WEBVTT

00:00:04.963 --> 00:00:07.215
MAN: I don't have custody of the kids
I don't get custody.

00:00:07.383 --> 00:00:09.050
WOMAN: It is pathetic
what I've had to go through

00:00:09.218 --> 00:00:11.052
MAN: Right now, she doesn't know
where the kids are.

00:00:11.220 --> 00:00:12.553
WOMAN:
Do not talk about me as a mother

00:00:12.721 --> 00:00:13.763
MAN:
Are they home?

00:00:13.931 --> 00:00:15.932
WOMAN: I'm so sick to death of you
talking about me as a mother.

00:00:16.100 --> 00:00:17.934
MAN: They're probably
at a firehouse somewhere

00:00:18.102 --> 00:00:19.352
WOMAN:
Do not talk about that.

00:00:19.520 --> 00:00:21.521
I'm sick of you accusing me
of not being a good mother.

00:00:21.689 --> 00:00:23.272
MAN: Are they home?
WOMAN: I've been a good mother!

00:00:23.440 --> 00:00:25.108
MAN: A perfect mother?
I can't have custody.

00:00:25.275 --> 00:00:26.901
WOMAN: Just remember how you--
MAN: Right now.

00:00:27.069 --> 00:00:28.111
Where is Tim right now?

00:00:28.278 --> 00:00:29.612
WOMAN:
Don't you talk about me being a mother.

00:00:29.780 --> 00:00:31.698
-I hate you!
MAN: Hey, I got an idea.

00:00:31.865 --> 00:00:34.117
Why don't you just kiss my left nut?

00:00:34.284 --> 00:00:36.411
-I told you this was a bad idea.
JEREMY: You know what, Ken?

00:00:36.578 --> 00:00:39.122
A bad idea would be to let your client
walk out of here today...

00:00:39.289 --> 00:00:43.418
...and drag this thing out for another year,
wasting more time and more money.

00:00:43.585 --> 00:00:46.129
The only good idea is to let
me and John do our job...

00:00:46.296 --> 00:00:47.797
...and mediate this thing right here.

00:00:47.965 --> 00:00:49.549
You wanna hear the crazy thing?

00:00:49.717 --> 00:00:51.968
I know it doesn't feel like it,
but we're making progress.

00:00:52.136 --> 00:00:54.637
JEREMY: Mm-hm.
-We settled the deal with the cars.

00:00:54.805 --> 00:00:57.098
That takes us to frequent-flyer miles.
We're flying.

00:00:57.266 --> 00:00:58.474
KROEGER: Those are mine.
-I want them.

00:00:58.642 --> 00:01:00.476
We're gonna split them
right down the middle.

00:01:00.644 --> 00:01:02.061
How'd that be, Mr. Kroeger?

00:01:02.229 --> 00:01:05.481
It would be not good at all.
I earned those miles.

00:01:05.649 --> 00:01:07.984
Yeah, you earned them flying to Denver
to meet your whore.

00:01:08.152 --> 00:01:09.152
Oh, Lord.

00:01:09.319 --> 00:01:11.821
Well, she's not afraid
to express herself sexually.

00:01:11.989 --> 00:01:13.406
She is a stripper, for God's sake!

00:01:13.574 --> 00:01:16.075
-She is not.
-Her name is Chastity.

00:01:16.243 --> 00:01:18.828
She is white trash. Same as you.

00:01:18.996 --> 00:01:20.163
Hillbilly.

00:01:20.748 --> 00:01:22.957
That's it, go comatose for me, baby.

00:01:23.125 --> 00:01:26.252
You shut your mouth
when you're talking to me.

00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:28.838
Hold it. This is getting confusing.

00:01:29.006 --> 00:01:31.090
You didn't always hate each other.

00:01:31.258 --> 00:01:33.676
There had to be nice moments,
during the courtship, maybe?

00:01:33.844 --> 00:01:36.137
-Or the wedding?
-The wedding had to be fun.

00:01:36.305 --> 00:01:38.097
-You have your families.
-Your decorations.

00:01:38.265 --> 00:01:40.391
Families coming together.
That's a nice moment.

00:01:40.559 --> 00:01:42.518
-What'd you have to eat?
-Crab cakes.

00:01:42.686 --> 00:01:45.605
Are you kidding me?
How could you not have a good time?

00:01:45.773 --> 00:01:48.357
-I love them. They're phenomenal.
-And did you have a band?

00:01:48.525 --> 00:01:49.984
-Yeah.
JOHN: Good or bad?

00:01:50.152 --> 00:01:52.987
Who gives a shit? It's a great band,
a bad band, it's like pizza, baby.

00:01:53.155 --> 00:01:54.781
It's good no matter what. There's music!

00:01:54.948 --> 00:01:57.533
You get them playing "Shout"
and you hate it.

00:01:57.701 --> 00:01:59.660
[SINGING THE ISLEY BROTHERS'
"SHOUT"]

00:02:02.164 --> 00:02:03.623
JEREMY:
It's a good time, know what I mean?

00:02:03.791 --> 00:02:06.209
Rubbing up against each other,
a couple of kids who like to fuck...

00:02:06.376 --> 00:02:07.877
...trying to make it honest. I get it.

00:02:08.253 --> 00:02:12.006
Guys, the real enemy here
is the institution of marriage.

00:02:12.174 --> 00:02:14.300
It's not realistic, it's crazy.

00:02:14.468 --> 00:02:15.968
Don't do this for the other person.

00:02:16.136 --> 00:02:18.679
-Say yes to yourself and your future.
-Say yes.

00:02:18.847 --> 00:02:22.099
Have some opportunities for yourself.
I'm sure you'd love to be free...

00:02:22.267 --> 00:02:24.727
...maybe go out and meet some
Latin guy that can dance...

00:02:24.895 --> 00:02:27.897
...grind up on you,
make you feel dangerous but also safe.

00:02:28.065 --> 00:02:30.066
And you? Don't you wanna
get inside Chastity...

00:02:30.234 --> 00:02:32.151
...without wondering if anyone's
gonna find out?

00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:34.320
JOHN: Wouldn't that be sweet?
JEREMY: Wouldn't that be nice?

00:02:34.488 --> 00:02:36.531
And have some Latin guy
sweating all over you...

00:02:36.698 --> 00:02:38.491
...talking to you in languages
you don't understand...

00:02:38.659 --> 00:02:40.409
...needing you, wanting you, taking you?

00:02:40.577 --> 00:02:43.204
All we're trying to say is...

00:02:43.372 --> 00:02:45.456
...put your swords away for a second.

00:02:45.624 --> 00:02:48.292
Let's finish this and let's move on.

00:02:48.460 --> 00:02:50.711
Get out there and get some strange ass.

00:02:51.505 --> 00:02:54.006
Could you give her a glass of water
so she can take that?

00:02:58.887 --> 00:03:02.098
Hey, John, that's weird.
That glass looks half full to me.

00:03:02.266 --> 00:03:06.269
Wow, now that you mention it,
it is half full.

00:03:08.438 --> 00:03:10.773
He can have the miles.

00:03:10.941 --> 00:03:14.360
No, sweetie, you take the miles.

00:03:14.528 --> 00:03:17.822
Great. Great! Let's sign the paperwork
and we are done.

00:03:17.990 --> 00:03:20.783
This is just semantics. You guys
wanna throw a couple miles at us...

00:03:20.951 --> 00:03:23.536
...we'll take a couple. The big thing is
that we're all moving on.

00:03:23.912 --> 00:03:26.205
Could you two just not talk anymore?

00:03:26.229 --> 00:03:36.229
..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

00:03:39.678 --> 00:03:41.888
Oh, good, you got it.
Is it 1 00 percent goose down?

00:03:42.055 --> 00:03:43.931
-Yes. Why do you need this?
-Are you sure?

00:03:44.099 --> 00:03:46.642
I sleep over at John's house
every year for his birthday.

00:03:46.810 --> 00:03:48.728
Okay, that's not creepy.

00:03:49.229 --> 00:03:50.813
I guess it is a little creepy...

00:03:50.981 --> 00:03:53.816
...when a young man
who happens to be an only child...

00:03:53.984 --> 00:03:58.321
...loses both of his parents in a tragic
accident one month before his birthday...

00:03:58.488 --> 00:04:00.281
...and then has a best friend
make a vow...

00:04:00.449 --> 00:04:03.326
...that he will never spend
his birthday alone again.

00:04:03.577 --> 00:04:06.495
Maybe that would fall under
the category of creepy.

00:04:06.663 --> 00:04:09.081
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

00:04:09.249 --> 00:04:11.792
-That's okay.
-No, you're really sweet.

00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:13.628
I've got the perfect girl for you.

00:04:14.504 --> 00:04:16.797
Janice, I apologize to you
if I don't seem real eager...

00:04:16.965 --> 00:04:19.926
...to jump into a forced,
awkward intimate situation...

00:04:20.093 --> 00:04:22.511
...that people like to call dating.
I don't like the feeling.

00:04:22.679 --> 00:04:24.972
You're wondering,
"Do I have food on my face? Am I eating?

00:04:25.140 --> 00:04:27.183
Am I talking too much?
Are they talking enough?

00:04:27.351 --> 00:04:29.685
Should I play like I'm interested?
I'm not that interested.

00:04:29.853 --> 00:04:31.854
She might be interested.
Do I want to be interested?

00:04:32.022 --> 00:04:35.358
Now she's not interested. So now, all
of sudden, I'm starting to get interested."

00:04:35.525 --> 00:04:37.526
When am I supposed to kiss her?
Do I wait for the door?

00:04:37.694 --> 00:04:40.613
Then it's awkward. It's like, "Good night."
Do you do the ass-out hug?

00:04:40.781 --> 00:04:42.531
Where you, like,
hug each other like this...

00:04:42.699 --> 00:04:44.659
...and the ass sticks out because
you're trying not to get too close.

00:04:44.826 --> 00:04:47.119
Do you kiss them on the lips?
Or don't kiss them at all?

00:04:47.287 --> 00:04:49.038
It's very difficult to read the situation.

00:04:49.206 --> 00:04:51.874
All the while you're wondering,
"Are we gonna get hopped up enough...

00:04:52.042 --> 00:04:53.292
...to make some bad decisions?"

00:04:53.460 --> 00:04:55.753
And perhaps play a little game called
Just the Tip.

00:04:55.921 --> 00:04:57.755
Just for a second,
just to see how it feels.

00:04:57.923 --> 00:04:59.632
Or Ouch, Ouch, You're on My Hair.

00:05:00.175 --> 00:05:01.634
Okay.

00:05:01.802 --> 00:05:04.887
Okay, can you--? Can you put that
so he can't see it? And thank you.

00:05:05.055 --> 00:05:08.015
Hey, Janice. Great talk.

00:05:10.727 --> 00:05:11.769
-John?
-Yeah?

00:05:11.937 --> 00:05:13.562
I gotta see you right away,
it's important.

00:05:15.607 --> 00:05:17.400
What's going on?

00:05:19.569 --> 00:05:21.570
We got three really
big weeks ahead of us.

00:05:22.239 --> 00:05:25.700
-It's wedding season, kid.
-You sandbagging son of a bitch.

00:05:25.867 --> 00:05:27.576
I got us down for 1 7 of them already.

00:05:27.744 --> 00:05:28.911
Okay, how many are cash bars?

00:05:29.079 --> 00:05:31.956
Great question, love where your head's at,
and two of them actually are.

00:05:32.124 --> 00:05:34.917
But I got us covered.

00:05:36.044 --> 00:05:38.754
Purple Hearts. We won't have
to pay for a drink all night.

00:05:38.922 --> 00:05:40.506
Oh, yeah. Perfect.

00:05:40.674 --> 00:05:43.259
We are gonna have tons of opportunities
to meet gorgeous ladies...

00:05:43.427 --> 00:05:46.762
...that are so aroused by marriage,
they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind.

00:05:46.930 --> 00:05:48.222
Who's gonna be there to catch them?

00:05:48.390 --> 00:05:50.599
Grab that net and catch that
beautiful butterfly, pal.

00:05:50.767 --> 00:05:52.935
What do you like better?
Christmas or wedding season?

00:05:53.103 --> 00:05:56.105
-Mr. Grey.
-Yes, um, the answer would be...

00:05:56.273 --> 00:05:57.773
...wedding season?

00:05:57.941 --> 00:06:01.027
Bingo. I'm gonna go get my suit.
Oh, now, who are we this time?

00:06:01.194 --> 00:06:03.195
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

00:06:07.075 --> 00:06:10.286
Hey, Lou Epstein, I want you to meet
a real mensch, Chuck Schwartz.

00:06:10.454 --> 00:06:11.954
Oh, stop.

00:06:19.421 --> 00:06:23.090
And as we carry on the tradition
of thousands of years...

00:06:23.258 --> 00:06:25.384
...we honor the eternal bond...

00:06:25.552 --> 00:06:27.803
...that stretches through the ages.

00:06:28.597 --> 00:06:31.307
I have known this couple
for many years.

00:06:31.641 --> 00:06:34.810
Deborah I've actually known
for her entire life.

00:06:35.604 --> 00:06:39.148
I was at her house when her parents
brought her home from the hospital...

00:06:39.316 --> 00:06:42.985
...and I was there the day
she graduated from medical school.

00:06:43.153 --> 00:06:45.654
Josh I have known
since his bar mitzvah...

00:06:46.364 --> 00:06:52.161
...which those of you who were there
know it was not a very pretty sight.

00:06:52.329 --> 00:06:55.122
But he has pulled himself
together nicely...

00:06:55.290 --> 00:06:59.585
...and he's grown into a remarkable
young man himself.

00:06:59.753 --> 00:07:01.754
-Okay.
RABBI: He never got the courage...

00:07:01.922 --> 00:07:07.426
...to ask her out, until 1 0 years later,
Josh was in the emergency room...

00:07:07.594 --> 00:07:09.428
...and he saw Deborah again...

00:07:09.596 --> 00:07:11.180
-...and he said to himself:
- [WHISPERING] Hi.

00:07:11.348 --> 00:07:14.517
RABBI: "Wait. That's the girl
I'm going to marry."

00:07:14.684 --> 00:07:18.521
I now pronounce you man and wife.

00:07:19.272 --> 00:07:21.899
BOTH:
Mazel tov!

00:07:22.067 --> 00:07:26.195
Mazel tov, baby! From my family
to yours, mazel tov. Beautiful.

00:07:26.363 --> 00:07:28.364
[PLAYING "HAVA NAGILA"]

00:07:33.036 --> 00:07:35.037
[SINGING "HAVA NAGILA"]

00:07:39.501 --> 00:07:40.876
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
AND LAUGHING]

00:07:41.044 --> 00:07:42.753
Oh, my yarmulke fell off!

00:07:42.921 --> 00:07:45.381
You sly son of a bitch.

00:07:45.882 --> 00:07:47.883
[LAUGHING]

00:07:49.636 --> 00:07:51.637
[SINGING "HAVA NAGILA"]

00:07:52.556 --> 00:07:55.057
Does anyone know what
this here is used for?

00:07:55.225 --> 00:07:58.727
-Rolling a fatty.
-No, not for-- Where'd you learn that?

00:07:58.895 --> 00:08:00.563
You want to get a whole combination.

00:08:00.730 --> 00:08:02.565
Get the frostings in the middle
and the end.

00:08:02.732 --> 00:08:04.108
[HUMMING]

00:08:04.276 --> 00:08:07.736
That's it, that's it, that's it! Come on!

00:08:07.904 --> 00:08:12.658
You both look beautiful up there today,
particularly Debbie in that white dress.

00:08:12.826 --> 00:08:15.744
Enjoy it. After tomorrow, I don't think
you're gonna be able to get away...

00:08:15.912 --> 00:08:18.205
...with wearing a white dress.

00:08:18.373 --> 00:08:22.585
Here, I'll just pick this off,
I'll go grab another piece. That's it.

00:08:24.337 --> 00:08:26.338
[CHILDREN GASPING AND OOHING]

00:08:27.257 --> 00:08:28.591
In the words of the old country....

00:08:28.758 --> 00:08:29.758
[SPEAKS IN HEBREW]

00:08:29.926 --> 00:08:31.552
[ALL SPEAK IN HEBREW]

00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:32.761
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]

00:08:32.929 --> 00:08:34.263
Ooh.

00:08:41.438 --> 00:08:43.105
Come here!

00:08:43.273 --> 00:08:44.940
I want you to take this note
to that blond girl.

00:08:45.108 --> 00:08:47.568
Hurry, because I'm gonna time you. Go!

00:08:49.738 --> 00:08:50.779
Hi.

00:08:52.741 --> 00:08:54.783
Who gave this to you?

00:08:56.119 --> 00:08:57.494
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

00:08:57.662 --> 00:08:59.747
You know, I saw you at the wedding.

00:08:59.915 --> 00:09:01.749
-And?
-You were crying.

00:09:01.917 --> 00:09:05.294
Oh, shit. You weren't supposed to see that.
Now you probably think I'm a big pussy.

00:09:05.462 --> 00:09:08.756
No, you were so sweet. Come here.

00:09:09.382 --> 00:09:12.468
Look, I knew I was never gonna be
a professional bullfighter...

00:09:12.636 --> 00:09:15.638
-...but that's not why I did it.
-Weren't you scared?

00:09:15.805 --> 00:09:17.848
Can I say yes?

00:09:28.902 --> 00:09:30.778
-Sanjay Collins.
-Chuck Vindaloo.

00:09:30.946 --> 00:09:32.279
Excited to be here.

00:09:32.906 --> 00:09:34.615
-Shamus O'Toole.
-Bobby O'Shea.

00:09:34.783 --> 00:09:36.825
-I'm ready to get drunk.
-Ha, ha.

00:09:36.993 --> 00:09:38.994
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

00:09:39.913 --> 00:09:42.748
-Who is that?
-Ah, him.

00:09:42.916 --> 00:09:46.001
I think that's his kid Leonard.
The diabetic.

00:09:46.169 --> 00:09:47.169
WOMAN:
Who is that?

00:09:47.337 --> 00:09:50.923
That's Luigi and Gina's son Christopher.
You know, the banker.

00:09:51.091 --> 00:09:55.761
Oh, that's Mae Lin's adopted son Benny,
the veterinarian.

00:09:55.929 --> 00:09:58.722
-The French Foreign Legion?
-Yeah.

00:09:58.890 --> 00:10:01.183
We lost a lot of good men out there.

00:10:01.351 --> 00:10:04.353
Wow, really? Mount Everest?

00:10:04.521 --> 00:10:08.023
I just don't like to talk about it because
we lost so many good men out there.

00:10:08.191 --> 00:10:09.275
Oh.

00:10:09.442 --> 00:10:11.819
Lost so many good men out there.

00:10:11.987 --> 00:10:14.363
WOMAN:
Playing with the Yankees?

00:10:14.990 --> 00:10:16.573
Yes, with the Yankees.

00:10:16.741 --> 00:10:19.535
You lose good men
to trades and unruly fans.

00:10:19.703 --> 00:10:22.538
I-- Look, I don't want
to talk about it, I'm sorry.

00:10:24.833 --> 00:10:26.375
It's just a matter
of trying to get it down.

00:10:26.543 --> 00:10:29.837
Tattoo on the lower back.
Might as well be a bull's-eye.

00:10:30.380 --> 00:10:33.966
You know how they say
we only use 1 0 percent of our brains?

00:10:35.427 --> 00:10:38.053
I think we only use 1 0 percent
of our hearts.

00:10:38.805 --> 00:10:41.056
I feel so tiny in your arms.

00:10:41.224 --> 00:10:44.310
Really? How tall are you?

00:10:44.477 --> 00:10:47.896
I'm 6'5", but I feel like I'm 4 feet.

00:10:48.398 --> 00:10:53.444
And some poetry,
courtesy of Sarah McLachlan.

00:10:58.158 --> 00:11:00.159
[THE ISLEY BROTHERS' "SHOUT"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

00:11:09.753 --> 00:11:11.754
[ALL SINGING]

00:11:24.768 --> 00:11:25.768
Beautiful!

00:11:30.065 --> 00:11:31.732
The bride!

00:11:31.900 --> 00:11:34.068
All right, let's go, let's go,
let's make a memory!

00:11:34.235 --> 00:11:37.112
What are you gonna do for an encore?
Walk on water?

00:11:37.280 --> 00:11:38.739
Great guy. He brung me along too.

00:11:38.907 --> 00:11:40.908
[LAUGHING]

00:11:43.536 --> 00:11:46.580
-Jesus. Come on. You ruined it.
JOHN: Come on. Get in there.

00:11:46.748 --> 00:11:49.792
You butchered the whole damn cake!
You don't treat cake like that.

00:11:50.001 --> 00:11:52.044
-You gotta treat cake like a lady.
-Look at that.

00:11:52.212 --> 00:11:53.796
Oh, I meant in front of all of them.

00:11:53.963 --> 00:11:55.422
[CHORTLING]

00:12:00.887 --> 00:12:03.472
And then everyone said, "Jabroni!"

00:12:03.640 --> 00:12:05.474
[ALL LAUGHING]

00:12:05.642 --> 00:12:08.769
Jabroni! This fucking guy, unbelievable!

00:12:08.937 --> 00:12:10.646
Pop it in.

00:12:12.065 --> 00:12:13.565
Now spread it around on each other.

00:12:13.733 --> 00:12:15.567
We need a picture of this.
They're crazy!

00:12:15.735 --> 00:12:17.736
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

00:12:20.323 --> 00:12:22.991
Time to party! Time to party!

00:12:23.159 --> 00:12:25.869
Come on, get a picture,
get a picture, get a picture.

00:12:46.599 --> 00:12:47.808
Hot.

00:13:50.955 --> 00:13:52.956
[LAUGHING AND MOANING]

00:13:55.251 --> 00:13:56.793
Oh, no, no.

00:13:56.961 --> 00:13:58.420
Oh, I'm sorry.

00:13:58.588 --> 00:14:01.590
Sarah, I feel like I don't even know you.

00:14:01.841 --> 00:14:03.884
It's Vivian.

00:14:07.722 --> 00:14:11.767
Would you say you're completely
full of shit or just 50 percent?

00:14:12.685 --> 00:14:15.103
I hope just 50, but who knows?

00:14:32.497 --> 00:14:35.082
JEREMY:
Bet that blond was a real shot of life.

00:14:35.250 --> 00:14:37.709
Yeah, real shot.

00:14:39.837 --> 00:14:41.421
You don't think we're being--

00:14:41.589 --> 00:14:43.840
I don't wanna say sleazy,
because that's not the right word...

00:14:44.008 --> 00:14:46.885
...but a little irresponsible?
I mean, you know?

00:14:47.053 --> 00:14:49.096
No.

