WEBVTT
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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
.:: www.bolboljan.net ::.
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Have you ever confused
a dream with life?
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Or stolen something
when you have the cash?
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Have you ever been blue?
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Or thought your train moving
while sitting still?
00:02:04.928 --> 00:02:07.347
Maybe I was just crazy.
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Maybe it was the '60s.
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Or maybe I was just a girl...
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...interrupted.
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Put her in restraints.
Withdraw blood.
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Hold on.
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Give her five milligrams
of Valium, IV.
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Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate.
00:02:27.784 --> 00:02:28.702
There you go.
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Aspirin fragments
and vodka, I think.
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Don't tell me what you think.
Take it to the lab.
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You should check my hand.
There's no bones in it.
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A wrist banger.
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-Is that why you did this?
-And other things.
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Her parents are on the way.
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Sometimes it's hard...
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...for me to stay in one...
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...place.
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Susanna...
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...if you had no bones
in your hand...
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...how did you pick up the aspirin?
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What is my mother doing?
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Would you answer my question, please?
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How did you pick up the aspirin
if you had no bones in your hand?
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By then, they'd come back.
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I see.
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No, you don't.
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Well...
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...indulge me, then.
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Explain it to me.
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Explain what?
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Explain to a doctor that the laws
of physics can be suspended?
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That what goes up
may not come down?
00:04:03.255 --> 00:04:04.756
Explain...
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...that time...
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...can move backwards and forwards...
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...and now to then and back again...
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...and you can't control it?
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Why can't you control it?
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What?
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Why can't you control time?
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Where were you?
Everyone is here. Come on.
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-Mary, you remember Susanna.
-Yes, I do.
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You're wearing this?
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I didn't know it was so early.
I would've changed.
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Everybody, look who's here.
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-Happy birthday, Dad.
-Thanks, sweetie.
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I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her.
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Sweetie, would you hold this for me?
I just want to say hi to Susanna.
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Excuse me. Susanna!
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-Susanna!
-Professor Gilcrest's wife.
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Barbara Gilcrest.
You remember me?
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Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom.
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Your skin is so beautiful.
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Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. class?
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Yeah. How is she doing?
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She just got accepted to Radcliffe.
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What a conundrum.
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I'm a Wellesley girl, myself.
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But I think young women should
make up their own mind, don't you?
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Are you stoned?
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Do you smoke pot?
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Take LSD?
00:06:06.712 --> 00:06:08.171
No drugs?
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How do you feel right now?
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I...
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...don't know.
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I don't know what I'm feeling.
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You need a rest.
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Well, I'll go home, take a nap.
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No. You need to go somewhere
where you can get a genuine rest.
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And you're very lucky.
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The best place
for someone like you...
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...is less than
a half an hour from here.
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You don't mean Claymoore?
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Four days ago...
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...you chased a bottle of aspirin
with a bottle of vodka.
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I had a headache.
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Your father is a friend of mine.
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He's a colleague.
He asked me to see you...
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...even though I don't do this anymore.
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You're hurting everyone around you.
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Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place.
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A lot of people go there.
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Even writers.
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Like you.
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Great.
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Yes, I'd like a cab
at 1240 Milford, please.
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My mother's here.
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It'll be less emotional
if we do it this way.
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Your parents and I talked about it.
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Now make sure, no stops.
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Susanna, you there?
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I want to see you again.
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It was a one-time thing, okay?
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Just come to my office tonight.
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We're opening the presents!
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Tell them you're going to a friend's.
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Who should I tell first?
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My parents, the department chairman,
or your wife?
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No.
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What did you do?
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What did you do?
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Excuse me?
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Well, you look normal.
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I'm sad.
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Well, everyone's sad.
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I see things.
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You mean, like tripping?
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Kind of.
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Then they should put
John Lennon away, huh?
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I'm not John Lennon.
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Don't get too comfortable.
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Shouldn't my parents...?
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You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen.
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You're over 18.
This is your decision.
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I didn't try to kill myself.
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That's the kind of thing you talk
about in therapy, honey. Not here.
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Miss Kaysen?
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You have the distinction
of being the only senior...
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...not going on to college.
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May I ask what you plan to do?
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I plan to write.
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Well, what do you plan to do?
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Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or
drop acid or go march on Washington...
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...I just don't want to end up
like my mother.
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Women today have
more choices than that.
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No, they don't.
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And here.
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You forgot one, dear. Here.
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Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself,
welcome to Claymoore, Susanna.
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This is the women's ward,
also known as South Bell.
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This is where you'll be staying,
and this is where I work.
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All right, this is the second floor.
00:13:30.197 --> 00:13:34.076
I need you to stay close to me
because it's easy to get lost here.
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This is our ward.
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All right, let's start with this room.
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This is the art room.
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Polly.
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What are you doing here?
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I feel very musical today.
00:14:00.477 --> 00:14:03.271
-Can I just, for just a second?
-Not today, honey.
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That's Polly. Come on.
00:14:21.581 --> 00:14:25.168
Margie, Polly was in
the art room by herself.
00:14:25.377 --> 00:14:27.045
I'm sorry, Val.
00:14:30.674 --> 00:14:32.259
The living room.
00:14:33.051 --> 00:14:34.970
Everyone hates it.
00:14:45.063 --> 00:14:47.232
And these are the phones.
00:14:47.482 --> 00:14:50.610
To make a call, pick up
the handle, tell the nurse...
00:14:50.819 --> 00:14:52.529
...she'll connect you.
00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:56.366
This is the nurses' station,
which is self-explanatory...
00:14:56.616 --> 00:14:59.786
...and this is the TV room,
where everyone hangs out.
00:14:59.995 --> 00:15:02.039
I want my fucking clothes!
00:15:02.289 --> 00:15:06.043
Then you'll have to
eat something, won't you?
00:15:07.586 --> 00:15:08.754
The check-in board.
00:15:09.004 --> 00:15:11.715
You check in here to take
a walk on the grounds.
00:15:11.923 --> 00:15:13.634
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay
00:15:13.884 --> 00:15:16.887
Gotta jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of cotton
00:15:17.095 --> 00:15:19.389
Jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of hay
00:15:20.599 --> 00:15:22.309
She thinks that bothers me.
00:15:22.559 --> 00:15:25.312
You're an ' R, ' which means
' restricted to the ward.'
00:15:25.562 --> 00:15:28.106
But soon you'll
move up to two-to-ones...
00:15:28.315 --> 00:15:30.567
...which is two nurses
to every patient.
00:15:30.817 --> 00:15:33.987
I won't be here that long.
I'm just here for a rest.
00:15:34.237 --> 00:15:38.158
It's all right. Everybody gets
the same tour free of charge.
00:15:44.122 --> 00:15:47.292
Georgina, this is Susanna,
your new roommate.
00:15:47.542 --> 00:15:49.419
Oh, great. Hi.
00:15:50.003 --> 00:15:52.673
You're lucky.
Georgina's an excellent roommate.
00:15:53.423 --> 00:15:54.591
Why, thank you, Valerie.
00:15:55.008 --> 00:15:56.510
You're welcome.
00:15:57.427 --> 00:16:00.097
The cops are bringing Lisa.
She was at the park.
00:16:03.058 --> 00:16:06.561
Will you excuse me?
I have business I have to attend to.
00:16:07.020 --> 00:16:10.774
Georgina, will you take Susanna
to the dining room in a half-hour?
00:16:12.234 --> 00:16:13.986
Yes means yes, Georgina.
00:16:14.444 --> 00:16:16.113
I know.
00:16:32.671 --> 00:16:33.797
Groovy box.
00:16:35.173 --> 00:16:36.550
That.
00:16:37.342 --> 00:16:39.261
Yeah, they're French.
00:16:39.511 --> 00:16:42.389
The French Resistance
smoked them, I think.
00:16:49.563 --> 00:16:51.523
-Read this?
00:16:53.108 --> 00:16:56.153
No. I saw the movie
a bunch of times, though.
00:16:56.820 --> 00:16:58.905
The movie's based on the first book.
00:16:59.114 --> 00:17:03.076
I read that one too, but there were
no ruby slippers in it originally.
00:17:03.285 --> 00:17:06.496
They added that.
This takes place afterwards.
00:17:06.747 --> 00:17:09.708
Dorothy doesn't really have
such a big part in this one.
00:17:13.712 --> 00:17:15.547
Fucking pig.
00:17:18.342 --> 00:17:19.718
Get off me!
00:17:32.314 --> 00:17:33.190
Thanks, Gretta.
00:17:34.441 --> 00:17:36.652
Hey, Dais, let anyone
in your room yet?
00:17:40.489 --> 00:17:43.283
Hey, girls! Hey, sexy.
00:17:47.037 --> 00:17:48.914
It's good to be home.
00:17:52.209 --> 00:17:54.294
-Hey, Torch.
-Hey, Lisa.
00:17:54.503 --> 00:17:56.713
-You miss me?
-Not much.
00:17:58.590 --> 00:18:01.426
Get her to her room.
Gretta will do the strip search.
00:18:02.302 --> 00:18:03.845
Who's that with Georgie-girl?
00:18:04.096 --> 00:18:06.264
-Where's Jamie?
-I can't deal with this.
00:18:06.515 --> 00:18:08.517
Don't give me a hard time.
00:18:09.434 --> 00:18:10.936
Where is she? Where's Jamie?
00:18:15.691 --> 00:18:17.150
Who are you?
00:18:17.401 --> 00:18:21.029
Her name is Susanna, Lisa.
She smokes French cigarettes.
00:18:21.405 --> 00:18:24.658
-Why is all your shit on her bed?
-Open the damn door!
00:18:24.908 --> 00:18:26.368
Why? Where's Jamie?
00:18:26.618 --> 00:18:29.579
I don't know what
you're talking about!
00:18:31.415 --> 00:18:33.333
What the hell are you doing, Lisa?
00:18:35.043 --> 00:18:36.086
Back off her.
00:18:36.712 --> 00:18:39.006
Back off!
You've been gone for two weeks.
00:18:39.339 --> 00:18:42.134
A lot of shit has gone down.
Back off!
00:18:42.384 --> 00:18:43.552
How'd she do it?
00:18:44.177 --> 00:18:45.429
How'd she do it?
00:18:46.305 --> 00:18:47.889
How did she do it, Valerie?
00:18:48.140 --> 00:18:49.975
Get the fuck off me!
00:18:50.225 --> 00:18:53.770
You weak people. You're all weak
fucking people! You're victims!
00:18:54.021 --> 00:18:55.522
You people are fucking sick!
00:18:55.772 --> 00:18:58.525
What? No, no.
Val, please. Please!
00:19:02.821 --> 00:19:04.614
Get her legs.
00:19:05.991 --> 00:19:06.825
Get her feet!
00:19:07.075 --> 00:19:08.201
-I got her.
-Get off!
00:19:11.163 --> 00:19:12.539
Help!
00:19:18.462 --> 00:19:20.464
We have got to cut those nails again.
00:19:26.470 --> 00:19:30.474
My God! What the hell was that?
00:19:30.974 --> 00:19:32.643
That was Lisa.
00:19:34.019 --> 00:19:36.146
And Jamie was your roommate?
00:19:36.396 --> 00:19:38.273
Jamie was Lisa's best friend.
00:19:39.024 --> 00:19:41.234
She was sad because Lisa ran away...
00:19:41.485 --> 00:19:43.654
...so she hung herself with
a volleyball net.
00:19:53.872 --> 00:19:55.499
Meds!
00:19:57.960 --> 00:19:59.836
Cynthia Crowley.
00:20:01.296 --> 00:20:03.423
Susanna Kaysen.
00:20:05.384 --> 00:20:07.302
Susanna Kaysen.
00:20:09.429 --> 00:20:12.057
I am Mrs. McWilley,
and these are for you.
00:20:12.265 --> 00:20:14.643
-What are they?
-They'll help you sleep.
00:20:15.394 --> 00:20:17.896
-It's 10:30. I'm not gonna...
-For chrissake.
00:20:18.105 --> 00:20:20.983
You can discuss it in the morning
with your doctor.
00:20:21.233 --> 00:20:23.568
In the meantime,
we'll agree to disagree.
