WEBVTT 00:00:00.618 --> 00:00:12.618 ..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::. 00:00:12.642 --> 00:00:15.600 It all began on New Year's Day... 00:00:15.642 --> 00:00:18.892 in my thirty-second year of being single. 00:00:20.183 --> 00:00:22.558 Once again, I found myself on my own... 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:26.808 and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. 00:00:26.850 --> 00:00:28.432 Every year, she tries to fix me up... 00:00:28.433 --> 00:00:30.808 with some bushy-haired, middle-aged bore... 00:00:30.850 --> 00:00:34.058 and I feared this year would be no exception. 00:00:34.100 --> 00:00:35.933 There you are, dumpling. 00:00:35.975 --> 00:00:37.600 My mum-- 00:00:37.642 --> 00:00:39.017 a strange creature from the time... 00:00:39.058 --> 00:00:40.392 when pickles on tooth picks... 00:00:40.433 --> 00:00:41.933 were still the height of sophistication. 00:00:41.975 --> 00:00:43.600 Doilies, Pam? Hello, Bridget. 00:00:43.642 --> 00:00:45.767 Third drawer from the top, Una. 00:00:45.808 --> 00:00:47.766 Under the mini gherkins. 00:00:47.767 --> 00:00:51.975 By the way, the Darcys are here. They brought Mark with them. 00:00:52.017 --> 00:00:53.600 Ah, here we go. 00:00:53.642 --> 00:00:55.017 You remember Mark. 00:00:55.058 --> 00:00:56.725 You used to play in his paddling pool. 00:00:56.767 --> 00:00:58.599 He's a barrister. Very well off. 00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:00.642 No, I don't remember. 00:01:00.683 --> 00:01:02.600 He's divorced, apparently. 00:01:02.642 --> 00:01:05.100 His wife was Japanese. Very cruel race. 00:01:05.142 --> 00:01:06.808 Now, what are you going to put on? 00:01:06.850 --> 00:01:07.975 This. 00:01:08.017 --> 00:01:09.892 Oh, don't be silly, Bridget. 00:01:09.933 --> 00:01:11.058 You'll never get a boyfriend... 00:01:11.100 --> 00:01:13.058 if you look like you've wandered out of Auschwitz. 00:01:13.100 --> 00:01:14.100 Now, run upstairs. 00:01:14.142 --> 00:01:16.099 I've laid out something lovely on your bed. 00:01:16.100 --> 00:01:19.183 Tsk. 00:01:19.392 --> 00:01:23.182 You're just too good to be true 00:01:23.183 --> 00:01:25.600 Can't take my eyes off of you 00:01:25.642 --> 00:01:30.016 Great. I was wearing a carpet. 00:01:30.017 --> 00:01:31.850 There she is. 00:01:31.892 --> 00:01:35.850 My little Bridget 00:01:35.892 --> 00:01:38.392 Hi, Uncle Geoffrey. Ha ha. 00:01:38.433 --> 00:01:39.725 - Hmm. Had a drink? - No. 00:01:39.767 --> 00:01:41.017 No? Come on, then. 00:01:41.058 --> 00:01:42.767 Actually, not my uncle. 00:01:42.808 --> 00:01:44.558 Someone who insists I call him uncle... 00:01:44.600 --> 00:01:45.933 while he gropes my ass... 00:01:45.975 --> 00:01:49.058 and asks me the question dreaded by all Singletons. 00:01:49.100 --> 00:01:52.142 So... how's your love life? 00:01:52.183 --> 00:01:54.392 Super. Thanks, Uncle G. 00:01:54.433 --> 00:01:56.432 Still no fellow, then, eh? I don't know. 00:01:56.433 --> 00:01:58.933 You career girls. Can't put it off forever. 00:01:58.975 --> 00:02:00.850 Tick-tock, tick-tock. 00:02:00.892 --> 00:02:03.433 - Hello, Dad. - Hello, darling. 00:02:03.475 --> 00:02:05.017 How's it going? 00:02:05.058 --> 00:02:06.642 Torture. 00:02:06.683 --> 00:02:09.600 Your mother is trying to fix you up with some divorcee. 00:02:09.642 --> 00:02:11.017 Uhh. 00:02:11.058 --> 00:02:14.142 Human-rights barrister. Pretty nasty beast, apparently. 00:02:14.183 --> 00:02:17.600 Hoo. Ding-dong. 00:02:17.642 --> 00:02:20.475 Maybe this time Mum had got it right. 00:02:20.517 --> 00:02:23.849 Come on. Why don't we see if Mark fancies a gherkin? 00:02:23.850 --> 00:02:25.850 Good luck. 00:02:25.933 --> 00:02:27.433 Mark? 00:02:27.475 --> 00:02:30.142 Maybe this was the mysterious Mr. Right... 00:02:30.183 --> 00:02:32.975 I'd been waiting my whole life to meet. 00:02:33.017 --> 00:02:36.100 You remember Bridget. 00:02:36.142 --> 00:02:37.892 Maybe not. 00:02:37.933 --> 00:02:39.683 She's used to run around your lawn... 00:02:39.725 --> 00:02:41.892 with no clothes on, remember? 00:02:41.933 --> 00:02:43.975 Uh, no, not as such. 00:02:45.683 --> 00:02:46.892 Come and look at your gravy, Pam. 00:02:46.933 --> 00:02:48.808 I think it's going to need sieving. 00:02:48.850 --> 00:02:50.023 Of course it doesn't need sieving. 00:02:50.058 --> 00:02:51.808 Just stir it, Una. 00:02:53.600 --> 00:02:55.058 Yes, of course. I'll be right there. 00:02:55.100 --> 00:02:58.058 Sorry. Lumpy gravy calls. 00:02:58.100 --> 00:03:00.558 Let me love you 00:03:02.058 --> 00:03:05.017 - So... ha. - So. 00:03:05.058 --> 00:03:08.225 You staying at your parents' for New Year? 00:03:08.350 --> 00:03:09.767 - Yes. - Mmm. 00:03:09.808 --> 00:03:11.183 - You? - Oh, no, no, no. 00:03:11.392 --> 00:03:13.392 I was in London at a party last night... 00:03:13.433 --> 00:03:15.725 so I'm afraid I'm a bit hung over. 00:03:15.767 --> 00:03:17.683 Wish I could be lying with my head in the toilet... 00:03:17.725 --> 00:03:19.183 Like all normal people. 00:03:21.183 --> 00:03:23.892 New Year's resolution-- drink less. 00:03:23.933 --> 00:03:26.892 Oh, and quit smoking. Mmm. Ha. 00:03:26.933 --> 00:03:29.600 - Oh. - Oh. Ha. 00:03:29.642 --> 00:03:32.017 And keep New Year's resolutions. 00:03:33.808 --> 00:03:36.766 Oh. And, uh... 00:03:36.767 --> 00:03:39.725 stop talking total nonsense to strangers. 00:03:39.767 --> 00:03:42.057 In fact, stop talking, full stop. 00:03:42.058 --> 00:03:45.642 Yes, well, perhaps it's time to eat. 00:03:45.683 --> 00:03:46.642 Mmm. 00:03:46.683 --> 00:03:48.516 I need you, baby 00:03:48.517 --> 00:03:49.475 Apparently... 00:03:50.126 --> 00:03:51.575 she lives just 'round the corner from you. 00:03:51.600 --> 00:03:54.142 Mother, I do not need a blind date. 00:03:54.183 --> 00:03:56.808 Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster... 00:03:56.850 --> 00:03:58.642 who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish... 00:03:58.683 --> 00:04:00.725 and dresses like her mother. 00:04:03.392 --> 00:04:05.100 Yummy. 00:04:05.142 --> 00:04:07.016 Turkey curry. 00:04:07.017 --> 00:04:08.892 My favorite. 00:04:08.933 --> 00:04:11.767 And that was it. Right there. 00:04:11.808 --> 00:04:14.725 Right there. That was the moment. 00:04:16.933 --> 00:04:20.142 I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon... 00:04:20.183 --> 00:04:22.808 I was going to live a life where my major relationship... 00:04:22.850 --> 00:04:24.725 was with a bottle of wine... 00:04:24.767 --> 00:04:27.933 and I'd finally die fat and alone... 00:04:27.975 --> 00:04:31.766 and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. 00:04:31.767 --> 00:04:34.433 Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close... 00:04:34.475 --> 00:04:35.892 in "Fatal Attraction." 00:04:37.517 --> 00:04:43.767 All by myself 00:04:43.808 --> 00:04:45.725 Don't wanna be 00:04:45.767 --> 00:04:50.099 All by myself 00:04:50.100 --> 00:04:53.100 Anymore 00:04:53.142 --> 00:04:55.725 You have no messages. 00:05:22.017 --> 00:05:23.933 When I was young 00:05:25.517 --> 00:05:28.892 I never needed anyone 00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:35.183 And making' love was just for fun 00:05:37.517 --> 00:05:40.058 Those days are gone 00:05:45.433 --> 00:05:50.433 All by myself 00:05:51.600 --> 00:05:53.183 Don't wanna be 00:05:53.392 --> 00:05:57.767 All by myself 00:05:57.808 --> 00:05:58.308 Anymore 00:06:02.808 --> 00:06:06.682 Ohh 00:06:06.683 --> 00:06:08.683 Ohh 00:06:08.725 --> 00:06:09.808 Oh-oh-oh 00:06:19.017 --> 00:06:24.475 All by myself 00:06:25.517 --> 00:06:28.642 Don't wanna live... 00:06:28.683 --> 00:06:30.725 And so I made a major decision. 00:06:30.767 --> 00:06:32.182 I had to make sure that next year... 00:06:32.183 --> 00:06:35.475 I wouldn't end up shit-faced and listening to sad FM... 00:06:35.517 --> 00:06:37.933 easy-listening for the over-thirties. 00:06:37.975 --> 00:06:40.892 I decided to take control of my life... 00:06:40.933 --> 00:06:42.433 and start a diary... 00:06:42.475 --> 00:06:45.142 to tell the truth about Bridget Jones... 00:06:45.183 --> 00:06:46.517 the whole truth. 00:06:47.933 --> 00:06:50.058 Resolution number one-- ohh-- 00:06:50.649 --> 00:06:51.891 obviously will I lose twenty pounds. 00:06:51.892 --> 00:06:52.808 Number two... 00:06:52.850 --> 00:06:55.392 always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. 00:06:55.433 --> 00:06:56.808 Equally important... 00:06:56.850 --> 00:06:59.475 will find nice sensible boyfriend to go out with... 00:06:59.517 --> 00:07:01.517 and not continue to form romantic attachments... 00:07:01.558 --> 00:07:03.058 to any of the following... 00:07:03.100 --> 00:07:05.475 alcoholics, workaholics, commitment-phobics... 00:07:05.517 --> 00:07:06.849 peepingtoms, megalomaniacs... 00:07:06.850 --> 00:07:08.767 emotional fuck wits, or perverts. 00:07:08.808 --> 00:07:11.475 And especially will not fantasize... 00:07:11.517 --> 00:07:16.058 about a particular person who embodies all these things. 00:07:16.100 --> 00:07:19.142 What you want 00:07:19.392 --> 00:07:21.475 Baby, I got 00:07:21.517 --> 00:07:23.183 What you need 00:07:23.392 --> 00:07:24.808 Do you know I got it? 00:07:24.850 --> 00:07:28.183 Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss... 00:07:28.433 --> 00:07:30.475 Editor-in-Chief, Daniel Cleaver. 00:07:30.517 --> 00:07:32.391 And for various slightly unfair reasons... 00:07:32.392 --> 00:07:34.642 relating to this year's Christmas party... 00:07:34.683 --> 00:07:38.517 I suspect he does not fantasize about me. 00:07:38.558 --> 00:07:40.683 Oh 00:07:40.725 --> 00:07:44.850 Can't live 00:07:44.892 --> 00:07:48.558 If living is without you 00:07:48.600 --> 00:07:53.142 I can't live 00:07:53.183 --> 00:07:54.808 Can't give anymore 00:07:54.850 --> 00:07:57.392 Or maybe I'm wrong. 00:07:57.433 --> 00:07:58.558 Huh? 00:08:07.183 --> 00:08:09.017 Ah. 00:08:09.058 --> 00:08:11.392 Happy New Year, Mr. Fitzherbert. 00:08:11.433 --> 00:08:12.767 Happy New Year, Brenda. 00:08:12.808 --> 00:08:15.475 Mr. Fitzherbert-- Tits Pervert, more like. 00:08:15.517 --> 00:08:17.392 Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts... 00:08:17.433 --> 00:08:20.183 with no idea who lam or what I do. 00:08:20.392 --> 00:08:22.558 Morning. I need that "Kafka's Motor bike" release... 00:08:22.600 --> 00:08:23.767 by 11:00. 00:08:23.808 --> 00:08:26.433 Perpetua-- slightly senior... 00:08:26.475 --> 00:08:28.475 and therefore thinks she's in charge of me. 00:08:28.517 --> 00:08:29.683 Most of the time... 00:08:29.725 --> 00:08:32.392 I just want to staple things to her head. 00:08:33.642 --> 00:08:34.808 Publicity. 00:08:34.850 --> 00:08:36.767 All I asked-- I only asked... 00:08:36.808 --> 00:08:39.558 if he wanted to come on a mini-break to Paris... 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:41.517 Daily call from Jude. Best friend. 00:08:41.642 --> 00:08:43.517 Head of investment at Brightlings Bank... 00:08:43.558 --> 00:08:45.100 who spends most of her time... 00:08:45.142 --> 00:08:48.016 trapped in the lady's toilet, crying over fuck wit boyfriend. 00:08:48.017 --> 00:08:49.642 I'm too needy. 00:08:49.683 --> 00:08:51.183 Am I codependent? 00:08:51.392 --> 00:08:52.767 No, you're not. 00:08:52.808 --> 00:08:54.892 It's not you. You're lovely. 00:08:54.933 --> 00:08:56.850 It's Vile Richard. 00:08:56.892 --> 00:08:59.808 Ugh. He's just a big knob head with no knob. 00:09:01.725 --> 00:09:06.142 Is some people's opinion of Kafka... 00:09:06.183 --> 00:09:08.100 but they couldn't be more wrong. 00:09:08.142 --> 00:09:09.642 This book is a searing vision... 00:09:09.683 --> 00:09:11.808 of the wounds our century has inflicted on-- 00:09:11.850 --> 00:09:13.724 on traditional masculinity. 00:09:13.725 --> 00:09:16.767 It's positively Vonnegut-esque. 00:09:16.808 --> 00:09:18.767 Thank you for calling, Professor Leavis. 00:09:20.058 --> 00:09:22.849 Guest list for launch party. 00:09:22.850 --> 00:09:24.058 Ah. 00:09:25.600 --> 00:09:29.016 Was that... F.R. Leavis? 00:09:29.017 --> 00:09:31.516 Mm-hmm. 00:09:31.517 --> 00:09:32.725 Wow. 00:09:32.767 --> 00:09:34.058 Huh. 00:09:34.100 --> 00:09:35.808 The F.R. Leavis... 00:09:35.850 --> 00:09:38.558 who wrote "Mass Civilization and Minority Culture"? 00:09:38.600 --> 00:09:40.100 Mm-hmm. 00:09:40.142 --> 00:09:43.850 The F.R. Leavis who died in 1978? 00:09:46.850 --> 00:09:48.683 Amazing. 00:09:51.392 --> 00:09:53.142 Emergency summit with urban family... 00:09:53.183 --> 00:09:55.600 for coherent discussion of career crisis. 00:09:55.642 --> 00:09:57.892 Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of them. 00:09:57.933 --> 00:09:59.975 Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis... 00:10:00.058 --> 00:10:01.850 up their fucking asses. 00:10:01.892 --> 00:10:04.433 Good, good. That's very useful, very useful. 00:10:04.558 --> 00:10:06.016 Shazzer--journalist... 00:10:06.017 --> 00:10:07.850 I likes to say "fuck" a lot. 00:10:07.892 --> 00:10:10.475 And, Jude, what would you do if one of your assistants... 00:10:10.517 --> 00:10:12.725 made a harmless little mistake like that? 00:10:12.767 --> 00:10:14.100 I'd fire you, Bridge. 00:10:14.142 --> 00:10:15.850 Excellent. 00:10:15.892 --> 00:10:18.100 Is that Cleaver chap still as cute as ever? 00:10:18.142 --> 00:10:19.558 Oh, God, yes. 00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:21.557 Then I think a well-timed blow job's... 00:10:21.558 --> 00:10:22.683 probably the best answer. 00:10:22.725 --> 00:10:24.058 - Ohh. - Oh, you love it. 00:10:24.100 --> 00:10:26.392 Are you that chap that sang that song? 00:10:26.433 --> 00:10:28.142 Yes. Yes, I am. 00:10:28.183 --> 00:10:29.850 Tom-- Eighties pop icon 00:10:29.892 --> 00:10:31.975 who only wrote one hit record... 00:10:32.017 --> 00:10:33.975 then retired because he found that one record... 00:10:34.017 --> 00:10:35.475 was quite enough to get him laid... 00:10:35.517 --> 00:10:36.975 for the whole of the Nineties. 