00:14:49.264 --> 00:14:52.140
One day, you'll look back
on all this and laugh...

00:14:52.308 --> 00:14:53.809
...say we were young and stupid.

00:14:53.977 --> 00:14:55.727
[CHUCKLING]

00:14:55.895 --> 00:14:58.939
A couple of dumb kids running around.

00:14:59.983 --> 00:15:01.984
We're not that young.

00:15:16.583 --> 00:15:18.166
Hell of a season, pal.

00:15:18.334 --> 00:15:20.335
JOHN:
Hell of a season.

00:15:27.343 --> 00:15:29.636
Oh, baba ganoush.

00:15:29.804 --> 00:15:31.346
What do we got?

00:15:32.223 --> 00:15:33.348
Christmas come early.

00:15:34.934 --> 00:15:37.603
JOHN: Secretary Cleary?
JEREMY: Secretary of the treasury.

00:15:37.770 --> 00:15:40.439
The guy you loved since business school.
Don't thank me.

00:15:40.607 --> 00:15:42.482
I don't know.
I thought the season was over.

00:15:42.650 --> 00:15:44.943
I was looking forward to
taking a break for a little bit.

00:15:45.111 --> 00:15:48.447
John, what are you talking about?
This is the Kentucky Derby of weddings.

00:15:48.615 --> 00:15:50.657
It's the Clearys.
They're an American institution.

00:15:50.825 --> 00:15:54.369
Pal, there's gonna be
over 200 single women at this wedding.

00:15:54.537 --> 00:15:56.455
Not to mention,
they got three live bands...

00:15:56.623 --> 00:15:59.333
...they got oysters, snacks,
phenomenal finger food.

00:15:59.500 --> 00:16:02.961
I'm tired, okay? My feet hurt.
My voice is hoarse.

00:16:03.129 --> 00:16:05.339
Oh, please don't take
a turn to negative town.

00:16:05.506 --> 00:16:07.174
What? Who's getting negative?

00:16:07.342 --> 00:16:10.010
At the Buckner nuptials you were
sitting and sulking in the corner.

00:16:10.178 --> 00:16:12.512
I wasn't sulking. I twisted my ankle.

00:16:12.680 --> 00:16:15.557
Rule number 6:
Do not sit in the corner and sulk.

00:16:15.725 --> 00:16:17.893
It draws attention to you
in a negative way.

00:16:18.061 --> 00:16:20.479
Draw attention to yourself,
but on your own terms.

00:16:20.647 --> 00:16:22.314
Don't quote the rules to me,
I know them.

00:16:22.482 --> 00:16:26.193
When Chazz Reinhold passed the sacred
rules of wedding crashing onto us...

00:16:26.361 --> 00:16:29.529
... 1 2 years ago, he gave us a legacy.

00:16:29.697 --> 00:16:31.073
You make it sound like a cult.

00:16:31.240 --> 00:16:33.659
From everything you told me
about him, he sounds like a kook.

00:16:33.826 --> 00:16:36.662
You bite your tongue.
Chazz Reinhold is not a kook.

00:16:36.829 --> 00:16:39.373
He is a brave and a decent man.
He is a pioneer.

00:16:39.540 --> 00:16:42.584
He lived with his mother till he was 40.
She tried to poison his oatmeal.

00:16:42.752 --> 00:16:46.421
Erroneous! Erroneous.
Erroneous on both counts.

00:16:46.589 --> 00:16:49.091
-Oh, Lord. Here we go again.
-What you should be worried about...

00:16:49.258 --> 00:16:51.885
...is not Chazz Reinhold,
who's in the hall of fame.

00:16:52.053 --> 00:16:54.763
What you should be worried about
is you're getting sloppy.

00:16:54.931 --> 00:16:57.974
Now, if you sit there
and expect me to go out on a limb...

00:16:58.142 --> 00:17:01.103
...and try to pull off
the greatest crash of all time...

00:17:01.270 --> 00:17:03.438
...I gotta know that your head's right.

00:17:05.108 --> 00:17:07.776
There is no room for error.

00:17:07.944 --> 00:17:10.278
Secret Service. Consequences.

00:17:11.280 --> 00:17:13.031
I love your enthusiasm.

00:17:13.199 --> 00:17:15.951
If I do this, I don't wanna half-ass it.

00:17:16.119 --> 00:17:17.619
I want it well planned.

00:17:17.787 --> 00:17:19.913
He's back.

00:17:20.081 --> 00:17:22.249
All right, partner.
We'll start scheming tonight, okay?

00:17:22.417 --> 00:17:24.876
-Sounds good. Okay.
-If you need me, I'll be on line six.

00:17:30.717 --> 00:17:31.883
Could be fun.

00:17:43.646 --> 00:17:44.646
Wow

00:17:44.814 --> 00:17:47.149
KATHLEEN: Mr. Senator. Thank you.
-Congratulations, Kathleen.

00:17:47.316 --> 00:17:49.192
-Bill, congratulations.
-Thank you, senator.

00:17:49.360 --> 00:17:51.319
Secretary, they just grow up
so damn fast.

00:17:51.487 --> 00:17:52.612
That's the truth, yeah.

00:17:52.780 --> 00:17:57.617
-Okay. Let's do our pregame.
-What do you got?

00:17:57.785 --> 00:18:00.579
Articles on Secretary Cleary's
economic policies.

00:18:00.747 --> 00:18:04.249
There's also a roster of key family members,
a glossary, sailing terms.

00:18:04.417 --> 00:18:06.209
-Sailing?
-Sailing's like sex to these people.

00:18:06.377 --> 00:18:08.837
-They love it.
-Harvard, Kennedy School of Government.

00:18:09.005 --> 00:18:11.465
Mom's big with charities,
blah, blah, blah.

00:18:11.632 --> 00:18:13.133
Three daughters, one son.

00:18:13.301 --> 00:18:15.594
-I get it. Good work.
-Good.

00:18:16.137 --> 00:18:18.138
[CHATTERING]

00:18:31.277 --> 00:18:32.819
Let me see that again, please.

00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:35.614
Pretty handsome.

00:18:35.782 --> 00:18:37.491
Okay, what's our back-story?

00:18:37.658 --> 00:18:40.827
We're brothers from New Hampshire,
we're venture capitalists.

00:18:40.995 --> 00:18:42.871
JEREMY:
I'm sick of that.

00:18:43.039 --> 00:18:46.833
Let's be from Vermont, and let's have
an emerging maple-syrup conglomerate.

00:18:47.001 --> 00:18:49.544
Wait, that's stupid. We don't know
anything about maple syrup.

00:18:49.712 --> 00:18:51.797
I know everything there is
to know about maple syrup.

00:18:51.964 --> 00:18:53.965
I love maple syrup.
I love maple syrup on pancakes.

00:18:54.133 --> 00:18:56.802
I love it on pizza.
I put a little bit in my hair...

00:18:56.969 --> 00:18:59.012
...when I've had a rough week.
What do you think holds it up, slick?

00:18:59.180 --> 00:19:01.890
The first quarter of the big game
and you wanna toss up a Hail Mary.

00:19:02.058 --> 00:19:04.434
I'd like to be pimps from Oakland
or cowboys from Arizona...

00:19:04.602 --> 00:19:08.230
...but it's not Halloween.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Count Chocula.

00:19:08.397 --> 00:19:10.148
Look, we've been to a million weddings.

00:19:10.316 --> 00:19:12.400
And guess what.
We've rocked them all.

00:19:19.492 --> 00:19:20.909
Great day.

00:19:21.077 --> 00:19:23.328
- [WHISPERING] The Eagle has landed.
JEREMY: The big show.

00:19:23.496 --> 00:19:26.873
Hey, hey. Fifth row back
with the fancy hat.

00:19:27.041 --> 00:19:29.376
I like that.

00:19:29.544 --> 00:19:32.879
No, don't waste your time on girls
with hats, they tend to be very proper.

00:19:34.173 --> 00:19:35.382
JEREMY:
Yeah?

00:19:35.550 --> 00:19:38.426
The proper girl in the hat
just eye-fucked the shit out of me.

00:19:39.679 --> 00:19:42.013
JOHN:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

00:19:42.181 --> 00:19:46.017
Why don't you say it a little louder?
I don't think the priest heard you.

00:19:46.185 --> 00:19:48.895
Look, John,
I'm sorry I'm not sorry, okay?

00:19:49.063 --> 00:19:50.939
I'm not gonna apologize.
I'm a cocksman.

00:19:52.942 --> 00:19:55.735
JOHN: Tourette's.
-Frank Myers.

00:19:55.903 --> 00:19:57.904
John Ryan.
Say hello to my brother, Jeremy.

00:19:58.072 --> 00:19:59.364
-Hi.
-How are you?

00:19:59.532 --> 00:20:01.908
So, um, how do you know the groom?

00:20:02.076 --> 00:20:04.536
We are Uncle Ned's kids.

00:20:04.704 --> 00:20:06.580
Uncle Ned.

00:20:06.747 --> 00:20:10.417
-Is he Liz's brother?
-Uncle Ned, the brother of Aunt Liz.

00:20:10.585 --> 00:20:12.085
How is everybody?

00:20:12.253 --> 00:20:14.588
Well, Dad kind of putters
around the house.

00:20:14.755 --> 00:20:17.007
Aunt Liz sends her best.
She couldn't make it.

00:20:17.800 --> 00:20:19.801
Yeah, I know.

00:20:20.011 --> 00:20:21.469
She's dead.

00:20:22.805 --> 00:20:24.472
From the grave.

00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:26.308
She sends her best from the grave.

00:20:26.475 --> 00:20:28.476
We've become extremely spiritual...

00:20:28.644 --> 00:20:30.812
-...ever since she passed.
-I see.

00:20:31.022 --> 00:20:33.148
But thank you so much
for your kindness, brother.

00:20:33.316 --> 00:20:35.817
Lord knows we need family now
more than ever.

00:20:35.985 --> 00:20:38.904
-Well, you're welcome.
JEREMY: Thank you.

00:20:39.071 --> 00:20:41.031
[PACHELBEL'S "CANON IN D"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

00:20:41.449 --> 00:20:43.491
How many times are you
gonna do this shit?

00:20:43.659 --> 00:20:45.952
Rule number 32:
You don't commit to a relative...

00:20:46.120 --> 00:20:48.580
...unless you're absolutely positive
that they have a pulse.

00:20:48.748 --> 00:20:50.957
Rule 1 6:
Give me an up-to-date family tree.

00:20:51.125 --> 00:20:53.126
Your mistake.
You made me look like an idiot.

00:20:53.294 --> 00:20:55.629
Rule number 76:
No excuses, play like a champion.

00:21:07.350 --> 00:21:09.184
Hello, Red.

00:21:11.646 --> 00:21:14.147
-Dibs.
-She's all yours.

00:21:16.192 --> 00:21:17.859
I ain't gonna fight you.

00:21:18.027 --> 00:21:20.028
[WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

00:21:41.968 --> 00:21:43.718
I think we've got a crier.

00:21:43.886 --> 00:21:46.471
-No shot.
-Twenty bucks.

00:21:46.639 --> 00:21:48.682
-Make it 40.
-Done.

00:21:50.142 --> 00:21:51.893
[CRYING]

00:21:52.061 --> 00:21:53.895
Oh, are you kidding me?

00:21:54.063 --> 00:21:56.564
It's beautiful.
It's moving. It's a wedding.

00:21:56.732 --> 00:22:02.821
And now for our next reading,
I'd like to ask the bride's sister Gloria...

00:22:02.989 --> 00:22:04.864
...up to the lectern.

00:22:05.032 --> 00:22:06.825
Twenty bucks, 1 Corinthians.

00:22:06.993 --> 00:22:09.327
Double or nothing, Colossians 3: 1 2.

00:22:11.914 --> 00:22:15.166
And now a reading from
Paul's First Letter to the Corinthians.

00:22:15.334 --> 00:22:19.254
"Love is patient, love is kind."

00:22:19.422 --> 00:22:22.424
As you all know, Craig and Christina...

00:22:22.591 --> 00:22:25.552
...are quite the sailing enthusiasts.

00:22:25.720 --> 00:22:29.764
In that light, they have elected
to exchange vows...

00:22:29.932 --> 00:22:32.434
...which they themselves have written.

00:22:33.561 --> 00:22:35.270
The ring.

00:22:36.564 --> 00:22:37.939
CRAIG:
I, Craig...

00:22:38.107 --> 00:22:40.692
...take you, Christina, to be my wife...

00:22:40.860 --> 00:22:44.112
...my best friend and my first mate...

00:22:44.280 --> 00:22:45.613
[SNICKERING]

00:22:46.032 --> 00:22:50.285
...through sickness and health,
clear skies and squalls.

00:22:50.453 --> 00:22:51.578
[GIGGLING]

00:22:51.954 --> 00:22:52.954
[CLAIRE CLEARS THROAT]

00:22:53.122 --> 00:22:54.914
I'm sorry, I have a tickle in my throat.

00:22:56.584 --> 00:22:59.627
CHRISTINA:
I, Christina, take you, Craig...

00:22:59.795 --> 00:23:01.880
...to be my best friend...

00:23:02.048 --> 00:23:04.174
...and my captain...

00:23:05.009 --> 00:23:08.261
...to be your anchor and your sail...

00:23:08.429 --> 00:23:09.804
Well, this is a first.

00:23:09.972 --> 00:23:12.432
CHRISTINA:
...your starboard and your port.

00:23:12.600 --> 00:23:13.641
[SNORTS]

00:23:13.809 --> 00:23:18.563
And now I pronounce you
husband and wife.

00:23:18.731 --> 00:23:20.648
You may kiss the first mate.

00:23:20.816 --> 00:23:22.150
[GIGGLES]

00:23:22.318 --> 00:23:24.319
[PEOPLE CHEERING]

00:23:24.487 --> 00:23:26.988
[MENDELSSOHN'S "WEDDING MARCH"
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

00:23:28.157 --> 00:23:30.158
[LAUGHING]

00:23:46.967 --> 00:23:48.968
[BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC]

00:24:04.693 --> 00:24:06.778
Sorry, just a sampler.

00:24:06.946 --> 00:24:09.489
-Told you this would be classy, right?
-Yes, you did.

00:24:09.657 --> 00:24:12.867
Class, first class all the way.
You were not lying.

00:24:13.035 --> 00:24:14.536
Class, class, class.

00:24:18.290 --> 00:24:21.334
They've got some kind of seasoning
on here. It must be sprinkled.

00:24:21.502 --> 00:24:24.796
Okay, go get us seats near,
but not too near, the bridal party.

00:24:24.964 --> 00:24:27.549
I'm gonna go drop this box
of fresh Wyoming air.

00:24:28.884 --> 00:24:31.177
If you see crab cakes,
get some because I love them.

00:24:31.345 --> 00:24:33.138
Consider it done.

00:24:37.685 --> 00:24:40.812
-Fondue set.
-Excuse me?

00:24:40.980 --> 00:24:43.731
The present you're holding is
a sterling-silver fondue set.

00:24:43.899 --> 00:24:47.068
-John Ryan.
-Claire Cleary.

00:24:47.236 --> 00:24:48.862
Uh, so how do you know that?

00:24:49.029 --> 00:24:51.322
Well, I'm a psychic.

00:24:51.490 --> 00:24:52.991
-You're psychic?
-I am.

00:24:53.159 --> 00:24:54.742
-Really?
-Yes.

00:24:55.536 --> 00:24:58.329
-What's that one?
-Knife set. German. Very nice.

00:24:58.497 --> 00:25:01.416
-Hm. And that?
-Cotton linens, Egyptian.

00:25:01.584 --> 00:25:02.625
Ooh.

00:25:02.793 --> 00:25:04.419
-What about that?
-Oh, I'll go all day.

00:25:04.587 --> 00:25:07.297
Place settings, candlesticks,
crystal stemware...

00:25:07.464 --> 00:25:10.717
...which they'll probably never use
because it's crystal stemware.

00:25:10.885 --> 00:25:13.428
-Okay, how about that?
-This?

00:25:13.762 --> 00:25:14.804
Uh....

00:25:14.972 --> 00:25:19.100
Massage oils and a book on tantra,
probably from the wacky aunt.

00:25:21.187 --> 00:25:22.896
Let's check.

00:25:24.190 --> 00:25:26.232
-Who's it from?
-Aunt Millie.

00:25:26.400 --> 00:25:29.110
-Yes!
-Well, you have a gift.

00:25:29.278 --> 00:25:32.405
I know. Unfortunately my powers only
apply to useless consumer products.

00:25:32.573 --> 00:25:37.118
Well, if the police are missing a Belgian
waffle maker, you could give them a hand.

00:25:37.453 --> 00:25:39.204
[CHUCKLING]

00:25:39.371 --> 00:25:41.289
-Claire, we need you for pictures.
-Oh, okay.

00:25:41.457 --> 00:25:43.541
-Who's your friend?
-This is John Ryan.

00:25:44.084 --> 00:25:46.628
-Hello.
-Excuse us.

00:25:49.965 --> 00:25:52.675
JEREMY: I might just have one more
of the samplers here.

00:25:52.843 --> 00:25:54.302
-Good.
-What have we got?

00:25:54.470 --> 00:25:56.596
Come back with some more stuff.
That's good, though.

00:25:56.764 --> 00:25:59.140
These bacon-wrapped scallops,
phenomenal.

00:25:59.808 --> 00:26:02.602
Really hit the spot. Unbelievable.

00:26:03.229 --> 00:26:06.606
Oh, shit. Isn't that the girl you hooked up
with at the Andersons' wedding?

00:26:09.818 --> 00:26:12.153
-Oh, Jesus, I'm smoked.
-No, no, don't panic.

00:26:12.321 --> 00:26:15.073
We're gonna do number 1 0
from the playbook. Here she comes.

00:26:15.241 --> 00:26:19.661
Shlomo? I thought you were renouncing
all your possessions and moving to Nepal.

00:26:20.829 --> 00:26:23.456
Shlomo, don't you remember me?

00:26:24.500 --> 00:26:26.501
JOHN:
Oh, my God, you didn't hear.

00:26:26.669 --> 00:26:30.171
I'm so sorry.
Shlomo had a scuba-diving accident.

00:26:30.965 --> 00:26:34.092
Yeah, he came up too fast
and the oxygen deprivation....

00:26:34.677 --> 00:26:37.387
Poor guy. He doesn't remember anyone,
even me, his own brother.

00:26:37.554 --> 00:26:39.514
I'm just some nice guy
who helps him out.

00:26:40.849 --> 00:26:42.100
You poor thing.

00:26:44.436 --> 00:26:46.938
He can't hear anything either.
It's part of the accident.

00:26:47.106 --> 00:26:48.690
So are you here
for the Clearys' wedding?

00:26:49.358 --> 00:26:52.860
Oh, yes. Yes, but I have to leave.

00:26:53.028 --> 00:26:55.405
-I've got a flight to Madrid.
JOHN: Oh, you have to leave?

00:26:55.572 --> 00:26:57.365
-Yes.
JOHN: Oh, okay.

00:26:58.158 --> 00:26:59.951
I could hang out for a few minutes.

00:27:02.830 --> 00:27:05.206
Oh, actually that won't be necessary.

00:27:05.374 --> 00:27:08.835
Shlomo would like me to take him to the
bathroom, then get him some crab cakes.

00:27:09.003 --> 00:27:10.837
So, yeah, no, that's not--

00:27:11.005 --> 00:27:12.297
Okay, okay.

00:27:12.464 --> 00:27:16.092
Okay, I'll take you to get crab cakes first,
then I'll take you to the bathroom.

00:27:17.428 --> 00:27:18.886
You know what?

00:27:19.054 --> 00:27:22.348
Here's my number.
If there is anything I can do to help....

00:27:22.516 --> 00:27:24.142
Okay.

00:27:24.310 --> 00:27:26.477
Okay, have a safe flight.
Don't worry about us.

00:27:26.645 --> 00:27:29.647
-We're gonna be fine, we're gonna make it.
-Okay.

00:27:30.899 --> 00:27:32.567
Doctor.

00:27:33.402 --> 00:27:35.153
She looked good.
I might give her a shout.

00:27:35.321 --> 00:27:36.904
How? She thinks you're deaf.

00:27:37.072 --> 00:27:40.366
Everyone wants to be part of a miracle.
I turned the corner, she's a part of it.

00:27:40.534 --> 00:27:42.368
People helping people.
It's powerful stuff.

00:27:42.536 --> 00:27:45.997
God, you're a sick man.
You also may be a genius.

00:27:46.165 --> 00:27:47.999
Okay, so, what angle
are we gonna play here?

00:27:48.167 --> 00:27:50.835
I'm gonna go with the balloon-animal
display for the kids...

00:27:51.003 --> 00:27:54.005
...and then when she comes to
check it out, guess who's a broken man.

00:27:54.173 --> 00:27:55.757
-Haunted past.
-Haunted past. Excellent.

00:27:55.924 --> 00:27:57.884
-How about you?
-I'll dance with the flower girl.

00:27:58.052 --> 00:28:00.011
Or be a charter member
of Oprah's Book Club.

00:28:00.179 --> 00:28:02.847
-It's all deadly. I'll see you in a little.
-Yes.

00:28:03.015 --> 00:28:06.142
Final touch. There it is.

00:28:06.310 --> 00:28:08.436
One happy elephant.

00:28:08.979 --> 00:28:11.606
All right. Who else wants something?

00:28:11.774 --> 00:28:13.149
I want a bicycle.

00:28:13.317 --> 00:28:17.111
A bicycle? Well, a bicycle,
that would take a lot of balloons...

00:28:17.279 --> 00:28:19.405
...and Uncle Jeremy's
a little tired right now...

00:28:19.573 --> 00:28:22.283
...so why don't we do something like,
let's say, a giraffe?

00:28:22.451 --> 00:28:24.535
I just want a bicycle!

00:28:27.331 --> 00:28:28.623
Why are you yelling at me?

00:28:28.791 --> 00:28:31.084
Whatever. Make me a bicycle, clown.

00:28:38.175 --> 00:28:41.594
I'm gonna make you a bicycle.
But I don't want to make you a bicycle.

00:28:41.762 --> 00:28:43.596
Shut your mouth, funny guy,
and make it.

00:28:46.517 --> 00:28:48.393
JOHN:
You got it.

00:28:49.812 --> 00:28:52.730
There you go. Yeah, you got it.

00:29:03.992 --> 00:29:05.952
Let's see how you do
with somebody your own age.

00:29:06.120 --> 00:29:08.371
I think I'm up to the challenge.

00:29:08.539 --> 00:29:10.289
All right, will you save me
a dance for later?

00:29:10.499 --> 00:29:13.668
-Maybe.
JOHN: Ha, ha. Okay.

