WEBVTT 00:00:05.777 --> 00:00:25.777 ..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:01:07.801 --> 00:01:10.262 Houston, this is Condor. 00:01:10.303 --> 00:01:13.264 We are doing an E.V.A. of the payload. 00:01:13.305 --> 00:01:17.392 We are about to present the module with-- 00:01:17.434 --> 00:01:19.477 What the-- 00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:23.231 Oh, my gentle Jesus. 00:01:23.273 --> 00:01:26.191 Houston...we have a problem. 00:01:27.317 --> 00:01:30.278 Launch procedure commence. 00:01:49.711 --> 00:01:51.713 Oh, God! 00:01:53.006 --> 00:01:55.340 And I'm spent. 00:01:56.884 --> 00:01:58.385 Do you smoke after sex? 00:01:58.427 --> 00:02:00.763 I don't know, baby. I never looked. 00:02:03.890 --> 00:02:05.475 Oh, Austin! 00:02:07.060 --> 00:02:08.935 What shall we do now? 00:02:08.977 --> 00:02:11.480 Well, I've got an idea. Why don't we shag? 00:02:11.521 --> 00:02:13.606 -Again? -Sure, baby. 00:02:13.647 --> 00:02:15.983 We're only up to chapter eleven in the "Kama Sutra." 00:02:16.025 --> 00:02:18.486 Don't you want to try the wheelbarrow... 00:02:18.527 --> 00:02:19.986 or the praying donkey... 00:02:20.028 --> 00:02:21.946 or the Chinese shag swing? 00:02:21.988 --> 00:02:25.991 I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy. 00:02:26.033 --> 00:02:28.577 I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy. 00:02:32.997 --> 00:02:34.957 Are you OK? 00:02:34.999 --> 00:02:37.794 I've never felt better, Austin. 00:02:37.835 --> 00:02:39.961 All right, then. 00:02:40.003 --> 00:02:43.840 I'm just gonna go watch a movie. 00:02:46.175 --> 00:02:50.137 "In Like Flint." That's my favorite movie. 00:02:58.227 --> 00:02:59.645 Vanessa. 00:02:59.686 --> 00:03:02.272 What's going on? 00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:05.400 I don't know what you mean, Austin. 00:03:05.441 --> 00:03:07.068 I'm the same Vane-- 00:03:09.153 --> 00:03:10.946 You must be-- 00:03:10.987 --> 00:03:13.824 Tu imagination esta jugando con ti, querido. 00:03:13.865 --> 00:03:15.075 Oh, my God! 00:03:21.163 --> 00:03:22.831 You're a fembot! 00:03:22.872 --> 00:03:24.666 No shit, Sherlock! 00:03:26.167 --> 00:03:28.919 Machine gun jubblies? 00:03:28.961 --> 00:03:32.381 How did I miss those, baby? 00:03:32.423 --> 00:03:35.508 Perhaps next time you should try foreplay. 00:03:35.550 --> 00:03:37.677 Right. Oh, my God! 00:03:55.567 --> 00:03:57.986 Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. 00:03:58.027 --> 00:04:00.529 A kamikaze bride from me-- 00:04:00.571 --> 00:04:02.573 Dr. Evil. 00:04:14.416 --> 00:04:16.418 Oh, thank God. 00:04:22.965 --> 00:04:25.425 I can't believe Vanessa... 00:04:25.425 --> 00:04:27.510 my bride... 00:04:27.552 --> 00:04:30.388 my one true love... 00:04:30.430 --> 00:04:34.433 the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy... 00:04:34.475 --> 00:04:37.810 was a fembot all along. 00:04:39.312 --> 00:04:40.730 Wait a tick. 00:04:40.772 --> 00:04:42.899 That means I'm single again! 00:04:42.940 --> 00:04:44.441 Oh, behave! 00:04:45.984 --> 00:04:47.736 Yeah! 00:04:47.778 --> 00:04:50.029 Yeah, baby, yeah! 00:04:50.071 --> 00:04:51.739 Halt! 00:05:12.465 --> 00:05:14.092 Yeah, baby, yeah! 00:05:36.443 --> 00:05:37.403 Look! 00:05:41.864 --> 00:05:43.366 How are you? 00:05:43.408 --> 00:05:44.867 Good to see you. 00:05:50.706 --> 00:05:53.541 What's that? 00:05:53.582 --> 00:05:55.918 Yes. Yeah, that. Good one, man. 00:05:55.960 --> 00:05:57.420 What's goin' on here? 00:05:57.461 --> 00:05:58.920 Good to see you guys. 00:05:58.962 --> 00:06:00.422 Good to see you. 00:06:03.591 --> 00:06:05.050 Rabbis, how are you? 00:06:05.092 --> 00:06:07.553 Nice meat. 00:06:08.095 --> 00:06:09.555 Photo op. 00:06:09.596 --> 00:06:10.806 L'chaim! 00:06:33.491 --> 00:06:34.951 Yeah, baby. 00:07:34.417 --> 00:07:36.920 Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation. 00:07:36.961 --> 00:07:38.296 Yes, sir. 00:07:42.925 --> 00:07:44.676 Jerry! Jerry! 00:07:44.717 --> 00:07:46.177 Thank you. 00:07:46.219 --> 00:07:47.595 Thank you very much. 00:07:47.637 --> 00:07:49.597 If you just joined us, today's topic is... 00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:52.849 "My father is evil, and he wants to take over the world." 00:07:54.101 --> 00:07:57.478 OK, let's meet Scott Evil. 00:08:03.109 --> 00:08:05.652 Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us. 00:08:05.694 --> 00:08:07.445 Tell us about your father. 00:08:07.487 --> 00:08:11.949 My dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization... 00:08:11.990 --> 00:08:14.034 with aspirations of world domination. 00:08:15.452 --> 00:08:18.162 Pretty serious stuff. Where is he now? 00:08:18.204 --> 00:08:21.040 He's, like, cryogenically frozen... 00:08:21.040 --> 00:08:22.666 orbiting the earth or something. 00:08:22.708 --> 00:08:24.084 That's what you think. 00:08:24.126 --> 00:08:26.628 We have a surprise for you. 00:08:26.670 --> 00:08:29.505 Let's bring out Scott's father Dr. Evil! 00:08:31.507 --> 00:08:33.050 What? 00:08:35.719 --> 00:08:38.054 General, we've got a situation here. 00:08:41.181 --> 00:08:42.641 What is it, Sergeant? 00:08:42.683 --> 00:08:43.976 Hello, Scott. 00:08:44.018 --> 00:08:46.186 Daddy's back. 00:08:46.228 --> 00:08:50.314 How could you do this to me, on national television? 00:08:50.356 --> 00:08:52.942 Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott. 00:08:52.984 --> 00:08:55.193 Why'd you run out on me? 00:08:56.361 --> 00:08:58.864 Because you're not quite evil enough. 00:09:00.239 --> 00:09:01.866 Well, it's true. 00:09:01.907 --> 00:09:04.660 You're quasi-evil. 00:09:04.702 --> 00:09:06.369 You're semi-evil. 00:09:06.411 --> 00:09:08.330 You're the margarine of evil. 00:09:08.371 --> 00:09:11.666 You're the Diet Coke of evil. 00:09:11.708 --> 00:09:14.209 Just one calorie. Not evil enough. 00:09:14.251 --> 00:09:16.128 What are you, some kind of freak? 00:09:16.170 --> 00:09:18.297 -Shut up, you-- -OK, come on. 00:09:18.338 --> 00:09:20.590 I'll kick your...punk. 00:09:20.631 --> 00:09:22.091 Bring it on, skanky-- 00:09:22.133 --> 00:09:23.676 All right, come on. 00:09:23.718 --> 00:09:26.136 No one talks to my son like that. It's OK, Scott. 00:09:26.178 --> 00:09:27.471 You mother-- 00:09:37.228 --> 00:09:40.607 You were born in your mother's-- 00:09:42.484 --> 00:09:44.985 I'm OK. All right. 00:09:45.027 --> 00:09:47.738 You were born in your mother's-- 00:09:47.780 --> 00:09:48.906 I'll kill you both! 00:09:50.531 --> 00:09:51.658 There you go! 00:09:51.699 --> 00:09:52.909 Great! 00:09:52.950 --> 00:09:54.452 I got your hood! 00:09:55.745 --> 00:09:57.162 Settle down. 00:09:57.204 --> 00:09:58.955 It's OK. 00:09:58.997 --> 00:10:01.166 It's only a television show. Calm down. 00:10:01.208 --> 00:10:02.583 I'm all right. I'm easy. 00:10:02.583 --> 00:10:03.751 -Everything OK? -OK. 00:10:03.793 --> 00:10:05.002 Get this jerk out of here. 00:10:05.044 --> 00:10:08.047 I'll give you--piece of-- 00:10:11.633 --> 00:10:13.051 He's biting me! 00:10:14.552 --> 00:10:15.928 The...is biting me! 00:10:18.263 --> 00:10:23.643 The world is mine, you-- 00:10:36.362 --> 00:10:37.947 You've got mail. 00:10:37.989 --> 00:10:39.407 Hello, Basil. 00:10:39.448 --> 00:10:41.700 Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon? 00:10:41.741 --> 00:10:45.036 It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot. 00:10:45.078 --> 00:10:48.414 Yes. We knew all along, sadly. 00:10:48.455 --> 00:10:52.417 Anyway, I have a new assignment for you. 00:10:52.458 --> 00:10:54.460 You're scheduled for a photo shoot... 00:10:54.502 --> 00:10:57.380 and one of the models works for Dr. Evil. 00:10:57.422 --> 00:10:58.880 Groovy, baby! 00:10:58.922 --> 00:11:01.466 Shaguar, ho! 00:11:09.974 --> 00:11:11.599 Show me to the models, baby. 00:11:11.641 --> 00:11:14.019 Let the magic begin. 00:11:14.060 --> 00:11:16.396 Who have we got today? 00:11:16.438 --> 00:11:17.563 OK, great. 00:11:17.604 --> 00:11:19.606 Austin Powers, I've heard a lot about you. 00:11:19.648 --> 00:11:21.066 I'm Rebecca Romijn. 00:11:21.108 --> 00:11:22.609 I don't believe I've had the pleasure. 00:11:22.651 --> 00:11:24.610 Well, of course you haven't had... 00:11:24.652 --> 00:11:26.612 the pleasure, Rebecca. 00:11:26.654 --> 00:11:28.948 We just met, baby. Yeah. 00:11:31.575 --> 00:11:34.745 Who are you, baby? 00:11:34.786 --> 00:11:36.912 Ivana. 00:11:36.954 --> 00:11:39.081 Ivana Humpalot. 00:11:39.123 --> 00:11:40.666 Excuse me? 00:11:42.584 --> 00:11:44.919 And Ivanna toilet made out of solid gold... 00:11:44.961 --> 00:11:46.963 but it's just not in the cards, is it? 00:11:48.505 --> 00:11:50.466 You know... 00:11:50.507 --> 00:11:52.217 OK, everyone, let's get started. 00:11:52.259 --> 00:11:54.511 Yes, beautiful. Feeling it! 00:11:54.552 --> 00:11:56.304 Let's get some smiles. It's all in here. 00:11:56.346 --> 00:11:57.972 That's it. Yes! 00:11:58.014 --> 00:11:59.641 Let's let the inside out. 00:11:59.724 --> 00:12:01.016 OK, you're an animal! 00:12:01.058 --> 00:12:02.517 Yes, there we go. 00:12:02.517 --> 00:12:03.727 You're a tiger! 00:12:03.769 --> 00:12:05.020 You're Tony the Tiger! 00:12:05.062 --> 00:12:06.730 You're grrreat! 00:12:06.772 --> 00:12:08.356 Very good. Loving it. 00:12:08.397 --> 00:12:09.774 Now you're a lemur. 00:12:09.815 --> 00:12:11.776 Running as a pack. 00:12:11.817 --> 00:12:13.318 We go left. 00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:14.986 We go right. 00:12:15.028 --> 00:12:16.404 There's a predator out of the jungle. 00:12:16.446 --> 00:12:17.822 What's going on? 00:12:17.864 --> 00:12:19.282 Burrow! 00:12:19.324 --> 00:12:21.200 That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. 00:12:21.241 --> 00:12:23.494 You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. 00:12:23.535 --> 00:12:25.995 Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. 00:12:26.037 --> 00:12:27.163 And look. 00:12:27.205 --> 00:12:29.290 I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. 00:12:29.332 --> 00:12:31.459 And I'm spent. 00:12:31.501 --> 00:12:33.335 Right, that's a wrap, everyone. 00:12:33.377 --> 00:12:35.087 Miss Humpalot. 00:12:35.128 --> 00:12:36.755 Da, darling? 00:12:36.797 --> 00:12:38.131 Shall we? 00:12:38.173 --> 00:12:40.758 Give me moment, hmm? 00:12:51.558 --> 00:12:53.852 Dr. Evil, several years ago... 00:12:53.894 --> 00:12:57.271 we invested in a small Seattle-based coffee company. 