00:10:37.017 --> 00:10:39.642 - Great song. - Thank you so much. 00:10:39.683 --> 00:10:41.057 Total poof, of course. 00:10:41.058 --> 00:10:43.057 - More vodka? - No. 00:10:43.058 --> 00:10:46.016 Yes. Fill her up, God damn it. 00:10:46.017 --> 00:10:47.642 At least now I'm in my thirties... 00:10:47.683 --> 00:10:48.850 I can hold my drink. 00:10:50.058 --> 00:10:52.767 Ohh! Whoops. 00:10:52.808 --> 00:10:56.058 - Mind the step. - She's fine. Drive on. 00:10:56.433 --> 00:11:00.683 Apparently F.R. Leavis is coming. 00:11:02.683 --> 00:11:04.683 Afternoon, Bridget. 00:11:04.767 --> 00:11:07.850 What do you mean you're going on holiday? 00:11:07.892 --> 00:11:10.808 Well, what about Julia? 00:11:12.892 --> 00:11:16.058 Does she have to go to the funeral? 00:11:40.392 --> 00:11:42.975 Listen, we got a little problem... 00:11:44.892 --> 00:11:47.892 The only problem is the kitchen. 00:11:47.933 --> 00:11:49.850 Quite frankly, there isn't room... 00:11:49.892 --> 00:11:52.975 Message Mr. Cleaver. 00:11:53.017 --> 00:11:55.558 Am appalled by message. 00:11:55.600 --> 00:11:59.600 Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent. 00:11:59.642 --> 00:12:02.683 Appalled by management's blatantly size-ist attitude... 00:12:02.725 --> 00:12:03.933 to skirt. 00:12:03.975 --> 00:12:07.642 Suggest management sick, not skirt! 00:12:07.683 --> 00:12:09.682 That's quite ridiculous. 00:12:09.683 --> 00:12:11.850 Ooh. Oh, I see. 00:12:11.892 --> 00:12:13.600 Hang on. Hang on. 00:12:20.725 --> 00:12:23.183 Right. Yeah. 00:12:23.392 --> 00:12:25.142 No, I understand that. 00:12:25.183 --> 00:12:26.933 I understand that perfectly. 00:12:32.475 --> 00:12:34.892 Very bad start to the year. 00:12:34.933 --> 00:12:36.767 Have been seduced by informality... 00:12:36.808 --> 00:12:40.058 of messaging medium into flirting with office scoundrel. 00:12:40.100 --> 00:12:44.558 Will persevere with resolution to find a nice sensible man. 00:12:44.600 --> 00:12:48.392 Will put a stop to flirting... first thing tomorrow. 00:12:48.433 --> 00:12:49.850 Good plan. 00:12:57.058 --> 00:12:58.642 Don't get me wrong 00:12:58.725 --> 00:12:59.975 If walking past office... 00:13:00.017 --> 00:13:01.891 was attempt to demonstrate presence of skirt... 00:13:01.892 --> 00:13:04.142 can only say that it has failed parlously. 00:13:04.183 --> 00:13:05.725 Cleave. 00:13:05.767 --> 00:13:08.850 Shut up, please. I'm very busy and important. 00:13:08.892 --> 00:13:11.683 P.S. How dare you sexually harass me... 00:13:11.725 --> 00:13:14.017 in this impertinent manner. 00:13:14.058 --> 00:13:15.516 Message Jones. 00:13:15.517 --> 00:13:16.767 Mortified to have caused offense. 00:13:16.808 --> 00:13:19.183 Will avoid all non-P.C. overtones in future. 00:13:19.392 --> 00:13:20.850 Deeply apologetic. 00:13:20.892 --> 00:13:23.558 P.S. Like your tits in that top. 00:13:25.433 --> 00:13:26.933 I'm thinking about the fire works 00:13:26.975 --> 00:13:29.017 Mustn't read too much into it, no. 00:13:29.058 --> 00:13:30.850 Dum lum dee dum 00:13:30.892 --> 00:13:33.642 Dum dum dee dum, dum dum dee dum dum 00:13:33.683 --> 00:13:34.933 And it all began, of course... 00:13:34.975 --> 00:13:36.892 with some very irresponsible e-mailing... 00:13:36.933 --> 00:13:39.142 over Bridget's non-existent skirt. 00:13:39.183 --> 00:13:42.808 If I split like light refracted 00:13:44.517 --> 00:13:47.100 I'm only off to wander 00:13:48.558 --> 00:13:51.516 Daniel. The New York office for you. 00:13:51.517 --> 00:13:54.392 Yeah, tell them I'll get back to them. 00:13:55.767 --> 00:13:57.475 Once in a while 00:14:05.808 --> 00:14:07.475 Daniel. 00:14:07.517 --> 00:14:08.683 Jones-- 00:14:08.725 --> 00:14:10.808 - Evening, Kenneth. - Good evening, Daniel. 00:14:14.558 --> 00:14:16.558 If you've got a moment... 00:14:16.600 --> 00:14:18.014 I'd like a word before you leave tonight. 00:14:18.017 --> 00:14:19.558 Yes, certainly. 00:14:22.725 --> 00:14:24.892 - I'll see you in a sec. - Excellent. 00:14:24.933 --> 00:14:26.475 - And, Brenda... - Yes? 00:14:26.517 --> 00:14:28.058 At the "Kafka's Motor bike" thing... 00:14:28.100 --> 00:14:30.100 I thought it might be fun if you introduce me... 00:14:30.142 --> 00:14:31.516 before I introduce him. 00:14:31.517 --> 00:14:33.475 Add a lovely sense of occasion. 00:14:35.517 --> 00:14:37.100 Certainly, sir. 00:14:37.142 --> 00:14:38.975 Hmm. 00:14:39.017 --> 00:14:41.600 Tch. Brenda, listen. 00:14:41.642 --> 00:14:43.183 What are you doing tonight? 00:14:43.392 --> 00:14:44.849 Actually, I'm busy. 00:14:44.850 --> 00:14:48.683 All right. Well, that's a shame. I just, uh... 00:14:48.725 --> 00:14:50.142 well, I thought it might be a charitable thing... 00:14:50.183 --> 00:14:51.600 to take your skirt out for dinner... 00:14:51.642 --> 00:14:52.767 and try and fatten it up a bit. 00:14:52.808 --> 00:14:55.475 - Hmm. - Maybe you can come, too. 00:14:55.517 --> 00:14:57.642 What about tomorrow? 00:14:57.683 --> 00:14:59.725 No. Tomorrow's the launch. 00:14:59.767 --> 00:15:01.517 Ah, yes, of course. 00:15:01.558 --> 00:15:03.600 Possibly the worst book ever published. 00:15:03.642 --> 00:15:08.392 Well, in the end, that's not the ad line we've gone for. 00:15:08.433 --> 00:15:09.975 Next night? 00:15:10.017 --> 00:15:11.475 Let's see, shall we? 00:15:12.683 --> 00:15:14.057 Good night, Daniel. 00:15:14.058 --> 00:15:16.558 Right. No pressure, Bridge... 00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:20.142 but your whole future happiness now depends on how you behave... 00:15:20.183 --> 00:15:21.892 on this one social occasion. 00:15:21.933 --> 00:15:23.683 Right. What should I do? 00:15:23.725 --> 00:15:25.558 First, look gorgeous. 00:15:35.892 --> 00:15:37.100 Ohh! 00:15:37.142 --> 00:15:40.142 Ow! Gooh! 00:15:40.392 --> 00:15:44.767 Two--then totally ignore Daniel and suck up to famous authors. 00:15:44.808 --> 00:15:46.475 Salman. 00:15:46.517 --> 00:15:48.433 Salman. Salman. 00:15:48.475 --> 00:15:50.725 Circulate. 00:15:50.767 --> 00:15:52.850 Oozing intelligence. 00:15:52.892 --> 00:15:54.975 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 00:15:55.017 --> 00:15:57.683 Isn't it terrible about Chechnya? 00:15:57.725 --> 00:15:59.100 Chech-nya! 00:15:59.142 --> 00:16:00.850 Introduce people with thoughtful details... 00:16:00.892 --> 00:16:03.017 such as, "Sheila... 00:16:03.058 --> 00:16:05.558 "This is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:08.517 "Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. 00:16:08.558 --> 00:16:10.642 "Daniel enjoys publishing and comes--" 00:16:10.683 --> 00:16:11.850 All over your face? 00:16:11.892 --> 00:16:13.017 Exactly. 00:16:13.058 --> 00:16:14.558 Excuse me. 00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:16.932 I'm terribly sorry to interrupt you... 00:16:16.933 --> 00:16:18.808 when you're having dinner. It's just that-- 00:16:18.850 --> 00:16:21.682 Yes. Yes, it was me. 00:16:21.683 --> 00:16:23.933 Yes. Nine years ago. 00:16:23.975 --> 00:16:25.850 No current plans to record anything else. 00:16:25.892 --> 00:16:27.142 Thank you so much. 00:16:27.183 --> 00:16:28.975 Oh, it's just that, ahem... 00:16:29.017 --> 00:16:32.183 your--your chair is on my wife's coat. 00:16:33.850 --> 00:16:35.642 Your--your chair on the... 00:16:35.683 --> 00:16:37.683 Of course it is. Of course it is. 00:16:37.767 --> 00:16:39.392 Thank you so much. Thank you. 00:16:39.433 --> 00:16:41.808 Hmm. Major dilemma. 00:16:41.850 --> 00:16:43.600 If actually do, by some terrible chance... 00:16:43.642 --> 00:16:45.142 end up inflagrante... 00:16:45.183 --> 00:16:48.642 surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment. 00:16:48.683 --> 00:16:50.850 However, chances of reaching crucial moment... 00:16:50.892 --> 00:16:53.391 greatly increase by wearing these. 00:16:53.392 --> 00:16:55.517 Scary stomach-holding-in panties. 00:16:55.558 --> 00:16:58.017 Very popular with grannies the world over. 00:16:58.058 --> 00:17:01.683 Ha. Tricky. Very tricky. 00:17:17.142 --> 00:17:18.683 Ladies and gentlemen... 00:17:18.725 --> 00:17:21.517 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 00:17:21.558 --> 00:17:22.933 "The Greatest Book of Our Tiime"... 00:17:22.975 --> 00:17:25.767 and here to introduce it is Mr. Tits Pervert. 00:17:25.808 --> 00:17:28.767 Ooh, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert, Fitzherbert. 00:17:29.933 --> 00:17:33.850 OK, circulate, oozing intelligence. 00:17:33.892 --> 00:17:37.183 Ignore Daniel, and be fabulous with everyone else. 00:17:37.392 --> 00:17:41.142 I am the intellectual equal of everyone else here. 00:17:41.183 --> 00:17:42.474 Ooh. 00:17:42.475 --> 00:17:44.725 It's like a whole theory of short fiction... 00:17:44.767 --> 00:17:46.517 and of the novella, you know? 00:17:46.558 --> 00:17:47.767 And, of course, the problem... 00:17:47.808 --> 00:17:49.558 with Martin's definition of the novella... 00:17:49.600 --> 00:17:51.017 is that it really only applies to him. 00:17:53.892 --> 00:17:55.975 That doesn't sound like Martin. 00:17:56.017 --> 00:17:58.183 Not. 00:17:58.392 --> 00:18:00.600 I could be wrong. What do you think? 00:18:00.642 --> 00:18:05.017 Uh... do you know... 00:18:06.433 --> 00:18:10.892 where the toilets are, huh? 00:18:10.933 --> 00:18:14.683 Stay calm. Can't get any worse. 00:18:17.642 --> 00:18:19.808 What are you doing here? 00:18:19.850 --> 00:18:23.058 I've been asking myself the same question. 00:18:23.100 --> 00:18:25.142 I came with a colleague. 00:18:25.183 --> 00:18:26.558 So how are you? 00:18:26.600 --> 00:18:28.517 Well, apart from being very disappointed... 00:18:28.558 --> 00:18:31.642 not to see my favorite reindeer jumper again... 00:18:31.683 --> 00:18:32.975 I'm well. 00:18:33.017 --> 00:18:34.767 Anyone going to introduce me? 00:18:34.808 --> 00:18:38.142 Ah, introduce people with thoughtful details. 00:18:38.183 --> 00:18:39.850 Perpetua. Ha. 00:18:39.892 --> 00:18:41.683 This is Mark Darcy. 00:18:41.725 --> 00:18:43.808 Mark's a prematurely middle-aged prick... 00:18:43.850 --> 00:18:45.642 with a cruel-raced ex-wife. 00:18:45.683 --> 00:18:47.017 Perpetua's a fat-ass old bag... 00:18:47.058 --> 00:18:48.975 who spends her time bossing me around. 00:18:50.725 --> 00:18:52.517 Maybe not. 00:18:52.558 --> 00:18:53.850 Anyone going to introduce me? 00:18:53.892 --> 00:18:56.432 Ah, Perpetua. 00:18:56.433 --> 00:18:58.475 Uh, this is Mark Darcy. 00:18:58.517 --> 00:19:00.475 Mark's a top barrister. 00:19:00.517 --> 00:19:02.725 Oh, he comes from Garth and Underwood. 00:19:02.767 --> 00:19:04.725 Perpetua is one of my work colleagues. 00:19:04.767 --> 00:19:07.433 Why, Mark, I know you by reputation, of course. 00:19:09.517 --> 00:19:11.017 Ah, Natasha. 00:19:11.058 --> 00:19:13.683 This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. 00:19:13.725 --> 00:19:16.975 Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law. 00:19:17.017 --> 00:19:18.392 Bridget works in publishing... 00:19:18.433 --> 00:19:20.850 and used to play naked in my paddling pool. 00:19:22.183 --> 00:19:24.642 - How odd. - Ha ha. 00:19:24.683 --> 00:19:26.558 Perpetua, how's the house hunt going? 00:19:26.600 --> 00:19:28.142 Disaster. 00:19:28.183 --> 00:19:30.475 I oughtn't go into it with you. 00:19:30.517 --> 00:19:34.475 By the by, that man is gorgeous. 00:19:34.517 --> 00:19:35.892 Ah, yes, Mark. 00:19:35.933 --> 00:19:38.183 Just give me time. Give me time. 00:19:39.683 --> 00:19:41.975 "You've written as earing vision--" 00:19:42.017 --> 00:19:43.683 Can you remember the rest of this? 00:19:43.725 --> 00:19:45.100 "Of the wounds our century... 00:19:45.142 --> 00:19:47.724 "has inflicted on traditional masculinity. 00:19:47.725 --> 00:19:49.683 "Positively Vonnegut-esgue." Obviously. 00:19:51.808 --> 00:19:53.808 Listen, you don't know where the loos are here, do you? 00:19:53.850 --> 00:19:55.808 Uh, yes. In the hallway. 00:19:55.850 --> 00:19:56.975 Thanks. 00:20:01.142 --> 00:20:02.433 One, two. 00:20:05.683 --> 00:20:07.767 Ladies and gentlemen. 00:20:07.808 --> 00:20:09.642 L-- 00:20:11.725 --> 00:20:13.892 L-ladies and... 00:20:13.933 --> 00:20:15.725 L-- 00:20:15.767 --> 00:20:16.892 Oi! 00:20:16.933 --> 00:20:18.392 Oi! 00:20:20.392 --> 00:20:21.892 Sorry. The, uh... 00:20:21.933 --> 00:20:25.433 mike's not... work--working. Ahem. 00:20:25.475 --> 00:20:27.975 Ladies and gentlemen... 00:20:28.058 --> 00:20:33.558 welcome to the launch of "Kafka's Motor bike"... 00:20:33.600 --> 00:20:36.600 "The Greatest Book of Our Time." 00:20:40.517 --> 00:20:45.017 Obviously except for your books, Mr. Rushdie... 00:20:45.058 --> 00:20:48.642 which are also very good. 00:20:51.433 --> 00:20:53.600 And Lord Archer... 00:20:53.642 --> 00:20:56.767 yours aren't bad, either. 00:20:56.808 --> 00:20:58.183 Anyway... 00:20:58.392 --> 00:21:00.642 uh, what I mean is, uh... 00:21:00.683 --> 00:21:02.767 welcome, ladies and gentlemen. 00:21:02.808 --> 00:21:05.766 Thank you for coming to the launch of... 00:21:05.767 --> 00:21:09.724 one of the top thirty books of our time. 00:21:09.725 --> 00:21:12.808 Anyway, at least. 00:21:12.850 --> 00:21:16.100 And here to introduce it, ha... 00:21:16.142 --> 00:21:17.808 properly, ha ha... 00:21:17.850 --> 00:21:20.517 is, uh, the man we all call, uh... 00:21:20.558 --> 00:21:22.767 Tits Pervert. 00:21:22.808 --> 00:21:23.975 Mr... 00:21:24.017 --> 00:21:25.100 Tits Pervert! 00:21:25.142 --> 00:21:26.892 Mr... 00:21:28.433 --> 00:21:29.600 Tits Pervert. 00:21:29.642 --> 00:21:31.516 Fitzherbert, uh... 00:21:31.517 --> 00:21:33.100 because... 00:21:33.142 --> 00:21:36.683 that is his name. 00:21:36.767 --> 00:21:38.975 Mr. Fitzherbert. 00:21:40.142 --> 00:21:41.642 Thank you. 00:21:46.183 --> 00:21:47.892 Thank you, Brenda. 00:21:49.767 --> 00:21:51.808 Just switch this on. 00:21:55.975 --> 00:21:57.558 So how autobiographical... 00:21:57.600 --> 00:21:59.058 is your work, Salman? 00:21:59.100 --> 00:22:00.475 You know, it's an amazing thing... 00:22:00.517 --> 00:22:02.433 nobody's ever asked me that question. 