1 00:00:01,596 --> 00:00:40,596 ‫۳۰۲ - Politically Erect 2 00:00:47,597 --> 00:00:49,895 ‫Ihad been dating politician Bill Kelley 3 00:00:50,032 --> 00:00:51,499 ‫for three weeks. 4 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:56,037 ‫Since most of our time was spent ‫campaigning, I dressed the part. 5 00:00:56,239 --> 00:00:58,207 ‫I found some vintage Halston 6 00:00:58,374 --> 00:01:00,399 ‫and did a spin on Jackie Kennedy. 7 00:01:00,576 --> 00:01:02,476 ‫The early years. 8 00:01:09,752 --> 00:01:11,219 ‫Who here knows 9 00:01:11,354 --> 00:01:13,015 ‫what a city comptroller does؟ 10 00:01:14,624 --> 00:01:16,114 ‫You do؟ 11 00:01:16,292 --> 00:01:18,123 ‫We made a good match. 12 00:01:18,261 --> 00:01:21,059 ‫I was adept at fashion, he at politics. 13 00:01:21,230 --> 00:01:24,825 ‫This city's populace's passion, 14 00:01:24,967 --> 00:01:26,935 ‫love and devotion to their home... 15 00:01:27,069 --> 00:01:29,867 ‫Really, they're both ‫about recycling ideas 16 00:01:30,039 --> 00:01:33,167 ‫and making them seem ‫fresh and inspiring. 17 00:01:33,376 --> 00:01:39,178 ‫It is this love affair, this symbiotic ‫relationship between citizens and city, 18 00:01:39,348 --> 00:01:42,784 ‫that I promise to cherish and protect. 19 00:01:42,952 --> 00:01:45,284 ‫Thank you. 20 00:01:45,454 --> 00:01:46,944 ‫Great guy! 21 00:01:47,123 --> 00:01:48,954 ‫Yes, he is. 22 00:01:58,401 --> 00:02:00,699 ‫can we talk about proposition ۱۱۴؟ 23 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:04,897 ‫- What is that؟ ‫- You and me in the bedroom. 24 00:02:05,074 --> 00:02:09,101 ‫- Is that on the ballot؟ ‫- It ought to be. I'd back it. 25 00:02:09,278 --> 00:02:11,906 ‫And that's ‫whatever position you want. 26 00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:15,407 ‫Which way is the bedroom؟ 27 00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:19,845 ‫Put me down. 28 00:02:26,429 --> 00:02:30,763 ‫That was the night I had ‫my political consciousness raised. 29 00:02:32,234 --> 00:02:34,532 ‫How about a movie ‫Wednesday night؟ 30 00:02:34,704 --> 00:02:37,798 ‫Wednesday؟ I'm not sure. ‫I might be working. 31 00:02:37,974 --> 00:02:39,566 ‫Thursday, then. 32 00:02:39,775 --> 00:02:42,938 ‫oK, maybe Thursday. I'll see. 33 00:02:43,112 --> 00:02:45,171 ‫Do you have plans؟ 34 00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:49,614 ‫Steve, you can't just assume ‫I'm gonna be free every night. 35 00:02:51,153 --> 00:02:53,348 ‫Is it a date؟ 36 00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:58,824 ‫It could be a date, so I wouldn't ‫necessarily share that with you. 37 00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:03,364 ‫- I'd like to know. Who are you dating؟ ‫- Nobody in particular. 38 00:03:03,532 --> 00:03:06,194 ‫- Anybody specific؟ ‫- Is this the third degree؟ 39 00:03:06,369 --> 00:03:10,203 ‫I'm trying to figure out ‫when I get to see you again. 40 00:03:10,373 --> 00:03:12,341 ‫I'm not dating anyone else. 41 00:03:12,508 --> 00:03:16,205 ‫I'm not planning on ‫dating anyone else. 42 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,278 ‫- I just want to see you. ‫- I see. 43 00:03:22,451 --> 00:03:24,817 ‫Exclusively. 44 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:30,020 ‫I got it. 45 00:03:30,192 --> 00:03:34,151 ‫That's very sweet. I just ‫hadn't thought about things that way. 46 00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:38,323 ‫- So, think about it. ‫- oK. 47 00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:42,699 ‫Because I think if we really want ‫to see if it can work between us, 48 00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:46,740 ‫this time we got to make ‫the commitment to be exclusive. 49 00:03:48,677 --> 00:03:52,306 ‫oK. I hear you. 50 00:03:53,315 --> 00:03:54,304 ‫oK. 51 00:04:01,057 --> 00:04:04,185 ‫The truth was, there were ‫no other candidates in sight. 52 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:09,696 ‫But Miranda wasn't ready ‫to let Steve win by default. 53 00:04:09,865 --> 00:04:13,232 ‫You're dating a politician and ‫you're not even registered to vote. 54 00:04:13,402 --> 00:04:18,704 ‫- It's the undecideds they're after. ‫- He's good-looking, he's got power... 