WEBVTT 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:22.920 ..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:01:24.544 --> 00:01:26.796 - Answer the phone. - Where's my suitcase? 00:01:26.880 --> 00:01:31.718 I'm going downstairs. Who stole my hair dryer? 00:01:31.843 --> 00:01:35.388 Miss. Young lady. Excuse me. Girls. 00:01:35.513 --> 00:01:38.558 Hey, hey, little boy. 00:01:38.683 --> 00:01:40.977 - Excuse me, girls. Girls. - Take the witches! 00:01:41.060 --> 00:01:43.188 Hey. Hey, big fella. Excuse me. 00:01:43.313 --> 00:01:45.598 Come help me make up these beds in the living room! 00:01:45.624 --> 00:01:46.633 Excuse me. Ma'am! 00:01:46.733 --> 00:01:49.110 - Hi. Hey, son! Son! - Who stole my book bag? 00:01:49.235 --> 00:01:52.739 Big fella! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Little guy. Little guy! 00:01:54.365 --> 00:01:57.202 Pete's brother and his family are here. Oh, it's crazy. 00:01:57.285 --> 00:01:59.579 - Trish is going to Montreal. - Montreal? 00:01:59.662 --> 00:02:01.706 - Uh-huh. - That's right. Her family's there. 00:02:01.789 --> 00:02:03.708 - And we're off. - When do you leave? 00:02:03.791 --> 00:02:05.752 - Tomorrow. - You're not ready, are you? 00:02:05.877 --> 00:02:10.590 Mom! Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie, but the big kids can. 00:02:10.715 --> 00:02:13.468 - Why can't I? - Kevin, I'm on the phone. 00:02:13.593 --> 00:02:16.054 When do you come back? Not till then? 00:02:16.179 --> 00:02:19.516 It's not even rated "R." He's just being a jerk. 00:02:19.599 --> 00:02:22.852 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no... 00:02:22.936 --> 00:02:25.146 then it must be really bad. 00:02:25.271 --> 00:02:27.398 No, we're not bringing the dog. We're putting him-- 00:02:27.482 --> 00:02:29.943 Hey, hey, hey! Get off. Kevin, out of the room. 00:02:30.026 --> 00:02:32.445 Hang up the phone and make me, why don't ya? 00:02:32.529 --> 00:02:33.313 Oh, this kid. 00:02:33.339 --> 00:02:36.474 Kate, did you by any chance pick up a voltage adapter thing? 00:02:36.533 --> 00:02:38.451 I didn't have time to do that. 00:02:38.535 --> 00:02:40.453 How am I supposed to shave in France? 00:02:40.537 --> 00:02:43.456 - Grow a goatee. - Dad, nobody'll let me do anything. 00:02:43.540 --> 00:02:45.458 I've got something for you to do. 00:02:45.542 --> 00:02:48.002 Pick up those Micro Machines that are all over in there. 00:02:48.127 --> 00:02:50.964 Aunt Leslie stepped on one and almost broke her neck. 00:02:51.089 --> 00:02:53.071 He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun. 00:02:53.097 --> 00:02:54.158 Didn't we talk about that? 00:02:54.259 --> 00:02:57.262 Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. 00:02:57.387 --> 00:02:59.514 I was making ornaments out of fishhooks. 00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:01.391 My new fishhooks? 00:03:01.474 --> 00:03:06.229 I can't make ornaments out of the old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on 'em. 00:03:06.312 --> 00:03:10.191 - Peter. - Come on, Kevin. Out. 00:03:10.316 --> 00:03:12.777 Peter, Kate, do you guys have a voltage adapter? 00:03:12.902 --> 00:03:16.114 - Here! Here's a voltage adapter. - Oh, you're getting heavy. 00:03:16.197 --> 00:03:18.366 Go pack your suitcase. 00:03:19.450 --> 00:03:22.620 Pack my suitcase? 00:03:22.745 --> 00:03:25.206 - Do you know where the shampoo is, Fuller? - I don't live here. 00:03:25.331 --> 00:03:27.750 A house with this many people, there's no shampoo? 00:03:27.834 --> 00:03:30.003 - Are your parents home? - Yeah, but they don't live here. 00:03:30.128 --> 00:03:32.797 - Tracy, did you order the pizza? - Buzz did. 00:03:32.881 --> 00:03:36.176 - Excuse me, miss. Are your parents here? - My parents live in Paris. Sorry. 00:03:36.259 --> 00:03:38.178 - Hi! - Hi! 00:03:38.261 --> 00:03:39.804 - Are your parents home? - Yeah. 00:03:39.929 --> 00:03:41.848 - Do they live here? - No. 00:03:41.931 --> 00:03:46.895 No. Why should they? All kids, no parents. Probably a fancy orphanage. 00:03:47.020 --> 00:03:51.065 I don't know how to pack a suitcase. I've never done this once in my whole life. 00:03:51.191 --> 00:03:53.443 - Tough. - That's what Megan said. 00:03:53.526 --> 00:03:56.237 - What did I say? - You told Kevin, "tough." 00:03:56.362 --> 00:03:59.073 The dope was whining about a suitcase. What am I supposed to do? 00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:01.659 Shake his hand and say, "Congratulations, you're an idiot"? 00:04:01.743 --> 00:04:04.704 - I'm not an idiot! - Oh, really? You're completely helpless! 00:04:04.787 --> 00:04:07.498 - Everyone has to do everything for you. - She's right, Kev. 00:04:07.582 --> 00:04:11.461 Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm a lot smaller than you. I don't know how to pack a suitcase. 00:04:11.544 --> 00:04:15.131 - I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff. - Shut up, Linnie. 00:04:15.215 --> 00:04:17.133 Do you know what I should pack? 00:04:17.217 --> 00:04:20.553 Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water. 00:04:20.637 --> 00:04:23.556 Listen, Kev, what are you so worried about? 00:04:23.681 --> 00:04:26.434 You know mom's gonna pack your stuff anyway. 00:04:26.559 --> 00:04:29.771 You're what the French call les incompetents. 00:04:29.896 --> 00:04:33.858 - What? - Bombs away! 00:04:37.570 --> 00:04:41.908 P.S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. 00:04:41.991 --> 00:04:45.745 If he has something to drink, he's gonna wet the bed. 00:04:45.870 --> 00:04:48.623 This house is so full of people, it makes me sick! 00:04:48.748 --> 00:04:51.751 When I grow up and get married, I'm livin' alone! 00:04:51.876 --> 00:04:54.671 Did you hear me? I'm livin' alone! 00:04:54.754 --> 00:04:57.507 I'm livin' alone! 00:04:59.968 --> 00:05:02.262 Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone? 00:05:02.387 --> 00:05:06.766 He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple weeks. 00:05:08.142 --> 00:05:11.437 Is it true that French babes don't shave their pits? 00:05:11.521 --> 00:05:14.190 Some don't. 00:05:14.274 --> 00:05:16.192 But they got nude beaches. 00:05:16.276 --> 00:05:19.320 Not in the winter. 00:05:23.783 --> 00:05:27.745 - Buzz? - Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? 00:05:27.871 --> 00:05:31.374 Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep with Fuller. 00:05:31.457 --> 00:05:33.459 If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. 00:05:33.543 --> 00:05:38.173 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. 00:05:40.133 --> 00:05:43.136 Check it out. Old man Marley. 00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:48.641 Who is he? 00:05:48.766 --> 00:05:53.104 You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer! 00:05:53.188 --> 00:05:55.148 - No. - That's him. 00:05:55.231 --> 00:05:59.986 Back in '58, he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block... 00:06:01.321 --> 00:06:03.448 with a snow shovel. 00:06:03.573 --> 00:06:06.868 Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since. 00:06:06.993 --> 00:06:10.455 Well, if he's the Shovel Slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? 00:06:10.580 --> 00:06:12.498 Not enough evidence to convict. 00:06:12.582 --> 00:06:15.126 They never found the bodies. 00:06:15.251 --> 00:06:17.462 But everyone around here knows he did it. 00:06:17.587 --> 00:06:21.299 Now it'll just be a matter of time before he does it again. 00:06:21.424 --> 00:06:23.384 What's he doin' now? 00:06:23.510 --> 00:06:27.430 He walks up and down the streets every night... 00:06:27.514 --> 00:06:29.849 salting the sidewalks. 00:06:29.933 --> 00:06:31.893 Maybe he's just trying to be nice. 00:06:33.603 --> 00:06:35.855 No way. 00:06:35.980 --> 00:06:38.983 See that garbage can full of salt? 00:06:39.108 --> 00:06:42.070 That's where he keeps his victims. 00:06:42.195 --> 00:06:45.073 The salt turns the bodies... 00:06:45.198 --> 00:06:47.992 into mummies. 00:06:48.076 --> 00:06:51.037 - Wow. - Mummies. 00:06:55.375 --> 00:06:57.418 Look out! 00:07:29.033 --> 00:07:31.995 How you kids doin', huh? Good? 00:07:32.078 --> 00:07:34.789 Lot of action around here today, huh? 00:07:34.914 --> 00:07:37.584 Goin' on vacation? Where you goin'? 00:07:37.709 --> 00:07:42.005 Do you hear me or what? Goin' on a trip? 00:07:42.088 --> 00:07:44.174 Where you goin', kid? 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:56.519 Okay, that's 122.50. 00:07:56.603 --> 00:07:58.605 Not for me, kid. I don't live here. 00:07:58.688 --> 00:08:02.650 - Oh. You just around for the holidays? - I guess you could say that. 00:08:02.775 --> 00:08:06.112 - Hey, pizza's here! - Here you go. That's 122.50. 00:08:06.237 --> 00:08:08.865 It's my brother's house. He'll take care of it. 00:08:08.948 --> 00:08:12.202 Hey, listen, uh-- 00:08:12.285 --> 00:08:15.705 - Hi. - Hi. Are you Mr. McCallister? 00:08:15.788 --> 00:08:18.124 - Yeah. - The Mr. McCallister who lives here? 00:08:18.249 --> 00:08:21.252 - Yes. - Oh, good, 'cause somebody owes me 122.50. 