WEBVTT
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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
.:: www.bolboljan.net ::.
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WOMAN:
♪ Now we are together ♪
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♪ Sitting outside ♪
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♪ In the sunshine ♪
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♪ But soon ♪
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♪ We'll be apart ♪
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♪ And soon ♪
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♪ It'll be night at noon ♪
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♪ Now ♪
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♪ Things are fine ♪
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♪ The clouds
are far away ♪
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♪ Up in the sky ♪
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♪ But soon ♪
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♪ I'll be on a plane ♪
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♪ And soon ♪
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♪ You'll feel the cold rain ♪
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♪ You promised to stay in touch ♪
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♪ When we're apart ♪
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♪ You promised before I left ♪
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♪ That you'll always love me ♪
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♪ Time goes by and people cry ♪
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♪ And everything goes too fast ♪♪
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Do you consider the book
to be autobiographical?
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Mmm. Um, well...
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I mean, isn't everything autobiographical?
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I mean, we all see the world through
our own tiny keyhole. Right?
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I always think of Thomas Wolfe.
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Have you ever seen that little
one-page note to reader
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in the front of Look Homeward, Angel?
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You know what I'm talking about?
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Anyway, he says that we are the sum
of all the moments of our lives
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and that anybody who sits down to write
is gonna use the clay of their own life,
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that you can't avoid that.
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So when I look at my own life, you know,
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I have to admit, right, that I've —
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I've never been around a bunch
of guns or violence, you know, not really.
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No political intrigue
or a helicopter crash, right?
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But my life, from my own point of view,
has been full of drama. Right?
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And so I thought if I could write a book
that — that could capture what it's like
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to... to really meet somebody.
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And one of the most exciting things
that's ever happened to me
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is to really meet somebody,
make that connection.
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And if I could make that valuable,
you know, to capture that,
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that — that would be the attempt, or...
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Did I answer your question? I...
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I'll try to be more specific. Okay?
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Was there ever a French young woman
on a train you met and spent an evening with?
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Um...
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See, to me that, uh —
I mean, that's not important. You know?
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WOMAN: So that's a yes.
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All right, since I'm in France and this is
the last stop of my book tour, yes.
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- (customers laughing)
- Thank you.
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Mr. Wallace, the book ends
on an ambiguous note.
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We don't know.
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Do you think they get back together
in six months like they promise each other?
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JESSE: Like they promised? Um...
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I think I answered that.
You know, it's, uh...
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It's a good test,
if you're a romantic or a cynic. Right?
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I mean, you think — you think
they get back together, right?
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- You don't, for sure.
- No.
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And you hope they do, but you're not sure.
That's why you're asking the question.
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And do you think they get back together?
I mean, did you in real life?
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- Did I in real...
- (man chuckling)
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Look, in the words of my grandfather,
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"To answer that would take the piss
out of the whole thing."
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- (speaking French)
- We have time for one last question.
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What is your next book?
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Uh... I don't know, man.
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I don't know.
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I've been...
I've been thinking about this —
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Well, I always
kinda wanted to write a book
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that all took place, uh,
within the space of a pop song.
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You know, like three or four
minutes long, the whole thing.
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The story — The idea
is that there's this guy, right,
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and he's totally depressed.
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I mean, his great dream was to be
a lover, an adventurer, you know,
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riding motorcycles through South America.
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And instead he's sitting
at a marble table eating lobster.
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He's got a good job and a beautiful wife,
right, everything that he needs.
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But that doesn't matter, because
what he wants is to fight for meaning.
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You know? I mean,
happiness is in the doing, right?
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Not in the getting what you want.
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So he's sitting there,
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and just that second
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his little five-year-old daughter
hops up on the table.
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And he knows that she should get down,
'cause she could get hurt.
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But she's dancing to this pop song
in a summer dress.
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And he looks down,
and all of a sudden, uh, he's 16.
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And his high school sweetheart
is dropping him off at home.
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And they just lost their virginity,
and she loves him,
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and the same song
is playing on the car radio.
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She climbs up and starts
dancing on the roof of the car.
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And now he's worried about her.
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And she's beautiful, with a facial expression
just like his daughter's.
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In fact, maybe that's why
he even likes her.
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See, he knows he's not remembering
this dance. He's there.
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He's there in both moments simultaneously.
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And just like for an instant,
all his life is just folding in on itself.
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And it's obvious to him
that time is a lie,
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uh...
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uh, that it's — that it's —
it's all happening all the time,
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and inside every moment is another moment,
all... you know, happening simultaneously.
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Anyway, that's...
that's kind of the idea... anyway.
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Our author has to be
going to the airport soon,
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so thank you all very much
for coming over this afternoon.
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And a special thanks to Mr. Wallace
for being with us.
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- Thank you. Thank you.
- (applause)
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We hope to see you here again
with your next book.
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(speaking French)
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Thank you all.
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How much longer
before I have to go to the airport?
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You should leave at 7:30.
7:30 at the very latest, hmm?
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Okay. Okay.
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(conversation in French, faint)
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Hi.
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Hello.
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- (both laughing)
- CELINE: Bonjour.
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How are you?
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- Good. And you?
- Um...
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I'm good. Yeah, I'm great. I'm, uh...
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Do you want to maybe get a cup of coffee?
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Didn't he just say
you have a plane to catch?
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Uh... yeah.
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But, I mean, I have a little time.
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- Okay.
- Yeah? All right, well, let me...
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I'll meet you outside then. Okay.
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Excuse me. I'm just gonna go get
a cup of coffee. I'll be back at 7:15.
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- Did you sign all these?
- Yeah, I sure did.
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Get your driver Philippe's card so that you
can call his cell phone if you're running late.
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We will put your bags in the car
so you are not late going to the airport.
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- All right. Thanks for everything.
- Thank you.
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- Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle.
- Simone.
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Simone. Which one's Philippe?
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(man speaking French)
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Merci.
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I can't believe you're here.
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I live here in Paris.
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- Wow. Um...
- Are you sure you don't have to stay?
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- You're not supposed to talk some more?
- No, they're sick of me.
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- I spent the night here last night.
- You did?
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- Yeah, they got a loft upstairs.
- Oh, wow.
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- Anyway, how are you? This is so weird.
- I'm fine.
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- It's good to see you.
- It's good to see you.
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- So, you want to go to a café?
- Uh, yeah.
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Okay. There's one
a little further that I like.
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I thought I was gonna totally lose it
in there when I first saw you.
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How'd you even know I was gonna be here?
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It's my favorite bookstore in Paris.
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You can sit down for hours and read.
I love it.
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- There's fleas, but, you know...
- I know.
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I think a cat slept on my head last night.
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So I saw your picture on the calendar
about a month ago
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and that you were going to be here.
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- It's funny because I read an article on your book.
- Uh-huh.
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- And it sounded vaguely familiar.
- Vaguely, yeah.
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Yes. (laughs)
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But I didn't put it all together
until I saw your photo, so...
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Did you have a chance to read it?
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Yes! I, um... I was really, really surprised,
as you can imagine.
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I mean, I had to read it twice, actually.
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- Yeah?
- Yeah.
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- Comme ci, comme ça?
- No, I liked it!
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- Yeah?
- It's very romantic.
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I usually don't like that,
but it's really well-written.
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It's really well-written. No, I really —
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- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
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- Wait.
- What?
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Before we go anywhere, I have, um...
I have to ask you.
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Sure. What?
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Did you show up in Vienna that December?
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Ah.
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Uh, did you?
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No, I couldn't. But did you?
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- I need to know. It's important to me.
- Why, if you didn't?
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Well, did you?
00:10:09.652 --> 00:10:11.821
No.
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Oh! Oh, thank God you didn't.
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- I'm, like — Oh, my God.
- Thank God I didn't and you didn't.
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If one of us had showed up there alone,
then that would have sucked.
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I know. I was so concerned with that.
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I always felt horrible about
not being there, but I couldn't.
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My grandma died a few days before
and she was buried that day, December 16.
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- She died? The one in Budapest?
- Yes.
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- You remember that?
- I remember everything.
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Of course. It was in your book.
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But anyway, I was about to fly to Vienna
and we heard the news about her,
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and of course I had to go to the funeral
with my parents.
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- I'm sorry to hear that.
- I know.
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But you weren't there anyway.
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Wait. Why weren't you there?
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I would have been there if I could have.
I made plans.
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You better have a good reason.
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What?
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Oh. No.
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No, you were there, weren't you?
00:11:05.666 --> 00:11:08.461
Oh, no! (laughing) Oh, that's terrible!
00:11:08.544 --> 00:11:10.463
I'm laughing, but I don't mean it.
00:11:10.546 --> 00:11:13.716
Did you hate me? You must have hated me.
Have you been hating me all this time?
00:11:13.799 --> 00:11:14.967
- You have.
- No! No!
00:11:15.051 --> 00:11:16.093
- Yes, you have.
- No.
00:11:16.177 --> 00:11:18.095
But you can't hate me now, right?
00:11:18.179 --> 00:11:21.557
- I mean, my grandma —
- I don't hate you. It's no big deal.
00:11:21.640 --> 00:11:24.393
I flew all the way over there.
You blew the thing off.
00:11:24.477 --> 00:11:27.521
My life's been a big nosedive since then,
but it's not a problem.
00:11:27.605 --> 00:11:28.874
- No, you can't say that.
- I'm kidding.
00:11:28.898 --> 00:11:30.608
I can't believe it!
00:11:30.691 --> 00:11:33.486
You must have been so angry with me.
I'm so sorry.
00:11:33.569 --> 00:11:36.256
I really wanted to be there
more than anything in the world. I swear.
00:11:36.280 --> 00:11:38.759
- Honestly — I swear —
- You can't be angry now. My grandmother.
00:11:38.783 --> 00:11:42.912
No, I know. I honestly thought that
something like that might have happened.
00:11:42.995 --> 00:11:45.039
- I was definitely bummed.
- (sighs)
00:11:45.122 --> 00:11:49.001
But mostly I was mad we hadn't exchanged
any phone numbers or any information.
00:11:49.085 --> 00:11:53.172
That was so stupid. No way to get in touch.
I didn't even know your last name, nothing.
00:11:53.255 --> 00:11:56.634
But remember, we were both afraid
that if we started writing and calling
00:11:56.717 --> 00:11:59.178
that it would slowly, you know, fade out.
00:11:59.261 --> 00:12:02.139
- Yeah, it definitely wasn't a slow fade.
- No, it sure wasn't.
00:12:02.223 --> 00:12:05.619
- We wanted to pick up where we left off.
- Which would have been fine if it had worked.
00:12:05.643 --> 00:12:07.561
- A good idea. Yeah.
- Oh, well.
00:12:07.645 --> 00:12:09.688
(sighs) So...
00:12:09.772 --> 00:12:11.107
So...
00:12:11.190 --> 00:12:14.193
- How long were you in Vienna then?
- Just a couple days.
00:12:15.903 --> 00:12:18.614
- Did you meet another girl?
- Uh, yeah.
00:12:18.697 --> 00:12:21.200
- Her name was Gretchen. She was amazing.
- You did?
00:12:21.283 --> 00:12:23.261
Yeah. The book's really
a composite of the two of you.
00:12:23.285 --> 00:12:25.371
- Really? Oh, no!
- No, I'm kidding.
00:12:25.454 --> 00:12:28.374
You wouldn't belie —
I even went back to the train station.
00:12:28.457 --> 00:12:32.169
I put up signs of my number and the hotel
in case you'd been delayed.
00:12:32.253 --> 00:12:35.005
- I was a total dork.
- Let's go this way. Did you get any calls?
00:12:35.089 --> 00:12:38.300
Just a couple hookers
looking for a gig, you know.
00:12:38.384 --> 00:12:41.095
No, it was awful.
What do you want me to say?
00:12:41.178 --> 00:12:43.097
Oh, it's so sad. I'm so sorry.
00:12:43.180 --> 00:12:46.100
I walked around for a couple days.
Eventually I flew home.
00:12:46.183 --> 00:12:50.771
I owed my dad 2,000 bucks, who had warned me
about French chicks, I have to say.
00:12:50.855 --> 00:12:52.773
What did he tell you about French women?
00:12:52.857 --> 00:12:55.109
Nothing. The guy —
He's never met any French women.
00:12:55.192 --> 00:12:57.570
He's never been east of the Mississippi.
00:12:57.653 --> 00:13:01.866
So why didn't you put "six months later
the French bitch didn't show up"?
00:13:01.949 --> 00:13:03.701
No, but I did. I did.
00:13:03.784 --> 00:13:06.704
- You did?
- Yeah. No, I made it more hopeful.
00:13:06.787 --> 00:13:09.915
I wrote this whole fictional version
where you actually do show up.
00:13:09.999 --> 00:13:12.626
- Oh. What happens?
- Well, um...
00:13:13.544 --> 00:13:15.337
- What?
- (stammering)
00:13:15.421 --> 00:13:18.716
- We make love for about ten days straight.
- Oh. That's interesting.
00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:21.510
- So the French slut, right? Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, exactly.
00:13:21.594 --> 00:13:26.056
Then they get to know each other better
and realize they don't get along at all.
00:13:26.140 --> 00:13:28.058
I like that. It's more real.
00:13:28.142 --> 00:13:30.060
Yeah, well, my editor didn't think that way.
00:13:30.144 --> 00:13:32.313
No. Everyone wants to believe in love.
It sells, right?
00:13:32.396 --> 00:13:34.982
Yeah, exactly. So...
00:13:35.065 --> 00:13:39.361
So things are going well for you. Right?
Your book is a best seller in the US.
00:13:39.445 --> 00:13:41.655
- It's a tiny best seller.
- Oh, come on.
00:13:41.739 --> 00:13:43.073
All right, officially, yes.
00:13:43.157 --> 00:13:46.410
But most people haven't read Moby-Dick.
Why should they read my book?
00:13:46.494 --> 00:13:49.038
I haven't read Moby-Dick,
and I liked your book, so...
00:13:49.121 --> 00:13:50.247
Thanks.
00:13:50.331 --> 00:13:53.459
Even though I thought
you idealized the night of it.
00:13:53.542 --> 00:13:55.961
Oh! Come on. It's officially fiction, right?
00:13:56.045 --> 00:13:58.589
- No, I know, I know, I know.
- I mean, I'm supposed to —
00:13:58.672 --> 00:14:01.675
I thought there were times
where you made me — (gasps)
00:14:01.759 --> 00:14:05.012
Well, I mean her, right? No, me.
00:14:05.095 --> 00:14:06.722
Okay, whatever.
00:14:06.805 --> 00:14:08.140
A little bit neurotic.
00:14:08.224 --> 00:14:10.952
- But you are a little bit like that, aren't you?
- You think I'm neurotic?
00:14:10.976 --> 00:14:13.145
No, no, no! Come on! I'm kidding.
00:14:13.229 --> 00:14:16.315
- Where did I do that? I didn't do that.
- Oh, maybe it's just me.
00:14:16.398 --> 00:14:17.900
You know, um...
00:14:17.983 --> 00:14:20.903
reading something, knowing the character
in the story is based on you,
00:14:20.986 --> 00:14:23.781
it's both flattering
and disturbing at the same time.
00:14:23.864 --> 00:14:25.908
How is it disturbing?
00:14:25.991 --> 00:14:27.535
I don't know.