55 00:04:18,874 --> 00:04:20,899 ‫It's got to be a turn-on. 56 00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:24,911 ‫Yeah, I'm dating ‫a potential comptroller. It's hot. 57 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:31,043 ‫- I want to help out. ‫- You're not interested in politics؟ 58 00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:33,051 ‫It's a great way to meet men. 59 00:04:33,222 --> 00:04:37,659 ‫With carrie, we can meet the inner ‫circle and the interesting donors. 60 00:04:37,827 --> 00:04:40,660 ‫By interesting men ‫she means single and rich. 61 00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:45,891 ‫- Guys, he's not running for president. ‫- I'd vote for him. He's cute. 62 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:50,368 ‫- So؟ ‫- I always vote according to looks. 63 00:04:50,539 --> 00:04:53,440 ‫I base my decision ‫on the swimsuit competition. 64 00:04:53,642 --> 00:04:57,237 ‫The country runs better ‫with a good-looking man in charge 65 00:04:57,413 --> 00:05:02,043 ‫Look at Nixon. No one wanted ‫to fuck him, so he fucked everyone. 66 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:05,847 ‫- I had a crush on Dan Quayle. ‫- We need a president in a hat. 67 00:05:06,021 --> 00:05:11,721 ‫No one wears a hat anymore. ‫FDR, good president, wore a hat. 68 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:15,796 ‫So busy picking a hat, ‫he forgot to get in the war. 69 00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:20,526 ‫- I had a crush on Dan Quayle. ‫- We tried to ignore that the first time. 70 00:05:20,703 --> 00:05:22,534 ‫It was his crisp, white shirts. 71 00:05:22,705 --> 00:05:26,300 ‫- Reminded me of my father. ‫- So, you were voting for your father. 72 00:05:26,475 --> 00:05:30,912 ‫There was something homoerotic ‫about Quayle and Bush. 73 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,538 ‫- very Batman and Robin. ‫- Based strictly on looks, 74 00:05:34,717 --> 00:05:39,313 ‫- no one was cuter than JFK. ‫- or quicker to jump in the sack. 75 00:05:39,522 --> 00:05:42,821 ‫I'm glad you three weren't around ‫during the original ۱۳ colonies. 76 00:05:42,992 --> 00:05:46,826 ‫I don't think our founding fathers ‫were very fuckable. 77 00:05:46,996 --> 00:05:50,432 ‫I heard that Thomas Jefferson ‫was a real fox. 78 00:05:50,599 --> 00:05:54,535 ‫There we were. ‫Just four girls talking politics. 79 00:05:54,703 --> 00:05:58,901 ‫Meanwhile, Miranda was facing a day ‫at the polls earlier than she expected. 80 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:02,976 ‫Last night as we were walking home, ‫Steve asked me to go steady. 81 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,170 ‫How sweet. They still call it that؟ 82 00:06:05,347 --> 00:06:07,372 ‫I don't know if I can make ‫that commitment. 83 00:06:07,550 --> 00:06:09,575 ‫How many other guys are you dating؟ 84 00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:13,845 ‫That's not the point. I'm so ambivalent ‫about Steve and moving forward. 85 00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:18,460 ‫You did let him back in your life. ‫There must be something there. 86 00:06:18,627 --> 00:06:22,723 ‫There's plenty there. Flaws that make ‫me not want to stick my neck out. 87 00:06:22,898 --> 00:06:24,923 ‫But there's great stuff too. 88 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:28,627 ‫Maybe I should be honest ‫and tell him what I really feel which is.. 89 00:06:28,804 --> 00:06:30,431 ‫what if somebody ‫better comes along؟ 90 00:06:30,606 --> 00:06:33,598 ‫You gotta put a better spin ‫on it than that. 91 00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:35,937 ‫You see... that's my problem. 92 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:39,306 ‫I don't know how to be political ‫in relationships. 93 00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:44,248 ‫It's time for the list. Things you like ‫about him. Things you don't like. 94 00:06:44,420 --> 00:06:47,412 ‫- See which is longer. ‫- That's so judgmental. 95 00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:51,048 ‫You are judgmental. ‫Put it to good use. 96 00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:55,095 ‫oK, fine. I'll make a list. 97 00:06:56,432 --> 00:07:00,732 ‫Politics were always as relevant to me ‫as a new Erica Jong novel. 