00:08:21.377 --> 00:08:24.881 - I'd like a word with you, sir. - Am I under arrest or something? 00:08:24.964 --> 00:08:28.801 No, no. It's Christmastime. There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. 00:08:28.927 --> 00:08:33.306 We're checking the neighborhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions. 00:08:33.389 --> 00:08:37.519 Oh, yeah. Well, we have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors. 00:08:37.644 --> 00:08:39.729 That's about as well as anybody can do these days. 00:08:39.812 --> 00:08:42.023 - You get some eggnog? - Come on, Dad. 00:08:42.148 --> 00:08:44.025 - Let's eat. - Come on. 00:08:44.150 --> 00:08:46.382 - Eggnog? Listen, are you gonna be leaving, uh-- 00:08:46.408 --> 00:08:47.136 - Pizza! Pizza! 00:08:47.237 --> 00:08:49.155 Pizza! 00:08:49.322 --> 00:08:52.325 Grab yourself a napkin. You're gonna have to pour your own drinks. 00:08:52.450 --> 00:08:54.536 Does Santa Claus have to go through customs? 00:08:54.661 --> 00:08:56.871 - What time do we have to go to bed? - Early. 00:08:56.996 --> 00:08:59.457 We're leaving the house at 8:00 a.m. on the button. 00:08:59.582 --> 00:09:03.795 I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it. Hey! Don't you dare. 00:09:03.878 --> 00:09:07.056 Honey, the pizza boy needs $122.50, plus a tip. 00:09:07.082 --> 00:09:08.074 For pizza? 00:09:08.174 --> 00:09:10.009 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. 00:09:10.093 --> 00:09:12.637 - Frank, you've got money. Come on. - Traveler's checks. 00:09:12.720 --> 00:09:15.598 Forget it, Frank. We have cash. 00:09:15.682 --> 00:09:18.351 You've probably got traveler's checks that don't work in France. 00:09:18.476 --> 00:09:21.437 Did anyone order me a plain cheese? 00:09:21.521 --> 00:09:23.982 Oh, yeah, we did. But if you want any... 00:09:24.065 --> 00:09:27.318 somebody's gonna have to barf it all up, 'cause it's gone. 00:09:27.443 --> 00:09:30.947 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. 00:09:37.495 --> 00:09:41.124 Kev! Kevin, get a plate. 00:09:47.797 --> 00:09:50.049 Wow! 00:09:50.175 --> 00:09:52.969 The passports! Watch it! 00:09:53.052 --> 00:09:56.181 Help me out here! 00:09:56.306 --> 00:09:59.100 Let's get these passports out of here. 00:09:59.225 --> 00:10:02.687 - Kevin, get off of him! - You moron! 00:10:02.812 --> 00:10:06.357 Are you okay, honey? Come here. Are you all right? 00:10:06.482 --> 00:10:08.234 What is the matter with you? 00:10:08.359 --> 00:10:11.237 He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose. 00:10:11.362 --> 00:10:13.615 He knows I hate sausage and olives and-- 00:10:13.740 --> 00:10:16.159 Look what you did, you little jerk! 00:10:30.215 --> 00:10:32.300 - Kevin, get upstairs right now. - Why? 00:10:32.425 --> 00:10:35.637 - Kevin, you're such a disease. - Shut up. 00:10:35.762 --> 00:10:37.472 - Kevin, upstairs! - Say good night, Kevin. 00:10:37.597 --> 00:10:41.851 - Good night, Kevin. - Now what's for dinner? 00:10:41.935 --> 00:10:44.270 Why do I always get treated like scum? 00:10:44.354 --> 00:10:46.731 Oh, I'm sorry. This house is just crazy. 00:10:46.814 --> 00:10:48.733 We've got all these extra kids running around. 00:10:48.816 --> 00:10:52.487 My brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today. It's just nuts. 00:10:52.612 --> 00:10:55.198 How come you didn't bring more cheese pizzas? 00:10:55.281 --> 00:10:57.325 Nice tip. Thanks a lot. 00:10:57.450 --> 00:10:59.869 - Thanks. - Having a reunion or something? 00:10:59.953 --> 00:11:01.871 My husband's brother transferred to Paris last summer... 00:11:01.955 --> 00:11:05.875 and his kids are still going to school here, and I guess he missed the whole family. 00:11:05.959 --> 00:11:08.586 He's giving us this trip to Paris so we can be together. 00:11:08.711 --> 00:11:12.465 - You're taking a trip to Paris? - Yes, we hope to leave tomorrow morning. 00:11:12.590 --> 00:11:14.843 Excellent. Excellent. 00:11:14.968 --> 00:11:18.096 If you'll excuse me, this one's out of sorts. I'll be right back. 00:11:18.221 --> 00:11:21.015 Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband already. 00:11:21.140 --> 00:11:23.309 And don't worry about your home. 00:11:23.434 --> 00:11:25.812 It's in good hands. 00:11:28.648 --> 00:11:32.151 There are 15 people in this house. You're the only one that has to make trouble. 00:11:32.277 --> 00:11:35.321 - I'm the only one getting dumped on. - You're the only one acting up. 00:11:35.446 --> 00:11:40.034 - Now get upstairs. - I am upstairs, dummy. 00:11:40.159 --> 00:11:42.704 - The third floor? - Go. 00:11:42.829 --> 00:11:46.040 - It's scary up there. - Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while. 00:11:46.165 --> 00:11:49.335 I don't want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. 00:11:49.460 --> 00:11:51.629 He'll pee all over me. I know it. 00:11:51.754 --> 00:11:53.756 Fine. We'll put him somewhere else. 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:56.384 I'm sorry. 00:11:56.509 --> 00:11:59.012 It's too late. Get upstairs. 00:12:01.931 --> 00:12:04.100 Everyone in this family hates me. 00:12:04.184 --> 00:12:06.436 Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family. 00:12:06.519 --> 00:12:10.190 I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! Families suck! 00:12:10.315 --> 00:12:13.484 Stay up there. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night. 00:12:13.610 --> 00:12:16.237 I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. 00:12:16.362 --> 00:12:19.032 And I don't want to see anybody else either. 00:12:19.157 --> 00:12:21.117 I hope you don't mean that. 00:12:21.201 --> 00:12:25.163 You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family. 00:12:25.288 --> 00:12:28.791 - No, I wouldn't. - Then say it again. 00:12:28.875 --> 00:12:33.296 - Maybe it'll happen. - I hope I never see any of you jerks again. 00:12:54.400 --> 00:12:57.445 I wish they would all just disappear. 00:13:54.294 --> 00:13:57.630 - Where are they? - I don't know. She said 8:00 sharp. 00:14:06.055 --> 00:14:09.475 Peter! 00:14:09.559 --> 00:14:11.519 We slept in! 00:14:28.286 --> 00:14:31.289 Hi. I'm Mitch Murphy. I live across the street. 00:14:31.414 --> 00:14:34.834 You guys going out of town? We're going to Orlando, Florida. 00:14:34.918 --> 00:14:38.588 Well, actually, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma. 00:14:38.671 --> 00:14:41.257 Do you know the McCallisters are going to France? 00:14:41.341 --> 00:14:45.136 Do you know if it's cold there? Do these vans get good gas mileage? 00:14:45.220 --> 00:14:48.181 Gee, kid, I don't know. Hit the road. 00:14:51.017 --> 00:14:53.186 Heather, do a head count. Make sure everyone's in the vans. 00:14:53.311 --> 00:14:55.188 Where are the passports and tickets? 00:14:55.313 --> 00:14:57.190 I put 'em in the microwave to dry 'em off. 00:14:57.315 --> 00:14:59.192 How fast does this thing go? 00:14:59.317 --> 00:15:03.238 Does it have automatic transmission? Does it have four-wheel drive? 00:15:03.363 --> 00:15:07.534 Look, I told you before, kid, don't bother me. Now beat it. 00:15:15.041 --> 00:15:16.960 Come on. Hurry up. 00:15:18.711 --> 00:15:22.549 - Line up in front off the van. - Did you take my batteries? 00:15:22.632 --> 00:15:25.009 - Line up and shut up! - Wow! 00:15:25.093 --> 00:15:27.762 Shut up. I gotta take a head count. 00:15:27.887 --> 00:15:31.975 - One, two, three, four, five-- - Eleven, 92, 12. 00:15:32.058 --> 00:15:34.477 Buzz, don't be a moron. 00:15:34.561 --> 00:15:37.772 Six, seven, eight... 00:15:37.897 --> 00:15:40.441 nine, 10, 11. 00:15:40.567 --> 00:15:43.736 Okay. Half in this van, half in this van. Come on. Let's go. 00:15:43.862 --> 00:15:46.364 Have a good trip. 00:15:46.489 --> 00:15:48.491 Bring me back something French. 00:15:51.244 --> 00:15:55.164 There's no way on earth we're gonna make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes. 00:15:55.248 --> 00:15:58.585 - Think positive, Frank. - You be positive. I'll be realistic. 00:15:58.668 --> 00:16:00.587 - Ma'am? Ma'am? - What? 00:16:00.670 --> 00:16:02.672 I wanted to let you know your power's fixed. 00:16:02.755 --> 00:16:06.259 Phone lines are a mess. Gonna take Ma Bell a couple of days to patch 'em up. 00:16:06.384 --> 00:16:08.803 - Especially around the holidays. - Okay, thanks. 00:16:08.928 --> 00:16:12.265 - Heather! Did you count heads? - Eleven, including me. 00:16:12.348 --> 00:16:17.145 Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers and a partridge in a pear tree. 00:16:49.969 --> 00:16:51.846 This way! 00:16:51.971 --> 00:16:55.433 - Hold the plane! - Did we miss the flight? 00:16:55.558 --> 00:16:58.102 No, you just made it. 00:16:58.228 --> 00:17:02.315 - Single seats only in coach. Take whatever's free. - Thank you. 00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:04.609 I get a window seat! 00:17:06.986 --> 00:17:09.030 You kids are in coach. We're up here. 00:17:09.155 --> 00:17:11.866 Here are your seats. Five "A"and "B" and four "A"and "B. " 00:17:11.991 --> 00:17:14.869 - I'll take your coats. - Thank you. 00:17:14.994 --> 00:17:16.871 Fasten your seat belts, please. 