WEBVTT 00:00:00.244 --> 00:00:30.954 ..:: Presented by ZarFilm website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:00:49.133 --> 00:00:54.096 Today is going to be an amazing day, and here '5 wh y: 00:00:57.683 --> 00:01:01.771 Because z'oda y, all you have to do is jusi' be yourself 00:01:04.148 --> 00:01:06.400 but also confident that's important 00:01:06.484 --> 00:01:10.112 and interesting, easy to talk to, approachable, but mostly just be yourself 00:01:10.196 --> 00:01:11.836 that's number one, obviously. Be yourself 00:01:11.864 --> 00:01:13.783 but, like, a confident version of yourself 00:01:13.866 --> 00:01:16.077 like, approachable and interesting, 00:01:16.160 --> 00:01:19.056 not weird or anxious or depressed, which you're not weird, anxious, depressed. 00:01:19.080 --> 00:01:20.957 I don't even know why you're bringing it up... 00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:24.019 You can't be scared to talk to people. You said this year would be different 00:01:24.043 --> 00:01:26.504 you're overthinking it. Do you like having no friends? 00:01:26.587 --> 00:01:28.214 All you have to do is just be yourself 00:01:28.923 --> 00:01:34.971 j” I've learned to slam on the brake before I e ven turn the key j” 00:01:35.638 --> 00:01:37.640 j” before lmake the mistake j“ 00:01:38.933 --> 00:01:41.602 j” before llead with the worst of me j” 00:01:42.103 --> 00:01:44.397 j” give them no reason to stare j” 00:01:45.356 --> 00:01:48.818 j” no slippin' up if you slip away j” 00:01:48.901 --> 00:01:50.861 j” so I got nothing to share j” 00:01:52.363 --> 00:01:55.324 j” no, / got nothing to say j” 00:01:55.408 --> 00:01:59.996 j” step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned j” 00:02:02.373 --> 00:02:06.627 j” step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j” 00:02:06.711 --> 00:02:10.381 j” because you've learned j” 00:02:10.881 --> 00:02:13.217 j” on the outside always lookin'in j” 00:02:13.301 --> 00:02:16.429 j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J” 00:02:16.512 --> 00:02:19.682 j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j” 00:02:20.266 --> 00:02:23.060 j” I'm waving through a window j” 00:02:23.144 --> 00:02:26.564 j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j” 00:02:26.647 --> 00:02:29.859 j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j” 00:02:29.942 --> 00:02:33.321 j” while I'm watch, watch watch/n ' people pass j” 00:02:33.404 --> 00:02:37.241 j” I'm waving through a window j” 00:02:38.617 --> 00:02:45.124 j” can anybody see? Is anybody wa ving back at me? J” 00:02:56.635 --> 00:02:58.596 So you just didn't eat last night? 00:02:58.679 --> 00:03:00.765 - I wasn't hungry. - You're a senior in high school. 00:03:00.848 --> 00:03:02.808 You need to be able to order dinner for yourself. 00:03:02.892 --> 00:03:05.478 You can do it all online. You don't have to talk to anybody. 00:03:05.561 --> 00:03:08.814 Okay, well, that's not true, actually. Because the credit card's expired, 00:03:08.898 --> 00:03:11.400 so you have to meet the delivery person at the door, you know? 00:03:11.484 --> 00:03:13.920 You have to pay them with cash at the door. You have to greet them. 00:03:13.944 --> 00:03:17.448 You have to figure out the right... The right, um... the-the proper greeting. 00:03:17.948 --> 00:03:19.158 Okay. 00:03:19.950 --> 00:03:23.371 This is what you're supposed to be working on, sweetheart, with Dr. Sherman. 00:03:23.454 --> 00:03:25.790 Have you been doing those letters he wants you to do? 00:03:25.873 --> 00:03:27.208 "Dear Evan Hansen." 00:03:27.875 --> 00:03:30.127 Yeah, I've definitely... I've been trying to. 00:03:30.211 --> 00:03:33.255 Those letters are important, honey. You have to keep working. 00:03:33.339 --> 00:03:36.133 We can't go back to where you were last year, right? 00:03:36.217 --> 00:03:37.885 You have an appointment this afternoon. 00:03:37.968 --> 00:03:41.847 I'm working till 6:00, so you're gonna have to take the bus. 00:03:41.931 --> 00:03:42.932 Hey. 00:03:43.557 --> 00:03:46.769 I thought you could go around and ask all the other kids to sign your cast. 00:03:47.561 --> 00:03:48.854 Perfect icebreaker, right? 00:03:50.981 --> 00:03:53.651 - What happened to your shirt? - There was a stain on it. 00:03:53.734 --> 00:03:55.528 - But it's brand-new! - Yes, I know. 00:03:55.611 --> 00:03:57.822 I was... I'm so mad. 00:03:58.406 --> 00:04:00.366 J” we start with stars in our eyes j” 00:04:01.617 --> 00:04:03.994 j” we start believing that we belong j” 00:04:04.703 --> 00:04:07.206 j” but every sun doesn't rise j” 00:04:08.082 --> 00:04:11.293 j” and no one tells you where you went wrong j” 00:04:11.377 --> 00:04:15.631 j” step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned j” 00:04:17.967 --> 00:04:21.929 j” step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j” 00:04:22.012 --> 00:04:24.306 j” because you've learned j” 00:04:24.390 --> 00:04:27.143 j” on the outside always lookin'in j” 00:04:27.226 --> 00:04:30.813 j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J” 00:04:30.896 --> 00:04:34.108 j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j” 00:04:34.191 --> 00:04:36.735 j” waving through a window j” 00:04:36.819 --> 00:04:40.197 j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j” 00:04:40.281 --> 00:04:43.367 j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j” 00:04:43.451 --> 00:04:47.288 j” while I'm watch, watch watchin ' people pass j” 00:04:47.371 --> 00:04:50.833 j” waving through a window j” 00:04:52.126 --> 00:04:54.462 j” can anybody see? J” 00:04:54.545 --> 00:04:56.755 j” is anybody waving? J” 00:04:56.839 --> 00:05:00.259 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 00:05:00.342 --> 00:05:03.429 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 00:05:03.512 --> 00:05:06.640 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 00:05:06.724 --> 00:05:09.935 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 00:05:10.019 --> 00:05:13.189 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 00:05:13.272 --> 00:05:16.192 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 00:05:16.275 --> 00:05:19.778 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 00:05:19.862 --> 00:05:23.407 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 00:05:23.491 --> 00:05:26.410 j” did / even make a sound? Did / even make a sound? J” 00:05:26.494 --> 00:05:29.914 j” it's like lne ver made a sound will I ever make a sound? J” 00:05:31.123 --> 00:05:33.792 j” on the outside always lookin'in j” 00:05:33.876 --> 00:05:36.962 j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J” 00:05:37.046 --> 00:05:40.549 j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j” 00:05:40.633 --> 00:05:43.552 j” waving through a window j” 00:05:43.636 --> 00:05:47.139 j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j” 00:05:47.223 --> 00:05:49.934 j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j” 00:05:50.017 --> 00:05:53.938 j” while I'm watch, watch watchin ' people pass j” 00:05:54.021 --> 00:05:57.608 j” waving through a window j” 00:05:58.817 --> 00:06:01.111 j” can anybody see? J” 00:06:01.195 --> 00:06:06.700 j” is anybody wa ving back at me? J” 00:06:07.451 --> 00:06:10.120 j” is anybody waving? J” 00:06:10.204 --> 00:06:13.541 j” waving, wavingj” 00:06:13.624 --> 00:06:16.085 j” whoa j” 00:06:16.168 --> 00:06:21.840 j” whoa j” 00:06:25.135 --> 00:06:26.554 [boy] Evan. 00:06:28.889 --> 00:06:29.932 What? 00:06:30.015 --> 00:06:32.851 It's Zoe Murphy in that hot band shirt you love so much. 00:06:33.602 --> 00:06:35.042 Can you just... can you please stop? 00:06:35.104 --> 00:06:36.647 Well, hey, maybe she's into you too. 00:06:36.730 --> 00:06:38.774 Maybe you should talk to her, tell her how you feel. 00:06:38.857 --> 00:06:40.025 I've tried talking to her. 00:06:40.109 --> 00:06:41.110 Really? 00:06:41.694 --> 00:06:43.112 Yes... yeah, I... 00:06:43.904 --> 00:06:47.241 I stayed aftennards last year, after the spring jazz band concert, 00:06:47.324 --> 00:06:50.452 but, um, I didn't go up to her because I was worried that my hands were sweaty. 00:06:50.536 --> 00:06:52.973 Which they weren't even... They weren't even that sweaty. I just... 00:06:52.997 --> 00:06:55.684 I was worried they were sweaty, and sometimes worrying makes them sweaty. 00:06:55.708 --> 00:06:58.669 So I just went to the bathroom and I put 'em under the hand dryer thing, 00:06:58.752 --> 00:07:02.464 but then they were still sweaty. They were just... they were just also warm. 00:07:04.258 --> 00:07:05.259 I was kidding. 00:07:06.051 --> 00:07:08.929 You obviously should not talk to her. You are a literal disaster. 00:07:10.556 --> 00:07:11.765 [Band music ends] 00:07:11.849 --> 00:07:14.685 - [Students cheering] - [Applause] 00:07:17.521 --> 00:07:18.939 Go, bobcats! 00:07:19.023 --> 00:07:21.025 [Cheering continues] 00:07:25.321 --> 00:07:26.530 Go, bobcats. 00:07:26.614 --> 00:07:30.451 So awesome. So awesome, everyone. Phenomenal, really. 00:07:30.534 --> 00:07:34.496 You know what's not phenomenal? Deforestation. 00:07:34.580 --> 00:07:36.790 - [Laughter] - So, what happened to your arm exactly? 00:07:38.292 --> 00:07:40.711 I was climbing a tree and I fell. It was stupid. 00:07:40.794 --> 00:07:43.088 You fell out of a tree? What are you, five? 00:07:43.172 --> 00:07:44.173 Well, um... 00:07:45.174 --> 00:07:46.884 80, actually, I worked this summer 00:07:46.967 --> 00:07:49.637 as an apprentice park ranger at Ellison state park. 00:07:50.471 --> 00:07:51.764 [Sighs] 00:07:51.847 --> 00:07:54.058 It's a funny story though, because... 00:07:54.141 --> 00:07:55.981 There was this solid ten minutes, after I fell, 00:07:56.060 --> 00:08:00.064 where I just lay there on the ground, waiting for someone to come get me. 00:08:00.147 --> 00:08:01.940 I was like, "any second now." You know? 00:08:02.024 --> 00:08:04.878 I kept... I was saying to myself, "any second now. Here they come." So... 00:08:04.902 --> 00:08:06.111 Did they? 00:08:06.195 --> 00:08:10.199 No. Nobody came. That's the, um... that's what's funny. 00:08:10.282 --> 00:08:11.533 That's not funny. 00:08:11.617 --> 00:08:12.785 Model UN. 00:08:12.868 --> 00:08:17.373 Well, anyways, um... how was... Did you... how was camp? 00:08:17.456 --> 00:08:20.626 Well, I put on 13 pounds of pure muscle. 00:08:20.709 --> 00:08:26.256 Also, I hooked up with this Brazilian dude who is literally a supermodel. 00:08:27.633 --> 00:08:29.593 So, yeah, hope that answers your question. 00:08:29.677 --> 00:08:33.764 So let's have mother nature's back so that she'll have ours. 00:08:33.847 --> 00:08:36.433 [Applause, cheering] 00:08:41.814 --> 00:08:43.732 Yeah! 00:08:43.816 --> 00:08:46.151 All right, thank you, Alana. Very inspirational. 00:08:46.235 --> 00:08:50.656 All right, so, let's have a great year, and... go, bobcats! 00:08:50.739 --> 00:08:52.533 - [{cheenng] - [Marching band playing] 00:09:00.666 --> 00:09:01.667 Hey, um... 00:09:03.001 --> 00:09:04.503 Would you wanna sign my cast? 00:09:04.586 --> 00:09:06.046 You could... you could be the first. 00:09:06.630 --> 00:09:07.840 Why would I do that? 00:09:09.216 --> 00:09:11.927 Well, I just... I thought because we're friends, and... 00:09:12.010 --> 00:09:15.013 We're family friends, Evan. That's an entirely different thing. 00:09:15.097 --> 00:09:16.306 Please respect that. 00:09:25.232 --> 00:09:27.943 - Freshmen suck! - [Booing, jeering] 00:09:28.694 --> 00:09:31.530 Connor, I'm loving this manicure. It's very school shooter chic. 00:09:31.613 --> 00:09:33.574 - You're such an idiot. - That is so not a joke. 00:09:42.583 --> 00:09:43.751 [Chuckles softly] 00:09:44.543 --> 00:09:45.961 You think that's funny? 00:09:46.044 --> 00:09:48.046 What? No. Not at all. 00:09:50.340 --> 00:09:52.176 [Shouting] Then stop laughing! 00:09:52.259 --> 00:09:53.761 [Chattering stops] 00:09:55.220 --> 00:09:57.556 [Breathing shakily] 00:10:02.644 --> 00:10:03.645 [Zoe] Hey. 00:10:07.733 --> 00:10:11.028 I'm sorry about my brother. He's a psycho. 00:10:12.780 --> 00:10:14.072 Evan, right? 00:10:15.699 --> 00:10:16.700 Evan_. 00:10:17.743 --> 00:10:20.537 That's your... that's your name. 00:10:21.038 --> 00:10:22.998 Yeah, it is. It is. Sorry. It's Evan. 00:10:23.081 --> 00:10:24.625 It's Evan. I'm sorry. 00:10:25.292 --> 00:10:26.293 Why are you sorry? 00:10:27.127 --> 00:10:29.254 'Cause you said Evan, and then I said it, you know? 00:10:29.338 --> 00:10:30.964 I just repeated it, which is, um... 00:10:31.673 --> 00:10:34.134 That's just really annoying when people do that, so... 00:10:36.136 --> 00:10:37.554 I'm Zoe. 00:10:45.354 --> 00:10:47.898 It's a... I should... I think... sorry. 00:11:07.334 --> 00:11:08.585 [Evan] Dear Evan Hansen, 00:11:09.878 --> 00:11:12.256 turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all. 00:11:13.757 --> 00:11:18.595 This isn't gonna be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be? 00:11:23.183 --> 00:11:25.102 Oh, lknow. Because there's Zoe. 00:11:26.144 --> 00:11:29.231 Who I don't even know, and who doesn't know me, but... 00:11:31.525 --> 00:11:34.069 Maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her. 00:11:34.152 --> 00:11:35.779 Il/laybe things would be better. 00:11:40.951 --> 00:11:42.911 Maybe nothing would be difi'erent at all. 00:11:45.205 --> 00:11:47.124 I wish everything was difi'erent. 00:11:47.207 --> 00:11:49.418 I wish I was difi'erent. 00:11:50.002 --> 00:11:51.378 I wish I was part of something. 00:11:51.461 --> 00:11:55.090 I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. 00:11:56.717 --> 00:11:59.303 But it doesn't, and it never did... 00:12:01.638 --> 00:12:03.015 And it ne ver will. 00:12:06.310 --> 00:12:12.316 I mean, face it, would anyone even notice if //u5t disappeared tomorrow? 00:12:13.191 --> 00:12:18.405 Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, me. 00:12:25.954 --> 00:12:28.916 Hey. What happened to your arm? 00:12:35.005 --> 00:12:36.673 I was climbing a tree and I fell. 00:12:36.757 --> 00:12:38.342 You fell out of a tree? 00:12:39.051 --> 00:12:41.094 [Chuckling] 00:12:41.178 --> 00:12:43.388 That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. 00:12:45.223 --> 00:12:46.224 I know. 00:12:54.524 --> 00:12:57.653 So... sorry, um, I think I accidentally printed something. 00:12:57.736 --> 00:12:59.196 Yeah, we're all waiting. 00:13:01.198 --> 00:13:02.616 Um, no one signed your cast. 00:13:04.368 --> 00:13:06.912 - No, I know. - I'll sign it. 00:13:07.913 --> 00:13:10.874 - You don't... you really don't have to... - Do you have a sharpie or... 00:13:12.626 --> 00:13:13.627 I don't. Shoot. 00:13:14.503 --> 00:13:15.504 Here's one. 00:13:18.465 --> 00:13:19.841 Nice. 00:13:34.606 --> 00:13:36.733 Wow, that's great. 00:13:36.817 --> 00:13:39.027 Now we can both pretend we have friends. 00:13:46.243 --> 00:13:48.745 - "Dear Evan Hansen." Here you go. - Yeah, that's mine. 00:13:48.829 --> 00:13:50.205 That's mine. I can take it. Sorry. 00:13:50.288 --> 00:13:51.748 "Because there's Zoe"... 00:13:53.000 --> 00:13:54.418 Is this about my sister? 00:13:54.501 --> 00:13:57.212 What? No, no. Who's... who's your sister? 00:13:58.171 --> 00:14:00.132 - You wanted me to find this? - What? 00:14:00.215 --> 00:14:03.135 You saw I was here, so you started writing this, 00:14:03.218 --> 00:14:05.778 - and you started talking to me. - No, you started talking to me. 00:14:05.804 --> 00:14:09.307 So that I would read some creepy shit about my sister and freak out, right? 00:14:09.391 --> 00:14:12.394 - Why would I do that? - So you can tell everyone that I'm crazy. 00:14:12.477 --> 00:14:13.812 Right? Right? 00:14:14.688 --> 00:14:15.897 Gentlemen! Shh. 00:14:18.191 --> 00:14:19.192 No, I really... 00:14:19.985 --> 00:14:21.278 Look, I really need that back. 00:14:21.361 --> 00:14:23.321 So, can... look, can you please just give it back? 00:14:23.363 --> 00:14:24.531 [Grunts] 00:14:30.537 --> 00:14:32.414 Just please don't show it to anyone. 00:14:32.497 --> 00:14:33.498 Connor! 