00:22:02.475 --> 00:22:04.017 Excuse me. 00:22:04.058 --> 00:22:06.725 Jones. Sod 'em all. 00:22:06.767 --> 00:22:09.100 It was a brilliant... 00:22:09.142 --> 00:22:14.516 post-modernist masterpiece of oratorical fireworks, really. 00:22:14.517 --> 00:22:15.683 Uhh. 00:22:15.725 --> 00:22:17.475 You're looking very sexy, Jones. 00:22:17.517 --> 00:22:19.516 I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now... 00:22:19.517 --> 00:22:21.683 whether you like it or not, OK? 00:22:21.725 --> 00:22:22.892 Come on, get your stuff. 00:22:30.558 --> 00:22:32.767 So how do you feel about this whole situation... 00:22:32.808 --> 00:22:34.642 in Chechnya? Isn't it a nightmare? 00:22:34.683 --> 00:22:36.058 I couldn't give a fuck, Jones. 00:22:36.100 --> 00:22:39.975 Now, look, how do you know Arsey Darcy? 00:22:40.017 --> 00:22:42.933 Apparently, I used to run 'round naked... 00:22:42.975 --> 00:22:44.433 in his paddling pool. 00:22:44.475 --> 00:22:46.683 I bet you did, you dirty bitch. 00:22:46.725 --> 00:22:48.808 What about you? 00:22:48.850 --> 00:22:50.475 Same. Yeah. 00:22:51.892 --> 00:22:55.142 No, no, I was best man at his wedding. 00:22:55.183 --> 00:22:56.892 Um, knew him from Cambridge. 00:22:56.933 --> 00:22:58.142 He was a mate. 00:22:58.183 --> 00:23:00.183 And then what? 00:23:00.392 --> 00:23:03.600 And then, uh... nothing. 00:23:03.642 --> 00:23:06.142 You don't need to protect him. He's no friend of mine. 00:23:06.183 --> 00:23:08.725 Well, um, then... 00:23:08.767 --> 00:23:10.933 many years later... 00:23:10.975 --> 00:23:14.475 I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake... 00:23:14.517 --> 00:23:18.892 of introducing him to my fiancee. 00:23:22.183 --> 00:23:23.808 And, um... 00:23:26.517 --> 00:23:30.433 I couldn't say, in all honesty, I've ever quite forgiven him. 00:23:30.475 --> 00:23:32.850 God, so... 00:23:32.892 --> 00:23:35.892 he's a nasty bastard. 00:23:35.933 --> 00:23:37.683 And a dull bastard. 00:23:37.725 --> 00:23:39.933 Yes. Yes, I think that's fair. 00:23:39.975 --> 00:23:42.891 Anyway, fuck him. Listen, don't let him ruin our evening. 00:23:42.892 --> 00:23:44.642 Why don't you have some more wine... 00:23:44.683 --> 00:23:46.558 and tell me more about practicing French-kissing... 00:23:46.600 --> 00:23:47.738 with the other girls at school... 00:23:47.767 --> 00:23:48.871 because that's a very good story. 00:23:48.892 --> 00:23:51.600 - It wasn't French-kissing. - Don't care. Make it up. 00:23:51.642 --> 00:23:53.557 That's an order, Jones. 00:23:53.558 --> 00:23:56.183 So, um, how about a drink at my place? 00:23:56.392 --> 00:23:58.683 Totally innocent, no funny business... 00:23:58.725 --> 00:24:00.683 just full sex. 00:24:01.767 --> 00:24:03.433 No, no, no. 00:24:03.475 --> 00:24:05.558 I should get a taxi. 00:24:05.600 --> 00:24:08.767 But thank you for the lovely dinner. 00:24:10.892 --> 00:24:13.975 It's a pleasure, Jones. 00:24:18.142 --> 00:24:21.017 Oh, love 00:24:21.058 --> 00:24:23.058 Love, love 00:24:23.100 --> 00:24:25.058 Oh 00:24:27.725 --> 00:24:30.475 Ooh 00:24:30.517 --> 00:24:32.475 You're alone 00:24:32.517 --> 00:24:34.558 All the time 00:24:34.600 --> 00:24:37.850 Does it ever puzzle you 00:24:37.892 --> 00:24:41.600 Have you asked why you seem 00:24:41.642 --> 00:24:43.975 To falling love 00:24:44.017 --> 00:24:46.142 And out again 00:24:46.183 --> 00:24:49.975 Do you really ever love 00:24:50.017 --> 00:24:51.642 Or just pretend 00:24:51.683 --> 00:24:53.182 Oh, baby 00:24:53.183 --> 00:24:56.182 Why fool yourself? 00:24:56.183 --> 00:24:59.850 Don't be afraid to help yourself 00:24:59.892 --> 00:25:02.850 Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. 00:25:02.892 --> 00:25:06.475 And this is a very silly little dress. 00:25:06.517 --> 00:25:08.142 And, um... 00:25:08.183 --> 00:25:10.724 these are, uh... 00:25:10.725 --> 00:25:13.558 fuck me, absolutely enormous panties. 00:25:13.600 --> 00:25:15.183 Jesus. Fuck. 00:25:15.392 --> 00:25:17.392 No, no, don't apologize. I like them. 00:25:17.433 --> 00:25:19.975 Hello, Mummy. 00:25:20.017 --> 00:25:23.183 Love 00:25:23.392 --> 00:25:24.737 I'm sorry, I have to have another look. 00:25:24.767 --> 00:25:26.558 - They're too good to be true. - No. 00:25:26.600 --> 00:25:27.724 There's nothing to be embarrassed about. 00:25:27.725 --> 00:25:29.100 I'm wearing something quite similar myself. 00:25:29.142 --> 00:25:32.725 - Here, I'll show you. - No. No. 00:25:32.767 --> 00:25:34.183 This time decide 00:25:34.392 --> 00:25:37.850 That you will open up 00:25:37.892 --> 00:25:40.391 Let it in 00:25:40.392 --> 00:25:43.183 There's no shame in sharin' love 00:25:43.392 --> 00:25:46.975 You feel within 00:25:47.017 --> 00:25:49.683 So jump right in 00:25:49.725 --> 00:25:52.475 Head over heels 00:25:52.517 --> 00:25:54.517 And fall right in 00:25:54.600 --> 00:25:55.808 Ha. Huh. 00:25:55.850 --> 00:25:57.100 That was fantastic. 00:25:57.142 --> 00:25:59.142 Ohh. Mmm. 00:25:59.183 --> 00:26:00.724 Ay, ay. 00:26:00.725 --> 00:26:02.517 Ohh. Daniel. 00:26:02.558 --> 00:26:03.683 Yeah? 00:26:03.725 --> 00:26:06.183 What happens at the office? 00:26:06.433 --> 00:26:08.183 Oh. Well, I'm glad you asked that. 00:26:08.392 --> 00:26:11.017 You see, it's a publishing house. 00:26:11.058 --> 00:26:13.057 So that means that people write things for us... 00:26:13.058 --> 00:26:14.683 and then we print out all the pages... 00:26:14.767 --> 00:26:15.975 and fasten them together... 00:26:16.017 --> 00:26:17.892 and make them into what we call a book, Jones. 00:26:17.933 --> 00:26:22.433 No, do you think people will notice? 00:26:22.475 --> 00:26:23.642 Notice what? 00:26:23.683 --> 00:26:26.808 Us. Working together, sleeping together. 00:26:26.850 --> 00:26:28.017 Hang on a minute, Jones. 00:26:28.058 --> 00:26:31.392 Just slow down. It started on Tuesday... 00:26:31.433 --> 00:26:32.975 and now it's Thursday. 00:26:33.017 --> 00:26:35.017 It's not exactly... 00:26:35.058 --> 00:26:37.850 um, a long-term relationship, is it? 00:26:37.892 --> 00:26:41.475 You're very bad. 00:26:46.850 --> 00:26:47.975 Ohh. 00:26:49.142 --> 00:26:51.683 Mmm. 00:26:51.725 --> 00:26:53.683 Bridget Jones, want on sex goddess... 00:26:53.725 --> 00:26:57.558 with a very bad man between her thighs. 00:26:57.600 --> 00:26:59.808 Mum. Hi. 00:26:59.850 --> 00:27:01.975 It's the truth universally acknowledged... 00:27:02.017 --> 00:27:05.642 that the moment one area of your life starts going OK... 00:27:05.683 --> 00:27:09.767 another part of it falls spectacularly to pieces. 00:27:09.808 --> 00:27:11.933 Ah, anyone else want to have it off? 00:27:11.975 --> 00:27:13.808 Ha ha. Don't be shy, madame. 00:27:13.850 --> 00:27:20.767 French. Have it oeuf. Ha ha! With the wise crack egg peeler. 00:27:20.808 --> 00:27:23.683 Now, nice firm grip. 00:27:25.017 --> 00:27:27.849 Put it in the hole. And... 00:27:27.850 --> 00:27:30.392 up, down, up, down. 00:27:30.433 --> 00:27:32.433 And off it comes in your hand. 00:27:33.725 --> 00:27:38.183 Oh! Mind the over-spray. Sorry. 00:27:39.850 --> 00:27:41.767 Darling, if I came in with my knickers on my head... 00:27:41.808 --> 00:27:43.183 he wouldn't notice. 00:27:43.392 --> 00:27:45.725 I spent thirty-five years cleaning his house... 00:27:45.767 --> 00:27:47.975 washing his clothes, bringing up his children. 00:27:48.017 --> 00:27:50.183 I'm your child, too. 00:27:50.286 --> 00:27:51.700 To be honest, darling, having children... 00:27:51.725 --> 00:27:53.517 isn't all it's cracked up to be. 00:27:53.558 --> 00:27:56.017 Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any. 00:27:56.058 --> 00:27:58.433 And now it's the winter of my life... 00:27:58.475 --> 00:28:00.725 and I haven't actually got anything of my own. 00:28:00.767 --> 00:28:04.475 I've got no power, no real career... 00:28:04.517 --> 00:28:06.725 no--no sex life. 00:28:06.850 --> 00:28:08.600 I've got no life at all. 00:28:08.642 --> 00:28:10.642 I'm like the grasshopper who sang all summer. 00:28:10.725 --> 00:28:12.433 I'm like Germaine sodding Geer. 00:28:12.475 --> 00:28:13.892 Greer. 00:28:13.933 --> 00:28:17.558 Well, anyway, I'm not having it. And I've been talent spotted. 00:28:17.600 --> 00:28:20.392 Julian thinks I've got great potential. 00:28:20.433 --> 00:28:21.683 Who's Julian? 00:28:21.725 --> 00:28:23.642 From the Home Shopping Channel. 00:28:23.683 --> 00:28:25.683 Comes into the store to have his colors done. 00:28:25.767 --> 00:28:27.475 Potential for what? 00:28:27.517 --> 00:28:29.933 As a demonstrator on his cable show. 00:28:29.975 --> 00:28:31.642 You know, his assistant. 00:28:31.683 --> 00:28:33.975 Apparently, it's the highest- rated show on the channel. 00:28:34.017 --> 00:28:35.392 Well, apart from the one... 00:28:35.433 --> 00:28:37.557 where the fat people beat up their relatives. 00:28:37.558 --> 00:28:39.100 Ooh! I must wiz. 00:28:39.142 --> 00:28:42.475 - Have you heard from Mark Darcy? - Goodbye, Mum. 00:28:45.017 --> 00:28:46.600 Mrs. 00:28:46.642 --> 00:28:49.975 Mrs. Jones 00:28:51.142 --> 00:28:52.683 Julian. 00:28:55.933 --> 00:28:58.517 Sorry to keep you waiting. 00:28:58.558 --> 00:29:04.016 Goin' on and on and on and on 00:29:04.017 --> 00:29:08.433 And a few weeks later, it got lots worse. 00:29:08.475 --> 00:29:10.017 Hello! 00:29:10.058 --> 00:29:11.516 Look at this. 00:29:11.517 --> 00:29:13.808 Paying off this heart-shaped pendant. 00:29:13.850 --> 00:29:16.808 One of my own personal recommendations... 00:29:16.850 --> 00:29:19.683 is this absolutely stunning... 00:29:19.725 --> 00:29:22.142 matching necklace and earring set. 00:29:22.183 --> 00:29:27.808 The earrings measuring just over a centimeter... 00:29:27.892 --> 00:29:32.017 in genuine diamond with two pairs in lapis lazuli... 00:29:32.058 --> 00:29:35.017 in a lovely mock-gold finish. 00:29:35.100 --> 00:29:38.017 The exact replica of those worn at Wimbledon... 00:29:38.058 --> 00:29:42.183 in 1993 by Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Kent. 00:29:44.392 --> 00:29:46.683 Well. 00:29:46.725 --> 00:29:48.808 Has she actually moved out then? 00:29:48.892 --> 00:29:52.725 Apparently, she and this tangerine-tinted buffoon... 00:29:52.767 --> 00:29:53.975 are suddenly an item. 00:29:54.017 --> 00:29:57.017 Half our friends have had them around to bloody dinner. 00:29:57.058 --> 00:29:59.642 She's even taking Jaundice Julian... 00:29:59.683 --> 00:30:01.475 to Una Alconbury's Tarts and Vicars party. 00:30:01.517 --> 00:30:03.975 That's not the Pamela I knew. That's cruel. 00:30:04.017 --> 00:30:08.767 Well, still, could be a golden opportunity. 00:30:08.808 --> 00:30:12.892 If you spent the entire party flirting with other women... 00:30:12.933 --> 00:30:14.892 it would drive Mum wild with jealousy. 00:30:14.933 --> 00:30:16.058 What? 00:30:16.100 --> 00:30:17.892 That's how I got my man. 00:30:17.933 --> 00:30:21.392 Have you got a boyfriend? A real one? 00:30:21.433 --> 00:30:24.850 I have, Father. I have. 00:30:24.933 --> 00:30:27.850 And he's perfect. 00:30:46.392 --> 00:30:50.517 Hurrah. Am no longer tragic spinster... 00:30:50.558 --> 00:30:54.017 but proper girlfriend of bonafide a sex god... 00:30:54.058 --> 00:30:56.142 so committed that he's taking me... 00:30:56.183 --> 00:30:59.933 on a full-blown mini-break holiday weekend. 00:30:59.975 --> 00:31:01.433 Just promise me we don't have to sit... 00:31:01.475 --> 00:31:04.017 in any little boats and read poncey poetry to each other. 00:31:04.058 --> 00:31:06.392 He's also protecting me at Uncle Geoffrey's... 00:31:06.433 --> 00:31:08.767 hideous Tarts and Vicars fancy dress party. 00:31:08.808 --> 00:31:10.724 This can't be just shagging. 00:31:10.725 --> 00:31:12.933 A mini-break means true love. 00:31:14.808 --> 00:31:17.433 Suddenly feel like screen goddess... 00:31:17.475 --> 00:31:20.475 in manner of Grace Kelly. 00:31:22.017 --> 00:31:26.017 Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure. 00:31:30.183 --> 00:31:33.808 It's very quiet here, isn't it? Are we the only guests, or... 00:31:33.850 --> 00:31:35.767 We have a wedding this weekend. 00:31:35.808 --> 00:31:38.475 I believe there are just four of you not involved. 00:31:38.517 --> 00:31:40.642 Oh. Hmm. 00:31:40.683 --> 00:31:43.475 You do the boats, I'll do the tea. 00:31:44.683 --> 00:31:45.892 Oh, Jesus. 00:31:45.933 --> 00:31:48.600 - Hello there. - Hi. 00:31:48.642 --> 00:31:50.683 Well, well. 00:31:50.725 --> 00:31:53.767 I take it you're also heading for the Alconbury's rockery. 00:31:53.808 --> 00:31:55.183 Yes, that's right. 00:31:55.392 --> 00:31:58.725 I brought Natasha. Get a bit of work done. 00:31:58.767 --> 00:32:01.767 Thought I might make it a not entirely wasted weekend. 00:32:01.808 --> 00:32:03.642 How interesting. 00:32:03.683 --> 00:32:05.100 What a gripping life you do lead. 00:32:05.142 --> 00:32:08.142 I'll see you upstairs in a second. 00:32:22.808 --> 00:32:24.642 Hmm. Well, the weakness of their case... 00:32:24.683 --> 00:32:27.516 Lies in the deposition they made on August 30. 00:32:27.517 --> 00:32:28.975 Season of mist... 00:32:29.017 --> 00:32:30.850 and... 00:32:30.892 --> 00:32:32.683 mellow fruitlessness. 00:32:32.725 --> 00:32:34.558 Oh, fuck me, I love Keats. 00:32:34.600 --> 00:32:36.017 Have you heard this one? 00:32:36.058 --> 00:32:38.142 "There was a young woman from Ealing... 00:32:38.183 --> 00:32:41.058 "who had a peculiar feeling. 00:32:41.100 --> 00:32:43.892 "She lay on her back and opened her crack... 00:32:43.933 --> 00:32:45.642 "and pissed all over the ceiling." 00:32:45.683 --> 00:32:46.808 Oh, bollocks. 00:32:46.850 --> 00:32:48.850 What've you done? 00:32:48.892 --> 00:32:51.767 - I'm boarding you, Bridge. - Don't you dare! 00:32:51.808 --> 00:32:54.642 - I'm king of the world! - No! 00:32:54.683 --> 00:32:56.892 Fuck me. Uhh! 00:32:56.933 --> 00:32:58.557 Aah! 00:33:01.433 --> 00:33:03.100 Oh, piss and bollocks. 00:33:03.142 --> 00:33:04.892 You stupid ass. 00:33:07.475 --> 00:33:09.142 Bollocks. 00:33:09.183 --> 00:33:10.725 All right. 