00:20:27.280 --> 00:20:29.449
Take them here. Have some water.
00:20:32.744 --> 00:20:34.705
Polly Clark.
00:20:35.122 --> 00:20:36.999
You can go now.
00:20:42.045 --> 00:20:43.380
Teresa McCullian.
00:20:49.303 --> 00:20:51.388
Daisy Randone.
00:20:54.891 --> 00:20:57.227
Angela Coury.
00:21:00.439 --> 00:21:02.649
Jacqueline Lights.
00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:07.237
Donna Smith.
00:21:46.818 --> 00:21:48.612
Ryan Reed...
00:21:49.237 --> 00:21:52.449
...yearbook editor and member
of the honour society.
00:21:52.699 --> 00:21:54.868
Heading off to Tulane University.
00:21:55.077 --> 00:21:56.662
Congratulations, son.
00:21:57.371 --> 00:22:02.501
Andrea Jacobs, president of
the French club and honour society...
00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:05.420
...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence.
00:22:08.215 --> 00:22:09.967
Susanna Kaysen.
00:22:11.343 --> 00:22:14.137
-What is she doing?
-Some kind of a stunt.
00:22:24.481 --> 00:22:26.483
Wake up, freak.
00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:29.695
Checks.
00:22:49.506 --> 00:22:51.717
Why do they do that?
00:22:53.051 --> 00:22:55.262
They're just doing checks.
00:22:55.512 --> 00:22:58.598
They'll space them out
after you've been here awhile.
00:23:03.353 --> 00:23:06.523
That girl, Polly.
00:23:07.774 --> 00:23:09.651
How did she get all...?
00:23:11.194 --> 00:23:13.030
When she was 10...
00:23:13.363 --> 00:23:16.575
...her mother told her
she had to give away her puppy...
00:23:16.783 --> 00:23:19.619
...because he was giving her a rash.
00:23:20.120 --> 00:23:23.081
And so Polly went...
00:23:23.915 --> 00:23:26.543
...and found her father's gas can...
00:23:27.085 --> 00:23:30.797
...and she poured it all over
where she was getting the rash.
00:23:31.840 --> 00:23:33.425
And then...
00:23:35.510 --> 00:23:37.512
...she lit a match.
00:23:39.264 --> 00:23:41.016
Oh, my God.
00:23:46.855 --> 00:23:49.024
Well, what about you?
Why are you here?
00:23:50.192 --> 00:23:52.736
Pseudologia fantastica.
00:23:54.446 --> 00:23:55.947
What's that?
00:23:58.283 --> 00:24:00.952
I'm a pathological liar.
00:24:55.757 --> 00:24:57.884
-What are your plans this fall?
-What?
00:24:58.093 --> 00:25:00.178
What are your plans this fall?
00:25:00.387 --> 00:25:01.930
I don't have any.
00:25:02.139 --> 00:25:04.641
I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist.
00:25:04.975 --> 00:25:07.728
Full scholarship to M.I.T.
00:25:07.978 --> 00:25:09.855
I'm going to join the Krishnas.
00:25:10.063 --> 00:25:13.734
Hare Krishna?
That's interesting, actually.
00:25:14.192 --> 00:25:16.028
I was kidding.
00:25:31.918 --> 00:25:33.754
You're Susanna, right?
00:25:35.714 --> 00:25:38.258
I'm Toby.
Andrea Jacobs' brother.
00:25:40.010 --> 00:25:42.095
I was at graduation.
00:25:47.768 --> 00:25:49.561
You're pretty when you sleep.
00:25:51.063 --> 00:25:54.399
Checks. It's 7:00.
00:26:08.789 --> 00:26:12.376
I mean, everybody thinks
about it at some point.
00:26:14.294 --> 00:26:16.088
How would you do it?
00:26:18.340 --> 00:26:19.883
I don't know.
00:26:20.634 --> 00:26:23.804
I guess I haven't really
thought about it.
00:26:28.684 --> 00:26:31.144
See, once it's
in your head, though...
00:26:33.188 --> 00:26:34.690
...you become this...
00:26:35.649 --> 00:26:37.234
...strange, new breed.
00:26:38.235 --> 00:26:42.948
A life form that loves
to fantasize about its own demise.
00:26:43.198 --> 00:26:46.451
Make a stupid remark, kill yourself.
00:26:46.743 --> 00:26:51.164
You like the movie, you live.
You miss the train, kill yourself.
00:26:52.833 --> 00:26:53.667
What?
00:26:54.918 --> 00:26:57.337
Let's not talk about
this anymore, okay?
00:26:57.546 --> 00:26:59.047
Why?
00:27:03.302 --> 00:27:04.970
Because it's...
00:27:06.138 --> 00:27:07.806
...stupid.
00:27:15.814 --> 00:27:16.732
What?
00:27:21.445 --> 00:27:22.279
What are you doing?
00:27:23.530 --> 00:27:27.743
What? Because I don't want to kill
myself? That's not cool to you?
00:27:28.869 --> 00:27:30.912
I don't wanna die.
I was just talking.
00:27:31.163 --> 00:27:34.166
Look, Susanna, the world
is fucked up, okay?
00:27:34.416 --> 00:27:36.543
It's so fucked up that if some...
00:27:36.793 --> 00:27:39.921
...draft zombie pulls my
birthday out of a barrel...
00:27:40.172 --> 00:27:41.673
...I'm gonna die.
00:27:43.050 --> 00:27:44.217
When's your birthday?
00:27:46.386 --> 00:27:48.138
December 30th.
00:27:51.183 --> 00:27:52.726
I'll pray for you.
00:27:55.437 --> 00:27:56.271
Checks.
00:28:24.424 --> 00:28:26.218
You asked for this?
00:28:37.104 --> 00:28:38.271
Are you gonna watch?
00:28:39.648 --> 00:28:43.944
Afraid so. That's why there's
so many fuzzy-legged women here.
00:28:48.907 --> 00:28:50.993
Has anybody ever watched you shave?
00:28:51.952 --> 00:28:54.871
I got two kids and one bathroom.
What do you think?
00:28:56.331 --> 00:28:58.750
I think you should lock the door.
00:29:00.585 --> 00:29:04.381
-September 14th.
00:29:07.509 --> 00:29:10.012
-Zero-zero-two.
-Bingo.
00:29:12.055 --> 00:29:14.433
-Bingo. Bingo.
-December 30th.
00:29:15.684 --> 00:29:17.311
Oh, my God.
00:29:18.312 --> 00:29:20.022
-Bingo.
-Zero-zero-three.
00:29:22.274 --> 00:29:24.651
A guy I know was just drafted.
00:29:25.736 --> 00:29:26.862
What's his name?
00:29:29.614 --> 00:29:30.449
Toby.
00:29:32.492 --> 00:29:34.202
He's dead now.
00:29:41.168 --> 00:29:42.169
Get out, Lisa!
00:29:42.419 --> 00:29:44.755
I'm not in your room.
I'm right here.
00:29:45.005 --> 00:29:47.966
-I was gonna offer you nail polish.
-Get out!
00:29:49.801 --> 00:29:53.221
-You're looking better, Lisa.
-Why, thanks, Margie.
00:29:53.472 --> 00:29:55.515
-How's the engagement?
-You know.
00:29:55.724 --> 00:29:57.142
No, I don't.
I've been away.
00:29:57.976 --> 00:30:00.896
Joe wants me to...
Before the wedding.
00:30:01.980 --> 00:30:04.650
Fuck his brains out.
Use a rubber.
00:30:05.734 --> 00:30:07.361
Gosh, hell, no.
00:30:27.339 --> 00:30:28.924
Can I bum one?
00:30:30.384 --> 00:30:31.385
Go ahead.
00:30:54.366 --> 00:30:57.285
So have you had your
first Melvin yet?
00:30:57.619 --> 00:30:58.745
Who's that?
00:30:59.246 --> 00:31:01.999
Bald guy with a little pecker
and a fat wife.
00:31:02.666 --> 00:31:04.209
Your therapist, sweet pea.
00:31:06.169 --> 00:31:07.170
Unless...
00:31:07.421 --> 00:31:09.631
...unless they're giving you shocks.
00:31:09.881 --> 00:31:12.009
Or, God forbid, letting you out.
00:31:12.259 --> 00:31:14.845
Then you'll see the great,
wonderful Dr. Dyke.
00:31:15.095 --> 00:31:16.596
She means Dr. Wick.
00:31:19.099 --> 00:31:21.351
I've seen his office
but haven't met him.
00:31:21.643 --> 00:31:23.770
He's a she.
Dr. Wick's a girl.
00:31:24.271 --> 00:31:26.815
That's right, M-G.
Wick's a chick.
00:31:27.441 --> 00:31:29.067
Hence the nickname.
00:31:30.694 --> 00:31:33.572
Hey, Lil.
When the fuck is my checkup?
00:31:34.156 --> 00:31:37.284
It's now, Lisa.
You said you'd be in your room.
00:31:37.492 --> 00:31:40.120
Can't sit too long
without popping the hood.
00:31:56.178 --> 00:31:57.346
Asshole!
00:31:57.596 --> 00:32:01.058
You have Melvin in half an hour.
I'll take you there.
00:32:02.309 --> 00:32:03.393
I'm sorry.
00:32:03.644 --> 00:32:07.022
-Why are you using the past tense?
00:32:07.689 --> 00:32:09.358
What do you mean?
00:32:09.608 --> 00:32:11.401
Well, he was...
00:32:11.693 --> 00:32:15.947
...only drafted today,
so chances are, he's not dead yet.
00:32:16.698 --> 00:32:19.951
He probably has several months...
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:22.245
...before he even reports.
00:32:23.914 --> 00:32:28.502
He was just a nice guy, that's all.
And it made me feel bad.
00:32:28.752 --> 00:32:30.796
You've been feeling bad in general.
00:32:31.505 --> 00:32:34.257
Right?
You've been feeling depressed.
00:32:36.176 --> 00:32:39.471
I haven't exactly been
a ball of joy, Melvin.
00:32:39.972 --> 00:32:42.683
I understand you tried
to kill yourself last week.
00:32:43.517 --> 00:32:46.144
Anything you want to
tell me about that?
00:32:46.603 --> 00:32:48.313
I had a headache.
00:32:49.731 --> 00:32:54.069
So I assume you took the recommended
aspirin dosage for a headache.
00:32:55.028 --> 00:32:56.655
I didn't try to kill myself.
00:32:56.863 --> 00:32:58.532
What were you trying to do?
00:32:58.782 --> 00:33:01.076
I was trying to make the shit stop.
00:33:02.285 --> 00:33:04.663
The time-jumps, the depression...
00:33:05.956 --> 00:33:08.083
...the headaches, the thing
with your hand?
00:33:09.459 --> 00:33:11.044
All of the above.
00:33:13.130 --> 00:33:14.339
I see.
00:33:16.717 --> 00:33:18.885
Paul is dead!
00:33:27.728 --> 00:33:30.647
What is it?
Are you puzzled about something?
00:33:31.982 --> 00:33:34.401
Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin.
00:33:34.609 --> 00:33:38.030
I'm puzzled as to why
I have to be in a mental institution.
00:33:38.572 --> 00:33:40.240
You put yourself here.
00:33:40.490 --> 00:33:42.242
My parents put me here.
00:33:45.078 --> 00:33:46.204
No, they didn't.
00:33:46.872 --> 00:33:48.999
Everyone here's fucking crazy!
00:33:49.750 --> 00:33:51.168
You wanna go home.
00:33:54.504 --> 00:33:56.298
Same problem.
00:33:57.174 --> 00:34:00.052
M-G, look at me.
00:34:00.302 --> 00:34:01.803
Play with me.
00:34:02.596 --> 00:34:06.099
Don't be sad. Don't be sad.
00:34:15.359 --> 00:34:16.401
Thank you.
00:34:51.019 --> 00:34:53.480
-What are these?
-Colace. It's just a laxative.
00:34:53.689 --> 00:34:55.732
I don't need them.
00:34:56.191 --> 00:34:57.651
Are we going to have a problem?
00:34:59.945 --> 00:35:02.030
Are we going to have a problem?
00:35:02.322 --> 00:35:04.282
Are we going to have a problem?
