1 00:00:01,329 --> 00:00:40,329 ‫۳۰۴ - Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl 2 00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:53,355 ‫It's been said that New Yorkers 3 00:00:53,532 --> 00:00:55,898 ‫are the most jaded people ‫in the world. 4 00:00:59,705 --> 00:01:02,469 ‫The fact is we've done and seen it all. 5 00:01:02,608 --> 00:01:04,633 ‫So when Charlotte ‫said that her new show 6 00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:06,744 ‫at the gallery would blow us away, 7 00:01:06,945 --> 00:01:09,607 ‫we took it with the proverbial grain ‫of salt. 8 00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:12,409 ‫Seriously, that's a woman؟ 9 00:01:12,551 --> 00:01:15,714 ‫It was the latest installation ‫from photographer Baird Johnson, 10 00:01:15,888 --> 00:01:17,378 ‫- entitled "Drag Kings 11 00:01:17,589 --> 00:01:20,285 ‫"The collision of illusion and reality". 12 00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:22,859 ‫Yep, that's a woman. 13 00:01:23,795 --> 00:01:26,059 ‫Look at that bulge, it's shocking. 14 00:01:26,231 --> 00:01:29,291 ‫Hurry up and look ‫before Giuliani shuts it down. 15 00:01:29,434 --> 00:01:32,028 ‫- What do you think؟ ‫- It's amazing. 16 00:01:32,170 --> 00:01:33,603 ‫Congratulations. 17 00:01:33,739 --> 00:01:37,038 ‫Women dressed as men are popular. 18 00:01:37,242 --> 00:01:39,233 ‫I thought it was "Pokemon". 19 00:01:39,411 --> 00:01:43,905 ‫All it takes is stick-on ‫sideburns and a sock in your pants. 20 00:01:44,049 --> 00:01:45,914 ‫That's some sock. 21 00:01:46,051 --> 00:01:48,110 ‫I've always had a thing for cowboys. 22 00:01:48,287 --> 00:01:51,256 ‫Reminder, John Wayne is a Jane. 23 00:01:51,423 --> 00:01:55,120 ‫I'm attracted to her. ‫Maybe I'm a lesbian. 24 00:01:55,294 --> 00:01:58,229 ‫I dated a guy who liked to wear ‫my underwear. 25 00:01:58,397 --> 00:02:00,388 ‫But I've never gone the other way. 26 00:02:00,532 --> 00:02:03,365 ‫If you're gay you can wear ‫everyone's underwear. 27 00:02:03,568 --> 00:02:04,728 ‫That's hygienic؟ 28 00:02:04,903 --> 00:02:06,996 ‫Being a drag king would be fun. 29 00:02:07,172 --> 00:02:11,302 ‫I have enough trouble trying to be ‫a woman in a man's world, 30 00:02:11,476 --> 00:02:14,843 ‫without being a woman ‫pretending to be a man. 31 00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:17,175 ‫You wouldn't have to wax. 32 00:02:17,349 --> 00:02:19,180 ‫If you change your mind, 33 00:02:19,351 --> 00:02:21,444 ‫you've got cop written all over you. 34 00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:24,751 ‫- Am I rich yet؟ ‫- Getting there. 35 00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:27,653 ‫Everyone. This is Baird, the artist. 36 00:02:27,826 --> 00:02:29,316 ‫These are my friends. 37 00:02:29,494 --> 00:02:31,462 ‫What inspired you to do this؟ 38 00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:34,997 ‫I feel we have dual powers ‫within each of us. 39 00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:39,433 ‫Men can be very female, ‫and women can be very male. 40 00:02:39,604 --> 00:02:44,268 ‫Gender's an illusion. ‫Sometimes a very beautiful illusion. 41 00:02:45,677 --> 00:02:48,908 ‫You know, ‫I'm gonna go and get a canape. 42 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,948 ‫Because, I'm starved, so... 43 00:02:52,117 --> 00:02:55,814 ‫Not that a canape is a meal. ‫But, you know... in a pinch. 44 00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:57,819 ‫Excuse us. 45 00:03:03,462 --> 00:03:06,898 ‫What was that about؟ ‫Nobody loves canapes that much. 46 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:10,694 ‫He makes me nervous. ‫I think he is... 47 00:03:10,902 --> 00:03:15,839 ‫- Ask him out. ‫- I can never make the first move. 48 00:03:16,008 --> 00:03:18,977 ‫Sounds like someone needs ‫a sock in the pants. 