WEBVTT

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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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Police Constable Nicholas Angel.
Born and schooled in London.

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Graduated Canterbury University in 1993
with a double first in politics and sociology.

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Attended Hendon College of Police Training.

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Displayed great aptitude in field exercises.

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Notably, urban pacification and riot control.

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Back off!

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Academically excelled in theoretical
course work and final year examinations.

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Received the Baton of Honor.

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Graduated with distinction into
the Metropolitan Police Service.

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Quickly established an effectiveness
and popularity within the community.

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Use your brain.

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Proceeded to improve skill base
with courses in advanced driving

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and advanced cycling.

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Became heavily involved
in a number of extra vocational activities.

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To this day holds the Met record
for the 100 meter dash.

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In 2001 began active duty with
the renowned SO 19 armed response unit.

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Received a bravery award for efforts
in the resolution of Operation Crackdown.

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In the last 12 months
has received nine special commendations.

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Achieved the highest arrest record
for any officer in the Met.

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And sustained three injuries
in the line of duty.

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Most recently in December when wounded
by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

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- Hello, Nicholas.
- Hello, Sergeant.

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- How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.

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It can get awfully hairy out there.

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I'm surprised you weren't snapped up
sooner for a nice desk job. That's what I did.

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I prefer to think my office is
out on the street.

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Indeed, you do.

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Your arrest record is 400% higher
than any other officer.

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Which is why it's high time
that such skills were put to better use.

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- We're making you Sergeant.
- I see.

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In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

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- In where, sorry?
- In Sandford, Gloucestershire.

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- That's in the country.
- Yes, lovely.

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Isn't there a Sergeant's position
here in London?

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No.

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- Can I remain here as a PC?
- No.

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- Do I have any choice in this?
- No.

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Sergeant, I kind of like it here.

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Well, you've always wanted
to transfer to the country.

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- In 20 years or so, yes.
- Well done, you.

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Hang on, I don't remember telling you that.

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Yes, you did. You said,

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"I'd love to settle down
in the country sometime, Janine."

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I'd like to talk to the Inspector.

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You can speak to the Inspector,
but I can promise you

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he will tell you
exactly the same thing as I have.

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- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- It's still a bit stiff.

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- And how are things at home?
- I'm sorry, sir?

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How's Janine?

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We're no longer together, sir.

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- Right. Then where are you living?
- He's staying at the Section House, sir.

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- With the recruits?
- Yes, he's living out of cardboard boxes.

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Well, then, you're packed already.

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Nicholas, we're offering you a smashing
position with a delightful cottage,

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in a lovely little place
that I think has won Village of the Year

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I don't know how many times.
It'll be good for you.

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- I don't really know what to say.
- Yes?

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Yes, thank you.

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No, I'm sorry. I'm gonna have to...

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- You want to take this higher?
- Yes, yes, I do.

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You want me to bother
the Chief Inspector with this?

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Yes.

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You want me to get the Chief Inspector
to come all the way down here?

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- Yes, I do.
- Okay.

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Kenneth!

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- Hello, Nicholas. How's the hand?
- Still a bit stiff.

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- Chief Inspector...
- Keep your seat.

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Now, I know what you're going to say,

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but the fact is,
you've been making us all look bad.

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I'm sorry, sir?

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Of course we all appreciate your efforts,

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but you've been rather
letting the side down.

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It's all about being a team player, Nicholas.

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You can't be the Sheriff of London.

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If we let you carry on running round town,

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you'll continue to be exceptional
and we can't have that.

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You'll put us all out of a job.

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With respect, sir.

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- You can't just make people disappear.
- Yes, I can. I'm the Chief Inspector.

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Well, however you spin this, there's
one thing you haven't taken into account.

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And that's what the "team"
is gonna make of this.

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- Hello?
- Janine, it's me.

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I know. I'm at work.

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I know, I'm outside.

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What's the situation?

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You know the situation.
We've been over this.

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No, I... I meant here.

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Two people involved,
distinct signs of a struggle.

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Complete mess.

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- You are talking about here?
- Nicholas, what do you want?

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Well, I have something important to tell you
and I didn't wanna do it over the phone.

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Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.

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I'm not Janine.

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Janine, I've been transferred.
I'm moving away for a while.

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I know. Bob told me.

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Hello, there.

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Well, I wanted to tell you in person.

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And there's no reason
we can't be civil with each other.

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It's not that long ago
we were talking about getting married.

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Yes, but you were already married
to the force, weren't you?

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We're actually supposed to call it
"the service" now.

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Official vocab guidelines state
that "force" is too aggressive.

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See. It's only ever about the job.

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- It's all you care about.
- That's not true.

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No, you're right,
you do have that rubber plant.

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- It's a Japanese Peace Lily.
- You just can't switch off, Nicholas.

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And until you find a person you care
about more than your job, you never will.

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Besides, you were the one
who suggested we take a break.

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Yes, well,
guilty people often make the first move.

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Actually, there's something
I need to tell you.

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- You're seeing someone else.
- Yes. How did you...

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- Is it Bob?
- No.

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Does Bob look like
the kind of person I'd go out with?

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It's Dave.

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Hello, there.

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I see.

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Oh, Nicholas.

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You do realize that window
was broken from the inside?

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Hello there, Nicholas,
Frank Butterman here, your new Inspector.

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I'm just calling with details
of your accommodation.

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We've got you a lovely little cottage
on Spencer Hill.

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Look forward to meeting you anon. Cheerio.

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Nicholas, Frank again.
One other thing about your cottage.

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It's not ready.

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It would appear the heavens have opened.

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- I was hoping to check in.
- Check in?

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But you've always been here.

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- Excuse me?
- Oh, I'm sorry.

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I thought you were my husband.

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- You must be Sergeant Angel.
- Yes, I am.

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I'm Joyce Cooper.
I trust you had a pleasant trip. Fascist.

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I beg your pardon?

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"System of Government characterized
by extreme dictatorship. " Seven across.

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- Oh, I see. It's "fascism."
- Fascism. Wonderful.

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Now, we've put you in the Castle Suite.
Bernard will escort you up there.

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Well, actually,
I could probably make my own way up. Hag.

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I beg your pardon?

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"Evil old woman considered
frightful or ugly. " It's 12 down.

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Oh, bless you.

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- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.

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Yes, sir, what can I get you?

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Could I have a glass
of the cranberry juice, please?

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Certainly.

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Now, you wouldn't, by any chance,
be the new policeman?

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Police officer, yes. I'm Nicholas Angel.

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- I'm Roy Porter. This is my wife Mary.
- Mary.

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Welcome to Sandford.

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If there's anything you need,
just let us know.

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Thank you. Could I borrow your newspaper?

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It's not ours, love.

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We're not big fans of the local fish wrapper,
are we, Mare?

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- They listed her age as 55.
- When I'm actually 53.

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Fifty-three.

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- Pint of lager, please, Mary.
- Right you are, my love.

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- Excuse me.
- What?

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- When's your birthday?
- Twenty-second of February.

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- What year?
- Every year.

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Get out.

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- When's your birthday?
- Eighth of May, 1969.

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- You're 37?
- Yeah.

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Get out.

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When's your birthday?

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Out.

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- Is there a problem, Officer?
- Yes, there is, Mr. Porter.

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It would appear a number
of your patrons are under age.

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Well, a few of them may be
a month or two south of proper.

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But if they're in here,
it stops them getting into trouble out there.

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Yeah, the way we see it,
it's all for the greater good.

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The greater good.

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Well, that's as may be,
but the law's the law and they'll have to go.

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- Another cranberry juice?
- I'm fine, thank you.

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I hope you're not planning on driving that.

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No.

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Right. I'm taking you to the station.

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Where is it?

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What?

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Move.

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"Nicholas Angel."

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- Oh, when did you start?
- Tomorrow.

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Well, I see you've already arrested
the whole village.

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Not exactly.

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- You in for the night?
- Go on, four's free.

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- Hey, now, I need to speak to him.
- He'll be no use till the morning.

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I see.

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You really want to process all this lot?

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- My pen's running out.
- Not a problem.

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- Morning, Sergeant.
- Morning.

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Morning.

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Morning, Sergeant.

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Morning, Sergeant.

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- Lock me up.
- I'm sorry?

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I'm a slasher and I must be stopped.

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- You're a what?
- A slasher of prices.

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Just kidding. I'm Simon Skinner.
I run the local supermarché.

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Drop in and see me sometime.
My discounts are criminal.

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Catch me later!

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Morning, Sergeant.

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Morning, Sergeant.

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Could you tell the Inspector
I've arrived, please?

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No.

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Why?

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He's not in yet.

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- Well, how's our guest?
- Guest?

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- The inebriate in cell four.
- I don't know. Nobody tells me nothing.

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Can I get cell four open, please?

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Danny, can you open four?

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- He's gone.
- Oh, my God. Who's gone?

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- Why are you dressed like a police officer?
- Because I am one.

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Sergeant Angel, at last. Frank Butterman.

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- I see you've already met my boy.
- Yes.

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Do forgive me.
I'm something of a Wild West nut.

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Speaking of which, that was a fair
few outlaws you rounded up last night.

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Thank you, sir.

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I admire your enthusiasm
and far be it from me to stifle your flair,

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but this isn't London.
Oh, yes, please, Danny.

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With respect, sir,

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geographical location shouldn't factor
in the application of the law.

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No, thanks.

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Statistically, Sandford is
the safest village in the country.

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But that doesn't mean
it requires anything less

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than a careful and considered approach.

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There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.

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- The greater good?
- The greater good. Precisely.

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Your predecessor assumed
that rural policing was easy.

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Ended up having a nervous breakdown.

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And Sergeant Popwell was
an exceptional officer, truly exceptional.

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And he had one thing you haven't got.

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- What's that, sir?
- A great big bushy beard.

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Come on, let's have a mosey around.

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Locker room.

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Riot room.

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Evidence room.

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Now, how about a trip to the Andes?

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Detective Sergeant Wainwright
and Detective Constable Cartwright.

00:17:27.081 --> 00:17:28.624
Don't get up.

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I expect you're wondering
why we call them the Andes.

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- They're both called Andrew?
- They said you were good.

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Also, because talking to them is
an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?

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- Fuck off!
- Thank you, Danny.

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And this is where it all happens.

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That is Sergeant Tony Fisher.

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PC Bob Walker.

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And that is Saxon.

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And this is one Doris Thatcher.

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- She's our only policewoman.
- She's not a policewoman.

00:18:05.452 --> 00:18:07.663
- Yeah, she is. I've seen her bra.
- She's a police officer.

00:18:07.746 --> 00:18:09.228
Being a woman has nothing to do with it.

00:18:09.290 --> 00:18:11.375
Oh, I don't know.
Comes in handy every so often.

00:18:11.709 --> 00:18:15.212
I could've given you the tour.
I've been round the station a few times.

00:18:15.504 --> 00:18:17.006
And what's upstairs?

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Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.

00:18:21.427 --> 00:18:23.721
Nicholas, this is Tom Weaver.

00:18:24.096 --> 00:18:27.516
Civilian liaison
with the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.

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You'll find that we run
a very tight ship here.

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From this command center
I can see what the whole village is up to.

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I must say I was rather admiring
your handiwork last night.

00:18:42.197 --> 00:18:44.783
It's a pity you didn't do the same
to those bloody hoodies.

00:18:44.867 --> 00:18:47.494
Hanging around. Loitering. Sitting.

00:18:47.578 --> 00:18:49.997
Actually, I did notice some minor graffiti
on the fountain.

00:18:50.080 --> 00:18:52.416
Graffiti? They've gotta be dealt with, Frank.

00:18:52.499 --> 00:18:54.752
They're nippers, Tom. They'll come round.

00:18:54.835 --> 00:18:56.086
Which reminds me,

00:18:56.170 --> 00:18:59.506
our friend, The Living Statue,
was here on Saturday.

00:18:59.590 --> 00:19:04.637
11:00, 12:00, 1:00, 2:00.

00:19:04.720 --> 00:19:07.556
If we don't come down hard
on these clowns,

00:19:07.640 --> 00:19:11.894
- we are gonna be up to our balls in jugglers.
- We'll get right onto it, Tom.

00:19:14.188 --> 00:19:16.565
We like to let them think they run the place.

00:19:16.649 --> 00:19:18.400
Well, that's that.

00:19:18.484 --> 00:19:20.903
Unless there's anything
you're unclear about?

00:19:20.986 --> 00:19:24.198
Yes, sir.
Why is everybody eating chocolate cake?

00:19:24.281 --> 00:19:28.535
The Black Forest gateau is on Danny.
As punishment for his little indiscretion.

00:19:28.619 --> 00:19:29.703
His...

00:19:29.787 --> 00:19:33.123
Sir, I don't think driving under the influence
can be called a "little indiscretion."

00:19:33.207 --> 00:19:36.377
No, the gateau is for misplacing
his helmet the other week.

00:19:36.460 --> 00:19:40.422
Last night's incident will require
something rather more serious.

00:19:40.506 --> 00:19:42.800
- Good.
- Do you like ice-cream?

00:19:42.883 --> 00:19:44.635
I'm sorry, sir, I don't follow.

00:19:44.718 --> 00:19:48.472
Let's just say that we won't be short
of Chunky Monkey for the next month.

00:19:49.139 --> 00:19:50.307
Dad.

00:19:50.391 --> 00:19:54.186
Now, since it's your first day
and it's 11:30, I'd say that's lunch.

00:20:00.484 --> 00:20:05.114
So, what made you choose Sandford then,
Sergeant Angel?

00:20:05.197 --> 00:20:06.824
It wasn't actually my choice.

00:20:06.907 --> 00:20:11.078
Oh, right, right, wasn't your choice to come
down here and tell me how to do my job.

00:20:11.161 --> 00:20:12.371
Our jobs.

00:20:14.415 --> 00:20:15.499
Yeah.

00:20:16.458 --> 00:20:19.378
Look, I can assure you it wasn't
my intention to upset the apple cart.

00:20:19.461 --> 00:20:22.715
Yeah, 'cause we all sell apples round here,
don't we?

00:20:22.798 --> 00:20:25.634
- Your dad sells apples, Andy.
- And raspberries.

00:20:25.718 --> 00:20:28.304
I bet you can't wait to jump
into Sergeant Popwell's grave.

00:20:28.387 --> 00:20:30.556
I'm not jumping into anyone's grave.

00:20:31.849 --> 00:20:35.185
- You got a mustache.
- I know.

00:20:35.853 --> 00:20:39.023
- Why have you got your stab vest on?
- It's a requirement.

00:20:39.106 --> 00:20:43.402
In the city maybe.
Nobody's gonna stab you in here, Sergeant.

00:20:43.694 --> 00:20:45.696
Not a member of the public anyhow.

00:20:47.781 --> 00:20:50.534
- Have you been stabbed, Sergeant Fisher?
- No.

00:20:50.618 --> 00:20:52.036
Well, I have.

00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:54.705
And I can assure you
it is not in the least bit amusing.