00:35:05.117 --> 00:35:06.368
May I see?
00:35:06.576 --> 00:35:07.744
Thank you.
00:35:07.995 --> 00:35:09.705
Surrender.
00:35:10.414 --> 00:35:12.165
Are we going to have a problem?
00:35:14.459 --> 00:35:16.044
No problem.
00:35:16.295 --> 00:35:18.630
Phone call, booth one.
00:35:21.842 --> 00:35:24.303
-Hello?
-Hold on.
00:35:26.388 --> 00:35:28.390
-Susanna?
-Hi, Mom.
00:35:28.598 --> 00:35:30.142
Hi, honey.
Your father's on too.
00:35:30.350 --> 00:35:33.228
He's just back from reserves.
He got stuck at Dulles.
00:35:33.729 --> 00:35:35.022
How are you, honey?
00:35:35.439 --> 00:35:38.108
-I'm fine, Dad.
-You know, sweetheart...
00:35:41.028 --> 00:35:44.364
If you can't give me Ex-Lax,
can I please have some Colace?
00:35:44.614 --> 00:35:46.992
No. No more laxatives.
00:35:48.702 --> 00:35:50.787
I can get her some prune juice.
00:35:51.622 --> 00:35:53.081
Prune juice!
00:35:53.707 --> 00:35:55.500
This is outrageous!
00:35:55.751 --> 00:35:59.546
She was wondering if you'd
made new friends, and I said.:
00:36:00.047 --> 00:36:02.841
"No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka. "
00:36:06.428 --> 00:36:08.555
-Daisy?
-Fuck off.
00:36:09.931 --> 00:36:12.059
I have something you want.
00:36:18.899 --> 00:36:20.192
Come in.
00:36:51.348 --> 00:36:52.683
You're all packed up.
00:36:53.392 --> 00:36:55.435
Yeah, I'm leaving in a month.
00:36:55.686 --> 00:36:57.437
My dad got me an apartment.
00:36:57.688 --> 00:37:01.441
-Really? Where?
-It's near the airport.
00:37:01.775 --> 00:37:05.904
One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken.
He fix ed it up real nice for me.
00:37:06.154 --> 00:37:07.489
You mean eat-in kitchen.
00:37:08.198 --> 00:37:10.492
That's what I said, asshole.
00:37:10.867 --> 00:37:12.953
So what do you have that I want?
00:37:18.041 --> 00:37:19.251
Put it on the bed.
00:37:19.751 --> 00:37:20.961
Put yours on the bed.
00:37:21.378 --> 00:37:23.088
Oh, Jesus. Get out!
00:37:23.338 --> 00:37:24.673
Get out!
00:37:24.923 --> 00:37:27.301
Don't take advantage
just because she's new.
00:37:27.551 --> 00:37:28.427
Pony up some Valium.
00:37:28.677 --> 00:37:31.722
Get the fuck out,
or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie!
00:37:31.972 --> 00:37:33.849
Why don't you call Valerie?
00:37:34.057 --> 00:37:38.270
Call Valerie and ask her for some
Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand.
00:37:38.478 --> 00:37:40.230
Why does it stink in here?
00:37:41.189 --> 00:37:42.482
I don't take Valium.
00:37:42.733 --> 00:37:44.318
I know. That's the point.
00:37:44.568 --> 00:37:47.154
They give them to you,
and you don't take them.
00:37:47.362 --> 00:37:49.072
Are you gonna eat that?
00:37:49.323 --> 00:37:50.699
Checks.
00:37:51.033 --> 00:37:52.701
You've got visitors, Daisy.
00:37:52.951 --> 00:37:54.786
I want some fucking Colace.
00:37:55.037 --> 00:37:57.372
Talk to Melvin tomorrow.
00:38:08.425 --> 00:38:12.387
You know what I think?
I think you want to poop, Daisy.
00:38:12.596 --> 00:38:14.473
I think it's been days.
00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:17.225
Look, it's okay. I don't care.
00:38:17.434 --> 00:38:19.478
I do! I do care.
00:38:23.231 --> 00:38:27.402
So Daddy buys you a private,
and no one gets in, huh?
00:38:28.612 --> 00:38:32.282
You never leave except when Valerie
makes you go to the cafeteria...
00:38:32.532 --> 00:38:35.619
...where you never eat.
You're a laxative junkie.
00:38:36.662 --> 00:38:41.792
I always thought you were like Janet,
but here you are with this chicken.
00:38:43.043 --> 00:38:45.128
So what's with that, huh?
00:38:45.504 --> 00:38:49.174
My dad owns a deli, asshole,
with a rotisserie.
00:38:49.383 --> 00:38:53.261
I like my dad's chicken. When
I eat something else, I puke.
00:38:53.929 --> 00:38:58.183
But why do you eat it here? Why don't
you like to go to the cafeteria?
00:38:58.558 --> 00:39:00.394
Which do you like better?
00:39:00.644 --> 00:39:02.854
Taking a dump alone
or with Valerie watching?
00:39:03.897 --> 00:39:04.940
Alone.
00:39:05.607 --> 00:39:08.527
Everyone likes to be alone
when it comes out.
00:39:08.777 --> 00:39:10.612
I like to be alone when it goes in.
00:39:10.862 --> 00:39:13.865
To me, the cafeteria's
like being with...
00:39:14.116 --> 00:39:16.201
...20 girls all at once taking a dump.
00:39:17.452 --> 00:39:19.329
That is fucked up, Daisy!
00:39:21.832 --> 00:39:22.833
Come on.
00:39:26.586 --> 00:39:30.382
All right, assholes.
Fine, here.
00:39:36.722 --> 00:39:37.931
Here.
00:39:47.816 --> 00:39:49.067
Lisa, don't!
00:39:49.318 --> 00:39:50.485
No, please...
00:39:50.694 --> 00:39:52.571
Dios-fucking-mio!
00:39:57.326 --> 00:39:59.244
That's how Daddy
knows she's eating.
00:39:59.453 --> 00:40:03.749
When I get five, Valerie
makes me throw them away.
00:40:17.179 --> 00:40:19.056
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
00:40:19.431 --> 00:40:21.058
Written anything about me yet?
00:40:21.266 --> 00:40:22.976
Don't do that.
00:40:34.988 --> 00:40:36.782
Is Daisy really getting out?
00:40:41.370 --> 00:40:42.996
She coughed up a big one.
00:40:43.705 --> 00:40:47.334
How can...?
I mean, she's insane.
00:40:47.793 --> 00:40:50.295
That's what 'ther-rape-me'
is all about.
00:40:50.504 --> 00:40:54.508
That's why fucking Freud's
picture's on every shrink's wall.
00:40:54.716 --> 00:40:59.721
He created an industry. You lie down,
confess your secrets, and you're saved.
00:41:00.931 --> 00:41:04.601
The more you confess, the more they
think about setting you free.
00:41:04.810 --> 00:41:07.312
But what if you don't have a secret?
00:41:09.189 --> 00:41:11.525
Then you're a lifer, like me.
00:41:12.442 --> 00:41:14.945
I was changing her diaper...
00:41:15.404 --> 00:41:17.739
...and I turned to get the powder...
00:41:18.448 --> 00:41:21.535
...and while my back was turned,
she rolled off the bed.
00:41:23.495 --> 00:41:26.331
She rolled off the bed
and broke her leg.
00:41:28.292 --> 00:41:31.670
The doctor put her in a body cast,
but also strapped her down.
00:41:31.920 --> 00:41:34.256
-This has nothing...
-You never told me this.
00:41:34.464 --> 00:41:36.591
Carl planned this trip
to Santa Monica.
00:41:36.842 --> 00:41:41.221
He had a commitment at RAND.
So we took her with us.
00:41:42.014 --> 00:41:45.017
On the back seat, strapped to this
board, 4000 miles.
00:41:45.267 --> 00:41:48.729
If you like, Mrs. Kaysen,
we can discuss this...
00:41:48.937 --> 00:41:51.648
...further on the way out.
00:41:51.898 --> 00:41:54.693
Just how long is my daughter
going to be here?
00:41:54.901 --> 00:41:56.737
With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen...
00:41:56.987 --> 00:42:01.199
...psychiatry and economics
are different.
00:42:01.408 --> 00:42:04.578
The length of Susanna's stay
isn't fix ed.
00:42:04.786 --> 00:42:07.706
It depends on her response
to treatment.
00:42:07.914 --> 00:42:10.876
For what? Depression?
00:42:11.126 --> 00:42:15.797
It's almost Christmas. What do we say
to the people who care about her?
00:42:16.548 --> 00:42:18.550
See, what's going on here is...
00:42:18.759 --> 00:42:23.555
...my parents are having a little
holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis.
00:42:23.764 --> 00:42:24.848
What?
00:42:26.808 --> 00:42:29.645
What's the ' borderline' business
you mentioned?
00:42:32.939 --> 00:42:35.317
I don't think that's useful to Susanna.
00:42:35.567 --> 00:42:37.778
-I mean, not...
-What ' borderline business'?
00:42:38.028 --> 00:42:39.905
-The mind...
-Borderline what?
00:42:40.155 --> 00:42:42.366
Borderline between what and what?
00:42:43.575 --> 00:42:45.577
It's a condition, Susanna.
00:42:45.786 --> 00:42:48.330
And it's called
Borderline Personality Disorder.
00:42:48.580 --> 00:42:50.707
Oh, God.
00:42:51.291 --> 00:42:53.001
It's not uncommon.
00:42:53.585 --> 00:42:55.629
Especially among young women.
00:42:56.213 --> 00:42:58.298
What causes it?
00:42:58.548 --> 00:43:00.258
We're really not sure.
00:43:00.467 --> 00:43:03.595
-Is it genetic?
-Oh, Christ!
00:43:04.680 --> 00:43:07.099
It is five times more common...
00:43:07.432 --> 00:43:10.268
...among those with a borderline...
00:43:10.894 --> 00:43:11.937
...parent.
00:43:14.231 --> 00:43:18.986
I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't do this.
00:43:33.375 --> 00:43:37.504
' Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acid stains you; drugs cause cramp.
00:43:37.754 --> 00:43:40.007
Guns aren't lawful;
nooses give...
00:43:40.215 --> 00:43:43.343
...gas smells awful;
you might as well live.'
00:43:43.635 --> 00:43:44.803
Gin.
00:43:56.773 --> 00:43:59.443
-Asshole.
-Fatso.
00:44:06.700 --> 00:44:07.743
Call me a cab.
00:44:08.452 --> 00:44:09.703
Okay, you're a cab.
00:44:15.417 --> 00:44:17.711
Lisa said you got into Daisy's room.
00:44:19.087 --> 00:44:21.089
And it was full of chickens.
00:44:21.298 --> 00:44:23.592
Susanna, you have a phone call.
00:44:27.804 --> 00:44:30.307
So what's your "diag-nonsense"?
00:44:30.515 --> 00:44:33.810
-Who is this?
-What'd he say to Mom and Pop?
00:44:42.653 --> 00:44:44.696
I have a borderline personality.
00:44:45.697 --> 00:44:47.616
Well, that's nothing.
What else?
00:44:47.866 --> 00:44:50.827
He didn't say. He thought
it would affect my recovery.
00:44:52.204 --> 00:44:53.622
Tongue your meds tonight.
00:44:53.872 --> 00:44:56.750
After 1:00 checks,
Gretta always goes for a smoke.
00:44:56.959 --> 00:45:00.545
Check the mirrors. If they're
clear, go to Hector's closet.
00:45:00.754 --> 00:45:03.966
It's near the art room,
and it will be open.
00:45:20.190 --> 00:45:21.566
Torch!
00:45:22.901 --> 00:45:24.236
Come on.
00:45:43.505 --> 00:45:46.133
This is how Lisa gets out
when she escapes!
00:45:50.012 --> 00:45:54.016
We're under administration, so....
No good here.
00:45:54.474 --> 00:45:56.643
Good thing this place has
a sliding scale.
00:45:56.893 --> 00:45:59.688
We get to mingle with
the lock-picking trash.
00:46:25.130 --> 00:46:26.798
Good job!
00:46:29.009 --> 00:46:30.636
Susanna, you're up!
