WEBVTT

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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
‏.::  www.bolboljan.net ::.

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[male weatherman] Good morning, Chicago.

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The big question for Santa

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is can he handle the Chicago weather.

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[man]  What do I want for Christmas?

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how about a winning team?

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Any Chicago team.

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[woman 1]  You've already put your wish in for Santa, right?

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[woman 2]  I sure have. I wrote a list, I checked it twice.

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[male reporter]  Blackhawk fans around the world,

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fans everywhere have had...

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[woman 3]  And I love this time of year.

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[adult Jake] We gotta hustle, Annie.

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-Come on. Let's go, go, go! -[phone chimes]

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That's my friends trying to reach me, isn't it?

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You know, if I had my own phone...

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Um, there's no quit in you, and it's inspiring. Still a hard no.

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Okay, let's say I'm in a burning building.

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No. A burning pet store.

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No. A burning orphanage,

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and I need to make a phone call.

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-You'd feel so terrible. -[phone chimes]

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Lives are at stake!

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You're not getting a phone, Annie. I'm sorry.

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I get more calls on your phone than you do.

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That's not true.

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My friends have to text you just to talk to me.

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It's embarrassing.

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I'm not embarrassing. Maeve's dad is embarrassing.

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Whoa! [grunts]

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Ow!

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Still? The ice?

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-[Santa] I told them to salt it. -[adult Jake] Ow.

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-[Annie] You were saying? -[phone ringing]

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[groaning] One second.

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Jake Doyle.

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It's for you.

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[adult Jake] Fifty-eight minutes to Grandpa and Grandma's. With traffic.

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Boom!

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Hey, you wanna shoot pucks in the driveway later?

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No, thanks.

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Why not? I thought you liked it. It's kind of our thing.

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I don't like hockey anymore.

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Oh, okay, well...

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maybe we can build a snowman with Mom and your brother?

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Dad.

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We could...

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Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up.

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Listen, kiddo, I'm sorry about the phone. It's not gonna happen.

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I hate to see you disappointed.

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Look, I know that this year is a little bit different,

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but you can still have a good Christmas.

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What about you?

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I always have a good Christmas.

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[adult Jake] Hello?

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Mom?

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Must be out running errands.

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[adult Jake] Katie? Charlie?

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[Annie] I'm bored.

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Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzy in Australia instead?

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Those flights are crazy expensive.

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[Annie] Well...

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what am I supposed to do here?

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I...

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[adult Jake] Come on, come on.

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Ta-da!

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-What is that? -That's my Nintendo from when I was a kid.

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[Annie] Hmm. It looks like Tupperware.

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Tupperware?

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Come on, let's play.

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Can I text Maeve from your phone after?

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Can you...

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Yes, but can I show you how this works first, please?

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-[Annie] Yeah. -Thank you.

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Oh, first you have to do this. [blows]

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Why?

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I don't know, just how it works.

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-[blowing] -Nice. Maybe dust?

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[laughs]

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I thought you said Grandma and Grandpa

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didn't let you have video games when you were little.

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They didn't.

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Then how'd you get it?

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When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendo worse than you want a phone.

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That's not possible.

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You know what? Today is your lucky day.

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Because I am now going to tell you the story about how I got my Nintendo.

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But it is possibly the most amazing, dangerous,

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awesome story of all time.

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So... can you handle it?

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Is it dangerous because I might die from boredom?

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That's a good point.

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The year was 1987. Or was it '88?

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No. '85, Bears.

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-Super Bowl was in '86... -Okay, does it really matter, Dad?

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Okay, okay.

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The year was the late '80s.

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We'll call it December.

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I was 11 years old.

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In the winter, if the streets were plowed,

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I could make it to Timmy Keane's house in just under eight minutes.

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[Annie]  On a bike? How fast were you going?

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[adult Jake]  Super fast.

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[Annie]  Did you wear a helmet?

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[adult Jake]  Yeah, of course.

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We always wore helmets in the '80s.

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Was it green?

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Um, yeah. It was green.

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[adult Jake]  Could I just tell the story?

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-[Annie]  Yeah. -[adult Jake]  Thanks.

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[panting]

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[children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo! Nintendo!

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Nintendo! Nintendo!

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[adult Jake]  The rule at Keane's was simple.

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The first ten kids to get through his door got to play Nintendo.

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You know how you meet some people,

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and you have no idea that they have a lot of money?

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Yeah. Timmy Keane was the opposite of that.

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A known psycho,

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he had the tendency to lose his mind on a regular basis.

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-[umpire] You're out! -You! You! You!

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Stupid!

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Idiot Grandma!

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[adult Jake]  It was an early lesson in God's cruelty...

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giving the only Nintendo in town to a rich kid like Timmy Keane.

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And every kid at Mary Todd Lincoln Elementary was at his mercy...

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including my best friends.

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Oh, another Saturday in the trenches.

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[inhales]

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[adult Jake]  Mikey Trotter.

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Tough, tenacious. Was allowed to watch R-rated movies, and it showed.

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I wanna set land mines in this yard.

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Like in  Platoon, blow everyone up.

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Sounds dangerous.

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[adult Jake]  Evan Olsen.

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Nervous, allergic to bees and SpaghettiOs.

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Probably has to go home soon.

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I probably gotta go home soon.

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More Nintendo for us.

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[adult Jake]  Tammy Hodges.

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Smart, confident, baseball card genius

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and future CEO of Hodges Industries.

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My Canseco rookie went up two bucks!

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Yeah, that used to be my Canseco.

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[adult Jake]  Teddy Hodges.

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Tammy's twin brother.

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Future assistant to the CEO of Hodges Industries.

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Hey, guys. What's up?

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[adult Jake]  Oh, yeah, and this kid.

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Sorry I'm late. I was on the phone with Bon Jovi.

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[adult Jake]  Jeff Farmer.

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Pathological liar.

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Not really our friend, but always around.

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And you left school early yesterday

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because Tom Cruise needed you to stunt double for him?

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He knows I too have a need for speed.

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So, you didn't have diarrhea?

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It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea.

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The two are not mutually exclusive.

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Shut up. He's coming out.

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[children chanting] Nintendo! Nintendo!

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[children screaming]

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Nintendo!

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Nintendo!

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-Nintendo! -Silence!

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[adult Jake]  8:00 a.m.

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Game time.

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Any of you huddled masses care for some Nintendo?

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[all] Yeah!

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Pick me! Pick me!

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You. You. You.

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You're good.

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Yes! I got in!

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[Mikey] We're in!

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I love this place.

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-[Mikey] Whoa! -[Tammy] Awesome.

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[adult Jake]  And there she was, glistening in all her gray plastic glory,

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a maze of rubber wiring and electronic intelligence so advanced

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it was deemed not a video game,

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but an 8-bit entertainment system.

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Say hello to my little friend.

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Hey, boots off!

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There's tape over there if you have holes in your socks.

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Don't touch the wall! It's French.

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-Wait, my brother's still outside. -[Teddy] Let me in!

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[Timmy] You know the rules.

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First ten, that's it.

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But it's Teddy.

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[mocking] "But it's Teddy."

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[Teddy] Jerk!

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Too bad, so sad.

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[adult Jake]  There was no denying he was a jerk.

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There was also no denying he had the coolest basement

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in the entire Central Time Zone.

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A pool table, shuffle board, pinball machine,

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pop machine, movie-style popcorn-maker.

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[Timmy] Hey, no sucking on the soda pop.

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[adult Jake]  And a snack drawer better stocked

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than most supermarkets in the greater Chicago area.

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You guys hungry? You want some Pop-Tarts or something?

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-Yeah. That'd be great. -[Jake] Sure.

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-[beeping] -Mom.

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Mom!

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-Mom, wake up! -[Mrs. Keane]  What?

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Get me a Pop-Tart!

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[Mrs. Keane]  Uh, how many?

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-Just one. -[Mrs. Keane]  Does anybody--

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[sighing]

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[yaps]

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Winner stays.

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Die, die!

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You're dead. You're dead.

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You're dead. [laughs]

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Hey, you guys wanna play?

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Psych! Boom!

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I can do this all day.

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[adult Jake]  As I sat there and watched Timmy Keane

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blast away an inch from the screen to his evil heart's content,

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one thing became clear.

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I needed to get my own Nintendo.

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Fast.

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[festive music playing]

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[Kathy] Oh, gee!

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Y-O-U-R is possessive.

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[adult Jake]  For weeks, I'd been plotting

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how to get my parents to say "yes" to a Nintendo for Christmas.

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[Kathy] "Scout" is misspelled.

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[adult Jake]  Tonight was the night I'd finally put my plan into action.

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-[Kathy] "Atticus" is misspelled. -[Jake] Mom.

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Uh, hey, Mom.

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I'm so sorry, Mom,

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but I got some ketchup on my sweatshirt.

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Oh, gosh. All right, let's get that out before it sets in.

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You know, we bought that sweatshirt two sizes too big.

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-I know. -It's gotta last you another year.

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I don't know. Wow! Jesus!

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[adult Jake]  My mom was always multi-tasking.

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She thrived on the chaos.

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Two things at once, she was golden.

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But if you gave her a third task to juggle, things got dicey,

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and you could get her to agree to stuff she wouldn't normally agree to.

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Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking, for Christmas...

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A kid who thinks. How refreshing.

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Maybe you could teach my students that.

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Sure?

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But just to make Christmas shopping

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a little easier for me this year...

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how about getting me a Nintendo?

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Sure. That sounds great.

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[adult Jake] Mom gauntlet passed.

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[John] God bless it!

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Is everything all right in there?

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Has anyone seen my SKIL saw?

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I think it's in the shower.

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No, that's my jigsaw. I need my SKIL saw.

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John, the SKIL saw is underneath the jigsaw.

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You have to look harder.

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-Those are for the Muellers. -[stammers]

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[adult Jake]  Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies

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my mom had baked over the years,

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no one in my family had ever actually eaten one.

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Hey, the milk is expired.

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No. That's a suggestion. It's fine.

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Jake! Where...

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-Oh. -What?

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Come on in here and help me.

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[adult Jake]  Normally, helping my dad with whatever half-baked renovation

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he was doing would be the last thing I wanted to do,

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but tonight, I was a man on a mission.

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I'll be right in, Dad.

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[Kathy] Wow, look at that.

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He finally wore you down.

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[adult Jake]  My dad was something of a dyslexic Bob Vila.

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It was well-known up and down Linwood Avenue that in 1978

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my father went to install a kitchen cabinet and had not stopped since.

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[Kathy] Please wear your safety glasses this time.

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[Annie]  Did you wear the safety glasses?

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[adult Jake]  Absolutely.

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Really?

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Kind of.

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All right, you can take that off now.

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-[Jake] What? -[John] Take it off.

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Oh.

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We'll look for the glasses later.

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It's really more of a suggestion.

00:11:56.348 --> 00:11:57.416
[Jake] Wow.

00:11:57.516 --> 00:11:59.251
How'd you get your hands so strong?

00:11:59.351 --> 00:12:02.288
I've been working with them for over 30 years, that's how.

00:12:02.388 --> 00:12:04.190
-That's so cool. -Yeah?

00:12:04.256 --> 00:12:06.125
Maybe you guys could get me something for Christmas

00:12:06.225 --> 00:12:08.928
that builds up my hand strength, so I could help you out better.

00:12:11.363 --> 00:12:14.133
You know, I like the sound of that.

00:12:14.233 --> 00:12:15.201
Like a Nintendo?

00:12:16.469 --> 00:12:17.303
Yeah.

00:12:18.704 --> 00:12:20.806
Done. [chuckles]

00:12:20.906 --> 00:12:22.708
All right. Let's go clean up. Come on.

00:12:23.476 --> 00:12:24.477
[Annie] You did it, Dad!

00:12:24.577 --> 00:12:25.578
They said yes.

00:12:25.644 --> 00:12:27.313
I was on cloud nine.

00:12:27.413 --> 00:12:29.982
So the story's over, right?

00:12:30.082 --> 00:12:31.383
Cool. Can I text Maeve now?

00:12:32.384 --> 00:12:33.252
Uh-uh.

00:12:34.920 --> 00:12:36.655
[Kathy] John, that cup is disgusting.

00:12:36.756 --> 00:12:39.225
This is the exact cup I was drinking out of when...

00:12:39.291 --> 00:12:40.760
When they beat the North Stars

00:12:40.826 --> 00:12:43.162
-in the Conference semis in '85. -Fine. Yep.

00:12:43.262 --> 00:12:46.065
It's a beautiful memory and a gross cup.

00:12:46.632 --> 00:12:47.933
Totally.

00:12:48.000 --> 00:12:49.935
Stop saying "totally." You sound like a moron.

00:12:50.002 --> 00:12:51.837
[John] And what's your retainer doing out of your mouth?

00:12:51.937 --> 00:12:53.339
But we're eating.

00:12:53.439 --> 00:12:55.407
Do you know how expensive that thing is? Put it back in.

00:12:55.474 --> 00:12:58.744
John, he really can't eat with it in. It doesn't work that way.

00:12:58.811 --> 00:13:01.347
Well, it won't work at all if he loses it.

00:13:01.447 --> 00:13:03.783
I mean, orthodontistry is the biggest racket.

00:13:03.849 --> 00:13:05.484
I could make one of those. Easy.

00:13:05.584 --> 00:13:08.320
Couple of paper clips, mouth guard... [whistles] Done.

00:13:08.420 --> 00:13:10.689
I'd like you to finish the living room and the dining room

00:13:10.790 --> 00:13:12.625
before you start work on their retainers.

00:13:12.691 --> 00:13:15.694
If I had a retainer, I'd wear it all the time, no matter what.

00:13:15.795 --> 00:13:18.297
I know you would, honey. You're such a sweetheart.

00:13:19.698 --> 00:13:21.867
Hey, you haven't seen my air compressor, have you?

00:13:21.967 --> 00:13:23.435
It's in the backyard,

00:13:23.502 --> 00:13:25.204
right next to all the dog poop that Jake didn't pick up.

00:13:26.038 --> 00:13:26.972
Hey.

00:13:27.039 --> 00:13:28.440
You haven't picked that up yet?

00:13:28.507 --> 00:13:29.675
Cry in a bucket, Jake.

00:13:29.775 --> 00:13:31.177
What have you been doing all day?

00:13:31.277 --> 00:13:32.711
I was in Timmy Keane's basement.

00:13:32.812 --> 00:13:34.213
What, you can't play outside?

00:13:34.313 --> 00:13:35.214
It's cold.

00:13:35.314 --> 00:13:36.949
It's not even below zero out.

00:13:37.016 --> 00:13:38.384
What've you been doing inside all day?

00:13:38.484 --> 00:13:40.820
Probably playing the Mimtendo?

00:13:40.886 --> 00:13:41.987
"Nintendo."

00:13:42.054 --> 00:13:43.722
That's what I just said. "Intendo," John.

00:13:43.823 --> 00:13:46.358
You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotter at the Jewel today.

00:13:46.458 --> 00:13:49.061
Apparently, video games have been doing

00:13:49.161 --> 00:13:51.897
all kinds of strange things to children in Japan.

00:13:51.997 --> 00:13:53.732
Like what?

00:13:53.833 --> 00:13:56.702
They get so involved, they completely forget about everything else.

00:13:56.802 --> 00:13:57.903
School, friends.

00:13:58.003 --> 00:14:00.406
One little boy had a brain aneurysm

00:14:00.506 --> 00:14:02.908
and stuff oozed out of his nose.

00:14:03.008 --> 00:14:05.744
I'm very glad that we do not have one. [chuckles]

00:14:05.845 --> 00:14:08.547
But you said I could get one for Christmas.

00:14:08.647 --> 00:14:11.584
I said nothing of the sort.

00:14:11.684 --> 00:14:14.253
Video games make you fat, Jake. It's a fact.

00:14:14.353 --> 00:14:16.722
Cabbage Patch Kids don't make you fat.

00:14:16.822 --> 00:14:18.090
[Jake] No, no, no.

00:14:18.190 --> 00:14:20.025
Dad, you said I could have one, too.

00:14:20.092 --> 00:14:21.894
No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did.

00:14:21.994 --> 00:14:24.663
But I thought that it was an Asian tool brand, like Makita.

00:14:24.730 --> 00:14:27.032
You know what? You should be playing outside.

00:14:27.099 --> 00:14:30.002
Evan Olsen almost got frostbite from playing outside.

00:14:30.069 --> 00:14:31.904
He almost lost his pinkie toe.

00:14:32.004 --> 00:14:33.839
The Olsens are weak stock.

00:14:33.906 --> 00:14:35.374
No Nintendo in my house.

00:14:36.108 --> 00:14:37.209
I second that.

00:14:37.276 --> 00:14:38.844
Me three, and that makes a majority.

00:14:41.013 --> 00:14:43.616
Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo.

00:14:43.716 --> 00:14:45.851
[laughs]

00:14:45.918 --> 00:14:47.853
She's funny, John.

00:14:49.255 --> 00:14:50.756
[John] Best kid ever.

00:14:50.856 --> 00:14:52.958
[adult Jake]  And just like that, it was gone.

00:14:53.058 --> 00:14:55.060
I was never getting my own Nintendo.

00:14:55.127 --> 00:14:56.629
My life was over.

00:15:00.432 --> 00:15:02.401
Jake. Jake.

00:15:02.468 --> 00:15:04.370
Come on. You gotta focus, man.

00:15:04.436 --> 00:15:06.872
[Evan] His parents said he couldn't get a Nintendo last night.

00:15:06.939 --> 00:15:08.407
When my parents said no, I was so mad,

00:15:08.474 --> 00:15:10.609
I started calling them by their first names.

00:15:10.709 --> 00:15:14.046
Okay, well, channel that anger into taking down Jagorski.

00:15:14.113 --> 00:15:15.447
[grunting]

00:15:16.415 --> 00:15:17.750
[Josh] Yeah!

00:15:17.816 --> 00:15:19.251
Yeah!

00:15:19.318 --> 00:15:20.586
Let's go!

00:15:20.653 --> 00:15:23.088
[growling]

00:15:23.155 --> 00:15:25.591
[adult Jake] Every day before school, we would gather,

00:15:25.658 --> 00:15:28.494
for reasons unknown, to get pummeled by Jagorski

00:15:28.594 --> 00:15:30.429
in the game King of the Mountain.

00:15:31.664 --> 00:15:32.798
[all screaming]

00:15:32.898 --> 00:15:35.935
My mountain! Mine!

00:15:36.001 --> 00:15:39.838
[adult Jake]  It was never quite certain what grade Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorski

00:15:39.939 --> 00:15:41.240
was actually enrolled in,

00:15:41.307 --> 00:15:43.409
as the vast majority of his time

00:15:43.475 --> 00:15:45.644
was spent in such foreign districts as the principal's office,

00:15:45.744 --> 00:15:48.814
and the adult beverage refrigerator case at the gas station.