00:17:16.996 --> 00:17:19.541 - Champagne, please. It's free, isn't it? - Oh, yes. 00:17:19.666 --> 00:17:23.294 - We made it. - Do you believe it? 00:17:23.378 --> 00:17:25.547 Hope we didn't forget anything. 00:18:10.550 --> 00:18:12.927 What are you doing out of costume? 00:18:13.052 --> 00:18:14.929 Now get back and get dressed. 00:18:15.054 --> 00:18:17.140 I'm terribly sorry. I thought you were our Santa Claus. 00:18:17.223 --> 00:18:19.142 Your Santa Claus is intoxicated. 00:18:19.225 --> 00:18:21.352 - Oh, no. - Yes. 00:18:21.477 --> 00:18:24.522 It's disgraceful! How can you allow a man-- 00:18:29.944 --> 00:18:32.697 What do you mean by drinking? You know it's not allowed! 00:18:32.780 --> 00:18:36.451 But it's cold. A man's gotta do something to keep warm. 00:18:36.576 --> 00:18:38.453 I ought to take this cane and-- 00:18:38.578 --> 00:18:43.166 Julia, get some black coffee and plenty of it. 00:18:43.249 --> 00:18:45.210 Black with a little cream. 00:18:45.293 --> 00:18:47.504 Mom? 00:18:52.509 --> 00:18:55.261 Thank you. 00:18:55.386 --> 00:18:58.556 - That's real crystal. It's real. - Yeah. So? 00:18:58.681 --> 00:19:02.894 - Put 'em in your purse. Put 'em! Put 'em! - I can't do that. 00:19:03.019 --> 00:19:04.938 Put them in your purse! 00:19:05.021 --> 00:19:09.150 Uh, yeah, yeah, fill it up, fill it up. Fill it up, please. 00:19:09.275 --> 00:19:11.152 Thank you. 00:19:11.277 --> 00:19:14.656 Don't you feel like a heel flying first class with the kids back in coach? 00:19:14.781 --> 00:19:16.658 No, the kids are fine. 00:19:16.783 --> 00:19:20.912 Only flying I ever did as a kid was in the family station wagon, and it wasn't to France. 00:19:20.995 --> 00:19:24.332 We used to have to go over to Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur's house. 00:19:24.457 --> 00:19:26.726 The kids are okay. They're having the time of their lives. 00:19:26.752 --> 00:19:27.318 Yeah. 00:19:28.419 --> 00:19:30.380 Hello? 00:19:31.548 --> 00:19:33.508 Mom? 00:19:35.301 --> 00:19:37.262 Dad? 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:43.393 Mom? Dad? 00:19:45.436 --> 00:19:48.147 Where are you guys? 00:19:48.273 --> 00:19:50.233 Buzz? 00:19:51.651 --> 00:19:53.611 Buzz? 00:19:56.614 --> 00:19:58.575 Buzz? 00:20:02.328 --> 00:20:04.205 Megan? 00:20:04.330 --> 00:20:08.877 Hello? Hello? 00:20:09.002 --> 00:20:11.963 Rod? Uncle Frank? 00:20:12.088 --> 00:20:14.382 Uncle Frank, is this a joke? 00:20:16.259 --> 00:20:19.179 Megan? Linnie? 00:20:21.806 --> 00:20:23.766 Is this a joke? 00:20:46.998 --> 00:20:51.461 It's only my imagination. Only my imagination. 00:21:08.561 --> 00:21:12.065 The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport. 00:21:29.999 --> 00:21:33.753 I made my family disappear. 00:21:34.879 --> 00:21:37.048 Kevin, you're completely helpless. 00:21:37.131 --> 00:21:41.719 You know, Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents. 00:21:41.803 --> 00:21:45.056 Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula. 00:21:45.139 --> 00:21:48.142 Kevin, you are such a disease. 00:21:48.268 --> 00:21:50.436 There are 15 people in this house... 00:21:50.562 --> 00:21:53.356 and you're the only one who has to make trouble. 00:21:53.439 --> 00:21:56.776 Look what you did, you little jerk. 00:22:00.613 --> 00:22:03.741 I made my family disappear. 00:22:18.089 --> 00:22:22.135 I'm free! Free! Free! 00:22:32.061 --> 00:22:34.022 Wow! 00:22:39.986 --> 00:22:43.698 No clothes on anybody. Sickening! 00:22:43.823 --> 00:22:47.952 Cool! Firecrackers! I'll save these for later. 00:22:48.077 --> 00:22:51.039 Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff! 00:22:51.164 --> 00:22:54.083 You better come out and pound me! 00:22:57.420 --> 00:23:00.673 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof! 00:23:49.472 --> 00:23:51.432 Who is it? 00:23:54.894 --> 00:23:57.814 It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff. 00:23:57.897 --> 00:24:01.025 Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. 00:24:01.109 --> 00:24:04.320 All right, Johnny. But what about my money? 00:24:04.404 --> 00:24:07.949 - What money? - Acey said you had some dough for me. 00:24:08.074 --> 00:24:11.035 Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? 00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:13.997 Acey said 10%. 00:24:14.080 --> 00:24:16.791 Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more. 00:24:16.916 --> 00:24:19.794 - What do you mean? - Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! 00:24:19.919 --> 00:24:22.881 You better come out and stop me! 00:24:22.964 --> 00:24:25.592 He'll call you when he gets out. 00:24:25.717 --> 00:24:27.385 Hey. 00:24:27.510 --> 00:24:30.221 I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. 00:24:31.890 --> 00:24:34.142 I'm gonna give you to the count of 10... 00:24:34.267 --> 00:24:37.353 to get your ugly, yellow... 00:24:37.437 --> 00:24:39.564 no-good keister off my property... 00:24:39.689 --> 00:24:41.774 before I pump your guts full of lead. 00:24:41.900 --> 00:24:44.444 All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'. 00:24:44.569 --> 00:24:47.071 One, two, ten! 00:25:02.378 --> 00:25:04.797 Keep the change, ya filthy animal. 00:25:06.466 --> 00:25:08.009 Mom! 00:25:19.354 --> 00:25:21.940 What's the matter? 00:25:22.023 --> 00:25:24.442 Honey? 00:25:24.526 --> 00:25:28.071 - I have a terrible feeling. - About what? 00:25:29.155 --> 00:25:31.282 That we didn't do something. 00:25:31.407 --> 00:25:34.702 Oh, no, you feel that way because we left in such a hurry. 00:25:34.827 --> 00:25:36.855 We took care of everything. Believe me, we did. 00:25:36.881 --> 00:25:38.189 Did I turn off the coffee? 00:25:38.248 --> 00:25:41.125 No. I did. 00:25:41.209 --> 00:25:43.211 Did you lock up? 00:25:43.336 --> 00:25:45.213 Yeah. 00:25:45.338 --> 00:25:47.966 Did you close the garage? 00:25:50.009 --> 00:25:53.805 That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it. 00:25:59.394 --> 00:26:01.729 No, that's not it. 00:26:02.897 --> 00:26:05.108 What else could we be forgetting? 00:26:09.028 --> 00:26:11.239 Kevin! 00:26:37.515 --> 00:26:40.143 Whoa! 00:26:41.186 --> 00:26:44.939 Whoa! Whoa! 00:26:53.698 --> 00:26:56.868 The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are still out of order. 00:26:56.993 --> 00:27:01.414 We'll call as soon as we land, Kate. I'm sure everything's okay. 00:27:01.497 --> 00:27:05.126 It's horrible. Horrible. Just horrible. 00:27:05.251 --> 00:27:08.296 How could we do this? We forgot him. 00:27:08.421 --> 00:27:10.673 We didn't forget him. We just... miscounted. 00:27:11.841 --> 00:27:14.052 What kind of mother am I? 00:27:14.177 --> 00:27:17.889 If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. 00:27:22.602 --> 00:27:25.230 Five families gone on one block alone. 00:27:25.355 --> 00:27:28.233 - They all told me from their own mouths. 00:27:28.316 --> 00:27:30.276 It's almost too easy. 00:27:30.401 --> 00:27:34.280 Check it out. All the houses with nobody home... 00:27:34.364 --> 00:27:37.492 have automatic timers on their lights. 00:27:37.617 --> 00:27:40.453 But I got it all figured out. Watch this. 00:27:42.080 --> 00:27:45.458 Number 664 will be going on... 00:27:45.583 --> 00:27:48.795 right about... now. 00:27:50.547 --> 00:27:53.591 - Oh. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 00:27:53.716 --> 00:27:56.261 Number 672... 00:27:57.554 --> 00:28:00.223 right... now. 00:28:00.306 --> 00:28:03.518 -- Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 00:28:03.643 --> 00:28:07.856 671 ... now. 00:28:09.983 --> 00:28:13.319 And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. 00:28:13.444 --> 00:28:15.572 Oh, it's very "G." 00:28:15.655 --> 00:28:18.616 Very "G, " huh? It's loaded. 00:28:18.700 --> 00:28:21.160 It's got lots of topflight goods. 00:28:21.244 --> 00:28:24.664 - Stereos, VCR's. - Toys. 00:28:24.789 --> 00:28:29.252 Probably lookin' at some very fine jewelry. Possible cash hoard. 00:28:29.335 --> 00:28:33.590 Odd marketable securities. Who knows? 00:28:33.673 --> 00:28:35.884 It's a gem. 00:28:36.009 --> 00:28:37.969 Grab your crowbar. 00:28:39.220 --> 00:28:41.181 Crowbars up. 00:29:40.156 --> 00:29:40.965 Which way? 00:29:40.991 --> 00:29:44.227 We'll go around back to the basement. Follow me. 00:30:04.097 --> 00:30:06.182 I thought you said they were gone. 00:30:06.266 --> 00:30:10.103 - They were supposed to leave this morning. - Let's get out of here. 00:30:46.639 --> 00:30:49.184 We have to use the phone, please. 00:30:49.309 --> 00:30:52.061 It's an emergency. We really have to make a call. 00:30:52.145 --> 00:30:55.190 Please! Our brother's home alone. 00:30:55.315 --> 00:30:58.526 - Give us the phone! - Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. 