00:46:30.886 --> 00:46:33.639
No, no, no. I've only done
this once in my life.
00:46:34.097 --> 00:46:35.098
-Come on.
-Please.
00:46:35.349 --> 00:46:38.685
-We came all the way here.
-Come on!
00:46:55.994 --> 00:46:57.287
All right!
00:47:30.404 --> 00:47:34.616
They put the tunnels in so the loons
didn't have to go out in the cold.
00:47:34.825 --> 00:47:36.952
I must've missed that in the brochure.
00:47:41.123 --> 00:47:42.958
Hey, open the door.
00:47:56.722 --> 00:47:58.390
What the fuck are you doing?
00:48:11.361 --> 00:48:14.031
Dr. Wick's office.
00:48:28.003 --> 00:48:30.464
All right. Georgina Tuskin.
00:48:42.684 --> 00:48:44.686
Susanna Kaysen.
00:48:47.397 --> 00:48:49.066
Polly Clark.
00:48:52.069 --> 00:48:54.279
Cynthia Crowley.
00:48:54.529 --> 00:48:56.406
-Congratulations.
-Thank you.
00:48:57.824 --> 00:48:59.493
Janet Webber.
00:49:02.454 --> 00:49:04.081
Lisa Rowe.
00:49:38.240 --> 00:49:39.825
Fuck you, Melvin.
00:49:45.038 --> 00:49:46.331
Wanna see mine?
00:49:47.457 --> 00:49:49.126
Let me see yours.
00:49:58.510 --> 00:50:01.138
' Lisa Rowe.
00:50:01.388 --> 00:50:03.974
Highs and lows increasingly severe.
00:50:04.766 --> 00:50:07.311
Controlling relationships with patients.
00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:10.605
No appreciable response to meds.
00:50:10.814 --> 00:50:15.152
No remission observed.'
That was before you ran away.
00:50:15.777 --> 00:50:17.571
We're very rare, and mostly men.
00:50:17.779 --> 00:50:20.699
Lisa thinks she's hot shit
because she's a sociopath.
00:50:20.907 --> 00:50:22.868
-I'm a sociopath.
-No, you're a dyke.
00:50:23.201 --> 00:50:26.288
' Borderline Personality Disorder.
00:50:26.496 --> 00:50:30.208
An instability of self-image,
relationships and mood.
00:50:30.417 --> 00:50:32.127
Uncertainty about goals.
00:50:32.377 --> 00:50:35.631
Impulsive in activities
that are self-damaging...
00:50:35.839 --> 00:50:38.342
...such as casual sex.'
00:50:38.800 --> 00:50:39.968
I like that.
00:50:40.177 --> 00:50:42.638
'Social contrariness and a generally...
00:50:42.888 --> 00:50:45.724
...pessimistic attitude
are often observed.'
00:50:47.351 --> 00:50:48.560
Well, that's me.
00:50:49.436 --> 00:50:50.604
That's everybody.
00:50:50.854 --> 00:50:53.398
I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?
00:50:53.857 --> 00:50:56.193
They mean promiscuous.
00:50:56.693 --> 00:50:58.487
I'm not promiscuous.
00:51:03.158 --> 00:51:05.035
I'm not.
00:51:22.427 --> 00:51:23.762
Jesus.
00:51:24.429 --> 00:51:25.973
Look at Janet.
00:51:26.515 --> 00:51:27.933
No. It's all right.
00:51:29.977 --> 00:51:34.106
You know, taking us
for ice creams in a blizzard...
00:51:34.398 --> 00:51:36.984
...makes you wonder who
the real whack jobs are.
00:51:37.192 --> 00:51:38.944
You know, I think it's
kind of nice.
00:51:39.152 --> 00:51:43.532
I mean, I think it's nice to do
something nice on Daisy's last day.
00:52:12.227 --> 00:52:13.478
Oh, fuck!
00:52:13.729 --> 00:52:15.105
I'll have peppermint stick.
00:52:15.355 --> 00:52:17.065
Me too.
Can I have peppermint stick?
00:52:17.316 --> 00:52:18.692
Sure.
00:52:18.942 --> 00:52:21.153
It's just called peppermint.
00:52:21.403 --> 00:52:22.821
Peppermint dick!
00:52:24.323 --> 00:52:25.949
Peppermint clit!
00:52:29.453 --> 00:52:31.913
Okay. We're just gonna
have four cones.
00:52:32.164 --> 00:52:33.498
Four cones.
00:52:34.708 --> 00:52:36.668
Susanna, do you want anything?
00:52:36.877 --> 00:52:37.961
I'm fine.
00:52:43.634 --> 00:52:45.135
Ronny.
00:52:45.427 --> 00:52:46.511
Got any hot fudge?
00:52:47.179 --> 00:52:48.472
Yes.
00:52:48.972 --> 00:52:52.434
Can I have a vanilla sundae
with hot fudge...
00:52:52.726 --> 00:52:56.146
...and sprinkles.
Rainbow, not chocolate.
00:52:57.648 --> 00:52:59.232
And...
00:53:03.111 --> 00:53:05.864
...whipped cream, cherries...
00:53:06.823 --> 00:53:08.533
...and....
00:53:09.576 --> 00:53:10.410
Nuts?
00:53:19.628 --> 00:53:21.588
Let's have a seat, ladies.
00:53:23.382 --> 00:53:28.387
Melvin thought that I should
live in a halfway house.
00:53:29.346 --> 00:53:32.683
But my father knew
that I deserved my own apartment.
00:53:33.183 --> 00:53:35.227
So he got me the prettiest apartment.
00:53:35.435 --> 00:53:37.688
It has an eat-in chicken...
00:53:37.896 --> 00:53:42.234
...and all this beautiful
wicker furniture, which is fantastic.
00:53:42.442 --> 00:53:43.735
Wicker butterflies.
00:53:45.070 --> 00:53:46.863
My very favourite part...
00:53:47.072 --> 00:53:49.032
...is like in the phone book.
00:53:49.241 --> 00:53:51.868
There's a sign
right outside that says:
00:53:52.077 --> 00:53:53.954
' If you lived here...
00:53:54.288 --> 00:53:55.330
...you'd be home now.'
00:53:55.914 --> 00:53:57.207
Hello, Susanna.
00:53:57.916 --> 00:53:59.084
Do you remember me?
00:54:00.002 --> 00:54:03.171
-You must remember me.
-Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest.
00:54:03.922 --> 00:54:05.090
Susanna, you okay?
00:54:05.590 --> 00:54:07.592
I'm fine.
00:54:08.552 --> 00:54:11.263
-Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe?
-Wellesley.
00:54:11.763 --> 00:54:13.974
I'm enjoying it.
It's strong in art.
00:54:14.182 --> 00:54:15.517
Going to the Sorbonne.
00:54:15.726 --> 00:54:19.313
-That's great.
-You know, I know all about you...
00:54:19.563 --> 00:54:22.274
...and I hope they put you away forever.
00:54:23.650 --> 00:54:24.901
Is this the professor's wife?
00:54:25.152 --> 00:54:26.320
What professor?
00:54:26.570 --> 00:54:28.071
So you told everybody.
00:54:29.990 --> 00:54:30.949
Lady, back off.
00:54:31.491 --> 00:54:32.951
-Was I talking to you?
-Let's go.
00:54:33.201 --> 00:54:35.996
No, you're spitting on me,
so mellow-fucking-out.
00:54:36.246 --> 00:54:37.372
Don't tell me what to do.
00:54:37.581 --> 00:54:40.876
Look, she gave your husband
a rim job. Big fucking deal!
00:54:41.126 --> 00:54:44.129
He was begging for it,
and I heard it was like a pencil.
00:54:44.379 --> 00:54:45.672
How dare you!
00:54:45.922 --> 00:54:49.760
Some advice: Don't point your
fucking finger at crazy people!
00:54:53.013 --> 00:54:54.264
Let go of me!
00:54:55.849 --> 00:54:56.683
Mother?
00:54:56.933 --> 00:54:58.977
Get that out of my face, asshole!
00:55:01.730 --> 00:55:02.564
Let go!
00:55:03.065 --> 00:55:03.899
Now.
00:55:05.567 --> 00:55:06.777
Stop it!
00:55:07.611 --> 00:55:11.114
' Rank' you!
Come again, Mrs. Professor!
00:55:11.615 --> 00:55:13.825
You shared a man with that woman?
00:55:20.540 --> 00:55:23.460
-Did you enjoy the fresh air?
-Yeah, thanks.
00:55:23.669 --> 00:55:27.047
Good. Because it's the last time
you're leaving the ward.
00:55:28.382 --> 00:55:30.926
Is that a dare or a double dare?
00:55:33.804 --> 00:55:38.100
Okay, raise your arms. Very good.
We're going to be trees.
00:55:38.517 --> 00:55:41.895
Feel the strength in your arms
as the branches.
00:55:42.145 --> 00:55:44.815
And reach those branches up to the sky.
00:55:45.065 --> 00:55:48.568
Come on, Susanna, reach.
Very good!
00:55:48.819 --> 00:55:50.654
Lisa, all right.
00:55:50.862 --> 00:55:53.824
Reach your arms, girls.
Reach. Really lift.
00:55:54.032 --> 00:55:55.951
Feel the stretch through the hip.
00:55:56.159 --> 00:55:58.704
Very good.
Let your arms be branches.
00:55:58.912 --> 00:56:01.164
There's strength in those branches.
00:56:01.540 --> 00:56:06.461
Reach, reach all the way up
into the sky. Very good.
00:56:06.753 --> 00:56:10.674
Let the wind blow the leaves
and let your fingers be the leaves.
00:56:10.924 --> 00:56:13.385
Good, M-G, very good.
Feel the wind.
00:56:13.802 --> 00:56:16.054
Good. Good, Lisa.
00:56:16.305 --> 00:56:18.056
Very good.
00:56:18.432 --> 00:56:21.685
Just lift up. Lift up.
Very good, girls.
00:56:21.935 --> 00:56:24.354
Now feel your feet.
Feel your feet be rooted.
00:56:24.563 --> 00:56:26.898
Go down into a pliť.
Very good.
00:56:27.149 --> 00:56:29.818
Good, girls. Polly, very good.
00:56:30.068 --> 00:56:33.697
Now stretch it. The wind's blowing
really hard this way.
00:56:34.448 --> 00:56:37.451
That is not fair.
That is not fair!
00:56:37.659 --> 00:56:38.952
That is not fair!
00:56:40.329 --> 00:56:42.247
Seventy-four is the perfect weight!
00:56:45.959 --> 00:56:47.502
Good luck, crazy bitch.
00:56:47.711 --> 00:56:51.340
What kind of tree can you be
down there on the floor?
00:56:51.548 --> 00:56:54.217
I'm a fucking shrub, all right?
00:58:16.216 --> 00:58:19.761
Martin Luther King Jr. was killed
tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.
00:58:19.970 --> 00:58:23.932
He was shot as he stood
on the balcony of his hotel room.
00:58:24.391 --> 00:58:26.184
Last night, he said this.:
00:58:26.393 --> 00:58:28.812
I don't know what will happen now.
00:58:29.604 --> 00:58:32.107
We've got some difficult days ahead.
00:58:33.567 --> 00:58:36.028
But it really doesn't matter
with me now...
00:58:36.278 --> 00:58:38.905
...because I've been
to the mountaintop.
00:58:50.667 --> 00:58:52.878
Susanna, you have a visitor.
00:58:57.549 --> 00:58:58.759
What are you doing here?
00:59:03.597 --> 00:59:06.016
I ship out next week.
00:59:07.726 --> 00:59:08.935
Here.
00:59:26.411 --> 00:59:27.913
Checks.
00:59:28.622 --> 00:59:30.207
Sorry.
00:59:30.916 --> 00:59:34.711
No. It's okay. We have
10 minutes till they come back.
00:59:45.180 --> 00:59:46.431
Hey, Torch.
00:59:47.391 --> 00:59:49.393
What you doing?
00:59:50.310 --> 00:59:51.478
Nothing.
00:59:52.062 --> 00:59:55.440
Well, why don't you go to
your room and do nothing?
01:00:06.368 --> 01:00:07.953
Checks.
01:00:10.122 --> 01:00:11.498
Checks.