00:15:48.914 --> 00:15:51.850
[growling]

00:15:51.951 --> 00:15:53.919
[Josh] Bye and bye.

00:15:53.986 --> 00:15:57.323
Yeah! Come on!

00:15:57.423 --> 00:16:00.659
He smells like my dad after he practices guitar in the garage.

00:16:00.759 --> 00:16:01.860
Who wants a piece

00:16:01.961 --> 00:16:05.597
of this delicious strawberry cake?

00:16:05.664 --> 00:16:08.033
This is it. Let's go!

00:16:08.133 --> 00:16:10.035
-Why now? -Do we have to?

00:16:10.135 --> 00:16:11.036
Come on!

00:16:11.136 --> 00:16:12.504
Come here!

00:16:12.604 --> 00:16:13.872
[screaming]

00:16:13.973 --> 00:16:16.976
Let's go! Let's go! Go, go, go!

00:16:21.280 --> 00:16:22.982
Come on!

00:16:23.048 --> 00:16:24.616
[Mikey] Oh, no!

00:16:25.484 --> 00:16:26.552
Yeah!

00:16:26.652 --> 00:16:27.619
Come on.

00:16:29.221 --> 00:16:31.890
How about a nice face wash, Doyle?

00:16:34.727 --> 00:16:36.028
[screams]

00:16:36.128 --> 00:16:37.129
Yeah!

00:16:38.731 --> 00:16:40.232
[Jake] I hate that guy!

00:16:40.332 --> 00:16:41.400
Me too.

00:16:41.500 --> 00:16:42.868
Just think about the Power Glove, man.

00:16:42.968 --> 00:16:45.237
What? What Power Glove?

00:16:45.337 --> 00:16:46.405
Yo, you didn't tell him?

00:16:46.505 --> 00:16:48.173
-I thought you told him. -[Mikey] No.

00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:51.510
The Power Glove. Keane got one last night.

00:16:52.845 --> 00:16:53.912
No way!

00:16:54.013 --> 00:16:55.381
-Yes, way. -[Jake] For real.

00:16:55.481 --> 00:16:57.850
-[Jake] Awesome! -Look, he's already practicing.

00:17:00.319 --> 00:17:01.520
[Tammy] Nice!

00:17:01.587 --> 00:17:03.188
[Timmy] Psych!

00:17:03.255 --> 00:17:05.224
We're all going over to his house after school to play it.

00:17:05.324 --> 00:17:06.525
He's gonna let us in?

00:17:06.592 --> 00:17:08.360
We gotta bribe him with gifts, but yeah.

00:17:09.528 --> 00:17:10.429
Who else knows?

00:17:10.529 --> 00:17:11.397
Just us.

00:17:11.997 --> 00:17:12.898
Well...

00:17:14.032 --> 00:17:15.167
and Farmer.

00:17:15.234 --> 00:17:17.770
Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe.

00:17:17.870 --> 00:17:20.539
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove!

00:17:20.606 --> 00:17:23.842
I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear to God.

00:17:23.909 --> 00:17:26.445
All right, fine. Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky,

00:17:26.545 --> 00:17:29.615
my second-period gym class, Coach Wallach, but that's it.

00:17:29.715 --> 00:17:31.450
Come on, Farmer. Now we're never gonna get in.

00:17:31.550 --> 00:17:33.452
I have a Power Glove at my house.

00:17:33.552 --> 00:17:35.120
My uncle works at the cardboard company--

00:17:35.220 --> 00:17:37.389
You don't have one, Farmer.

00:17:38.257 --> 00:17:39.925
No, I do not.

00:17:40.025 --> 00:17:42.628
I don't think anybody in Chicago has one yet besides Keane.

00:17:42.728 --> 00:17:44.296
He's coming out!

00:17:44.396 --> 00:17:47.900
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove!

00:17:49.768 --> 00:17:51.437
This is so dumb.

00:17:51.537 --> 00:17:53.138
Just do it.

00:17:53.238 --> 00:17:55.808
[children chanting] Power Glove! Power Glove! Power Glove!

00:17:55.908 --> 00:17:58.277
[boom box playing]

00:17:58.377 --> 00:18:02.214
♪ I'm holding out for a hero Till the end of the night ♪

00:18:02.281 --> 00:18:05.584
♪ He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast ♪

00:18:05.651 --> 00:18:08.720
♪ And he's gotta be fresh From the fight ♪

00:18:08.787 --> 00:18:11.290
-[mouthing] -♪ I need a hero ♪

00:18:11.390 --> 00:18:13.158
[all cheering]

00:18:17.062 --> 00:18:18.730
Yeah, Keane, yeah!

00:18:23.769 --> 00:18:26.572
[adult Jake]  It was the most beautiful piece of machinery

00:18:26.638 --> 00:18:28.507
I'd ever laid eyes on.

00:18:28.607 --> 00:18:32.244
The thing made Luke Skywalker's robot hand look like a Tinker toy.

00:18:32.311 --> 00:18:34.613
Silence, children of Batavia.

00:18:35.814 --> 00:18:36.682
And Coach.

00:18:38.617 --> 00:18:39.751
What have you brought me?

00:18:39.818 --> 00:18:41.186
[all] Me! Me! Me!

00:18:41.286 --> 00:18:43.989
I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish!

00:18:44.089 --> 00:18:47.426
Untraceable cash money!

00:18:47.493 --> 00:18:49.194
You're not getting in with that, dude.

00:18:49.294 --> 00:18:51.697
It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet.

00:18:51.797 --> 00:18:53.632
It's the best I could find.

00:18:53.699 --> 00:18:54.666
[boy] Gimme! Gimme!

00:18:54.766 --> 00:18:55.701
One!

00:18:56.435 --> 00:18:57.669
Two! Three!

00:18:57.769 --> 00:18:59.638
Hey, I got my dad's Sports Illustrated.

00:18:59.705 --> 00:19:01.173
Yeah. Four. Yeah.

00:19:01.273 --> 00:19:02.641
NASA moon rocks?

00:19:02.708 --> 00:19:04.176
Moon rocks? No.

00:19:04.276 --> 00:19:05.377
Summer sausage!

00:19:05.477 --> 00:19:07.446
-It's my dad's. It's gourmet. -No.

00:19:09.348 --> 00:19:13.685
[Connor] I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it?

00:19:13.785 --> 00:19:16.455
-But it's a good pet. It's a fish. -[Timmy] No.

00:19:28.700 --> 00:19:30.169
Good girl, good girl.

00:19:30.235 --> 00:19:31.637
[dog growling]

00:19:39.178 --> 00:19:40.078
Fetch! Go!

00:19:43.982 --> 00:19:45.184
[Timmy] Settle down, peons.

00:19:47.553 --> 00:19:49.354
-Gentlemen. -[clears throat]

00:19:50.355 --> 00:19:52.424
Gentlemen and the Hodges girl.

00:19:52.524 --> 00:19:54.393
Behold the Power Glove...

00:19:55.194 --> 00:19:56.061
in all of its...

00:19:57.429 --> 00:19:58.363
power.

00:19:59.898 --> 00:20:01.934
Timmy Keane, dream journal.

00:20:02.034 --> 00:20:04.102
I had the dream about Tammy Hodges again.

00:20:04.203 --> 00:20:06.505
She was on a white horse, I was on a beach.

00:20:06.572 --> 00:20:08.941
-I don't know what that means. -Turn it off!

00:20:09.041 --> 00:20:10.676
-[Mrs. Keane]  Timmy, do you have your jammies on? -[Timmy]  Mom, get out of here!

00:20:10.742 --> 00:20:12.277
[Mrs. Keane]  Okay.

00:20:12.377 --> 00:20:15.180
-No one heard that. Understand? -Yeah.

00:20:16.415 --> 00:20:17.282
[exhaling]

00:20:18.183 --> 00:20:19.618
Behold...

00:20:19.718 --> 00:20:22.421
the power of the Power Glove.

00:20:24.556 --> 00:20:25.958
[Timmy] You ready, Hodges?

00:20:26.058 --> 00:20:27.793
Not everyone can use these things, by the way.

00:20:27.893 --> 00:20:30.295
You have to be specially trained in Taekwondo

00:20:30.395 --> 00:20:33.298
which is like karate, but just more expensive.

00:20:33.398 --> 00:20:35.434
[Jake] What a tool.

00:20:35.534 --> 00:20:37.703
[adult Jake] Oh, man. This was it.

00:20:37.769 --> 00:20:39.938
The Power Glove. At last.

00:20:40.038 --> 00:20:43.742
Each one of us in that basement knew we were about to witness history.

00:20:48.580 --> 00:20:49.915
Feel the Glove.

00:20:49.982 --> 00:20:51.450
Felt like an Isotoner.

00:20:51.550 --> 00:20:53.452
This is how you really punch with power.

00:20:55.487 --> 00:20:57.923
-[Timmy] Come on. -[all] Oh!

00:21:00.259 --> 00:21:02.094
-[Mikey] Go, Tammy! -[Teddy] Go, Tammy, get him, get him!

00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:03.996
Boom! You can give up now.

00:21:04.096 --> 00:21:06.832
Nah. I think I'll win instead.

00:21:06.932 --> 00:21:08.634
[Mikey] Yeah, Tammy!

00:21:09.601 --> 00:21:11.236
Get him, Tammy! Get him!

00:21:12.271 --> 00:21:13.772
[all] Whoa!

00:21:13.839 --> 00:21:14.773
Come on!

00:21:14.840 --> 00:21:16.842
Work!

00:21:16.942 --> 00:21:19.111
[adult Jake]  We thought he was just making excuses, being a sore loser.

00:21:19.177 --> 00:21:22.581
But we'd later realized a horror that defined our generation.

00:21:22.648 --> 00:21:24.816
The Power Glove sucked.

00:21:24.916 --> 00:21:26.184
This glove sucks!

00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:28.787
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

00:21:30.989 --> 00:21:32.824
Come on, unleash your power!

00:21:35.294 --> 00:21:36.828
[Jake] Yeah, yeah!

00:21:36.928 --> 00:21:38.997
It's not working! Come on!

00:21:39.097 --> 00:21:41.199
[man in game]  Silence him!

00:21:41.300 --> 00:21:42.968
[all cheering] Yeah!

00:21:43.869 --> 00:21:46.038
Mommy, Tammy cheated!

00:21:46.138 --> 00:21:49.274
Sucks to lose... to a girl.

00:21:49.341 --> 00:21:51.043
-[all] Ooh! -[screams]

00:21:51.143 --> 00:21:53.045
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the glove.

00:21:53.145 --> 00:21:54.313
You tell 'em, Keane!

00:21:54.379 --> 00:21:55.714
[adult Jake] Maybe it was the song.

00:21:56.381 --> 00:21:57.783
Chop, chop, chop!

00:21:57.849 --> 00:21:59.685
Hai karate, Keane!

00:21:59.785 --> 00:22:02.954
[adult Jake] Maybe it was because he was just such an idiot.

00:22:03.021 --> 00:22:07.025
But Timmy Keane lost his dang mind that day.

00:22:07.125 --> 00:22:09.828
Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!

00:22:09.895 --> 00:22:12.731
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!

00:22:12.831 --> 00:22:15.400
[all] Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!

00:22:15.500 --> 00:22:16.368
[screams]

00:22:19.338 --> 00:22:20.339
[kids screaming in horror]

00:22:21.340 --> 00:22:23.742
[all gasp]

00:22:23.842 --> 00:22:25.811
[Mrs. Keane over intercom] Does anybody want some Tang?

00:22:25.877 --> 00:22:27.713
I just made a batch.

00:22:27.813 --> 00:22:30.182
[adult Jake]  A marble stuck in a nostril...

00:22:30.248 --> 00:22:31.750
shattering Mom's antique vase.

00:22:31.850 --> 00:22:34.653
Picnics in the fricking park compared to this.

00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:36.888
For there, lying under the weight

00:22:36.988 --> 00:22:40.425
of a smashed 42-inch television set...

00:22:40.525 --> 00:22:42.361
was a dead dog.

00:22:42.427 --> 00:22:43.662
What?

00:22:43.729 --> 00:22:45.097
The dog dies?

00:22:45.197 --> 00:22:47.265
There's a dead dog in this story?

00:22:47.366 --> 00:22:50.268
Hey, what can I tell ya? It was the '80s.

00:22:50.369 --> 00:22:51.937
Stuff got real.

00:22:52.037 --> 00:22:54.005
I thought you said you were super safe in the '80s?

00:22:54.072 --> 00:22:55.907
It was a complicated decade.

00:22:56.007 --> 00:22:57.342
Are you making all this up?

00:22:57.409 --> 00:22:58.777
No. No. No way.

00:22:59.745 --> 00:23:01.613
Okay, well...

00:23:01.713 --> 00:23:03.382
what happened next in the basement?

00:23:03.448 --> 00:23:06.017
I mean, I don't really care. But...

00:23:08.420 --> 00:23:09.788
What did you do?

00:23:09.888 --> 00:23:13.058
We did what any rational, thoughtful, responsible kids

00:23:13.125 --> 00:23:14.960
would've done in our position.

00:23:15.060 --> 00:23:16.027
[all exclaiming] Run!

00:23:19.231 --> 00:23:20.465
[Evan] Why is everyone running?

00:23:20.565 --> 00:23:23.135
[Tammy] Go, go, go!

00:23:23.235 --> 00:23:25.637
-[Evan] What's happening? -We gotta get outta here!

00:23:25.737 --> 00:23:28.073
[Evan] What's going on? What's going on?

00:23:28.140 --> 00:23:30.609
-The sound of all those bones breaking... -What do you mean, "bones"?

00:23:30.709 --> 00:23:34.112
It's game over at Keane's! Just go! Go! Go! Go!

00:23:34.646 --> 00:23:36.481
Go!

00:23:36.581 --> 00:23:38.984
[yells indistinctly]

00:23:39.084 --> 00:23:42.988
[adult Jake]  It was the end-o of Nintendo at Keane's as we knew it.

00:23:43.088 --> 00:23:44.623
So many thoughts raced through my head.

00:23:44.723 --> 00:23:46.825
Would I be arrested? Would I go to jail?

00:23:46.925 --> 00:23:49.261
Or worse, would I ever play Nintendo again?

00:23:57.436 --> 00:24:00.138
It's gonna be snow, snow, snow.

00:24:00.238 --> 00:24:01.973
[Lizzy] Snow!

00:24:02.073 --> 00:24:03.842
[weatherman]  We have a northwest clipper coming off

00:24:03.942 --> 00:24:05.177
-of the south side of Lake Michigan. -Yes!

00:24:05.277 --> 00:24:07.512
God bless it.

00:24:07.612 --> 00:24:09.181
[weatherman] And at Christmas time that's just perfect.

00:24:11.450 --> 00:24:14.085
Can't read Jenny Jablecki's handwriting on this, Mom.

00:24:14.152 --> 00:24:16.455
[Kathy] If there is a heart over the "I"...

00:24:16.521 --> 00:24:17.789
mark it wrong and move on.

00:24:19.090 --> 00:24:20.525
Are we gonna have a snow day today?

00:24:20.625 --> 00:24:23.695
I don't want anyone here getting their hopes up.

00:24:23.795 --> 00:24:25.096
It's probably not gonna happen.

00:24:25.163 --> 00:24:27.299
I don't want anyone getting upset, okay?

00:24:27.365 --> 00:24:30.035
[adult Jake]  In the history of Batavia, Illinois,

00:24:30.135 --> 00:24:32.103
there had never been a snow day.

00:24:32.170 --> 00:24:33.939
Not a single one.

00:24:34.005 --> 00:24:36.374
It could be 20 below with a Soviet attack on the way

00:24:36.475 --> 00:24:38.543
-and we'd still have school. -[reporter]  We just got this in.

00:24:38.643 --> 00:24:41.346
In Kane County, the school closures are as follows...

00:24:41.446 --> 00:24:43.014
-[Lizzy] Come on! -[reporter]  Geneva,

00:24:43.114 --> 00:24:44.349
-Come on! -[reporter]  Elburn...

00:24:44.449 --> 00:24:45.884
-[Jake] Come on! -[reporter]  South Elgin,

00:24:45.984 --> 00:24:48.720
[reporter]  North Aurora, and...that's it.

00:24:48.820 --> 00:24:50.889
-Stupid! -Oh, no!

00:24:50.989 --> 00:24:52.824
Mary of God!

00:24:54.226 --> 00:24:56.795
I told you guys not to get your hopes up.

00:24:56.862 --> 00:24:59.130
-[Jake] You okay, Mom? -[Kathy] All right. You have to eat something.

00:25:00.799 --> 00:25:02.501
-Here. -This is frozen.

00:25:02.567 --> 00:25:04.836
Yes, put it under your armpits for two minutes, it'll thaw out.

00:25:04.903 --> 00:25:06.738
Guys, coats, gloves. What are we doing?

00:25:06.838 --> 00:25:07.973
Jake, don't forget your boots.

00:25:08.039 --> 00:25:10.075
Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake.

00:25:10.175 --> 00:25:13.311
-[Lizzy laughs] -[sighs]

00:25:13.378 --> 00:25:18.083
[adult Jake]  My mother, in a multi-tasking, cold, coupon-induced bout of madness,

00:25:18.183 --> 00:25:20.919
had accidentally bought me girl's boots.

00:25:30.829 --> 00:25:33.331
Back then, they were a death sentence.

00:25:33.398 --> 00:25:36.501
I should note, they were also flowered and French.

00:25:36.568 --> 00:25:38.270
What do you mean, "girl's boots"?

00:25:38.370 --> 00:25:40.772
Like they only fit girl's feet?

00:25:40.872 --> 00:25:43.508
No, they were just purple.

00:25:43.575 --> 00:25:45.076
So?

00:25:45.176 --> 00:25:48.280
Back then, people were more close-minded about fashion.

00:25:48.380 --> 00:25:50.782
And everything else.

00:25:50.882 --> 00:25:52.217
Ooh, pretty.

00:25:53.618 --> 00:25:56.621
Did you know that Esprit is French for "cool"?

00:25:56.721 --> 00:25:58.223
-Really? -No.

00:25:58.290 --> 00:25:59.457
Just go ahead, I'll catch up.

00:25:59.558 --> 00:26:00.892
What if someone kidnaps me?

00:26:00.959 --> 00:26:03.261
They'll return you in, like, five minutes.

00:26:03.361 --> 00:26:04.763
You shouldn't be doing that.

00:26:04.863 --> 00:26:06.598
Wait a second and shut up.

00:26:06.698 --> 00:26:08.133
You said a swear.

00:26:08.233 --> 00:26:09.601
I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy.

00:26:09.701 --> 00:26:11.436
I got a lot on my mind too.

00:26:12.237 --> 00:26:13.972
Come on. Let's go.

00:26:14.072 --> 00:26:15.140
Let's go.