00:12:58.481 --> 00:13:02.652 Today Starbucks offers premium quality coffee... 00:13:02.694 --> 00:13:04.736 at affordable prices. 00:13:04.778 --> 00:13:07.030 De-lish! 00:13:09.907 --> 00:13:11.867 If we shift our resources... 00:13:11.909 --> 00:13:16.037 away from evil empires and towards Starbucks... 00:13:16.079 --> 00:13:18.707 we can increase our profits five-fold. 00:13:18.748 --> 00:13:22.835 Number Two, I make the decisions here, OK? 00:13:22.876 --> 00:13:24.670 I demand a little respect. 00:13:24.712 --> 00:13:27.798 Dr. Evil, you have a little of the... 00:13:27.840 --> 00:13:29.841 Silence! 00:13:29.882 --> 00:13:33.219 I will not tolerate your insolence! 00:13:33.261 --> 00:13:36.263 Frau Farbissina, wie geht es ihnen? 00:13:36.305 --> 00:13:38.265 Sehr gut, Herr Doktor. 00:13:38.265 --> 00:13:39.725 How are things? 00:13:39.766 --> 00:13:43.728 I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. 00:13:43.769 --> 00:13:45.479 To my right is my lover. 00:13:45.521 --> 00:13:47.772 We met at the LPGA Tour. 00:13:47.814 --> 00:13:50.400 Her name is Unibrau. 00:13:51.735 --> 00:13:52.944 Right on. 00:13:54.445 --> 00:13:56.238 Welcome, Unibrau. 00:13:59.741 --> 00:14:00.825 What? 00:14:00.867 --> 00:14:03.745 A little milk...nose...mustache. 00:14:05.413 --> 00:14:07.956 I know. 00:14:07.998 --> 00:14:09.249 Meant to. 00:14:09.291 --> 00:14:11.793 That's how we drink it in Belgium. 00:14:11.835 --> 00:14:13.377 Called a Belgian dip. 00:14:14.545 --> 00:14:16.797 While you were frozen... 00:14:16.839 --> 00:14:19.841 we began a program to clone you. 00:14:19.883 --> 00:14:21.384 Cool. 00:14:21.426 --> 00:14:23.803 Send in the clone! 00:14:23.845 --> 00:14:27.514 He is exactly like you in every way. 00:14:30.476 --> 00:14:33.937 Except one eighth your size. 00:14:34.979 --> 00:14:36.773 Breathtaking. 00:14:36.814 --> 00:14:39.858 I shall call him... 00:14:39.900 --> 00:14:41.818 Mini-Me. 00:14:46.697 --> 00:14:48.658 Your stock is rising, Number Two. 00:14:51.952 --> 00:14:53.578 Come, Mr. Bigglesworth. 00:14:56.038 --> 00:14:58.499 Mini-Me, are you hungry? 00:14:58.540 --> 00:15:00.125 Something to eat? 00:15:00.167 --> 00:15:01.377 Not even a Hot Pocket? 00:15:02.794 --> 00:15:04.212 An Eggo? 00:15:04.253 --> 00:15:07.799 No, we don't gnaw on our kitty. 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:11.426 Leave Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth alone. 00:15:11.468 --> 00:15:13.595 Just love him and stroke him. 00:15:15.471 --> 00:15:16.973 As you know... 00:15:16.973 --> 00:15:19.934 every diabolical scheme that I have hatched... 00:15:19.976 --> 00:15:22.852 has been thwarted by Austin Powers. 00:15:22.852 --> 00:15:24.938 And why is that, ladies and gentlemen? 00:15:24.980 --> 00:15:26.898 'Cause you never kill him when you get the chance to... 00:15:26.940 --> 00:15:28.399 and you're a big dope. 00:15:35.738 --> 00:15:38.074 Down, Mini-Me. 00:15:39.284 --> 00:15:43.829 Austin Powers always defeats me because he has mojo. 00:15:43.870 --> 00:15:45.289 Mojo? 00:15:46.872 --> 00:15:49.208 The libido. The life force. 00:15:49.208 --> 00:15:51.377 The essence. The right stuff. 00:15:51.419 --> 00:15:54.045 What the French call a certain... 00:15:54.087 --> 00:15:56.131 I don't know what. 00:15:56.172 --> 00:15:58.216 Ladies and gentlemen... 00:15:58.257 --> 00:16:00.843 I've developed a device for traveling through time... 00:16:00.926 --> 00:16:04.263 which I call a "time machine." 00:16:04.305 --> 00:16:07.390 Using this "time machine..." 00:16:07.432 --> 00:16:11.810 I'm going back to the Sixties and steal Austin Powers' mojo. 00:16:11.852 --> 00:16:13.812 If you have a time machine... 00:16:13.854 --> 00:16:15.814 why not just go back and kill Austin Powers... 00:16:15.856 --> 00:16:17.523 when he's sitting on the crapper or something? 00:16:17.565 --> 00:16:20.776 How about no, Scott? 00:16:20.818 --> 00:16:22.028 OK? 00:16:22.069 --> 00:16:25.572 Why not use your knowledge of the future... 00:16:25.614 --> 00:16:27.240 to play the stock market? 00:16:27.282 --> 00:16:28.742 We could make trillions. 00:16:28.783 --> 00:16:32.911 Why make trillions when we could make... 00:16:32.953 --> 00:16:34.663 billions? 00:16:36.331 --> 00:16:38.917 A trillion is more than a billion, numnuts. 00:16:38.958 --> 00:16:40.752 All right, zip it. 00:16:40.793 --> 00:16:42.669 -You can't even-- -Zip it. 00:16:42.711 --> 00:16:44.212 Zi-i-i-p. 00:16:44.254 --> 00:16:45.589 Look, all I'm-- 00:16:45.631 --> 00:16:47.382 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it "A." 00:16:47.424 --> 00:16:49.091 Number Two, would you please back me up? 00:16:49.133 --> 00:16:52.053 -Look, I'm Zippi Longstocking. -I can't-- 00:16:52.094 --> 00:16:53.721 When a problem comes along 00:16:53.763 --> 00:16:55.388 You must zip it 00:16:55.430 --> 00:16:56.848 Zip it good. 00:16:56.890 --> 00:16:58.433 Frau, would you please-- 00:17:01.602 --> 00:17:03.562 Subtitle: "Zip it." 00:17:03.604 --> 00:17:04.855 -I'm just trying to-- -Zip. 00:17:04.897 --> 00:17:07.398 Would you like to have a suckle of my zipple? 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:09.442 -I want you--Stop-- -Zip. 00:17:10.443 --> 00:17:13.154 Listen--All--You know-- 00:17:13.196 --> 00:17:14.947 You're like a child-- 00:17:14.988 --> 00:17:18.200 Talk in--If you-- Just--One time-- 00:17:18.242 --> 00:17:21.035 Zip it. Unveil the time portal. 00:17:31.711 --> 00:17:33.671 As you know... 00:17:33.671 --> 00:17:37.591 Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. 00:17:37.591 --> 00:17:40.802 Therefore, I will travel to 1969... 00:17:40.843 --> 00:17:43.513 two years after he was frozen. 00:17:43.554 --> 00:17:45.055 He'll be helpless. 00:17:45.097 --> 00:17:46.515 Ladies and gentlemen... 00:17:46.556 --> 00:17:47.933 I'm about to travel through time. 00:17:47.975 --> 00:17:49.643 I bid you adieu. 00:17:56.774 --> 00:17:59.192 I'm OK. 00:18:00.360 --> 00:18:02.320 Not turned on, I suppose. 00:18:03.279 --> 00:18:05.823 Do you think you could... 00:18:05.864 --> 00:18:07.074 Yeah, thanks. 00:18:07.116 --> 00:18:09.201 Come, Mini-Me! 00:18:13.246 --> 00:18:15.665 Don't be scared, Mini-Me. 00:18:28.758 --> 00:18:31.136 Welcome to 1969. 00:18:31.177 --> 00:18:33.597 Thank you, Number Two. 00:18:33.638 --> 00:18:36.265 You look so healthy and youthful. 00:18:36.307 --> 00:18:37.641 Well, thank you. 00:18:37.683 --> 00:18:38.851 Herr Doktor. 00:18:38.892 --> 00:18:42.312 And Frau, you look so... 00:18:45.356 --> 00:18:48.233 Right. 00:18:48.275 --> 00:18:51.194 I received your memo from the future. 00:18:51.236 --> 00:18:53.446 Your new lair is up and running. 00:18:53.487 --> 00:18:56.365 Is it a hollowed-out volcano like I asked for? 00:18:57.116 --> 00:18:58.492 Of course. 00:18:59.576 --> 00:19:01.578 Good. 00:19:01.578 --> 00:19:05.123 Then it's all going perfectly to plan. 00:19:32.854 --> 00:19:35.357 Yeah, baby, yeah! 00:19:39.985 --> 00:19:42.738 When did you get the Clapper? 00:19:42.780 --> 00:19:44.864 November 1964. 00:19:44.906 --> 00:19:46.991 Dutch East Indies. Shore leave. 00:19:47.033 --> 00:19:50.035 Do you know how we keep warm in Russia? 00:19:51.536 --> 00:19:53.288 I can guess, baby. 00:19:53.330 --> 00:19:54.539 We play chess. 00:19:54.581 --> 00:19:56.749 I guessed wrong. 00:19:56.791 --> 00:20:01.170 It takes a keen intellect to play chess. 00:20:01.212 --> 00:20:04.339 I assume you know how to play. 00:20:07.425 --> 00:20:08.717 Of course, baby. 00:20:29.026 --> 00:20:31.862 What to do, what to do. 00:21:02.221 --> 00:21:04.723 Let me ask you a question. 00:21:04.764 --> 00:21:06.766 And be honest. 00:21:06.808 --> 00:21:09.144 Do I make you horny, baby? 00:21:09.185 --> 00:21:10.895 Do I? 00:21:10.936 --> 00:21:13.522 Do I make you randy? 00:21:16.525 --> 00:21:18.693 No more games. 00:21:18.735 --> 00:21:21.195 Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you... 00:21:21.237 --> 00:21:23.906 but I find you so... 00:21:23.947 --> 00:21:25.824 sexy and... 00:21:27.326 --> 00:21:29.827 Just make love to me. 00:21:29.827 --> 00:21:31.871 Now, Austin Powerovich. 00:21:31.913 --> 00:21:33.414 Hurry! 00:21:37.334 --> 00:21:40.420 You're hairy like animal! 00:21:40.503 --> 00:21:43.422 Grr, baby! Very grr! 00:21:43.464 --> 00:21:46.008 Make love to me, monkey man. 00:21:47.134 --> 00:21:49.677 Dr. Evil, I don't understand... 00:21:49.719 --> 00:21:52.805 how we can hope to steal Austin Powers' mojo. 00:21:52.847 --> 00:21:54.514 We've tried this before. 00:21:55.849 --> 00:21:58.435 The security around Powers is fool proof. 00:21:58.477 --> 00:22:00.728 But this time we have an operative... 00:22:00.770 --> 00:22:03.231 inside the Ministry of Defense. 00:22:03.272 --> 00:22:04.482 Really? 00:22:04.523 --> 00:22:06.817 Yes, really. 00:22:08.818 --> 00:22:12.948 He's stealing Austin Powers' mojo even as we speak. 00:22:12.948 --> 00:22:14.240 Really? 00:22:19.410 --> 00:22:21.371 He's a disgruntled Scottish guard... 00:22:21.412 --> 00:22:24.832 known for his lethal temper and his unusual eating habits. 00:22:24.916 --> 00:22:26.750 He weighs a metric ton. 00:22:26.792 --> 00:22:29.795 His name...Fat Bastard. 00:22:32.380 --> 00:22:36.425 We've had reports there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. 00:22:36.467 --> 00:22:39.302 The contents of this room are vital to the country. 00:22:39.302 --> 00:22:41.846 Be on special alert. 00:22:41.888 --> 00:22:43.181 Yes, sir. 00:22:43.223 --> 00:22:47.268 And try to lose some weight, for God's sake. 00:22:51.896 --> 00:22:55.108 Mr. English colonel tellin' me to lose weight. 00:22:55.149 --> 00:22:58.569 I'm a hard case, he says. 00:22:58.610 --> 00:23:00.529 Well, listen up, sonny Jim... 00:23:00.571 --> 00:23:03.614 I ate a baby! 00:23:03.656 --> 00:23:07.702 Oh, aye, baby. The other other white meat. 00:23:07.785 --> 00:23:11.204 Baby: It's what's for dinner. 00:23:35.516 --> 00:23:39.020 I've got your mojo now, sonny Jim. 00:23:41.313 --> 00:23:43.106 What's wrong? 00:23:43.148 --> 00:23:44.941 Crikey! 00:23:44.983 --> 00:23:47.568 I've lost my mojo. 00:23:51.822 --> 00:23:53.781 Austin, the test results confirm... 00:23:53.823 --> 00:23:55.783 that you've lost your mojo... 00:23:55.825 --> 00:23:58.286 and it couldn't come at a worse time. 00:23:58.328 --> 00:24:02.372 We have evidence that Dr. Evil has developed a time machine... 