00:29:17.798 --> 00:29:19.799
[CLEARS THROAT AND CHUCKLES]

00:29:25.514 --> 00:29:28.015
Go on, take it, you hyena.

00:29:28.684 --> 00:29:30.309
Don't say thank you.

00:29:30.519 --> 00:29:32.353
Hi. You're good.

00:29:32.521 --> 00:29:35.440
That thing? I'm just warming up.
Last week I did a...

00:29:35.607 --> 00:29:38.526
-...exact replica to scale of Wrigley Field.
-Ha, ha.

00:29:38.694 --> 00:29:41.028
Honest to God.
I don't have anywhere to put it.

00:29:41.196 --> 00:29:42.947
Okay, then I'll take a sports car.

00:29:43.699 --> 00:29:44.866
How about a dance?

00:29:45.033 --> 00:29:46.826
That's what I really wanted.

00:30:12.060 --> 00:30:14.061
[MUSIC ENDS
AND PEOPLE CLAPPING]

00:30:18.775 --> 00:30:21.152
So how long have you
and the secretary been married?

00:30:21.320 --> 00:30:23.863
-Thirty years next April.
-Oh, that's beautiful.

00:30:24.031 --> 00:30:26.491
Yeah, and we were faithful
for two of them.

00:30:28.076 --> 00:30:30.953
-Hm?
-Enjoy the party.

00:30:35.334 --> 00:30:37.793
-Congratulations, Mr. Secretary.
CLEARY: Thanks.

00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:44.592
Secretary Cleary, John Ryan.

00:30:44.760 --> 00:30:46.886
-Hi, John.
-I just wanted to tell you how much...

00:30:47.095 --> 00:30:50.890
...I enjoyed your position paper
on economic expansion in Micronesia.

00:30:51.600 --> 00:30:53.184
You've read my position paper?

00:30:53.352 --> 00:30:55.353
I read it while I was
sailing my boat to Bermuda.

00:30:55.521 --> 00:30:57.021
A sailor?

00:30:57.189 --> 00:30:59.941
-Good man, take a seat.
-Oh, thanks.

00:31:00.108 --> 00:31:02.193
You didn't happen to catch my speech...

00:31:02.361 --> 00:31:05.404
...on the Paraguayan debt
and money supply issue, did you?

00:31:05.572 --> 00:31:07.740
Are you kidding me?
I thought it was great.

00:31:07.908 --> 00:31:12.912
Your argument for the inverse ratio
of capitalization to debt was genius.

00:31:13.121 --> 00:31:16.290
Now, if we can just get Congress
not to be so shortsighted.

00:31:16.458 --> 00:31:20.628
Yes. Well put. "Shortsighted."

00:31:20.796 --> 00:31:25.299
John, what do you say you and I head out
to the deck and light up a couple of cigars?

00:31:25.467 --> 00:31:26.634
-Stogies?
-Yeah.

00:31:26.802 --> 00:31:28.052
Why not?

00:31:28.637 --> 00:31:31.806
It's just that we lost a lot
of really good men out there.

00:31:34.393 --> 00:31:35.977
I'm sorry.

00:31:36.144 --> 00:31:39.230
Gloria, I think I gotta
go get some fresh air.

00:31:40.357 --> 00:31:43.818
Thank you so much for the dance
and it was wonderful to meet you.

00:31:46.363 --> 00:31:48.614
I wish I were stronger.

00:31:55.080 --> 00:31:57.498
Jeremy!

00:31:58.709 --> 00:32:00.710
Jeremy, wait up!

00:32:04.172 --> 00:32:07.341
CLEARY: John, you seem like an astute man.
JOHN: Thank you.

00:32:07.509 --> 00:32:09.677
Maybe you can help
explain something to me.

00:32:10.095 --> 00:32:12.471
See that young man
out there on the dock?

00:32:12.973 --> 00:32:14.849
JOHN: Sure.
CLEARY: That's my son, Todd.

00:32:15.017 --> 00:32:18.436
Twenty-two years old,
the whole world in front of him.

00:32:18.604 --> 00:32:21.856
Every advantage in life,
advantages I never had.

00:32:22.024 --> 00:32:23.733
Well, that's not exactly true.

00:32:24.067 --> 00:32:27.361
He had the same advantages I had,
which is a hell of a lot of advantages.

00:32:27.529 --> 00:32:30.031
So here's my question:

00:32:30.407 --> 00:32:32.491
What's he got to be so morose about?

00:32:33.410 --> 00:32:35.286
Maybe he hasn't found
something to believe in.

00:32:35.454 --> 00:32:37.496
Oh, he says he believes in art.

00:32:37.873 --> 00:32:39.624
But all I've seen him do...

00:32:39.791 --> 00:32:43.878
...is dribble his own blood on a canvas
and smear it around with a stick.

00:32:44.046 --> 00:32:46.714
-You know, some people call that art.
-It's crap.

00:32:47.466 --> 00:32:51.886
What about having a public service,
an obligation to our fellow man?

00:32:52.763 --> 00:32:54.305
Well, maybe he's....

00:32:54.473 --> 00:32:56.849
Maybe he's just trying to find
his own way, his own path.

00:32:57.017 --> 00:32:59.352
I mean, you cast a pretty big shadow.

00:33:02.272 --> 00:33:03.814
Yeah.

00:33:04.608 --> 00:33:07.610
Yeah. Yeah, perhaps...

00:33:07.778 --> 00:33:10.321
...I should take it easier on him.

00:33:10.489 --> 00:33:11.530
Perhaps.

00:33:11.948 --> 00:33:14.909
Death, you are my bitch lover!

00:33:16.953 --> 00:33:18.496
CLEARY:
Todd, that's good!

00:33:19.581 --> 00:33:20.998
Tell that mean ocean!

00:33:23.001 --> 00:33:24.710
Oh, see that?

00:33:25.295 --> 00:33:27.129
It's a start.

00:33:28.131 --> 00:33:30.675
GLORIA:
So you dove into the icy water?

00:33:30.842 --> 00:33:35.763
Why would a man risk his own life
for the life of a complete stranger?

00:33:35.931 --> 00:33:38.724
The great 1 9th century philosopher
Schopenhauer...

00:33:39.393 --> 00:33:44.146
...he said, at that moment, when a human
sees another human in danger...

00:33:44.523 --> 00:33:48.567
...that there's this breaking in
of metaphysical awareness.

00:33:49.319 --> 00:33:51.570
Do you know what
that awareness is, Gloria?

00:33:51.738 --> 00:33:54.281
-What?
-That we're all one.

00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:59.453
That separateness is an illusion.

00:34:00.414 --> 00:34:02.331
And that I'm one with everyone.

00:34:02.499 --> 00:34:06.961
With the prime minister of England
and my cousin Harry.

00:34:07.629 --> 00:34:09.714
You and me.

00:34:10.006 --> 00:34:11.966
The fat kid from What's Happening!!

00:34:12.634 --> 00:34:14.343
The Olsen twins.

00:34:14.511 --> 00:34:16.262
Natalie Portman.

00:34:16.430 --> 00:34:18.931
The guy who wrote Catcher in the Rye.

00:34:19.266 --> 00:34:21.142
Nat King Cole.

00:34:21.309 --> 00:34:22.393
Carrot Top.

00:34:23.228 --> 00:34:24.812
Jay-Z.

00:34:24.980 --> 00:34:26.897
-"Weird Al" Yankovic.
-Hm.

00:34:27.315 --> 00:34:29.650
Harry Potter, if he existed.

00:34:29.943 --> 00:34:31.402
The whore on the street corner.

00:34:31.987 --> 00:34:33.320
Your mother.

00:34:33.780 --> 00:34:36.115
-We're all one.
-We are?

00:34:36.283 --> 00:34:38.075
That my hands are your hands.

00:34:38.243 --> 00:34:39.285
Oh.

00:34:39.453 --> 00:34:41.620
And that my cheek...

00:34:42.289 --> 00:34:44.498
...is really your cheek.

00:34:45.667 --> 00:34:46.917
And that my lips....

00:34:47.335 --> 00:34:48.753
Are my lips.

00:34:48.920 --> 00:34:52.339
According to Mr. Schopenhauer,
they are.

00:34:53.175 --> 00:34:55.176
[GLORIA MOANING]

00:34:55.844 --> 00:34:57.845
CLEARY:
Well, the guy wants to run for president.

00:34:58.013 --> 00:34:59.722
Oh, so you're hiding, I see.

00:34:59.890 --> 00:35:02.475
He thinks Moby Dick is
a venereal disease.

00:35:02.642 --> 00:35:04.560
Well, that's what I need. Claire.

00:35:04.728 --> 00:35:06.353
[JOHN LAUGHING]

00:35:06.521 --> 00:35:08.439
Sorry to interrupt.

00:35:08.607 --> 00:35:11.025
-Christina wants to talk to you.
-Fun's over.

00:35:13.862 --> 00:35:15.196
-Yeah.
-Funny.

00:35:15.363 --> 00:35:17.865
CLEARY: Franklin!
-What a great guy.

00:35:18.784 --> 00:35:20.743
You are a big hit at this wedding.

00:35:20.911 --> 00:35:23.954
Well, everyone's so nice. It's easy.

00:35:26.291 --> 00:35:29.001
-They're all full of shit.
-What?

00:35:29.169 --> 00:35:31.337
Half of these people are here
because of my dad.

00:35:31.505 --> 00:35:35.174
They're all just, you know,
suckling at the power teat.

00:35:35.383 --> 00:35:38.928
No, no. Come on, they're here
because they want to believe...

00:35:39.095 --> 00:35:42.097
...they're in the presence of true love.
That's why people come to weddings.

00:35:42.265 --> 00:35:45.392
Because they wanna believe in true love.

00:35:45.560 --> 00:35:46.811
What's true love?

00:35:48.730 --> 00:35:52.608
True love is your soul's recognition
of its counterpoint in another.

00:35:57.322 --> 00:36:00.491
Well, it's a little cheesy, but I like it.

00:36:00.659 --> 00:36:02.243
I saw it on a bumper sticker.

00:36:02.410 --> 00:36:03.744
[CHUCKLES]

00:36:04.412 --> 00:36:06.205
-So you gonna give a toast?
-Yes.

00:36:06.373 --> 00:36:08.415
-You nervous?
-Mmm, little bit, um.

00:36:08.583 --> 00:36:11.585
-What are you gonna say?
-Would you...?

00:36:13.255 --> 00:36:16.507
-You keep it in your cleavage.
-Nowhere else to put it.

00:36:16.675 --> 00:36:20.886
Normally, I'm not very good at these things,
but I think this one's pretty good.

00:36:21.054 --> 00:36:23.013
"I never thought my sister
would find someone...

00:36:23.181 --> 00:36:25.850
...who cared about what other people
thought as much as she did...

00:36:26.017 --> 00:36:28.269
-...until I met Craig"?
-Yes.

00:36:28.436 --> 00:36:30.688
That's funny.
That's funny because it's true.

00:36:30.856 --> 00:36:32.356
You know, people like funny.

00:36:32.524 --> 00:36:35.359
I know. But the whole
funny-because-it's-true bit...

00:36:35.527 --> 00:36:37.903
...only works if the truth
is a small thing.

00:36:38.071 --> 00:36:41.115
Like, "Everyone knows
Jennifer likes to shop, ha, ha, ha."

00:36:41.283 --> 00:36:43.617
You're better off going
with something from the heart.

00:36:43.785 --> 00:36:45.786
I think that people are gonna like this.

00:36:45.954 --> 00:36:47.621
I think you're gonna hear crickets.

00:36:47.789 --> 00:36:49.623
-I think you're wrong.
-Sounds of silence.

00:36:49.791 --> 00:36:52.167
-Nope. Mm-mm.
-Okay, go walk the plank.

00:36:52.335 --> 00:36:54.253
-I'm sticking to it.
-Go ahead.

00:36:54.421 --> 00:36:57.798
Hey, meet me at the back of the room.
I'll be waiting to say, "I told you so."

00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:03.304
Good luck.

00:37:03.471 --> 00:37:09.226
And so, after my ninth stint
in rehab, um, Craig....

00:37:09.394 --> 00:37:11.061
Oh, Craig.

00:37:11.229 --> 00:37:15.190
Craig was the only one
who still believed in me.

00:37:15.358 --> 00:37:17.276
Been sober now for eight months.

00:37:17.444 --> 00:37:18.736
[CHUCKLING]

00:37:18.904 --> 00:37:23.240
And, uh, I thank God every day...

00:37:23.408 --> 00:37:26.827
...for sending me a friend like Craig.

00:37:26.995 --> 00:37:28.871
I love you, man.

00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:31.040
[PEOPLE CLAPPING]

00:37:40.008 --> 00:37:41.467
[CLAIRE CLEARS THROAT]

00:37:44.763 --> 00:37:47.264
I never thought my sister
would find someone who cared about...

00:37:47.432 --> 00:37:50.684
...what other people thought
as much as she did until I met Craig.

00:37:56.816 --> 00:37:58.150
Uh....

00:37:58.318 --> 00:38:01.695
As you all know,
my sister and Craig are both lawyers...

00:38:01.863 --> 00:38:04.490
...at big law firms in New York.

00:38:04.866 --> 00:38:07.868
But that's not the only thing
they have in common. Um....

00:38:08.036 --> 00:38:10.704
They both like the color green...

00:38:10.872 --> 00:38:14.291
...like Craig's eyes and money.

00:38:18.964 --> 00:38:20.881
Um, heh....

00:38:32.560 --> 00:38:35.813
You know, someone once told me that...

00:38:35.981 --> 00:38:38.107
...true love is...

00:38:38.274 --> 00:38:41.318
...the soul's recognition
of its counterpoint in another.

00:38:43.363 --> 00:38:46.907
And I think that
that's a very rare thing in this world.

00:38:48.827 --> 00:38:51.495
And I think it's something to be valued.

00:38:51.663 --> 00:38:55.124
And I'm just really happy
that my big sister's found it.

00:38:55.291 --> 00:38:57.835
Congratulations, Chris.

00:38:58.086 --> 00:38:59.586
[MOUTHING]
Thank you.

00:38:59.754 --> 00:39:01.714
[PEOPLE CLAPPING]

00:39:10.932 --> 00:39:12.266
Ah!

00:39:12.434 --> 00:39:15.519
-That was amazing!
-It was really great.

00:39:15.812 --> 00:39:19.314
We should probably head back
so they're not looking for us.

00:39:19.482 --> 00:39:22.276
I always knew my first time
would be on a beach.

00:39:23.653 --> 00:39:25.612
First time?

00:39:28.658 --> 00:39:30.034
You were a virgin?

00:39:30.201 --> 00:39:31.744
-Mm-hm.
-Wow.

00:39:31.911 --> 00:39:35.372
Jeremy, we're gonna
be so happy together.

00:39:36.416 --> 00:39:37.583
I love you.

00:39:37.751 --> 00:39:39.752
-I'm sorry?
-I love you.

00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:51.597
CLAIRE: You totally saved me.
-No.

00:39:51.765 --> 00:39:54.141
-Yes.
-Claire, come on. Come on.

00:39:55.852 --> 00:39:58.187
Oh, baby, you were awesome.

00:39:58.354 --> 00:39:59.980
-No.
-Listen to me, awesome.

00:40:00.148 --> 00:40:01.565
Okay.

00:40:01.733 --> 00:40:04.401
John, this is my boyfriend, Sack.

00:40:04.569 --> 00:40:06.612
-Hey, fella.
-How you doing?

00:40:06.780 --> 00:40:08.655
-Listen, we gotta go meet the Schreibers.
-Okay.

00:40:08.823 --> 00:40:10.074
It was great to meet you.

00:40:10.241 --> 00:40:11.658
[WHISPERING]
Thank you.

00:40:14.245 --> 00:40:15.788
Boom, I gotcha.

00:40:15.955 --> 00:40:16.997
[LAUGHING]

00:40:17.165 --> 00:40:20.000
-How you doing?
-Oh, great. Good to see you.

00:40:20.418 --> 00:40:22.002
I gotta get out of here, pronto.

00:40:22.170 --> 00:40:24.588
-I got a Stage 5 clinger.
-No, no, I need more time.

00:40:25.131 --> 00:40:28.550
Did you hear what I just said to you?
Stage 5? Virgin? Clinger?

00:40:28.718 --> 00:40:31.887
Let's go, I'm gonna start the car.
I'm serious, let's go.

00:40:34.015 --> 00:40:35.641
I don't think you appreciate the urgency.

00:40:35.809 --> 00:40:38.393
Not only is she a virgin,
she's totally off the reservation.

00:40:38.561 --> 00:40:40.771
I'm terrified of this broad.

00:40:40.939 --> 00:40:44.274
-There you are.
-Hey, Gloria, wow.

00:40:44.442 --> 00:40:46.985
What a coincidence, I was just singing
your praises. This is John Ryan.

00:40:47.153 --> 00:40:48.403
GLORIA: Oh, hi.
-Yeah.

00:40:48.571 --> 00:40:51.698
My family and a few friends, we're all
going back to our place on the shore...

00:40:51.866 --> 00:40:53.951
...and it would be so great
if you guys came.

00:40:54.119 --> 00:40:55.202
Really?

00:40:55.370 --> 00:40:56.787
-Sounds sort of wonderful.
-I am--

00:40:56.955 --> 00:40:58.705
Well, it does, it sounds very nice.

00:40:58.873 --> 00:41:00.707
And I'm flattered that you would
think of me...

00:41:00.875 --> 00:41:02.876
...to include me in something like that.
Thank you.

00:41:03.044 --> 00:41:06.547
It kills me however to have to tell you
I'm sorry, I just--

00:41:06.714 --> 00:41:08.715
-Timing's no good. I can't make it.
-Why?

00:41:08.883 --> 00:41:11.510
-It's gonna be so much fun.
-It's gonna be so much fun.

00:41:11.678 --> 00:41:13.846
I'm sure it will be fun
for the people that are going.

00:41:14.013 --> 00:41:17.641
I unfortunately can't go. I don't have--
I only have this monkey suit.

00:41:17.809 --> 00:41:20.185
-I don't have any clothes.
-No, we have everything you need.

00:41:20.353 --> 00:41:23.063
-Problem solved. Problem solved.
-The problem's not solved.

00:41:23.231 --> 00:41:25.399
-Deal us in.
-Oh, cool, cool, cool.

00:41:25.567 --> 00:41:27.192
I'm gonna run and find my dad.

00:41:27.360 --> 00:41:28.819
Don't ask your dad.
Don't ask your--

00:41:28.987 --> 00:41:31.905
-The train's going. We gotta get on.
-Why not just feed me to the lions?

00:41:32.073 --> 00:41:34.074
-What?
-Step on my head when I'm drowning.

00:41:34.242 --> 00:41:35.951
-What?
-What do you mean, what?

00:41:36.119 --> 00:41:37.828
John, this is completely
against the rules.

00:41:37.996 --> 00:41:40.497
You have a wedding and a reception
to seal the deal. Period.

00:41:40.665 --> 00:41:42.416
-There's no overtime. No.
-Oh, no overtime?

00:41:42.584 --> 00:41:44.209
What about the Chang wedding
three years ago?

00:41:44.377 --> 00:41:46.962
-Oh, that's bullshit.
-Yeah, thought I forgot about that.

00:41:47.130 --> 00:41:49.506
Two a.m., you dragged me 50 miles
to watch you and some chick...

00:41:49.674 --> 00:41:52.384
...play mahjong with her grandmother
at a retirement home.

00:41:52.552 --> 00:41:54.303
-Yeah, completely different situation.
-How?

00:41:54.470 --> 00:41:57.431
What do you mean, how?
She was a very, very family-oriented girl.

00:41:57.599 --> 00:41:59.266
She was very into her grandmother.

00:41:59.434 --> 00:42:01.476
-Give me a break.
-That was my first Asian!

00:42:03.771 --> 00:42:05.439
-You better lock it up.
-You better lock it up.

00:42:05.607 --> 00:42:08.609
-No, you lock it up. Lock it up.
-You lock it up. Lock it up.

00:42:08.776 --> 00:42:12.279
Please. It would mean
so much to me. Please.

00:42:12.447 --> 00:42:14.031
Look at the way he's looking at me.

00:42:14.199 --> 00:42:16.283
He doesn't like me.
He's the secretary of the treasury.

00:42:16.451 --> 00:42:18.702
To be honest with you,
my taxes aren't exactly in line.

00:42:18.870 --> 00:42:21.455
-You're being paranoid.
-He's threatened by the way I dance.

00:42:21.623 --> 00:42:23.957
Damn it. Why'd I have to
go showing off like that?

00:42:24.125 --> 00:42:26.293
Now I'm all over his radar. Stupid.

00:42:26.461 --> 00:42:27.878
You're not that good a dancer.

00:42:28.046 --> 00:42:30.631
Oh, please. You and I both know
I'm a phenomenal dancer.

00:42:30.798 --> 00:42:33.342
Now I know you're lying.
You'll do anything to get me to go...

00:42:33.509 --> 00:42:36.053
...even if I have to walk
right into the lion's den.

00:42:36.221 --> 00:42:37.971
Gloria, come on!

00:42:38.139 --> 00:42:40.849
You know I'm not gonna give in
to this kind of behavior.

00:42:41.017 --> 00:42:43.143
She's like a kid at Toys "R" Us.
I can't be around it.

00:42:43.311 --> 00:42:45.354
Oh, get off your high horse.
Stop judging people.

00:42:45.521 --> 00:42:47.522
You take off the white wig
and you stop judging me.

00:42:47.690 --> 00:42:49.858
I don't want to be around
someone who's a nut job.

00:42:50.026 --> 00:42:52.569
-I need alone time with her.
-You wanna hang out with Claire...

00:42:52.737 --> 00:42:55.322
...the boyfriend and Sybil,
by all means. I'm not going.

00:42:55.490 --> 00:42:57.741
I'll lay it out for you
in chapter and verse: You're going.

00:42:57.909 --> 00:43:01.328
Let me break it down for you,
I'll hold your hand like a small child:

00:43:01.496 --> 00:43:02.537
-I'm not going.
-You are.

00:43:02.705 --> 00:43:04.915
-You can go if you want.
-You're gonna be a team player.

00:43:05.083 --> 00:43:07.167
JEREMY: No, I'm not.
-He'd love you to come.

00:43:07.335 --> 00:43:10.837
-Yes. Yes! Baba ganoush!
-Well--

00:43:11.005 --> 00:43:12.506
GLORIA:
Baba ganou!

00:43:25.853 --> 00:43:29.523
SACK:
Okay, okay. Home sweet home.

00:43:29.691 --> 00:43:32.192
KATHLEEN:
Thank you, Sack. Thank you.