00:20:56.373 --> 00:20:58.918
Have you seen a lot of action,
Sergeant Angel?

00:20:59.001 --> 00:21:00.920
I've experienced my fair share, yes.

00:21:01.003 --> 00:21:03.505
- Did you cook any fools?
- Excuse me?

00:21:03.589 --> 00:21:04.840
Did you shoot anybody?

00:21:04.924 --> 00:21:08.260
He shot a crack head with a Kalashnikov.

00:21:08.802 --> 00:21:12.556
- Where did you get that?
- The offender had the Kalashnikov.

00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:13.724
Where'd he get that?

00:21:13.807 --> 00:21:17.019
You do know there are more guns
in the country than there are in the city?

00:21:17.102 --> 00:21:20.147
Everybody and their mums
is packing round here.

00:21:20.898 --> 00:21:22.942
- Like who?
- Farmers.

00:21:23.025 --> 00:21:25.527
- Who else?
- Farmers's mums.

00:21:29.823 --> 00:21:32.618
What's it like being stabbed?

00:21:33.244 --> 00:21:36.580
It was the single most painful
experience of my life.

00:21:36.664 --> 00:21:39.041
What was the second most painful?

00:21:40.306 --> 00:21:42.879
You ever fired two guns
whilst jumping through the air?

00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:43.686
No.

00:21:43.771 --> 00:21:45.759
You ever fired one gun
whilst jumping through the air?

00:21:45.760 --> 00:21:46.661
No.

00:21:46.686 --> 00:21:49.288
- Ever been in a high speed pursuit?
- Yes, I have.

00:21:49.289 --> 00:21:51.457
You ever fired a gun
whilst in a high speed pursuit?

00:21:51.458 --> 00:21:52.307
No.

00:21:54.056 --> 00:21:58.352
Annette,
that Sergeant Angel's coming into your shop.

00:21:58.435 --> 00:22:00.104
Get a look at his arse.

00:22:00.771 --> 00:22:02.982
- What about Lethal Weapon?
- No.

00:22:03.065 --> 00:22:05.067
- You've seen Die Hard, though?
- No.

00:22:05.150 --> 00:22:06.777
- Bad Boys II?
- No.

00:22:06.860 --> 00:22:08.571
You ain't seen Bad Boys II?

00:22:12.575 --> 00:22:14.451
- Hell of a day, huh?
- Yeah.

00:22:14.535 --> 00:22:16.120
- Same again tomorrow?
- Yeah.

00:22:21.917 --> 00:22:25.170
Amanda Paver,
headmistress of Sandford Primary.

00:22:25.254 --> 00:22:26.672
How do you do, Sergeant?

00:22:26.755 --> 00:22:31.594
- Simon Skinner, I believe you've met.
- Oh, we're already firm friends.

00:22:31.677 --> 00:22:33.679
Oh, please, please, come with me, will you?

00:22:33.762 --> 00:22:35.639
This is Leslie Tiller,

00:22:35.931 --> 00:22:40.060
whose horticultural expertise
has helped put Sandford on the map.

00:22:40.311 --> 00:22:42.646
- She's ever so good.
- Oh, go on.

00:22:42.730 --> 00:22:45.149
This is James Reaper,
who owns Brannigan Farm.

00:22:45.232 --> 00:22:46.942
I hear you're quite the marksman.

00:22:47.026 --> 00:22:49.486
Perhaps you might like to join us
for a shoot one day.

00:22:49.570 --> 00:22:52.114
Well, I haven't held a firearm
for over two years, Mr. Reaper.

00:22:52.197 --> 00:22:53.824
I'd quite like to keep it that way.

00:22:53.908 --> 00:22:55.659
You will be popular with the local birds.

00:22:56.201 --> 00:22:57.453
Birds.

00:22:58.203 --> 00:23:00.748
Nicholas, hello. Reverend Shooter.

00:23:01.206 --> 00:23:04.501
I want to ask you,
would you read a homily at Sunday Service?

00:23:04.585 --> 00:23:06.670
That might be
a little hypocritical of me, Reverend.

00:23:06.754 --> 00:23:09.006
Oh, you're an atheist?

00:23:09.089 --> 00:23:10.549
No, I'm... I'm...

00:23:10.633 --> 00:23:13.677
I'm open to the concept of religion,
I'm just not entirely convinced by it.

00:23:13.761 --> 00:23:16.388
- You're an agnostic?
- I think I have a cream for that.

00:23:18.557 --> 00:23:21.685
Robin Hatcher, our resident sawbones.

00:23:21.769 --> 00:23:24.688
Hopefully we won't see too much
of each other over the coming months.

00:23:25.564 --> 00:23:27.524
Well, all that remains is to welcome you

00:23:27.608 --> 00:23:32.196
to the weekly meeting
of the Neighborhood Watch Alliance.

00:23:34.657 --> 00:23:37.618
Now, quick announcement before we begin.

00:23:37.993 --> 00:23:41.413
Janet Barker has just given birth to twins.

00:23:41.747 --> 00:23:43.791
So, congratulations to her.

00:23:43.874 --> 00:23:46.168
- Tom?
- Thanks, Joyce.

00:23:46.752 --> 00:23:47.836
Now.

00:23:48.587 --> 00:23:53.550
I am sure that all of you will have noticed
the return of a blight to our streets.

00:23:53.634 --> 00:23:57.972
It's made all the more disturbing as
the Village of the Year contest looms.

00:23:58.722 --> 00:24:03.852
I refer, of course,
to the extremely irritating Living Statue.

00:24:09.191 --> 00:24:12.528
Police work
is as much about preventing crime

00:24:12.611 --> 00:24:14.446
as it is about fighting crime.

00:24:14.530 --> 00:24:18.033
Most importantly,
it is about procedural correctness

00:24:18.117 --> 00:24:21.537
in the execution
of unquestionable moral authority.

00:24:22.663 --> 00:24:24.039
Any questions?

00:24:26.375 --> 00:24:27.626
Yes.

00:24:27.710 --> 00:24:30.421
Is it true that there is a place
in a man's head

00:24:30.504 --> 00:24:32.631
that if you shoot it, it will blow up?

00:24:36.552 --> 00:24:38.012
Hi, hi, Tim Messenger.

00:24:38.095 --> 00:24:40.389
Can I get a quick shot
for the Sandford Citizen?

00:24:40.472 --> 00:24:41.640
Okay.

00:24:41.724 --> 00:24:43.851
How about you put the teacher
in handcuffs?

00:24:43.934 --> 00:24:45.436
I don't think that gives off the right signals.

00:24:45.519 --> 00:24:47.396
Too cheesy-pie. Okay. Gotcha.

00:24:47.813 --> 00:24:49.898
- Give the little blonde kid your hat.
- I'd rather not.

00:24:50.274 --> 00:24:52.276
- Wave your hitting stick about.
- No.

00:24:52.359 --> 00:24:53.611
Righty-ho-ho.

00:24:58.115 --> 00:25:01.118
Oh, can I have your autograph, please?

00:25:03.120 --> 00:25:06.165
- For the breakfast.
- Oh, sorry.

00:25:11.128 --> 00:25:13.297
Hey, that weren't me.

00:25:14.548 --> 00:25:17.134
- Morning, Angle.
- Good morning, Angle.

00:25:17.635 --> 00:25:19.470
- Morning, Angle.
- Morning, Angle.

00:25:19.553 --> 00:25:22.056
- Sergeant Angel.
- Morning. The swan's escaped.

00:25:22.139 --> 00:25:23.599
- The swan's escaped?
- Yeah.

00:25:23.682 --> 00:25:25.893
Right. And where has the swan
escaped from exactly?

00:25:25.976 --> 00:25:27.895
- The castle.
- Oh, yeah? And who might you be?

00:25:27.978 --> 00:25:31.315
Mr. Staker. Yeah, Mr. Peter Ian Staker.

00:25:31.398 --> 00:25:34.485
P.I. Staker. Right. Piss taker. Come on!

00:25:34.652 --> 00:25:38.489
Yes, Mr. Staker. We'll do everything we can.
Can you describe it to me?

00:25:38.572 --> 00:25:40.449
It's about two foot tall.

00:25:40.532 --> 00:25:42.993
- Long slender neck.
- Yeah.

00:25:43.077 --> 00:25:45.955
- Kind of orange and black bill.
- Anything else?

00:25:46.997 --> 00:25:48.457
Well, it's a swan.

00:25:56.423 --> 00:25:57.758
That's just gonna scare it.

00:26:03.138 --> 00:26:07.935
- No luck catching them swans then?
- It's just the one swan, actually.

00:26:10.688 --> 00:26:14.316
- Want anything from the shop?
- You've just been to the shop.

00:26:14.900 --> 00:26:16.443
I was thinking of a different shop.

00:26:16.527 --> 00:26:19.113
Constable Butterman,
this is not the time for personal errands.

00:26:19.196 --> 00:26:22.825
- Well, there's nothing going on, is there?
- There is always something going on.

00:26:22.908 --> 00:26:26.829
You have to look closer, all right?
What about this guy?

00:26:27.580 --> 00:26:28.872
- Mr. Treacher?
- Yeah.

00:26:28.956 --> 00:26:31.041
Why has he got that big coat on?

00:26:31.125 --> 00:26:34.962
He can't be cold. Why the extra layer?
Maybe he's trying to hide something.

00:26:35.546 --> 00:26:37.006
Mr. Treacher?

00:26:37.965 --> 00:26:39.300
Okay. What about this guy?

00:26:39.383 --> 00:26:41.844
Ask yourself, why has he got his hat
pulled down like that?

00:26:41.927 --> 00:26:45.222
- He's fuck ugly.
- Or he doesn't want you to see his face.

00:26:45.306 --> 00:26:47.349
Because he's fuck ugly.

00:26:47.766 --> 00:26:49.518
Okay, what's his story?

00:26:49.602 --> 00:26:51.061
- Oh, that's Lurch.
- Go on.

00:26:51.145 --> 00:26:53.439
- He's a trolley boy at the local supermarket.
- Good.

00:26:53.522 --> 00:26:55.357
Real name, Michael Armstrong.

00:26:55.441 --> 00:26:57.651
- Dad says he's got a child's mind.
- Okay.

00:26:57.735 --> 00:26:59.862
And lives up Summer Street
with his mum and his sister.

00:26:59.945 --> 00:27:01.196
And are they as big as he is?

00:27:01.280 --> 00:27:03.908
- Who?
- The mum and the sister.

00:27:03.991 --> 00:27:05.492
Same person.

00:27:06.869 --> 00:27:08.245
What shop were you thinking of?

00:27:30.225 --> 00:27:33.729
Sergeant Angel to the Manager's office.

00:27:33.812 --> 00:27:36.899
Manager's office. Sergeant Angel.

00:27:39.610 --> 00:27:43.781
Sergeant Angel. Or is it Angle?

00:27:45.491 --> 00:27:48.535
Mr. Skinner, a baby's sicked up in aisle six.

00:27:49.411 --> 00:27:51.997
Please excuse me. Michael!

00:27:52.081 --> 00:27:53.249
Yarp.

00:27:53.332 --> 00:27:56.794
- Child vomit. Aisle six. Mop it up.
- Yarp.

00:27:56.877 --> 00:28:00.089
- Mr. Skinner, is there a problem?
- No, no, no, no.

00:28:00.172 --> 00:28:04.426
I simply wanted to say how lovely it is
to see you supporting your local store.

00:28:04.510 --> 00:28:05.761
Well, that's quite all right.

00:28:05.844 --> 00:28:10.099
All too many have defected
to the big Megamart in Buford Abbey.

00:28:10.182 --> 00:28:14.645
May their heads be struck
from their shoulders for such disloyalty.

00:28:14.728 --> 00:28:17.773
Yes, well, I am on duty,
so if you'll excuse me.

00:28:17.856 --> 00:28:21.360
Of course. I simply spied you loitering
in organic produce

00:28:21.443 --> 00:28:24.071
and assumed you had time on your hands.

00:28:27.533 --> 00:28:29.952
Well, maybe I'm not the one
you should be keeping an eye on.

00:28:30.411 --> 00:28:33.289
That's the Fridge Magnate.
His name's George Merchant.

00:28:33.372 --> 00:28:37.626
Made a fortune in kitchen goods.
Built that monstrosity on Norris Avenue.

00:28:38.419 --> 00:28:40.838
Actually, I wasn't talking about him.

00:28:41.547 --> 00:28:44.300
I was talking about him.

00:28:45.384 --> 00:28:46.844
Excuse me.

00:28:52.600 --> 00:28:53.642
Excuse me.

00:29:03.569 --> 00:29:06.655
"Meet the cop that can't be stopped."

00:29:23.672 --> 00:29:24.965
Tosser!

00:29:27.009 --> 00:29:28.552
Trouble in the high street.

00:29:28.636 --> 00:29:30.304
Sergeant Angel's having a spot of bother.

00:29:30.387 --> 00:29:31.597
Roger that.

00:29:41.982 --> 00:29:43.275
Morning, Sergeant.

00:29:50.616 --> 00:29:51.867
You mothers.

00:29:55.704 --> 00:30:00.376
- Let's cut through here. Head him off.
- Through the gardens?

00:30:00.459 --> 00:30:03.087
What's the matter, Danny?
You never taken a shortcut before.

00:30:47.339 --> 00:30:49.091
Hey, give me that!

00:30:55.598 --> 00:30:57.600
"You do not have to say anything,
however it may harm your defense

00:30:57.683 --> 00:31:00.394
"if you fail to mention when questioned
something you later rely on in court.

00:31:00.477 --> 00:31:02.563
"Anything you do say
can be given in evidence."

00:31:02.646 --> 00:31:04.315
- Hi, Danny.
- All right, Pete?

00:31:04.398 --> 00:31:05.324
Do you know this man?

00:31:05.408 --> 00:31:07.318
Yeah, he's Auntie Jackie's
sister's brother's boy.

00:31:07.401 --> 00:31:09.278
And it didn't occur to you
to mention this before?

00:31:09.361 --> 00:31:12.197
Couldn't see his face, could I?
I'm not made of eyes.

00:31:22.791 --> 00:31:24.627
Impressive collar.

00:31:24.710 --> 00:31:27.254
Shame Mr. Skinner
doesn't want to press charges.

00:31:27.338 --> 00:31:28.897
What do you mean,
he doesn't wanna press charges?

00:31:28.981 --> 00:31:32.718
I'm simply suggesting that, you know,
Peter be given a second chance

00:31:32.801 --> 00:31:35.763
before he becomes
just another crime statistic.

00:31:35.846 --> 00:31:38.682
I'm sure he's going to learn
a valuable lesson.

00:31:38.766 --> 00:31:42.478
- Stealing biscuits is wrong?
- Correct.

00:31:42.561 --> 00:31:43.646
Thanks.

00:31:43.729 --> 00:31:46.607
And yet we respond by not taking
a single punitive measure?

00:31:46.690 --> 00:31:49.652
Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

00:31:49.735 --> 00:31:51.654
Like the biscuits, isn't it?