01:00:14.918 --> 01:00:16.128
Checks.
01:00:19.715 --> 01:00:20.716
Hey, Margie.
01:00:20.966 --> 01:00:22.968
-Hey, Lisa.
-What you doing?
01:00:23.176 --> 01:00:25.304
-Checks.
-How's Joe?
01:00:25.554 --> 01:00:27.347
He's fine.
01:00:27.931 --> 01:00:29.516
I have to do my checks.
01:00:29.766 --> 01:00:32.936
Taking five minutes for me
would be a dereliction of duty?
01:00:34.438 --> 01:00:36.106
What if I had a punctured artery?
01:00:36.356 --> 01:00:38.609
You'd go on your rounds,
ignoring my wounds?
01:00:38.859 --> 01:00:41.570
-Stop it.
-Stop what? Look at this.
01:00:42.029 --> 01:00:43.113
Go ahead. Go ahead.
01:00:43.363 --> 01:00:44.615
That's enough!
01:00:44.823 --> 01:00:47.451
Take one step
and I'll jam this in my aorta!
01:00:47.701 --> 01:00:48.827
Stop it.
01:00:49.036 --> 01:00:50.912
Your aorta is in your chest.
01:00:52.956 --> 01:00:54.416
Good to know.
01:00:55.250 --> 01:00:58.128
-I'll make a note of that.
-Good.
01:01:06.970 --> 01:01:09.723
You have grounds privileges.
Why don't you take a walk?
01:01:10.390 --> 01:01:12.517
Go get a cup of coffee.
01:01:16.730 --> 01:01:18.523
We should get out of here.
01:01:34.790 --> 01:01:36.333
The cafeteria's this way.
01:01:36.541 --> 01:01:38.043
My wheels are here.
01:01:38.293 --> 01:01:40.170
Wait. What are we doing?
01:01:42.839 --> 01:01:44.883
We're going to Canada.
01:01:50.931 --> 01:01:52.724
You're not crazy.
01:01:52.933 --> 01:01:55.394
Okay? You don't need to be here.
01:01:56.895 --> 01:01:59.564
I tried to kill myself, Toby.
01:01:59.982 --> 01:02:04.152
-You took some aspirin.
-I took a bottle of aspirin.
01:02:05.362 --> 01:02:09.825
That buys you a year in this place?
That's bullshit, okay?
01:02:10.033 --> 01:02:11.159
They're breaking you.
01:02:11.660 --> 01:02:14.621
Come on. All right?
Everything's changing, man.
01:02:14.871 --> 01:02:17.124
What do they know
about being normal?
01:02:19.960 --> 01:02:21.712
I have friends in here.
01:02:22.921 --> 01:02:25.632
Who? Them?
01:02:26.049 --> 01:02:28.093
Those girls...
Susanna...
01:02:29.636 --> 01:02:33.515
...they're eating grapes
off of the wallpaper.
01:02:33.932 --> 01:02:35.434
They're insane.
01:02:35.976 --> 01:02:38.520
If they are, I am.
01:02:42.733 --> 01:02:44.526
No, baby.
Listen, come with me.
01:02:49.239 --> 01:02:50.407
Look...
01:02:51.450 --> 01:02:53.785
...my dad gave me five grand.
01:02:54.369 --> 01:02:58.373
Okay? We can go up there.
We can build a cabin in the woods.
01:03:00.626 --> 01:03:03.003
Look, I know that this sounds crazy...
01:03:05.255 --> 01:03:07.090
...but I think I love you.
01:03:08.508 --> 01:03:10.886
So come with me. Okay?
01:03:12.596 --> 01:03:14.389
Come with me.
01:03:22.731 --> 01:03:25.901
You wanna leave, don't you?
01:03:26.109 --> 01:03:27.277
Yes.
01:03:27.819 --> 01:03:29.821
I wanna leave.
01:03:33.200 --> 01:03:35.035
But not with you.
01:03:38.872 --> 01:03:40.457
Not with you.
01:03:42.167 --> 01:03:43.794
I'm sorry.
01:03:45.879 --> 01:03:47.965
Susanna, wait a second.
01:04:33.385 --> 01:04:35.304
Why did you do that?
01:04:38.932 --> 01:04:41.560
Fix the light bulb at night?
01:04:43.645 --> 01:04:45.897
I'm not here in the morning...
01:04:46.273 --> 01:04:49.860
...and that's when you like to draw
your pictures and stuff.
01:04:50.152 --> 01:04:51.236
So....
01:05:02.497 --> 01:05:03.498
John?
01:05:10.631 --> 01:05:12.633
Why do you like me?
01:05:15.636 --> 01:05:17.763
I just like you.
01:05:18.972 --> 01:05:20.641
That's all.
01:05:21.808 --> 01:05:24.436
I wish you were getting
better, though.
01:05:25.228 --> 01:05:26.813
I would....
01:05:28.148 --> 01:05:32.027
I'd take you out to go see
a movie or something.
01:05:34.696 --> 01:05:36.406
That'd be nice.
01:05:38.450 --> 01:05:39.618
My face!
01:05:42.454 --> 01:05:43.830
My face!
01:05:44.081 --> 01:05:46.166
I'm okay. I'm okay.
01:05:46.416 --> 01:05:48.335
-Let her be. She's fine.
-My face!
01:05:48.585 --> 01:05:49.711
My face!
01:05:50.003 --> 01:05:52.255
Seclusion.
Take her to Seclusion. Come on.
01:05:52.756 --> 01:05:54.341
I got you.
01:05:57.302 --> 01:05:58.720
-My face! Why?
-Open it.
01:05:59.972 --> 01:06:01.640
My face!
01:06:01.848 --> 01:06:03.266
My face!
01:06:03.517 --> 01:06:07.896
Quieten down. Quieten down.
You're all right.
01:06:09.523 --> 01:06:12.442
I'm ugly! My face!
01:06:12.651 --> 01:06:15.988
I'm ugly! Why?
01:06:40.095 --> 01:06:41.888
What happened to Polly?
01:06:44.349 --> 01:06:47.352
What needs to happen?
No one's ever gonna kiss her.
01:06:49.896 --> 01:06:52.524
They're building a new
Disneyland in Florida.
01:06:53.066 --> 01:06:56.403
If I could have any job,
I'd be a professional Cinderella.
01:06:57.154 --> 01:06:58.822
You could be Snow White.
01:06:59.072 --> 01:07:01.533
Polly could be Minnie Mouse and then...
01:07:01.742 --> 01:07:03.702
...she'd be hugged, kissed
and loved...
01:07:03.910 --> 01:07:07.331
...and no one would know
what's inside that giant head.
01:07:08.749 --> 01:07:10.667
Give me your keys.
01:07:36.777 --> 01:07:38.820
Hey, Polly.
01:07:40.072 --> 01:07:41.073
It's Susanna.
01:07:41.281 --> 01:07:42.866
Just play something.
01:07:43.283 --> 01:07:46.536
If talking did shit,
we'd be out of here by now.
01:08:07.474 --> 01:08:11.812
When you're alone
And life is making you lonely
01:08:12.020 --> 01:08:15.190
You can always go
01:08:15.399 --> 01:08:17.234
Downtown
01:08:25.575 --> 01:08:29.579
When you've got worries
All the noise and the hurry
01:08:29.788 --> 01:08:33.417
Seems to help, I know
01:08:40.299 --> 01:08:42.092
Downtown
01:08:43.552 --> 01:08:46.221
Just listen to the music
01:08:46.430 --> 01:08:49.099
In the traffic in the city
01:08:49.558 --> 01:08:54.021
Linger on the sidewalks
Where the neon lights are pretty
01:08:55.647 --> 01:08:57.399
How can you lose?
01:08:58.734 --> 01:09:01.653
The lights are much brighter there
01:09:01.903 --> 01:09:06.783
You can forget all your troubles
Forget all your cares and go downtown
01:09:07.034 --> 01:09:08.702
Back to your room, please.
01:09:08.910 --> 01:09:12.831
Things will be great when you're
Downtown
01:09:13.040 --> 01:09:15.292
McWilley is gonna wake up.
01:09:15.542 --> 01:09:16.918
Give me the guitar.
01:09:19.129 --> 01:09:20.672
You're gonna get me fired.
01:09:20.922 --> 01:09:24.468
You'll be dancing with him
Before the night is over
01:09:24.676 --> 01:09:26.595
-Give me the guitar.
-Happy again
01:09:28.263 --> 01:09:29.806
No. No.
01:09:30.182 --> 01:09:32.351
It's okay. It's okay.
Come here.
01:09:32.601 --> 01:09:34.895
You'll get me fired.
You know that?
01:09:46.448 --> 01:09:49.201
Downtown
01:09:50.577 --> 01:09:53.080
Everything's great...
01:09:53.580 --> 01:09:57.876
...when you're downtown
01:10:24.152 --> 01:10:25.696
I'm writing you up.
01:10:25.946 --> 01:10:28.365
I am sick of this bullshit.
01:10:33.453 --> 01:10:35.247
Is she here?
01:10:35.747 --> 01:10:37.708
You can go in now.
01:10:44.172 --> 01:10:47.592
-What did she do?
-They drugged Nurse McWilley.
01:10:53.890 --> 01:10:56.351
-Good morning, Susanna.
-Good morning.
01:10:56.560 --> 01:10:57.644
How are you?
01:10:59.605 --> 01:11:01.732
I'm fine, I guess.
01:11:03.275 --> 01:11:04.860
Sit down.
01:11:14.411 --> 01:11:15.871
You look tired.
01:11:18.081 --> 01:11:23.045
Polly freaked out last night and we
stayed up singing to her, Lisa and l.
01:11:24.838 --> 01:11:27.591
Have you become friends with Lisa?
01:11:29.635 --> 01:11:31.261
Why? Is that bad?
01:11:31.511 --> 01:11:34.264
-Does it feel bad?
-No.
01:11:34.973 --> 01:11:38.185
Before you came here, did you
have many girl friends?
01:11:38.810 --> 01:11:40.312
Not really.
01:11:42.356 --> 01:11:46.318
Would you say that before you came here,
your friends consisted mainly...
01:11:46.526 --> 01:11:47.986
...of boys, of men?
01:11:49.529 --> 01:11:51.990
Does it say in there
that I'm promiscuous?
01:11:52.699 --> 01:11:54.701
Why do you choose that word?
01:11:54.910 --> 01:11:58.497
How many guys would I have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
01:11:58.705 --> 01:12:00.874
Textbook promiscuous?
01:12:01.458 --> 01:12:02.876
What do you think?
01:12:03.126 --> 01:12:06.463
Ten. Eight. Five.
01:12:07.255 --> 01:12:10.884
How many girls would a guy have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
01:12:11.093 --> 01:12:13.053
Ten? 20? 109?
01:12:13.261 --> 01:12:15.263
Someone who's compulsively
promiscuous...
01:12:15.514 --> 01:12:18.850
...might engage in a sex act
with a guest in their room...
01:12:19.059 --> 01:12:24.189
...and then engage in another sex act
during the same day with an orderly.
01:12:28.527 --> 01:12:33.365
Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly
or giving my boyfriend a blowjob?
01:12:35.450 --> 01:12:37.327
Melvin says...
01:12:37.536 --> 01:12:41.915
...you have some very interesting
theories about your illness.
01:12:42.124 --> 01:12:46.211
You believe there is
a mystical undertow in life.
01:12:46.420 --> 01:12:49.715
'Quicksands of shadows.'
01:12:49.923 --> 01:12:54.094
Another one of my theories is that you
people don't know what you're doing.
01:12:54.344 --> 01:12:57.306
You acknowledge a problem
coping with this quicksand.
01:12:57.556 --> 01:13:01.518
I have a problem coping with this
hospital. I wanna leave.
01:13:03.520 --> 01:13:04.646
I can't do that.
01:13:04.855 --> 01:13:07.524
I signed myself in,
I can sign myself out.
01:13:07.774 --> 01:13:11.278
You signed yourself into our care.
We decide when you leave.
01:13:11.612 --> 01:13:13.447
You're not ready for it, Susanna.
01:13:13.947 --> 01:13:16.700
Your progress has plateaued.