49 00:03:19,144 --> 00:03:22,170 ‫I'll drag myself home. ‫You wanna share a cab؟ 50 00:03:22,347 --> 00:03:24,178 ‫No, I'm meeting Sean. 51 00:03:24,349 --> 00:03:27,011 ‫- The young guy؟ ‫- He's not that young. 52 00:03:27,185 --> 00:03:30,916 ‫He's ۲۶. His generation ‫has a different letter than ours. 53 00:03:31,089 --> 00:03:33,717 ‫Who cares؟ Age is an illusion. 54 00:03:33,892 --> 00:03:36,258 ‫- Good night. ‫- Good night. 55 00:03:37,295 --> 00:03:39,422 ‫Later, Miranda found her apartment 56 00:03:39,598 --> 00:03:42,590 ‫had undergone ‫its own gender transformation. 57 00:03:42,768 --> 00:03:45,134 ‫What are you doing here؟ 58 00:03:45,303 --> 00:03:48,932 ‫I got a key from when I fed your cat. ‫I ordered us Chinese. 59 00:03:49,107 --> 00:03:51,667 ‫I didn't think ‫we were seeing each other tonight. 60 00:03:51,843 --> 00:03:56,109 ‫- Planning on seeing the other boy؟ ‫- Now you've ruined that... 61 00:03:56,882 --> 00:03:58,907 ‫This is what we're watching؟ 62 00:03:59,084 --> 00:04:00,949 ‫Give me that. 63 00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:07,882 ‫Easy, you're making my brain hurt. 64 00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:10,085 ‫Don't you have to work tonight؟ 65 00:04:10,262 --> 00:04:13,595 ‫Not until ۱۰:۰۰. ‫I've got stuff here I can change into. 66 00:04:13,765 --> 00:04:15,323 ‫Right. 67 00:04:18,136 --> 00:04:20,195 ‫But I got till ۱۰:۰۰. 68 00:04:25,877 --> 00:04:28,505 ‫Miranda loved the man inside of her. 69 00:04:29,514 --> 00:04:33,143 ‫She just didn't love him inside ‫her apartment all the time. 70 00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,735 ‫Come on, the ice waits for no woman. 71 00:04:57,909 --> 00:05:00,742 ‫I'm practicing my triple salchow ‫in my head. 72 00:05:01,646 --> 00:05:06,913 ‫I was dragged around by Sean, ‫my "generation-something-else" date. 73 00:05:07,119 --> 00:05:11,215 ‫We met at a party, celebrating a new ‫Internet magazine Sean was running 74 00:05:11,389 --> 00:05:13,880 ‫that I still couldn't find ‫on my computer. 75 00:05:14,493 --> 00:05:16,757 ‫Seriously, stop! 76 00:05:16,962 --> 00:05:19,760 ‫It's easier to balance ‫when you're not smoking. 77 00:05:19,931 --> 00:05:22,900 ‫Smoking is the only thing ‫that keeps me balanced. 78 00:05:23,935 --> 00:05:25,994 ‫Doesn't this place rock؟ 79 00:05:27,339 --> 00:05:30,172 ‫You have to give me credit ‫for an original date. 80 00:05:30,342 --> 00:05:33,368 ‫It's not officially a date ‫without cocktails. 81 00:05:35,914 --> 00:05:38,041 ‫My coach is gonna kill me. 82 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:53,061 ‫Half a flask later, Sean and I had ‫broken the ice... at least my ass had. 83 00:05:53,231 --> 00:05:58,168 ‫- That last fall was at least a ۹.۲. ‫- You and the Russian judge... tough. 84 00:05:58,336 --> 00:06:04,332 ‫There was something about him. ‫He was sexy, charming... coordinated. 85 00:06:04,509 --> 00:06:07,740 ‫Nothing about him ‫or our third date felt typical. 86 00:06:07,913 --> 00:06:11,906 ‫When was your last ‫serious relationship؟ 87 00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:16,679 ‫Until then... there it was. ‫The inevitable third-date question. 88 00:06:16,855 --> 00:06:18,948 ‫Bad question؟ 89 00:06:19,891 --> 00:06:22,553 ‫You wanna take another spin ‫around the death rink؟ 90 00:06:22,727 --> 00:06:24,695 ‫No, it's fine. It's fine. 91 00:06:25,997 --> 00:06:28,693 ‫I ended something a while ago. 92 00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:33,895 ‫Two years of a lot of back and forths. ‫We weren't Y۲K compatible. 93 00:06:34,105 --> 00:06:35,504 ‫What about you؟ 