00:31:51.737 --> 00:31:54.615
- Mr. Skinner...
- Is everything all right?

00:31:54.740 --> 00:31:59.745
Well, sir, Mr. Skinner feels it would
be better not to prosecute an individual

00:31:59.828 --> 00:32:01.914
that has committed a blatant offense.

00:32:01.997 --> 00:32:03.457
Leave this with me.

00:32:03.540 --> 00:32:06.710
I'll make sure everyone gets
their just deserts.

00:32:06.794 --> 00:32:08.671
Oh, no!

00:32:11.507 --> 00:32:13.008
Twenty-seven.

00:32:13.092 --> 00:32:16.637
- Have you ever seen Point Break?
- No.

00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:19.056
Amazing bit in Point Break
where they jump over fences.

00:32:19.139 --> 00:32:21.058
Is there now? Twenty-nine.

00:32:21.141 --> 00:32:24.103
Patrick Swayze's just robbed this bank
and Keanu Reeves is chasing him

00:32:24.186 --> 00:32:27.106
through people's gardens,
and he goes to shoot Swayze but he can't,

00:32:27.189 --> 00:32:28.357
'cause he loves him so much,

00:32:28.440 --> 00:32:30.609
and he's firing his gun up in the air,
he's like...

00:32:30.693 --> 00:32:32.111
Forty.

00:32:32.194 --> 00:32:33.988
Have you ever fired your gun up
in the air and gone...

00:32:34.071 --> 00:32:37.408
No, I have not ever fired my gun
up in the air and gone...

00:32:37.491 --> 00:32:38.951
Thirty.

00:32:39.034 --> 00:32:42.746
Sorry, I... I just...
I just feel like I'm missing out sometimes.

00:32:42.830 --> 00:32:45.833
- I wanna do what you do.
- You do, do what I do.

00:32:45.916 --> 00:32:47.710
What on earth
do you think you're missing out on?

00:32:47.793 --> 00:32:51.255
Gun fights. Car chases.
Proper action and shit.

00:32:51.338 --> 00:32:54.758
Police work is not about
proper action or shit.

00:32:55.551 --> 00:32:56.869
Twenty-nine.

00:32:56.952 --> 00:32:58.508
If you had paid attention to me in school,

00:32:58.570 --> 00:33:01.740
you'd understand that it's not all about
gun fights and car chases.

00:33:03.100 --> 00:33:04.393
Fire up the roof.

00:33:09.023 --> 00:33:10.733
That was brilliant.

00:33:13.444 --> 00:33:15.946
Was I going a tad fast, Officer?

00:33:16.447 --> 00:33:18.532
Yes, you were, Mr. Blower.

00:33:18.616 --> 00:33:21.869
Well, now, you see,
we are staging a homage

00:33:21.952 --> 00:33:26.040
to William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet
and I'm a little late for the dress rehearsal.

00:33:26.123 --> 00:33:29.168
I'm playing the eponymous hero, you see.

00:33:29.376 --> 00:33:31.045
Romeo not Juliet.

00:33:33.380 --> 00:33:36.133
- What are you writing?
- Everything you're saying.

00:33:36.216 --> 00:33:37.635
I might need to refer to it later.

00:33:37.718 --> 00:33:41.805
Now, Officer, I am a respected solicitor
so there's no need to...

00:33:42.014 --> 00:33:43.432
Just stop writing, will you?

00:33:43.515 --> 00:33:48.729
Look, I'm merely trying to explain
why I might have exceeded the speed limit.

00:33:48.812 --> 00:33:51.607
You're playing the male lead
in a homage to William Shakespeare's

00:33:51.690 --> 00:33:54.610
Romeo and Juliet
and you're late for the dress rehearsal.

00:33:54.693 --> 00:33:57.571
You think this is sufficient reason
to travel at 48 in a 30 zone?

00:33:57.655 --> 00:33:59.490
- Well, I...
- To flout speed limits

00:33:59.573 --> 00:34:03.619
- specifically put in place to save lives.
- Just, look, this is preposterous.

00:34:03.702 --> 00:34:07.498
- "Preposterous."
- Look, just stop writing!

00:34:07.581 --> 00:34:09.750
"Stop writing."

00:34:11.460 --> 00:34:15.506
Look, you're right, I apologize.

00:34:16.924 --> 00:34:19.260
- See what I did there?
- You hypnotized him.

00:34:19.343 --> 00:34:20.761
No, I used this.

00:34:20.844 --> 00:34:23.347
This is the most important piece
of equipment you will ever own.

00:34:23.430 --> 00:34:26.308
This notebook has saved my skin
more times than I care to mention.

00:34:26.392 --> 00:34:27.935
You should think
about using yours more often.

00:34:28.018 --> 00:34:30.020
- I do use mine.
- Show me.

00:34:35.442 --> 00:34:38.571
- That's just extraordinary.
- You should see the one on the other side.

00:34:44.618 --> 00:34:47.621
- What are you up to tonight?
- I have to water my Peace Lily.

00:34:47.705 --> 00:34:49.248
Thought you might wanna do something.

00:34:49.331 --> 00:34:52.459
- What exactly were you thinking?
- Don't know. Pub?

00:34:52.626 --> 00:34:55.796
I don't think that's a good idea. Do you?

00:34:58.799 --> 00:35:00.301
You two.

00:35:00.467 --> 00:35:04.847
A Mr. Blower left you tickets
for Romeo and Juliet tonight.

00:35:04.930 --> 00:35:06.307
Said it was by way of an apology.

00:35:06.390 --> 00:35:07.933
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

00:35:08.350 --> 00:35:12.396
Well, we can't accept gifts from somebody
we've officially rebuked. So...

00:35:12.855 --> 00:35:14.064
Yeah.

00:35:15.399 --> 00:35:16.984
Nicholas. Glad I caught you.

00:35:17.067 --> 00:35:20.821
Wondered if you wouldn't mind
representing us at the am drams tonight.

00:35:20.905 --> 00:35:23.824
- Yes, sir, of course.
- And there's a spare for Danny, too.

00:35:23.908 --> 00:35:27.328
Yeah! Hey, come on, it might be fun.

00:35:29.089 --> 00:35:33.185
A dateless bargain to engrossing death.

00:35:34.302 --> 00:35:37.213
Here's to my love.

00:35:44.595 --> 00:35:45.763
Now.

00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:54.104
Poison? I'll kiss thy lips.

00:35:55.022 --> 00:35:58.108
Happily some poison
doth yet hang on them.

00:36:05.783 --> 00:36:06.951
Bang!

00:36:25.803 --> 00:36:29.256
Sergeant Angel, hi-hi.
Quick word for the Sandford Citizen.

00:36:29.723 --> 00:36:31.016
It was very enjoyable.

00:36:31.100 --> 00:36:33.352
- "Cop Enjoys Watching Young Lovers"?
- I don't think so.

00:36:33.435 --> 00:36:35.102
"Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up
To Teen Suicide"?

00:36:35.145 --> 00:36:36.730
That's just grossly inappropriate.

00:36:37.398 --> 00:36:40.818
You will try and spell his name
correctly this time, won't you, Timothy?

00:36:40.901 --> 00:36:43.362
Absolute tosh, wasn't it?

00:36:43.654 --> 00:36:47.741
And annoyingly, the understudies
are actually professional actors.

00:36:47.908 --> 00:36:50.369
Greg over there was an extra in Straw Dogs

00:36:50.452 --> 00:36:52.329
and Sheree portrayed a cadaver
in Prime Suspect.

00:36:52.413 --> 00:36:54.582
Sergeant Angel, you came?

00:36:54.665 --> 00:36:58.043
So thrilled you accepted my invitation.

00:36:58.127 --> 00:37:01.088
Well, our Inspector
requested we attend. So...

00:37:01.171 --> 00:37:05.968
Yeah, we can't accept gifts from
someone we've officially rebuked so...

00:37:06.051 --> 00:37:07.386
Jog on.

00:37:08.053 --> 00:37:11.265
Congratulations to you and to Mrs. Blower.

00:37:13.517 --> 00:37:18.314
Oh, this is not my wife.
This is Miss Draper. My leading lady.

00:37:18.606 --> 00:37:23.110
Eve works in the local council, Sergeant.
Quite the lady in the know.

00:37:23.193 --> 00:37:26.155
- I am not.
- Nonsense.

00:37:26.238 --> 00:37:31.952
I'm sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts
of secrets would come tumbling out.

00:37:34.121 --> 00:37:38.417
Romeo, Romeo, a pint of bitter for Romeo?

00:37:38.500 --> 00:37:40.377
Thank you very much for coming, George.
Excuse us.

00:37:40.461 --> 00:37:42.588
A pleasure, my liege.

00:37:42.671 --> 00:37:46.091
- Eve's nice, ain't she?
- She certainly has a distinctive laugh.

00:37:46.175 --> 00:37:49.595
She was in my year at school.
Always had a thing for her.

00:37:50.387 --> 00:37:52.348
She clearly has a thing for older men.

00:37:53.474 --> 00:37:55.768
What, with Martin Blower? No way!

00:37:56.268 --> 00:37:58.938
We just sat through three hours
of so-called acting, Constable,

00:37:59.021 --> 00:38:01.774
their kiss was
the only convincing moment in it.

00:38:01.857 --> 00:38:03.525
Hey, now you come to mention it,

00:38:03.609 --> 00:38:06.237
I too have reason to believe
she favors the older gent.

00:38:06.320 --> 00:38:07.446
Really? How so?

00:38:07.529 --> 00:38:10.616
Marcus Carter's big brother said
he'd fingered her up the duck pond.

00:38:14.119 --> 00:38:15.788
Oh, Officers.

00:38:15.871 --> 00:38:19.500
Again let me extend
my sincere apologies for earlier.

00:38:19.583 --> 00:38:22.962
That's quite all right, Mr. Blower. Drive safe.

00:38:28.175 --> 00:38:31.345
"Drive safe. " Oh, my God.

00:38:31.428 --> 00:38:33.806
You know that's the bloke
we done for speeding earlier.

00:38:33.889 --> 00:38:36.809
Yeah. Hopefully,
that's the last we'll see of him.

00:38:49.154 --> 00:38:50.489
Who is it?

00:38:55.077 --> 00:38:56.203
We haven't got long.

00:38:58.163 --> 00:38:59.373
To us.

00:39:01.584 --> 00:39:02.835
Who is it?

00:39:14.722 --> 00:39:16.056
Yeah?

00:39:18.934 --> 00:39:20.769
- ... decaffeinated?
- Decaffeinated?

00:39:25.357 --> 00:39:28.444
Little Brian Libby found them,
out on his paper round.

00:39:29.236 --> 00:39:32.072
Oh, he'll be having nightmares for a while.

00:39:32.531 --> 00:39:36.452
Must have hit the sign at some speed.
Took the whole top off.

00:39:36.535 --> 00:39:39.580
- I've had my top off in this lay-by.
- Tits.

00:39:39.663 --> 00:39:46.211
Most likely lost control,
left the road there and then ended up here.

00:39:47.880 --> 00:39:52.217
So, what do we reckon?

00:39:53.010 --> 00:39:54.470
Sergeant Angel?

00:39:55.054 --> 00:39:57.890
Well, we should get a proper cordon off,
screen the remains from public view.

00:39:57.973 --> 00:39:59.683
Close down the road
until the ambulance crew arrives,

00:39:59.767 --> 00:40:03.103
whereupon we should open
a single lane of traffic and ease congestion.

00:40:03.646 --> 00:40:04.980
Very good.

00:40:05.648 --> 00:40:06.732
What he said.

00:40:12.112 --> 00:40:14.240
- What happened, Danny?
- Car accident.

00:40:14.323 --> 00:40:16.075
Nasty way to go.

00:40:16.909 --> 00:40:18.911
Constable, official vocab guidelines state

00:40:18.994 --> 00:40:22.081
we no longer refer to these incidents
as "accidents," they're now "collisions."

00:40:22.164 --> 00:40:23.249
Right.

00:40:23.332 --> 00:40:29.463
"For never was there a story of more woe.
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

00:40:29.755 --> 00:40:33.425
- Excuse me?
- Martin and Eve. Such a tragedy.

00:40:33.509 --> 00:40:35.094
Mr. Skinner, do you mind telling me

00:40:35.177 --> 00:40:37.388
how you know the identity
of the persons involved?

00:40:37.471 --> 00:40:40.933
You know how it is. News travels fast.

00:40:41.141 --> 00:40:45.271
A love struck Romeo
sings a streetsus serenade.

00:40:45.896 --> 00:40:48.274
- What happened, Danny?
- Traffic collision.

00:40:49.525 --> 00:40:51.443
Hey, why can't we say "accident" again?

00:40:51.527 --> 00:40:53.988
Because "accident" implies
there's nobody to blame.

00:40:55.489 --> 00:40:56.907
Put a sock in it, town mouse.

00:40:56.991 --> 00:41:00.744
Yeah, you wanna be a big cop in
a small town, fuck off up the model village.

00:41:00.828 --> 00:41:03.247
I'm just saying,
things aren't always as simple as they look.

00:41:03.330 --> 00:41:05.165
Most times they are.

00:41:05.249 --> 00:41:08.002
Let's just wait till Doctor Hatcher
comes back with something,

00:41:08.085 --> 00:41:10.671
before you go jumping the Kalashnikov.

00:41:10.754 --> 00:41:13.882
All right, in the meantime, why don't you
check out a few of Martin Blower's clients?

00:41:13.966 --> 00:41:16.844
Martin Blower represents
damn near most of the village.

00:41:16.927 --> 00:41:18.470
Did you want us to go through
the whole phone book?

00:41:18.554 --> 00:41:21.348
Yeah, or put a call into Aaron A. Aaronson,
shall we?

00:41:21.432 --> 00:41:22.766
Please, don't be childish.

00:41:22.850 --> 00:41:24.143
At least consider interviewing the widow.

00:41:24.226 --> 00:41:26.375
Martin Blower was clearly having
an affair with Eve Draper.

00:41:26.395 --> 00:41:29.815
Oh, and how did you establish that?

00:41:29.899 --> 00:41:32.651
'Cause we sat through three hours
of so-called acting last night,

00:41:32.735 --> 00:41:35.154
and the kiss was
the only convincing moment in it.

00:41:35.237 --> 00:41:37.323
All right, pipe down, big one.

00:41:37.406 --> 00:41:39.950
Here, what else you got,
Crockett and Tubby?

00:41:40.034 --> 00:41:42.453
- Skid marks.
- Now who's being childish?

00:41:42.536 --> 00:41:44.371
There were no skid marks at the scene.

00:41:44.455 --> 00:41:47.418
Doesn't it seem a little strange that
Martin Blower would lose control of his car

00:41:47.499 --> 00:41:49.418
and not think to apply the brakes?

00:41:50.044 --> 00:41:51.337
If there were no skid marks it follows

00:41:51.420 --> 00:41:55.341
that for 300 yards both driver and passenger
did nothing to prevent their fate.