00:14:36.543 --> 00:14:37.794 [Coughing] 00:14:45.385 --> 00:14:46.595 Come on. 00:14:47.971 --> 00:14:49.389 Shit. Shit. 00:14:51.016 --> 00:14:52.017 [Blows] 00:14:52.100 --> 00:14:53.894 [Panting] 00:15:25.509 --> 00:15:26.760 [Cell phone vibrates] 00:15:28.386 --> 00:15:30.388 - Hi. - H/; Honey, I'm so sorry. 00:15:30.472 --> 00:15:32.641 Erica called in at the last minute with a stomach bug, 00:15:32.724 --> 00:15:34.893 and there's only one other nurse on tonight. 00:15:34.976 --> 00:15:37.020 So I volunteered to take her shift. 00:15:37.104 --> 00:15:38.744 I hope you weren't waiting for me to eat. 00:15:38.814 --> 00:15:41.399 - No, I already ate. - Um, it'smst, 00:15:41.483 --> 00:15:43.318 they announced more budget cuts this morning, 00:15:43.401 --> 00:15:46.321 so anything I can do to show that I'm a team player, you know? 00:15:46.404 --> 00:15:47.739 - How was your day? - Fine. 00:15:47.823 --> 00:15:49.282 It was... it was pretty good. 00:15:49.366 --> 00:15:51.910 Yeah? You know, I texted with meera this morning, 00:15:51.993 --> 00:15:55.872 and she said that Jared was really looking foward to seeing you and reconnecting. 00:15:55.956 --> 00:15:57.374 I thought that was nice. 00:15:57.958 --> 00:15:59.167 Yeah, he's so nice. 00:15:59.918 --> 00:16:01.545 - How was Dr. Sherman? - Pretty good. 00:16:01.628 --> 00:16:03.296 Any change to your meds? 00:16:05.132 --> 00:16:06.508 Um, no. 00:16:06.591 --> 00:16:08.802 Oh, god. Here he comes. All right, I... 00:16:08.885 --> 00:16:10.387 All right, love you. Bye. 00:16:10.470 --> 00:16:12.013 - Okay, I love you... - [Line beeping] 00:16:12.806 --> 00:16:13.807 Too. 00:16:17.269 --> 00:16:18.436 [Jared] A letter to yourself 00:16:19.104 --> 00:16:20.873 I mean, what is that, like some kind of sex thing? 00:16:20.897 --> 00:16:22.732 No. No, it's not a sex thing. 00:16:22.816 --> 00:16:24.985 - It was an assignment from my therapist. - Ew. 00:16:25.068 --> 00:16:26.361 Why are you telling me this? 00:16:26.444 --> 00:16:29.531 I didn't know who else to tell. You're my only... family friend. 00:16:29.614 --> 00:16:30.782 That's sad. 00:16:30.866 --> 00:16:34.661 Look, Connor isn't here again today. That's three days in a row. 00:16:34.744 --> 00:16:37.424 He hasn't done anything with it yet, like put it online or whatever. 00:16:37.497 --> 00:16:39.124 Because I've... I've been checking. 00:16:39.207 --> 00:16:42.002 So, you know, maybe he just... Maybe he forgot, right? 00:16:42.085 --> 00:16:43.753 Right. Right. 00:16:43.837 --> 00:16:47.090 Or maybe he didn't, because he's definitely gonna put it online. 00:16:47.174 --> 00:16:49.050 Dude, Connor Murphy is batshit. 00:16:49.134 --> 00:16:51.974 Don't you remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in the second grade 00:16:52.053 --> 00:16:53.847 because he couldn't be line leader? 00:16:53.930 --> 00:16:55.390 He was seven. 00:16:55.473 --> 00:16:57.601 Just imagine what he's capable of now. 00:16:57.684 --> 00:17:00.284 [Woman on pa] Evan Hansen, please report to Mr. Ho ward's ofi'ice. 00:17:01.021 --> 00:17:02.814 Oh, damn. 00:17:08.195 --> 00:17:09.404 Evan. 00:17:13.533 --> 00:17:16.828 Connor Murphy's mother and stepfather are here to see you. 00:17:17.329 --> 00:17:18.538 They want to speak in private. 00:17:45.190 --> 00:17:46.316 Hello. 00:17:47.984 --> 00:17:49.527 Why don't you go ahead, honey? 00:17:49.611 --> 00:17:51.446 I'm going as fast as I can. 00:17:51.529 --> 00:17:54.199 Well, that's not what I said, is it? 00:17:57.327 --> 00:17:58.328 This is... 00:18:00.956 --> 00:18:03.833 Connor wanted you to have this. 00:18:17.430 --> 00:18:19.307 [Man] We didn't know you were friends. 00:18:20.141 --> 00:18:23.603 Well, we didn't think Connor had any friends, frankly. 00:18:24.604 --> 00:18:27.357 And then we see this note, and it seems to suggest pretty clearly 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:31.278 that you and Connor were... Or at least, for Connor... 00:18:31.361 --> 00:18:32.821 "Dear Evan Hansen." 00:18:32.904 --> 00:18:35.448 He addressed it to you. He wrote it to you. 00:18:36.116 --> 00:18:38.743 These are the words that he wanted to share with you. 00:18:41.871 --> 00:18:44.124 His last words. 00:18:47.294 --> 00:18:48.837 Connor took his own life. 00:18:53.174 --> 00:18:54.342 [Whispers] He what? 00:18:55.593 --> 00:18:57.220 This is all we found with him. 00:18:58.221 --> 00:19:00.849 He had it folded up in his pocket. 00:19:05.645 --> 00:19:06.855 But this is... 00:19:07.897 --> 00:19:10.900 I'm sorry. Connor didn't... [Sighs] He didn't write this. 00:19:10.984 --> 00:19:12.694 Connor didn't write this. 00:19:14.446 --> 00:19:15.947 What... what does that mean? 00:19:16.031 --> 00:19:17.741 Well, he's obviously in shock. 00:19:17.824 --> 00:19:19.844 - If Connor didn't write this... - [Evan] I'm so sorry. 00:19:19.868 --> 00:19:22.513 - Can I... I should probably go, please. - No, you don't understand. 00:19:22.537 --> 00:19:26.207 This is all that we have. This is the only thing that we have left. 00:19:26.291 --> 00:19:28.835 - Cynthia, listen to me. - No, don't... don't go. 00:19:28.918 --> 00:19:30.587 Okay, then you take it. Please take it. 00:19:30.670 --> 00:19:33.298 No. No, don't go. Don't. Please stay. Please. 00:19:40.138 --> 00:19:42.557 His best and most dearest friend. 00:19:47.562 --> 00:19:50.523 - [Chaflenng] - [Cell phones dinging] 00:19:55.987 --> 00:19:57.864 - Oh, my god. - That's... that's Connor. 00:19:57.947 --> 00:20:00.408 - Connor? - Connor Murphy? 00:20:02.410 --> 00:20:03.620 - [Bell rings] - Holy shit. 00:20:03.703 --> 00:20:05.080 They invited me for dinner. 00:20:05.163 --> 00:20:09.334 They wanna know more stuff about Connor and me, about our... friendship. 00:20:09.417 --> 00:20:11.461 - And you said yes? - I froze. 00:20:12.587 --> 00:20:14.047 What are you gonna tell them? 00:20:14.130 --> 00:20:15.882 I mean, the truth. 00:20:15.965 --> 00:20:18.259 I don't know, man. Are you really gonna tell these people 00:20:18.343 --> 00:20:20.470 that the only thing they have left of their son 00:20:20.553 --> 00:20:22.639 is a sex letter that you wrote to yourself? 00:20:23.348 --> 00:20:26.184 Hey. I'm so sorry. 00:20:26.893 --> 00:20:28.436 What the hell was that? 00:20:28.520 --> 00:20:29.646 I don't know. 00:20:30.688 --> 00:20:32.482 Oh, my god. They were so sad, his parents. 00:20:32.565 --> 00:20:35.735 I mean, his mom was just... 00:20:37.195 --> 00:20:39.197 I've never seen anyone so sad before. 00:20:45.912 --> 00:20:46.913 [Phone clicks] 00:20:47.705 --> 00:20:49.207 I have to tell them. 00:20:57.882 --> 00:20:59.092 [Doorbell rings] 00:21:06.182 --> 00:21:07.183 You're early. 00:21:08.268 --> 00:21:09.519 Oh, s... 00:21:09.602 --> 00:21:10.645 Sorry. 00:21:22.490 --> 00:21:23.491 Sit. 00:21:29.497 --> 00:21:31.332 I hope you're hungry. 00:21:45.430 --> 00:21:46.598 [Clears throat] 00:21:48.641 --> 00:21:51.811 So... you and Connor. 00:21:52.604 --> 00:21:54.647 You probably spent a lot of time together, I bet. 00:21:56.983 --> 00:22:01.279 80... not... not really, actually. 00:22:01.863 --> 00:22:04.365 - The thing is that I... - We looked through his phone. 00:22:05.450 --> 00:22:09.996 His texts, emails. We didn't find anything from you. 00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:12.415 - Yeah, no, I know. I know. - He set up different accounts. 00:22:12.499 --> 00:22:14.167 Ones we couldn't find. 00:22:14.250 --> 00:22:15.710 He knew you read his emails. 00:22:15.793 --> 00:22:18.129 Well, somebody had to be the bad guy. 00:22:19.130 --> 00:22:23.051 Well, if you did have any emails or conversations 00:22:23.134 --> 00:22:26.888 between the two of you, we'd love to see anything. 00:22:26.971 --> 00:22:29.015 - Well... - Yeah, it's-it's weird. 00:22:29.098 --> 00:22:30.892 The only time I saw you two together 00:22:30.975 --> 00:22:33.895 was when he was screaming in your face at school last week. 00:22:33.978 --> 00:22:35.188 He was screaming at you? 00:22:35.271 --> 00:22:36.564 Yeah, yeah... 00:22:36.648 --> 00:22:38.191 Well, that wasn't very nice. 00:22:38.274 --> 00:22:41.277 Well, Connor wasn't very nice, so that actually makes sense. 00:22:44.322 --> 00:22:47.992 I think that everybody at this table can agree that Connor was, um... 00:22:49.827 --> 00:22:51.371 A complicated person. 00:22:51.454 --> 00:22:52.872 No, he was a bad person. 00:22:53.873 --> 00:22:55.166 Zoe, please. 00:22:55.250 --> 00:22:57.252 Don't pretend like you don't agree with me. 00:22:57.335 --> 00:22:59.837 [Cynthia] You refuse to remember any of the good things. 00:22:59.921 --> 00:23:02.215 Because there were no good things. 00:23:04.008 --> 00:23:05.885 What were the good things? 00:23:05.969 --> 00:23:08.429 I'm not having this conversation in front of our guest. 00:23:08.513 --> 00:23:10.682 [Zoe] No, tell us the good things. 00:23:10.765 --> 00:23:13.768 What were the good things? Family day at sunny Glen? 00:23:13.851 --> 00:23:15.770 Zoe! This is not the time. 00:23:15.853 --> 00:23:18.606 - Who knew rehab could be so much fun? - There were good things! 00:23:20.316 --> 00:23:23.653 I'm not the only one. You remember, right? 00:23:27.824 --> 00:23:31.828 Right. Yeah, of course. Yes, of course there were good things. 00:23:32.870 --> 00:23:35.873 Tell us something. Please, Evan. 00:23:39.919 --> 00:23:41.004 Right, um... 00:23:42.422 --> 00:23:43.631 Connor and I... 00:23:46.134 --> 00:23:47.343 I don't know, um... 00:23:49.554 --> 00:23:53.391 We had a really great... We had a really great time together... 00:23:54.475 --> 00:23:56.227 This one day recently. 00:23:56.894 --> 00:24:01.316 That's something good that I remember. That day. 00:24:03.610 --> 00:24:05.737 Yeah, that awesome day at the... 00:24:06.779 --> 00:24:08.531 Um, trees. 00:24:10.700 --> 00:24:12.910 - Trees? - Never mind, never mind. 00:24:12.994 --> 00:24:14.388 I'm sorry, I don't... I don't ne... 00:24:14.412 --> 00:24:16.932 I shouldn't have said anything, and I knew it was stupid, so I'm... 00:24:16.956 --> 00:24:18.666 You don't mean the orchard, do you? 00:24:22.086 --> 00:24:24.464 He took you to the apple orchard? 00:24:24.547 --> 00:24:25.965 When? 00:24:26.049 --> 00:24:27.842 Once. Just... just once. That once. 00:24:27.925 --> 00:24:30.595 I thought that place closed years ago. 00:24:30.678 --> 00:24:33.306 Well, the hiking trails are still open though, aren't they? 00:24:33.389 --> 00:24:36.517 We used to go to the orchard all of the time. We'd do picnics there. 00:24:36.601 --> 00:24:38.061 Do you remember that, Zoe? 00:24:38.895 --> 00:24:40.313 Yeah, I do. 00:24:40.396 --> 00:24:43.024 And you and Connor would fly that little toy plane 00:24:43.107 --> 00:24:45.109 until you crashed it into the creek. 00:24:47.028 --> 00:24:48.363 That was an emergency landing. 00:24:48.446 --> 00:24:50.490 I can't believe that he took you there. 00:24:51.366 --> 00:24:54.827 I bet you had fun. I bet the two of you... 00:24:56.496 --> 00:24:58.289 I bet that was fun. 00:24:59.415 --> 00:25:00.416 Yeah. 00:25:01.834 --> 00:25:05.296 We did. We did. The whole day. 00:25:05.380 --> 00:25:07.757 It was just... 00:25:10.218 --> 00:25:17.016 J” end of ma y or early June this picture-perfect afternoon we share j” 00:25:18.685 --> 00:25:21.646 what was the name of that ice cream place that we loved? 00:25:21.729 --> 00:25:22.980 Gifford's? 00:25:24.065 --> 00:25:26.067 - A la mode. - [Cynthia] That's it! 00:25:26.150 --> 00:25:28.861 A la mode. And they had this homemade hot fudge. 00:25:29.529 --> 00:25:34.826 J” drive the winding country road grab a scoop ata la ll/lode j” 00:25:34.909 --> 00:25:36.577 j” and then we 're there j” 00:25:37.245 --> 00:25:39.580 and we'd sit in that Meadow by the pine trees 00:25:39.664 --> 00:25:42.667 and you and your brother would look for four-leaf clovers. 00:25:42.750 --> 00:25:49.674 J” an open field that's framed with trees we pick a spot and shoot the breeze j” 00:25:49.757 --> 00:25:51.342 j” like buddies do j” 00:25:52.427 --> 00:25:54.554 j” ouoting songs by our favorite bands j” 00:25:55.221 --> 00:25:58.933 j” telling jokes no one understands except us two j” 00:26:00.101 --> 00:26:04.355 j” and we talk and take in the viewj” 00:26:07.108 --> 00:26:11.779 j” all we see is sky for fore verj” 00:26:11.863 --> 00:26:16.993 j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j” 00:26:17.827 --> 00:26:23.124 j” feels like we could go on for fore ver this way j” 00:26:25.042 --> 00:26:28.421 j” two friends on a perfect day j” 00:26:30.923 --> 00:26:33.009 I'd completely forgotten about that place. 00:26:33.676 --> 00:26:36.679 Well, I guess Connor didn't, did he? 00:26:37.805 --> 00:26:40.266 J” we walk a while and talk about j” 00:26:40.349 --> 00:26:44.145 j” the things we 'i/ do when we get out of school j” 00:26:45.730 --> 00:26:50.276 j” bike the appalachian trail or write a book or learn to sail j” 00:26:50.359 --> 00:26:52.069 j” wouldn't that be cool? J” 00:26:52.653 --> 00:26:55.072 j” there's nothing that we can't discuss j” 00:26:55.156 --> 00:26:59.285 j” like girls we wish would notice us but ne ver do j” 00:27:00.119 --> 00:27:04.916 j” he looks around and says to me ”there is no where else I 'd rather be ” j” 00:27:04.999 --> 00:27:06.626 j” and / say, ”ll/le too”j” 00:27:07.251 --> 00:27:11.005 j” and we talk and take in the viewj” 00:27:12.465 --> 00:27:16.594 j” we just talk and take in the view j” 00:27:18.304 --> 00:27:22.600 j” all we see is sky for fore verj” 00:27:22.683 --> 00:27:27.772 j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j” 00:27:27.855 --> 00:27:34.654 j” feels like we could go on for fore ver this way j” 00:27:34.737 --> 00:27:38.199 j” this wayj” 00:27:38.282 --> 00:27:43.162 j” all we see is light for forever j” 00:27:43.246 --> 00:27:48.125 j” cause the sun shines bright for fore ver j” 00:27:48.209 --> 00:27:54.799 j” like we'll be all right for fore ver this way j” 00:27:54.882 --> 00:28:00.263 j” two friends on a perfect day j” 00:28:00.346 --> 00:28:04.892 j” and there he goes racing toward the tallest tree j” 00:28:04.976 --> 00:28:10.022 j” from far across a yellow field I hear him calling, ”follow me ”j” 00:28:10.106 --> 00:28:11.899 j” there we go j” 00:28:11.983 --> 00:28:15.027 j” wondering how the world m/ght look from up so h/gh j” 00:28:15.111 --> 00:28:19.949 j” one foot after the other one branch then to anotherj” 00:28:20.032 --> 00:28:22.076 j” / cl/mb h/gher and higher j” 00:28:22.159 --> 00:28:25.746 j” / cl/mb fill the entire sun j” 00:28:25.830 --> 00:28:31.252 j” shines on my face j” 00:28:33.629 --> 00:28:39.010 j” and / suddenly feel the branch give way j” 00:28:43.014 --> 00:28:44.348 j” I'm on the ground j” 00:28:46.976 --> 00:28:48.394 j” ll/ly arm goes numb j” 00:28:50.521 --> 00:28:52.023 j” / look around j” 00:28:53.774 --> 00:28:55.568 j” and / see him come to get me j” 00:28:58.362 --> 00:29:00.197 he's come to get me. 00:29:02.575 --> 00:29:05.077 J” and everything's okayj” 00:29:08.247 --> 00:29:13.127 j” all we see is sky for fore verj” 00:29:13.210 --> 00:29:18.174 j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j” 00:29:20.009 --> 00:29:26.265 j” buddy, you and / for forever this way j” 00:29:26.349 --> 00:29:29.435 j” this wayj” 00:29:30.019 --> 00:29:34.899 j” all we see is lightj” 00:29:34.982 --> 00:29:39.779 j” cause the sun burns bright j” 00:29:39.862 --> 00:29:44.033 j” we could be all right for fore ver j” 00:29:44.116 --> 00:29:49.163 j” this wayj” 00:29:49.956 --> 00:29:51.165 j” two friends j” 00:29:53.459 --> 00:29:55.294 j” true friends j” 00:29:55.378 --> 00:30:02.259 j” on a perfect dayj” 00:30:06.681 --> 00:30:08.182 thank you, Evan. 00:30:09.558 --> 00:30:11.727 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 00:30:16.273 --> 00:30:18.734 I mean, they think you were lovers. You realize that, right? 00:30:18.818 --> 00:30:19.819 Oh, my god. 00:30:19.902 --> 00:30:21.546 I thought you were gonna tell them the truth. 00:30:21.570 --> 00:30:24.573 I tried, but then I just... I got nervous and I started talking. 00:30:24.657 --> 00:30:26.117 And then once I started, I just... 00:30:26.200 --> 00:30:27.326 Couldn't stop. 00:30:28.327 --> 00:30:29.578 They didn't want me to stop. 00:30:29.662 --> 00:30:31.664 What else did you say to them? 00:30:31.747 --> 00:30:33.791 His mom thinks that we wrote emails to each other. 