47.976
And how about a coupIe of sundaes
with some nuts on 'em?

00:37:48.101 --> 00:37:50.979
Yeah, I wiII have Natasha
take down aII your information,

00:37:51.063 --> 00:37:53.482
and I wiII make sure corporate
sends those to you.

00:37:53.607 --> 00:37:55.943
You're gonna maiI me a sundae?
I want it now.

00:37:56.026 --> 00:38:00.614
Get in here. You wanna expIain to me
what the heck you were thinking?

00:38:00.697 --> 00:38:02.741
InsuIting a customer Iike that?

00:38:02.866 --> 00:38:05.369
You're right. I know.
I know. He just-

00:38:05.494 --> 00:38:09.122
I'm having a reaIIy bad day, Dan, and that guy
caught me at the worst possibIe moment.

00:38:09.206 --> 00:38:11.875
- I'm sorry. I Iost it.
- You're sorry?

00:38:12.000 --> 00:38:14.670
I don't understand.
I've never gotten a compIaint on you.

00:38:14.753 --> 00:38:17.673
And you had to pick the day
I offer you a promotion?

00:38:17.756 --> 00:38:19.633
I promise you it won't
happen again, okay?

00:38:19.716 --> 00:38:24.012
Opportunity is knocking at the door.
If you don't wanna answer it, fine.

00:38:24.096 --> 00:38:25.931
There are peopIe who
wouId jump at the chance.

00:38:26.056 --> 00:38:27.933
CaIvin is chomping at the bit
for this job.

00:38:28.058 --> 00:38:32.521
I am offering you an opportunity to take it
to the next IeveI, earn more money.

00:38:36.316 --> 00:38:39.236
I want an answer by the end
of your shift...tonight!

00:38:39.361 --> 00:38:41.989
And Dean,
this is an expIoding offer.

00:38:42.072 --> 00:38:46.034
I don't work within
the exact boundaries of the Iaw,

00:38:46.118 --> 00:38:48.912
because I wasn't consuIted
when the goddamn Iaws were made.

00:38:49.037 --> 00:38:53.000
No, instead, nameIess,
faceIess poIiticians,

00:38:53.083 --> 00:38:57.880
the so-caIIed protectors of the moraI majority
decide what is right and what is wrong.

00:38:58.005 --> 00:38:59.965
I mean, come on!

00:39:00.090 --> 00:39:03.927
I govern my Iife around my own personaI code
of ethics, and I suggest you do the same.

00:39:04.052 --> 00:39:07.639
That way if, within the constructs
of my own moraIity

00:39:07.764 --> 00:39:11.476
I were to do something
that was considered iIIegaI, so be it.

00:39:11.602 --> 00:39:13.395
I feeI no guiIt whatsoever.

00:39:13.520 --> 00:39:17.691
And furthermore, if I were to buckIe
under the sociaI weight of the system

00:39:17.774 --> 00:39:19.902
by adhering to Iaws that
I do not truIy beIieve in,

00:39:19.985 --> 00:39:24.531
then I wouId be extinguishing the very fire
of patriotism and individuaIity.

00:39:24.615 --> 00:39:26.450
It's- It's so-

00:39:28.410 --> 00:39:29.828
In a sense,

00:39:31.288 --> 00:39:33.290
by having sex with Natasha,

00:39:33.415 --> 00:39:38.504
I'd be preserving the rights our forefathers
fought and died for, right?

00:39:39.630 --> 00:39:43.050
- WeII, I guess-
- Bro, it was a rhetoricaI question.

00:39:43.175 --> 00:39:44.801
Okay? So-

00:39:47.930 --> 00:39:52.559
Oh, hey, Dean. I heard Dan yeIIing at you.
It was kind of crazy.

00:39:52.643 --> 00:39:54.853
You think you're stiII in the running
for the assistant manager?

00:39:54.978 --> 00:39:58.690
Did you ever just wake up and reaIize,
''HoIy shit. I'm a fucking Ioser.''

00:39:58.815 --> 00:40:00.901
Yeah, man.

00:40:00.984 --> 00:40:04.112
God, I just wanna be abIe to say,
''I wanna be a teacher,'' you know,

00:40:04.238 --> 00:40:07.699
or a podiatrist or
a fucking eIectricaI engineer.

00:40:07.824 --> 00:40:09.952
Anything!
Just have a fucking cIue!

00:40:10.077 --> 00:40:11.954
Hey, who has a cIue, right?

00:40:12.037 --> 00:40:16.333
Hey, I don't. HeIIo?
I don't know what's going on.

00:40:16.458 --> 00:40:18.126
Hey, couId you put down
the ice pick?

00:40:18.252 --> 00:40:22.256
- Sorry you had to hear that guy yeII.
- Oh, it's okay.

00:40:22.339 --> 00:40:24.341
You shouIdn't have to be
subjected to that.

00:40:24.424 --> 00:40:26.635
You're way too sweet.

00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:30.264
- Way too cute, too.
- Stop it. You're gonna make me bIush.

00:40:31.515 --> 00:40:34.017
Bet you drive the boys wiId
at your schooI.

00:40:34.142 --> 00:40:36.854
Maybe. I don't reaIIy Iike
the boys at my schooI.

00:40:36.979 --> 00:40:39.398
No? Why?

00:40:39.523 --> 00:40:41.567
I prefer oIder men.

00:40:41.692 --> 00:40:43.694
ReaIIy? Wow.

00:40:43.819 --> 00:40:45.988
I Iike a man in power.

00:40:46.071 --> 00:40:50.242
Yeah, weII, being a manager,
obviousIy, I know what you mean.

00:40:50.367 --> 00:40:53.829
It takes a Iot of power to command the respect
of everybody at the restaurant.

00:40:53.954 --> 00:40:55.998
- That's true.
- Yeah.

00:40:56.123 --> 00:41:01.628
We shouId go to dinner sometime
and taIk about it.

00:41:01.712 --> 00:41:04.506
I'II bring my manager card,
and we'II just eat for free.

00:41:04.631 --> 00:41:09.469
As they say,
membership has its priviIeges.

00:41:09.720 --> 00:41:11.930
What's up with you?
What are you stiII doing here?

00:41:12.055 --> 00:41:14.641
Christy asked me to work for her,
so I'm working a doubIe.

00:41:14.725 --> 00:41:17.728
Time-out. Isn't this
your onIy night off this week?

00:41:17.853 --> 00:41:18.812
Yeah.

00:41:18.937 --> 00:41:23.150
And you're using it to work
a doubIe-shift for Christy?

00:41:23.233 --> 00:41:26.153
Wait. You actuaIIy have to get the pussy
before you can be whipped by it.

00:41:26.236 --> 00:41:27.905
- That's right.
- You guys suck.

00:41:28.030 --> 00:41:31.617
- Yes, we do.
- Wait. Didn't you take out Christy Iast night?

00:41:31.742 --> 00:41:33.994
- Yeah, we went out Iast night.
- Come on, man! DetaiIs!

00:41:34.077 --> 00:41:37.789
Fuck the detaiIs. I wanna know.
Did you do it? Did you make a move?

00:41:37.915 --> 00:41:40.250
- What do you mean?
- Don't give me that shit. You know.

00:41:40.375 --> 00:41:42.836
- Did you kiss her? Rub against her skin?
- CuddIe with her? Rub her Ieg?

00:41:42.961 --> 00:41:45.881
- HoId her hand?
- NippIe tweak? Anything?

00:41:45.964 --> 00:41:47.966
- No, I'm stiII-
- Oh, my God!

00:41:48.091 --> 00:41:49.009
I need more time.

00:41:49.092 --> 00:41:51.887
- Forget it. It's over. You're fucked.
- Not IiteraIIy.

00:41:52.012 --> 00:41:55.557
- Why? Because you won't puII the trigger.
- And you're too fucking nice!

00:41:55.682 --> 00:41:57.309
Why do you aIways say that?
I'm not-

00:41:57.434 --> 00:41:59.686
- What happens with every girI you Iike?
- Nothing!

00:41:59.770 --> 00:42:02.856
You take 'em out, you pay for everything,
and you never make a move!

00:42:02.940 --> 00:42:06.902
Then you home, aIone, to masturbate
whiIe you cry, using your own tears-

00:42:06.985 --> 00:42:11.740
That was once, and I was drunk
and it was VaIentine's day. So back off.

00:42:11.823 --> 00:42:15.702
Don't try to candy coat it.
AII we ever do is hang out and have sex.

00:42:15.786 --> 00:42:20.415
What are you taIking about? Didn't I take you
to the movies Iast week, huh? Huh?

00:42:20.499 --> 00:42:23.168
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.

00:42:25.796 --> 00:42:27.881
What do you want?
It was a duII movie.

00:42:27.965 --> 00:42:32.719
Yeah, but I just get the feeIing
that you don't care.

00:42:33.762 --> 00:42:36.181
I don't care?
I don't care?

00:42:37.224 --> 00:42:41.436
When my uncIe died, didn't I ask
you to be by my side at the funeraI?

00:42:41.562 --> 00:42:45.399
Yeah, but you kept trying
to get me to jerk you off.

00:42:48.318 --> 00:42:50.654
How many times can we have
the same exact conversation?

00:42:50.779 --> 00:42:52.948
It's Iike we're stuck
in a time paradox

00:42:53.073 --> 00:42:55.534
where neither our wisdom nor your virginity
wiII ever escape.

00:42:55.659 --> 00:42:58.620
I attempt to make a move.

00:42:58.704 --> 00:43:02.124
I get in cIose.
I'm there and I just get-

00:43:02.207 --> 00:43:03.333
Fuck!

00:43:03.458 --> 00:43:07.045
- You need therapy.
- Hush, now.

00:43:07.171 --> 00:43:09.965
The way I see it, with chicks,

00:43:10.090 --> 00:43:12.801
there's reaIIy onIy two possibIe things
that couId happen.

00:43:12.926 --> 00:43:16.972
Either they won't sIeep with you,
and then there's no need to caII them again,

00:43:17.097 --> 00:43:21.143
or they do sIeep with you, and then
there's no need to caII them again.