94 00:06:35,674 --> 00:06:38,643 ‫Before you there was Kayla. ‫Neurotic. Lasted a year. 95 00:06:38,810 --> 00:06:43,247 ‫Before her, Lesley, couldn't commit. ‫Before Lesley there was Mark. 96 00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:48,142 ‫Is that a problem؟ 97 00:06:49,955 --> 00:06:51,855 ‫He's a bisexual. 98 00:06:52,057 --> 00:06:55,788 ‫I could have told you that. ‫He took you ice-skating. 99 00:06:55,961 --> 00:06:58,862 ‫The weird thing is he was so open. 100 00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:03,797 ‫"Hi. I'm a bisexual. " ‫Like, "Hi, I'm from Colorado". 101 00:07:03,969 --> 00:07:06,199 ‫You're not allowed ‫to be bisexual in Colorado. 102 00:07:06,371 --> 00:07:09,807 ‫"Is that a problem؟" ‫What kind of question is that؟ 103 00:07:09,975 --> 00:07:12,500 ‫- Of course! ‫- What did you say؟ 104 00:07:12,677 --> 00:07:17,205 ‫That it wasn't a problem. ‫He's such a good kisser. 105 00:07:17,382 --> 00:07:20,874 ‫That generation ‫is all about sexual experimentation. 106 00:07:21,052 --> 00:07:23,179 ‫All the kids are going bi. 107 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,550 ‫If they all jump off a bridge, ‫you will too؟ 108 00:07:25,757 --> 00:07:28,419 ‫I'm a "try-sexual". ‫I'll try anything once. 109 00:07:28,593 --> 00:07:32,324 ‫When did this happen؟ ‫When did the sexes get all confused؟ 110 00:07:32,497 --> 00:07:36,297 ‫Somewhere between Gen X and Y, ‫they blended and made XY. 111 00:07:36,468 --> 00:07:40,928 ‫I did the "date the bisexual guy" ‫thing in college. 112 00:07:41,106 --> 00:07:45,338 ‫- They all ended up with men. ‫- So did the bisexual women. 113 00:07:45,510 --> 00:07:48,673 ‫Which is why there ‫are no men left for us. 114 00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:55,116 ‫Maybe I do have a problem ‫with this. I'm an old fart. 115 00:07:55,287 --> 00:07:57,755 ‫Correction: A hot old fart. 116 00:07:57,956 --> 00:08:00,390 ‫I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. 117 00:08:00,558 --> 00:08:03,652 ‫It's just a layover ‫on the way to Gaytown. 118 00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:06,592 ‫Isn't that next to Ricky Martinville؟ 119 00:08:06,831 --> 00:08:12,201 ‫It's great. He's open to all sexual ‫experiences. He's evolved. It's hot. 120 00:08:12,370 --> 00:08:15,271 ‫It's greedy. ‫He's double-dipping. 121 00:08:15,407 --> 00:08:19,673 ‫You're not marrying him, you're ‫making out with him. Forget the label. 122 00:08:19,844 --> 00:08:21,175 ‫You're right. 123 00:08:21,346 --> 00:08:26,613 ‫I'm very into labels. Gay. Straight. ‫Pick a side and stay there. 124 00:08:26,785 --> 00:08:28,946 ‫Where are you going؟ 125 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,283 ‫Home. I've got a date ‫with my remote control. 126 00:08:32,457 --> 00:08:37,861 ‫Steve's playing basketball. ‫That's three hours of alone time. 127 00:08:38,029 --> 00:08:42,591 ‫- What about my problem؟ ‫- Stop kissing him. 128 00:08:44,035 --> 00:08:45,798 ‫Easy for her to say. 129 00:08:47,172 --> 00:08:50,733 ‫That night, I couldn't get ‫Samantha's words out of my head. 130 00:08:50,909 --> 00:08:53,343 ‫Was Sean's generation ‫on to something؟ 131 00:08:53,511 --> 00:08:56,002 ‫Was sexual flipping ‫the wave of the future؟ 132 00:08:56,181 --> 00:09:00,015 ‫If it was, could I play that game ‫or was I over the hill؟ 133 00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:03,348 ‫If women can transform into men, ‫and men into women 134 00:09:03,488 --> 00:09:05,513 ‫and we can sleep with everyone, 135 00:09:05,690 --> 00:09:08,454 ‫then maybe gender ‫doesn't exist anymore. 136 00:09:08,626 --> 00:09:13,222 ‫If we can take the best ‫of the other sex and make it our own, 137 00:09:13,398 --> 00:09:16,367 ‫has the opposite sex ‫become obsolete؟ 