00:30:33.874 --> 00:30:34.917 Oh, perfect. 00:30:35.001 --> 00:30:37.044 She thinks he had, like, secret accounts. 00:30:37.128 --> 00:30:40.756 Ha, yes! Secret email accounts. That's what all the cool kids are doing. 00:30:40.840 --> 00:30:43.426 Hansen! Kalwani! Pick it up! 00:30:43.509 --> 00:30:45.011 No, thank you! 00:30:45.094 --> 00:30:48.556 - [Coach] What was that? - I said thank you for the encouragement! 00:30:49.098 --> 00:30:50.224 Fascist. 00:30:50.307 --> 00:30:51.642 She wants to see the emails. 00:30:51.726 --> 00:30:54.979 And now you want me to make a bunch of fake emails for you. Classic. 00:30:55.062 --> 00:30:57.314 - You know how to do that? - It's simple coding. 00:30:57.398 --> 00:31:00.234 - But you failed coding. - If you consider a d-minus failing. 00:31:00.317 --> 00:31:02.862 Just so we're clear, I charge a minimum of two grand per email. 00:31:02.945 --> 00:31:04.363 And that is a floor, not a ceiling. 00:31:04.447 --> 00:31:06.073 - $2,000? - 500. 00:31:06.157 --> 00:31:09.011 - I didn't even ask for your help. - 250. Bottom line, take it or leave it. 00:31:09.035 --> 00:31:10.435 I could probably give you 20 bucks. 00:31:10.494 --> 00:31:12.538 Fine, but I'm not gonna act like I'm happy about it. 00:31:14.707 --> 00:31:18.627 J” dear Evan Hansen we've been way too out of touch j” 00:31:19.628 --> 00:31:21.255 j” things have been crazy j” 00:31:21.338 --> 00:31:24.091 j” and it sucks that we don't talk that much j” 00:31:24.675 --> 00:31:28.512 j” but / should tell you that / think of you each n/ght j” 00:31:29.513 --> 00:31:33.392 j” / rub my nipples and start moaning with delight j” 00:31:33.476 --> 00:31:34.477 why would you write that? 00:31:34.560 --> 00:31:36.062 I'm just trying to make it erotic. 00:31:36.145 --> 00:31:38.749 - Look, if you can't take this seriously... - Ugh, calm yourself, honey. 00:31:38.773 --> 00:31:40.107 I just wanna get this over with. 00:31:40.858 --> 00:31:44.570 J” / gotta tell you life without you has been hard j” 00:31:44.653 --> 00:31:45.813 - "hard"? - J” has been bad j” 00:31:45.863 --> 00:31:47.114 - "bad"? - Has been rough. 00:31:47.198 --> 00:31:48.365 - Kinky! - Please stop. 00:31:48.449 --> 00:31:51.994 J” and / miss talking about life and other stuff j” 00:31:52.078 --> 00:31:54.163 - very specific. - Shut up! 00:31:54.246 --> 00:31:56.332 -J” / like my parents j” -who says that? 00:31:56.415 --> 00:32:00.461 J” / lo ve my parents but each day's another fight j” 00:32:01.670 --> 00:32:05.925 j” if / stop smoking drugs then everything might be all right j” 00:32:06.008 --> 00:32:07.301 "smoking drugs"? 00:32:07.384 --> 00:32:08.928 Just fix it! 00:32:09.011 --> 00:32:11.388 -J” if / stop smoking crack j” - "crack"? 00:32:11.472 --> 00:32:16.393 J” if / stop smoking pot then everything might be all right j” 00:32:16.477 --> 00:32:21.357 j” I'll take your advice I'll try to be more nice j” 00:32:21.440 --> 00:32:26.320 j” I'll turn it around, wait and see j” 00:32:26.403 --> 00:32:30.699 j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j” 00:32:31.450 --> 00:32:35.871 j” it's easy to change if you give it your attention j” 00:32:35.955 --> 00:32:41.168 j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j” 00:32:41.252 --> 00:32:43.504 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 00:32:43.587 --> 00:32:44.630 are we done? 00:32:44.713 --> 00:32:46.382 I mean, I can't just show them one email. 00:32:46.465 --> 00:32:48.759 I wanna show that I was, like, a good friend. 00:32:48.843 --> 00:32:50.761 That I was trying to help him, you know. 00:32:51.303 --> 00:32:52.346 Oh, my god. 00:32:53.305 --> 00:32:57.184 J” dear Connor ll/lurph y yes, I also miss our talks j” 00:32:58.102 --> 00:33:01.063 j” stop doing drugs just try to take deep breaths j” 00:33:01.147 --> 00:33:02.982 -j” and go on walks j” -no. 00:33:03.065 --> 00:33:06.360 J” I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees j” 00:33:07.862 --> 00:33:11.365 j” you'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise j” 00:33:11.448 --> 00:33:12.825 what? 00:33:12.908 --> 00:33:17.663 J” dude, I'm proud of you just keep pushing through j” 00:33:17.746 --> 00:33:19.123 j” you're turning around j” 00:33:19.206 --> 00:33:22.209 -j” / can see j” -j” just wait and see j” 00:33:22.918 --> 00:33:27.339 j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j” 00:33:27.882 --> 00:33:32.344 j” it's easy to change if you give it your attention j” 00:33:32.428 --> 00:33:37.558 j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j” 00:33:37.641 --> 00:33:40.060 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 00:33:40.144 --> 00:33:41.187 j” ll/ly sister's hot j” 00:33:41.270 --> 00:33:42.396 - what the hell? - My bad. 00:33:42.479 --> 00:33:46.734 J” dear Evan Hansen thanks for every note you send j” 00:33:47.651 --> 00:33:51.739 j” dear Connor ll/lurph y I'm just glad to be your friend j” 00:33:52.364 --> 00:33:57.286 j” our friendship goes beyond your a verage kind of bond j” 00:33:57.369 --> 00:34:00.915 j” but not because they're gay no, not because... j” 00:34:00.998 --> 00:34:04.793 -j” well, anyway j” -j” you're getting better every day j” 00:34:04.877 --> 00:34:07.004 j” I'm getting better e very day j” 00:34:07.087 --> 00:34:08.127 -j” keep j” -j” getting j” 00:34:08.172 --> 00:34:09.173 -j” betterj” -j” eveiyj” 00:34:09.256 --> 00:34:10.341 j” dayj” 00:34:10.424 --> 00:34:11.842 j” hey, hey, hey, heyj” 00:34:12.426 --> 00:34:16.597 j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j” 00:34:17.223 --> 00:34:19.099 j” it's easy to change if you give it j” 00:34:19.183 --> 00:34:21.810 -j” your attention j” -j” your attention j” 00:34:21.894 --> 00:34:27.024 j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j” 00:34:27.107 --> 00:34:29.026 j” sincerely j” 00:34:29.109 --> 00:34:31.487 j” miss you dear/yj” 00:34:32.154 --> 00:34:34.490 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 00:34:35.491 --> 00:34:36.992 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 00:34:37.952 --> 00:34:41.538 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 00:34:41.622 --> 00:34:43.123 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 00:34:47.253 --> 00:34:49.672 I can't remember the last time that I heard him laugh. 00:34:49.755 --> 00:34:51.632 But the two of them, if you read these... 00:34:51.715 --> 00:34:55.427 I think if you could take ten minutes and actually read these emails... 00:34:55.511 --> 00:34:57.012 I'm looking at them right now. 00:35:00.724 --> 00:35:02.476 Zoe. Look what Evan sent us. 00:35:02.559 --> 00:35:04.019 They're emails from your brother. 00:35:04.979 --> 00:35:06.188 I printed them out. 00:35:06.272 --> 00:35:08.524 Oh. Take that, trees. 00:35:08.607 --> 00:35:10.359 - How was school? - [Zoe] Terrific. 00:35:10.442 --> 00:35:13.862 All of a sudden, people I've never met want to be my best friends. 00:35:13.946 --> 00:35:15.781 I'm the dead kid's sister, didn't you know? 00:35:17.449 --> 00:35:18.659 I'm sure they mean well. 00:35:19.285 --> 00:35:20.494 I'm sure they don't. 00:35:24.832 --> 00:35:25.833 [Door closes] 00:35:28.168 --> 00:35:29.169 She needs time. 00:35:30.462 --> 00:35:32.881 No, Larry. She needs her parents. 00:35:32.965 --> 00:35:34.300 Enjoy the game. 00:35:37.011 --> 00:35:38.053 [Knocking] 00:35:40.806 --> 00:35:42.683 [Knocks] 00:35:42.766 --> 00:35:43.767 Can I come in? 00:35:47.855 --> 00:35:50.065 Oh. You don't have to stop playing. 00:35:51.900 --> 00:35:53.068 How was band? 00:35:56.613 --> 00:36:00.576 You know, he talks about you playing guitar in one of his emails. 00:36:00.659 --> 00:36:02.619 At the spring concert last year. 00:36:04.288 --> 00:36:06.165 - Really? - Yeah. 00:36:07.333 --> 00:36:11.837 Does he... does he talk about when he disappeared for two days? 00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:14.548 But then he called me and asked me to come pick him up. 00:36:15.299 --> 00:36:17.801 He wanted to come home, but he wasn't ready to talk to you yet, 00:36:17.885 --> 00:36:23.390 so I took the bus all the way downtown to get him, and guess what? 00:36:27.644 --> 00:36:29.229 All he really wanted was money. 00:36:32.358 --> 00:36:36.320 And I gave it to him because I was 12. 00:36:39.031 --> 00:36:40.407 He was struggling. 00:36:43.702 --> 00:36:45.829 How about the time he tried to punch through my door, 00:36:45.913 --> 00:36:49.249 screaming at the top of his lungs, saying he was gonna kill me for no reason? 00:36:50.376 --> 00:36:51.835 Is that email in there? 00:36:54.254 --> 00:36:56.256 We're all grieving in our own way. 00:37:03.639 --> 00:37:06.975 You might consider reading these when you're ready. 00:37:08.477 --> 00:37:10.270 They might help more than you think. 00:37:14.942 --> 00:37:16.276 [Door closes] 00:37:28.372 --> 00:37:31.333 J” why should / play this game of pretend j” 00:37:32.835 --> 00:37:36.880 j” remembering through a second-hand sorrow? J” 00:37:37.381 --> 00:37:40.843 j” such a great son and wonderful friend j” 00:37:41.552 --> 00:37:45.431 j” oh, don't the tears just pour j” 00:37:46.849 --> 00:37:49.768 j” / could curl up and hide in my room j” 00:37:51.395 --> 00:37:55.190 j” here in my bed still sobbing tomorrow j” 00:37:55.941 --> 00:37:59.319 j” / could give in to all of the gloom j” 00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:04.158 j” but tell me, tell me what for? J” 00:38:05.075 --> 00:38:11.081 j” why should I have a heavy heart? Why should / start to break in pieces? J” 00:38:11.165 --> 00:38:14.877 j” why should / go and fall apart for you? J” 00:38:17.129 --> 00:38:22.551 j” why should / play the grieving girl j” 00:38:22.634 --> 00:38:28.015 j” and lie saying that I miss you j” 00:38:28.098 --> 00:38:35.063 j” and that my world has gone dark without your light? J” 00:38:37.357 --> 00:38:40.194 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 00:38:42.279 --> 00:38:43.489 j” tonightj” 00:38:51.663 --> 00:38:54.416 J” we gave you the world you threw it away j” 00:38:56.251 --> 00:38:59.963 j” leaving these broken pieces behind you j” 00:39:00.881 --> 00:39:03.717 j” everything wasted, nothing to say j” 00:39:05.010 --> 00:39:07.888 j” so I can sing no requiem j” 00:39:07.971 --> 00:39:11.975 j” lhear your voice and feel you nearj” 00:39:12.476 --> 00:39:16.688 j” within these words lfi'nally find you j” 00:39:17.189 --> 00:39:21.276 j” and now that / know that you are still here j” 00:39:21.860 --> 00:39:24.780 j” / wrll sing no requiem tonight j” 00:39:24.863 --> 00:39:27.658 j” why should I have a heavy heart? J” 00:39:27.741 --> 00:39:28.992 j” why should / sayj” 00:39:29.076 --> 00:39:30.678 -j” I'i/ keep you with me? J” -j” I'i/ keep you with me j” 00:39:30.702 --> 00:39:35.123 j” why should / go and fall apart for you? J” 00:39:36.416 --> 00:39:41.547 j” why should / play the grieving girl j” 00:39:41.630 --> 00:39:46.677 j” and lie saying that I miss you j” 00:39:46.760 --> 00:39:50.764 -j” and that my world has gone dark j” -[Larry] J” ll/ly world has gone dark j” 00:39:50.847 --> 00:39:54.935 -[Zoe] J” without your light? J” -[Cynthia] J” I can see your lightj” 00:39:55.727 --> 00:40:00.399 [Zoe] J” / will sing no requiem tonight j” 00:40:01.316 --> 00:40:05.988 j” cause when the villains fall the kingdoms never weep j” 00:40:06.822 --> 00:40:11.368 j” no one lights a candle to rememberj” 00:40:11.451 --> 00:40:17.374 j” no, no one mourns at all when they lay them down to sleep j” 00:40:17.874 --> 00:40:24.214 j” so don't tell me that / didn't ha ve it right j” 00:40:24.298 --> 00:40:29.511 j” don't tell me that it wasn't black and white j” 00:40:29.595 --> 00:40:35.517 j” after all you put me through don't say it wasn't true j” 00:40:35.601 --> 00:40:39.271 j” that you were not the monster... j” 00:40:39.354 --> 00:40:41.398 [tires screeching] 00:40:47.946 --> 00:40:49.364 J” that/ knewj” 00:40:53.243 --> 00:40:58.874 j” cause / cannot play the grieving girl j” 00:40:58.957 --> 00:41:04.212 j” and lie saying that I miss you j” 00:41:04.296 --> 00:41:08.634 j” and that my world has gone dark j” 00:41:13.221 --> 00:41:16.767 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 00:41:17.934 --> 00:41:21.396 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 00:41:22.606 --> 00:41:25.442 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 00:41:27.861 --> 00:41:29.071 j” tonightj” 00:41:29.655 --> 00:41:31.782 j”ohj” 00:41:31.865 --> 00:41:34.284 j”ohj” 00:41:34.368 --> 00:41:36.828 j”ohj” 00:41:36.912 --> 00:41:41.833 j”ohj” 00:41:43.543 --> 00:41:47.089 [mother] They did a whole thing about them on npr yesterday, these essay contests. 00:41:47.172 --> 00:41:50.801 And if you win, it doesn't count against any financial aid. 00:41:50.884 --> 00:41:55.806 You know, so $5,000 here, or $3,000 there. It adds up. 00:41:55.889 --> 00:41:58.767 And we're gonna need all the help we can get with college. 00:41:59.643 --> 00:42:03.855 Unless your stepmother has some trust fund for you that I don't know about, 00:42:03.939 --> 00:42:06.775 with all those fabulous tips she made cocktail waitressing. 00:42:06.858 --> 00:42:08.777 - Right? - [Chuckles softly] 00:42:09.736 --> 00:42:10.737 Mmm. 00:42:12.572 --> 00:42:13.657 [Clears throat] 00:42:15.325 --> 00:42:16.410 I got a... 00:42:16.993 --> 00:42:20.706 I got an email from your school yesterday, um, 00:42:20.789 --> 00:42:24.501 about that boy that killed himself? Connor Murphy? 00:42:25.001 --> 00:42:28.380 Yeah. I didn't really know him, so... 00:42:29.464 --> 00:42:32.759 You know, if you ever wanna talk about anything... 00:42:33.260 --> 00:42:36.680 Yeah. I mean, I know that lately it feels like I'm always working. 00:42:36.763 --> 00:42:38.432 - It's fine. - But I'm-I'm here. 00:42:38.515 --> 00:42:40.934 If I'm not here, I'm just a phone call away, 00:42:41.017 --> 00:42:42.018 or an email or a text. 00:42:42.102 --> 00:42:43.395 - You know, whatever. - I know. 00:42:45.856 --> 00:42:47.858 It says "Connor" on your cast. 00:42:50.152 --> 00:42:51.695 No, no. Yeah, um... 00:42:51.778 --> 00:42:54.322 - You said you didn't know him. - Sorry. I didn't. Um... 00:42:55.741 --> 00:42:57.951 It's in memory, so... like... 00:42:58.535 --> 00:43:00.704 You know, kids are, like, um... 00:43:00.787 --> 00:43:04.708 They're writing his name on lockers and stuff like that. 00:43:13.133 --> 00:43:15.135 That's lovely. You know, in memory... 00:43:20.348 --> 00:43:22.934 Hey. Tuesday. What are you doing? 00:43:24.352 --> 00:43:26.855 When's the last time we did taco Tuesday? 00:43:27.856 --> 00:43:29.649 - That'd be great. - Really? 00:43:31.193 --> 00:43:32.194 Yeah. 00:43:32.277 --> 00:43:34.404 So, the memorial's really just an opportunity 00:43:34.488 --> 00:43:36.248 for all of us to come together as a community 00:43:36.323 --> 00:43:39.242 and to remember Connor and celebrate who he was. 00:43:40.619 --> 00:43:41.995 Would you wanna speak or perform? 00:43:42.078 --> 00:43:43.872 I didn't really know him. I'm sorry. 00:43:43.955 --> 00:43:45.791 - That's okay. - Bye. 00:43:58.512 --> 00:44:01.431 - Want a wristband? - Oh. Yes. Yeah. Okay. 00:44:02.682 --> 00:44:04.017 Thank you. 00:44:06.186 --> 00:44:07.646 You were friends with him, right? 00:44:09.397 --> 00:44:13.610 I saw him sign your cast in the library, and you started arguing about something. 00:44:15.278 --> 00:44:16.446 Were you friends with him? 00:44:16.530 --> 00:44:17.614 We weren't close. 00:44:17.697 --> 00:44:20.367 We presented together on huck Finn in the tenth grade. 00:44:20.450 --> 00:44:22.577 But he probably didn't tell you that. 00:44:23.370 --> 00:44:25.121 No, no. I didn't know. 00:44:25.205 --> 00:44:27.499 I always really liked him. 00:44:27.582 --> 00:44:31.169 It seemed like he didn't really care what anyone else thought, and... 00:44:31.253 --> 00:44:32.796 I thought that was pretty remarkable. 00:44:33.547 --> 00:44:34.589 [Chuckles] 00:44:36.758 --> 00:44:40.303 Well, I'm putting together a memorial for him at school on Friday. 00:44:41.429 --> 00:44:42.709 If you wanted to do something... 