00:14:27.618 --> 00:14:30.329
Just being part of someone else's memory.
00:14:30.412 --> 00:14:32.831
Seeing myself through your eyes.
00:14:32.915 --> 00:14:35.709
How long did it take you to write it?
00:14:35.793 --> 00:14:38.420
Uh, three or four years, on and off.
00:14:38.504 --> 00:14:41.632
Wow, that's a really long time
to be writing about one night.
00:14:41.715 --> 00:14:44.760
Yeah, I know. Tell me about it.
00:14:44.843 --> 00:14:47.513
I always assumed you had forgotten me.
00:14:47.596 --> 00:14:50.641
No, I had a pretty clear picture
of you in my mind.
00:14:50.724 --> 00:14:53.143
- I have to tell you something. I just —
- What?
00:14:53.227 --> 00:14:56.814
I've wanted to talk to you for so long
that now it's just surreal.
00:14:56.897 --> 00:14:59.918
- Like everything out of my mouth should be —
- I know. How long do we have?
00:14:59.942 --> 00:15:02.945
- Twenty minutes and 30 seconds?
- No, we got more than that.
00:15:03.028 --> 00:15:06.407
I want to know about you. Tell me.
What are you doing? What are you up to?
00:15:06.490 --> 00:15:09.952
Uh, where to start?
I, um... I work for Green Cross.
00:15:10.035 --> 00:15:13.163
- It's an environmental organization.
- Yeah? What are they all about?
00:15:13.247 --> 00:15:16.083
Well, we basically work on
different environment issues,
00:15:16.166 --> 00:15:18.752
from clean water to
disarmament of chemical weapons.
00:15:18.836 --> 00:15:21.297
You know, international laws
that deal with the environment.
00:15:21.380 --> 00:15:24.008
- And what do you do for them?
- We're going this way.
00:15:24.091 --> 00:15:25.884
Uh, different things.
00:15:25.968 --> 00:15:29.597
Like, last year I was in India for a while,
working on a water treatment plant.
00:15:29.680 --> 00:15:30.973
Wow!
00:15:31.056 --> 00:15:34.018
The cotton industry there
is a major source of pollution, so...
00:15:34.101 --> 00:15:37.187
It sounds like you're
actually doing something.
00:15:37.271 --> 00:15:40.941
Most people, myself included,
just sit around and bitch,
00:15:41.025 --> 00:15:44.403
you know, how America's consuming
all the world's resources,
00:15:44.486 --> 00:15:46.864
SUVs suck, global warming is real.
00:15:46.947 --> 00:15:50.659
I'm relieved to hear you're not one of
those "Freedom fries" kind of Americans.
00:15:50.743 --> 00:15:53.245
Hey, you know...
But how'd you get into that?
00:15:53.329 --> 00:15:56.707
Uh, I came out of political science and
I was hoping to work for the government.
00:15:56.790 --> 00:15:59.001
And I did for a little while.
Ugh. Terrible.
00:15:59.084 --> 00:16:00.669
- Not good.
- No.
00:16:00.753 --> 00:16:03.380
Anyway, I got really tired —
Let's go this way —
00:16:03.464 --> 00:16:05.716
of having this endless
conversation with friends
00:16:05.799 --> 00:16:08.344
about how the world was falling to pieces.
00:16:08.427 --> 00:16:12.431
So I decided what I really wanted to do
was to find things that could be fixed
00:16:12.514 --> 00:16:14.600
and try to fix them, you know.
00:16:14.683 --> 00:16:18.354
Yeah, I always thought you'd be
doing something cool like that. I did.
00:16:18.437 --> 00:16:19.647
Thanks.
00:16:19.730 --> 00:16:23.567
I just feel really, really lucky
to be doing a job I like, you know.
00:16:23.651 --> 00:16:25.402
Yeah.
00:16:25.486 --> 00:16:30.199
I actually alternate in between thinking
that everything is irrevocably screwed up
00:16:30.282 --> 00:16:32.743
and that things might be
getting better in some ways.
00:16:32.826 --> 00:16:35.496
Better? How could you possibly say that?
00:16:35.579 --> 00:16:37.331
Well, I just mean, you know, like...
00:16:37.414 --> 00:16:41.126
I know it sounds weird,
but there are things to be optimistic about.
00:16:41.210 --> 00:16:42.419
Okay.
00:16:42.503 --> 00:16:44.421
Um, I know your book is selling.
00:16:44.505 --> 00:16:46.423
Which is great. I'm very happy for you.
00:16:46.507 --> 00:16:49.677
But let me break the news to you.
The world is a mess right now!
00:16:49.760 --> 00:16:52.572
- From a Western point of view, things are better.
- I wasn't saying that —
00:16:52.596 --> 00:16:54.723
We're moving all our industry
to developing nations
00:16:54.807 --> 00:16:57.726
where we can get cheap labor
free of any environmental laws.
00:16:57.810 --> 00:16:59.353
The weapon industry is booming.
00:16:59.436 --> 00:17:02.398
Five million people die every year
from preventable water disease.
00:17:02.481 --> 00:17:04.400
So how is the world getting any better?
00:17:04.483 --> 00:17:07.986
I'm not getting angry. But come on.
I want to know. I'm interested.
00:17:08.070 --> 00:17:11.657
I realize that there are a lot
of serious problems in the world.
00:17:11.740 --> 00:17:13.200
- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay?
00:17:13.283 --> 00:17:16.578
I mean, I don't even have one publisher
in the whole Asian market.
00:17:16.662 --> 00:17:18.414
- (snickers, laughs)
- All right.
00:17:18.497 --> 00:17:20.541
- Just say stop.
- What? Stop.
00:17:20.624 --> 00:17:22.000
- Uh-oh!
- No, look!
00:17:22.084 --> 00:17:25.254
All I'm saying is there's more awareness.
People are gonna fight back.
00:17:25.337 --> 00:17:26.547
- Okay.
- You know?
00:17:26.630 --> 00:17:29.150
I think the world might be getting better
because people like you
00:17:29.174 --> 00:17:30.718
are educated and speaking out.
00:17:30.801 --> 00:17:34.138
Even the very notion of conservation,
environmental issues,
00:17:34.221 --> 00:17:36.849
those weren't even
in the vocabulary until fairly recently.
00:17:36.932 --> 00:17:38.475
They're becoming the norm
00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:41.353
and eventually might be
what's expected all over the world.
00:17:41.437 --> 00:17:44.648
I agree with what you're saying,
but at the same time it's dangerous.
00:17:44.732 --> 00:17:49.403
An imperialist country can use that kind
of thinking to justify their economic greed.
00:17:49.486 --> 00:17:51.238
You know, I — Human rights —
00:17:51.321 --> 00:17:54.908
Is there any particular imperialist country
you have in mind there, Frenchie?
00:17:54.992 --> 00:17:57.161
- Mmm. No, not really.
- No?
00:17:57.244 --> 00:17:59.997
- Bonsoir.
- Bonsoir.
00:18:01.874 --> 00:18:03.834
(sighs) So, you want to sit over there?
00:18:03.917 --> 00:18:05.919
Yeah, this is perfect.
00:18:06.879 --> 00:18:08.172
Oh, wow.
00:18:08.255 --> 00:18:12.384
Maybe what I'm saying is the world
might be evolving the way a person evolves.
00:18:12.468 --> 00:18:14.386
Right? Like, I mean me, for example.
00:18:14.470 --> 00:18:17.931
Am I getting worse?
Am I improving? I don't know.
00:18:18.015 --> 00:18:23.020
When I was younger, I was healthier,
but I was wracked with insecurity. You know?
00:18:23.103 --> 00:18:27.775
Now I'm older, my problems are deeper,
but I'm more equipped to handle them.
00:18:28.525 --> 00:18:30.527
So what are your problems?
00:18:32.070 --> 00:18:34.281
Right now I don't have any.
00:18:34.364 --> 00:18:35.699
I don't. You know?
00:18:35.783 --> 00:18:38.660
I'm just damn happy to be here.
00:18:38.744 --> 00:18:40.788
Me too.
00:18:43.290 --> 00:18:45.918
So, how long have you been in Paris?
00:18:46.001 --> 00:18:49.505
I got in last night.
I've done ten cities in 12 days.
00:18:49.588 --> 00:18:53.759
I'm wrecked. I'm so glad it's over.
I'm tired of being a huckster.
00:18:53.842 --> 00:18:55.010
Well, hello.
00:18:55.093 --> 00:18:56.929
- (speaking French)
- Uh, what do you want?
00:18:57.012 --> 00:18:58.847
Um, a cup of coffee.
00:18:58.931 --> 00:19:01.558
(speaking French)
00:19:03.393 --> 00:19:07.314
God, I love this café.
I wish they had places like this in the US.
00:19:07.397 --> 00:19:10.150
Yeah, I missed cafés
when I was living over there.
00:19:10.234 --> 00:19:13.111
I find a few places I really liked,
but there was —
00:19:13.195 --> 00:19:15.823
- You were living in the US?
- Yes.
00:19:15.906 --> 00:19:19.243
From '96 to '99. I was studying at NYU.
00:19:19.326 --> 00:19:22.246
Oh, God! Don't tell me that, Celine!
00:19:22.329 --> 00:19:24.498
- What?
- No, it's just...
00:19:24.581 --> 00:19:26.333
- Nothing. I mean, I...
- What?
00:19:26.416 --> 00:19:29.628
I've been living in New York since '98.
We were there at the same time.
00:19:29.711 --> 00:19:31.129
- In New York?
- Yeah.
00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:33.173
Wow, that's weird.
00:19:33.257 --> 00:19:36.176
It actually crossed my mind a few times
that I might run into you.
00:19:36.260 --> 00:19:39.096
But the odds are so slim, right? So...
00:19:39.179 --> 00:19:41.723
I didn't even know
what city you were living in.
00:19:41.807 --> 00:19:44.726
- Weren't you somewhere in Texas?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely.
00:19:44.810 --> 00:19:48.981
I was for a long time.
I just, you know, wanted to try New York.
00:19:49.064 --> 00:19:50.816
Mmm. Wow.
00:19:50.899 --> 00:19:52.818
What brought you back here?
00:19:52.901 --> 00:19:56.822
I had finished my master's, for one.
And no visa. No more visa.
00:19:57.447 --> 00:19:59.533
And anyway,
I was starting to get paranoid.
00:19:59.616 --> 00:20:03.453
All the violence in the medias,
gang violence, murders.
00:20:03.537 --> 00:20:05.330
Especially serial killers.
00:20:06.790 --> 00:20:08.625
But the final straw was,
00:20:08.709 --> 00:20:12.880
one night I heard some noise
on my fire escape, so I called 911.
00:20:12.963 --> 00:20:14.464
And the cops came, eventually.
00:20:14.548 --> 00:20:18.594
- Yeah, like, three hours later.
- After I'd been raped and killed three times.
00:20:18.677 --> 00:20:21.305
No, but it was a man and a woman officer.
00:20:21.388 --> 00:20:23.307
I was explaining to them what I had heard
00:20:23.390 --> 00:20:26.143
when the woman had to run downstairs
to move the police car.
00:20:26.226 --> 00:20:30.022
So I was left alone with the male cop,
and right away he asked me if I had a gun.
00:20:30.105 --> 00:20:32.482
And I said no, of course not.
00:20:32.566 --> 00:20:37.988
And he told me, "You better think about
getting one. This is America, not France.
00:20:38.071 --> 00:20:39.323
Okay?"
00:20:39.406 --> 00:20:42.451
And I said to him,
"I have no idea how to shoot a gun,
00:20:42.534 --> 00:20:45.245
and I have no interest
in firearms whatsoever."
00:20:45.329 --> 00:20:49.124
And that's when he pulled out his gun
like this, and he went,
00:20:49.207 --> 00:20:54.880
"Well, one day you're gonna
have something like this in your face.
00:20:54.963 --> 00:20:57.382
And if you want to have a long life,
00:20:57.466 --> 00:21:01.803
you're gonna have to choose
between you or them."
00:21:02.638 --> 00:21:04.139
And then they left.
00:21:04.222 --> 00:21:07.309
The next morning
I called for an application to get a gun.
00:21:07.392 --> 00:21:09.978
Me, with a gun.
I mean, that's really scary.
00:21:10.062 --> 00:21:12.314
But then I realized something was wrong,
00:21:12.397 --> 00:21:14.834
the way that cop had pulled his gun out
and everything, right?
00:21:14.858 --> 00:21:16.068
Yeah, sure.
00:21:16.151 --> 00:21:18.987
So I canceled my demand for the gun
and I called the police station
00:21:19.071 --> 00:21:21.323
and tried to complain
about that cop's behavior, but —
00:21:21.406 --> 00:21:23.867
- What happened with that?
- It was so much paperwork.
00:21:23.951 --> 00:21:26.870
Then I got scared
with my shitty student visa.
00:21:26.954 --> 00:21:28.181
You thought you'd get deported?
00:21:28.205 --> 00:21:31.166
Yeah, exactly. So I gave up
and I forgot about the whole thing.
00:21:31.249 --> 00:21:34.795
- Well, I guess I never forgot.
- Well, obviously. Yeah.
00:21:35.462 --> 00:21:38.256
But still, you know,
I really enjoyed being there.
00:21:38.340 --> 00:21:41.468
- There's a lot of things I miss about the US.
- Yeah? Like what?
00:21:41.551 --> 00:21:44.179
Um... well...
00:21:45.097 --> 00:21:47.641
the overall good mood people have there.
00:21:47.724 --> 00:21:50.018
Even if it can be bullshit sometimes.
00:21:50.102 --> 00:21:54.189
Like, "How you doing?" "Great. How you doing?"
"Great!" "Have a great day!"
00:21:54.272 --> 00:21:56.525
- (both laughing)
- I don't know.
00:21:56.608 --> 00:21:59.695
Parisians can be so grumpy.
Have you noticed?
00:21:59.778 --> 00:22:02.531
Uh, no.
Everybody seems pretty happy to me.
00:22:02.614 --> 00:22:05.325
- (groans) They're not happy.
- They're not happy?
00:22:06.326 --> 00:22:09.705
No, they are. I just mean French men.
They drive me nuts.
00:22:09.788 --> 00:22:11.289
What is it? What about them?
00:22:11.373 --> 00:22:14.501
Well, they're very nice.
They're great, you know, to be around.
00:22:14.584 --> 00:22:16.503
They love food, wine. They're great cooks.
00:22:16.586 --> 00:22:18.755
But maybe I've had really bad luck with them.
00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:22.342
- Why? What do you mean?
- Um, well...
00:22:22.426 --> 00:22:24.428
- I guess they're not as, um...
- What?
00:22:24.511 --> 00:22:28.181
What's the word? Um... horny?
00:22:29.182 --> 00:22:32.019
- They're not as horny.
- All right, listen to me on this one.
00:22:32.102 --> 00:22:35.230
In that regard,
I am proud to be an American.
00:22:35.313 --> 00:22:37.190
And you should be. In that regard only.
00:22:37.274 --> 00:22:38.150
Merci.
00:22:38.233 --> 00:22:40.527
Have you ever spent time
in Eastern Europe?
00:22:40.610 --> 00:22:42.195
- Eastern? No. I don't —
- No?
00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:43.780
Thank you.