00:43:21.268 --> 00:43:25.272
This is what I don't get. How can someone
be such a compIete asshoIe aII the time

00:43:25.397 --> 00:43:27.316
and get as many women
as you do?

00:43:27.399 --> 00:43:29.818
That's a good question.

00:43:31.028 --> 00:43:34.072
- Amy! Serena! CaIvin needs our heIp.
- No.

00:43:34.198 --> 00:43:36.325
- No, I don't need heIp.
- Shh, shh.

00:43:36.408 --> 00:43:38.327
Women Iike asshoIes,
am I right?

00:43:38.410 --> 00:43:41.413
- WeII, I agree that you're an asshoIe.
- Okay.

00:43:41.538 --> 00:43:45.667
''A'', fuck you.
''B'', just answer the question.

00:43:45.792 --> 00:43:49.671
WeII, okay. GirIs Iike asshoIes,
not women.

00:43:49.755 --> 00:43:52.799
What women are attracted to
is seIf-confidence.

00:43:52.883 --> 00:43:55.761
Yes, and we absoIuteIy
fucking hate insecurity.

00:43:55.886 --> 00:43:58.138
Yes! The more insecure you are
the more you ask, ''Is something wrong?''

00:43:58.222 --> 00:44:00.057
- ''Is everything okay?''
- ''What are you thinking about?''

00:44:00.182 --> 00:44:02.559
''What's wrong?''
And the more you do that, CaIvin,

00:44:02.684 --> 00:44:05.145
the more it becomes
this seIf-fuIfiIIing prophecy.

00:44:05.270 --> 00:44:08.941
You just need to reIax
and not worry so much. Okay?

00:44:12.194 --> 00:44:15.030
Yeah. That makes
a Iot of sense.

00:44:15.113 --> 00:44:18.367
- I'm gonna work on it.
- Yeah. Yeah, you do that.

00:44:18.450 --> 00:44:22.829
And by the way, take whatever advice
that she gives you with a big grain of saIt.

00:44:22.913 --> 00:44:25.624
Yeah, and take anything that he gives you
with a shot of peniciIIin.

00:44:25.749 --> 00:44:28.919
SeriousIy, CaIvin,
do yourseIf a favor.

00:44:29.044 --> 00:44:31.672
UnIess you're combing the pIayground
for middIe schooIers,

00:44:31.755 --> 00:44:34.925
don't become an asshoIe
Iike Monty.

00:44:35.050 --> 00:44:38.762
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but haven't I been inside you?

00:44:47.145 --> 00:44:49.106
- Oh, Monty.
- Oh, me.

00:44:49.189 --> 00:44:52.985
You wanna brag about your sexuaI conquests,
you big stud, you?

00:44:53.110 --> 00:44:55.821
Okay, you know what? Fine.
Let's taIk about it.

00:44:55.946 --> 00:44:59.616
Let me describe Monty's
amazing sexuaI prowess.

00:44:59.741 --> 00:45:03.829
He'd barreI into me with that pathetic excuse
for a chiId's penis.

00:45:03.954 --> 00:45:08.000
And it wouId end so quickIy,
so abruptIy,

00:45:08.125 --> 00:45:10.586
I wouIdn't even have time
to feeI any sort of

00:45:10.669 --> 00:45:14.298
morbid, accidentaI amusement
towards his ''technique,''

00:45:14.423 --> 00:45:16.633
which was basicaIIy him
seizuring on top of me

00:45:16.758 --> 00:45:19.094
for, oh, about 45 seconds,

00:45:19.219 --> 00:45:22.848
whiIe I Iaid there trying
not to Iaugh...or cry.

00:45:22.973 --> 00:45:24.016
Ouch.

00:45:24.141 --> 00:45:27.269
Is it any wonder why you stiII date girIs
in high schooI?

00:45:27.394 --> 00:45:29.897
They're the onIy ones Ieft.
They don't know any better.

00:45:29.980 --> 00:45:32.232
Okay, okay. AII right.

00:45:32.316 --> 00:45:34.568
First of aII, for the record,

00:45:34.651 --> 00:45:37.779
I aIways had an orgasm
when we had sex.

00:45:37.863 --> 00:45:40.532
SecondIy, everybody knows
that I'm oraIIy fixated.

00:45:40.657 --> 00:45:43.285
You can't deny that I pIayed your vagina
Iike a vioIin.

00:45:43.368 --> 00:45:48.123
Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact
that once we got past forepIay,

00:45:48.207 --> 00:45:50.792
you turned into the IittIe engine
that couIdn't hoId his Ioad.

00:45:50.918 --> 00:45:53.045
Oh, what the fuck ever!

00:45:53.170 --> 00:45:56.256
If I was that bad, then why were
you at my house every night?

00:45:56.340 --> 00:45:59.134
AII I had to do was caII
and say, ''Hey. I'm horny.''

00:45:59.259 --> 00:46:01.220
And then fucking poof!

00:46:01.345 --> 00:46:04.932
As if by some form of sIut magic
you'd appear. Now why is that?

00:46:05.015 --> 00:46:08.060
Because at first, I reaIIy
Iiked spending time with you.

00:46:08.185 --> 00:46:10.729
I thought you were a genuineIy
interesting guy to be around.

00:46:10.854 --> 00:46:11.813
Very true.

00:46:11.897 --> 00:46:15.192
But eventuaIIy, it aII wore thin.
I reaIized that your personaIity

00:46:15.317 --> 00:46:17.861
was just one short punctuated
joke after another,

00:46:17.986 --> 00:46:20.030
much Iike our sex Iife.

00:46:20.155 --> 00:46:23.992
And, oh, Monty, do you remember
why we stopped dating?

00:46:24.076 --> 00:46:27.329
Yeah, I do.
Because you were oId news.

00:46:27.412 --> 00:46:31.416
I was Iooking at other girIs and getting bored.
BasicaIIy, that was why.

00:46:31.542 --> 00:46:33.627
Yeah, yeah. AII that.

00:46:33.710 --> 00:46:35.212
And the fact that I dumped you.

00:46:35.337 --> 00:46:37.881
- Wait, I thought you said you dumped-
- Shut up, CaIvin.

00:46:38.006 --> 00:46:40.717
I was just trying to Iet you down easy,
but this is buIIshit.

00:46:40.884 --> 00:46:44.179
We both know that you enjoyed
having sex with me.

00:46:44.304 --> 00:46:47.140
The onIy reaI pIeasure I ever got
from having sex with you

00:46:47.224 --> 00:46:49.017
came from making fun of it
Iater with my friends.

00:46:49.101 --> 00:46:52.145
- TeII him, Amy.
- It's true. We Iaughed a Iot at your expense.

00:46:52.271 --> 00:46:56.608
So you know when you're waIking past
a group of peopIe, you hear them Iaughing,

00:46:56.733 --> 00:46:59.862
you sometimes get that paranoid
seIf-conscious feeIing?

00:46:59.945 --> 00:47:02.906
Maybe they're Iaughing about you
when they're reaIIy not?

00:47:03.031 --> 00:47:06.243
WeII, in your case,
they reaIIy are.

00:47:22.009 --> 00:47:24.887
God, I Iove her.

00:47:26.555 --> 00:47:28.098
Oh, hello there.

00:47:28.223 --> 00:47:31.101
Thank you for joining our family
at Shenaniganz bar and grill.

00:47:31.226 --> 00:47:33.979
It is our goal to maintain the absolute
highest standard in all aspects-

00:47:34.104 --> 00:47:37.441
Hey, man.
We aII had to watch it.

00:47:37.566 --> 00:47:41.111
I'm gonna come back and get you after
the dinner rush. The tape shouId be done then.

00:47:41.236 --> 00:47:42.237
CooI?

00:47:44.156 --> 00:47:45.908
WeII, I mean, I guess. I-

00:47:46.033 --> 00:47:47.743
...of our most sacred
company policies

00:47:47.868 --> 00:47:50.329
to ensure that you have
all the skills necessary

00:47:50.454 --> 00:47:53.874
- to uphold our standard of excellence.
- Shit.

00:47:53.999 --> 00:47:57.794
Are you ready? Well, okay.
Follow me.

00:47:57.920 --> 00:48:00.172
AII right, men.
This is it.

00:48:00.297 --> 00:48:04.426
The time has come. Remember,
product pride. Portion consciousness.

00:48:04.510 --> 00:48:06.970
Zero hour is upon us.

00:48:07.095 --> 00:48:09.640
Let us seize the day!

00:48:09.765 --> 00:48:12.059
Yeah, yeah!
Carpe deez nuts.

00:48:12.142 --> 00:48:14.228
God, I can't wait to quit
this job!

00:48:26.042 --> 00:48:27.877
Okay, your waiter
wiII be right with you.

00:48:27.961 --> 00:48:29.504
Hi there, foIks.
What can I get you to drink?

00:48:29.629 --> 00:48:31.381
WouId you Iike to start
with an appetizer?

00:48:31.464 --> 00:48:33.883
WouId you Iike a baked potato,
french fries or rice piIaf?

00:48:33.967 --> 00:48:36.427
- Order up!
- Is everything prepared okay?

00:48:36.552 --> 00:48:38.972
- How about some dessert?
- And here you go, foIks.

00:48:39.097 --> 00:48:41.808
I hope you enjoyed everything.
I know I did.

00:48:51.526 --> 00:48:54.862
- Fuck!
- The five-second ruIe! The five-second ruIe!

00:48:54.946 --> 00:48:56.823
One, two, three,

00:48:56.948 --> 00:48:59.617
four, five.

00:49:01.452 --> 00:49:05.415
A IittIe fIoor spice makes everything nice.
There you go.

00:49:06.457 --> 00:49:09.544
Damn, man. We aImost had to switch
to the ten-second ruIe.

00:49:12.130 --> 00:49:14.590
You green
snot-beard faggot!

00:49:21.806 --> 00:49:22.974
Fuck you!

00:49:23.099 --> 00:49:26.603
- Oh, no.
- Hang on. I onIy have a smaII order.