00:26:20.979 --> 00:26:22.047
[sneezes]

00:26:26.785 --> 00:26:30.555
[Mrs. Hugo] It's called the Dewey Decimal System.

00:26:30.622 --> 00:26:34.292
Right. This is a life skill, people, like cursive.

00:26:34.392 --> 00:26:37.796
When you're an adult, and you wanna look something up really quickly,

00:26:37.896 --> 00:26:41.166
you're gonna be very happy that you learned this today. Okay.

00:26:41.266 --> 00:26:44.102
All you're gonna have to do is go to the library.

00:26:44.169 --> 00:26:45.670
Get your coats and boots on, head on over...

00:26:45.770 --> 00:26:48.006
We talked to Keane. The dog's not dead.

00:26:48.106 --> 00:26:49.941
The dog's not dead?

00:26:50.008 --> 00:26:52.444
No, it just broke three legs and a few ribs. It's on life support.

00:26:52.510 --> 00:26:55.413
It's gonna make a full recovery though. Right?

00:26:55.480 --> 00:26:56.781
I wouldn't count on it.

00:26:56.848 --> 00:26:59.317
That TV landed on her like a house on a witch.

00:26:59.417 --> 00:27:01.920
But eventually it'll be like nothing happened.

00:27:01.987 --> 00:27:06.124
Physically, maybe. But mentally, she'll never be the same.

00:27:06.191 --> 00:27:08.693
You're lucky you didn't see it, Olsen. You would have thrown up.

00:27:08.793 --> 00:27:11.596
I only throw up from SpaghettiOs. It's a medical condition.

00:27:11.663 --> 00:27:14.032
He's really the Shackleton of the librarians.

00:27:14.132 --> 00:27:16.434
-And I'm not the only one who thinks that, by the way. -[snoring]

00:27:16.501 --> 00:27:18.870
Wait, so does this mean Nintendo's back on?

00:27:18.970 --> 00:27:20.271
-It gets a little more specific. -No.

00:27:20.338 --> 00:27:23.642
Keane's dad took it away. It's really over.

00:27:23.708 --> 00:27:25.377
[Jeff] Did you guys hear?

00:27:25.477 --> 00:27:27.512
The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving out a Nintendo this year.

00:27:27.612 --> 00:27:31.216
Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreath-selling contest gets one.

00:27:31.316 --> 00:27:34.219
-No way. -Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me.

00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:36.454
The same sixth-grader who told you that there were tryouts

00:27:36.521 --> 00:27:38.289
for the A-Team? Yeah, right.

00:27:38.356 --> 00:27:41.026
Nope. That was a lie. This one's real.

00:27:41.126 --> 00:27:43.528
We're gonna need some solid proof, Farmer.

00:27:43.628 --> 00:27:45.664
-Jake Doyle. -Huh?

00:27:45.730 --> 00:27:48.466
Do you have something that you'd like to share with the rest of the class?

00:27:48.533 --> 00:27:49.801
Uh, no.

00:27:49.868 --> 00:27:51.336
Don't think I haven't been watching you, Jake.

00:27:51.403 --> 00:27:52.804
You're the only one in here with wet shoes.

00:27:52.871 --> 00:27:55.840
Now, you know the rules. No boots, no recess.

00:27:55.907 --> 00:27:58.410
-But... -I expect to see you in boots at recess,

00:27:58.510 --> 00:28:00.478
or your name goes on the board...

00:28:00.545 --> 00:28:01.646
with a check.

00:28:01.713 --> 00:28:03.682
So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle?

00:28:04.315 --> 00:28:05.250
Boots...

00:28:06.017 --> 00:28:07.085
or a check?

00:28:08.353 --> 00:28:09.688
[Josh] Go, go, go!

00:28:13.158 --> 00:28:15.927
-[Josh] Catch it. Get out there. Catch it. -No.

00:28:16.027 --> 00:28:17.562
It changes colors when I lick it.

00:28:19.097 --> 00:28:20.498
[adult Jake]  Connor Stump

00:28:20.565 --> 00:28:23.101
was by far the weirdest kid in school.

00:28:23.201 --> 00:28:24.736
He always carried around a recorder

00:28:24.836 --> 00:28:27.005
and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna.

00:28:27.072 --> 00:28:31.543
You ever put socks and shoes on your hands and just crawl around?

00:28:31.609 --> 00:28:33.011
[growling]

00:28:33.078 --> 00:28:35.613
It's just me, Connor. I'm not really a lion.

00:28:35.714 --> 00:28:37.849
-Jake, come on, you're on our team. -[Josh] Let's go. Line up.

00:28:37.916 --> 00:28:40.218
Just play without me.

00:28:40.285 --> 00:28:42.353
What're you doing back there?

00:28:42.420 --> 00:28:44.422
Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again?

00:28:44.522 --> 00:28:46.191
Is it all furry and frozen?

00:28:47.225 --> 00:28:48.359
Dude.

00:28:48.426 --> 00:28:49.794
You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots.

00:28:49.894 --> 00:28:50.795
They're mine.

00:28:50.895 --> 00:28:52.230
Your mom use a coupon again?

00:28:53.198 --> 00:28:55.200
Let's go, Trotter, you baby.

00:28:55.266 --> 00:28:56.601
Yeah, we gotta get you outta here.

00:28:56.701 --> 00:28:59.037
If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you.

00:28:59.871 --> 00:29:01.539
Hey. What're you...

00:29:01.606 --> 00:29:03.908
You're wearing Katie Sorrentino's boots.

00:29:03.975 --> 00:29:05.143
They're mine.

00:29:05.243 --> 00:29:07.445
That's it! I'm coming over there.

00:29:07.545 --> 00:29:09.414
No, no! What do I do? What do I do?

00:29:09.481 --> 00:29:12.484
Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something?

00:29:12.584 --> 00:29:15.253
I call dibs if there's a dead squirrel back there again.

00:29:17.889 --> 00:29:19.257
[Josh laughs]

00:29:19.324 --> 00:29:23.828
I think we got ourselves a pair of girl's boots here.

00:29:23.928 --> 00:29:25.663
[adult Jake]  Painfully, my mind flipped through

00:29:25.764 --> 00:29:28.767
the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure.

00:29:28.833 --> 00:29:32.337
Weeks of wedgies, swirlies, dead legs.

00:29:32.437 --> 00:29:37.175
I wanted to punch a kid's face until it turned into Kool-Aid so bad

00:29:37.275 --> 00:29:40.512
and I didn't get the chance... until now.

00:29:40.612 --> 00:29:41.846
-What's up, dork? -Hi!

00:29:41.946 --> 00:29:43.982
How's Four Eyes?

00:29:44.082 --> 00:29:46.851
-[adult Jake]  But then, I heard the voice of an angel. -[Jeff] Guys, I got proof!

00:29:47.786 --> 00:29:49.087
[Jeff] Guys! Guys!

00:29:49.154 --> 00:29:50.789
It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo!

00:29:53.825 --> 00:29:55.760
It's just a picture of a dumb wreath.

00:29:55.827 --> 00:29:57.662
You gotta read it.

00:29:57.762 --> 00:30:01.866
"This year's first prize is a brand-new Nintendo Entertainment System."

00:30:02.634 --> 00:30:04.969
[all exclaiming]

00:30:12.844 --> 00:30:14.012
I'm gonna kill you.

00:30:14.112 --> 00:30:16.815
[all cheering]

00:30:16.881 --> 00:30:19.717
[adult Jake]  Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell

00:30:19.818 --> 00:30:22.687
I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way...

00:30:22.787 --> 00:30:25.323
envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest

00:30:25.390 --> 00:30:28.493
needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell.

00:30:28.560 --> 00:30:31.529
And I had my sales pitch all planned out.

00:30:31.629 --> 00:30:32.730
[clears throat]

00:30:32.831 --> 00:30:34.532
[knocking]

00:30:34.632 --> 00:30:36.634
"I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts, ma'am, and without your help

00:30:36.701 --> 00:30:40.004
thousands of boys may become drug addicts and communists."

00:30:40.071 --> 00:30:41.739
-What? -What?

00:30:41.840 --> 00:30:42.874
What? What do you want?

00:30:42.974 --> 00:30:45.243
Hi. My name is...

00:30:45.343 --> 00:30:47.745
Wait. You're not trying to sell me something, are you?

00:30:49.013 --> 00:30:50.048
Wanna buy a wreath?

00:30:52.750 --> 00:30:56.387
What, do you got a learning disability or something?

00:30:56.487 --> 00:30:59.724
Wait, you don't really got a learning disability, do you?

00:30:59.824 --> 00:31:03.194
Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks!

00:31:05.530 --> 00:31:06.598
-[door slams] -Oh.

00:31:09.534 --> 00:31:12.937
[Jeff] Hey, Doyle. Gotta look out for those "no solicitor" signs.

00:31:14.505 --> 00:31:16.441
What're you doing here, Farmer?

00:31:16.541 --> 00:31:17.609
-[doorbell chiming] -Ruining your life.

00:31:17.709 --> 00:31:19.277
You can't sell wreaths here.

00:31:19.377 --> 00:31:22.247
You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules.

00:31:22.347 --> 00:31:23.715
That Nintendo's mine.

00:31:23.781 --> 00:31:27.051
-I've already sold 67 wreaths. -To who?

00:31:27.118 --> 00:31:29.287
People. Your mom.

00:31:29.387 --> 00:31:31.789
You're full of it, Farmer.

00:31:31.890 --> 00:31:34.192
Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home.

00:31:34.259 --> 00:31:36.761
I need to speak to an adult in the house.

00:31:36.861 --> 00:31:40.265
And did I mention how much I like your sweater?

00:31:40.365 --> 00:31:43.534
[adult Jake]  All over town, the boys in green pounded the pavements

00:31:43.601 --> 00:31:44.802
in record numbers,

00:31:44.903 --> 00:31:46.471
all in the name of Nintendo.

00:31:46.571 --> 00:31:51.075
A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkos had been born.

00:31:51.142 --> 00:31:53.978
Merry Christmas, ma'am. Would you like to buy a wreath?

00:31:55.280 --> 00:31:57.215
Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season.

00:31:57.282 --> 00:32:00.919
Merry Christmas, sir. Do you think  Die Hard is a Christmas movie?

00:32:00.985 --> 00:32:03.655
Look at that, it's already wreath-thirty?

00:32:04.756 --> 00:32:06.391
Um...

00:32:06.457 --> 00:32:09.093
"Douglas fir Christmas wreaths." Just say it!

00:32:09.160 --> 00:32:10.995
Why don't you just say it?

00:32:11.095 --> 00:32:14.599
'Cause I'm not in stupid Ranger Scouts, 'cause I'm not a stupid boy.

00:32:14.666 --> 00:32:16.668
[adult Jake]  And it was every kid for themselves.

00:32:19.437 --> 00:32:22.674
Kids who weren't even in Ranger Scouts were getting in on the action.

00:32:22.774 --> 00:32:24.475
I will not take no for an answer!

00:32:24.575 --> 00:32:28.579
That is the first rule of salesmanship! The first rule!

00:32:28.646 --> 00:32:30.014
[knocking]

00:32:30.114 --> 00:32:31.649
[adult Jake]  Even I was getting the hang of it.

00:32:33.785 --> 00:32:36.521
Oh, are you here to shovel my walk?

00:32:36.621 --> 00:32:38.690
No, I'm here to sell Christmas wreaths.

00:32:38.790 --> 00:32:41.125
Okay. Um, let me see.

00:32:41.192 --> 00:32:42.927
My wallet's in my car.

00:32:42.994 --> 00:32:44.662
You want me to...

00:32:44.762 --> 00:32:47.332
Shovel my car out, so I can get to it. That would be great.

00:32:47.432 --> 00:32:48.933
Oh, I'll get the shovel.

00:32:54.439 --> 00:32:55.974
[panting]

00:33:00.645 --> 00:33:03.214
[Kathy laughing]

00:33:03.314 --> 00:33:07.218
[Jeff] The Tevatron particle accelerator at Fermilabs, they get more headlines.

00:33:07.318 --> 00:33:08.820
But if you ask me...

00:33:08.886 --> 00:33:10.822
the most valuable local resource we still have today

00:33:10.888 --> 00:33:12.190
are our teachers.

00:33:12.290 --> 00:33:14.392
Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle.

00:33:14.492 --> 00:33:16.627
Merry Christmas, Jeff.

00:33:16.694 --> 00:33:17.829
Stay beautiful, Kath.

00:33:19.964 --> 00:33:21.399
She said I reminded her of you.

00:33:23.334 --> 00:33:24.569
See you later, Jake.

00:33:26.971 --> 00:33:28.706
Did it have to be Farmer?

00:33:28.806 --> 00:33:31.075
He offered me an honest deal at an honest price.

00:33:31.175 --> 00:33:33.011
There's nothing honest about him!

00:33:33.077 --> 00:33:34.579
He's a pathological liar!

00:33:34.679 --> 00:33:39.083
Oh, I thought he was a really nice boy.

00:33:39.183 --> 00:33:41.352
Those are for your mother.

00:33:41.419 --> 00:33:43.421
My mom would want me to have one.

00:33:43.521 --> 00:33:47.225
I didn't even know that you were selling wreaths this year.

00:33:47.325 --> 00:33:51.095
He only cares about it now because they're giving away a Nin--

00:33:51.195 --> 00:33:52.597
Night in Chicago.

00:33:52.697 --> 00:33:54.699
Yep. That's a new prize.

00:33:54.766 --> 00:33:58.336
At a hotel, I think, in downtown?

00:33:58.403 --> 00:34:00.505
[Kathy] That's a peculiar prize for an 11-year-old.

00:34:00.571 --> 00:34:02.607
That is a peculiar prize.

00:34:02.707 --> 00:34:04.575
Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad?

00:34:04.675 --> 00:34:06.511
God bless it. Where the hell is it?

00:34:06.577 --> 00:34:08.446
The Phillips head is in the butter dish.

00:34:10.081 --> 00:34:11.449
[John] No, that's not it.

00:34:11.549 --> 00:34:13.351
You know what, Jake? If you wanna win that prize,

00:34:13.418 --> 00:34:15.953
you have to do what I tell my kids in class every day.

00:34:16.054 --> 00:34:17.622
Make like a vacuum cleaner.

00:34:17.722 --> 00:34:20.091
Suck it up and do the work.

00:34:20.191 --> 00:34:22.693
-[John groans] -What are you looking for?

00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:23.928
My gourmet sausage.

00:34:24.028 --> 00:34:25.863
How the hell do you lose a sausage?

00:34:25.930 --> 00:34:27.065
[Kathy] Dinner is served.

00:34:28.866 --> 00:34:31.369
I wanted to eat it with dinner.

00:34:31.436 --> 00:34:32.637
We're having salads.

00:34:32.737 --> 00:34:35.573
That's why I wanted to eat the sausage.

00:34:35.640 --> 00:34:37.208
Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad.

00:34:37.275 --> 00:34:40.044
'Cause, I mean, he's been pooping so much lately.

00:34:40.111 --> 00:34:41.312
He has, hasn't he?

00:34:41.412 --> 00:34:42.580
You know how I know that?

00:34:42.647 --> 00:34:45.083
Because it still hasn't been picked up.

00:34:45.149 --> 00:34:47.285
Uh, it snowed.

00:34:47.385 --> 00:34:49.320
Hey, that's no excuse, okay?

00:34:49.420 --> 00:34:52.924
Tomorrow morning, you, that shovel, backyard.

00:34:52.990 --> 00:34:55.993
No, I'm totally supposed to sell wreaths all day tomorrow.

00:34:56.094 --> 00:34:58.096
Well, too bad. And stop saying "totally."

00:34:58.162 --> 00:34:59.097
It's not fair.

00:34:59.163 --> 00:35:01.232
Hey, if life was fair,

00:35:01.299 --> 00:35:04.001
it would be... a fair.

00:35:04.102 --> 00:35:06.170
Okay? But I don't...

00:35:06.270 --> 00:35:08.940
I don't see any carnival rides around here, do you?

00:35:09.807 --> 00:35:10.675
Hmm.

00:35:11.909 --> 00:35:13.678
You just made that up, didn't you?

00:35:13.778 --> 00:35:15.947
No, I didn't.

00:35:16.013 --> 00:35:17.482
It's an old saying.

00:35:18.282 --> 00:35:20.017
Listen!

00:35:20.118 --> 00:35:25.690
In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...

00:35:25.790 --> 00:35:29.660
from thou thy bounty, to Jesus Christ's name...

00:35:29.760 --> 00:35:31.963
-he is great. -Amen.

00:35:32.029 --> 00:35:35.967
[adult Jake]  I was convinced Elwood had pooped more times than any other dog

00:35:36.033 --> 00:35:38.536
in the history of the world.

00:35:38.636 --> 00:35:40.605
Our yard looked like a vanilla cake

00:35:40.671 --> 00:35:43.541
that someone dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips onto.

00:35:45.710 --> 00:35:48.613
What's Lizzy doing? She can't help?

00:35:48.679 --> 00:35:52.216
You wanted the dog, you pick up after it.

00:35:52.316 --> 00:35:54.218
You got the dog before I was born.

00:35:54.318 --> 00:35:57.388
Who wanted the dog is irrelevant, Jake. Just pick up the dang poop.

00:35:59.857 --> 00:36:00.858
Come here.

00:36:02.493 --> 00:36:03.461
Come here.

00:36:05.530 --> 00:36:07.465
All right. Take a deep breath.

00:36:09.634 --> 00:36:10.535
Go ahead.

00:36:12.837 --> 00:36:13.804
You smell that?

00:36:13.871 --> 00:36:15.573
-Poo? -No!

00:36:15.673 --> 00:36:16.674
Fresh air!

00:36:18.543 --> 00:36:20.311
That's all we had, and we loved it.

00:36:20.378 --> 00:36:22.313
When I was your age, we didn't have Nintendos.

00:36:22.380 --> 00:36:23.514
You know what we did?

00:36:24.348 --> 00:36:26.350
Built forts in the woods.

00:36:26.417 --> 00:36:28.586
We'd gather up old lumber and siding

00:36:28.686 --> 00:36:31.055
and whatever we could find we'd build, like,

00:36:31.155 --> 00:36:33.558
watchtowers and rope ladders...

00:36:33.658 --> 00:36:34.892
Trapdoors?

00:36:34.992 --> 00:36:36.894
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we built trapdoors, too.

00:36:37.895 --> 00:36:39.931
-Cool. -Yeah, it was cool.

00:36:40.031 --> 00:36:42.366
Yeah, we'd work on it all year round, too.

00:36:42.433 --> 00:36:43.668
Kinda like the house?

00:36:45.703 --> 00:36:48.406
[laughing] Yeah. Kinda like the house.

00:36:49.340 --> 00:36:50.208
Yeah.

00:36:52.877 --> 00:36:55.613
Cry in a bucket, that dog poops a lot.

00:36:55.713 --> 00:36:56.714
Yeah.