138 00:09:16,534 --> 00:09:21,631 ‫Don't bust my balls. If you're a ‫head-hunter, get me a good assistant. 139 00:09:21,806 --> 00:09:25,367 ‫- Yeah؟ ‫- I'm looking for a Mrs. Jones. 140 00:09:25,543 --> 00:09:28,740 ‫- It's Miss. ‫- I'm here for the assistant job. 141 00:09:29,981 --> 00:09:33,542 ‫Please, come in. 142 00:09:34,018 --> 00:09:36,418 ‫Samantha hired Matt ‫five minutes later. 143 00:09:36,588 --> 00:09:41,389 ‫She was the man of the office, ‫but she could fit one more. 144 00:09:41,593 --> 00:09:45,620 ‫Meanwhile downtown, Charlotte ‫could have used some help herself. 145 00:09:45,797 --> 00:09:48,163 ‫Someone is being industrious. 146 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:51,629 ‫Hi. I didn't hear you come in. 147 00:09:51,803 --> 00:09:55,705 ‫I thought I'd come by ‫and scare the shit out of you. 148 00:09:55,874 --> 00:09:58,001 ‫Pick up my cheque ‫for the pieces I sold. 149 00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:04,914 ‫- Here. ‫- Thanks. 150 00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:09,177 ‫There's something else. ‫I've been thinking about this. 151 00:10:09,354 --> 00:10:11,720 ‫I would love you to pose for me. 152 00:10:11,956 --> 00:10:15,756 ‫- As a man؟ ‫- Yeah, you'd be great. 153 00:10:15,894 --> 00:10:20,456 ‫- No, I don't think so. ‫- Why not؟ 154 00:10:21,199 --> 00:10:23,429 ‫- I'm not... ‫- A model؟ 155 00:10:23,568 --> 00:10:25,399 ‫No, butch. 156 00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:29,064 ‫You'd be surprised. ‫Every woman has a male inside. 157 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,071 ‫Even you. 158 00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:34,140 ‫No, not me. 159 00:10:34,345 --> 00:10:39,112 ‫I'm really bad at math and I can't ‫change a tire to save my life. 160 00:10:39,284 --> 00:10:42,185 ‫Pose for me. ‫I'll get it out of you. 161 00:10:43,521 --> 00:10:46,081 ‫Come on, be a man. 162 00:10:53,097 --> 00:10:57,431 ‫The next night, Sean and I went to a ‫club so new, even I hadn't heard of it. 163 00:10:58,837 --> 00:11:01,328 ‫- What's the name of this place؟ ‫- "Hair". 164 00:11:01,539 --> 00:11:04,940 ‫- Like the musical. ‫- Like the stuff on your head. 165 00:11:05,109 --> 00:11:08,044 ‫- You're too cool for me. ‫- You're too cute for me. 166 00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:13,879 ‫Ten seconds of kissing and I almost ‫forgot his lack of sexual orientation. 167 00:11:14,052 --> 00:11:16,714 ‫Until we stopped kissing. 168 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,586 ‫Who are you checking out, ‫the guy or the girl؟ 169 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:27,958 ‫I was looking for the bathroom. 170 00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:31,993 ‫Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry. 171 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:38,100 ‫Sorry, this whole bisexual thing ‫is throwing me for a loop. 172 00:11:38,843 --> 00:11:41,209 ‫You've been with men and women... 173 00:11:42,514 --> 00:11:45,449 ‫Were you just looking at that guy؟ 174 00:11:46,117 --> 00:11:49,052 ‫I'm looking at you. 175 00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:51,916 ‫I'm with you. I dig you. 176 00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:56,720 ‫- "Dig" is in again؟ ‫- So is "groovy". You're that too. 177 00:11:56,861 --> 00:11:58,556 ‫So, you're not gay؟ 178 00:11:58,730 --> 00:12:03,758 ‫I've been in three major relationships. ‫One was a guy. That's just me. 179 00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:14,678 ‫An hour later, Sean was in my bed. 180 00:12:16,114 --> 00:12:17,979 ‫That's just me. 181 00:12:21,486 --> 00:12:24,182 ‫- Nice floor. ‫- Thanks. It's a rental. 182 00:12:31,563 --> 00:12:33,690 ‫- What؟ ‫- Nothing. 183 00:12:33,865 --> 00:12:36,834 ‫Tell me or I'll make you ‫go skating again. 184 00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:50,840 ‫- Do I kiss better than a guy؟ ‫- Better than any I've kissed. 185 00:12:51,516 --> 00:12:53,347 ‫How about me؟ 186 00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:05,186 ‫- Top two per cent. ‫- I'll take that. 187 00:13:08,466 --> 00:13:14,530 ‫If there was this good-looking guy ‫walking towards you 188 00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:20,269 ‫and across the street ‫was a beautiful girl, which one... 189 00:13:20,445 --> 00:13:22,413 ‫Carrie, come on. 190 00:13:22,580 --> 00:13:25,515 ‫Could you stop making this ‫all about sex؟ 191 00:13:25,683 --> 00:13:29,414 ‫It's not. It's about the person... you. 192 00:13:29,587 --> 00:13:31,555 ‫I'm crazy about you. 193 00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:33,748 ‫The way you smell. 194 00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:36,392 ‫The way your upper lip tastes. 195 00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:44,327 ‫It may not have been all about sex, ‫but it was for the next two hours. 196 00:13:46,270 --> 00:13:49,569 ‫I wasn't the only one ‫with younger men on the brain. 197 00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:54,576 ‫Listen to me. We've called ‫your boss three times already. 198 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,306 ‫Give him that message. 199 00:13:58,082 --> 00:14:01,745 ‫Hello. ‫What are you doing؟ 200 00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:05,184 ‫- That is not how I do business. ‫- She makes me crazy. 201 00:14:05,356 --> 00:14:08,655 ‫These are important clients. ‫Don't talk to them like that. 202 00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,624 ‫You want them to call you؟ 203 00:14:10,795 --> 00:14:14,162 ‫Let me remind you ‫that I am the boss here. 204 00:14:14,332 --> 00:14:19,565 ‫Fire me. I just think ‫you deserve some respect. 205 00:14:20,672 --> 00:14:22,640 ‫Put this file away. 206 00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:29,710 ‫Samantha found Matt's boyish ‫arrogance annoying, 207 00:14:29,881 --> 00:14:33,180 ‫unprofessional... and incredibly hot. 208 00:14:36,487 --> 00:14:41,550 ‫Miranda was having a problem ‫sharing a space with the other sex. 209 00:14:45,963 --> 00:14:46,952 ‫What؟ 210 00:14:47,899 --> 00:14:51,596 ‫- What's going on؟ ‫- You're on my side. 211 00:14:51,769 --> 00:14:55,205 ‫My pillow. ‫My guest pillow. 212 00:14:55,973 --> 00:14:59,067 ‫OK, I'll tell you what. 213 00:14:59,243 --> 00:15:04,271 ‫Tomorrow we'll buy some paint ‫and draw a line down the middle. 214 00:15:10,054 --> 00:15:11,817 ‫Go to sleep. 215 00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:19,928 ‫That pile. Your stuff. ‫You have to keep it neater. 216 00:15:20,865 --> 00:15:26,098 ‫Maybe if you can spare a drawer ‫I can keep my things out of the way. 217 00:15:26,304 --> 00:15:28,204 ‫You want a drawer؟ 218 00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:33,636 ‫Actually... 219 00:15:37,348 --> 00:15:39,179 ‫I'd like to move in. 220 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:42,444 ‫Most single women ‫dream of this moment. 221 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:45,020 ‫Most single women but Miranda. 222 00:15:46,023 --> 00:15:48,491 ‫Wow! OK. 223 00:15:49,527 --> 00:15:51,859 ‫Where did that come from؟ 224 00:15:52,029 --> 00:15:54,190 ‫I've been thinking about it. 225 00:15:55,066 --> 00:15:58,263 ‫We have a great time. ‫We're practically live together... 226 00:15:58,469 --> 00:16:00,369 ‫Yeah, but we're not. 227 00:16:04,475 --> 00:16:05,737 ‫Look. 228 00:16:05,910 --> 00:16:08,572 ‫We just started dating again. 