00:22:43.864 --> 00:22:46.992
I, uh — I remember as a teenager
I went to Warsaw
00:22:47.075 --> 00:22:49.077
when it was still
a strict Communist regime.
00:22:49.870 --> 00:22:52.414
- Which I don't approve of at all.
- Oh, yeah. Sure, you don't.
00:22:52.497 --> 00:22:54.583
- No, I don't!
- No, I'm just kidding.
00:22:54.666 --> 00:22:57.627
But anyway, something about being there
was very interesting, I found.
00:22:57.711 --> 00:23:01.131
After a couple of weeks,
something changed in me.
00:23:01.214 --> 00:23:04.301
The city was quite gloomy and gray,
00:23:04.384 --> 00:23:07.512
but after a while my brain seemed clearer.
00:23:07.596 --> 00:23:10.891
I was writing a lot more in my journal,
ideas I'd never thought of before.
00:23:10.974 --> 00:23:12.601
Communist ideas?
00:23:12.684 --> 00:23:14.978
- Listen, I am not a Communist —
- I'm sorry.
00:23:15.062 --> 00:23:16.938
- Okay.
- Go on.
00:23:17.022 --> 00:23:19.566
Okay. (laughs) I'll send you to a gulag.
00:23:19.649 --> 00:23:23.445
No, but it took me a while to figure out
why I felt, you know, so different.
00:23:23.528 --> 00:23:26.448
Then one day, as I was walking
through the Jewish cemetery —
00:23:26.531 --> 00:23:28.658
I don't know why,
but it occurred to me there —
00:23:28.742 --> 00:23:32.204
I realized that I had spent the last two weeks
away from most of my habits.
00:23:32.287 --> 00:23:34.498
TV was in a language I didn't understand.
00:23:34.581 --> 00:23:37.375
There was nothing to buy,
no advertisements anywhere,
00:23:37.459 --> 00:23:41.963
so all I'd been doing was
walk around, think and write.
00:23:42.047 --> 00:23:45.717
My brain felt like it was at rest,
free from the consuming frenzy,
00:23:45.801 --> 00:23:47.928
and it was almost like a natural high.
00:23:48.011 --> 00:23:54.142
I felt so peaceful inside, no strange urge
to be somewhere else, to shop.
00:23:54.226 --> 00:23:56.269
Maybe it could have seemed
like boredom at first,
00:23:56.353 --> 00:23:58.522
but it quickly became very, very soulful.
00:23:59.397 --> 00:24:01.233
It was interesting, you know?
00:24:01.316 --> 00:24:04.903
Can you believe it was nine years ago
that we were walking around Vienna?
00:24:04.986 --> 00:24:08.782
- Nine years? No, that's impossible.
- No, it was. It feels like two months ago to me.
00:24:08.865 --> 00:24:10.158
But it was summer, '94.
00:24:10.909 --> 00:24:12.911
Mm-hmm.
00:24:12.994 --> 00:24:14.704
Do I look any different?
00:24:16.498 --> 00:24:17.958
I do?
00:24:19.543 --> 00:24:21.711
- I'd have to see you naked.
- What?
00:24:21.795 --> 00:24:25.257
I know. I'm sorry. (laughs)
No, your hair was different back then.
00:24:25.340 --> 00:24:27.551
- What?
- Yeah, take it down. Let's see.
00:24:27.634 --> 00:24:30.137
Down. It was down. Okay.
00:24:30.220 --> 00:24:32.514
Well? Voilà.
00:24:32.597 --> 00:24:34.349
So?
00:24:36.184 --> 00:24:38.520
Okay, come on. Tell me.
00:24:39.521 --> 00:24:41.481
Uh...
00:24:41.565 --> 00:24:42.899
skinnier, I think.
00:24:42.983 --> 00:24:44.401
A little thinner.
00:24:45.193 --> 00:24:46.987
Did you think I was fat before?
00:24:47.070 --> 00:24:48.321
No!
00:24:48.405 --> 00:24:51.867
Yeah, you thought I was a fatty.
You thought I was a fatty!
00:24:51.950 --> 00:24:54.870
Yeah, you wrote a book
about a fat French girl.
00:24:54.953 --> 00:24:56.454
- No, listen...
- Oh, no.
00:24:56.538 --> 00:24:58.582
Seriously, all right? You look beautiful.
00:24:58.665 --> 00:25:00.250
Do I look any different?
00:25:01.293 --> 00:25:02.836
No, not at all.
00:25:02.919 --> 00:25:04.880
Well, actually, you have this line.
00:25:05.964 --> 00:25:07.507
- I know.
- It's like a scar.
00:25:07.591 --> 00:25:10.760
- A scar? What, like a gunshot wound?
- No, no, no.
00:25:10.844 --> 00:25:12.137
I like it. I'm sorry.
00:25:13.388 --> 00:25:15.390
I had this, uh, funny —
00:25:15.473 --> 00:25:18.185
well, horrible dream the other day.
00:25:18.268 --> 00:25:23.315
Um, I was having this awful nightmare
that I was 32.
00:25:23.398 --> 00:25:26.109
And then I woke up and I was 23 —
so relieved.
00:25:26.193 --> 00:25:29.529
- Mm-hmm.
- And then I woke up for real and I was 32.
00:25:29.613 --> 00:25:30.864
- Oh, shit.
- Scary.
00:25:30.947 --> 00:25:33.992
- It happens.
- Yeah, time goes faster and faster.
00:25:34.075 --> 00:25:38.663
Apparently we don't renew our synapses after 20,
so it's downhill from then on. Oh, well.
00:25:38.747 --> 00:25:41.041
(laughing) I like getting older.
00:25:41.124 --> 00:25:44.211
Life feels... I don't know.
It feels more immediate.
00:25:44.294 --> 00:25:46.713
- Mm-hmm.
- Like I can appreciate things more.
00:25:47.464 --> 00:25:50.175
Me too, actually. I really love it.
00:25:50.258 --> 00:25:54.012
I was once a... a drummer in a band.
00:25:54.095 --> 00:25:56.806
- You were?
- Yeah. We were pretty good, actually.
00:25:56.890 --> 00:26:01.353
But the lead singer guy, he was just so
obsessed with us getting a record deal.
00:26:01.436 --> 00:26:04.356
It's all we talked about. It's all we
thought about. Getting bigger shows.
00:26:04.439 --> 00:26:06.942
Everything was just focused
on the future all the time.
00:26:07.025 --> 00:26:09.778
And now the band doesn't
even exist anymore, right?
00:26:09.861 --> 00:26:15.742
Looking back at the shows we did play,
even rehearsing, it was so much fun.
00:26:15.825 --> 00:26:18.119
Now I'd be able to enjoy
every minute of it.
00:26:18.203 --> 00:26:20.247
- Could I have a drag of that?
- Mm-hmm.
00:26:20.330 --> 00:26:23.250
Well, your book has been published.
That's a pretty big deal.
00:26:23.333 --> 00:26:26.878
And you've been all around Europe with it.
Are you enjoying every minute of it?
00:26:26.962 --> 00:26:29.464
- Not really.
- Not really?
00:26:29.547 --> 00:26:31.258
No.
00:26:31.341 --> 00:26:34.678
- You have another one of those?
- Yes, of course.
00:26:34.761 --> 00:26:37.097
Um... Here.
00:26:38.682 --> 00:26:41.726
In my field I see these people that —
Oh, sorry.
00:26:41.810 --> 00:26:44.187
come into it with big idealist visions
00:26:44.271 --> 00:26:47.607
of becoming the new leader
that will create a better world.
00:26:47.691 --> 00:26:50.360
- They enjoy the goal, but not the process.
- Right.
00:26:50.443 --> 00:26:53.363
But the reality of it is that
the true work of improving things
00:26:53.446 --> 00:26:55.532
is in the little achievements of the day.
00:26:55.615 --> 00:26:57.815
And that's what you need to enjoy
to stay in that field.
00:26:57.867 --> 00:26:59.202
What do you mean, exactly?
00:26:59.286 --> 00:27:02.580
For example, I was working for this organization
that helped villages in Mexico.
00:27:02.664 --> 00:27:08.295
Their concern was how to get the pencils
sent to the kid in those little country schools.
00:27:08.378 --> 00:27:12.340
It was not about big, revolutionary ideas.
It was about pencils.
00:27:12.424 --> 00:27:16.177
I see the people that do the real work,
and what's really sad in a way is that
00:27:16.261 --> 00:27:21.308
the people that are the most giving, hard-working
and capable of making this world better
00:27:21.391 --> 00:27:24.853
usually don't have the ego
and ambition to be a leader.
00:27:24.936 --> 00:27:27.314
They don't see any interest
in superficial rewards.
00:27:27.397 --> 00:27:30.900
They don't care if their name
ever appears in the press.
00:27:30.984 --> 00:27:33.278
They actually enjoy
the process of helping others.
00:27:33.361 --> 00:27:35.030
They're in the moment.
00:27:35.113 --> 00:27:37.866
Yeah, but that's so hard,
you know, to be in the moment.
00:27:37.949 --> 00:27:43.330
I just feel like I'm designed
to be slightly dissatisfied with everything.
00:27:43.413 --> 00:27:46.541
I mean, like always trying to
better my situation, you know.
00:27:46.624 --> 00:27:50.378
I satisfy one desire,
and it just agitates another.
00:27:50.462 --> 00:27:54.215
But then I think to hell with it, right?
Desire's the fuel of life.
00:27:54.299 --> 00:27:57.093
Do you think it's true that if, uh...
00:27:57.177 --> 00:28:00.263
if we never wanted anything
we'd never be unhappy?
00:28:00.347 --> 00:28:01.639
I don't know.
00:28:01.723 --> 00:28:05.310
Not wanting anything,
isn't that a symptom of depression?
00:28:05.393 --> 00:28:06.936
- Yeah, that is, right?
- Yeah.
00:28:07.020 --> 00:28:09.314
I mean, it's healthy to desire, right?
00:28:09.397 --> 00:28:10.899
Yeah. I don't know.
00:28:10.982 --> 00:28:13.276
It's what all those
Buddhist guys say, right?
00:28:13.360 --> 00:28:17.322
Liberate yourself from desire and you'll find
you already have everything you need.
00:28:17.405 --> 00:28:21.993
Yeah, but I feel really alive when I want
something more than basic survival needs.
00:28:22.077 --> 00:28:25.455
Wanting, whether it's intimacy with
another person or a new pair of shoes,
00:28:25.538 --> 00:28:27.207
is kind of beautiful.
00:28:27.290 --> 00:28:30.210
I like that we have those
ever-renewing desires. You know?
00:28:30.293 --> 00:28:32.712
Maybe it's just a sense of entitlement.
00:28:32.796 --> 00:28:36.716
Like whenever you feel like you deserve
that new pair of shoes, you know?
00:28:36.800 --> 00:28:40.678
It's okay to want things as long as you
don't get pissed off if you don't get them.
00:28:40.762 --> 00:28:42.806
Life's hard. It's supposed to be.
00:28:42.889 --> 00:28:46.059
If we didn't suffer,
we wouldn't learn a thing.
00:28:47.352 --> 00:28:49.354
So what, are you Buddhist or something?
00:28:50.230 --> 00:28:52.315
- No.
- No? Why not?
00:28:53.316 --> 00:28:54.776
I don't know.
00:28:54.859 --> 00:28:58.238
Same reason I don't really
consider myself anything, really.
00:28:58.321 --> 00:28:59.656
Yeah, I know.
00:28:59.739 --> 00:29:02.409
I decided a long time ago
I was gonna be open to everything
00:29:02.492 --> 00:29:05.829
but not buy into
any one and only belief system.
00:29:05.912 --> 00:29:09.499
I went to this Trappist monastery
a couple years ago.
00:29:09.582 --> 00:29:11.042
Trappist?
00:29:11.126 --> 00:29:13.962
- Yeah, they're Catholic. Cistercian.
- Oh, okay.
00:29:14.045 --> 00:29:15.839
- Why did you do that?
- Why?
00:29:15.922 --> 00:29:19.592
I'd just been doing some reading, I guess.
I thought it'd be cool.
00:29:19.676 --> 00:29:21.886
Have you ever spent any time
with any monks or nuns?
00:29:21.970 --> 00:29:24.055
No. It's not really my style.
00:29:24.139 --> 00:29:27.100
- No?
- No! (laughing) But go ahead.
00:29:27.183 --> 00:29:30.103
I expected them to be all glowering
and stern, but they weren't.
00:29:30.186 --> 00:29:33.106
They were really quick to laugh,
really easy to be around.
00:29:33.189 --> 00:29:36.443
Seriously, very attuned to everything.
They were just, uh...
00:29:36.526 --> 00:29:39.070
You know, they weren't trying
to hustle anybody.
00:29:39.154 --> 00:29:41.781
They're trying to live and die
in peace with God
00:29:41.865 --> 00:29:44.325
or whatever part of them
they feel is eternal.
00:29:44.409 --> 00:29:46.703
And it was just so refreshing
to be around.
00:29:46.786 --> 00:29:50.999
You realize that most of the people you meet
are trying to get somewhere better.
00:29:51.082 --> 00:29:54.682
They're trying to make a little bit more cash,
they're trying to get a little more respect,
00:29:54.711 --> 00:29:57.297
have more people admire them —
it's exhausting.
00:29:57.380 --> 00:29:58.590
No kidding.
00:29:58.673 --> 00:30:01.259
It's exhausting to be
one of those people yourself.
00:30:01.342 --> 00:30:04.262
There I am, right, all greedy
to be more spiritual, you know?
00:30:04.345 --> 00:30:06.264
I want to be a better person, you know?
00:30:06.347 --> 00:30:07.891
You can't escape.
00:30:07.974 --> 00:30:12.145
I had this boyfriend of mine
many years ago
00:30:12.228 --> 00:30:14.522
that wanted to be a Buddhist.
00:30:14.606 --> 00:30:17.233
So he went to Asia to visit
some of those monasteries.
00:30:17.317 --> 00:30:20.028
- I thought about doing that too.
- Yeah, and you should.
00:30:20.111 --> 00:30:22.280
I'll tell you why —
he was quite good-looking,
00:30:22.363 --> 00:30:24.574
and each time he went
to one of those monasteries
00:30:24.657 --> 00:30:27.535
a monk offered to suck his cock.
00:30:27.619 --> 00:30:29.704
True story!
00:30:29.787 --> 00:30:32.665
Well, it all comes down to that, doesn't it?
00:30:32.749 --> 00:30:35.877
I think that's why I really admire
what you're doing. You know?
00:30:35.960 --> 00:30:37.545
What do you mean, sucking cock?
00:30:37.629 --> 00:30:39.422
Uh, no!
00:30:39.506 --> 00:30:41.549
- Wrong answer.
- No. No.
00:30:41.633 --> 00:30:44.886
I was gonna say, you're not
detached from life, you know?
00:30:44.969 --> 00:30:47.514
You're putting your passion into action.
00:30:47.597 --> 00:30:50.058
Well, I try.
00:30:50.141 --> 00:30:52.143
- Hey, you know something?
- What?
00:30:52.227 --> 00:30:56.689
I'm gonna be on planes and, like,
in an airport for the next eight hours.
00:30:56.773 --> 00:30:59.484
I'd just love to see
a little bit more of Paris.
00:30:59.567 --> 00:31:01.462
- Would you walk around with me?
