WEBVTT
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..:: Presented By ZarFilm Website ::..
.:: www.bolboljan.net ::.
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As you may
well know, I am many things.
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An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer,
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fair shot with most weapons.
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I am loved and respected
by all who know me...
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Slightly.
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But I have always felt
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there's something missing, you see.
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Some final piece of my personal puzzle.
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I needed something bold, distinctive.
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Ah, thank you.
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The work of art with which
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I could declare to the heavens,
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I am Lord Charlie Mortdecai,
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and this little bit of magic
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is my mustache.
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I see.
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Shall we to business then, Fang?
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Would you mind?
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"Find," you said.
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Mmm, and find, I have done.
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The Qianlong vase.
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Very, very rare.
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Low-fired with an immersion glaze?
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None of the southern
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Yangtze ceramics are low-fired.
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But you know that.
You're testing me.
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I'm so terribly sorry.
Mosquito. You see it?
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Why don't you test the vase instead?
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I am sure that you will agree
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it is a bargain at two million pounds.
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Everyone knows you're broke.
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You will take one million.
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Ooh.
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Golly, that was a big one!
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Well, have it your way, Fang.
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One million pounds.
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I trust that you have, um,
brought the treasuries?
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I think I'll keep the money.
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And the vase.
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You cheated me in our last deal.
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I paid three million for that tapestry,
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then found out it is worth only one!
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You took from me.
Now I will take from you.
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Now, you look here, Fang! Fat. Fang Fat.
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I'm an art dealer, not a charlatan.
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A rogue, perhaps, a scamp
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or scoundrel, I will grant you.
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But never an outright mountebank.
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Enough!
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You owe me.
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I believe a finger would be fair.
Don't you?
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No!
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Oh!
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Jock!
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I wouldn't, mate.
I really wouldn't.
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Jockie, thank heavens!
Where have you been, man?
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Right behind you as always, sir.
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Ahh!
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Jock!
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Well done, Jockie.
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It's a privilege, sir!
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Jock, you're ablaze!
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Well, I think our work here is done.
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- Time to go, sir.
- Ah.
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Jock laid out the state
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of our financial affairs.
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Basically, they involved debt.
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Massive, crushing debt.
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We hurried back to Mortdecai Manor,
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where my beloved wife, Johanna,
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having heard of our financial distress,
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was arriving home
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to sell off some of my prized possessions.
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Even my horsey picture was on the block.
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But I was hopeful my new moustache
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would cheer her up.
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Darling!
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Oh, God, I missed you terribly.
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Johanna. Love of my life.
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Apple of my eye.
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I so wish you had been there.
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Can you imagine the two of us
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in that frigid city,
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only our passions keeping us...
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Whoa! What is that?
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Just a little something I cooked up
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whilst you were away, my darling.
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I do believe it was Maggie Thatcher
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who said that kissing a man without
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a moustache is rather like
eating an egg without salt.
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Oh, don't point that thing at me.
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Told ya.
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I have put no inconsiderable thought
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and effort into this endeavor.
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You see, the domain of a man's upper lip
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is his sovereign ground...
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You have five minutes to shave it off.
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Every Mortdecai man before me had the same.
Why can't I?
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Oh, I happen to be terribly fond of it,
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and I have had every intention
of seeing it through.
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You mean it's going to get bigger?
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It will come to fruition, yes.
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Oh, darling...
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Mmm.
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You really won't shave it off?
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Oh...
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I can't, my duck. Not at this juncture.
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It's not even fully corked. It's a baby.
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- Jock?
- Yes, madam?
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Please, will you make up
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the guest bedroom for Mr. Mortdecai?
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Already have, madam.
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And I shan't be having dinner
downstairs this evening.
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I'll just have a supper tray in my room.
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Very good, madam.
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Oh...
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I do believe Jock has informed you
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that we are staring down
the barrel of insolvency.
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What do you plan to do about it?
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Right. Yes, well...
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That... Well... Quite.
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First thing we're doing
is selling off that Sheridan.
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Oh, my sweet little love beast,
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I am sure that we will
come up with the necessary funds
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by the end of the month.
What is today, the fifth!
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The 26th, sir.
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All right. That gives us six...
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Four days, sir.
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Jock?
Please can you take the Sheridan
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up to London in the morning?
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I'm entering it in the
Autumn Masters Auction.
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Right you are, madam.
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Come, come.
Let's not be rash.
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Oh, hello, Poppet.
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We cannot go about
selling off family heirlooms willy-nilly.
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I'm afraid I shall have to
put my foot down, darling.
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Sorry?
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With your permission, of course.
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Bugger it.
Oh, there he is.
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Mmm.
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She'll come around, Jock.
How could she not?
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She's only human, sir.
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A quick aside about Jock.
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In addition to being my
manservant and thug,
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he also maintains an enviable rate
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of sexual intercourse,
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which can be occasionally problematic.
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Recently, after we'd concluded
the sale of a painting
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To a wealthy turkey farmer...
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What was that?
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Get your head down, sir.
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What have you done now, man?
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Ohh!
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Onward, Jock! Onward!
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Don't shoot, farmer!
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Dad! What the hell are you doing?
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Jock! Jock, wait! Jock!
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I have me own apartment!
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Crikey, man! The farmer's daughter?
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I only gave her the once-over.
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Where do you find the time?
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Sorry, twice-over.
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Dear, sweet, simple Jock.
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Every man should have a Jock,
don't you think?
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Meanwhile, not far away,
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our fortunes were about
to become intertwined
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with one of the art world's
greatest mysteries.
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And a dead hag.
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Bull's-eye.
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Miss Bronwen?
Everything all right?
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Get back behind the tape!
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Excuse me.
This is a crime scene.
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Hello?
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Who is this guy?
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You and your men have done
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an admirable job stomping
all over the place.
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Your services are no longer required.
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Sorry, Inspector Martland, sir.
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Sorry, sir. I had no idea, sir.
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Can I have all Thames
Valley police officers
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back in their cars, please?
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There's been a jurisdictional change.
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That painting could be
anywhere by now, sir.
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Yes, I suppose it could.
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You know we're going to
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have to ring him, don't you, sir?
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No, I do not know that, Maurice.
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No one knows the filthy underside
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of the art world better than he, sir.
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He is the filthy underside.
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Why did it have to be art?
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Inspector Alastair Martland.
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MI5.
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Martland and I met at Oxford.
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Once in a while I provide him
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With some off-the-record help
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with the seedier side of art collecting.
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And in exchange, he gives me
a wide berth to ply my craft.
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He is also desperately
in love with my wife.
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Rather annoying, really.
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What?
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Inspector Martland, sir.
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What does that blighter want?
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Tell him to ring back
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when my marriage isn't falling apart.
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No, he's here, sir.
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He is?
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Oh, all right.
Wheel him in.
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Don't get up.
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I wasn't going to.
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Beware the carafe on the top shelf.
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It contains water.
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Ignoring some of the more
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inviting bottles on the drinks tray,
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he reached underneath for the big decanter,
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and poured himself
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a gross amount of what
he thought was my Taylor '31.
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Score one for Mortdecai,
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for I had filled it with an invalid port
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of unbelievable nastiness.
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Oh, excellent.
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Score two.
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Bit of cheese to go with that?
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I should think the special one, Jock.
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What is that infernal thing on your lip?
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Is there a purpose to your presence?
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You're in the hole
to Her Majesty's government
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to the tune of eight million quid, old boy.
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I had no idea I was so deep
in Her Majesty's hole.
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God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God...
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That's not natural.
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What do you think?
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Ugh...
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I think this woman has
need of a chiropractor.
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Bronwen Fellworthy, Oxford art restorer.
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Did you know her?
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Slightly.
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I do recall a vague memory
of her having once,
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involuntarily, one would hope,
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releasing a fart
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of such frightening power and timbre
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that I feared she had done herself
00:14:09.680 --> 00:14:11.125
a horrible mischief.
00:14:11.240 --> 00:14:12.401
Cheese.
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Mmm, thank you.
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Three months ago, a small Spanish museum
00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:30.046
sent her a Goya to be cleaned.
00:14:30.120 --> 00:14:33.602
Last night she was killed.
Painting has disappeared.
00:14:34.560 --> 00:14:36.961
Sad news, particularly for her.
00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:39.811
But I don't see what it
has to do with me.
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Well, if my men start asking questions,
00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:44.329
then the Goya disappears without a trace.
00:14:44.400 --> 00:14:47.324
But you, a known trafficker of stolen art, well,
00:14:47.400 --> 00:14:49.323
you could make some inquiries.
00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:52.042
Why would MI5 be interested
00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:53.969
in the theft of a middling Goya?
00:14:54.400 --> 00:14:55.890
Mmm.
00:14:58.240 --> 00:14:59.401
Emil Strago.
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.402
Fundamentalist, revolutionary,
trained in Syria,
00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:06.927
fought in Senegal.
An expert in special warfare.
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He's linked to a number of
00:15:08.160 --> 00:15:09.600
terror attacks all around the world.
00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:12.322
All right, he's unpleasant. What of him?
00:15:12.400 --> 00:15:14.243
Well, we believe he entered the country
00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:17.085
with the purpose of finding that painting.
00:15:17.160 --> 00:15:19.242
- Why?
- We don't know why.
00:15:19.400 --> 00:15:21.084
But if Strago is involved, well,
00:15:21.160 --> 00:15:22.161
suffice it to say,
00:15:22.280 --> 00:15:24.760
it's a matter of urgent national security.
00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:27.526
And you would like me
to find it before he does?
00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:30.771
Precisely.
00:15:32.640 --> 00:15:35.371
I've given you a lot of rope
over the years, Charlie.
00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:37.681
But now you're dangling off the end of it.
00:15:38.600 --> 00:15:40.523
Help me find that painting,
00:15:40.640 --> 00:15:42.688
or I'll have the magistrate open that file
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and prosecute at random.
00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:45.360
It was a catalogue
00:15:45.480 --> 00:15:48.290
of some of my more unseemly escapades.
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The file was fat and well-handled,
00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:52.484
like a Welsh barmaid.
00:15:53.880 --> 00:15:56.804
It is apparent that you are
well-versed in the stick.
00:15:56.880 --> 00:15:59.565
But what of the well-known carrot?
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What's in it for me, as they say?
00:16:03.160 --> 00:16:04.321
Good God, man!
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:06.642
We're talking about a
bloodthirsty extremist
00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:08.688
Threatening the lives of your countrymen.
00:16:09.800 --> 00:16:10.961
Well, if you won't do it for me,
00:16:11.040 --> 00:16:12.405
do it for Queen and Country.
00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:14.245
No!
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:16.725
All right, Queen and Country,
00:16:16.840 --> 00:16:18.729
travel and living expenses,
reasonable overhead.
00:16:19.240 --> 00:16:20.241
Ten percent, sir.
00:16:21.560 --> 00:16:23.483
And 10 percent of the insurance money
00:16:23.560 --> 00:16:24.721
as a finder's fee.
00:16:25.040 --> 00:16:26.201
Done.
00:16:27.400 --> 00:16:29.926
Oh, and incidentally,
I asked for some cheese,
00:16:30.040 --> 00:16:32.771
not an instrument of biological warfare.
00:16:35.560 --> 00:16:37.767
Score one for Martland.
00:16:39.560 --> 00:16:40.766
- Martland...
- God.
00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:42.922
...what else can you tell me about Strago?
00:16:43.760 --> 00:16:46.604
Well, he's colorblind
and he's allergic to cashews.
00:16:47.240 --> 00:16:48.924
Goody. Every subject of the Crown and
00:16:49.040 --> 00:16:51.008
every cashew in the Kingdom
shall sleep safely.
00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:52.600
Johanna, you look lovely.
00:16:53.400 --> 00:16:54.561
Alastair.
00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:57.090
Ooh, you do look lovely, darling.
00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:59.089
So absolutely lovely.
00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:00.885
I thought that was you.
00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:02.441
Radiant...
00:17:03.080 --> 00:17:05.401
Martland
also met Johanna at school.
00:17:06.560 --> 00:17:07.720
After a three-year courtship,
00:17:07.760 --> 00:17:09.285
he finally worked up the courage
00:17:09.360 --> 00:17:11.442
to express his feelings to her.
00:17:12.360 --> 00:17:14.124
In verse.
00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:15.930
- Johanna, do you...
- Oh!
00:17:16.440 --> 00:17:18.283
Rotten timing for him.
00:17:18.520 --> 00:17:20.090
- Hello!
- Martland.
00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:22.767
Would you mind terribly,
dear boy, the door?
00:17:23.440 --> 00:17:25.602
Course, I'll just, uh...
I'll shut the door.
00:17:25.800 --> 00:17:27.802
Now, what's all this about a missing Goya?
00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:30.801
Oh, it's the house. Terribly vast.
00:17:30.920 --> 00:17:32.331
Echo-ey, don't you know?
00:17:35.280 --> 00:17:37.408
Well, that's classified
information, I'm afraid.
00:17:37.480 --> 00:17:39.050
You know, state secrets and what have you.
00:17:39.160 --> 00:17:40.241
Mmm.
00:17:40.320 --> 00:17:42.482
My husband is trying to reclaim his youth
00:17:42.600 --> 00:17:44.250
by growing that horrible moustache.
00:17:44.320 --> 00:17:46.641
Do inform him that that ship has sailed.
00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:49.128
Every Mortdecai man before me has had one.
00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:51.322
And I will have you know that some members
00:17:51.400 --> 00:17:53.926
of the fairer sex do
find it quite appealing.
00:17:54.760 --> 00:17:56.569
Whom exactly?
00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:02.321
No one in particular, of course.
00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:05.086
Metaphoric woman... Women.
00:18:05.280 --> 00:18:09.604
Metaphorically... General... You know.
00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:12.526
If you are growing that
excrement on your lip
00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:14.005
to please another, know this:
00:18:14.600 --> 00:18:15.647
I will kill her.
00:18:16.840 --> 00:18:20.686
Oh, Alastair.
It's so lovely. Do come back.
00:18:20.920 --> 00:18:22.365
It's so wonderful to have someone
00:18:22.440 --> 00:18:24.602
of reasonable intelligence
to converse with.
00:18:24.800 --> 00:18:26.165
I'd be delighted.
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:30.762
Do I detect a slight crack
in the marital armor?
00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:33.123
A mere tiff, old bean. Nothing more.
00:18:33.320 --> 00:18:35.368
Oh, really?
Seems like more than a tiff to me.
00:18:35.840 --> 00:18:36.966
My wife needs to come around
00:18:37.040 --> 00:18:39.008
to a certain viewpoint. That is all.
00:18:40.280 --> 00:18:41.645
Well, good luck, mate.