00:41:55.424 --> 00:41:57.426
You don't have to be a detective
to work that out!

00:41:57.509 --> 00:41:58.677
Yeah.

00:41:58.761 --> 00:42:01.847
- Are you causing trouble?
- Yes, they are.

00:42:01.931 --> 00:42:05.142
Well, a spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.

00:42:05.225 --> 00:42:08.729
Old Arthur Webley's been clipping
hedgerows that don't belong to him.

00:42:08.812 --> 00:42:10.522
- Yes, sir?
- That's it.

00:42:11.523 --> 00:42:12.650
Yes, sir.

00:42:18.614 --> 00:42:21.951
- Why do we need the dog?
- It's not the dog we need.

00:42:29.708 --> 00:42:30.793
Right.

00:42:30.876 --> 00:42:32.002
What did he say?

00:42:37.883 --> 00:42:39.551
- What did he say?
- He said, "An 'edge is an 'edge.

00:42:39.635 --> 00:42:41.220
"He only chopped it down
'cause it spoilt his view.

00:42:41.303 --> 00:42:42.721
"What's Reaper moaning about?"

00:42:42.805 --> 00:42:43.889
Right.

00:42:43.973 --> 00:42:45.307
Look, I appreciate your position,
Mr. Webley,

00:42:45.391 --> 00:42:48.561
but you can't go around chopping down
other people's hedges without permission.

00:42:50.604 --> 00:42:51.939
"Yes, I suppose."

00:42:52.022 --> 00:42:53.148
Thank you.

00:42:53.899 --> 00:42:55.401
All right.

00:42:57.069 --> 00:42:59.905
Mr. Webley,
I trust you have a license for that firearm?

00:43:02.283 --> 00:43:03.867
He does for this one.

00:43:05.619 --> 00:43:07.079
What do you mean by "this one"?

00:43:20.676 --> 00:43:23.345
By the power of Grey Skull.

00:43:23.429 --> 00:43:25.389
Where on earth did you get these?

00:43:25.472 --> 00:43:27.391
- Found them.
- He found them!

00:43:27.474 --> 00:43:31.061
- And what is this?
- Sea mine.

00:43:31.145 --> 00:43:32.688
Sea mine.

00:43:32.938 --> 00:43:35.482
Well, Mr. Webley,
this is an extremely dangerous collection.

00:43:35.566 --> 00:43:37.067
It's a wonder nobody's been hurt before.

00:43:37.151 --> 00:43:39.153
No, it's just a lot of junk.

00:43:51.332 --> 00:43:53.417
Move, move, move!

00:44:14.396 --> 00:44:17.274
- You what?
- No, apparently it's been deactivated. Over.

00:44:17.358 --> 00:44:19.443
That's right, deactivated!

00:44:19.526 --> 00:44:21.445
- It's not live.
- It looks live.

00:44:21.528 --> 00:44:22.613
All right.

00:44:45.636 --> 00:44:47.972
That was quite an impressive haul today,
Constable Butterman.

00:44:48.055 --> 00:44:51.475
Well, you know, I mean, maybe
we should do something to celebrate.

00:44:51.559 --> 00:44:53.004
Unless you gotta water your Peace Lily.

00:44:53.060 --> 00:44:56.480
- What exactly did you have in mind?
- I don't know. Pub?

00:45:02.152 --> 00:45:03.779
Right you are, my love.

00:45:03.862 --> 00:45:05.948
Yes, sirs, what can I get you?

00:45:06.031 --> 00:45:07.616
Pint of lager, please, Roy.

00:45:07.700 --> 00:45:09.326
And what can I get you
that isn't a cranberry juice?

00:45:09.410 --> 00:45:12.037
- I don't really wanna get drunk.
- You can get a little drunk.

00:45:12.121 --> 00:45:14.832
- Okay, I'll have one.
- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

00:45:15.165 --> 00:45:17.167
Mr. Porter, what's your wine selection?

00:45:17.251 --> 00:45:21.880
Oh, we got red or white.

00:45:23.090 --> 00:45:26.260
- I'll have a pint of lager, please.
- Yeah, Roy.

00:45:31.307 --> 00:45:35.603
- Any news from earlier?
- Yeah. CSI found nothing.

00:45:35.686 --> 00:45:40.190
Doctor Hatcher reported no misadventure
and Mrs. Blower has four alibis.

00:45:40.274 --> 00:45:46.238
Now, come on, Sergeant, it's not your job
to investigate this incident, is it?

00:45:47.031 --> 00:45:48.198
Is it?

00:45:48.282 --> 00:45:50.743
- No, it isn't.
- No, it isn't.

00:45:53.287 --> 00:45:56.540
- You don't switch off, do you?
- You sound like my ex.

00:45:57.166 --> 00:46:00.711
- Well, you are always thinking away.
- It's what I do.

00:46:00.794 --> 00:46:04.214
- Don't get me wrong. I think it's amazing.
- Really?

00:46:04.298 --> 00:46:06.926
I mean,
what made you wanna be a policeman?

00:46:07.009 --> 00:46:08.093
Officer.

00:46:08.177 --> 00:46:10.763
What made you wanna be
a policeman-officer?

00:46:13.307 --> 00:46:16.727
I don't remember a time
when I didn't wanna be a police officer.

00:46:16.810 --> 00:46:20.564
Apart from the summer of 1979
when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog.

00:46:21.565 --> 00:46:25.569
It all started with my Uncle Derek.
He was a Sergeant in the Met.

00:46:25.653 --> 00:46:28.572
He bought me a police pedal car
when I was five.

00:46:28.656 --> 00:46:30.783
I rode round in it every second I was awake.

00:46:30.866 --> 00:46:34.245
Arresting kids twice my size
for littering and spitting.

00:46:34.328 --> 00:46:37.414
I got beaten up a lot when I was young
but it didn't stop me.

00:46:37.498 --> 00:46:39.416
I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.

00:46:39.500 --> 00:46:40.584
He sounds like a good bloke.

00:46:40.668 --> 00:46:43.003
Actually, he was arrested
for selling drugs to students.

00:46:43.087 --> 00:46:44.213
What a cunt.

00:46:44.296 --> 00:46:46.715
Probably bought the pedal car
with the proceeds.

00:46:46.799 --> 00:46:50.094
Needless to say I never went near it again.
I just let it rust.

00:46:50.177 --> 00:46:52.221
But I never forgot
the clear sense of right and wrong

00:46:52.304 --> 00:46:54.306
that I felt at the wheel of that pedal car.

00:46:54.390 --> 00:46:57.017
I had to prove to myself
that the law could be proper

00:46:57.101 --> 00:46:59.478
and righteous
and for the good of humankind.

00:46:59.562 --> 00:47:03.190
It was from that moment,
I was destined to be a police officer.

00:47:03.816 --> 00:47:05.818
- Shame.
- How so?

00:47:05.901 --> 00:47:08.445
I think you would've made a great muppet.

00:47:12.074 --> 00:47:14.952
What about you? What made you
wanna become a police officer?

00:47:15.327 --> 00:47:18.455
I don't know. Dad does it.

00:47:18.539 --> 00:47:22.710
I think after my mum died, it's what
he wanted, you know, keep me close by.

00:47:22.793 --> 00:47:26.797
- Do you mind if I ask how she died?
- Traffic collision.

00:47:27.590 --> 00:47:28.966
I'm sorry.

00:47:30.134 --> 00:47:32.344
Never mind. Hey, watch this.

00:47:33.679 --> 00:47:36.098
- Jesus Christ!
- Oh, my eye!

00:47:37.766 --> 00:47:38.934
Ta-da!

00:47:39.018 --> 00:47:40.853
Hey, come on, silly bollocks, get them in.

00:47:53.198 --> 00:47:55.993
- 777.
- Mr. Skinner.

00:47:56.076 --> 00:47:58.662
- You know George Merchant, don't you?
- Evening, Officer.

00:47:58.746 --> 00:48:01.665
Yes, we were just discussing the accident.

00:48:01.749 --> 00:48:05.169
I'd come to know Martin
and Eve very well of late.

00:48:05.252 --> 00:48:06.795
Such a loss.

00:48:06.879 --> 00:48:09.340
What say we drink to their demise?

00:48:09.423 --> 00:48:10.966
Shouldn't that be "drink to their memories"?

00:48:11.050 --> 00:48:13.302
Of course. Cheers.

00:48:13.385 --> 00:48:15.220
I must go to the little boys' room.

00:48:16.597 --> 00:48:19.350
- I'm all right!
- "Little" being the operative word.

00:48:19.934 --> 00:48:22.519
Oh, he'll be in bits tomorrow.

00:48:31.320 --> 00:48:33.989
I think somebody needs to go home.

00:48:34.073 --> 00:48:37.868
- I'm... I'm not that drunk, sir.
- Not you. Him.

00:48:39.954 --> 00:48:41.288
What?

00:48:42.539 --> 00:48:46.418
Hey, we did get a little drunk.
Did you get it?

00:48:46.502 --> 00:48:49.213
'Cause he's... He's little and he's drunk.

00:48:51.048 --> 00:48:52.967
Oh, good grief.

00:48:53.300 --> 00:48:56.262
It's hardly in keeping
with the village's rustic esthetic, is it?

00:48:58.138 --> 00:49:00.641
- How much do I owe you?
- Twenty quid.

00:49:00.724 --> 00:49:02.726
There you go.

00:49:03.227 --> 00:49:05.437
- And there's your change.
- God bless you.

00:49:06.105 --> 00:49:07.356
Bye-bye.

00:49:10.401 --> 00:49:11.986
I'm all right.

00:49:15.239 --> 00:49:17.074
I would not wanna be him in the morning.

00:49:27.960 --> 00:49:31.046
Well, this is me.

00:49:31.630 --> 00:49:35.384
Well, I shall see you in the morning.

00:49:35.467 --> 00:49:38.345
Unless you wanna come in
for a cup of coffee?

00:49:38.429 --> 00:49:41.098
- I don't drink coffee.
- Tea?

00:49:41.181 --> 00:49:43.225
No caffeine after midday.

00:49:43.976 --> 00:49:45.853
How about another beer?

00:49:53.569 --> 00:49:54.737
Oh, dear.

00:50:01.076 --> 00:50:04.413
- When did you move in?
- About five years ago.

00:50:05.623 --> 00:50:08.334
- You should get some house plants.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:50:08.417 --> 00:50:11.253
Yeah. I've been tending my Peace Lily
for about three years now.

00:50:12.838 --> 00:50:16.383
It oxygenates the room,
helps you think, relieves stress.

00:50:16.467 --> 00:50:18.302
Its needs are simple.

00:50:22.598 --> 00:50:25.768
Janine used to say I love my Lily
more than I loved her.

00:50:25.851 --> 00:50:28.103
- Is that why you split up?
- What?

00:50:29.021 --> 00:50:32.441
- 'Cause you did it with a plant?
- No, no, no.

00:50:32.524 --> 00:50:36.070
It was more about me being
obsessed with the job.

00:50:36.362 --> 00:50:38.697
That's good though, right?

00:50:39.198 --> 00:50:40.658
Is it though?

00:50:40.741 --> 00:50:46.038
I did miss a few dinners.
You know, parties, a birthday or two.

00:50:46.121 --> 00:50:49.166
- Listen, mate, I...
- Her dad's funeral.

00:50:50.292 --> 00:50:54.713
- I just wanna be good at what I do.
- You are good at what you do.

00:50:56.298 --> 00:51:00.636
You've just gotta learn to switch off
that big old melon of yours.

00:51:02.680 --> 00:51:04.765
That's the whole problem, Danny.

00:51:08.143 --> 00:51:10.145
I don't think I know how.

00:51:11.063 --> 00:51:13.065
I can show you how.

00:51:19.071 --> 00:51:21.740
By the power of Grey Skull.

00:51:22.491 --> 00:51:24.910
Point Break or Bad Boys II?

00:51:24.994 --> 00:51:26.328
Which one do you think I'll prefer?

00:51:26.412 --> 00:51:28.539
No, I mean which one
do you wanna watch first?

00:51:28.622 --> 00:51:29.832
You are pulling my leg?

00:52:10.873 --> 00:52:12.875
What did you think of that?

00:52:12.958 --> 00:52:15.753
Well, I won't argue
that it was a no holds barred,

00:52:15.836 --> 00:52:18.881
adrenalin fueled thrill ride
but there's no way you could perpetrate

00:52:18.964 --> 00:52:23.218
that amount of carnage and mayhem and not
incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

00:52:23.302 --> 00:52:24.637
That is nothing, man.

00:52:24.720 --> 00:52:26.388
This is about to go off.

00:52:42.488 --> 00:52:44.073
This shit just got real.

00:52:47.952 --> 00:52:49.703
Nasty way to go.

00:52:49.787 --> 00:52:53.791
I think our Mr. Merchant tried to have
a little fry up and left the gas on.

00:52:55.626 --> 00:52:58.796
Spends his whole life
devoted to the refrigerator

00:52:59.046 --> 00:53:01.423
then gets killed by an oven.

00:53:02.424 --> 00:53:05.719
I told him several times,
you shouldn't eat late at night.

00:53:05.803 --> 00:53:08.722
Oh, I don't know.
I quite like a little midnight gobble.

00:53:08.806 --> 00:53:10.015
Cocks.

00:53:10.099 --> 00:53:13.769
So, what do we reckon? Angel?

00:53:15.104 --> 00:53:16.230
Help me.

00:53:16.772 --> 00:53:20.317
Okay, we get a proper cordon up,
we let the fire crews finish their stuff,

00:53:20.401 --> 00:53:23.153
and then we get forensics in
to do a thorough sweep of the house.

00:53:23.237 --> 00:53:25.948
Very good. What he said.

00:53:26.031 --> 00:53:28.158
Sergeant Angel, hi-hi. A quick word?

00:53:28.242 --> 00:53:30.578
Mr. Messenger,
a statement will be issued shortly.

00:53:30.661 --> 00:53:33.330
Actually, I just wanted to ask,
"What's your perfect Sunday?"

00:53:33.414 --> 00:53:35.791
I'll deal with the press, Sergeant.

00:53:35.874 --> 00:53:40.838
Now, my perfect Sunday
is a lovely long lie in...

00:53:41.505 --> 00:53:46.135
Fire to destroy all you've done.

00:53:50.389 --> 00:53:51.640
Like in the films.

00:53:52.099 --> 00:53:54.810
Something like,
something out of Backdraft.

00:53:56.645 --> 00:53:59.940
- What are you thinking? Foul play?
- Maybe.

00:54:00.399 --> 00:54:03.986
We're just hoping to talk to the last people
to see Mr. Merchant alive.

00:54:04.403 --> 00:54:09.491
Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Asswipe
and a Constable Fanny Batterbum.

00:54:09.575 --> 00:54:12.494
- That's us.
- Why is this such a big joke to you?

00:54:12.578 --> 00:54:14.038
Three people have died in a week.

00:54:14.121 --> 00:54:16.749
Oh, come on, Doctor Sherlock,
they were accidents.