98 00:07:00,903 --> 00:07:03,963 ‫But I did find it interesting ‫that a discussion about politics 99 00:07:04,139 --> 00:07:06,699 ‫ultimately became ‫a discussion about sex. 100 00:07:06,875 --> 00:07:11,244 ‫And a discussion about sex ‫became a question of politics. 101 00:07:11,413 --> 00:07:17,545 ‫Which led me to wonder, if the two ‫were inextricably linked, and if so... 102 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,553 ‫can there be sex without politics؟ 103 00:07:21,323 --> 00:07:24,588 ‫That night, Samantha discovered ‫her own hot, new candidate. 104 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,923 ‫Hey, Pink Lady. ‫can I buy that for you؟ 105 00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:31,863 ‫Maybe, if you promise never to use ‫a lame line like that again. 106 00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,264 ‫It worked didn't it؟ ‫Jeff Fenton. 107 00:07:34,436 --> 00:07:35,528 ‫Samantha Jones. 108 00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:38,468 ‫You are damn attractive. ‫And that is not a line. 109 00:07:38,674 --> 00:07:41,074 ‫How long have you been sitting here؟ 110 00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:43,905 ‫- My first drink. ‫- So, you're just naturally forward؟ 111 00:07:44,079 --> 00:07:46,980 ‫I'm aggressive. ‫I run a successful hedge fund. 112 00:07:47,149 --> 00:07:49,879 ‫My life is about calculating risks. 113 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:54,614 ‫Telling a beautiful lady she's attractive ‫is the safest bet I've made all day. 114 00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,519 ‫Thank you. 115 00:07:56,692 --> 00:07:58,523 ‫- You like to ski؟ ‫- I love it. 116 00:07:58,694 --> 00:08:02,391 ‫We have a house in Sun valley. ‫How long have you been skiing؟ 117 00:08:02,564 --> 00:08:06,694 ‫- on and off for years. ‫- I can tell. You've got the legs for it. 118 00:08:08,370 --> 00:08:10,770 ‫Got to run back to the office. 119 00:08:10,973 --> 00:08:12,941 ‫How about dinner this week؟ 120 00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:16,168 ‫I told you all about me ‫but I didn't hear about you. 121 00:08:16,345 --> 00:08:19,246 ‫Samantha never felt better. ‫There were gorgeous women 122 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:22,248 ‫sitting on either side ‫and Jeff had elected her. 123 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:23,851 ‫Fenton Partners. 124 00:08:24,019 --> 00:08:27,284 ‫That's right. ‫We're up ۳۲۰۰%۰ for the year. 125 00:08:29,124 --> 00:08:31,786 ‫Samantha Jones. Public Relations. ‫very nice. 126 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,487 ‫You must do well. ‫Who's gonna say no to you؟ 127 00:08:35,664 --> 00:08:39,395 ‫- What about dinner؟ Friday night؟ ‫- I think that might work. 128 00:08:39,568 --> 00:08:43,265 ‫Just as her self-esteem ‫was soaring right off the charts... 129 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:47,341 ‫Nice to meet you, Pink Lady. ‫I'll give you a call. 130 00:08:48,977 --> 00:08:50,376 ‫Bye. 131 00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:56,750 ‫Later that week, 132 00:08:56,919 --> 00:09:00,218 ‫I brought "the single ladies coalition ‫to elect Bill Kelley" to a fundraiser. 133 00:09:00,389 --> 00:09:04,553 ‫What is the height difference between ‫a short person and a little person؟ 134 00:09:04,727 --> 00:09:06,752 ‫- A little person؟ ‫- A midget. 135 00:09:06,929 --> 00:09:09,989 ‫- A midget or a dwarf؟ ‫- What's the difference؟ 136 00:09:10,165 --> 00:09:14,226 ‫Little person is the proper way ‫to refer to an adult under ۵ feet. 137 00:09:14,436 --> 00:09:17,701 ‫I agreed to go on a date ‫with a very short person. 138 00:09:17,873 --> 00:09:19,738 ‫I didn't realize he was so short. 139 00:09:19,908 --> 00:09:24,072 ‫Sitting down he was proportional. ‫Standing, he barely clears my nipples. 140 00:09:24,246 --> 00:09:26,271 ‫That may be the perfect height. 141 00:09:26,448 --> 00:09:29,246 ‫I can't cancel ‫just because he's a munchkin. 142 00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:32,751 ‫This is a politically incorrect ‫conversation for a political fundraiser. 143 00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:35,389 ‫Less than five feet is unacceptable. 