00:30:58.651 --> 00:31:01.613 Peter, I'm gonna call the police. Why don't you book us a flight home. 00:31:01.738 --> 00:31:06.367 Get some change out of here. Call everybody you know. Oh. Leslie. 00:31:06.492 --> 00:31:09.662 Here's my address book. You and Frank call everybody who lives on our street. 00:31:09.787 --> 00:31:11.664 Maybe somebody can help us. 00:31:11.789 --> 00:31:15.877 Hello? Hello? Hello? She'll have to call you back. 00:31:21.007 --> 00:31:24.928 This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. 00:31:25.011 --> 00:31:29.140 And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. 00:31:36.439 --> 00:31:39.317 Hey! I'm not afraid anymore! 00:31:40.777 --> 00:31:44.739 I said, I'm not afraid anymore! 00:31:44.864 --> 00:31:47.700 Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore! 00:32:18.690 --> 00:32:20.650 Village Police Department. 00:32:20.733 --> 00:32:24.279 Hi. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. 00:32:24.404 --> 00:32:27.782 Our phones are out of order, so I'd like somebody to go to our house... 00:32:27.907 --> 00:32:29.784 and tell him we're coming home to get him. 00:32:29.909 --> 00:32:31.953 Let me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. 00:32:32.078 --> 00:32:34.914 - It's not a family crisis. - Hold on. 00:32:36.791 --> 00:32:40.295 Larry, can you pick up? There's some lady on hold, sounds kind of hyper. 00:32:40.420 --> 00:32:43.131 - What line, Rose? - Uh, two. 00:32:43.256 --> 00:32:45.842 Family Crisis Intervention. Sergeant Balzak. 00:32:45.925 --> 00:32:48.928 I am calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. 00:32:49.053 --> 00:32:50.930 Has the child been involved in a violent altercation... 00:32:51.055 --> 00:32:53.850 with a drunken and/or mentally ill member of his immediate family? 00:32:53.933 --> 00:32:57.896 - No. - Has he been involved in a household accident? 00:32:58.021 --> 00:33:00.231 I don't know. I don't-- I hope not. 00:33:00.356 --> 00:33:02.817 Has the child ingested any poison... 00:33:02.942 --> 00:33:05.612 and/or any other object that has become lodged in his throat? 00:33:05.737 --> 00:33:09.324 No, he's just home alone! I would like somebody to go over to the house... 00:33:09.449 --> 00:33:12.285 and see that he's all right, just to check on him. 00:33:12.368 --> 00:33:15.997 You want us to go to your house just to check on him? 00:33:16.122 --> 00:33:16.806 Yes! 00:33:16.832 --> 00:33:19.567 Let me connect you with the police department. 00:33:19.626 --> 00:33:22.128 - They just transferred me to you. - Rose? 00:33:22.253 --> 00:33:24.672 - Yeah? - Hyper on two. Hold on, please. 00:33:24.797 --> 00:33:28.718 No, please don't hang up. Please, don't--Any luck? 00:33:28.801 --> 00:33:32.430 No. We couldn't get anybody. 00:33:32.555 --> 00:33:33.314 Leslie? 00:33:33.340 --> 00:33:36.376 I'm sorry, Kate. Nothing but a bunch of answering machines. 00:33:38.603 --> 00:33:42.232 Somebody pick up. Pick up! 00:33:42.315 --> 00:33:44.859 - Hi, ma'am. It's you again. - Yeah, hi. Look. 00:33:44.984 --> 00:33:47.820 I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and I-- 00:33:47.946 --> 00:33:51.908 Okay, okay. We'll send a policeman over to your house to check on your son. 00:34:22.146 --> 00:34:24.816 There's no one home. The house looks secure. 00:34:24.899 --> 00:34:27.986 - Tell 'em to count their kids again. Ten-four. 00:34:28.111 --> 00:34:30.655 I can't believe you can't bump somebody or ask somebody-- 00:34:30.780 --> 00:34:33.449 I'm sorry, but there's no way I can do that. 00:34:33.533 --> 00:34:35.451 Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? 00:34:35.535 --> 00:34:38.079 - If you explained this is an emergency. - I wish I could-- 00:34:38.204 --> 00:34:40.665 They're sending a policeman over to the house to check on Kevin. 00:34:40.790 --> 00:34:45.086 - That's a relief. Everything here is booked. - There's nothing to Chicago? 00:34:45.211 --> 00:34:48.506 There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. You name it. Everything's gone. 00:34:48.631 --> 00:34:53.052 - What about a private plane? - No, I'm sorry. We don't do that. 00:34:53.136 --> 00:34:56.139 The only thing they have is a booking for all of us on Friday morning. 00:34:56.222 --> 00:34:58.474 Friday morning? That's two days away. 00:34:58.558 --> 00:35:01.060 Look, honey, the kids are exhausted. You are exhausted. 00:35:01.144 --> 00:35:03.771 There's absolutely nothing more we can do in this airport. 00:35:03.897 --> 00:35:07.984 I say we go to Rob's, we can call the police, and they can get back to us. 00:35:08.067 --> 00:35:11.905 Kevin is home all by himself. I'm not leaving here unless it's on an airplane. 00:35:11.988 --> 00:35:13.907 Madame, we are doing everything we can. 00:35:13.990 --> 00:35:17.911 If you want to stay at the airport, maybe we can get you on a standby. 00:35:18.036 --> 00:35:21.456 It is a possibility that a seat will open up. 00:35:21.581 --> 00:35:24.667 - Is that okay? - Yes. I'll wait. 00:35:29.756 --> 00:35:33.384 - Bye. I'll miss you. - Bye. 00:35:33.468 --> 00:35:36.429 - Find Kevin. 00:35:36.554 --> 00:35:38.515 Don't you get lost. 00:35:38.598 --> 00:35:40.725 Good-bye. 00:35:40.850 --> 00:35:42.769 Good-bye, Kate. 00:35:56.616 --> 00:36:00.119 I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap... 00:36:00.245 --> 00:36:04.749 including all my major crevices, including in between my toes and in my belly button... 00:36:04.832 --> 00:36:07.293 which I never did before, but sort of enjoyed. 00:36:07.418 --> 00:36:10.046 I washed my hair with adult-formula shampoo... 00:36:10.129 --> 00:36:13.299 and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. 00:36:13.424 --> 00:36:17.428 I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. 00:36:17.512 --> 00:36:19.556 Other than that, I'm in good shape. 00:36:53.923 --> 00:36:55.842 Whoa! 00:37:09.772 --> 00:37:12.984 All right! Buzz's life savings. 00:37:40.136 --> 00:37:43.014 I thought the Murphys went to Florida. 00:37:58.905 --> 00:38:02.450 You know, you're one of the great cat burglars of the world, Marv. 00:38:02.575 --> 00:38:04.457 You think you could keep it down a little in there? 00:38:05.245 --> 00:38:10.041 Hi, you've reached the Murphys. Please leave a message after you hear the beep. 00:38:10.124 --> 00:38:14.921 Chuck, this is Peter McCallister again, and we're still in Paris at my brother's apartment. 00:38:15.046 --> 00:38:18.132 Let me give you the number here, okay? The country code is 3-3. 00:38:18.258 --> 00:38:20.134 The area code is 1-4. 00:38:20.260 --> 00:38:24.472 - And the number is 694-8764. - Hey, Harry? 00:38:24.597 --> 00:38:25.390 Yeah? 00:38:25.416 --> 00:38:28.585 House we were at last night, was that the McCallisters? 00:38:28.685 --> 00:38:31.104 - Yeah. - Call me in Paris. 00:38:31.229 --> 00:38:33.773 You're right. They're gone. 00:38:37.193 --> 00:38:40.029 - I knew they were. - Silver tuna tonight. 00:38:42.198 --> 00:38:44.158 Wow. 00:38:49.289 --> 00:38:51.249 How may I help you? 00:38:51.374 --> 00:38:55.211 Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? 00:38:55.295 --> 00:38:58.089 Well, I don't know. 00:38:58.214 --> 00:39:01.968 - It doesn't say, hon. - Can you please find out? 00:39:04.971 --> 00:39:06.973 - Herb! - Yeah? 00:39:07.098 --> 00:39:10.894 I've got a question here about a toothbrush. 00:39:16.441 --> 00:39:20.737 Do you know, is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? 00:39:20.820 --> 00:39:22.739 I don't know. 00:39:43.593 --> 00:39:48.014 -Just tell him that-- - Oh, hon, you pay for that here. 00:39:48.097 --> 00:39:50.016 Why don't you just tell him it's approved? 00:39:50.099 --> 00:39:53.436 Wait, son, you have to pay for that toothbrush. Son? 00:39:53.520 --> 00:39:55.522 Son! Hey! 00:39:55.605 --> 00:39:59.317 Jimmy! Stop that boy! 00:40:02.779 --> 00:40:06.074 Hey! Hey! 00:40:08.034 --> 00:40:09.786 Shoplifter! 00:40:13.039 --> 00:40:14.874 Hey! Hey, kid! 00:40:14.999 --> 00:40:17.585 Come back here! 00:40:17.710 --> 00:40:20.421 Watch it! 00:40:21.798 --> 00:40:23.591 Come back here! 00:40:23.716 --> 00:40:27.595 Stop it, will ya! Come here! 00:40:30.223 --> 00:40:32.392 Whoa! Whoa! 00:40:34.060 --> 00:40:37.397 Whoa! Whoa! 00:40:39.732 --> 00:40:42.360 Yeehaw! 00:41:06.217 --> 00:41:08.178 I'm a criminal. 00:41:35.371 --> 00:41:38.082 What's so funny? 00:41:38.166 --> 00:41:40.835 What's so funny? What are you laughin' at? 00:41:43.463 --> 00:41:45.465 You did it again, didn't you? 00:41:45.548 --> 00:41:48.218 You left the water runnin', didn't you? 00:41:48.301 --> 00:41:51.513 What's wrong with you? I told you not to do it. 00:41:51.638 --> 00:41:53.515 Harry, it's our calling card. 00:41:53.640 --> 00:41:56.351 - Calling card. - All the great ones leave their mark. 00:41:56.476 --> 00:41:58.353 We're the "Wet Bandits." 