00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:44.201
See what you can dig up about that Goya.
Usual channels.
00:18:44.360 --> 00:18:45.441
We'll meet in London tomorrow.
00:18:45.560 --> 00:18:46.561
Of course.
00:18:54.120 --> 00:18:56.122
I had the painting in my hand.
00:18:56.200 --> 00:18:58.009
Someone must have known I was coming.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:02.889
Milton Krampf?
The American?
00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:04.490
Well, it must have been his dealer.
00:19:09.040 --> 00:19:10.929
Krampf's dealer, what is his name?
00:19:12.040 --> 00:19:13.530
Mortdecai.
00:19:22.080 --> 00:19:24.845
Johanna, my darling.
00:19:24.920 --> 00:19:27.366
My... My love. My...
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:31.891
My only true love.
My love beast.
00:19:32.080 --> 00:19:34.765
My rumpus room rascal.
00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:36.690
Ooh, you have no idea
00:19:36.760 --> 00:19:38.888
the beast you are about to receive.
00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:40.886
Mmm...
00:19:45.760 --> 00:19:46.886
Johanna?
00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:50.049
Are you all right in there, darling?
00:19:51.960 --> 00:19:55.760
It is I, Charlie.
Your husband.
00:19:58.440 --> 00:19:59.441
What is it?
00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:02.968
Oh, moon of my delight.
This is your own personalized
00:20:03.120 --> 00:20:06.442
Sheik of Araby who seeks
admission into your tent.
00:20:07.080 --> 00:20:09.447
I have come to carry you off
to the burning desert,
00:20:09.640 --> 00:20:11.722
and work my greasy will upon you...
00:20:13.280 --> 00:20:14.645
...under the tropical stars.
00:20:15.080 --> 00:20:17.970
Send your camel to bed, damn it!
00:20:19.760 --> 00:20:23.242
My Sheik, does this mean
you have excommunicated
00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:24.965
that moustache of the Prophet?
00:20:27.800 --> 00:20:29.131
I'll trim it.
00:20:32.480 --> 00:20:33.561
Darling,
00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:37.768
I am embarking on a very dangerous escapade
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:40.571
from which I may not well return.
00:20:41.240 --> 00:20:43.004
And it is customary in these situations
00:20:43.120 --> 00:20:44.485
for, you know,
00:20:46.120 --> 00:20:47.167
a proper send-off.
00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:50.480
Quick session of congress.
00:20:51.520 --> 00:20:53.010
Sink the Bismarck, if you will.
00:20:53.800 --> 00:20:55.689
And by the way, did I mention
00:20:57.120 --> 00:21:00.010
it is a matter of national security.
00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:05.001
Mmm.
00:21:09.280 --> 00:21:11.851
It's very difficult for me as well, you know,
00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:13.689
this thing that's come between us.
00:21:14.440 --> 00:21:16.204
I know, darling.
00:21:22.120 --> 00:21:24.521
- Mmm.
- No, no. Steady yourself.
00:21:27.040 --> 00:21:28.724
I beg you, darling, please.
00:21:28.800 --> 00:21:30.802
You know I have a sympathetic gag reflex.
00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:33.367
Oh, God. It's unbearable.
00:21:33.560 --> 00:21:34.960
You will get used to it. I promise.
00:21:35.040 --> 00:21:36.371
Why should I have to?
00:21:36.840 --> 00:21:38.330
I'm invested in it.
00:21:38.560 --> 00:21:41.404
Why can't you invest
in saving us from financial ruin?
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:44.562
Or do you want me
to sort it out for you?
00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:49.042
Heavens, no.
You needn't worry yourself.
00:21:49.840 --> 00:21:53.845
I have things firmly in hand.
00:21:57.040 --> 00:21:58.041
Oh...
00:22:03.320 --> 00:22:04.765
My love, you are killing me. Please.
00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:08.243
It looked like you have
a vagina on your face.
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:13.360
Surely you mean
the pubic hair above a vagina.
00:22:14.760 --> 00:22:16.603
I simply cannot get my head
around that image.
00:22:16.760 --> 00:22:18.091
Oh, Charlie...
00:22:18.240 --> 00:22:19.401
However,
00:22:20.760 --> 00:22:22.000
now that you've mentioned it,
00:22:22.080 --> 00:22:25.527
I'm unable to steer my mind away from it.
00:22:25.600 --> 00:22:28.683
Ugh, go stuff a mattress with that thing!
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:32.450
The moustache, I mean.
00:22:38.280 --> 00:22:39.520
...Sheamus is able to do
00:22:39.600 --> 00:22:41.125
with a steel chair in hand.
00:22:41.280 --> 00:22:42.361
Here we go.
00:22:42.560 --> 00:22:43.971
Oh...
00:22:44.920 --> 00:22:46.126
Jockie,
00:22:46.600 --> 00:22:49.968
What if it isn't just a tiff?
00:22:50.760 --> 00:22:54.128
What if this is the
well-known "it," as it were?
00:22:54.440 --> 00:22:55.805
That'd be awful.
00:22:56.120 --> 00:22:57.565
Jock?
00:22:58.800 --> 00:23:00.131
Are you coming back to bed?
00:23:03.280 --> 00:23:04.645
Yeah, give us a minute, love.
00:23:06.800 --> 00:23:07.961
Hi.
00:23:08.440 --> 00:23:09.487
Hello.
00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:17.406
And myself sleeping alone.
00:23:18.800 --> 00:23:21.007
How do you think this
makes me feel, man?
00:23:21.160 --> 00:23:22.241
I dunno, sir.
00:23:23.280 --> 00:23:25.248
Dash it all, I am resolved.
00:23:25.320 --> 00:23:26.401
If it is money we need,
00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:27.925
then it is money we shall have.
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:29.161
Jock?
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:31.285
That's me.
00:23:33.800 --> 00:23:35.245
Tomorrow we shall sell off the Rolls
00:23:35.320 --> 00:23:38.324
to that vulgar American, Milton Krampf,
00:23:38.840 --> 00:23:42.606
and we will find that painting
if it is the last thing we do.
00:23:42.680 --> 00:23:43.681
Right-y-oh.
00:23:43.800 --> 00:23:45.006
I'll call Spinoza in the morning.
00:23:45.080 --> 00:23:46.809
- Yes, do.
- Good night, sir.
00:23:47.160 --> 00:23:48.161
Jock?
00:23:48.960 --> 00:23:49.960
Yes, sir?
00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:52.002
Do you think it will be
all right in the end?
00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:53.851
I couldn't say, sir.
00:23:59.760 --> 00:24:01.171
Mmm...
00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:14.326
My first stop was
to see Sir Graham Archer,
00:24:14.520 --> 00:24:17.490
rival art dealer and Goya specialist.
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:19.801
A permanent fixture at
00:24:19.880 --> 00:24:22.042
Sedgwick's Auction House in Kensington.
00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:26.802
I will meet you at
Spinoza's in one hour.
00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:28.211
Right you are, sir.
00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:41.166
Sir Graham has been
00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:43.402
the rudest man in England for years.
00:24:43.800 --> 00:24:47.327
Recently, he's been working
his way up to the wickedest.
00:24:51.240 --> 00:24:54.005
Looks like something
curled up and died on your lip.
00:24:54.200 --> 00:24:55.929
It's not herpetic, I hope.
00:24:56.080 --> 00:24:58.242
Hello, Sir Graham, you old member.
00:24:58.760 --> 00:25:00.762
Ooh! Who are you hiding in your belly?
00:25:01.160 --> 00:25:02.844
I see you've put your Sheridan up
00:25:02.920 --> 00:25:04.251
in next week's sale.
00:25:04.760 --> 00:25:06.410
Hard times, old boy?
00:25:06.600 --> 00:25:07.761
No, no, no, no.
00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:09.370
Just getting rid of some choice items
00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:10.601
while the market's right.
00:25:11.280 --> 00:25:13.851
What do you make of
this Bronwen business, eh?
00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:16.446
Huh. Ghastly affair.
00:25:16.520 --> 00:25:19.046
One always bemoans
the loss of a great restorer.
00:25:20.200 --> 00:25:23.044
Old bag.
She should have put locks on her doors.
00:25:24.440 --> 00:25:26.124
You used her frequently, didn't you?
00:25:26.600 --> 00:25:27.965
Not lately.
00:25:28.040 --> 00:25:30.122
She's been unavailable for three months.
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:32.803
The Goya she was cleaning.
00:25:34.920 --> 00:25:36.809
Rather simple job, wouldn't you say?
00:25:37.800 --> 00:25:40.201
Usual dirt and grime
one finds on the Spaniards.
00:25:40.760 --> 00:25:42.808
Haven't the foggiest why
it took her so long.
00:25:44.480 --> 00:25:47.245
What's your sudden interest, if I may ask?
00:25:47.960 --> 00:25:51.407
A client with a mild curiosity, that's all.
00:25:51.480 --> 00:25:52.641
Oh.
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:54.566
Mmm...
00:25:55.880 --> 00:25:59.487
We must go shooting again.
Jock has fully recovered.
00:26:05.080 --> 00:26:06.320
Ooh.
00:26:08.600 --> 00:26:10.170
There's only one reason
00:26:10.280 --> 00:26:13.409
you might be interested
in a museum-owned Goya,
00:26:13.720 --> 00:26:16.485
and that's because there's money involved.
00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:18.844
You are mistaken, sir.
00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:22.250
There's a great deal of money involved.
00:26:25.680 --> 00:26:28.524
I've always admired your rapacity, sir.
00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:33.687
I say, Sir Graham, I wonder,
00:26:33.800 --> 00:26:36.531
your, mmm, protrusion...
00:26:37.360 --> 00:26:40.762
Might it be
possible to swing the old fellow north,
00:26:40.840 --> 00:26:41.966
as it were?
00:26:46.280 --> 00:26:47.691
Who's the client?
00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:50.603
Terribly sorry, sworn to secrecy.
00:26:53.640 --> 00:26:55.290
Perhaps a brisk walk down the stairs
00:26:55.360 --> 00:26:58.125
will do some good. Yes.
00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.651
So it's that sort of Goya.
00:27:06.040 --> 00:27:07.041
Romanov.
00:27:09.040 --> 00:27:11.566
That painted lady you've
been searching for,
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:15.405
I believe she may be in play.
00:27:16.200 --> 00:27:17.565
I want that painting.
00:27:25.240 --> 00:27:26.401
Johanna!
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:28.006
Alastair.
00:27:28.560 --> 00:27:30.005
So glad you called.
00:27:31.560 --> 00:27:34.370
I've asked for a Chardonnay.
That is your drink, isn't it?
00:27:34.840 --> 00:27:36.410
- Oh, you remembered.
- Mmm.
00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:39.403
Thank you.
00:27:39.520 --> 00:27:41.488
Oh, God. How thoughtless of me.
00:27:41.560 --> 00:27:42.846
You're on duty.
00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:45.766
And in charge, thank you very much.
00:27:47.320 --> 00:27:48.321
Mmm.
00:27:48.400 --> 00:27:50.243
To what do I owe the pleasure?
00:27:50.360 --> 00:27:52.681
I was just in the neighborhood
and thought I'd pop 'round,
00:27:52.760 --> 00:27:55.161
and see how
you secret agent men run the world.
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:57.163
Not nearly.
00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:59.686
Although it is terribly vital work.
00:27:59.760 --> 00:28:02.730
It's not all chardonnay
and afternoon trysts.
00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:04.441
Is this a tryst?
00:28:05.520 --> 00:28:09.286
No, no. No, no, no, no, no.
00:28:10.280 --> 00:28:13.602
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:17.127
- No, I was just, um...
- Of course you were.
00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:20.121
How are things at home?
00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:23.723
You've touched a nerve.
00:28:23.800 --> 00:28:25.370
You've sensed it, Alastair.
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:27.124
You always were the sensitive one.
00:28:27.520 --> 00:28:29.602
- You've got a difficult chap.
- Beastly.
00:28:29.760 --> 00:28:31.046
Bit of a moron, actually.
00:28:31.240 --> 00:28:33.083
Maybe I should have an affair.
00:28:33.600 --> 00:28:35.443
- Wouldn't that be funny?
- Hilarious.
00:28:35.960 --> 00:28:37.485
Do you think I could keep it a secret?
00:28:37.560 --> 00:28:39.722
- Yes!
- Well then, what's the point?
00:28:40.080 --> 00:28:41.969
Now, tell me, what are you and my husband
00:28:42.040 --> 00:28:43.326
working on at the moment?
00:28:43.760 --> 00:28:46.809
Oh, uh... Well, in vague terms
00:28:46.920 --> 00:28:48.680
there's a very bad man
who wants what I want,
00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:49.721
and I'm trying to stop him.
00:28:49.800 --> 00:28:51.086
And what does a missing Goya
00:28:51.160 --> 00:28:53.481
have to do with national security?
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:55.081
In vague terms.
00:28:55.920 --> 00:28:57.490
Johanna...
00:28:57.560 --> 00:29:00.325
You think poor
Miss Fellworthy stumbled into something,
00:29:00.440 --> 00:29:02.010
and that's why she got killed.
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:03.925
I really can't say.
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:06.163
Oh, this is interesting.
00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:08.200
Creates quite a market when a painting
00:29:08.280 --> 00:29:10.089
with a little mystery goes missing.
00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:11.321
So much to do.
00:29:11.400 --> 00:29:13.641
What was the name of
Bronwen's college at Oxford?
00:29:13.840 --> 00:29:16.525
Johanna, I simply can't.
00:29:17.520 --> 00:29:19.170
Right. Sorry.
00:29:20.760 --> 00:29:23.445
Oh, golly. Look at the time.
I really must be going.
00:29:23.520 --> 00:29:24.601
Oh.
00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:25.920
It was lovely to see you, Alastair.
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:28.446
Thank you ever-so-much
for letting me confide in you.
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:31.002
I feel that I could
share anything with you.
00:29:32.840 --> 00:29:36.606
Don't you feel the same?
That you could share with me?
00:29:37.960 --> 00:29:39.291
Bronwen's college?
00:29:39.680 --> 00:29:40.761
You're rather monstrous.
00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:42.120
Of course you're aware of that.
00:29:42.520 --> 00:29:45.046
- Blackfriar's Hall.
- We must do this again.
00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:48.521
Hopeless.
00:29:55.480 --> 00:29:57.482
Besides being
the finest garage man
00:29:57.560 --> 00:29:58.891
in Western Civilization,
00:29:59.320 --> 00:30:02.802
Spinoza was the best
art smuggler in the business,
00:30:04.120 --> 00:30:07.886
and the eyes and ears
of the art world's underbelly.