144 00:09:35,557 --> 00:09:38,651 ‫I have to go mingle. ‫There are a lot of cute guys here 145 00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:41,455 ‫and these things ‫never last beyond two martinis. 146 00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:43,689 ‫charlotte was running ‫her own campaign. 147 00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:48,303 ‫She wanted to be elected wife ‫before the year was out. 148 00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:51,098 ‫- There's Miranda. ‫- Give me that. 149 00:09:51,273 --> 00:09:53,605 ‫Hey, you made it. 150 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,005 ‫Tell me, ‫why are we voting for this guy؟ 151 00:09:57,179 --> 00:10:02,116 ‫He wants an investigation into ‫the Board of Education for waste, 152 00:10:02,317 --> 00:10:06,515 ‫and he's against large corporations ‫wasting your tax dollars. 153 00:10:06,688 --> 00:10:09,816 ‫- I'm sleeping with him. ‫- Good enough for me. 154 00:10:10,058 --> 00:10:12,356 ‫come on, I'll introduce you. 155 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:17,563 ‫Jesus christ, ‫he talks more than I do. 156 00:10:17,733 --> 00:10:21,863 ‫This is the lovely Miranda Hobbes. ‫And her friend Steve Brady. 157 00:10:22,037 --> 00:10:24,835 ‫- Hi. ‫- I've heard great things about you. 158 00:10:25,007 --> 00:10:29,137 ‫You must be reading my clippings. ‫I pay people a lot to say nice things. 159 00:10:29,311 --> 00:10:32,644 ‫If you win, maybe you can fix ‫a couple of parking tickets. 160 00:10:32,815 --> 00:10:37,309 ‫I owe New York city $۵۰۰. I figured ‫I need the money more than they do. 161 00:10:37,486 --> 00:10:41,513 ‫It's a joke! ‫come on, he knows I'm kidding. 162 00:10:43,525 --> 00:10:46,983 ‫- I'll get us a drink. Nice meeting you. ‫- Nice meeting you. 163 00:10:48,263 --> 00:10:49,662 ‫Excuse me. 164 00:10:50,332 --> 00:10:53,324 ‫The dumb jokes. con. 165 00:10:54,503 --> 00:10:57,301 ‫cute butt... pro. 166 00:10:57,473 --> 00:11:01,170 ‫I don't believe in the Republican Party ‫or Democratic Party. 167 00:11:01,343 --> 00:11:03,811 ‫I just believe in parties. 168 00:11:03,979 --> 00:11:08,939 ‫charlotte was stumping for her cause, ‫and making newfriends. 169 00:11:09,117 --> 00:11:12,712 ‫I love Liechtenstein. ‫But I loved comic books as a kid. 170 00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:16,551 ‫But that's great. His work ‫is accessible on so many levels. 171 00:11:17,926 --> 00:11:21,862 ‫Sweetheart, this is charlotte. ‫She runs a gallery downtown. 172 00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:24,260 ‫charlotte, this is ‫my fiancee catherine. 173 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,924 ‫- Hi. ‫- Nice to meet you. 174 00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:33,066 ‫- Stanford! ‫- Hi. 175 00:11:34,309 --> 00:11:37,472 ‫I can only stay a few minutes, I have ‫tickets to the "vagina Monologues". 176 00:11:37,646 --> 00:11:38,635 ‫Why؟ 177 00:11:38,914 --> 00:11:42,645 ‫I don't eat at the restaurant, ‫but I can still hear the specials. 178 00:11:42,851 --> 00:11:47,254 ‫- carrie, give me a sip of your drink. ‫- This is my friend, Stanford Blatch. 179 00:11:47,422 --> 00:11:50,550 ‫- Bill Kelley. ‫- I represent the queer vote. 180 00:11:50,726 --> 00:11:53,889 ‫If you can carry chelsea, ‫you've got the city locked up. 181 00:11:54,062 --> 00:11:57,520 ‫I'm not worried about chelsea. ‫Have you seen my ass؟ 182 00:11:57,699 --> 00:11:59,496 ‫Got my vote. 183 00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:03,069 ‫- ۱۲ o'clock. ‫- Excuse me. 184 00:12:05,574 --> 00:12:09,510 ‫- Who's that guy؟ ‫- That's his campaign manager. 185 00:12:09,678 --> 00:12:13,739 ‫- Fix me up. ‫- How do you even know he's gay؟ 186 00:12:13,916 --> 00:12:16,749 ‫I've seen him rollerblading ‫on ۸th Avenue. 187 00:12:16,985 --> 00:12:19,044 ‫That's enough. 188 00:12:19,221 --> 00:12:20,620 ‫Please؟ 189 00:12:21,590 --> 00:12:24,457 ‫Great, now I'm a first lady and a pimp. 190 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,296 ‫Hey, excuse me. 191 00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:37,700 ‫This is awkward, so feel free ‫to stop me at any time, but... 192 00:12:37,873 --> 00:12:40,535 ‫there's a person here ‫who would like to meet you. 193 00:12:40,709 --> 00:12:43,576 ‫- oK. ‫- A guy. 194 00:12:45,814 --> 00:12:47,839 ‫Keep going. 