00:33:10.767 --> 00:33:12.724 Aah! No! 00:33:12.725 --> 00:33:14.183 So childish. 00:33:14.392 --> 00:33:16.433 Aah! No! 00:33:16.475 --> 00:33:17.892 Yes. 00:33:17.933 --> 00:33:20.100 Hey, Darce, come on in! 00:33:20.142 --> 00:33:21.975 The water's lovely! 00:33:22.017 --> 00:33:23.642 Come on, you're working too hard, mate. 00:33:23.683 --> 00:33:24.850 Ha ha! 00:33:26.433 --> 00:33:29.391 - Daniel. - Yes, Bridget? 00:33:29.392 --> 00:33:30.944 That thing you just did is actually illegal... 00:33:30.975 --> 00:33:32.142 in several countries. 00:33:32.183 --> 00:33:34.017 Well, that is, of course, the major reason... 00:33:34.058 --> 00:33:36.183 I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today. 00:33:36.392 --> 00:33:38.600 Yes. I can't understand... 00:33:38.642 --> 00:33:40.642 why the Prime Minister doesn't mention it more... 00:33:40.725 --> 00:33:41.975 in his speeches. 00:33:42.017 --> 00:33:43.933 You should write to him about it. 00:33:43.975 --> 00:33:45.183 I intend to. 00:33:48.558 --> 00:33:50.683 Daniel. 00:33:50.725 --> 00:33:51.808 Bridget. 00:33:51.850 --> 00:33:54.975 - Do you love me? - Shut up, or I'll do it again. 00:33:57.142 --> 00:33:58.683 Do you love me? 00:33:58.725 --> 00:34:00.392 Right. You asked for it. 00:34:00.433 --> 00:34:03.683 And over we go. 00:34:03.725 --> 00:34:05.100 I'm going to give you something to bite on. 00:34:05.142 --> 00:34:06.767 Here. 00:34:06.808 --> 00:34:09.183 OK? Pop this in your mouth, darling. 00:34:11.558 --> 00:34:12.683 You're begging for it. 00:34:13.975 --> 00:34:15.642 Stop it. 00:34:18.683 --> 00:34:20.142 No, no. 00:34:27.892 --> 00:34:29.017 Hmm. 00:34:29.058 --> 00:34:34.516 I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up. 00:34:34.517 --> 00:34:35.975 On a Sunday? 00:34:36.017 --> 00:34:37.475 No. The meeting's first thing tomorrow. 00:34:37.517 --> 00:34:39.475 I've got to work on some figures. 00:34:39.517 --> 00:34:44.392 We could just pop into the party for a minute. 00:34:44.433 --> 00:34:45.975 Bridget, I'm really sorry. 00:34:46.017 --> 00:34:49.558 I just can't do it. I've got to head back. 00:34:49.600 --> 00:34:51.058 Listen, Daniel... 00:34:51.100 --> 00:34:54.517 if you've changed your mind, you could just say so... 00:34:54.558 --> 00:34:56.892 because, honestly, I don't see what could be so important. 00:34:56.933 --> 00:34:59.183 No, well, you wouldn't, would you? 00:34:59.357 --> 00:35:01.082 Because you don't have the faintest bloody idea... 00:35:01.100 --> 00:35:04.392 of just how much trouble the company's in. 00:35:04.433 --> 00:35:05.850 You swan in in your short skirt... 00:35:05.892 --> 00:35:07.808 and your sexy see-through blouse... 00:35:07.850 --> 00:35:09.517 and fanny around with press releases. 00:35:09.558 --> 00:35:10.975 You know, this is the Americans flying in... 00:35:11.017 --> 00:35:12.683 because they're thinking of shutting us down... 00:35:12.725 --> 00:35:14.058 for fuck's sake. 00:35:17.017 --> 00:35:18.683 Sorry. 00:35:20.683 --> 00:35:22.517 I'm sorry, Bridge. I know I'm being a prat. 00:35:30.433 --> 00:35:32.433 Look, I'm going to arrange a lovely car... 00:35:32.475 --> 00:35:34.142 to come and pick you up and take you back... 00:35:34.183 --> 00:35:35.767 to London after the party, OK? 00:35:35.808 --> 00:35:37.892 If you have to travel alone, travel in style. 00:35:37.933 --> 00:35:39.975 Hmm. 00:35:40.017 --> 00:35:41.975 And, um... 00:35:42.017 --> 00:35:43.892 I also think it's very important... 00:35:43.933 --> 00:35:47.142 that you win this costume competition. 00:35:48.767 --> 00:35:49.975 Good. 00:35:50.017 --> 00:35:51.600 Good start. 00:35:53.517 --> 00:35:56.100 Now, then, Miss Jones, where does this go? 00:35:59.433 --> 00:36:02.392 Oh, well, here we go. 00:36:02.433 --> 00:36:03.933 Trying hard to fight off a vision... 00:36:03.975 --> 00:36:07.142 of Mum and Auntie Una in fishnet tights. 00:36:07.183 --> 00:36:10.725 Seems unnatural, wrong even, for 60-year-olds to dress up... 00:36:10.767 --> 00:36:13.600 as prostitutes and priests on a Sunday afternoon. 00:36:17.100 --> 00:36:18.767 Fly me to the moon 00:36:18.808 --> 00:36:20.808 Oh, holy Jesus. 00:36:22.183 --> 00:36:23.850 Bridget. 00:36:23.892 --> 00:36:26.100 Where are all the other Tarts and Vicars? 00:36:26.225 --> 00:36:27.682 Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you? 00:36:27.683 --> 00:36:29.683 Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget? 00:36:29.725 --> 00:36:31.600 How's my little Bridget? 00:36:31.642 --> 00:36:32.767 Bop, bop. 00:36:32.808 --> 00:36:34.182 Oh. 00:36:34.183 --> 00:36:35.475 Geoffrey. 00:36:35.517 --> 00:36:37.517 So, where's this chap of yours, then, eh? 00:36:37.558 --> 00:36:39.142 Ah, yes, well, he had to work, so... 00:36:39.183 --> 00:36:41.142 Ha! A likely tale. 00:36:41.392 --> 00:36:42.975 Off they run. Whee! 00:36:44.850 --> 00:36:46.600 You are all I long for 00:36:46.642 --> 00:36:49.850 Bizarre what some men find attractive. 00:36:49.892 --> 00:36:51.975 Oh, God. 00:36:52.017 --> 00:36:54.517 Darling! Geoffrey! 00:36:54.558 --> 00:36:56.142 What on earth are you wearing? 00:36:56.183 --> 00:36:58.142 You look like a common prostitute. 00:36:58.183 --> 00:36:59.975 Yes, well, that was, actually, the point. 00:37:00.017 --> 00:37:01.183 Say hi to Julian. 00:37:01.392 --> 00:37:03.433 Hello, Julian. 00:37:03.475 --> 00:37:04.642 My dear... 00:37:04.683 --> 00:37:06.767 you and your mother could be sisters. 00:37:08.558 --> 00:37:10.142 And what a lovely bracelet. 00:37:10.183 --> 00:37:11.892 It's what I call an all-arounder-- 00:37:11.933 --> 00:37:14.892 the sort of thing one can wear with anything to any occasion. 00:37:14.933 --> 00:37:16.642 Oh. 00:37:16.683 --> 00:37:18.517 Have you spoken to my dad? 00:37:18.558 --> 00:37:21.142 Yes. He's behaving most bizarrely. 00:37:21.183 --> 00:37:22.725 I think he was actually trying to flirt... 00:37:22.767 --> 00:37:25.142 with Penny Husbands-Bosworth, poor thing. 00:37:25.183 --> 00:37:26.642 She was very frightened. 00:37:26.683 --> 00:37:28.517 She's only just had her ovaries done. 00:37:33.600 --> 00:37:34.975 I don't know what you ever saw in him. 00:37:35.017 --> 00:37:37.100 Shh. Bad man. 00:37:44.808 --> 00:37:46.600 Heh heh. 00:37:46.642 --> 00:37:48.642 Didn't tell you, either. 00:37:51.558 --> 00:37:53.808 No. I didn't spend as much as Bernard, thank God. 00:37:58.725 --> 00:37:59.850 Oh. 00:38:01.058 --> 00:38:02.516 I'm sorry, Dad. 00:38:02.517 --> 00:38:04.642 The way she looked at me. 00:38:05.725 --> 00:38:07.682 Well, she loves you, really. 00:38:07.683 --> 00:38:09.850 You love each other. 00:38:09.892 --> 00:38:11.183 This is only a temporary glitch. 00:38:11.392 --> 00:38:13.057 Is it? 00:38:13.058 --> 00:38:15.392 I don't know. 00:38:15.433 --> 00:38:17.433 I don't know. 00:38:20.725 --> 00:38:22.683 Ah, Bridget, there you are. 00:38:22.725 --> 00:38:23.975 Don't worry. You're not the only one. 00:38:24.017 --> 00:38:26.642 This is Penny. Geoffrey didn't get in touch with her, either. 00:38:26.683 --> 00:38:27.850 I'm sorry? 00:38:27.892 --> 00:38:29.725 I was just saying Geoffrey didn't contact you, either... 00:38:29.767 --> 00:38:31.100 to tell you that the Tarts and Vicars concept... 00:38:31.350 --> 00:38:32.642 had gone out of the window. 00:38:32.683 --> 00:38:34.558 Oh, yes, he did. 00:38:34.600 --> 00:38:35.808 Oh, right. 00:38:35.850 --> 00:38:37.517 Lovely dress. 00:38:37.558 --> 00:38:39.100 Very exotic. 00:38:42.601 --> 00:38:44.533 What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget. 00:38:44.558 --> 00:38:45.892 What's his name? David? Darren? 00:38:45.933 --> 00:38:47.433 Daniel Cleaver. 00:38:47.475 --> 00:38:49.183 Oh. Is he a friend of yours, Mark? 00:38:49.392 --> 00:38:50.642 Absolutely not. 00:38:50.683 --> 00:38:53.017 I hope he's good enough for our little Bridget. 00:38:53.058 --> 00:38:56.100 I think I can say with total confidence absolutely not. 00:38:56.142 --> 00:38:58.017 Well, I'm sure he'd say the same about you... 00:38:58.058 --> 00:38:59.767 given your past behavior. 00:38:59.808 --> 00:39:01.142 Sorry? 00:39:01.183 --> 00:39:02.808 I think you know what I mean. 00:39:02.850 --> 00:39:03.975 Mark. 00:39:18.619 --> 00:39:20.033 Hmm. Looks like Auntie Shirley... 00:39:20.058 --> 00:39:22.850 didn't get the message, either. 00:39:31.017 --> 00:39:32.183 Hi. 00:39:32.392 --> 00:39:36.642 I really, really wanted to see a friendly face. 00:39:36.683 --> 00:39:38.433 Oh, now, listen, I'll tell you what. 00:39:38.475 --> 00:39:41.391 I have an idea. Let me finish this... 00:39:41.392 --> 00:39:42.933 while you go home, have a long hot bath... 00:39:42.975 --> 00:39:46.558 and I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK? 00:39:49.475 --> 00:39:51.142 Is there someone here? 00:39:51.183 --> 00:39:53.475 Not that I'm aware of. 00:39:53.517 --> 00:39:55.433 Unless that Bosnian family has moved in again. 00:39:55.475 --> 00:39:56.642 Bastards. 00:40:08.767 --> 00:40:10.767 Oh. 00:40:10.808 --> 00:40:12.600 I'm sorry. 00:40:12.642 --> 00:40:13.892 Sorry. 00:40:16.517 --> 00:40:17.850 I'm going mad. 00:40:17.892 --> 00:40:20.100 Listen, I am feeling really bad, actually. 00:40:20.142 --> 00:40:22.100 - I should've been there today. - No, I'm sorry. 00:40:22.142 --> 00:40:23.475 No, no, I'm sorry... 00:40:23.517 --> 00:40:25.516 but at least I got a hell of a lot of work done. 00:40:25.517 --> 00:40:27.516 Just give me one more hour, OK? 00:40:27.517 --> 00:40:29.142 Fine. That's fine. 00:40:29.183 --> 00:40:31.683 I will go home and de-bunny. 00:40:33.058 --> 00:40:34.558 Oh... 00:40:34.600 --> 00:40:38.850 and you know last night when I said that I loved you? 00:40:38.892 --> 00:40:40.100 Mm-hmm. 00:40:40.142 --> 00:40:41.683 I didn't mean it. 00:40:41.725 --> 00:40:42.725 I was being ironic. 00:40:42.767 --> 00:40:46.600 Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know. 00:40:46.642 --> 00:40:48.017 All right. 00:40:50.600 --> 00:40:52.600 - Thank you, madam. - Mmm. 00:41:03.767 --> 00:41:06.808 Bridge. 00:41:06.850 --> 00:41:08.142 Bridget. 00:41:24.600 --> 00:41:28.600 This is Lara from the New York office. 00:41:28.642 --> 00:41:30.725 Lara, this is Bridget. 00:41:30.767 --> 00:41:32.558 Hey, there. 00:41:35.475 --> 00:41:38.433 I thought you said she was thin. 00:42:28.683 --> 00:42:30.725 I was hoping that you would want to be a part of it. 00:42:33.558 --> 00:42:35.183 This is totally insane. 00:42:35.392 --> 00:42:38.183 I'm 36 years old. It may be my last chance to have a child. 00:42:38.392 --> 00:42:39.558 Alex. 00:42:42.725 --> 00:42:45.058 Aah! 00:42:55.933 --> 00:43:00.475 The male penetrates the female and leaves. 00:43:00.558 --> 00:43:03.517 Coitus is brief and perfunctory... 00:43:03.558 --> 00:43:04.767 and the female... 00:43:08.183 --> 00:43:10.142 That's wonderful. 00:43:10.392 --> 00:43:11.892 Well, I don't think it's bad. 00:43:16.808 --> 00:43:17.975 Right. 00:43:33.517 --> 00:43:35.892 We've had very good response... 00:43:35.933 --> 00:43:38.058 to the Teddy Knows Best teaser campaign 00:43:38.100 --> 00:43:40.725 and had various local radio bits for-- 00:43:40.767 --> 00:43:42.142 Look, Bridge, stop that. 00:43:42.392 --> 00:43:45.683 I feel... terrible. 00:43:45.725 --> 00:43:47.683 The thing is... 00:43:47.725 --> 00:43:49.725 with Lara and me... 00:43:49.767 --> 00:43:52.100 well, you know... 00:43:52.142 --> 00:43:53.600 No. You'll have to fill me in. 00:43:53.683 --> 00:43:55.558 Well, the truth is... 00:43:55.600 --> 00:43:58.100 the truth is, we're the same, Bridge, you and me. 00:43:58.142 --> 00:44:00.100 You know? We're two people of a certain age... 00:44:00.183 --> 00:44:03.808 looking for the moment to commit and finding it really hard. 00:44:03.850 --> 00:44:05.100 And I just think that in the end... 00:44:05.142 --> 00:44:08.433 it's got to be something extraordinary... 00:44:08.475 --> 00:44:10.975 something which makes us go that extra mile. 00:44:11.017 --> 00:44:12.183 And I think... 00:44:12.392 --> 00:44:14.517 Lara and-- 00:44:14.600 --> 00:44:16.808 I don't know, being American and all... 00:44:16.850 --> 00:44:21.850 it has something to do with confidence and being so... 00:44:21.892 --> 00:44:25.433 well, young, you know? 00:44:29.517 --> 00:44:32.767 Well, we've... become very close. 00:44:32.808 --> 00:44:36.392 Well, you've only just met her. She flew in yesterday. 00:44:36.433 --> 00:44:37.808 Uh... 00:44:40.058 --> 00:44:41.392 Oh. 00:44:42.725 --> 00:44:44.642 Silly Bridget. 00:44:44.683 --> 00:44:46.767 You haven't only just met her. 00:44:46.808 --> 00:44:48.142 No. 00:44:48.183 --> 00:44:50.475 No. I got to know her pretty well... 00:44:50.517 --> 00:44:52.725 when we were in the New York office together. 00:44:54.183 --> 00:44:55.600 Oh. 00:44:55.642 --> 00:44:57.600 Oh, fuck. 00:44:57.642 --> 00:45:01.975 There's no easy way to say this, but, um... 00:45:02.017 --> 00:45:06.933 I wanted you to be the first to know that... 00:45:06.975 --> 00:45:08.933 we're engaged. 00:45:28.058 --> 00:45:30.392 At times like this... 00:45:30.433 --> 00:45:34.017 continuing with one's life seems impossible... 00:45:34.058 --> 00:45:36.849 and eating the entire contents of one's fridge... 00:45:36.850 --> 00:45:39.142 seems inevitable. 00:45:39.183 --> 00:45:41.767 I have two choices-- 00:45:41.808 --> 00:45:45.767 to give up and accept permanent state of spinster hood... 00:45:45.808 --> 00:45:49.725 and eventual eating by dogs... or not. 00:45:50.933 --> 00:45:52.433 And this time, I choose not. 00:45:52.475 --> 00:45:54.183 I will not be defeated... 00:45:54.392 --> 00:45:57.975 by a bad man and an American stick insect. 00:45:58.017 --> 00:46:01.058 Instead, I choose vodka... 00:46:02.517 --> 00:46:03.892 and ChakaKhan. 