01:13:18.493 --> 01:13:20.495
Does that disappoint you?
01:13:20.996 --> 01:13:22.748
I'm ambivalent.
01:13:23.415 --> 01:13:25.667
In fact, that's my new favourite word.
01:13:25.876 --> 01:13:28.420
Do you know what that means,
ambivalence?
01:13:28.962 --> 01:13:30.130
I don't care.
01:13:30.380 --> 01:13:32.382
If it's your favourite word,
I would've...
01:13:32.591 --> 01:13:35.177
It means ' I don't care.'
That's what it means.
01:13:35.427 --> 01:13:37.971
On the contrary, Susanna.
01:13:38.221 --> 01:13:43.143
Ambivalence suggests strong
feelings in opposition.
01:13:43.393 --> 01:13:46.438
The prefix, as in ambidextrous...
01:13:46.647 --> 01:13:48.231
...means ' both.'
01:13:49.024 --> 01:13:52.444
The rest of it, in Latin,
means 'vigour.'
01:13:53.070 --> 01:13:55.948
The word suggests that you are torn...
01:13:56.657 --> 01:13:59.117
...between two opposing courses
of action.
01:14:02.829 --> 01:14:04.998
Will I stay or will I go?
01:14:05.332 --> 01:14:08.710
Am I sane or am I crazy?
01:14:09.044 --> 01:14:10.754
Those aren't courses of action.
01:14:11.546 --> 01:14:15.175
They can be, dear, for some.
01:14:15.425 --> 01:14:17.469
Well, then, it's the wrong word.
01:14:17.844 --> 01:14:19.012
No.
01:14:19.721 --> 01:14:21.431
I think it's perfect.
01:14:35.362 --> 01:14:38.156
'What world is this?
01:14:38.657 --> 01:14:40.200
What kingdom?
01:14:41.493 --> 01:14:44.621
What shores of what worlds?'
01:14:44.913 --> 01:14:49.876
It's a very big question
you're faced with, Susanna.
01:14:50.544 --> 01:14:53.297
The choice of your life.
01:14:54.506 --> 01:14:57.801
How much will you indulge
in your flaws?
01:14:59.052 --> 01:15:02.014
What are your flaws?
Are they flaws?
01:15:02.806 --> 01:15:07.936
If you embrace them, will you commit
yourself to hospital for life?
01:15:09.313 --> 01:15:13.025
Big questions, big decisions.
01:15:14.359 --> 01:15:18.447
Not surprising you profess
carelessness about them.
01:15:25.412 --> 01:15:26.997
Is that it?
01:15:28.915 --> 01:15:30.542
For now.
01:15:39.551 --> 01:15:41.803
This way, Susanna.
01:15:56.068 --> 01:15:58.570
John was moved to the men's ward.
01:16:00.113 --> 01:16:03.700
And Lisa never came back
from Dr. Wick's office.
01:16:31.728 --> 01:16:34.022
We live in a time of doubt.
01:16:35.232 --> 01:16:38.527
The institutions we once trusted
no longer seem reliable.
01:16:43.198 --> 01:16:46.576
Daisy sent us a postcard
all about her new apartment.
01:16:47.160 --> 01:16:49.371
She got a pussycat.
01:16:50.247 --> 01:16:52.291
Where's Lisa?
01:16:53.333 --> 01:16:55.419
You know where she is.
01:16:56.753 --> 01:16:59.214
They just put her in another ward.
01:17:10.684 --> 01:17:13.353
I think you need to get up.
01:17:13.770 --> 01:17:17.566
I'm just gonna rest for a while,
just a little while.
01:17:25.699 --> 01:17:26.617
What are you doing?
01:17:29.870 --> 01:17:31.121
Fuck!
01:17:33.874 --> 01:17:35.459
Sorry, too cold?
01:17:35.709 --> 01:17:39.546
What the fuck are you doing?
Get me the fuck out of this tub!
01:17:40.005 --> 01:17:41.173
Get yourself out.
01:17:41.882 --> 01:17:43.550
Where's Lisa?
01:17:44.635 --> 01:17:46.303
Where the fuck is Lisa?
01:17:46.928 --> 01:17:48.805
Can't hack it without her?
01:17:49.056 --> 01:17:53.268
You banish her for singing to Polly.
We were trying to help her!
01:17:53.936 --> 01:17:58.774
We were trying to help her! This place
is a fucking fascist torture chamber!
01:17:58.982 --> 01:18:00.192
No.
01:18:00.442 --> 01:18:04.279
I worked in state hospitals.
This place is a five-star hotel.
01:18:06.406 --> 01:18:08.158
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton
01:18:09.159 --> 01:18:13.872
You know, I can take a lot of crazy
shit from a lot of crazy people...
01:18:14.081 --> 01:18:15.207
...but you?
01:18:15.582 --> 01:18:17.292
You are not crazy.
01:18:17.542 --> 01:18:19.294
Then what's wrong with me?
01:18:19.544 --> 01:18:22.464
What the fuck's going on
inside my head?
01:18:22.673 --> 01:18:25.300
Tell me Dr. Val, what's
your diag-nonsense?
01:18:25.509 --> 01:18:29.554
You are a lazy, self-indulgent
little girl...
01:18:29.805 --> 01:18:32.641
...who is driving herself crazy.
01:18:35.602 --> 01:18:39.523
Is that your medical opinion? Huh?
01:18:39.731 --> 01:18:43.277
Is that what you've learned in your
studies at night school...
01:18:43.485 --> 01:18:45.737
...for Negro welfare mothers?
01:18:46.530 --> 01:18:50.617
I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue.
Wick is a psycho. And you...
01:18:50.867 --> 01:18:52.286
...pretend you're a doctor.
01:18:52.494 --> 01:18:56.832
You sign charts and dole out meds, but
you's ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie.
01:18:57.040 --> 01:19:00.127
You's ain't nothing
but a black nursemaid.
01:19:03.213 --> 01:19:05.549
And you're just throwing it away.
01:19:31.783 --> 01:19:33.910
You still wanna go to Florida?
01:19:36.496 --> 01:19:39.374
Lisa, we need money, don't we?
01:19:39.625 --> 01:19:42.419
-You've tongued your meds?
-Yeah, but I only have...
01:19:42.628 --> 01:19:44.963
They gave me shocks again.
01:19:45.380 --> 01:19:47.174
Jamie, I have to get out of here.
01:19:49.843 --> 01:19:51.637
I'm Susanna.
01:19:52.763 --> 01:19:55.015
I'm Susanna.
01:20:13.951 --> 01:20:15.827
What are we doing?
01:20:18.705 --> 01:20:20.415
What is it?
01:20:21.750 --> 01:20:25.337
' Dear sir, please give
Daisy Randone assistance...
01:20:25.545 --> 01:20:29.174
...installing a telephone
at 23 Vicar Street.'
01:20:29.383 --> 01:20:31.093
I thought we were going to Florida!
01:20:31.343 --> 01:20:34.388
We just need a place to crash
till we get plane tickets.
01:20:36.556 --> 01:20:37.933
Come on.
01:20:49.278 --> 01:20:51.071
Nice coat.
01:21:55.469 --> 01:21:56.762
What?
01:21:58.013 --> 01:22:00.432
You don't want me, Tony.
01:22:00.682 --> 01:22:02.643
Yes, I do, baby.
01:22:02.893 --> 01:22:05.562
No, you don't.
I'm a crazy girl.
01:22:05.812 --> 01:22:08.148
You're crazy, so we can't
have one night?
01:22:08.398 --> 01:22:11.526
I am a crazy girl. Seriously.
01:22:12.903 --> 01:22:15.739
-You've been in a hospital?
-Yes.
01:22:21.828 --> 01:22:23.497
Do you see purple people?
01:22:25.207 --> 01:22:27.542
My friend, he saw purple people.
01:22:28.043 --> 01:22:31.171
And so the state came
and took him away.
01:22:32.297 --> 01:22:34.091
He didn't like that.
01:22:34.299 --> 01:22:36.426
Some time went by...
01:22:36.885 --> 01:22:39.763
...and he told them he didn't see
purple people no more.
01:22:39.972 --> 01:22:41.390
He got better.
01:22:42.182 --> 01:22:45.060
No. He still sees them.
01:22:47.938 --> 01:22:48.772
We gotta split.
01:22:49.022 --> 01:22:50.649
Somebody stop her!
01:22:50.899 --> 01:22:53.318
She took my fucking wallet!
01:23:03.996 --> 01:23:05.998
Identify yourself.
01:23:06.665 --> 01:23:08.917
It's Susanna and...
01:23:09.126 --> 01:23:12.045
It's Susanna. Daisy?
01:23:18.593 --> 01:23:19.761
You got Valium?
01:23:36.111 --> 01:23:37.279
Cool pad.
01:23:39.489 --> 01:23:41.033
Peace, man, peace.
01:23:41.491 --> 01:23:43.619
I'm sorry for being a bitch.
I was a drag.
01:23:43.827 --> 01:23:45.412
That's for you.
01:23:54.630 --> 01:23:56.256
That's Ruby.
01:23:57.049 --> 01:23:58.967
My dad bought her for me.
01:24:01.136 --> 01:24:03.597
This is a Castro Convertible.
01:24:04.431 --> 01:24:06.183
-It pulls out.
-Cool.
01:24:06.934 --> 01:24:08.393
-Where's your bathroom?
-Right there.
01:24:12.606 --> 01:24:13.941
You don't have a tub.
01:24:14.149 --> 01:24:16.109
No, I don't.
01:24:17.110 --> 01:24:18.862
-What about upstairs?
-Nope.
01:24:21.573 --> 01:24:24.451
So, what, did you two
escape or what?
01:24:24.701 --> 01:24:27.329
Actually, we're going to Florida.
01:24:27.579 --> 01:24:30.499
All you have is mustard
and your chickens.
01:24:31.083 --> 01:24:34.503
So what are you girls going
to do in Florida?
01:24:35.879 --> 01:24:39.007
I'm gonna be Cinderella at
Walt Disney's new theme park.
01:24:39.675 --> 01:24:41.760
Susanna's gonna be Snow White.
01:24:42.219 --> 01:24:44.513
You can come if you want.
01:24:45.097 --> 01:24:47.975
You can be the cocker spaniel
that eats spaghetti.
01:24:49.893 --> 01:24:51.228
I wanna make pancakes.
01:24:51.603 --> 01:24:53.397
I'm tired.
I wanna go to bed.
01:24:53.647 --> 01:24:55.941
I want to make pancakes
in the morning.
01:24:56.149 --> 01:24:57.734
There's a market on the corner.
01:24:58.193 --> 01:25:00.279
Pans are under the sink.
01:25:00.487 --> 01:25:02.489
Silver's in that drawer.
01:25:05.909 --> 01:25:07.494
Do you have any money?
01:25:08.870 --> 01:25:11.957
Do you have some sort
of a safety net down there?
01:25:13.500 --> 01:25:16.295
People you know down there in Florida?
01:25:16.920 --> 01:25:18.422
Relatives?
01:25:19.339 --> 01:25:22.134
Friends? Anything?
01:25:33.103 --> 01:25:35.314
This is for your pancakes.
01:25:36.940 --> 01:25:39.484
Don't make a lot of noise
in the morning.
01:25:40.485 --> 01:25:42.613
I like to sleep late.
01:25:43.322 --> 01:25:45.532
I'll come down when I'm ready.
01:26:14.895 --> 01:26:16.438
Give me the Valium.
01:26:17.606 --> 01:26:19.608
We don't need your daddy's money.
01:26:20.108 --> 01:26:22.027
Then leave it there.
01:26:22.486 --> 01:26:25.155
Just give me the fucking Valium.
01:26:31.036 --> 01:26:32.245
What's this?
01:26:32.496 --> 01:26:33.664
-What's this?
-Let go.
01:26:33.914 --> 01:26:36.875
-Trying out your new silver?
-Get the fuck off me.
01:26:37.584 --> 01:26:38.877
Less appealing for Daddy.
01:26:40.253 --> 01:26:42.214
Look at your own arm, asshole.
01:26:42.464 --> 01:26:44.508
I'm sick, Daisy. We know that.