195 00:12:50,152 --> 00:12:52,916 ‫It's the guy right over there. 196 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:59,290 ‫You mean the blonde guy ‫with the great arms. 197 00:13:04,633 --> 00:13:11,163 ‫Actually, no. It's the bald guy, ‫with the great sense of humor. 198 00:13:12,074 --> 00:13:14,941 ‫- Do you knowthe blonde guy؟ ‫- No. 199 00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:18,671 ‫- He's really much more my type. ‫- oK. 200 00:13:18,847 --> 00:13:22,044 ‫Well... Go Kelley. 201 00:13:23,785 --> 00:13:27,482 ‫I wondered howto handle ‫this political hot potato. 202 00:13:28,657 --> 00:13:33,321 ‫- He's not gay. ‫- I could have sworn he was. 203 00:13:33,495 --> 00:13:36,089 ‫I realized ‫I was getting good at politics. 204 00:13:36,264 --> 00:13:40,667 ‫I'm just so at the place ‫where I'm ready to settle down. 205 00:13:40,836 --> 00:13:46,035 ‫It seems like a miracle when two nice ‫people like you can find each other. 206 00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:48,233 ‫We met in the most unusual way. 207 00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,878 ‫one of my girlfriends threw a party 208 00:13:51,046 --> 00:13:54,277 ‫where all the women brought a man ‫they weren't interested in. 209 00:13:54,449 --> 00:13:58,977 ‫- Somebody brought Bob. ‫- The rest is history. 210 00:13:59,154 --> 00:14:01,088 ‫I love that! 211 00:14:01,256 --> 00:14:06,353 ‫one woman's trash ‫is another woman's treasure. 212 00:14:06,962 --> 00:14:09,487 ‫Bill raised $۶,۰۰۰ that night. 213 00:14:09,665 --> 00:14:11,633 ‫It really got him in the mood. 214 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,897 ‫You know, you're the first woman ‫in ages I've felt this intimate with. 215 00:14:17,105 --> 00:14:20,802 ‫You're so beautiful. ‫So funny... you're great. 216 00:14:21,009 --> 00:14:22,601 ‫Thank you. 217 00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:24,837 ‫I love making love to you. 218 00:14:25,013 --> 00:14:27,345 ‫The feeling is mutual. 219 00:14:27,516 --> 00:14:30,212 ‫Is there anything you want or need ‫that I'm not doing؟ 220 00:14:30,385 --> 00:14:32,649 ‫- No, it's great. ‫- 'cause I want to know. 221 00:14:32,821 --> 00:14:36,552 ‫- I want to make you happy. ‫- I am happy. 222 00:14:36,725 --> 00:14:40,718 ‫What about you؟ Is there anything ‫you want or need that I'm not doing؟ 223 00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:41,885 ‫No. 224 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,431 ‫- Well... maybe one thing. ‫- What؟ 225 00:14:47,602 --> 00:14:51,470 ‫Well, I would love ‫to get you in the shower. 226 00:14:53,275 --> 00:14:55,368 ‫Get each other all fresh and clean. 227 00:14:56,244 --> 00:14:58,269 ‫That sounds nice. 228 00:14:58,447 --> 00:15:02,440 ‫And then... ‫I'd like you to pee on me. 229 00:15:07,522 --> 00:15:11,083 ‫I would be worried. ‫The pee could be foreplay. 230 00:15:11,259 --> 00:15:14,092 ‫- My God! ‫- Where there's smoke. 231 00:15:14,262 --> 00:15:18,699 ‫It's typical of men in power. They love ‫to be dominated. Humiliated. 232 00:15:18,867 --> 00:15:20,129 ‫What did you say؟ 233 00:15:20,302 --> 00:15:23,430 ‫I told him I'd just gone, ‫maybe another time. 234 00:15:23,605 --> 00:15:26,631 ‫I can't keep saying that forever. 235 00:15:26,808 --> 00:15:30,642 ‫I peed on a guy once during sex, ‫but it was an accident. 236 00:15:30,812 --> 00:15:33,804 ‫- What did he say؟ ‫- I don't think he noticed. 237 00:15:33,982 --> 00:15:36,849 ‫I once had to stop eating meat ‫for six months. 238 00:15:37,018 --> 00:15:41,853 ‫So this is what it's come down to... ‫ready, set, pee؟ 239 00:15:42,057 --> 00:15:45,117 ‫Sometimes with the right guy ‫you have to make concessions. 240 00:15:45,293 --> 00:15:49,161 ‫- There's always gonna be something. ‫- Are you advocating that I do this؟ 241 00:15:49,331 --> 00:15:51,731 ‫Why not؟ ‫He's a great-looking political prince. 242 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:56,667 ‫Sure, it's practically a fairytale.. ‫"The Princess And The Pee". 243 00:15:58,039 --> 00:16:02,874 ‫If you can't work it out with ‫Bill, bring him to my party on Friday. 