00:41:58.478 --> 00:42:01.314 You're sick, you know that? You're really sick. 00:42:01.439 --> 00:42:03.316 - I'm not sick. - Yes, you are. 00:42:03.441 --> 00:42:05.360 - I'm not sick! - That's a sick thing to do! 00:42:12.116 --> 00:42:14.802 - We don't need that heat. - Don't tell me what to do. 00:42:14.828 --> 00:42:16.145 I can do it if I want to. 00:42:16.246 --> 00:42:18.998 - You're sick. - I'm not sick. 00:42:19.123 --> 00:42:22.210 - Hey, watch out! 00:42:28.716 --> 00:42:32.303 Hey. Hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son, you know? 00:42:32.428 --> 00:42:34.848 - Sorry. - Damn. 00:42:34.931 --> 00:42:37.183 Santy don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy. 00:42:37.308 --> 00:42:39.477 Okay, okay. 00:42:39.602 --> 00:42:42.897 Merry Christmas. 00:42:52.323 --> 00:42:55.702 - What's the matter? - I don't like the way that kid looked at me. 00:42:55.785 --> 00:42:57.704 - Did you see that? - You ever seen him before? 00:42:57.787 --> 00:43:00.498 I saw a hundred kids this week. 00:43:00.623 --> 00:43:03.084 Let's see what house he goes into. 00:43:34.741 --> 00:43:36.993 Why is he goin' faster? 00:43:37.076 --> 00:43:41.497 I told you something's wrong. I knew he looked at me weird. Why would he run? 00:44:16.908 --> 00:44:20.954 - Maybe he went in the church. - I'm not goin' in there. 00:44:21.079 --> 00:44:23.831 - Me neither. - Ah, let's get out of here. 00:44:42.475 --> 00:44:45.603 When those guys come back, I'll be ready. 00:45:11.296 --> 00:45:13.840 - Did they come back? - From Paris? 00:45:49.542 --> 00:45:52.462 We'll come back tomorrow. Maybe they'll be gone by then. 00:45:52.545 --> 00:45:56.633 We'd better get out of here before somebody sees us. 00:46:25.370 --> 00:46:27.539 Attention! Attention! 00:46:27.622 --> 00:46:31.584 - Look what I have found in "ze" kitchen! - Frank, those are for later. 00:46:31.668 --> 00:46:33.628 Frank? 00:46:35.046 --> 00:46:38.883 Mes petites enfants, do you want a little shrimp, eh? 00:46:39.008 --> 00:46:42.220 Oper-- Do you speak English? 00:46:42.345 --> 00:46:45.139 Parlez anglais? 00:46:45.265 --> 00:46:47.225 Is there-- I mean-- 00:46:47.308 --> 00:46:52.272 Est ce qui un person qui parle anglais? 00:46:52.355 --> 00:46:55.400 - Did you get anybody? - I'm looking for my son! Do you know where he is? 00:46:55.525 --> 00:47:00.822 I can't find anybody. They've all gone shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. 00:47:00.947 --> 00:47:03.032 Never mind. Forget it. 00:47:03.116 --> 00:47:05.159 This is so pointless. 00:47:05.285 --> 00:47:08.997 - What? - We're here rotting in this apartment. 00:47:09.122 --> 00:47:11.291 Kevin's at home. Mom's at the airport. 00:47:11.416 --> 00:47:13.710 - So? - You're not at all worried about Kevin? 00:47:13.793 --> 00:47:15.712 Why should I be? 00:47:15.795 --> 00:47:19.340 He's acted like a jerk too many times, and this time he caught it in the butt. 00:47:19.465 --> 00:47:23.970 But he's so little and helpless. Don't you think he's flipped out? 00:47:24.095 --> 00:47:27.265 The little trout can use a couple of days in the real world. 00:47:27.390 --> 00:47:29.726 You're not worried that something might happen to him? 00:47:29.809 --> 00:47:32.312 No. For three reasons. 00:47:32.395 --> 00:47:35.023 I'm not that lucky. 00:47:35.148 --> 00:47:37.442 Two: We have smoke detectors. 00:47:37.525 --> 00:47:41.487 And "D": We live in the most boring street in the United States of America... 00:47:41.613 --> 00:47:45.992 where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen, period. 00:48:13.144 --> 00:48:16.523 - Who is it? - It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza. 00:48:16.648 --> 00:48:19.817 Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here. 00:48:19.943 --> 00:48:22.695 Okay. 00:48:22.820 --> 00:48:24.989 Um, well, what about the money? 00:48:26.199 --> 00:48:27.825 What money? 00:48:27.951 --> 00:48:31.371 Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir. 00:48:31.454 --> 00:48:33.665 Is that a fact? 00:48:33.790 --> 00:48:35.959 How much do I owe you? 00:48:36.042 --> 00:48:39.337 Uh, that'll be 11.80, sir. 00:48:45.718 --> 00:48:49.055 Keep the change, ya filthy animal. 00:48:50.932 --> 00:48:52.851 - Cheapskate. - Hey. 00:48:52.934 --> 00:48:56.729 I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly... 00:48:56.855 --> 00:49:00.149 yellow, no-good keister off my property... 00:49:00.233 --> 00:49:02.443 before I pump your guts full of lead. 00:49:02.569 --> 00:49:04.445 One, two, ten! 00:49:33.433 --> 00:49:36.436 A lovely cheese pizza just for me. 00:49:39.939 --> 00:49:42.108 To Dallas-Fort Worth. 00:49:45.528 --> 00:49:47.906 We have the $500, the pocket translator... 00:49:47.989 --> 00:49:50.700 the two first-class seats-- that's an upgrade from your coach-- 00:49:50.783 --> 00:49:54.579 - Is that a real Rolex? - Do you think it is? 00:49:54.704 --> 00:49:57.373 - No. - But who can tell? 00:49:57.457 --> 00:50:01.419 - I also have a ring. - That is beautiful! 00:50:01.544 --> 00:50:04.047 Come on. They're boarding. 00:50:04.130 --> 00:50:07.634 This gal has offered us two first-class tickets if we go Friday. 00:50:07.759 --> 00:50:11.262 Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, $500 and-- 00:50:11.387 --> 00:50:14.098 - The earrings. You love the earrings. - She's got her own earrings. 00:50:14.224 --> 00:50:16.851 A whole shoe box full of' em. Dangley ones. 00:50:16.976 --> 00:50:18.937 - Come on, come on. - No, but-- 00:50:19.062 --> 00:50:21.064 I'm desperate. 00:50:21.147 --> 00:50:23.024 I'm begging you. 00:50:23.149 --> 00:50:26.569 From a mother to a mother, please. 00:50:28.071 --> 00:50:30.657 - Oh, Ed. - Please. 00:50:30.782 --> 00:50:33.451 Oh, all right. 00:50:39.123 --> 00:50:41.125 "Dear Santa Claus. I got a little sister last year. 00:50:41.251 --> 00:50:43.419 This year I'd rather have some clay dough." 00:50:57.517 --> 00:50:59.435 I didn't mean it. 00:50:59.519 --> 00:51:02.689 If you come back, I'll never be a pain in the butt again. 00:51:02.814 --> 00:51:05.775 I promise. Good night. 00:51:25.962 --> 00:51:29.132 ♪ I'm dreaming 00:51:29.382 --> 00:51:30.592 ♪ Of a white 00:51:31.676 --> 00:51:33.344 ♪ Christmas 00:51:33.928 --> 00:51:38.099 ♪ Just like the ones I used to know 00:51:40.310 --> 00:51:44.105 ♪ Where those treetops glisten 00:51:44.314 --> 00:51:47.942 ♪ And children listen 00:51:48.151 --> 00:51:53.198 ♪ To hear sleigh bells ♪ In the snow 00:51:53.948 --> 00:51:55.617 ♪ The snow 00:52:46.960 --> 00:52:49.379 Are those microwave dinners any good? 00:52:49.462 --> 00:52:52.799 - I don't know. - I'll give 'em a whirl. 00:52:57.720 --> 00:52:59.848 For the kids. 00:53:02.183 --> 00:53:04.769 Hold on. I got a coupon for that. 00:53:04.894 --> 00:53:07.564 It was in the paper this morning. 00:53:11.150 --> 00:53:13.987 - 19.83. - Okay. 00:53:17.490 --> 00:53:19.617 Are you here all by yourself? 00:53:21.160 --> 00:53:25.248 Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here alone? 00:53:25.331 --> 00:53:27.667 I don't think so. 00:53:27.792 --> 00:53:30.044 - Where's your mom? - My mom's in the car. 00:53:30.170 --> 00:53:32.547 - And where is your father? - He's at work. 00:53:32.672 --> 00:53:35.425 - What about your brothers and your sisters? - I'm an only child. 00:53:35.508 --> 00:53:38.011 - Where do you live? - I can't tell you that. 00:53:38.136 --> 00:53:41.139 - Why not? - 'Cause you're a stranger. 00:54:19.219 --> 00:54:23.014 Hello, Kevin! 00:54:24.307 --> 00:54:27.685 Shut up. 00:54:40.698 --> 00:54:42.575 I don't get it. 00:54:42.700 --> 00:54:45.370 I mean, right now it looks like there's nobody home. 00:54:45.495 --> 00:54:49.040 Last night the place is jumpin'. 00:54:49.165 --> 00:54:52.877 Somethin' ain't right. Go check it out. 00:55:01.469 --> 00:55:03.388 Now? 00:55:03.513 --> 00:55:05.390 No, tomorrow, egghead. Now! 00:55:05.515 --> 00:55:08.142 Go ahead! 00:55:08.226 --> 00:55:10.436 "Now?" 00:55:27.745 --> 00:55:30.123 Shit. 00:55:31.958 --> 00:55:34.878 - Get the hell outta here. - All right, Johnny. 00:55:34.961 --> 00:55:38.089 - But what about my money? - What money? 00:55:38.214 --> 00:55:40.884 Acey said you had some dough for me. 00:55:41.009 --> 00:55:45.889 - Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? - Acey said 10%. 00:55:45.972 --> 00:55:50.977 - Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more. - What do you mean? 00:55:51.102 --> 00:55:54.480 He's upstairs taking a bath. 00:55:54.606 --> 00:55:57.275 He'll call you when he gets out. 00:55:57.400 --> 00:55:59.277 Hey. 00:55:59.402 --> 00:56:02.405 I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. 00:56:02.488 --> 00:56:06.326 - Snakes? - I'm gonna give you to the count of 10... 00:56:06.451 --> 00:56:08.745 to get your ugly, yellow... 00:56:08.828 --> 00:56:13.291 no-good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 00:56:13.374 --> 00:56:16.085 All right, Johnny, I'm sorry. I'm goin'. 00:56:16.169 --> 00:56:19.130 One, two, ten! 00:56:38.358 --> 00:56:41.528 Keep the change, ya filthy animal. 00:56:45.532 --> 00:56:46.408 What happened? 00:56:46.434 --> 00:56:49.936 I don't know who's in there, but somebody just got blown away! 00:56:49.994 --> 00:56:50.495 - Huh? 00:56:50.521 --> 00:56:52.522 Somebody beat us to the job. They're in there! 