00:36:56.781 --> 00:36:57.615
Hey.

00:36:59.183 --> 00:37:00.718
Don't worry about behind the shed.

00:37:00.785 --> 00:37:02.787
Just get the ones around the house, okay?

00:37:03.888 --> 00:37:06.290
And then when you're done...

00:37:06.390 --> 00:37:08.559
you can varnish these old hockey sticks.

00:37:08.626 --> 00:37:09.860
Why?

00:37:09.927 --> 00:37:11.729
Because they need to get done, that's why.

00:37:11.796 --> 00:37:13.364
Come on, Dad.

00:37:13.431 --> 00:37:15.633
You think I like paying taxes and talking to our neighbors?

00:37:15.733 --> 00:37:17.235
No. But you gotta do it.

00:37:17.301 --> 00:37:18.936
I don't like doing that stuff!

00:37:22.373 --> 00:37:23.608
Careful with the varnish.

00:37:27.478 --> 00:37:30.748
[Jake] "Careful with the varnish." What am I gonna do? Drink it?

00:37:30.815 --> 00:37:32.049
I know how to be careful.

00:37:40.658 --> 00:37:41.592
We need to talk.

00:37:41.659 --> 00:37:42.994
What are you doing in my room?

00:37:43.094 --> 00:37:44.095
I need...

00:37:45.296 --> 00:37:46.897
Did Elwood diarrhea on you?

00:37:46.964 --> 00:37:48.933
It's varnish. What do you want?

00:37:49.000 --> 00:37:50.067
I need your help.

00:37:50.134 --> 00:37:51.002
With what?

00:37:51.102 --> 00:37:52.903
Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid.

00:37:52.970 --> 00:37:56.307
Santa didn't get me a She-Ra last year, so I can't trust him.

00:37:56.407 --> 00:37:58.009
I gotta go through Mom and Dad.

00:37:58.109 --> 00:37:59.443
So what do you need me for?

00:37:59.510 --> 00:38:02.146
I need you to drop hints for them to get me one.

00:38:02.246 --> 00:38:04.615
No way. Why would I wanna help you?

00:38:04.682 --> 00:38:07.918
Now, I want a redhead named Abrona Fiona with freckles and a...

00:38:07.985 --> 00:38:09.687
Why do you want a dumb doll so bad?

00:38:09.787 --> 00:38:13.090
Because I've always wanted a sister. Stop interrupting me.

00:38:13.157 --> 00:38:16.193
It looks bad if I'm talking about it all the time to Mom and Dad.

00:38:16.294 --> 00:38:19.363
We need a subtle attack, and we gotta act fast.

00:38:19.463 --> 00:38:20.931
What are you gonna do for me?

00:38:20.998 --> 00:38:23.134
-Tell you how to win a Nintendo. -[chuckles]

00:38:23.200 --> 00:38:25.169
You don't know how to win a Nintendo.

00:38:25.269 --> 00:38:26.604
Okay, never mind.

00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:30.808
Wait.

00:38:31.942 --> 00:38:33.210
How can I win it?

00:38:33.311 --> 00:38:36.614
You promise to help me get a Cabbage Patch Kid?

00:38:36.681 --> 00:38:38.149
Yeah, sure.

00:38:38.215 --> 00:38:39.050
Promise?

00:38:39.150 --> 00:38:40.818
Yes, I promise already.

00:38:40.885 --> 00:38:44.221
Okay. You sold two wreaths to Miss Sherman yesterday, right?

00:38:46.023 --> 00:38:46.891
How do you know that?

00:38:46.991 --> 00:38:48.159
Don't worry about it.

00:38:48.225 --> 00:38:50.561
She bought a lot because she's old, right?

00:38:50.661 --> 00:38:52.730
Old people buy stuff from kids.

00:38:52.830 --> 00:38:56.300
So what you need are a bunch of old people all in one place

00:38:56.367 --> 00:38:58.402
so you don't have to track them all down.

00:38:58.502 --> 00:38:59.737
What's your point?

00:38:59.837 --> 00:39:02.506
Prairie Pines, the nursing home.

00:39:02.573 --> 00:39:04.175
Two hundred old people,

00:39:04.241 --> 00:39:05.476
each with their own door,

00:39:05.543 --> 00:39:07.178
perfect for wreath-hanging.

00:39:07.978 --> 00:39:09.080
Wow.

00:39:11.515 --> 00:39:13.050
That's...

00:39:13.150 --> 00:39:14.652
That's a really good idea.

00:39:14.719 --> 00:39:16.854
I know. So we got a deal, or what?

00:39:16.921 --> 00:39:18.022
Yeah.

00:39:18.089 --> 00:39:20.925
A redhead with freckles. Don't mess it up.

00:39:22.026 --> 00:39:23.394
I'll be watching you.

00:39:25.596 --> 00:39:29.600
[adult Jake]  Prairie Pines nursing home didn't know what was about to hit them.

00:39:31.001 --> 00:39:32.870
[exhaling] "Suck it up. Do the work."

00:39:37.408 --> 00:39:39.410
Hi, everybody.

00:39:40.511 --> 00:39:43.114
-Hi. -Do you like blues?

00:39:43.214 --> 00:39:45.783
Hi! You look just like my grandson.

00:39:45.883 --> 00:39:47.918
Oh, let me see those cheeks.

00:39:48.018 --> 00:39:51.021
[adult Jake]  But it turned out, I didn't know what was about to hit me.

00:39:51.088 --> 00:39:53.290
Because the World's Fair was here...

00:39:53.391 --> 00:39:56.627
and we were celebrating the city's centennial.

00:39:56.727 --> 00:40:01.298
You see, Chicago was founded in 1833.

00:40:01.399 --> 00:40:05.603
That makes it 100 years to 1933.

00:40:08.305 --> 00:40:09.306
Hold on.

00:40:29.994 --> 00:40:31.495
It's what he would've wanted.

00:40:43.174 --> 00:40:46.076
[adult Jake]  It took six hours and ten cups of pudding,

00:40:46.143 --> 00:40:50.815
but I managed to sell a whopping 47 wreaths to the nursing home.

00:40:50.915 --> 00:40:52.149
All thanks to Lizzy.

00:40:53.083 --> 00:40:54.452
Hey, Mom.

00:40:54.518 --> 00:40:56.854
Did you know that this mall has the largest selection

00:40:56.954 --> 00:40:59.924
of Cabbage Patch Kids in all of Chicago?

00:41:00.991 --> 00:41:02.693
I didn't know that, no.

00:41:02.793 --> 00:41:05.262
Which is good, 'cause they're really flying off the shelves.

00:41:09.166 --> 00:41:12.269
He doesn't want a Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he?

00:41:12.336 --> 00:41:14.205
-No idea. -Odd. But who knows with these two?

00:41:14.305 --> 00:41:16.474
-Hey! What're you doing? -[horn blaring]

00:41:16.540 --> 00:41:18.676
Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker.

00:41:18.776 --> 00:41:20.845
-Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. -Okay. All right, John...

00:41:20.945 --> 00:41:22.813
He's jerking the wheel like he's milking a cow.

00:41:24.648 --> 00:41:28.619
[adult Jake]  Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicago shopping trip.

00:41:28.686 --> 00:41:30.221
Also known as my dad's least favorite

00:41:30.321 --> 00:41:31.956
and most expensive day of the year.

00:41:32.022 --> 00:41:33.557
You know what I love when you wear?

00:41:33.657 --> 00:41:35.159
-What? -Turtlenecks.

00:41:35.226 --> 00:41:36.961
Ah.

00:41:37.027 --> 00:41:38.729
It's gonna be so cold in Minnesota when we get to my parents' house,

00:41:38.829 --> 00:41:40.965
I feel like we should definitely try on a few today.

00:41:41.031 --> 00:41:44.568
Yeah, well, turtlenecks, your parents, it's great.

00:41:44.668 --> 00:41:45.569
So, yes?

00:41:45.669 --> 00:41:46.737
Look at this idiot.

00:41:46.837 --> 00:41:47.905
What're you doing?

00:41:48.005 --> 00:41:50.307
Hey! You beeping at me?

00:41:50.374 --> 00:41:51.342
[horn honking]

00:41:51.408 --> 00:41:52.877
Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles.

00:41:52.977 --> 00:41:54.578
Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen.

00:41:55.179 --> 00:41:56.247
Sorry.

00:41:56.347 --> 00:41:57.848
Can we turn on the Christmas carols?

00:41:57.915 --> 00:42:00.217
No! No Christmas carols.

00:42:00.317 --> 00:42:03.988
Steely Dan. Listen to this. This is good stuff.

00:42:05.856 --> 00:42:06.924
Year-round.

00:42:09.860 --> 00:42:13.931
[carolers singing] ♪  We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

00:42:14.031 --> 00:42:15.766
♪  We wish you a Merry Christmas

00:42:15.866 --> 00:42:17.668
-♪ And a happy New Year ♪ -[John] Elves!

00:42:17.735 --> 00:42:19.770
-Hey. Creep me out. -Breathe, John. You have to breathe.

00:42:19.870 --> 00:42:23.274
No, it's like a grown man acting that chipper, it's not natural.

00:42:23.374 --> 00:42:26.176
-♪  And a happy New...♪ -Back off, Jack!

00:42:26.243 --> 00:42:27.745
[Kathy] Sorry.

00:42:27.845 --> 00:42:30.581
-Have some self-respect. Jesus. -You have to calm down.

00:42:30.681 --> 00:42:31.949
[John] Why are we walking so fast?

00:42:32.049 --> 00:42:34.184
[Kathy] Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay?

00:42:34.251 --> 00:42:36.453
You had your chance at home. Do not test me.

00:42:36.554 --> 00:42:38.188
God, why is it so hot in here?

00:42:38.255 --> 00:42:40.124
We're not stopping for Santa yet, guys, okay?

00:42:40.224 --> 00:42:43.360
Hey, is there a bar at the food court?

00:42:43.427 --> 00:42:46.864
John, it's barely noon.

00:42:46.931 --> 00:42:51.969
Okay, we got Barb her candles, we got the two-for-one turtlenecks...

00:42:52.069 --> 00:42:54.305
-Mom, look, there's the Cabbage Patch store. -What are we missing?

00:42:54.405 --> 00:42:55.639
-Can we go, Mom? -Yes,

00:42:55.739 --> 00:42:58.108
honey, go on. Lead the way.

00:42:58.208 --> 00:43:00.044
[Jake] Hey, Mom. Did you know

00:43:00.110 --> 00:43:03.480
that Cabbage Patch Kids come with their own birth certificates?

00:43:03.581 --> 00:43:05.316
Thought all you cared about was selling wreaths.

00:43:05.416 --> 00:43:07.818
Since when are you so interested in Cabbage Patch Kids?

00:43:07.918 --> 00:43:09.653
Lizzy really wants one.

00:43:09.753 --> 00:43:12.456
Well, they're very expensive, honey, and they're very hard to find.

00:43:26.670 --> 00:43:28.572
Sold out in 20 minutes.

00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:31.175
Last Patch in all of Chicago.

00:43:31.275 --> 00:43:33.777
You should've seen it. It was ugly.

00:43:33.844 --> 00:43:36.814
One woman punched a grandma right in the throat.

00:43:37.615 --> 00:43:38.782
Same family, too.

00:43:39.783 --> 00:43:42.753
Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay.

00:43:42.820 --> 00:43:46.457
You know, I saw some really nice Care Bears on the way in.

00:43:46.523 --> 00:43:48.258
Care Bears are for babies.

00:43:48.325 --> 00:43:49.693
-[sobbing] -Oh.

00:43:49.793 --> 00:43:51.695
[adult Jake]  Poor little Lizzy.

00:43:51.795 --> 00:43:54.131
It kinda made you wanna go over there and wipe her tears

00:43:54.198 --> 00:43:55.366
and give her a big...

00:43:55.466 --> 00:43:58.469
Hold on a second.

00:43:58.535 --> 00:43:59.837
[Nintendo] Hello, Jake.

00:44:00.771 --> 00:44:01.705
Who said that?

00:44:01.805 --> 00:44:03.307
[Nintendo] You know who.

00:44:03.374 --> 00:44:04.508
Nintendo?

00:44:04.608 --> 00:44:06.877
[Nintendo] That's right. Come over here.

00:44:06.977 --> 00:44:08.545
I've missed you, Jake.

00:44:08.646 --> 00:44:10.614
[Kathy] Hey, Jake. Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs

00:44:10.681 --> 00:44:12.182
to get the Fenelons a gift.

00:44:12.282 --> 00:44:15.352
[John] Why? They haven't given us anything.

00:44:15.452 --> 00:44:18.288
[Kathy] Stay down here with the toys and watch your sister, okay?

00:44:19.189 --> 00:44:20.290
[John] Jake.

00:44:21.625 --> 00:44:23.060
-Jake. -Huh?

00:44:23.160 --> 00:44:24.461
Watch your sister.

00:44:25.229 --> 00:44:26.697
Yeah.

00:44:26.797 --> 00:44:29.199
[Nintendo] That's it. Come over here, Jake.

00:44:29.299 --> 00:44:30.968
You know you want to.

00:44:31.035 --> 00:44:34.238
What am I gonna do about my Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake?

00:44:34.338 --> 00:44:36.707
[Nintendo] Forget your sister, Jake. She's useless.

00:44:36.807 --> 00:44:38.742
You should be worried about the wreaths.

00:44:38.842 --> 00:44:40.544
Have you sold enough wreaths?

00:44:40.644 --> 00:44:42.179
I'll do anything to be with you.

00:44:42.246 --> 00:44:43.814
Who're you talking to?

00:44:43.881 --> 00:44:45.649
We need a new plan.

00:44:45.716 --> 00:44:47.918
Jake? Jake?

00:44:48.018 --> 00:44:50.721
[Nintendo] Do you know how many games I have here, Jake?

00:44:50.821 --> 00:44:52.856
I have all the games.

00:44:52.923 --> 00:44:54.758
Way more than Timmy Keane.

00:44:54.858 --> 00:44:56.927
What game would you like to play?

00:44:57.027 --> 00:44:58.195
Joust.

00:44:58.262 --> 00:45:00.164
Pick another one. I don't have that one.

00:45:00.230 --> 00:45:01.598
[Jake]  Super Mario Bros.

00:45:01.699 --> 00:45:03.400
-Pick another one. -Defender.

00:45:03.500 --> 00:45:05.869
Hmm, how about  Rampage?

00:45:05.936 --> 00:45:07.171
It's loaded up right now.

00:45:07.237 --> 00:45:09.773
Cool. I'll do anything you say.

00:45:20.384 --> 00:45:22.386
[Nintendo] Very good. Yes.

00:45:22.453 --> 00:45:23.921
You're such a good boy, Jake.

00:45:24.021 --> 00:45:26.623
I can tell, you've got what it takes.

00:45:26.724 --> 00:45:27.758
You really think so?

00:45:27.858 --> 00:45:29.727
[Nintendo] No. I know so.

00:45:32.062 --> 00:45:33.964
[adult Jake]  Maybe it was the excitement of the display,

00:45:34.064 --> 00:45:36.100
or just the thrill of playing in public,

00:45:36.200 --> 00:45:40.070
but for some reason, I started playing the game of my life.

00:45:40.137 --> 00:45:42.072
Dude, you're on fire.

00:45:42.139 --> 00:45:45.309
[adult Jake] All other distractions became irrelevant.

00:45:45.409 --> 00:45:47.578
My senses had reached a higher state.

00:45:47.644 --> 00:45:50.748
I'd become one with Nintendo.

00:45:54.752 --> 00:45:57.154
Yeah!

00:45:57.254 --> 00:46:00.324
[Nintendo] Yes, yes. You were born for this moment.

00:46:02.993 --> 00:46:05.395
Whoa! You're amazing!

00:46:05.462 --> 00:46:07.064
What's your name, man?

00:46:07.131 --> 00:46:10.000
[Nintendo] Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake.

00:46:10.100 --> 00:46:11.168
Say it.

00:46:11.268 --> 00:46:12.402
Jake Doyle!

00:46:12.469 --> 00:46:14.805
[Nintendo] Jake Doyle. Nintendo master.

00:46:14.905 --> 00:46:15.973
[crowd] Jake! Jake! Jake!

00:46:16.073 --> 00:46:17.441
Jake! Jake! Jake!

00:46:17.508 --> 00:46:18.642
Jake! Jake! Jake!

00:46:18.742 --> 00:46:20.778
[all chanting]

00:46:20.844 --> 00:46:22.946
[adult Jake]  Before I knew it, the entire mall was chanting my name.

00:46:23.013 --> 00:46:25.415
This was why I needed a Nintendo.

00:46:25.482 --> 00:46:27.284
This was my destiny.

00:46:27.351 --> 00:46:29.353
Nothing could stop me now.

00:46:29.453 --> 00:46:31.789
[Kathy] Jake! Jake!

00:46:31.855 --> 00:46:33.791
[John] Jake Stephan Doyle!

00:46:33.857 --> 00:46:35.425
Where is your sister?

00:46:35.492 --> 00:46:37.161
[stammering]

00:46:37.261 --> 00:46:38.695
What's wrong with you?

00:46:38.796 --> 00:46:40.964
-[Kathy] Lizzy! -[John] Elizabeth!

00:46:41.031 --> 00:46:42.533
You're a dead man, bro.

00:46:42.633 --> 00:46:44.635
Lizzy!

00:46:44.701 --> 00:46:46.804
Lizzy! Lizzy!

00:46:46.870 --> 00:46:48.005
Lizzy!

00:46:48.105 --> 00:46:50.541
Forget about her, Jake. She's gone.

00:46:50.641 --> 00:46:54.111
Shut up, Nintendo! This is your fault!

00:46:54.178 --> 00:46:57.214
How do you get into homes that don't have chimneys?

00:46:57.314 --> 00:46:58.549
The back door.

00:46:58.649 --> 00:47:01.318
What if it's an apartment with no back door?

00:47:01.385 --> 00:47:02.319
The front door.

00:47:02.386 --> 00:47:04.221
So you know how to pick locks?

00:47:04.321 --> 00:47:05.222
That's me.

00:47:05.322 --> 00:47:06.623
Do you know that's a felony?

00:47:06.690 --> 00:47:09.226
Mom! She's over here! I found her!

00:47:09.326 --> 00:47:10.861
[Kathy] God, Lizzy!

00:47:12.029 --> 00:47:13.730
Oh, my God!

00:47:13.831 --> 00:47:16.567
Mom, they might still have Cabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole.

00:47:16.667 --> 00:47:17.835
Even ones with red hair.

00:47:17.901 --> 00:47:19.736
Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake.

00:47:19.837 --> 00:47:21.238
He was playing the Nintendo.

00:47:21.338 --> 00:47:23.340
[John screaming] God bless it, Jake!

00:47:25.342 --> 00:47:26.310
Are you okay?