244 00:16:03,044 --> 00:16:05,672 ‫Everyone is bringing a guy ‫they're no longer interested in. 245 00:16:05,847 --> 00:16:09,248 ‫That's a great idea, ‫I can bring my short guy. 246 00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:13,217 ‫You're dating a munchkin and ‫I'm following the yellow brick road. 247 00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:17,984 ‫A couple of nights later, and no closer ‫to a solution, I had a date with Bill. 248 00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:20,286 ‫We went to ‫his favorite Indian restaurant, 249 00:16:20,462 --> 00:16:23,454 ‫that boasted the hottest curry ‫in the city. 250 00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:25,657 ‫So I just got some new polls. 251 00:16:25,867 --> 00:16:29,132 ‫I'm ahead in Manhattan and Brooklyn ‫but I'm lagging in the Bronx. 252 00:16:29,304 --> 00:16:33,434 ‫I may have to spend another $۱۵,۰۰۰ ‫to buy myself some voter turnout. 253 00:16:33,608 --> 00:16:35,667 ‫Pretty hot, isn't it؟ ‫Have some water. 254 00:16:35,844 --> 00:16:38,142 ‫No, I'm fine. 255 00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:43,114 ‫Excuse me, can I get another one؟ ‫You want a beer؟ 256 00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:45,446 ‫So, I read your column yesterday. 257 00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:48,748 ‫- You did؟ ‫- It's great. very funny. 258 00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:52,758 ‫Just one question. Who's ‫the handsome politico you refer to؟ 259 00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:56,295 ‫He's just some other fellow ‫I'm seeing in Washington. 260 00:16:57,732 --> 00:17:01,759 ‫- You don't mind, do you؟ ‫- My life is an open book. It has to be. 261 00:17:06,107 --> 00:17:09,167 ‫What I love about the column ‫is the way you feel about it. 262 00:17:09,344 --> 00:17:12,745 ‫It's mutual. ‫Even if I can't put it in print like you. 263 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:18,113 ‫I am so crazy about you. 264 00:17:19,754 --> 00:17:20,948 ‫Me too. 265 00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:24,450 ‫I was hoping we could spend ‫the night together 266 00:17:24,659 --> 00:17:26,752 ‫but I have an early ‫meeting with the Brooklyn... 267 00:17:26,928 --> 00:17:28,953 ‫That's no problem. 268 00:17:30,165 --> 00:17:31,996 ‫Rain check؟ 269 00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:39,538 ‫That Friday night, ‫charlotte threw her "used date party". 270 00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:43,939 ‫Hi, you made it! 271 00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:47,307 ‫There are so many eligible men here. 272 00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:50,508 ‫Hi charlotte, nice apartment. ‫can I get you something to drink؟ 273 00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:53,017 ‫Yes, immediately, if not sooner. 274 00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:55,747 ‫You brought Stanford؟ 275 00:17:55,957 --> 00:17:59,154 ‫You said to bring a man ‫you're not interested in. 276 00:17:59,327 --> 00:18:01,022 ‫You're making a mockery ‫of this party. 277 00:18:01,196 --> 00:18:03,630 ‫- carrie, charlotte! ‫- Hi! 278 00:18:03,798 --> 00:18:06,699 ‫- This is Jeff Fenton. ‫- Ladies. 279 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:09,166 ‫- How do you do؟ ‫- It's a pleasure. 280 00:18:10,472 --> 00:18:13,498 ‫- I'll take your coat. ‫- Take your time. 281 00:18:14,442 --> 00:18:15,739 ‫Mingle. 282 00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:18,436 ‫Is he the smallest man ‫you've ever seen؟ 283 00:18:18,613 --> 00:18:21,844 ‫If you'll excuse me ‫I have to meet my eligible guests. 284 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,918 ‫I've got to get busy too. 285 00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:36,453 ‫- carrie! ‫- Hey, what are you doing here؟ 286 00:18:36,631 --> 00:18:40,727 ‫I figured, before I finalize the list, ‫I should see what's out there. 287 00:18:44,372 --> 00:18:47,398 ‫- How's that list going؟ ‫- Great, fine. 288 00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:52,005 ‫I'm guessing ‫that's Samantha's little friend. 289 00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:55,172 ‫You gotta go to cuba now. ‫Another year will be too late. 290 00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:57,113 ‫can't you get arrested for going؟ 