00:43:33.069 --> 00:43:34.945
JOHN: You okay?
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:35.113 --> 00:43:37.364
JOHN:
Come here, come here.

00:43:37.532 --> 00:43:41.201
Are you okay? I'm gonna need 1 00 percent
of Jeremy and you're looking a little weird.

00:43:41.369 --> 00:43:44.955
She took me below deck for 45 minutes.
I don't have any bodily fluids left in me.

00:43:45.123 --> 00:43:47.040
Gentlemen, everything okay?

00:43:47.208 --> 00:43:48.667
-Great. Yep.
SACK: Great?

00:43:48.835 --> 00:43:52.379
You know, we were thinking about
a little game of touch football, you know?

00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:55.299
-Yeah?
-Cleary family tradition.

00:43:55.466 --> 00:43:56.842
A little pigskin, why not?

00:43:57.010 --> 00:43:58.927
CLEARY: Great.
-Don't forget to stretch, guys.

00:43:59.095 --> 00:44:01.054
We're gonna be on the field in 1 0.

00:44:01.347 --> 00:44:03.181
CLAIRE:
I'm open, I'm open!

00:44:06.269 --> 00:44:09.896
SACK:
There you go. Nice, nice, nice.

00:44:10.064 --> 00:44:11.106
There you go.

00:44:31.002 --> 00:44:33.045
Clothes fit.

00:44:33.212 --> 00:44:36.465
I'm not even gonna say it,
but you know I'm upset.

00:44:36.632 --> 00:44:39.509
I know you are.
I think you look good.

00:44:40.386 --> 00:44:42.596
You know I don't look good.

00:44:43.639 --> 00:44:46.641
GLORIA:
Hey, honey! I'm over here!

00:44:47.518 --> 00:44:49.353
Are you ready?
Are you ready for some football?

00:44:49.520 --> 00:44:51.438
You want the noise brought on you?
Here it comes.

00:44:51.606 --> 00:44:53.607
-The what?
MAN: The noise brought on you.

00:44:53.775 --> 00:44:55.609
-Here it comes.
-Just hike the ball, nut job.

00:44:55.777 --> 00:45:00.072
Ready! Set! Hut! Hut! Hike!

00:45:00.239 --> 00:45:02.699
One Mississippi, two Mississippi,
three Mississippi.

00:45:02.867 --> 00:45:04.743
CLAIRE:
Over here! Me, me, me!

00:45:06.079 --> 00:45:07.537
[GRUNTING]

00:45:07.705 --> 00:45:08.789
MAN:
Yes!

00:45:08.956 --> 00:45:10.123
-Wow.
-Whoo!

00:45:10.291 --> 00:45:12.417
Yes! Crab cakes and football!

00:45:12.585 --> 00:45:14.378
-That's what Maryland does!
CLEARY: Nice one.

00:45:15.088 --> 00:45:16.296
[GRUNTS]

00:45:16.964 --> 00:45:18.173
-A little out of shape?
-Yeah.

00:45:18.341 --> 00:45:19.841
[CHUCKLES]

00:45:20.134 --> 00:45:21.676
-Way to bring it.
SACK: Anticipate that rush.

00:45:21.844 --> 00:45:23.261
-I saw you had it.
-Hey, shut up!

00:45:23.429 --> 00:45:25.430
-You gotta anticipate that rush.
-Of course I do.

00:45:25.598 --> 00:45:27.724
SACK: You did a great job.
JEREMY: What happened, Toast?

00:45:27.892 --> 00:45:29.476
I think he's on steroids.

00:45:29.644 --> 00:45:31.770
It was like trying to cover
a fucking racehorse.

00:45:31.938 --> 00:45:33.021
[GRUNTING]

00:45:33.189 --> 00:45:36.233
-Get it up! Get it up!
-Well, don't worry about it.

00:45:36.401 --> 00:45:40.112
-We'll burn them with the post.
-No, no. No, I got a better idea.

00:45:40.279 --> 00:45:42.572
Look, I want you to fake the post...

00:45:42.740 --> 00:45:45.325
...throw an interception to Claire,
get her to feel good.

00:45:45.493 --> 00:45:47.452
Gets her involved.
You think you can do that?

00:45:47.620 --> 00:45:50.705
John, I was first team, all-state.
I can put the ball wherever I want to.

00:45:50.873 --> 00:45:55.293
I'll make it rain out here.
All right, guys, bring it in. Blue 1 7!

00:45:56.212 --> 00:45:58.672
Blue 1 7! Red 7!

00:45:58.840 --> 00:46:01.341
-Oh, you're gonna cover me?
-Like white on rice.

00:46:01.509 --> 00:46:04.344
All right, I like my odds here.
I'm gonna give you a little warning:

00:46:04.512 --> 00:46:06.263
-I'm going downtown.
-Hot route!

00:46:06.431 --> 00:46:08.640
Red 7, Red 7, Red 7!

00:46:08.808 --> 00:46:11.309
Look for me in the end zone,
I'll be the guy holding the ball.

00:46:11.477 --> 00:46:13.186
-John! Red 7!
-What?

00:46:13.354 --> 00:46:16.106
-I don't know what "Red 7" means.
-Hot route!

00:46:16.274 --> 00:46:17.691
I don't-- What is "hot route"?

00:46:18.192 --> 00:46:20.944
Will you just go stand
on the other side, please?

00:46:21.112 --> 00:46:22.612
CLAIRE:
Are you running away from me?

00:46:22.780 --> 00:46:25.866
JOHN: No. I'm just getting over here.
CLAIRE: You scared?

00:46:26.242 --> 00:46:27.951
-Down!
-Come on.

00:46:28.119 --> 00:46:32.372
Ready, down, set!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!

00:46:33.875 --> 00:46:35.167
GLORIA:
Go, Jeremy!

00:46:35.334 --> 00:46:37.669
Hey, yo! Hit me! Hit me!

00:46:39.005 --> 00:46:40.046
Booyah!

00:46:40.214 --> 00:46:42.716
That's what we call a "Sack lunch"!
Yum, yum, yum, yum.

00:46:44.302 --> 00:46:45.510
Ow, burn.

00:46:46.345 --> 00:46:47.929
[SCREAMING]

00:46:48.181 --> 00:46:49.723
Big tree fall hard, right?

00:46:49.891 --> 00:46:52.726
How many fingers I got up?
Come on, Pepe, how many fingers I got up?

00:46:52.894 --> 00:46:55.020
Oh, come on, I got four.
Okay, here's five.

00:46:55.188 --> 00:46:58.899
Man down! We got a man down.
You okay?

00:46:59.066 --> 00:47:01.026
Hey, is your brother okay?

00:47:01.194 --> 00:47:03.653
-What? Ah, he's fine.
-I can't breathe.

00:47:03.821 --> 00:47:05.572
SACK: What's that?
-I can't breathe.

00:47:05.740 --> 00:47:08.658
No, no, no, I think he's really hurt.

00:47:08.826 --> 00:47:11.453
Well, serves him right after that throw.

00:47:11.621 --> 00:47:13.413
Hey. Baba ganoush.

00:47:13.581 --> 00:47:15.790
I don't know what
got into me, secretary, I just--

00:47:15.958 --> 00:47:19.836
I do. Five generations
of Lodge family breeding.

00:47:20.004 --> 00:47:21.963
[GROWLING AND CHUCKLING]

00:47:22.256 --> 00:47:25.217
-Your father used to pull the same stunt...
-I can't breathe.

00:47:25.384 --> 00:47:27.385
-...when we were your age.
-I can't breathe.

00:47:27.553 --> 00:47:28.762
You okay?

00:47:28.930 --> 00:47:31.056
[WHISPERING]
Great. You threw it perfectly.

00:47:31.224 --> 00:47:33.099
Come on, get up.

00:47:33.267 --> 00:47:35.310
-Don't oversell it.
-I'm not selling anything.

00:47:35.478 --> 00:47:39.231
Come on, stop milking it.
You make us look like a bunch of pussies.

00:47:39.398 --> 00:47:41.608
Jeremy. Sit this play out.

00:47:42.026 --> 00:47:44.152
Todd, come on in.

00:47:45.029 --> 00:47:46.613
You must be joking.

00:47:46.781 --> 00:47:50.325
It wouldn't kill you to play
some competitive sports...

00:47:50.493 --> 00:47:51.910
...once in a while, would it?

00:47:52.078 --> 00:47:53.787
Oh, would that make you love me?

00:47:53.955 --> 00:47:55.705
Pfft. Jesus.

00:47:56.499 --> 00:47:59.292
Hey, Jeremy, Red Moon Dog 7-11.

00:47:59.460 --> 00:48:01.294
Forty-two, 30-teen.

00:48:01.462 --> 00:48:03.171
Hut one! Hut two!

00:48:03.339 --> 00:48:04.464
Blitz!

00:48:04.632 --> 00:48:06.925
-Oh! Ah!
-Jeremy!

00:48:07.301 --> 00:48:09.052
[GRUNTING]

00:48:09.220 --> 00:48:10.637
[GASPING]

00:48:10.805 --> 00:48:12.347
-That looked like it hurt.
-Ooh.

00:48:12.515 --> 00:48:14.099
-I got you.
JEREMY: No, you didn't.

00:48:14.267 --> 00:48:16.309
-You're cheating.
-You're cheating.

00:48:16.477 --> 00:48:19.729
Oh, my God.
Your brother, he's down again.

00:48:22.358 --> 00:48:24.943
What is his deal?

00:48:25.111 --> 00:48:27.279
I don't know what's getting
into me today, guys.

00:48:27.446 --> 00:48:31.366
Nature versus nurture, Lodge.
Nature always wins.

00:48:31.534 --> 00:48:33.201
What are you doing?
It's a game of touch.

00:48:33.369 --> 00:48:35.287
Every time I look over,
you're on your ass again.

00:48:35.454 --> 00:48:37.664
If I had any air in my lungs,
I'd scream at you.

00:48:37.832 --> 00:48:39.124
Oh, now you're gonna blame me?

00:48:39.292 --> 00:48:41.918
Because you're not athletic enough
to stay on your two feet?

00:48:42.086 --> 00:48:43.169
I hate you.

00:48:43.337 --> 00:48:44.629
Let's take a daiquiri time-out.

00:48:44.797 --> 00:48:46.256
-Daiquiris.
-Daiquiris.

00:48:48.175 --> 00:48:49.175
Oh.

00:48:49.343 --> 00:48:51.845
Sweetheart, why don't you take him
into the house and fix him up?

00:48:52.013 --> 00:48:53.805
-Sure, Mom.
-No, don't baby him.

00:48:53.973 --> 00:48:55.599
It just makes it worse.

00:48:56.475 --> 00:48:57.767
JEREMY:
Oh, my back hurts.

00:48:57.935 --> 00:49:00.270
Oh, great. Game's over. Satisfied?

00:49:00.438 --> 00:49:03.148
You got everyone on you now.
Get all the attention.

00:49:03.316 --> 00:49:04.524
GLORIA:
Come on, baby.

00:49:06.027 --> 00:49:07.694
It's hot out here.

00:49:07.862 --> 00:49:09.446
-Yeah, it is.
-Yeah.

00:49:09.614 --> 00:49:12.115
You should have played
in your underwear.

00:49:13.242 --> 00:49:15.368
I'll get you a drink.

00:49:20.207 --> 00:49:23.209
Oh, Jesus Christ. Hss, it burns.

00:49:23.377 --> 00:49:25.879
-It stings. Oh, Jesus.
GLORIA: Poor baby.

00:49:26.047 --> 00:49:27.505
You want me to blow on it?

00:49:27.673 --> 00:49:29.633
No. No, no, no.

00:49:29.800 --> 00:49:31.843
No, I don't need any blowing.
I'm good. Thank you.

00:49:32.011 --> 00:49:33.970
Jeremy, I'm not wearing any panties.

00:49:35.181 --> 00:49:36.765
-That's right.
-Oh. Yeah--

00:49:36.932 --> 00:49:38.892
Okay. That's fun. That's nice.

00:49:39.060 --> 00:49:40.727
Okay. Oh, oh, yeah.

00:49:40.895 --> 00:49:42.854
Oh, yeah, that's fun. Yeah, that's fun.

00:49:43.022 --> 00:49:45.231
Okay, Gloria. You need to stop.
Yeah, that's fun.

00:49:45.900 --> 00:49:47.233
That's fun. That's fun.

00:49:47.401 --> 00:49:48.401
[CLEARS THROAT]

00:49:50.196 --> 00:49:53.406
Don't you worry, Gloria.
Mum's the word.

00:49:53.574 --> 00:49:54.991
Thank you, Randolph.

00:49:56.160 --> 00:50:00.038
-A little more discreet, though, okay?
GLORIA: Hee, hee.

00:50:04.502 --> 00:50:05.960
Jesus Christ.

00:50:06.128 --> 00:50:08.546
Don't worry, he won't say anything.

00:50:09.423 --> 00:50:12.092
I'm confused. Like eight hours ago
you were a shy little virgin...

00:50:12.259 --> 00:50:15.220
...and now you're not wearing any panties.
I'm trying to catch up with you.

00:50:15.388 --> 00:50:16.930
You do that to me. Ooh.

00:50:17.098 --> 00:50:18.765
-Where's my little friend?
-No, no, no.

00:50:18.933 --> 00:50:20.433
-Where's my little friend?
-He's tired.

00:50:20.601 --> 00:50:22.435
He's in time-out. He's in time-out.

00:50:22.603 --> 00:50:26.272
Gloria, please. I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted. I've had a very long day.

00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:30.110
I had your sister's boyfriend dry-hump me
up and down the field all afternoon.

00:50:30.277 --> 00:50:34.948
My leg's cut and bleeding.
I'm just-- I'm not really in the mood for this.

00:50:35.408 --> 00:50:37.367
-Fine!
-Ow, Jesus Christ!

00:50:37.535 --> 00:50:39.994
My father warned me about
people like you, Jeremy.

00:50:40.204 --> 00:50:43.790
-I'm just another notch on your belt.
-It's not like that. It's not like that.

00:50:43.958 --> 00:50:46.292
Really? Then what's it like, Jeremy, huh?

00:50:46.460 --> 00:50:47.502
-Ow! Ow!
-Huh?

00:50:47.670 --> 00:50:48.795
No! Wait! Wait!

00:50:48.963 --> 00:50:51.339
It's just that I'm feeling very strongly...

00:50:51.507 --> 00:50:55.468
...that we're only expressing ourselves
in a physical, sexual-specifically way.

00:50:55.636 --> 00:50:57.804
That's it! Wait!

00:50:57.972 --> 00:51:01.766
And I'd like to play some catch-up
on finding out who's inside here.

00:51:03.811 --> 00:51:05.645
Okay?

00:51:06.731 --> 00:51:08.314
-Jeremy.
-Heh, heh.

00:51:08.482 --> 00:51:11.651
-Jeremy, you're amazing.
-Oh, God, I think you're amazing.

00:51:11.819 --> 00:51:15.029
-Oh, my God, don't ever leave me. Good.
-Ever.

00:51:15.197 --> 00:51:17.073
[IN BABY VOICE]
Because I'd find you.

00:51:17.241 --> 00:51:18.825
[CACKLING]

00:51:19.744 --> 00:51:21.369
Yeah.

00:51:21.537 --> 00:51:24.539
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Of course, like all kids,
I had imaginary friends, but not just one.

00:51:24.749 --> 00:51:27.167
I had hundreds, and all of them
from different backgrounds...

00:51:27.334 --> 00:51:30.044
...who spoke different languages.
One of them, his name was Caleb...

00:51:30.212 --> 00:51:33.506
...he spoke a magical language
that only I could understand.

00:51:33.674 --> 00:51:35.675
[GIBBERING]

00:51:36.677 --> 00:51:37.719
[CLEARY GIBBERING]

00:51:37.887 --> 00:51:39.220
Get him all patched up?

00:51:39.388 --> 00:51:41.639
I sure did, Daddy.

00:51:42.475 --> 00:51:44.017
Gloria bug.

00:51:44.185 --> 00:51:46.227
You go change for dinner.

00:51:46.395 --> 00:51:48.354
Okay.

00:51:51.150 --> 00:51:52.984
Phew.

00:51:53.152 --> 00:51:56.613
You know, she's not just
another notch on the old belt.

00:51:59.492 --> 00:52:02.118
I don't even wear a belt. Beltless.

00:52:03.204 --> 00:52:05.038
I'm a very powerful man.

00:52:06.165 --> 00:52:07.207
Yes, you are.

00:52:11.378 --> 00:52:12.754
See you for dinner.

00:52:15.382 --> 00:52:17.884
SACK: So I am president of the
Environment Defense League.

00:52:18.052 --> 00:52:20.929
And I pick up this little sea otter...

00:52:21.096 --> 00:52:23.723
...and wipe off the oil
from the tanker spill.

00:52:23.891 --> 00:52:26.643
You gotta step this up already.
I'm gonna give you the damn eye drops.

00:52:26.811 --> 00:52:28.686
No, I don't want them. It's too hardcore.

00:52:28.854 --> 00:52:30.647
JEREMY: Do you want to be alone with her?
JOHN: Yes.

00:52:30.815 --> 00:52:34.400
Put these in his drink and he'll be going
down on a toilet seat for the next 24 hours.

00:52:34.568 --> 00:52:39.739
I don't wanna do it. I can beat this guy.
Let's be honorable for once.

00:52:39.907 --> 00:52:40.949
[WHIMPERING]

00:52:41.116 --> 00:52:42.158
And the whiskers.

00:52:42.326 --> 00:52:44.327
[CONTINUES WHIMPERING]

00:52:44.745 --> 00:52:46.454
And the oil's--
The oil's flapping, he goes:

00:52:46.622 --> 00:52:48.081
[COUGHING AND WHIMPERING]

00:52:48.457 --> 00:52:50.917
-Give me the eye drops.
-Thank you.

00:52:55.130 --> 00:52:56.881
Perfect.

00:52:57.049 --> 00:52:59.008
[CHATTERING]

00:53:04.765 --> 00:53:06.099
[CLINKING ON GLASS]

00:53:07.226 --> 00:53:09.352
Let us bow our heads in prayer.

00:53:15.276 --> 00:53:16.401
Heavenly Father...

00:53:17.570 --> 00:53:20.780
...we thank you for thy bounty
on this table...

00:53:20.948 --> 00:53:23.616
...and ask that you bless
the entire Cleary family...

00:53:23.784 --> 00:53:26.119
...and all the friends here assembled.

00:53:26.287 --> 00:53:28.705
-Amen.
-Amen.

00:53:31.667 --> 00:53:33.918
Oh, these scallops look fantastic.

00:53:34.086 --> 00:53:37.964
I bought them from an organic scallop farm
right off the coast of Nattachoke.

00:53:38.132 --> 00:53:42.093
CLAIRE: Actually, Sack got the governor
to subsidize part of the project.

00:53:42.261 --> 00:53:44.971
And now it's the state's only
self-sustaining scallop farm.

00:53:45.139 --> 00:53:47.974
Say that five times fast.
You can't do it. Self-sustaining--

00:53:48.142 --> 00:53:49.309
[CHUCKLING]

00:53:49.476 --> 00:53:51.686
JEREMY: They look terrific.
Maybe I'll actually try some...

00:53:51.896 --> 00:53:55.148
...when I get the sensation back in my face.
From the football game.

00:53:55.316 --> 00:53:59.611
Again, Jeremy, I'm sorry. You know,
I have this damn competitive streak, um.

00:53:59.778 --> 00:54:02.322
-I'm seeing a Buddhist about it.
-Not just any Buddhist.

00:54:02.489 --> 00:54:05.158
His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.
He's a good friend.

00:54:05.326 --> 00:54:07.911
Stop traffic.
Because when I go back to town...

00:54:08.078 --> 00:54:10.914
...I'm actually gonna see an orthopedist
about what you did to my back.

00:54:11.081 --> 00:54:13.333
Not just any orthopedist.
I'm gonna see a Dr. Epstein--

00:54:13.500 --> 00:54:17.003
Hey, Sack, how long have you
and Claire been seeing each other?

00:54:17.171 --> 00:54:20.048
Claire and I? What's it been, sweetheart?
A couple years?

00:54:20.841 --> 00:54:22.008
Three and a half.

00:54:22.176 --> 00:54:25.970
Yeah, actually, we started dating
while we were doing Habitat for Humanity.

00:54:26.138 --> 00:54:27.180
Sure.

00:54:27.348 --> 00:54:30.350
Pretty soon we'll be getting married.

00:54:31.143 --> 00:54:32.352
Yep.

00:54:32.519 --> 00:54:35.021
Well, not too soon, um....

00:54:35.189 --> 00:54:38.274
We still have a lot of things
that we want to accomplish.

00:54:38.442 --> 00:54:41.277
Anyway, once Claire
and Sack tie the knot...

00:54:41.445 --> 00:54:44.697
...two of the great American families,
the Clearys and the Lodges...

00:54:44.865 --> 00:54:46.282
-...will finally unite.
-Hear, hear.

00:54:46.450 --> 00:54:48.701
And then, of course,
you can challenge the Klingons...

00:54:48.869 --> 00:54:50.703
...for interstellar domination, right?

00:54:50.871 --> 00:54:52.038
[LAUGHING]

00:54:54.708 --> 00:54:57.877
Jeremy. I saw you on the dance floor.

00:55:02.675 --> 00:55:04.092
You move pretty good.

00:55:04.259 --> 00:55:06.094
Oh, thanks a lot.

00:55:06.261 --> 00:55:08.221
I really just got lucky.

00:55:08.389 --> 00:55:10.431
I was more in the zone
than anything else.

00:55:10.599 --> 00:55:12.684
It was the booze dancing, heh, heh.

00:55:12.851 --> 00:55:14.852
[LAUGHING]

00:55:15.104 --> 00:55:17.897
Sorry, guys, I forgot.
How are you connected to the family again?

00:55:18.065 --> 00:55:19.565
Uncle Ned's kids.

00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:22.694
You know, Uncle Ned?

00:55:22.861 --> 00:55:25.863
Aunt Liz's brother. Ned and Liz.

00:55:27.282 --> 00:55:30.368
SACK: Hm. No, I don't know.
CLEARY: So, Jeremy...

00:55:30.536 --> 00:55:32.912
...you and your brother are
venture capitalists.

00:55:33.080 --> 00:55:35.540
-That's right.
-That's great.

00:55:35.708 --> 00:55:39.127
Venture capitalist.
The backbone of the system.

00:55:39.294 --> 00:55:41.087
-It's the new pioneer.
O'NEIL: New pioneer.

00:55:41.255 --> 00:55:42.755
So is it just about the money?

00:55:43.424 --> 00:55:46.217
No, no, it's about...

00:55:46.385 --> 00:55:49.721
...investing in companies that are
ethically and morally defensible.