00:44:42.764 --> 00:44:44.307 Oh. Um... 00:44:45.308 --> 00:44:46.601 Sorry, I... 00:44:47.686 --> 00:44:50.397 I probably would rather not, if that's okay. 00:44:51.189 --> 00:44:52.190 Yeah, sure. 00:44:52.774 --> 00:44:55.986 If you change your mind... just text me. 00:44:59.698 --> 00:45:00.699 Okay. 00:45:07.122 --> 00:45:08.456 [Door closes] 00:45:08.540 --> 00:45:09.541 Mom. 00:45:48.580 --> 00:45:51.875 My mom realized we were out of ice cream, so they went to go get more. 00:45:53.376 --> 00:45:55.295 Did you park in the driveway? 00:45:55.378 --> 00:45:57.756 'Cause if you park on the street, they'll ticket you. 00:45:57.839 --> 00:45:59.966 The people in this neighborhood are monsters. 00:46:00.050 --> 00:46:02.469 No, I didn't. I didn't, um... I took the bus. 00:46:02.552 --> 00:46:03.970 My mom needed the car for work. 00:46:04.054 --> 00:46:05.055 What about your dad? 00:46:05.138 --> 00:46:08.850 My dad? He lives in Colorado, so... 00:46:08.934 --> 00:46:10.268 He left when I was seven. 00:46:13.480 --> 00:46:14.689 That sucks. 00:46:16.149 --> 00:46:20.779 Mine died when I was one, so... I sort of win. 00:46:22.781 --> 00:46:25.283 - Sorry. - Thanks. It's fine. 00:46:25.367 --> 00:46:27.702 I don't even really remember him, to be honest. 00:46:28.995 --> 00:46:30.705 Connor did, though. A little. 00:46:31.539 --> 00:46:32.666 That's terrible. 00:46:33.708 --> 00:46:35.126 [Sighs] Yeah. 00:46:35.210 --> 00:46:38.463 And then Larry showed up, fixed everything. 00:46:40.298 --> 00:46:43.218 For a while, at least. Yeah. 00:46:44.302 --> 00:46:47.931 Most people, with Connor, they just would've been like, "see ya." 00:46:48.932 --> 00:46:51.142 But he's the only dad we ever really knew, so... 00:46:52.978 --> 00:46:54.980 Wow. Your mom... I didn't realize. 00:46:55.063 --> 00:46:56.564 Yeah, well... 00:46:56.648 --> 00:46:58.316 She's in total denial now. 00:46:59.484 --> 00:47:01.987 So is Larry. I mean, he didn't even cry at the funeral. 00:47:02.070 --> 00:47:03.071 I'm sorry. 00:47:04.322 --> 00:47:06.741 Not as sorry as you're gonna be. 00:47:08.743 --> 00:47:10.745 - Oh, is... is that the... - Mm-hmm. 00:47:10.829 --> 00:47:14.124 Gluten-free apple pie? You bet. 00:47:14.207 --> 00:47:15.458 It-it looks... 00:47:17.377 --> 00:47:20.046 - Inedible? It is. - [Chuckles] 00:47:21.756 --> 00:47:24.092 Just be glad we get to have real ice cream. 00:47:24.718 --> 00:47:28.388 My mom was Buddhist last year, so we couldn't have any animal products. 00:47:28.471 --> 00:47:30.974 She was, um, Buddhist last year but not this year? 00:47:31.057 --> 00:47:35.145 Yep. That's sort of what she does. She gets into a lot of different things. 00:47:35.854 --> 00:47:39.649 For a while it was pilates. The secret. 00:47:40.316 --> 00:47:42.360 Buddhism. Etcetera. 00:47:42.444 --> 00:47:44.564 It's cool she's interested in so much different stuff. 00:47:44.612 --> 00:47:45.989 Yeah. She's not though. 00:47:46.072 --> 00:47:49.075 That's just what happens when you're rich and you don't have a job. 00:47:49.159 --> 00:47:50.160 You get a little crazy. 00:47:50.744 --> 00:47:53.038 My mom always says it's better to be rich than poor, so... 00:47:53.121 --> 00:47:55.001 Well, your mom's probably never been rich, then. 00:47:55.040 --> 00:47:56.560 Yeah. You've probably never been poor. 00:47:59.335 --> 00:48:01.671 Oh, my god. I can't believe I just said that. I'm so sorry. 00:48:01.755 --> 00:48:02.881 [Laughing] Wow. 00:48:02.964 --> 00:48:06.718 I didn't realize you were capable of saying something that wasn't nice. 00:48:06.801 --> 00:48:07.927 I'm not. I'm really sorry. 00:48:08.511 --> 00:48:10.388 You really don't have to keep saying that. 00:48:11.347 --> 00:48:12.348 Okay. 00:48:13.516 --> 00:48:14.601 You wanna say it again. 00:48:14.684 --> 00:48:16.019 Yeah, very much so, I do. 00:48:16.102 --> 00:48:17.145 [Laughs] 00:48:22.942 --> 00:48:26.362 Why did he write that? In his note? 00:48:26.946 --> 00:48:28.907 "Because there's Zoe. 00:48:28.990 --> 00:48:32.494 And I don't even know her, but if I could just talk to her..." 00:48:35.163 --> 00:48:36.372 Honestly, I really don't know. 00:48:37.499 --> 00:48:40.001 What does any of that even mean? I mean... 00:48:40.085 --> 00:48:43.797 We weren't close at all. Not since we were kids. 00:48:44.839 --> 00:48:46.841 He never noticed anything about me. 00:48:47.509 --> 00:48:48.843 That's not true. 00:48:48.927 --> 00:48:51.596 That's not true. He noticed a lot of things about you. 00:48:51.679 --> 00:48:52.972 Like what things? 00:48:59.979 --> 00:49:01.106 [Scoffs] 00:49:03.566 --> 00:49:04.567 Right. 00:49:04.651 --> 00:49:06.194 No, no, no. That's... 00:49:08.279 --> 00:49:10.073 Well... okay, okay. 00:49:10.865 --> 00:49:12.075 Here's something. 00:49:13.326 --> 00:49:17.497 Whenever you have a solo in jazz band, you just... 00:49:18.623 --> 00:49:20.463 You probably don't even know you're doing this, 00:49:20.542 --> 00:49:23.128 but you close your eyes, and you get, like... 00:49:23.211 --> 00:49:24.688 I don't know. It's like a half smile. 00:49:24.712 --> 00:49:27.316 Like you just heard the funniest thing in the world, but it's a secret, 00:49:27.340 --> 00:49:29.180 and you can't tell anyone about it. But then... 00:49:29.676 --> 00:49:31.928 The way that you smile, it's sort of like you are... 00:49:32.011 --> 00:49:34.848 You're letting us in on the secret too. 00:49:36.558 --> 00:49:40.728 J” he said there's nothing like your smile j” 00:49:40.812 --> 00:49:44.524 j” sort of subtle and perfect and real j” 00:49:46.609 --> 00:49:51.114 j” he said you never knew how wonderful j” 00:49:51.197 --> 00:49:54.826 j” that smile could make someone feel j” 00:49:56.411 --> 00:50:00.540 j” and he knew whene ver you get bored j” 00:50:00.623 --> 00:50:04.377 j” you scribble stars on the cufis of your jeans j” 00:50:06.588 --> 00:50:10.884 j” and he noticed that you still fill out the quizzes j” 00:50:10.967 --> 00:50:14.345 j” that they put in those teen magazines j” 00:50:14.846 --> 00:50:16.306 I do that ironically. 00:50:16.389 --> 00:50:21.060 J” but he kept it all inside his head j” 00:50:21.144 --> 00:50:24.939 j” what he saw he left unsaid j” 00:50:25.773 --> 00:50:30.153 j” and though he wanted to he couldn't talk to you j” 00:50:30.236 --> 00:50:33.198 j” he couldn't find a way j” 00:50:35.158 --> 00:50:39.037 j” but he would always say j” 00:50:40.663 --> 00:50:45.710 j” if / could tell her tell her everything I see j” 00:50:45.793 --> 00:50:50.381 j” if / could tell her how she is everything to me j” 00:50:51.674 --> 00:50:56.221 j” but we 're a million worlds apart j” 00:50:57.805 --> 00:51:00.934 j” and / don't know howl would even start j” 00:51:01.976 --> 00:51:06.147 j” if / could tell her j” 00:51:06.898 --> 00:51:12.070 j” if / could tell her j” 00:51:13.821 --> 00:51:15.657 did he say anything else? 00:51:16.199 --> 00:51:17.450 About you? 00:51:18.034 --> 00:51:21.037 - Never mind. I don't even care. - No, no. He said so many things. 00:51:21.120 --> 00:51:23.748 I'm just... I'm trying to remember the best ones, so... 00:51:25.250 --> 00:51:29.420 J” he thought it looked pretty cool j” 00:51:29.504 --> 00:51:32.840 j” when you put indigo streaks in your hair j” 00:51:32.924 --> 00:51:35.051 - no fucking way. - [Laughs] 00:51:35.134 --> 00:51:39.430 J” and he wondered how you learned to dance j” 00:51:39.514 --> 00:51:43.768 j” like all the rest of the world isn't there j” 00:51:44.769 --> 00:51:49.899 j” but he kept it all inside his head j” 00:51:49.983 --> 00:51:54.445 j” what he saw he left unsaid j” 00:51:54.529 --> 00:51:59.617 j” if / could tell her tell her everything I see j” 00:51:59.701 --> 00:52:04.539 j” if / could tell her how she is everything to me j” 00:52:05.123 --> 00:52:09.752 j” but we 're a million worlds apart j” 00:52:11.629 --> 00:52:15.091 j” and / don't know howl would even start j” 00:52:15.800 --> 00:52:20.305 j” if / could tell her j” 00:52:20.888 --> 00:52:23.224 j” if / could tell her j” 00:52:23.308 --> 00:52:28.271 j” but what do you do when there is this great divide? J” 00:52:28.354 --> 00:52:33.151 j” he just seemed so far away j” 00:52:33.234 --> 00:52:37.405 j” and what do you do when the distance is too wide? J” 00:52:37.488 --> 00:52:40.867 -j” it's like I don't know anything j” -j” and how do you say j” 00:52:40.950 --> 00:52:45.788 j” lloveyou? J” 00:52:45.872 --> 00:52:50.418 j” llove youj” 00:52:51.002 --> 00:52:55.923 j” llove youj” 00:52:56.007 --> 00:53:01.137 j” llove youj” 00:53:03.681 --> 00:53:10.271 j” but we 're a million worlds apart j” 00:53:13.024 --> 00:53:16.444 j” and / don't know howl would even start j” 00:53:18.237 --> 00:53:23.076 j” if / could tell her j” 00:53:24.035 --> 00:53:28.581 j”/f/could... j” 00:53:33.544 --> 00:53:35.755 - [door opens] - [Cynthia] Hello? 00:53:35.838 --> 00:53:36.958 - [Evan] Sorry. - [Zoe] Uh... 00:53:37.799 --> 00:53:38.841 [Door closes] 00:53:38.925 --> 00:53:40.385 You beat us. 00:53:40.468 --> 00:53:42.178 - Zoe, can you help serve? - [Zoe] Yeah. 00:53:42.261 --> 00:53:44.421 - [Cynthia] Larry, get the plates. - Can I do anything? 00:53:44.472 --> 00:53:46.182 No, no. You're the guest. You sit down. 00:53:46.265 --> 00:53:48.351 We asked if they had any soy ice cream, 00:53:48.434 --> 00:53:52.271 but the guy at the store said there was just no whey, so... 00:53:52.772 --> 00:53:55.358 - When are you gonna give up thatjoke? - I think never, actually. 00:53:55.441 --> 00:53:57.693 [Cynthia] You don't have to laugh at that. Please don't. 00:53:58.653 --> 00:54:02.615 I am sorry, but there's no way you'd ever be able to tell 00:54:02.698 --> 00:54:04.909 in a million years that this was gluten-free. 00:54:04.992 --> 00:54:06.619 Mom, come on. Look at it. 00:54:06.702 --> 00:54:09.622 A million years is, uh... That's a lot of years. 00:54:09.705 --> 00:54:11.624 Do you see what I have to deal with? 00:54:13.751 --> 00:54:14.919 I'm glad you're here. 00:54:33.312 --> 00:54:34.355 [Cell phone chimes] 00:54:43.698 --> 00:54:44.907 [Evan] "The Connor project." 00:54:44.991 --> 00:54:46.200 So, it's a student group 00:54:46.284 --> 00:54:49.912 dedicated to mental health awareness, outreach and education. 00:54:51.330 --> 00:54:52.999 Great. This is... it's great. 00:54:55.460 --> 00:54:56.711 You know the Murphys, right? 00:54:56.794 --> 00:54:57.962 Mm-hmm. 00:54:58.045 --> 00:55:00.840 I was wondering if you would reach out to them and get their blessing? 00:55:00.923 --> 00:55:03.092 Oh, well, I don't... 00:55:03.176 --> 00:55:05.595 - Lldont“. - You wanna help the Murphys? 00:55:05.678 --> 00:55:08.848 And all the other people who might need it? 00:55:08.931 --> 00:55:10.641 Like people like Connor. 00:55:10.725 --> 00:55:13.769 Or... people like us. 00:55:14.437 --> 00:55:15.646 "People like us"? 00:55:17.857 --> 00:55:20.193 Yes, right, because we have so much in common. 00:55:21.110 --> 00:55:22.153 What? 00:55:22.653 --> 00:55:26.157 Well, you're, like, the president of a million different groups at school, 00:55:26.240 --> 00:55:28.242 and you're part of every single activity. 00:55:28.326 --> 00:55:30.578 And you're, you know... and I'm... 00:55:31.954 --> 00:55:33.581 Um, I am not. 00:55:35.249 --> 00:55:36.250 What do you take? 00:55:40.254 --> 00:55:41.672 Okay, I'll go first. 00:55:42.632 --> 00:55:44.509 I'm on Lexapro, ten milligrams. 00:55:50.014 --> 00:55:52.099 Well, I'm on Zoloft. 00:55:53.476 --> 00:55:54.685 And Wellbutrin. 00:55:57.230 --> 00:56:00.691 And, um, ativan as needed. 00:56:01.817 --> 00:56:03.819 Depression? Anxiety? 00:56:06.489 --> 00:56:07.698 Yeah. 00:56:09.116 --> 00:56:10.326 Yeah. Me too. 00:56:12.453 --> 00:56:14.288 Some days, it's just like... 00:56:15.790 --> 00:56:17.041 It's like, um... 00:56:17.625 --> 00:56:18.626 Impossible? 00:56:19.210 --> 00:56:20.878 - Yeah. - Yeah. 00:56:23.339 --> 00:56:28.344 You know, you don't really act like a... Depressed sort of person. 00:56:28.928 --> 00:56:31.973 I'm just good at staying anonymous. 00:56:34.725 --> 00:56:35.726 Same as you. 00:56:38.646 --> 00:56:41.899 There are a lot of people who feel like us. 00:56:43.901 --> 00:56:46.070 People that you wouldn't think. 00:56:49.991 --> 00:56:55.371 J” you ever look at all the people who seem to know exactly how to be? J” 00:56:58.916 --> 00:57:04.171 j” you think, they don't need piles of prescriptions to function naturally j” 00:57:06.674 --> 00:57:11.721 j” well, look again and you might catch it just stay a minute more j” 00:57:13.097 --> 00:57:18.019 j” there's this little moment after the sunny smile j” 00:57:18.102 --> 00:57:21.439 j” as their eyes fall to the fioorj” 00:57:22.940 --> 00:57:29.697 j” the anonymous ones who never let you see the ache they carry j” 00:57:31.866 --> 00:57:34.660 j” all of those anonymous ones j” 00:57:35.286 --> 00:57:39.457 j” who never name that quiet pain they Bury j” 00:57:41.375 --> 00:57:46.505 j” so they keep on keepin'secrets that they think they have to hide j” 00:57:47.089 --> 00:57:51.302 j” but what if everybody's secret ls they ha ve that secret side? J” 00:57:51.385 --> 00:57:55.640 j” and to know the y're somehow not alone j” 00:57:55.723 --> 00:57:58.517 j” well, that's all the y're hoping forj” 00:57:59.060 --> 00:58:03.939 j” what if they didn't have to stay j” 00:58:05.524 --> 00:58:07.193 j” anonymous anymore? J” 00:58:15.242 --> 00:58:21.248 J” spot the girl who stays in motion she spins so fast so she won't fall j” 00:58:21.957 --> 00:58:26.796 j” she's built a wall with her achie vements to keep out the question j” 00:58:26.879 --> 00:58:30.299 j” without it is she worth anything at all? J” 00:58:31.425 --> 00:58:34.804 j” so nobody can know j” 00:58:36.055 --> 00:58:40.059 j” just what the cracks might show j” 00:58:40.643 --> 00:58:46.399 j” how deep and dark they go j” 00:58:46.482 --> 00:58:49.610 j” there are those anonymous ones j” 00:58:49.694 --> 00:58:53.572 j” stuck inside the perfect frame they're faking j” 00:58:55.449 --> 00:58:58.327 j” all of us anonymous ones j” 00:58:58.411 --> 00:59:02.790 j” who pick themselves apart till they start breaking j” 00:59:04.291 --> 00:59:09.046 j” and we keep on keepin'secrets that we think we have to hide j” 00:59:09.130 --> 00:59:13.634 j” but what we really need is somebody to see that secret side j” 00:59:13.718 --> 00:59:19.724 j” and to know we 're somehow not alone is all we 're hoping forj” 00:59:20.224 --> 00:59:25.855 j” and then we wouldn't have to be anonymous anymore j” 00:59:32.820 --> 00:59:34.989 J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 00:59:35.072 --> 00:59:37.450 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 00:59:37.533 --> 00:59:39.994 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 00:59:40.077 --> 00:59:42.413 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 00:59:42.496 --> 00:59:47.251 j” the anonymous one, noticed by none j” 00:59:49.754 --> 00:59:51.130 go, bobcats! 00:59:52.465 --> 00:59:55.301 J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 00:59:55.384 --> 00:59:58.345 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 01:00:18.032 --> 01:00:19.575 [Cynthia] "The Connor project"? 01:00:19.658 --> 01:00:24.246 Yeah, so it's a student group dedicated to keeping Connor's memory alive. 01:00:25.539 --> 01:00:28.083 Making sure people that need help have somewhere they can go. 01:00:28.667 --> 01:00:31.754 I didn't realize Connor meant this much to people. 01:00:31.837 --> 01:00:35.049 Well, I mean, it was all Alana's idea. She thought of the whole thing. 01:00:35.716 --> 01:00:38.219 That's the young woman who organized the memorial tomorrow. 01:00:38.302 --> 01:00:39.303 Mm-hmm. 01:00:39.386 --> 01:00:43.098 - Well, she seems like... quite a force. - [Evan] Yeah, um... 01:00:43.182 --> 01:00:44.475 Anyways... 01:00:45.518 --> 01:00:47.311 We just wanted to do something. 01:00:47.895 --> 01:00:49.814 It's-it's really cool. 01:00:55.236 --> 01:00:56.654 There's something I wanna show you. 01:00:57.738 --> 01:00:58.739 Sure. 01:01:01.075 --> 01:01:02.743 - [Door opens] - [Cynthia] Here we go. 01:01:04.578 --> 01:01:06.705 It's a bit of a mess, I know. 01:01:07.289 --> 01:01:11.502 We still haven't decided what to do with everything. 