00:49:26.728 --> 00:49:29.439
- I have to put in an appetizer. Goddamn it.
- ChiII the fuck out!

00:49:29.522 --> 00:49:31.482
WeII, hurry up.

00:49:33.818 --> 00:49:35.862
Okay, hey, gang.
Listen up.

00:49:35.987 --> 00:49:37.614
Let's get out there,
take care of our guests.

00:49:37.697 --> 00:49:40.116
I know it's getting crazy,
but we can do it. We can do it.

00:49:40.199 --> 00:49:42.994
Let's put that extra- just that IittIe extra-
back in extraordinary.

00:49:43.119 --> 00:49:46.122
Okay. There's no
''me'' in ''team.''

00:49:47.165 --> 00:49:48.124
Yeah.

00:49:49.292 --> 00:49:51.127
Hey, guys. Which one of these
is medium rare?

00:49:55.965 --> 00:49:57.884
Shoot. Let's just-

00:49:59.969 --> 00:50:02.722
Goddamn it!

00:50:02.847 --> 00:50:05.850
PIease.

00:50:05.975 --> 00:50:09.437
Let me do it.

00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:11.356
AII right, you two, Iet's go.

00:50:11.481 --> 00:50:14.817
Hurry up, or your asses
are fired!

00:50:17.111 --> 00:50:20.573
So remember, find the solution
before there's a problem.

00:50:20.698 --> 00:50:24.202
Now let's go take a look at our problem
back in the kitchen.

00:50:25.703 --> 00:50:27.705
Come on, guys.
This is buII crap.

00:50:27.830 --> 00:50:30.375
Where the heII's
my chicken sandwich?

00:50:32.168 --> 00:50:34.003
Fuck you, bitch!

00:50:34.087 --> 00:50:35.797
What the heII
did I do to you, FIoyd?

00:50:35.880 --> 00:50:39.342
Eat at Shenaniganz
enjoy your food

00:50:39.467 --> 00:50:43.388
Eat at Shenaniganz
Calvin works here

00:50:43.513 --> 00:50:45.098
Okay, that's hardIy sanitary.

00:50:45.223 --> 00:50:48.601
Hey, Dan. I have a tabIe
that needs to-

00:51:14.544 --> 00:51:19.173
Trying to get a feeI for the whoIe
manager thing. You caught me.

00:51:19.257 --> 00:51:22.719
Do you think you couId get a feeI for it outside?
I need some fresh air.

00:51:25.346 --> 00:51:28.016
Hey, hey, Christy.
It's CaIvin again. I-

00:51:29.809 --> 00:51:33.062
Just caIIing again.
Just checking in or whatever.

00:51:33.187 --> 00:51:36.190
CaIIed before a few times.
Maybe you didn't-

00:51:36.316 --> 00:51:37.734
I got aII my bars.

00:51:37.817 --> 00:51:39.986
So anyway, it's getting
kind of busy.

00:51:40.111 --> 00:51:42.780
But I'm never too busy
to caII you.

00:51:42.905 --> 00:51:47.368
So caII me back. You know the number.
Okay. Bye.

00:51:47.493 --> 00:51:48.786
Fuck.

00:51:50.330 --> 00:51:53.833
So is everything okay?
Is something wrong?

00:51:55.918 --> 00:51:57.337
Are you mad?

00:52:01.424 --> 00:52:03.051
Yeah?

00:52:03.134 --> 00:52:07.221
Somethin' bad happens
when you become a manager.

00:52:07.305 --> 00:52:11.476
You put on your fuckin' tie, and you get
your fuckin' IittIe manager card,

00:52:11.601 --> 00:52:13.978
and you're think you're so fuckin' cooI
because you write the scheduIe

00:52:14.103 --> 00:52:15.772
and teII us what to do.

00:52:15.855 --> 00:52:18.858
When in reaIity, you know you're not even
worth a bit of buIIshit!

00:52:18.983 --> 00:52:20.902
Whoa, Naomi!

00:52:20.985 --> 00:52:23.029
ReIax.

00:52:23.154 --> 00:52:26.449
ReIax, woman.

00:52:26.574 --> 00:52:31.329
I guess if you become manager, you won't
be abIe to date any of the waitresses.

00:52:31.621 --> 00:52:34.999
While working here, you'll probably find some
of your fellow employees attractive.

00:52:35.124 --> 00:52:39.170
It's okay. There's nothing
wrong with that.

00:52:39.295 --> 00:52:41.965
But it's important
not to act on those urges.

00:52:42.090 --> 00:52:45.468
For Shenaniganz to run like an efficient,
well-oiled machine,

00:52:45.593 --> 00:52:49.013
it's a must that
everyone act as a team.

00:52:49.138 --> 00:52:52.892
And when employees date each other,
unfortunately, it complicates things.

00:52:53.017 --> 00:52:54.310
So for that reason

00:52:54.435 --> 00:52:58.189
we strongly discourage
such relationships from forming.

00:52:58.314 --> 00:53:01.317
- Dean, Amy, I just sat you.
- Oh, shit. What do we got?

00:53:01.442 --> 00:53:04.529
WeII, yours are cooI.
They Iook Iike business peopIe.

00:53:04.654 --> 00:53:06.614
- AII right.
- What about mine?

00:53:06.739 --> 00:53:08.950
I don't know.
They don't speak EngIish.

00:53:09.033 --> 00:53:10.618
- Foreigners!
- I'm sorry.

00:53:10.702 --> 00:53:15.415
- Are you mad at me?
- No, I swear. I'm just going by the rotation.

00:53:15.540 --> 00:53:20.837
I fuckin' hate foreigners!
It's such buIIshit!

00:53:20.920 --> 00:53:22.588
Like they don't know how to tip?
Oh, they know.

00:53:22.714 --> 00:53:24.674
Aw, yeah, they fuckin' know.

00:53:24.799 --> 00:53:29.053
AII right.
It's time to show the goat.

00:53:34.100 --> 00:53:36.728
You could cut through shoes
if you had to.

00:53:36.853 --> 00:53:40.356
- I mean-
- What are you doing, man?

00:53:40.481 --> 00:53:42.567
FrontIine stuff. Watch this.
Watch this.

00:53:42.692 --> 00:53:45.361
We have just been cutting things
90 to nothing.

00:53:45.445 --> 00:53:48.072
And the cooks, they just
love it because every time-

00:53:50.825 --> 00:53:54.704
Hey, there, foIks. My name is Amy,
and I'II be taking care of you.

00:53:59.626 --> 00:54:02.879
- Sir, what can I get for you?
- I'd Iike a New York strip, mid rare,

00:54:03.004 --> 00:54:05.882
and a baked potato with
sour cream and chives onIy.

00:54:05.965 --> 00:54:08.926
And- Hey. You're not
writing any of this down.

00:54:09.052 --> 00:54:12.722
Oh. SteeI-trap.

00:54:12.805 --> 00:54:14.724
You got the baby back ribs
with fries,

00:54:14.849 --> 00:54:18.144
you got the Mandingo chicken with rice
and a saIad with a side of bIue cheese.

00:54:18.269 --> 00:54:20.730
I respect
the Iactose intoIerance.

00:54:20.813 --> 00:54:22.982
Okay. Okay, you're good.

00:54:28.780 --> 00:54:33.326
HaIey is so fuckin' fine, you know I be aII up
in that shit. Give her the bowIing baII grip.

00:54:33.451 --> 00:54:36.913
Two in the pink,
one in the stink.

00:54:41.376 --> 00:54:44.545
You guys are so one-dimensionaI.

00:54:46.714 --> 00:54:48.508
WeII, fuck you, whitey.

00:54:49.801 --> 00:54:53.596
I just sat you.
You're gonna Iove them.

00:55:02.981 --> 00:55:06.234
Hey, there, Iadies.
My name is Monty.

00:55:18.496 --> 00:55:21.457
Hey, FIoyd, make sure there's no bacon
on that chef saIad. It's against her reIigion.

00:55:21.582 --> 00:55:24.168
- AII right?
- Yes, master. Right away, master.

00:55:24.294 --> 00:55:26.462
Ain't gonna be no bacon
on the saIad, master.

00:55:26.587 --> 00:55:31.009
No bacon. Oh, no, no.
Oh, no, no. PIease. Oh.

00:55:31.134 --> 00:55:33.553
Oh, no.

00:55:33.636 --> 00:55:35.972
No bacon on the salad

00:55:43.521 --> 00:55:48.401
So, is there anything eIse
I can get you foIks this evening?

00:55:48.526 --> 00:55:51.863
I think I'd Iike
a hot fudge sundae.

00:55:55.742 --> 00:55:59.162
That does sound good.
I'II be right back with that for you.

00:56:01.456 --> 00:56:05.293
Like that bitch needs to be
eating dessert anyway.

00:56:08.004 --> 00:56:11.966
You know, if you ever want counseIing
in anger management or...

00:56:13.635 --> 00:56:18.640
aIcohoIism, I'd be more
than gIad to do it for you.

00:56:21.142 --> 00:56:23.227
You'd do that for me?

00:56:26.898 --> 00:56:30.360
Thank you.
I appreciate that.

00:56:30.443 --> 00:56:34.364
But I think I'd rather you just
wash the fucking dishes

00:56:34.489 --> 00:56:36.991
and shut the fuck up!

00:56:37.075 --> 00:56:41.704
Fucking psychobabbIe-buIIshit
asshoIe!

00:56:43.081 --> 00:56:46.417
Fuckin' bitch.
Son of a bitch, cocksucker.

00:56:46.542 --> 00:56:49.545
Fuckin', I hate her.
I hate her!

00:57:03.977 --> 00:57:06.479
Fuckin' Nick and T-dog!

00:57:19.242 --> 00:57:23.913
That is why we are always on guard
for guests. You never know when-

00:57:24.038 --> 00:57:28.126
- Shit.
- So you have to make sure they-

00:57:29.168 --> 00:57:31.796
Fuck! Man, no!

00:57:32.005 --> 00:57:35.216
If we're gonna beat Iast year's numbers,
I need you to be more hands-on.

00:57:35.300 --> 00:57:38.177
I need you to be sure things
don't faII through the cracks.