291 00:18:57,285 --> 00:18:59,719 ‫Fly through canada. ‫They love Americans. 292 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:03,551 ‫- I'll e-mail you some of my pictures. ‫- I'd love to see them. 293 00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:06,990 ‫- charlotte, right؟ ‫- Right, and... 294 00:19:07,195 --> 00:19:11,757 ‫- Greg Miller. ‫- very nice to meet you, Greg Miller. 295 00:19:17,639 --> 00:19:20,073 ‫- Having any luck؟ ‫- Excuse me؟ 296 00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:24,905 ‫- Meeting someone. ‫- I'm already here with somebody. 297 00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:29,943 ‫Yeah, an ex girlfriend, right؟ 298 00:19:30,118 --> 00:19:32,382 ‫What are you talking about؟ 299 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,785 ‫Get a clue. 300 00:19:39,728 --> 00:19:42,891 ‫- You brought me here to dump me؟ ‫- Not exactly. 301 00:19:43,064 --> 00:19:47,296 ‫I thought, maybe you could meet ‫someone your own size. 302 00:19:47,469 --> 00:19:51,462 ‫Sweetheart, give me an hour in bed, ‫you'll swear I'm the Jolly Green Giant. 303 00:19:51,639 --> 00:19:55,166 ‫- Really؟ ‫- I'm the best you've ever had. 304 00:19:55,343 --> 00:19:58,972 ‫She felt so politically incorrect ‫about dumping a man for his height. 305 00:19:59,147 --> 00:20:01,411 ‫She felt she had to sleep with him. 306 00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:04,416 ‫Fine. Let's go. 307 00:20:09,391 --> 00:20:12,360 ‫oK, I'm ready to go. ‫There's nobody here for us. 308 00:20:12,594 --> 00:20:13,959 ‫Speak for yourself. 309 00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:17,462 ‫If these guys are in their thirties ‫and these women don't want them, 310 00:20:17,632 --> 00:20:20,499 ‫there might just be ‫a little something for me. 311 00:20:20,668 --> 00:20:22,693 ‫Talk to you tomorrow. 312 00:20:29,244 --> 00:20:30,575 ‫Hi. 313 00:20:30,745 --> 00:20:35,114 ‫I'm an adventure travel junkie. I took ‫the year off after business school. 314 00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:37,478 ‫Trekked the old spice trail in Asia. 315 00:20:37,652 --> 00:20:41,588 ‫Talking to Greg, charlotte felt ‫like she had unearthed a rare coin 316 00:20:41,756 --> 00:20:44,088 ‫that some other woman ‫had discarded. 317 00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:48,753 ‫This is my ex, Belinda Peters, ‫she hooked me up on this thing. 318 00:20:48,930 --> 00:20:54,527 ‫You must be a friend of Karen's. ‫Thanks for bringing this great man. 319 00:20:54,702 --> 00:20:58,160 ‫You're welcome. ‫can I talk to you for a minute؟ 320 00:20:58,339 --> 00:21:00,398 ‫Sure. Excuse me. 321 00:21:01,943 --> 00:21:04,002 ‫Bye. Thanks for coming. 322 00:21:09,451 --> 00:21:12,648 ‫once Melinda saw ‫Greg talking to another woman, 323 00:21:12,821 --> 00:21:15,688 ‫he suddenly looked ‫all shiny and new again. 324 00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:28,495 ‫That night, Jeff proved to Samantha 325 00:21:28,670 --> 00:21:31,696 ‫that he more than made up ‫for his shortcomings. 326 00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:43,073 ‫Samantha told us later it was like ‫having sex with a horny smurf. 327 00:21:44,252 --> 00:21:49,588 ‫Meanwhile, across town, Steve was ‫busy stuffing Miranda's ballot box. 328 00:21:57,432 --> 00:22:04,497 ‫You know, I'm not looking for a quick ‫answer in the monogamy thing. 329 00:22:04,672 --> 00:22:08,164 ‫It's probably something ‫that's got to happen on its own. 330 00:22:14,682 --> 00:22:17,947 ‫It's just that I wanted you ‫to know how I feel. 331 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,349 ‫You're the best woman I've ever met. 332 00:22:22,524 --> 00:22:26,460 ‫I want you to know... to know that. 333 00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:33,833 ‫I love you, Miranda. ‫I really do. 334 00:22:36,471 --> 00:22:43,502 ‫Steve had just said the one big ‫pro that outweighed all the cons. 335 00:22:43,678 --> 00:22:48,843 ‫Later that week, Samantha put her ‫heels away and gave Jeff a chance. 336 00:22:49,017 --> 00:22:52,145 ‫Little boy's room. ‫I'll be right back. 337 00:23:05,934 --> 00:23:08,164 ‫Samantha was stunned. 