229 00:16:08,746 --> 00:16:13,274 ‫There is no need to go at warp speed. ‫Nobody's dying. 230 00:16:13,451 --> 00:16:16,477 ‫I'm sure every book ‫would say we're not ready. 231 00:16:16,654 --> 00:16:18,747 ‫You're here all the time. 232 00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:23,393 ‫No problem. I'll get out of your hair. ‫I'll leave the key. 233 00:16:23,561 --> 00:16:26,792 ‫No! Don't leave the key. ‫Take the key. 234 00:16:26,964 --> 00:16:31,298 ‫I just... I need my space. ‫I feel like I'm being suffocated. 235 00:16:34,472 --> 00:16:36,372 ‫Jesus, Miranda... 236 00:16:38,709 --> 00:16:41,109 ‫It's like you're the guy sometimes. 237 00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:47,247 ‫Faced with relationship problems, ‫some women turn to fried food. 238 00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:51,878 ‫Miranda turned to the latest fitness ‫craze - "The Goddess Workout". 239 00:16:52,056 --> 00:16:56,459 ‫Ladies, open up your chakras. ‫Let the inner goddess sing. 240 00:16:58,896 --> 00:17:01,990 ‫She's in there. ‫All you have to do is let her out. 241 00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:06,466 ‫- This helps you to be a woman؟ ‫- I must find my inner goddess. 242 00:17:06,637 --> 00:17:09,265 ‫And pop your hip. Pop your hip. 243 00:17:10,474 --> 00:17:13,170 ‫Open yourself like a lotus flower. 244 00:17:14,045 --> 00:17:16,070 ‫Come on, pop your hip. 245 00:17:16,881 --> 00:17:18,746 ‫Pop your hip. 246 00:17:20,718 --> 00:17:25,212 ‫- My hips don't pop, I'm a guy. ‫- You're insane. 247 00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:29,122 ‫This isn't helping me find my inner ‫goddess, only my inner humiliation. 248 00:17:29,327 --> 00:17:33,161 ‫And reach back. ‫Reach for the stars. 249 00:17:40,671 --> 00:17:42,696 ‫We're out of here. 250 00:17:46,577 --> 00:17:49,603 ‫I'm never gonna be a girly girl. ‫I never will. 251 00:17:49,814 --> 00:17:52,874 ‫- I'll never be a lotus flower. ‫- Thank God. 252 00:17:53,050 --> 00:17:55,484 ‫A girly girl would want ‫her boyfriend to move in. 253 00:17:55,686 --> 00:17:57,745 ‫She also wears make-up to the gym. 254 00:17:57,922 --> 00:18:00,083 ‫And makes little hearts ‫above her "i's". 255 00:18:03,294 --> 00:18:06,559 ‫I do love him... I do. 256 00:18:06,731 --> 00:18:09,291 ‫- I know. ‫- What's my problem؟ 257 00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:12,698 ‫In any relationship ‫one person is the alpha dog. 258 00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:17,239 ‫The one in charge... that's you. ‫You don't like sharing your water dish. 259 00:18:17,408 --> 00:18:21,435 ‫- I'm very free with the chew toys. ‫- That you are. 260 00:18:22,546 --> 00:18:26,277 ‫Miranda arrived home later ‫to an empty apartment. 261 00:18:28,419 --> 00:18:32,048 ‫And for the first time, ‫she really didn't like it. 262 00:18:34,659 --> 00:18:37,719 ‫While Miranda and I worked out ‫our inner goddesses, 263 00:18:37,895 --> 00:18:40,693 ‫Baird was working the male ‫out of Charlotte. 264 00:18:41,866 --> 00:18:43,891 ‫You look great. 265 00:18:44,735 --> 00:18:48,501 ‫I'm sorry, I can't do this. 266 00:18:49,874 --> 00:18:53,935 ‫Just relax. Let it go. ‫Forget Charlotte. 267 00:18:54,111 --> 00:18:59,208 ‫You're a man now. You're a hot guy. ‫You can get any woman you want. 268 00:18:59,383 --> 00:19:03,911 ‫You're rich, you're powerful. ‫You eat guys like me for lunch. 269 00:19:04,689 --> 00:19:06,680 ‫How are you feeling now؟ 270 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:11,756 ‫I think I need a bigger sock. 271 00:19:12,830 --> 00:19:14,855 ‫I think you do, too. 272 00:19:34,318 --> 00:19:35,307 ‫Better؟ 