00:46:16.142 --> 00:46:18.975 I'm every woman 00:46:19.017 --> 00:46:22.100 It's all in me 00:46:22.142 --> 00:46:24.725 Anything you want done, baby 00:46:24.767 --> 00:46:26.642 I'll do it naturally 00:46:27.808 --> 00:46:30.808 Mmm 00:46:30.850 --> 00:46:33.933 I'm every woman 00:46:33.975 --> 00:46:37.100 It's all in me 00:46:37.142 --> 00:46:39.475 I can be the most right now 00:46:39.517 --> 00:46:40.892 Every girl from A to Z 00:46:40.933 --> 00:46:43.850 Whoa, whoa, whoa 00:46:43.892 --> 00:46:45.100 Whoa, whoa, whoa 00:46:45.142 --> 00:46:46.433 Whoa 00:46:46.475 --> 00:46:48.142 Ahh. 00:46:48.183 --> 00:46:49.517 Ohh! 00:46:49.558 --> 00:46:51.099 I can cast a spell 00:46:51.100 --> 00:46:52.557 Fuck. 00:46:52.558 --> 00:46:54.016 Of secrets you can't tell 00:46:54.017 --> 00:46:56.392 Mix a special groove 00:46:56.433 --> 00:46:58.683 Put fire inside of you 00:46:58.725 --> 00:47:00.808 Any time you feel danger... 00:47:00.850 --> 00:47:02.849 Why do you want to be in television? 00:47:02.850 --> 00:47:06.808 Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed... 00:47:06.850 --> 00:47:08.642 to communicating to the public... 00:47:08.683 --> 00:47:11.100 the up-to-the-moment and in-depth news... 00:47:11.142 --> 00:47:13.017 both political and ecological. 00:47:13.058 --> 00:47:15.600 What do you think of the El Nio phenomenon? 00:47:15.642 --> 00:47:18.433 Um... it's ab lip. 00:47:18.475 --> 00:47:21.475 I think, basically, Latin music is on its way out. 00:47:23.017 --> 00:47:24.558 So, why do you want to work in television? 00:47:24.600 --> 00:47:26.683 Because I'm passionately committed... 00:47:26.725 --> 00:47:28.600 to communicating with children. 00:47:28.642 --> 00:47:29.892 They are the future. 00:47:29.933 --> 00:47:31.891 Do you have any children of your own? 00:47:31.892 --> 00:47:33.517 Oh, Christ, no. Yuck! 00:47:35.558 --> 00:47:36.642 Ah. 00:47:36.683 --> 00:47:37.975 Sorry. 00:47:38.017 --> 00:47:40.600 So, why do you want to work in television? 00:47:40.642 --> 00:47:44.017 I've got to leave my current job because I've shagged my boss. 00:47:44.058 --> 00:47:45.892 Fair enough. Start on Monday. 00:47:45.933 --> 00:47:47.475 We'll see how we go. 00:47:47.517 --> 00:47:48.892 Oh, and... 00:47:48.933 --> 00:47:50.683 incidentally... 00:47:50.725 --> 00:47:52.100 at "Sit Up, Britain"... 00:47:52.142 --> 00:47:55.058 no one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss. 00:47:55.100 --> 00:47:56.892 That's a matter of principle. 00:48:01.475 --> 00:48:02.975 Oh, Bridget. 00:48:03.017 --> 00:48:04.767 Come on, it's... 00:48:04.808 --> 00:48:06.392 I mean, I know it's been awkward as ass... 00:48:06.433 --> 00:48:07.850 but there's no need to leave. 00:48:07.892 --> 00:48:09.891 No, actually, there is. 00:48:09.892 --> 00:48:12.725 I've been offered a job in television. 00:48:12.767 --> 00:48:14.142 Television? 00:48:14.392 --> 00:48:17.600 Mmm. And they want me to start straight away. 00:48:17.642 --> 00:48:21.557 So I've got to leave in about, ooh, three minutes... 00:48:21.558 --> 00:48:23.558 so, um... 00:48:25.517 --> 00:48:28.517 Whoa. Just hold it right there, Miss Jones. 00:48:28.558 --> 00:48:29.767 I'm sorry to inform you... 00:48:29.808 --> 00:48:31.767 but I think you'll find that by contract... 00:48:31.850 --> 00:48:33.892 you're expected to give at least six weeks notice. 00:48:33.933 --> 00:48:35.600 Ah, yes, well... 00:48:35.642 --> 00:48:37.850 I thought with the company being in so much trouble and all... 00:48:37.892 --> 00:48:39.142 you wouldn't really miss... 00:48:39.183 --> 00:48:41.767 the person who waltzes in in a see-through top... 00:48:41.808 --> 00:48:44.058 and fannies about with the press releases. 00:48:45.683 --> 00:48:47.017 Bridget. 00:48:47.058 --> 00:48:50.058 I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch... 00:48:50.065 --> 00:48:51.790 I'm going to fire her bony little bottom anyway... 00:48:51.808 --> 00:48:54.433 for being totally spineless. 00:48:54.475 --> 00:48:55.724 What? 00:48:55.725 --> 00:48:58.975 Well, I just think you should know that, um... 00:48:59.017 --> 00:49:01.891 there are lots of prospects here for a talented person. 00:49:01.892 --> 00:49:03.058 Just give me a minute, will you, Simon? Thanks. 00:49:03.100 --> 00:49:04.683 Right-o, boss man. 00:49:05.975 --> 00:49:10.183 Lots of prospects for a person who... 00:49:10.392 --> 00:49:12.100 you know, perhaps for personal reasons... 00:49:12.142 --> 00:49:16.017 has been slightly overlooked professionally. 00:49:16.058 --> 00:49:19.017 Thank you, Daniel. That is very good to know... 00:49:19.058 --> 00:49:20.433 but if staying here... 00:49:20.475 --> 00:49:22.933 means working within 10 yards of you... 00:49:22.975 --> 00:49:26.849 frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's ass. 00:49:26.850 --> 00:49:28.475 R-E-S-P-E-C-T 00:49:28.517 --> 00:49:30.600 Find out what it means to me 00:49:30.642 --> 00:49:32.558 R-E-S-P-E-C-T 00:49:32.600 --> 00:49:34.017 Takin' care of T.C.B 00:49:34.058 --> 00:49:35.767 Sock it to me, sock it to me 00:49:35.808 --> 00:49:37.682 Sock it to me, sock it to me 00:49:37.683 --> 00:49:39.642 Well, bye, everyone. 00:49:39.683 --> 00:49:41.642 Just a little bit 00:49:41.683 --> 00:49:42.933 Just a little bit 00:49:42.975 --> 00:49:44.517 I get tired 00:49:44.558 --> 00:49:46.142 But keep on tryin' 00:49:46.183 --> 00:49:47.850 You're runnin' out of fools 00:49:49.017 --> 00:49:50.475 Oh, just sod off. 00:49:50.642 --> 00:49:52.933 Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain." 00:49:52.975 --> 00:49:56.183 OK, everybody, it is bonfire night... 00:49:56.392 --> 00:49:58.017 and we are on fire. 00:49:58.058 --> 00:49:59.975 We have live fire station feeds... 00:50:00.017 --> 00:50:04.475 from Newcastle, Swansea, Sheffield, and Lewisham... 00:50:04.517 --> 00:50:06.183 just poised for tragedy. 00:50:06.392 --> 00:50:08.600 Bridget Jones, where are you? 00:50:10.517 --> 00:50:11.683 I'm here, Richard. 00:50:11.725 --> 00:50:13.850 Put on some more makeup. I want you on-camera. 00:50:13.892 --> 00:50:15.017 But-- 00:50:15.058 --> 00:50:17.016 I'm thinking... mini skirt. 00:50:17.017 --> 00:50:18.641 I'm thinking fireman's helmet. 00:50:18.642 --> 00:50:20.517 I want you pointing a hose. 00:50:20.558 --> 00:50:21.891 I want you sliding down the pole... 00:50:21.892 --> 00:50:23.433 and then go straight into the interview. 00:50:23.475 --> 00:50:25.725 Great. 00:50:25.767 --> 00:50:27.475 I'll do it. 00:50:29.725 --> 00:50:31.182 No problem. Fine. Right. 00:50:31.183 --> 00:50:32.724 So, you drop into shot... 00:50:32.725 --> 00:50:33.892 and then interview Chief Fireman Bevan. 00:50:33.933 --> 00:50:35.725 Yep, yep, yep. 00:50:35.767 --> 00:50:37.017 Go, go. Go, go. Go! 00:50:37.058 --> 00:50:38.642 Go? 00:50:38.725 --> 00:50:41.892 Oh, no. We're going to Newcastle first. 00:50:41.933 --> 00:50:43.517 Stop! 00:50:43.558 --> 00:50:44.892 Climb back up. 00:50:44.933 --> 00:50:46.100 On you in thirty seconds. 00:50:46.142 --> 00:50:47.850 OK. 00:50:50.058 --> 00:50:52.642 Neville, what the fuck is going on? 00:50:52.683 --> 00:50:53.933 She's supposed to be sliding down the pole... 00:50:53.975 --> 00:50:56.142 - not climbing up it. - Go, go, go, go, go! 00:50:56.183 --> 00:50:57.642 Oh, OK. 00:50:58.683 --> 00:51:00.850 - Oh! - Oh, Jesus Christ. 00:51:00.892 --> 00:51:03.433 Uhh! Uhh! 00:51:03.475 --> 00:51:04.475 OK, we're out of time. We're out of time. 00:51:04.517 --> 00:51:05.932 Just wind 'erupt. 00:51:05.933 --> 00:51:09.183 Well, that seems to be about all we've got time for... 00:51:09.392 --> 00:51:11.058 down here in Lewisham. 00:51:11.100 --> 00:51:14.892 Uh, Chief Officer Bevan, thank you very much. 00:51:14.933 --> 00:51:16.725 Excellent fire station. 00:51:16.767 --> 00:51:18.683 Uh, and now... 00:51:18.725 --> 00:51:21.017 back to the studio. 00:51:21.058 --> 00:51:22.683 Whoo! 00:51:22.725 --> 00:51:24.600 Whoo! 00:51:24.642 --> 00:51:26.642 Whoo! 00:51:26.683 --> 00:51:27.975 Whoo! 00:51:28.017 --> 00:51:30.683 Excellent. Am national laughing stock. 00:51:30.725 --> 00:51:32.933 Have bottom the size of Brazil. 00:51:32.975 --> 00:51:34.558 Am daughter of broken home... 00:51:34.600 --> 00:51:36.100 and rubbish at everything and... 00:51:36.183 --> 00:51:37.475 oh, God. 00:51:37.517 --> 00:51:40.142 I'm having dinner with Magda and Jeremy. 00:51:40.183 --> 00:51:43.057 The only thing worse than as mug married couple-- 00:51:43.058 --> 00:51:45.975 Lots of smug married couples. 00:51:46.017 --> 00:51:48.642 Right, everyone. This is Bridget. 00:51:50.017 --> 00:51:51.642 Bridge, this is Hugo and Jane. 00:51:51.683 --> 00:51:53.142 And, obviously, you know, of course... 00:51:53.183 --> 00:51:54.600 Cosmo and Woney. 00:51:54.642 --> 00:51:55.850 - Hi, Bridge. - Hi, Bridge. 00:51:55.892 --> 00:51:58.475 This is Alistair and Henrietta... 00:51:58.517 --> 00:51:59.725 Julia and Michael... 00:51:59.767 --> 00:52:00.850 Joanne and Paul... 00:52:00.892 --> 00:52:02.724 and Jeremy's partners from chambers. 00:52:02.725 --> 00:52:05.558 This is Natasha Glenville and Mark Darcy. 00:52:05.600 --> 00:52:06.725 Hi, there. 00:52:06.767 --> 00:52:08.142 Hello. 00:52:08.183 --> 00:52:10.142 Not in your bunny girl outfit today? 00:52:10.183 --> 00:52:11.517 No. 00:52:11.558 --> 00:52:16.182 We bunnies only wear our tails on very special occasions. 00:52:16.183 --> 00:52:18.517 - Sit yourself down. - Right. 00:52:21.642 --> 00:52:24.683 Hey, Bridge, how's your love life? 00:52:24.767 --> 00:52:26.100 Oh... 00:52:26.142 --> 00:52:28.558 Still going out with that publishing chap pie? 00:52:28.600 --> 00:52:30.892 Uh, no, no. 00:52:30.933 --> 00:52:32.183 Terribly brill. 00:52:32.392 --> 00:52:35.058 Never dip your nib in the office ink. 00:52:35.100 --> 00:52:36.600 Right. 00:52:36.642 --> 00:52:37.850 You really ought to hurry up... 00:52:37.892 --> 00:52:40.475 and get sprugged up, you know, old girl? 00:52:40.517 --> 00:52:44.017 Time's a-running out. Tick-tock. 00:52:44.058 --> 00:52:46.058 Yes, yes. 00:52:46.100 --> 00:52:48.517 Uh, tell me, is it one in four marriages... 00:52:48.558 --> 00:52:50.517 that ends in divorce now or one in three? 00:52:50.558 --> 00:52:51.850 One in three. 00:52:52.850 --> 00:52:54.142 Seriously, though. 00:52:54.183 --> 00:52:58.017 Offices full of single girls in their thirties-- 00:52:58.058 --> 00:52:59.975 fine physical specimens... 00:53:00.017 --> 00:53:03.142 but they just can't seem to hold down a chap. 00:53:03.183 --> 00:53:04.682 Yes. Why is it... 00:53:04.683 --> 00:53:06.682 there are so many unmarried women in their thirties... 00:53:06.683 --> 00:53:07.808 these days, Bridget? 00:53:13.850 --> 00:53:16.017 Oh, I don't know. 00:53:16.058 --> 00:53:19.100 Suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes... 00:53:19.142 --> 00:53:21.683 our entire bodies are covered in scales. 00:53:34.600 --> 00:53:35.767 I very much enjoyed... 00:53:35.808 --> 00:53:39.724 your Lewis ham fire report, by the way. 00:53:39.725 --> 00:53:41.183 Thank you. 00:53:44.767 --> 00:53:46.807 I just... 00:53:46.808 --> 00:53:48.475 yeah, well. 00:53:50.017 --> 00:53:51.475 So. 00:53:52.483 --> 00:53:53.828 It didn't work out with Daniel Cleaver? 00:53:53.850 --> 00:53:55.975 No, it didn't. 00:53:57.517 --> 00:53:58.808 I'm delighted to hear it. 00:54:00.392 --> 00:54:03.558 Look, are you and Cosmo in this together? 00:54:03.600 --> 00:54:05.142 I mean, you seem to go out of your way... 00:54:05.183 --> 00:54:07.475 to try to make me feel like a complete idiot... 00:54:07.517 --> 00:54:12.392 every time I see you, and you really needn't bother. 00:54:12.433 --> 00:54:16.767 I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway-- 00:54:16.808 --> 00:54:19.558 with or without a fireman's pole. 00:54:22.058 --> 00:54:23.558 That'll be my taxi. 00:54:23.600 --> 00:54:26.017 Good night. 00:54:26.058 --> 00:54:27.516 Look, um... 00:54:27.517 --> 00:54:30.517 I'm sorry if I've been... 00:54:30.558 --> 00:54:31.808 What? 00:54:31.850 --> 00:54:35.725 I don't think you're an idiot at all. 00:54:35.767 --> 00:54:39.767 I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. 00:54:39.808 --> 00:54:42.057 Your mother's pretty interesting. 00:54:42.058 --> 00:54:43.392 And you really are... 00:54:43.433 --> 00:54:45.433 an appallingly bad public speaker. 00:54:45.475 --> 00:54:47.725 And you tend to let whatever's in your head... 00:54:47.767 --> 00:54:49.017 come out of your mouth... 00:54:49.058 --> 00:54:52.433 without much consideration of the consequences. 00:54:52.475 --> 00:54:55.767 I realize that when I met you at the turkey curry buffet... 00:54:55.808 --> 00:55:00.642 that I was unforgivably rude and wearing a reindeer jumper... 00:55:00.683 --> 00:55:02.933 that my mother had given me the day before. 00:55:04.183 --> 00:55:06.183 But the thing is, um... 00:55:06.392 --> 00:55:10.933 what I'm trying to say very inarticulately is... 00:55:12.392 --> 00:55:14.017 that, um... 00:55:14.058 --> 00:55:15.767 infact... 00:55:15.808 --> 00:55:19.017 perhaps, despite appearances... 00:55:19.058 --> 00:55:21.808 I like you very much. 00:55:21.850 --> 00:55:25.058 Ah. Apart from the smoking and the drinking... 00:55:25.100 --> 00:55:27.933 and the vulgar mother and the verbal diarrhea. 00:55:27.975 --> 00:55:31.892 No. I like you very much-- just as you are. 00:55:33.600 --> 00:55:37.183 Mark, we really are making progress on the case in here. 00:55:37.392 --> 00:55:41.183 Jeremy's had the most brilliant idea. 00:55:41.392 --> 00:55:42.975 Right. 00:55:43.017 --> 00:55:44.433 Right. 00:55:47.017 --> 00:55:49.183 I must go, because... 00:55:50.933 --> 00:55:52.933 well... 00:55:53.017 --> 00:55:54.683 bye. 00:55:54.767 --> 00:55:58.017 Someone exactly like you 00:56:02.058 --> 00:56:06.642 I've been travelin' all around the world 00:56:06.767 --> 00:56:09.600 Just as you are? 00:56:09.642 --> 00:56:11.100 Not thinner? Not cleverer? 00:56:11.183 --> 00:56:14.433 Not with slightly bigger breasts and a slightly smaller nose? 00:56:14.475 --> 00:56:15.975 Someone like you 00:56:16.017 --> 00:56:17.516 Mm-mmm. 00:56:17.517 --> 00:56:20.558 To make it all worth while 00:56:20.600 --> 00:56:22.683 Well... 00:56:22.725 --> 00:56:24.142 fuck me. 00:56:24.183 --> 00:56:25.850 Keep me satisfied 00:56:25.892 --> 00:56:28.100 Someone exactly like you 00:56:28.142 --> 00:56:29.892 But this is someone you hate, right? 