01:01:14.839 --> 01:01:16.173 Oh, um... 01:01:16.257 --> 01:01:19.051 He used to write songs. Or at least he told us he did. 01:01:19.134 --> 01:01:21.178 He refused to play for us, so, who knows? 01:01:23.681 --> 01:01:25.558 He never played any for you? 01:01:26.725 --> 01:01:28.310 No, he didn't. 01:01:29.061 --> 01:01:30.354 No. I'm sorry. 01:01:45.536 --> 01:01:46.745 Here it is. 01:01:48.455 --> 01:01:50.082 It's a... [chuckles] 01:01:51.041 --> 01:01:54.128 When Connor entered seventh grade, 01:01:54.211 --> 01:01:58.465 all of my girlfriends said, "here it comes, bar mitzvah season. 01:01:59.216 --> 01:02:01.927 He's going to have a different party every Saturday." 01:02:02.636 --> 01:02:04.889 And Larry was so excited to take him shopping. 01:02:04.972 --> 01:02:06.432 He dragged him to Brooks brothers, 01:02:06.515 --> 01:02:09.602 and they picked out a suit, some shirts and this tie. 01:02:10.269 --> 01:02:13.939 He looked just like his dad. 01:02:19.486 --> 01:02:21.614 He never got invited to a single party. 01:02:27.244 --> 01:02:29.872 He was such a sweet boy underneath it all. 01:02:32.750 --> 01:02:34.501 Everything just hurt too much. 01:02:38.756 --> 01:02:43.302 I thought that you could wear this to the memorial. For your speech. 01:02:46.096 --> 01:02:47.389 I'm not... I've... I... 01:02:48.891 --> 01:02:50.726 I wasn't... I'm not speaking. 01:02:51.435 --> 01:02:53.395 - Why not? - Well, I... 01:02:54.229 --> 01:02:55.814 I just don't think, um... 01:02:57.608 --> 01:03:02.613 I mean, most people think that I'm... not that cool of a person. 01:03:02.696 --> 01:03:04.823 So nobody wants to hear from me. 01:03:08.118 --> 01:03:13.332 Well, if that's what most people think... 01:03:14.792 --> 01:03:17.378 It sounds like most people don't know you very well. 01:03:17.461 --> 01:03:18.462 [Chuckles] 01:03:19.588 --> 01:03:21.006 They didn't know Connor either. 01:03:21.882 --> 01:03:23.258 They never bothered. 01:03:25.177 --> 01:03:26.220 Hmm. 01:03:28.889 --> 01:03:30.975 You can tell them what they missed. 01:03:38.565 --> 01:03:39.984 You're so handsome. 01:03:57.209 --> 01:03:59.420 [Students chattering quietly] 01:04:13.225 --> 01:04:14.560 [Sighs shakily] 01:04:17.396 --> 01:04:19.815 [Whispering] I'm so glad you changed your mind. 01:04:31.035 --> 01:04:35.205 Today is a day of remembrance and reflection. 01:04:35.289 --> 01:04:37.166 It sucks he isn't here to see this. 01:04:37.249 --> 01:04:40.294 The first person we'll hear from this morning is Evan Hansen. 01:04:59.521 --> 01:05:03.859 - Good morning, s... - [Mic feedback shrieking] 01:05:06.779 --> 01:05:08.864 Sorry. [Clears throat] Sorry. 01:05:12.743 --> 01:05:14.578 Good morning, students and faculty. 01:05:15.537 --> 01:05:17.831 I would like to say a few words to you today... 01:05:20.793 --> 01:05:22.044 About my friend... 01:05:23.879 --> 01:05:26.298 My best friend, Connor Murphy. 01:05:27.257 --> 01:05:28.383 Holy shit. 01:05:29.927 --> 01:05:33.222 I would like to tell you about the day that Connor and I went hiking 01:05:33.305 --> 01:05:35.557 behind the old Autumn smile apple orchard. 01:05:36.558 --> 01:05:38.227 We found a huge oak tree. 01:05:38.310 --> 01:05:42.147 Connor said he wondered what the world would look like from all the way up there, 01:05:42.231 --> 01:05:44.191 so we decided to find out. 01:05:47.361 --> 01:05:48.779 We started climbing slowly, 01:05:49.738 --> 01:05:53.075 and then when I finally looked back, we were already 30 feet off the ground. 01:05:54.076 --> 01:05:55.786 Connor just looked at me... 01:05:57.579 --> 01:05:59.581 And smiled that way he always did. 01:06:00.124 --> 01:06:02.584 Um. And then... 01:06:13.929 --> 01:06:15.472 Sorry. Then I fell. 01:06:15.556 --> 01:06:17.724 I lay there on the ground, and... 01:06:17.808 --> 01:06:21.103 Good morning, students and... faculty. 01:06:23.605 --> 01:06:24.815 Sorry, that... 01:06:25.858 --> 01:06:26.898 Sorry, that's the wrong... 01:06:27.943 --> 01:06:29.111 - [Mic feed back] - [Laughter] 01:06:55.679 --> 01:06:57.806 [Breathing shakily] 01:07:17.367 --> 01:07:19.661 [Exhales deeply] 01:07:24.875 --> 01:07:29.087 J” have you ever felt like nobody was there? J” 01:07:31.673 --> 01:07:37.512 j” have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? J” 01:07:39.056 --> 01:07:42.809 j” have you ever felt like you could disappear? J” 01:07:44.770 --> 01:07:49.524 j” like you could fall and no one would hear? J” 01:07:52.861 --> 01:07:55.572 but, see, the thing is, when I looked up, Connor was there. 01:07:58.158 --> 01:07:59.952 That's the gift he gave me. 01:08:01.119 --> 01:08:04.164 To show me that I wasn't alone. Nobody is. 01:08:04.248 --> 01:08:06.416 That's the gift that he gave all of us. 01:08:07.709 --> 01:08:08.877 I just wish... 01:08:12.005 --> 01:08:13.799 I wish we could've given that to him. 01:08:18.262 --> 01:08:21.640 J” let that lonely feeling wash away j” 01:08:23.684 --> 01:08:28.313 j” maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay j” 01:08:29.398 --> 01:08:33.527 j” cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand j” 01:08:34.736 --> 01:08:40.117 j” you can reach, reach out your hand j” 01:08:41.326 --> 01:08:46.790 j” and, oh, someone wrll come runnin'j” 01:08:46.873 --> 01:08:52.546 j” and / know the y'i/ take you home j” 01:08:55.674 --> 01:08:58.969 j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 01:08:59.052 --> 01:09:02.264 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 01:09:02.848 --> 01:09:05.350 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 01:09:06.351 --> 01:09:09.104 j” you will be found j” 01:09:09.187 --> 01:09:11.648 j” so let the sun come streamin'in j” 01:09:11.732 --> 01:09:14.985 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 01:09:15.068 --> 01:09:17.654 j” lift your head and look around j” 01:09:18.822 --> 01:09:23.785 j” you will be found j” 01:09:24.536 --> 01:09:29.833 j” you will be found j” 01:09:29.916 --> 01:09:35.255 j” you will be found j” 01:09:35.339 --> 01:09:39.968 j” you will be found j” 01:09:40.635 --> 01:09:42.554 j” you will be found j” 01:09:54.524 --> 01:09:56.485 Have you seen this? 01:09:56.568 --> 01:09:58.904 People started sharing it, and now, it's everywhere. 01:09:58.987 --> 01:10:01.239 This morning it only had, like, 30 views. 01:10:01.323 --> 01:10:04.534 - Well, how many does it have now? - 723. 01:10:04.618 --> 01:10:07.621 2,326 views. 01:10:07.704 --> 01:10:09.915 14,359. 01:10:10.415 --> 01:10:12.167 I don't understand what happened. 01:10:13.418 --> 01:10:14.628 You did. 01:10:16.797 --> 01:10:20.634 J” there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j” 01:10:20.717 --> 01:10:22.803 - oh, my god. - Everybody needs to see this. 01:10:22.886 --> 01:10:24.805 J” and every time that you call out j” 01:10:24.888 --> 01:10:26.848 j” you're a little less alone j” 01:10:26.932 --> 01:10:29.601 -I can't stop watching this video. 77years old. 01:10:29.684 --> 01:10:30.977 J” if you only say the word j” 01:10:31.061 --> 01:10:32.813 - take five minutes. - /t'll make your day. 01:10:32.896 --> 01:10:34.523 J” from across the silence j” 01:10:34.606 --> 01:10:38.402 j” your voice is heard j” 01:10:38.485 --> 01:10:39.653 j”ohj” 01:10:39.736 --> 01:10:41.571 - share it with the people you love. - Repost. 01:10:41.655 --> 01:10:43.365 The world needs to hear this. 01:10:43.448 --> 01:10:44.783 Beautiful tribute. 01:10:44.866 --> 01:10:47.119 I know someone who really needed to hear this today. 01:10:47.202 --> 01:10:49.788 So, thank you, Evan Hansen, for doing what you're doing. 01:10:49.871 --> 01:10:50.956 Ine ver met you, Connor, 01:10:51.039 --> 01:10:54.167 but coming on here, reading everyone's posts... 01:10:54.251 --> 01:10:55.961 Evan is exactly right. We are not alone. 01:10:56.044 --> 01:10:58.713 We are not alone. None of us. 01:10:58.797 --> 01:11:00.424 - None of us are alone. - Like. Forward 01:11:00.507 --> 01:11:02.968 especially now, with everything you hear on the news. 01:11:03.051 --> 01:11:04.386 - Like. Share. - Repost. Forward 01:11:04.469 --> 01:11:07.931 thank you, Evan Hansen, for giving us a space to remember Connor. 01:11:08.014 --> 01:11:09.891 - Thanks to Evan. - Thanks for helping my mom. 01:11:09.975 --> 01:11:10.976 Thank you, Evan Hansen. 01:11:11.059 --> 01:11:12.185 J” to take you home j” 01:11:12.269 --> 01:11:13.520 j” to take you home j” 01:11:13.603 --> 01:11:15.105 just reach out. 01:11:15.188 --> 01:11:17.708 -J” to take you home j” - this is about community and friendship. 01:11:17.732 --> 01:11:19.276 J” to take you home j” 01:11:19.359 --> 01:11:21.319 [woman] Thank you, Evan Hansen. 01:11:22.028 --> 01:11:24.823 J” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 01:11:24.906 --> 01:11:27.868 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 01:11:27.951 --> 01:11:33.248 j” when you're broken on the ground you will be found j” 01:11:33.331 --> 01:11:35.625 j” so let the sun come streamin'in j” 01:11:35.709 --> 01:11:38.920 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 01:11:39.004 --> 01:11:44.718 j” if you only look around you will be found j” 01:11:44.801 --> 01:11:47.471 j” you will be found j” 01:11:47.554 --> 01:11:50.640 -j” you will be found j” -j” you will be found j” 01:11:50.724 --> 01:11:54.186 j” you will be found j” 01:11:54.269 --> 01:11:59.107 j” out of the shadows the morning is breaking j” 01:11:59.191 --> 01:12:04.738 j” and all is new, all is newj” 01:12:04.821 --> 01:12:09.993 j” it's filling up the empty and suddenly I see j” 01:12:10.076 --> 01:12:16.082 j” that all is new, all is newj” 01:12:16.166 --> 01:12:18.668 j” you are not alone j” 01:12:18.752 --> 01:12:20.879 j” you are not alone j” 01:12:21.546 --> 01:12:24.090 j” you are not alone j” 01:12:24.174 --> 01:12:26.801 j” you are not alone j” 01:12:26.885 --> 01:12:29.471 -j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j” 01:12:29.554 --> 01:12:32.140 -j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j” 01:12:32.224 --> 01:12:34.851 -j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j” 01:12:34.935 --> 01:12:38.146 j” you are not alone j” 01:12:38.230 --> 01:12:40.815 j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 01:12:40.899 --> 01:12:43.860 j” when you need someone to carry you j” 01:12:43.944 --> 01:12:46.821 j” when you're broken on the ground j” 01:12:46.905 --> 01:12:49.199 j” you will be found j” 01:12:49.282 --> 01:12:51.910 j” so let the sun come streamin'in j” 01:12:51.993 --> 01:12:54.746 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 01:12:55.330 --> 01:12:57.999 j” if you only look around j” 01:12:58.083 --> 01:13:00.210 j” you will be found j” 01:13:00.293 --> 01:13:03.421 j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 01:13:03.505 --> 01:13:05.340 j” you will be found j” 01:13:05.423 --> 01:13:08.510 j” when you need someone to carry you j” 01:13:09.094 --> 01:13:14.099 j” you will be found j” 01:13:14.182 --> 01:13:18.520 j” you will be found j” 01:13:23.400 --> 01:13:25.402 [sniffles, chuckles] 01:13:27.362 --> 01:13:29.573 Hey. What's wrong? 01:13:32.826 --> 01:13:34.619 Everything you said in your speech. 01:13:35.453 --> 01:13:37.080 Everything you've done. 01:13:38.248 --> 01:13:42.919 You don't know how much you've given all of us. 01:13:43.753 --> 01:13:46.172 My family. Me. 01:13:48.550 --> 01:13:49.759 No, I... 01:13:51.094 --> 01:13:52.971 You've given me my brother back. 01:14:13.533 --> 01:14:15.118 [Saw whirring] 01:14:42.020 --> 01:14:45.690 [Alana] Welcome to the first ofiicial meeting of the Connor project 01:14:49.986 --> 01:14:51.321 right? 01:14:53.531 --> 01:14:56.660 Now, as you all know from Evan's speech, 01:14:56.743 --> 01:15:00.872 Connor's favorite place in the entire world was the Autumn smile apple orchard. 01:15:00.955 --> 01:15:05.210 I am beyond excited to announce that in addition to our support groups, 01:15:05.293 --> 01:15:07.671 we will be launching a kickstarter campaign 01:15:07.754 --> 01:15:12.550 to raise $100,000 to reopen and redesign Autumn smile 01:15:12.634 --> 01:15:14.636 as the Connor Murphy memorial orchard. 01:15:14.719 --> 01:15:16.971 [Applause] 01:15:18.264 --> 01:15:20.767 Soto explain what we're going to be asking of you, 01:15:20.850 --> 01:15:24.604 I'm gonna turn things over to our director of global communications. 01:15:25.522 --> 01:15:28.400 Thanks, Alana. 80 great. 01:15:28.483 --> 01:15:30.860 Our new website is now live. 01:15:30.944 --> 01:15:35.198 If you have not yet read the emails between Evan and Connor... 01:15:35.990 --> 01:15:38.576 Oh, you're gonna wanna grab some tissues. 01:15:39.953 --> 01:15:41.413 [Retching] 01:15:43.123 --> 01:15:48.420 I swear I've got a Cal ripken here somewhere. Look at that. Hmm? 01:15:49.838 --> 01:15:53.425 The entire '96 team. There's three hall of famers on there. 01:15:53.508 --> 01:15:55.051 - Wow. - You get the right people, 01:15:55.135 --> 01:15:59.806 baseball fans, you could raise at least a few hundred bucks for the orchard, 01:15:59.889 --> 01:16:01.391 maybe a couple thousand. 01:16:01.474 --> 01:16:02.684 Yeah, but... 01:16:03.351 --> 01:16:06.938 I mean, you should probably keep all this stuff. 01:16:07.564 --> 01:16:10.442 It's just gonna sit here gathering dust. 01:16:14.237 --> 01:16:15.739 Stiff as a board, isn't it? 01:16:16.322 --> 01:16:18.116 - Yeah. - Well, it's never been used. 01:16:18.199 --> 01:16:24.539 Connor, he loved baseball... When he was little. 01:16:25.331 --> 01:16:26.833 The first time I met him... 01:16:27.584 --> 01:16:29.544 Cynthia wasn't sure how the kids would react. 01:16:29.627 --> 01:16:33.673 She was terrified. And I was terrified. 01:16:33.757 --> 01:16:36.760 I mean, five minutes in... 01:16:39.471 --> 01:16:43.266 Connor's, like, pulling my arm... 01:16:44.309 --> 01:16:46.811 "Come on. Let's go play catch." 01:16:53.860 --> 01:16:56.446 I bought that, I don't know, two years ago. 01:16:56.529 --> 01:16:59.574 I thought, you know, maybe we could... 01:17:06.289 --> 01:17:07.373 So stupid. 01:17:08.208 --> 01:17:11.002 He was really lucky to have a step... 01:17:13.588 --> 01:17:15.215 To have a dad like you. 01:17:17.342 --> 01:17:20.637 Your dad must feel pretty lucky to... 01:17:22.096 --> 01:17:23.681 Have a son like you. 01:17:26.768 --> 01:17:27.894 Yeah, he does. 01:17:29.479 --> 01:17:30.939 [Sighs] 01:17:36.569 --> 01:17:37.612 [Phone clicks] 01:17:49.457 --> 01:17:50.458 [Phone dings] 01:17:58.424 --> 01:17:59.509 [Phone shuts off] 01:18:02.720 --> 01:18:04.305 [Cell phone chimes] 01:18:04.389 --> 01:18:09.269 You know, I saw the strangest thing on Facebook yesterday. 01:18:09.352 --> 01:18:12.230 - Really? - Um, somebody had a video 01:18:12.313 --> 01:18:13.982 of you doing a speech. 01:18:15.984 --> 01:18:19.237 About that boy. Connor Murphy. 01:18:20.822 --> 01:18:25.159 How the two of you climbed a tree together. At an orchard. 01:18:27.745 --> 01:18:29.455 You told me that you didn't know him, 01:18:29.539 --> 01:18:31.916 but in the speech you said that he was your best friend. 01:18:32.000 --> 01:18:36.296 Right, well... 'Cause it wasn't true, um... 01:18:40.174 --> 01:18:41.551 When I said I didn't know him. 01:18:41.634 --> 01:18:42.635 Hmm. 01:18:43.344 --> 01:18:46.890 I thought that you broke your arm at work. 01:18:46.973 --> 01:18:49.267 Okay, well, who do you think drove me to urgent care? 01:18:49.350 --> 01:18:51.978 And waited there with me? You were at work. You remember? 01:18:52.061 --> 01:18:54.022 I couldn't even... You didn't answer your phone. 01:18:54.105 --> 01:18:55.857 You told me that your boss took you. 01:18:55.940 --> 01:18:57.233 Well, so I lied, obviously. 01:18:57.317 --> 01:19:00.111 So when were you planning on telling me any of this? 01:19:00.194 --> 01:19:03.031 - When would I tell you? When are you here? - I'm here now. 01:19:03.114 --> 01:19:04.115 Okay. 01:19:04.198 --> 01:19:05.450 [Phone dings] 01:19:05.533 --> 01:19:09.245 I talked to Dr. Sherman, and he told me you've been skipping appointments. 