00:56:52.622 --> 00:56:56.626 Two of' em. They was arguing. One of' em blew the other one away. 00:56:56.709 --> 00:56:58.419 - Who? - I don't know. 00:56:58.503 --> 00:57:00.964 I thought I recognized one of their voices. 00:57:01.047 --> 00:57:04.259 And I know I heard that name Snakes before. 00:57:04.342 --> 00:57:06.845 Snakes? Snakes, Snakes. 00:57:06.970 --> 00:57:09.055 - I don't know no Snakes. - Snakes. 00:57:09.180 --> 00:57:11.724 Let's get out of here. 00:57:14.143 --> 00:57:16.813 Hold it, hold it. Let's wait and see who it is. 00:57:16.896 --> 00:57:18.815 We work this neighborhood too. 00:57:18.898 --> 00:57:21.693 - Yeah. - Supposin' the cops finger us for a job... 00:57:21.818 --> 00:57:24.821 and they start asking us questions about a murder in the area. 00:57:24.904 --> 00:57:28.032 Wouldn't it be nice to have a face to go with their questions? 00:57:29.909 --> 00:57:31.870 That's a good idea. 00:57:31.995 --> 00:57:35.415 Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? 00:57:35.540 --> 00:57:38.418 He sounded like a snake. 00:57:42.505 --> 00:57:45.592 Everything's full. 00:57:45.717 --> 00:57:47.594 Everything's full? 00:57:47.719 --> 00:57:49.929 I'm very sorry, but it is Christmas Eve. 00:57:50.054 --> 00:57:52.182 What about another airline? 00:57:57.604 --> 00:58:00.565 Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room in the city? 00:58:00.690 --> 00:58:02.984 Tomorrow afternoon we can get you a flight to Chicago. 00:58:03.010 --> 00:58:04.219 I can't wait that long. 00:58:04.277 --> 00:58:08.698 I'm terribly sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. 00:58:12.869 --> 00:58:15.997 Go ahead. I'm in your way. You have places to go, people to see. 00:58:16.080 --> 00:58:19.417 You got a ticket there. That's good. Excuse me. Look. 00:58:19.542 --> 00:58:23.546 I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. 00:58:23.630 --> 00:58:28.092 I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to--Where the hell am I? 00:58:28.218 --> 00:58:30.220 Scranton. 00:58:30.303 --> 00:58:32.972 I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son! 00:58:33.097 --> 00:58:36.476 And now that I'm this close, you're telling me it's hopeless? 00:58:36.601 --> 00:58:40.230 - I'm sorry. - No. No, no, no, no way. This is Christmas! 00:58:40.313 --> 00:58:42.232 The season of perpetual hope! 00:58:42.315 --> 00:58:43.106 Ma'am, if I-- 00:58:43.132 --> 00:58:46.135 If I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike... 00:58:46.236 --> 00:58:48.154 if it costs me everything I own... 00:58:48.279 --> 00:58:51.115 if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself... 00:58:51.241 --> 00:58:54.410 I am going to get home to my son. 00:58:54.494 --> 00:58:57.797 Ma'am, if there was anything at all I could do for you today-- 00:58:57.823 --> 00:58:58.648 Do it. 00:58:58.748 --> 00:59:01.334 - Do anything. - I can get you a hotel room. 00:59:01.459 --> 00:59:03.878 - What? - Excuse me. 00:59:03.962 --> 00:59:09.676 Can you excuse us for a second? Can I see you for a second? Please. Excuse us. Come. 00:59:09.801 --> 00:59:12.971 Couldn't help but hearin' you got a little bit of a dilemma there. 00:59:13.096 --> 00:59:15.682 We got a crisis ourselves. 00:59:15.807 --> 00:59:19.227 Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. How are you? 00:59:19.352 --> 00:59:22.772 Polka king of the Midwest? 00:59:25.650 --> 00:59:28.403 The Kenosha Kickers? 00:59:28.486 --> 00:59:30.154 - Hi there. - Hiya. 00:59:30.280 --> 00:59:33.116 No? That's okay. I thought you might've recognized-- 00:59:33.199 --> 00:59:36.160 Anyways, uh, I had a few hits a few years ago. 00:59:36.244 --> 00:59:39.539 Uh, that's why, you know-- "Polka, Polka, Polka"? 00:59:42.125 --> 00:59:44.127 No? "Twin Lakes Polka." 00:59:44.210 --> 00:59:47.672 "Yamahoozie Polka, " a.k.a. "Kiss Me Polka." 00:59:47.797 --> 00:59:50.425 - "Polka Twist." - These are songs? 00:59:50.508 --> 00:59:53.928 Yeah. Yeah. We-- Some fairly big hits for us. 00:59:54.012 --> 00:59:56.639 - You know, in the early '70s, you know? - Oh. 00:59:56.723 --> 00:59:59.350 Yeah, we sold about 623 copies of that. 00:59:59.475 --> 01:00:02.103 - In Chicago? - No. Sheboygan. Very big in Sheboygan. 01:00:02.187 --> 01:00:04.355 I'm sorry. Did you say you could help me? 01:00:04.480 --> 01:00:06.608 Anyway, I'm rambling on here. 01:00:06.691 --> 01:00:09.777 Our flight was canceled, so we gotta drive. 01:00:09.861 --> 01:00:13.448 So, uh, see the guy in the yellow jacket over there by the Budget sign? 01:00:13.531 --> 01:00:17.285 He's gonna rent us a nice big, uh, van, and we're gonna drive to Milwaukee. 01:00:17.368 --> 01:00:21.664 I heard you had some problems here, uh, gettin' to Chicago to see your kid or somethin'? 01:00:21.789 --> 01:00:25.877 Uh, my son. He-- We left and he's there. 01:00:26.002 --> 01:00:30.089 Aw, geez. If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. 01:00:30.215 --> 01:00:32.467 It's on the way to Milwaukee. 01:00:32.550 --> 01:00:35.178 - You'd give me a ride? - Sure we will. Why not, you know? 01:00:35.303 --> 01:00:37.847 - You gotta get home and see your kid. - A ride to Chicago? 01:00:37.931 --> 01:00:39.807 Sure. You know, it's Christmastime. 01:00:39.891 --> 01:00:42.435 Thank you. Oh, thank you. 01:00:42.560 --> 01:00:44.854 If you don't mind goin' with some polka bums. 01:00:44.938 --> 01:00:46.856 No, I'd love to. 01:01:08.586 --> 01:01:11.464 - Hey, Marv, Marv, Marv. - What? 01:01:11.589 --> 01:01:14.050 Look at this. 01:01:18.596 --> 01:01:22.976 I think we're gettin' scammed by a "kindygartener." 01:01:53.089 --> 01:01:55.633 Dad, can you come here and help me? 01:02:00.138 --> 01:02:04.392 Remember that kid we saw the other day? He lives here. 01:02:04.475 --> 01:02:07.395 Well, if the kid's there, the parents gotta be. 01:02:07.478 --> 01:02:10.064 He's home alone. 01:02:17.947 --> 01:02:20.283 You gotta be kiddin'. You wanna come back tonight? 01:02:20.366 --> 01:02:22.285 - Uh-huh. - Even with the kid here? 01:02:22.368 --> 01:02:24.495 - Uh-huh. - I don't think that's a good idea. 01:02:24.621 --> 01:02:28.082 That house is the only reason we started workin' this block in the first place. 01:02:28.166 --> 01:02:30.877 Ever since I laid eyes on that house, I wanted it. 01:02:31.002 --> 01:02:33.338 So let's take it one step at a time, okay? 01:02:33.463 --> 01:02:36.925 We'll unload the van. We'll get a bite to eat. We'll come back about 9:00. 01:02:37.050 --> 01:02:39.969 - 9:00. - This way it's dark then. 01:02:40.053 --> 01:02:43.181 Yeah. Kids are scared of the dark. 01:02:43.306 --> 01:02:46.142 You're afraid of the dark too, Marv. You know you are. 01:02:46.226 --> 01:02:48.937 No, I'm not! 01:02:49.020 --> 01:02:51.523 - Yes, you are. - I'm not, not, not. 01:02:51.648 --> 01:02:55.860 - You are so. - Mom, where are you? 01:03:09.249 --> 01:03:11.167 Do you play? 01:03:11.251 --> 01:03:13.336 You want to try it? Go ahead. Try it. 01:03:13.419 --> 01:03:15.672 - Try it. Try it. - No. 01:03:15.797 --> 01:03:17.841 Okay. 01:03:42.073 --> 01:03:45.493 - Excuse me. - Yeah? 01:03:45.618 --> 01:03:49.581 - Hey, nice shoes. - Oh, thanks. 01:03:49.706 --> 01:03:53.334 Is he still here? It's really important that I see him. 01:03:53.418 --> 01:03:58.715 He's getting in his car. I guess if you hurry, you can catch him. 01:03:58.798 --> 01:04:03.261 Damn! How low can you get? Givin' Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve. 01:04:03.386 --> 01:04:06.472 What's next? Rabies shots for the Easter Bunny? 01:04:06.598 --> 01:04:09.184 Santa, hold on! 01:04:09.267 --> 01:04:11.394 Can I talk to you for a minute? 01:04:11.477 --> 01:04:14.480 If you make it quick. Santa's got a little get-together he's late for. 01:04:14.606 --> 01:04:16.482 Okay. I know you're not the real Santa Claus. 01:04:16.608 --> 01:04:20.486 What makes you say that? Just out of curiosity. 01:04:20.612 --> 01:04:23.239 I'm old enough to know how it works. 01:04:23.323 --> 01:04:26.409 - All right. - But I also know that you work for him. 01:04:26.492 --> 01:04:29.537 - And I'd like you to give him a message. - Shoot. 01:04:29.621 --> 01:04:33.750 I'm Kevin McCallister, 671 Lincoln Boulevard. 01:04:33.833 --> 01:04:36.503 - Do you need the phone number? - No, that's all right. 01:04:36.628 --> 01:04:38.796 Okay. This is extremely important. 01:04:38.922 --> 01:04:43.718 Would you please tell him that, instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. 01:04:43.801 --> 01:04:48.723 No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. 01:04:48.806 --> 01:04:51.017 And my aunt and my cousins. 01:04:51.142 --> 01:04:54.312 And, if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? 01:04:56.022 --> 01:04:59.192 Okay. I'll see what I can do. 01:04:59.317 --> 01:05:02.237 - Thanks. - Wait. Hold on a second. 01:05:02.320 --> 01:05:05.448 My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. 01:05:05.573 --> 01:05:07.617 - That's okay. - No, no, no. Don't be silly. 