00:24:02.414 --> 00:24:05.459 and has traveled back to the year 1969. 00:24:05.500 --> 00:24:06.709 Luckily, we, too... 00:24:06.751 --> 00:24:08.669 have developed a time travel device... 00:24:08.711 --> 00:24:11.297 to transport you back to the Sixties. 00:24:12.422 --> 00:24:16.801 This is where you input your destination. 00:24:16.843 --> 00:24:18.219 Wait a tick. 00:24:18.260 --> 00:24:22.306 Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967... 00:24:22.348 --> 00:24:24.807 presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. 00:24:24.807 --> 00:24:27.310 But if I'm still frozen in 1967... 00:24:27.352 --> 00:24:28.811 how could I have been unthawed... 00:24:28.853 --> 00:24:30.313 in the Nineties and traveled back-- 00:24:30.355 --> 00:24:32.648 Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed. 00:24:32.648 --> 00:24:35.108 I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing... 00:24:35.150 --> 00:24:36.735 and just enjoy yourself. 00:24:36.777 --> 00:24:39.028 That goes for you all, too. 00:24:40.947 --> 00:24:42.281 This is smashing, Basil. 00:24:42.323 --> 00:24:45.742 I go back to the Sixties, recharge my mojo... 00:24:45.784 --> 00:24:49.079 defeat Dr. Evil, and be back in time for tea. 00:24:49.120 --> 00:24:52.540 Swinging Sixties, here I come, baby, yeah! 00:24:52.581 --> 00:24:54.166 Move! Move! 00:24:59.462 --> 00:25:00.922 Sorry. 00:25:00.964 --> 00:25:02.422 I bet that's expensive. 00:25:07.386 --> 00:25:08.553 Sorry. 00:25:08.594 --> 00:25:10.471 Easy! 00:25:10.513 --> 00:25:11.931 Stop it now, Austin! 00:25:11.973 --> 00:25:14.808 Here we go. 00:25:14.850 --> 00:25:17.310 Yeah, baby, yeah! 00:25:18.478 --> 00:25:20.771 Godspeed, Austin Powers. 00:25:39.412 --> 00:25:41.622 I'm home! 00:25:56.552 --> 00:25:59.554 I'm back in the Sixties, baby, yeah! 00:26:20.697 --> 00:26:23.991 Get your hands off my Heine, baby. 00:26:43.799 --> 00:26:45.384 Who are you today, baby? 00:26:45.426 --> 00:26:49.012 My name is Robin Swallows. 00:26:49.054 --> 00:26:51.890 Swallows. That's an interesting name. 00:26:51.890 --> 00:26:54.558 Maiden name's Spitz. 00:26:54.600 --> 00:26:57.394 Which is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows? 00:27:45.977 --> 00:27:47.728 Those are skintight. 00:27:47.770 --> 00:27:50.314 How do you get into those pants, baby? 00:27:50.356 --> 00:27:52.607 You can start by buying me a drink. 00:28:03.700 --> 00:28:06.119 I want! I want! 00:28:24.676 --> 00:28:28.179 Better play it cool. Your friend works for Dr. Evil. 00:28:28.220 --> 00:28:32.433 And just who do you work for, baby? 00:28:35.143 --> 00:28:37.645 Tell me, Mr. Powers... 00:28:37.645 --> 00:28:39.314 do you swing? 00:28:39.355 --> 00:28:40.856 Are you kidding, baby? 00:28:40.939 --> 00:28:43.901 I put the "Grr!" in "swinger, " baby! 00:28:45.527 --> 00:28:48.029 Then why don't you come right... 00:28:48.070 --> 00:28:51.199 over here. 00:28:51.240 --> 00:28:52.909 I can do that. 00:29:06.669 --> 00:29:09.214 Prepare to die, Powers! 00:29:10.924 --> 00:29:13.175 Use the machine gun! 00:29:22.099 --> 00:29:24.726 Say good-bye, Powers! 00:29:26.436 --> 00:29:29.272 Use the bazooka! 00:29:41.032 --> 00:29:44.076 The fall will kill us both, Powers! 00:29:53.751 --> 00:29:56.711 You can't win, Powers. 00:29:58.755 --> 00:30:01.258 Why won't you die? 00:30:06.470 --> 00:30:07.847 Care for a ride? 00:30:11.724 --> 00:30:14.227 Go! 00:30:19.314 --> 00:30:21.858 Austin Powers, I presume. 00:30:21.941 --> 00:30:25.570 Powers by name, Powers by reputation. 00:30:26.820 --> 00:30:28.530 Felicity Shagwell, CIA. 00:30:28.572 --> 00:30:30.031 Shagwell by name... 00:30:30.073 --> 00:30:32.993 shag-very-well by reputation. 00:30:33.033 --> 00:30:35.786 Oh, behave! 00:30:35.786 --> 00:30:37.288 Not if I can help it. 00:30:50.299 --> 00:30:53.259 You know what's remarkable is how much England... 00:30:53.301 --> 00:30:56.804 looks in no way like Southern California. 00:31:13.568 --> 00:31:14.819 Crikey! 00:31:14.819 --> 00:31:17.821 We've got company! Looks like one of Dr. Evil's assassins. 00:31:40.216 --> 00:31:42.175 Steady now. 00:31:42.217 --> 00:31:43.635 Hands up! 00:31:43.676 --> 00:31:48.138 Do you remember me, Austin Powers? 00:31:48.180 --> 00:31:51.183 I don't recall your name but your... 00:31:51.225 --> 00:31:53.769 fez is familiar. 00:31:57.688 --> 00:32:00.399 My name is Mustafa. 00:32:00.441 --> 00:32:03.360 And I'm the man who will be killing you now. 00:32:03.401 --> 00:32:07.822 Daktari! 00:32:16.412 --> 00:32:17.872 Who sent you? 00:32:17.914 --> 00:32:19.165 You'll have to kill me. 00:32:19.207 --> 00:32:20.666 Who sent you? 00:32:20.707 --> 00:32:22.626 Kiss my ass, Powers. 00:32:22.626 --> 00:32:24.086 Who sent you? 00:32:24.128 --> 00:32:25.503 Dr. Evil. 00:32:27.505 --> 00:32:29.966 -That was easy. -That was. 00:32:30.007 --> 00:32:31.758 Why did you tell us? 00:32:31.800 --> 00:32:33.969 I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. 00:32:34.010 --> 00:32:35.470 It just irritates me. 00:32:35.512 --> 00:32:37.931 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 00:32:37.973 --> 00:32:39.181 Why would he tell me? 00:32:39.223 --> 00:32:41.016 I'm just one of his low-level functionaries. 00:32:41.058 --> 00:32:42.893 Where is Dr. Evil hiding? 00:32:42.935 --> 00:32:44.936 You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you. 00:32:44.978 --> 00:32:47.981 -Where is Dr. Evil hiding? -Damn! Three times. 00:32:48.022 --> 00:32:51.733 He's hiding in the secret volcano lair. 00:32:51.775 --> 00:32:55.028 Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 00:32:56.113 --> 00:32:57.572 I spit at the question. 00:32:57.613 --> 00:33:00.616 Do I really have to ask you two more times? 00:33:00.658 --> 00:33:02.243 Go to hell, Powers! 00:33:02.285 --> 00:33:09.457 Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair? 00:33:09.498 --> 00:33:12.501 I will take it to the grave with me. 00:33:12.543 --> 00:33:14.587 You have to answer. He asked you three times. 00:33:16.713 --> 00:33:18.298 The second question was... 00:33:18.339 --> 00:33:20.717 "Do I really have to ask you two more times?" 00:33:20.759 --> 00:33:24.178 That would be the first question in a new line of questioning... 00:33:24.178 --> 00:33:26.722 and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning. 00:33:26.764 --> 00:33:28.181 He's right. 00:33:28.222 --> 00:33:30.266 However, I'm just trying to get information from you, man. 00:33:30.308 --> 00:33:33.936 I don't need any consistency in the questions, do I? 00:33:33.978 --> 00:33:36.104 No. You're preaching to the converted-- 00:33:37.105 --> 00:33:38.648 If I'm preaching to the converted... 00:33:38.690 --> 00:33:40.066 then why are you being so slavish... 00:33:40.066 --> 00:33:42.276 to the three-question form? 00:33:42.276 --> 00:33:43.778 You're not even looking at me, man. 00:33:43.819 --> 00:33:45.488 Now you're just being rude, you know what I mean? 00:33:45.529 --> 00:33:46.821 You're not listening, man. 00:33:51.326 --> 00:33:53.869 Oh, crikey! 00:33:57.372 --> 00:34:00.792 Well, Austin, I think this time you have finally met your match. 00:34:00.833 --> 00:34:02.293 Oh, no, baby. 00:34:02.335 --> 00:34:05.921 I've beaten Dr. Evil before, and I'll beat him again. 00:34:05.962 --> 00:34:08.048 I was talking about me. 00:34:15.888 --> 00:34:17.389 Hello up there! 00:34:17.431 --> 00:34:19.641 I seem to have fallen down a cliff. 00:34:19.682 --> 00:34:22.477 I'm still alive, but I'm very badly injured. 00:34:22.519 --> 00:34:26.021 I think my legs are broken. I'll try to stand. 00:34:27.022 --> 00:34:28.649 Yes, they are broken. 00:34:28.690 --> 00:34:30.650 Perhaps you could toss me a band-aid... 00:34:30.691 --> 00:34:32.652 or some antibacterial cream. 00:34:32.693 --> 00:34:36.656 I'm in an extraordinarily large amount of pain. 00:34:36.697 --> 00:34:38.824 The bone has gone through the skin. 00:34:38.865 --> 00:34:40.992 I fear it might be gangrenous. 00:34:41.034 --> 00:34:43.661 The wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds... 00:34:43.702 --> 00:34:45.663 which is not good. 00:34:45.704 --> 00:34:47.331 Please? 00:34:47.373 --> 00:34:48.499 No one? 00:34:48.541 --> 00:34:49.666 Sorry. 00:34:49.666 --> 00:34:51.209 I'll try the other leg. 00:34:56.380 --> 00:34:58.674 Two of my assassins are dead. 00:34:58.715 --> 00:35:01.593 I will not tolerate failure. 00:35:01.635 --> 00:35:03.553 I'm the man who will maintain the dignity... 00:35:03.553 --> 00:35:05.555 of this evil organization. 00:35:05.555 --> 00:35:08.014 What the hell was that? 00:35:08.056 --> 00:35:10.517 Volcanic eruption! 00:35:19.608 --> 00:35:24.028 May I present to you my spy in the Ministry of Defense... 00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:27.322 Fat Bastard. 00:35:27.364 --> 00:35:29.116 First things first! 00:35:29.158 --> 00:35:31.118 Where's your shitter? 00:35:31.160 --> 00:35:34.328 I've got a turtle head poking out. 00:35:35.747 --> 00:35:37.290 Charming. 00:35:37.331 --> 00:35:39.167 I'm not kidding. 00:35:39.167 --> 00:35:42.836 I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. 00:35:42.878 --> 00:35:45.838 It's squidgey! 00:35:45.880 --> 00:35:50.718 Christ, I'm getting all emotional from it, you know? 00:35:50.760 --> 00:35:53.219 Right. 00:35:53.261 --> 00:35:57.140 Fat Bastard, could I have my mojo, please? 00:35:57.182 --> 00:35:59.141 Where's my money? 00:35:59.183 --> 00:36:01.518 All right, give him his money. 00:36:03.854 --> 00:36:07.273 Jesus Christ, he's tiny! 00:36:07.315 --> 00:36:11.318 I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap. 00:36:12.652 --> 00:36:14.946 Wait a minute. 00:36:14.988 --> 00:36:18.074 He kinda looks like a baby. 00:36:18.115 --> 00:36:21.160 Come here! I'm gonna eat you! 00:36:21.202 --> 00:36:22.620 I'm bigger than you. 00:36:22.661 --> 00:36:24.370 I'm higher on the food chain. 00:36:24.412 --> 00:36:26.623 Get in my belly! 00:36:26.664 --> 00:36:29.333 Come on! 00:36:29.374 --> 00:36:31.710 You're lucky, wee man! 00:36:32.711 --> 00:36:34.713 Can I have a hug? 00:36:37.382 --> 00:36:40.426 Let me make you a deal, all right? 00:36:40.468 --> 00:36:42.928 You get the mojo, you keep your money... 00:36:42.928 --> 00:36:45.305 and I'll get your baby. 00:36:47.057 --> 00:36:50.559 Right. 