01:19:09.329 --> 01:19:12.040 - I missed one. - You know, those aren't free. 01:19:17.712 --> 01:19:19.130 Sorry. I'm sorry. 01:19:24.802 --> 01:19:27.430 I'm so happy you had a friend, sweetheart. 01:19:28.973 --> 01:19:32.560 I'm sorry he's gone. I just wish I'd known. 01:19:36.648 --> 01:19:38.316 That speech you gave, it... 01:19:41.235 --> 01:19:43.154 I don't even know what to say. I'm... 01:19:44.948 --> 01:19:46.199 I'm proud of you. 01:19:49.827 --> 01:19:50.995 Thanks. 01:19:54.791 --> 01:19:56.668 [Doorbell rings] 01:20:05.093 --> 01:20:06.219 [Sighs] 01:20:09.472 --> 01:20:11.349 This is a cool surprise. 01:20:11.432 --> 01:20:12.558 [Door closes] 01:20:13.434 --> 01:20:14.435 [Evan] Um... 01:20:15.311 --> 01:20:17.230 Can I get you anything? Or... 01:20:17.313 --> 01:20:18.940 Just water. 01:20:20.191 --> 01:20:22.402 - Just water? You're sure? - Yeah. That's perfect. 01:20:23.486 --> 01:20:24.487 Coming up. 01:20:28.074 --> 01:20:29.117 [Water pouring] 01:20:29.200 --> 01:20:30.243 Where's your mom? 01:20:30.952 --> 01:20:33.121 She works late on Fridays. 01:20:34.622 --> 01:20:37.083 - I wanted to meet her. - Yeah, that would've been great. 01:20:39.544 --> 01:20:40.545 [Sniffs] 01:20:41.879 --> 01:20:42.880 What's this? 01:20:42.964 --> 01:20:46.884 Oh. It's just... my mom is obsessed with these college scholarship essay contests. 01:20:46.968 --> 01:20:49.262 I mean, I'd have to win probably, like, all of them 01:20:49.345 --> 01:20:52.598 to actually pay for college, so... 01:20:54.559 --> 01:20:56.644 Your parents, they can't... 01:20:56.728 --> 01:20:58.021 Uh, not really. 01:21:00.356 --> 01:21:01.357 I'm sorry. 01:21:10.366 --> 01:21:11.701 Is your room upstairs? 01:21:17.040 --> 01:21:18.374 Yeah. It's, um... 01:21:21.461 --> 01:21:22.462 Yeah. 01:21:30.261 --> 01:21:32.680 Yeah. So it's a pretty standard sort of room, I guess. 01:21:33.264 --> 01:21:35.767 So... hey! Oh, um... 01:21:36.350 --> 01:21:38.352 Actually, I meant to tell you this before. 01:21:38.436 --> 01:21:40.396 So Alana and I had a really good... 01:21:41.856 --> 01:21:45.151 Um, we had a really good meeting this morning, and I think... 01:21:45.234 --> 01:21:48.112 You probably noticed that, you know, 01:21:48.196 --> 01:21:50.656 a lot of people were giving during that first week, 01:21:50.740 --> 01:21:54.660 which is definitely great, but it sort of slowed down a bit, obviously. 01:21:54.744 --> 01:21:57.584 But Alana and I are really confident that it's gonna pick right back up. 01:21:57.663 --> 01:21:59.832 I think it's just a matter of... 01:22:00.792 --> 01:22:02.877 Can I talk to you about something? 01:22:06.839 --> 01:22:07.924 Yes. 01:22:12.553 --> 01:22:13.846 [Sighs] Uh... 01:22:14.388 --> 01:22:19.685 The Connor project is awesome. It's really, really cool. 01:22:22.188 --> 01:22:23.189 Thank you. 01:22:23.272 --> 01:22:26.400 It's just that my whole life, everything has been about him. 01:22:26.484 --> 01:22:29.487 And maybe the two of us... 01:22:31.280 --> 01:22:33.866 Maybe we don't have to talk about my brother all the time. 01:22:33.950 --> 01:22:35.076 Maybe we can... 01:22:36.244 --> 01:22:39.497 Talk about other things. 01:22:47.839 --> 01:22:49.090 I like you. 01:22:51.676 --> 01:22:55.263 And it's not because you were friends with my brother, 01:22:55.346 --> 01:22:57.140 or because of the Connor project. 01:23:00.017 --> 01:23:01.727 I like you 'cause... 01:23:02.770 --> 01:23:03.813 You. 01:23:04.856 --> 01:23:08.985 J” / don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you j” 01:23:11.654 --> 01:23:15.616 j” / don't need you to search for the proof that I should j” 01:23:18.578 --> 01:23:21.330 j” you don't have to convince me j” 01:23:22.206 --> 01:23:25.293 j” you don't have to be scared you're not enough j” 01:23:26.127 --> 01:23:30.089 j” cause what we've got goin'is good j” 01:23:32.300 --> 01:23:36.762 j” / don't need more reminders of all that's been broken j” 01:23:39.140 --> 01:23:43.311 j” / don't need you to fix what / 'd rather forget j” 01:23:45.563 --> 01:23:48.691 j” clear the slate and start overj” 01:23:49.317 --> 01:23:53.196 j” try to quiet the noises in your head j” 01:23:54.155 --> 01:23:56.699 j” we can't compete with all that j” 01:23:59.785 --> 01:24:01.787 j” so what if it's us? J” 01:24:01.871 --> 01:24:06.584 j” what if it's us and only us? J” 01:24:06.667 --> 01:24:11.589 j” and what came before won't count anymore, or matter? J” 01:24:11.672 --> 01:24:13.966 j” can we try that? J” 01:24:14.050 --> 01:24:17.303 j” what if it's you? What if it's me? J” 01:24:17.386 --> 01:24:21.224 j” and what if that's all that we need it to be? J” 01:24:21.307 --> 01:24:24.602 j” and the rest of the world falls away j” 01:24:26.020 --> 01:24:27.021 j” what do you say? J” 01:24:27.104 --> 01:24:31.734 j” / ne ver thought there 'd be someone like you who would want me j” 01:24:32.360 --> 01:24:33.361 well... 01:24:33.444 --> 01:24:38.366 J” so I give you 70,000 reasons to not let me go j” 01:24:41.577 --> 01:24:44.038 j” but if you really see me j” 01:24:45.039 --> 01:24:48.459 j” if you like me for me and nothing else j” 01:24:49.460 --> 01:24:55.258 j” well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know j” 01:24:55.341 --> 01:24:57.301 j” so it can be us j” 01:24:57.385 --> 01:25:02.390 j” it can be us and only us j” 01:25:02.473 --> 01:25:07.395 j” and what came before won't count anymore, or matter j” 01:25:07.478 --> 01:25:09.397 j” we can try that j” 01:25:09.480 --> 01:25:13.067 j” it's not so impossible j” 01:25:13.150 --> 01:25:15.945 j” nobody else but the two of us here j” 01:25:16.028 --> 01:25:19.907 j” cause you're saying it's possible j” 01:25:19.991 --> 01:25:23.286 j” we can just watch the whole world disappearj” 01:25:23.369 --> 01:25:28.624 j” till you're the only one j” 01:25:28.708 --> 01:25:34.714 j” / still know how to see j” 01:25:38.843 --> 01:25:40.511 [Evan] J” it's just you and me j” 01:25:41.095 --> 01:25:42.930 [Zoe] J” it'll be us j” 01:25:43.014 --> 01:25:47.435 j” it'll be us and only us j” 01:25:48.019 --> 01:25:52.565 j” and what came before won't count anymore j” 01:25:52.648 --> 01:25:55.693 j” we can try that j” 01:25:55.776 --> 01:26:02.241 j” you and me that's all that we need it to be j” 01:26:02.325 --> 01:26:05.745 j” and the rest of the world falls away j” 01:26:05.828 --> 01:26:11.751 j” and the rest of the world falls away j” 01:26:13.836 --> 01:26:16.672 j” the world falls away j” 01:26:17.673 --> 01:26:20.760 j” the world falls away j” 01:26:26.849 --> 01:26:28.642 J” the world falls away j” 01:26:30.394 --> 01:26:32.980 j” the world falls away j” 01:26:33.773 --> 01:26:36.567 j” the world falls away j” 01:26:37.943 --> 01:26:40.446 j” the world falls away j” 01:26:48.621 --> 01:26:49.830 J” the world falls away j” 01:26:49.914 --> 01:26:52.291 all right, let's just start without him. 01:26:52.375 --> 01:26:55.002 J” the world falls away j” 01:26:55.711 --> 01:27:01.217 j” and it's only us j” 01:27:13.729 --> 01:27:15.356 [Alarm beeps] 01:27:16.524 --> 01:27:17.983 [Both laughing] 01:27:19.693 --> 01:27:22.196 [Cynthia] I've been told that many times. 01:27:22.279 --> 01:27:23.739 Hi, honey. 01:27:23.823 --> 01:27:25.943 [Cynthia] Come join us. I just put dinner in the oven. 01:27:27.910 --> 01:27:29.078 [Chuckles] 01:27:29.161 --> 01:27:30.996 She made me swear to keep it a surprise. 01:27:31.080 --> 01:27:32.415 I'm surprised. 01:27:32.498 --> 01:27:35.251 Hi. It's so nice to finally meet you. 01:27:35.334 --> 01:27:39.171 - Hi. - Oh, hi. Yeah... great. It's great. 01:27:40.381 --> 01:27:41.882 Come on, Evan. Sit. 01:27:44.135 --> 01:27:45.886 I thought that you were working tonight. 01:27:45.970 --> 01:27:49.890 Cynthia called and invited me for dinner, so, you know, I'm playing hooky. 01:27:49.974 --> 01:27:52.893 We were just discussing how sneaky you and Connor were. 01:27:52.977 --> 01:27:55.163 [Mother] I had no idea that he and Connor were even friends. 01:27:55.187 --> 01:27:56.272 [Larry] We were the same. 01:27:56.355 --> 01:27:57.958 [Cynthia] You know, boys love their secrets. 01:27:57.982 --> 01:27:59.900 Something smells good. What's for dinner? 01:27:59.984 --> 01:28:01.735 It's chicken milanese. Your favorite. 01:28:01.819 --> 01:28:03.696 Actually his favorite 01:28:03.779 --> 01:28:06.073 - is my great-grandmother's black beans. - Really? 01:28:06.157 --> 01:28:08.617 Well, he's the only one that appreciates my cooking, so... 01:28:08.701 --> 01:28:09.869 That's not true. 01:28:09.952 --> 01:28:12.913 - Another drop? - No, no. I'm fine. Thank you. 01:28:12.997 --> 01:28:15.040 Fascinating story about the wine. 01:28:15.124 --> 01:28:17.793 It's from a vineyard in napa, 01:28:17.877 --> 01:28:22.756 and the entire growing process from start to finish, 100% sustainable. 01:28:22.840 --> 01:28:24.216 Is that right? 01:28:24.300 --> 01:28:26.719 Not to mention, it tastes good too. 01:28:26.802 --> 01:28:27.803 It does. 01:28:27.887 --> 01:28:30.306 You know, I-I didn't realize, 01:28:30.389 --> 01:28:33.350 Cynthia and Larry were telling me that you spend so much time here. 01:28:33.434 --> 01:28:35.144 Yeah. You've been working a lot, so... 01:28:35.227 --> 01:28:37.188 Why did I think you were at Jared's? 01:28:37.271 --> 01:28:38.689 I-I don't know. 01:28:38.772 --> 01:28:42.735 Evan was showing me all of those scholarship contests that you found. 01:28:42.818 --> 01:28:44.403 It's really impressive. 01:28:44.487 --> 01:28:47.364 Well, Evan is a great writer. 01:28:47.948 --> 01:28:49.909 Well, that does not surprise me at all. 01:28:51.494 --> 01:28:53.329 His English teacher last year told me 01:28:53.412 --> 01:28:56.373 that he wrote one of the best papers she'd ever read on sulu. 01:28:56.457 --> 01:28:57.458 Is that right? 01:28:57.541 --> 01:28:59.335 - It's sula. - What? 01:28:59.418 --> 01:29:01.337 You said "squ." It's sula. 01:29:02.004 --> 01:29:05.341 Yeah, I believe sulu's a character on Star Trek 01:29:05.424 --> 01:29:06.634 [chuckling] 01:29:09.220 --> 01:29:10.221 My mistake. 01:29:12.014 --> 01:29:15.267 So, speaking of scholarships... 01:29:16.519 --> 01:29:17.603 Oh, right, uh... 01:29:18.187 --> 01:29:22.775 Yeah, well, I guess now's as good a time as any. 01:29:25.611 --> 01:29:27.446 Cynthia, do you wanna... 01:29:28.906 --> 01:29:29.949 Well, um... 01:29:31.075 --> 01:29:34.495 Zoe happened to mention that Evan was having some difficulty 01:29:34.578 --> 01:29:38.332 in terms of the financial burden of college. 01:29:39.166 --> 01:29:41.752 And Larry and I started thinking, 01:29:41.835 --> 01:29:45.798 and we've been fortunate enough to set some money aside for Connor. 01:29:50.719 --> 01:29:52.388 - I'm good. I'm okay. - Yeah. 01:29:53.013 --> 01:29:55.349 Heidi, with your blessing, we would like to give Evan 01:29:55.432 --> 01:30:00.312 the money that we set aside for our son so he can fulfill his dreams. 01:30:07.611 --> 01:30:08.779 Thank you so much... 01:30:09.572 --> 01:30:11.031 But we're gonna be fine. 01:30:11.115 --> 01:30:13.409 I don't have a lot of money, but I do have some. 01:30:14.076 --> 01:30:16.745 Oh. No, no. I didn't mean to in... 01:30:16.829 --> 01:30:19.290 No, no, I understand. But we do have money, 01:30:19.373 --> 01:30:22.167 so I'm sorry you were under the impression that we didn't. 01:30:23.002 --> 01:30:25.129 And whatever money we don't have, 01:30:25.212 --> 01:30:29.466 Evan will either make up for with a job, or he'll get a scholarship. 01:30:30.134 --> 01:30:31.719 I don't want my son to get the idea 01:30:31.802 --> 01:30:34.221 that it's okay to rely on other people for favors. 01:30:34.305 --> 01:30:36.140 - Well, it's not a favor. - No. 01:30:36.223 --> 01:30:38.434 But as his mother, I need to set that example. 01:30:38.517 --> 01:30:40.477 You can't expect things from strangers. 01:30:40.561 --> 01:30:42.438 [Chuckles] We're not strangers. 01:30:42.521 --> 01:30:44.398 No, of course not. 01:30:45.733 --> 01:30:47.526 But you're not family either. 01:30:55.284 --> 01:30:56.702 [Evan] Mom, just hold on. 01:30:56.785 --> 01:30:59.747 No, I think I better get to work, see if I can grab a shift 01:30:59.830 --> 01:31:02.541 now that I know how concerned you are about our finances. 01:31:02.625 --> 01:31:04.728 - Mom, will you please come back inside? - Oh, my god. 01:31:04.752 --> 01:31:07.232 - Are you kidding me? - Will you just come back inside, please? 01:31:08.213 --> 01:31:10.090 They think you're their son, these people. 01:31:11.133 --> 01:31:13.719 - They're not "these people." - They don't really know you. 01:31:14.595 --> 01:31:17.389 Well, they like me. I know that's very hard for you to believe. 01:31:17.473 --> 01:31:18.682 That they don't think I'm... 01:31:18.766 --> 01:31:21.536 That there's something wrong with me, that I need to be fixed, like you do. 01:31:21.560 --> 01:31:22.728 When have I ever said that? 01:31:22.811 --> 01:31:25.939 Oh, my god. Mom, I have to go to therapy, right? I have to take drugs. 01:31:26.023 --> 01:31:27.303 There's nothing wrong with that. 01:31:27.358 --> 01:31:29.127 There's nothing wrong with needing help, honey. 01:31:29.151 --> 01:31:31.046 Just stop. I know that there is and that I'm a burden. 01:31:31.070 --> 01:31:33.155 I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you, 01:31:33.238 --> 01:31:34.698 and I just ruined your life, okay? 01:31:34.782 --> 01:31:37.618 No. You are the best thing. 01:31:37.701 --> 01:31:39.912 You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. 01:31:41.455 --> 01:31:43.455 I'm sorry I can't give you anything more than that. 01:31:44.875 --> 01:31:46.835 It's not my fault if other people can. 01:31:54.718 --> 01:31:55.886 I'll see you at home. 01:31:57.846 --> 01:31:58.972 [Door opens] 01:31:59.890 --> 01:32:01.558 - [Door closes] - [Engine starts] 01:32:08.315 --> 01:32:10.150 I'm so sorry. I meant to be there yesterday. 01:32:10.234 --> 01:32:13.487 Okay, well, we have two days left, and we're $25,000 short. 01:32:13.570 --> 01:32:15.489 Yeah, I just... everything... 01:32:15.572 --> 01:32:17.157 You're right. I know. I'm sorry. 01:32:17.241 --> 01:32:18.701 Things have been really busy, so... 01:32:21.120 --> 01:32:22.621 I've been wondering something. 01:32:25.457 --> 01:32:27.126 Were you ever actually friends with him? 01:32:29.503 --> 01:32:31.088 What are you talking about? 01:32:31.171 --> 01:32:33.799 Well, the thing about the emails, it's just that, like, 01:32:33.882 --> 01:32:37.469 you and Connor keep talking about climbing this tree together in June. 01:32:37.553 --> 01:32:40.180 - Mm-hmm. - We were in school in June. 01:32:41.432 --> 01:32:43.434 You didn't have a cast until September. 01:32:44.435 --> 01:32:47.146 You know what? We probably wrote down the wrong date or something. 01:32:47.855 --> 01:32:49.732 It's not just the emails, Evan. 01:32:50.774 --> 01:32:53.318 You've missed, like, three meetings in a row. 01:32:53.402 --> 01:32:56.405 If I were his best friend, I would be doing everything I could 01:32:56.488 --> 01:32:59.116 to make sure his dream of rebuilding the orchard came true. 01:32:59.199 --> 01:33:00.451 Okay... 01:33:00.534 --> 01:33:04.371 Look, it's terrible that people aren't giving as much money as we hoped. It is. 01:33:04.455 --> 01:33:07.040 But it's not like it's him. You know what I mean? 01:33:07.124 --> 01:33:09.001 It's just... it's an orchard, Alana. 01:33:13.547 --> 01:33:17.676 We have people watching us, hoping... 01:33:19.011 --> 01:33:22.014 Praying that we can prove Connor wrong. 01:33:22.097 --> 01:33:25.309 And if the orchard is just an empty promise, 01:33:25.392 --> 01:33:28.270 all of those people will know that Connor was right... 01:33:30.189 --> 01:33:31.482 That no one cares. 01:33:35.110 --> 01:33:36.236 Did you lie to me? 01:33:41.408 --> 01:33:42.910 Did I lie to all these people? 01:33:50.042 --> 01:33:51.126 Just go to your email. 01:33:51.919 --> 01:33:53.545 - Another email? - It's not... 01:33:54.922 --> 01:33:56.131 It's not another email. 01:34:05.265 --> 01:34:06.850 "Dear Evan Hansen." 