00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:12.885
Ah! Hello, Spinoza, you handsome devil!
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:14.689
It's a fine day to be alive, what?
00:30:14.880 --> 00:30:17.008
You bloody chicken, bloody monkey,
00:30:17.080 --> 00:30:19.526
so good-for-nothing pot of piss, innit?
00:30:19.720 --> 00:30:22.564
Spinoza, you silver-tongued scallywag.
00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:24.331
What's the matter with you, eh?
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:27.404
You one book short of a library,
you maggot? Eh?
00:30:27.560 --> 00:30:29.005
You one megabyte short of a RAM?
00:30:29.080 --> 00:30:30.241
The rest was a bit rude,
00:30:30.320 --> 00:30:31.520
so I won't quote him verbatim.
00:30:31.600 --> 00:30:33.170
But what vexed him so
00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:35.402
was a matter of some
overdue bills on the Rolls,
00:30:35.520 --> 00:30:37.522
which I had now asked him to package
00:30:37.600 --> 00:30:40.046
and ship off to America on credit.
00:30:40.760 --> 00:30:43.081
You mother-loving bastard! Hello.
00:30:43.440 --> 00:30:44.521
Right.
00:30:44.600 --> 00:30:46.841
Uh, Spinoza, I did not come here to discuss
00:30:46.920 --> 00:30:48.843
my relationship with my mother, uh,
00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:50.729
nor my relationship to your mother.
00:30:51.360 --> 00:30:53.362
Uh, no. We have two items of business.
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:55.602
Item one: The Rolls-Royce,
00:30:55.720 --> 00:30:57.848
which I have reluctantly agreed to sell
00:30:57.920 --> 00:31:00.685
to that thick-fingered American, Krampf.
00:31:01.600 --> 00:31:05.286
Item the second: I need to ascertain
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:08.609
whether any unsavory
types have enlisted you
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:11.246
to smuggle a painting
out of the country recently.
00:31:11.720 --> 00:31:16.123
And for your information, I am holding up
00:31:16.800 --> 00:31:19.087
a 50-pound note.
00:31:21.120 --> 00:31:22.565
Never mind about that.
00:31:22.640 --> 00:31:25.723
You should treat a jam jar car like this
00:31:25.960 --> 00:31:27.485
with more respect when you drive it
00:31:27.560 --> 00:31:29.244
down the frog and toad road.
00:31:29.480 --> 00:31:31.721
It's not some Toyota Clitoris.
00:31:31.960 --> 00:31:33.121
- No, no.
- No!
00:31:33.240 --> 00:31:35.925
Is a Rolls... The bloody Silver,
00:31:36.280 --> 00:31:38.726
the whacking Cloud, the bollock Royce!
00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:41.411
Someone shooting at the bloody car!
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:43.005
Ooh.
00:31:43.080 --> 00:31:44.570
Someone shooting at me!
00:31:54.840 --> 00:31:55.966
I'm armed!
00:32:03.920 --> 00:32:05.684
- Oh, Jock!
- Yeah.
00:32:05.840 --> 00:32:06.841
Oops.
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:08.769
I should probably mention
00:32:08.840 --> 00:32:11.161
that this was not
the first time I had shot Jock.
00:32:12.320 --> 00:32:15.369
Come on, you little bastards.
Come out and get it.
00:32:18.160 --> 00:32:19.207
Oh!
00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:28.161
Oh, afraid I'm all thumbs
with these damn things!
00:32:28.680 --> 00:32:30.091
Ohh!
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:31.207
Oh.
00:32:31.320 --> 00:32:32.810
I believe I've just shot Jock.
00:32:32.880 --> 00:32:34.041
Quite.
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:37.007
Man down! Man down!
00:32:37.200 --> 00:32:38.645
Could you give me the gun, please?
00:32:38.720 --> 00:32:39.801
This bit?
00:32:39.880 --> 00:32:41.723
Yes, most... No, no.
00:32:42.360 --> 00:32:44.806
Oh, and poor Spinoza...
00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:46.883
You should go, sir, before
the shooter circles 'round.
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:48.200
I'll handle things on this end.
00:32:48.360 --> 00:32:49.521
Quite.
00:32:50.200 --> 00:32:51.565
Cover me, as it were?
00:32:51.840 --> 00:32:52.887
Yes, sir.
00:32:55.040 --> 00:32:56.724
That's the old feudal spirit, Jock.
00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:58.041
Get in.
00:32:58.560 --> 00:33:00.210
Oh, dear!
00:33:01.800 --> 00:33:03.040
Oh!
00:33:04.520 --> 00:33:05.567
Oh, Jock.
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:07.091
- Jock?
- Yeah?
00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:08.531
The door? Please?
00:33:13.160 --> 00:33:15.686
Right. Gosh, it's been ages.
00:33:33.240 --> 00:33:34.366
Goodness, that's awkward.
00:33:34.440 --> 00:33:35.680
It's all right, sir.
It's all right.
00:33:35.760 --> 00:33:36.841
It's just a cracked rib.
00:33:38.280 --> 00:33:39.361
Please, sir, if you wouldn't mind
00:33:39.440 --> 00:33:40.640
leaving out the back. On foot.
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:42.125
By myself?
00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:43.287
Please, sir. Just leave.
00:33:48.600 --> 00:33:51.126
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear,
oh, dear, oh, dear...
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:52.446
Oh!
00:33:52.880 --> 00:33:53.961
Give me the painting.
00:33:54.040 --> 00:33:56.042
What makes
you think I have it?
00:33:56.280 --> 00:33:57.725
Give me the painting!
00:33:58.040 --> 00:33:59.201
Ooh...
00:33:59.280 --> 00:34:01.521
That is a superb Hulihee sans sideburn,
00:34:01.640 --> 00:34:02.766
I must say.
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:04.724
I was admiring your Franz Joseph.
00:34:04.800 --> 00:34:05.801
Oh, thank you very much.
00:34:06.200 --> 00:34:08.043
- Oh!
- I'll have it on my wall.
00:34:08.200 --> 00:34:09.281
Jock?
00:34:12.440 --> 00:34:14.124
Oh, well done.
00:34:16.080 --> 00:34:17.241
What should I do now?
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:18.771
- Run, sir!
- Again?
00:34:18.960 --> 00:34:20.450
- Yes!
- Oh...
00:34:23.560 --> 00:34:26.006
Run, I shall, like a bloody gazelle!
00:34:26.280 --> 00:34:27.725
The Mortdecai men have always
00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:29.723
been in tip-top shape, don't you know?
00:34:30.160 --> 00:34:31.446
Fit as a fiddle!
00:34:43.480 --> 00:34:46.962
Oh, it's burning...
I... I can't go on...
00:34:52.160 --> 00:34:53.321
Want to die...
00:34:54.080 --> 00:34:55.286
No, I don't.
00:34:59.360 --> 00:35:00.361
Sir!
00:35:01.280 --> 00:35:02.850
I'm on the bonnet!
00:35:03.160 --> 00:35:04.924
Get in the car, sir!
00:35:08.680 --> 00:35:10.045
I don't like it!
00:35:14.520 --> 00:35:15.681
Oh!
00:35:16.360 --> 00:35:17.646
Ah! Oh!
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:19.041
Oh! Hello!
00:35:28.640 --> 00:35:30.642
Jockie! Advise?
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:32.849
- Get in the back seat, sir!
- Okay!
00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:35.205
Whoa.
00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:41.561
Ha! Foreigner!
00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:43.686
No!
00:35:44.040 --> 00:35:45.405
Out you go!
00:35:55.040 --> 00:35:56.246
- Oh, Jock!
- Oh.
00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:57.401
Don't worry, sir.
I'm all right.
00:35:57.480 --> 00:35:58.481
I am all right.
00:35:58.560 --> 00:36:01.006
No, no, man!
My little sproutling.
00:36:01.200 --> 00:36:03.089
- What?
- Has it been compromised?
00:36:15.080 --> 00:36:16.684
Well done, Jock.
00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:18.166
It's a privilege, sir.
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:20.360
Didn't take long for you
to make a mess of things.
00:36:20.440 --> 00:36:22.886
Oh, you listen here, you do-gooder!
00:36:23.080 --> 00:36:25.447
Your Emil Strago just killed my garage man
00:36:25.520 --> 00:36:27.204
and physically assaulted my person.
00:36:27.400 --> 00:36:29.607
He seems to think that I have the painting.
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:30.841
What have you found?
00:36:30.920 --> 00:36:32.206
Well, I will tell you that
00:36:32.280 --> 00:36:34.442
there is more here than meets the eye.
00:36:34.560 --> 00:36:36.688
No painting takes three months to clean,
00:36:36.760 --> 00:36:38.205
so I believe that Bronwen
00:36:38.280 --> 00:36:39.805
was working on the Goya
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:41.882
and discovered something underneath.
00:36:43.080 --> 00:36:44.445
I should like to see her
studio immediately.
00:36:44.560 --> 00:36:46.210
In the cars, quickly. Maurice, Oxford.
00:36:46.280 --> 00:36:47.361
Yes, sir.
00:36:56.880 --> 00:36:57.961
I've been
helpin' out Miss Fellworthy
00:36:58.080 --> 00:36:59.491
goin' on five years now.
00:37:00.320 --> 00:37:02.084
Just keepin' the place tidy and whatnot.
00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:06.046
You have been grossly overcompensated.
00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:07.441
Her lover was no help.
00:37:07.960 --> 00:37:09.530
Lover? Bronwen?
00:37:09.720 --> 00:37:10.926
Yeah, a Duke.
00:37:11.040 --> 00:37:13.168
No help whatsoever, randy bugger.
00:37:15.160 --> 00:37:20.087
"Love... your... Bunny."
00:37:21.200 --> 00:37:22.361
Love your Bunny?
00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:25.803
A child!
She spawned a child!
00:37:25.880 --> 00:37:28.121
The woman bred!
What an odious thought.
00:37:28.200 --> 00:37:29.201
Ugh.
00:37:29.480 --> 00:37:31.209
- Mmm.
- Don't imbibe the crime scene.
00:37:31.400 --> 00:37:33.801
I found her here, sprawled over the table,
00:37:33.880 --> 00:37:35.166
with an arrow out of her back.
00:37:35.360 --> 00:37:36.441
Course you did, man,
00:37:36.520 --> 00:37:37.601
because the assailant fired from here.
00:37:37.800 --> 00:37:39.723
- No, from the window.
- With a spear gun.
00:37:39.920 --> 00:37:41.888
- With a crossbow.
- He was left-handed.
00:37:42.080 --> 00:37:43.923
- Jesus Christ.
- Ha!
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:46.564
Is this how she was found?
00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:48.369
- What are you doing?
- Oh, no. To the left a bit.
00:37:48.440 --> 00:37:50.602
- Like this?
- Sorry, I meant to the right.
00:37:50.680 --> 00:37:52.444
Like this? Like this?
00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:54.842
Are you quite finished buggering around?
00:37:55.480 --> 00:37:56.845
No.
00:37:57.360 --> 00:38:01.331
Because I have a question for you, old bean.
00:38:01.720 --> 00:38:04.326
Will I be given a badge,
nestled in some sort of
00:38:04.520 --> 00:38:07.603
cheap, leather encasement, just like on telly?
00:38:07.880 --> 00:38:09.769
- Maurice?
- Sir?
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:11.683
Show him the photographs. Excuse me.
00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:14.884
These were found in her camera.
00:38:15.160 --> 00:38:17.322
Yeah, like I told the lady earlier today,
00:38:17.440 --> 00:38:18.726
Miss Bronwen would take photos
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:20.564
of each stage of her work, bless her.
00:38:21.040 --> 00:38:22.087
Which lady?
00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:26.447
Well, the lady with the hair and brain.
00:38:28.400 --> 00:38:30.846
I may have
mentioned Bronwen
00:38:30.920 --> 00:38:32.206
to Johanna at lunch today.
00:38:35.680 --> 00:38:37.489
You were luncheoning with my wife?
00:38:38.040 --> 00:38:39.041
Let's look at the photographs.
00:38:39.120 --> 00:38:40.610
Yes, let's look at the photographs.
00:38:41.800 --> 00:38:43.040
Horrible composition.
00:38:44.480 --> 00:38:46.369
Lighting positively medieval.
00:38:47.480 --> 00:38:49.562
This one taken by accident,
utterly useless...
00:38:49.680 --> 00:38:50.920
Ooh...
00:38:51.000 --> 00:38:52.161
Hang on a tic.
00:38:53.160 --> 00:38:55.401
That is not your Goya.
00:38:55.960 --> 00:38:57.200
What do you mean?
00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:00.409
That is not the same
painting as the others.
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:03.727
Where have I seen that hand
before in the background?
00:39:04.320 --> 00:39:06.721
Finger pointing down. Ring.
00:39:07.240 --> 00:39:09.766
Good Lord!
It couldn't be!
00:39:10.320 --> 00:39:11.446
Couldn't be what?
00:39:12.160 --> 00:39:13.730
To the library, chaps!
00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:17.201
Ah!
00:39:18.760 --> 00:39:19.966
There has never been
00:39:20.040 --> 00:39:22.008
an accurate reproduction because
00:39:22.200 --> 00:39:25.010
it vanished after the unveiling, but
00:39:25.240 --> 00:39:27.242
I do remember that there was an etching
00:39:27.320 --> 00:39:28.810
or some such hint of...
00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:30.684
Ah, there it is.
00:39:31.880 --> 00:39:33.325
The Duchess of Wellington.
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:37.324
Bronwen has found the lost Goya.
00:39:38.960 --> 00:39:40.849
Goya was commissioned
by Charles IV of Spain
00:39:40.920 --> 00:39:42.809
to paint her in 1792.
00:39:43.640 --> 00:39:47.008
Uh, she was said to be
his greatest masterpiece.
00:39:47.680 --> 00:39:48.886
Unfortunately,
00:39:49.640 --> 00:39:53.361
she was also
said to have been the King's mistress.
00:39:54.600 --> 00:39:56.329
The Queen was unamused.
00:39:56.680 --> 00:39:59.809
Humiliated, she ordered
the painting to be burned.
00:40:00.040 --> 00:40:02.441
But instead it was stolen
and secreted away.
00:40:03.760 --> 00:40:07.446
Some say that Goya himself
engineered the theft.
00:40:09.640 --> 00:40:14.202
For 200 years, the painting
was sought by collectors,
00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:15.925
craved by the mighty,
00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:18.128
and became the stuff of legend.
00:40:18.440 --> 00:40:19.771
And is the legend true?
00:40:19.960 --> 00:40:21.246
Does it matter?
00:40:21.320 --> 00:40:24.164
The truth is nice,
but a rumor is priceless.