00:36:50.601 --> 00:36:52.061 I want my baby back, baby back 00:36:52.103 --> 00:36:53.938 Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 00:36:53.979 --> 00:36:55.605 I want my baby back, baby back 00:36:55.647 --> 00:36:58.108 Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs 00:36:58.149 --> 00:36:59.651 Excuse me. 00:36:59.692 --> 00:37:01.610 Chili 00:37:01.652 --> 00:37:03.695 Baby back ribs 00:37:03.737 --> 00:37:07.240 Dr. Evil, what are we going to do about Powers? 00:37:07.281 --> 00:37:10.910 Austin Powers is no longer a threat to me. 00:37:10.952 --> 00:37:13.286 I have his mojo. 00:37:50.277 --> 00:37:54.071 All right, everyone, you're dismissed. 00:37:54.113 --> 00:37:56.031 Private time. 00:38:28.058 --> 00:38:31.770 Dr. Evil, I don't want this to interfere with our work. 00:38:31.811 --> 00:38:33.563 Don't worry, mama. 00:38:33.605 --> 00:38:36.607 Things won't get weird. 00:38:44.906 --> 00:38:46.491 One for me... 00:38:49.034 --> 00:38:50.994 and one for my homies. 00:38:52.871 --> 00:38:54.747 Herr Doktor. 00:39:25.606 --> 00:39:27.650 So what happened here? 00:39:27.733 --> 00:39:29.694 Apparently a rogue agent named Fat Bastard... 00:39:29.735 --> 00:39:31.152 infiltrated the unit... 00:39:31.194 --> 00:39:33.029 assigned to guard your cryogenic chamber. 00:39:33.071 --> 00:39:34.531 He used some sort of nerve gas. 00:39:34.572 --> 00:39:36.116 These men don't remember a thing. 00:39:36.157 --> 00:39:37.658 Captain, why don't you... 00:39:37.700 --> 00:39:39.326 cross-check Fat Bastard's profile... 00:39:39.368 --> 00:39:41.495 with the mainframe at Langley? 00:39:41.537 --> 00:39:42.621 Yes, ma'am. 00:39:42.663 --> 00:39:44.580 Can I borrow that, please? Thank you. 00:39:46.374 --> 00:39:49.668 Look at me. I'm a sexy bitch, baby. Yeah! 00:39:49.710 --> 00:39:51.378 You're a Popsicle, yes. 00:39:53.630 --> 00:39:56.048 And I'm spent. 00:39:56.090 --> 00:39:58.467 Let's go, baby, yeah! 00:40:03.013 --> 00:40:04.431 Hey there. How are you? 00:40:17.233 --> 00:40:18.568 Come on, Felicity. 00:40:49.177 --> 00:40:50.678 Yeah, babe. 00:40:52.679 --> 00:40:54.139 Shall we sit down? 00:40:55.182 --> 00:40:56.641 This is great. 00:40:56.683 --> 00:40:57.975 Groovy! 00:40:59.185 --> 00:41:03.147 So, Austin, what's the future like? 00:41:03.189 --> 00:41:06.149 Well, everyone has a flying car... 00:41:06.191 --> 00:41:08.568 entire meals come in pill form... 00:41:08.610 --> 00:41:12.696 and the Earth is ruled by damned dirty apes! 00:41:12.738 --> 00:41:14.281 Oh, my God! 00:41:14.323 --> 00:41:16.241 Had you for a second. 00:41:17.533 --> 00:41:20.119 You can have me for even longer, if you want. 00:41:20.161 --> 00:41:25.082 You're one groovy baby... 00:41:25.123 --> 00:41:26.792 baby. 00:41:28.460 --> 00:41:29.960 Too many "babies." 00:41:31.462 --> 00:41:33.964 Don't you dare move. 00:41:36.466 --> 00:41:39.094 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach... 00:41:39.135 --> 00:41:41.970 and Mr. Elvis Costello. 00:41:46.016 --> 00:41:49.560 What do you get when you fall in love? 00:41:49.602 --> 00:41:52.563 A guy with a pin to burst your bubble 00:41:52.605 --> 00:41:53.981 Would you care to dance? 00:41:54.023 --> 00:41:55.482 I'd love to. 00:41:55.524 --> 00:41:57.484 For all your trouble 00:41:57.526 --> 00:41:59.486 I'll 00:41:59.528 --> 00:42:05.533 Never fall in love again 00:42:05.574 --> 00:42:10.537 I'll never fall in love again 00:42:10.578 --> 00:42:15.290 Don't tell me what it's all about 00:42:15.332 --> 00:42:19.377 'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out 00:42:19.419 --> 00:42:23.464 Out of the those chains, those chains that bind you 00:42:23.548 --> 00:42:27.509 That is why I'm here to remind you 00:42:27.551 --> 00:42:30.554 What do you get when you fall in love? 00:42:30.595 --> 00:42:34.974 You only get lies and pain and sorrow 00:42:35.016 --> 00:42:38.727 So for at least until tomorrow 00:42:38.768 --> 00:42:40.895 I'll 00:42:40.937 --> 00:42:45.607 Never fall in love again 00:42:45.649 --> 00:42:47.901 I'll 00:42:47.943 --> 00:42:50.987 Never fall in love 00:42:51.029 --> 00:42:52.238 Again 00:42:52.280 --> 00:42:54.866 You're quite good on your feet. 00:42:54.907 --> 00:42:57.576 I'm even better off my feet. 00:43:10.462 --> 00:43:12.714 Oh, behave, baby. 00:43:19.553 --> 00:43:21.513 -Hi. -Hi there. 00:43:23.598 --> 00:43:24.849 How are things? 00:43:24.891 --> 00:43:26.768 Good, Herr Doktor. And you? 00:43:26.809 --> 00:43:29.603 Great. 00:43:29.645 --> 00:43:32.522 Just taking a break? 00:43:32.564 --> 00:43:35.983 Try the Hot Pockets. They're breathtaking. 00:43:39.028 --> 00:43:40.528 It got weird, didn't it? 00:43:40.570 --> 00:43:43.573 -Ja. -I knew it. 00:43:43.615 --> 00:43:45.241 You haven't called. 00:43:45.283 --> 00:43:46.617 We talked about this. 00:43:46.659 --> 00:43:49.703 We promised each other it wouldn't get weird. 00:43:49.745 --> 00:43:51.497 I can't let my feelings for you interfere... 00:43:51.538 --> 00:43:54.749 with my taking over the world, you know that. 00:43:54.791 --> 00:43:58.169 You know, I will never love another man. 00:44:00.003 --> 00:44:01.588 Yes, that's true. 00:44:05.092 --> 00:44:07.635 Dr. Evil, I'm late. 00:44:07.677 --> 00:44:09.136 No, you got here right on time. 00:44:09.136 --> 00:44:14.641 No, I mean "I'm late." 00:44:20.854 --> 00:44:22.064 Dad. 00:44:24.816 --> 00:44:27.485 Hey there, sport. 00:44:27.527 --> 00:44:28.861 What are you doing here? 00:44:28.903 --> 00:44:32.864 I was just thinking that maybe we could work all this out. 00:44:32.906 --> 00:44:35.742 After all, you are my father. 00:44:35.784 --> 00:44:39.912 Scott, you had your chance, OK? 00:44:39.954 --> 00:44:42.623 I already had someone created in my image. 00:44:42.665 --> 00:44:44.833 He's evil, he wants to take over the world... 00:44:44.874 --> 00:44:48.294 and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. 00:44:48.378 --> 00:44:50.129 Him? 00:44:50.129 --> 00:44:51.547 Look at him, he's crazy. 00:44:51.588 --> 00:44:55.050 He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. 00:44:56.509 --> 00:44:58.720 He'll kill me the first chance he gets. 00:44:58.761 --> 00:45:00.138 Probably. 00:45:01.347 --> 00:45:02.639 I love you. 00:45:12.606 --> 00:45:16.443 I am a sexy bitch. Yes. 00:45:16.484 --> 00:45:20.155 Felicity, make yourself at home, baby. 00:45:20.196 --> 00:45:22.364 What do you think of my shag pad, darling? 00:45:22.406 --> 00:45:25.159 It's amazing, Austin. 00:45:28.870 --> 00:45:30.830 Wait a tick. 00:45:36.209 --> 00:45:40.963 That's how my mojo was stolen. Fat Bastard. 00:45:41.005 --> 00:45:43.341 She's a professional agent. 00:45:43.382 --> 00:45:46.468 She's not interested in shagging! 00:45:46.509 --> 00:45:47.844 Please, God. 00:45:47.886 --> 00:45:49.929 Spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch. 00:45:49.971 --> 00:45:52.681 Austin, I'm waiting. 00:45:58.853 --> 00:46:02.357 How about one of your world-famous massages? 00:46:02.398 --> 00:46:06.860 You mean a sensual massage? 00:46:06.902 --> 00:46:09.404 Right, then. 00:46:09.446 --> 00:46:13.157 OK, here we go. Yes. 00:46:18.828 --> 00:46:21.873 Wait a minute, something's itching me. 00:46:22.915 --> 00:46:24.500 That's better. 00:46:24.541 --> 00:46:25.960 Crikey. 00:46:34.092 --> 00:46:36.343 How does that feel, baby? 00:46:36.385 --> 00:46:38.178 Lower. 00:46:38.220 --> 00:46:41.306 How does that feel, baby? 00:46:42.306 --> 00:46:43.265 What? 00:46:43.307 --> 00:46:45.017 You don't have to be cute with me. 00:46:45.059 --> 00:46:46.519 We're way past that. 00:46:46.560 --> 00:46:48.436 We are? 00:46:48.478 --> 00:46:51.231 What do you think? 00:46:51.272 --> 00:46:54.984 Listen, Felicity... 00:46:55.025 --> 00:46:56.944 I'm sorry. 00:46:56.986 --> 00:46:59.446 I can't do this. 00:47:00.822 --> 00:47:02.282 I have to go. 00:47:06.411 --> 00:47:07.661 Is it me? 00:47:07.703 --> 00:47:11.873 I can't explain. 00:47:23.091 --> 00:47:24.301 Hello, Agent Shagwell. 00:47:24.342 --> 00:47:25.926 Where's Austin? 00:47:25.968 --> 00:47:29.138 I must've said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden. 00:47:29.179 --> 00:47:34.142 Listen, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. 00:47:34.183 --> 00:47:36.561 It's not meant to be. 00:47:36.602 --> 00:47:38.353 I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. 00:47:38.395 --> 00:47:40.439 My interest in this case is purely professional. 00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:41.982 Good. 00:47:42.024 --> 00:47:44.900 Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight. 00:47:44.942 --> 00:47:46.110 No problem. 00:47:46.152 --> 00:47:48.654 We need you to plant this homing device on him... 00:47:48.696 --> 00:47:50.780 by any means necessary. 00:47:50.822 --> 00:47:52.115 No problem. 00:47:52.157 --> 00:47:54.200 Keep up the good work. 00:47:54.242 --> 00:47:57.244 Remember, by any means necessary. 00:48:15.426 --> 00:48:17.136 Look at yourself. 00:48:17.136 --> 00:48:20.640 You used to be so virile. 00:48:20.681 --> 00:48:23.892 You were a swinger, man. 00:48:23.934 --> 00:48:27.853 And now you're nothing. 00:48:27.853 --> 00:48:31.815 But at least it can't get any worse. 00:48:31.857 --> 00:48:34.442 Well, surprise, surprise, huh! 00:48:34.484 --> 00:48:37.028 Look at that meal. 00:48:37.111 --> 00:48:41.698 I'm dead sexy. Look at my sexy body. 00:48:42.950 --> 00:48:44.993 Oh, look, I'm like a singer. 00:48:45.035 --> 00:48:48.454 Oh, sexy man, sexy man 00:48:48.496 --> 00:48:51.666 Eating like a sexy man can 00:48:51.707 --> 00:48:54.417 By the way, would you like some chicken? 00:48:54.459 --> 00:48:55.585 I've got more. 00:48:55.627 --> 00:48:57.796 No, thanks. 00:48:57.837 --> 00:48:59.380 What have we got here? 00:48:59.421 --> 00:49:03.926 Done with that. All right, that's done. 00:49:11.765 --> 00:49:15.852 Remember, by any means necessary. 00:49:20.147 --> 00:49:22.566 Frisky, are we? 00:49:22.566 --> 00:49:23.943 Give it up! 00:49:24.985 --> 00:49:26.653 Ladies and gentlemen... 00:49:26.695 --> 00:49:30.322 we're about to begin phase two of our evil project... 00:49:30.364 --> 00:49:33.284 or is it phase-- I don't know phases. 00:49:33.284 --> 00:49:35.035 Any ways, this is the phase... 00:49:35.077 --> 00:49:39.622 in which we put a giant "laser" on the moon. 00:49:39.664 --> 00:49:43.500 As you know, the moon rotates around the Earth, like so. 00:49:49.922 --> 00:49:51.591 When the moon reaches... 