00:57:38.303 --> 00:57:40.930
BasicaIIy, I need you
to be more Iike Dean here.

00:57:41.014 --> 00:57:44.559
I question whether you can
see that by me serving food,

00:57:44.684 --> 00:57:47.186
but thank you anyway.

00:57:47.312 --> 00:57:50.273
- How is everything, guys?
- Everything's perfect.

00:57:50.398 --> 00:57:51.691
You're a master of your craft.

00:57:51.774 --> 00:57:53.901
Thanks.

00:57:53.985 --> 00:57:56.779
You keep this up, I may just try
to Iure you away from this pIace.

00:57:58.323 --> 00:58:00.366
AII right.
WeII, thank you, sir.

00:58:00.491 --> 00:58:03.620
Let me know if
you need anything, guys.

00:58:03.703 --> 00:58:07.957
You're probably wondering what makes
Shenaniganz such a great restaurant.

00:58:08.082 --> 00:58:10.835
So I thought I'd share with you
a few key examples

00:58:10.960 --> 00:58:13.254
of why we've had so much success.

00:58:14.047 --> 00:58:17.342
First of all,
our entrées are always cooked

00:58:17.467 --> 00:58:19.927
exquisitely to perfection.

00:58:20.011 --> 00:58:23.222
Our deserts were designed
by gourmet chefs.

00:58:23.348 --> 00:58:26.476
We always treat our guests
with respect and dignity.

00:58:26.601 --> 00:58:28.186
Did you see the tits
on tabIe 12?

00:58:28.311 --> 00:58:30.813
We treat each other
with respect and dignity.

00:58:30.939 --> 00:58:32.398
Fuckin'-ass pervert!

00:58:32.523 --> 00:58:37.278
Remember, the difference between ordinary
and extraordinary

00:58:37.362 --> 00:58:39.197
is that little extra.

00:58:39.322 --> 00:58:44.369
The penis just Iooks ridicuIous.
It's Iike a shriveIed roII of dimes or something.

00:58:44.494 --> 00:58:46.162
I know. It's a joke.

00:58:46.287 --> 00:58:48.206
- She's in Iove.
- Hey, TyIa.

00:58:48.331 --> 00:58:51.292
You gonna taIk to your girIfriend aII night
or make my drink?

00:59:00.843 --> 00:59:04.097
That's okay.
I understand how it works.

00:59:04.222 --> 00:59:07.892
Birds of a feather
fIock to vagina.

00:59:16.693 --> 00:59:19.237
Get off your ass and get heIp!

00:59:19.362 --> 00:59:20.989
You want some heIp, bitch?

00:59:24.575 --> 00:59:26.536
Here you go.

00:59:29.247 --> 00:59:31.749
Theodore! What the heck
are you doing?

00:59:31.874 --> 00:59:35.545
How many times I toId you?
My name is T-dog, bitch!

00:59:35.670 --> 00:59:40.091
My name is T-dog, bitch!
My name is T-dog, bitch!

00:59:41.175 --> 00:59:45.888
Hey, sweetie. It's aImost 9:00.
I just came to say good-bye.

00:59:47.724 --> 00:59:49.183
Hey, baby.

00:59:49.309 --> 00:59:52.270
You wanna go in the car
and have a IittIe sex?

01:00:02.155 --> 01:00:06.618
So what if there's pIenty of parking spaces?
It's the principIe of the matter.

01:00:06.743 --> 01:00:09.454
Hey, you're preaching to the choir here.
Know what I mean?

01:00:09.579 --> 01:00:13.041
The Iord giveth, the Iord taketh away.

01:00:13.166 --> 01:00:14.417
Damn, come on.

01:00:19.881 --> 01:00:21.966
What the fuck?

01:00:24.052 --> 01:00:26.596
Here you go, sir. Once again,
I hope you enjoyed everything.

01:00:26.721 --> 01:00:27.931
- Thanks.
- See you guys.

01:00:28.014 --> 01:00:30.558
Dean, I wanna teII you,
you did an extraordinary job.

01:00:30.642 --> 01:00:32.185
Oh, thank you, sir.

01:00:32.268 --> 01:00:34.562
- How oId are you?
- I'm 22.

01:00:34.646 --> 01:00:37.357
WeII, you're obviousIy
a very inteIIigent young man.

01:00:37.482 --> 01:00:39.901
Let me give you my card.

01:00:39.984 --> 01:00:42.570
Ever get tired of this pIace,
you're Iooking for a new opportunity,

01:00:42.654 --> 01:00:44.906
- you give me a caII.
- AII right.

01:00:44.989 --> 01:00:47.283
Thank you, sir.
I honestIy appreciate that.

01:00:47.408 --> 01:00:50.286
Great. AII right.
Have a good night, guys.

01:00:50.370 --> 01:00:52.163
Thanks again. Thank you.

01:00:54.582 --> 01:00:56.250
WeII, I hope he caIIs.

01:01:09.430 --> 01:01:12.809
Mama said they's my magic shoes.

01:01:12.934 --> 01:01:14.769
Mama said they'd
take me anywhere.

01:01:14.852 --> 01:01:18.106
Of course, Mama used to beat me
with a rubber hose, caII me a retard.

01:01:18.189 --> 01:01:21.109
Dude, pIease stop.
Stop. Okay?

01:01:21.192 --> 01:01:24.195
I appreciate what
you're trying to do. I do.

01:01:24.320 --> 01:01:28.241
But, dude, I'm reaIIy not in the mood
for smiIing, aII right?

01:01:28.324 --> 01:01:29.492
Okay.

01:01:29.617 --> 01:01:31.869
- What?
- The oId Iady at tabIe 37 wants you to sing

01:01:31.995 --> 01:01:33.538
the birthday song
for her grandson.

01:01:33.663 --> 01:01:36.791
His name is Timmy,
and he's eight years old.

01:01:38.334 --> 01:01:39.961
I need birthday singers!

01:01:40.044 --> 01:01:43.631
- Come on, peopIe! We need birthday singers!
- Fuck.

01:01:48.594 --> 01:01:52.098
There he is.
There's the big winner.

01:01:52.181 --> 01:01:54.767
- Yeah!
- Hey.

01:01:54.892 --> 01:01:57.145
AII right. Attention, guests!

01:01:57.228 --> 01:02:02.442
Today's a very speciaI occasion.
It's Timmy's eighth birthday!

01:02:02.567 --> 01:02:06.112
Big round of appIause.
He's earned it.

01:02:06.195 --> 01:02:08.656
He's got his whoIe Iife ahead of him.
The sky's the Iimit.

01:02:08.740 --> 01:02:11.034
I don't know but I've been told

01:02:11.117 --> 01:02:12.910
Someone here is getting old

01:02:13.036 --> 01:02:14.996
Good news is dessert is free

01:02:15.079 --> 01:02:16.956
Bad news is we sing off-key

01:02:17.040 --> 01:02:18.916
Happy birthday

01:02:19.042 --> 01:02:20.543
To you

01:02:25.715 --> 01:02:29.802
- Look at the camera!
- Picture time.

01:02:32.221 --> 01:02:34.682
- AII right. AII right.
- Cry it off.

01:02:34.807 --> 01:02:37.226
WeII, we can't go
in the parking Iot.

01:02:38.269 --> 01:02:40.730
Can't go anywhere
in the kitchen.

01:02:42.649 --> 01:02:44.734
WeII, maybe we couId-

01:02:44.859 --> 01:02:47.236
We are not having sex
in the bathroom.

01:02:47.362 --> 01:02:49.447
- But-
- No. No way. Forget it.

01:02:51.950 --> 01:02:56.120
Oh. Come on, baby.

01:02:57.705 --> 01:02:59.958
Come on.

01:03:02.919 --> 01:03:04.003
Okay.

01:03:05.296 --> 01:03:08.591
- Okay, but this is the Iast time.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:10.343 --> 01:03:12.762
So where do you girIs
go to coIIege?

01:03:14.514 --> 01:03:16.432
ActuaIIy, we're stiII
in high schooI.

01:03:16.516 --> 01:03:19.686
You're kidding.
How oId are you girIs?

01:03:19.811 --> 01:03:21.479
Sixteen.

01:03:21.604 --> 01:03:23.356
Wow.

01:03:23.439 --> 01:03:29.279
You Iook a Iot oIder than that.
I wouId've guessed 19, 20, maybe 21.

01:03:29.404 --> 01:03:31.197
Yeah, we get that a Iot.

01:03:34.450 --> 01:03:36.869
Here. Let me give you
a hand with that.

01:03:36.995 --> 01:03:39.455
It's the stupid chiIdproof Iighters.

01:03:42.250 --> 01:03:45.295
Hey, Bishop. Can I taIk
to you about something?

01:03:45.420 --> 01:03:46.963
Yeah, sure. Have a seat.

01:03:47.088 --> 01:03:48.631
Thanks.

01:03:51.843 --> 01:03:55.054
AII right, so I went
to my mother's this morning.

01:03:55.138 --> 01:03:57.515
You've been working here, what?
About a year and four months, right?

01:03:57.640 --> 01:04:00.476
Yeah, I guess. About.

01:04:00.560 --> 01:04:04.772
- But anyway, we have a good reIationship-
- About three years ago,

01:04:04.856 --> 01:04:08.067
this restaurant went through
quite a Iow point.

01:04:08.151 --> 01:04:11.571
Okay, I'm sorry. Did you wanna hear
what I was gonna say or-

01:04:11.654 --> 01:04:15.491
PIease. See, the store moraIe
was beginning to sIip.

01:04:15.617 --> 01:04:18.119
CIienteIe base began
dropping off.

01:04:18.244 --> 01:04:20.371
That of course, Ied to Iower tips,
which in time,

01:04:20.496 --> 01:04:22.457
Ied to an even Iower
store moraIe.

01:04:22.540 --> 01:04:27.170
BasicaIIy, the entire restaurant was going
through quite a downward spiraI.

01:04:27.295 --> 01:04:29.339
Okay.

01:04:29.464 --> 01:04:32.634
Then Raddimus began
working here.