00:40:24.560 --> 00:40:26.562
What does Strago want with it?
00:40:26.640 --> 00:40:28.160
If it does exist, it belongs to Spain.
00:40:28.240 --> 00:40:29.320
If anyone tried to sell it,
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:30.361
they'd be arrested on the spot.
00:40:30.600 --> 00:40:31.965
Yes, well, that is where the story
00:40:32.040 --> 00:40:33.246
gets interesting, you see.
00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:38.648
The Duchess pops up again
in France in 1943,
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:41.488
looted from some sealed room
00:40:41.560 --> 00:40:44.370
in an unpronounceable
chateau by the jerrys.
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:46.888
Hermann Goering was said to have been
00:40:46.960 --> 00:40:48.041
obsessed with the painting,
00:40:48.600 --> 00:40:51.524
and there are rumors
that he inscribed on it
00:40:51.800 --> 00:40:55.771
the codes to his numbered
Swiss bank account.
00:40:56.360 --> 00:40:59.443
Untold riches and all that, what?
00:40:59.920 --> 00:41:00.967
But
00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:05.765
when the allies captured Goering...
00:41:06.000 --> 00:41:08.287
Out of the way, out of the way.
00:41:08.840 --> 00:41:10.440
...there was no mention of the painting.
00:41:12.440 --> 00:41:15.364
It had vanished once again into history,
00:41:15.840 --> 00:41:18.446
and the secret bank accounts along with it.
00:41:18.520 --> 00:41:19.806
What are we talking about here?
00:41:19.880 --> 00:41:21.644
Hundreds and hundreds of millions,
00:41:21.720 --> 00:41:22.801
surrounded by all that
00:41:23.040 --> 00:41:25.964
Gruyere, chocolate, and fine wines.
00:41:26.160 --> 00:41:27.605
Well, that's what Emil's after.
00:41:27.800 --> 00:41:28.847
The fine wine?
00:41:28.920 --> 00:41:31.685
No, the fortune to fund
violent worldwide revolution.
00:41:31.800 --> 00:41:32.801
Right!
00:41:32.880 --> 00:41:34.644
Multiple attacks over the years to come,
00:41:34.760 --> 00:41:36.000
countless lives are at stake.
00:41:36.200 --> 00:41:38.043
That painting should be destroyed.
00:41:38.200 --> 00:41:41.647
Yeah. Fingers crossed,
chaps, you find it first.
00:41:41.720 --> 00:41:42.767
I'm off for a wee.
00:41:46.720 --> 00:41:47.881
Ah...
00:41:48.400 --> 00:41:49.481
Mmm...
00:41:51.320 --> 00:41:53.049
Mmm...
00:42:04.640 --> 00:42:06.961
I'm deeply, deeply flattered, young man.
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:11.921
However, I myself do not swing that...
00:42:12.120 --> 00:42:14.202
Oh, Golly! I have read about this.
00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:16.361
Ohh.
00:42:18.040 --> 00:42:20.964
I sunk into an uneasy slumber,
00:42:21.600 --> 00:42:25.810
interspersed curiously with erotic dreams.
00:43:02.880 --> 00:43:04.928
Lady Mortdecai, the Duke is expecting you.
00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:06.921
This way.
00:43:14.240 --> 00:43:16.846
Her Lady Mortdecai to see you, Your Grace.
00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:19.325
The Duke of Asherboroughdon.
00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:22.607
Your Grace. So kind of you to see me.
00:43:22.880 --> 00:43:25.406
Lady Mortdecai.
00:43:27.520 --> 00:43:30.967
You'll forgive me just a moment, I'm sure?
00:43:31.280 --> 00:43:32.691
Of course.
00:43:38.240 --> 00:43:39.730
Lady Mortdecai.
00:43:42.200 --> 00:43:43.361
Johnson!
00:43:43.440 --> 00:43:47.331
Who is this woman Mortdecai
and what does she want? Hmm?
00:43:47.560 --> 00:43:49.130
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
00:43:49.200 --> 00:43:50.326
Why wasn't I told?
00:43:51.240 --> 00:43:53.242
She's so damned attractive.
00:43:54.160 --> 00:43:55.571
Hello? Hello?
00:43:55.760 --> 00:43:57.330
Oh...
00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:02.841
Water bailiff.
00:44:04.040 --> 00:44:05.804
Had to speak to the water bailiff
00:44:05.880 --> 00:44:07.484
about my water.
00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:12.690
Fishing tomorrow, you know. Hate it. Sit.
00:44:13.480 --> 00:44:14.925
Bloody nuisance.
00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:18.407
Your Grace,
00:44:18.480 --> 00:44:21.245
I understand you were close
with Bronwen Fellworthy.
00:44:21.440 --> 00:44:22.965
- Yes.
- I'm very sorry.
00:44:24.160 --> 00:44:25.764
Her gardener gave me your name,
00:44:25.840 --> 00:44:27.968
and I wondered...
00:44:28.160 --> 00:44:29.969
The painting she was
working on in the end...
00:44:31.680 --> 00:44:32.727
What?
00:44:33.840 --> 00:44:35.604
No, I can't understand a word she says.
00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:37.570
I've been trying to get rid of her,
00:44:37.640 --> 00:44:39.404
but she's so damned attractive.
00:44:40.440 --> 00:44:41.566
Sorry. You were saying?
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:43.524
You served in the War then, Your Grace?
00:44:43.720 --> 00:44:44.767
Poor old gal.
00:44:45.360 --> 00:44:49.763
Done to death with malice
aforethought and so forth.
00:44:50.160 --> 00:44:51.241
Poor Bronwen.
00:44:52.520 --> 00:44:54.284
The painting, Your Grace.
00:44:56.000 --> 00:44:59.243
Did she ever mention
The Duchess of Wellington?
00:44:59.440 --> 00:45:01.124
Oh. Beautiful woman.
00:45:01.280 --> 00:45:02.361
Bronwen?
00:45:02.800 --> 00:45:04.131
Must to the lavatory.
00:45:04.760 --> 00:45:09.004
Would you care to come
and take a peek at it, eh?
00:45:11.760 --> 00:45:13.888
An exquisite invitation, Your Grace,
00:45:13.960 --> 00:45:15.485
but I'm afraid I must decline.
00:45:15.800 --> 00:45:17.290
Let's get back to the Duchess.
00:45:17.600 --> 00:45:19.648
- Bunny has it.
- I beg your pardon?
00:45:19.840 --> 00:45:22.081
During the War.
Nazi bastards.
00:45:22.320 --> 00:45:25.449
Bunny rolled it up
in a carpet and didn't tell a soul.
00:45:25.640 --> 00:45:27.005
Bunny is a soldier in your unit?
00:45:27.240 --> 00:45:29.288
7th Army, 2nd Division.
00:45:29.480 --> 00:45:32.484
Captured Goering.
First man in the room.
00:45:32.760 --> 00:45:34.762
Do you think that Bunny
still has the painting now?
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:37.361
Must to the W.C.
00:45:38.920 --> 00:45:41.082
Do have a look, eh?
00:45:41.600 --> 00:45:43.523
I'm afraid I must be going, Your Grace.
00:45:44.760 --> 00:45:46.410
Thank you very much for your time.
00:45:47.640 --> 00:45:50.007
And you are?
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:52.689
The water bailiff, Your Grace.
00:45:53.200 --> 00:45:54.929
Fishing tomorrow's been canceled.
00:45:58.600 --> 00:45:59.647
Thank heaven.
00:46:05.440 --> 00:46:06.851
Oh...
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:14.167
What's that?
Funny. Ah!
00:46:16.720 --> 00:46:17.926
Hmm?
00:46:18.360 --> 00:46:19.725
Oh...
00:46:19.880 --> 00:46:20.961
Mmm?
00:46:22.920 --> 00:46:24.285
Ah...
00:46:25.240 --> 00:46:26.287
Oh!
00:46:27.200 --> 00:46:30.170
Right. I demand some explanations.
00:46:30.720 --> 00:46:33.929
No, no. Change that.
I need a restorative.
00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:35.320
How 'bout some finger sandwiches?
00:46:35.720 --> 00:46:38.564
Just the usual, you know.
Egg cress, prawn mayonnaise,
00:46:39.160 --> 00:46:42.004
possibly a gallon of your finest whiskey
00:46:42.080 --> 00:46:43.320
just to start the day properly.
00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:45.044
You know how it is, gentlemen.
00:46:46.680 --> 00:46:47.761
Oh, I see.
00:46:52.000 --> 00:46:53.240
Actually, make that caviar.
00:46:54.160 --> 00:46:56.447
Some warmed blinis, creme fraiche,
00:46:56.520 --> 00:46:57.646
boiled egg whites,
00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:01.322
and vodka so ice cold
you need gloves to handle it.
00:47:01.720 --> 00:47:04.644
Oh! Oh! And don't forget
the herringbone spoon.
00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:06.803
We're not savages, after all, are we?
00:47:08.800 --> 00:47:09.847
Ooh!
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:11.764
Welcome to Russia, Mr. Mortdecai.
00:47:13.000 --> 00:47:14.240
And you are?
00:47:14.760 --> 00:47:15.886
Roman Romanov.
00:47:16.080 --> 00:47:18.890
Romanov. Sir Graham's client.
00:47:19.320 --> 00:47:21.561
So I have him to thank for this.
00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:26.322
Oh, that's unpleasant. Mmm...
00:47:26.480 --> 00:47:27.641
Where's the Goya?
00:47:28.680 --> 00:47:30.808
- I don't know.
- But you know about art.
00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:32.007
A bit.
00:47:32.240 --> 00:47:33.571
You have a Turner of the Loire,
00:47:33.640 --> 00:47:34.766
which cannot be right
00:47:34.840 --> 00:47:36.680
because the original
is hanging in the D'Orsay.
00:47:36.720 --> 00:47:37.767
Terribly sorry.
00:47:38.240 --> 00:47:41.005
A magnificent Callow of about 1840,
00:47:41.800 --> 00:47:44.087
a polychrome James Bourne, rare,
00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:47.241
a pair of rather flashy Varleys
00:47:47.320 --> 00:47:48.446
from his last period,
00:47:49.040 --> 00:47:51.691
and the finest Edridge I have ever seen.
00:47:52.400 --> 00:47:55.051
Yes. Where is the Goya?
00:47:55.520 --> 00:47:57.841
Well, where is the last place you saw it?
00:47:57.920 --> 00:47:59.240
Have you looked under your couch?
00:47:59.400 --> 00:48:00.765
Yeah, because when I've lost something,
00:48:00.840 --> 00:48:03.446
sometimes I say to myself,
"Charlie, where could it be?"
00:48:04.080 --> 00:48:08.483
Oh, God! That wasn't nice!
00:48:09.360 --> 00:48:11.283
Oh, no! No.
00:48:11.560 --> 00:48:12.891
For 17 years,
00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:14.644
I pursued this painting.
You know why?
00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:17.127
Because I want, I will have.
00:48:19.680 --> 00:48:22.411
This will be easier and much less painful
00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:23.720
if you please to tell me.
00:48:24.640 --> 00:48:25.721
Where is the painting?
00:48:26.240 --> 00:48:27.760
But why does everyone seem to think...
00:48:31.360 --> 00:48:33.169
Oh! You pretended to be gentle,
00:48:33.240 --> 00:48:35.129
but you weren't! Oh!
00:48:35.440 --> 00:48:37.841
Milton Krampf tells everyone
he is getting painting.
00:48:38.040 --> 00:48:39.849
You're his dealer, so you have painting!
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:42.966
I am very sorry.
I simply don't know.
00:48:43.160 --> 00:48:45.322
Dmitri, please to fetch 12-volt
00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:47.169
high-tension car battery.
00:48:48.720 --> 00:48:51.644
I am afraid you are
barking up the wrong Englishman, comrade.
00:48:51.840 --> 00:48:54.571
Vladimir, please to take
Mr. Mortdecai's trousers down.
00:48:57.880 --> 00:48:59.240
Perhaps we can work something out.
00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:03.765
What if I find it for you?
Say, 30% finder's fee, what?
00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:05.651
Open your balls.
00:49:09.000 --> 00:49:12.129
I shan't!
What does that even mean?
00:49:14.800 --> 00:49:15.881
I'll go to 20%.
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:18.601
Balls.
00:49:19.880 --> 00:49:21.689
10% seems exploitive!
00:49:21.760 --> 00:49:22.886
Oh! Oh!
00:49:24.560 --> 00:49:26.085
That's not cricket!
00:49:31.120 --> 00:49:32.201
Oh, Jock...
00:49:36.840 --> 00:49:38.046
Jump!
00:49:38.280 --> 00:49:40.282
Oh, dear, sweet, resourceful Jock.
00:49:41.640 --> 00:49:43.051
It's my manservant.
00:49:43.120 --> 00:49:44.167
It appears he's requesting
00:49:44.240 --> 00:49:45.765
my immediate self-defenestration.
00:49:51.320 --> 00:49:52.367
Balls!
00:49:54.120 --> 00:49:55.246
Forgive me, Vladimir.
00:49:59.680 --> 00:50:00.681
No balls.
00:50:05.640 --> 00:50:07.085
Thank you so much, Vladimir.
00:50:08.520 --> 00:50:09.851
Oh, I see...
00:50:11.800 --> 00:50:14.770
Hello! I'm outside.
00:50:14.840 --> 00:50:15.841
Come on, sir.
00:50:15.920 --> 00:50:17.843
I wish to use your telephone!
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:18.921
Head toward the bike.
00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:21.844
Oh, I love motorcycles.
They're very fast.
00:50:21.920 --> 00:50:23.649
- Sir? Sir?
- Mmm? What, Jock?
00:50:23.840 --> 00:50:25.001
Your trousers.
00:50:25.080 --> 00:50:26.241
- It's a little unseemly.
- The trousers...
00:50:26.440 --> 00:50:28.488
Jock, you know, it's entirely possible
00:50:28.560 --> 00:50:29.721
that I've bumped my head...
00:50:29.800 --> 00:50:30.801
You think?
00:50:30.920 --> 00:50:34.129
Have you heard
the expression, "Open your balls"?
00:50:34.240 --> 00:50:35.321
No, sir.
00:50:35.400 --> 00:50:37.004
It made me feel dirty.
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:44.526
Hang on, sir!
00:50:52.720 --> 00:50:53.926
Bloody good show, Jock!
00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:56.445
You really are a cut above!
00:50:58.320 --> 00:50:59.924
Where would you like to go, sir?
00:51:00.160 --> 00:51:02.766
The only safe ground is English soil.
00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:05.330
To the Embassy, chop-chop.