00:56:29.933 --> 00:56:31.808 Mmm. Mmm. 00:56:31.850 --> 00:56:33.975 Yes, yes. I hate him. 00:56:37.600 --> 00:56:40.475 I've been traveling a hard road 00:56:40.517 --> 00:56:44.725 November 9. Weight--138 pounds. 00:56:44.767 --> 00:56:46.558 Cigarettes--three. 00:56:46.600 --> 00:56:48.808 Birthday--thirty-three. 00:56:50.058 --> 00:56:52.642 OK, Bridget, see if you can get it right this time. 00:56:52.683 --> 00:56:55.850 The verdict in the Aghani-Heaney case is expected today. 00:56:55.892 --> 00:56:56.850 Get yourself down to the high court. 00:56:56.892 --> 00:57:00.475 I want a hard headed interview. 00:57:00.517 --> 00:57:02.391 You do know the Aghani-Heaney case? 00:57:02.392 --> 00:57:05.392 Yes, of course. 00:57:05.433 --> 00:57:07.517 Big case... 00:57:07.558 --> 00:57:10.767 featuring someone called Aghanihini. 00:57:10.808 --> 00:57:14.725 Or two people called Kafir Aghani and Eleanor Heaney. 00:57:14.767 --> 00:57:17.516 That's the one. 00:57:17.517 --> 00:57:20.600 She's a British aid worker. He's a Kurdish freedom fighter. 00:57:20.642 --> 00:57:22.558 The government want to extradite him home... 00:57:22.600 --> 00:57:24.183 where he'll certainly be executed. 00:57:24.392 --> 00:57:25.642 She's married to him... 00:57:25.683 --> 00:57:27.475 and they fought for five years to keep him here. 00:57:27.517 --> 00:57:28.850 Today is the decision. 00:57:28.892 --> 00:57:30.433 Oh, that's exciting. 00:57:30.475 --> 00:57:34.142 Yes, it is... so what are you waiting for? 00:57:34.183 --> 00:57:37.516 Am suddenly hard-headed journalist... 00:57:37.517 --> 00:57:40.600 ruthlessly committed to promoting justice and liberty. 00:57:40.642 --> 00:57:42.850 Nothing can distract me from my dedication... 00:57:42.892 --> 00:57:44.892 to the pursuit of truth. 00:57:44.933 --> 00:57:47.433 Well, almost nothing. 00:57:47.517 --> 00:57:50.558 Right. I'll just pop to the shop for some ciggies. 00:57:50.600 --> 00:57:54.725 14 p for the Polos and packet of Wheat Crunchies. 00:57:54.767 --> 00:57:55.975 Packet of Embassy, please. 00:57:56.017 --> 00:57:57.767 I'm sorry. I'm not quite fin-- 00:57:57.808 --> 00:57:59.683 Good afternoon. 00:58:01.892 --> 00:58:03.017 Hi. 00:58:04.142 --> 00:58:06.058 You like me just the way I am. 00:58:06.100 --> 00:58:07.558 Sorry? 00:58:07.600 --> 00:58:09.808 Nothing. 00:58:09.850 --> 00:58:12.017 Bridget, we've fucked up utterly. 00:58:12.058 --> 00:58:14.767 Eleanor Heaney and Kafir Aghani have come and gone. 00:58:14.808 --> 00:58:18.100 Oh, God. I'll be sacked. 00:58:18.142 --> 00:58:19.475 Did the others get interviews? 00:58:19.517 --> 00:58:21.516 I don't know. I was having a slash. 00:58:21.517 --> 00:58:23.142 Actually, nobody got interviews. 00:58:23.183 --> 00:58:24.475 How do you know? 00:58:24.517 --> 00:58:25.642 Because I was defending him... 00:58:25.683 --> 00:58:27.808 and I told him not to give any interviews. 00:58:28.850 --> 00:58:30.808 Look... 00:58:30.850 --> 00:58:33.058 I have a plan. 00:58:33.100 --> 00:58:34.725 And action. 00:58:36.725 --> 00:58:40.017 Mr. Darcy, you were defending Mr. Aghani. 00:58:40.058 --> 00:58:42.142 You must be delighted. 00:58:42.183 --> 00:58:44.808 Yes, well, Kafir Aghani has spent his entire life... 00:58:44.850 --> 00:58:46.142 defending the basic human rights... 00:58:46.183 --> 00:58:47.892 of his own people, and today's verdict... 00:58:47.933 --> 00:58:49.891 has been the result of five years of struggle... 00:58:49.892 --> 00:58:51.849 by this woman, Eleanor Heaney... 00:58:51.850 --> 00:58:55.392 to save the man she loves from an extradition order... 00:58:55.433 --> 00:58:58.975 that would've been tant amount to a death sentence. 00:58:59.017 --> 00:59:00.475 Right. 00:59:00.517 --> 00:59:03.516 And, Eleanor, over to you. 00:59:03.517 --> 00:59:06.600 Did you fancy Kafir the first time that you saw him? 00:59:09.475 --> 00:59:12.517 This has been Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 00:59:12.558 --> 00:59:17.058 with, let's face it, a bit of a crush now, actually. 00:59:17.100 --> 00:59:18.600 Good afternoon. 00:59:18.642 --> 00:59:22.683 Bridget Jones-- already a legend. 00:59:22.892 --> 00:59:24.683 I feel fantastic, bombastic 00:59:24.725 --> 00:59:26.808 Ecstatically astounded 00:59:26.850 --> 00:59:29.975 Got a girl who can really use her brain 00:59:30.017 --> 00:59:32.517 I feel surrounded, confounded 00:59:32.558 --> 00:59:35.017 Emotionally dumbfounded 00:59:35.100 --> 00:59:39.058 Oh, joy. I am broadcasting genius. 00:59:39.100 --> 00:59:42.475 Celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. 00:59:42.517 --> 00:59:44.017 Have sneaking suspicion... 00:59:44.058 --> 00:59:46.933 am also something of a genius in the kitchen as well. 00:59:46.975 --> 00:59:51.642 Tie flavor-enhancing leek and celery together with string. 00:59:51.683 --> 00:59:53.057 Right. 00:59:53.058 --> 00:59:54.433 String. 00:59:54.475 --> 00:59:55.975 String, string, string. 00:59:56.017 --> 00:59:58.016 Perfect. 00:59:58.017 --> 00:59:59.600 I don't think so 01:00:01.683 --> 01:00:05.558 Finely slice oranges and grate zest. 01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:07.558 Why don't you leave it there? 01:00:07.600 --> 01:00:10.517 I feel fantastic, bombastic, ecstatic... 01:00:10.558 --> 01:00:11.850 Aah! Oh, bugger! 01:00:11.892 --> 01:00:12.850 Oh, bugger, bugger! 01:00:14.475 --> 01:00:16.808 I feel surrounded, confounded 01:00:16.850 --> 01:00:17.975 Emotionally dumbfounded 01:00:18.017 --> 01:00:20.100 Where the fuck is the fucking tuna? 01:00:20.142 --> 01:00:22.892 Oh, this is Bridget Jones for "Sit Up, Britain"... 01:00:22.933 --> 01:00:24.433 searching for tuna. 01:00:28.892 --> 01:00:29.891 Bridget Jones. 01:00:29.892 --> 01:00:31.475 Hello, darling. 01:00:31.558 --> 01:00:32.725 Hi, Mum. 01:00:32.767 --> 01:00:35.767 I just wanted a bit of a chat. 01:00:35.850 --> 01:00:38.183 Ouch! Careful, you ham-fisted cunt! 01:00:38.392 --> 01:00:40.517 The thing is, darling, I'm-- 01:00:40.558 --> 01:00:42.076 Between you and me, I'm not entirely sure... 01:00:42.100 --> 01:00:44.058 that Julian isn't a bit of a shit. 01:00:44.100 --> 01:00:45.099 Yes, well, you know, Mum... 01:00:45.100 --> 01:00:47.058 I haven't really got time right now. 01:00:47.100 --> 01:00:48.808 Oh, l... 01:00:48.850 --> 01:00:51.642 I can't deny the sex is still very surprising. 01:00:51.683 --> 01:00:53.683 You know, the other night, quite unexpectedly... 01:00:53.725 --> 01:00:55.892 I was just dozing off, and I felt this huge-- 01:00:55.933 --> 01:00:57.517 Bye, Mum. 01:00:58.975 --> 01:00:59.850 Ecch. 01:01:01.183 --> 01:01:02.142 Oh. 01:01:02.183 --> 01:01:04.433 Who can be calling now? 01:01:06.017 --> 01:01:07.142 Oh. 01:01:10.725 --> 01:01:12.100 The door was open. 01:01:12.142 --> 01:01:14.683 I came to congratulate... 01:01:14.767 --> 01:01:18.142 the new face of British current affairs. 01:01:20.183 --> 01:01:22.558 Huh. 01:01:22.600 --> 01:01:27.058 But I see I may have come at a bad time. 01:01:27.100 --> 01:01:28.933 How's it look? 01:01:28.975 --> 01:01:31.975 Great. It's, um... blue. 01:01:32.017 --> 01:01:33.850 Blue? 01:01:33.892 --> 01:01:35.433 No, but blue is good. 01:01:35.475 --> 01:01:37.683 If you ask me, there isn't enough blue food. 01:01:37.725 --> 01:01:40.725 Oh, shit. It must've been the string. 01:01:40.767 --> 01:01:42.475 Oh, it's string soup? 01:01:43.725 --> 01:01:45.600 Oh, God. They're going to be here any minute. 01:01:45.642 --> 01:01:47.183 Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you... 01:01:47.392 --> 01:01:51.433 and not orange parfait in sugar cages. 01:01:51.475 --> 01:01:52.725 Have a drink. 01:01:52.767 --> 01:01:53.933 Yes. 01:01:57.933 --> 01:01:58.933 Happy birthday. 01:01:58.975 --> 01:02:00.142 Thank you. 01:02:03.392 --> 01:02:05.808 Did I really run round your lawn naked? 01:02:05.850 --> 01:02:07.517 Oh, yes. 01:02:07.558 --> 01:02:09.183 You were four, and I was eight. 01:02:09.392 --> 01:02:12.850 Well, that's a pretty big age difference. 01:02:13.892 --> 01:02:15.433 It's quite pervy, really. 01:02:15.475 --> 01:02:17.558 Yes, I like to think so. 01:02:21.183 --> 01:02:23.850 What are we going to do about this dinner, then? 01:02:26.017 --> 01:02:30.975 We can have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and... 01:02:31.017 --> 01:02:32.058 well, for main course, we have... 01:02:32.100 --> 01:02:34.808 uh, congealed green gunge. 01:02:34.850 --> 01:02:38.892 - That is caper berry gravy. - Oh, yes. Yeah. 01:02:38.933 --> 01:02:40.892 - Do you have eggs? - Yes. 01:02:40.933 --> 01:02:41.892 Right. 01:02:41.933 --> 01:02:43.517 - Omelet it is, then. - Ah. 01:02:43.558 --> 01:02:44.975 With caper berry gravy. 01:02:48.892 --> 01:02:53.392 You wouldn't by any chance have any beet root cubes? 01:02:53.433 --> 01:02:56.433 A mini-gherkin, stuffed olive? 01:02:56.475 --> 01:02:59.017 No, Pam, and besides, I'm busy. 01:02:59.058 --> 01:03:01.100 The gravy needs sieving. 01:03:01.183 --> 01:03:03.017 Surely not. Just stir it, Una. 01:03:07.683 --> 01:03:10.057 In the dark 01:03:10.058 --> 01:03:12.058 I can hear 01:03:13.183 --> 01:03:15.475 Happy, happy birthday! 01:03:15.517 --> 01:03:17.892 Hey, TV queen. 01:03:17.933 --> 01:03:21.933 Hey, Bridge, you looked fantastic. 01:03:24.558 --> 01:03:25.600 Hello. 01:03:25.683 --> 01:03:26.892 Hello. 01:03:26.933 --> 01:03:28.183 Are you joining us? 01:03:28.392 --> 01:03:30.724 Yeah. Yeah, of course. 01:03:30.725 --> 01:03:32.183 What did you say? 01:03:32.392 --> 01:03:35.683 It's OK 01:03:37.600 --> 01:03:39.558 Mmm, mmm 01:03:39.600 --> 01:03:41.392 Did you miss me? 01:03:49.892 --> 01:03:50.891 Excellent. 01:03:50.892 --> 01:03:51.933 Mmm. Yeah. 01:03:51.975 --> 01:03:53.892 Delicious. 01:03:53.933 --> 01:03:55.183 Really special. 01:03:55.392 --> 01:03:57.017 It's really--really very good. 01:03:57.058 --> 01:03:58.850 Really. It's very nice. 01:04:01.517 --> 01:04:02.558 Say... 01:04:02.600 --> 01:04:03.892 Mmm. 01:04:03.933 --> 01:04:05.433 Mark, why did your wife leave you? 01:04:05.517 --> 01:04:07.475 Mmm. Eat up. 01:04:07.517 --> 01:04:09.975 Eat up. Two more lovely courses to go. 01:04:11.433 --> 01:04:14.517 Make it mine 01:04:14.558 --> 01:04:16.600 They can talk 01:04:16.642 --> 01:04:17.850 Mmm, delicious. 01:04:19.392 --> 01:04:21.433 I have to say, this really is the most incredible shit. 01:04:25.392 --> 01:04:27.392 This is the worst of the three. 01:04:27.433 --> 01:04:29.183 It does actually remind me of something. 01:04:29.392 --> 01:04:30.183 It tastes like-- 01:04:30.392 --> 01:04:31.850 Marmalade. 01:04:31.892 --> 01:04:33.517 Well done, Bridge. 01:04:33.558 --> 01:04:36.642 Four hours of careful cooking and a feast of blue soup... 01:04:36.683 --> 01:04:38.142 omelet, and marmalade. 01:04:38.183 --> 01:04:39.183 Thank you. 01:04:39.286 --> 01:04:40.700 I think that deserves a toast, don't you? 01:04:40.725 --> 01:04:41.850 To Bridget... 01:04:41.892 --> 01:04:45.058 who cannot cook, but who we love... 01:04:45.100 --> 01:04:46.558 just as she is. 01:04:48.392 --> 01:04:49.642 To Bridget... 01:04:49.683 --> 01:04:52.142 just as she is. 01:04:52.183 --> 01:04:54.142 Did you miss me? 01:04:55.433 --> 01:04:57.392 Did you miss me? 01:05:00.892 --> 01:05:02.433 I'll go. 01:05:13.058 --> 01:05:14.392 Who? 01:05:15.600 --> 01:05:18.808 Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. 01:05:18.850 --> 01:05:22.642 I'm obviously interrupting a... 01:05:22.683 --> 01:05:24.975 Darcy. 01:05:25.017 --> 01:05:27.475 What brings you here? 01:05:27.517 --> 01:05:30.016 Oh, right. Yeah. 01:05:30.017 --> 01:05:31.433 I should've guessed, shouldn't l? 01:05:31.475 --> 01:05:34.474 Hi. I'm Tom. It's really good to meet you at last. 01:05:34.475 --> 01:05:37.433 Yeah, listen, I just came to, uh... 01:05:37.475 --> 01:05:39.642 I thought you might be on your own. 01:05:39.683 --> 01:05:41.808 Huh. What an idiot. 01:05:45.100 --> 01:05:46.142 Excuse me. 01:05:53.600 --> 01:05:55.558 I've been going crazy. 01:05:55.600 --> 01:05:57.642 I can't stop thinking about you... 01:05:57.683 --> 01:06:00.767 and thinking what a fucking idiot I've been. 01:06:00.808 --> 01:06:03.433 Christ, is that blue soup? 01:06:03.475 --> 01:06:05.142 Yes. 01:06:05.183 --> 01:06:07.142 That Sunday in the country... 01:06:09.517 --> 01:06:11.392 Come outside. 01:06:12.850 --> 01:06:15.725 It was all just going so fast-- 01:06:15.767 --> 01:06:19.142 the hotel and that weekend, meeting your parents. 01:06:19.183 --> 01:06:21.392 I just panicked. 01:06:21.433 --> 01:06:23.058 You know me. I'm... 01:06:23.100 --> 01:06:24.933 I'm a terrible disaster... 01:06:24.975 --> 01:06:27.850 with a posh voice and a bad character. 01:06:27.892 --> 01:06:29.433 You're the only one who can save me, Bridge. 01:06:29.475 --> 01:06:31.517 I need you. Without you, twenty years from now... 01:06:31.558 --> 01:06:36.016 I'll be in some seedy bar with some seedy blonde. 01:06:36.017 --> 01:06:38.058 Well, what about Lara? 01:06:38.100 --> 01:06:41.183 Oh, over, over. Totally fucking finito. 01:06:41.392 --> 01:06:42.975 Dumped me. 01:06:43.017 --> 01:06:46.975 She realized that I hadn't got over you. 01:06:47.017 --> 01:06:49.016 I know you're thinking... 01:06:49.017 --> 01:06:52.017 it's just a sex thing, but I promise you... 01:06:52.058 --> 01:06:54.975 whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV... 01:06:55.017 --> 01:06:56.475 I just close my eyes and listen... 01:06:56.517 --> 01:06:58.850 to all the intelligent things you've said. 01:06:58.892 --> 01:07:01.892 I was thrilled that little Kurdish bloke was set free. 01:07:03.558 --> 01:07:04.808 Bridge... 01:07:06.058 --> 01:07:08.642 I missed you a lot. 01:07:11.725 --> 01:07:12.683 Oh, God. 01:07:12.725 --> 01:07:14.433 I'm going now. Bye. 01:07:15.517 --> 01:07:17.016 Mark, stay. We-- 01:07:17.017 --> 01:07:18.475 No, I don't think I will. 01:07:18.517 --> 01:07:21.767 Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf. 01:07:21.808 --> 01:07:26.975 I think it's time you and I put this past behind us. 01:07:27.017 --> 01:07:28.535 At least stay for a birthday drink... 