- Yeah, let's do that.
00:31:01.486 --> 00:31:04.864
- Do you mind? You want to?
- Yeah, yeah, that's great.
00:31:04.948 --> 00:31:06.699
What do we owe here? 4.50?
00:31:06.783 --> 00:31:09.702
No, no, I got it.
I got a little per diem going on here.
00:31:09.786 --> 00:31:13.057
- This good for a tip and everything?
- Yeah, that's fine. That's more than enough.
00:31:13.081 --> 00:31:14.999
I'll throw that in there too.
00:31:15.083 --> 00:31:18.253
- Is there anywhere to go around here?
- It's sales day today.
00:31:18.336 --> 00:31:21.506
- What's that?
- It's when everything is on sale in Paris.
00:31:21.589 --> 00:31:24.425
It's twice a year. Au revoir. Merci.
00:31:24.509 --> 00:31:25.760
Au revoir. Merci.
00:31:25.843 --> 00:31:27.595
All right. Let's go shopping.
00:31:27.679 --> 00:31:30.515
No, that's a bad idea.
I don't want to inflict that on you.
00:31:30.598 --> 00:31:31.891
- No?
- It's madness.
00:31:31.975 --> 00:31:35.019
Let's just go on this garden path.
It's really nice.
00:31:35.103 --> 00:31:37.564
All right. That sounds better
than shopping, actually.
00:31:37.647 --> 00:31:39.941
Not that I wouldn't do
whatever you wanted, but...
00:31:40.024 --> 00:31:42.026
Sometimes I don't even
need to buy anything.
00:31:42.110 --> 00:31:44.946
I just get high on trying on
and looking at things.
00:31:45.029 --> 00:31:47.615
Well, a therapist would tell you —
Is this where we're going?
00:31:47.699 --> 00:31:49.951
- A therapist would tell you that's all good.
- Really?
00:31:50.034 --> 00:31:51.354
- Yeah.
- Are you ever in therapy?
00:31:51.411 --> 00:31:53.830
No. Do I seem like I'm in therapy?
00:31:53.913 --> 00:31:55.373
CELINE: I'm kidding.
00:31:55.456 --> 00:31:57.417
Has it helped your sex problems?
00:31:57.500 --> 00:32:00.086
- My sex problems?
- (laughs) I'm kidding.
00:32:00.169 --> 00:32:02.839
Come on. Tell me the truth.
We didn't have any problems that night.
00:32:02.922 --> 00:32:05.300
No! I'm kidding.
We didn't even have sex anyway.
00:32:05.383 --> 00:32:07.760
- That's a joke, right?
- No, we didn't.
00:32:07.844 --> 00:32:09.554
- (stammers)
- That was the whole thing.
00:32:09.637 --> 00:32:11.347
- No, of course we did.
- No, we didn't.
00:32:11.431 --> 00:32:13.409
You didn't have a condom
and I never have sex without one.
00:32:13.433 --> 00:32:15.911
Especially on a one-night thing.
I'm extremely paranoid about my health.
00:32:15.935 --> 00:32:19.188
Whoa, hold on. I'm finding this very scary
that you don't remember what happened.
00:32:19.272 --> 00:32:23.526
No, listen. Okay? I didn't write an entire book,
but I kept a journal. Okay?
00:32:23.610 --> 00:32:25.528
And I wrote the whole night in it.
00:32:25.612 --> 00:32:27.989
That's what I meant,
you idealizing the night.
00:32:28.072 --> 00:32:31.159
Listen, I even remember
what brand of condom we used.
00:32:31.242 --> 00:32:33.162
Okay, that's disgusting.
I don't want to hear it.
00:32:33.244 --> 00:32:35.246
- That's not disgusting.
- No.
00:32:36.414 --> 00:32:40.543
When I get home I'll check my journal
from '94, but I know I'm right.
00:32:43.671 --> 00:32:45.590
- Wait a minute.
- What?
00:32:45.673 --> 00:32:47.508
Was it in the cemetery?
00:32:47.592 --> 00:32:51.054
No. No, we went to the cemetery
in the afternoon.
00:32:51.137 --> 00:32:54.557
It was in the park. Very late at night.
00:32:54.641 --> 00:32:56.726
- In the park.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
00:32:56.809 --> 00:32:58.478
I can't — I can't...
00:32:59.646 --> 00:33:03.107
Is it that forgettable?
You really don't remember? In the park.
00:33:03.191 --> 00:33:05.735
Okay, wait a minute.
I — I think you might be right.
00:33:05.818 --> 00:33:07.945
- You're messing with me now.
- No.
00:33:08.029 --> 00:33:10.948
- Are you messing with me?
- Okay, no, I'm sorry. I think you're r —
00:33:11.032 --> 00:33:12.950
I mean you're right, okay?
00:33:13.034 --> 00:33:16.162
Sometimes I put things in drawers
inside my head and forget about it.
00:33:16.245 --> 00:33:19.605
I guess it's less painful to put certain things
away than to live with it. I'm sorry.
00:33:19.666 --> 00:33:22.126
So that night was like
a sad memory for you?
00:33:22.210 --> 00:33:23.920
I didn't mean that night in particular.
00:33:24.003 --> 00:33:26.422
I just meant certain things
are better off forgotten.
00:33:26.506 --> 00:33:29.008
I remember that night
better than I do entire years.
00:33:29.092 --> 00:33:31.052
- Me too.
- Really?
00:33:31.135 --> 00:33:33.304
Well, I thought I did.
00:33:36.015 --> 00:33:40.812
But maybe I put it away because of
the fact that my grandmother's funeral
00:33:40.895 --> 00:33:43.022
was the day we were
supposed to meet again.
00:33:43.106 --> 00:33:46.359
Yeah, right. It was a tough day for me,
but it must have been worse for you.
00:33:46.442 --> 00:33:47.777
It was unreal.
00:33:47.860 --> 00:33:50.822
I remember looking
at her dead body in the coffin,
00:33:50.905 --> 00:33:54.742
at her beautiful hands, so warm,
so sweet, that used to hold me.
00:33:54.826 --> 00:33:58.705
But nothing in that coffin resembled
what I remembered of her.
00:33:59.455 --> 00:34:01.165
All the warmth was gone.
00:34:01.249 --> 00:34:03.459
And then I was crying, so confused,
00:34:03.543 --> 00:34:06.087
if I was crying because I was never
gonna see her again
00:34:06.170 --> 00:34:09.006
or never gonna see you again or...
00:34:10.133 --> 00:34:13.678
I'm sorry to go on like this.
I've been a little down this week.
00:34:13.761 --> 00:34:15.471
- Why?
- I don't know.
00:34:15.555 --> 00:34:19.392
Nothing bad.
Just, um, reading your book, maybe?
00:34:19.475 --> 00:34:23.062
No, but thinking of how hopeful
I was that summer and fall,
00:34:23.146 --> 00:34:26.232
and since then it's been kind of a...
00:34:26.315 --> 00:34:27.859
(sighs) I don't know.
00:34:27.942 --> 00:34:32.113
Memory is a wonderful thing
if you don't have to deal with the past.
00:34:33.364 --> 00:34:34.699
What?
00:34:34.782 --> 00:34:37.618
"Memory is a wonderful thing
if you don't have to deal with the past."
00:34:37.702 --> 00:34:39.370
Can I put that on a bumper sticker?
00:34:39.454 --> 00:34:42.415
If you wrote a book about our night,
that would be a good title.
00:34:42.498 --> 00:34:46.711
- And it would be a total different book.
- Yeah, there'd be no sex scenes.
00:34:46.794 --> 00:34:48.254
- But you know what?
- What?
00:34:48.337 --> 00:34:52.800
Now that we've met again, we can
change our memory of that December 16.
00:34:52.884 --> 00:34:56.220
It no longer has that sad ending of us
never seeing each other again.
00:34:56.304 --> 00:35:01.058
You're right. I guess a memory's
never finished as long as you're alive.
00:35:01.142 --> 00:35:02.769
Yeah, I know.
00:35:02.852 --> 00:35:06.773
I have this memory from my childhood
that I realized recently never happened.
00:35:06.856 --> 00:35:08.065
What?
00:35:08.149 --> 00:35:11.068
Well, when I was eight or nine,
my mom was so paranoid
00:35:11.152 --> 00:35:14.113
when I was walking home
from my piano lesson at night,
00:35:14.197 --> 00:35:16.908
she would always warn me about
dirty old men giving me candies
00:35:16.991 --> 00:35:18.910
and then showing me their pee-pees.
00:35:18.993 --> 00:35:21.913
She was so obsessed with it
that later in life
00:35:21.996 --> 00:35:25.750
I had this image in my head
that this really happened,
00:35:25.833 --> 00:35:29.378
to the point that I even associated sex
with that walk home.
00:35:29.462 --> 00:35:32.757
I mean, and sometimes even now when I'm...
00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:35.968
(laughs) when I'm... when I'm having sex,
00:35:36.052 --> 00:35:38.262
I see myself walking down that street.
00:35:38.346 --> 00:35:40.264
I swear. It's so weird, right?
00:35:40.348 --> 00:35:43.100
Is that street nearby? I mean, could —
00:35:43.184 --> 00:35:44.477
(laughing) No!
00:35:44.560 --> 00:35:46.229
It's very far.
00:35:47.980 --> 00:35:50.691
Did you ever keep a journal
when you were a kid?
00:35:50.775 --> 00:35:53.528
Yeah. On and off, I guess.
00:35:54.278 --> 00:35:58.407
It's funny. I read one of mine
from '83 the other day.
00:35:58.491 --> 00:36:03.496
And what really surprised me is that
I was dealing with life the same way I am now.
00:36:03.579 --> 00:36:05.748
I was much more hopeful and naive,
00:36:05.832 --> 00:36:10.294
but the core and the way I was
feeling things is exactly the same.
00:36:10.378 --> 00:36:12.713
It made me realize
I haven't changed much at all.
00:36:12.797 --> 00:36:14.507
I don't think anybody does.
00:36:14.590 --> 00:36:18.261
People don't want to admit it,
but it's like we have these innate set-points,
00:36:18.344 --> 00:36:22.181
and it's like nothing much that
happens to us changes our disposition.
00:36:22.265 --> 00:36:23.891
- Really? You believe that?
- I think so.
00:36:23.975 --> 00:36:26.894
I read this study where they followed people
who'd won the lottery
00:36:26.978 --> 00:36:28.896
and people who'd become paraplegics.
00:36:28.980 --> 00:36:33.818
You'd think that one extreme is gonna
make you euphoric and the other suicidal.
00:36:33.901 --> 00:36:36.821
But the study shows
that after about six months,
00:36:36.904 --> 00:36:41.534
as soon as people had gotten used to their
new situation, they were more or less the same.
00:36:41.617 --> 00:36:43.369
- The same?
- Well, yeah.
00:36:43.452 --> 00:36:46.372
Like, if they were basically
an optimistic, jovial person,
00:36:46.455 --> 00:36:48.833
they're now an optimistic,
jovial person in a wheelchair.
00:36:48.916 --> 00:36:51.043
If they're a petty, miserable asshole,
00:36:51.127 --> 00:36:54.171
they're a petty, miserable asshole
with a new Cadillac, a house and a boat.
00:36:55.339 --> 00:36:58.659
So you mean I'll be forever depressed
no matter what great things happen in my life?
00:36:58.718 --> 00:37:00.344
- Definitely.
- Great.
00:37:00.428 --> 00:37:03.764
- No, come on. Are you depressed now?
- No, I'm not depressed.
00:37:04.640 --> 00:37:07.560
But sometimes I worry
that I'll get to the end of my life
00:37:07.643 --> 00:37:09.562
feeling I haven't done all I wanted to do.
00:37:09.645 --> 00:37:11.814
- Well, what do you want to do?
- (sighs)
00:37:11.898 --> 00:37:16.152
I, um... I want to paint more.
I want to play my guitar every day.
00:37:16.235 --> 00:37:19.614
I want to learn Chinese.
I want to write more songs.
00:37:19.697 --> 00:37:22.909
There's so many things I want to do,
and I end up doing not much.
00:37:22.992 --> 00:37:24.827
(laughs)
00:37:24.911 --> 00:37:26.829
All right. Well, let me ask you this.
00:37:26.913 --> 00:37:30.041
Do you believe in ghosts or spirits?
00:37:30.958 --> 00:37:32.335
Uh, no.
00:37:32.418 --> 00:37:33.753
- No?
- No.
00:37:33.836 --> 00:37:36.464
Okay, uh, what about reincarnation?
00:37:36.547 --> 00:37:37.882
Not at all.
00:37:37.965 --> 00:37:38.965
- God?
- No.
00:37:39.008 --> 00:37:40.259
(both laugh)
00:37:40.343 --> 00:37:42.762
- All right.
- That sounds so terrible. No, no, no.
00:37:42.845 --> 00:37:46.849
But I don't want to be one of those people
that don't believe in any kind of magic.
00:37:46.933 --> 00:37:48.100
So then, astrology?
00:37:48.184 --> 00:37:49.435
- Yes! Of course!
- There we go.
00:37:49.518 --> 00:37:51.038
- That makes sense, right?
- Obviously.
00:37:51.062 --> 00:37:53.105
You're a Scorpio, I'm a Sag. We get along.
00:37:53.189 --> 00:37:55.107
(laughing)
00:37:55.191 --> 00:37:57.193
No, no, no.
00:37:57.276 --> 00:38:00.404
There's an Einstein quote
I really, really like.
00:38:00.488 --> 00:38:03.991
He said if you don't believe
in any kind of magic or mystery,
00:38:04.075 --> 00:38:06.243
you're basically as good as dead.
00:38:06.327 --> 00:38:07.870
Yeah, I like that.
00:38:07.954 --> 00:38:11.165
I've always felt there was some kind
of mystical core to the universe.
00:38:11.248 --> 00:38:15.836
But more recently I've started to think
that — that me, my personality, whatever,
00:38:15.920 --> 00:38:18.714
that I don't have
any permanent place here.
00:38:18.798 --> 00:38:20.800
You know? In eternity or whatever.
00:38:20.883 --> 00:38:25.096
And the more I think that, I can't go
through life saying that this is no big deal.
00:38:25.179 --> 00:38:27.181
I mean, this is it.
This is actually happening.
00:38:27.264 --> 00:38:30.768
What do you think is interesting? Funny?
What do you think is important? You know?
00:38:30.851 --> 00:38:32.728
Every day's our last.
00:38:33.771 --> 00:38:37.358
When I feel that way, I usually call my mom
to tell her how much I love her.
00:38:37.441 --> 00:38:40.361
- Yeah?
- And she's always, "Are you okay?
00:38:40.444 --> 00:38:43.489
Do you have cancer?
Are you gonna commit suicide?"
00:38:43.572 --> 00:38:46.617
It's almost not worth it. (laughing)
00:38:47.368 --> 00:38:50.287
So... So, what about us?
00:38:50.371 --> 00:38:51.914
- What about us?
- No. (stammers)
00:38:51.998 --> 00:38:54.750
What I mean is,
if we were both going to die tonight —
00:38:54.834 --> 00:38:57.545
- Like, if the apocalypse was coming?
- No, that's too dramatic.
00:38:57.628 --> 00:39:01.048
But what if, you know,
just the two of us were going to die?