01:26:44.758 --> 01:26:48.720
But here you are in so-called
recovery, cut up like a ham.
01:26:48.929 --> 01:26:50.889
Just stop it, okay?
01:26:52.182 --> 01:26:54.810
Help me understand.
01:26:55.602 --> 01:26:58.981
I thought you didn't do Valium.
Tell me how this works.
01:27:00.107 --> 01:27:03.652
Tell me that you don't drag that blade
across your skin...
01:27:03.860 --> 01:27:07.531
...and pray for the courage
to press down.
01:27:09.074 --> 01:27:13.161
Tell me how your daddy
helps you cope with that.
01:27:13.578 --> 01:27:15.455
Illuminate me.
01:27:18.041 --> 01:27:20.252
My father loves me.
01:27:22.796 --> 01:27:24.047
I bet.
01:27:24.298 --> 01:27:27.259
With every inch of his manhood.
01:27:27.509 --> 01:27:29.428
Oh, God.
01:27:33.682 --> 01:27:35.684
I'm going to sleep now.
01:27:45.027 --> 01:27:46.695
Please be gone in the morning.
01:27:50.073 --> 01:27:51.992
You're just jealous, Lisa...
01:27:53.368 --> 01:27:55.287
...because I got better.
01:27:56.288 --> 01:27:58.206
Because I was released.
01:27:59.291 --> 01:28:01.752
Because I have a chance.
01:28:03.253 --> 01:28:04.921
And a life.
01:28:06.840 --> 01:28:09.468
They didn't release you
because you're better.
01:28:09.885 --> 01:28:11.553
They just gave up.
01:28:12.763 --> 01:28:14.598
You call this a life?
01:28:14.848 --> 01:28:19.478
Taking Daddy's money? Buying your
dollies and your knickknacks?
01:28:19.686 --> 01:28:23.607
Eating his fucking chicken?
Fattening up like a prize heifer?
01:28:24.566 --> 01:28:26.693
You changed the scenery,
but not the situation...
01:28:26.902 --> 01:28:29.279
...and the warden makes house calls.
01:28:29.488 --> 01:28:31.657
And everybody knows.
01:28:32.157 --> 01:28:35.118
Everybody knows that he fucks you.
01:28:36.578 --> 01:28:37.955
What they don't know...
01:28:39.373 --> 01:28:40.791
...is that you like it.
01:28:42.834 --> 01:28:45.420
-You like it.
-Shut the fuck up!
01:28:45.629 --> 01:28:48.006
Man, it's cool. It's okay.
01:28:48.215 --> 01:28:49.508
It's fucking fine!
01:28:49.758 --> 01:28:53.345
A man is a dick is a man
is a dick is a chicken...
01:28:53.553 --> 01:28:54.930
...is a dad...
01:28:55.138 --> 01:28:58.850
...a Valium, a speculum, whatever.
01:28:59.142 --> 01:29:00.769
Whatever.
01:29:02.020 --> 01:29:03.772
You like being Mrs. Randone.
01:29:05.649 --> 01:29:07.651
Probably all you've ever known.
01:29:11.071 --> 01:29:13.282
Have f un in Florida.
01:31:05.310 --> 01:31:06.937
Has she come down yet?
01:31:07.688 --> 01:31:08.730
No.
01:31:10.274 --> 01:31:13.360
But she's been playing
that shit all morning!
01:31:15.112 --> 01:31:18.949
Why does my heart go on beating?
01:31:21.743 --> 01:31:25.789
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
01:31:28.792 --> 01:31:31.461
Don't they know
01:31:31.712 --> 01:31:35.132
It's the end of the world
01:31:35.382 --> 01:31:38.593
It ended when you said
01:31:39.761 --> 01:31:42.848
Goodbye
01:32:32.522 --> 01:32:33.899
Daisy?
01:32:53.377 --> 01:32:55.379
Oh, my God!
01:33:07.307 --> 01:33:09.142
What an idiot.
01:33:17.943 --> 01:33:21.822
-Yes, I need an ambulance.
-Make it a hearse.
01:33:23.198 --> 01:33:27.202
Daisy Randone. She killed herself.
01:33:29.413 --> 01:33:34.251
23 Vicar Street.
Yes. Please hurry!
01:33:45.721 --> 01:33:48.849
You pressed her buttons.
Now you're taking her money.
01:33:50.475 --> 01:33:53.228
I didn't press shit.
She was waiting for an excuse.
01:33:53.437 --> 01:33:54.896
Pack up.
We have to go.
01:33:55.147 --> 01:33:57.399
All right?
We have to go!
01:33:57.608 --> 01:33:59.401
Now we have money.
01:34:03.113 --> 01:34:05.240
Don't be stupid.
01:34:08.785 --> 01:34:11.496
All right, fine.
Be stupid.
01:36:24.171 --> 01:36:27.883
We should send someone
for a litter box.
01:36:57.955 --> 01:36:59.790
Can I pet the kitty?
01:37:02.542 --> 01:37:04.169
Be careful.
01:37:07.798 --> 01:37:10.759
-Hello, puddy-cat.
-Kitty!
01:37:11.635 --> 01:37:13.762
You are so cute.
01:37:25.899 --> 01:37:27.693
Checks.
01:37:29.444 --> 01:37:31.280
Where's Georgina?
01:37:32.155 --> 01:37:34.449
She's staying with Polly tonight.
01:37:35.200 --> 01:37:37.494
They're playing with your cat.
01:37:41.415 --> 01:37:43.458
Did they find Lisa?
01:37:44.835 --> 01:37:45.877
No.
01:38:04.605 --> 01:38:07.316
I couldn't stand up to her.
01:38:11.570 --> 01:38:15.032
A decent person would
have done something.
01:38:17.409 --> 01:38:19.202
Shut her up.
01:38:23.248 --> 01:38:25.334
Gone upstairs.
01:38:26.043 --> 01:38:27.961
Talked to Daisy.
01:38:30.756 --> 01:38:33.175
Melvin said you went upstairs.
01:38:35.469 --> 01:38:37.137
Too late.
01:38:39.598 --> 01:38:41.934
What would you have said to her?
01:38:43.644 --> 01:38:45.479
I don't know.
01:38:47.230 --> 01:38:49.232
That I was sorry.
01:38:54.738 --> 01:38:57.699
That I'll never know what
it was like to be her.
01:39:02.037 --> 01:39:05.916
But I know what it's like
to wanna die.
01:39:10.045 --> 01:39:12.589
How it hurts to smile.
01:39:14.549 --> 01:39:18.011
How you try to fit in,
but you can't.
01:39:19.554 --> 01:39:22.849
How you hurt yourself
on the outside...
01:39:23.058 --> 01:39:26.353
...to try to kill the thing
on the inside.
01:39:28.605 --> 01:39:33.443
Susanna, it's all well and good
to tell me all this.
01:39:34.444 --> 01:39:38.031
But you've got to tell
some of this to your doctors.
01:39:44.371 --> 01:39:46.331
How am I supposed to recover...
01:39:46.540 --> 01:39:49.418
...when I don't even
understand my disease?
01:39:50.419 --> 01:39:52.796
But you do understand it.
01:39:53.088 --> 01:39:56.633
You spoke very clearly
about it a second ago.
01:39:57.467 --> 01:40:00.637
But I think what you've got
to do is put it down.
01:40:00.887 --> 01:40:03.265
Put it away.
Put it in your notebook.
01:40:03.473 --> 01:40:05.475
But get it out of yourself.
01:40:06.184 --> 01:40:10.147
Away, so you can't
curl up with it anymore.
01:40:17.070 --> 01:40:19.531
Lisa thinks it's a gift.
01:40:22.326 --> 01:40:25.162
That it lets you see the truth.
01:40:28.373 --> 01:40:30.876
Lisa's been here for eight years.
01:40:39.426 --> 01:40:41.637
I'm so sorry.
01:40:42.095 --> 01:40:45.182
-I was a pig.
-It's all right. Listen.
01:40:47.768 --> 01:40:50.270
Do not drop anchor here.
01:40:51.521 --> 01:40:52.481
Understand?
01:41:05.911 --> 01:41:08.330
When you don't want to feel...
01:41:09.247 --> 01:41:12.084
...death can seem like a dream.
01:41:13.085 --> 01:41:15.837
But seeing death...
01:41:16.463 --> 01:41:18.465
...really seeing it...
01:41:18.840 --> 01:41:22.928
...makes dreaming about it
fucking ridiculous.
01:41:23.804 --> 01:41:27.724
Maybe there's a moment,
growing up...
01:41:27.933 --> 01:41:30.018
...when something peels back.
01:41:30.435 --> 01:41:34.815
Maybe we look for secrets because
we can't believe our minds.
01:41:35.023 --> 01:41:38.986
Though I missed Lisa,
life was easier without her.
01:41:39.194 --> 01:41:41.530
A thought is a hard thing
to control.
01:41:43.532 --> 01:41:45.784
All I know is that
I began to feel again.
01:41:45.993 --> 01:41:47.202
Crazy? Sane?
01:41:47.411 --> 01:41:52.082
Whatever I was, I knew there was
only one way back to the world...
01:41:52.291 --> 01:41:54.793
...and that was to use the place...
01:41:55.043 --> 01:41:56.503
... to talk.
01:41:57.212 --> 01:42:01.133
So I saw the great and wonderful
Dr. Wick three times a week...
01:42:01.341 --> 01:42:04.344
...and I let her hear
every thought in my head.
01:42:08.265 --> 01:42:12.060
Do you think maybe I have ESP
or something, that I'm gifted?
01:42:13.061 --> 01:42:14.563
Perhaps.
01:42:26.825 --> 01:42:29.703
You think I can be home
by Thanksgiving?
01:42:33.624 --> 01:42:36.335
Nothing's happened
in weeks, you know.
01:42:37.127 --> 01:42:39.755
The point is control.
01:42:40.005 --> 01:42:44.134
Yeah, and here I am,
in control, off meds...
01:42:44.384 --> 01:42:47.596
...no headaches, sleeping sound.
01:42:56.021 --> 01:42:58.315
Oh, will you help me?
Can you help me?
01:42:58.523 --> 01:43:00.442
You don't need to be helped
any longer.
01:43:00.651 --> 01:43:02.945
You've always had the power
to go back to Kansas.
01:43:03.820 --> 01:43:04.738
I have?
01:43:04.947 --> 01:43:06.531
Then why didn't you tell her before?
01:43:06.740 --> 01:43:09.076
Because she wouldn't have
believed me.
01:43:09.326 --> 01:43:10.786
She had to learn it for herself.
01:43:10.994 --> 01:43:13.080
What have you learned, Dorothy?
01:43:17.793 --> 01:43:19.419
I think that it...
01:43:19.628 --> 01:43:23.632
... that it wasn't enough just to want
to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em...
01:43:25.300 --> 01:43:28.553
...and if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again...
01:43:28.762 --> 01:43:31.974
...I won't look any further
than my own back yard.
01:43:32.266 --> 01:43:34.685
Because if it isn't there...
01:43:34.893 --> 01:43:38.188
...I never really lost it
to begin with.
01:43:39.147 --> 01:43:41.608
-Is that right?
-That's all it is.
01:44:02.963 --> 01:44:04.548
Thanks, Joe.
01:45:06.234 --> 01:45:10.906
Go away. Go away!
01:45:16.662 --> 01:45:18.163
It's me.
01:45:33.262 --> 01:45:35.681
It's been a while...
01:45:36.974 --> 01:45:39.851
...and I just wanted to say hey.
01:45:43.772 --> 01:45:45.482
You okay?
01:45:46.775 --> 01:45:48.610
Fabulous.
01:45:51.613 --> 01:45:54.408
You're gonna be late.
Gretta's waiting for you.
01:45:58.787 --> 01:46:02.165
I gotta go. Dr. Wick.
01:46:04.543 --> 01:46:06.545
They still fucking with you?
01:46:10.173 --> 01:46:11.466
They're....
01:46:13.677 --> 01:46:16.346
Actually, they're letting me out.
01:46:20.183 --> 01:46:21.977
Oh, that's great.
01:46:25.188 --> 01:46:26.982
You better go.
01:46:44.291 --> 01:46:47.878
Well, my dad got me a job,
a part-time job...