00:54:16.832 --> 00:54:18.334
People have accidents every day.

00:54:18.417 --> 00:54:21.337
- The victims knew each other.
- Everyone knows everyone round here.

00:54:21.420 --> 00:54:24.673
Yeah. If you didn't see anything suspicious,
then who did?

00:54:30.012 --> 00:54:31.931
It's a bit of a blind spot, I'm afraid.

00:54:32.014 --> 00:54:34.266
We just catch the very edge
of the explosion.

00:54:34.350 --> 00:54:36.185
Nasty way to go.

00:54:36.268 --> 00:54:38.854
- There was something took my eye.
- Really? What's that?

00:54:39.688 --> 00:54:41.899
Sandford's most wanted.

00:54:43.776 --> 00:54:46.153
There you go. It was the swan all along.

00:54:46.237 --> 00:54:49.531
- This is not funny, Detective!
- Oh, give over, Miss Marples.

00:54:49.615 --> 00:54:52.034
Yeah, you do your job
and we'll do ours, eh?

00:54:52.117 --> 00:54:54.370
Yeah. Haven't you got
a church fete to look after?

00:54:54.453 --> 00:54:56.413
No, I have not!

00:54:57.373 --> 00:54:58.540
Actually.

00:54:59.818 --> 00:55:00.988
<i>Testing. Testing.</i>

00:55:01.532 --> 00:55:04.904
<i>Someone's in for a surprise at 3:00,
ladies and gentlemen.</i>

00:55:04.909 --> 00:55:08.274
<i>It's the raffle with
a very special guest presenter.</i>

00:55:08.801 --> 00:55:11.387
<i>Out in the country.</i>

00:55:11.637 --> 00:55:15.558
<i>Far from all the sorts of noise of the city.</i>

00:55:15.724 --> 00:55:18.227
<i>There's a village green.</i>

00:55:18.310 --> 00:55:22.189
<i>It's been a long time since I last set eyes.</i>

00:55:22.273 --> 00:55:24.400
<i>On the church with a steeple.</i>

00:55:24.483 --> 00:55:26.694
That's me after a couple of pints.

00:55:26.860 --> 00:55:28.237
Splat the rat.

00:55:30.864 --> 00:55:32.616
Splat the rat.

00:55:34.702 --> 00:55:36.745
Splat the rat.

00:55:38.872 --> 00:55:40.416
Shark!

00:55:42.251 --> 00:55:44.211
Seen any murderings, Nicholarse?

00:55:44.295 --> 00:55:46.922
Come on, boys.
Leave Sergeant Angel alone, he's working.

00:55:47.006 --> 00:55:50.467
Sorry, Chief,
won't waste any more police time.

00:55:50.551 --> 00:55:51.760
Have a nice time.

00:55:51.844 --> 00:55:54.263
Actually, Nicholas,
you might as well take a break.

00:55:54.346 --> 00:55:57.141
Hey, great. I've got something to show you.

00:56:03.105 --> 00:56:06.066
- This is a rifle range.
- You'll be really good at it.

00:56:06.150 --> 00:56:08.611
Feeling lucky, Sergeant?

00:56:09.445 --> 00:56:14.074
Three cans wins you the squeaky bunny,
five cans gets you the floppy lion.

00:56:14.158 --> 00:56:19.246
Take out all the little people,
you get to waltz off with the cuddly monkey.

00:56:20.372 --> 00:56:23.792
I thought I made it clear to you
how I feel about firearms.

00:56:23.876 --> 00:56:26.211
It's only an air rifle.

00:56:26.503 --> 00:56:27.671
Sergeant.

00:56:46.315 --> 00:56:48.025
Dear Lord!

00:56:49.401 --> 00:56:51.487
That was amazing.

00:56:55.950 --> 00:56:58.869
- Thank you, Danny.
- I can't believe I shot someone.

00:56:58.953 --> 00:57:02.206
- He's a doctor, he can deal with it.
- I never shot anyone before.

00:57:02.289 --> 00:57:04.500
Danny, believe me,
it's not something you ever get used to.

00:57:04.583 --> 00:57:06.835
Yeah. Maybe we should
go on the bouncy castle.

00:57:06.919 --> 00:57:08.003
Take our minds off of it.

00:57:08.087 --> 00:57:10.005
- Sergeant Angel, hi-hi.
- Mr. Messenger.

00:57:10.089 --> 00:57:12.716
I need to talk to you
about George Merchant. Alone.

00:57:13.175 --> 00:57:15.427
Churchyard. 3:00.

00:57:17.096 --> 00:57:18.222
What do you think he wants?

00:57:18.305 --> 00:57:21.350
Would
Sergeant Angel come to the stage, please?

00:57:24.395 --> 00:57:28.357
Here to announce the winners is the newest
addition to the Sandford Police Force.

00:57:28.440 --> 00:57:29.567
Service.

00:57:29.650 --> 00:57:31.402
Sergeant Nicholas Angel.

00:57:33.946 --> 00:57:35.239
- Prick.
- Wanker.

00:57:36.532 --> 00:57:38.701
Hello. Hello.

00:57:55.759 --> 00:58:00.389
The first name is Simon Skinner.

00:58:03.392 --> 00:58:04.935
He's in the loo.

00:58:05.686 --> 00:58:08.063
Too much of Joyce's lemonade, perhaps.

00:58:30.419 --> 00:58:32.838
And the next name is...

00:58:48.229 --> 00:58:50.564
Tim, your number's up.

00:58:59.615 --> 00:59:01.242
Excuse me. Excuse me.

00:59:03.744 --> 00:59:04.954
Hi-hi.

00:59:09.458 --> 00:59:10.751
Oh, no!

00:59:16.090 --> 00:59:19.009
Stand back, stand back!
There's been a terrible accident.

00:59:19.093 --> 00:59:21.804
- Accident?
- Just an accident.

00:59:22.429 --> 00:59:25.182
It's all right, it's all right.
There's nothing to see.

00:59:25.266 --> 00:59:29.103
Come on, everybody. It's all right.
It's just an accident.

00:59:37.820 --> 00:59:39.446
Nicholas, what is it?

00:59:39.530 --> 00:59:43.576
Sir, I think all these deaths are linked.
I think Tim Messenger was murdered.

00:59:43.993 --> 00:59:47.162
- Who could do something like this?
- Maybe it was the swan.

00:59:47.246 --> 00:59:50.332
- Apparently, they can break a man's arm.
- Or blow up a man's house.

00:59:50.416 --> 00:59:53.377
- Listen, you pair of...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Nicholas.

00:59:53.877 --> 00:59:56.213
Now, let me get this straight.

00:59:57.214 --> 01:00:01.218
- Are you saying that this is a crime scene?
- Yes, sir, I am.

01:00:01.302 --> 01:00:02.678
Very well.

01:00:03.220 --> 01:00:04.305
- Detectives.
- Sir.

01:00:04.388 --> 01:00:05.973
Start interviewing everyone
who was at the fete.

01:00:06.056 --> 01:00:07.141
Oh, he's got shorts on.

01:00:07.224 --> 01:00:08.350
- Sergeant Fisher?
- What?

01:00:08.434 --> 01:00:09.852
- Secure the area.
- What?

01:00:09.935 --> 01:00:11.145
- PC Thatcher?
- Yes, love?

01:00:11.228 --> 01:00:12.855
Get the CSI down here.

01:00:12.938 --> 01:00:14.148
PC Walker?

01:00:14.231 --> 01:00:16.525
Patrol the churchyard with Saxon.

01:00:16.609 --> 01:00:19.820
Nicholas, Danny, you know what to do.

01:00:26.118 --> 01:00:28.287
Do you really think this is murder?

01:00:28.454 --> 01:00:30.039
I just don't think we should rule it out,
that's all.

01:00:30.122 --> 01:00:31.624
Yeah. I think you're right.

01:00:31.707 --> 01:00:33.959
I think you're talking a load of old shit.

01:00:34.668 --> 01:00:37.922
He thinks you're talking a load of shit.
Swings and roundabouts, isn't it?

01:00:38.255 --> 01:00:39.506
Pain in the arse.

01:00:39.757 --> 01:00:41.800
- Did you find anything?
- Yeah.

01:00:41.884 --> 01:00:43.719
I was extremely shocked
when I looked at my watch

01:00:43.802 --> 01:00:45.221
and discovered that I should be in the pub.

01:00:45.304 --> 01:00:47.598
Did you go to his house?
Did you read his articles?

01:00:47.681 --> 01:00:51.143
If you wanna wade through every copy of
the Sandford bloody Citizen, be our guest.

01:00:51.227 --> 01:00:53.145
It's your job, isn't it? Detect!

01:00:53.229 --> 01:00:57.483
This ain't the city, Mr. Angel.
Not everyone's a murdering psychopath.

01:00:57.650 --> 01:01:01.070
It's high time you realized that.
You and your monkey.

01:01:04.406 --> 01:01:06.367
Did he mean me or that?

01:01:08.035 --> 01:01:10.246
Oh, maybe we should go home.

01:01:10.454 --> 01:01:13.540
- What do you mean?
- Well, there's nothing going on, is there?

01:01:13.624 --> 01:01:15.291
Have you listened to anything that I've said?

01:01:15.334 --> 01:01:16.460
What do you mean?

01:01:16.543 --> 01:01:18.087
Is anything I've told you
in the last two weeks

01:01:18.170 --> 01:01:20.214
- sunk into that thick skull of yours?
- Yeah.

01:01:20.297 --> 01:01:22.007
Has it? Like what?

01:01:22.549 --> 01:01:24.468
You said I could be
an amazing policeman-officer.

01:01:24.552 --> 01:01:26.971
There's always something going on, Danny.

01:01:27.054 --> 01:01:30.683
And you won't be an amazing police officer
until you understand that.

01:01:30.766 --> 01:01:33.143
Well, I remembered something else
you said and all.

01:01:33.227 --> 01:01:34.853
- Oh, did you now?
- Yeah.

01:01:34.937 --> 01:01:37.231
You don't know how to switch off!

01:02:11.432 --> 01:02:12.892
Well, if you wanna wade through every copy

01:02:12.975 --> 01:02:15.269
of the Sandford bloody Citizen,
be our guest.

01:02:52.890 --> 01:02:55.476
- Morning, Constable.
- All right?

01:02:56.810 --> 01:02:58.729
Thanks for the monkey.

01:02:59.563 --> 01:03:02.107
- Yours, isn't it?
- I won it for you.

01:03:05.736 --> 01:03:07.696
Danny, I think I'm on to something.

01:03:07.780 --> 01:03:08.948
- Are you?
- Yes.

01:03:09.031 --> 01:03:13.369
And I think with a little deliberation
we can figure out what links these deaths.

01:03:13.827 --> 01:03:17.248
- We?
- Come on, partner. Let's go to work.

01:03:18.374 --> 01:03:20.292
Oh, oh, Sergeant Angel?

01:03:20.376 --> 01:03:25.005
- Someone from London called for you.
- Tell them I'll call them back.

01:03:25.839 --> 01:03:26.966
- Tim Messenger.
- Go.

01:03:27.049 --> 01:03:28.884
Editor and journalist
at The Sandford Citizen.

01:03:28.968 --> 01:03:30.261
- Fondness for puns.
- Go on.

01:03:30.344 --> 01:03:31.470
- Terrible speller.
- Oh, yeah?

01:03:31.554 --> 01:03:33.514
Nevertheless had uncovered
important information about...

01:03:33.597 --> 01:03:35.536
- George Merchant.
- Self-made millionaire.

01:03:35.571 --> 01:03:37.476
Fancied himself as a property developer.

01:03:37.560 --> 01:03:40.312
- Said he had big plans for Sandford.
- Pissed on the floor in The Crown.

01:03:40.396 --> 01:03:42.565
But more importantly,
was a good friend and client of...

01:03:42.648 --> 01:03:44.400
- Martin Blower.
- Respected solicitor.

01:03:44.483 --> 01:03:46.735
- Affirmatron.
- Leading light of the local drama society.

01:03:46.819 --> 01:03:48.237
- Bad actor.
- Undoubtedly.

01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:49.863
- Bad driver.
- Not necessarily.

01:03:49.989 --> 01:03:51.615
- Cheated on his missus.
- Most certainly.

01:03:51.740 --> 01:03:53.659
- And we both know who with.
- Eve Draper.

01:03:53.742 --> 01:03:56.579
- Blower's leading lady. Distinctive laugh.
- True.

01:03:56.662 --> 01:03:58.080
- Favored older men.
- Fingered.

01:03:58.163 --> 01:03:59.415
- Worked at?
- Council.

01:03:59.498 --> 01:04:02.209
- More specifically?
- Department of Planning and Development.

01:04:02.334 --> 01:04:03.919
Where George Merchant secured permission

01:04:04.003 --> 01:04:06.380
to build his dubious mansion
on Norris Avenue.

01:04:06.505 --> 01:04:07.590
So...

01:04:07.673 --> 01:04:11.760
Maybe they were all accidents.
People have accidents every day.

01:04:13.095 --> 01:04:15.598
- What are you two up to?
- Nothing.

01:04:15.681 --> 01:04:16.807
Well, look sharp.

01:04:16.932 --> 01:04:19.643
- There's been reports of a fire in the station.
- What?

01:04:19.768 --> 01:04:23.397
Happy birthday to you.

01:04:23.522 --> 01:04:27.693
Happy birthday to you.

01:04:27.776 --> 01:04:31.447
- Danny, why didn't you say something?
- We were working, weren't we?

01:04:33.866 --> 01:04:36.911
- Hey, where are you going?
- Personal errand.

01:04:43.809 --> 01:04:45.227
Hello, Miss Tiller.

01:04:45.310 --> 01:04:48.022
I was wondering,
do you have any Japanese Peace Lilies?

01:04:48.147 --> 01:04:49.523
Of course.

01:04:50.315 --> 01:04:52.735
I was just about to pop off, actually.

01:04:53.569 --> 01:04:55.863
I can never find my scissors.

01:04:56.155 --> 01:05:00.075
- Is this for someone special?
- Yes. Yes, it is.

01:05:02.494 --> 01:05:07.124
- Are you going somewhere, Miss Tiller?
- Yes. I'm moving away.

01:05:08.250 --> 01:05:11.420
And why the move,
if you don't mind me asking?

01:05:11.503 --> 01:05:16.342
- Well, just between you and I...
- Yes?

01:05:16.592 --> 01:05:19.470
- You know that fella who blew up?
- George Merchant.

01:05:19.595 --> 01:05:22.723
Well, George Merchant, God rest him,
wanted to buy this land,

01:05:22.848 --> 01:05:26.393
so he sends round his legal fella,
Martin Blower, God rest him,

01:05:26.518 --> 01:05:28.604
and I thought I might take them up on it.

01:05:28.687 --> 01:05:32.399
I haven't really got that much family
round here, save for Cousin Sissy.

01:05:32.524 --> 01:05:35.944
So I thought I might take them up
on the offer and move to Buford Abbey.

01:05:36.028 --> 01:05:38.030
Would you like a card with this?