00:39:01.132 --> 00:39:05.219
I mean, would we talk about your book,
the environment, or...
00:39:05.302 --> 00:39:07.531
- If today was our last day.
- Yeah, what would we talk about?
00:39:07.555 --> 00:39:10.141
- What would you tell me, for example?
- Well, uh...
00:39:10.224 --> 00:39:12.309
- That's hard, huh?
- No, I'll do it, I'll do it.
00:39:12.393 --> 00:39:16.355
I definitely would stop talking about my book.
I admit I would probably drop the environment.
00:39:16.439 --> 00:39:17.690
Okay.
00:39:17.773 --> 00:39:21.777
But I would still want to talk
about the magic in the universe.
00:39:21.861 --> 00:39:25.031
- I'd just want to do it from a...
- What?
00:39:25.114 --> 00:39:26.866
A hotel room, you know,
00:39:26.949 --> 00:39:30.828
in between sessions of us
wildly fucking until we die.
00:39:30.911 --> 00:39:33.831
Wow. Well, why waste time
with a hotel room?
00:39:33.914 --> 00:39:37.293
- Why not do it right there on a bench?
- Okay.
00:39:37.376 --> 00:39:40.671
- (laughing)
- Come here, come here, come here.
00:39:40.755 --> 00:39:43.132
Okay. We're not gonna die tonight. Okay?
00:39:43.215 --> 00:39:45.342
All right. Too bad. I'm sorry.
00:39:45.426 --> 00:39:47.845
- That was an extreme example.
- I'm sorry.
00:39:47.928 --> 00:39:49.680
Okay.
00:39:49.764 --> 00:39:54.477
My point was, to truly communicate
with people is very hard to do.
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:57.313
No, I know.
Most of our day-to-day exchanges —
00:39:57.396 --> 00:40:01.525
Yeah, no, I mean, not to bring
everything back to sex, but —
00:40:01.609 --> 00:40:03.837
- But why not?
- No, no, this example, this friend of mine.
00:40:03.861 --> 00:40:08.407
She was talking about she
and her boyfriend's problems in bed
00:40:08.491 --> 00:40:12.203
and how when they had been dating
for a year she started telling him
00:40:12.286 --> 00:40:14.205
what he could do to please her more.
00:40:14.288 --> 00:40:16.791
- It totally freaked him out. Totally.
- Why?
00:40:16.874 --> 00:40:19.710
He felt threatened.
He thought it meant he was a bad lover.
00:40:19.794 --> 00:40:22.379
Maybe she shouldn't have waited so long,
you know, after a year.
00:40:22.463 --> 00:40:24.965
- But men are so easily offended.
- More than women, you think?
00:40:25.049 --> 00:40:27.009
- Oh. Definitely, on that subject.
- You think so?
00:40:27.093 --> 00:40:28.594
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:40:28.677 --> 00:40:30.888
Well, maybe it's because, you know,
00:40:30.971 --> 00:40:34.558
men are easier to — you know, to please.
00:40:34.642 --> 00:40:36.769
- To please? Yeah, no, they are.
- Well, I don't know.
00:40:36.852 --> 00:40:38.104
They definitely — Definitely.
00:40:38.187 --> 00:40:40.147
Anyway, this friend of mine,
she was telling me
00:40:40.231 --> 00:40:42.608
that, um, next time she dates another man,
00:40:42.691 --> 00:40:46.112
she's gonna make a little questionnaire
about what they like and dislike
00:40:46.195 --> 00:40:48.256
- before they even —
- Like, written down or out loud?
00:40:48.280 --> 00:40:49.949
Yeah, yeah. Mostly written down.
00:40:50.032 --> 00:40:53.869
But it wouldn't be just, you know, yes or no.
It would be a bit more complex than that.
00:40:53.953 --> 00:40:57.248
Like, for example, if the question is,
"Are you into S and M?"
00:40:57.331 --> 00:41:02.211
The answer could be, "No, but a good
spanking once in a while doesn't hurt."
00:41:02.294 --> 00:41:03.754
- Right?
- All right.
00:41:03.838 --> 00:41:06.924
Or like, "Do you like talking dirty in bed?"
That kind of thing?
00:41:07.007 --> 00:41:09.718
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But not just, like, any dirty talk.
00:41:09.802 --> 00:41:12.847
Just like, "What specific word
would you like to hear?" You know?
00:41:12.930 --> 00:41:14.348
- What, me?
- Well, yeah.
00:41:14.431 --> 00:41:17.017
Like, for example,
what specific word would you like to hear?
00:41:17.101 --> 00:41:18.519
I don't know.
00:41:18.602 --> 00:41:22.648
Um, what do you feel
about the word "pussy"?
00:41:22.731 --> 00:41:24.567
I love it.
00:41:25.901 --> 00:41:27.695
Good. (laughs)
00:41:27.778 --> 00:41:30.531
It's amazing what perverts we've become
in the past nine years.
00:41:30.614 --> 00:41:33.951
I know. At least now we don't have to
pretend that each new sexual experience
00:41:34.034 --> 00:41:35.953
is like a life-altering event.
00:41:36.036 --> 00:41:39.540
I know. By now you've stuck it in
so many places, it's about to fall off.
00:41:39.623 --> 00:41:43.794
And I can't realistically expect you've become
anything but a total ho at this point.
00:41:43.878 --> 00:41:45.462
Yeah, thank you.
00:41:45.546 --> 00:41:47.882
I'm s —
00:41:47.965 --> 00:41:51.051
- That's true. What can you do?
- What can you do?
00:41:51.135 --> 00:41:53.929
So, what kind of songs do you write?
00:41:54.013 --> 00:41:55.806
- I didn't know you did that.
- What kind?
00:41:55.890 --> 00:41:57.975
- Yeah, sure.
- I don't know. Just songs.
00:41:58.058 --> 00:42:00.561
Like, some are about, you know, people.
00:42:00.644 --> 00:42:02.855
Uh, relationships. One's about my cat.
00:42:02.938 --> 00:42:05.357
- Sing one.
- No, I can't. I don't have a guitar.
00:42:05.441 --> 00:42:07.067
- Come on. A cappella.
- No, no, no.
00:42:07.151 --> 00:42:09.653
I'm not singing a song without a guitar.
You're nuts.
00:42:10.905 --> 00:42:12.865
Why not?
00:42:12.948 --> 00:42:15.409
- No, okay. Not now. No.
- One.
00:42:15.492 --> 00:42:18.621
If not now, when? You want to meet here
in six months with a guitar?
00:42:18.704 --> 00:42:21.790
I'll fly all the way over here.
You may or may not make the Metro.
00:42:21.874 --> 00:42:23.709
Okay, that's funny.
00:42:23.792 --> 00:42:25.920
No. We've got to get going
back to the bookstore.
00:42:26.003 --> 00:42:28.315
- We'll be all right.
- You're gonna miss your flight. Let's go.
00:42:28.339 --> 00:42:30.216
- All right.
- We can walk down La Seine.
00:42:30.299 --> 00:42:32.509
- It's a nice thing.
- Okay.
00:42:32.593 --> 00:42:35.429
- So you're flying back to New York?
- Yeah, yeah.
00:42:38.265 --> 00:42:41.185
So I read in that article
that you're married with a kid.
00:42:41.268 --> 00:42:45.105
- That's great.
- Yeah, he's, um — he's four.
00:42:45.189 --> 00:42:47.399
- What's his name?
- Henry. Little Hank.
00:42:47.483 --> 00:42:50.361
- He's so much fun.
- Oh, wow. I'm sure.
00:42:50.444 --> 00:42:53.364
- And your wife? What does she do?
- She teaches elementary school.
00:42:53.989 --> 00:42:55.950
- Do you have kids?
- Yes, two.
00:42:56.033 --> 00:42:57.117
- Shit!
- What?
00:42:57.201 --> 00:42:59.161
I left them in the car,
with the windows up.
00:42:59.245 --> 00:43:01.247
It was six months ago.
Do you think they're okay?
00:43:01.330 --> 00:43:03.791
No, I'm kidding.
No, but I want to have kids someday.
00:43:03.874 --> 00:43:05.876
- I'm just not ready yet.
- No?
00:43:05.960 --> 00:43:09.171
- Yeah, I'm in a good relationship though.
- Oh, yeah? That's good.
00:43:09.255 --> 00:43:11.548
- What's he do?
- He's a photojournalist.
00:43:11.632 --> 00:43:13.259
He does war coverage.
00:43:13.342 --> 00:43:16.720
He's away a lot, which in a way
is good for me 'cause I'm so busy.
00:43:16.804 --> 00:43:20.599
But isn't it dangerous? Aren't a lot
of those guys getting killed these days?
00:43:20.683 --> 00:43:23.936
He promises me he doesn't take risks.
But I often worry.
00:43:24.019 --> 00:43:26.647
He goes in this trance when he
starts to photograph something.
00:43:26.730 --> 00:43:28.190
What do you mean?
00:43:28.274 --> 00:43:31.986
Well, once we were in New Delhi, and we
passed a bum lying down on the sidewalk.
00:43:32.069 --> 00:43:33.570
- A bomb?
- A bum.
00:43:33.654 --> 00:43:35.531
- A bum. (laughs) All right.
- A homeless.
00:43:35.614 --> 00:43:39.451
Anyway, he looked like he needed help,
but his first reaction was to photograph him.
00:43:39.535 --> 00:43:43.038
He went, like, really close to his face,
fixing his collar to make it look better.
00:43:43.122 --> 00:43:44.832
He was totally detached from the person.
00:43:44.915 --> 00:43:47.751
But don't you have to be like that
to be good at that job?
00:43:47.835 --> 00:43:50.921
Yeah, I mean, I'm not, you know —
I'm not judging him for it.
00:43:51.005 --> 00:43:54.550
What he does is essential and incredible.
I'm saying I could never do it.
00:43:54.633 --> 00:43:56.844
- Let's get on that boat. Come on.
- No!
00:43:56.927 --> 00:43:59.430
- Come on. It'll be fun.
- You don't have time! We gotta go.
00:43:59.513 --> 00:44:02.200
Looks like they're about to take off.
Look, I've got 15 more minutes.
00:44:02.224 --> 00:44:03.684
- Do you have a cell phone?
- Yeah.
00:44:03.767 --> 00:44:06.353
I got that driver guy's number,
and I can call him,
00:44:06.437 --> 00:44:08.897
and they can pick us up
at whatever the next stop is.
00:44:08.981 --> 00:44:11.584
I've never been on those boats.
It's for tourists. It's embarrassing.
00:44:11.608 --> 00:44:13.444
Come on. Okay. All right.
00:44:13.527 --> 00:44:17.072
(speaking French)
00:44:17.156 --> 00:44:19.658
- No, I'll get it. I'll get it.
- No, no.
00:44:19.742 --> 00:44:21.368
All right, all right, all right.
00:44:21.452 --> 00:44:23.996
(French continues)
00:44:24.079 --> 00:44:26.373
- Okay.
- Thank you.
00:44:26.457 --> 00:44:29.001
- So, you in love with that guy?
- What guy?
00:44:29.084 --> 00:44:31.045
The war photographer. Merci.
00:44:31.128 --> 00:44:33.255
- Yes, of course.
- Your change. Bon voyage.
00:44:33.339 --> 00:44:34.840
Merci.
00:44:36.258 --> 00:44:38.677
So, do you have that cell phone?
00:44:38.761 --> 00:44:40.596
Oh, yeah.
00:44:40.679 --> 00:44:42.598
- Okay.
- Okay.
00:44:42.681 --> 00:44:46.518
- All right, what do I tell him?
- Tell him to pick you up at Quai Henri Quatre.
00:44:46.602 --> 00:44:49.355
Ah, shit. Kay...
00:44:49.438 --> 00:44:52.316
Henri Quatre. Quai Henri Quatre.
00:44:52.399 --> 00:44:54.443
Henri Quatre.
00:44:54.526 --> 00:44:57.029
What's wrong with you?
No, do you want me to —
00:44:57.112 --> 00:44:58.530
- Henri Quatre.
- Henry Four?
00:44:58.614 --> 00:45:00.449
- Yes!
- Come on. Why didn't you say so?
00:45:00.532 --> 00:45:02.451
I'm sorry! Okay.
00:45:14.546 --> 00:45:16.548
JESSE: Yeah. Is this Philippe?
00:45:16.632 --> 00:45:19.134
Yeah. Philippe, this is Jesse Wallace.
00:45:19.718 --> 00:45:20.928
Yeah.
00:45:21.011 --> 00:45:24.306
Well, listen,
I'm on one of those boats, right?
00:45:25.432 --> 00:45:30.270
And we're gonna arrive
at Henri Four, at port Henri Four.
00:45:30.354 --> 00:45:32.773
You know what that is? All right. Great.
00:45:32.856 --> 00:45:34.817
And you have my bags, right?
00:45:34.900 --> 00:45:37.736
Yeah, so we'll be there in —
I don't know. It's the next stop.
00:45:37.820 --> 00:45:39.446
Okay. Au revoir.
00:45:41.240 --> 00:45:43.283
- It's okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
00:45:43.367 --> 00:45:46.787
- Thanks.
- Oh, wow! Notre-Dame, man.
00:45:46.870 --> 00:45:48.997
- Check that out.
- Oh, wow.
00:45:49.081 --> 00:45:52.835
I heard this story once about when
the Germans were occupying Paris
00:45:52.918 --> 00:45:54.837
and they had to retreat back.
00:45:54.920 --> 00:45:56.797
They wired Notre-Dame to blow.
00:45:56.880 --> 00:46:01.343
But they had to leave one guy
in charge of hitting the switch.
00:46:01.427 --> 00:46:04.471
And the guy, the soldier,
he couldn't do it.
00:46:04.555 --> 00:46:08.475
You know, he just sat there, knocked out
by how beautiful the place was.
00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:10.436
And then when the Allied troops came in,
00:46:10.519 --> 00:46:14.148
they found all the explosives just lying there
and the switch unturned.
00:46:14.231 --> 00:46:17.985
They found the same thing
at the Sacré-Coeur, Eiffel Tower.
00:46:18.068 --> 00:46:20.487
Couple of other places, I think.
00:46:20.571 --> 00:46:22.656
Is that true?
00:46:22.739 --> 00:46:25.742
I don't know.
I always liked the story though.
00:46:25.826 --> 00:46:27.327
Yeah, that's a great story.
00:46:27.411 --> 00:46:30.497
But you have to think that Notre-Dame
will be gone one day.
00:46:30.581 --> 00:46:33.292
There used to be another church
or cathedral at the Seine.
00:46:33.375 --> 00:46:35.127
- Right there.
- Right in the same spot?
00:46:35.210 --> 00:46:36.753
Yeah.
00:46:36.837 --> 00:46:38.338
Hmm.
00:46:38.422 --> 00:46:40.841
You know, this is great.
I've never done this.
00:46:40.924 --> 00:46:43.552
- Yeah.
- I forget about how beautiful Paris is.
00:46:43.635 --> 00:46:46.875
- This isn't so bad, being a tourist, huh?
- Thank you for getting me on the boat.
00:46:46.930 --> 00:46:48.265
You're welcome.
00:46:48.348 --> 00:46:51.602
I think that book that I wrote in a way
was like building something
00:46:51.685 --> 00:46:55.689
so that I wouldn't forget the details
of the time that we spent together.