00:47:27.477 --> 00:47:28.745
You start playing those games

00:47:28.846 --> 00:47:31.815
your brains turn to mush in, like, three minutes.

00:47:31.882 --> 00:47:33.350
That's your sister!

00:47:33.417 --> 00:47:36.019
It's not like losing your retainer!

00:47:37.254 --> 00:47:38.322
[Kathy] Hold on.

00:47:38.388 --> 00:47:40.357
Five bags here, John. Hold on.

00:47:43.260 --> 00:47:44.661
Open your mouth.

00:47:47.598 --> 00:47:49.099
Open your mouth.

00:47:49.199 --> 00:47:50.601
-John. -What?

00:47:50.701 --> 00:47:52.436
-Where's the Marshall Field's bag? -Hey!

00:47:52.536 --> 00:47:54.271
-Jake! -[Kathy] Your turtleneck's in it, John!

00:47:54.371 --> 00:47:56.273
Jake!

00:47:56.373 --> 00:47:58.609
[adult Jake]  The actual cost of my retainer had been explained to me

00:47:58.709 --> 00:48:01.445
in the simple terms of, "If you lose it, don't bother coming home."

00:48:03.447 --> 00:48:04.281
Jake!

00:48:05.115 --> 00:48:06.216
Jake!

00:48:06.283 --> 00:48:07.951
-Hey! -Jake!

00:48:08.051 --> 00:48:09.887
Move! Jake!

00:48:09.953 --> 00:48:12.389
[adult Jake] I figured it cost roughly as much as a new car.

00:48:12.456 --> 00:48:14.057
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

00:48:15.392 --> 00:48:16.260
Jake!

00:48:17.895 --> 00:48:19.029
Jake!

00:48:19.863 --> 00:48:20.864
Jake!

00:48:21.732 --> 00:48:22.699
[man] Whoa!

00:48:29.373 --> 00:48:30.874
Jake! Ha!

00:48:35.746 --> 00:48:36.813
[John sniggering]

00:48:36.914 --> 00:48:37.981
[elf] ♪  Six geese a-laying ♪

00:48:38.081 --> 00:48:39.082
♪ Five... ♪

00:48:39.149 --> 00:48:40.384
♪  Golden...♪

00:48:40.450 --> 00:48:42.219
[elf] No, wait! What... [screaming]

00:48:42.286 --> 00:48:43.287
-[John screaming] -[glass shattering]

00:48:44.488 --> 00:48:46.556
Of course! Packer fans.

00:48:47.491 --> 00:48:49.126
[panting]

00:49:05.776 --> 00:49:06.643
[John struggling]

00:49:10.247 --> 00:49:11.515
Oh, my God.

00:49:14.584 --> 00:49:16.353
Hey!

00:49:17.821 --> 00:49:20.857
[adult Jake]  Safe. Retainer retained.

00:49:22.793 --> 00:49:24.628
[breathlessly] Okay.

00:49:26.196 --> 00:49:27.631
[exhales]

00:49:27.698 --> 00:49:28.699
[softly] Okay.

00:49:35.639 --> 00:49:37.541
[kids chattering indistinctly]

00:49:37.641 --> 00:49:38.942
[Josh] You let the girls get punched!

00:49:42.179 --> 00:49:43.814
[adult Jake]  The best part of the shopping trip

00:49:43.880 --> 00:49:46.316
besides not losing my retainer or my sister

00:49:46.383 --> 00:49:48.952
was that it turns out there's a secret part of the mall

00:49:49.019 --> 00:49:51.455
where old people sit by the piano.

00:49:51.521 --> 00:49:53.957
I sold 22 more wreaths that day.

00:49:54.024 --> 00:49:55.325
How many you got, Jake?

00:49:56.026 --> 00:49:58.295
Um, 93.

00:49:58.362 --> 00:50:00.030
You're selling wreaths, too?

00:50:00.130 --> 00:50:01.465
What's a wreath?

00:50:04.868 --> 00:50:06.470
[radio playing]

00:50:07.237 --> 00:50:08.805
[train chugging]

00:50:09.706 --> 00:50:11.308
[John humming]

00:50:15.178 --> 00:50:17.814
-[Jake humming] -Enough with the dee-doos, for crying out loud,

00:50:17.881 --> 00:50:19.082
I'm trying to listen to this.

00:50:19.182 --> 00:50:20.650
And stop fiddling with the hand plane.

00:50:20.717 --> 00:50:21.985
This is not a toy. See?

00:50:22.753 --> 00:50:23.987
It's sharp.

00:50:25.322 --> 00:50:27.824
[clanking]

00:50:27.891 --> 00:50:31.762
[man on radio] Konroyd over to Larmer. Larmer circling.

00:50:31.862 --> 00:50:33.730
And has his pocket picked by Shane Corson...

00:50:33.830 --> 00:50:34.998
You know...

00:50:35.065 --> 00:50:37.000
If you want, sometime, maybe I can...

00:50:38.268 --> 00:50:40.670
teach you how to use some of those.

00:50:40.737 --> 00:50:42.839
I kinda got a lot going on, Dad.

00:50:42.906 --> 00:50:45.509
Ah... right.

00:50:45.575 --> 00:50:48.345
[man on radio] He dishes back to Larmer. Larmer down the near side,

00:50:48.412 --> 00:50:49.446
over to Savard...

00:50:49.546 --> 00:50:52.182
[louder]  He shoots, he scores!

00:50:52.249 --> 00:50:54.284
-Yes! -Denis Savard!

00:50:54.384 --> 00:50:56.386
-Hawks now leading with one! -Yeah, baby!

00:50:56.453 --> 00:50:59.923
-[exclaiming] -And Claude Lemieux is still jawing away.

00:51:00.023 --> 00:51:01.691
Quit your crying, Claude.

00:51:01.758 --> 00:51:03.794
Yeah, you're all talk, no walk.

00:51:03.894 --> 00:51:05.462
Remember that, Jake. Okay?

00:51:05.562 --> 00:51:09.299
A bully like Claude Lemieux is not worth a hill of beans.

00:51:09.399 --> 00:51:11.301
He's all talk, no walk.

00:51:11.401 --> 00:51:13.370
Why are we under this bridge, Dad?

00:51:13.437 --> 00:51:15.806
Talk to a guy about the Cabbage Patch Kids.

00:51:15.906 --> 00:51:17.641
You know what they look like, right?

00:51:17.741 --> 00:51:19.376
Why does Lizzy get to get what she wants,

00:51:19.443 --> 00:51:20.911
but I can't get what I want?

00:51:20.977 --> 00:51:22.379
Do you wanna deal with your sister

00:51:22.446 --> 00:51:24.314
if she doesn't get what she wants?

00:51:24.414 --> 00:51:25.715
-No. -Exactly.

00:51:25.782 --> 00:51:27.984
I don't negotiate with terrorists.

00:51:28.085 --> 00:51:29.653
So you just give them what they want?

00:51:29.753 --> 00:51:31.555
-Yeah. You kidding? -[engine revving]

00:51:35.058 --> 00:51:37.060
Okay. That's him.

00:51:37.127 --> 00:51:39.663
Let me do all the talking. Okay?

00:51:39.763 --> 00:51:41.398
This feels kinda scary, Dad.

00:51:41.465 --> 00:51:43.667
Here, I'll take the handsaw.

00:51:43.767 --> 00:51:45.602
Come on. Come on!

00:51:50.974 --> 00:51:52.342
Can I help you boys?

00:51:52.442 --> 00:51:53.410
[John] Yeah.

00:51:54.311 --> 00:51:56.680
Word is that you've...

00:51:56.780 --> 00:51:58.315
come into a little cabbage?

00:51:58.415 --> 00:52:00.250
Officer, please. I'm just standing here.

00:52:00.317 --> 00:52:02.619
I thought maybe you two needed directions, so...

00:52:02.686 --> 00:52:03.954
Relax, I'm not a cop.

00:52:04.020 --> 00:52:06.289
What about  21 Jump Street over here?

00:52:06.356 --> 00:52:07.424
He's not a cop.

00:52:07.491 --> 00:52:08.692
Come on, man. He's 11.

00:52:08.792 --> 00:52:10.160
Yeah, I don't know that.

00:52:10.260 --> 00:52:12.295
I mean, cops are crazy. You ever see  RoboCop?

00:52:12.362 --> 00:52:14.364
That dude's half cop and half robot.

00:52:14.464 --> 00:52:15.365
You ever see that movie?

00:52:15.465 --> 00:52:17.000
My mom wouldn't let me.

00:52:17.100 --> 00:52:18.768
But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it.

00:52:18.835 --> 00:52:19.769
Oh...

00:52:19.836 --> 00:52:21.705
Yeah. He's good. You're good.

00:52:21.805 --> 00:52:23.773
He's not a cop, all right? Now, come on.

00:52:23.840 --> 00:52:27.144
Are you gonna sell us a black-market Cabbage Patch Kid, or what?

00:52:27.210 --> 00:52:29.012
Step into my office.

00:52:29.112 --> 00:52:30.881
You boys need anything else while you're here?

00:52:30.981 --> 00:52:34.451
Some Pound Puppies? Kidney? Nintendo?

00:52:34.518 --> 00:52:36.386
-[Jake gasping] -[John] No, just the doll.

00:52:36.486 --> 00:52:38.455
We're gonna need a girl one.

00:52:38.522 --> 00:52:40.690
A redhead with freckles.

00:52:40.790 --> 00:52:42.826
Best Patch in the Tri-City.

00:52:44.895 --> 00:52:46.129
Yeah, that looks good.

00:52:46.196 --> 00:52:47.631
Yeah, does look good.

00:52:47.697 --> 00:52:50.400
So what, are you two having a father-son day? Yeah?

00:52:50.500 --> 00:52:51.668
Something like that? Yeah?

00:52:51.735 --> 00:52:52.736
Need a third?

00:52:52.836 --> 00:52:53.904
Nah, I'm kidding.

00:52:54.004 --> 00:52:56.406
I do miss my dad... A lot.

00:52:56.506 --> 00:52:59.009
[John] Hey, this redhead doesn't have any freckles.

00:52:59.075 --> 00:53:01.044
Yeah, no, the blond one's got freckles.

00:53:02.145 --> 00:53:03.680
-All right, how much? -$100.

00:53:03.747 --> 00:53:05.649
One hundred? No.

00:53:05.715 --> 00:53:07.017
Yeah, where else you gonna go?

00:53:07.083 --> 00:53:09.019
Every store from Wheaton to Winnetka's out.

00:53:09.085 --> 00:53:10.854
Sixty bucks.

00:53:10.921 --> 00:53:13.890
I got the name of two brothers up in Villa Park selling them for $50.

00:53:13.990 --> 00:53:15.659
You know what? We can go up there right now.

00:53:15.725 --> 00:53:18.094
Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No, no, no.

00:53:18.195 --> 00:53:20.664
You do not want any of their bald-headed junk.

00:53:20.730 --> 00:53:22.332
Seventy. Last offer.

00:53:24.167 --> 00:53:25.936
Oh, I can't say no to that face.

00:53:26.036 --> 00:53:27.237
All right. $70.

00:53:29.606 --> 00:53:31.174
-Comes with a birth certificate. -[Jake] Wow!

00:53:31.241 --> 00:53:33.443
-Dad, that's... -Signed right on the derriere.

00:53:34.911 --> 00:53:35.879
[dealer] Thanks.

00:53:38.381 --> 00:53:39.549
[John snickering]

00:53:39.616 --> 00:53:41.017
Can we ask about the Nintendo?

00:53:41.084 --> 00:53:43.386
I got him down from $100. Can you believe that?

00:53:43.453 --> 00:53:45.222
[chuckles] Lizzy's gonna love it.

00:53:45.288 --> 00:53:47.023
[adult Jake] Did it bother me that my dad went to

00:53:47.090 --> 00:53:49.292
Herculean lengths to get my sister a present?

00:53:49.392 --> 00:53:50.560
Sorta.

00:53:50.627 --> 00:53:53.196
But I was gonna get one on my own.

00:53:53.263 --> 00:53:55.198
[Mr. Halberg] Gentlemen.

00:53:55.265 --> 00:53:58.535
Look deeply into your candle's flame.

00:53:58.602 --> 00:54:01.438
Stare at its dancing light.

00:54:02.739 --> 00:54:05.442
Now, close your eyes.

00:54:06.710 --> 00:54:07.944
What do you see?

00:54:09.145 --> 00:54:12.415
You see the flame, gentlemen.

00:54:12.482 --> 00:54:14.317
It burns even when your eyes are closed

00:54:14.417 --> 00:54:18.221
because we know that even when we blow these candles out...

00:54:18.288 --> 00:54:22.058
the Loyal Ranger Scout flame will never fade.

00:54:22.125 --> 00:54:24.327
-[kid farting] -[children giggling]

00:54:24.427 --> 00:54:25.595
[Mr. Halberg clears throat]

00:54:26.463 --> 00:54:27.631
[sizzling]

00:54:30.100 --> 00:54:31.568
Okay.

00:54:31.635 --> 00:54:33.470
But I thought Loyal Ranger Scouts were for boys.

00:54:33.570 --> 00:54:35.105
And scouts are supposed to have honor,

00:54:35.171 --> 00:54:36.773
yet you're still here.

00:54:36.840 --> 00:54:38.008
[Mr. Halberg] Lots to get through tonight, gents.

00:54:38.108 --> 00:54:39.909
We've got the Pinewood Derby,

00:54:39.976 --> 00:54:41.678
the Loyalty Day parade... Oh...

00:54:41.778 --> 00:54:45.515
I got another 'Nam poem for you entitled "A Tie is Not a Loss."

00:54:45.615 --> 00:54:47.684
Get to the wreaths, Halberg!

00:54:47.784 --> 00:54:50.487
-I'm sorry? -The door necklaces.

00:54:50.587 --> 00:54:51.855
Are you even in this troop?

00:54:51.955 --> 00:54:56.693
[chanting] Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!

00:54:56.793 --> 00:54:58.028
Wreaths! Wreaths! Wreaths!

00:54:59.863 --> 00:55:02.532
Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths!

00:55:02.632 --> 00:55:05.268
[children cheering]

00:55:05.335 --> 00:55:06.703
Okay. Calm down.

00:55:06.803 --> 00:55:08.371
Now...

00:55:08.471 --> 00:55:10.540
I know you've all been selling very hard this year

00:55:10.640 --> 00:55:13.843
so we've done our best to make sure that these prizes...

00:55:13.943 --> 00:55:15.011
are special.

00:55:16.813 --> 00:55:18.848
[adult Jake]  Oh-ho! Look at that!

00:55:18.948 --> 00:55:22.285
First prize looked even bigger than a normal NES system.

00:55:22.352 --> 00:55:25.989
Who knew what other Nintendo treasures were under there?

00:55:26.056 --> 00:55:28.224
Told you it came with a free Power Pad.

00:55:29.626 --> 00:55:31.061
Okay. [clears throat]

00:55:31.161 --> 00:55:33.730
In third place...

00:55:36.166 --> 00:55:37.734
Jeffery Farmer!

00:55:37.834 --> 00:55:38.802
[kids cheering]

00:55:38.868 --> 00:55:41.071
Nobody cares about third place.

00:55:41.171 --> 00:55:43.873
[adult Jake] Considering Farmer's constant claims to victory,

00:55:43.973 --> 00:55:45.975
this was a delight to us all.

00:55:46.042 --> 00:55:47.844
Anybody had a chance now.

00:55:51.181 --> 00:55:52.649
"Subscription to  Boys' Life."

00:55:52.716 --> 00:55:54.417
-[children laughing] -Yes!

00:55:54.517 --> 00:55:55.752
I grew up on that magazine.

00:55:55.852 --> 00:55:57.654
[Mr. Halberg] Great articles.

00:55:57.721 --> 00:55:59.723
And in second place...

00:56:00.724 --> 00:56:02.726
an amazing showing...

00:56:04.728 --> 00:56:05.929
Teddy Hodges!

00:56:06.029 --> 00:56:07.764
No!

00:56:07.864 --> 00:56:09.666
[adult Jake] Sadly, the combined totals of the Hodges twins

00:56:09.733 --> 00:56:11.768
were only good enough for silver.

00:56:13.903 --> 00:56:16.673
It's a globe of the whole world!

00:56:16.740 --> 00:56:17.774
All of it!

00:56:21.044 --> 00:56:22.946
[clanging]

00:56:23.046 --> 00:56:25.215
[adult Jake]  There was no second place when it came to Nintendo.

00:56:27.784 --> 00:56:29.586
And now...

00:56:29.686 --> 00:56:32.355
-[Evan] This is it, this is it! -...this year's first prize winner

00:56:32.422 --> 00:56:34.691
of the wreath-selling contest.

00:56:34.758 --> 00:56:39.262
The highest sales total in troop history...

00:56:42.632 --> 00:56:44.200
Jake Doyle!

00:56:44.267 --> 00:56:45.435
[all cheering]

00:56:51.074 --> 00:56:52.475
I won!

00:56:52.575 --> 00:56:55.278
[adult Jake]  You can put it on the board! Yes!

00:56:55.378 --> 00:56:56.980
Oh, so many people to thank.

00:56:57.080 --> 00:57:00.283
My friends, my family, the Nintendo Corporation...

00:57:00.383 --> 00:57:01.584
Yes!

00:57:01.651 --> 00:57:03.820
[Mr. Halberg] This year's first prize...

00:57:03.920 --> 00:57:06.156
the best we've had in years...

00:57:07.590 --> 00:57:09.392
-Are you ready, Jake? -Yeah.

00:57:10.994 --> 00:57:13.630
A brand-new set of World Book encyclopedias!

00:57:14.264 --> 00:57:15.799
What?

00:57:15.899 --> 00:57:18.067
[adult Jake] It was like winning more school.

00:57:18.134 --> 00:57:20.103
No!

00:57:20.170 --> 00:57:23.506
Where is it? [screaming]

00:57:23.606 --> 00:57:26.609
-I hate you, Halberg! -[Mr. Halberg exclaiming] God.

00:57:29.412 --> 00:57:31.514
[adult Jake] It didn't make any sense. Why?

00:57:31.614 --> 00:57:35.251
Why had the troop leaders promised us toys, and then give us books?

00:57:35.318 --> 00:57:38.087
Who could possibly be behind something so terrible?

00:57:38.154 --> 00:57:40.089
So awful, so villainous?

00:57:40.156 --> 00:57:44.427
Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who.

00:57:44.494 --> 00:57:47.664
Parents of Batavia, good evening.

00:57:47.764 --> 00:57:49.332
-Hi. -[adult Jake] Little did we know,

00:57:49.432 --> 00:57:51.701
the night before the wreath award ceremony,

00:57:51.801 --> 00:57:53.369
Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting

00:57:53.470 --> 00:57:56.372
with the express purpose of ruining our lives.

00:57:56.473 --> 00:57:59.476
There was an incident in my home recently.