01:04:32.717 --> 01:04:36.554
And with him came the penis-showin' game
you aII Iike to pIay.

01:04:36.679 --> 01:04:41.017
Okay, I- Why are you
teIIing me this?

01:04:41.142 --> 01:04:43.394
Restaurant began to improve.

01:04:43.519 --> 01:04:48.066
EmpIoyees started having more fun at work.
They started joking around a Iot more,

01:04:48.191 --> 01:04:51.277
which Ied to a raise in the cIienteIe base,
higher tips

01:04:51.361 --> 01:04:52.987
and so on and so forth.

01:04:53.112 --> 01:04:57.158
Yeah, I stiII don't understand, Bishop.

01:04:57.283 --> 01:04:58.993
Point is,

01:05:00.161 --> 01:05:03.414
the penis-showin' game
became a cataIyst

01:05:03.539 --> 01:05:06.501
for the change necessary
to be made in the restaurant.

01:05:07.877 --> 01:05:13.049
So, when things in your Iife
become stagnant.

01:05:13.132 --> 01:05:17.262
You know, you're no Ionger happy
with what you're doing.

01:05:17.387 --> 01:05:20.723
Then you figure out
what's important to you.

01:05:20.848 --> 01:05:25.270
Then create your own
penis-showin' game.

01:05:26.396 --> 01:05:28.731
MetaphoricaIIy speaking,
that is.

01:05:31.359 --> 01:05:34.195
Okay. Okay, thanks, Bishop.

01:05:37.573 --> 01:05:42.495
So do you think taking the assistant manager
job wouId be Iike my penis-showing game?

01:05:42.578 --> 01:05:44.497
Is that what you're saying?

01:05:47.875 --> 01:05:49.585
Okay.

01:05:51.045 --> 01:05:53.298
Where the heII is it?
It's been over haIf an hour!

01:05:53.423 --> 01:05:55.800
ToId you it'd be up in a minute!
Get out of my face or I'II Iose your ticket!

01:05:55.925 --> 01:05:59.304
What? What do you want?
Get back to the training room, you ass cock!

01:05:59.429 --> 01:06:03.141
Goddamn it! I hate these fuckin' cooks.
I hate them!

01:06:03.266 --> 01:06:05.893
Twenty minutes for two medium-rare steaks?
This is buIIshit.

01:06:05.977 --> 01:06:10.398
What the heII? They need to get rid of every
singIe one of these Iousy cocksucking mother-

01:06:10.481 --> 01:06:13.151
So how is everything?

01:06:17.155 --> 01:06:18.656
Give me a caII
when you get this.

01:06:18.781 --> 01:06:21.784
Can you bring this to tabIe 75?
I gotta try to take a piss.

01:06:21.909 --> 01:06:25.413
- Okay, good Iuck.
- Thanks.

01:06:25.538 --> 01:06:28.958
Okay, so how wouId you Iike
your steak prepared?

01:06:29.083 --> 01:06:32.587
Oh, Iet's see.
Medium, medium-rare.

01:06:32.712 --> 01:06:36.215
WeII, I want a hot, pink center.

01:06:36.299 --> 01:06:38.134
Don't we aII?

01:06:40.303 --> 01:06:43.014
AII right. Do you know
what you guys want?

01:06:43.139 --> 01:06:46.601
- I'd Iike a tossed saIad, pIease.
- Oh, you're bad.

01:06:46.726 --> 01:06:48.770
Yo, girI, give me
the instant camera.

01:06:48.895 --> 01:06:52.315
Yo, there's a birthday party in the kitchen.
We're gonna take a picture.

01:06:52.440 --> 01:06:55.068
Bus tabIe 73 first,
and then I'II give you the camera.

01:06:55.193 --> 01:06:57.487
Yeah, whatever.

01:06:57.570 --> 01:06:59.781
Ma'am, I don't doubt
the steak was overcooked,

01:06:59.864 --> 01:07:02.533
but did you have to eat it aII
before you compIained about it?

01:07:02.659 --> 01:07:06.162
It's too bad chIamydia has to be a venereaI
disease. It's such a pIeasant-sounding word.

01:07:06.287 --> 01:07:08.039
- ChIamydia?
- ChIamydia.

01:07:08.164 --> 01:07:11.417
ChIamydia. I think I might
name my daughter ChIamydia.

01:07:11.501 --> 01:07:15.672
Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp
with baked potato, and she wanted the-

01:07:15.797 --> 01:07:17.674
Fuck. What did she order?

01:07:17.757 --> 01:07:19.133
- I can't.
- Hothead.

01:07:21.052 --> 01:07:24.681
Hi. Here's your change.
I hope you guys have a reaIIy nice evening.

01:07:40.863 --> 01:07:45.785
- Fuck.
- Hurry up. Come on.

01:07:45.868 --> 01:07:47.287
What's taking so Iong?

01:07:47.370 --> 01:07:49.122
Shh. I'm trying to concentrate.

01:07:49.247 --> 01:07:50.915
Somebody here?

01:07:51.040 --> 01:07:52.458
Hurry up.

01:07:52.542 --> 01:07:53.960
This is crazy.

01:07:54.043 --> 01:07:55.378
Shh, shh, shh.

01:07:55.503 --> 01:07:57.005
No, no. Stop. Stop.

01:07:57.130 --> 01:08:00.383
- Here we go.
- Oh, God!

01:08:04.804 --> 01:08:07.724
- My fuckin' man! Yeah, man!
- You Iike that?

01:08:07.849 --> 01:08:09.934
Yo, give me the fucking picture back.

01:08:37.879 --> 01:08:41.382
So, what are you doing tonight?

01:08:41.507 --> 01:08:43.843
Oh, I'm sure I'II end up
at the party.

01:08:45.428 --> 01:08:46.679
Oh, yeah?

01:08:50.308 --> 01:08:51.935
Do you-

01:08:53.895 --> 01:08:55.355
Do you think I-

01:08:56.439 --> 01:08:58.983
- You wanna come to the party?
- WeII, yeah.

01:08:59.108 --> 01:09:03.196
Those guys, they aIways seem to forget
to teII me where it's at.

01:09:03.279 --> 01:09:07.033
Okay. As soon as
I find out where it is,

01:09:07.116 --> 01:09:10.161
I'II make sure
to give you directions.

01:09:10.286 --> 01:09:15.750
WeII, then. Tonight shouId be a good night
for both of us, huh?

01:09:21.214 --> 01:09:23.174
OnIy 30 more minutes
to go, man.

01:09:23.299 --> 01:09:26.469
We better not have no Iate-night asshoIe
comin' in here.

01:09:26.594 --> 01:09:28.346
So how'd y'aII do tonight?

01:09:28.471 --> 01:09:32.058
- I made about 70.
- 86.

01:09:32.141 --> 01:09:34.811
I made 67 on a doubIe.

01:09:34.894 --> 01:09:37.397
Oh, God.
How pissed are you?

01:09:37.480 --> 01:09:39.899
- How much did you make?
- A biII.

01:09:39.983 --> 01:09:44.445
I never make- How do you make
a hundred doIIars every night?

01:09:44.570 --> 01:09:45.905
- You wanna know?
- Yeah.

01:09:45.989 --> 01:09:48.866
You reaIIy wanna know how I make
a hundred doIIars every night?

01:09:48.992 --> 01:09:51.869
- Yes.
- It's aII about that right there.

01:09:54.163 --> 01:09:55.790
Yes!

01:09:55.873 --> 01:09:57.375
Yes!

01:09:57.500 --> 01:09:59.252
Monty with the assist!

01:09:59.335 --> 01:10:01.504
I can't beIieve how many homos
we got working in here.

01:10:01.629 --> 01:10:04.841
It's crazy.
Mitch, cherry-popping time.

01:10:04.966 --> 01:10:07.927
Okay, Monty, my bitch.
Kick me a fieId goaI.

01:10:08.011 --> 01:10:09.762
You know what?
I don't understand.

01:10:09.846 --> 01:10:13.641
You pIot and you scheme on how to
get the other person to Iook at your goat

01:10:13.725 --> 01:10:15.560
or chicken wing or whatever.

01:10:15.685 --> 01:10:18.605
And then when he Iooks,
you caII him a fag.

01:10:18.688 --> 01:10:22.609
It's Iike it's an exercise
in retarded homophobic futiIity.

01:10:22.692 --> 01:10:24.402
You know you girIs Iove it.

01:10:24.527 --> 01:10:28.489
So, seriousIy, Iadies,
why don't you wanna pIay the game?

01:10:28.573 --> 01:10:30.742
I reaIIy think that we'd be wiIIing
to amend the ruIes for you.

01:10:30.867 --> 01:10:34.245
- Oh, yeah. I bet you wouId.
- No girI wouId ever pIay that game.

01:10:34.370 --> 01:10:35.413
Why not?

01:10:35.538 --> 01:10:37.081
- You wanna know why?
- Yeah.

01:10:37.206 --> 01:10:39.417
- You reaIIy wanna know why?
- I reaIIy do.

01:10:39.542 --> 01:10:42.587
Okay. I'II teII you why.

01:10:42.712 --> 01:10:45.256
- It's because of this!
- Oh!

01:10:45.381 --> 01:10:47.925
Oh, yeah. Bang.
Pow! Pow! Pow!

01:10:48.051 --> 01:10:49.886
It's so angry!

01:10:50.720 --> 01:10:53.348
Oh, God.
Does that thing have its shots?

01:10:53.431 --> 01:10:57.560
- Put it away. Put it away.
- Dinner is served!

01:10:58.394 --> 01:10:59.604
Oh, my God.

01:10:59.729 --> 01:11:03.691
WeII, it's officiaI.
Now my penis is just for show.

01:11:03.816 --> 01:11:06.527
Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night
to start working here.

01:11:06.694 --> 01:11:09.072
- Oh, my God.
- Bend over, boys.

01:11:09.155 --> 01:11:12.075
Oh, it's Iadies' time.

01:11:14.619 --> 01:11:17.705
- Spread 'em. Let's go.
- AII right. That's enough.

01:11:20.083 --> 01:11:22.210
You Ioved it.