00:51:05.720 --> 00:51:07.324
- Oh!
- Jock?
00:51:09.080 --> 00:51:10.320
Keep your head down, sir!
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:15.080
- Hang on, sir!
- Okay!
00:51:16.200 --> 00:51:17.201
- Jock?
- Yes, sir?
00:51:17.480 --> 00:51:19.244
Will it be all right in the end?
00:51:19.440 --> 00:51:20.521
I couldn't say, sir!
00:51:29.800 --> 00:51:31.040
No, not the stairs!
00:51:34.760 --> 00:51:35.761
Oh!
00:51:38.040 --> 00:51:39.530
A bit of noise, sir!
00:51:40.560 --> 00:51:42.040
- Ahh!
- There we go!
00:51:42.640 --> 00:51:43.721
Ahh.
00:51:55.840 --> 00:51:57.808
Oh, it was dashed exhilarating.
00:51:57.960 --> 00:51:59.724
Where to, sir?
00:51:59.840 --> 00:52:01.842
Well, it was long ago,
and she was underage,
00:52:01.920 --> 00:52:03.763
but I do believe the embassy is that way.
00:52:03.960 --> 00:52:05.450
- Right you are, sir.
- Right.
00:52:06.640 --> 00:52:08.130
- Jockie?
- Yes, sir?
00:52:08.560 --> 00:52:09.800
"Open your balls"?
00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:11.047
I have no idea.
00:52:11.240 --> 00:52:14.483
Is it that you actually know
and don't want to tell me?
00:52:15.120 --> 00:52:16.201
Yes, sir.
00:52:18.640 --> 00:52:19.687
- Yes?
- They've got him.
00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:21.330
Ambassador's residence in Moscow.
00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:22.731
They're putting him on
the next flight to Heathrow.
00:52:22.800 --> 00:52:23.801
Thank you.
00:52:23.880 --> 00:52:25.962
Oh, and his wife is on
line six for you, sir.
00:52:26.200 --> 00:52:27.201
Thank you!
00:52:29.360 --> 00:52:30.361
Thank you, Maurice.
00:52:32.080 --> 00:52:33.161
Maurice?
00:52:34.240 --> 00:52:35.401
Shut the door.
00:52:36.080 --> 00:52:37.206
Yes, sir.
00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:41.560
Hello, Johanna.
We've found him.
00:52:41.600 --> 00:52:42.806
He's on his way home.
00:52:42.920 --> 00:52:44.809
Thank heavens.
00:52:44.880 --> 00:52:47.451
This place is an absolute
mausoleum on one's own.
00:52:47.720 --> 00:52:48.801
Do you feel unsafe?
00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:50.006
A bit.
00:52:50.160 --> 00:52:52.083
I could park outside for the night.
00:52:52.320 --> 00:52:55.563
Oh, I couldn't ask.
But how about tomorrow?
00:52:55.760 --> 00:52:58.127
Do come in, of course. Say, 8:00?
00:52:58.560 --> 00:53:00.801
You, me, and Charlie?
00:53:01.000 --> 00:53:02.286
Well, of course, Alastair.
00:53:02.360 --> 00:53:04.601
Wouldn't do, the two of us
here alone, would it?
00:53:05.960 --> 00:53:07.121
No, I suppose not.
00:53:07.760 --> 00:53:11.560
Still, if he can't make it,
he can't make it.
00:53:12.240 --> 00:53:13.321
May I bring anything?
00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:15.600
Perhaps there is something you could bring.
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:17.126
A bottle of Chardonnay?
00:53:17.320 --> 00:53:18.845
A complete regimental listing of
00:53:18.920 --> 00:53:21.924
the British 7th Army,
2nd Division, June of 1945.
00:53:23.760 --> 00:53:25.000
Very well, Johanna.
00:53:25.080 --> 00:53:26.684
'Til tomorrow. Ta!
00:53:30.440 --> 00:53:33.011
Well, maybe he won't be able to make it.
00:53:48.560 --> 00:53:49.686
Uppy. uppy, Jock!
00:53:49.880 --> 00:53:50.961
You are uppy, sir.
00:53:51.080 --> 00:53:52.889
Am I? Where are we?
00:53:54.360 --> 00:53:56.328
You should see the other fellow.
00:53:58.880 --> 00:54:00.882
The fact that you're as drunk
as a fiddler's bitch
00:54:00.960 --> 00:54:02.246
in no way obviates the fact
00:54:02.440 --> 00:54:04.966
that you very nearly caused
an international incident.
00:54:05.640 --> 00:54:07.768
A man your age has no excuse
00:54:07.840 --> 00:54:09.490
for looking or behaving like
00:54:09.720 --> 00:54:10.801
a fugitive from a home
00:54:10.880 --> 00:54:13.406
for alcoholic music hall artistes.
00:54:14.360 --> 00:54:16.886
I will have you know that
I am not an alcoholic.
00:54:17.080 --> 00:54:18.411
I am a drunk,
00:54:18.480 --> 00:54:20.050
and there is a vast difference.
00:54:20.680 --> 00:54:21.841
In my defense,
00:54:21.920 --> 00:54:23.888
I was not drinking until the plane.
00:54:24.160 --> 00:54:26.242
- And in the car, sir.
- And a bit in the car.
00:54:26.440 --> 00:54:27.771
And the Ambassador's residence.
00:54:27.960 --> 00:54:31.123
Ah!
And at the Ambassador's residence.
00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:34.165
The only advice I offer is you do not apply
00:54:34.240 --> 00:54:35.924
to another of our embassies for help
00:54:36.160 --> 00:54:38.561
if and when you outrage the laws
00:54:38.640 --> 00:54:40.563
of the United States, once you are there.
00:54:40.760 --> 00:54:42.569
Stop! Stop!
00:54:43.280 --> 00:54:46.011
Are you suggesting that
I go to the Colonies?
00:54:46.480 --> 00:54:49.211
Perish the vile thought.
I couldn't possibly.
00:54:49.400 --> 00:54:51.528
The sale of your Rolls-Royce to Krampf
00:54:51.640 --> 00:54:53.324
will offer you a perfect cover.
00:54:53.680 --> 00:54:55.409
Find out if he's got that painting.
00:54:55.840 --> 00:54:57.251
Get behind the gates of his estate
00:54:57.320 --> 00:54:58.526
and poke around a bit.
00:54:59.120 --> 00:55:00.610
The car has been loaded upon
00:55:00.680 --> 00:55:02.444
a cargo flight to Los Angeles,
00:55:02.640 --> 00:55:04.051
and is halfway across the Atlantic.
00:55:04.120 --> 00:55:05.963
You will follow.
00:55:06.160 --> 00:55:08.527
California? Oh, icky!
00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:10.530
Your bags have been packed and checked,
00:55:10.600 --> 00:55:12.887
and your flight leaves... Ah, now.
00:55:13.120 --> 00:55:14.485
On your feet, soldier.
00:55:16.520 --> 00:55:17.681
Hang on to me.
00:55:19.520 --> 00:55:21.648
I should like to ring my wife because
00:55:21.720 --> 00:55:23.722
she's probably quite worried about me.
00:55:23.960 --> 00:55:25.724
Oh, don't worry about her.
00:55:25.840 --> 00:55:27.251
I've been keeping her filled in.
00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:32.488
I say, old bean!
00:55:32.720 --> 00:55:34.484
Go to America and see Krampf.
00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:36.524
Do what it takes to bring
the painting back,
00:55:36.600 --> 00:55:39.126
and leave Johanna to me.
00:55:53.720 --> 00:55:55.722
Jock? Come here.
00:55:57.600 --> 00:56:00.444
I'm frightened.
Do you think that Johanna is
00:56:00.520 --> 00:56:02.120
thawing on the subject of the moustache?
00:56:02.440 --> 00:56:03.441
Uh...
00:56:08.200 --> 00:56:09.361
Hi.
00:56:09.440 --> 00:56:10.771
Hello.
00:56:13.440 --> 00:56:14.930
Sorry, there was a queue.
00:56:19.040 --> 00:56:20.724
Good God, man!
00:56:21.880 --> 00:56:22.961
Jockie!
00:56:23.240 --> 00:56:27.450
Focus, man!
There are but five days to insolvency.
00:56:27.640 --> 00:56:30.120
- Two, sir.
- No, today's, what, Monday?
00:56:30.560 --> 00:56:31.561
Thursday, sir.
00:56:31.640 --> 00:56:33.927
Ah, well done. Carry on.
00:57:06.240 --> 00:57:07.969
Oh...
00:57:08.360 --> 00:57:12.126
Ah, Jock. Dear, sweet, sperm-heavy Jock.
00:57:12.520 --> 00:57:15.205
Behold this America, this new colossus,
00:57:15.320 --> 00:57:17.209
this fair land of the free!
00:57:18.200 --> 00:57:20.601
What kind of hell-place is this?
00:57:21.040 --> 00:57:22.041
Ooh!
00:57:22.200 --> 00:57:24.282
I feel as though we've made a wrong turn
00:57:24.360 --> 00:57:26.488
and arrived on the set
of a pornographic film.
00:57:26.680 --> 00:57:28.603
Have we taken a wrong turn and arrived
00:57:28.680 --> 00:57:30.284
on the set of a pornographic film?
00:57:31.880 --> 00:57:32.881
Checking in?
00:57:33.520 --> 00:57:36.649
I am Mortdecai, Lord of Silverdale.
00:57:37.480 --> 00:57:39.289
I should like to request a bucket of ice,
00:57:39.360 --> 00:57:42.125
"Do Not Disturb" sign, and a bulldozer.
00:57:43.480 --> 00:57:45.528
- Checking in?
- Yeah, we're checking in.
00:57:46.800 --> 00:57:49.565
I suspect I may need to redecorate.
00:57:50.040 --> 00:57:52.008
Room 326, overlooks the pool.
00:57:52.960 --> 00:57:56.043
So all I must do is show up,
00:57:56.200 --> 00:57:57.680
and I'm presented with a credit card.
00:57:58.880 --> 00:58:01.087
No wonder your country's in financial ruin.
00:58:01.880 --> 00:58:03.245
Do you need help with your bags?
00:58:04.040 --> 00:58:06.008
No, I do not need help with my bags.
00:58:06.080 --> 00:58:07.525
I have a fucking manservant.
00:58:09.200 --> 00:58:10.486
Strange country.
00:58:14.920 --> 00:58:15.921
Ow!
00:58:21.720 --> 00:58:22.881
Hello.
00:58:29.000 --> 00:58:30.206
Hold it.
00:58:32.680 --> 00:58:33.761
Thanks.
00:58:36.560 --> 00:58:37.721
Hey.
00:58:38.280 --> 00:58:39.281
Hello...
00:58:48.280 --> 00:58:49.281
Ahh!
00:58:55.960 --> 00:58:58.611
It's like listening to bloody orangutans!
00:58:59.440 --> 00:59:01.886
Oh, really, why? Why?
00:59:08.480 --> 00:59:09.970
Hello, American?
00:59:10.480 --> 00:59:12.482
The rooms here are made of cement.
00:59:12.560 --> 00:59:14.210
Very good in case of an air raid.
00:59:14.320 --> 00:59:16.160
But for those of us
trying to get a bit of rest
00:59:16.200 --> 00:59:17.725
after an arduous crossing,
00:59:17.800 --> 00:59:19.484
a bit of an acoustic nightmare.
00:59:19.560 --> 00:59:22.325
So would you please stop
grunting like wildebeests
00:59:22.480 --> 00:59:25.324
and allow me to get some sleep, man?
Please! Please!
00:59:25.960 --> 00:59:28.440
Sony, sir.
We'll try and keep it down.
00:59:28.800 --> 00:59:31.804
Good God, Jock!
Put that thing away, man!
00:59:42.680 --> 00:59:43.681
Hello?
00:59:43.800 --> 00:59:47.964
Oh, apple of my eye.
The love of my life.
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:51.244
Everything here makes me think of you.
00:59:51.480 --> 00:59:52.606
Who is this?
00:59:54.760 --> 00:59:57.286
It is I, your beloved.
00:59:57.360 --> 00:59:59.283
Your husband, Charlie.
00:59:59.360 --> 01:00:00.850
Where are you?
01:00:00.920 --> 01:00:03.685
Oh, a terribly vulgar
place called Los Angeles.
01:00:04.160 --> 01:00:06.686
Apparently located in
the far West colonies.
01:00:06.760 --> 01:00:08.444
Well, what are you doing there?
01:00:08.520 --> 01:00:10.602
Well, I'm delivering
the Rolls to that grotesque
01:00:10.680 --> 01:00:12.205
Milton Krampf
01:00:12.280 --> 01:00:15.284
and retrieving a certain
something in the process.
01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:16.885
Stay away from Krampf's daughter.
01:00:17.000 --> 01:00:18.889
She's a well-known nymphomaniac.
01:00:19.320 --> 01:00:20.367
Is she?
01:00:20.440 --> 01:00:22.044
How do you know such things?
01:00:22.120 --> 01:00:23.531
Johanna, we seem to be out of ice.
01:00:23.680 --> 01:00:24.806
Should I send for some?
01:00:24.880 --> 01:00:26.041
It's my husband on the line.
01:00:26.560 --> 01:00:27.971
Oh, is he Still alive?
01:00:28.040 --> 01:00:29.644
Has he got the painting yet?
01:00:29.720 --> 01:00:30.801
Is that Martland?
01:00:31.040 --> 01:00:32.724
I'll just be a moment, Alastair.
01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:35.724
That Judas! That Ajax! That Paris!
01:00:35.840 --> 01:00:37.046
Or was it Agamemnon?
01:00:37.160 --> 01:00:38.207
Oh, you know who I mean.
01:00:38.320 --> 01:00:40.129
That ghastly chap who stole Helen of Troy
01:00:40.240 --> 01:00:42.368
and started all that nasty
business in Greece.
01:00:45.560 --> 01:00:46.925
Done!
01:00:47.000 --> 01:00:48.000
Finally!
01:00:48.080 --> 01:00:50.890
Charlie?
Why are people achieving climax
01:00:51.040 --> 01:00:52.690
in your immediate vicinity?
01:00:53.080 --> 01:00:55.162
Well, I think
I'm staying in some
01:00:55.240 --> 01:00:57.686
sort of cement brothel, my love.
01:00:58.400 --> 01:00:59.561
Say that again.
01:00:59.640 --> 01:01:01.768
You look here, I will have you know that
01:01:01.880 --> 01:01:04.087
I too am capable of being desirable
01:01:04.200 --> 01:01:05.850
to a certain type of woman!
01:01:05.920 --> 01:01:07.001
Charlie!
01:01:07.080 --> 01:01:08.320
Yes, oh, yes!