00:55:49.888 --> 00:55:53.224
-Like what? Give me an example.
-Like what? Well, there's the company...

00:55:53.392 --> 00:55:58.604
...that we have where we're taking
the fur or the wool from sheep...

00:55:58.772 --> 00:56:02.442
...and we turn it into thread
for homeless people to sew.

00:56:02.609 --> 00:56:06.821
And then they make it into cloth,
which they in turn sew...

00:56:06.989 --> 00:56:10.825
...then make little shirts and pants...

00:56:10.993 --> 00:56:14.495
...for other homeless people to sell.
It's a pretty good deal.

00:56:14.663 --> 00:56:16.330
-People helping people.
JOHN: Yeah.

00:56:16.498 --> 00:56:18.583
That's very admirable.

00:56:18.751 --> 00:56:21.627
Thank you. Although don't make me out
to be a saint just yet.

00:56:21.795 --> 00:56:23.546
We do turn a small profit.

00:56:23.714 --> 00:56:29.469
After all, someone has to pay for
the lap dances for the big guy here.

00:56:29.636 --> 00:56:33.514
He's joking around.
It feels so good when he jokes.

00:56:33.682 --> 00:56:35.141
What's this company called?

00:56:35.309 --> 00:56:38.144
-Holy sh--
-Shirts & Pants. Holy Shirts & Pants.

00:56:38.312 --> 00:56:40.063
It's a little corny and obvious...

00:56:40.230 --> 00:56:42.648
...but what do you get
out of being subtle, right?

00:56:42.816 --> 00:56:45.151
Well, that's a hell of a good project.

00:56:45.319 --> 00:56:47.653
I'm gonna mention something
to the commerce secretary.

00:56:47.821 --> 00:56:49.989
That would be terrific.
That would be great, huh?

00:56:50.157 --> 00:56:51.657
Terrific, it was terrific.

00:56:52.367 --> 00:56:55.369
Isn't my Willy doing a wonderful job
there in Washington?

00:56:55.537 --> 00:56:59.290
-Mommy.
-You know, Willy's father, my husband...

00:56:59.458 --> 00:57:00.792
[GURGLING]

00:57:00.959 --> 00:57:04.378
...was the secretary of state
for President Franklin Roosevelt.

00:57:05.089 --> 00:57:07.590
That must have been so thrilling. FDR.

00:57:07.758 --> 00:57:10.551
My gosh, FDR was a wonderful President.

00:57:10.719 --> 00:57:12.512
MARY:
He was a doll.

00:57:12.679 --> 00:57:15.348
The wife, though, Eleanor?

00:57:15.516 --> 00:57:17.517
-Big dyke.
CLAIRE: Oh, Lord.

00:57:17.684 --> 00:57:20.228
Huge dyke. A real rug muncher.

00:57:20.687 --> 00:57:24.690
Looked like a big lesbian mule.

00:57:26.360 --> 00:57:29.862
Grandma, you can't talk
like that, okay? It's not right.

00:57:30.030 --> 00:57:31.989
Somebody get me another Scotch
for chrissakes.

00:57:32.157 --> 00:57:33.866
I think I'm gonna go to bed.

00:57:34.034 --> 00:57:36.119
CLAIRE: Honey, are you okay?
SACK: Oh, yeah.

00:57:36.286 --> 00:57:38.454
I'm fine.
You know, I'm just a little tired. Thanks.

00:57:38.622 --> 00:57:40.832
-Okay.
-You all right?

00:57:40.999 --> 00:57:43.501
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

00:57:45.420 --> 00:57:47.839
What an athlete.
A tremendous competitor.

00:57:48.006 --> 00:57:50.341
I know.

00:57:50.509 --> 00:57:53.386
Todd, I noticed that you haven't even
touched your food yet.

00:57:53.554 --> 00:57:56.180
-I don't eat meat or fish.
-He's a homo.

00:57:56.348 --> 00:57:57.849
[LAUGHING]

00:57:58.058 --> 00:58:00.893
CLEARY:
Mommy, let's not go there again.

00:58:01.061 --> 00:58:04.230
Actually, Todd is an amazing painter.

00:58:04.398 --> 00:58:06.566
He's going to the Rhode Island
School of Design.

00:58:06.733 --> 00:58:09.360
JOHN: Oh, that's a great school.
Congratulations, Todd.

00:58:09.528 --> 00:58:11.404
That's really impressive. RISD.

00:58:11.572 --> 00:58:14.782
Yeah, Dad used to think
I'd be a political liability...

00:58:14.950 --> 00:58:17.285
...you know, in case
he ever ran for president.

00:58:17.452 --> 00:58:20.580
Now, Todd. Actually, truth be told...

00:58:20.747 --> 00:58:23.749
...polling shows a majority
of the American people...

00:58:23.917 --> 00:58:27.795
...would ultimately empathize
with our situation.

00:58:27.963 --> 00:58:31.132
-What is our situation, Dad?
-You're a homo.

00:58:31.300 --> 00:58:34.594
Oh, for God sakes, William,
put Mommy to bed already.

00:58:34.761 --> 00:58:37.430
Okay. Mommy, we've had a long day.

00:58:37.806 --> 00:58:39.891
I can do it myself, asshole.

00:58:43.312 --> 00:58:44.645
Wow

00:58:45.689 --> 00:58:47.106
I'll be in my room painting.

00:58:47.941 --> 00:58:49.442
Homo things.

00:58:50.152 --> 00:58:52.904
You just go right ahead, Toddy.

00:58:54.156 --> 00:58:57.825
WOMAN: Wonderful scallops.
CLEARY: Absolutely. Wonderful.

00:58:57.993 --> 00:59:01.120
You know, I think
I'm gonna get some air.

00:59:01.288 --> 00:59:03.789
Oh, I'll get some air
if you want some company.

00:59:04.499 --> 00:59:06.918
-Sure.
JOHN: Let me just change my shoes.

00:59:07.085 --> 00:59:09.128
-Excuse me.
-All right. I'm gonna--

00:59:09.296 --> 00:59:12.465
Can't walk away from the delicious food
that we got here.

00:59:15.469 --> 00:59:16.802
[DOOR SLAMS]

00:59:21.725 --> 00:59:23.517
I just had my tits done.

00:59:24.645 --> 00:59:26.145
You like them?

00:59:27.022 --> 00:59:30.650
Those seem like lovely tits.

00:59:30.817 --> 00:59:33.361
William doesn't give a shit about my tits.

00:59:33.528 --> 00:59:35.655
Well, darn him.

00:59:35.822 --> 00:59:38.074
But, Mrs. Cleary, this is pretty sudden.

00:59:38.242 --> 00:59:41.827
You've been playing cat and mouse
with me ever since you came here.

00:59:41.995 --> 00:59:44.372
-Mrs. Cleary, I don't--
-Call me Cat.

00:59:44.957 --> 00:59:49.126
-Okay, Cat--
-Call me Kitty Cat. Rowr.

00:59:50.170 --> 00:59:56.300
Okay, Kitty Cat, this feels
borderline inappropriate, and--

00:59:56.468 --> 00:59:57.802
-Feel them.
-What?

00:59:57.970 --> 00:59:59.679
-I said, feel them.
-Mrs. Cleary--

00:59:59.846 --> 01:00:01.514
Kitty Cat.

01:00:01.682 --> 01:00:05.017
I'm sorry, Kitty Cat.
Are you out of your fucking mind?

01:00:05.185 --> 01:00:07.603
I'm not letting you out of this room...

01:00:07.771 --> 01:00:10.273
...until you feel them.

01:00:21.034 --> 01:00:24.370
Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like.

01:00:24.913 --> 01:00:27.540
It's amazing what they can do to--

01:00:28.542 --> 01:00:30.543
Pervert.

01:00:40.554 --> 01:00:42.972
TODD:
Mom make you feel her tits?

01:00:46.727 --> 01:00:48.352
Did you say something, Todd?

01:00:49.062 --> 01:00:51.897
Mom make you feel her tits?

01:00:52.899 --> 01:00:55.026
Todd, where are you going with this?

01:00:55.193 --> 01:00:58.779
Just don't say anything
to my dad, though.

01:00:59.072 --> 01:01:01.824
Some friend of my sister's...

01:01:01.992 --> 01:01:05.119
...she said something to my dad
a couple of years ago...

01:01:05.954 --> 01:01:08.789
...he now lives in a shack in Guam.

01:01:09.207 --> 01:01:10.374
Not by choice.

01:01:11.752 --> 01:01:14.920
Stop kidding with me, Todd.
You almost had me.

01:01:15.088 --> 01:01:16.714
Come on.

01:01:25.057 --> 01:01:27.350
-John, I need to talk to you.
-No, not right now.

01:01:27.517 --> 01:01:31.395
What's wrong with you? Why you got
the weird look all over your face?

01:01:31.563 --> 01:01:33.773
Claire's mom just made me
grab her hooters.

01:01:33.940 --> 01:01:37.318
Well, snap out of it! What? A hot
older woman made you feel her cans?

01:01:37.486 --> 01:01:40.446
-Stop crying like a little girl.
-I wasn't crying like a little girl.

01:01:40.614 --> 01:01:43.240
Try getting jacked off under
the table in front of the family...

01:01:43.408 --> 01:01:46.702
...and have some real problems.
Jackass.

01:01:46.870 --> 01:01:49.455
What were they like?
They look pretty good. Are they real?

01:01:49.623 --> 01:01:52.249
Are they built for speed or for comfort?
What'd you do with them?

01:01:52.417 --> 01:01:54.960
Motorboat? You play the motorboat?
Pbbbbt.

01:01:55.754 --> 01:01:58.798
You motorboating son of a bitch.
You old sailor, you.

01:01:58.965 --> 01:02:00.883
Where is she? She still in the house?

01:02:01.051 --> 01:02:02.635
What is wrong with you?

01:02:02.803 --> 01:02:04.303
What do you--?
What's wrong with you?

01:02:04.471 --> 01:02:06.222
-What's wrong with you?
-What's wrong with you?

01:02:06.390 --> 01:02:07.473
-You're projecting.
-Drop it.

01:02:07.641 --> 01:02:09.642
You drop it.
You stop projecting on me.

01:02:09.810 --> 01:02:12.395
You go enjoy yourself
while I go ice my balls and spit up blood.

01:02:12.562 --> 01:02:15.106
JOHN: Drop it!
-"Team player."

01:02:33.417 --> 01:02:34.750
[JEREMY CLEARS THROAT]

01:02:39.172 --> 01:02:42.591
Oh, Mr. President.

01:02:50.934 --> 01:02:52.059
[SCREAMS]

01:02:52.769 --> 01:02:53.936
What do you want?

01:02:54.396 --> 01:02:55.688
You're in my room.

01:02:56.690 --> 01:02:58.691
Oh, dear.

01:03:00.402 --> 01:03:04.989
I'm too drunk to walk,
so carry me to my room.

01:03:06.741 --> 01:03:08.284
Carry you?

01:03:09.161 --> 01:03:10.202
Sure.

01:03:16.334 --> 01:03:19.044
RANDOLPH: You banging the daughter
and the grandma?

01:03:19.212 --> 01:03:21.672
-How much jam you got, man?
-Jam?

01:03:21.840 --> 01:03:24.967
Listen, man.
The family dog live downstairs.

01:03:25.135 --> 01:03:28.387
I can wake him up for you if you like.
His name is Snooky.

01:03:28.555 --> 01:03:32.725
-You could not be more wrong--
-Just be gentle with her, okay?

01:03:32.893 --> 01:03:35.728
She be pushing 90.

01:03:40.734 --> 01:03:42.902
Jesus Christ.

01:03:52.913 --> 01:03:56.207
Hey. Good thing I didn't hold my breath.

01:03:56.374 --> 01:03:58.792
Yeah, I'm sorry, I just, uh....

01:03:59.669 --> 01:04:01.545
Sorry I'm late, I just....

01:04:01.713 --> 01:04:02.880
You okay?

01:04:03.048 --> 01:04:05.257
No, no, I'm fine, I just....

01:04:05.425 --> 01:04:07.801
I just got held up.

01:04:09.262 --> 01:04:11.514
My family's a little strange.

01:04:12.432 --> 01:04:13.599
A little strange?

01:04:13.767 --> 01:04:16.393
Come on. Claire.

01:04:16.561 --> 01:04:19.438
Your family are totally nuts.

01:04:20.273 --> 01:04:23.067
-And guess what.
-What?

01:04:23.235 --> 01:04:25.236
-I love it.
-You do?

01:04:25.403 --> 01:04:27.238
-Yeah, it seems great.
-Really?

01:04:27.405 --> 01:04:29.114
-Yes.
-I get a little self-conscious.

01:04:29.282 --> 01:04:31.534
It's a family. You're mixing it up.

01:04:31.701 --> 01:04:34.119
You got the sweet little grandma
who's really sweet...

01:04:34.287 --> 01:04:37.456
...with her, like, little, like, white hair,
but then she's kind of mean.

01:04:37.624 --> 01:04:42.002
But you're like, "Well, fuck it, she's so old,
and she's not gonna change now."

01:04:42.170 --> 01:04:44.296
Shit, it was great.

01:04:44.464 --> 01:04:47.633
I just hope I didn't embarrass myself
with that stupid joke I told.

01:04:47.801 --> 01:04:49.760
Are you kidding? That was so funny.

01:04:49.928 --> 01:04:53.472
-No, really? Really?
-Yeah. Yeah, you're like that crazy guest...

01:04:53.640 --> 01:04:55.641
...who thinks he's part of the family.
It's great.

01:04:55.809 --> 01:04:57.851
Doesn't sound that great.
That sounds horrible.

01:04:58.019 --> 01:05:00.437
-No, it's cute.
-The crazy guest who thinks he's...

01:05:00.605 --> 01:05:03.732
...like, part of the family who's gonna say
inappropriate stuff? What is that?

01:05:03.900 --> 01:05:06.402
Yeah. You know, you break the ice.

01:05:06.570 --> 01:05:08.445
-Yeah.
-It can be so stuffy sometimes in there.

01:05:08.613 --> 01:05:09.947
CLEARY:
Claire?

01:05:10.115 --> 01:05:12.283
CLAIRE: Yeah?
-There you are.

01:05:12.450 --> 01:05:15.160
Have you checked on Sack?
I think he's pretty sick.

01:05:15.328 --> 01:05:17.079
-Oh, really?
CLEARY: Yeah.

01:05:17.247 --> 01:05:20.666
Okay. Yeah. No, I'll be right in.

01:05:20.834 --> 01:05:23.085
-I should-- I should go check on him.
JOHN: Yeah, sure, okay.

01:05:23.253 --> 01:05:26.422
Yeah, we'll take a walk some other time.

01:05:27.924 --> 01:05:29.174
Claire.

01:05:29.342 --> 01:05:30.676
Mm-hm?

01:05:33.305 --> 01:05:35.180
I'll talk to you later.

01:05:36.099 --> 01:05:37.600
Okay.

01:05:49.529 --> 01:05:51.155
CLAIRE:
Oh, no.

01:05:51.323 --> 01:05:53.198
Are you okay?

01:05:53.366 --> 01:05:55.618
Well, Claire...

01:05:55.785 --> 01:05:57.369
...my head's buried in a toilet.

01:05:57.537 --> 01:05:59.830
What do you think?
Why don't you do the math, okay?

01:06:01.625 --> 01:06:05.002
Honey, it's okay to be vulnerable
sometimes. It's just me.

01:06:05.170 --> 01:06:08.714
Yeah, you can just cut that psychobabble
bullshit that your mom tells you, okay?

01:06:08.882 --> 01:06:10.883
-Right.
-Hey, you wanna help me out?

01:06:11.051 --> 01:06:14.386
Do you? Do you, kid?
Why don't you go get me a 7-Up, okay?

01:06:14.888 --> 01:06:18.390
All right, because I think I'm--
I think I might get vulnerable again.

01:06:32.530 --> 01:06:34.573
-What the fuck is going on?
-Shh.

01:06:34.741 --> 01:06:36.075
[SHUSHING]

01:06:36.242 --> 01:06:37.910
You'll wake my dad.

01:06:38.495 --> 01:06:40.746
Baby, I started thinking
about what you said before...

01:06:40.914 --> 01:06:44.583
...and I think the problem is I am not
being adventurous enough for you.

01:06:44.751 --> 01:06:47.628
Gloria, I am pretty sure that is not
what I've been saying to you.

01:06:47.796 --> 01:06:48.837
Shh.

01:06:50.006 --> 01:06:51.090
Baby...

01:06:51.257 --> 01:06:55.427
...I'm gonna make all
your fantasies come true.

01:06:55.595 --> 01:06:57.012
But this is not a fant--

01:06:57.180 --> 01:06:59.181
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

01:07:00.600 --> 01:07:01.934
I love you.

01:07:02.102 --> 01:07:04.103
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

01:08:43.161 --> 01:08:45.162
[GRUNTING]

01:08:48.208 --> 01:08:49.708
[VOMITING]

01:09:02.972 --> 01:09:05.182
Gloria, go to sleep, honey.

01:09:05.600 --> 01:09:06.975
It's not Gloria.

01:09:09.354 --> 01:09:10.729
Jesus Christ.

01:09:10.897 --> 01:09:12.564
We had a moment
at the dinner table.

01:09:12.732 --> 01:09:14.483
We did not have a moment
at the dinner table.

01:09:14.651 --> 01:09:16.693
Yes. We had a moment.

01:09:16.861 --> 01:09:19.238
I was there. I would have noticed
if there was a moment.

01:09:20.698 --> 01:09:22.324
I made you a painting.

01:09:22.492 --> 01:09:24.076
What?

01:09:24.619 --> 01:09:26.328
TODD:
I call the painting "Celebration."

01:09:26.788 --> 01:09:29.039
It's sexual and violent.

01:09:30.250 --> 01:09:32.000
I thought you might like it.

01:09:33.169 --> 01:09:34.211
No.

01:09:34.379 --> 01:09:35.712
[DOOR SLAMS]

01:09:36.339 --> 01:09:38.090
CLEARY: Where's that coming from?
You hear that?

01:09:39.008 --> 01:09:41.593
-Hide! You gotta hide! Yes.
-No. They need to know about us.

01:09:41.761 --> 01:09:44.555
-It's okay.
-Hide, hide, hide! Please, please, please.

01:09:46.307 --> 01:09:49.768
Not there. Not there! I'm not comfortable--
I'm not comfortable with that!

01:09:49.936 --> 01:09:52.104
-Let's play tummy sticks.
-What's tummy sticks?

01:09:52.272 --> 01:09:53.981
I don't want to play. Get in the closet.

01:09:54.148 --> 01:09:56.108
It's okay,
I was where you were a year ago.

01:09:56.276 --> 01:09:59.152
Get in the fucking closet right now.
You go get in the closet!

01:09:59.320 --> 01:10:02.364
You go get in the closet!
You go get in the closet!

01:10:02.532 --> 01:10:03.949
Go.

01:10:07.287 --> 01:10:08.829
I'll pop out at the right moment.

01:10:08.997 --> 01:10:11.081
JEREMY:
No, you will not.

01:10:16.129 --> 01:10:20.173
Everything okay in here?
I thought I heard something.

01:10:20.341 --> 01:10:21.800
I was just having a bad dream.

01:10:26.014 --> 01:10:28.765
I know about bad dreams.

01:10:29.934 --> 01:10:33.061
You know, Todd...

01:10:33.605 --> 01:10:38.233
...screams at night sometimes.

01:10:38.735 --> 01:10:43.322
You know, the doctors call it
night terrors. I don't know.

01:11:03.009 --> 01:11:04.343
[MUTTERING]

01:11:04.510 --> 01:11:05.928
Okay, then.

01:11:06.554 --> 01:11:08.597
Sleep well.

01:11:10.725 --> 01:11:12.059
[DOOR SHUTS]

01:11:15.855 --> 01:11:18.398
There's nothing terrifying
about the night.

01:11:18.566 --> 01:11:22.361
Now, listen, if you let me
go to bed and get some sleep...

01:11:22.528 --> 01:11:24.112
...then we can talk tomorrow.

01:11:24.280 --> 01:11:26.615
-You won't make time for me.
-If I get my sleep...

01:11:26.783 --> 01:11:29.952
...I'd love to make time
and talk about, uh, different things.

01:11:30.119 --> 01:11:31.286
Like paintings.

01:11:34.290 --> 01:11:36.875
Can't wait for tomorrow,
when I got energy and I can share stuff.

01:11:37.043 --> 01:11:38.627
-Okay.
-Okay.

01:11:38.795 --> 01:11:41.797
-Oh, it's gonna be great.
-You sleep.

01:11:47.720 --> 01:11:49.388
Okay. That was nice.

01:11:49.555 --> 01:11:51.556
That was nice.
Please let me just sleep.

01:11:55.019 --> 01:11:58.230
I can't take this fucking shit anymore.

01:12:06.531 --> 01:12:09.908
There he is.
It's the big guy! Get in here.

01:12:10.076 --> 01:12:12.327
Wait till you see the spread.
Anything you want.

01:12:12.495 --> 01:12:14.037
Yeah, well, get what you want to go.

01:12:14.205 --> 01:12:16.373
Ferry leaves in 25 minutes.
We gotta get out of here.

01:12:16.541 --> 01:12:18.667
Whoa, what's your problem?
Have some of this stuff.

01:12:19.252 --> 01:12:21.586
I didn't get a lot of sleep
last night, John. I'm fried.

01:12:21.754 --> 01:12:23.547
-Soft mattress?
-Yeah, that could've been it.

01:12:23.715 --> 01:12:26.133
It could have been the soft mattress,
or the midnight rape...

01:12:26.300 --> 01:12:28.343
...or the nude, gay art show in my room.

01:12:28.511 --> 01:12:30.595
One of those probably added
to the lack of sleep.

01:12:30.763 --> 01:12:32.597
Try one of these scones,
you'll love them.

01:12:32.765 --> 01:12:34.433
I'm a little too traumatized.
Let's move.

01:12:34.600 --> 01:12:37.436
Will you slow down for a second?
The whole eye-drop thing backfired.

01:12:37.603 --> 01:12:40.480
Okay? It didn't work. She had to
leave me and go attend to him.

01:12:43.401 --> 01:12:44.818
Why are you looking at me like that?

01:12:44.986 --> 01:12:46.903
You're falling for this broad.

01:12:47.071 --> 01:12:49.448
No. I just met her.

01:12:49.615 --> 01:12:51.616
Exactly. I'm gonna go.

01:12:51.784 --> 01:12:53.201
-You can't go.
-Watch me.

01:12:53.369 --> 01:12:55.203
Watch me take this
on down the road.