01:07:28.558 --> 01:07:29.975 with me and Bridge, huh? 01:07:30.017 --> 01:07:32.100 Good-bye, Bridget. 01:07:33.933 --> 01:07:35.475 Mark. 01:07:41.142 --> 01:07:42.100 Why are you here? 01:07:42.183 --> 01:07:44.600 Bridge... 01:07:44.642 --> 01:07:47.142 I just told you why I'm here. 01:07:47.183 --> 01:07:50.183 Why was Mark "Wanker" Darcy here? 01:07:50.392 --> 01:07:53.100 Oh, bloody hell. Wait a minute. He's back. 01:07:53.142 --> 01:07:54.558 All right, Cleaver, outside. 01:07:54.600 --> 01:07:56.142 I'm sorry? 01:07:56.183 --> 01:07:57.767 Outside? 01:07:57.850 --> 01:08:01.600 Uh, should I bring my dueling pistols or my sword? 01:08:05.017 --> 01:08:06.392 All right. Hang on. 01:08:15.683 --> 01:08:17.058 I should've done this years ago. 01:08:17.100 --> 01:08:19.183 Done what? 01:08:19.392 --> 01:08:20.391 This. 01:08:20.392 --> 01:08:22.558 Ooh! Fuck! 01:08:22.600 --> 01:08:24.475 Fuck me, that hurt! 01:08:24.517 --> 01:08:26.392 Ahh! 01:08:26.433 --> 01:08:27.642 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 01:08:27.683 --> 01:08:29.017 - This. - Aah! 01:08:29.058 --> 01:08:31.557 Aah! Oh, Christ, not again. 01:08:31.558 --> 01:08:32.558 Uhh! 01:08:34.642 --> 01:08:35.767 Fight! 01:08:35.808 --> 01:08:37.683 What? 01:08:37.725 --> 01:08:39.683 Well, quick! 01:08:39.725 --> 01:08:41.057 It's a real fight! 01:08:41.058 --> 01:08:42.683 It's a fight! 01:08:44.504 --> 01:08:45.849 All right, all right, all right. 01:08:45.850 --> 01:08:47.142 I give up. I give up. 01:08:47.183 --> 01:08:48.933 Just give me a moment, all right? Just... 01:08:48.975 --> 01:08:53.017 Let me get a moment's break here, OK? 01:08:54.058 --> 01:08:55.975 Cheat! 01:08:56.017 --> 01:08:57.600 Cheat! Cheat! 01:09:05.725 --> 01:09:07.725 I should've knew it! 01:09:19.933 --> 01:09:21.767 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 01:09:21.808 --> 01:09:23.100 Whose side are we on? 01:09:23.142 --> 01:09:24.433 Mark's, obviously. 01:09:24.475 --> 01:09:26.392 He's never dumped Bridget for some naked American. 01:09:26.433 --> 01:09:28.433 And he said he liked her just the way she is. 01:09:28.475 --> 01:09:30.183 Yeah, but he also shagged Daniel's fiancee... 01:09:30.392 --> 01:09:31.358 and left him broken hearted. 01:09:31.392 --> 01:09:33.725 Good point. It's a very hard one to call. 01:09:33.767 --> 01:09:36.475 It's raining men 01:09:36.517 --> 01:09:39.600 Hallelujah, it's raining men 01:09:39.642 --> 01:09:41.017 No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 01:09:41.058 --> 01:09:42.558 Oh, yes! 01:09:45.183 --> 01:09:46.683 Mark! 01:09:46.725 --> 01:09:48.142 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, all right? 01:09:48.183 --> 01:09:49.725 Ohh! Ohh! 01:09:49.767 --> 01:09:51.725 Aah! 01:09:51.767 --> 01:09:53.142 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 01:09:53.183 --> 01:09:54.767 I really am sorry. 01:09:54.808 --> 01:09:55.767 I--I will pay. 01:09:55.808 --> 01:09:57.433 Had enough, Darcy? 01:09:57.475 --> 01:10:00.058 Not quite, if that's all right by you. 01:10:00.100 --> 01:10:02.475 Oh! You broke my bloody jaw! 01:10:02.517 --> 01:10:05.767 Happy birthday to you 01:10:05.808 --> 01:10:09.475 Happy birthday to you 01:10:09.517 --> 01:10:14.017 Happy birthday, dear what's-his-name 01:10:14.058 --> 01:10:19.058 Happy birthday to you 01:10:20.600 --> 01:10:22.600 It's raining men 01:10:22.683 --> 01:10:24.975 Hallelujah, it's raining men 01:10:25.017 --> 01:10:27.600 - Uh... - Ohh... 01:10:27.642 --> 01:10:28.975 - Uhh. - Uhh. 01:10:32.392 --> 01:10:34.517 Jesus. 01:10:34.558 --> 01:10:35.683 Uhh. 01:10:40.475 --> 01:10:41.725 All right. 01:10:41.767 --> 01:10:43.767 - All right? - Enough. 01:10:43.850 --> 01:10:45.642 Enough. 01:10:45.683 --> 01:10:46.683 Enough. 01:10:46.725 --> 01:10:48.183 Wanker. 01:11:01.933 --> 01:11:03.808 What is your problem? 01:11:03.850 --> 01:11:05.642 - My problem? - Yes. 01:11:05.683 --> 01:11:09.517 You give the impression of being all moral and noble... 01:11:09.558 --> 01:11:10.975 and normal... 01:11:11.017 --> 01:11:13.017 and helpful in the kitchen... 01:11:13.058 --> 01:11:15.183 but you're just as bad as the rest of them. 01:11:15.392 --> 01:11:17.433 Well, I can see that I've been laboring... 01:11:17.517 --> 01:11:20.017 under a misapprehension. 01:11:20.058 --> 01:11:24.683 A very, very foolish mistake. Forgive me. 01:11:38.892 --> 01:11:41.142 Uhh. 01:11:44.850 --> 01:11:47.642 Let's go back upstairs. 01:11:47.683 --> 01:11:49.100 Come on. 01:11:52.058 --> 01:11:54.142 We belong together, Jones. 01:11:55.600 --> 01:11:57.517 Me, you. 01:11:58.725 --> 01:12:00.600 Poor little skirt. 01:12:02.725 --> 01:12:04.767 Right. 01:12:04.808 --> 01:12:08.725 If I can't make it with you... 01:12:08.767 --> 01:12:11.558 I can't make it with anyone. 01:12:13.892 --> 01:12:15.058 Um... 01:12:21.058 --> 01:12:25.433 That's not a good enough offer for me. 01:12:25.475 --> 01:12:27.392 I'm not willing to gamble my whole life... 01:12:27.433 --> 01:12:29.100 on someone who's... 01:12:29.142 --> 01:12:32.100 well, not quite sure. 01:12:33.600 --> 01:12:35.558 It's like you said. 01:12:35.600 --> 01:12:39.017 I'm still looking for something... 01:12:39.058 --> 01:12:41.142 more extraordinary than that. 01:13:00.475 --> 01:13:02.183 Ding dong, merrily on high 01:13:02.392 --> 01:13:04.433 December 25. 01:13:04.517 --> 01:13:07.558 Weight--140 pounds... 01:13:07.600 --> 01:13:09.183 Plus forty-two mince pies. 01:13:09.392 --> 01:13:12.641 Alcohol units-- 01:13:12.642 --> 01:13:13.683 Oh, thousands. 01:13:13.725 --> 01:13:15.475 Bugger off! 01:13:15.517 --> 01:13:17.183 Come on, kids. 01:13:19.017 --> 01:13:21.892 This baroque carriage clock... 01:13:21.933 --> 01:13:24.517 is a particular festive favorite of mine... 01:13:24.558 --> 01:13:27.517 incorporating the Hallelujah Chorus... 01:13:27.558 --> 01:13:28.975 from Handel's "Messiah"... 01:13:29.058 --> 01:13:31.767 every hour on the hour. 01:13:31.808 --> 01:13:32.850 I don't understand it. 01:13:32.892 --> 01:13:34.725 The man's actually turned red now. 01:13:34.767 --> 01:13:36.683 Merry Christmas, Pamela. 01:13:42.683 --> 01:13:43.933 Well... 01:13:43.975 --> 01:13:46.142 I'm going to Bedfordshire. 01:13:53.183 --> 01:13:54.100 Night, night. 01:13:54.225 --> 01:13:55.683 Night, night. 01:14:09.725 --> 01:14:11.517 The thing is... 01:14:12.642 --> 01:14:15.600 well, close up, he was almost purple. 01:14:17.058 --> 01:14:20.642 You were such a lovely normal color. 01:14:20.725 --> 01:14:24.558 He had a filthy temper. 01:14:24.600 --> 01:14:26.849 And, well, the jewelry is fabulous... 01:14:26.850 --> 01:14:29.808 and really very reasonably priced and... 01:14:31.100 --> 01:14:34.100 I thought I might ask if... 01:14:36.142 --> 01:14:38.100 we could have another go. 01:14:39.683 --> 01:14:41.475 I mean, obviously, with some effort on your part... 01:14:41.517 --> 01:14:43.600 to pay a bit more attention to me. 01:14:43.642 --> 01:14:46.600 I do realize what I'm like sometimes. 01:14:46.683 --> 01:14:47.892 It doesn't help that you and Bridget... 01:14:47.933 --> 01:14:49.725 have your lovely grownup club of two... 01:14:49.767 --> 01:14:51.100 and always saying... 01:14:51.142 --> 01:14:53.600 "What's silly old Mummy gone and done this time?" 01:14:53.642 --> 01:14:56.975 You used to be mad about me. 01:14:57.017 --> 01:14:58.850 You couldn't get enough of me. 01:15:02.767 --> 01:15:04.475 What do you think? 01:15:07.892 --> 01:15:09.808 I don't know, Pam. 01:15:12.100 --> 01:15:14.683 I just don't know now. 01:15:17.017 --> 01:15:18.683 It's been very hard. 01:15:18.725 --> 01:15:21.642 Oh, Colin. 01:15:25.517 --> 01:15:28.058 I'm joking, you daft cow. 01:15:29.142 --> 01:15:30.100 Oh! 01:15:32.683 --> 01:15:35.475 Pam, I just don't work without you. 01:15:38.392 --> 01:15:40.933 Awful. 01:15:44.642 --> 01:15:47.600 Lovely, lovely, lovely. 01:15:47.642 --> 01:15:49.808 Get back up those stairs, young lady. 01:15:49.850 --> 01:15:51.058 Get dressed. 01:15:51.100 --> 01:15:52.475 What for? 01:15:52.517 --> 01:15:54.475 The Darcys' ruby wedding party. 01:15:54.517 --> 01:15:55.850 What for, indeed. 01:15:55.892 --> 01:15:58.558 Mark will be there-- still divorced. 01:15:58.600 --> 01:16:02.058 He's also still deranged. I'm not going. 01:16:02.100 --> 01:16:04.975 Poor Mark. It's always a bad time of year for him. 01:16:05.017 --> 01:16:07.100 You know, his Japanese wife left him on Christmas Day. 01:16:07.183 --> 01:16:08.475 Cruel race. 01:16:08.517 --> 01:16:09.725 Yes, but I'm not quite sure... 01:16:09.767 --> 01:16:11.850 he didn't deserve it, actually. 01:16:11.892 --> 01:16:13.725 She ran off with his best friend from Cambridge. 01:16:13.767 --> 01:16:16.142 Total scoundrel, apparently. 01:16:16.183 --> 01:16:17.683 Best man at his wedding. 01:16:17.725 --> 01:16:19.808 Christmas Eve, Mark comes home early from work... 01:16:19.850 --> 01:16:23.017 finds the pair of them in a most unorthodox position-- 01:16:23.058 --> 01:16:25.475 stark naked, a tit like rabbits. 01:16:30.475 --> 01:16:32.767 Just give me five minutes. 01:16:32.808 --> 01:16:33.933 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:16:33.975 --> 01:16:35.183 Oh, ho 01:16:35.392 --> 01:16:36.600 Ain't no valley low enough 01:16:36.642 --> 01:16:37.850 Whoo 01:16:37.892 --> 01:16:39.850 Ain't no river wide enough 01:16:39.892 --> 01:16:42.850 Stop. Stop the car. Stop the car. 01:16:42.892 --> 01:16:45.058 Dad, get out. Too slow! 01:16:45.100 --> 01:16:46.142 Ain't no valley low enough 01:16:46.183 --> 01:16:47.642 Say it again 01:16:47.683 --> 01:16:48.933 Ain't no river wide enough 01:16:48.975 --> 01:16:51.558 Hey, to keep me from you 01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:53.433 Dad, get in. 01:16:53.475 --> 01:16:54.600 - Hurry. - What's your hurry? 01:16:56.683 --> 01:16:58.892 Not too fast. 01:16:58.933 --> 01:17:02.058 Keep me from you 01:17:08.183 --> 01:17:10.475 A bit snowy, isn't it? 01:17:10.517 --> 01:17:12.017 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:17:12.058 --> 01:17:13.474 Oh, ho 01:17:13.475 --> 01:17:14.975 Ain't no valley low enough 01:17:15.017 --> 01:17:16.433 Whoo 01:17:16.475 --> 01:17:18.433 Ain't no river wide enough 01:17:18.475 --> 01:17:20.725 To keep me from you 01:17:20.767 --> 01:17:22.516 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:17:22.517 --> 01:17:24.850 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 01:17:24.892 --> 01:17:26.142 Say it again 01:17:26.183 --> 01:17:27.558 Ain't no river wide enough 01:17:27.600 --> 01:17:30.058 Hey, to keep me from you 01:17:30.100 --> 01:17:32.392 Sorry. One moment. 01:17:35.183 --> 01:17:36.558 Thank you for inviting me. 01:17:36.600 --> 01:17:39.517 I didn't. It must've been my parents. 01:17:44.058 --> 01:17:45.058 So... 01:17:45.100 --> 01:17:47.142 So. 01:17:48.683 --> 01:17:49.767 Hello, Bridget. 01:17:49.808 --> 01:17:51.433 Didn't know you were coming. 01:17:51.475 --> 01:17:55.433 Mark, your father wants to begin A.S.A.P. 01:17:55.475 --> 01:17:56.975 Oh, does he? Right. 01:17:57.017 --> 01:17:58.392 Well, uh... 01:17:58.433 --> 01:18:00.558 Come on, Mark. Be helpful, please. 01:18:00.600 --> 01:18:02.392 The caterers have totally screwed up. 01:18:02.433 --> 01:18:03.849 Does nothing work outside of London? 01:18:03.850 --> 01:18:05.642 Hmm? Apparently not. 01:18:07.058 --> 01:18:08.642 Well, I'd better... 01:18:10.558 --> 01:18:12.683 Listen, uh... 01:18:12.725 --> 01:18:16.808 I owe you an apology about Daniel. 01:18:18.558 --> 01:18:20.850 He said that you ran off with his fiancee... 01:18:20.892 --> 01:18:23.517 and left him broken hearted, he said. 01:18:23.558 --> 01:18:24.850 Ah. 01:18:25.850 --> 01:18:27.058 No, it was the other way around. 01:18:27.100 --> 01:18:30.600 It was my wife... 01:18:31.850 --> 01:18:33.392 my heart. 01:18:34.933 --> 01:18:36.975 Sorry. 01:18:37.017 --> 01:18:40.725 That's why you always acted so strangely around him... 01:18:40.767 --> 01:18:45.433 and beat him to a pulp, quite rightly. 01:18:45.558 --> 01:18:46.808 Well done. 01:18:47.850 --> 01:18:48.975 Well, um... 01:18:49.017 --> 01:18:51.142 Can we just, um... 01:18:51.183 --> 01:18:53.850 pop out there... 01:18:53.892 --> 01:18:55.433 for a moment? 01:18:57.850 --> 01:18:59.767 Quite delightful, isn't it, my dear? 01:19:01.683 --> 01:19:03.183 OK. 01:19:05.017 --> 01:19:08.892 I just have something that I want to say. 01:19:08.933 --> 01:19:10.475 Um... 01:19:10.558 --> 01:19:12.767 You once said that you liked me just as I am... 01:19:12.808 --> 01:19:17.725 and I just wanted to say... like wise. 01:19:17.767 --> 01:19:19.725 I mean... 01:19:19.767 --> 01:19:21.892 there are stupid things your mum buys you. 01:19:21.933 --> 01:19:23.558 Tonight's another classic. 01:19:23.600 --> 01:19:26.100 You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing... 01:19:26.142 --> 01:19:27.808 in every situation. 01:19:27.892 --> 01:19:31.058 And I seriously believe that you should... 01:19:31.100 --> 01:19:33.142 rethink the length of your side burns. 01:19:34.975 --> 01:19:37.642 But you're a nice man... 01:19:37.683 --> 01:19:38.808 and... 01:19:40.892 --> 01:19:42.433 I like you. 01:19:45.600 --> 01:19:47.558 So if you wanted to pop by sometime... 01:19:47.600 --> 01:19:48.975 that might be nice. 01:19:52.517 --> 01:19:54.642 More than nice. 01:19:56.892 --> 01:19:57.933 Right. 01:19:59.892 --> 01:20:01.017 Crikey. 01:20:03.933 --> 01:20:05.808 Ladies and gentlemen... 01:20:05.850 --> 01:20:09.517 could I have your attention fora moment, please? 01:20:09.558 --> 01:20:10.975 Excuse me. 01:20:14.517 --> 01:20:15.933 Of course. 01:20:15.975 --> 01:20:18.683 ...wife and companion Geraldine. 01:20:18.725 --> 01:20:23.767 A toast to her, my--my wonderful wife Geraldine. 01:20:23.808 --> 01:20:26.016 To Geraldine. 