01:01:08.400 --> 01:01:11.006
Some women go blind batting their lashes
01:01:11.080 --> 01:01:13.367
for mustachioed men such as I!
01:01:13.600 --> 01:01:17.082
Charlie Mortdecai, you are
on very dangerous ground!
01:01:17.200 --> 01:01:19.601
Tell me the name of that
nympho daughter of Krampf's!
01:01:19.680 --> 01:01:22.445
Perhaps she would render
an opinion on the issue! Hmm?
01:01:30.120 --> 01:01:32.122
Never mind.
I've found a cold Latour
01:01:32.200 --> 01:01:33.406
which we might enjoy...
01:01:35.240 --> 01:01:36.366
Johanna?
01:01:37.960 --> 01:01:39.121
Oh, balls.
01:01:40.280 --> 01:01:42.362
Jock and I
set off to deliver the Rolls
01:01:42.440 --> 01:01:45.250
to my client, Milton Krampf,
01:01:45.800 --> 01:01:48.451
ruthless billionaire, art collector,
01:01:48.800 --> 01:01:52.122
and the rumored possessor of the lost Goya.
01:01:53.120 --> 01:01:55.122
I was hot on the scent,
01:01:55.440 --> 01:01:59.206
and a teensy bit curious
about his nympho daughter.
01:02:02.400 --> 01:02:03.401
Ah. Oh. Ooh.
01:02:06.440 --> 01:02:08.090
Yes... Right.
01:02:08.960 --> 01:02:10.724
We must secure the painting,
01:02:10.800 --> 01:02:12.643
escape this nightmare posthaste
01:02:12.760 --> 01:02:14.649
and you should interrupt me
as soon as you can.
01:02:14.760 --> 01:02:15.886
- Yes, sir.
- Oh!
01:02:21.840 --> 01:02:23.330
Lucky saddle.
01:02:24.000 --> 01:02:25.490
Ah!
01:02:26.240 --> 01:02:27.241
Yes!
01:02:27.320 --> 01:02:31.928
The fine life-giving drinks
tray manifests itself.
01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:33.331
A mint julep, sir.
01:02:33.400 --> 01:02:35.402
Anything will do, I thank you.
01:02:35.520 --> 01:02:36.681
I'm Georgina Krampf.
01:02:37.280 --> 01:02:38.850
Oh! How do you do?
01:02:45.160 --> 01:02:46.446
You must be Mortdecai.
01:02:46.920 --> 01:02:50.208
Yes, indeed I am he.
01:02:51.520 --> 01:02:53.966
Are you not having
a little something to drink?
01:02:54.280 --> 01:02:55.520
No, I never drink alcohol.
01:02:56.120 --> 01:02:57.690
I don't like to blunt my senses.
01:02:58.040 --> 01:02:59.371
How awful.
01:02:59.840 --> 01:03:01.171
Oh, I feel wonderful.
01:03:02.840 --> 01:03:04.046
- Ooh!
- Feel me.
01:03:04.160 --> 01:03:05.366
Hmm?
01:03:05.800 --> 01:03:07.040
Feel? Oh.
01:03:08.600 --> 01:03:09.601
Oh, yes.
01:03:09.720 --> 01:03:11.802
No, not there, stupid. Here.
01:03:12.040 --> 01:03:13.041
Ah!
01:03:13.440 --> 01:03:15.169
Ooh.
01:03:15.320 --> 01:03:16.367
Ooh...
01:03:16.440 --> 01:03:18.044
Charlie Mortdecai, you son-of-a-bitch...
01:03:18.120 --> 01:03:20.566
I was not squeezing the breasts...
01:03:23.200 --> 01:03:24.201
The Rolls.
01:03:33.840 --> 01:03:34.841
Huh?
01:03:38.720 --> 01:03:40.245
Oh.
01:03:50.760 --> 01:03:52.250
So, I was a mule!
01:03:52.360 --> 01:03:53.486
Right. You know, Bronwen called me
01:03:53.600 --> 01:03:54.681
when she discovered the Goya,
01:03:54.760 --> 01:03:57.331
and I called Spinoza,
and then he arranged for everything,
01:03:57.400 --> 01:04:00.449
including the smuggling
of the painting in your Rolls.
01:04:00.520 --> 01:04:02.522
Yes, but someone found out about the plan,
01:04:02.600 --> 01:04:05.922
and now Bronwen is as stiff
as my Uncle Richard's hatband.
01:04:06.680 --> 01:04:08.170
Art restoring is a nasty business.
01:04:08.280 --> 01:04:09.691
You are a nasty business, sir.
01:04:09.760 --> 01:04:12.001
Just look at her.
Isn't she a beauty?
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:13.764
- Yes, she is.
- My God...
01:04:14.120 --> 01:04:16.851
- She's exquisite.
- So good...
01:04:16.920 --> 01:04:21.687
The expert brushstrokes,
the smooth lines...
01:04:21.760 --> 01:04:22.841
Doesn't she look like my mother?
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:24.000
Can you see a resemblance?
01:04:24.600 --> 01:04:26.125
I never met your mother.
01:04:26.440 --> 01:04:28.124
No, not in her, in me.
01:04:28.240 --> 01:04:29.526
She's got prominent lips like me...
01:04:29.600 --> 01:04:30.726
Ah!
01:04:30.800 --> 01:04:32.245
...and those far-searching eyes...
01:04:32.800 --> 01:04:33.961
- Don't you think so?
- Mmm. Mmm. Oh, yes.
01:04:34.080 --> 01:04:35.081
Do you mind?
01:04:35.640 --> 01:04:36.641
Mmm.
01:04:38.560 --> 01:04:42.645
I was just looking for something... else.
01:04:45.040 --> 01:04:46.041
Mmm.
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:47.561
Okay. Um...
01:04:47.880 --> 01:04:50.804
Uh, Branspath? Okay.
Thank you so much.
01:04:50.880 --> 01:04:52.882
- In my study, please.
- Very good, sir.
01:04:52.960 --> 01:04:54.644
Thank you.
No hard feelings.
01:04:55.800 --> 01:04:58.804
I hope you'll stay with me tonight.
I'm throwing a party.
01:04:58.920 --> 01:05:00.649
I'm gonna unveil the Duchess,
01:05:00.720 --> 01:05:04.406
and watch every art world snob
in town drool all over her.
01:05:05.080 --> 01:05:07.003
We'll have your things
sent over from the hotel.
01:05:07.080 --> 01:05:09.287
Go upstairs and freshen up.
You smell like a horse!
01:05:09.720 --> 01:05:10.880
And if you're quick about it,
01:05:10.920 --> 01:05:13.321
you might have time
to couple with Georgina before dinner.
01:05:14.000 --> 01:05:16.002
She's been through half the staff already.
01:05:28.520 --> 01:05:30.443
Sir, you're staring at your liquor.
01:05:31.680 --> 01:05:32.920
So I am.
01:05:34.000 --> 01:05:37.846
Jock, I fear we are in
the eleventh hour, man.
01:05:38.440 --> 01:05:40.761
Our very future rests on
01:05:40.840 --> 01:05:43.207
getting our hands on that blasted painting.
01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:47.046
And therefore it's imperative
that we devise a plan.
01:05:47.120 --> 01:05:49.771
And it will have to be a
fiendishly clever plan.
01:05:49.880 --> 01:05:51.041
Well, sir... I've been thinking...
01:05:51.160 --> 01:05:53.288
And I mean dizzyingly complex,
01:05:53.360 --> 01:05:55.522
replete with feints and distractions
01:05:55.600 --> 01:05:59.207
and calibrated movements
of the Swiss watch type. What?
01:05:59.640 --> 01:06:00.846
Thoughts?
01:06:01.160 --> 01:06:03.891
During the party,
we steal it while no one's looking.
01:06:07.000 --> 01:06:09.128
Ingenious. Once again?
01:06:11.360 --> 01:06:13.886
You go down, get your face seen a bit...
01:06:13.960 --> 01:06:14.961
Mmm.
01:06:15.040 --> 01:06:16.485
Then you meet me 'round the back later,
01:06:16.560 --> 01:06:17.641
we climb up the side
01:06:17.720 --> 01:06:20.530
of the building,
break through the window, grab the painting.
01:06:21.680 --> 01:06:23.409
Oh, diabolical.
01:06:23.880 --> 01:06:26.360
Let's review it
a few more times, shall we?
01:06:27.000 --> 01:06:29.082
It's just the old
smash-and-grab routine, sir.
01:06:29.160 --> 01:06:30.400
Of course it is.
01:06:30.480 --> 01:06:33.563
This is just the old
smash-and-grab business.
01:06:33.680 --> 01:06:35.045
Smash-and-grab.
01:06:35.400 --> 01:06:37.209
- Jock?
- Yes, sir?
01:06:37.400 --> 01:06:38.890
I am so very proud of you.
01:06:39.080 --> 01:06:40.081
Thank you, sir.
01:06:40.200 --> 01:06:41.200
- And, Jock?
- Yes, sir?
01:06:41.240 --> 01:06:42.685
You know, I've always
been rather fond of you.
01:06:42.760 --> 01:06:43.761
Thank you, sir.
01:06:43.840 --> 01:06:44.921
- Jock?
- Yup?
01:06:45.000 --> 01:06:46.525
Will it be all right in the end?
01:06:46.600 --> 01:06:48.364
How the fuck should I know?
01:07:10.560 --> 01:07:12.085
Unremarkable.
01:07:20.040 --> 01:07:23.726
Keep the Englishman busy.
I create distraction.
01:07:23.800 --> 01:07:25.211
No problem.
01:07:37.800 --> 01:07:38.801
Ooh!
01:07:39.400 --> 01:07:40.401
Hi.
01:07:41.760 --> 01:07:42.807
Oh!
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:44.280
That's my bottom.
01:07:44.480 --> 01:07:45.891
Dance with me.
01:07:46.800 --> 01:07:48.245
Starburst!
01:07:51.000 --> 01:07:52.764
Oh! So much!
So much to look at!
01:07:54.960 --> 01:07:56.007
Hmm.
01:07:58.640 --> 01:07:59.641
Have me.
01:07:59.800 --> 01:08:03.407
Oh, my dear, I'm so tired.
And so married and so tired.
01:08:03.480 --> 01:08:05.164
And so married... Oh!
01:08:05.280 --> 01:08:08.170
And I'm married and tired, you know.
01:08:08.960 --> 01:08:10.121
I... Just...
01:08:10.320 --> 01:08:11.321
Whoa!
01:08:12.160 --> 01:08:13.160
Oh!
01:08:15.480 --> 01:08:16.527
Darling!
01:08:16.760 --> 01:08:18.922
Whatever brings you here?
01:08:19.480 --> 01:08:22.529
This is not a breast in my hand!
01:08:23.200 --> 01:08:25.362
I was unhappy with our last conversation,
01:08:25.480 --> 01:08:27.687
so I got on the next plane. Surprised?
01:08:27.840 --> 01:08:29.842
Oh, pleasantly.
01:08:30.840 --> 01:08:32.160
Aren't you going to introduce us?
01:08:33.200 --> 01:08:36.886
Johanna, my dear, this is
Milton Krampf's nymph...
01:08:37.000 --> 01:08:38.001
Daughter Georgina.
01:08:38.880 --> 01:08:40.962
And she was, well, we were having
01:08:41.040 --> 01:08:43.725
a discussion about three...
01:08:45.120 --> 01:08:47.361
Sometimes, you know, how it's like a...
01:08:53.680 --> 01:08:54.681
Whew! Uh...
01:08:56.040 --> 01:08:58.361
My, my, look at the time! Uh...
01:09:01.960 --> 01:09:03.041
Carry on!
01:09:04.680 --> 01:09:06.887
Oh! Oh!
01:09:11.640 --> 01:09:13.244
A beast... A beast...
01:09:15.920 --> 01:09:17.410
Ooh. Oh.
01:09:18.400 --> 01:09:22.724
Yes, yes, yes.
Good hungry doggie...
01:09:23.040 --> 01:09:26.089
Weenie, weenie, weenie, weenie, weenie...
01:09:26.320 --> 01:09:29.244
Weenie, weenie, weenie, weenie, weenie...
01:09:39.600 --> 01:09:40.681
I met a beast...
01:09:41.280 --> 01:09:42.691
Krampf's window is
the second one on the left.
01:09:42.760 --> 01:09:44.364
No, no. I met a beast!
01:09:44.440 --> 01:09:45.771
Get on that ladder!
01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:48.843
And what, pray tell, might you be doing
01:09:48.920 --> 01:09:50.524
whilst I'm engaged in thus heroics?
01:09:51.720 --> 01:09:53.131
Oh! Beast! Beast! Beast...
01:09:59.280 --> 01:10:03.046
Oh, how I long for the rain
and indifference of Europe.
01:10:04.040 --> 01:10:05.201
Well done, Jock!
01:10:05.800 --> 01:10:07.131
It's a privilege, sir!
01:10:17.200 --> 01:10:18.201
Ah...
01:10:19.280 --> 01:10:23.046
Well then, Mr. Krampf.
I suppose since you're here
01:10:23.120 --> 01:10:26.329
and I'm here,
it's time for you and I to talk turkey.
01:10:37.560 --> 01:10:38.607
Oh, I see.
01:10:43.000 --> 01:10:44.331
Oh, I see.
01:10:46.480 --> 01:10:48.005
Bad news for you, Strago.
01:10:48.560 --> 01:10:50.483
There are no bank codes on that painting.
01:10:50.920 --> 01:10:53.764
I think we both know that there are.
01:10:53.840 --> 01:10:55.001
Invisible ink, no?
01:10:55.160 --> 01:10:56.286
Stop right there!
01:10:57.440 --> 01:10:58.646
Sit down. Sit!
01:10:59.600 --> 01:11:01.090
I... I warn you, Georgina.
01:11:01.160 --> 01:11:02.844
You have no idea what
you're getting involved with.
01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:05.844
Despite his man purse,
Strago is very dangerous.
01:11:06.080 --> 01:11:07.969
Darling, they are in cahoots.
01:11:08.120 --> 01:11:09.167
How do you know?
01:11:09.920 --> 01:11:11.365
Oh, that's gross!
01:11:12.920 --> 01:11:13.921
We are in love.
01:11:14.520 --> 01:11:15.806
Drop the gun!
01:11:16.680 --> 01:11:17.681
Emil!
01:11:18.040 --> 01:11:19.485
- Alastair!
- Do it now!
01:11:27.280 --> 01:11:28.520
Good show, Martland!
01:11:28.640 --> 01:11:30.290
Bit redundant, really, as he's dead.
01:11:30.880 --> 01:11:32.723
Alastair, what are you doing here?