01:12:55.371 --> 01:12:58.957
Look, if you leave, Gloria is gonna
freak out and throw a shit fit...

01:12:59.125 --> 01:13:02.127
...and it's gonna go into crisis
lockdown mode here at the house.

01:13:02.295 --> 01:13:04.296
I don't give a baker's fuck.

01:13:04.464 --> 01:13:07.215
I just had my own sock duct-taped
into my mouth last night.

01:13:07.383 --> 01:13:09.760
-Whoa, what?
-Yeah, the sock...

01:13:09.927 --> 01:13:13.180
...that I wore around all day,
playing football in, pouring sweat in...

01:13:13.347 --> 01:13:16.391
...was shoved into my mouth,
and there was duct tape over it.

01:13:16.559 --> 01:13:18.268
Let's talk about it. I'm a good listener.

01:13:18.436 --> 01:13:20.479
I'm not in a place to discuss
what happened. Okay?

01:13:20.646 --> 01:13:22.731
I felt like Jodie Foster
in The Accused last night.

01:13:22.899 --> 01:13:25.484
I'm gonna go home,
see Dr. Finkelstein...

01:13:25.651 --> 01:13:28.236
...and I'm gonna tell him
we got a whole new bag of issues.

01:13:28.404 --> 01:13:31.907
We can forget about Mom for a while.
I'm gonna go.

01:13:32.075 --> 01:13:35.744
Suit yourself. Rule number 1.

01:13:35.912 --> 01:13:39.331
Rule number 1: Never leave
a fellow crasher behind.

01:13:42.460 --> 01:13:45.587
-I can't believe how selfish you are.
-I need you.

01:13:49.801 --> 01:13:51.635
A friend in need is a pest.

01:13:55.473 --> 01:13:58.016
I'll stick it out with you
because you're desperate.

01:13:58.184 --> 01:13:59.434
I need the big guy.

01:13:59.602 --> 01:14:02.312
I'll give you a little bit more time
because somebody can't close.

01:14:02.480 --> 01:14:04.523
-Fair enough.
-But if you want my help, listen.

01:14:04.690 --> 01:14:07.192
Number one: Stop being a pussy.

01:14:07.360 --> 01:14:09.486
Number two: Make a move.

01:14:09.654 --> 01:14:11.696
Number three....

01:14:11.864 --> 01:14:13.240
You know it.

01:14:13.407 --> 01:14:15.450
Could you pop the syrup for me?
Just as a top off?

01:14:15.618 --> 01:14:18.036
Here's what's gonna happen, Tonto.

01:14:18.204 --> 01:14:20.205
Kimosabe's gonna have some flavor.

01:14:20.373 --> 01:14:22.707
-I choose not to eat with you.
-We're not eating together?

01:14:22.875 --> 01:14:25.877
No. I'd like to recharge my batteries,
and shut down the engines...

01:14:26.045 --> 01:14:27.712
...and get myself back to neutral.

01:14:27.880 --> 01:14:30.090
When the meal's over with,
I will talk to you.

01:14:30.258 --> 01:14:32.676
I don't want to get into
what happened last night.

01:14:32.844 --> 01:14:35.929
Let's get through today,
let's keep our eye on the prize, let's focus...

01:14:36.097 --> 01:14:38.265
-...and let's close some ass.
-Noted.

01:14:44.105 --> 01:14:47.649
Can I tell you something
without you getting angry?

01:14:48.651 --> 01:14:50.360
I love you.

01:14:52.196 --> 01:14:54.364
Yeah, you, big guy.

01:14:55.658 --> 01:14:57.951
I love you too.

01:14:59.620 --> 01:15:00.829
[LINE RINGING]

01:15:00.997 --> 01:15:02.080
MAN:
Hello

01:15:02.248 --> 01:15:05.250
-Trapster, it's Sack.
-Sackmaster.

01:15:05.459 --> 01:15:07.878
-How was the wedding?
-Oh, it was boring, you know

01:15:08.045 --> 01:15:09.713
But the bachelor party,
of course, rocked.

01:15:09.881 --> 01:15:13.508
We got Heidi, a couple of those fucking sluts
from the environmental group, remember?

01:15:13.676 --> 01:15:16.344
No way. Did you tap that again?

01:15:16.512 --> 01:15:18.930
Once at my place,
then once back in the cab.

01:15:19.098 --> 01:15:21.224
Damn! Sluts.

01:15:21.392 --> 01:15:22.767
Oh, how's Claire?

01:15:22.935 --> 01:15:25.979
Still trying to figure out
what she's doing with her life?

01:15:26.147 --> 01:15:28.106
Claire? She's, you know,
whatever, I don't know.

01:15:28.274 --> 01:15:31.067
She's saving the world
one maladjusted kid at a time.

01:15:31.235 --> 01:15:33.445
But that'll all change
when we're married.

01:15:33.613 --> 01:15:35.780
I want a wife.
I don't want a fucking martyr, right?

01:15:35.948 --> 01:15:37.866
I hear that, my friend

01:15:38.868 --> 01:15:41.077
Hey, man, listen, I, uh, got--

01:15:41.245 --> 01:15:43.246
Do you remember
that private detective we used...

01:15:43.414 --> 01:15:45.081
...to set up that
Shearson Lehman prick?

01:15:45.249 --> 01:15:47.626
The "Big Sleazy," Tommy Gufano.
He's a wop genius.

01:15:47.793 --> 01:15:50.462
Yes. I need you to get some dirt
on these two guys...

01:15:50.630 --> 01:15:53.632
...John and Jeremy Ryan.
They're brothers from New Hampshire.

01:15:53.799 --> 01:15:57.052
They got some sort of N.P.O. called
Holy Shirts & Pants.

01:15:57.220 --> 01:15:59.846
-I will check into them.
-Excellent, bro.

01:16:00.014 --> 01:16:01.640
-You the man.
-Take it easy.

01:16:02.516 --> 01:16:04.517
[GURGLING AND BELCHING]

01:16:07.605 --> 01:16:08.939
CLEARY:
Where's Sack?

01:16:09.106 --> 01:16:11.316
CLAIRE:
Oh, he's still not feeling very well.

01:16:11.484 --> 01:16:14.319
CLEARY:
Well, then, we'll sail without him.

01:16:42.181 --> 01:16:43.807
CLEARY: John, my boy.
-Yes?

01:16:43.975 --> 01:16:45.809
We're tacking back round.

01:16:45.977 --> 01:16:48.144
Do me a favor, ease the sheets...

01:16:48.312 --> 01:16:50.522
...swing the jib starboard.

01:16:50.690 --> 01:16:52.649
Okay, let me, uh--

01:16:55.903 --> 01:16:57.529
Okay.

01:17:07.665 --> 01:17:09.374
JOHN:
One minute.

01:17:09.917 --> 01:17:11.876
-Hi. How's it going?
-Hi.

01:17:12.044 --> 01:17:14.713
Oh, just swinging the jib here
for your dad.

01:17:14.880 --> 01:17:17.841
Starboard. Trying to get it over here
and crease the sheet.

01:17:18.009 --> 01:17:20.051
But starboard's this way.

01:17:21.137 --> 01:17:24.014
-Oh, that's right. What am I--?
-Yeah.

01:17:24.181 --> 01:17:25.807
-What am I thinking?
-I'll help.

01:17:25.975 --> 01:17:27.767
-Okay.
CLAIRE: Hang on, hang on.

01:17:28.394 --> 01:17:30.020
Watch the jib boom.

01:17:33.607 --> 01:17:36.901
All right, push it. Push it this way.

01:17:37.069 --> 01:17:39.571
Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is better.

01:17:39.739 --> 01:17:42.198
-Come on, use some muscle.
-There we go.

01:17:42.366 --> 01:17:44.617
All right, that's beautiful.
Done. Done.

01:17:44.785 --> 01:17:46.911
I'm used to sailing down under
with the Kiwis...

01:17:47.079 --> 01:17:49.581
...so everything is backwards.

01:17:49.749 --> 01:17:54.419
Even the toilets, when you flush them,
the water spins the opposite way.

01:17:54.587 --> 01:17:56.921
Really freaks you out
the first time you see it.

01:18:13.314 --> 01:18:14.939
CLEARY:
John, my boy.

01:18:15.107 --> 01:18:16.816
Come on up here.

01:18:16.984 --> 01:18:18.693
Man the Woodwind for a while.

01:18:18.861 --> 01:18:20.820
On my way.

01:18:25.201 --> 01:18:28.203
Hey, your dad was telling me
about a great beach near here...

01:18:28.371 --> 01:18:32.374
...that maybe we could check out,
if you have any interest, when we get back.

01:18:34.293 --> 01:18:35.293
-Yeah.
-Great.

01:18:35.461 --> 01:18:38.963
Okay, it can get confusing up here.
If you have a problem, just give me a call.

01:18:39.131 --> 01:18:41.174
CLAIRE:
Thank you.

01:18:41.342 --> 01:18:43.385
JOHN:
Ah, sailing. What have we got, captain?

01:18:43.552 --> 01:18:45.804
Take the wheel.

01:19:09.662 --> 01:19:12.872
-Thanks.
-How would one get to this Sook's Bend?

01:19:13.040 --> 01:19:14.916
Actually, it would be
a really nice bike ride.

01:19:15.084 --> 01:19:16.751
[GUN COCKS]

01:19:16.919 --> 01:19:18.753
Everything's ready for the quail hunt!

01:19:18.921 --> 01:19:20.630
-Sack?
-For the quail hunt?

01:19:20.798 --> 01:19:23.216
It's a Cleary family tradition.

01:19:23.384 --> 01:19:26.511
Well, I think you might have to deal me
out on this, because we were gonna--

01:19:26.679 --> 01:19:28.012
Nonsense, I insist.

01:19:28.180 --> 01:19:30.682
John, you gotta go. You're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.

01:19:30.850 --> 01:19:34.144
Sack, honey, you a little bit sick
for hunting?

01:19:34.311 --> 01:19:36.229
Oh, no, I'm great. Honey, I'm great.

01:19:36.397 --> 01:19:39.023
No, I'm going. Right? Right?

01:19:39.191 --> 01:19:40.442
[SACK CACKLES]

01:19:40.860 --> 01:19:42.068
[SACK GUFFAWS]

01:19:42.236 --> 01:19:44.028
Okay. You're going.

01:19:44.196 --> 01:19:47.449
-So I guess I'll see you later.
-See you later.

01:19:48.367 --> 01:19:49.534
Just take it easy, okay?

01:19:49.702 --> 01:19:51.286
-Okay.
CLAIRE: Okay.

01:19:51.454 --> 01:19:55.540
Mr. Environmental is also a hunter.
It's kind of an interesting combination.

01:19:55.708 --> 01:19:57.333
I hunt quail, Jeremy.

01:19:57.501 --> 01:20:00.753
They're overpopulated and they're
decimating the grub-worm population.

01:20:00.921 --> 01:20:02.297
Got a fucking problem with that?

01:20:02.465 --> 01:20:05.383
Not nearly as much as I do with
the attire that you have on...

01:20:05.551 --> 01:20:07.844
...or just your general point of view
towards everybody.

01:20:08.012 --> 01:20:09.679
But let's go kill some birds. I'm psyched.

01:20:13.100 --> 01:20:15.310
Have you even shot
one of these things before?

01:20:15.478 --> 01:20:17.270
The whole 1 7 years
we've known each other...

01:20:17.438 --> 01:20:20.231
...I've been sneaking off to go on
hunting trips around the world.

01:20:20.399 --> 01:20:22.609
No, I don't even know
what the fuck a quail is.

01:20:22.776 --> 01:20:25.778
I feel totally ridiculous.
It's like, why do I have to be in camouflage?

01:20:25.946 --> 01:20:27.489
So the big bad quail doesn't see me?

01:20:27.656 --> 01:20:30.033
I know. It's like, why can't
we hunt something cool...

01:20:30.201 --> 01:20:33.661
...like a hawk, or an eagle,
or something with some talons?

01:20:33.829 --> 01:20:35.914
That'd be awesome.
Big game, even like a gorilla?

01:20:36.081 --> 01:20:37.749
-Yeah. Gorilla.
-Or a rhinoceros.

01:20:37.917 --> 01:20:39.584
-Rhino.
-Or a fucking human being?

01:20:39.752 --> 01:20:41.961
That'll get you jacked up.

01:20:42.129 --> 01:20:43.588
That's a little heavy.

01:20:43.756 --> 01:20:46.049
I mean, like-- You're hunting
a human being right now.

01:20:46.217 --> 01:20:47.926
Most Dangerous Game

01:20:48.093 --> 01:20:50.929
Like a worthy adversary.
Not a human being that's armed...

01:20:51.096 --> 01:20:53.640
-Oh, if he wasn't armed.
-...but a clever human being...

01:20:53.807 --> 01:20:56.267
-...who knows the jungle, or the woods.
-Like a bad guy.

01:21:00.231 --> 01:21:02.232
[BIRDCALL WHISTLING]

01:21:06.779 --> 01:21:08.696
There's something not right
about these guys.

01:21:09.448 --> 01:21:11.866
MAN: What do you mean?
-I mean, it's time to send them home.

01:21:12.034 --> 01:21:13.576
Sack, don't do anything crazy.

01:21:13.744 --> 01:21:16.621
-I'm just gonna scare them a little bit.
-All right.

01:21:18.040 --> 01:21:20.458
To the right!

01:21:20.626 --> 01:21:21.668
[SCREAMING]

01:21:22.545 --> 01:21:24.546
[SCREAMING]

01:21:24.713 --> 01:21:25.964
BOTH:
Ooh.

01:21:26.131 --> 01:21:27.507
Ooh.

01:21:28.342 --> 01:21:30.635
-They got me!
-Oh, shit.

01:21:30.803 --> 01:21:32.887
JEREMY: They got me!
-Oh, shit.

01:21:33.055 --> 01:21:34.389
JEREMY:
Ow!

01:21:35.558 --> 01:21:37.809
Ow! Jesus!

01:21:37.977 --> 01:21:40.436
-You okay, buddy?
-Oh, don't "okay, buddy" me.

01:21:40.604 --> 01:21:44.148
We're gonna take a little bike ride, and then
we'll come back and check up on you.

01:21:44.316 --> 01:21:47.819
And take care of him, okay? I want you
to get my little angel up and running.

01:21:47.987 --> 01:21:49.988
-Hang in there.
-I hope you flip your bike over...

01:21:50.155 --> 01:21:53.157
...and knock your two front teeth out,
you selfish son of a bitch!

01:21:53.325 --> 01:21:55.952
You leave me in the trenches
taking grenades, John!

01:22:13.512 --> 01:22:15.763
CLAIRE:
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:22:26.150 --> 01:22:27.859
Yes!

01:22:29.320 --> 01:22:30.403
JOHN:
Whoa.

01:22:32.364 --> 01:22:33.823
Come on!

01:22:35.159 --> 01:22:36.826
JOHN:
Slow down!

01:22:39.413 --> 01:22:40.872
MAN [ON TV]:
Tough luck, Ralphie boy

01:22:42.124 --> 01:22:43.625
-Randolph.
-Shh.

01:22:43.792 --> 01:22:45.710
I'm watching my stories, man.

01:22:46.795 --> 01:22:48.671
Is that what you get paid to do?

01:22:48.839 --> 01:22:51.049
It's exactly what I get paid to do.

01:22:51.216 --> 01:22:53.384
Look, I want to know where Claire is.

01:22:53.552 --> 01:22:56.179
She took a bike ride down to the beach.

01:22:57.222 --> 01:22:58.222
With who?

01:22:58.390 --> 01:23:03.394
With that fella from the wedding
that everyone seems to be so fond of.

01:23:09.193 --> 01:23:11.569
CLAIRE:
So you're a venture capitalist?

01:23:11.737 --> 01:23:13.571
What does that mean?

01:23:13.739 --> 01:23:16.449
JOHN: Oh, it's really not that
interesting, actually.

01:23:17.242 --> 01:23:19.410
CLAIRE:
You don't sound very enthused.

01:23:19.578 --> 01:23:22.747
JOHN: Well, no, it's just--
You know, things start happening...

01:23:22.915 --> 01:23:27.543
...and you go down a road
and you think it's just for a little while.

01:23:27.711 --> 01:23:32.215
And then you get caught up in it
and you get kind of into it...

01:23:32.424 --> 01:23:36.344
...and just don't even have time
to really ask questions about it.

01:23:36.512 --> 01:23:39.597
And before you know it, you're living a life
that you didn't set out to...

01:23:39.765 --> 01:23:41.265
...or that you intended to.

01:23:42.601 --> 01:23:44.852
Do you know what I mean?

01:23:45.020 --> 01:23:47.063
Yes, I do.

01:23:48.065 --> 01:23:51.776
I think that there's some great things
that I'd like to do...

01:23:51.944 --> 01:23:54.946
...that maybe I'm capable of, hopefully.

01:23:55.114 --> 01:23:57.115
Oh, yeah? Like what?

01:23:57.282 --> 01:23:59.117
I don't know.

01:23:59.284 --> 01:24:01.119
We'll see. I'm still young.

01:24:03.455 --> 01:24:06.165
Well...

01:24:06.333 --> 01:24:08.042
...you're not that young.

01:24:11.130 --> 01:24:13.423
I'm sorry.

01:24:14.007 --> 01:24:15.550
Give me your hands.

01:24:15.718 --> 01:24:17.093
I know this game. Okay.

01:24:17.803 --> 01:24:20.221
JOHN:
I'm not gonna bite you.

01:24:21.682 --> 01:24:23.891
Do you want full speed or half speed?

01:24:24.059 --> 01:24:26.144
Full.
Oh, ha, ha, wow.

01:24:28.272 --> 01:24:31.149
You're never gonna hit me,
I don't think. I'm pretty quick.

01:24:33.193 --> 01:24:36.904
CLAIRE: What? You didn't approve of that?
-Let me get settled before you go.

01:24:37.072 --> 01:24:38.656
No, because you're supposed to--

01:24:38.824 --> 01:24:40.116
[SLAPPING]

01:24:40.284 --> 01:24:42.535
You gotta wait until I put them back.

01:24:42.703 --> 01:24:44.662
Come on.

01:24:45.706 --> 01:24:48.750
So, what about you, with Sack?

01:24:48.917 --> 01:24:50.752
Is that a good thing?

01:24:50.919 --> 01:24:54.005
Yes, I think it's a good thing.

01:24:55.632 --> 01:24:57.508
You don't sound very enthused.

01:24:57.676 --> 01:24:59.177
I am.

01:24:59.344 --> 01:25:02.680
Well, I mean, I think I am. I....

01:25:03.348 --> 01:25:05.558
I'm....

01:25:06.602 --> 01:25:08.311
Okay.

01:25:09.146 --> 01:25:12.690
I-- You know, we've just been
talking so much about the future lately...

01:25:12.858 --> 01:25:17.570
...and, uh, I mean, I always assumed
that we would get married.

01:25:17.738 --> 01:25:19.197
But....

01:25:21.450 --> 01:25:23.409
I'm scared.

01:25:23.827 --> 01:25:25.036
I am.

01:25:27.039 --> 01:25:30.082
But that that's how everyone feels
before they're about to get married.

01:25:30.250 --> 01:25:32.543
I mean, don't you think?

01:25:33.587 --> 01:25:35.379
Yeah, no. Don't answer that.

01:25:35.547 --> 01:25:38.508
That's my rationalization
and I'm sticking to it.

01:25:38.675 --> 01:25:41.052
Fair enough.

01:25:41.220 --> 01:25:43.721
And I don't mean to pry.

01:25:44.181 --> 01:25:45.556
Yes, you did.

01:25:51.730 --> 01:25:54.649
Well, however it works out,
I hope you....

01:25:55.776 --> 01:25:56.984
Um....

01:25:57.152 --> 01:26:00.530
I hope you realize that
you deserve somebody great.

01:26:35.732 --> 01:26:37.567
I have an announcement.

01:26:40.654 --> 01:26:43.948
I know that we said
we were gonna wait...

01:26:44.116 --> 01:26:47.743
...but given the spirit
of this weekend, well....

01:26:49.246 --> 01:26:52.790
Claire, come on. Come on.
Come on, come on, it's okay.

01:26:52.958 --> 01:26:54.292
Come on. Come on.

01:26:59.131 --> 01:27:00.256
[CHUCKLING]

01:27:03.218 --> 01:27:04.677
Claire and I are getting married.

01:27:04.887 --> 01:27:06.596
[CHATTERING AND CLAPPING]

01:27:07.306 --> 01:27:10.433
KEN:
Good, Sack. That's wonderful.

01:27:10.809 --> 01:27:12.101
MAN 1:
Isn't that great?

01:27:12.269 --> 01:27:14.145
-Wonderful.
-Wonderful.

01:27:14.313 --> 01:27:15.354
[SNORING]

01:27:15.522 --> 01:27:17.607
MAN 2:
Way to go, man. Way to go.

01:27:17.774 --> 01:27:19.317
Claire bear, you never told me.

01:27:19.484 --> 01:27:21.652
Two of the great American families.

01:27:21.820 --> 01:27:24.655
MAN 3: Claire, you took us all by surprise!
SACK: Yeah.

01:27:24.823 --> 01:27:26.991
-Yeah.
MAN 3: You're good! You're good!

01:27:27.743 --> 01:27:29.535
Can you just give me one minute?

01:27:29.703 --> 01:27:31.954
-Yeah. Mmm.
-Okay.

01:27:32.122 --> 01:27:33.873
KEN:
Great.

01:27:34.041 --> 01:27:35.374
Congratulations, young man.

01:27:35.542 --> 01:27:37.335
Welcome to the family.
This is wonderful.

01:27:38.170 --> 01:27:41.088
Look, kid, I'm sorry. You win some,
you lose some, right? Let's go home.

01:27:41.256 --> 01:27:44.258
-No, I'm not-- I can't do that.
-What are you talking about?

01:27:44.426 --> 01:27:46.469
Look, I think I'm in love with her.

01:27:46.637 --> 01:27:50.848
Yeah, I think-- I think that you're nuts.
That's what I think.

01:27:51.266 --> 01:27:53.517
I'm gonna tell her the truth.

01:27:54.353 --> 01:27:56.187
Jesus Christ!

01:27:59.983 --> 01:28:03.027
-Hey. How are you?
-Hey.

01:28:04.029 --> 01:28:06.989
Okay, listen, Gloria,
you know that I think...

01:28:07.157 --> 01:28:09.700
...that you're an amazing person,
a really amazing person...

01:28:09.868 --> 01:28:11.953
...but I feel like I have
to be up-front with you.

01:28:12.120 --> 01:28:14.872
I really don't see this relationship
going further than this weekend.

01:28:15.499 --> 01:28:17.208
-But I love you.
-Yeah.