01:34:09.102 --> 01:34:11.063 If we weren't friends, then he wouldn't... 01:34:13.190 --> 01:34:15.234 He wouldn't have written his note to me. 01:34:19.196 --> 01:34:21.532 Look, only his family have seen this, okay? 01:34:21.615 --> 01:34:24.535 You can't show it to anybody else, okay? 01:34:26.036 --> 01:34:27.162 Alana. 01:34:27.246 --> 01:34:28.247 Okay. 01:34:29.081 --> 01:34:30.666 [Bell rings] 01:34:38.215 --> 01:34:39.424 He wasn't right. 01:34:41.176 --> 01:34:42.970 You know that, don't you? 01:34:59.611 --> 01:35:00.696 [Sniffles] 01:35:03.031 --> 01:35:05.701 J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 01:35:05.784 --> 01:35:08.370 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 01:35:08.453 --> 01:35:11.123 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 01:35:11.206 --> 01:35:13.792 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 01:35:13.876 --> 01:35:18.964 j” the anonymous one noticed by none j” 01:35:19.047 --> 01:35:21.508 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 01:35:21.592 --> 01:35:24.303 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 01:35:28.849 --> 01:35:33.562 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 01:35:33.645 --> 01:35:38.108 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 01:35:38.191 --> 01:35:42.863 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 01:35:42.946 --> 01:35:49.703 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 01:35:59.922 --> 01:36:02.883 J” the anonymous ones j” 01:36:02.966 --> 01:36:07.179 j” who might just need this moment to remind them j” 01:36:09.222 --> 01:36:12.434 j” that there are more anonymous ones j” 01:36:13.185 --> 01:36:17.314 j” the y're out there if you take the time to find them j” 01:36:25.447 --> 01:36:29.868 J” just to know we 're somehow not alone j” 01:36:30.869 --> 01:36:37.209 j” isn't that all we 're e ver really looking for? J” 01:36:50.722 --> 01:36:52.683 [Exhales] 01:36:59.815 --> 01:37:05.028 J” maybe we, we don't have to be j” 01:37:09.074 --> 01:37:11.118 j” anonymous anymore j” 01:37:18.208 --> 01:37:19.751 [Computer chimes] 01:37:25.757 --> 01:37:28.176 [Chiming continues] 01:37:34.349 --> 01:37:35.892 [Vibrating] 01:37:48.113 --> 01:37:49.239 Can you imagine? 01:37:49.322 --> 01:37:50.824 [Cell phones chiming] 01:37:57.914 --> 01:37:59.416 [Chiming continues] 01:38:06.840 --> 01:38:08.008 Wh-what's wrong? 01:38:14.056 --> 01:38:15.057 Yep. 01:38:21.980 --> 01:38:23.148 [Cell phone chimes] 01:38:45.378 --> 01:38:47.631 [Cell phone vibrating] 01:38:50.050 --> 01:38:52.594 - Hi. - Alana, you have to take it down, okay? 01:38:52.677 --> 01:38:55.263 - The y've been through enough. - I took it down already, Evan, 01:38:55.347 --> 01:38:57.307 but it doesn't matter because it's everywhere. 01:39:05.565 --> 01:39:08.819 Zoe, it's me. Please call me back, okay? I'm worried about you. 01:39:09.694 --> 01:39:12.781 - They have pictures of us now. - Just put it away. 01:39:12.864 --> 01:39:14.699 "His parents act like they are bereft, 01:39:14.783 --> 01:39:17.452 but where were they when their son was actually alive?" 01:39:17.536 --> 01:39:19.496 Please stop reading them. 01:39:21.998 --> 01:39:24.292 - Hey. Is Zoe here? - She went home. 01:39:25.085 --> 01:39:26.336 [Sighs] 01:39:40.433 --> 01:39:41.726 Things really aren't good here. 01:39:42.310 --> 01:39:44.187 I know. I just... I had to come. 01:39:47.274 --> 01:39:48.358 [Larry] I don't know. 01:39:48.441 --> 01:39:51.361 [Cynthia] Did they hack our computers? They hacked our emails? 01:39:51.444 --> 01:39:53.613 These people are adults. Did you see their pictures? 01:39:53.697 --> 01:39:56.199 - [Cell phone ringing] - [Larry] Maybe let it ring. 01:39:57.951 --> 01:39:59.035 [Zoe] Hello? 01:39:59.119 --> 01:40:01.037 Yeah, have fun with your miserable life. 01:40:01.121 --> 01:40:03.141 - What did they say? What's the number? - It's blocked. 01:40:03.165 --> 01:40:05.017 - Did they threaten you? - No. It doesn't matter. 01:40:05.041 --> 01:40:06.361 [Cynthia] I'm calling the police. 01:40:06.418 --> 01:40:09.546 [Larry] Right now, maybe the best thing to do is to just stay calm, all right? 01:40:09.629 --> 01:40:11.983 [Cynthia] That's always your solution, isn't it? Wait and see. 01:40:12.007 --> 01:40:14.152 - Wait and see, right? - [Larry] What are the police going to do? 01:40:14.176 --> 01:40:16.303 It's the Internet. Are they gonna arrest the Internet? 01:40:16.386 --> 01:40:19.431 [Cynthia] I had to beg you, every step of the way, for therapy, for rehab. 01:40:19.514 --> 01:40:20.515 [Larry] What? No, no. 01:40:20.599 --> 01:40:23.518 You went lurching from one miracle cure to the next. 01:40:23.602 --> 01:40:24.662 [Cynthia] Oh, you're... really? 01:40:24.686 --> 01:40:27.480 Because all he needed was another $20,000 weekend yoga retreat. 01:40:27.564 --> 01:40:29.065 What was your alternative? 01:40:29.149 --> 01:40:31.193 Other than picking apart everything that I did? 01:40:31.276 --> 01:40:34.404 How about putting him on one program and sticking to it? 01:40:34.487 --> 01:40:37.824 Remember what he said the first time that Connor tried to kill himself? 01:40:37.908 --> 01:40:40.052 - "He's just looking for attention. - For Christ's sake. 01:40:40.076 --> 01:40:43.330 - [Cynthia] He just wants attention." - I'm not gonna sit here and defend myself! 01:40:43.413 --> 01:40:47.834 You couldn't understand him. You never understood him because he wasn't yours. 01:40:47.918 --> 01:40:49.252 Mom, what the hell? 01:40:49.336 --> 01:40:51.296 I raised him from the time he was three years old. 01:40:51.338 --> 01:40:54.382 He was getting better and you refused to see it. Ask Evan. 01:40:54.466 --> 01:40:55.467 Tell them, Evan. 01:40:55.550 --> 01:40:57.260 Evan did everything that he could. 01:40:57.344 --> 01:41:00.180 Evan? Evan was in denial of what was happening. 01:41:00.263 --> 01:41:02.057 [Zoe] Do not bring him into this. 01:41:02.140 --> 01:41:04.726 [Cynthia] Read the note, Larry. Read what he said. 01:41:04.809 --> 01:41:07.437 ”I just wish that everything was different ” 01:41:07.520 --> 01:41:09.707 - I tried. But he was my son! - [Cynthia] He wanted to be better! 01:41:09.731 --> 01:41:11.358 - [Zoe] Please. - I tried everything! 01:41:11.441 --> 01:41:13.693 Stop it! Just please stop! Please stop fighting. 01:41:13.777 --> 01:41:16.655 He was trying to be better. He was trying! 01:41:16.738 --> 01:41:17.781 And he was failing. 01:41:19.074 --> 01:41:20.367 We failed him. 01:41:21.451 --> 01:41:24.037 No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You didn't fail him. 01:41:26.498 --> 01:41:27.499 Read the note. 01:41:29.626 --> 01:41:31.002 He didn't write it. 01:41:37.217 --> 01:41:38.218 I wrote it. 01:41:38.301 --> 01:41:41.388 You didn't write Connor's suicide note. 01:41:42.639 --> 01:41:48.478 It was an assignment from my therapist. Write a letter to yourself. A pep talk. 01:41:48.561 --> 01:41:50.522 "Dear Evan Hansen, today's going to be a good day. 01:41:50.605 --> 01:41:51.999 - Here's why." - I don't think that... 01:41:52.023 --> 01:41:54.234 I was supposed to bring it to my appointment with me, 01:41:54.317 --> 01:41:57.487 but Connor took it, and then I guess he must've had it with him... 01:42:00.448 --> 01:42:01.992 When you found him, so... 01:42:07.539 --> 01:42:08.915 What are you saying? 01:42:10.625 --> 01:42:12.335 We weren't friends. 01:42:12.419 --> 01:42:15.046 No. No, no, no. 01:42:15.672 --> 01:42:18.341 J” / never meant to make it such a mess j” 01:42:19.884 --> 01:42:22.595 j” / ne ver thought that it would go this farj” 01:42:22.679 --> 01:42:25.098 there were emails. You showed us emails. 01:42:25.890 --> 01:42:31.521 J” so I just stand here sorry searching for something to say j” 01:42:33.273 --> 01:42:34.733 j” something to say j” 01:42:34.816 --> 01:42:39.195 you knew about the orchard. He took you to the orchard. 01:42:39.279 --> 01:42:41.156 That's where you broke your arm. 01:42:41.239 --> 01:42:42.824 I broke my arm in Ellison park. 01:42:42.907 --> 01:42:44.826 Um, by myself. 01:42:45.410 --> 01:42:47.037 But that day at the orchard... 01:42:49.247 --> 01:42:50.999 You and Connor at the orchard. 01:42:55.253 --> 01:43:00.091 J” words fail, words fail j” 01:43:01.968 --> 01:43:04.596 j” there's nothing I can say j” 01:43:04.679 --> 01:43:05.889 oh, god. 01:43:08.099 --> 01:43:11.478 But you said that you guys would talk about me. He would... 01:43:12.729 --> 01:43:13.855 How could you do this? 01:43:13.938 --> 01:43:16.733 J” / guess / thought I could be part of this j” 01:43:18.193 --> 01:43:20.820 j” / never had this kind of thing before j” 01:43:22.530 --> 01:43:25.492 j” / ne ver had that perfect girl j” 01:43:25.575 --> 01:43:30.622 j” who somehow could see the good part of me j” 01:43:32.374 --> 01:43:34.709 j” lne ver had the dad who stuck it out j” 01:43:36.252 --> 01:43:39.631 j” no corny jokes or baseball gloves j” 01:43:40.131 --> 01:43:42.634 j” no mom who just was there j” 01:43:42.717 --> 01:43:47.222 j” cause mom was all that she had to be j” 01:43:48.723 --> 01:43:55.438 j” that's not a worthy explanation I know there is none j” 01:43:57.023 --> 01:44:02.487 j” nothing can make sense of all these things I've done j” 01:44:04.531 --> 01:44:09.327 j” words fail, words fail j” 01:44:09.411 --> 01:44:12.956 j” there's nothing I can say j” 01:44:13.039 --> 01:44:16.334 j” except sometimes you see everything you wanted j” 01:44:16.418 --> 01:44:21.131 j” and sometimes you see everything you wish you had j” 01:44:21.214 --> 01:44:26.177 j” and it's right there, right there right there j” 01:44:26.261 --> 01:44:27.637 j” in front of you j” 01:44:33.393 --> 01:44:36.187 J” and you want to believe it's true j” 01:44:42.569 --> 01:44:45.238 J” so you make it true j” 01:44:49.367 --> 01:44:50.368 j” and you think j” 01:44:51.161 --> 01:44:58.126 j” ll/laybe everybody wants it j” 01:45:01.004 --> 01:45:02.172 j” and needs it j” 01:45:04.716 --> 01:45:07.927 j” a little bit too j” 01:45:24.777 --> 01:45:25.987 Zoe. 01:45:35.330 --> 01:45:38.041 I think it's time for you to go. 01:45:50.303 --> 01:45:51.638 [Door opens] 01:45:52.931 --> 01:45:54.182 [Door closes] 01:46:10.281 --> 01:46:11.491 Go away, Evan. 01:46:11.574 --> 01:46:13.159 It isn't fair, okay? 01:46:13.243 --> 01:46:16.538 You can't... you can't let people just blame you and your parents. 01:46:16.621 --> 01:46:19.082 They need to know it was me. I'm the one people should hate. 01:46:19.165 --> 01:46:20.959 Yeah, well, we're not telling anyone. 01:46:21.876 --> 01:46:23.002 Well, that's... I... 01:46:23.503 --> 01:46:25.046 You can't... you have to. 01:46:26.464 --> 01:46:29.634 It's not my decision. It's my mom's. 01:46:30.718 --> 01:46:34.430 She doesn't wanna ruin your life. She's afraid you'll do something stupid. 01:46:35.348 --> 01:46:36.516 Like hurt yourself. 01:46:36.599 --> 01:46:37.600 [Sniffles] 01:46:40.562 --> 01:46:42.647 She said they already lost one son. 01:46:47.527 --> 01:46:48.736 Can you just... 01:46:50.071 --> 01:46:52.115 Leave my family alone. Okay? 01:47:20.101 --> 01:47:23.771 J” this was just a sad invention j” 01:47:25.565 --> 01:47:28.067 j” /t wasn't real, / know j” 01:47:30.361 --> 01:47:31.654 j” but we were happyj” 01:47:33.698 --> 01:47:37.076 j” / guess / couldn't let that go j” 01:47:39.203 --> 01:47:41.873 j” / guess / couldn't give that up j” 01:47:43.541 --> 01:47:47.920 j” / guess / wanted to believe cause if I just belie ve j” 01:47:49.130 --> 01:47:54.052 j” then / don't have to see what's really there j” 01:47:56.012 --> 01:47:58.014 j” no, ID rather pretend j” 01:47:58.097 --> 01:48:01.100 j” I'm something better than these broken parts j” 01:48:02.101 --> 01:48:06.064 j” pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am j” 01:48:06.147 --> 01:48:11.361 j” cause then / don't have to look at it and no one gets to look at it j” 01:48:11.444 --> 01:48:16.324 j” no, no one can really see j” 01:48:16.407 --> 01:48:20.578 j” cause I've learned to slam on the brake j” 01:48:20.662 --> 01:48:25.041 j” before leven turn the keyj” 01:48:25.124 --> 01:48:29.462 j” before lmake the mistake j” 01:48:29.545 --> 01:48:33.383 j” before llead with the worst of me j” 01:48:33.466 --> 01:48:35.593 j” / never let them see j” 01:48:35.677 --> 01:48:42.642 j” the worst of me j” 01:48:53.695 --> 01:48:55.530 J” cause what if everyone saw? J” 01:48:59.659 --> 01:49:02.161 j” what ifeveryone knew? J” 01:49:04.372 --> 01:49:06.666 j” would they like what they saw? J” 01:49:08.918 --> 01:49:11.838 j” or would they hate it too? J” 01:49:23.057 --> 01:49:27.437 J” will I just keep on running away j” 01:49:27.520 --> 01:49:31.232 j” from what's true? J” 01:49:34.569 --> 01:49:39.615 j” all / ever do is run j” 01:49:43.327 --> 01:49:47.540 j” so how do I step in j” 01:49:52.462 --> 01:49:59.427 j” step into the sun? J” 01:50:02.346 --> 01:50:08.895 j” step into the sun j” 01:50:43.638 --> 01:50:44.847 Evan? 01:50:46.432 --> 01:50:47.642 Evan? 01:50:55.983 --> 01:50:57.193 Evan? 01:51:13.960 --> 01:51:15.419 Oh, honey. 01:51:21.259 --> 01:51:23.052 "Dear Evan Hansen"... 01:51:25.137 --> 01:51:27.390 You wrote this? Connor's note? 01:51:29.934 --> 01:51:32.061 [Sighs] I didn't know. 01:51:32.728 --> 01:51:34.355 No one did. 01:51:34.939 --> 01:51:36.232 No, honey, that's... 01:51:37.650 --> 01:51:38.860 That's not what I meant. 01:51:41.571 --> 01:51:43.489 I didn't know that you were... 01:51:44.782 --> 01:51:47.118 That you were hurting like that. 01:51:47.201 --> 01:51:48.661 That you felt... 01:51:49.579 --> 01:51:50.788 I didn't know. 01:51:53.666 --> 01:51:54.750 I lied. 01:51:59.255 --> 01:52:01.132 I lied about so many things. 01:52:04.218 --> 01:52:05.803 Not just Connor. Um... 01:52:07.513 --> 01:52:10.057 [Sighs] 01:52:11.100 --> 01:52:12.643 So, last summer... 01:52:16.355 --> 01:52:17.523 I just... 01:52:20.109 --> 01:52:21.819 I just felt so alone. 01:52:26.157 --> 01:52:27.241 You can tell me. 01:52:30.494 --> 01:52:31.787 The tree. 01:52:35.249 --> 01:52:36.500 I didn't fall. 01:52:40.463 --> 01:52:41.464 I let go. 01:52:45.801 --> 01:52:47.553 - Oh, Evan. - Do you hate me now? 01:52:50.389 --> 01:52:53.184 You should. You should. 01:52:54.018 --> 01:52:58.314 If you knew who I am, just how, just broken I am. 01:52:59.273 --> 01:53:00.691 I already know you. 01:53:02.860 --> 01:53:03.945 And I love you. 01:53:10.034 --> 01:53:11.786 I can promise you that... 01:53:14.455 --> 01:53:15.665 Someday... 01:53:17.166 --> 01:53:19.835 All of this is gonna feel like a very long time ago. 01:53:27.885 --> 01:53:29.095 Your dad, um... 01:53:33.015 --> 01:53:35.434 Do you remember when he drove by to get his things? 01:53:40.898 --> 01:53:43.484 It was a few weeks after he moved out. 01:53:45.236 --> 01:53:47.279 "Temporarily," we said. 01:53:48.698 --> 01:53:51.158 J” it was a February day j” 01:53:52.952 --> 01:53:57.957 j” when your dad came by before gor'n ' away j” 01:53:59.333 --> 01:54:02.712 j” a u-haul truck in the drivewayj” 01:54:04.505 --> 01:54:08.384 j” the day it was suddenly real j” 01:54:10.594 --> 01:54:13.389 j” / told you not to some outside j” 01:54:14.765 --> 01:54:19.645 j” but you saw that truck and you smiled so wide j” 01:54:19.729 --> 01:54:20.730 [chuckles] 01:54:21.731 --> 01:54:25.860 J” a real live truck in your drivewayj” 01:54:27.528 --> 01:54:30.865 j” we let you sit behind the wheel j” 01:54:34.160 --> 01:54:38.664 j” goodbye, goodbye j” 01:54:39.832 --> 01:54:45.880 j” now it's just me and my little guy j” 01:54:48.966 --> 01:54:53.429 j” and the house felt so big j” 01:54:55.431 --> 01:55:00.352 j” and / felt so small j” 01:55:01.645 --> 01:55:06.067 j” the house felt so big j” 01:55:07.651 --> 01:55:11.781 j” and / felt so small j” 01:55:14.492 --> 01:55:17.119 j” that night / tucked you into bed j” 01:55:18.370 --> 01:55:23.542 j” / wrll ne ver forget how you sat up and said j” 01:55:24.210 --> 01:55:28.047 j” ”ls there another truck comin ' to our drive way? J” 01:55:29.548 --> 01:55:34.136 j” a truck that will take ll/lomm y away?”j” 01:55:36.764 --> 01:55:41.268 j” and the house felt so big j” 01:55:43.229 --> 01:55:48.484 j” and / felt so small j” 01:55:49.318 --> 01:55:53.823 j” the house felt so big j” 01:55:54.740 --> 01:55:57.785 j”and/...j” 01:55:57.868 --> 01:56:04.458 j” and / knew there would be ll/loments that I 'd miss j” 01:56:04.542 --> 01:56:10.172 j” and / knew there would be space / couldn't fill j” 01:56:10.256 --> 01:56:13.968 j” and / knew I'd come up shortj” 01:56:14.051 --> 01:56:18.472 j” a million difierent ways j” 01:56:18.556 --> 01:56:20.724 j” and/didj” 01:56:22.852 --> 01:56:26.605 pand/doj” 01:56:28.232 --> 01:56:30.651 j” and/ will j” 01:56:32.945 --> 01:56:35.197 j” but like that February day j” 01:56:37.241 --> 01:56:42.872 j” / will take your hand squeeze it tightly and say j” 01:56:42.955 --> 01:56:46.458 j” ”there is not another truck in the drivewayj” 01:56:48.127 --> 01:56:53.549 j” your mom isn't goin ' anywhere your mom is sta yin ' right here ” j” 01:56:53.632 --> 01:56:59.430 j” your mom isn't goin ' anywhere your mom is sta yin ' right here j” 01:57:00.598 --> 01:57:02.641 j” no matter what j” 01:57:05.019 --> 01:57:09.356 j” /'ll be here j” 01:57:10.357 --> 01:57:15.112 j” when it all feels so big j” 01:57:16.655 --> 01:57:21.660 j” till it all feels so small j” 01:57:22.661 --> 01:57:27.124 j” when it all feels so big j” 01:57:28.626 --> 01:57:35.591 j” till it all feels so small j” 01:57:40.346 --> 01:57:46.894 j” till it all feels so small j” 01:57:47.645 --> 01:57:49.521 [sniffles] Oh... 01:57:55.611 --> 01:57:57.613 It's gonna get better, I promise. 