01:11:32.880 --> 01:11:34.120
I followed you.
01:11:34.200 --> 01:11:35.281
Wouldn't do to have you walking into
01:11:35.480 --> 01:11:37.369
all this mess on your own, now, would it?
01:11:37.640 --> 01:11:38.846
Jock, give me the painting.
01:11:39.320 --> 01:11:41.209
- Sit down!
- Drop the knife!
01:11:41.280 --> 01:11:42.281
I will shoot you.
01:11:42.400 --> 01:11:44.209
Yes, most likely by accident.
01:11:44.480 --> 01:11:46.130
None of you will ever know
what it's like to make love
01:11:46.200 --> 01:11:47.361
to a man with principles.
01:11:47.480 --> 01:11:48.481
Well, in my case,
01:11:48.560 --> 01:11:49.971
I can safely say you are correct.
01:11:50.040 --> 01:11:53.169
However, I never went
to Eton where buggery is rampant.
01:11:53.240 --> 01:11:55.000
Oh, you were at Eton,
weren't you, Martland?
01:11:55.080 --> 01:11:56.320
Yes, yes, I was.
01:11:56.640 --> 01:11:57.880
Yes, I was!
01:12:10.080 --> 01:12:11.760
Please don't be sick!
Please don't be sick!
01:12:13.040 --> 01:12:14.326
It's the shellfish!
01:12:15.720 --> 01:12:16.720
- You have it?
- Go!
01:12:16.760 --> 01:12:17.761
- Do you have it?
- Go!
01:12:17.880 --> 01:12:19.564
I go, I go, I go!
01:12:20.880 --> 01:12:22.086
Valet!
01:12:22.920 --> 01:12:24.445
Oh, I don't like that.
I don't like it.
01:12:24.560 --> 01:12:25.686
- Close your eyes, sir.
- Right.
01:12:25.760 --> 01:12:27.842
Give me the keys.
Keys to the Rolls.
01:12:28.160 --> 01:12:29.161
Come on, let's go.
01:12:29.280 --> 01:12:31.089
Well, at least none of
us had the shellfish.
01:12:37.240 --> 01:12:38.571
Jock, please!
01:12:40.080 --> 01:12:41.969
My sympathetic gag reflex.
01:12:42.280 --> 01:12:44.282
Have you lost your bearings, man?
01:12:44.520 --> 01:12:46.204
Shellfish at a catered affair?
01:12:56.720 --> 01:12:58.210
And I will have you two know that
01:12:58.280 --> 01:13:00.647
I had a firm grasp on things
before you showed up.
01:13:00.760 --> 01:13:02.967
Oh! You certainly had
a firm grasp on something!
01:13:03.080 --> 01:13:06.209
You dare to cast aspersions?
01:13:06.280 --> 01:13:08.567
I am not the one entertaining at all hours
01:13:08.640 --> 01:13:10.440
with a failed poet! Oh!
01:13:18.320 --> 01:13:20.641
At least my focus at
university wasn't plagiarism!
01:13:20.760 --> 01:13:21.760
Oh, stay out of it!
01:13:26.440 --> 01:13:27.920
Oh, I've got a sensitive tummy!
01:13:27.960 --> 01:13:29.849
There's more, there's more, there's more...
01:13:30.080 --> 01:13:31.320
No more, no more, no more.
01:13:31.400 --> 01:13:32.481
I swallowed it.
01:13:34.680 --> 01:13:36.921
At least I have
the good taste to hide my indiscretions
01:13:37.000 --> 01:13:38.843
and not parade them under everyone's nose!
01:13:38.920 --> 01:13:40.604
So you admit there were indiscretions?
01:13:40.680 --> 01:13:41.841
I admit nothing!
01:13:41.920 --> 01:13:42.921
Then I deny nothing.
01:13:43.000 --> 01:13:44.001
Oh, shut up!
01:13:59.320 --> 01:14:01.926
Questionable attack, Jock.
Spirited, though.
01:14:02.920 --> 01:14:04.001
I'm done.
01:14:38.880 --> 01:14:40.000
There's their car!
01:14:40.040 --> 01:14:41.644
- Where?
- There!
01:14:45.040 --> 01:14:49.682
Now we wait. Thirty seconds.
Twenty-nine... Twenty-eight...
01:14:49.920 --> 01:14:50.921
Don't count.
01:14:57.760 --> 01:14:59.569
Better out than in. All right...
01:15:01.920 --> 01:15:03.888
I shall secure the perimeter.
01:15:04.240 --> 01:15:06.686
Why, this is an outrage!
There's not an ocean vista
01:15:06.760 --> 01:15:08.160
within miles of this establishment.
01:15:08.200 --> 01:15:09.770
Please don't be tiresome. Jock!
01:15:09.840 --> 01:15:13.083
Are you quite finished
with your barrage of insults?
01:15:17.080 --> 01:15:18.809
Now we heat the surface,
01:15:18.920 --> 01:15:21.048
reveal the codes and transfer the money.
01:15:21.600 --> 01:15:22.886
Get the blowtorch.
01:15:44.160 --> 01:15:45.924
Nobody make a move.
01:15:46.000 --> 01:15:47.206
I really wouldn't, you know,
01:15:47.280 --> 01:15:50.011
he's trained and sexually frustrated.
01:15:50.120 --> 01:15:51.690
Those bank codes won't fall into
01:15:51.800 --> 01:15:53.404
the wrong hands again.
01:15:53.480 --> 01:15:54.891
Back away from the painting.
01:15:54.960 --> 01:15:56.560
- Oh, don't do that!
- For heaven's sake.
01:15:56.640 --> 01:15:57.641
For England!
01:16:03.960 --> 01:16:05.325
Oh, dear.
01:16:07.320 --> 01:16:08.606
- Everyone out!
- Okay.
01:16:21.200 --> 01:16:24.044
The local
authorities were displeased.
01:16:24.280 --> 01:16:25.884
Strago and Georgina fled,
01:16:26.000 --> 01:16:27.280
leaving the rest of us to answer
01:16:27.320 --> 01:16:30.005
some rather pointed questions.
01:16:30.120 --> 01:16:33.329
I recounted the sordid
tale as best I could...
01:16:33.560 --> 01:16:36.530
This may be a customary
greeting in America.
01:16:36.640 --> 01:16:37.641
I don't know.
01:16:38.200 --> 01:16:41.841
All the while,
my thoughts were only of home.
01:16:42.040 --> 01:16:45.886
If indeed Johanna and I
still had a home to go to.
01:16:55.040 --> 01:16:59.204
I'm not sure if Jock has
mentioned it, but I am
01:16:59.360 --> 01:17:02.011
very, very sorry about everything.
01:17:03.760 --> 01:17:05.171
Darling? Please?
01:17:10.920 --> 01:17:15.323
I suppose that
we will have to open the house to tours.
01:17:16.400 --> 01:17:19.449
I'll have Jock fix up
the servants quarters for us.
01:17:19.560 --> 01:17:21.369
Do you think that Jockie will stay on
01:17:21.440 --> 01:17:24.046
without pay or lodging?
01:17:24.720 --> 01:17:28.281
Don't be daft.
This isn't finished yet.
01:17:28.720 --> 01:17:30.563
That painting was a fake.
01:17:30.920 --> 01:17:32.570
A fake? How do you know?
01:17:32.680 --> 01:17:34.284
A chap called Bunny's
01:17:34.400 --> 01:17:35.480
- got the real one.
- Bunny?
01:17:35.560 --> 01:17:37.085
Bronwen lied from the start.
01:17:37.520 --> 01:17:41.286
She never found the lost Goya.
She painted it.
01:17:42.200 --> 01:17:43.201
Of course!
01:17:43.600 --> 01:17:46.126
Bronwen makes a fake, and calls Krampf.
01:17:46.640 --> 01:17:50.122
Am I interested?
I'm wildly interested.
01:17:50.360 --> 01:17:52.283
Krampf calls Spinoza.
01:17:52.440 --> 01:17:55.444
Georgina finds out about it
and tells Emil, who goes to
01:17:55.600 --> 01:17:57.443
steal the painting from Bronwen.
01:17:57.560 --> 01:17:59.085
But Spinoza's already there.
01:17:59.240 --> 01:18:00.969
He boffs Emil on the bean
01:18:01.080 --> 01:18:02.560
and takes the painting.
01:18:02.760 --> 01:18:05.923
Spinoza then secrets
the painting into the Rolls
01:18:06.160 --> 01:18:09.642
and I unwittingly smuggle it to Krampf.
01:18:10.120 --> 01:18:12.327
The Duke told me
that Bunny has the painting,
01:18:12.440 --> 01:18:13.521
but I can't find him.
01:18:13.600 --> 01:18:14.681
Which Duke?
01:18:14.760 --> 01:18:17.127
Of Asherboroughdon.
Bronwen's lover.
01:18:17.960 --> 01:18:19.121
Bunny.
01:18:19.640 --> 01:18:22.689
"Love, your Bunny!"
Oh! The note in the studio.
01:18:22.800 --> 01:18:25.087
It was not from a child, it was from him.
01:18:25.160 --> 01:18:26.685
The Duke is Bunny.
01:18:28.400 --> 01:18:30.289
And it wasn't his tadger.
01:18:30.640 --> 01:18:31.687
Come again?
01:18:31.840 --> 01:18:34.207
The Duke kept trying
to get me to go into his lavatory
01:18:34.280 --> 01:18:35.964
to look at his John Thomas.
01:18:36.280 --> 01:18:37.281
Oh. Randy bugger.
01:18:37.440 --> 01:18:38.965
Only that wasn't it at all!
01:18:39.080 --> 01:18:40.800
He was trying to show me the real painting.
01:18:41.160 --> 01:18:43.640
The Duchess of Wellington
is in Bunny's loo.
01:18:43.760 --> 01:18:44.807
Oh! Ooh!
01:19:01.160 --> 01:19:02.525
- Oh, my.
- Oh, my.
01:19:05.160 --> 01:19:06.446
Oh, my.
01:19:06.640 --> 01:19:07.721
Oh, my!
01:19:09.840 --> 01:19:11.330
- Oh, my.
- Oh, my.
01:19:14.040 --> 01:19:17.044
Well, the water bailiff
won't bother him now.
01:19:17.160 --> 01:19:18.207
Mmm.
01:19:19.560 --> 01:19:21.369
Terribly sorry for your loss, madam.
01:19:21.960 --> 01:19:23.166
How very kind.
01:19:25.040 --> 01:19:27.520
Would you mind ever so much
if we used the lavatory?
01:19:29.680 --> 01:19:30.841
It's this way.
01:19:37.560 --> 01:19:39.324
Oh, you beautiful breadwinner.
01:19:39.400 --> 01:19:41.164
Mwah.
01:19:41.400 --> 01:19:43.323
Darling, please, you are killing me.
01:19:43.400 --> 01:19:44.640
Right.
01:19:45.920 --> 01:19:47.081
Out the window with it?
01:19:47.920 --> 01:19:49.046
Quite.
01:19:50.520 --> 01:19:51.567
However...
01:19:53.360 --> 01:19:56.728
I do have the slightest of queries.
01:19:57.040 --> 01:19:58.201
What do we do next?
01:19:58.880 --> 01:19:59.881
Hmm.
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.081
Because if Martland should get
01:20:01.200 --> 01:20:02.201
his grubby hands on that painting,
01:20:02.320 --> 01:20:04.402
he would destroy a magnificent work of art.
01:20:04.520 --> 01:20:06.921
And we will be out a finder's fee.
01:20:07.040 --> 01:20:08.929
If it falls into Strago's hands,
01:20:09.040 --> 01:20:11.520
he will unleash his unpleasantness
01:20:11.600 --> 01:20:13.568
to disastrous effect upon the world.
01:20:14.120 --> 01:20:16.168
And if we try to sell it to Romanov,
01:20:16.240 --> 01:20:18.561
he will kill us and simply take it instead.
01:20:18.760 --> 01:20:20.489
And yet we must find a way to pay
01:20:20.560 --> 01:20:22.528
eight million in back taxes.
01:20:22.760 --> 01:20:26.560
Mmm. Quite, quite, yes, indeed, quite.
01:20:26.960 --> 01:20:28.405
Quite a conundrum, this.
01:20:28.600 --> 01:20:30.807
I shall need a moment
to think this through, I'm afraid.
01:20:30.960 --> 01:20:33.042
Yes, do. Do think.
01:20:33.200 --> 01:20:34.929
Just bear in mind, I'm standing on a loo,
01:20:35.040 --> 01:20:36.405
holding a dead man's Goya.
01:20:37.800 --> 01:20:40.087
Our painting is entered
in Sedgwick's Friday auction,
01:20:40.200 --> 01:20:41.247
is it not?
01:20:41.720 --> 01:20:42.767
Yes.
01:20:43.280 --> 01:20:44.406
Perfect.
01:20:44.800 --> 01:20:47.201
We are going to
enter the Goya into the auction,
01:20:47.320 --> 01:20:48.765
disguised as our Sheridan.
01:20:49.280 --> 01:20:50.725
But it's already at Sedgwick's.
01:20:50.800 --> 01:20:52.245
It's been authenticated.
01:20:52.480 --> 01:20:53.811
We'll make a switch.
01:20:54.440 --> 01:20:57.125
But first we must convince our buyers
01:20:57.240 --> 01:20:58.651
that the Goya's back in play.
01:20:58.920 --> 01:21:00.649
They won't take our word for it.
01:21:00.760 --> 01:21:02.250
They'll want to see it themselves.
01:21:02.440 --> 01:21:03.930
Then we'll show it to them.
01:21:04.600 --> 01:21:06.762
What the situation requires now
01:21:06.920 --> 01:21:09.321
is a well-spun rumor.
01:21:09.440 --> 01:21:11.568
Sir Graham. A message for you, sir.
01:21:14.240 --> 01:21:16.447
What is all this nonsense?
01:21:16.960 --> 01:21:20.089
You know I'm not interested
in your flaccid Sheridan.
01:21:20.760 --> 01:21:22.171
Darling?
01:21:28.120 --> 01:21:29.167
Interested now?
01:21:30.320 --> 01:21:31.481
Very.
01:21:32.600 --> 01:21:34.568
But I watched it burn.
01:21:34.640 --> 01:21:36.085
It's Mortdecai, sir.
01:21:36.200 --> 01:21:38.009
Chatter is he's found a dashedly clever way
01:21:38.160 --> 01:21:39.764
to move it on the open market.
01:21:41.480 --> 01:21:43.130
The auction starts at 5:00 p.m.
01:21:43.200 --> 01:21:44.964
I want that painting.