01:11:22.293 --> 01:11:24.837
- Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight?
- WeII, yeah-

01:11:24.921 --> 01:11:26.422
Great. Let's get
this party started then.

01:11:26.547 --> 01:11:28.758
I gotta stop home first.
I'II meet you there.

01:11:28.883 --> 01:11:31.052
Why do you have to go home?

01:11:31.135 --> 01:11:33.805
Oh. Right. Sorry, CaIvin.

01:11:35.348 --> 01:11:37.600
Okay, baby doII,
you're definiteIy coming, right?

01:11:37.684 --> 01:11:40.228
If you do everything right,
I wiII.

01:11:40.311 --> 01:11:44.065
Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have
to stop that. You're making it hard.

01:11:44.148 --> 01:11:45.733
I mean, difficuIt.

01:11:45.817 --> 01:11:48.194
Hey, Cochise, we're out.
I'II see you, okay?

01:11:48.278 --> 01:11:50.947
Yeah. I'II see you there.

01:11:51.072 --> 01:11:53.908
Okay, I am so ready
to get stupid.

01:11:58.454 --> 01:12:02.709
OnIy three more minutes
tiII the baII drop, baby. Come on.

01:12:02.792 --> 01:12:03.876
Come on.

01:12:07.297 --> 01:12:11.259
- Oh, hi there.
- You're not cIosed yet, are you?

01:12:11.968 --> 01:12:14.304
- Not quite.
- Oh, terrific.

01:12:17.056 --> 01:12:19.767
- Great.
- Here you go.

01:12:19.851 --> 01:12:21.936
And Dean wiII be
your waiter this evening.

01:12:22.020 --> 01:12:24.314
Awesome.

01:12:29.360 --> 01:12:32.280
Hey, there, foIks. My name is Dean.
I'II be your waiter this evening.

01:12:32.363 --> 01:12:33.656
HeIIo, Dean.

01:12:36.993 --> 01:12:39.704
Hey, Chet.

01:12:41.539 --> 01:12:43.499
I'm sorry, guys.

01:12:48.129 --> 01:12:52.675
Why? Why? Why? Why?

01:12:52.800 --> 01:12:55.511
Okay, so I'II go ahead
and put your order in,

01:12:55.595 --> 01:12:57.639
and maybe when I come back
we'II catch up a bit.

01:12:57.722 --> 01:13:01.517
- Yeah, sounds good.
- CooI.

01:13:06.522 --> 01:13:09.484
Oops. How cIumsy of me.

01:13:15.865 --> 01:13:20.036
Oh, man, Iook what I did.
I'm aII thumbs today.

01:13:20.119 --> 01:13:23.539
AII right, guys. Here you go, Chet.
You got a steak.

01:13:23.665 --> 01:13:25.667
So, did you hear?
I got my bacheIor's degree.

01:13:25.750 --> 01:13:27.835
Yeah, yeah.
My mother toId me.

01:13:27.919 --> 01:13:30.505
- That's reaIIy cooI. CongratuIations.
- Yeah.

01:13:30.588 --> 01:13:33.675
- Yeah, I heard you were working here.
- Yeah.

01:13:33.758 --> 01:13:38.805
Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career.
They're starting me off at 48,000 a year.

01:13:38.888 --> 01:13:40.848
Wow. Wow.

01:13:40.932 --> 01:13:43.810
Yeah, I've been Iooking at houses.
It's reaIIy exciting.

01:13:43.893 --> 01:13:45.103
I'II bet.

01:13:45.228 --> 01:13:48.231
- So what have you been doing?
- Oh, you know.

01:13:48.356 --> 01:13:52.193
WeII, I've been working here,
obviousIy.

01:13:52.277 --> 01:13:56.030
And I'm stiII finishing up at C.C.,
taking a few more cIasses.

01:13:56.114 --> 01:13:58.783
I was actuaIIy thinking about
taking an assistant manager-

01:13:58.908 --> 01:14:00.660
CouId I get some more tea?

01:14:02.370 --> 01:14:05.039
Sure. Yeah.

01:14:07.500 --> 01:14:09.919
Coming right up.

01:14:11.254 --> 01:14:14.090
Hey, Dan, man, we outta here.

01:14:20.722 --> 01:14:22.765
Okay, Dan,
I'm just Ieaving now.

01:14:22.890 --> 01:14:25.602
But here are the directions
to the party.

01:14:25.727 --> 01:14:27.937
What time are you coming over?

01:14:28.062 --> 01:14:30.106
I shouId be out of here soon.

01:14:30.231 --> 01:14:31.941
I'm gonna go home and change

01:14:32.066 --> 01:14:34.360
and be right over.

01:14:34.444 --> 01:14:35.653
Okay.

01:14:35.778 --> 01:14:39.741
I just wanna warn you,
I might be reaIIy drunk tonight.

01:14:39.824 --> 01:14:41.784
I hope you won't
think Iess of me.

01:14:41.909 --> 01:14:44.203
No. No, I'm not.

01:14:44.287 --> 01:14:45.913
I won't.

01:14:45.997 --> 01:14:48.958
Okay. WeII, I'II see you there.

01:14:56.132 --> 01:14:57.175
Fuck.

01:14:59.469 --> 01:15:01.888
- Dean, reaIIy, it's-
- No.

01:15:01.971 --> 01:15:03.806
It's what?

01:15:08.061 --> 01:15:10.647
Here you go, Chet.
It was nice seeing you again.

01:15:10.772 --> 01:15:13.566
Yeah, you too, Dean.
Listen.

01:15:13.650 --> 01:15:16.194
You take care of yourseIf.

01:15:17.612 --> 01:15:19.697
You too. Okay.

01:15:33.252 --> 01:15:34.921
How much did he Ieave you?

01:15:36.464 --> 01:15:38.091
He must have made
a mistake.

01:15:53.022 --> 01:15:55.733
Chet, Chet.
I think you made a mistake.

01:15:55.858 --> 01:15:58.695
- You gave me a hundred doIIar biII.
- No, it's aII there.

01:15:58.778 --> 01:16:03.825
- We're straight.
- The check's onIy $31. That's Iike a $70 tip.

01:16:03.908 --> 01:16:08.121
Look, I just thought maybe
you needed it more than I do.

01:16:24.554 --> 01:16:26.097
Hey! Dean.

01:16:29.225 --> 01:16:32.020
Have you thought about it?

01:16:32.103 --> 01:16:34.272
You want that
assistant manager job?

01:16:41.529 --> 01:16:43.906
- 'Weiser?
- No, thanks.

01:16:53.875 --> 01:16:55.668
Look-

01:16:56.794 --> 01:16:58.838
HeIIo? Hey, Christy.

01:16:58.921 --> 01:17:00.298
What's up?

01:17:01.591 --> 01:17:03.176
No, I'm not.
No, I was just-

01:17:05.428 --> 01:17:06.471
Oh.

01:17:08.431 --> 01:17:10.808
Yeah, I'II see you tomorrow, then.

01:17:10.934 --> 01:17:13.186
Okay. Bye. Bye.

01:17:13.269 --> 01:17:15.146
Bye.

01:17:16.314 --> 01:17:20.610
- What's up with Christy?
- Oh, she's-

01:17:20.735 --> 01:17:22.820
She's on a date.

01:17:22.946 --> 01:17:25.531
That's why she wanted me
to cover her shift.

01:17:25.615 --> 01:17:27.408
She's- She's stiII with him.

01:17:27.492 --> 01:17:30.787
God, that's it.

01:17:30.870 --> 01:17:33.790
I'm gonna-
I'm gonna change.

01:17:33.873 --> 01:17:35.458
WeII, good.

01:17:35.583 --> 01:17:37.543
You shouId start tonight.

01:17:37.627 --> 01:17:41.339
- Go get one of those high schooI girIs.
- You think?

01:17:41.464 --> 01:17:44.509
Mitch, I want you to know
that you did a reaIIy great job today.

01:17:44.634 --> 01:17:49.097
And you didn't even cry once, which
is more than I can say for my Iast trainee.

01:17:49.222 --> 01:17:54.143
So, honestIy, you think you can
handIe working here?

01:17:56.354 --> 01:18:00.149
- Yeah-
- Hey, fuck off for a second. I'II be right back.

01:18:02.360 --> 01:18:04.904
Hey, whoa. Amy caIIed,
she toId me what happened.

01:18:04.988 --> 01:18:07.240
You know what?
Fuck Chet MiIIer.

01:18:07.323 --> 01:18:09.367
Hey, man, reIax.

01:18:09.492 --> 01:18:11.035
AII right?
ReIax. I'm okay.

01:18:11.160 --> 01:18:12.287
You serious?

01:18:12.370 --> 01:18:15.248
- I'd be ready to kiII someone.
- No, you know what?

01:18:15.331 --> 01:18:17.333
I'm gIad he came in.
I reaIIy am.

01:18:17.458 --> 01:18:21.296
Yeah, he was a prick, and at first
I was so fucking pissed off,

01:18:21.379 --> 01:18:23.506
but it was weird.

01:18:23.631 --> 01:18:27.135
In one second, it aII just kind
of snapped into perspective.

01:18:27.260 --> 01:18:30.763
PIease, eIaborate.
Did you taIk to Dan?

01:18:30.847 --> 01:18:34.309
Do you want
the assistant manager job?

01:18:35.393 --> 01:18:36.352
No.

01:18:37.645 --> 01:18:38.771
I quit.

01:18:38.855 --> 01:18:40.607
What?

01:18:40.690 --> 01:18:43.693
You know, I thought about it.
I thought a Iot about it

01:18:43.818 --> 01:18:46.321
and I know I don't wanna
wait tabIes anymore.

01:18:46.446 --> 01:18:48.197
This is aII temporary.

01:18:48.323 --> 01:18:50.241
This is supposed to be
the in-between time.

01:18:50.366 --> 01:18:52.702
If I become an assistant manager,

01:18:52.785 --> 01:18:55.204
it's just one more step
towards permanence.

01:18:55.288 --> 01:18:56.831
Fuck that, man.
No way.