01:58:12.753 --> 01:58:14.797 I was never friends with Connor Murphy. 01:58:16.382 --> 01:58:17.591 I lied. 01:58:18.676 --> 01:58:19.802 Repeatedly. 01:58:20.678 --> 01:58:27.059 To his family, to Alana, to all of you. 01:58:29.728 --> 01:58:32.231 I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it. 01:58:32.314 --> 01:58:34.692 But, um, please... 01:58:36.485 --> 01:58:38.696 Connor's family doesn't deserve your hatred. 01:58:40.656 --> 01:58:41.865 I do. 01:58:44.451 --> 01:58:45.661 I'm sorry. 01:58:49.456 --> 01:58:52.751 [Sighs] 01:59:06.307 --> 01:59:08.600 [Sighs] 01:59:58.525 --> 02:00:04.490 [Connor] J” spent so many seasons lost inside my mind j” 02:00:04.573 --> 02:00:08.535 j” lost inside my mind j” 02:00:10.079 --> 02:00:15.793 j” like a message in a bottle I thought nobody would find j” 02:00:16.377 --> 02:00:20.005 j” that nobody would find j” 02:00:21.840 --> 02:00:25.052 j” I've been driftinj I've been dreamin'j” 02:00:25.135 --> 02:00:27.846 j” / would land upon the shore j” 02:00:27.930 --> 02:00:31.183 j” to a haven, to a harborj” 02:00:31.266 --> 02:00:35.562 j” that felt so far before j” 02:00:37.272 --> 02:00:43.153 j” well, today, todayj” 02:00:43.237 --> 02:00:48.117 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 02:00:49.326 --> 02:00:55.416 j” for today, todayj” 02:00:55.499 --> 02:00:57.709 j” todayj” 02:01:00.712 --> 02:01:04.591 j” it feels a little closer j” 02:01:07.845 --> 02:01:13.642 j” how long these days of darkness at the bottom of a well j” 02:01:13.725 --> 02:01:17.938 j” that old, familiar well j” 02:01:19.898 --> 02:01:25.863 j” sittin ' heavy with these secrets with nobody to tell j” 02:01:25.946 --> 02:01:29.658 j” nobody to tell j” 02:01:31.368 --> 02:01:34.455 j” high above, a streak of sunlight j” 02:01:34.538 --> 02:01:37.374 j” and a wall too tail to climb j” 02:01:37.458 --> 02:01:40.544 j” all the reaching, all the wanting j” 02:01:40.627 --> 02:01:44.715 j” just to tumble every time j” 02:01:44.798 --> 02:01:45.942 - I think we got it. - [Chuckles] 02:01:45.966 --> 02:01:47.593 [Jared] All right. 02:01:47.676 --> 02:01:53.307 J” but today, todayj” 02:01:53.390 --> 02:01:59.188 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 02:01:59.271 --> 02:02:05.777 j” for today, todayj” 02:02:05.861 --> 02:02:08.071 j” todayj” 02:02:10.866 --> 02:02:13.911 j” it feels a little closer j” 02:02:23.420 --> 02:02:29.676 J” and the days carry on j” 02:02:29.760 --> 02:02:33.972 j” the clouds come rollin'in and then the y're gone j” 02:02:35.140 --> 02:02:41.188 j” as the days keep comin' on j” 02:02:42.231 --> 02:02:46.318 j” the midnight sky turns to dawn j” 02:02:56.620 --> 02:03:02.751 J” today, todayj” 02:03:02.834 --> 02:03:07.923 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 02:03:09.299 --> 02:03:15.722 j” for today, todayj” 02:03:15.806 --> 02:03:20.811 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 02:03:21.770 --> 02:03:27.985 j” for today, todayj” 02:03:28.068 --> 02:03:30.112 j” todayj” 02:03:33.448 --> 02:03:36.118 j” it feels a little closer j” 02:03:36.994 --> 02:03:39.538 j” a little closerj” 02:03:39.621 --> 02:03:41.915 j” it feels a little closer j” 02:03:43.083 --> 02:03:45.836 j” a little closerj” 02:03:48.797 --> 02:03:53.760 j” it feels a little closer j” 02:04:09.735 --> 02:04:11.403 [Song ends] 02:04:34.843 --> 02:04:36.470 You must start school pretty soon. 02:04:37.763 --> 02:04:39.014 Two more weeks. 02:04:41.725 --> 02:04:43.226 When do you leave for college? 02:04:44.686 --> 02:04:47.814 Um, actually, I decided to take a year off, so... 02:04:48.899 --> 02:04:51.693 Just try to save some money. Get a job. 02:04:54.196 --> 02:04:55.947 Take some time. 02:04:56.031 --> 02:04:58.367 So, I'm taking classes at the community college. 02:04:58.450 --> 02:05:01.161 I'll have credits to transfer in the fall, so... 02:05:02.621 --> 02:05:04.831 - That's smart. - Yeah. We'll see. 02:05:08.126 --> 02:05:11.129 [Sighs] I always picture you and Connor here. 02:05:12.839 --> 02:05:14.091 Eventhough”. 02:05:16.468 --> 02:05:18.053 This is my first time. 02:05:19.763 --> 02:05:21.056 It's nice. 02:05:22.683 --> 02:05:23.975 Peaceful. 02:05:25.602 --> 02:05:27.396 My parents come here all the time. 02:05:28.647 --> 02:05:31.900 We do picnics, like, every weekend. 02:05:32.734 --> 02:05:34.903 Lots of gluten-free sandwiches. 02:05:38.699 --> 02:05:40.617 It's helped them a lot, actually. 02:05:42.327 --> 02:05:43.328 Having this. 02:05:49.543 --> 02:05:50.669 What I did... 02:05:53.046 --> 02:05:54.172 I can't even... 02:05:58.885 --> 02:06:01.930 It's the worst thing anyone can do. 02:06:09.271 --> 02:06:10.981 I wish we could have met now. 02:06:13.108 --> 02:06:16.486 Today. For the first time. 02:06:18.739 --> 02:06:19.823 Me too. 02:06:25.078 --> 02:06:28.457 - I should probably... - Yeah. Yeah, of course. Of course. 02:06:32.002 --> 02:06:33.378 Hey, can I just... 02:06:34.588 --> 02:06:36.006 Can I just ask you... 02:06:38.592 --> 02:06:40.010 Why did you want to meet here? 02:06:42.888 --> 02:06:44.723 [Sighs] 02:06:46.391 --> 02:06:48.435 I wanted to be sure that you saw this. 02:06:53.356 --> 02:06:54.816 He really loved it here. 02:07:11.833 --> 02:07:13.168 [Evan] Dear Evan Hansen, 02:07:15.378 --> 02:07:18.632 today is gonna be a good day, and here is why. 02:07:19.883 --> 02:07:23.762 Because today, no matter what else, 02:07:23.845 --> 02:07:25.430 today, at least you're you. 02:07:26.431 --> 02:07:31.394 No hiding, no lying. And that's... that's enough. 02:07:31.978 --> 02:07:35.941 So no matter how hard it gets, e ven if it feels... 02:07:36.983 --> 02:07:38.068 Impossible, 02:07:38.985 --> 02:07:40.403 this time you'll know. 02:07:41.780 --> 02:07:42.906 Don't let go. 02:07:43.949 --> 02:07:45.617 Just hold on... 02:07:46.326 --> 02:07:47.536 And keep going. 02:07:49.412 --> 02:07:50.622 Just keep going. 02:07:55.585 --> 02:07:59.089 J” todayj” 02:08:00.048 --> 02:08:04.678 j” todayj” 02:08:04.761 --> 02:08:05.971 j” todayj” 02:08:10.016 --> 02:08:16.439 j” it feels a little closer j” 02:09:04.362 --> 02:09:08.241 J” have you ever felt like nobody was there? J” 02:09:10.285 --> 02:09:13.163 j” have you ever felt forgotten j” 02:09:13.246 --> 02:09:15.749 j” in the middle of nowhere? J” 02:09:16.333 --> 02:09:20.670 j” have you ever felt like you could disappear? J” 02:09:21.922 --> 02:09:23.465 j” like you could fall j” 02:09:24.758 --> 02:09:26.968 j” and no one would hear? J” 02:09:28.553 --> 02:09:32.390 j” well, let that lonely feeling wash a way j” 02:09:34.851 --> 02:09:39.606 j” maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay j” 02:09:40.523 --> 02:09:44.736 j” cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand j” 02:09:46.321 --> 02:09:48.657 j” you can reach j” 02:09:48.740 --> 02:09:51.201 j” reach out your hand j” 02:09:52.327 --> 02:09:55.497 j” andohj” 02:09:55.580 --> 02:09:58.166 j” someone will come running j” 02:09:58.249 --> 02:10:01.169 j” and / know j” 02:10:01.252 --> 02:10:04.798 j” the y'll take you home j” 02:10:05.465 --> 02:10:08.385 j” even when the dark comes crashing through j” 02:10:08.468 --> 02:10:11.596 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 02:10:11.680 --> 02:10:14.224 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 02:10:15.183 --> 02:10:17.644 j” you will be found j” 02:10:17.727 --> 02:10:20.230 j” so let the sun come streaming in j” 02:10:20.313 --> 02:10:23.733 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 02:10:23.817 --> 02:10:26.152 j” lift your head and look around j” 02:10:27.195 --> 02:10:31.741 j” you will be found j” 02:10:33.284 --> 02:10:37.288 j” you will be found j” 02:10:40.458 --> 02:10:44.546 j” there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j” 02:10:46.923 --> 02:10:49.300 j” and every time you call out j” 02:10:49.384 --> 02:10:51.761 j” you're a little less alone j” 02:10:53.054 --> 02:10:57.559 j” oh, if you only say the word j” 02:10:57.642 --> 02:11:01.813 j” oh, from across the srlence j” 02:11:01.896 --> 02:11:06.317 j” your voice is heard j” 02:11:06.985 --> 02:11:09.946 j” even when the dark comes crashing through j” 02:11:10.030 --> 02:11:13.116 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 02:11:13.199 --> 02:11:16.619 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 02:11:16.703 --> 02:11:19.122 j” you will be found j” 02:11:19.205 --> 02:11:21.791 j” so let the sun come streaming in j” 02:11:21.875 --> 02:11:25.295 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 02:11:25.378 --> 02:11:28.631 j” lift your head and look around j” 02:11:28.715 --> 02:11:31.801 j” you will be found j” 02:11:31.885 --> 02:11:34.679 j” you will be found j” 02:11:34.763 --> 02:11:40.727 j” you will be found j” 02:11:40.810 --> 02:11:43.772 j” you will be found j” 02:11:43.855 --> 02:11:46.733 j” you will be found j” 02:11:46.816 --> 02:11:51.362 j” you will be found j” 02:11:52.572 --> 02:11:54.199 j” ah-ah j” 02:11:54.282 --> 02:11:59.788 j” out of the shadows the morning is breaking j” 02:11:59.871 --> 02:12:06.086 j” and all is new, and all is newj” 02:12:06.169 --> 02:12:11.424 j” it's filling up the empty and suddenly I see j” 02:12:11.508 --> 02:12:14.844 j” that all is new j” 02:12:14.928 --> 02:12:18.890 j” all is newj” 02:12:18.973 --> 02:12:22.268 j” even when the dark comes crashing through j” 02:12:22.352 --> 02:12:25.563 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 02:12:25.647 --> 02:12:29.192 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 02:12:29.275 --> 02:12:31.861 j” you will be found j” 02:12:31.945 --> 02:12:34.614 j” so let the sun come streaming in j” 02:12:34.697 --> 02:12:38.284 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 02:12:38.368 --> 02:12:40.912 j” lift your head and look around j” 02:12:41.996 --> 02:12:46.459 j” you will be found j” 02:13:04.060 --> 02:13:06.521 J” ever look at all the people j” 02:13:06.604 --> 02:13:09.524 j” seem to know exactly how to be? J” 02:13:09.607 --> 02:13:11.317 j” how to be, how to be nowj” 02:13:11.401 --> 02:13:12.944 j” how to be j” 02:13:13.027 --> 02:13:16.781 j” you think they don't need piles of prescnptions j” 02:13:16.865 --> 02:13:19.325 j” to function naturally j” 02:13:19.409 --> 02:13:22.036 j” functioning natural j” 02:13:23.329 --> 02:13:26.541 j” take a look and you might just catch it j” 02:13:26.624 --> 02:13:28.710 j” stay a minute more j” 02:13:28.793 --> 02:13:30.545 j” ll/linute more, minute more now j” 02:13:30.628 --> 02:13:32.130 j” ll/linute more j” 02:13:32.213 --> 02:13:36.092 j” there's a little moment after the sunny smile j” 02:13:36.176 --> 02:13:38.344 j” that eyes fall to the fioorj” 02:13:38.428 --> 02:13:40.305 j” to the floor, to the floor nowj” 02:13:40.388 --> 02:13:41.598 j” to the fioorj” 02:13:41.681 --> 02:13:45.059 j” and then truth starts peeking through j” 02:13:45.143 --> 02:13:46.436 j” peeking through j” 02:13:46.519 --> 02:13:50.857 j” they don't lie like me and you j” 02:13:50.940 --> 02:13:55.570 j” they can fake a smile too j” 02:13:58.781 --> 02:14:01.367 j” the anonymous ones j” 02:14:01.451 --> 02:14:04.662 j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j” 02:14:04.746 --> 02:14:08.041 j” they carry, they carry, they carry j” 02:14:08.124 --> 02:14:10.960 j” all those anonymous ones j” 02:14:11.044 --> 02:14:14.339 j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j” 02:14:14.422 --> 02:14:18.259 j” they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j” 02:14:18.343 --> 02:14:22.513 j” keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j” 02:14:22.597 --> 02:14:27.268 j” what ifeverybody's secret is they ha ve that secret side? J” 02:14:27.352 --> 02:14:31.272 j” and to know, to know we 're not alone j” 02:14:31.356 --> 02:14:33.983 j” is all we 're hoping forj” 02:14:35.235 --> 02:14:37.528 j” / don't wanna be anonymous j” 02:14:37.612 --> 02:14:40.031 j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j” 02:14:40.114 --> 02:14:43.201 j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j” 02:14:51.084 --> 02:14:54.671 J” anymore j” 02:15:01.636 --> 02:15:04.222 J” spot the girl who stays in motion j” 02:15:04.305 --> 02:15:07.600 j” spins so fast so she won't fall j” 02:15:07.684 --> 02:15:11.271 j” world is spinning so fast spinning so fast j” 02:15:11.354 --> 02:15:15.316 j” she's built a wall of her achie vements to keep out the question j” 02:15:15.400 --> 02:15:20.071 j” without it is she worth anything at all? J” 02:15:20.154 --> 02:15:23.741 j” and truth starts peeking through j” 02:15:24.742 --> 02:15:28.955 j” they don't lie like me and you j” 02:15:29.539 --> 02:15:34.168 j” they can fake a smile too j” 02:15:37.338 --> 02:15:39.966 j” the anonymous ones j” 02:15:40.049 --> 02:15:43.136 j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j” 02:15:43.219 --> 02:15:46.431 j” they carry, they carry, they carry j” 02:15:46.514 --> 02:15:49.475 j” all those anonymous ones j” 02:15:49.559 --> 02:15:52.854 j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j” 02:15:52.937 --> 02:15:56.774 j” they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j” 02:15:56.858 --> 02:15:59.152 j” / don't wanna be anonymous j” 02:15:59.235 --> 02:16:01.696 j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j” 02:16:01.779 --> 02:16:03.990 j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j” 02:16:04.073 --> 02:16:06.075 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 02:16:06.159 --> 02:16:08.453 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 02:16:08.536 --> 02:16:10.955 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 02:16:11.039 --> 02:16:13.291 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 02:16:13.374 --> 02:16:15.710 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 02:16:15.793 --> 02:16:20.423 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 02:16:20.506 --> 02:16:22.925 j” heavyj” 02:16:23.009 --> 02:16:25.470 j” the anonymous ones j” 02:16:25.553 --> 02:16:28.848 j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j” 02:16:28.931 --> 02:16:32.226 j” they carry, they carry, they carry j” 02:16:32.310 --> 02:16:35.063 j” all the anonymous ones j” 02:16:35.146 --> 02:16:40.360 j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j” 02:16:42.487 --> 02:16:46.616 j” keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j” 02:16:46.699 --> 02:16:51.371 j” what ifeverybody's secret is they ha ve that secret side? J” 02:16:51.454 --> 02:16:55.458 j” and to know, to know we 're not alone j” 02:16:55.541 --> 02:16:58.044 j” is all we 're hoping forj” 02:16:59.212 --> 02:17:01.547 j” / don't wanna be anonymous j” 02:17:01.631 --> 02:17:04.008 j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j” 02:17:04.092 --> 02:18:07.595 Telegram Channel and Instagram Page .:: @bollbolljan_com ::.