00:49:51.632 --> 00:49:54.385 its appropriate lunar alignment... 00:49:54.427 --> 00:49:57.012 it will destroy Washington D.C. 00:49:57.053 --> 00:49:59.472 You see, I've turned the moon... 00:49:59.514 --> 00:50:04.226 into what I like to call a "Death Star." 00:50:05.936 --> 00:50:08.813 -What? -Nothing, Darth. 00:50:08.855 --> 00:50:10.148 What did you call me? 00:50:10.189 --> 00:50:12.483 Nothing. Rip-off! 00:50:13.860 --> 00:50:15.277 Bless you. 00:50:15.277 --> 00:50:18.280 Any ways, the key to this plan is the giant laser. 00:50:18.322 --> 00:50:22.325 It was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons. 00:50:22.366 --> 00:50:27.120 Therefore, we shall call it the Alan Parsons Project. 00:50:27.162 --> 00:50:29.915 Oh, my God. 00:50:29.915 --> 00:50:31.207 What now? 00:50:31.249 --> 00:50:35.252 The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. 00:50:35.294 --> 00:50:39.172 Why don't you just call it "Operation Wang Chung, " ass? 00:50:39.213 --> 00:50:40.715 What should we-- 00:50:40.757 --> 00:50:43.426 I'm sure "Operation Bananarama" will be huge. 00:50:43.468 --> 00:50:44.427 What are you saying? 00:50:44.469 --> 00:50:46.428 -If you wanted-- -Shh! 00:50:46.470 --> 00:50:47.638 Trying to be hip-- 00:50:47.679 --> 00:50:50.432 "WWW.shh.com.org." 00:50:50.474 --> 00:50:52.475 -You're so-- -Shh! 00:50:52.516 --> 00:50:55.978 If we could put aside the family squabbling... 00:50:56.020 --> 00:50:59.439 I think we could get down to some serious business here. 00:50:59.481 --> 00:51:01.149 -Really? -Yeah. 00:51:01.191 --> 00:51:03.068 I don't like that insolent tone. 00:51:03.109 --> 00:51:06.320 -I meant nothing by it. -You want to run things? 00:51:06.362 --> 00:51:07.488 No, not at all. 00:51:07.529 --> 00:51:09.823 You want to be Daddy, is that it? 00:51:09.865 --> 00:51:12.617 Number Two, you want to wear the Daddy pants? 00:51:12.659 --> 00:51:14.327 You gonna cry? 00:51:14.369 --> 00:51:17.537 You gonna cry? 00:51:17.579 --> 00:51:18.914 What are you doing? 00:51:18.956 --> 00:51:21.750 Are you gonna squirt some? You gonna cry? 00:51:21.792 --> 00:51:24.627 See, you were gonna cry. You're a big man now, huh? 00:51:24.669 --> 00:51:26.379 Yeah, thought so. 00:51:51.149 --> 00:51:53.610 About what happened last night-- 00:51:53.652 --> 00:51:55.236 You don't have to explain. 00:51:56.571 --> 00:51:58.656 You don't understand. You see... 00:52:00.657 --> 00:52:03.034 I've lost my mojo. 00:52:03.076 --> 00:52:06.079 Oh, so that's why you-- 00:52:09.331 --> 00:52:11.125 I thought you didn't like me. 00:52:11.166 --> 00:52:14.002 Oh, no, baby. You're very shagadelic. 00:52:14.043 --> 00:52:16.129 I just didn't want to fall in love again... 00:52:16.212 --> 00:52:19.590 and I thought you'd never love me without my mojo. 00:52:19.590 --> 00:52:20.882 It's not you. 00:52:20.924 --> 00:52:26.596 You're fab, switched on, a bit of all right. Yes! 00:52:26.637 --> 00:52:28.723 That is so great. 00:52:28.764 --> 00:52:30.641 There's something I should tell you, too. 00:52:30.683 --> 00:52:33.727 Last night, I planted a homing device on Fat Bastard. 00:52:33.768 --> 00:52:35.103 Smashing, baby. 00:52:35.145 --> 00:52:36.813 Then we can track down Fat Bastard... 00:52:36.855 --> 00:52:38.480 get my mojo, go back to my place... 00:52:38.522 --> 00:52:42.109 hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Yes! 00:52:42.151 --> 00:52:43.277 But there's more. 00:52:43.319 --> 00:52:45.820 In order to get close to Fat Bastard, I had to-- 00:52:45.862 --> 00:52:48.448 Hello, hello. The signal's coming through. 00:52:48.489 --> 00:52:49.949 He's at Paddington Station. 00:52:49.991 --> 00:52:51.491 Let's go! 00:52:54.244 --> 00:52:56.371 -We're close, baby. -This way. 00:52:56.371 --> 00:52:58.789 Straight--no, no, left. Through here. 00:53:01.918 --> 00:53:03.001 We've got him. 00:53:03.043 --> 00:53:04.669 Private, bring up the ram. 00:53:10.049 --> 00:53:11.508 Go, go, go! 00:53:11.508 --> 00:53:13.010 Where is he? 00:53:14.178 --> 00:53:16.095 Oh, my God! 00:53:16.137 --> 00:53:18.932 Fat Bastard left a floater! 00:53:18.973 --> 00:53:21.267 In the name of all things sacred... 00:53:21.309 --> 00:53:24.311 that is the most foul-smelling thing ever! 00:53:24.353 --> 00:53:26.188 Somebody flush it down! 00:53:26.188 --> 00:53:27.481 No, nobody touch anything. 00:53:27.522 --> 00:53:30.399 We have to get the sample to the lab to be analyzed. 00:53:32.151 --> 00:53:33.778 I'm gonna give. 00:53:42.409 --> 00:53:43.786 Austin, there you are. 00:53:43.827 --> 00:53:45.120 Has the sample been analyzed? 00:53:45.162 --> 00:53:48.623 Cor, baby. You look very shagadelic! 00:53:50.750 --> 00:53:53.544 But do we really have to be here, Felicity? 00:53:53.544 --> 00:53:56.004 I mean, it's so boring. 00:53:56.046 --> 00:53:57.756 I don't believe in science. 00:53:57.798 --> 00:54:03.052 When it comes to the spy game, to me, it's all instinct. 00:54:07.722 --> 00:54:10.058 -Hello, everybody. -Hello, Basil. 00:54:10.100 --> 00:54:12.017 The results are in. 00:54:12.059 --> 00:54:15.145 We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable... 00:54:15.187 --> 00:54:19.065 found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean. 00:54:20.650 --> 00:54:23.278 What does it all mean, Basil? 00:54:23.278 --> 00:54:27.739 It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair. 00:54:27.781 --> 00:54:30.449 Smashing, Basil. 00:54:30.491 --> 00:54:34.912 Cor! This coffee smells like shit. 00:54:37.581 --> 00:54:39.666 It is shit, Austin. 00:54:39.708 --> 00:54:42.627 Oh, good, then it's not just me. 00:54:47.047 --> 00:54:49.215 It's a bit nutty. 00:54:59.516 --> 00:55:01.184 Excuse me, Dr. Evil. 00:55:01.226 --> 00:55:04.312 I have to speak to you about this Mini-Me. 00:55:04.312 --> 00:55:05.771 He's not fitting in? 00:55:05.771 --> 00:55:09.065 Is he giving off too much of a creepy Oompa Loompa vibe? 00:55:09.107 --> 00:55:11.985 No, it's just that he bites. 00:55:14.737 --> 00:55:16.197 He's a biter. 00:55:19.450 --> 00:55:21.659 What's wrong, Mini-Me? 00:55:21.701 --> 00:55:23.578 Something you want to tell us? 00:55:25.246 --> 00:55:26.331 Teething. 00:55:28.290 --> 00:55:31.960 Get me the president of the United States of America! 00:55:32.002 --> 00:55:33.920 Oh, he's on. 00:55:33.920 --> 00:55:36.380 What do you want, Dr. Evil? 00:55:36.422 --> 00:55:38.466 Mr. President, in twelve hours... 00:55:38.507 --> 00:55:44.346 I will destroy Washington D.C. with this giant "laser." 00:55:44.387 --> 00:55:46.805 What the--? 00:55:46.805 --> 00:55:51.393 Mini-Me, stop humping the laser. 00:55:51.434 --> 00:55:53.228 OK, honest to God... 00:55:53.269 --> 00:55:58.357 why don't you and the giant laser get a frickin' room? 00:55:58.398 --> 00:56:02.277 Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C... 00:56:02.319 --> 00:56:06.072 I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour. 00:56:06.113 --> 00:56:08.533 That is, unless, of course, you pay me... 00:56:09.700 --> 00:56:13.870 one hundred billion dollars. 00:56:18.791 --> 00:56:21.377 Dr. Evil, this is 1969. 00:56:21.418 --> 00:56:23.962 That amount of money doesn't even exist. 00:56:25.797 --> 00:56:29.383 That's like saying, "I want a kajillion bajillion dollars." 00:56:31.260 --> 00:56:35.680 Come on, Mr. President, show me the money. 00:56:35.721 --> 00:56:37.056 Show you what money? 00:56:37.056 --> 00:56:39.976 Show me the money, show me the money. 00:56:39.976 --> 00:56:43.311 You had me at hello. Tear. Nothing? No? 00:56:43.353 --> 00:56:46.273 Psst! It's 1969. 00:56:46.314 --> 00:56:49.900 "Jerry Maguire" won't come out for another thirty years. 00:56:49.942 --> 00:56:52.862 Nobody knows what you're talking about, ass. 00:56:52.903 --> 00:56:56.656 Scott, Daddy's working, OK? 00:56:56.698 --> 00:56:58.408 And when you're in the main chamber... 00:56:58.449 --> 00:57:00.868 try and use the big boy voice, OK? 00:57:00.909 --> 00:57:02.244 Thank you. 00:57:03.662 --> 00:57:06.415 Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate... 00:57:06.455 --> 00:57:09.876 the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. 00:57:09.917 --> 00:57:11.919 Fire the laser! 00:57:17.674 --> 00:57:19.884 Damage report! Damage report! 00:57:19.925 --> 00:57:23.095 It's OK. It's all right. Come on. 00:57:24.305 --> 00:57:27.390 Actually, that was footage from "Independence Day..." 00:57:27.432 --> 00:57:29.517 but the real laser would be a lot like that. 00:57:29.559 --> 00:57:31.727 Yeah, scary. 00:57:33.520 --> 00:57:34.730 Now, Dr. Evil-- 00:57:34.771 --> 00:57:38.774 Talk to the hand, 'cause the face don't want to hear it. 00:57:38.858 --> 00:57:41.027 What hand? Talk to your hand? 00:57:41.068 --> 00:57:44.070 You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips. 00:57:44.112 --> 00:57:45.697 What are you talking about? 00:57:45.739 --> 00:57:48.700 Don't go there, girlfriend. 00:57:49.784 --> 00:57:51.660 Whose girlfriend? 00:57:51.702 --> 00:57:53.871 Don't mess with me, I'm one crazy mo-fo. 00:57:53.913 --> 00:57:55.331 I had to pop a cop... 00:57:55.372 --> 00:57:57.957 'cause he wasn't giving me my props in Oaktown. 00:57:57.999 --> 00:58:00.376 No? I heard that somewhere. 00:58:01.544 --> 00:58:03.545 You're an idiot. 00:58:03.629 --> 00:58:07.966 Mr. President, I think we have an understanding. 00:58:09.800 --> 00:58:13.763 Dr. Evil, what are our plans regarding Austin Powers? 00:58:13.804 --> 00:58:17.557 Austin Powers? He's the snake to my mongoose. 00:58:17.599 --> 00:58:23.395 Or the mongoose to my snake. Either way, it's bad. 00:58:23.437 --> 00:58:24.855 I don't know animals. 00:58:24.897 --> 00:58:27.483 But I do know this-- 00:58:27.525 --> 00:58:30.318 This time it's personal. 00:58:30.360 --> 00:58:32.153 Kill him. 00:58:37.616 --> 00:58:40.201 There's Dr. Evil's island. 00:59:14.438 --> 00:59:15.606 Let's set up camp. 00:59:15.648 --> 00:59:17.066 Be careful with that bag! 00:59:17.108 --> 00:59:19.192 There's explosives in it. 00:59:20.235 --> 00:59:22.612 This could be dangerous. 00:59:32.453 --> 00:59:36.166 What if God was one of us? 00:59:37.207 --> 00:59:41.086 Just a slob like one of us 00:59:54.639 --> 00:59:55.931 Well done, very good. 00:59:55.973 --> 00:59:59.185 Dr. Evil, that was fantastic. 