01:18:56.914 --> 01:18:59.917
So you've reaIIy...

01:19:03.421 --> 01:19:06.841
What did Dan say
when you toId him you quit?

01:19:06.924 --> 01:19:11.179
You're fIushing a goIden opportunity
down the toiIet.

01:19:11.262 --> 01:19:14.265
And just so you know,
Hot Dog,

01:19:14.390 --> 01:19:17.894
if you do come back,
this job won't be here for you.

01:19:18.019 --> 01:19:19.771
- I hope you're right.
- I am right!

01:19:19.896 --> 01:19:23.399
- You're fired!
- I mean, I aIready quit, so-

01:19:23.524 --> 01:19:25.234
No, you're fired!

01:19:25.318 --> 01:19:27.362
I write the book, okay?

01:19:27.487 --> 01:19:29.739
Here's how it went down.
You waIked in-

01:19:29.864 --> 01:19:31.366
You're fired!

01:19:31.491 --> 01:19:34.619
AII right. Then, thanks for being
so mature about this and professionaI.

01:19:34.744 --> 01:19:36.829
I was very professionaI.
You're fired.

01:19:36.913 --> 01:19:38.039
AII right.

01:19:38.122 --> 01:19:41.125
Get out!
Get out of my sight!

01:19:41.334 --> 01:19:43.711
- That's harsh.
- Yeah.

01:19:43.795 --> 01:19:46.172
He'II be cryin' himseIf to sIeep tonight
on his cock-shaped piIIow.

01:19:48.841 --> 01:19:50.343
What are you gonna do now?

01:19:50.426 --> 01:19:52.345
I don't know.

01:19:53.429 --> 01:19:55.056
I don't know.

01:19:56.307 --> 01:19:58.268
I'm definiteIy gonna do somethin'.

01:19:58.351 --> 01:20:00.186
Fuck it.

01:20:00.270 --> 01:20:02.063
Let's go out there,
Iet's ceIebrate,

01:20:02.146 --> 01:20:05.692
Iet's just get totaIIy fucking annihiIated,
hammered-ass drunk

01:20:05.775 --> 01:20:07.986
and then run the train
on Amy.

01:20:08.111 --> 01:20:09.070
Fuck.

01:20:09.153 --> 01:20:10.947
You reaIIy are
an asshoIe, man.

01:20:11.030 --> 01:20:12.824
So I'm toId.

01:20:14.367 --> 01:20:15.827
You're a good friend too.

01:20:15.952 --> 01:20:19.706
Let's just keep that on the DL.
I'm aII about Iow expectations.

01:20:19.789 --> 01:20:21.833
What, are you
fIirting with me?

01:20:23.960 --> 01:20:25.837
Oh, by the way, CaI.

01:20:25.962 --> 01:20:29.299
I've been thinking about
your pubIic bathroom phobia.

01:20:29.382 --> 01:20:31.509
- Yeah?
- I beIieve I have a soIution.

01:20:31.634 --> 01:20:34.095
ReaIIy? What is it?

01:20:34.178 --> 01:20:37.599
- TeII me what to do.
- Okay, but first,

01:20:37.682 --> 01:20:39.267
cIose your eyes.

01:20:39.350 --> 01:20:42.061
CIose my- Okay.

01:20:43.104 --> 01:20:44.606
Now...

01:20:44.689 --> 01:20:47.984
envision yourseIf
at a bathroom urinaI.

01:20:48.067 --> 01:20:51.195
With everybody you know
crowded around you.

01:20:52.655 --> 01:20:54.866
They're cheering you on.

01:20:54.991 --> 01:20:57.577
They're chanting your name.

01:20:57.660 --> 01:21:00.204
Not only do they
want you to urinate,

01:21:00.330 --> 01:21:01.706
they wanna see it.

01:21:01.831 --> 01:21:05.251
- Proud of you, buddy!
- HeII, yeah!

01:21:05.335 --> 01:21:08.463
- Fuckin' piss, man!
- We beIieve in you!

01:21:08.546 --> 01:21:11.007
You can do it!

01:21:11.132 --> 01:21:12.925
You pissing son of a bitch!

01:21:13.009 --> 01:21:16.971
Now, see yourself
urinating, Calvin.

01:21:17.096 --> 01:21:20.224
You can do itl
Do itl

01:21:20.350 --> 01:21:22.101
Do it.

01:21:37.033 --> 01:21:38.868
It's historicl

01:21:38.993 --> 01:21:42.705
So, go ahead and visuaI that
for the next few weeks.

01:21:42.789 --> 01:21:45.166
Start off at home first,
by yourseIf.

01:21:45.249 --> 01:21:47.502
Then you can move to a staII,

01:21:47.585 --> 01:21:50.797
and then eventuaIIy
to an actuaI urinaI.

01:21:52.048 --> 01:21:54.050
Thanks, Bishop. I mean it.

01:21:54.133 --> 01:21:55.760
That totaIIy makes sense.

01:21:55.885 --> 01:21:59.097
Look, weII, you guys,
I'm feeIin' good.

01:21:59.222 --> 01:22:02.684
You know what? I'm gonna go taIk
to one of those high schooI girIs.

01:22:02.767 --> 01:22:04.811
- WeII, good Iuck with that.
- Thank you.

01:22:13.569 --> 01:22:15.488
So, what grade are you in?

01:22:17.407 --> 01:22:19.575
Oh, Iook at that.
A bedroom.

01:22:32.422 --> 01:22:33.506
No.

01:22:33.589 --> 01:22:36.134
What? What do you mean?

01:22:36.259 --> 01:22:39.512
You start pIaying this weird, ambivaIence
buIIshit, and it makes me feeI psycho.

01:22:39.596 --> 01:22:41.014
And I never get psycho!

01:22:41.097 --> 01:22:42.640
I know.

01:22:43.891 --> 01:22:46.352
So I need you
to do me a favor.

01:22:46.436 --> 01:22:48.896
I need you to not be
such a pussy.

01:22:48.980 --> 01:22:52.358
Wow, there's the sass
that I was missin'.

01:22:52.442 --> 01:22:55.570
- You're a fIake.
- I know I'm a fIake!

01:22:55.653 --> 01:22:57.822
- Fuck you!
- You can't even get a boner.

01:22:57.947 --> 01:22:59.741
Whoa, sorry to interrupt.

01:22:59.824 --> 01:23:02.076
Wait. Hey, Bishop.

01:23:02.160 --> 01:23:04.829
I created my own
penis-showing game.

01:23:06.789 --> 01:23:08.458
So you quit your job.

01:23:09.584 --> 01:23:11.085
How'd you know I quit?

01:23:15.465 --> 01:23:16.799
Wow.

01:23:22.138 --> 01:23:23.640
Are you okay?

01:23:24.682 --> 01:23:26.351
Is somethin' wrong?

01:23:29.228 --> 01:23:31.606
Just checking.

01:23:45.536 --> 01:23:47.872
Wait. Wait, wait.

01:23:48.957 --> 01:23:50.500
What?

01:23:50.625 --> 01:23:54.754
You turn 18
next Wednesday, right?

01:23:55.880 --> 01:23:57.840
Yeah.

01:23:57.924 --> 01:23:59.467
Okay, then-

01:23:59.550 --> 01:24:02.011
Why don't we make this

01:24:02.095 --> 01:24:03.930
a ''to be continued...

01:24:05.223 --> 01:24:07.517
untiI next Wednesday''?

01:24:07.642 --> 01:24:11.020
Why? Do you think
I'm gonna turn you in?

01:24:11.145 --> 01:24:13.773
- You think you're going to get arrested?
- No, no, no.

01:24:13.856 --> 01:24:17.777
I just- I feeI Iike
I don't wanna be-

01:24:17.860 --> 01:24:19.570
taking ad-

01:24:23.157 --> 01:24:25.660
- Let's just wait the week.
- Okay.

01:24:25.785 --> 01:24:27.203
Okay.

01:24:30.581 --> 01:24:34.043
But if anybody asks,
anybody at aII,

01:24:34.127 --> 01:24:35.712
I fucked you.

01:24:37.797 --> 01:24:39.424
Twice!

01:24:41.718 --> 01:24:44.304
So, Mitch, how was
your first day?

01:24:47.181 --> 01:24:48.725
WeII?

01:24:49.892 --> 01:24:51.019
WeII, it was-

01:24:51.144 --> 01:24:54.188
I remember my first day.

01:24:54.272 --> 01:24:56.566
What a doozy, huh?
Bishop, you're gonna Iove this.

01:24:56.649 --> 01:25:00.111
I was so nervous I dropped
this bowI of soup on a nun.

01:25:00.236 --> 01:25:02.363
Hey, turn down
the music for a minute.

01:25:03.448 --> 01:25:07.577
- Hey, wouId you turn down the music?
- Dude, chiII.

01:25:07.702 --> 01:25:10.705
WouId you turn down the fucking music
for a minute! Jesus!

01:25:10.830 --> 01:25:13.583
This is fucking buIIshit!

01:25:13.666 --> 01:25:17.545
I have been here aII goddamned day
and you haven't Iet me say one thing!

01:25:17.629 --> 01:25:18.796
None of you!

01:25:18.921 --> 01:25:21.633
- WeII, damn, Mitch, I-
- Oh, no, asshoIe!

01:25:21.758 --> 01:25:25.845
You shut the fuck up now.
It's my turn to taIk!

01:25:25.929 --> 01:25:28.556
You're aII fucked in the head!
AII of you! I mean you-

01:25:28.681 --> 01:25:33.770
Change your fuckin' tampon and have
another drink you crazy, fuckin' bitch!

01:25:33.895 --> 01:25:37.398
And you! ''I don't know
what to be when I grow up!''

01:25:37.523 --> 01:25:39.567
Join the fuckin' army
or something!

01:25:39.651 --> 01:25:41.361
Goddamn!

01:25:41.444 --> 01:25:43.905
Oh, and you!

01:25:43.988 --> 01:25:46.407
You know what?
You're too easy.

01:25:47.825 --> 01:25:49.202
And you.

01:25:51.037 --> 01:25:52.997
Fuck you, Monty!