01:05:07.700 --> 01:05:10.703 Everybody who sees Santa has gotta get... somethin'. 01:05:10.828 --> 01:05:12.997 Here. Hold out your little paw there. 01:05:13.122 --> 01:05:16.209 There you go. Don't spoil your dinner. 01:05:16.334 --> 01:05:18.920 I won't. Thanks. 01:05:29.848 --> 01:05:32.392 Son of a-- 01:08:28.568 --> 01:08:30.820 Merry Christmas. 01:08:30.904 --> 01:08:32.363 Huh? 01:08:32.488 --> 01:08:34.532 May I sit down? 01:08:45.001 --> 01:08:49.506 That's my granddaughter up there. The little red-haired girl. 01:08:51.716 --> 01:08:53.384 She's about your age. 01:08:53.510 --> 01:08:55.720 - Do you know her? - No. 01:08:55.845 --> 01:08:58.890 - You live next to me, don't you? - Yeah. 01:08:59.015 --> 01:09:03.478 You can say hello when you see me. You don't have to be afraid. 01:09:03.561 --> 01:09:07.482 There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. 01:09:07.565 --> 01:09:09.484 Okay? 01:09:09.567 --> 01:09:11.778 - You been a good boy this year? - I think so. 01:09:11.903 --> 01:09:13.988 Swear to it? 01:09:14.072 --> 01:09:16.783 - No. - Yeah, I had a feeling. 01:09:16.908 --> 01:09:20.036 Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. 01:09:20.119 --> 01:09:23.039 - It is? - I think so. 01:09:23.122 --> 01:09:25.834 - Are you feeling bad about yourself?. - No. 01:09:30.088 --> 01:09:32.340 I've been kind of a pain lately. 01:09:32.423 --> 01:09:34.843 I said some things I shouldn't have. 01:09:34.926 --> 01:09:38.221 I really haven't been too good this year. 01:09:38.304 --> 01:09:41.140 - Yeah. - I'm kind of upset about it... 01:09:41.266 --> 01:09:43.393 because I really like my family. 01:09:43.518 --> 01:09:46.020 Even though sometimes I say I don't. 01:09:46.145 --> 01:09:49.566 Sometimes I even think I don't. Do you get that? 01:09:49.649 --> 01:09:54.153 I think so. How you feel about your family is a complicated thing. 01:09:54.279 --> 01:09:57.740 Especially with an older brother. 01:09:57.866 --> 01:10:02.120 Deep down you always love 'em, but you can forget that you love 'em. 01:10:02.245 --> 01:10:04.914 And you can hurt them, and they can hurt you. 01:10:05.039 --> 01:10:08.751 And that's not just because you're young. 01:10:08.877 --> 01:10:12.088 You want to know the real reason that I'm here right now? 01:10:12.213 --> 01:10:14.132 Sure. 01:10:14.215 --> 01:10:17.844 I came to hear my granddaughter sing, and I can't come and hear her tonight. 01:10:17.969 --> 01:10:23.600 - You have plans? - No. I'm not welcome. 01:10:23.683 --> 01:10:27.520 - At church? - Oh, you're always welcome at church. 01:10:27.645 --> 01:10:30.023 I'm not welcome with my son. 01:10:30.148 --> 01:10:34.819 Years back, before you and your family moved on the block... 01:10:34.944 --> 01:10:37.405 I had an argument with my son. 01:10:37.530 --> 01:10:41.784 - How old is he? - Oh, he's grown up. 01:10:41.868 --> 01:10:44.495 We lost our tempers... 01:10:44.621 --> 01:10:47.582 and I said I didn't care to see him anymore. 01:10:47.665 --> 01:10:52.587 He said the same, and we haven't spoken to each other since. 01:10:52.670 --> 01:10:55.507 If you miss him, why don't you call him? 01:10:55.632 --> 01:10:58.301 I'm afraid if I call him, he won't talk to me. 01:10:58.426 --> 01:11:00.637 How do you know? 01:11:00.720 --> 01:11:03.723 I don't know. I'm just afraid he won't. 01:11:03.848 --> 01:11:07.519 No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid? 01:11:07.644 --> 01:11:11.147 You can be a little old for a lot of things. 01:11:11.272 --> 01:11:13.483 You're never too old to be afraid. 01:11:13.608 --> 01:11:16.361 That's true. I've always been afraid of our basement. 01:11:16.486 --> 01:11:19.906 It's dark, there's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. 01:11:20.031 --> 01:11:23.409 That sort of thing. It's bothered me for years. 01:11:23.535 --> 01:11:25.954 Basements are like that. 01:11:26.037 --> 01:11:28.957 Then I made myself go down there to do some laundry... 01:11:29.040 --> 01:11:31.042 and I found out it's not so bad. 01:11:31.125 --> 01:11:33.419 All this time I've been worrying about it... 01:11:33.545 --> 01:11:35.797 but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. 01:11:35.880 --> 01:11:40.343 - What's your point? - My point is you should call your son. 01:11:40.426 --> 01:11:42.512 What if he won't talk to me? 01:11:42.595 --> 01:11:45.932 At least you'll know. Then you could stop worrying about it... 01:11:46.057 --> 01:11:48.643 and you won't have to be afraid anymore. 01:11:48.726 --> 01:11:52.313 I don't care how mad I was, I'd talk to my dad... 01:11:52.397 --> 01:11:54.315 especially around the holidays. 01:11:54.399 --> 01:11:57.527 I don't know. 01:11:57.652 --> 01:12:00.822 Just give it a shot. For your granddaughter anyway. 01:12:00.905 --> 01:12:04.284 I'm sure she misses you... and the presents. 01:12:04.409 --> 01:12:06.244 I send her a check. 01:12:06.369 --> 01:12:10.665 I wish my grandparents sent that. They always send me clothes. 01:12:10.748 --> 01:12:13.668 Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it. 01:12:13.751 --> 01:12:17.046 - Oh, that's nice. - Not for a guy in the second grade. 01:12:17.130 --> 01:12:20.091 You can get beat up for wearing something like that. 01:12:20.216 --> 01:12:22.343 - Oh? - Yeah. 01:12:22.427 --> 01:12:26.556 I have a friend who got nailed 'cause there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas. 01:12:26.639 --> 01:12:29.934 You'd better run along home where you belong. 01:12:30.059 --> 01:12:31.936 You think about what I said. 01:12:32.061 --> 01:12:33.813 - All right? - Okay. 01:12:33.938 --> 01:12:37.817 - It was nice talking to you. - Nice talking to you. 01:12:43.740 --> 01:12:47.035 - What about you? - Me? 01:12:47.118 --> 01:12:49.120 Yeah. You and your son. 01:12:49.245 --> 01:12:52.540 We'll see what happens. 01:12:52.624 --> 01:12:55.585 Merry Christmas. 01:12:55.668 --> 01:12:57.587 Merry Christmas. 01:13:50.348 --> 01:13:54.352 This is my house. I have to defend it. 01:15:21.940 --> 01:15:25.818 Okay, we'll check it out first. We can always come back for the truck. 01:15:32.450 --> 01:15:34.702 How do you wanna go in? 01:15:34.786 --> 01:15:38.248 We'll go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. You never know. 01:15:38.331 --> 01:15:41.793 Yeah. He's a kid. Kids are stupid. 01:15:43.837 --> 01:15:47.757 Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner... 01:15:47.841 --> 01:15:49.884 and the people who sold it on sale. 01:15:49.968 --> 01:15:51.886 Amen. 01:16:15.743 --> 01:16:18.621 This is it. Don't get scared now. 01:16:31.926 --> 01:16:34.387 Merry Christmas, little fella. 01:16:34.512 --> 01:16:37.056 We know that you're in there... 01:16:37.182 --> 01:16:40.059 and that you're all alone. 01:16:40.185 --> 01:16:42.812 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. 01:16:42.896 --> 01:16:46.441 It's Santa Claus and his elf. 01:16:47.859 --> 01:16:50.111 We're not gonna hurt you. 01:16:50.195 --> 01:16:54.157 No, no. We got some nice presents for you. 01:16:54.240 --> 01:16:57.702 Be a good little fella now and open the door. 01:17:00.622 --> 01:17:03.374 Shoot! 01:17:03.499 --> 01:17:07.253 What? What? What? 01:17:07.378 --> 01:17:10.381 What? What happened? 01:17:10.507 --> 01:17:14.052 Get that little-- 01:17:23.394 --> 01:17:25.563 Hello. 01:17:30.902 --> 01:17:33.363 Yes! Yes! 01:17:33.446 --> 01:17:35.532 The little jerk is armed! 01:17:35.615 --> 01:17:39.536 That's it! That's it! I'm goin' around the front! You go down the basement! 01:17:39.619 --> 01:17:42.080 That little-- 01:18:18.366 --> 01:18:20.410 Ow! 01:18:42.056 --> 01:18:44.267 That smart aleck. 01:20:12.021 --> 01:20:16.943 Oh, boy, that's it, you little-- you little son of a-- 01:20:17.068 --> 01:20:20.029 Oh, not this time, you little brat. 01:20:23.616 --> 01:20:26.077 You little creep, you, where are you? 01:20:26.202 --> 01:20:30.373 Where are you, you little creep? 01:20:50.101 --> 01:20:54.022 Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes! 01:21:24.761 --> 01:21:27.555 I'll rip his head off! 01:21:33.811 --> 01:21:38.525 You're dead, kid. 01:22:25.572 --> 01:22:28.700 Where are you, you little creep? 01:22:44.048 --> 01:22:47.677 Harry! I'm comin' in! 01:22:52.307 --> 01:22:54.684 Oh, no, I'm really scared! 01:22:54.809 --> 01:22:57.437 It's too late for you, kid. We're already in the house. 01:22:57.562 --> 01:23:01.608 - We're gonna get you! - Okay. Come and get me. 01:23:01.733 --> 01:23:04.277 Why, you-- 01:23:08.740 --> 01:23:11.201 Now you're dead! 01:23:35.475 --> 01:23:37.977 I'm gonna kill that kid! 01:23:52.450 --> 01:23:55.495 - Marv! - Harry? 01:23:55.620 --> 01:23:57.622 Why the hell'd you take your shoes off? 01:23:57.747 --> 01:24:00.875 Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken? 01:24:02.293 --> 01:24:06.047 I'm up here, you morons! Come and get me! 01:24:08.258 --> 01:24:11.928 You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? 