00:59:59.185 --> 01:00:00.978 Thank you, Number Two. 01:00:01.020 --> 01:00:02.479 I wrote that, yeah. 01:00:02.520 --> 01:00:05.190 Dad, he put this in my bed. 01:00:05.231 --> 01:00:06.441 Who? 01:00:06.483 --> 01:00:08.484 Your stupid mini-you. 01:00:08.525 --> 01:00:10.861 He put road kill in my sheets! 01:00:11.778 --> 01:00:15.156 What--Mini-Me, don't you ever do that again. 01:00:15.198 --> 01:00:18.784 You hear me, don't you ever do that again! 01:00:18.826 --> 01:00:21.119 I can't stay mad at you. 01:00:21.161 --> 01:00:22.829 Look at that punum. 01:00:24.080 --> 01:00:28.542 Dr. Evil's headquarters is right over that next ridge. 01:00:28.584 --> 01:00:29.752 Let me look. 01:00:30.878 --> 01:00:32.795 Damn it. How do we get in? 01:00:32.837 --> 01:00:35.965 Hello, Mummy. Can I have some chocolates? 01:00:36.007 --> 01:00:38.510 I want some Mars Bars. 01:00:38.551 --> 01:00:40.260 Don't smack my bottom, Mummy. 01:00:41.345 --> 01:00:43.138 Sorry, love. 01:00:43.180 --> 01:00:46.140 I got stuck in your dirty pillows. 01:00:46.140 --> 01:00:47.642 Let's look at the map. 01:00:50.937 --> 01:00:52.562 Austin, what's our plan? 01:00:52.604 --> 01:00:53.980 According to this map... 01:00:53.980 --> 01:00:57.733 the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards. 01:00:57.775 --> 01:01:00.110 I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet... 01:01:00.152 --> 01:01:01.278 but I can't find them. 01:01:01.320 --> 01:01:03.322 Look in the bottom. 01:01:03.364 --> 01:01:06.074 OK, I'll dig a little deeper. 01:01:06.115 --> 01:01:08.243 Wow, this bag is really full. 01:01:09.702 --> 01:01:11.453 Just keep digging, darling. 01:01:11.495 --> 01:01:13.664 I'll just feel around them. 01:01:16.166 --> 01:01:18.376 Good lord, Austin. 01:01:18.417 --> 01:01:20.336 What do you keep in here? 01:01:20.336 --> 01:01:24.047 Anything that catches my fancy, you know. 01:01:24.089 --> 01:01:25.090 Give it a good tug. 01:01:26.591 --> 01:01:28.593 Do we really need this? 01:01:28.635 --> 01:01:31.554 I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. 01:01:31.595 --> 01:01:34.056 Oh, my God. 01:01:34.098 --> 01:01:36.141 Oops, it went off. 01:01:36.182 --> 01:01:38.893 Yes, it does that from time to time. 01:01:38.935 --> 01:01:40.728 Eww. Yuck. 01:01:40.728 --> 01:01:42.729 Yeah, that's nasty. 01:01:42.771 --> 01:01:44.523 Yeah, sorry about that. 01:01:45.524 --> 01:01:46.733 Smelly. 01:01:46.775 --> 01:01:49.277 These people make me sick. 01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:50.695 Can you snap me a beer? 01:01:55.448 --> 01:01:56.616 What is it? 01:01:56.658 --> 01:01:57.909 It's a gerbil. 01:01:57.951 --> 01:01:59.452 How did that get in your bag? 01:02:01.162 --> 01:02:03.497 I don't know. 01:02:06.125 --> 01:02:09.711 Dr. Evil, we have a problem. 01:02:09.752 --> 01:02:11.713 Austin Powers is on the island. 01:02:11.754 --> 01:02:15.549 Bring him to me...alive. 01:02:15.591 --> 01:02:17.801 You. 01:02:17.926 --> 01:02:19.469 Hit it! 01:02:19.510 --> 01:02:22.722 This is a very sensitive subject. 01:02:28.768 --> 01:02:34.148 Just the two of us 01:02:36.233 --> 01:02:38.902 Just the two of us 01:02:38.943 --> 01:02:41.404 From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone 01:02:41.404 --> 01:02:43.989 I knew that I'd be safe 'cause I'd never be alone 01:02:44.031 --> 01:02:46.658 An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings 01:02:46.700 --> 01:02:49.077 My hurt and my pain don't make me too appealin' 01:02:49.077 --> 01:02:51.621 I'd hoped Scott would look up to me 01:02:51.662 --> 01:02:54.457 Run the business of the family 01:02:54.499 --> 01:02:56.708 Head an evil empire just like his dear old dad 01:02:56.750 --> 01:02:59.294 Give him my love and the things I never had 01:02:59.336 --> 01:03:01.588 Scott would think I was a cool guy 01:03:01.630 --> 01:03:04.340 Return the love I have, make me want to cry 01:03:04.381 --> 01:03:06.926 Be evil, but have my feelings, too 01:03:06.967 --> 01:03:09.344 Change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou 01:03:09.385 --> 01:03:11.930 But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie 01:03:11.971 --> 01:03:14.474 Life is cruel, treats you unfairly 01:03:14.474 --> 01:03:17.142 Even so, a God there must be 01:03:17.184 --> 01:03:19.186 Mini-Me, you complete me 01:03:19.228 --> 01:03:21.646 Just the two of us 01:03:21.646 --> 01:03:24.232 We can make it if we try 01:03:24.273 --> 01:03:27.276 Just the two of us 01:03:27.318 --> 01:03:29.152 Just the two of us 01:03:29.194 --> 01:03:32.239 Just the two of us 01:03:32.280 --> 01:03:34.490 Building castles in the sky 01:03:34.532 --> 01:03:36.742 Just the two of us 01:03:36.784 --> 01:03:38.452 You and I 01:03:50.045 --> 01:03:52.797 You've got this packed really tight. 01:03:52.839 --> 01:03:54.924 Are you OK? 01:03:54.966 --> 01:03:57.510 Yeah, I just got a bit of a back cramp, that's all. 01:03:58.761 --> 01:04:00.720 Just keep packing it in. 01:04:00.762 --> 01:04:02.472 God. 01:04:02.514 --> 01:04:04.057 I found the explosives. 01:04:04.141 --> 01:04:05.391 Help me check them. 01:04:05.432 --> 01:04:07.351 You're surrounded! Drop your weapons! 01:04:08.060 --> 01:04:09.395 Hands up! 01:04:10.855 --> 01:04:12.105 Move out! 01:04:15.859 --> 01:04:18.277 Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few moments... 01:04:18.318 --> 01:04:21.697 we're going to place a giant "laser" on the moon. 01:04:21.738 --> 01:04:23.449 From my "Death Star..." 01:04:23.490 --> 01:04:26.826 I will destroy every city on the planet. 01:04:26.826 --> 01:04:28.161 Get off of me. 01:04:28.202 --> 01:04:32.080 Ah, Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell... 01:04:32.122 --> 01:04:34.666 welcome to my hollowed-out volcano. 01:04:34.708 --> 01:04:37.084 This is my associate Fat Bastard. 01:04:37.126 --> 01:04:43.298 Felicity, I think you two may have already "met." 01:04:43.339 --> 01:04:44.757 Unfortunately. 01:04:44.799 --> 01:04:48.761 Is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex? 01:04:48.803 --> 01:04:51.805 I'm dead sexy. 01:04:51.805 --> 01:04:53.766 You were crap! 01:04:55.933 --> 01:04:57.935 In your dreams. 01:05:02.856 --> 01:05:06.193 Felicity would never sleep with you. 01:05:06.234 --> 01:05:08.235 Right? 01:05:08.277 --> 01:05:10.112 I did what I had to do. 01:05:10.154 --> 01:05:11.947 I'm a secret agent. 01:05:11.989 --> 01:05:13.741 What? 01:05:20.162 --> 01:05:22.623 All right, that's enough, Fat Bastard. 01:05:22.664 --> 01:05:25.125 As much as I like seeing Powers in agony-- 01:05:25.167 --> 01:05:26.584 and I do-- 01:05:26.584 --> 01:05:29.587 the thought of you naked is just gross. 01:05:29.629 --> 01:05:32.548 You can't stop me now, Mr. Powers. 01:05:32.589 --> 01:05:34.841 I have your mojo... 01:05:34.841 --> 01:05:37.636 and I'm taking it with me to the moon. 01:05:37.677 --> 01:05:39.637 Put them in a jail cell. 01:05:40.930 --> 01:05:44.975 My mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil! 01:05:45.017 --> 01:05:47.769 Look at me, I'm shaking in my little space boots. 01:05:47.811 --> 01:05:49.771 I want my mojo! 01:05:49.813 --> 01:05:51.855 Great plan, Einstein. 01:05:53.315 --> 01:05:55.609 You're gonna put him in a cell with one inept guard... 01:05:55.651 --> 01:05:56.777 and they'll escape! 01:05:56.819 --> 01:05:59.529 God, you do this every time! 01:05:59.570 --> 01:06:03.324 You know, Scott... 01:06:03.366 --> 01:06:08.912 I've been a frickin' evil doctor for thirty frickin' years, OK? 01:06:08.954 --> 01:06:11.872 Cut me some frickin' slack. 01:06:11.914 --> 01:06:16.085 You forget, Scott, we're in a volcano. 01:06:16.085 --> 01:06:19.963 We're surrounded by liquid hot magma. 01:06:21.589 --> 01:06:23.298 What are you drawing? 01:06:25.134 --> 01:06:27.594 It's just a good-bye card, that's all. 01:06:29.345 --> 01:06:30.930 It's sweet. 01:06:38.979 --> 01:06:40.689 Hey, get him. Get the baby! 01:06:40.730 --> 01:06:41.856 Back off. 01:06:41.897 --> 01:06:43.399 Simmer down. Simmer down. 01:06:45.359 --> 01:06:47.319 He's my posse. 01:06:48.945 --> 01:06:51.281 You take special care of him. 01:06:51.322 --> 01:06:53.533 He's my special boy. 01:06:53.575 --> 01:06:56.535 Attention, prepare for launch. 01:06:58.078 --> 01:07:02.540 Repeat, all technicians to launch position. 01:07:03.416 --> 01:07:07.711 Gentlemen, I'm about to go to the moon. 01:07:07.753 --> 01:07:11.339 Initiate prelaunch sequence. 01:07:11.381 --> 01:07:14.091 Main rocket engines, ignition. 01:07:14.133 --> 01:07:15.259 Frau... 01:07:15.301 --> 01:07:17.303 begin the countdown. 01:07:17.344 --> 01:07:19.262 Five...four... 01:07:19.262 --> 01:07:20.430 three...two-- 01:07:20.472 --> 01:07:23.224 Frau! Begin the countdown at thirty. 01:07:25.058 --> 01:07:26.059 Thirty! 01:07:26.101 --> 01:07:28.687 twenty-nine...twenty-eight... 01:07:28.729 --> 01:07:30.606 twenty-seven... 01:07:30.647 --> 01:07:32.940 twenty-six...twenty-five... 01:07:32.982 --> 01:07:36.652 twenty-four...twenty-three... 01:07:36.694 --> 01:07:39.780 twenty-two...twenty-one... 01:07:39.821 --> 01:07:42.157 twenty...nineteen... 01:07:42.157 --> 01:07:43.742 eighteen.... 01:07:43.824 --> 01:07:47.787 seventeen...sixteen... 01:07:47.828 --> 01:07:50.622 fifteen...fourteen...thirteen-- 01:07:50.663 --> 01:07:53.333 You know what? When the doors close... 01:07:53.374 --> 01:07:55.877 just say "go." Better. 01:08:00.506 --> 01:08:01.507 Go! 01:08:32.032 --> 01:08:34.242 Colonel, you better take a look at this radar. 01:08:34.283 --> 01:08:36.994 What is it, son? 01:08:37.036 --> 01:08:39.038 I don't know, sir. 01:08:39.122 --> 01:08:40.288 But it looks like a giant-- 01:08:40.330 --> 01:08:41.998 -Dick! -Yeah? 01:08:42.040 --> 01:08:43.333 Take a look out of starboard. 01:08:43.375 --> 01:08:46.710 Oh, my God, it looks like a huge-- 01:08:46.752 --> 01:08:48.712 -Pecker! -Oh, where? 01:08:48.754 --> 01:08:50.423 Wait, that's not a woodpecker. 01:08:50.464 --> 01:08:51.465 It looks like someone's-- 01:08:51.507 --> 01:08:52.674 Privates! 01:08:52.715 --> 01:08:55.468 We have reports of an unidentified flying object. 01:08:55.510 --> 01:08:59.513 It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with-- 01:08:59.555 --> 01:09:02.474 Two balls! What is that? 01:09:02.516 --> 01:09:04.184 That looks just like an enormous-- 01:09:04.226 --> 01:09:05.685 Wang! Pay attention. 