00:57:59.542 --> 00:58:03.279
A member of the Keane family, Lacy Dog Keane...

00:58:03.346 --> 00:58:07.050
was crushed to near death by our 42-inch television set.

00:58:07.150 --> 00:58:10.186
[whispering] 42-inch, that's a really nice television set.

00:58:10.286 --> 00:58:11.554
[whispering] John.

00:58:11.654 --> 00:58:15.058
Now I certainly do not blame my boy, Timmy,

00:58:15.158 --> 00:58:17.961
who is a gifted, generous young man,

00:58:18.027 --> 00:58:22.665
who has recently been diagnosed with something called...

00:58:22.732 --> 00:58:24.400
"Attention Deficit..."

00:58:24.501 --> 00:58:25.902
Blah, blah, blah. Whatever.

00:58:26.002 --> 00:58:29.239
It's very serious... [sighs]

00:58:29.339 --> 00:58:31.708
and it's extremely rare.

00:58:31.808 --> 00:58:33.009
[crying] So rare.

00:58:33.076 --> 00:58:34.310
[kisses and blows]

00:58:34.377 --> 00:58:35.845
[kisses] I love you.

00:58:35.912 --> 00:58:37.146
Could I have the lights, please?

00:58:37.213 --> 00:58:38.147
[clicking]

00:58:40.683 --> 00:58:42.085
Ladies and gentlemen...

00:58:42.185 --> 00:58:45.255
the real culprit of this dog-crippling crime...

00:58:45.355 --> 00:58:46.990
is video games.

00:58:47.056 --> 00:58:49.659
Video games did this.

00:58:49.726 --> 00:58:51.060
-[crowd gasping] -[Mrs. Keane whimpers]

00:58:51.160 --> 00:58:52.595
And this.

00:58:52.695 --> 00:58:53.763
[crowd gasping loudly]

00:58:54.364 --> 00:58:55.265
And this.

00:58:56.199 --> 00:58:57.267
[gasping]

00:58:57.367 --> 00:58:58.935
And this.

00:59:00.703 --> 00:59:01.538
Oh.

00:59:01.604 --> 00:59:03.006
It's the same slide.

00:59:04.007 --> 00:59:07.110
I meant, and this.

00:59:07.210 --> 00:59:09.212
-[John] Still same slide. -God damn it!

00:59:11.014 --> 00:59:12.949
Timmy dumped cheese in here again.

00:59:13.049 --> 00:59:15.685
You know you can't give him cheese, Janice. You know this.

00:59:15.752 --> 00:59:17.120
Pookie.

00:59:19.188 --> 00:59:20.089
[sighs]

00:59:20.723 --> 00:59:22.025
And this.

00:59:22.091 --> 00:59:24.561
[crowd exclaiming]

00:59:24.627 --> 00:59:26.396
-The question is, ladies and gentlemen... -[Mrs. Keane crying]

00:59:26.462 --> 00:59:27.764
[man] Is that a dog?

00:59:27.864 --> 00:59:29.132
...what are we prepared to do about it?

00:59:29.232 --> 00:59:30.300
We should ban it!

00:59:30.400 --> 00:59:32.201
-Ban it! -Ban it! Ban it!

00:59:32.268 --> 00:59:35.138
-No more dogs are getting crushed in my town! -No more.

00:59:35.238 --> 00:59:36.973
-We must protect our dogs. -Yes.

00:59:37.073 --> 00:59:39.442
We must protect our community!

00:59:39.542 --> 00:59:41.144
Yes!

00:59:41.244 --> 00:59:43.146
[Mr. Keane] It's modern technology taking over our lives.

00:59:43.246 --> 00:59:45.315
It's only gonna get worse. It's all gonna go downhill from here!

00:59:45.415 --> 00:59:46.950
-[Mrs. Trotter] That's right. -We've gotta stop it!

00:59:47.050 --> 00:59:48.785
We've gotta burn it all, burn it all to the ground.

00:59:48.885 --> 00:59:50.153
-Burn it. -Yeah.

00:59:50.253 --> 00:59:52.922
Video game over! Video game over!

00:59:52.989 --> 00:59:54.924
Let me hear you. Video game over! Louder.

00:59:54.991 --> 00:59:57.994
[all chanting] Video game over! Video game over!

00:59:58.094 --> 00:59:59.495
-Let me hear you. -[chanting continues]

00:59:59.596 --> 01:00:01.264
[softly] Bring it down now. Video game over.

01:00:01.331 --> 01:00:03.499
[adult Jake]  Keane's panicked propaganda continued on

01:00:03.600 --> 01:00:04.901
well into the night.

01:00:04.968 --> 01:00:07.437
It was a virtual video game Armageddon.

01:00:07.503 --> 01:00:09.806
-[Mr. Halberg] I can feel it! We're so close! -[crowd] Video game over!

01:00:09.906 --> 01:00:11.674
Video game over!

01:00:11.774 --> 01:00:13.743
[adult Jake] And there was nothing we could do about it.

01:00:13.810 --> 01:00:14.978
[Bugs Bunny on TV] No rabbit.

01:00:18.648 --> 01:00:21.517
All those wreaths for nothing.

01:00:21.618 --> 01:00:25.421
Did you know that Australia's chief export is coal briquettes?

01:00:26.289 --> 01:00:28.324
[sighs]

01:00:28.424 --> 01:00:31.361
We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin from Kane County.

01:00:31.461 --> 01:00:33.329
Thank you, Walter. We're here live in Geneva

01:00:33.429 --> 01:00:36.599
with video game violence activist Dr. Timothy Keane.

01:00:36.666 --> 01:00:39.202
Dr. Keane, it's only eight shopping days now

01:00:39.302 --> 01:00:41.037
until Christmas, and you've managed to pass

01:00:41.137 --> 01:00:44.807
a county-wide ban on selling video game systems.

01:00:44.874 --> 01:00:46.476
-Is that correct? -That is correct.

01:00:46.542 --> 01:00:48.611
Every store in Kane County has agreed to it.

01:00:48.678 --> 01:00:52.348
And you really feel that video games promote violence enough

01:00:52.448 --> 01:00:54.217
to make them illegal?

01:00:54.317 --> 01:00:56.052
Has your dog ever been crushed to near death by your TV?

01:00:56.152 --> 01:00:58.054
No, she has not.

01:00:58.154 --> 01:00:59.956
[Dr. Keane on TV] It's not a pretty sight. Parents need to know the truth.

01:01:00.023 --> 01:01:04.227
These games are pure evil, and they've got to be stopped.

01:01:04.327 --> 01:01:07.030
Video game over! Video game over!

01:01:07.130 --> 01:01:08.898
-Video game over! -[crowd chanting on TV] Video game over!

01:01:08.998 --> 01:01:10.500
He's a podiatrist.

01:01:11.167 --> 01:01:12.168
Sorry, Jake.

01:01:12.235 --> 01:01:13.736
Knock it off, Lizzy.

01:01:13.836 --> 01:01:17.040
No, I was being serious. I know how much you wanted one.

01:01:18.675 --> 01:01:19.742
I had it.

01:01:20.576 --> 01:01:21.577
It was mine.

01:01:23.346 --> 01:01:24.347
But now...

01:01:25.882 --> 01:01:27.216
I'll never get one.

01:01:29.352 --> 01:01:31.421
Here. You can have the remote.

01:01:33.723 --> 01:01:35.024
Thanks, Lizzy.

01:01:40.863 --> 01:01:42.732
She gave you the remote?

01:01:42.832 --> 01:01:46.002
I would never give Charlie the remote.

01:01:46.069 --> 01:01:47.603
You must've been a wreck.

01:01:47.704 --> 01:01:50.339
Duh. They banned Nintendo.

01:01:50.406 --> 01:01:53.109
So, if Batavia banned Nintendo

01:01:53.209 --> 01:01:55.578
and Grandma and Grandpa won't get you one...

01:01:55.678 --> 01:01:58.181
and you're doing all these bad things, all the time...

01:01:58.247 --> 01:02:00.950
-Not all the time. -Yes, all the time.

01:02:01.050 --> 01:02:03.453
You're doing all these things, and no one will get it for you,

01:02:03.553 --> 01:02:04.887
then how did you get it?

01:02:04.954 --> 01:02:06.689
How did you get the Nintendo?

01:02:06.756 --> 01:02:09.225
Okay, calm down.

01:02:09.292 --> 01:02:10.960
Should we take a break? You wanna text Maeve--

01:02:11.060 --> 01:02:12.228
No!

01:02:12.295 --> 01:02:14.363
I wanna know what happens in the story.

01:02:14.430 --> 01:02:15.364
[sighs]

01:02:17.133 --> 01:02:18.801
You see, Annie...

01:02:18.901 --> 01:02:21.304
sometimes during Christmas...

01:02:21.404 --> 01:02:24.140
just when you think that all hope is lost...

01:02:25.374 --> 01:02:26.976
something magical happens.

01:02:28.277 --> 01:02:31.647
Some people call it a Christmas miracle.

01:02:31.748 --> 01:02:35.118
Well, this miracle happened at the roller rink.

01:02:36.452 --> 01:02:37.887
What's a roller rink?

01:02:38.921 --> 01:02:39.822
[sighs]

01:02:43.993 --> 01:02:47.830
[adult Jake] Six days until Christmas and it was officially official.

01:02:47.930 --> 01:02:50.399
None of us were getting a Nintendo.

01:02:56.072 --> 01:02:58.407
[Evan] My cousin in Elmhurst might get one still.

01:02:58.474 --> 01:03:00.143
That's in Cook County.

01:03:00.243 --> 01:03:01.410
DuPage County.

01:03:01.477 --> 01:03:03.446
-How do you know? -I got encyclopedias.

01:03:03.513 --> 01:03:05.515
[Jeff] Come on, guys. We still got each other.

01:03:05.615 --> 01:03:06.816
-[boy] Watch out! -[gasps]

01:03:06.916 --> 01:03:08.484
[glass breaking]

01:03:08.584 --> 01:03:11.320
-[Jeff] Sorry. -Objectively, I know that's hilarious

01:03:11.420 --> 01:03:15.124
but I just don't have it in me to laugh right now.

01:03:15.191 --> 01:03:17.693
[adult Jake]  It was the Hodges' birthday party.

01:03:17.794 --> 01:03:19.595
The dreaded Christmas birthday.

01:03:19.662 --> 01:03:22.498
Not only did the twins have to share a birthday between them,

01:03:22.598 --> 01:03:25.001
they had to share it with Christmas to boot.

01:03:25.101 --> 01:03:28.871
"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma."

01:03:28.971 --> 01:03:30.173
What a rip-off.

01:03:30.273 --> 01:03:33.009
"P.S. This gift is for you two to share."

01:03:34.811 --> 01:03:37.113
-Fresh packs. Who wants to open? -[all] Me!

01:03:40.349 --> 01:03:41.617
-You got Chris Sabo. -Need it.

01:03:41.684 --> 01:03:44.654
Need it. Got it. Need it.

01:03:44.720 --> 01:03:45.955
You gonna eat your gum?

01:03:48.691 --> 01:03:49.625
Ow!

01:03:50.393 --> 01:03:51.494
Mmm...

01:03:51.561 --> 01:03:54.030
Uh, I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken.

01:03:54.130 --> 01:03:55.965
[Tammy] Who cares about Billy Ripken?

01:03:56.032 --> 01:03:57.033
[chuckles in disbelief]

01:03:57.133 --> 01:03:58.201
What?

01:03:58.301 --> 01:03:59.468
What? What is it?

01:03:59.535 --> 01:04:00.903
You guys are not gonna believe this.

01:04:01.003 --> 01:04:03.072
Look! Right there! On his bat!

01:04:03.172 --> 01:04:05.541
-[Jake] Oh, my gosh! -[Evan] A swear word.

01:04:06.309 --> 01:04:07.710
That's a bad one.

01:04:07.810 --> 01:04:09.412
-What does it say? -[Evan] Don't read it out loud.

01:04:09.512 --> 01:04:11.347
I'm not allowed to hear swear words.

01:04:11.414 --> 01:04:13.216
"Swear word dash face."

01:04:13.316 --> 01:04:15.251
Which swear word? A-face?

01:04:15.351 --> 01:04:16.152
Mmm-mmm.

01:04:16.219 --> 01:04:18.221
-S-face? -Mmm-mmm.

01:04:18.321 --> 01:04:20.489
Wait. F-face?

01:04:20.556 --> 01:04:21.324
Bingo.

01:04:21.390 --> 01:04:22.658
It's an error card.

01:04:22.725 --> 01:04:25.428
It's the greatest error card of all time!

01:04:25.528 --> 01:04:26.896
Billy Ripken.

01:04:29.198 --> 01:04:30.700
Ninety-five bucks!

01:04:30.766 --> 01:04:32.034
[cheering]

01:04:32.101 --> 01:04:34.003
Ninety-five dollars? You're a millionaire!

01:04:34.070 --> 01:04:36.873
Yeah, Couple more of those, and you can buy your own Nintendo.

01:04:39.041 --> 01:04:40.209
Guys...

01:04:41.377 --> 01:04:42.778
I got it.

01:04:42.879 --> 01:04:44.046
[Jeff] I don't get it.

01:04:44.113 --> 01:04:45.281
[Jake] What do you mean, you don't get it?

01:04:45.381 --> 01:04:47.083
It's a very clear 15-point plan.

01:04:47.183 --> 01:04:50.086
-I think you spelled "covert" wrong. -[Mikey] Okay.

01:04:50.186 --> 01:04:53.789
The field trip is Monday at 0900 hours to Chicago.

01:04:53.890 --> 01:04:56.926
-So? -So, they still sell Nintendos there.

01:04:57.026 --> 01:04:58.094
So?

01:04:58.194 --> 01:04:59.929
So, we sell some baseball cards,

01:05:00.029 --> 01:05:01.464
get some money...

01:05:01.564 --> 01:05:03.599
we sneak out of the field trip and buy our own Nintendo.

01:05:03.699 --> 01:05:06.469
Oh, now I get it. But wait, how's that 15 steps?

01:05:06.569 --> 01:05:08.571
That's like... three.

01:05:08.638 --> 01:05:10.306
I don't know. We could get in trouble.

01:05:10.406 --> 01:05:13.376
I can't get in trouble now. It's almost Christmas.

01:05:13.442 --> 01:05:14.810
Forget Christmas.

01:05:14.911 --> 01:05:17.713
This is bigger than Christmas.

01:05:17.780 --> 01:05:23.052
[Jake]  This is our one and only chance to get a Nintendo.

01:05:23.119 --> 01:05:25.454
One that we can play on our own.

01:05:25.554 --> 01:05:27.823
We don't have to worry about taking our boots off,

01:05:27.924 --> 01:05:29.258
or getting in line...

01:05:29.325 --> 01:05:31.227
or any of that stuff.

01:05:31.294 --> 01:05:33.329
We can totally do this!

01:05:34.830 --> 01:05:38.000
-This is our Vietnam. -[Mikey] Yeah.

01:05:38.100 --> 01:05:41.003
I don't think that means what you think it means.

01:05:41.103 --> 01:05:43.406
I have no idea what it means.

01:05:43.472 --> 01:05:45.007
But who's with me?

01:05:45.107 --> 01:05:46.075
I'm in.

01:05:50.479 --> 01:05:52.281
Check, check. Over.

01:05:52.348 --> 01:05:53.683
Check, check. Over.

01:05:54.417 --> 01:05:55.651
[both] We're in.

01:06:12.468 --> 01:06:13.636
I'm in.

01:06:13.703 --> 01:06:15.104
Nope.

01:06:15.171 --> 01:06:16.305
-[Tammy] Forget it. -What?

01:06:16.372 --> 01:06:17.773
Baseball cards, Farmer.

01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:20.109
Come on! What's a guy gotta do?

01:06:20.810 --> 01:06:21.877
Olsen?

01:06:33.622 --> 01:06:34.824
[sighs]

01:06:36.325 --> 01:06:38.661
We're gonna get in so much trouble.

01:06:38.728 --> 01:06:39.862
[all cheering]

01:06:41.831 --> 01:06:45.167
[all] One, two, three, Nintendo!

01:06:45.234 --> 01:06:48.537
[all cheering]

01:06:49.839 --> 01:06:51.340
[all cheering]

01:06:51.407 --> 01:06:52.508
[Jake] Got it!

01:06:52.575 --> 01:06:53.576
Nice, Tammy.

01:06:53.676 --> 01:06:55.211
[Evan] Safe and secure.

01:06:55.311 --> 01:06:56.812
Here we go!

01:07:22.905 --> 01:07:25.775
[Annie]  Oh, no! Not Jagorski.

01:07:25.875 --> 01:07:27.243
What's he gonna do?

01:07:27.343 --> 01:07:28.944
I'll give you a hint.

01:07:29.045 --> 01:07:30.780
Nothing good.

01:07:30.880 --> 01:07:33.616
[Mrs. Hugo] It's my favorite field trip. Off to the Art Institute.

01:07:33.716 --> 01:07:35.284
-Duffle bag? -Check.

01:07:35.384 --> 01:07:37.086
-Blanket? -Check. In the bag.

01:07:37.186 --> 01:07:38.454
-Walkie-talkies? -Check.

01:07:38.554 --> 01:07:39.889
Camouflage, check.

01:07:39.955 --> 01:07:42.358
Not necessary, Farmer. But I like the spirit.

01:07:42.425 --> 01:07:44.360
Personally, I prefer a woodland pattern,

01:07:44.427 --> 01:07:45.895
you know, for urban combat.

01:07:45.961 --> 01:07:47.463
[Jeff] I agree.

01:07:47.563 --> 01:07:48.798
How are you feeling, Olsen?

01:07:48.898 --> 01:07:50.599
Not good. [gags]

01:07:50.699 --> 01:07:51.567
Perfect.

01:07:54.103 --> 01:07:56.305
Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle.

01:07:56.405 --> 01:07:58.474
I heard it's good for money management.

01:07:59.241 --> 01:08:01.143
[Jake struggling]

01:08:01.243 --> 01:08:02.745
[Josh growls]

01:08:02.812 --> 01:08:04.547
-That's ours! -Not anymore.

01:08:04.613 --> 01:08:06.115
You can't do that!

01:08:06.215 --> 01:08:08.984
Oh, yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?

01:08:09.085 --> 01:08:11.620
Yeah. That's what I thought.

01:08:11.720 --> 01:08:14.123
Your Nintendo's mine. [grunts]

01:08:14.223 --> 01:08:16.091
[laughs wickedly]

01:08:16.158 --> 01:08:17.259
[Josh] What up, Miss Hugo?

01:08:17.326 --> 01:08:18.561
Oh, man. This is so bad.

01:08:18.627 --> 01:08:20.496
I don't think it could get any worse.

01:08:20.596 --> 01:08:22.565
Jake Doyle.