00:46:55.772 --> 00:46:59.776
You know, like, just as a reminder
that once we really did meet.
00:46:59.860 --> 00:47:03.155
You know, that this was real,
this happened.
00:47:03.238 --> 00:47:06.450
I'm happy you're saying that
because I always feel like a freak
00:47:06.533 --> 00:47:09.411
because I'm never able
to move on like this, you know.
00:47:10.621 --> 00:47:13.832
People just have an affair
or even entire relationships.
00:47:13.916 --> 00:47:16.502
They break up and they forget.
00:47:16.585 --> 00:47:19.880
They move on like they would
have changed brand of cereals.
00:47:21.131 --> 00:47:24.384
I feel I was never able to forget
anyone I've been with.
00:47:24.468 --> 00:47:30.140
Because each person
had their own specific qualities.
00:47:30.224 --> 00:47:32.559
You can never replace anyone.
00:47:32.643 --> 00:47:34.645
What is lost is lost.
00:47:36.313 --> 00:47:38.607
Each relationship, when it ends,
really damages me.
00:47:38.690 --> 00:47:40.567
I never fully recover.
00:47:40.651 --> 00:47:42.694
That's why I'm very careful
with getting involved,
00:47:42.778 --> 00:47:45.989
because... it hurts too much.
00:47:46.073 --> 00:47:48.659
Even getting laid,
I actually don't do that,
00:47:48.742 --> 00:47:52.496
because I will miss of the person
the most mundane things.
00:47:52.579 --> 00:47:54.665
Like I'm obsessed with little things.
00:47:55.457 --> 00:47:58.001
Maybe I'm crazy,
but when I was a little girl,
00:47:58.085 --> 00:48:01.088
my mom told me
that I was always late to school.
00:48:01.171 --> 00:48:03.590
One day she followed me to see why.
00:48:03.674 --> 00:48:07.010
I was looking at chestnuts
falling from the trees,
00:48:07.094 --> 00:48:08.929
rolling on the sidewalk,
00:48:09.012 --> 00:48:10.639
or ants crossing the road,
00:48:10.722 --> 00:48:14.101
the way a leaf cast a shadow
on a tree trunk.
00:48:14.184 --> 00:48:16.520
Little things.
00:48:16.603 --> 00:48:18.564
I think it's the same with people.
00:48:18.647 --> 00:48:21.942
I see in them little details,
so specific to each of them
00:48:22.025 --> 00:48:25.445
that move me and that I miss
and will always miss.
00:48:26.238 --> 00:48:28.031
You can never replace anyone
00:48:28.115 --> 00:48:31.034
because everyone is made
of such beautiful, specific details.
00:48:35.497 --> 00:48:38.834
Like I remember the way
your beard has a bit of red in it...
00:48:39.751 --> 00:48:44.256
and how the sun was making it glow
that morning right before you left.
00:48:46.216 --> 00:48:49.219
I remembered that, and I missed it.
00:48:50.387 --> 00:48:52.347
Really crazy, right?
00:48:52.431 --> 00:48:56.143
Now I know for sure. You want to know
why I wrote that stupid book?
00:48:56.226 --> 00:48:57.144
Why?
00:48:57.227 --> 00:48:59.271
So that you might come
to a reading in Paris,
00:48:59.354 --> 00:49:02.399
and I could walk up to you and ask,
"Where the fuck were you?"
00:49:02.482 --> 00:49:04.276
(Celine chuckles)
00:49:04.359 --> 00:49:06.445
No, you think I'd be here today?
00:49:06.528 --> 00:49:10.991
I'm serious. I think I wrote it,
in a way, to try to find you.
00:49:11.074 --> 00:49:14.828
Okay, that's — I know that's not true,
but that's sweet of you to say.
00:49:14.911 --> 00:49:18.457
I think it is true. What do you think
the chances were of us ever meeting again?
00:49:19.374 --> 00:49:21.501
After that December, I'd say almost zero.
00:49:22.961 --> 00:49:25.130
But we're not real anyway, right?
00:49:25.213 --> 00:49:28.592
We're just characters
in that old lady's dream.
00:49:28.675 --> 00:49:30.802
She's on her deathbed,
fantasizing about her youth.
00:49:30.886 --> 00:49:33.221
So of course we had to meet again.
00:49:33.305 --> 00:49:37.225
Oh, God. Why weren't you there in Vienna?
00:49:38.435 --> 00:49:40.687
- I told you why.
- I know why.
00:49:40.771 --> 00:49:42.189
I just...
00:49:42.272 --> 00:49:44.650
I wish you would have been.
00:49:44.733 --> 00:49:47.194
Our lives might have been
so much different.
00:49:47.277 --> 00:49:49.446
Do you think so?
00:49:49.529 --> 00:49:51.156
I actually do.
00:49:51.239 --> 00:49:54.493
Maybe not. Maybe we would have
hated each other eventually.
00:49:54.576 --> 00:49:56.745
What, like we hate each other now?
00:49:58.622 --> 00:50:03.085
Maybe we're...
we're only good at brief encounters,
00:50:03.168 --> 00:50:05.212
walking around in European cities.
00:50:05.295 --> 00:50:06.838
In warm climate.
00:50:07.881 --> 00:50:11.009
Oh, God. Why didn't we
exchange phone numbers and stuff?
00:50:11.093 --> 00:50:13.428
Why didn't we do that?
00:50:13.512 --> 00:50:16.014
Because we were young and stupid.
00:50:16.098 --> 00:50:18.433
Do you think we still are?
00:50:18.517 --> 00:50:20.936
I guess when you're young,
you just believe
00:50:21.019 --> 00:50:23.355
there'll be many people
with whom you'll connect with.
00:50:24.106 --> 00:50:26.426
And later in life, you realize
it only happens a few times.
00:50:26.483 --> 00:50:28.485
Yeah. And you can screw it up, you know?
00:50:28.568 --> 00:50:30.445
Misconnect.
00:50:30.529 --> 00:50:33.448
Well, the past is the past.
It was meant to be that way.
00:50:33.532 --> 00:50:36.034
You really believe that?
That everything's fated?
00:50:36.118 --> 00:50:40.163
Well, you know, the world
might be less free than we think.
00:50:40.247 --> 00:50:42.249
Yeah?
00:50:42.332 --> 00:50:44.751
Yeah. When given
these exact circumstances,
00:50:44.835 --> 00:50:46.586
that's what will happen every time.
00:50:46.670 --> 00:50:49.506
Two part hydrogen, one part oxygen,
you'll get water every time.
00:50:49.589 --> 00:50:53.135
No, no. I mean, what if your grandmother
had lived a week longer, you know?
00:50:53.218 --> 00:50:55.762
Or passed away a week earlier? Days, even.
00:50:55.846 --> 00:50:57.848
Things might have been different.
I believe that.
00:50:57.931 --> 00:50:59.558
You can't think like that.
00:50:59.641 --> 00:51:01.977
I know you shouldn't on most things, but...
00:51:02.060 --> 00:51:05.605
it's just, on this one, it seemed
like something was off, you know?
00:51:05.689 --> 00:51:09.568
I mean... in the months leading up
to my wedding, okay,
00:51:09.651 --> 00:51:11.445
I was thinking about you all the time.
00:51:11.528 --> 00:51:13.697
Even on my way there, I'm in the car,
00:51:13.780 --> 00:51:15.741
and a buddy of mine
is driving me downtown,
00:51:15.824 --> 00:51:17.492
and I'm staring out the window.
00:51:17.576 --> 00:51:20.746
I think I see you not far
from the church, right?
00:51:20.829 --> 00:51:23.457
Folding up an umbrella
and walking into a deli
00:51:23.540 --> 00:51:27.210
on the corner of 13th and Broadway.
00:51:27.294 --> 00:51:30.922
And I thought I was going crazy.
But now I think it probably was you.
00:51:31.715 --> 00:51:33.717
I lived on 11th and Broadway.
00:51:35.343 --> 00:51:36.845
You see?
00:51:38.346 --> 00:51:42.058
So, what is it like to be married?
You haven't talked much about that.
00:51:43.018 --> 00:51:44.644
I haven't?
00:51:44.728 --> 00:51:46.813
How weird.
00:51:46.897 --> 00:51:51.109
I don't know. We met, you know,
when I was in college.
00:51:51.193 --> 00:51:55.405
And we broke up and got back together
for a period of years.
00:51:55.489 --> 00:51:56.990
And then...
00:51:58.283 --> 00:52:01.661
What — We were sort of back together
and she was pregnant...
00:52:03.121 --> 00:52:04.748
so marriage.
00:52:04.831 --> 00:52:06.875
What is she like?
00:52:06.958 --> 00:52:09.419
She's a great teacher, a good mom.
00:52:10.045 --> 00:52:12.047
Uh, she's smart, pretty.
00:52:13.298 --> 00:52:17.803
I remember thinking at the time that
so many of the men that I admired most,
00:52:17.886 --> 00:52:23.058
you know, that their lives were dedicated
to something greater than themselves.
00:52:23.892 --> 00:52:26.645
So you got married because men
you admired were married?
00:52:26.728 --> 00:52:28.396
No, no.
00:52:28.480 --> 00:52:33.026
It's more like I had this idea
of my best self, you know?
00:52:33.109 --> 00:52:35.111
And I wanted to pursue that
00:52:35.195 --> 00:52:37.823
even if it might have been
overriding my honest self.
00:52:37.906 --> 00:52:39.533
You know what I'm saying?
00:52:39.616 --> 00:52:42.118
It's funny. Like, in the moment,
I remember thinking
00:52:42.202 --> 00:52:44.329
that it didn't much matter,
the who of it all.
00:52:44.412 --> 00:52:46.957
That nobody is gonna be everything to you
00:52:47.040 --> 00:52:50.085
and that ultimately, it's just
the simple action of committing yourself,
00:52:50.168 --> 00:52:53.505
meeting your responsibilities
that — that matters.
00:52:53.588 --> 00:52:57.384
I mean, what is love, right,
if it's not respect, trust, admiration?
00:52:57.467 --> 00:53:00.554
And I — I felt all those things.
00:53:00.637 --> 00:53:03.932
So, cut to the present tense
and I feel like I'm running a small nursery
00:53:04.015 --> 00:53:06.518
with somebody I used to date, you know?
00:53:06.601 --> 00:53:08.645
I mean, I'm like a monk, you know?
00:53:08.728 --> 00:53:12.816
I mean, I've had sex less
than ten times in the last four years.
00:53:12.899 --> 00:53:14.192
(laughing)
00:53:14.276 --> 00:53:16.236
- What? What? You laughing at me?
- No.
00:53:16.319 --> 00:53:17.946
It sounds pathetic?
00:53:18.029 --> 00:53:20.699
What monastery do the monk
have sex ten times?
00:53:20.782 --> 00:53:23.201
You're right.
I'm doing better than most monks.
00:53:23.285 --> 00:53:28.206
But I do. I feel like if somebody were to
touch me, I would dissolve into molecules.
00:53:28.290 --> 00:53:31.126
We're here. We've gotta go. Come on.
00:53:31.209 --> 00:53:33.086
Shit. (sighs)
00:53:34.880 --> 00:53:36.882
(speaking French)
00:53:38.800 --> 00:53:40.635
- Bonsoir.
- Bonsoir.
00:53:40.719 --> 00:53:42.220
Bonsoir.
00:53:43.597 --> 00:53:45.390
Oh, it's there.
00:53:45.473 --> 00:53:48.810
- I'm sorry to hear that, you know —
- What?
00:53:48.894 --> 00:53:51.938
you're not that happy with your marriage.
00:53:52.022 --> 00:53:54.816
- This friend of mine, she's a shrink —
- How's she doing?
00:53:54.900 --> 00:53:56.484
She's a mess, but —
00:53:56.568 --> 00:53:59.571
No, she was telling me that she's
been dealing with a lot of couples
00:53:59.654 --> 00:54:01.656
that are breaking up
for the same exact reason.
00:54:01.740 --> 00:54:03.074
What reason is that?
00:54:03.158 --> 00:54:05.469
All those couples expected
after a few years of living together
00:54:05.493 --> 00:54:08.389
for the passion, that consuming desire,
to be the same than in the beginning.
00:54:08.413 --> 00:54:10.558
- Yeah, right. I know that.
- It's impossible. And thank God!
00:54:10.582 --> 00:54:14.461
Otherwise, we would end up with aneurysms
if we were in that constant state of excitement.
00:54:14.544 --> 00:54:16.838
We would end up
doing nothing at all with our lives.
00:54:16.922 --> 00:54:19.007
Do you think you would
have finished your book
00:54:19.090 --> 00:54:20.930
if you were fucking someone
every five minutes?
00:54:20.967 --> 00:54:23.261
I might have welcomed the challenge.
00:54:23.345 --> 00:54:26.389
But you know, it's natural for your wife,
after the birth of your son.
00:54:26.473 --> 00:54:28.934
- She has to give all her love to the little one.
- Of course.
00:54:29.017 --> 00:54:32.145
Imagine if she was totally obsessed with sex,
riding you like a wild cat.
00:54:32.228 --> 00:54:34.147
That wouldn't make any sense, right?
00:54:34.230 --> 00:54:37.859
Everything you're saying makes sense.
It's not about sex.
00:54:37.943 --> 00:54:40.320
No, I know. It's obvious.
00:54:40.403 --> 00:54:41.905
I, uh —
00:54:42.989 --> 00:54:46.242
You know, couples are so confused lately.
00:54:46.326 --> 00:54:50.330
I think it must be
that men need to feel essential,
00:54:50.413 --> 00:54:52.040
and they don't anymore.
00:54:53.083 --> 00:54:57.504
Because it's been imprinted in their head for
so many years that they had to be the provider.
00:54:57.587 --> 00:55:01.132
Like, I'm a strong, independent woman
in my professional life.
00:55:01.216 --> 00:55:03.134
I don't need a man to feed me,
00:55:03.218 --> 00:55:07.764
but I still need a man to love me
and that I could love, you know.
00:55:07.847 --> 00:55:10.517
- So, uh, your driver's here.
- Yeah.
00:55:10.600 --> 00:55:13.269
Well, I guess this is good-bye.
You better give me your —
00:55:13.353 --> 00:55:16.731
No, why don't we just give you a ride home,
wherever you're going, huh?
00:55:16.815 --> 00:55:18.650
Well, I can take the Metro. I'm fine.
00:55:18.733 --> 00:55:22.487
No, no. My flight's not until 10:00.
They've got me arriving two hours early.
00:55:22.570 --> 00:55:25.907
- This way we can keep talking. Monsieur.
- It's not really on the way.
00:55:25.991 --> 00:55:29.119
(speaking French)
00:55:29.202 --> 00:55:32.831
- JESSE: Oui.
- DRIVER: Oui. (speaks French)
00:55:39.796 --> 00:55:41.214
Merci.
00:55:41.297 --> 00:55:43.633
So you told him where you are
and all that jazz?
00:55:43.717 --> 00:55:47.887
Yeah. (French)
00:55:47.971 --> 00:55:50.390
- So he knows where he's going?
- Yes.
00:55:50.473 --> 00:55:52.559
- Glad somebody does.
- (Celine laughs)
00:55:52.642 --> 00:55:54.811
No, but this is better
than the Metro, right?