01:09:05.727 --> 01:09:08.855 I was distracted by that enormous flying-- 01:09:08.896 --> 01:09:10.314 -Willie... -Yeah? 01:09:10.356 --> 01:09:11.982 What's that? 01:09:12.023 --> 01:09:14.234 Well, it looks like a giant-- 01:09:14.276 --> 01:09:15.777 -Johnson?! -Yes, sir. 01:09:15.819 --> 01:09:19.113 Call British Intelligence and let them know about this. 01:09:35.419 --> 01:09:36.586 What do we do? 01:09:36.627 --> 01:09:39.881 Why don't you just shag Fat Bastard again? 01:09:39.922 --> 01:09:41.924 This is no time to get jealous. 01:09:41.966 --> 01:09:43.675 How could you do it? 01:09:43.717 --> 01:09:44.926 I was just doing my job. 01:09:44.968 --> 01:09:47.054 No, I mean literally, how could you do it? 01:09:47.095 --> 01:09:48.388 The man's so fat... 01:09:48.430 --> 01:09:50.389 the sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling. 01:09:50.431 --> 01:09:54.185 Don't lay your hang-ups on me, just 'cause you lost your mojo. 01:09:54.226 --> 01:09:56.728 Ouch, baby. 01:09:56.728 --> 01:09:59.189 Very ouch. 01:09:59.189 --> 01:10:01.607 Look, Austin, we're running out of time. 01:10:01.607 --> 01:10:03.192 I'm sorry. 01:10:04.610 --> 01:10:07.612 I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. 01:10:08.863 --> 01:10:11.115 You're the reason that I became a spy. 01:10:12.492 --> 01:10:17.037 I thought I wanted to be you, but then I realized that... 01:10:18.121 --> 01:10:20.331 I want to be with you. 01:10:20.372 --> 01:10:22.249 You do? 01:10:24.335 --> 01:10:26.045 Hang on, baby. 01:10:26.045 --> 01:10:27.962 Alleyoop! 01:10:29.130 --> 01:10:31.132 We should talk about this later. 01:10:31.174 --> 01:10:33.008 First we need to get past that one inept guard. 01:10:33.050 --> 01:10:34.468 Right, here's the plan. 01:10:34.510 --> 01:10:37.221 What if I pretend to be ill with food poisoning? 01:10:37.262 --> 01:10:40.431 The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. 01:10:40.473 --> 01:10:42.141 Meanwhile, you dig a pit... 01:10:42.183 --> 01:10:43.851 line it with makeshift punji sticks... 01:10:43.893 --> 01:10:45.352 made from sharpened toothbrushes. 01:10:45.394 --> 01:10:47.854 The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. 01:10:47.896 --> 01:10:49.064 What do you think? 01:10:49.106 --> 01:10:51.108 That might work, but what about this? 01:10:53.109 --> 01:10:54.860 What do you think of these? 01:10:54.902 --> 01:10:56.612 Mommy. 01:11:02.784 --> 01:11:04.993 What a...burn? 01:11:07.579 --> 01:11:11.541 That sort of thing could get a man...fired. 01:11:13.418 --> 01:11:14.836 I think he was... 01:11:14.836 --> 01:11:18.422 hot...for...you. 01:11:18.463 --> 01:11:20.424 -That's enough. -Yeah. 01:11:26.637 --> 01:11:30.932 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my moon base. 01:11:30.974 --> 01:11:36.103 You've all been chosen to be part of my elite moon unit. 01:11:36.145 --> 01:11:38.522 Which is divided into two divisions... 01:11:38.564 --> 01:11:40.607 Moon Unit Alpha... 01:11:40.649 --> 01:11:42.608 and Moon Unit Zappa. 01:11:42.650 --> 01:11:45.278 In exactly six hours... 01:11:45.319 --> 01:11:48.238 the moon will move in its orbit around the earth... 01:11:48.280 --> 01:11:52.409 bringing Washington D.C. within range of my giant... 01:11:52.451 --> 01:11:54.618 "laser." 01:11:54.660 --> 01:11:57.079 Begin "laser..." 01:11:57.121 --> 01:11:58.998 ignition sequence. 01:11:59.040 --> 01:12:01.458 Begin laser ignition! 01:12:02.667 --> 01:12:06.920 Attention, Moon Unit Zappa to firing stations. 01:12:06.962 --> 01:12:09.506 Initiation sequence in progress. 01:12:09.506 --> 01:12:11.633 OK, all right. 01:12:15.136 --> 01:12:18.972 All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, OK? 01:12:22.601 --> 01:12:24.436 Getting a little afraid. 01:12:24.478 --> 01:12:27.813 I need an old priest and a young priest. 01:12:27.855 --> 01:12:30.483 The power of Christ compels you. 01:12:30.524 --> 01:12:33.902 The power of Christ compels you. 01:12:37.113 --> 01:12:41.116 Sick as a dog now. 01:12:44.577 --> 01:12:46.245 Gonna vomit. 01:12:54.002 --> 01:12:57.713 We need to hitch a ride to the moon, baby. 01:12:57.755 --> 01:13:00.549 Apollo Eleven is good to go. 01:13:00.591 --> 01:13:02.259 Crew to all stations. 01:13:03.802 --> 01:13:07.806 We will have liftoff in T minus five seconds... 01:13:07.847 --> 01:13:10.557 four...three...two. 01:13:12.101 --> 01:13:13.769 We have liftoff. 01:13:13.811 --> 01:13:15.478 Apollo Eleven has cleared the tower... 01:13:15.520 --> 01:13:18.064 and is heading for a rendezvous with the moon. 01:13:26.988 --> 01:13:30.449 Arm the "laser." 01:13:30.449 --> 01:13:32.284 Arming the laser! 01:13:32.326 --> 01:13:35.245 Attention, arming the Death Star. 01:13:35.245 --> 01:13:36.413 Battle stations. 01:13:36.413 --> 01:13:37.914 Laser on! 01:13:37.956 --> 01:13:41.041 All crew at battle stations. 01:13:41.083 --> 01:13:43.210 Get me the president. 01:13:43.252 --> 01:13:46.004 You're gonna like this part, Mini-Me. 01:13:46.046 --> 01:13:49.048 This is the part where we threaten the world leader. 01:13:49.090 --> 01:13:51.926 I know we do it every time, however it is important to-- 01:13:59.765 --> 01:14:01.183 Where are you? 01:14:01.225 --> 01:14:04.311 Can someone put a frickin' bell on him or something? 01:14:06.730 --> 01:14:08.023 Great! 01:14:08.064 --> 01:14:10.358 Somebody get the stick. 01:14:11.608 --> 01:14:14.445 Just grab on to the hook, all right? 01:14:14.486 --> 01:14:16.030 You complete me. 01:14:16.071 --> 01:14:17.739 I love you. 01:14:18.740 --> 01:14:20.867 Hang in there, Mini-Me. 01:14:20.908 --> 01:14:22.785 If anything should happen to you... 01:14:22.827 --> 01:14:24.828 I don't know what I would do. 01:14:24.870 --> 01:14:27.748 I'd probably move on, get another replica. 01:14:27.748 --> 01:14:29.708 But there'd be a ten-minute period there... 01:14:29.750 --> 01:14:32.543 when I would just be inconsolable. 01:14:32.585 --> 01:14:35.087 We have your money, Dr. Evil, but it wasn't easy. 01:14:35.129 --> 01:14:37.630 Papa has to do some work, OK? 01:14:37.672 --> 01:14:40.925 Well, you have exactly thirty minutes to get it to me. 01:14:40.967 --> 01:14:42.509 Ciao. 01:14:45.095 --> 01:14:46.430 Jiminy jumpin' Jesus, 01:14:46.472 --> 01:14:48.973 I can't believe we're gonna pay that madman. 01:14:49.015 --> 01:14:51.059 I got nukes up the ying-yang. 01:14:51.100 --> 01:14:54.145 Just let me launch one, for God's sake. 01:14:54.187 --> 01:14:56.980 Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon? 01:14:57.022 --> 01:14:59.441 Would you miss it? 01:14:59.483 --> 01:15:00.776 Would you miss it? 01:15:04.612 --> 01:15:08.740 Mission control, the swinger has landed. 01:15:09.824 --> 01:15:12.327 Airlock, open. 01:15:17.081 --> 01:15:18.248 Repressurize. 01:15:18.290 --> 01:15:19.875 Let's find Dr. Evil. 01:15:19.917 --> 01:15:22.251 Enjoy your stay on the moon. 01:15:25.797 --> 01:15:27.589 There he is. 01:15:29.883 --> 01:15:31.176 I'll cover your rear. 01:15:31.218 --> 01:15:33.427 No, you go ahead. 01:15:33.469 --> 01:15:36.222 This time it's personal. 01:16:41.401 --> 01:16:44.321 No more. I can't take it anymore. 01:16:45.322 --> 01:16:47.781 Peace? 01:16:47.781 --> 01:16:49.908 You brought my glasses. 01:16:49.992 --> 01:16:52.036 Bless your little heart. 01:16:53.162 --> 01:16:54.620 Well, that's not right. 01:16:56.247 --> 01:16:58.750 Don't--That's just-- Now I'm pissed. 01:17:00.459 --> 01:17:01.585 Judoflip! 01:17:09.467 --> 01:17:12.219 Poor little bugger. 01:17:12.219 --> 01:17:13.970 He's so small. 01:17:14.012 --> 01:17:16.139 He's like a dog or something. 01:17:17.182 --> 01:17:19.058 Poor little bugger. 01:17:25.772 --> 01:17:27.774 Get off! 01:17:45.413 --> 01:17:46.831 Get out of my suit! 01:17:48.124 --> 01:17:50.501 It tickles. It tickles. 01:17:55.589 --> 01:17:56.756 Gotcha! 01:18:24.530 --> 01:18:26.073 Poor little bugger. 01:18:26.156 --> 01:18:28.616 I salute you. 01:18:38.375 --> 01:18:39.793 All right, slap-head. 01:18:39.835 --> 01:18:41.544 Turn around. 01:18:41.585 --> 01:18:44.422 Where's my mojo? 01:18:44.463 --> 01:18:47.424 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers-- 01:18:47.465 --> 01:18:49.509 save the world... 01:18:49.551 --> 01:18:51.845 or save your girlfriend. 01:18:54.138 --> 01:18:56.640 Don't worry about me, Austin. 01:18:56.682 --> 01:18:58.267 You've got to save the world. 01:18:59.559 --> 01:19:00.560 Kill him! 01:19:03.688 --> 01:19:04.980 Fire the "laser." 01:19:05.022 --> 01:19:06.189 Target locking. 01:19:07.190 --> 01:19:08.358 God! 01:19:08.400 --> 01:19:11.152 Laser set to full vitality. 01:19:11.610 --> 01:19:12.778 Judo kick! 01:19:18.450 --> 01:19:21.328 You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers... 01:19:21.369 --> 01:19:22.829 but you lost the war. 01:19:26.040 --> 01:19:29.335 Wake up, Felicity. Wake up! 01:19:29.376 --> 01:19:31.002 Escape pod ninety-five. 01:19:35.131 --> 01:19:36.798 I love you, Felicity. 01:19:36.840 --> 01:19:38.425 I love you. 01:19:38.467 --> 01:19:41.678 Dr. Evil! I'll kill him! 01:19:46.390 --> 01:19:47.350 Gotcha! 01:19:54.773 --> 01:19:57.483 You shot me, you a-hole. 01:19:58.525 --> 01:20:01.778 And now I'm going to kill you. 01:20:02.862 --> 01:20:04.447 Before you do that... 01:20:06.699 --> 01:20:08.367 know this... 01:20:16.874 --> 01:20:19.001 I am your father. 01:20:21.294 --> 01:20:22.629 Really? 01:20:24.547 --> 01:20:26.049 No, not really. 01:20:26.049 --> 01:20:27.549 I can't back that up. 01:20:27.591 --> 01:20:30.803 Right. Idiot. Yes. 01:20:30.844 --> 01:20:33.596 But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers... 01:20:33.638 --> 01:20:36.099 that you would rather kill me... 01:20:36.099 --> 01:20:38.476 than save your precious Felicity? 01:20:38.518 --> 01:20:40.644 What do you mean? 01:20:40.686 --> 01:20:45.147 Remember, there's a time portal in the main chamber. 01:20:45.189 --> 01:20:48.150 You could go back and save her. 01:20:48.150 --> 01:20:49.819 I'll do that. 01:21:05.081 --> 01:21:06.249 Good work! 01:21:22.345 --> 01:21:25.015 Well, it looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers-- 01:21:25.056 --> 01:21:28.851 save the world or save your girlfriend. 01:21:30.894 --> 01:21:32.855 Don't worry about me, Austin. 01:21:32.855 --> 01:21:34.064 You gotta save the world. 01:21:35.857 --> 01:21:38.192 I choose love, baby. 01:21:38.234 --> 01:21:40.820 Wait a tick. Who are you? 01:21:40.862 --> 01:21:43.280 I'm you, ten minutes from now. 01:21:43.322 --> 01:21:46.033 Damn it! You are handsome. 