338 00:23:08,369 --> 00:23:11,600 ‫It was one thing to date a man ‫who went to the little boy's room. 339 00:23:11,739 --> 00:23:16,142 ‫Another to date one who still shopped ‫at the little boy's department. 340 00:23:16,311 --> 00:23:17,608 ‫Samantha! 341 00:23:17,779 --> 00:23:22,682 ‫I'm not feeling very well. ‫I've got to go. Goodnight. 342 00:23:22,850 --> 00:23:24,909 ‫Wait, I'll take you. 343 00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:28,448 ‫I'm not really sick. Look, Jeff... 344 00:23:28,623 --> 00:23:32,753 ‫I can't do this. It's not a good idea. ‫I don't want to lead you on. 345 00:23:32,927 --> 00:23:36,124 ‫Lead me on؟ ‫You came five times the other night. 346 00:23:36,297 --> 00:23:39,164 ‫- It's not really that... ‫- Then, what؟ 347 00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,666 ‫What happened ‫in the past five minutes؟ 348 00:23:43,304 --> 00:23:46,899 ‫- You shop at the boy's department. ‫- So, what؟ 349 00:23:47,075 --> 00:23:49,635 ‫The clothes fit me better, ‫plus they're cheaper. 350 00:23:49,811 --> 00:23:53,645 ‫Where do you shop, ‫the big and tall whore store؟ 351 00:23:53,815 --> 00:23:58,115 ‫You're nothing but a big dick ‫with a little man attached. 352 00:23:58,286 --> 00:24:03,053 ‫You're nothing but a big pair of tits, ‫with too much extra leg room. 353 00:24:04,525 --> 00:24:08,393 ‫Surprisingly, Samantha had found ‫what she was really looking for. 354 00:24:08,563 --> 00:24:10,929 ‫And it had nothing to do with size. 355 00:24:11,099 --> 00:24:13,067 ‫Somebody get me a booster chair. 356 00:24:13,234 --> 00:24:17,637 ‫She'd found a man who made ‫her laugh. They dated for two weeks. 357 00:24:17,805 --> 00:24:21,673 ‫Though he was short, it was ‫a long relationship for Samantha. 358 00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:27,203 ‫That night, parched and nervous, ‫I spent another night with Bill. 359 00:24:27,415 --> 00:24:30,407 ‫- Man, that was great. ‫- Yes, it was. 360 00:24:31,252 --> 00:24:33,516 ‫come on, let's take a shower. 361 00:25:05,019 --> 00:25:07,487 ‫come on, get in while it's hot. 362 00:25:10,925 --> 00:25:14,520 ‫- can I talk to you about something؟ ‫- oK. 363 00:25:21,502 --> 00:25:24,801 ‫I've been giving this peeing thing ‫a lot of thought, 364 00:25:24,972 --> 00:25:29,602 ‫and while I think it's totally fine ‫that that's what you're into, I just... 365 00:25:29,777 --> 00:25:32,405 ‫It's just never really been my thing. 366 00:25:33,214 --> 00:25:34,203 ‫oh, yeah؟ 367 00:25:34,382 --> 00:25:39,445 ‫Yeah, so I thought instead, ‫maybe you could close your eyes 368 00:25:39,620 --> 00:25:43,852 ‫and I could dribble warm tea on you. ‫That might feel good. 369 00:25:44,425 --> 00:25:46,359 ‫or... maybe... 370 00:25:47,795 --> 00:25:50,025 ‫you might think it's fun... 371 00:25:50,198 --> 00:25:54,897 ‫to hear the sound of running water ‫when we have sex. 372 00:25:56,337 --> 00:26:01,502 ‫And, if things got really serious ‫between us, I could... 373 00:26:01,676 --> 00:26:06,113 ‫maybe, even, leave the bathroom door ‫open sometime. 374 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:12,583 ‫Although, I'm really not sure how ‫comfortable I'd be with that either. 375 00:26:13,588 --> 00:26:17,080 ‫You know, there's something ‫I want to tell you too. 376 00:26:17,258 --> 00:26:20,853 ‫Some people connected ‫with the campaign read your column... 377 00:26:21,028 --> 00:26:23,929 ‫and they had a different take on it. 378 00:26:25,666 --> 00:26:30,433 ‫- What does that mean؟ ‫- They said it was funny and clever, 379 00:26:30,605 --> 00:26:33,438 ‫but that it was a lot about sex. 380 00:26:33,608 --> 00:26:40,343 ‫They don't think I should date ‫a sex columnist before the election. 381 00:26:41,115 --> 00:26:43,549 ‫They thought it was kind of seamy. 382 00:26:45,486 --> 00:26:52,517 ‫Wait a second, I may write about sex, ‫but you like people to pee on you. 383 00:26:53,828 --> 00:26:56,695 ‫Yeah, but nobody knows about that. 384 00:27:06,941 --> 00:27:12,311 ‫I realized that politics had entered ‫my bedroom as well as my bathroom. 385 00:27:12,513 --> 00:27:18,042 ‫I decided that my bravest political act ‫would be to tell the truth. 386 00:27:22,824 --> 00:27:27,557 ‫I didn't use his real name. ‫It was much more political not to.