273 00:19:37,321 --> 00:19:38,686 ‫Much. 274 00:19:38,856 --> 00:19:42,348 ‫Who knows whether it was the sock ‫or the suit or Baird. 275 00:19:42,526 --> 00:19:48,522 ‫Charlotte wasn't just a chick with ‫a dick, she was a chick with balls. 276 00:19:56,540 --> 00:20:01,409 ‫The two alpha dogs at Samantha's ‫were not getting along as well. 277 00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:04,912 ‫These invitations need to go ‫to the printers ASAP. 278 00:20:05,082 --> 00:20:06,879 ‫I'll get to it. 279 00:20:07,051 --> 00:20:09,884 ‫Now. Drop them at ۷۲nd Street ‫then pick up lunch. 280 00:20:10,054 --> 00:20:12,887 ‫They're in opposite directions. ‫I'll get lunch first. 281 00:20:13,057 --> 00:20:17,221 ‫- Invitations first. ‫- Fine, then I'll be an hour late. 282 00:20:17,395 --> 00:20:19,488 ‫Do you realize you're my assistant؟ 283 00:20:19,663 --> 00:20:22,359 ‫Your job is to do what I say. 284 00:20:22,533 --> 00:20:25,832 ‫- I know what I'm doing. ‫- And I know better. 285 00:20:26,003 --> 00:20:28,096 ‫- Say's who؟ ‫- Me. 286 00:20:28,272 --> 00:20:31,935 ‫- Who do you think you are؟ ‫- Your boss. 287 00:20:33,544 --> 00:20:36,104 ‫Samantha Jones' PR. 288 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,977 ‫I don't know when she will. ‫She's been busy. 289 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:44,520 ‫You have a shitty attitude too. ‫And your parties suck. 290 00:20:47,024 --> 00:20:49,959 ‫The bad news is, you're fired. 291 00:20:50,127 --> 00:20:53,585 ‫The good news is... ‫now I can fuck you. 292 00:20:53,764 --> 00:20:57,598 ‫The only place Samantha and Matt ‫worked well together was in bed. 293 00:20:57,768 --> 00:20:59,599 ‫Fuck me on the desk. 294 00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:05,168 ‫- On the chair. ‫- No, on the desk. 295 00:21:05,342 --> 00:21:07,606 ‫With Sam on top, naturally. 296 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,507 ‫That night, ‫Miranda invited Steve for pasta. 297 00:21:13,684 --> 00:21:17,120 ‫- Hi. I'm late. I know I'm late. ‫- It's OK. 298 00:21:17,288 --> 00:21:19,882 ‫I was gonna make you dinner, 299 00:21:20,057 --> 00:21:22,924 ‫and then this conference call ‫went over two hours. 300 00:21:23,094 --> 00:21:27,497 ‫I went to the market. I needed extra ‫virgin olive oil. They only had virgin. 301 00:21:27,698 --> 00:21:32,965 ‫I don't know the difference. ‫I don't cook. So I got the stuff in a jar. 302 00:21:35,506 --> 00:21:37,701 ‫Don't move. It's glass. 303 00:21:40,111 --> 00:21:42,375 ‫I can't. I can't do this. 304 00:21:42,546 --> 00:21:47,142 ‫- We'll order pizza, it's no big deal. ‫- It's a big fucking deal. 305 00:21:47,318 --> 00:21:52,381 ‫I just spilled Marinara sauce ‫and you saw that. I drop things, OK؟ 306 00:21:52,556 --> 00:21:55,525 ‫OK. So do I. 307 00:21:57,128 --> 00:22:01,087 ‫I do love you. But I've never ‫lived with anybody before. 308 00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,158 ‫And I'm stubborn. ‫And I like the remote. 309 00:22:05,336 --> 00:22:07,327 ‫And I can't cook. 310 00:22:08,239 --> 00:22:12,767 ‫I don't do laundry sometimes for ‫two weeks. And my sponges smell. 311 00:22:13,544 --> 00:22:17,344 ‫You're gonna see all that. ‫I'm scared. 312 00:22:18,883 --> 00:22:23,513 ‫I don't know if I can move forward, ‫but I don't want to lose you. 313 00:22:25,055 --> 00:22:26,386 ‫OK. 314 00:22:31,328 --> 00:22:33,523 ‫I'm not going anywhere. 315 00:22:40,304 --> 00:22:44,741 ‫I'm crying on your shoulder. ‫I guess I really am a woman. 316 00:22:45,409 --> 00:22:48,344 ‫A week later, Miranda's man ‫moved into her place. 317 00:22:48,512 --> 00:22:52,039 ‫The same day that Charlotte ‫moved her man into her place. 318 00:22:52,216 --> 00:22:54,241 ‫She never saw Baird again. 