00:55:54.894 --> 00:55:57.230
Definitely.
00:55:59.190 --> 00:56:03.695
CELINE: I was thinking, for me it's better
I don't romanticize things as much anymore.
00:56:03.778 --> 00:56:05.780
I was suffering so much all the time.
00:56:05.864 --> 00:56:09.284
I still have lots of dreams,
but they're not in regard to my love life.
00:56:09.367 --> 00:56:11.870
It doesn't make me sad.
It's just the way it is.
00:56:11.953 --> 00:56:15.248
Is that why you're in a relationship
with somebody who's never around?
00:56:15.331 --> 00:56:16.624
(chuckles)
00:56:16.708 --> 00:56:20.378
Yes, obviously I can't deal with
the day-to-day life of a relationship.
00:56:20.462 --> 00:56:22.756
Yeah, we have this exciting time together,
00:56:22.839 --> 00:56:26.217
and then he leaves, and I miss him,
but at least I'm not dying inside.
00:56:26.301 --> 00:56:28.678
When someone is always around me,
I'm, like, suffocating.
00:56:28.762 --> 00:56:31.765
No. Wait. You just said that you need
to love and be loved.
00:56:31.848 --> 00:56:34.851
Yeah, but when I do,
it quickly makes me nauseous.
00:56:34.934 --> 00:56:36.644
It's a disaster.
00:56:36.728 --> 00:56:39.397
I mean, I'm really happy
only when I'm on my own.
00:56:39.481 --> 00:56:44.319
Even being alone, it's better than
sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely.
00:56:44.944 --> 00:56:47.155
It's not so easy for me to be a romantic.
00:56:47.238 --> 00:56:50.784
You start off that way, and after
you've been screwed over a few times,
00:56:50.867 --> 00:56:55.830
you forget about all your delusional ideas
and you just take what comes into your life.
00:56:55.914 --> 00:56:58.333
That's not even true.
I haven't been screwed over.
00:56:58.416 --> 00:57:01.002
I've just had too many blah relationships.
00:57:01.086 --> 00:57:03.004
They weren't mean. They cared for me.
00:57:03.088 --> 00:57:06.674
But there was no real connection
or excitement.
00:57:06.758 --> 00:57:08.885
At least, not from my side.
00:57:08.968 --> 00:57:11.846
God, I'm sorry. Is it really that bad?
00:57:11.930 --> 00:57:13.890
It's not, right?
00:57:15.141 --> 00:57:17.185
You know, it's not even that.
00:57:17.268 --> 00:57:19.312
I was... I was fine
00:57:19.395 --> 00:57:21.231
until I read your fucking book.
00:57:22.023 --> 00:57:23.983
It stirred shit up, you know?
00:57:24.067 --> 00:57:28.822
It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was,
how I had so much hope in things.
00:57:28.905 --> 00:57:32.450
And now it's like I don't believe in anything
that relates to love.
00:57:32.534 --> 00:57:34.619
I don't feel things for people anymore.
00:57:35.662 --> 00:57:39.624
In a way, I put all my romanticism
into that one night,
00:57:39.707 --> 00:57:42.752
and I was never able
to feel all this again.
00:57:42.836 --> 00:57:45.296
Like somehow this night
took things away from me.
00:57:45.380 --> 00:57:47.715
I expressed them to you,
and you took them with you.
00:57:47.799 --> 00:57:50.009
It made me feel cold,
like if love wasn't for me.
00:57:50.093 --> 00:57:52.345
I don't believe that.
I don't believe that.
00:57:53.638 --> 00:57:57.934
You know what? Reality and love
are almost contradictory for me.
00:57:58.017 --> 00:57:59.185
It's funny.
00:57:59.269 --> 00:58:02.438
Every single of my exes,
they're now married.
00:58:02.522 --> 00:58:05.358
Men go out with me, we break up,
and then they get married.
00:58:05.441 --> 00:58:08.403
Later they call me to thank me
for teaching them what love is —
00:58:08.486 --> 00:58:09.487
Oh, God.
00:58:09.571 --> 00:58:11.739
and that I taught them
to care and respect women.
00:58:11.823 --> 00:58:14.284
- I think I'm one of those guys.
- I want to kill them!
00:58:14.367 --> 00:58:16.035
Why didn't they ask me to marry them?
00:58:16.119 --> 00:58:18.538
I would have said no,
but at least they could have asked!
00:58:18.621 --> 00:58:22.083
But it's my fault. I know it's my fault
because I never felt it was the right man.
00:58:22.167 --> 00:58:23.543
Never.
00:58:23.626 --> 00:58:27.046
But what does it mean, the right man?
The love of your life? The concept is absurd.
00:58:27.130 --> 00:58:31.092
The idea that we can only be complete
with another person is evil, right?
00:58:31.176 --> 00:58:32.177
Can I talk?
00:58:32.260 --> 00:58:35.346
I guess I've been heartbroken too many times,
and then I recovered.
00:58:35.430 --> 00:58:38.266
So now, you know, from the start,
I make no effort
00:58:38.349 --> 00:58:40.935
- because I know it's not gonna work out.
- You can't do that.
00:58:41.019 --> 00:58:44.189
You can't live your life trying to avoid pain
at the expense of engaging —
00:58:44.272 --> 00:58:46.649
Those are words.
I've gotta get away from you.
00:58:46.733 --> 00:58:49.944
- Stop the car. I want to get out.
- No, no. Don't get out.
00:58:50.028 --> 00:58:52.298
- Keep talking.
- It's being around you — Don't touch me!
00:58:52.322 --> 00:58:56.117
I want to get on a cab. (speaking French)
00:58:56.201 --> 00:58:59.954
No, no, no. Keep going. No, listen.
I'm just so happy —
00:59:00.038 --> 00:59:02.457
Thank you. Just keep going.
00:59:02.540 --> 00:59:05.168
- All right.
- (sighs)
00:59:05.877 --> 00:59:09.547
Look, I'm just so happy, all right,
to be with you.
00:59:09.631 --> 00:59:12.425
I am. I'm so glad
you didn't forget about me.
00:59:12.508 --> 00:59:15.887
- Okay?
- No, I didn't. And it pisses me off, okay?
00:59:15.970 --> 00:59:20.266
You come here to Paris,
all romantic and married, okay?
00:59:20.350 --> 00:59:22.101
Screw you.
00:59:22.185 --> 00:59:24.812
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not trying to get you or anything.
00:59:24.896 --> 00:59:27.232
I mean, all I need is a married man.
00:59:27.315 --> 00:59:29.525
And there's been so much
water under the bridge.
00:59:29.609 --> 00:59:31.110
It's not even about you anymore.
00:59:31.194 --> 00:59:33.881
It's about that time, that moment in time
that is forever gone. I don't know.
00:59:33.905 --> 00:59:37.033
You say all that, but you didn't
even remember having sex, so...
00:59:37.116 --> 00:59:38.952
Of course I remembered.
00:59:41.162 --> 00:59:43.581
- You did?
- Yes.
00:59:43.665 --> 00:59:46.042
Women pretend things like that.
I don't know.
00:59:46.125 --> 00:59:48.753
- They do?
- Yeah, what was I supposed to say?
00:59:48.836 --> 00:59:51.339
That I remember the wine in the park
00:59:51.422 --> 00:59:55.009
and us looking up at the stars fading away
as the sun came up?
00:59:55.093 --> 00:59:57.136
We had sex twice, you idiot!
00:59:59.931 --> 01:00:03.643
All right. You know what?
I'm just happy to see you.
01:00:03.726 --> 01:00:07.397
Even if you've become
an angry, manic-depressive activist.
01:00:07.480 --> 01:00:10.233
I still like you.
I still enjoy being around you.
01:00:11.609 --> 01:00:13.236
And I feel the same.
01:00:13.319 --> 01:00:17.532
I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.
I just — I had to let it all out.
01:00:17.615 --> 01:00:19.075
Don't worry about it.
01:00:19.158 --> 01:00:21.619
I'm so miserable in my love life,
in my relationship.
01:00:21.703 --> 01:00:24.747
I always act as, like,
you know, I'm detached.
01:00:24.831 --> 01:00:26.874
But I'm dying inside.
01:00:26.958 --> 01:00:28.584
I'm dying because I'm so numb.
01:00:28.668 --> 01:00:32.046
I don't feel pain or excitement.
I'm not even bitter. I'm just, uh —
01:00:32.130 --> 01:00:34.882
You think you're the one dying inside?
01:00:34.966 --> 01:00:38.386
My life is 24/7 bad.
01:00:38.469 --> 01:00:40.763
(chuckles) I'm sorry. God.
01:00:40.847 --> 01:00:43.933
The only happiness I get
is when I'm out with my son.
01:00:44.017 --> 01:00:45.852
I've been to marriage counseling.
01:00:45.935 --> 01:00:48.563
I've done things
I never thought I would have to do.
01:00:48.646 --> 01:00:51.649
I've lit candles,
bought self-help books, lingerie.
01:00:51.733 --> 01:00:54.193
- Did the candles help?
- Hell, no.
01:00:54.277 --> 01:00:56.779
I don't love her
the way she needs to be loved.
01:00:56.863 --> 01:00:58.865
I don't even see a future for us.
01:00:58.948 --> 01:01:03.244
But then I look at my little boy
sitting at the table across from me,
01:01:03.328 --> 01:01:07.457
and I think I would suffer any torture
to be with him for all the minutes of his life.
01:01:07.540 --> 01:01:09.667
I don't want to miss out on one.
01:01:09.751 --> 01:01:13.963
But then there's no joy or laughter
in my home, you know?
01:01:14.047 --> 01:01:17.258
- And I don't want him growing up in that.
- No laughter?
01:01:17.342 --> 01:01:20.053
That's terrible. My parents
have been together for 35 years.
01:01:20.136 --> 01:01:22.805
Even when they have a bad fight,
they end up laughing like crazy.
01:01:22.889 --> 01:01:27.143
I don't want to be one of those people
who are getting divorced at 52,
01:01:27.226 --> 01:01:29.062
falling down into tears,
01:01:29.145 --> 01:01:31.522
admitting that they never
really loved their spouse
01:01:31.606 --> 01:01:36.277
and they feel their life has been sucked up
into a vacuum cleaner.
01:01:36.361 --> 01:01:40.073
You know, I want a great life.
I want her to have a great life.
01:01:40.156 --> 01:01:42.450
She deserves that, all right?
01:01:42.533 --> 01:01:45.828
But we're just living in the pretense
of a marriage, responsibility.
01:01:45.912 --> 01:01:50.166
You know, all these, just, ideas
of how people are supposed to live.
01:01:51.959 --> 01:01:54.837
But then I... I have these dreams.
01:01:57.298 --> 01:01:58.716
What dreams?
01:01:58.800 --> 01:02:00.802
I have these dreams, you know,
01:02:00.885 --> 01:02:04.764
that, um... I'm standing on a platform,
01:02:06.140 --> 01:02:09.310
and you keep going by on a train,
01:02:09.394 --> 01:02:14.023
and you go by, and you go by,
and you go by, you go by.
01:02:14.107 --> 01:02:16.109
And I wake up with the fucking sweats.
01:02:16.192 --> 01:02:18.277
And then I have this other dream
01:02:18.361 --> 01:02:22.323
where you're pregnant in bed
beside me, naked.
01:02:22.407 --> 01:02:25.243
I want so badly to touch you,
but you tell me not to.
01:02:25.326 --> 01:02:26.953
And then you look away.
01:02:27.745 --> 01:02:31.958
And I touch you anyway,
right on your ankle.
01:02:32.041 --> 01:02:35.628
And your skin is so soft
that I wake up in sobs. All right?
01:02:36.379 --> 01:02:40.091
My wife is sitting there, looking at me,
and I feel like I'm a million miles from her.
01:02:40.174 --> 01:02:42.677
And I know that there's something wrong,
01:02:42.760 --> 01:02:45.763
that I — God, that I can't
keep living like this,
01:02:45.847 --> 01:02:48.933
that there's gotta be something more
to love than commitment.
01:02:49.016 --> 01:02:54.021
But then I think that I might have given up
on the whole idea of romantic love,
01:02:54.105 --> 01:02:59.318
that I might have put it to bed
that day when you weren't there.
01:03:00.695 --> 01:03:03.197
You know, I think I might have done that.
01:03:04.532 --> 01:03:06.784
Why are you telling me all this?
01:03:07.660 --> 01:03:09.787
I'm sorry. I don't know.
01:03:09.871 --> 01:03:11.873
I — I shouldn't — I —
01:03:13.124 --> 01:03:15.251
I shouldn't have.
01:03:15.334 --> 01:03:16.961
You know, it's so weird.
01:03:17.044 --> 01:03:20.965
People think they are the only ones
going through tough times.
01:03:21.048 --> 01:03:24.427
I mean, when I read the article,
I thought your life was perfect.
01:03:25.803 --> 01:03:28.598
A wife, a kid, published author.
01:03:30.141 --> 01:03:32.602
But your personal life
is more of a mess than mine.
01:03:32.685 --> 01:03:35.521
- (groans)
- I'm sorry.
01:03:36.314 --> 01:03:38.608
I'm glad it's good for something.
01:03:38.691 --> 01:03:41.819
(speaking French)
01:03:42.445 --> 01:03:44.739
- This is where you live?
- Yeah.
01:03:46.449 --> 01:03:50.495
So, are you just relieved that I'm
in even more deep shit than you are?
01:03:50.578 --> 01:03:52.914
CELINE: Yes. You've made me feel better.
01:03:52.997 --> 01:03:55.041
- Oh, good. I'm glad.
- (laughs) No.
01:03:55.124 --> 01:03:57.627
No, I really wish you the best.
01:03:57.710 --> 01:04:01.339
It's not because I'm incapable
of having a good relationship or a family
01:04:01.422 --> 01:04:03.841
that I wish everyone to be doomed like me.
01:04:03.925 --> 01:04:06.385
I'm sure you'll be a great mom someday.
01:04:06.469 --> 01:04:07.970
Really? You think so?
01:04:08.054 --> 01:04:10.932
Yeah, a few antidepressants,
you know, you'll do great.
01:04:11.015 --> 01:04:13.226
Oh, no. Okay, say stop.
01:04:13.309 --> 01:04:15.311
Stop. Yay!
01:04:15.394 --> 01:04:16.896
- Okay.
- You ready?
01:04:16.979 --> 01:04:17.980
Okay.
01:04:28.199 --> 01:04:30.493
So, I want to try something.
01:04:30.576 --> 01:04:32.078
What?
01:04:34.705 --> 01:04:38.000
I want to see if you stay together
or if you dissolve into molecules.
01:04:40.127 --> 01:04:42.129
How am I doing?
01:04:42.213 --> 01:04:43.714
Still here.
01:04:44.423 --> 01:04:46.551
Good. I like being here.
01:04:50.054 --> 01:04:52.139
Is this your apartment?
01:04:52.223 --> 01:04:54.058
No, I live down there.
01:04:54.141 --> 01:04:55.768
- Down there?
- Yeah.
01:04:55.851 --> 01:04:58.854
Uh, monsieur.
I'm gonna walk her to her door.
01:04:58.938 --> 01:05:01.440
(speaking French)
01:05:08.114 --> 01:05:11.242
This is incredible.
This is where you live?
01:05:11.325 --> 01:05:13.619
- Yeah.