01:05:38.197 --> 01:05:40.491
No, sorry, you were talking about the offer?

01:05:40.616 --> 01:05:43.786
Well, it turns out that Martin Blower,
God rest him,

01:05:43.869 --> 01:05:46.038
knew where the new bypass road is going

01:05:46.121 --> 01:05:49.208
because he was knocking off Eve Draper
from the council, God rest her,

01:05:49.291 --> 01:05:53.003
and then that reporter, God rest him,
finds out about the route

01:05:53.128 --> 01:05:55.214
and tells me this land's very valuable.

01:05:55.297 --> 01:05:59.385
Ten times what George Merchant and
Martin Blower, God rest them, offered me.

01:05:59.468 --> 01:06:02.471
So, with them having passed on,
I decided to sell it on myself

01:06:02.554 --> 01:06:05.349
to some folks from the city
that Martin, George and Eve,

01:06:05.474 --> 01:06:07.476
God rest the lot of them,
had been talking to.

01:06:07.559 --> 01:06:10.396
Apparently, they want to build
a big shopping center or something.

01:06:10.479 --> 01:06:13.273
Of course, Cousin Sissy won't be
too happy about that,

01:06:13.399 --> 01:06:15.442
but as far as I'm concerned,
Cousin Sissy can go and fuck...

01:06:15.567 --> 01:06:18.153
Would you just excuse me,
for just one second?

01:06:33.419 --> 01:06:34.586
Stop!

01:06:35.504 --> 01:06:37.089
In the name of the law!

01:07:35.314 --> 01:07:37.274
Hang about, hang about.

01:07:38.150 --> 01:07:40.402
You're saying this wasn't an accident?

01:07:41.737 --> 01:07:43.781
Leslie Tiller was fucking murdered!

01:07:43.906 --> 01:07:45.324
- What, just like Tim Messenger?
- Yes!

01:07:45.407 --> 01:07:46.575
- And George Merchant?
- Yes!

01:07:46.659 --> 01:07:47.910
- And Eve Draper?
- Yes!

01:07:47.993 --> 01:07:49.620
- And Martin Blower?
- No, actually.

01:07:49.745 --> 01:07:51.580
- Really?
- 'Course he fucking was!

01:07:51.664 --> 01:07:53.582
Thank you, Danny.

01:07:53.666 --> 01:07:57.002
Oh, murder, murder, murder.
Change the fucking record.

01:07:57.586 --> 01:07:58.754
Thank you, Andy.

01:07:58.837 --> 01:08:03.092
Come on, Sergeant, you've gotta accept
it was just another nasty accident.

01:08:03.175 --> 01:08:04.259
What are you suggesting?

01:08:04.343 --> 01:08:06.845
That Leslie Tiller tripped
and fell on her own shears?

01:08:06.929 --> 01:08:09.390
Ben Fletcher fell
on his pitchfork the other week.

01:08:09.515 --> 01:08:12.935
Yeah, accidents happen all the time.
What makes you think it was murder?

01:08:13.018 --> 01:08:15.979
- Because I was there!
- There's a point.

01:08:16.105 --> 01:08:17.439
Why were you there?

01:08:17.523 --> 01:08:21.777
I was buying Constable Butterman
a Japanese Peace Lily for his birthday.

01:08:21.860 --> 01:08:24.446
What absolute horseshit.

01:08:24.530 --> 01:08:28.492
I chased a suspect from the scene.
Innocent people don't run!

01:08:28.617 --> 01:08:31.662
Here, maybe it was our old friend,
the cactus thief.

01:08:31.787 --> 01:08:34.456
Oh, yeah, he was a prickly customer,
weren't he?

01:08:35.290 --> 01:08:38.002
Am I going completely mad?

01:08:40.129 --> 01:08:41.797
Maybe you are.

01:08:43.716 --> 01:08:46.468
Maybe you did it.

01:08:46.552 --> 01:08:49.888
Yeah, seeing as how you're such
a big fan of murder.

01:08:49.972 --> 01:08:51.390
- What the...
- Sergeant Angel?

01:08:51.473 --> 01:08:53.976
Yes! Sir.

01:08:56.562 --> 01:08:59.440
Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas.

01:08:59.565 --> 01:09:02.109
What am I going to do with you?

01:09:02.234 --> 01:09:06.739
- Sir, you have to understand...
- No, you have to understand.

01:09:07.740 --> 01:09:11.702
The boys here aren't used
to the concepts you're bandying about.

01:09:12.328 --> 01:09:14.830
The "M" word, Nicholas.

01:09:14.913 --> 01:09:19.126
There hasn't been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.

01:09:19.251 --> 01:09:21.045
But, sir, I'm certain.

01:09:21.587 --> 01:09:24.798
And what's more, I know who did it.

01:09:30.846 --> 01:09:32.765
Can I see the manager, please?

01:09:38.270 --> 01:09:44.234
Mr. Skinner to the Manager's office.
Manager's office. Mr. Skinner.

01:09:44.943 --> 01:09:48.405
Sergeant Angel.
And to what do I owe this pleasure?

01:09:48.530 --> 01:09:52.576
Simon Skinner, I'm arresting you
on suspicion of the murder of Leslie Tiller.

01:09:52.701 --> 01:09:56.121
Leslie Tiller's dead? How?

01:09:56.288 --> 01:09:58.582
She tripped and fell on her own shears.

01:10:00.209 --> 01:10:03.545
I'm also arresting you on suspicion of
the murder of Tim Messenger on May 1st,

01:10:03.629 --> 01:10:05.255
of George Merchant on April 29th

01:10:05.381 --> 01:10:07.925
and of Eve Draper
and Martin Blower on April 28th.

01:10:08.050 --> 01:10:12.012
- Why on earth would I do that, Sergeant?
- I'm glad you asked.

01:10:13.806 --> 01:10:15.933
My suspicions were first aroused
when you appeared

01:10:16.058 --> 01:10:18.811
at the scene of the Blower-Draper death,
on the outskirts of Sandford,

01:10:18.894 --> 01:10:22.731
despite the fact you live and work
in the center of the village.

01:10:23.983 --> 01:10:28.278
I couldn't help but recall your comments
at the theater on the previous evening.

01:10:28.570 --> 01:10:31.490
When you not only indicated
an awareness of the couple's affair

01:10:31.573 --> 01:10:33.575
but also inferred
that Eve's connections at the council

01:10:33.659 --> 01:10:36.620
might make her privy
to important information.

01:10:36.745 --> 01:10:38.998
You even spoke of "bashing her head in."

01:10:39.081 --> 01:10:42.710
Perhaps hoping you might discover
the route of the proposed Sandford Bypass.

01:10:42.835 --> 01:10:45.095
You were already suspicious
that George Merchant was buying up

01:10:45.170 --> 01:10:47.423
a large area of land
on the outskirts of Sandford,

01:10:47.506 --> 01:10:50.467
after an article Tim Messenger
wrote in the Sandford Citizen.

01:10:50.592 --> 01:10:54.221
You see, the land Merchant was buying
had little value in of itself but,

01:10:54.346 --> 01:10:58.225
if it became accessible by road,
it would be a prime location for say,

01:10:58.600 --> 01:11:00.269
a retail park.

01:11:00.352 --> 01:11:02.354
Consumed with concern for your business

01:11:02.438 --> 01:11:04.481
and potential disloyalty
from fickle customers,

01:11:04.606 --> 01:11:07.151
you yourself expressed a wish to behead.

01:11:07.693 --> 01:11:10.362
You killed the competition in cold blood.

01:11:10.446 --> 01:11:12.323
Staging the murders as accidents.

01:11:12.448 --> 01:11:15.492
You used a vehicle removal truck
to stage the Blower-Draper death

01:11:15.617 --> 01:11:17.494
and incinerated an old man
in his own house.

01:11:17.619 --> 01:11:20.789
Covering your tracks with the judicial
application of bacon and beans.

01:11:20.873 --> 01:11:23.834
However, there was a loose end.

01:11:24.877 --> 01:11:26.337
Tim Messenger.

01:11:26.462 --> 01:11:28.589
Splattered before he could share with me

01:11:28.714 --> 01:11:31.633
what he told Leslie Tiller
that very afternoon.

01:11:31.717 --> 01:11:34.553
The true value of her land.

01:11:34.970 --> 01:11:37.848
Upon discovering she was about
to sell up to the developers,

01:11:37.973 --> 01:11:40.768
you brutally murdered her
with her own shears.

01:11:40.851 --> 01:11:45.606
And made good your escape utilizing
your impressive skills as a fun runner.

01:11:52.071 --> 01:11:55.866
Very entertaining. But I rather think
you've been watching too many films.

01:11:57.493 --> 01:11:58.535
He hasn't.

01:11:58.619 --> 01:12:02.373
Why would I kill Leslie?
You clearly aren't aware that we're related.

01:12:02.498 --> 01:12:05.042
Oh, but I am, "Cousin Sissy."

01:12:06.585 --> 01:12:10.881
I'm afraid my nickname of Sissy
is only a revelation to yourself.

01:12:11.173 --> 01:12:14.551
My teenage years studying ballet
are well known.

01:12:14.677 --> 01:12:17.805
- Yeah, Sissy Skinner.
- What a Gaylord.

01:12:17.888 --> 01:12:19.431
Thank you, Andrews.

01:12:19.515 --> 01:12:22.893
Now, despite my comments
about "beheading" customers,

01:12:23.018 --> 01:12:26.522
I personally relish the competition
of another store.

01:12:26.605 --> 01:12:30.234
Anything to energize my workforce.

01:12:31.777 --> 01:12:36.365
And anyway, what makes you think
I could dislodge part of the church roof?

01:12:36.448 --> 01:12:38.909
Or for that matter, stage a car crash?

01:12:39.034 --> 01:12:42.371
It's a well known fact that
the church roof is in dire need of repair.

01:12:42.454 --> 01:12:44.623
And isn't it true
that two of your own employees

01:12:44.707 --> 01:12:47.167
operate the vehicle removal service
for the council?

01:12:47.292 --> 01:12:49.628
Sergeant, this is the 21st Century.

01:12:49.712 --> 01:12:52.631
Many people hold down several jobs.

01:12:52.756 --> 01:12:56.427
I myself host a life drawing class
at the Village Hall.

01:12:56.510 --> 01:12:59.555
Tina here is a table dancer at Flappers.

01:12:59.888 --> 01:13:03.767
Nevertheless, you could have utilized
the vehicle removal truck for your own ends.

01:13:03.892 --> 01:13:05.894
These accusations
are quite meaningless, Sergeant,

01:13:05.978 --> 01:13:08.605
unless you can back them up
with hard evidence.

01:13:08.731 --> 01:13:11.275
Well, you've got me there.

01:13:11.400 --> 01:13:13.360
I'd need something conclusive.

01:13:13.485 --> 01:13:15.612
Something that placed you
at the scene of the crime.

01:13:15.738 --> 01:13:19.742
Perhaps a wound you sustained on
a piece of broken glass this very evening.

01:13:21.410 --> 01:13:23.037
This very evening.

01:13:24.330 --> 01:13:27.583
Sergeant, this is beginning
to get embarrassing.

01:13:27.708 --> 01:13:30.836
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

01:13:33.172 --> 01:13:37.801
I'm sure the store's security footage
will absolve me.

01:13:38.510 --> 01:13:41.180
Do feel free to spool through.

01:13:58.697 --> 01:13:59.740
I can handle this, Danny.

01:13:59.865 --> 01:14:03.118
You might as well go back
and just enjoy the rest of your birthday.

01:14:03.202 --> 01:14:05.788
- Did you really get me that plant?
- Yes, I did.

01:14:05.871 --> 01:14:09.333
But it's been impounded as evidence.

01:14:09.458 --> 01:14:14.046
Well, I mean,
maybe Dad will still let me water it, eh?

01:14:14.129 --> 01:14:15.297
Yeah.

01:14:18.717 --> 01:14:20.135
Sergeant, I wanted you to know that

01:14:20.219 --> 01:14:23.555
if I do indeed now
own the land belonging to...

01:14:25.307 --> 01:14:31.146
belonging to Leslie, that I intend to turn it
into a memorial garden, in her honor.

01:14:31.230 --> 01:14:35.818
Mr. Skinner, what you do with your land
is of no concern of mine,

01:14:38.654 --> 01:14:39.822
so jog on.

01:14:40.739 --> 01:14:45.327
Michael, will you escort the Sergeant
off the premises when he's quite finished?

01:14:45.411 --> 01:14:46.954
Yarp.

01:14:50.124 --> 01:14:54.420
I just can't believe Leslie's dead.
How did it happen?

01:14:54.503 --> 01:14:56.839
She tripped and fell on her own shears.

01:15:05.014 --> 01:15:07.182
Hey, that weren't me.

01:15:15.274 --> 01:15:16.400
Hey, look.

01:15:16.525 --> 01:15:19.194
Look, Mr. Treacher's
got his big coat on again.

01:15:22.906 --> 01:15:27.286
- You want anything from the shop?
- Cornetto.

01:15:29.872 --> 01:15:34.043
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.

01:15:37.463 --> 01:15:48.223
- No luck catching them killers, then?
- It's just the one killer, actually.

01:15:48.307 --> 01:15:51.560
- What's the matter? You got brain-freeze?
- No, I got brainwave.

01:15:51.643 --> 01:15:53.937
Get us back to the station, now!

01:16:00.903 --> 01:16:02.613
- It's more than one person.
- Come again?

01:16:02.738 --> 01:16:05.574
- It's more than one killer.
- It was Skinner a minute ago.

01:16:05.699 --> 01:16:06.811
Yeah, well, maybe it still is.

01:16:06.825 --> 01:16:09.203
You know, maybe he's... Maybe he's
not alone. Maybe there are others.

01:16:09.328 --> 01:16:14.458
Nicholas, you're an exceptional officer.
But I've seen this before.

01:16:14.917 --> 01:16:17.503
- Sir?
- Sergeant Popwell.

01:16:17.586 --> 01:16:20.422
It was exactly the same thing.

01:16:20.506 --> 01:16:24.927
You've come from a city
where there's danger round every corner,

01:16:25.427 --> 01:16:27.930
and it's driven you round the bend.

01:16:28.430 --> 01:16:29.723
Yes, sir.

01:16:30.015 --> 01:16:33.435
Do yourself a favor. Sleep on it.

01:16:33.519 --> 01:16:39.274
And if you still feel the same in the morning,
I give you my word, I'll get right on to it.

01:16:43.612 --> 01:16:46.532
Hey. Hey, what's happening?
What's going on?

01:16:47.199 --> 01:16:51.120
Nothing, nothing.
I'm just gonna go back to the hotel.

01:16:51.203 --> 01:16:56.709
- I mean, do you want a lift?
- No, no, I could do with a walk.

01:18:00.189 --> 01:18:03.067
Hey, big one, playtime's over.

01:18:07.446 --> 01:18:08.822
Michael?

01:18:09.740 --> 01:18:12.409
Michael? Are you there?