319 00:22:54,418 --> 00:22:57,285 ‫She was too embarrassed ‫at how forward she'd been. 320 00:22:57,488 --> 00:23:02,755 ‫She might have been that type ‫of guy but never that type of woman. 321 00:23:04,161 --> 00:23:09,758 ‫۸۰ blocks downtown, five flights up, ‫Sean and I were almost at the party. 322 00:23:09,934 --> 00:23:12,732 ‫One more floor, I promise. 323 00:23:12,903 --> 00:23:15,804 ‫If there's no vodka, it's your head. 324 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,270 ‫Take it easy, dude, we're here. 325 00:23:18,909 --> 00:23:20,740 ‫OK, dude. 326 00:23:26,183 --> 00:23:28,276 ‫- Who's party is this؟ ‫- Mark's. 327 00:23:28,452 --> 00:23:30,920 ‫Mark, ex-boyfriend Mark؟ 328 00:23:31,088 --> 00:23:32,885 ‫Is that a problem؟ 329 00:23:33,057 --> 00:23:35,321 ‫It's his boyfriend's birthday. 330 00:23:36,393 --> 00:23:38,725 ‫It was definitely a first. 331 00:23:38,896 --> 00:23:43,128 ‫I was attending a party ‫of my boyfriend's ex-boyfriend. 332 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:45,131 ‫And his boyfriend. 333 00:23:46,470 --> 00:23:48,665 ‫Carrie, this is Mark ‫and his boyfriend Garth. 334 00:23:48,839 --> 00:23:51,740 ‫- Partner. ‫- This is our baby, Isabell. 335 00:23:52,476 --> 00:23:54,273 ‫Two "L's", no "E". 336 00:23:54,445 --> 00:23:56,777 ‫OK. Happy birthday. 337 00:23:57,014 --> 00:24:02,247 ‫- This is Dawn and Grace. ‫- They just got married in Hawaii. 338 00:24:02,419 --> 00:24:04,284 ‫Congratulations. 339 00:24:05,322 --> 00:24:09,383 ‫- It was a spur of the moment. ‫- I didn't want another big wedding. 340 00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:13,656 ‫- It wasn't so bad. ‫- Being married to you sucked. 341 00:24:13,831 --> 00:24:17,289 ‫- You two were... ‫- Married. For a year. 342 00:24:17,501 --> 00:24:21,403 ‫We were high for most of it, ‫otherwise it would've been miserable. 343 00:24:21,572 --> 00:24:23,369 ‫Don't forget I gave you that egg. 344 00:24:23,540 --> 00:24:26,509 ‫This is our straight friend, Joel. 345 00:24:26,677 --> 00:24:31,740 ‫- Are you wearing pleather؟ ‫- Thank you for noticing. 346 00:24:31,915 --> 00:24:35,373 ‫An hour later, ‫I had almost got it straight. 347 00:24:35,552 --> 00:24:38,680 ‫Grace once dated Brett. 348 00:24:38,856 --> 00:24:42,223 ‫- And Brett used to live with Joel؟ ‫- Semi-platonically. 349 00:24:42,393 --> 00:24:45,487 ‫- You slept with Dawn. ‫- Before she was with Mark. 350 00:24:45,663 --> 00:24:46,823 ‫Naturally. 351 00:24:46,997 --> 00:24:52,264 ‫Gay, bi, straight. This party was ‫a platter of sexual orientation. 352 00:24:56,907 --> 00:24:59,501 ‫Time to play. 353 00:25:00,944 --> 00:25:03,276 ‫- Play what؟ ‫- Spin the bottle. 354 00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,449 ‫Seventh grade spin the bottle؟ 355 00:25:06,617 --> 00:25:09,848 ‫- Play. It's fun. ‫- Come on, it's fun. 356 00:25:28,772 --> 00:25:30,467 ‫Get a room. 357 00:25:31,675 --> 00:25:34,109 ‫Get a dental dam. 358 00:26:01,038 --> 00:26:04,906 ‫- It's a girl. Try again. ‫- It's OK. 359 00:26:05,075 --> 00:26:09,842 ‫Of course it was. I was in ‫Alice-In-Confused-Sexuality Land. 360 00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:18,449 ‫I had a choice. I could stand up, ‫walk out and prove I was an old fart. 361 00:26:18,655 --> 00:26:21,146 ‫Or I could fall down the rabbit hole. 362 00:26:49,253 --> 00:26:53,747 ‫So I fell. It wasn't bad. ‫Kind of like chicken. 363 00:26:58,929 --> 00:27:03,025 ‫- Where are you going؟ It's your spin. ‫- Just more cigarettes. 364 00:27:06,437 --> 00:27:08,564 ‫That was the last night I saw Sean. 365 00:27:08,739 --> 00:27:13,767 ‫They could do what they wanted, ‫but I was too old to play this game. 366 00:27:15,312 --> 00:27:18,145 ‫So I took my hot, old fart-ass home. 367 00:27:19,249 --> 00:27:21,308 ‫That's just me.