01:28:17.376 --> 01:28:19.794
You'll learn as time goes on
that there's a difference...

01:28:19.962 --> 01:28:23.297
...between infatuation and love,
you know?

01:28:23.465 --> 01:28:26.217
Obviously, you're gonna have
strong feelings for me...

01:28:26.385 --> 01:28:28.219
...because you lost your virginity to me...

01:28:28.387 --> 01:28:30.388
-...but that doesn't mean--
-Oh, I wasn't a virgin.

01:28:33.350 --> 01:28:35.726
-What?
-I wasn't a virgin.

01:28:35.894 --> 01:28:38.062
Far from it.

01:28:38.230 --> 01:28:41.440
I just thought that that's what guys
wanted to hear.

01:28:43.527 --> 01:28:45.319
Come on.

01:28:46.196 --> 01:28:48.239
Jeremy.

01:28:51.743 --> 01:28:52.743
Wow

01:28:57.874 --> 01:28:58.958
Hello, son.

01:28:59.126 --> 01:29:01.752
-You okay?
-Not now, Father, please.

01:29:02.254 --> 01:29:05.840
No offense to you, I think we might be
on different wavelengths.

01:29:06.466 --> 01:29:08.509
I think you'd just be
spinning your wheels with me.

01:29:08.677 --> 01:29:10.761
But have a little
of the sacrament here.

01:29:10.929 --> 01:29:13.639
No one likes to drink alone.
We'll set you up.

01:29:14.391 --> 01:29:16.767
There you go, get your hands on it.
Take it while it's hot.

01:29:16.935 --> 01:29:19.770
I'm gonna pour till it's on the tray.
Here it is.

01:29:21.898 --> 01:29:23.941
Can I ask you a question, Father?

01:29:24.735 --> 01:29:26.235
You ever get horny?

01:29:26.403 --> 01:29:28.404
[CHUCKLING]

01:29:28.697 --> 01:29:32.742
I'm sure you do. But I guess in your
position, right? You're not allowed to...

01:29:33.201 --> 01:29:35.036
-...sleep with anybody, right?
-No.

01:29:35.203 --> 01:29:37.163
Does that get tough sometimes?

01:29:37.330 --> 01:29:39.915
Do you ever pull on yourself or...?

01:29:41.084 --> 01:29:42.126
Everything works?

01:29:42.377 --> 01:29:44.962
-Do you get swelled up still?
-Yeah, of course.

01:29:45.881 --> 01:29:48.132
-Well, what do you do?
-You pray.

01:29:48.300 --> 01:29:50.509
Yeah, I pray too, you know what I mean?

01:30:01.313 --> 01:30:03.022
She's good.

01:30:03.190 --> 01:30:05.483
I mean, I believed that she was a virgin.

01:30:05.650 --> 01:30:07.151
It hurts to be lied to like that.

01:30:07.319 --> 01:30:09.403
It's a horrible feeling to feel that way.

01:30:09.571 --> 01:30:11.822
But I was looking
to take advantage of something too.

01:30:11.990 --> 01:30:14.075
So could I really feel that bad?

01:30:14.242 --> 01:30:16.494
It's not like I was who I was.
You know? So fair play.

01:30:16.661 --> 01:30:18.287
And let's be honest here, okay?

01:30:18.455 --> 01:30:21.665
Let's put all the cards on the table.
She's fit for a straitjacket.

01:30:21.833 --> 01:30:23.709
She's fucked three ways
towards the weekend.

01:30:23.877 --> 01:30:26.796
And you wanna know what?
I dig it. It turns me on.

01:30:26.963 --> 01:30:28.380
Yeah. It turns me on.

01:30:28.548 --> 01:30:30.299
You wanna know
what the kicker is, Father?

01:30:30.467 --> 01:30:34.345
Maybe I'm a little fucking crazy.
That's right. Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts.

01:30:34.513 --> 01:30:36.263
Maybe I'm a little cuckoo.

01:30:36.431 --> 01:30:38.140
I know it's a surprise.
It's not on the surface.

01:30:38.308 --> 01:30:41.060
I had an imaginary friend when I was a kid.
His name was Shilo.

01:30:41.228 --> 01:30:43.437
We used to play checkers
with each other every day...

01:30:43.605 --> 01:30:45.856
...and bless his heart,
Shilo would always let me win.

01:30:46.024 --> 01:30:47.983
[CHUCKLING]

01:30:48.276 --> 01:30:50.361
And that ain't normal.
There's something odd in that.

01:30:50.529 --> 01:30:54.365
Maybe that's what it takes to make you feel
connected to somebody. I don't know.

01:30:54.533 --> 01:30:56.367
I know when that redhead
starts getting kooky...

01:30:56.535 --> 01:30:59.203
...that something about me
feels alive inside.

01:30:59.371 --> 01:31:01.372
I dig talking with you.
You're an enlightened cat...

01:31:01.540 --> 01:31:05.126
...and I like that about you.
I think you're a special, special man.

01:31:05.293 --> 01:31:07.211
Okay, come in for the real thing.

01:31:07.379 --> 01:31:09.130
-Get in here for the real thing.
-Oh, oh.

01:31:09.297 --> 01:31:11.382
I love you. You're a sweet man.

01:31:11.550 --> 01:31:13.342
Oh, dear God.

01:31:29.442 --> 01:31:30.985
You can't marry this guy.

01:31:31.987 --> 01:31:33.154
Why?

01:31:33.321 --> 01:31:35.239
Because I've fallen for you.

01:31:41.746 --> 01:31:42.746
[CELL PHONE RINGING]

01:31:42.914 --> 01:31:44.123
WOMAN: Oh, this is wonderful.
-Oh.

01:31:44.291 --> 01:31:46.584
Good news travels fast.

01:31:46.751 --> 01:31:51.255
Excuse me. I'm just gonna take this.
Sorry, thanks. Thanks.

01:31:51.965 --> 01:31:54.258
Trapster, talk to me.

01:31:55.719 --> 01:31:57.094
No shit.

01:32:01.349 --> 01:32:03.392
And do you maybe feel the same way?

01:32:04.477 --> 01:32:06.312
-Maybe.
-Maybe.

01:32:06.479 --> 01:32:08.606
That's all I needed to know.

01:32:08.773 --> 01:32:10.608
But this is crazy,
because I don't know any--

01:32:10.775 --> 01:32:13.485
-Why?
-I don't know anything about you!

01:32:13.653 --> 01:32:15.988
-What do you mean?
-You do investments in New Hampshire...

01:32:16.156 --> 01:32:19.116
...and you have a crazy brother--

01:32:19.284 --> 01:32:21.327
I need to talk to you. It's not a big deal...

01:32:21.494 --> 01:32:23.287
...but maybe you wanna
sit back on the swing.

01:32:23.455 --> 01:32:24.788
[GUNSHOT]

01:32:25.040 --> 01:32:26.707
Run!

01:32:26.875 --> 01:32:29.960
Johnny! She's trying to kill me!

01:32:30.670 --> 01:32:32.630
-Grandma!
-Get the gun from her!

01:32:32.797 --> 01:32:34.882
Put the gun down! Mother, stop!

01:32:35.050 --> 01:32:36.634
This is the real world, lady!

01:32:36.801 --> 01:32:39.053
You can't just go
shooting people on a whim!

01:32:39.221 --> 01:32:40.804
MAN:
Why does Grandma have a gun?

01:32:40.972 --> 01:32:43.599
-What did you do?
-I told you that in confidence.

01:32:45.310 --> 01:32:48.812
-That was a confession.
-What are you talking about?

01:32:49.648 --> 01:32:51.232
Why don't you tell her, John?

01:32:53.109 --> 01:32:54.944
-I don't know what's going on.
-You don't know?

01:32:55.111 --> 01:32:56.779
-I'm playing catch-up, too.
-I don't--

01:32:56.947 --> 01:32:59.073
CLAIRE: Sack, what are you doing?
SACK: Remembering yet?

01:32:59.241 --> 01:33:00.658
-You remember yet?
CLAIRE: Are you okay?

01:33:00.825 --> 01:33:02.618
SACK: They're not who
they say they are, Claire.

01:33:02.786 --> 01:33:05.537
-Those aren't even their real names.
-What?

01:33:05.705 --> 01:33:08.207
-Everything he told you is a lie.
CLAIRE: I don't understand.

01:33:08.375 --> 01:33:10.376
Claire, they crash weddings.

01:33:10.543 --> 01:33:12.795
They crash weddings
so they can sleep with girls.

01:33:13.213 --> 01:33:16.048
Everything that they have told us
is a complete fabrication.

01:33:16.216 --> 01:33:19.134
-No, you're joking.
-All of it is-- Don't you fucking get up.

01:33:19.302 --> 01:33:21.804
-Sack, will you just stop?
-Okay, okay.

01:33:22.681 --> 01:33:25.641
CLAIRE: Is that true?
-No, well, it's-- Not entirely.

01:33:26.142 --> 01:33:27.977
No, it's a yes-or-no question.

01:33:28.144 --> 01:33:29.561
I know, but it's complicated.

01:33:29.729 --> 01:33:31.689
CLAIRE:
Yes or no?

01:33:37.028 --> 01:33:38.445
Yes or no?

01:33:39.698 --> 01:33:41.365
Yes.

01:33:42.909 --> 01:33:45.077
With shades of gray.

01:33:47.914 --> 01:33:52.126
I'm not perfect, but who are we kidding?
Neither are you.

01:33:52.711 --> 01:33:55.212
And you wanna know what? I dig it.

01:33:55.380 --> 01:33:57.131
Jeremy tried to seduce me!

01:33:59.050 --> 01:34:01.218
You did?

01:34:01.386 --> 01:34:03.053
I want my painting back.

01:34:03.221 --> 01:34:05.264
The painting was a gift, Todd.

01:34:05.432 --> 01:34:06.724
I'm taking it with me.

01:34:08.810 --> 01:34:10.519
You had me going, son.

01:34:10.687 --> 01:34:12.730
I thought it was something special.

01:34:12.897 --> 01:34:16.025
There's a ferry leaving in 1 0 minutes.

01:34:16.192 --> 01:34:17.818
I suggest you be on it.

01:34:19.487 --> 01:34:21.488
Come on, let's go.

01:34:23.533 --> 01:34:26.702
- [WHISPERING] I want you.
- [WHISPERING] I love you.

01:34:28.955 --> 01:34:31.123
He made a fool out of you, Claire.

01:34:35.337 --> 01:34:37.129
Come on, let's go.

01:34:40.675 --> 01:34:42.217
Sweetheart.

01:35:21.466 --> 01:35:25.010
Now bunch those panties up
into a little ball.

01:35:25.303 --> 01:35:27.679
Put that little ball right in your mouth.
Oh, that's good.

01:35:27.847 --> 01:35:30.015
-Hang up the phone.
-Okay.

01:35:30.183 --> 01:35:32.476
And I will definitely
call you back later then.

01:35:32.644 --> 01:35:35.312
-Come on, wrap it up.
-Talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry.

01:35:35.480 --> 01:35:37.064
What the fuck?
You can't knock anymore?

01:35:37.232 --> 01:35:39.066
-I know how I can get to her.
-What?

01:35:39.234 --> 01:35:41.276
I know how I can get to Claire.

01:35:41.444 --> 01:35:42.611
Oh.

01:35:42.779 --> 01:35:45.989
John, you gotta drop this thing.
I can't do this anymore with you, okay?

01:35:46.157 --> 01:35:48.283
It's been months,
you haven't heard anything from her.

01:35:48.451 --> 01:35:51.787
She hasn't returned your phone calls,
she's never responded to your letters.

01:35:51.955 --> 01:35:54.123
-She didn't respond to the candygram.
-Right.

01:35:54.290 --> 01:35:56.333
God knows what happened
to the kitten you got her.

01:35:56.501 --> 01:35:58.961
She didn't keep it and I know
you're not raising that thing.

01:35:59.129 --> 01:36:00.671
-Okay.
-I think it's very obvious...

01:36:00.839 --> 01:36:05.092
...at this juncture that she just flat out
does not wanna see you.

01:36:05.260 --> 01:36:07.803
I disagree. Now, look, they're having
the engagement party...

01:36:07.971 --> 01:36:10.681
...for her tonight at the Burke's club.
We're going at 7:30.

01:36:10.849 --> 01:36:12.683
I'm not g-- John, I can't--
Heh, heh, heh.

01:36:13.852 --> 01:36:16.228
Okay, okay, listen to me.
Tasmanian devil.

01:36:16.396 --> 01:36:18.814
-Listen to me. I can't go.
-Why?

01:36:18.982 --> 01:36:22.025
Because I can't go, because I have
a schedule. Because I have--

01:36:23.236 --> 01:36:25.612
What is your deal?
What is your problem?

01:36:25.780 --> 01:36:27.865
For the past couple months
you've been a ghost.

01:36:28.032 --> 01:36:30.200
I can't find you,
and now I come to you with an idea...

01:36:30.368 --> 01:36:32.786
...put myself on the line,
you shoot it down with negativity.

01:36:32.954 --> 01:36:36.039
Your goddamn negativity.
I don't need it. I'm an idea man.

01:36:36.207 --> 01:36:39.710
I thrive on enthusiasm. Don't take
the wind out of my sails. I need you.

01:36:39.878 --> 01:36:43.922
Buddy, you know I love you,
and I hate to see you like this...

01:36:44.090 --> 01:36:45.757
...but we gotta look at reality here.

01:36:45.925 --> 01:36:48.302
There's gonna be Secret Service.
They have pictures of us.

01:36:48.470 --> 01:36:51.054
There's not a shot in hell
we can get into this thing.

01:36:51.222 --> 01:36:53.515
You're so cautious.
I'm more of a risk taker.

01:36:53.683 --> 01:36:57.019
I'm two steps ahead of you
and 1 0 steps ahead of the Secret Service.

01:36:57.187 --> 01:37:01.106
Oh, yeah. 46 extra long,
baba ganoush special.

01:37:02.066 --> 01:37:03.233
We're waiters.

01:37:03.568 --> 01:37:06.236
Buddy, for your own good,
you gotta let this thing go.

01:37:06.404 --> 01:37:09.031
Now, I'm gonna
meet you there at 7:30, okay?

01:37:10.241 --> 01:37:11.825
Okay.

01:37:24.339 --> 01:37:26.215
JOHN: Hey, how do I look?
-Good, man.

01:37:26.382 --> 01:37:28.258
-Good.
-Where's your friend?

01:37:28.426 --> 01:37:30.594
Late, as usual. Is Claire--?

01:37:30.762 --> 01:37:32.429
-Oh, she's looking fine.
-Okay.

01:37:54.786 --> 01:37:58.580
SACK: Next thing you know they pick me
up, put me on the top of this mountain...

01:37:58.748 --> 01:38:01.083
...and they start chanting,
and I realized...

01:38:01.251 --> 01:38:04.461
...they thought I was God.

01:38:05.088 --> 01:38:07.464
And I'll tell you something,
I thought I was too.

01:38:07.632 --> 01:38:09.007
CLEARY:
Claire.

01:38:10.510 --> 01:38:11.552
Let's dance.

01:38:11.719 --> 01:38:13.720
[PEOPLE CLAPPING]

01:38:21.437 --> 01:38:23.438
[BAND PLAYING POLKA MUSIC]

01:38:38.663 --> 01:38:39.663
SACK: You.
-Huh?

01:38:39.831 --> 01:38:41.665
[GRUNTING]

01:38:43.334 --> 01:38:45.419
Let's go, sport.

01:38:48.172 --> 01:38:49.381
Whoa, hold it.

01:38:49.757 --> 01:38:50.799
Sack!

01:38:57.056 --> 01:38:59.766
Okay, Sackmaster, one more.
We should get back to the bar.

01:39:01.227 --> 01:39:02.352
You're right.

01:39:05.440 --> 01:39:08.233
You get near my fiancée again...

01:39:08.401 --> 01:39:09.693
...I'll kill you.

01:39:12.030 --> 01:39:13.071
Let me say one thing.

01:39:19.162 --> 01:39:20.829
You check out the rack
on that bartender?

01:39:20.997 --> 01:39:23.040
Hey, you're the Sack.
She'll come to you.

01:39:23.207 --> 01:39:25.208
Oh, my God--
Yeah, she will. You're right.

01:39:47.940 --> 01:39:49.399
JOHN:
Jeremy!

01:39:49.567 --> 01:39:51.568
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

01:39:52.236 --> 01:39:54.446
Goddamn it.

01:40:03.581 --> 01:40:05.082
Perfect.

01:40:07.251 --> 01:40:09.086
Johnny, wait a second.

01:40:09.253 --> 01:40:10.754
Come on, John!

01:40:10.922 --> 01:40:13.173
Oh, what time is it?

01:40:13.591 --> 01:40:15.759
John, will you wait a second
so I can talk to you?

01:40:15.927 --> 01:40:17.719
Hold on, man.

01:40:17.887 --> 01:40:21.431
Will you stop? I'm not gonna chase you
down the whole fucking street, man.

01:40:21.599 --> 01:40:24.017
-Hold on a second. Let me talk to you.
-About what?

01:40:24.185 --> 01:40:26.978
About how you left me high and dry
to get my ass kicked by Sack again?

01:40:27.146 --> 01:40:28.188
Sack did that to you?

01:40:28.356 --> 01:40:30.941
How long you been sneaking
around with Gloria behind my back?

01:40:31.109 --> 01:40:34.569
I wanted to tell you about Gloria.
I tried to. I didn't know how.

01:40:34.737 --> 01:40:36.863
And I'm sorry that you had
to find out this way.

01:40:37.448 --> 01:40:38.949
I'll level with you.

01:40:39.117 --> 01:40:41.159
I care about her a lot.

01:40:42.787 --> 01:40:44.037
I love her.

01:40:44.622 --> 01:40:46.289
What?

01:40:47.792 --> 01:40:50.127
You're unbelievable. Judas.

01:40:50.294 --> 01:40:52.796
Rule number 5: You're an idiot.

01:40:53.589 --> 01:40:56.174
JEREMY: You're wrong to pull out the
rulebook. There was never rules about this.

01:40:56.342 --> 01:41:00.053
What's the rule about walking away? Never
walk away on a crasher in a funny jacket.

01:41:00.221 --> 01:41:02.889
Rule number 115.

01:41:03.349 --> 01:41:05.350
You're an asshole.

01:41:25.329 --> 01:41:27.330
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]

01:41:36.340 --> 01:41:38.091
[MAN CONTINUES SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
ON TV]

01:41:38.259 --> 01:41:40.260
[PHONE RINGS]

01:41:41.012 --> 01:41:44.181
JOHN [ON ANSWERING MACHINE]:
This is John. Whatever.

01:41:44.348 --> 01:41:45.348
[MACHINE BEEPS]

01:41:45.516 --> 01:41:47.309
JEREMY:
Hey, John, it's Jeremy

01:41:47.477 --> 01:41:50.145
Just calling to see what you're up to

01:41:50.813 --> 01:41:52.731
Would love to hear back from you, man

01:41:52.899 --> 01:41:54.858
Give me a shout

01:41:55.401 --> 01:41:57.277
We'll do the wedding
in peaches and apricots.

01:41:57.445 --> 01:41:59.571
It's a June wedding,
but if the weather turns nasty...

01:41:59.739 --> 01:42:02.741
-...warm colors will really help you.
-That's right....

01:42:11.000 --> 01:42:12.459
Johnny.

01:42:14.212 --> 01:42:16.129
Johnny, open up, man.

01:42:16.339 --> 01:42:18.924
Does anyone ever feel
like they're just...

01:42:19.091 --> 01:42:20.383
...disappearing?

01:42:21.052 --> 01:42:24.387
I feel so much like giving up.

01:42:24.555 --> 01:42:25.722
[SCREAMING]

01:42:29.602 --> 01:42:31.144
Yeah!

01:42:35.233 --> 01:42:36.233
Get it?

01:42:36.901 --> 01:42:38.235
Put your hands out like this.

01:42:38.402 --> 01:42:40.445
-Claire.
-Please.

01:42:43.366 --> 01:42:45.909
Hi. Thanks for coming.

01:42:46.536 --> 01:42:50.288
MAN 1: Hey!
MAN 2: Get off her! What are you doing?

01:42:51.791 --> 01:42:55.502
-You're supposed to move your hands.
-You're not getting enough attention?

01:42:57.547 --> 01:43:00.549
Love doesn't exist.
That's what I'm trying to tell you guys.

01:43:00.716 --> 01:43:02.300
And I'm not picking on love...

01:43:02.468 --> 01:43:04.553
...because I don't think
friendship exists either.

01:43:08.933 --> 01:43:11.226
Hey! Shout!

01:43:11.394 --> 01:43:13.854
Shout! Put your hands up and shout!

01:43:17.400 --> 01:43:20.151
Are you okay? Get up, buddy.

01:43:20.319 --> 01:43:21.945
Move it on.

01:43:23.406 --> 01:43:26.616
JEREMY: Gloria, I've been doing a lot
of soul-searching lately...

01:43:26.784 --> 01:43:31.121
...and I think that I'm ready
to take, um, this relationship...

01:43:31.289 --> 01:43:33.623
...our relationship, to the next level.

01:43:33.791 --> 01:43:36.877
To what the next level
of the relationship would be.

01:43:37.044 --> 01:43:39.504
-Jeremy. Jeremy!
-Is that good?

01:43:39.672 --> 01:43:41.798
I am so ready to take it
to the next level too.

01:43:41.966 --> 01:43:43.300
Do you wanna watch me with a girl?

01:43:43.467 --> 01:43:46.595
What about those Brazilian twins
we met at the ballgame?

01:43:48.306 --> 01:43:53.143
I was-- I was thinking more along the lines
of an engagement.

01:43:53.311 --> 01:43:55.812
But that sounds terrific.
That sounds unbelievable.

01:43:55.980 --> 01:43:58.315
The Brazilian girls were very nice.
They seemed like--

01:43:58.482 --> 01:44:01.318
Oh, Jeremy, I do!

01:44:01.485 --> 01:44:03.695
-I love you.
-I love you.

01:44:03.863 --> 01:44:06.406
I can't believe that
they're getting married.

01:44:06.574 --> 01:44:08.491
I mean, don't you think
that's really soon?

01:44:08.659 --> 01:44:11.369
Well, you know Gloria. She's impetuous.

01:44:11.537 --> 01:44:13.705
Has to have what she wants
when she wants it.

01:44:13.873 --> 01:44:17.250
Well, we had to give her a Sweet 1 6...

01:44:17.418 --> 01:44:19.753
...on her 1 3th birthday.
You remember that.

01:44:19.921 --> 01:44:21.880
Yeah, I remember, but this is--

01:44:22.048 --> 01:44:23.757
Dad, this is marriage.