01:18:13.035 --> 01:18:17.081
Michael? Is everything okay?

01:18:19.750 --> 01:18:20.918
Yarp.

01:18:21.043 --> 01:18:23.754
Sergeant Angel's been taken care of?

01:18:23.879 --> 01:18:24.963
Yarp.

01:18:25.047 --> 01:18:27.508
He's not gonna get back up again?

01:18:30.135 --> 01:18:31.428
Narp!

01:18:32.721 --> 01:18:35.265
Good. Proceed to the castle.

01:18:40.521 --> 01:18:42.231
Frank, this shit just got real.

01:18:42.314 --> 01:18:46.110
Skinner just sent someone to kill me,
and, now, now he's gone somewhere.

01:18:46.235 --> 01:18:48.902
Up to the... To the castle, I think.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna go after him.

01:18:48.904 --> 01:18:51.198
Okay? It's Nicholas, by the way.

01:18:53.325 --> 01:18:57.788
Oh, my God.
What happened to your Peace Lily?

01:18:58.080 --> 01:19:01.959
Danny. Danny, just stay here, okay?
And watch him, and call your dad.

01:19:02.084 --> 01:19:04.128
- Tell him I was right.
- What are you gonna do?

01:19:04.253 --> 01:19:08.841
- I'm gonna bust this thing wide open.
- Nicholas, wait.

01:19:08.924 --> 01:19:12.678
- You might need this.
- Thanks, partner.

01:19:45.878 --> 01:19:55.929
How could I possibly be
in several places at once?

01:19:57.056 --> 01:20:01.185
I just can't believe Leslie's dead.
How did it happen?

01:20:01.310 --> 01:20:04.355
You'll find that we run
a very tight ship here.

01:20:04.480 --> 01:20:06.273
Who could do something like this?

01:20:06.398 --> 01:20:09.735
Seems like Mr. Merchant tried
to have a little fry up and left the gas on.

01:20:09.818 --> 01:20:11.153
Nasty way to go.

01:20:11.278 --> 01:20:12.363
What happened, Danny?

01:20:12.488 --> 01:20:14.281
No luck catching them killers, then?

01:20:14.406 --> 01:20:16.241
No luck catching them killers, then?

01:20:16.325 --> 01:20:18.535
No luck catching them...

01:20:21.997 --> 01:20:24.416
Now, quick announcement before we begin.

01:20:24.500 --> 01:20:28.879
Janet Barker has decided
to call her boys Roger and Martin.

01:20:29.004 --> 01:20:34.259
And the christening will be
a week on Saturday and we're all invited.

01:20:34.510 --> 01:20:36.845
- Tom.
- Thanks, Joyce.

01:20:37.096 --> 01:20:40.182
Now, you'll all be delighted to hear

01:20:40.265 --> 01:20:44.937
that the tenacious Sergeant Angel
has been taken care of.

01:20:45.020 --> 01:20:50.609
Joyce will discover the Sergeant lying
on the wet floor of his bathroom,

01:20:50.693 --> 01:20:54.947
having slipped
and tragically broken his neck.

01:20:55.072 --> 01:20:57.116
So, with the dispatch of the Sergeant,

01:20:57.199 --> 01:21:01.286
we will now be able to concentrate
on the eradication of our hoodie infestation.

01:21:01.370 --> 01:21:02.454
Quite right.

01:21:02.538 --> 01:21:06.000
After which, nothing will stand in our way.

01:21:06.125 --> 01:21:08.961
Oh, I beg to differ, Mr. Weaver.

01:21:09.086 --> 01:21:13.298
Well, well, well, I see we have visitors.

01:21:13.632 --> 01:21:16.802
Sergeant Nicholas Angel.
Sandford Police Service.

01:21:16.927 --> 01:21:19.638
My, he is tenacious, isn't he?

01:21:19.722 --> 01:21:22.599
I'm arresting you under suspicion
of conspiracy to commit murder.

01:21:22.683 --> 01:21:25.477
Oh, come, come, Sergeant.

01:21:25.561 --> 01:21:27.146
You should be ashamed.

01:21:27.229 --> 01:21:30.816
- Calling yourself a community that cares.
- Oh, but we do care, Nicholas.

01:21:30.899 --> 01:21:32.651
It's all about the greater good.

01:21:32.735 --> 01:21:34.236
The greater good.

01:21:34.320 --> 01:21:35.821
How can this be for the greater good?

01:21:35.904 --> 01:21:37.448
The greater good.

01:21:37.573 --> 01:21:39.722
You see, as much as I enjoyed
your wild theories, Sergeant,

01:21:39.742 --> 01:21:41.452
the truth is far less complex.

01:21:41.577 --> 01:21:46.749
Blower's fate was simply the result
of his being an appalling actor.

01:21:48.250 --> 01:21:49.501
Quite appalling.

01:21:49.585 --> 01:21:51.337
You murdered him for that?

01:21:52.421 --> 01:21:54.840
- Well, he murdered Bill Shakespeare.
- What?

01:21:54.965 --> 01:21:58.427
The Dramatic Society
is an important feather in our cap.

01:21:58.761 --> 01:22:00.220
Couldn't let
Blower jeopardize that.

01:22:00.346 --> 01:22:02.556
Not when we had two semi-professionals
waiting in the wings.

01:22:02.681 --> 01:22:05.225
Let's not forget that Greg
was an extra in Straw Dogs.

01:22:05.351 --> 01:22:07.186
And Sheree played a cadaver
in Prime Suspect.

01:22:07.269 --> 01:22:08.687
Yes, I know!

01:22:08.771 --> 01:22:11.398
Martin was less concerned
with the reputation of the village

01:22:11.523 --> 01:22:14.693
than he was with his sordid affair
with Eve Draper.

01:22:14.818 --> 01:22:16.362
And so Eve deserved to die too?

01:22:16.445 --> 01:22:18.864
Well, she did have a very annoying laugh.

01:22:18.989 --> 01:22:20.199
Annoying.

01:22:20.282 --> 01:22:23.118
- And, and George Merchant?
- He had an awful house.

01:22:23.452 --> 01:22:24.495
Awful.

01:22:24.620 --> 01:22:26.246
We begged him in vain
to make his residence

01:22:26.330 --> 01:22:28.874
more in keeping
with the village's rustic esthetic.

01:22:29.958 --> 01:22:32.544
And what about Tim Messenger?
What was his crime?

01:22:32.628 --> 01:22:37.341
Tim Messenger's tenure as editor of
the Sandford Citizen has been unbearable.

01:22:37.466 --> 01:22:41.261
Our once great paper had
become riddled with tabloid journalism.

01:22:41.387 --> 01:22:43.305
Not to mention persistent errors.

01:22:43.389 --> 01:22:46.642
- He listed her age as 55.
- When, actually, I'm 53.

01:22:46.725 --> 01:22:48.227
Fifty-three.

01:22:48.310 --> 01:22:50.051
What, what about Leslie Tiller?
One of your own?

01:22:50.062 --> 01:22:52.564
Her horticultural expertise helped
put Sandford on the map.

01:22:52.648 --> 01:22:54.692
Oh, she was ever so good.

01:22:54.817 --> 01:22:56.944
Cousin Leslie was a terrible shame.

01:22:57.236 --> 01:23:00.948
But it seemed she was set on moving away.

01:23:01.073 --> 01:23:04.410
We couldn't have her sharing
her green fingers with anybody else.

01:23:04.493 --> 01:23:06.453
Not least those heathens at Buford Abbey.

01:23:06.578 --> 01:23:09.248
If we can't have her, no one can.

01:23:09.331 --> 01:23:10.874
How can this be for the greater good?

01:23:11.000 --> 01:23:13.002
- The greater good.
- Shut it!

01:23:13.085 --> 01:23:16.255
These people died for no reason.
No reason whatsoever!

01:23:16.338 --> 01:23:18.841
Oh, I wouldn't say that.

01:23:20.592 --> 01:23:21.969
Hello, Nicholas.

01:23:23.095 --> 01:23:24.972
I was like you once.

01:23:25.597 --> 01:23:29.018
I believed in the immutable word of the law.

01:23:29.351 --> 01:23:33.147
That is until the night Mrs. Butterman
was taken from me.

01:23:34.064 --> 01:23:36.734
You see,
no one loved Sandford more than her.

01:23:36.859 --> 01:23:40.821
She was head of the Women's Institute,
chair of the floral committee.

01:23:40.904 --> 01:23:42.990
When they started
the Village of the Year contest,

01:23:43.115 --> 01:23:46.785
she worked round the clock.
I've never seen such dedication.

01:23:48.162 --> 01:23:53.459
On the eve of the adjudicator's arrival,
some travelers moved into Callahan Park.

01:23:54.293 --> 01:23:57.796
Before you could say, "Gypsy scum,"
we were knee-deep in dog muck,

01:23:57.880 --> 01:24:00.215
thieving kids and crusty jugglers.

01:24:00.299 --> 01:24:02.051
Crusty jugglers.

01:24:02.176 --> 01:24:05.220
We lost the title and Irene lost her mind.

01:24:06.221 --> 01:24:10.351
She drove her Datsun Cherry
into Sandford Gorge.

01:24:10.476 --> 01:24:15.564
From that moment on,
I swore that I would do her proud.

01:24:15.898 --> 01:24:20.402
And whatever the cost,
we would make Sandford great again.

01:24:20.736 --> 01:24:22.613
Sir, this doesn't make any sense.

01:24:22.738 --> 01:24:26.575
The adjudicators arrive tomorrow.
We had to get everything ready.

01:24:26.700 --> 01:24:29.370
Are you saying this is all about
winning the Best Village Award?

01:24:29.495 --> 01:24:33.165
This is the best village, Nicholas.
You've seen the people.

01:24:33.248 --> 01:24:37.711
- They're happy, contented.
- They're living in a dream world.

01:24:37.836 --> 01:24:40.422
Sergeant Popwell
thought much the same as you.

01:24:40.506 --> 01:24:42.549
I'm disappointed
you can't see the bigger picture.

01:24:42.675 --> 01:24:45.052
Well, I'm happy to disappoint you, sir.

01:24:45.177 --> 01:24:46.955
And I'm afraid
you're gonna have to come with me.

01:24:47.012 --> 01:24:49.056
You are all gonna have to come with me.

01:24:49.139 --> 01:24:53.227
No, Nicholas, I'm afraid it is you

01:24:53.310 --> 01:24:56.063
who is going to have to come with us.

01:25:04.113 --> 01:25:05.698
Danny, no.

01:25:10.119 --> 01:25:11.578
Back off! Back off!

01:25:11.704 --> 01:25:13.964
Or I swear to God,
you'll be explaining how Danny tripped over

01:25:14.039 --> 01:25:15.457
and accidentally cut off his own head.

01:25:15.541 --> 01:25:17.710
Come on, Nicholas.
You haven't got it in you.

01:25:17.835 --> 01:25:19.128
I mean it!

01:25:22.798 --> 01:25:24.049
Shit!

01:25:38.814 --> 01:25:42.151
Gypsy scum. Travelers.

01:25:42.276 --> 01:25:45.321
Thieving kids. Dog muck.

01:25:47.573 --> 01:25:49.450
Crusty jugglers.

01:25:49.658 --> 01:25:53.245
Crusty jugglers. Crusty jugglers.

01:25:54.163 --> 01:25:55.456
Crusty jugglers.

01:25:55.581 --> 01:25:59.168
There hasn't been a recorded murder
in Sandford for 20 years.

01:25:59.251 --> 01:26:02.212
There's a reason we accommodate
a few of the younglings at the pub.

01:26:02.338 --> 01:26:04.840
Spot of bother up at Ellroy Farm.

01:26:04.923 --> 01:26:07.718
I'll make sure everyone gets
their just deserts.

01:26:12.848 --> 01:26:15.726
If we don't come down hard
on these clowns...

01:26:15.851 --> 01:26:17.519
We'll get round to it.

01:26:29.782 --> 01:26:30.949
Danny!

01:27:05.901 --> 01:27:07.236
Ta-da.

01:27:07.486 --> 01:27:10.656
- What are you doing?
- Saving your skin.

01:27:12.908 --> 01:27:15.619
- This is murder!
- It's not, it's ketchup.

01:27:15.703 --> 01:27:18.455
I'm not talking about that,
I'm talking about the others.

01:27:18.580 --> 01:27:21.500
- What others?
- The others the NWA have murdered.

01:27:21.583 --> 01:27:22.918
- That's not true.
- It is!

01:27:23.002 --> 01:27:25.170
Dad just said it was his special club, he...

01:27:25.254 --> 01:27:27.180
I thought it was about
rapping people on the knuckles

01:27:27.256 --> 01:27:30.426
- and sending them on their way.
- There are skeletons back there!

01:27:30.509 --> 01:27:32.094
I don't know nothing about no skelingtons.

01:27:32.177 --> 01:27:34.430
- What did you think was happening?
- Not this!

01:27:34.513 --> 01:27:35.639
It's Frank.

01:27:35.764 --> 01:27:37.933
He's appointed himself judge,
jury and executioner.

01:27:38.058 --> 01:27:41.353
- He's not Judge Judy and executioner.
- He is!

01:27:41.437 --> 01:27:44.606
- You've gotta help me take him down.
- I can't.

01:27:45.691 --> 01:27:48.485
He's my dad. Take my car.

01:27:49.570 --> 01:27:52.531
Go back to London.
There's nothing you can do.

01:27:52.656 --> 01:27:54.116
I can come back.

01:27:54.241 --> 01:27:56.327
I can come back,
and I can bring the blue fury

01:27:56.452 --> 01:27:58.454
of the Metropolitan Police Service with me.

01:27:58.537 --> 01:28:01.540
They'll make it disappear.
Who are they gonna believe?

01:28:01.623 --> 01:28:04.376
My dad, or a loony London police officer.

01:28:04.460 --> 01:28:06.003
But it won't be just me, will it?

01:28:06.128 --> 01:28:09.298
We can do it together.
You and me. Partners.

01:28:09.548 --> 01:28:13.302
Forget it, Nicholas. It's Sandford.

01:29:05.437 --> 01:29:06.772
Is that everything? Sir?

01:29:13.278 --> 01:29:16.699
Sir? Sir?

01:29:18.200 --> 01:29:22.413
- Is there anything I can do for you?
- No.

01:29:25.624 --> 01:29:27.918
This is something I have to do myself.

01:29:53.610 --> 01:29:57.448
Another beautiful day in God's country.

01:30:05.122 --> 01:30:06.623
Danny?

01:30:15.674 --> 01:30:16.967
It's...

01:30:22.306 --> 01:30:23.390
Mum!

01:30:34.818 --> 01:30:36.236
What you gonna do?

01:30:36.362 --> 01:30:39.406
Just walk in and arrest the whole village?

01:30:41.200 --> 01:30:42.368
Not exactly.

01:31:15.401 --> 01:31:18.612
Oh, Sergeant Angel?
Someone from London called for you.

01:31:26.745 --> 01:31:28.998
I'll tell them you'll ring them back.