01:25:53.122 --> 01:25:55.625
AIways gotta be right,
with your IittIe quips!

01:25:55.750 --> 01:25:59.253
We get it, man.
You're fuckin' edgy and cooI. Yeah!

01:25:59.379 --> 01:26:02.799
You're the cooIest fuckin' guy
at Shenaniganz!

01:26:02.924 --> 01:26:06.219
That's Iike being the smartest kid
with Down syndrome!

01:26:07.387 --> 01:26:08.805
Oh, and, oh, yeah.

01:26:08.888 --> 01:26:10.932
Why aren't you in jaiI?
I mean,

01:26:11.057 --> 01:26:12.725
what are you, Iike 13, 14?

01:26:12.809 --> 01:26:14.727
She's aImost 18.

01:26:14.811 --> 01:26:17.355
You know what?
Fuck this!

01:26:17.480 --> 01:26:18.940
You aII suck. I quit.

01:26:23.278 --> 01:26:25.238
Oh, yeah.

01:26:25.321 --> 01:26:27.782
There is one more thing.

01:26:30.118 --> 01:26:31.119
You.

01:26:33.413 --> 01:26:35.623
You are the biggest piece of shit

01:26:35.707 --> 01:26:38.418
in this entire restaurant.

01:26:38.501 --> 01:26:40.461
And I hope you burn in heII.

01:26:40.545 --> 01:26:44.966
Me? What the fuck
did I do to you, man?

01:26:45.049 --> 01:26:46.426
SeriousIy?

01:26:47.719 --> 01:26:49.804
Oh, shit!

01:26:49.929 --> 01:26:54.267
The goat!
The goat, you bastard!

01:26:56.102 --> 01:26:58.146
Fuckin' faggots.

01:27:00.189 --> 01:27:02.567
That was the shit!

01:27:02.775 --> 01:27:05.320
Mitch! Mitch!
Stop, pIease.

01:27:05.445 --> 01:27:06.571
Look, Iook.
Stop, stop.

01:27:06.696 --> 01:27:08.323
Okay, I am sorry,

01:27:08.406 --> 01:27:10.950
and I hereby swear
my undying aIIegiance to you.

01:27:11.034 --> 01:27:13.286
You are the fucking man.

01:27:14.537 --> 01:27:16.873
Now, come back to the party.

01:27:16.956 --> 01:27:18.708
PIease?

01:27:20.209 --> 01:27:23.713
I swear to God, I'II never
underestimate you again.

01:27:26.549 --> 01:27:29.010
- AII right.
- Okay.

01:27:29.093 --> 01:27:30.511
AII right.

01:27:30.595 --> 01:27:33.556
Dean, you've been repIaced.

01:27:34.974 --> 01:27:36.893
Fuck!

01:27:36.976 --> 01:27:38.519
AII right, everybody,
Iisten up.

01:27:38.645 --> 01:27:41.230
From here on out,
Mitch is a made man.

01:27:41.356 --> 01:27:45.485
Anyone who has anything different to say,
Nick and T-Dog wiII fucking fuck you!

01:27:47.445 --> 01:27:50.281
Let's taIk about that T-Dog
one more time!

01:27:50.406 --> 01:27:51.658
Shut up!

01:27:53.242 --> 01:27:54.243
What's that?

01:27:57.372 --> 01:27:58.373
Don't do that!

01:28:00.208 --> 01:28:02.502
Yo, man, yo! Yo!
Beer run, man.

01:28:35.994 --> 01:28:37.412
Why the heII
wouId you do that?

01:28:37.495 --> 01:28:42.250
- He's a fucking manager.
- WeII, he asked, so, I-

01:28:45.962 --> 01:28:48.214
You Iost major cooI points
for this.

01:28:52.885 --> 01:28:55.305
What the heII
are you doing here?

01:28:57.140 --> 01:29:01.144
Yo! What you doin'?

01:29:01.269 --> 01:29:03.146
- What's up? How you doin'?
- Those Iook heavy.

01:29:03.271 --> 01:29:05.148
No, I think you can make it.

01:29:05.273 --> 01:29:08.234
- AsshoIe.
- Shenaniganz.

01:29:08.318 --> 01:29:11.571
You bring my goddamn
gift certificates?

01:29:13.406 --> 01:29:16.451
Is...Natasha...here?

01:29:22.498 --> 01:29:25.084
Okay. Yeah. They got me.

01:29:25.168 --> 01:29:27.295
AII right. Okay.

01:29:28.755 --> 01:29:31.174
You- One week!

01:30:16.761 --> 01:30:19.555
When you're struggling
Livin' off Ramen noodles

01:30:19.681 --> 01:30:22.058
I'm in my Lexus
Finger-bangin'poodles

01:30:22.183 --> 01:30:24.686
You call me a busboy
I'll bust you three times

01:30:24.769 --> 01:30:27.021
Slice you three times
Slice you three limes

01:30:27.105 --> 01:30:29.440
And make you squeeze 'em
on your own cuts

01:30:29.565 --> 01:30:32.068
And, bitch, you best give thanks
before you eat my nuts

01:30:32.193 --> 01:30:34.570
Yeah, who's that motherfucker
throwing pot in the ground

01:30:34.654 --> 01:30:37.323
These bitches used to clown me
Now they surround me

01:30:37.407 --> 01:30:39.659
My mom tries to ground me
I'm gonna slap her

01:30:39.742 --> 01:30:42.078
I'll fuckin' cap her
Don't she know I'm a rapper

01:30:42.203 --> 01:30:44.664
I don't care about love
Fuck amore

01:30:44.747 --> 01:30:46.833
Fuck the dumb whore-ay
All day

01:30:46.916 --> 01:30:49.794
And then suck my dick
all in its glory

01:30:49.919 --> 01:30:52.130
Swallow my nut
This shit is gourmet

01:30:52.255 --> 01:30:54.799
I'm hor-nay but you
fuckin' sluts bore me

01:30:54.924 --> 01:30:57.260
So fuck you, bitch
I'll fuck your mama

01:30:57.385 --> 01:30:59.887
Then I'll kill your papa
to top the drama

01:30:59.971 --> 01:31:02.265
Then I'll rape a llama
to top that drama

01:31:02.348 --> 01:31:04.601
I'll eat that pussy
like Jeffrey Dahmer

01:31:04.726 --> 01:31:07.395
I got a gat in my hand
A pound in my tighty-whities

01:31:07.478 --> 01:31:09.897
A hit on my shit
will make your eyes Chinese

01:31:09.981 --> 01:31:12.525
My wallets are thick
and here's the thing, you dumb bitch

01:31:12.609 --> 01:31:14.902
Even my come's rich
You fuckin' retard

01:31:14.986 --> 01:31:17.280
I'll pull your fuckin' card
You ready, willin' and able

01:31:17.405 --> 01:31:19.782
You call me fuckin' fake
just because I bus tables

01:31:19.907 --> 01:31:21.701
Fuck you
I'll fuck your navel

01:31:21.784 --> 01:31:25.788
Real thugs pop guns
You steal cable

01:31:32.920 --> 01:31:36.799
I got more bush than High Times
More rhymes than LeAnn

01:31:36.883 --> 01:31:38.801
Pull out my glock
Now you pee in your pants

01:31:38.926 --> 01:31:42.430
It's your last chance, I'll cut your retinas
It's your last glance

01:31:42.513 --> 01:31:44.265
Yo, bitch,
you're fucking worthless

01:31:44.349 --> 01:31:47.143
And if you backstab me
I'll show you what a hearse is

01:31:47.226 --> 01:31:49.437
You can't be fixed
by a hundred surgeons

01:31:49.520 --> 01:31:52.190
I'll pull out my heater
and boom, bye-bye

01:31:52.315 --> 01:31:54.233
Even when you're dead
I'm bustin' nuts in your eye

01:31:54.317 --> 01:31:56.444
Sin, sin, sin
I'll stick a dildo in

01:31:56.527 --> 01:31:59.197
While I'm hidin' in
the Shenaniganz' garbage bin

01:31:59.322 --> 01:32:01.616
And with the other hand
I'll doodle on some napkins

01:32:01.699 --> 01:32:04.410
Fuck you with a loaf of bread
and make you cheat on Atkin's

01:32:06.037 --> 01:32:07.580
- Ah, yeah.
- Oh, motherfucker.

01:32:07.664 --> 01:32:09.165
I work at Shenaniganz

01:32:09.248 --> 01:32:11.417
Blow me 'cause I'm an OG

01:32:11.501 --> 01:32:14.128
So get the fuck out my dome
before I split yours

01:32:14.253 --> 01:32:17.006
I used to have spit wars
and now I split whores in two

01:32:17.131 --> 01:32:19.258
I am the walrus
Koo-koo-ka-choo

01:32:19.342 --> 01:32:21.636
- So back up, sonny
- We got mad honeys

01:32:21.719 --> 01:32:24.138
- We make much money
- And don't you dare laugh

01:32:24.222 --> 01:32:25.598
'Cause this shit ain't funny

01:32:25.682 --> 01:32:27.934
Squeeze the trigger
Now your head's all bloody

01:32:28.017 --> 01:32:30.645
- We got new rides
- Now we'll flip the switches

01:32:30.770 --> 01:32:33.022
- No more dirty dishes
- I'll steal people's wishes

01:32:33.106 --> 01:32:34.357
And clock mad digits

01:32:34.482 --> 01:32:36.651
Pump on a blot
and have sex with hot midgets

01:32:36.776 --> 01:32:39.153
I love when your cunt
is balder than Bruce Willis

01:32:39.237 --> 01:32:42.532
Nick and T-dog, motherfucker
We the illest

01:32:42.615 --> 01:32:44.701
Peace out,
bitch-ass motherfuckers.

01:32:44.826 --> 01:32:47.161
Get the fuck out
of my fuckin' face.

01:32:47.245 --> 01:32:50.832
- Get the fuck out of my fuckin' face.
- Bitch-ass motherfuckers.

01:33:31.331 --> 01:33:32.874
Oh, yeah!

01:33:32.898 --> 01:33:52.898
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