01:46:48.086 --> 01:46:50.380
...at a bookstore in Harvard Square.
01:46:51.548 --> 01:46:54.426
And I got an apartment
with a phone so I can...
01:46:54.635 --> 01:46:55.844
Stay in touch.
01:46:57.596 --> 01:47:01.308
And I'll be seeing Sonia
twice a week.
01:47:01.558 --> 01:47:05.395
Is that your long-term plan?
To work in retail?
01:47:09.191 --> 01:47:11.568
My plan? No.
01:47:12.110 --> 01:47:14.112
Then what do you plan to do?
01:47:17.115 --> 01:47:18.659
I plan to write.
01:47:26.458 --> 01:47:28.168
Polly Clark.
01:47:29.211 --> 01:47:31.213
Cynthia Crowley.
01:47:34.633 --> 01:47:36.802
Susanna Kaysen.
01:47:39.137 --> 01:47:41.890
-I don't think I need...
-Sleeping pills, darling.
01:47:42.099 --> 01:47:45.560
You want to be rested for tomorrow.
Last night's a long one.
01:47:45.894 --> 01:47:48.355
Good girl. Katie Cooper.
01:47:50.816 --> 01:47:52.276
Rosemary Jones.
01:47:54.820 --> 01:47:57.072
Teresa McCullian.
01:49:21.990 --> 01:49:23.408
Ruby?
01:50:04.366 --> 01:50:07.744
' If I spread my fingers out,
my hand looked more human.
01:50:07.995 --> 01:50:09.496
So I did that.
01:50:09.746 --> 01:50:13.792
But it wasn't tiring holding my
fingers apart, so I let them relax...
01:50:14.042 --> 01:50:15.919
...and then, I turned my hand over.
01:50:16.336 --> 01:50:18.005
The back wasn't much better.
01:50:18.255 --> 01:50:20.549
My veins bulged.'
01:50:25.012 --> 01:50:27.639
Shut up, I'm reading.
Shut up!
01:50:29.808 --> 01:50:33.687
' I can honestly say that my memory
has been transformed....
01:50:34.730 --> 01:50:37.608
By Freud's definition,
I've achieved mental health.
01:50:38.066 --> 01:50:40.569
And my discharge sheet
reads, 'recovered.'
01:50:41.403 --> 01:50:42.863
Recovered.'
01:50:45.741 --> 01:50:47.659
Don't do this!
01:50:48.493 --> 01:50:49.953
'Whatever it was....'
01:50:55.834 --> 01:50:58.795
' Had I stopped arguing
with my personality?
01:51:00.297 --> 01:51:01.506
Recovered.'
01:51:03.383 --> 01:51:07.137
We were reading your book.
We're having a little read-aloud...
01:51:07.346 --> 01:51:10.182
...celebrate the wisdom you're
taking into the world.
01:51:10.390 --> 01:51:12.768
Try to learn something,
grow as people.
01:51:14.144 --> 01:51:17.105
When you were a baby,
they strapped you to a board.
01:51:17.731 --> 01:51:19.900
You think Georgina doesn't
wanna leave...
01:51:20.150 --> 01:51:21.693
...and I'm criminally insane.
01:51:22.027 --> 01:51:24.446
What are you guys doing here?
01:51:24.696 --> 01:51:28.742
' Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic,
now just look empty.'
01:51:30.869 --> 01:51:32.829
That is mine.
01:51:33.372 --> 01:51:35.207
That is mine.
01:51:37.125 --> 01:51:39.878
'Georgina lies only to people
who keep her here.
01:51:40.087 --> 01:51:42.673
Sometimes I think she wants
to live in Oz forever.'
01:51:42.923 --> 01:51:46.343
-How perceptive.
-You better erase that thing.
01:51:46.885 --> 01:51:51.223
My father is the head of the CIA,
and he could have you dead in minutes!
01:51:51.431 --> 01:51:53.100
' In this world, looks are everything.
01:51:53.308 --> 01:51:57.271
Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness
and purity aren't genuine at all...
01:51:57.479 --> 01:52:00.607
...but a desperate attempt to make it
easier for us to look at her.'
01:52:01.149 --> 01:52:04.236
So nice of you to pass judgment on us
now that you're cured.
01:52:04.778 --> 01:52:06.863
What the fuck are you doing, Lisa?
01:52:07.531 --> 01:52:09.783
I'm playing the villain,
like you want.
01:52:10.033 --> 01:52:12.494
-I give you everything you want.
-No, you don't.
01:52:14.204 --> 01:52:15.580
You wanted your file?
I got it!
01:52:15.789 --> 01:52:19.334
You wanted out, I got you out!
You needed money, I found you some!
01:52:19.584 --> 01:52:22.629
I told you the truth!
I didn't write it in a book!
01:52:22.838 --> 01:52:24.923
I told you to your face!
01:52:25.173 --> 01:52:29.344
I told Daisy what everybody knew and
wouldn't say, and she killed herself.
01:52:29.553 --> 01:52:31.221
I played the fucking villain.
01:52:31.471 --> 01:52:32.556
Just like you wanted.
01:52:32.806 --> 01:52:34.308
Why would I want that?
01:52:35.892 --> 01:52:38.228
Because it makes you
the good guy, sweet pea.
01:52:38.437 --> 01:52:42.608
You come back here, all sweetness
and light and sad and contrite...
01:52:42.816 --> 01:52:47.654
...and everybody wrings their hands,
congratulating you on your bravery.
01:52:48.113 --> 01:52:52.576
Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at the
bus station for money!
01:52:53.201 --> 01:52:54.703
Stop it, Lisa. She's too...
01:52:54.953 --> 01:52:56.204
Shut up, Polly!
01:52:58.540 --> 01:52:59.750
Where are you going?
01:53:00.584 --> 01:53:02.085
I'm talking to you!
01:53:06.715 --> 01:53:09.676
Where are you going?
I'm talking to you!
01:53:14.139 --> 01:53:15.724
You don't like me anymore?
01:53:15.974 --> 01:53:17.893
No, I don't!
01:53:19.311 --> 01:53:21.146
Because you're free?
01:53:21.438 --> 01:53:23.023
You think you're free?
01:53:23.815 --> 01:53:25.108
I'm free!
01:53:25.609 --> 01:53:28.278
You don't know what freedom is!
01:53:29.071 --> 01:53:30.489
I'm free!
01:53:30.989 --> 01:53:33.492
I can breathe! And you...
01:53:33.742 --> 01:53:36.870
...you'll go choke on your
average fucking mediocre life!
01:53:49.591 --> 01:53:51.510
There are too many buttons
in the world.
01:53:51.760 --> 01:53:53.887
Too many buttons,
and they're just....
01:53:55.722 --> 01:53:58.141
There's way too many,
begging to be pressed.
01:53:58.433 --> 01:54:00.310
They're just begging to be pressed!
01:54:00.519 --> 01:54:03.105
You know, they're just
begging to be pressed.
01:54:03.855 --> 01:54:05.816
And it makes me wonder.
01:54:06.275 --> 01:54:09.987
It makes me fucking wonder.
Why doesn't anybody ever press mine?
01:54:10.237 --> 01:54:11.613
Why am I so neglected?
01:54:11.863 --> 01:54:15.033
Why doesn't anybody reach in
and rip out the truth...
01:54:15.242 --> 01:54:17.619
...and tell me
that I'm a fucking whore...
01:54:17.953 --> 01:54:20.080
...and that my parents
wish I were dead?
01:54:20.580 --> 01:54:23.333
Because you're dead already, Lisa!
01:54:30.173 --> 01:54:32.593
No one cares if you die, Lisa...
01:54:34.011 --> 01:54:36.638
...because you're dead already.
01:54:37.347 --> 01:54:41.226
Your heart is cold!
01:54:43.478 --> 01:54:45.772
That's why you keep
coming back here.
01:54:47.566 --> 01:54:49.568
You're not free.
01:54:50.360 --> 01:54:53.822
You need this place.
You need it to feel alive.
01:54:54.364 --> 01:54:55.365
It's pathetic.
01:55:37.157 --> 01:55:40.035
I've wasted a year of my life.
01:55:45.540 --> 01:55:48.794
And maybe everyone
out there is a liar.
01:55:52.089 --> 01:55:55.259
And maybe the whole world...
01:55:55.509 --> 01:55:59.012
...is stupid and ignorant.
01:56:01.807 --> 01:56:04.226
But I'd rather be in it.
01:56:06.144 --> 01:56:09.982
I'd rather be fucking in it...
01:56:10.232 --> 01:56:12.776
...than down here with you.
01:56:31.420 --> 01:56:33.964
Don't. Don't.
01:56:35.382 --> 01:56:36.758
Don't.
01:56:47.561 --> 01:56:49.104
Oh, God.
01:57:34.107 --> 01:57:35.150
Did you get it?
01:57:38.570 --> 01:57:41.698
I had to trade with a transvestite
in the men's ward.
01:57:44.785 --> 01:57:46.203
Thanks.
01:58:45.220 --> 01:58:47.097
I'm not really dead.
01:58:53.645 --> 01:58:55.188
I know.
01:58:59.693 --> 01:59:02.195
I'm gonna miss you, Susie Q.
01:59:04.698 --> 01:59:08.076
No, you're not.
You're gonna get out of here...
01:59:08.285 --> 01:59:10.662
...and you're gonna come and see me.
01:59:33.852 --> 01:59:35.687
Hey, Georgina.
01:59:35.938 --> 01:59:38.815
You know all that stuff
I write in my journal...
01:59:39.066 --> 01:59:41.151
...I don't know what I'm saying.
01:59:42.027 --> 01:59:45.113
They're just thoughts.
01:59:45.781 --> 01:59:47.783
Maybe I'm the liar.
01:59:49.618 --> 01:59:51.328
Maybe not.
01:59:59.920 --> 02:00:01.338
See you.
02:00:12.266 --> 02:00:16.812
You think if I left Ruby here
you'd take care of her for me?
02:00:17.271 --> 02:00:20.732
Let me play with her
when I come for my therapy?
02:00:31.743 --> 02:00:33.120
Bye, Ruby.
02:00:54.725 --> 02:00:57.019
Remember me when you shave your legs.
02:00:57.043 --> 02:01:17.043
Telegram Channel and Instagram Page
.:: @bollbolljan_com ::.
02:01:27.466 --> 02:01:29.635
Declared healthy...
02:01:29.843 --> 02:01:32.804
...and sent back into the world.
02:01:33.138 --> 02:01:35.641
My final diagnosis.:
02:01:36.016 --> 02:01:38.518
A recovered borderline.
02:01:39.603 --> 02:01:42.356
What that means, I still don't know.
02:01:43.607 --> 02:01:45.609
Was I ever crazy?
02:01:45.859 --> 02:01:48.445
-Maybe.
02:01:49.237 --> 02:01:51.698
Or maybe life is.
02:01:53.367 --> 02:01:55.118
I remember you.
02:01:57.496 --> 02:01:58.956
Where are you going?
02:01:59.957 --> 02:02:02.251
17 Burlingame.
02:02:02.459 --> 02:02:03.710
All right.
02:02:05.003 --> 02:02:07.839
Crazy isn't being broken...
02:02:08.131 --> 02:02:11.343
...or swallowing a dark secret.
02:02:11.843 --> 02:02:13.929
It's you or me...
02:02:14.179 --> 02:02:16.265
...amplified.
02:02:16.890 --> 02:02:19.518
If you ever told a lie...
02:02:19.768 --> 02:02:21.687
...and enjoyed it.
02:02:23.188 --> 02:02:27.484
If you ever wished you
could be a child forever.
02:02:28.819 --> 02:02:31.071
They were not perfect...
02:02:31.530 --> 02:02:33.824
...but they were my friends.
02:02:35.200 --> 02:02:37.452
And by the '70s...
02:02:37.661 --> 02:02:39.538
...most of them were out...
02:02:39.788 --> 02:02:41.790
...living lives.
02:02:42.541 --> 02:02:44.626
Some I've seen...
02:02:45.836 --> 02:02:48.380
...some, never again.
02:02:49.715 --> 02:02:53.176
But there isn't a day my heart
doesn't find them.