01:20:26.017 --> 01:20:27.767 And we, in turn... 01:20:27.808 --> 01:20:30.683 have been blessed with our son, Mark. 01:20:30.725 --> 01:20:31.933 He's always made usproud... 01:20:31.975 --> 01:20:34.642 and we couldn't be prouder of him... 01:20:34.683 --> 01:20:35.767 than on this particular day... 01:20:35.850 --> 01:20:38.475 because I'm thrilled to announce... 01:20:38.517 --> 01:20:40.808 he has just been invited to be a senior partner... 01:20:40.850 --> 01:20:42.933 in the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York. 01:20:47.517 --> 01:20:49.017 He also, incidentally... 01:20:49.058 --> 01:20:51.142 takes with him his brilliant partner in law... 01:20:51.183 --> 01:20:53.142 Natasha. 01:20:53.183 --> 01:20:55.183 And, well, I don't think they'll mind... 01:20:55.392 --> 01:20:56.975 since we're amongst friends... 01:20:57.017 --> 01:21:01.600 if I say that someday this remarkably clever girl... 01:21:01.642 --> 01:21:04.975 is going to be something-else-in-law as well. 01:21:10.808 --> 01:21:12.600 I begged him not to say anything. 01:21:12.642 --> 01:21:14.017 So I ask you now... 01:21:14.058 --> 01:21:16.142 to charge your glasses once again... 01:21:16.183 --> 01:21:18.767 to Markandhis Natasha. 01:21:18.850 --> 01:21:21.142 To Mark and his Natasha. 01:21:21.183 --> 01:21:23.808 No! No! 01:21:27.892 --> 01:21:30.641 It's just that... 01:21:30.642 --> 01:21:33.058 it's such a terrible pity... 01:21:35.642 --> 01:21:38.933 f-for England... 01:21:38.975 --> 01:21:40.725 to lose... 01:21:40.767 --> 01:21:43.142 such a great legal brain. 01:21:43.183 --> 01:21:45.183 - Is she pissed? - What? 01:21:45.392 --> 01:21:48.433 F-for the people of England... 01:21:50.058 --> 01:21:51.600 I like me and you... 01:21:51.642 --> 01:21:55.808 to lose one of our top people. 01:21:55.850 --> 01:21:56.892 Uh... 01:21:57.892 --> 01:22:01.433 just top person, really. 01:22:04.142 --> 01:22:05.683 Ahem. 01:22:07.017 --> 01:22:09.892 Well... better dash. 01:22:09.933 --> 01:22:13.349 I've got another party to go to. 01:22:13.350 --> 01:22:16.058 It's single people. 01:22:16.100 --> 01:22:18.850 Mainly... poofs. 01:22:22.183 --> 01:22:24.017 Bye. 01:22:38.808 --> 01:22:42.100 Knew the sight 01:22:42.142 --> 01:22:44.682 Wasn't right 01:22:44.683 --> 01:22:46.975 I was stupid 01:22:47.017 --> 01:22:49.642 For a while 01:22:49.683 --> 01:22:52.183 Swept away 01:22:52.392 --> 01:22:55.182 By you 01:22:55.183 --> 01:22:57.808 And now I feel 01:22:57.850 --> 01:23:00.475 Like a fool 01:23:02.142 --> 01:23:04.767 So confused 01:23:04.808 --> 01:23:07.475 My heart's bruised 01:23:07.517 --> 01:23:11.017 Was I ever loved by you? 01:23:11.058 --> 01:23:13.517 Out of reach 01:23:13.558 --> 01:23:16.433 So far 01:23:16.475 --> 01:23:21.642 I never had your heart 01:23:21.683 --> 01:23:24.142 Out of reach 01:23:24.183 --> 01:23:26.767 Couldn't see 01:23:26.808 --> 01:23:32.142 We were never meant to be 01:23:32.183 --> 01:23:34.767 Catch myself 01:23:34.808 --> 01:23:37.517 From the spell 01:23:37.558 --> 01:23:42.683 I could drown if I stay here 01:23:42.725 --> 01:23:44.808 Keepin' busy 01:23:44.850 --> 01:23:45.975 Every day 01:23:48.058 --> 01:23:51.642 I know I will be OK 01:23:51.683 --> 01:23:52.642 Yes? 01:23:52.683 --> 01:23:54.725 Hi, it's us! 01:23:54.767 --> 01:23:57.100 Oh. 01:23:57.142 --> 01:23:59.058 Great. Come on up. 01:24:01.058 --> 01:24:03.100 Have we got the most fantastic surprise for you. 01:24:03.183 --> 01:24:04.641 Oh, no. You're not going to sing. 01:24:04.642 --> 01:24:07.017 Not that fantastic, sadly, no, but still pretty good. 01:24:07.058 --> 01:24:08.725 We've decided we're taking you to Paris for the weekend. 01:24:08.767 --> 01:24:11.683 Forget everything--particularly, forget about Mark Darcy. 01:24:11.725 --> 01:24:13.850 I can't believe you said what you said you said. 01:24:13.892 --> 01:24:15.182 I know. 01:24:15.183 --> 01:24:17.642 There goes my invite to the Darcys' next year. 01:24:17.683 --> 01:24:19.392 If he didn't leap over the family heirlooms... 01:24:19.433 --> 01:24:20.882 and whip you up in his arms, then sod him. 01:24:20.892 --> 01:24:25.475 Yes. He's clearly the most dreadful cold fish. 01:24:25.517 --> 01:24:27.017 Exactly. 01:24:27.058 --> 01:24:28.142 I mean, there's been all these bloody hints... 01:24:28.183 --> 01:24:29.933 and stuff, but has he ever actually... 01:24:29.975 --> 01:24:31.700 stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat? 01:24:31.725 --> 01:24:33.767 No. Not once. 01:24:33.808 --> 01:24:35.142 I think we should pack, shouldn't we? 01:24:35.183 --> 01:24:36.767 Passport, Bridget. And pants. 01:24:36.808 --> 01:24:38.183 Yep, pants. 01:24:38.392 --> 01:24:39.600 Hurry up, Bridge! 01:24:39.642 --> 01:24:41.475 We're freezing our bollocks off out here! 01:24:41.517 --> 01:24:43.683 Yeah. Just the keys. 01:24:44.725 --> 01:24:46.475 I'm stuck! Oh! 01:24:50.433 --> 01:24:51.933 Come the fuck on, Bridget. 01:24:53.600 --> 01:24:54.642 Close the door. 01:24:54.683 --> 01:24:55.975 Bridget? 01:24:56.017 --> 01:24:57.975 Stop being so bossy. 01:24:59.558 --> 01:25:01.600 What are you doing here? 01:25:01.642 --> 01:25:03.807 I just wanted to know if you were available... 01:25:03.808 --> 01:25:05.100 for barmitzvahs and christenings... 01:25:05.142 --> 01:25:07.183 as well as ruby weddings. 01:25:07.392 --> 01:25:08.807 Excellent speech. 01:25:08.808 --> 01:25:10.892 I thought that you were in America. 01:25:10.933 --> 01:25:14.433 Well, yes, I was, but, um... 01:25:14.475 --> 01:25:16.975 I realized I'd forgotten something back home. 01:25:18.183 --> 01:25:19.433 Which was? 01:25:20.558 --> 01:25:24.392 Well, I realized I'd forgotten to, um... 01:25:25.642 --> 01:25:26.975 kiss you good-bye. Do you mind? 01:25:29.558 --> 01:25:30.683 Um.... 01:25:30.725 --> 01:25:32.475 not really, no. 01:25:35.975 --> 01:25:37.642 So... 01:25:37.683 --> 01:25:40.433 you're not going to America, then? 01:25:40.475 --> 01:25:42.016 - No. - No. 01:25:42.017 --> 01:25:43.017 - Not. - Oh, oh. 01:25:43.058 --> 01:25:45.142 You're staying here? 01:25:45.183 --> 01:25:47.142 So it would seem. 01:25:48.183 --> 01:25:50.642 Aah! 01:25:52.683 --> 01:25:53.767 Go, Bridget! 01:25:53.808 --> 01:25:54.767 Friends of yours? 01:25:56.642 --> 01:25:59.767 No. I've never seen them before in my life. 01:25:59.808 --> 01:26:01.767 Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not? 01:26:03.517 --> 01:26:04.475 Not. 01:26:04.517 --> 01:26:06.600 - No fucking room anyway. - No. 01:26:06.642 --> 01:26:08.975 Maybe we should just go upstairs for a minute. 01:26:09.017 --> 01:26:11.100 Yes. Very good idea. 01:26:11.142 --> 01:26:13.600 No. Come on, let's go. No. 01:26:13.642 --> 01:26:16.142 Of course she's not coming. 01:26:16.183 --> 01:26:17.850 Close it down. 01:26:21.600 --> 01:26:23.225 Uh... 01:26:23.350 --> 01:26:24.807 give me just a minute. 01:26:24.808 --> 01:26:27.558 Um... keep yourself busy. Read something. 01:26:27.600 --> 01:26:30.557 Lots of very high-quality magazines... 01:26:30.558 --> 01:26:34.517 with helpful fashion and romance tips. 01:26:35.517 --> 01:26:37.975 I'll be right with you. 01:26:44.058 --> 01:26:49.392 Definitely an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers. 01:27:19.475 --> 01:27:20.683 Right. 01:27:25.683 --> 01:27:26.974 Right. 01:27:33.642 --> 01:27:34.641 Mark? 01:27:34.642 --> 01:27:36.642 Mark? 01:27:40.892 --> 01:27:42.807 Mark! 01:27:42.808 --> 01:27:44.558 Mark! 01:27:49.808 --> 01:27:50.767 Oh. 01:27:52.933 --> 01:27:54.975 Oh, shit. 01:28:01.392 --> 01:28:03.017 Double shit. 01:28:12.683 --> 01:28:14.183 Bollocks! 01:28:14.392 --> 01:28:15.808 Oh, God. 01:28:21.392 --> 01:28:23.933 Ooh! Wish me luck! 01:28:23.975 --> 01:28:26.433 Good luck, crazy girl! 01:28:26.475 --> 01:28:27.808 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:28:27.850 --> 01:28:29.807 - Oh, ho - Ain't no valley low enough 01:28:29.808 --> 01:28:32.517 - Ooh - Ain't no river wide enough 01:28:32.558 --> 01:28:35.767 - Oh - To keep me from you 01:28:35.808 --> 01:28:37.641 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:28:37.642 --> 01:28:39.808 Ow, ain't no valley low enough 01:28:39.850 --> 01:28:41.807 Say it again, ain't no river wide enough 01:28:41.808 --> 01:28:45.433 Hey, to keep me from you 01:28:45.475 --> 01:28:49.475 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:28:49.558 --> 01:28:51.517 Nothing can keep me 01:28:51.558 --> 01:28:52.807 Mark? 01:28:52.808 --> 01:28:54.683 Keep me from you 01:28:57.183 --> 01:28:58.558 Mark! 01:29:00.725 --> 01:29:02.850 Oh, damn. 01:29:04.392 --> 01:29:05.683 Ain't no mountain high enough 01:29:05.725 --> 01:29:08.142 No, ain't no valley low enough 01:29:08.392 --> 01:29:10.850 I am so sorry. 01:29:10.892 --> 01:29:12.183 I'm so sorry. 01:29:12.392 --> 01:29:14.058 I didn't mean it. 01:29:14.100 --> 01:29:15.683 I mean, I meant it... 01:29:15.725 --> 01:29:20.850 but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant. 01:29:24.058 --> 01:29:26.475 Oh, for Christ's sakes. 01:29:29.142 --> 01:29:31.142 It's only a diary. 01:29:32.558 --> 01:29:35.850 Everyone knows diaries are just full of crap. 01:29:39.517 --> 01:29:41.017 I know that. 01:29:41.058 --> 01:29:43.392 I was just buying you a new one. 01:29:43.433 --> 01:29:44.933 Time to make a new start, perhaps. 01:30:01.906 --> 01:30:03.700 I've been searchin' a long time 01:30:07.017 --> 01:30:11.433 For someone exactly like you 01:30:14.975 --> 01:30:18.933 I've been traveling all around the world 01:30:21.683 --> 01:30:23.517 Waitin' for you 01:30:23.558 --> 01:30:24.808 To come through 01:30:26.600 --> 01:30:29.725 Someone like you 01:30:29.767 --> 01:30:30.733 Will make it all worth while 01:30:30.767 --> 01:30:32.142 Wait a minute. 01:30:33.225 --> 01:30:35.808 Nice boys don't kiss like that. 01:30:35.850 --> 01:30:37.392 Oh, yes, they fucking do. 01:30:37.433 --> 01:30:38.767 Keep me satisfied 01:30:38.808 --> 01:30:42.642 Someone exactly like you 01:30:46.142 --> 01:30:49.142 Someone exactly like you 01:30:52.975 --> 01:30:56.600 Someone exactly like you 01:31:01.017 --> 01:31:03.475 The best is yet to come 01:31:06.642 --> 01:31:09.642 The best is yet to come 01:31:23.975 --> 01:31:27.558 Have you met Miss Jones? 01:31:27.600 --> 01:31:31.142 Someone said as we shook hands 01:31:31.183 --> 01:31:35.058 She was just Miss Jones 01:31:35.100 --> 01:31:37.808 To me 01:31:39.642 --> 01:31:42.600 And now I've met Miss Jones 01:31:43.892 --> 01:31:46.641 And we'll keep on meeting 01:31:46.642 --> 01:31:49.641 Till we're done 01:31:49.642 --> 01:31:52.017 Miss Jones and I 01:31:54.475 --> 01:31:55.808 Whoa, fellas 01:32:24.642 --> 01:32:26.767 And all at once 01:32:26.850 --> 01:32:28.683 I lost my breath 01:32:28.725 --> 01:32:30.767 And all at once 01:32:30.808 --> 01:32:32.767 Was scared to death 01:32:32.808 --> 01:32:34.558 And all at once 01:32:34.600 --> 01:32:37.724 I owned the earth 01:32:37.725 --> 01:32:39.892 And sky 01:32:41.975 --> 01:32:46.058 Now I've met Miss Jones 01:32:46.100 --> 01:32:49.183 And we'll keep on meeting 01:32:49.392 --> 01:32:52.392 Till we're done 01:32:52.433 --> 01:32:54.808 Miss Jones and I 01:32:56.433 --> 01:32:58.767 Miss Jones and I 01:33:00.183 --> 01:33:07.933 Miss Jones and I 01:33:11.683 --> 01:33:13.433 How! 01:33:13.475 --> 01:33:16.850 I didn't mean to hurt your feelings 01:33:16.892 --> 01:33:19.142 It was so careless of me 01:33:21.100 --> 01:33:24.433 I guess I've gone and done it 01:33:24.475 --> 01:33:26.683 It's just a matter of time 01:33:28.100 --> 01:33:29.850 Nothing I can do 01:33:29.892 --> 01:33:32.141 But tell you I'm sorry 01:33:32.142 --> 01:33:39.183 And that's the hardest part of all 01:33:39.392 --> 01:33:46.933 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 01:33:46.975 --> 01:33:54.933 Your love's the killin' kind 01:33:54.975 --> 01:33:57.100 Yeah 01:33:57.142 --> 01:33:59.683 I'd rather walk on glass 01:33:59.725 --> 01:34:04.892 Than see tear drops in your eyes 01:34:04.933 --> 01:34:07.183 And I'd fall to pieces 01:34:07.392 --> 01:34:09.100 Just to hold you 01:34:09.142 --> 01:34:11.767 The best thing in my life 01:34:11.808 --> 01:34:15.933 And it's just luck I get to love you 01:34:15.975 --> 01:34:19.600 You're the one thing that's right 01:34:19.642 --> 01:34:23.600 You're the light in my hell's darkness 01:34:23.642 --> 01:34:31.100 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 01:34:31.142 --> 01:34:39.017 Your love's the killin' kind 01:34:39.058 --> 01:34:40.767 Oh, yeah 01:34:42.600 --> 01:34:44.600 I just might cry now 01:34:44.642 --> 01:34:46.100 Lie 01:34:46.142 --> 01:34:48.392 Lay down and die now 01:34:49.850 --> 01:34:52.058 You've done it to me 01:34:53.558 --> 01:34:57.933 You're puttin' me under 01:34:57.975 --> 01:35:00.433 I close my eyes at night 01:35:00.475 --> 01:35:02.682 Sittin' under sky 01:35:02.683 --> 01:35:05.850 I love you and all is pleasures 01:35:05.892 --> 01:35:07.683 Baby, feels so right 01:35:07.725 --> 01:35:12.683 My arms won't be of any use at all 01:35:12.725 --> 01:35:17.058 If I can't hold you 01:35:17.100 --> 01:35:24.807 'Cause your love's the killin' kind 01:35:24.808 --> 01:35:28.767 Your love's the killin' kind 01:35:37.183 --> 01:35:40.933 Not of this earth 01:35:42.725 --> 01:35:46.058 You've changed places with the sun 01:35:48.683 --> 01:35:51.475 I know that you're the one 01:35:53.892 --> 01:35:56.558 I love what we've become 01:35:58.850 --> 01:36:02.975 Not of this earth 01:36:04.475 --> 01:36:07.683 Not surprised we're unashamed 01:36:09.725 --> 01:36:12.892 She's gonna have to change her name 01:36:15.433 --> 01:36:17.933 Then we'll know they'll be the same 01:36:20.475 --> 01:36:24.850 She's not of this earth 01:36:24.892 --> 01:36:30.600 And I believe we've seen the worst 01:36:30.642 --> 01:36:34.475 If I ever leave this world 01:36:35.975 --> 01:36:38.058 You will have a song to sing 01:36:38.100 --> 01:36:41.600 So you know what you're worth 01:36:41.624 --> 01:37:01.624 Telegram Channel and Instagram Page .:: @bollbolljan_com ::.