01:08:22.631 --> 01:08:23.933
Where do you think you're going?

01:08:23.999 --> 01:08:25.601
On the bus to the Art Institute?

01:08:25.668 --> 01:08:26.902
Not like that.

01:08:27.670 --> 01:08:29.738
No boots, no field trip.

01:08:33.309 --> 01:08:37.012
[adult Jake] At first, I thought, "Maybe no one will notice."

01:08:37.113 --> 01:08:41.117
Hey, everybody! Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots!

01:08:41.183 --> 01:08:43.018
[children laughing]

01:08:46.288 --> 01:08:47.590
[mockingly] They're so pretty.

01:08:48.457 --> 01:08:50.192
I have the same kind.

01:08:50.292 --> 01:08:53.596
Reoccurring nightmares of Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs

01:08:53.662 --> 01:08:55.264
quickly fell to the wayside.

01:08:55.331 --> 01:08:57.500
It was a bad dream come to life.

01:08:57.600 --> 01:09:01.537
Wow! Nice boots, Doyle.

01:09:01.637 --> 01:09:04.974
Hey, why don't you come back and have a seat?

01:09:07.309 --> 01:09:09.478
Hey, you wanna hear about my ant farm?

01:09:09.545 --> 01:09:12.381
They're all dead. The uncles are still alive, though.

01:09:12.481 --> 01:09:13.883
[knuckles thumping]

01:09:17.353 --> 01:09:19.522
[adult Jake]  The entire plan hung in the balance.

01:09:19.622 --> 01:09:23.526
And I was stuck next to a kid eating erasers like Tic Tacs.

01:09:23.626 --> 01:09:25.561
Erasers are good. Do you want one?

01:09:25.661 --> 01:09:27.229
-No. -All right.

01:09:32.801 --> 01:09:36.138
♪  When you're Runnin' into first Then you feel a juicy burst♪

01:09:36.205 --> 01:09:38.974
♪  Diarrhea, diarrhea ♪

01:09:39.041 --> 01:09:42.411
♪  When you're Sliding into third And you feel a juicy turd♪

01:09:42.511 --> 01:09:45.314
♪  Diarrhea, diarrhea♪

01:09:45.381 --> 01:09:48.918
♪  When you're sliding into home And your pants Are full of foam♪

01:09:49.018 --> 01:09:51.387
♪  Diarrhea, diarrhea♪

01:09:53.556 --> 01:09:54.723
We're almost to the spot.

01:09:54.823 --> 01:09:56.659
Olsen's getting nervous. What do we do?

01:09:56.725 --> 01:09:58.160
I don't know.

01:09:58.227 --> 01:09:59.428
Just initiate phase one and I'll think of something.

01:09:59.528 --> 01:10:00.529
Okay.

01:10:05.501 --> 01:10:07.269
[whispering] What about the money?

01:10:08.204 --> 01:10:09.605
[exhales]

01:10:09.705 --> 01:10:11.273
Mrs. Hugo.

01:10:11.373 --> 01:10:13.242
-Evan, what are you doing out of your seat? -I don't feel good.

01:10:13.342 --> 01:10:14.777
Okay, I... We're gonna be...

01:10:14.877 --> 01:10:17.046
Don't be scared of Jagorski, he's only big in size.

01:10:17.112 --> 01:10:18.514
Think of something happy.

01:10:18.581 --> 01:10:21.750
Tell me your favorite letters of the alphabet.

01:10:21.850 --> 01:10:25.054
In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E...

01:10:25.120 --> 01:10:27.690
O, U, Q, X.

01:10:29.725 --> 01:10:33.395
Well, well, look at what we got here.

01:10:33.462 --> 01:10:35.798
We gotta get the Nintendo now. I can--

01:10:35.898 --> 01:10:39.101
Not listening to you, Doyle. The money's mine.

01:10:39.201 --> 01:10:41.136
-We gotta go now, or-- -Or else?

01:10:42.805 --> 01:10:44.273
Are you gonna make me?

01:10:44.373 --> 01:10:48.277
Go back and sit with your dork girlfriend

01:10:48.377 --> 01:10:50.145
in your girl boots!

01:10:50.246 --> 01:10:50.980
[thudding]

01:10:51.080 --> 01:10:52.815
Are you gonna cry now?

01:10:52.915 --> 01:10:54.083
[Josh crying mockingly]

01:10:56.752 --> 01:10:58.654
[adult Jake] And that's when it hit me.

01:10:58.754 --> 01:11:02.591
Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo. He was a rebel.

01:11:02.658 --> 01:11:04.493
He didn't care about being called names.

01:11:04.593 --> 01:11:06.929
He didn't care about bullies, so why should I?

01:11:06.996 --> 01:11:08.831
Nintendo or not,

01:11:08.931 --> 01:11:11.500
Jagorski had been King of the Mountain for too long.

01:11:11.600 --> 01:11:14.270
[Josh mockingly] "I'm wearing feminine footwear.

01:11:14.336 --> 01:11:16.071
"Why did I bring it to school?

01:11:16.138 --> 01:11:18.907
"My little mommy put flowers on my shoes!"

01:11:18.974 --> 01:11:21.677
You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski.

01:11:21.777 --> 01:11:24.013
You're not worth a hill of beans.

01:11:24.113 --> 01:11:26.649
Wha... What does that mean?

01:11:26.749 --> 01:11:28.651
It means you're just a sad little bully.

01:11:28.751 --> 01:11:31.687
And if you don't give me back my Trapper Keeper right now

01:11:31.787 --> 01:11:33.956
the only one crying is gonna be you,

01:11:34.023 --> 01:11:35.591
buttface!

01:11:36.592 --> 01:11:37.693
Now!

01:11:38.694 --> 01:11:40.095
Okay, okay.

01:11:40.829 --> 01:11:42.264
[timidly] Okay.

01:11:42.331 --> 01:11:45.868
And my mom got me these boots. And I hate them, too!

01:11:45.968 --> 01:11:47.770
But I love my mom.

01:11:55.044 --> 01:11:56.679
-[Evan] I know, I... -Sit down.

01:11:56.779 --> 01:11:59.882
Just tell me what it is. I mean, is it your stomach?

01:11:59.982 --> 01:12:01.717
Do you actually think that maybe you could have...

01:12:01.817 --> 01:12:03.552
[children screaming]

01:12:03.652 --> 01:12:04.953
[school bus braking]

01:12:05.020 --> 01:12:06.955
[children clamoring]

01:12:07.022 --> 01:12:10.392
Just sit down! Sit down, everybody, okay?

01:12:10.492 --> 01:12:13.062
[Mrs. Hugo] Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?

01:12:14.830 --> 01:12:16.699
[Jake] Get the alarm! Get the alarm!

01:12:16.799 --> 01:12:17.900
[Mikey] Walkies.

01:12:19.301 --> 01:12:20.736
Open the door!

01:12:20.836 --> 01:12:22.571
All right, go, go, go!

01:12:22.671 --> 01:12:24.006
[alarm ringing]

01:12:25.007 --> 01:12:26.709
Yippee-ki-yay, Doyle!

01:12:26.809 --> 01:12:29.745
Red Dog, this is Blue Bird. Approaching the mall. Over.

01:12:29.845 --> 01:12:31.080
Blue Bird, this is Rambo One.

01:12:31.180 --> 01:12:33.048
-What happened to Red Dog? -I changed it.

01:12:33.148 --> 01:12:34.817
We're allowed to change names now?

01:12:34.883 --> 01:12:36.919
Let's just start over.

01:12:37.019 --> 01:12:40.422
Rambo One, this is Millennium Falcon Super Cool.

01:12:40.522 --> 01:12:42.057
[whooping] Love it!

01:12:42.157 --> 01:12:43.592
Approaching Michigan Avenue.

01:12:47.229 --> 01:12:49.498
-Careful there, kid. It's slippery. -Thanks.

01:12:50.199 --> 01:12:51.767
Sorry. Excuse me.

01:12:53.702 --> 01:12:56.105
Coming through. Sorry.

01:12:56.205 --> 01:12:57.873
[adult Jake] Our testing had made it clear.

01:12:57.940 --> 01:13:00.275
Two cans of SpaghettiOs in Olsen's stomach

01:13:00.376 --> 01:13:02.745
equaled roughly nine minutes of vomit.

01:13:02.845 --> 01:13:04.780
That was our window to buy a Nintendo

01:13:04.880 --> 01:13:08.183
and make it back to the bus before Olsen ran out of puke.

01:13:11.720 --> 01:13:13.789
Excuse me.

01:13:13.889 --> 01:13:16.258
As long as I didn't run into any major obstacles

01:13:16.358 --> 01:13:18.460
I figured I'd be good to go-- Oh, God!

01:13:18.560 --> 01:13:21.697
Video game over! Video game over!

01:13:21.764 --> 01:13:23.098
Are you kidding me?

01:13:25.234 --> 01:13:27.436
Rambo One, we have a problem.

01:13:27.536 --> 01:13:29.471
What's the problem, Millennium Super whatever?

01:13:29.571 --> 01:13:31.907
Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here.

01:13:31.974 --> 01:13:33.375
-What? -[Jake over radio] I repeat, your mom

01:13:33.442 --> 01:13:34.910
and Mrs. Keane are outside the store.

01:13:34.977 --> 01:13:36.578
I can't get past them without them seeing me.

01:13:36.645 --> 01:13:38.046
-Don't go in there. D -Don't go in that store.

01:13:38.113 --> 01:13:40.082
Don't spend your money. Stay in school!

01:13:40.149 --> 01:13:42.251
Get your mom under control, Trotter!

01:13:42.317 --> 01:13:43.886
[groans] Darn it!

01:13:43.952 --> 01:13:45.320
Jake, what are we gonna do?

01:13:45.421 --> 01:13:47.122
I don't know. That's why I'm calling you.

01:13:47.222 --> 01:13:48.457
Abort! Abort!

01:13:48.557 --> 01:13:49.825
-[both] No! -No.

01:13:49.925 --> 01:13:52.060
No abort. We just need to get them out of the way.

01:13:54.930 --> 01:13:58.167
Maybe we could page them over the intercom?

01:13:58.267 --> 01:14:00.135
Tell them they have a call.

01:14:00.235 --> 01:14:02.070
Guys, there's a payphone across the street.

01:14:02.137 --> 01:14:06.575
Yes! Okay. How's Olsen? Give me a puke check.

01:14:06.642 --> 01:14:08.177
[Mrs. Hugo] Your poor little tummy--

01:14:10.946 --> 01:14:13.982
Okay, feeling bad for you. I'm feeling very bad.

01:14:14.082 --> 01:14:15.017
Okay!

01:14:15.117 --> 01:14:16.618
Could I get some help here?

01:14:16.685 --> 01:14:19.988
I knew I should've kept dancing in Vegas. Knew it.

01:14:20.088 --> 01:14:22.024
He ate a whole bag of candy corn for breakfast.

01:14:22.124 --> 01:14:24.259
-We should be good. -Okay, we can make it to the payphone, Jake.

01:14:24.326 --> 01:14:25.427
But what do we say?

01:14:25.494 --> 01:14:28.096
I don't know. Something good.

01:14:28.163 --> 01:14:29.531
Something good like what?

01:14:29.631 --> 01:14:31.700
-I don't know! Make something up. -[groans]

01:14:31.800 --> 01:14:34.536
Did someone say "make something up"?

01:14:39.875 --> 01:14:42.878
[woman over PA system] Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane

01:14:42.978 --> 01:14:44.847
please come to the white courtesy phone.

01:14:44.947 --> 01:14:46.849
You have an emergency phone call.

01:14:46.949 --> 01:14:48.684
-I'm Mrs. Keane. -What's going on?

01:14:48.784 --> 01:14:49.885
Oh, my gosh! An emergency?

01:14:50.819 --> 01:14:51.887
Let's go.

01:14:51.987 --> 01:14:53.822
[Mrs. Keane] I hope it's not Timmy.

01:14:53.889 --> 01:14:54.990
He said something about stabbing our water bed this morning.

01:14:55.057 --> 01:14:56.124
It worked!

01:14:57.493 --> 01:15:00.295
Okay, I'm going in. Keep them on the phone.

01:15:00.996 --> 01:15:01.997
Copy that.

01:15:02.064 --> 01:15:03.198
Doing good.

01:15:04.666 --> 01:15:06.001
Oh, hey, here it is.

01:15:09.004 --> 01:15:10.739
-Hello? -Hello, Mrs. Trotter.

01:15:10.839 --> 01:15:13.375
-[Mrs. Keane over phone]  No. -I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right.

01:15:13.475 --> 01:15:15.477
-Who is this? -This is your nephew.

01:15:15.544 --> 01:15:17.646
I don't have a nephew.

01:15:17.713 --> 01:15:21.850
I know you don't have a nephew. That's exactly why I'm calling.

01:15:21.917 --> 01:15:24.319
I'm with the International Nieces and Nephews Collective.

01:15:24.386 --> 01:15:26.555
The International Nieces and Nephews Collective?

01:15:26.655 --> 01:15:28.257
-That's right. -What's that?

01:15:28.357 --> 01:15:29.892
Well, we're based in Canada.

01:15:29.992 --> 01:15:32.895
-[in Canadian accent] Oh, you are, eh? Hi. -Canada.

01:15:35.197 --> 01:15:37.933
Four minutes, Super Falcon. You got this.

01:15:38.033 --> 01:15:41.069
-That doesn't make any sense. -Makes perfect sense if you think about it.

01:15:41.169 --> 01:15:43.372
You don't have a nephew, you would like a nephew,

01:15:43.438 --> 01:15:44.873
the Collective is here to help.

01:15:44.940 --> 01:15:46.074
-Can you make any sense of this? -Sure.

01:15:46.174 --> 01:15:47.776
-Uh, hello? -Hello?

01:15:47.876 --> 01:15:49.778
I just wanted you to know making prank calls is very wrong.

01:15:49.878 --> 01:15:51.947
Super Cool, come in. Farmer's losing them.

01:15:52.047 --> 01:15:53.749
You've gotta hurry.

01:15:53.849 --> 01:15:55.450
-[Nintendo] Where's your sister, Jake? -Shut up, Nintendo.

01:15:55.551 --> 01:15:57.719
And it's also against the law.

01:15:57.786 --> 01:15:59.521
You wanna know what else would be criminal?

01:15:59.588 --> 01:16:01.456
Letting your son go another holiday season

01:16:01.557 --> 01:16:05.360
without experiencing the joys of sponsoring an adopted cousin.

01:16:05.427 --> 01:16:07.563
We're just trying to spread joy to the world.

01:16:07.629 --> 01:16:08.530
[both] Aw.

01:16:08.597 --> 01:16:09.464
That makes sense.

01:16:09.565 --> 01:16:10.766
-That's nice. -Yeah.

01:16:10.866 --> 01:16:13.101
She bought it. Someone believed me.

01:16:13.201 --> 01:16:15.137
[Mrs. Trotter over phone] I can hear you.

01:16:15.237 --> 01:16:18.740
Sorry, ma'am, but this is a matter of national security.

01:16:18.807 --> 01:16:20.208
All right. You're feeling better?

01:16:20.275 --> 01:16:21.977
Can we go back in the bus now?

01:16:22.077 --> 01:16:24.146
Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good.

01:16:25.814 --> 01:16:28.650
Olsen is dry! Repeat! We are out of puke!

01:16:28.750 --> 01:16:30.652
-And I'm your nephew. -Okay. You know what?

01:16:30.752 --> 01:16:33.155
I think now you're starting to mock me and this is harassment.

01:16:33.255 --> 01:16:34.323
-Good bye. -Hello?

01:16:34.423 --> 01:16:35.791
-Hello? -[dial tone beeping]

01:16:35.891 --> 01:16:36.959
Drat!

01:16:41.830 --> 01:16:44.333
I lost them, I lost them, I lost them.

01:16:44.433 --> 01:16:45.734
And Farmer is off the phone.

01:16:45.801 --> 01:16:47.836
[Mikey over comms] Repeat. Farmer's off the phone.

01:16:47.936 --> 01:16:51.340
Look out for Keane and my mom.

01:16:51.440 --> 01:16:54.176
-[Mrs. Trotter] I don't understand either. -[Mrs. Keane] Was it a survey?

01:16:54.276 --> 01:16:56.178
[both continue indistinctly]

01:16:56.278 --> 01:16:57.512
[Jake] Excuse me.

01:17:02.451 --> 01:17:04.353
Oh, God.

01:17:04.453 --> 01:17:06.121
I got past them, I'm in the clear!

01:17:06.188 --> 01:17:08.023
[Mikey over comms] The bus is moving, Jake.

01:17:08.123 --> 01:17:10.092
The stoplight is still the rendezvous. You're gonna make it.

01:17:10.158 --> 01:17:11.660
[adult Jake] This was it. This was it.

01:17:11.760 --> 01:17:14.363
Victory was mine. I could taste it.

01:17:15.097 --> 01:17:16.465
Yes. Yes.

01:17:17.032 --> 01:17:18.367
No!

01:17:27.142 --> 01:17:28.110
[slow motion screaming] No!

01:17:29.945 --> 01:17:31.713
[all] No!

01:17:43.025 --> 01:17:44.192
That can't be good.

01:17:47.696 --> 01:17:49.498
-[thumps] -Damn.

01:17:51.800 --> 01:17:55.637
So, you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas.

01:17:55.704 --> 01:17:58.740
Ain't gonna lie. That's a tough one, kid.

01:17:58.840 --> 01:18:01.076
You could give me the Nintendo you have in your trunk.

01:18:01.176 --> 01:18:04.212
I said you're not gonna get what you wanted for Christmas this year.

01:18:04.312 --> 01:18:07.082
One year, for Christmas, when I was a kid,

01:18:07.182 --> 01:18:09.418
know what I wanted? I wanted a donkey.

01:18:09.518 --> 01:18:11.853
A donkey. Can you believe that?

01:18:11.920 --> 01:18:14.923
Yeah. Be kind of a weird thing to make up.

01:18:15.724 --> 01:18:17.259
Well, I did.

01:18:17.359 --> 01:18:20.429
All November, all December, that's all I could think about.

01:18:20.529 --> 01:18:22.197
All I could talk about.

01:18:22.264 --> 01:18:25.033
Donkey this, donkey that. How am I gonna get this donkey?

01:18:26.368 --> 01:18:28.336
And guess what happened Christmas morning?

01:18:28.403 --> 01:18:30.772
-You got a donkey? -No.

01:18:30.872 --> 01:18:32.174
Who gets a donkey?

01:18:32.240 --> 01:18:33.675
No. I...

01:18:33.742 --> 01:18:37.446
No. I realized that I spent the whole Christmas season

01:18:37.546 --> 01:18:39.448
worrying about something I wanted

01:18:39.548 --> 01:18:42.851
and I stopped appreciating what I already had.

01:18:42.918 --> 01:18:45.087
Was it like a hamster or dog or something?