01:24:21.646 --> 01:24:24.107 - Heads up! - Huh? 01:24:24.190 --> 01:24:27.360 Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you. 01:24:27.485 --> 01:24:30.989 Ow! 01:24:31.114 --> 01:24:34.492 Yes! 01:24:38.663 --> 01:24:41.374 He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him. 01:24:41.499 --> 01:24:43.459 - Aw, shut up, will ya! - Oh! 01:24:43.585 --> 01:24:46.588 - What is it? - You're missin' some teeth. 01:24:46.671 --> 01:24:50.884 Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth! I'll kill him! 01:24:51.009 --> 01:24:54.387 I'll kill him! 01:24:54.512 --> 01:24:57.307 You bomb me with one more can, kid... 01:24:57.390 --> 01:25:01.561 and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil! 01:25:04.022 --> 01:25:06.149 911 Emergency. 01:25:06.232 --> 01:25:08.985 Help. My house is being robbed. 01:25:09.068 --> 01:25:13.656 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name's Murphy. 01:25:16.367 --> 01:25:18.912 Watch it. You never know what's up there. 01:25:19.037 --> 01:25:21.915 There he is! 01:25:23.041 --> 01:25:26.169 Ah! I got ya! 01:25:26.252 --> 01:25:29.631 I got him, Harry! Harry, I got him! 01:25:29.714 --> 01:25:32.800 Harry, get up! Give me a hand! 01:25:32.884 --> 01:25:37.055 Ow! I got him! 01:25:37.180 --> 01:25:40.642 Harry, help me! Get up! 01:25:40.767 --> 01:25:43.520 I got him! 01:26:22.058 --> 01:26:26.896 - What are you doing, Marv? - Harry, don't move. 01:26:26.980 --> 01:26:30.942 - Marv? - Don't... move! 01:26:31.067 --> 01:26:34.362 Marv, what are you doing? Marv-- 01:26:37.448 --> 01:26:41.035 Did I get him? Did I get him? 01:26:41.119 --> 01:26:43.454 Where is it? Where is it? 01:26:43.580 --> 01:26:46.749 Never mind did you get it! How do you like it? Huh? 01:26:46.833 --> 01:26:50.628 You jerk! Get that kid! Go on! Get the kid! 01:26:54.007 --> 01:26:57.427 Whoa! Whoa! 01:26:57.510 --> 01:27:00.972 Whoa! Whoa! 01:27:01.097 --> 01:27:04.225 Whoa! Whoa! 01:27:16.779 --> 01:27:18.907 Where'd he go? 01:27:18.990 --> 01:27:21.034 Maybe he committed suicide. 01:27:21.159 --> 01:27:23.286 Down here, you big horse's ass! 01:27:23.369 --> 01:27:26.331 Come and get me before I call the police! 01:27:26.456 --> 01:27:28.625 - Let's get him! - Wait. Wait. 01:27:28.708 --> 01:27:30.668 That's just what he wants us to do-- 01:27:30.793 --> 01:27:34.255 us to go back downstairs through his fun house so we get all tore up. 01:27:34.380 --> 01:27:37.592 - He's gonna call the cops! - He's not callin' the-- From a tree house? 01:27:37.675 --> 01:27:39.594 Come on. 01:27:39.677 --> 01:27:41.971 - Out the window? - Yeah. 01:27:42.055 --> 01:27:44.724 - I'm not goin' out the window. - Why? Are you scared, Marv? 01:27:44.849 --> 01:27:47.435 Are you afraid? Come on. Get out here. 01:27:52.023 --> 01:27:53.942 Come on. 01:27:57.529 --> 01:28:02.116 Come on! 01:28:05.870 --> 01:28:08.414 Come on. Keep goin'. Keep goin'. 01:28:08.540 --> 01:28:11.501 - Let's go back, Harry. - Shut up! 01:28:11.584 --> 01:28:14.838 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. 01:28:14.921 --> 01:28:17.757 Shut it, Marv! 01:28:20.218 --> 01:28:23.137 Hey, guys, check this out. 01:28:23.221 --> 01:28:26.015 Go back! Go back! 01:28:26.099 --> 01:28:27.600 - Go back. - Okay. 01:28:51.875 --> 01:28:56.838 There he goes! There he is! Get out of the way, you dope! 01:29:14.439 --> 01:29:19.194 - There he is! - Hey, I'm calling the cops. 01:29:19.277 --> 01:29:22.197 Wait, wait, wait, wait. He wants us to follow him. 01:29:22.280 --> 01:29:24.407 I got a better idea. Come on. 01:29:41.341 --> 01:29:45.678 Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. 01:29:45.803 --> 01:29:48.765 Get over here! 01:29:52.310 --> 01:29:54.312 What are we gonna do to him, Harry? 01:29:54.437 --> 01:29:58.816 We'll do exactly what he did to us. I'm gonna burn his head with a blowtorch. 01:29:58.942 --> 01:30:01.069 Then we can smash his face with an iron! 01:30:01.152 --> 01:30:05.073 I'd like to slap him right in the face with a paint can maybe. 01:30:05.156 --> 01:30:07.659 Or shove a nail through his foot. 01:30:07.784 --> 01:30:11.037 I'm gonna bite off every one of these little fingers one at a time. 01:30:19.629 --> 01:30:22.966 Come on. Let's get you home. 01:30:44.696 --> 01:30:48.867 Wow. This is great. 01:30:51.536 --> 01:30:54.372 Nice move-- always leaving the water running. 01:30:54.497 --> 01:30:57.709 Now we know each and every house that you've hit. 01:31:00.670 --> 01:31:04.340 Hey, you know, we've been looking for you two guys for a long time. 01:31:04.424 --> 01:31:07.385 - Yeah. - Well, remember, we're the Wet Bandits. 01:31:07.510 --> 01:31:11.639 - Wet Bandits. W-E-T-- - Shut up! Get in the car! 01:31:11.723 --> 01:31:14.559 Hey, come on. Come on. 01:31:14.684 --> 01:31:17.020 - Hands off the head, pal! - Come on! 01:32:12.742 --> 01:32:15.286 I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent. 01:32:15.411 --> 01:32:18.373 You're not. You know, you're beating yourself up there, you know. 01:32:18.456 --> 01:32:21.000 Come on. This happens. These things happen. You know, you-- 01:32:21.125 --> 01:32:24.504 Gee, you wanna talk about bad parents? Look at-- Look at us. 01:32:24.629 --> 01:32:29.050 I mean, we're on the road 48, 49 weeks out of the year. We hardly see our families. 01:32:29.133 --> 01:32:32.512 Uh, Joe over there-- Gosh, you know, he-- 01:32:32.637 --> 01:32:35.348 He forgets his kids' names half the time. 01:32:35.473 --> 01:32:39.185 Ziggy over there-- He doesn't even-- He's never even met his kid. 01:32:39.310 --> 01:32:42.981 Eddie-- Let's just hope none of them write a book about him. 01:32:43.106 --> 01:32:47.944 Tell me, have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home? 01:32:50.822 --> 01:32:52.866 No. 01:32:52.991 --> 01:32:56.411 But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. 01:32:56.536 --> 01:32:58.746 Yeah, it was-- it was terrible too. 01:32:58.830 --> 01:33:02.125 You know, I was all distraught and everything. You know, the wife and I... 01:33:02.250 --> 01:33:06.254 we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. 01:33:06.337 --> 01:33:10.258 All day. You know, and we went back at night when we came to our senses. 01:33:10.341 --> 01:33:13.845 And there he was. Apparently he was there alone all day with a corpse. 01:33:13.970 --> 01:33:16.598 - Oh! - Whew, yeah. He was okay, you know. 01:33:16.681 --> 01:33:21.603 After six, seven weeks, you know, he came around and started talking again. 01:33:21.686 --> 01:33:26.149 But he's okay. You know, they get over it. Kids are resilient like that. 01:33:26.232 --> 01:33:28.985 - Maybe we shouldn't talk about this. - Well, you brought it up. 01:33:29.068 --> 01:33:32.113 - I was just trying to cheer you up. - Well, I'm sorry I did. 01:33:58.014 --> 01:33:59.891 Mom? 01:34:04.479 --> 01:34:06.356 Mom? 01:34:09.776 --> 01:34:12.529 Mom? 01:34:58.283 --> 01:35:02.328 Kevin? Kevin! 01:35:33.318 --> 01:35:35.612 Merry Christmas, sweetheart. 01:35:44.829 --> 01:35:47.540 Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. 01:36:07.101 --> 01:36:09.229 Where is everybody else? 01:36:09.354 --> 01:36:13.441 Oh, baby, they couldn't come. They wanted to so much, but-- 01:36:13.525 --> 01:36:18.112 I didn't fall asleep in the back of the cab and drool all over you, did I? 01:36:18.196 --> 01:36:20.490 - I don't drool. - You guys, would you shut up! 01:36:20.573 --> 01:36:23.910 Come on, you guys, it's Christmas. Kevin! Kevin, Kevin, my boy! 01:36:24.035 --> 01:36:25.912 - Oh, my God! - Kevin, how are ya? 01:36:26.037 --> 01:36:27.914 - Merry Christmas. - Hi, Mom. 01:36:28.039 --> 01:36:30.792 Good to see you. Ah, you're all right. I love you. You okay? 01:36:30.875 --> 01:36:33.503 - Yeah. - Hey, Kev. 01:36:35.588 --> 01:36:39.175 It's pretty cool that you didn't burn the place down. 01:36:39.259 --> 01:36:43.054 Thanks, Buzz. 01:36:43.179 --> 01:36:46.057 Wait a minute. How did you guys get home? 01:36:46.182 --> 01:36:49.519 Oh, we took the morning flight. Remember? The one you didn't want to wait for. 01:36:49.602 --> 01:36:52.272 Oh, no. Oh, thank you. 01:36:52.397 --> 01:36:54.315 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 01:36:54.399 --> 01:36:56.956 Someone has to find an open store. We don't have milk. 01:36:56.982 --> 01:36:58.469 I went shopping yesterday. 01:37:00.864 --> 01:37:02.657 You? Shopping? 01:37:02.740 --> 01:37:05.660 I got some milk, eggs and fabric softener. 01:37:07.203 --> 01:37:09.539 - What? - No kiddin'? 01:37:09.664 --> 01:37:13.751 What a funny guy. What else did you do while we were away? 01:37:13.877 --> 01:37:16.754 Just hung around. 01:37:19.591 --> 01:37:21.718 You guys, put the stuff upstairs. 01:37:21.843 --> 01:37:25.680 You went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe, and he's going shopping? 01:37:25.763 --> 01:37:28.516 - Buzz, forget it. - This is not the Kevin I knew. 01:37:51.956 --> 01:37:54.292 Honey, what's this? 01:38:51.933 --> 01:38:55.562 Kevin! What did you do to my room? 01:38:55.586 --> 01:39:06.586 ..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::.