- How long have you been here?
01:05:13.703 --> 01:05:16.539
- Four years.
- Wow.
01:05:17.248 --> 01:05:19.375
- So tell me...
- What?
01:05:19.458 --> 01:05:23.421
Is it all true about your dreams,
or did you say that to hopefully get in my pants?
01:05:23.504 --> 01:05:26.757
Oh, I just said that to get in your pants.
I use that all the time.
01:05:26.841 --> 01:05:28.759
Oh, okay. Does it work?
01:05:28.843 --> 01:05:30.845
Ah, you know. Sometimes.
01:05:32.263 --> 01:05:34.098
(gasps) Here's my kitty.
01:05:34.181 --> 01:05:36.392
Oh, so cute! Look at him.
01:05:36.475 --> 01:05:38.477
You know what I love about this cat?
01:05:38.561 --> 01:05:40.730
Every morning,
I bring him down to the courtyard,
01:05:40.813 --> 01:05:45.735
and every single morning,
he looks at everything like it was the first time.
01:05:45.818 --> 01:05:49.155
Every corner, every tree, every plant.
01:05:49.238 --> 01:05:52.742
(gasps) Smells everything
with his little cute nose.
01:05:52.825 --> 01:05:54.827
Oh, I love my kitty!
01:05:54.910 --> 01:05:57.079
I love my kitty.
01:05:58.080 --> 01:05:59.915
- What's his name?
- Che.
01:06:00.708 --> 01:06:02.501
- Che?
- (squeals)
01:06:02.585 --> 01:06:04.045
Uh-huh.
01:06:04.128 --> 01:06:06.130
- What?
- Commie.
01:06:06.213 --> 01:06:08.007
- (laughs)
- Yeah.
01:06:08.090 --> 01:06:11.093
No, "che" in Argentina means "hey."
01:06:11.177 --> 01:06:13.638
- Okay.
- Yes.
01:06:13.721 --> 01:06:16.766
Oh, baby. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
01:06:17.850 --> 01:06:19.352
(French)
01:06:21.020 --> 01:06:24.023
We're having a little party.
It's so much fun.
01:06:25.691 --> 01:06:27.485
(man speaking French)
01:06:27.568 --> 01:06:30.529
(French)
01:06:30.613 --> 01:06:31.906
MAN: Salut.
01:06:31.989 --> 01:06:33.449
Uh, salut.
01:06:34.992 --> 01:06:36.827
- So...
- So...
01:06:36.911 --> 01:06:39.622
(speaking French)
01:06:43.084 --> 01:06:44.418
(Celine laughs)
01:06:44.502 --> 01:06:47.338
(French continues)
01:06:49.048 --> 01:06:50.216
(woman laughs)
01:06:52.843 --> 01:06:54.220
You know what?
01:06:54.303 --> 01:06:57.390
I was thinking.
Would you play me one of your songs?
01:06:57.473 --> 01:06:59.493
- You're gonna miss your flight.
- I won't. I won't.
01:06:59.517 --> 01:07:02.812
I'm gonna be sitting in the airport
for over an hour reading the newspaper,
01:07:02.895 --> 01:07:05.856
wishing you'd played me one of your songs.
01:07:05.940 --> 01:07:07.358
- One song?
- Yeah.
01:07:07.441 --> 01:07:09.735
- Okay, but quickly, huh?
- Okay.
01:07:15.282 --> 01:07:17.743
God, I love these old staircases.
01:07:33.718 --> 01:07:35.720
Mmm. (chuckles)
01:07:57.074 --> 01:07:59.118
- Hold this.
- What, for me?
01:07:59.201 --> 01:08:01.203
Geez. Hey there, buddy.
01:08:02.747 --> 01:08:04.248
Che.
01:08:14.633 --> 01:08:16.093
Whoa.
01:08:16.177 --> 01:08:18.804
- Would you like some tea?
- Yeah, sure.
01:08:20.598 --> 01:08:22.099
Wow.
01:08:23.100 --> 01:08:25.311
- Is chamomile okay?
- Yeah.
01:08:25.394 --> 01:08:27.772
Great. Merci.
01:08:28.355 --> 01:08:30.441
Messy? You think my apartment is messy?
01:08:30.524 --> 01:08:34.403
No, no. Merci. Merci beaucoup.
01:08:34.487 --> 01:08:36.822
Ah, merci.
01:08:36.906 --> 01:08:40.075
I meant to tell you,
your French has improved a lot.
01:08:40.993 --> 01:08:44.872
- Really?
- Yeah, you've really mastered the language.
01:08:44.955 --> 01:08:48.793
(laughs) All right. All right.
What song are you gonna play me, huh?
01:08:51.086 --> 01:08:53.964
No, I can't. It's too embarrassing.
It's been —
01:08:54.048 --> 01:08:55.424
Whoa. No way. No way.
01:08:55.508 --> 01:08:58.761
I came all the way up here.
You cannot crap out on me now. One song.
01:08:58.844 --> 01:09:02.014
- Anything will be great.
- No, but listen. You're gonna laugh at me.
01:09:02.097 --> 01:09:03.682
- You think so?
- Yes.
01:09:03.766 --> 01:09:05.935
I doubt it.
01:09:08.646 --> 01:09:10.272
Okay.
01:09:10.356 --> 01:09:14.735
What do you want to hear?
I have three songs in English.
01:09:15.402 --> 01:09:19.240
One's about my cat.
One's about my ex-boyfriend.
01:09:19.323 --> 01:09:21.367
Well, ex-ex boyfriend.
01:09:21.450 --> 01:09:23.869
And there's one about, um —
01:09:23.953 --> 01:09:27.498
Well, it's just a little waltz.
01:09:27.581 --> 01:09:29.625
A waltz? Yeah.
01:09:29.708 --> 01:09:31.961
Play the waltz.
01:09:32.044 --> 01:09:34.588
I haven't played it in a while. You sure?
01:09:38.050 --> 01:09:39.552
Okay.
01:09:40.427 --> 01:09:42.263
All right. The waltz.
01:09:54.733 --> 01:09:58.404
♪ Let me sing you a waltz ♪
01:09:59.488 --> 01:10:04.368
♪ Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts ♪
01:10:04.451 --> 01:10:07.746
♪ Let me sing you a waltz ♪
01:10:09.123 --> 01:10:12.918
♪ About this one-night stand ♪
01:10:14.128 --> 01:10:19.133
♪ You were for me that night ♪
01:10:20.009 --> 01:10:24.847
♪ Everything I always dreamt of in life ♪
01:10:26.098 --> 01:10:29.560
♪ But now you're gone ♪
01:10:29.643 --> 01:10:33.689
♪ You are far gone ♪
01:10:34.815 --> 01:10:39.778
♪ All the way to your island of rain ♪
01:10:39.862 --> 01:10:45.034
♪ It was for you just a one-night thing ♪
01:10:45.951 --> 01:10:51.081
♪ But you were much more to me
Just so you know ♪
01:10:52.625 --> 01:10:55.836
♪ I don't care what they say ♪
01:10:55.920 --> 01:11:00.966
♪ I know what you meant for me
that day ♪
01:11:01.050 --> 01:11:05.971
♪ I just want another try ♪
01:11:06.055 --> 01:11:11.060
♪ I just want another night ♪
01:11:12.353 --> 01:11:17.358
♪ Even if it doesn't seem quite right ♪
01:11:18.359 --> 01:11:22.529
♪ You meant for me much more ♪
01:11:22.613 --> 01:11:27.117
♪ Than anyone I've met before ♪
01:11:27.201 --> 01:11:32.748
♪ One single night with you,
little... Jesse ♪
01:11:33.749 --> 01:11:38.754
♪ Is worth a thousand with anybody ♪
01:11:39.880 --> 01:11:43.217
♪ I have no bitterness, my sweet ♪
01:11:43.300 --> 01:11:48.722
♪ I'll never forget this one-night thing ♪
01:11:48.806 --> 01:11:54.103
♪ Even tomorrow in other arms ♪
01:11:55.187 --> 01:12:00.150
♪ My heart will stay yours until I die ♪
01:12:05.364 --> 01:12:10.160
♪ Let me sing you a waltz ♪
01:12:10.244 --> 01:12:12.871
♪ Out of nowhere ♪
01:12:12.955 --> 01:12:15.499
♪ Out of my blues ♪
01:12:15.582 --> 01:12:19.461
♪ Let me sing you a waltz ♪
01:12:20.713 --> 01:12:25.843
♪ About this lovely one-night stand ♪♪
01:12:43.152 --> 01:12:45.446
- No, one more. One more. Please.
- No! No, no.
01:12:45.529 --> 01:12:48.032
It was our deal. One song.
01:12:48.115 --> 01:12:51.243
No, no, no.
You're gonna have your tea and then...
01:12:57.374 --> 01:12:59.793
All right, let me ask you one question.
01:12:59.877 --> 01:13:03.255
Do you just plug that name in
for every guy that comes up here?
01:13:03.881 --> 01:13:05.424
Oh, yes, of course.
01:13:05.507 --> 01:13:07.801
What do you think,
that I wrote the song about you?
01:13:07.885 --> 01:13:10.554
Are you nuts? (chuckles)
01:13:13.807 --> 01:13:16.310
Oh, is this you? Little cross-eyed Celine?
01:13:16.393 --> 01:13:18.937
- Yes. It's funny.
- Cute!
01:13:20.272 --> 01:13:22.691
- Is that your grandmother?
- Yeah.
01:13:25.527 --> 01:13:27.029
Oh, wow.
01:13:28.072 --> 01:13:30.491
- You want some honey?
- Yeah, sure.
01:13:59.520 --> 01:14:01.730
(CD: crowd applauding)
01:14:02.981 --> 01:14:05.484
♪♪ (band: instrumental)
01:14:14.243 --> 01:14:16.537
WOMAN: ♪ Just in time ♪
01:14:18.705 --> 01:14:20.916
♪ You found me just in time ♪
01:14:20.999 --> 01:14:23.210
Did you ever see Nina Simone in concert?
01:14:23.293 --> 01:14:25.754
No, I never did.
I can't believe she's gone.
01:14:26.255 --> 01:14:27.589
I know. It's so sad.
01:14:28.882 --> 01:14:30.384
Thanks.
01:14:30.467 --> 01:14:31.969
It's hot.
01:14:34.304 --> 01:14:36.390
I saw her twice in concert.
01:14:37.850 --> 01:14:39.852
She was so great.
01:14:40.477 --> 01:14:42.980
That's one of my favorite songs of hers.
01:14:44.314 --> 01:14:46.733
(singing along)
♪ Now that you're here ♪
01:14:46.817 --> 01:14:49.570
♪ And I know where I'm going ♪
01:14:51.363 --> 01:14:54.199
♪ No more doubt or fear ♪
01:14:55.409 --> 01:14:58.662
♪ Found my way cl-cl-cl-cl-clear ♪
(laughs)
01:14:59.663 --> 01:15:01.665
She was so great. (chuckles)
01:15:02.583 --> 01:15:04.877
She was so funny in concert.
01:15:04.960 --> 01:15:07.838
She would be right in the middle of a song
01:15:07.921 --> 01:15:10.465
and then, you know, stop
01:15:10.549 --> 01:15:15.470
and — and walk from the piano
all the way to the edge of the stage.
01:15:15.554 --> 01:15:17.472
Like really slowly.
01:15:21.059 --> 01:15:24.229
Then she'd start talking
to someone in the audience.
01:15:24.313 --> 01:15:26.732
"Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah.
01:15:26.815 --> 01:15:29.818
Mm-hmm. Oh, I love you too."
01:15:29.902 --> 01:15:31.278
(laughing)
01:15:31.361 --> 01:15:34.114
And then she'd walk back. Took her time.
01:15:34.198 --> 01:15:35.908
No hurry, you know.
01:15:35.991 --> 01:15:38.827
She had that big, cute ass.
01:15:38.911 --> 01:15:40.996
(laughs) She would move. Whoo.
01:15:42.789 --> 01:15:46.793
And then she would go back
to the piano and play some more.
01:15:49.087 --> 01:15:51.465
And then she would, I don't know,
01:15:51.548 --> 01:15:54.176
just start another song
in the middle of another, you know,
01:15:54.259 --> 01:15:57.387
like stop again, and be like,
01:15:57.471 --> 01:16:00.515
"You over there. Can you move that fan?
01:16:00.599 --> 01:16:03.977
Uh-huh. Ooh! You're cute. Mmm.
01:16:04.061 --> 01:16:05.646
Hmm!" (laughing)
01:16:09.316 --> 01:16:11.151
- ♪♪ (piano: jazz)
- (snaps fingers)
01:16:12.152 --> 01:16:14.363
(laughs)
01:16:23.497 --> 01:16:25.540
Oh.
01:16:25.624 --> 01:16:27.459
Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.
01:16:27.542 --> 01:16:29.044
(laughs)
01:16:31.171 --> 01:16:35.425
Baby, you are gonna miss that plane.
01:16:36.760 --> 01:16:38.262
I know.
01:16:38.286 --> 01:16:58.286
Telegram Channel and Instagram Page
.:: @bollbolljan_com ::.
01:17:07.040 --> 01:17:12.963
♪ Just in time ♪
01:17:14.923 --> 01:17:18.218
♪ You found me ♪
01:17:19.261 --> 01:17:22.014
♪ Before you came ♪
01:17:22.097 --> 01:17:24.933
♪ My time was running low ♪
01:17:25.017 --> 01:17:27.102
♪ I was lost ♪
01:17:27.185 --> 01:17:30.105
♪ The losing dice were tossed ♪
01:17:30.188 --> 01:17:34.026
♪ My bridges all were crossed ♪
01:17:34.109 --> 01:17:36.486
♪ Nowhere to go ♪
01:17:36.570 --> 01:17:39.573
♪ Nowhere to go ♪
01:17:40.866 --> 01:17:43.243
♪ Now you're here ♪
01:17:43.327 --> 01:17:47.456
♪ And I know where I'm going ♪
01:17:47.539 --> 01:17:49.958
♪ No more doubt ♪
01:17:50.042 --> 01:17:52.294
♪ No more fear ♪
01:17:52.377 --> 01:17:55.172
♪ I've found my way ♪
01:17:55.255 --> 01:17:57.507
♪ So let's live ♪
01:17:57.591 --> 01:17:59.509
♪ Today ♪
01:17:59.593 --> 01:18:01.803
♪ Anyway ♪
01:18:01.887 --> 01:18:05.557
♪ Changed me ♪
01:18:05.640 --> 01:18:09.561
♪ Changed me ♪
01:18:09.644 --> 01:18:13.315
♪ Changed me ♪
01:18:13.398 --> 01:18:16.443
♪ Once again ♪
01:18:16.526 --> 01:18:19.863
♪ And changed my lonely nights ♪
01:18:19.946 --> 01:18:25.285
♪ That lucky day ♪
01:18:25.369 --> 01:18:26.870
♪ Hey-oh ♪
01:18:26.953 --> 01:18:29.581
(audience applauding)
01:18:32.709 --> 01:18:34.628
♪♪ (ends)
01:18:47.933 --> 01:18:50.435
♪♪ (woman singing in French)
01:19:10.664 --> 01:19:12.958
♪♪ (continues)
01:20:16.897 --> 01:20:18.732
♪♪ (fades, ends)