01:21:47.117 --> 01:21:48.659 I was just thinking the same. 01:21:50.411 --> 01:21:52.663 We are sexy. 01:21:52.705 --> 01:21:55.624 We are sexy bitches. Yeah! 01:21:55.665 --> 01:21:58.501 All right. This is ri-goddamn-diculous. 01:21:58.543 --> 01:21:59.877 Kill them both! 01:22:06.674 --> 01:22:08.259 Fire the "laser." 01:22:08.301 --> 01:22:10.219 Listen, past Austin... 01:22:10.261 --> 01:22:12.512 can you save the world while I go get the girl? 01:22:12.554 --> 01:22:15.057 Sure, Austin-from- ten-minutes-from-now. 01:22:15.098 --> 01:22:17.351 Lock in target. 01:22:17.392 --> 01:22:21.103 Laser set to full vitality. 01:22:26.274 --> 01:22:29.402 Come on. Are you all right? Yeah, come on. 01:22:30.528 --> 01:22:31.654 You all right? 01:22:31.695 --> 01:22:32.947 You OK? 01:22:34.990 --> 01:22:38.326 Say, what's the policy on menage a trois? 01:22:39.410 --> 01:22:42.038 You are adorable! 01:22:43.997 --> 01:22:47.084 Looking for this, Mr. Powers? 01:22:47.125 --> 01:22:49.002 My mojo. 01:22:50.169 --> 01:22:53.089 Self-destruct in two minutes and counting. 01:23:03.764 --> 01:23:04.932 Watch out! 01:23:15.232 --> 01:23:17.234 See you in hell, Powers. 01:23:21.862 --> 01:23:23.698 Hey, Austin-from- ten-minutes-from-now! 01:23:23.739 --> 01:23:27.118 This place is gonna blow. Let's go. Come on. 01:23:32.497 --> 01:23:35.874 Thirty seconds and counting. Twenty-nine... 01:23:36.959 --> 01:23:38.919 -Let's go. -My mojo! 01:23:38.961 --> 01:23:40.086 We have to go now. 01:23:40.128 --> 01:23:42.380 My mojo. I'm useless without it. 01:23:42.422 --> 01:23:44.173 You've had it all along. 01:23:44.215 --> 01:23:45.383 What do you mean? 01:23:45.425 --> 01:23:47.759 You defeated Dr. Evil, you saved the world... 01:23:47.801 --> 01:23:49.720 and believe me, you're gonna get the girl. 01:23:55.141 --> 01:23:56.142 All right then, maybe later. 01:23:56.183 --> 01:23:57.184 Yeah, come on. 01:24:00.353 --> 01:24:01.521 Go! 01:24:03.023 --> 01:24:05.065 I'll set the controls for 1967. 01:24:05.941 --> 01:24:09.486 Felicity, why don't you come with me to 1999? 01:24:09.528 --> 01:24:11.821 I don't know. The Sixties were so groovy. 01:24:11.863 --> 01:24:14.574 I want to see what happens in the Seventies and Eighties. 01:24:14.616 --> 01:24:16.200 The Seventies and the Eighties? 01:24:16.242 --> 01:24:18.994 You're not missing anything. I looked into it. 01:24:19.036 --> 01:24:22.205 There's a gas shortage and a Flock of Seagulls. 01:24:22.247 --> 01:24:24.332 That's about it. 01:24:26.500 --> 01:24:28.210 Let's go. 01:24:50.145 --> 01:24:51.980 I love you, Austin Powers. 01:24:52.022 --> 01:24:54.733 And I love you, Felicity Shagwell. 01:24:54.775 --> 01:24:56.984 Wherever we go... 01:24:56.984 --> 01:24:58.903 there we are. 01:25:01.071 --> 01:25:03.531 Special delivery. 01:25:06.243 --> 01:25:08.452 Surprise, surprise. 01:25:09.787 --> 01:25:14.123 Listen, missy, do you fancy another go? 01:25:14.165 --> 01:25:18.795 'Cause once you've had fat, you never go back. 01:25:18.836 --> 01:25:21.630 You shut your mouth, you bastard... 01:25:23.215 --> 01:25:25.133 who is fat. 01:25:25.175 --> 01:25:26.259 Yeah, that's very good. 01:25:26.300 --> 01:25:29.762 Before you kill us, let me ask you one question. 01:25:29.804 --> 01:25:31.180 Are you happy? 01:25:31.222 --> 01:25:33.765 What kind of stupid ass question is that? 01:25:33.848 --> 01:25:37.227 I'm rich, and I'm dead sexy. 01:25:45.316 --> 01:25:47.068 You didn't answer my question. 01:25:47.110 --> 01:25:48.653 Are you happy? 01:25:48.695 --> 01:25:50.572 Of course I'm not happy. 01:25:50.613 --> 01:25:53.448 Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. 01:25:53.490 --> 01:25:56.368 I've got bigger titties than you do. 01:25:56.410 --> 01:26:00.288 I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book. 01:26:00.329 --> 01:26:02.790 I've not seen my willie in two years... 01:26:02.790 --> 01:26:06.585 which is long enough to declare it legally dead. 01:26:08.837 --> 01:26:12.631 I can't stop eating. 01:26:12.673 --> 01:26:15.175 I eat because I'm unhappy. 01:26:18.428 --> 01:26:21.639 I'm unhappy because I eat. 01:26:21.681 --> 01:26:23.891 It's a vicious cycle. 01:26:23.891 --> 01:26:26.393 If you'll excuse me... 01:26:26.435 --> 01:26:29.896 there's someone I have to get in touch with and forgive. 01:26:31.105 --> 01:26:32.857 Myself. 01:26:37.277 --> 01:26:39.404 Oh, God. 01:26:39.446 --> 01:26:42.489 Sorry, I farted. 01:26:44.283 --> 01:26:45.826 It's a long road ahead. 01:26:48.578 --> 01:26:50.455 Who am I kidding? 01:26:50.455 --> 01:26:51.831 I'm going to kill you anyway. 01:26:51.873 --> 01:26:53.249 Judo chop! 01:26:55.208 --> 01:26:58.921 Right in the mommy-daddy button! 01:26:58.962 --> 01:27:01.505 That's for calling me crap, you fatty. 01:27:11.723 --> 01:27:14.391 Listen, baby, I don't care if he is a Fat Bastard... 01:27:14.433 --> 01:27:16.852 you don't give a man a shot in the pills. 01:27:16.894 --> 01:27:18.603 It's just not cricket. 01:27:18.645 --> 01:27:21.731 Do you think I'll be happy here in the Nineties? 01:27:21.773 --> 01:27:24.609 Well, I know the Nineties might sound boring... 01:27:24.651 --> 01:27:27.319 but as far as I'm concerned... 01:27:27.361 --> 01:27:32.156 I've brought the best part of the Sixties back with me. 01:27:32.198 --> 01:27:33.449 You. 01:27:33.491 --> 01:27:35.159 Wait a minute. 01:27:35.201 --> 01:27:36.702 Where are you going? 01:28:23.241 --> 01:28:24.951 Did we get Dr. Evil? 01:28:24.951 --> 01:28:27.870 No. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge... 01:28:27.911 --> 01:28:28.996 Penis. 01:28:29.037 --> 01:28:31.915 The male reproductive organ. 01:28:31.957 --> 01:28:35.001 Also known as tally whacker, schlong, or... 01:28:35.042 --> 01:28:36.294 Wiener? 01:28:36.335 --> 01:28:38.462 Any of you kids want another wiener? 01:28:38.504 --> 01:28:40.797 Dad, what's that? 01:28:40.839 --> 01:28:43.592 I don't know, son, but it's got great big... 01:28:43.633 --> 01:28:46.218 Nuts! Hot, salty nuts! 01:28:46.260 --> 01:28:48.929 Who wants some? Lord almighty! 01:28:48.971 --> 01:28:50.681 That looks just like my husband's... 01:28:50.723 --> 01:28:52.599 One-eyed monster. 01:28:52.640 --> 01:28:55.268 Step right up and see the one-eyed monster! 01:28:57.312 --> 01:28:58.812 Hey, what's that? 01:28:58.854 --> 01:29:00.564 lt looks like a big... 01:29:00.606 --> 01:29:02.858 Woody! Woody Harrelson? 01:29:02.900 --> 01:29:04.568 Can I have your autograph? 01:29:04.610 --> 01:29:05.860 Sure, no problem. 01:29:05.902 --> 01:29:08.821 Oh, my Lord. Look at that thing. 01:29:08.863 --> 01:29:10.031 It's so big. 01:29:10.072 --> 01:29:11.907 I've seen bigger. That's... 01:29:11.948 --> 01:29:13.909 Just a little prick. 01:29:13.909 --> 01:29:15.785 It's a flu shot. 01:29:15.827 --> 01:29:17.912 You've been in the coldness of space. 01:29:17.953 --> 01:29:20.039 I don't want you to get sick. 01:29:20.080 --> 01:29:22.249 It's one thing to attack me. 01:29:22.291 --> 01:29:24.876 It's quite another to attack my Mini-Me. 01:29:24.918 --> 01:29:27.921 I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. 01:29:27.962 --> 01:29:29.963 I'm gonna get you. 01:29:48.104 --> 01:29:51.106 Thank you. Welcome back. Today we're doing a follow-up... 01:29:51.148 --> 01:29:52.816 to a segment we did several months ago... 01:29:52.858 --> 01:29:55.485 on "Fathers who are trying to take over the world." 01:29:55.527 --> 01:29:58.071 Let's begin with Scott Evil. 01:30:01.240 --> 01:30:03.367 What's going on with your dad? 01:30:03.408 --> 01:30:04.826 Well, my dad tried to take over the world... 01:30:04.868 --> 01:30:06.954 with a giant laser on the moon. 01:30:07.995 --> 01:30:09.288 I know. 01:30:09.330 --> 01:30:11.374 We have a surprise for you. 01:30:11.415 --> 01:30:12.625 What, my dad? 01:30:12.667 --> 01:30:15.126 No, it's not your father. It's your mother. 01:30:15.168 --> 01:30:16.294 Come on out. 01:30:23.342 --> 01:30:24.885 Mom? 01:30:24.927 --> 01:30:29.681 Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil. 01:30:29.722 --> 01:30:32.058 I thought I was a test-tube baby. 01:30:32.100 --> 01:30:34.476 Lies. All lies! 01:30:36.436 --> 01:30:37.896 I love you, Mom. 01:30:39.230 --> 01:30:41.357 I love you, too, son. 01:30:46.736 --> 01:30:48.280 Thank you. 01:30:48.321 --> 01:30:51.323 You know, what have we learned here today? 01:30:51.365 --> 01:30:55.077 Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. 01:30:55.119 --> 01:30:57.370 You can look around all you want... 01:30:57.412 --> 01:31:00.999 but what you're really trying to find is on the inside. 01:31:01.040 --> 01:31:03.876 Take care of yourself and each other. 01:31:10.047 --> 01:31:13.134 I think I'm gonna like it in the Nineties. 01:31:13.176 --> 01:31:15.845 I never knew it could be this way! 01:31:15.887 --> 01:31:17.721 Oh, baby, baby, baby. 01:31:22.433 --> 01:31:23.809 That's good. 01:31:28.646 --> 01:31:29.856 How could you? 01:31:29.898 --> 01:31:31.566 I thought that-- 01:31:31.608 --> 01:31:34.152 Past Austin? 01:31:34.194 --> 01:31:37.571 Technically, it's not cheating, baby. 01:31:37.613 --> 01:31:40.616 Felicity, I can't blame you. 01:31:40.657 --> 01:31:43.534 The man is handsome, baby! 01:31:43.576 --> 01:31:45.786 We're just plain handsome, man. 01:31:45.828 --> 01:31:49.206 Am I wrong, but this makes me horny, baby. 01:31:49.247 --> 01:31:50.624 Very randy! 01:31:51.791 --> 01:31:53.751 Well, one thing's for sure-- 01:31:53.792 --> 01:31:56.337 I've got my mojo back. 01:31:58.589 --> 01:32:00.215 It's definitely back. 01:32:00.256 --> 01:32:02.008 Hello. You all right? 01:32:02.050 --> 01:32:05.303 Me spuds are boiling. 01:32:08.222 --> 01:32:10.641 Come on, darling, let's hop on the good foot... 01:32:10.682 --> 01:32:12.184 and do the bad thing. 01:32:12.225 --> 01:32:14.185 Paging Dr. Freud. 01:34:36.346 --> 01:34:38.389 Hello up there. 01:34:38.431 --> 01:34:40.183 Is the movie over? 01:34:40.225 --> 01:34:41.726 I'm still down here... 01:34:41.768 --> 01:34:43.685 and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. 01:34:43.727 --> 01:34:46.355 Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. 01:34:46.396 --> 01:34:48.856 Oh, the pain is really quite severe. 01:34:48.856 --> 01:34:51.484 I've fashioned a make shift splint. 01:34:51.526 --> 01:34:52.944 Here goes nothing. 01:34:52.968 --> 01:35:12.968 Telegram Channel and Instagram Page .:: @bollbolljan_com ::.