01:44:23.925 --> 01:44:26.843
When you know what you want,
you know what you want.

01:44:29.597 --> 01:44:31.389
So...

01:44:32.099 --> 01:44:33.767
...which of these do you like?

01:44:37.855 --> 01:44:39.189
Um....

01:44:39.774 --> 01:44:42.984
Well, I could go with
the tall tapered arrangement...

01:44:43.152 --> 01:44:46.780
...with tulips and freesias and orchids...

01:44:46.948 --> 01:44:51.785
...or I could go with a votive
of roses and lilies, I don't know.

01:44:53.537 --> 01:44:56.539
-Claire bear.
-Yeah?

01:44:57.416 --> 01:44:58.541
What's wrong?

01:45:03.589 --> 01:45:05.215
Look...

01:45:09.345 --> 01:45:14.474
...we have no way of knowing
what lays ahead for us in the future.

01:45:14.642 --> 01:45:17.143
All we can do is...

01:45:17.311 --> 01:45:21.648
...use the information at hand
to make the best decision possible.

01:45:24.568 --> 01:45:26.611
It's gonna be fine.

01:45:26.779 --> 01:45:29.406
-Your whole life is gonna be fine.
-Yeah.

01:45:30.032 --> 01:45:31.866
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

01:45:41.127 --> 01:45:42.961
Happy birthday.

01:45:43.129 --> 01:45:45.380
Can't let a little pissing and moaning
break tradition.

01:45:46.173 --> 01:45:48.591
Right, that's today.

01:45:54.807 --> 01:45:57.726
I see you've been getting
into a little light reading.

01:45:57.893 --> 01:45:59.894
That's not mine.
I bought that for a friend.

01:46:00.062 --> 01:46:01.771
Yeah.

01:46:01.939 --> 01:46:04.357
-So how you been?
-Great. Really spectacular.

01:46:04.525 --> 01:46:06.401
Good. What have you been up to?

01:46:06.569 --> 01:46:09.446
You know, this and that.
Crashing weddings.

01:46:09.613 --> 01:46:12.115
-Alone?
-No, not alone.

01:46:12.283 --> 01:46:14.909
Well, who you been crashing with, then?

01:46:15.453 --> 01:46:16.828
-Chazz.
-Chazz?

01:46:16.996 --> 01:46:19.122
-Chazz.
-John, you don't even know Chazz--

01:46:19.290 --> 01:46:23.043
Yes, I do. He's a great guy.
We've been having a ball together.

01:46:23.210 --> 01:46:26.254
All right, look,
I wanted to come by here...

01:46:26.422 --> 01:46:30.091
...and tell you that I feel really bad about
everything that's happened between us.

01:46:30.259 --> 01:46:31.968
Your friendship means a lot to me.

01:46:33.137 --> 01:46:34.971
I miss seeing you.

01:46:36.515 --> 01:46:38.475
I know, I....

01:46:38.642 --> 01:46:42.479
Look, I'm happy for you.
I'm glad you found someone.

01:46:43.272 --> 01:46:47.317
I can't tell you how glad it makes me
to hear you say that, man.

01:46:47.485 --> 01:46:50.403
Get on in here,
let the big bear get his paws on you.

01:46:50.571 --> 01:46:52.405
You know I love you.

01:46:52.573 --> 01:46:54.157
-It's good to see you.
-Good to see you.

01:46:54.325 --> 01:46:57.077
You sure you've been okay?
This does not look like a guy who's okay.

01:46:57.244 --> 01:47:00.163
-I know. It's like a pigsty.
-It's like a mosh pit in here.

01:47:01.457 --> 01:47:02.624
Listen, I'm getting married.

01:47:02.792 --> 01:47:04.501
-Get out.
-What?

01:47:04.668 --> 01:47:08.004
-You just said that you were happy for me--
-I'm hanging by a thread.

01:47:08.172 --> 01:47:10.340
I'm reading don't-kill-myself books.

01:47:10.508 --> 01:47:12.842
-You said it wasn't yours.
-Don't worry about the book.

01:47:13.010 --> 01:47:16.638
It isn't mine, but I glanced at it.

01:47:17.681 --> 01:47:21.726
John, you've been my friend
for 1 6 years. I'm getting married.

01:47:21.894 --> 01:47:23.603
I need you there to be my best man.

01:47:23.771 --> 01:47:25.188
Kindly leave.

01:47:25.815 --> 01:47:28.316
-I'm try--
-Kindly leave.

01:47:36.534 --> 01:47:40.203
-It'd mean a lot to me if you came.
-Oh, I bet it would, hillbilly.

01:47:40.371 --> 01:47:41.830
What?

01:47:41.997 --> 01:47:44.207
-White trash.
-What are you talking about?

01:47:44.375 --> 01:47:46.668
Out. Out.

01:47:47.461 --> 01:47:50.213
You better get your ass to that wedding.

01:48:00.641 --> 01:48:03.810
-Yeah?
-Hi, is Chazz here?

01:48:05.437 --> 01:48:08.106
Chazz, there's someone
here to see you!

01:48:09.400 --> 01:48:12.527
Pick up your fucking skateboard!

01:48:12.695 --> 01:48:14.696
[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

01:48:19.994 --> 01:48:21.327
[DOOR SLAMS]

01:48:33.632 --> 01:48:35.758
Chazz?

01:48:38.512 --> 01:48:40.597
What the fuck do you want?

01:48:40.973 --> 01:48:43.766
I'm John Beckwith.
I'm friends with Jeremy Grey.

01:48:44.518 --> 01:48:47.437
Goddamn it, why didn't you say so?

01:48:47.605 --> 01:48:50.106
Come here, brother. Give me a hug.

01:48:50.482 --> 01:48:53.401
Bring it in for the real thing.

01:48:55.404 --> 01:48:57.739
Have a seat. Yeah.

01:49:00.034 --> 01:49:01.367
Goddamn you.

01:49:01.535 --> 01:49:03.536
I almost numchucked you,
you don't even realize.

01:49:03.871 --> 01:49:06.122
Ouch.

01:49:06.290 --> 01:49:07.665
Yeah.

01:49:07.833 --> 01:49:10.710
-Is this your place?
-No. No, no, no.

01:49:10.878 --> 01:49:12.712
-No, I live with my ma.
-Oh.

01:49:12.880 --> 01:49:14.380
Yeah. You hungry?

01:49:14.548 --> 01:49:16.674
Hey, Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?

01:49:16.842 --> 01:49:19.510
Chazz, I think I'm okay.
I had a bite right before I came over.

01:49:19.678 --> 01:49:21.554
-Thank you.
-You sure?

01:49:21.722 --> 01:49:22.972
So how's my protégé?

01:49:23.140 --> 01:49:26.142
-Jeremy, boy, he--
-Yeah, J-bone.

01:49:26.310 --> 01:49:29.103
J-bone is-- Believe it or not,
he's getting married.

01:49:29.271 --> 01:49:30.855
What?

01:49:31.023 --> 01:49:33.024
[LAUGHING]

01:49:33.817 --> 01:49:35.985
What an idiot!

01:49:36.153 --> 01:49:38.655
Oh, what a loser!

01:49:38.822 --> 01:49:42.075
Good. Good. More for me and you.

01:49:42.284 --> 01:49:45.119
More for-- More for, uh--

01:49:48.415 --> 01:49:49.832
I gotta go.

01:49:50.000 --> 01:49:51.542
CHAZZ:
Hey, babe, yeah.

01:49:51.710 --> 01:49:54.128
You do whatever you have to do.

01:50:04.682 --> 01:50:07.058
-Thanks.
-Okay, be strong.

01:50:11.063 --> 01:50:13.189
I'm just living the dream.

01:50:13.357 --> 01:50:15.191
[LAUGHING]

01:50:16.360 --> 01:50:19.070
That's unbelievable.

01:50:19.238 --> 01:50:21.155
Oh, man, I feel like, "Wow!"

01:50:21.323 --> 01:50:23.741
It's like I come over,
I don't know what to expect.

01:50:23.909 --> 01:50:27.412
I gotta be honest, I come in, it's like--
A little like I'm trying to get my bearings.

01:50:27.579 --> 01:50:30.623
There's cartoons, your mom,
and it's like, you still got it!

01:50:30.833 --> 01:50:34.669
Look at her.
"Just living the dream," I love that.

01:50:34.837 --> 01:50:37.088
I will have some meatloaf.
Let's have some meatloaf.

01:50:37.256 --> 01:50:39.215
-You want some? I knew you'd come--
-Yes.

01:50:39.383 --> 01:50:42.635
Hey, Mom! The meatloaf!

01:50:42.803 --> 01:50:45.680
We want it now! The meatloaf!

01:50:47.308 --> 01:50:51.311
What is she doing? I never know
what she's doing back there.

01:50:51.478 --> 01:50:53.730
"Just living the dream."
Where did you get that girl?

01:50:53.897 --> 01:50:55.481
-She's hot.
-I got her yesterday.

01:50:55.649 --> 01:50:56.899
-Yesterday?
-Yeah.

01:50:57.234 --> 01:50:59.569
I rode my bike over
to a cemetery nearby.

01:51:00.404 --> 01:51:03.114
Her boyfriend just died.

01:51:04.033 --> 01:51:06.200
-You met her at a funeral?
-Yeah.

01:51:06.368 --> 01:51:09.245
Dude died in a hang-gliding accident.
What an idiot!

01:51:09.413 --> 01:51:11.414
[LAUGHING]

01:51:12.124 --> 01:51:16.502
Ahh! "I'm hang-gliding!
Honey, take a good picture-- I'm dead!"

01:51:18.297 --> 01:51:20.381
What a freak.

01:51:20.799 --> 01:51:23.926
You met her at a funeral.

01:51:24.094 --> 01:51:28.473
Yeah, I'll throw in a wedding every
now and then, but funerals are insane.

01:51:28.640 --> 01:51:31.601
The chicks are so horny,
it's not even fair.

01:51:31.769 --> 01:51:33.603
It's like fishing with dynamite.

01:51:33.771 --> 01:51:37.106
-Horny?
-Yeah, crazy horny.

01:51:37.274 --> 01:51:40.568
I just-- At a funeral?

01:51:40.736 --> 01:51:44.614
Grief is nature's
most powerful aphrodisiac.

01:51:45.366 --> 01:51:47.909
-Look it up.
-I didn't know that.

01:51:48.077 --> 01:51:49.786
That's what I've learned.

01:51:50.537 --> 01:51:54.123
Ma, the meatloaf! Fuck!

01:51:54.291 --> 01:51:56.626
Saturday-- I got one Saturday.

01:51:56.794 --> 01:51:58.127
You're coming with!

01:51:58.295 --> 01:52:00.713
Chazz, I'm sorry, I don't--

01:52:00.881 --> 01:52:04.467
I'm not judging you,
because I think you're an innovator...

01:52:05.969 --> 01:52:08.388
...but there's no way
I'm ready for that.

01:52:09.223 --> 01:52:13.184
PRIEST: A time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted.

01:52:13.352 --> 01:52:15.645
A time to kill and a time to heal.

01:52:16.021 --> 01:52:19.816
A time to break down
and a time to build up.

01:52:19.983 --> 01:52:23.486
A time to weep and a time to laugh.

01:52:23.654 --> 01:52:25.655
[SOBBING]

01:52:27.825 --> 01:52:30.785
PRIEST: A time to cast away stones....
CHAZZ: It's so senseless.

01:52:30.953 --> 01:52:32.870
Damn you, Roger.

01:52:35.833 --> 01:52:36.833
Roger.

01:52:37.084 --> 01:52:39.085
[CHAZZ CONTINUES SOBBING]

01:52:40.087 --> 01:52:42.088
Oh!

01:52:42.256 --> 01:52:44.132
Damn you, Roger!

01:52:44.299 --> 01:52:46.175
Damn it! Damn you!

01:52:46.343 --> 01:52:48.136
I'm in pain.

01:52:48.303 --> 01:52:50.888
Try to fight it. Try to fight it.

01:52:51.348 --> 01:52:53.266
I don't know about you people,
but I'm in pain.

01:52:53.434 --> 01:52:55.893
I know that there is no good in them...

01:52:56.061 --> 01:52:59.355
...for man to rejoice
and to do good in his life...

01:53:01.191 --> 01:53:04.986
...for that which befalleth
the sons of men, befalleth beasts.

01:53:06.071 --> 01:53:08.614
Even one thing befalleth...

01:53:08.782 --> 01:53:12.034
...as the one dieth, so dieth the other.

01:53:12.202 --> 01:53:14.662
Yea, they all have one breath...

01:53:14.830 --> 01:53:18.583
...so that a man hath no preeminence
above the beast.

01:53:19.293 --> 01:53:21.752
While each man thinks he knows love...

01:53:21.920 --> 01:53:25.673
...love, we have learned, is a mystery.

01:53:26.592 --> 01:53:30.136
That's what makes today so special.

01:53:31.889 --> 01:53:34.515
We witness two people
choosing to marry...

01:53:35.225 --> 01:53:38.895
...ones they truly love.

01:53:39.521 --> 01:53:40.897
[DOOR SLAMS]

01:53:46.320 --> 01:53:47.570
Whoa, whoa, hey!

01:53:47.738 --> 01:53:48.905
Hey! Hey!

01:53:51.408 --> 01:53:52.867
He's the best man.

01:53:55.329 --> 01:53:56.746
Yeah.

01:53:56.914 --> 01:53:58.915
Thank you.

01:54:15.265 --> 01:54:16.766
I don't believe this.

01:54:27.861 --> 01:54:29.237
Hat in hand.

01:54:29.404 --> 01:54:30.821
I'm sorry I'm late.

01:54:31.323 --> 01:54:33.324
I'm glad you're here.

01:54:33.492 --> 01:54:36.702
And I'm sorry I called you white trash.
I didn't--

01:54:36.870 --> 01:54:39.539
-John, apology accepted.
-Okay.

01:54:39.706 --> 01:54:42.792
And I'm sorry I called you a hillbilly,
I don't even know what that meant.

01:54:42.960 --> 01:54:45.044
John, it's okay.

01:54:45.212 --> 01:54:46.879
Do you mind if I get married now?

01:54:47.047 --> 01:54:48.881
-No, go ahead.
- [MOUTHING] Okay.

01:54:50.217 --> 01:54:51.968
Hi, Todd.

01:54:53.971 --> 01:54:56.514
Although we may choose
whom we marry...

01:54:57.140 --> 01:54:58.599
-...we don't always choose....
-Psst.

01:54:58.767 --> 01:55:02.812
[WHISPERING] Claire, I'm not here to
bother you, I just came to be his best man.

01:55:02.980 --> 01:55:05.815
Don't worry about me.
Pretend I'm not here.

01:55:06.650 --> 01:55:07.817
[MOUTHING]
Okay.

01:55:08.860 --> 01:55:10.236
I'm not a nut.

01:55:13.115 --> 01:55:15.783
You look really pretty, by the way.
That's all I'm gonna say.

01:55:18.704 --> 01:55:20.538
I can't stop thinking about you.

01:55:20.706 --> 01:55:22.707
It's all I think about
and I don't know what to do.

01:55:22.874 --> 01:55:24.166
JEREMY: Ahem.
-I'm sorry.

01:55:26.837 --> 01:55:29.338
O'NEIL:
You see, love is mysterious....

01:55:29.506 --> 01:55:31.132
God, I miss you.

01:55:33.760 --> 01:55:35.595
[WHISPERING]
Okay, excuse me, I'm sorry.

01:55:37.264 --> 01:55:40.266
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Claire, hold it a second. Claire, Claire.

01:55:40.434 --> 01:55:42.518
Claire, will you wait just a second?

01:55:42.686 --> 01:55:46.939
All I wanted was a second alone
so I could try to explain things.

01:55:47.274 --> 01:55:49.025
But I've never gotten that chance.

01:55:50.193 --> 01:55:52.528
Maybe I don't deserve it.

01:55:52.696 --> 01:55:54.030
So here goes.

01:55:54.531 --> 01:55:59.327
For longer than I care to remember,
my business has been crashing weddings.

01:55:59.703 --> 01:56:01.829
I crashed weddings to meet girls.

01:56:01.997 --> 01:56:03.873
Business was good.

01:56:04.041 --> 01:56:06.042
I met a lot of girls.

01:56:06.209 --> 01:56:09.670
And it was childish, it was juvenile--

01:56:09.838 --> 01:56:11.297
And pathetic.

01:56:11.673 --> 01:56:15.426
Yeah, that's probably
the best word to describe it.

01:56:15.594 --> 01:56:18.304
But you know what?
It also led me to you.

01:56:18.889 --> 01:56:21.599
So it's hard for me
to completely regret it.

01:56:21.767 --> 01:56:25.561
And that person that you met back
at your folks' place, that was really me.

01:56:25.729 --> 01:56:29.106
Maybe not my name--
I'm John Beckwith, by the way.

01:56:29.274 --> 01:56:30.650
--or my job...

01:56:30.817 --> 01:56:32.401
...but the feelings we felt...

01:56:32.903 --> 01:56:36.697
...the jokes, the stupid laughs,
that was all me.

01:56:36.865 --> 01:56:39.575
I've changed. I've realized something.

01:56:39.743 --> 01:56:42.828
-I crashed a funeral earlier, and I--
-Wha...?

01:56:42.996 --> 01:56:44.038
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

01:56:44.206 --> 01:56:46.207
Oh, Jesus.

01:56:47.209 --> 01:56:50.002
It wasn't my idea.
I was basically dragged to it.

01:56:50.170 --> 01:56:53.839
I went with Chazz, who you forgot
to tell me is totally insane.

01:56:54.424 --> 01:56:58.302
He also might be a genius, because
it actually does work. He's cleaning up.

01:56:58.470 --> 01:57:00.930
CLAIRE: John.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

01:57:01.098 --> 01:57:02.556
That's neither here nor there.

01:57:02.724 --> 01:57:05.851
And I see this widow and she's a wreck.

01:57:06.019 --> 01:57:09.271
She's just lost the person
she loves the most in this world.

01:57:10.440 --> 01:57:13.734
And I realized we're all gonna
lose the people we love.

01:57:14.236 --> 01:57:16.487
That's the way it is.

01:57:16.655 --> 01:57:20.282
But not me, not right now.

01:57:20.450 --> 01:57:23.285
Because the person I love the most
is standing right here...

01:57:24.329 --> 01:57:26.455
...and I'm not ready to lose you yet.

01:57:26.957 --> 01:57:30.710
Claire, I'm not standing here
asking you to marry me.

01:57:30.877 --> 01:57:33.129
I'm just asking you...

01:57:33.296 --> 01:57:35.548
...not to marry him.

01:57:36.633 --> 01:57:37.925
And maybe take a walk.

01:57:38.093 --> 01:57:40.052
Take a chance.

01:57:41.096 --> 01:57:43.973
Wow. Wow!

01:57:45.559 --> 01:57:50.229
This congregation really doesn't care about
how depressing your life is, John, okay?

01:57:50.397 --> 01:57:54.400
Claire, baby, could you go back up
on the altar so we can have a wedding?

01:57:56.653 --> 01:57:58.654
I'm sorry.

01:57:59.114 --> 01:58:00.156
I am.

01:58:00.323 --> 01:58:01.782
SACK:
What?

01:58:03.160 --> 01:58:04.785
I can't marry you.

01:58:07.914 --> 01:58:09.832
[CHUCKLES]

01:58:10.000 --> 01:58:11.333
Secretary...

01:58:11.501 --> 01:58:14.170
...your daughter's a little....

01:58:16.882 --> 01:58:19.842
Sack, I've always liked you...

01:58:20.552 --> 01:58:24.847
...so I put up with your stories
about scallops and otters...

01:58:25.015 --> 01:58:28.350
...and it's all good because
you seemed to make her happy...

01:58:28.518 --> 01:58:31.228
...and that's what matters to me most.

01:58:31.396 --> 01:58:34.523
But this is her decision.

01:58:37.110 --> 01:58:39.653
I stand by my daughter.

01:58:39.821 --> 01:58:41.030
You don't know shit.

01:58:41.198 --> 01:58:43.365
-Claire, go back up on the altar.
-No.

01:58:43.533 --> 01:58:46.327
Claire! Claire, get up
on that altar right now.

01:58:46.495 --> 01:58:47.703
Stop it.

01:58:47.871 --> 01:58:49.997
Claire, get your fucking ass
on that altar right now!

01:58:50.165 --> 01:58:52.750
Wow, getting a nice preview
of what marriage is gonna be like...

01:58:52.918 --> 01:58:54.001
...with Ike Turner here.

01:58:56.046 --> 01:58:57.797
-Sack!
-Oh, God, here it goes.

01:58:57.964 --> 01:58:59.840
[GRUNTING]

01:59:00.008 --> 01:59:01.425
[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

01:59:01.593 --> 01:59:03.803
Share that with the Dalai Lama, jackass.

01:59:05.889 --> 01:59:08.557
-I think I had him.
-I know you did.

01:59:08.725 --> 01:59:10.226
Just go kiss the broad.

01:59:12.813 --> 01:59:14.814
[MOANING]

01:59:21.488 --> 01:59:23.864
Would it be a total cliché
if I kissed you right now?

01:59:25.242 --> 01:59:26.826
Yes.

01:59:35.877 --> 01:59:38.087
Just wonderful.

01:59:39.464 --> 01:59:42.007
So damn beautiful.

01:59:43.510 --> 01:59:45.886
With every death there comes rebirth.

01:59:46.054 --> 01:59:48.138
-It's the circle of life.
-Oh.

01:59:49.266 --> 01:59:50.391
We're gonna be all right.

01:59:51.518 --> 01:59:53.227
Hey.

01:59:58.692 --> 02:00:00.651
[CRYING]

02:00:00.819 --> 02:00:02.319
Hey.

02:00:05.574 --> 02:00:06.949
[LAUGHING]

02:00:07.117 --> 02:00:09.743
-So, what's next?
-I'm starving.

02:00:09.911 --> 02:00:12.371
Fujimora wedding, 3 p.m.

02:00:12.539 --> 02:00:13.789
Hey, hey.

02:00:13.957 --> 02:00:16.709
I'm just throwing it out there.
I'm just saying, just....

02:00:18.128 --> 02:00:19.962
They would have great tempura.

02:00:20.130 --> 02:00:22.381
We don't even have a back-story,
I just....

02:00:22.549 --> 02:00:25.134
-No, forget it, forget it.
-I'm talking out loud.

02:00:26.303 --> 02:00:30.055
We're a folk-singing group
from Salt Lake City.

02:00:30.223 --> 02:00:32.099
Yeah.

02:00:32.434 --> 02:00:33.642
Yes, we are.

02:00:33.666 --> 02:00:53.666
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