01:18:45.187 --> 01:18:48.523
No, my family. My life.

01:18:48.590 --> 01:18:50.792
You know, you only get so many Christmases, kid.

01:18:50.892 --> 01:18:52.961
You gotta make them count.

01:18:53.061 --> 01:18:57.065
Hey, I bet you haven't even told somebody "Merry Christmas" this year, have you?

01:19:01.303 --> 01:19:03.572
All right, come on, get up. I'll get you a cab. Come on.

01:19:04.106 --> 01:19:05.741
Yo! Taxi!

01:19:11.279 --> 01:19:13.281
Let's get you back with your field trip.

01:19:16.251 --> 01:19:17.886
-Where's you headed? -Art Institute.

01:19:17.953 --> 01:19:20.455
Drop him off at the side door on Monroe.

01:19:20.555 --> 01:19:22.090
-Okay? -Got it.

01:19:22.157 --> 01:19:24.126
Tell security you got lost.

01:19:24.226 --> 01:19:26.795
Is there any way I can pay you back somehow?

01:19:26.895 --> 01:19:29.397
Nah. I fleeced your dad for that Patch.

01:19:29.464 --> 01:19:30.665
You gotta do me a favor, though.

01:19:30.766 --> 01:19:32.834
-What's that? -Have a Merry Christmas.

01:19:38.440 --> 01:19:41.076
-[Christmas bells jingling] -[horse neighing]

01:19:50.685 --> 01:19:53.288
Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet?

01:19:53.355 --> 01:19:54.623
Is it time yet, Jake?

01:19:57.926 --> 01:19:58.927
Let's go!

01:19:58.994 --> 01:19:59.961
[festive music playing]

01:20:04.166 --> 01:20:05.167
[whispering] Wow!

01:20:07.602 --> 01:20:10.105
[adult Jake] Ten years of visual unwrapping experience

01:20:10.172 --> 01:20:14.209
I could tell right away there was no Nintendo under that tree.

01:20:14.309 --> 01:20:18.180
Fat ladies standing by quietly warmed their vocal chords.

01:20:18.280 --> 01:20:21.850
Lizzy, no opening the presents until we pass them out.

01:20:21.950 --> 01:20:23.852
You know the rules.

01:20:23.952 --> 01:20:25.287
[rattling]

01:20:26.121 --> 01:20:27.055
Legos?

01:20:27.155 --> 01:20:28.690
Let's just get this over with.

01:20:29.825 --> 01:20:30.959
Okay...

01:20:31.993 --> 01:20:33.328
Let's have some Christmas.

01:20:35.463 --> 01:20:36.865
And...

01:20:36.965 --> 01:20:40.302
-[John]  three, two, one... -Merry Christmas!

01:20:40.368 --> 01:20:43.004
It's Christmas morning, 1988.

01:20:43.071 --> 01:20:44.372
Opening our presents!

01:20:44.472 --> 01:20:47.042
-Looking good. -Merry Christmas.

01:20:47.142 --> 01:20:48.577
[Kathy]  Merry Christmas.

01:20:48.677 --> 01:20:50.712
-Okay, hold on. -Cheese.

01:20:53.048 --> 01:20:54.149
[Lizzy giggling]

01:20:54.216 --> 01:20:55.650
[Kathy]  Boop. Boop.

01:20:55.717 --> 01:20:57.419
-[John]  How are you, Jake? -Boop.

01:20:57.519 --> 01:20:58.920
[John]  Cheer up!

01:20:59.020 --> 01:21:00.689
[Kathy] Merry Christmas.

01:21:00.755 --> 01:21:01.857
[John]  Thank you, honey.

01:21:03.525 --> 01:21:05.994
[John]  Come on, buddy. Thumbs up.

01:21:06.061 --> 01:21:07.362
Great, all right, cool.

01:21:14.736 --> 01:21:17.339
[gasping] Leg warmers.

01:21:17.405 --> 01:21:23.245
[exclaiming] What? I got a sander.

01:21:24.546 --> 01:21:25.447
Bookends?

01:21:25.547 --> 01:21:27.749
For your encyclopedia set.

01:21:27.849 --> 01:21:29.618
Great.

01:21:29.718 --> 01:21:31.686
And they have baseballs on them.

01:21:31.753 --> 01:21:32.621
I see that.

01:21:34.589 --> 01:21:36.691
A Cabbage Patch Kid!

01:21:39.394 --> 01:21:41.463
Wow! Freckles!

01:21:43.098 --> 01:21:45.233
I'm sorry it's not a redhead.

01:21:47.936 --> 01:21:50.772
Thank you so much. I love you.

01:21:50.872 --> 01:21:51.940
I love you, too.

01:21:53.441 --> 01:21:54.809
[loud buzzing]

01:21:54.910 --> 01:21:56.711
Another great Christmas.

01:21:56.778 --> 01:22:00.415
You know, every holiday that I spend with you guys

01:22:00.482 --> 01:22:02.484
is a real blessing.

01:22:02.584 --> 01:22:04.119
[shouting] What?

01:22:04.219 --> 01:22:07.055
I said, "Every holiday that I spend with you guys..."

01:22:07.122 --> 01:22:08.623
John. John!

01:22:09.591 --> 01:22:10.992
John.

01:22:11.092 --> 01:22:12.160
[sander stopping]

01:22:12.260 --> 01:22:13.561
Do you have to do that right now?

01:22:14.930 --> 01:22:16.498
Yeah, but... You gave it to me.

01:22:17.766 --> 01:22:19.167
Okay.

01:22:19.267 --> 01:22:21.569
Never mind, honey. I feel like the moment just passed.

01:22:23.605 --> 01:22:25.440
[thudding]

01:22:25.507 --> 01:22:28.009
-[gasps] -[adult Jake] And that's when I saw it.

01:22:28.109 --> 01:22:29.577
[barks]

01:22:29.644 --> 01:22:32.781
It was the exact size and shape of the box I'd held in my hands

01:22:32.847 --> 01:22:34.149
not three days before.

01:22:37.786 --> 01:22:42.290
"To Jake. From Uncle Dan."

01:22:42.357 --> 01:22:45.927
Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan.

01:22:45.994 --> 01:22:49.297
Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan.

01:22:49.364 --> 01:22:51.866
You haven't gotten as much as a postcard in the last three years.

01:22:51.967 --> 01:22:53.868
Where's he living again now?

01:22:53.969 --> 01:22:55.036
Japan.

01:22:55.136 --> 01:22:56.838
[adult Jake] Japan. Japan.

01:22:56.938 --> 01:22:58.306
Home of Nintendo.

01:22:58.373 --> 01:23:00.475
The land where dreams come true.

01:23:00.542 --> 01:23:02.811
Oh, God, don't mess with me now.

01:23:04.145 --> 01:23:05.847
It's got your name on it, Jake.

01:23:07.382 --> 01:23:09.184
[John] What'd he say he was sending?

01:23:09.284 --> 01:23:10.485
I have no idea.

01:23:14.289 --> 01:23:16.157
Come on, come on.

01:23:16.224 --> 01:23:18.026
It has to be. It has to be.

01:23:19.361 --> 01:23:20.829
[adult Jake]  Lite-Brite?

01:23:20.895 --> 01:23:21.896
Lite-Brite?

01:23:21.997 --> 01:23:23.298
Lite-Brite.

01:23:23.365 --> 01:23:25.734
Japanese Lite-Brite.

01:23:25.834 --> 01:23:28.536
Wow! Lite-Brite!

01:23:28.636 --> 01:23:30.238
-Yeah. -Jake, that's fun.

01:23:30.338 --> 01:23:34.409
You know, for a second there, I thought it was a Nintendo.

01:23:34.509 --> 01:23:36.044
[laughs]

01:23:36.144 --> 01:23:38.913
[adult Jake]  As I slowly tried to grasp the situation

01:23:39.014 --> 01:23:42.417
I began to fear that I might never recover from this.

01:23:42.517 --> 01:23:46.755
This was a tragedy so great that I'd never go to prom,

01:23:46.855 --> 01:23:49.758
never go to college, never leave the house.

01:23:49.858 --> 01:23:53.528
I'd become a 30-year-old balding man in his parents' basement

01:23:53.595 --> 01:23:57.532
making elaborate pictures of Zelda on his Lite-Brite.

01:23:57.599 --> 01:24:00.268
Christmas was dead to me now.

01:24:00.368 --> 01:24:01.736
-Hello? -Hey, Trotter.

01:24:01.836 --> 01:24:03.371
-Hey. -You didn't get one either?

01:24:03.438 --> 01:24:06.174
-Nah, I got a Chia Pet. -You got a Chia Pet?

01:24:06.241 --> 01:24:07.442
The Hodges struck out, too.

01:24:07.542 --> 01:24:10.245
Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges.

01:24:10.345 --> 01:24:13.715
They just got a new bike... to share.

01:24:13.782 --> 01:24:15.450
Yep.

01:24:15.550 --> 01:24:17.452
Farmer says he got one, but he also says he got a jetpack. So...

01:24:17.552 --> 01:24:18.586
Yeah, right.

01:24:18.686 --> 01:24:20.789
I guess we all struck out.

01:24:20.889 --> 01:24:21.890
Well, I gotta go.

01:24:21.956 --> 01:24:23.024
-See ya. -See ya, man.

01:24:23.091 --> 01:24:24.059
[line disconnects]

01:24:24.893 --> 01:24:26.094
[sighs]

01:24:27.896 --> 01:24:30.865
[Annie] Wait a second. So, you didn't get one?

01:24:30.932 --> 01:24:32.901
None of your friends got one?

01:24:32.967 --> 01:24:35.103
What kind of a story is this?

01:24:35.203 --> 01:24:37.305
Whose Nintendo were we even playing?

01:24:39.307 --> 01:24:41.443
Here, come with me.

01:24:44.112 --> 01:24:46.815
[Kathy] ...gifts for Granny and Grandpa are in the blue bag.

01:24:46.915 --> 01:24:48.650
[Kathy speaking indistinctly]

01:24:50.251 --> 01:24:52.754
We're going to Minnesota for three days, Kathy.

01:24:52.821 --> 01:24:54.722
You've been in our car. I've seen you in it.

01:24:54.789 --> 01:24:56.124
You know how big it is.

01:24:56.224 --> 01:24:58.226
John, you're getting a little bit of a tone.

01:24:58.293 --> 01:25:00.328
I feel like maybe we should leave tomorrow morning.

01:25:00.428 --> 01:25:02.497
No. I'm not hitting traffic.

01:25:02.597 --> 01:25:04.099
-Jake! -What?

01:25:04.165 --> 01:25:05.500
Oh.

01:25:05.600 --> 01:25:08.169
Hey, there's still a ton of poop in the backyard. Okay?

01:25:08.269 --> 01:25:10.171
So, get a shovel and pick it up.

01:25:10.271 --> 01:25:12.173
Why? I mean, come on. Please?

01:25:12.273 --> 01:25:13.508
It's Christmas.

01:25:17.278 --> 01:25:18.146
Fine.

01:25:23.952 --> 01:25:27.188
Come on. Pick them up and put them down, buddy.

01:25:27.288 --> 01:25:29.257
-We gotta go. -Yep.

01:25:29.324 --> 01:25:31.593
[John] Hey, start with the ones behind the shed.

01:25:41.836 --> 01:25:44.873
Dad! The floodlights!

01:25:46.641 --> 01:25:50.011
[adult Jake] And there, high above the frozen dog poo

01:25:50.111 --> 01:25:52.180
that had become the bane of my existence

01:25:52.280 --> 01:25:56.618
was the most beautiful structure I had ever laid my eyes on.

01:25:56.684 --> 01:25:57.886
Whoa!

01:25:57.986 --> 01:25:59.354
A tree fort.

01:25:59.454 --> 01:26:03.291
A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort.

01:26:05.293 --> 01:26:07.962
Oh, it was breathtaking.

01:26:19.908 --> 01:26:21.209
Wow.

01:26:22.677 --> 01:26:24.579
Wowee.

01:26:26.481 --> 01:26:28.316
It has a trapdoor!

01:26:28.383 --> 01:26:33.087
Your dad was up all night finishing it.

01:26:35.990 --> 01:26:38.092
No, careful by the paint!

01:26:38.193 --> 01:26:39.227
It still looks wet.

01:26:45.233 --> 01:26:48.036
Dad! It's awesome!

01:26:49.437 --> 01:26:51.172
I'm gonna get the video camera.

01:26:51.940 --> 01:26:53.741
Nah, nah.

01:26:53.841 --> 01:26:55.376
-No? -Nah.

01:26:56.778 --> 01:26:58.046
Let him be.

01:27:07.522 --> 01:27:08.389
[sighs]

01:27:09.757 --> 01:27:10.892
[chuckles]

01:27:10.959 --> 01:27:12.627
So, Dad...

01:27:12.727 --> 01:27:15.797
the Nintendo was here in the fort, right?

01:27:15.897 --> 01:27:18.433
It was somewhere hidden in here?

01:27:18.533 --> 01:27:19.801
Nope.

01:27:19.901 --> 01:27:21.302
Then how'd you get it?

01:27:21.402 --> 01:27:24.439
I never got it as a present. I had to work for it.

01:27:24.539 --> 01:27:27.809
Spent a whole summer caddying at Prairie Pines Golf Course.

01:27:27.909 --> 01:27:31.446
Then Grandpa said I could buy my own.

01:27:31.546 --> 01:27:35.483
But I'll tell you what, this tree fort turned out to be a pretty great present.

01:27:37.051 --> 01:27:38.319
Mmm-hmm.

01:27:38.419 --> 01:27:40.622
It's my favorite place at Grandma and Grandpa's.

01:27:41.589 --> 01:27:42.590
Me, too.

01:27:44.592 --> 01:27:46.995
[Kathy] Dinner's ready! Come on in!

01:27:47.095 --> 01:27:49.764
Grandma! Hi, Grandma!

01:27:49.831 --> 01:27:52.100
Hey, Mom! Didn't know you guys were back.

01:27:52.166 --> 01:27:53.401
Well, we are.

01:27:53.468 --> 01:27:55.069
Now get your buns in here and give me a hug.

01:28:18.459 --> 01:28:19.360
Phew.

01:28:22.964 --> 01:28:24.032
[sniffing]

01:28:25.333 --> 01:28:26.768
Smell that?

01:28:26.834 --> 01:28:28.269
[inhaling deeply]

01:28:28.336 --> 01:28:29.470
Fresh air?

01:28:30.538 --> 01:28:32.373
Fresh air.

01:28:32.473 --> 01:28:35.043
Hockey stick slats turned out okay, huh?

01:28:37.845 --> 01:28:39.314
Thanks for your help.

01:28:40.481 --> 01:28:41.616
[clicking]

01:28:41.683 --> 01:28:44.018
Here. Carve your initial.

01:28:44.118 --> 01:28:47.021
Every good craftsman leaves their mark.

01:28:47.121 --> 01:28:48.823
That's a good spot.

01:28:50.358 --> 01:28:51.359
There you go.

01:28:52.493 --> 01:28:54.729
[John] There, you got it. Yeah.

01:28:55.663 --> 01:28:57.632
Not bad.

01:28:57.699 --> 01:29:02.136
Maybe this summer we could add a lookout tower.

01:29:02.970 --> 01:29:03.971
Totally.

01:29:04.505 --> 01:29:05.573
Totally.

01:29:07.809 --> 01:29:11.245
[adult Jake] Peacefully, my mind unfolded all the tree fort adventures

01:29:11.346 --> 01:29:13.014
that undoubtedly lay ahead.

01:29:13.081 --> 01:29:15.750
Flashlight campouts with Olsen and the Hodges

01:29:15.850 --> 01:29:18.186
ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer

01:29:18.252 --> 01:29:22.156
and late-night skygazing with Trotter for Soviet spy planes.

01:29:25.360 --> 01:29:27.528
And then a dog was crushed by a TV.

01:29:27.595 --> 01:29:30.431
Oh, and Mom, Dad skipped out on a field trip.

01:29:30.531 --> 01:29:32.433
It was the most crazy story I've ever heard.

01:29:32.533 --> 01:29:34.502
Thank you. Crazy and exciting and amazing.

01:29:34.569 --> 01:29:38.339
So, that was the first thing you and Grandpa built together, right?

01:29:38.406 --> 01:29:40.074
Yes, Annie, but I had a point.

01:29:40.174 --> 01:29:41.943
I know your point, Dad.

01:29:42.043 --> 01:29:44.045
I'm not getting a phone,

01:29:44.112 --> 01:29:45.947
but Christmas can still be great.

01:29:46.848 --> 01:29:49.717
That... Yeah, pretty much.

01:29:49.784 --> 01:29:51.419
But you left out the best part.

01:29:51.519 --> 01:29:53.888
Yes. Our matching purple floral boots.

01:29:53.955 --> 01:29:56.290
Katie Sorrentino, I would never.

01:29:56.391 --> 01:29:57.959
-[Kathy] Okay. -Really?

01:29:58.059 --> 01:30:01.763
Those boots were $11.99, and I thought they looked great.

01:30:01.863 --> 01:30:03.431
[Annie] No, Dad.

01:30:03.531 --> 01:30:05.733
That was the Christmas you and Grandpa found your thing.

01:30:14.942 --> 01:30:18.045
Which is a miracle, too, 'cause that man could not find anything.

01:30:18.112 --> 01:30:19.147
[both chuckle]

01:30:37.565 --> 01:30:38.666
[sighs]

01:30:41.135 --> 01:30:42.637
Thanks, kiddo.

01:30:42.737 --> 01:30:44.906
You think maybe we could borrow some of his tools

01:30:44.972 --> 01:30:46.507
and work on the fort tomorrow?

01:30:48.109 --> 01:30:49.143
Yeah.

01:30:50.411 --> 01:30:51.813
I think he'd like that.

01:30:54.682 --> 01:30:58.019
[adult Jake]  Turns out John Doyle was more than just a guy who yelled a lot

01:30:58.119 --> 01:31:00.421
and could never quite finish the kitchen.

01:31:00.488 --> 01:31:02.156
He was a magician.

01:31:02.824 --> 01:31:03.991
He was a hero.

01:31:04.992 --> 01:31:07.328
He was my dad.

01:31:09.764 --> 01:31:11.265
Come on.

01:31:11.332 --> 01:31:12.500
Gotta hit the road.

01:31:13.668 --> 01:31:15.269
Don't wanna hit any traffic.

01:31:16.304 --> 01:31:17.305
Okay.

01:31:20.341 --> 01:31:21.442
[groans]

01:31:25.480 --> 01:31:26.514
All right.

01:31:31.853 --> 01:31:33.454
-Hey, Dad? -Yeah?

01:31:35.189 --> 01:31:37.158
Merry Christmas.

01:31:37.225 --> 01:31:38.960
Merry Christmas, Jake.

01:31:38.984 --> 01:31:49.984
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