01:31:31.250 --> 01:31:33.419
- Well, that's funny.
- What's that?

01:31:33.919 --> 01:31:36.588
I didn't know we had a mounted division.

01:31:36.672 --> 01:31:38.382
Nobody tells me nothing.

01:31:54.773 --> 01:31:56.567
Wanna do something useful?

01:32:06.035 --> 01:32:10.956
Annette, that Sergeant Angel's
back. Check out his horse.

01:32:11.957 --> 01:32:13.876
Roger that!

01:32:15.627 --> 01:32:18.589
- It's...
- Angel.

01:33:29.868 --> 01:33:31.036
Morning.

01:34:54.620 --> 01:34:56.538
That's what I'm talking about.

01:35:11.470 --> 01:35:13.639
Still feel like you're missing out?

01:35:40.332 --> 01:35:41.709
Fascist!

01:35:58.350 --> 01:35:59.518
Hag!

01:36:18.037 --> 01:36:21.707
Stop! Stop this, please!

01:36:22.374 --> 01:36:25.753
Let us stop this mindless violence.

01:36:27.046 --> 01:36:29.048
Nicholas, my son.

01:36:30.215 --> 01:36:34.136
You may not be a man of God,
but surely you're a man of peace.

01:36:34.219 --> 01:36:39.975
I may not be a man of God, Reverend,
but I know right, and I know wrong,

01:36:40.726 --> 01:36:43.270
and I have the good grace
to know which is which.

01:36:43.395 --> 01:36:46.398
Oh, fuck off, Grasshopper.

01:36:47.983 --> 01:36:49.443
No!

01:36:50.653 --> 01:36:52.404
Jesus Christ!

01:36:52.905 --> 01:36:54.907
Nicholas! Nicholas!

01:37:01.246 --> 01:37:02.998
I thought you was a goner.

01:37:03.082 --> 01:37:04.792
Drop your weapons!

01:37:05.417 --> 01:37:07.836
- Dr. Hatcher, no!
- Shut up, Danny.

01:37:08.837 --> 01:37:12.341
I brought you into this world,
I think it's rather fitting

01:37:12.424 --> 01:37:15.260
I should be the one to take you out of it.

01:37:15.594 --> 01:37:19.431
You and your interfering little friend.

01:37:19.932 --> 01:37:21.058
Now...

01:37:25.437 --> 01:37:26.689
drop them.

01:37:43.205 --> 01:37:47.334
- You're a doctor, deal with it.
- Yeah, motherfucker.

01:37:47.960 --> 01:37:50.295
- Danny, let's roll.
- What you thinking?

01:37:52.297 --> 01:37:53.382
Pub?

01:38:53.525 --> 01:38:55.486
Roy!

01:38:56.195 --> 01:38:59.239
Somebody call the police!

01:38:59.365 --> 01:39:00.491
Freeze!

01:39:03.369 --> 01:39:06.205
Officers, arrest that man.

01:39:06.705 --> 01:39:09.875
- Danny, step away from the Sergeant.
- No, Dad.

01:39:10.292 --> 01:39:12.670
Danny, you'll do as you're told.

01:39:12.795 --> 01:39:15.255
I'm not taking orders from you anymore.

01:39:15.381 --> 01:39:18.842
- Officers, arrest these men!
- Wait, wait!

01:39:18.967 --> 01:39:20.079
You can arrest us if you like.

01:39:20.135 --> 01:39:22.802
You can throw us in prison and go back
to being blind, submissive slaves.

01:39:22.888 --> 01:39:24.682
Or you can be real police officers,

01:39:24.807 --> 01:39:26.976
and help us bring an end
to this absurd story.

01:39:27.059 --> 01:39:29.228
What the fuck is he on about?

01:39:29.311 --> 01:39:30.521
Fuck are you on about?

01:39:30.646 --> 01:39:33.232
Have you ever wondered
why the crime rate in Sandford is so low?

01:39:33.315 --> 01:39:37.111
- And yet the accident rate, it's so high?
- No. Yeah. What?

01:39:37.236 --> 01:39:39.071
You've been brainwashed, Tony.

01:39:39.154 --> 01:39:42.408
Brainwashed into naivety by an old man
with a murderous obsession.

01:39:42.491 --> 01:39:47.413
- This is ridiculous.
- No, it's not, Dad. It's very unridiculous.

01:39:47.496 --> 01:39:50.541
And it's only now that I'm starting to realize
how unridiculous it all is.

01:39:50.666 --> 01:39:52.126
Silence, Danny!

01:39:52.584 --> 01:39:55.379
- Think of your mother.
- Mum is dead, Dad.

01:39:56.588 --> 01:39:59.967
For the first time in my life,
you know, I'm glad.

01:40:00.092 --> 01:40:02.428
If she could see what you've become,

01:40:02.511 --> 01:40:06.640
I think she'd probably kill herself
all over again.

01:40:06.765 --> 01:40:08.309
Sorry, I am completely lost.

01:40:08.434 --> 01:40:10.060
Sandford is a lie, Doris.

01:40:10.185 --> 01:40:13.564
For the last 20 years, the village
has been controlled by Frank and the NWA.

01:40:13.689 --> 01:40:16.108
They've lulled everyone
into thinking this is a perfect village

01:40:16.191 --> 01:40:18.986
and killed anyone
who's threatened to change that.

01:40:26.618 --> 01:40:28.704
I reckon he's got something there.

01:40:30.205 --> 01:40:33.167
He says,
"He reckons you got something there."

01:40:33.292 --> 01:40:34.501
I know.

01:40:34.626 --> 01:40:37.838
You're not seriously gonna
believe this man, are you?

01:40:37.963 --> 01:40:41.008
Are you? He isn't even from round here.

01:40:44.970 --> 01:40:49.183
Maybe it's time to give it up, sir.

01:40:50.893 --> 01:40:53.437
You incompetent flatfoots!

01:41:02.571 --> 01:41:05.240
Officer Walker, stay here with Saxon
and hold everything down.

01:41:05.324 --> 01:41:06.450
Fair enough.

01:41:06.575 --> 01:41:08.577
Officers, let's go.

01:41:09.578 --> 01:41:11.914
- What about Dad?
- He'll come round again.

01:41:12.247 --> 01:41:14.041
Want anything from the shop?

01:41:31.850 --> 01:41:33.018
- What you thinking?
- Well...

01:41:33.102 --> 01:41:35.104
We should strike now,
while we've got the element of surprise.

01:41:35.187 --> 01:41:37.002
Longer we wait,
more time they've got to mobilize.

01:41:37.106 --> 01:41:39.858
I say we go in through the front entrance,
take the place aisle by aisle.

01:41:39.942 --> 01:41:41.819
They won't be expecting that.

01:41:42.444 --> 01:41:44.113
Very good. What he said.

01:41:46.365 --> 01:41:49.576
My, my. Here come the fuzz.

01:41:51.787 --> 01:41:54.581
- Maybe they're not here.
- Wait here.

01:41:54.707 --> 01:41:58.210
- Don't go in on your own.
- Don't worry, he knows what he's doing.

01:42:01.130 --> 01:42:02.756
Okay. They're in.

01:42:02.881 --> 01:42:05.968
You deal with the store.
I'll deal with the trolley boy.

01:42:15.311 --> 01:42:19.773
No, listen. Wait, wait, wait, Michael,
wait, listen to me. Listen, listen.

01:42:19.982 --> 01:42:22.526
Is this what you really, really want?

01:42:22.818 --> 01:42:23.944
Yarp.

01:42:24.320 --> 01:42:25.529
Suit yourself.

01:42:34.246 --> 01:42:35.914
Go, go, go.

01:42:38.334 --> 01:42:40.419
Oh, come on.

01:42:52.765 --> 01:42:54.600
Andy!

01:42:57.353 --> 01:43:00.314
It's all right, Andy. It's just Bolognese!

01:44:00.749 --> 01:44:02.710
- How's Lurch?
- He's in the freezer.

01:44:02.835 --> 01:44:05.212
- Did you say, "Cool off"?
- No, I didn't say anything, actually.

01:44:05.337 --> 01:44:07.006
Shame.

01:44:07.089 --> 01:44:08.507
There was a bit earlier on that you missed

01:44:08.590 --> 01:44:10.220
when I distracted him
with the cuddly monkey.

01:44:10.259 --> 01:44:13.053
And then I said, "Playtime's over,"
and I hit him with the Peace Lily.

01:44:13.178 --> 01:44:15.222
You're off the fucking chain!

01:44:15.347 --> 01:44:18.809
- What's the situation?
- Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery.

01:44:18.934 --> 01:44:20.311
What do you reckon?

01:44:23.689 --> 01:44:24.857
Idea.

01:44:48.547 --> 01:44:50.049
Good work, everyone.

01:44:59.808 --> 01:45:02.770
- Nice one, Doris.
- Nothing like a bit of girl on girl.

01:45:05.481 --> 01:45:07.524
Fruit attack!

01:45:08.317 --> 01:45:11.153
Can you handle this, Sergeant Fisher?
We're gonna go after the big boss.

01:45:11.236 --> 01:45:13.155
We're on it, Sergeant.

01:45:13.656 --> 01:45:15.449
- Danny, let's rock.
- Angel!

01:45:15.574 --> 01:45:17.284
Don't go being a twat now.

01:45:17.576 --> 01:45:19.828
I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.

01:45:27.086 --> 01:45:28.629
- We should get down there.
- How?

01:45:28.754 --> 01:45:31.131
Skip.

01:45:37.096 --> 01:45:40.140
- Head them off?
- Fuck, yeah.

01:45:51.443 --> 01:45:55.072
- I'll drive.
- Shotgun! Punch that shit!

01:46:38.907 --> 01:46:40.451
Bang! Bang!

01:46:46.415 --> 01:46:47.750
Swan!

01:47:07.186 --> 01:47:08.270
Swan!

01:47:35.798 --> 01:47:39.969
Stay back! Or the ginger nut gets it!

01:47:41.887 --> 01:47:44.473
You little fucker!

01:48:20.259 --> 01:48:24.555
Get out of my village!

01:48:30.519 --> 01:48:33.022
It's not your village anymore.

01:48:49.872 --> 01:48:51.707
- You did good, kid.
- Ta.

01:48:51.790 --> 01:48:54.043
- What's your name?
- Aaron A. Aaronson.

01:48:54.460 --> 01:48:55.919
Sorry?

01:48:57.880 --> 01:49:04.511
Angel!

01:49:22.404 --> 01:49:23.739
It's over, Danny.

01:49:25.157 --> 01:49:26.325
It's over.

01:49:30.162 --> 01:49:35.417
This really hurts.

01:49:35.501 --> 01:49:40.923
I'm going to need some ice-cream.

01:49:41.006 --> 01:49:44.176
Yeah, well, don't worry.
There's plenty of ice-cream at the station.

01:49:44.259 --> 01:49:45.427
Isn't that right, Danny?

01:49:46.679 --> 01:49:47.805
Stay back!

01:49:47.930 --> 01:49:51.350
- Pack it in, Frank, you silly bastard!
- Now, now.

01:49:51.684 --> 01:49:53.435
We don't want any more bloodshed.

01:49:53.519 --> 01:49:56.271
Frank, this whole thing started
because you lost somebody you loved.

01:49:56.355 --> 01:49:58.273
Don't expect me to believe
you'd let it end the same way.

01:49:58.357 --> 01:50:00.901
I'll tell you how this is gonna end!

01:50:43.485 --> 01:50:45.654
I feel like I should say something smart.

01:50:45.738 --> 01:50:48.532
You don't have to say anything at all.

01:51:00.419 --> 01:51:03.839
Satisfactory conclusion
to the whole operation.

01:51:03.922 --> 01:51:07.926
Now, my perfect Sunday would begin with...

01:51:13.265 --> 01:51:14.683
What do you say, Nicholas?

01:51:14.767 --> 01:51:16.977
We... We...
We have been trying to reach you for days.

01:51:17.102 --> 01:51:20.230
- Yeah, well, I've been kind of busy.
- We need you back.

01:51:20.356 --> 01:51:24.151
The figures have gone a little squiffy
in your absence, it has to be said.

01:51:24.276 --> 01:51:25.361
Come back to London.

01:51:25.444 --> 01:51:28.697
Sandford's hardly a fitting place
for such an exceptional officer.

01:51:28.781 --> 01:51:31.492
Yeah, well, the thing is, sir.

01:51:32.451 --> 01:51:34.203
I kind of like it here.

01:51:34.286 --> 01:51:37.665
Besides, we have to do
a considerable amount of paperwork.

01:52:04.182 --> 01:52:07.508
- Fuck's sake, Nick, this is gonna take ages.
- Yeah, it's gonna take all night.

01:52:07.888 --> 01:52:10.354
Well, good job
we've got the manpower, Andy?

01:52:10.489 --> 01:52:14.743
Well, official vocab guidelines state
that we say "staffing," not "manpower,"

01:52:14.827 --> 01:52:17.496
'cause "manpower's" a bit sexist.

01:52:19.915 --> 01:52:21.709
You don't mind a bit
of manpower do you, Doris?

01:52:21.834 --> 01:52:24.128
Oh, dirty bastard!

01:52:25.921 --> 01:52:27.047
Andy!

01:52:27.172 --> 01:52:29.174
You cheeky fucker!

01:52:37.933 --> 01:52:39.852
You know what you are?

01:52:40.686 --> 01:52:42.354
A bloody busybody!

01:52:48.193 --> 01:52:50.446
No!

01:53:04.960 --> 01:53:06.128
Oh, God, no!

01:53:29.401 --> 01:53:30.653
Danny!

01:53:33.155 --> 01:53:34.281
Danny!

01:53:35.324 --> 01:53:36.492
Oh, God.

01:53:36.575 --> 01:53:38.202
Hold on, Danny, just hold on.

01:53:38.327 --> 01:53:41.038
Hold on, it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

01:53:41.664 --> 01:53:44.416
Just hang on, hang on!

01:53:44.917 --> 01:53:46.710
Everything's gonna be fine.

01:53:48.003 --> 01:53:49.755
Everything's gonna be fine.

01:53:50.255 --> 01:53:52.049
Everything's gonna be fine.

01:53:52.841 --> 01:53:54.843
Everything's gonna be just fine.

01:54:33.549 --> 01:54:34.591
Hope these are okay.

01:54:37.720 --> 01:54:41.098
Yeah. They're lovely.

01:54:50.649 --> 01:54:53.819
- Any officers near the church?
- Go ahead, Doris.

01:54:53.902 --> 01:54:55.612
Chief, we've had a report
of some hippy types

01:54:55.738 --> 01:54:58.157
messing with the recycling bins
at the supermarket.

01:54:58.240 --> 01:54:59.950
- Leave it with us.
- Righto.

01:55:00.075 --> 01:55:04.163
Sergeant Butterman,
little hand says it's time to rock and roll.

01:55:04.413 --> 01:55:05.956
Bring the noise.

01:55:05.980 --> 01:55:25.980
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