01:21:45.840 --> 01:21:47.126
The auction got it.
01:21:48.880 --> 01:21:50.006
Good luck!
01:22:01.520 --> 01:22:04.364
I believe he still owes me a finger.
01:22:16.520 --> 01:22:18.363
- Hello, pookie.
- Hello, darling.
01:22:18.560 --> 01:22:20.005
I nicked one of their passkeys.
01:22:20.160 --> 01:22:21.400
Well done.
01:22:21.520 --> 01:22:22.646
We're Lot Seven.
01:22:22.720 --> 01:22:24.563
I shall need 30 seconds to make the switch
01:22:24.680 --> 01:22:26.170
once it's announced. Do not delay.
01:22:26.240 --> 01:22:28.080
I know this building like
the back of my hand.
01:22:28.160 --> 01:22:30.208
- You will have your time.
- Oh. Mmm.
01:22:31.320 --> 01:22:32.526
Good luck.
01:22:49.040 --> 01:22:50.644
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
01:22:50.720 --> 01:22:51.881
Welcome to Sedgwick's
01:22:52.040 --> 01:22:56.887
Autumn Master's Sale.
We shall begin with Lot One.
01:22:58.040 --> 01:23:00.407
Barnyard Friends.
A lovely Helen Allingham,
01:23:00.600 --> 01:23:04.571
depicting two horses,
an ass, and several cocks.
01:23:04.840 --> 01:23:06.729
There's a lovely sky here.
01:23:06.840 --> 01:23:10.083
Shall we start the bidding
at 17,000 pounds?
01:23:10.440 --> 01:23:12.681
Seventeen thousand pounds,
thank you very much.
01:23:18.440 --> 01:23:20.920
Stealthy, man, stealthy.
01:23:21.400 --> 01:23:22.526
Oh.
01:23:22.640 --> 01:23:24.404
Like a jungle cat.
01:23:24.600 --> 01:23:25.601
Oh! Ahh!
01:23:27.480 --> 01:23:29.960
Hello, Vladimir.
So good to see you out and about.
01:23:30.080 --> 01:23:31.120
Tell us where painting is,
01:23:31.200 --> 01:23:32.850
or you have big hole in your head.
01:23:32.920 --> 01:23:34.763
You will have hole in your balls!
01:23:37.080 --> 01:23:39.401
Why is Dmitri obsessed with testicula?
01:23:44.440 --> 01:23:47.444
Your mother and father only met once.
01:23:47.560 --> 01:23:49.085
And money changed hands.
01:23:50.800 --> 01:23:52.564
Probably less than a 20.
01:23:53.840 --> 01:23:56.764
And they say she was dressed
as a man at the time.
01:23:57.280 --> 01:24:01.285
I wouldn't, mate.
I really wouldn't.
01:24:02.120 --> 01:24:05.010
Sold to the gentleman in the fuchsia ascot.
01:24:05.320 --> 01:24:07.163
Moving on to Lot Two.
01:24:07.440 --> 01:24:08.680
All right. There.
01:24:08.960 --> 01:24:10.928
You won't be needing this anymore, will you?
01:24:11.000 --> 01:24:12.001
Will you? Huh?
01:24:13.000 --> 01:24:14.081
- Ahh!
- Ooh!
01:24:16.960 --> 01:24:18.166
My God.
01:24:19.600 --> 01:24:22.001
Oh, dash it all, Jock, man, your hand!
01:24:23.320 --> 01:24:24.970
It's all right, sir, I've got another.
01:24:25.160 --> 01:24:26.241
You know, remarkably,
01:24:26.320 --> 01:24:27.731
this is not the first time I've shot Jock.
01:24:27.800 --> 01:24:28.801
Sir, the switch.
01:24:29.000 --> 01:24:30.445
- Mmm?
- The switch, sir.
01:24:30.520 --> 01:24:31.601
Oh, quite right.
01:24:31.680 --> 01:24:33.330
No time to dally. Ugh.
01:24:45.440 --> 01:24:47.124
I'll meet you inside, sir.
01:24:47.800 --> 01:24:50.121
And we move on to Lot Four.
01:24:50.320 --> 01:24:53.483
Fernand Just Quignon's Lavender Field.
01:24:54.840 --> 01:24:56.001
Isn't it charming?
01:25:22.880 --> 01:25:25.724
Thirty-five thousand pounds.
01:25:28.160 --> 01:25:31.926
Forty thousand pounds? 40,000?
45, isn't it?
01:25:32.040 --> 01:25:35.567
Forty-five, thank you, sir.
45, 50, back on the...
01:25:41.680 --> 01:25:42.841
Give me the painting.
01:25:50.040 --> 01:25:51.041
What painting?
01:25:52.840 --> 01:25:53.841
Oh!
01:25:54.920 --> 01:25:56.126
I see that you have been schooled
01:25:56.240 --> 01:25:58.561
in the fine art of fencing.
01:26:00.400 --> 01:26:01.447
Alas,
01:26:03.920 --> 01:26:05.046
so have I.
01:26:06.520 --> 01:26:09.091
An essential part of
every gentleman's education.
01:26:10.640 --> 01:26:13.291
And as a gentleman, I should warn you
01:26:13.880 --> 01:26:16.201
that my coup d'arret is
still whispered about
01:26:16.280 --> 01:26:18.647
in hushed tones to this very day.
01:26:18.800 --> 01:26:20.040
Ooh!
01:26:21.760 --> 01:26:24.001
I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it!
01:26:24.080 --> 01:26:25.081
Oh, Oh, Oh!
01:26:26.440 --> 01:26:28.727
Twenty-five thousand pounds.
01:26:38.280 --> 01:26:41.568
Lot Five.
Smiling Woman in a Chair.
01:26:54.120 --> 01:26:57.522
Sold for 210,000 pounds.
01:27:01.760 --> 01:27:05.321
And now, moving on to Lot Six.
01:27:13.840 --> 01:27:14.921
Ha-ha!
01:27:17.320 --> 01:27:18.321
Oh.
01:27:21.120 --> 01:27:22.167
Ha-ha!
01:27:29.520 --> 01:27:30.646
Oh!
01:27:32.840 --> 01:27:33.887
Oh, dear.
01:27:43.960 --> 01:27:46.088
I would like to humbly
01:27:46.160 --> 01:27:47.810
and unreservedly offer my deepest...
01:27:50.480 --> 01:27:51.527
Truce?
01:27:57.200 --> 01:27:58.406
Ladies and gentlemen,
01:27:58.520 --> 01:28:00.045
if you would please remain calm.
01:28:12.720 --> 01:28:14.131
Ladies and gentlemen, if you would please
01:28:14.200 --> 01:28:16.202
remain in your seats, I would be grateful.
01:28:19.560 --> 01:28:20.561
Ah!
01:28:26.200 --> 01:28:27.361
Where is Mortdecai?
01:28:29.040 --> 01:28:30.565
Well, come on, then.
01:28:54.120 --> 01:28:55.246
God.
01:28:58.080 --> 01:29:02.688
Going on to Lot Seven.
Colonel Blucher
01:29:02.760 --> 01:29:05.445
- with Hounds near Twineham.
- But quietly. Quietly.
01:29:06.720 --> 01:29:10.042
A lovely Sheridan offered
by the Mortdecai estate.
01:29:10.240 --> 01:29:13.608
Shall we start the bidding
at 100,000 pounds?
01:29:14.760 --> 01:29:16.922
One hundred thousand pounds.
Thank you, Sir Graham.
01:29:18.760 --> 01:29:20.603
Fang wants finger.
01:29:21.000 --> 01:29:23.241
Must go and bid.
Must go and bid. Must go and bid.
01:29:26.720 --> 01:29:27.960
Where is Mortdecai?
01:29:28.400 --> 01:29:29.606
Tell me.
01:29:29.960 --> 01:29:32.964
He's not here, mate. He sent me.
01:29:34.160 --> 01:29:35.321
Where is he?
01:29:35.440 --> 01:29:37.442
It's just me, mate.
01:29:38.120 --> 01:29:39.485
Oh, God!
01:29:40.440 --> 01:29:42.522
Dear, sweet, heroic Jock.
01:29:43.480 --> 01:29:45.642
Two hundred. Very good. Do we have three?
01:29:45.800 --> 01:29:46.801
Three.
01:29:47.160 --> 01:29:50.323
Yes, well, in future,
if you could please use your paddles.
01:29:50.520 --> 01:29:53.490
I will take your finger.
01:30:12.360 --> 01:30:14.124
I couldn't help overhearing
01:30:14.200 --> 01:30:17.522
some discussion about your finger.
01:30:18.000 --> 01:30:20.685
Oh, don't worry about that,
sir, I've got nine more.
01:30:24.480 --> 01:30:26.881
I feel simply awful, man,
but I must get to the auction.
01:30:27.160 --> 01:30:28.685
I'll be all right, sir.
01:30:29.040 --> 01:30:30.530
We need eight million.
01:30:32.680 --> 01:30:34.040
Now, can we go to 500?
01:30:34.120 --> 01:30:35.246
500, ladies and gentlemen.
01:30:35.880 --> 01:30:37.450
There he is.
Now don't cause a panic.
01:30:37.520 --> 01:30:38.726
Just get him.
01:30:38.840 --> 01:30:39.966
Five hundred thousand.
01:30:40.080 --> 01:30:42.082
Five hundred thousand.
01:30:42.200 --> 01:30:43.201
Hold. Hold.
01:30:43.320 --> 01:30:45.402
Thank you, madam, 500,000.
01:30:45.520 --> 01:30:48.444
Do I have 600?
600,000 pounds, ladies and gentlemen.
01:30:48.520 --> 01:30:50.443
- Bid.
- Oh! What?
01:30:51.680 --> 01:30:53.921
A bid from Lady Mortdecai, who seems to be
01:30:54.040 --> 01:30:55.451
bidding on her own painting.
01:30:55.520 --> 01:30:57.320
Just taking the horse for
a trot out to London
01:30:57.360 --> 01:30:58.486
and back, are we?
01:30:58.680 --> 01:31:01.047
- Oh! Yeah.
- Very well. 600 then.
01:31:01.400 --> 01:31:03.243
I'll make it up to you, Jockie.
01:31:03.360 --> 01:31:05.601
Oh, I know you will, sir. You always do.
01:31:29.960 --> 01:31:31.530
Well done, sir.
01:31:34.960 --> 01:31:36.883
It is a privilege, Jock.
01:31:38.200 --> 01:31:40.646
Are we all done at 900,000?
01:31:41.280 --> 01:31:42.884
- Go bid!
- Oh!
01:31:43.360 --> 01:31:47.001
Fair warning at 900,000 pounds
01:31:47.080 --> 01:31:48.445
from Sir Graham.
01:31:50.080 --> 01:31:53.607
Last chance. And we are...
01:31:53.720 --> 01:31:54.926
Darling.
01:31:56.920 --> 01:31:58.570
Yes, Lord Mortdecai?
01:31:58.920 --> 01:32:00.922
Would you also like to make a bid?
01:32:02.280 --> 01:32:03.281
Ten million pounds.
01:32:04.440 --> 01:32:07.603
Ten million pounds
from Lord Mortdecai himself.
01:32:10.760 --> 01:32:11.761
Move!
01:32:11.920 --> 01:32:14.571
- Come on!
- Twenty million, you swine!
01:32:15.320 --> 01:32:16.606
Twenty-five million.
01:32:16.920 --> 01:32:19.969
Twenty-five and a half!
26 and a quarter!
01:32:20.120 --> 01:32:21.240
Thirty million. Final offer!
01:32:21.320 --> 01:32:22.924
Is that our final bid?
01:32:23.160 --> 01:32:26.960
Are we all done at 30 million pounds?
01:32:28.280 --> 01:32:29.327
Sold.
01:32:33.560 --> 01:32:36.803
There you are. 2,642 pounds.
01:32:38.840 --> 01:32:40.251
I do beg your pardon.
01:32:40.320 --> 01:32:43.244
Uh, maths were never my strong suit.
01:32:43.640 --> 01:32:45.927
But there was mention of 30 million,
01:32:46.000 --> 01:32:47.161
so you take that.
01:32:47.600 --> 01:32:49.011
Uh, less commission, carrying,
01:32:49.080 --> 01:32:50.730
handling, and transfer taxes,
01:32:50.960 --> 01:32:52.840
left a total of just over
eight million pounds.
01:32:53.480 --> 01:32:55.926
Which I am sorry to report has been...
01:32:56.000 --> 01:32:57.604
Garnished by Her Majesty's government
01:32:57.680 --> 01:33:00.968
in settlement of your tax bill, Charlie.
01:33:03.000 --> 01:33:04.081
Can you think of a good reason
01:33:04.160 --> 01:33:05.969
why I shouldn't arrest you right now?
01:33:07.440 --> 01:33:08.851
I eschew discomfort?
01:33:10.120 --> 01:33:11.963
Any blame here should fall on me.
01:33:13.040 --> 01:33:14.451
Dear Alastair,
01:33:15.240 --> 01:33:17.368
if I led you to believe
there was anything between us,
01:33:17.440 --> 01:33:19.283
it was merely to find out about the case
01:33:19.360 --> 01:33:21.124
and protect my husband.
01:33:21.240 --> 01:33:22.890
Can you forgive me?
01:33:22.960 --> 01:33:24.200
Of course, Johanna.
01:33:25.880 --> 01:33:27.166
- Charlie?
- Mmm.
01:33:30.360 --> 01:33:32.522
It was a damned good try, old bean.
01:33:37.680 --> 01:33:39.728
"Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
01:33:40.320 --> 01:33:43.244
"the saddest are these,
'It might have been'."
01:33:44.600 --> 01:33:46.090
Thank you, Maurice.
01:33:56.400 --> 01:34:00.086
Poor Jock.
He was frantic with worry.
01:34:01.160 --> 01:34:04.562
But I knew everything
would be all right in the end.
01:34:09.000 --> 01:34:10.684
Magnificent.
01:34:13.240 --> 01:34:15.004
Do you think the codes are really there?
01:34:15.760 --> 01:34:17.603
They most certainly are, darling.
01:34:17.680 --> 01:34:20.001
And I gave them to the authorities.
01:34:20.080 --> 01:34:22.287
Anonymously, of course.
01:34:23.240 --> 01:34:25.561
We may be flat broke, my darling,
01:34:25.680 --> 01:34:27.842
but we are not desperate.
01:34:28.360 --> 01:34:30.203
I do hope Romanov doesn't come down
01:34:30.280 --> 01:34:31.805
too hard on Sir Graham,
01:34:31.880 --> 01:34:34.565
when he finds out he bought the wrong fake.
01:34:35.360 --> 01:34:36.691
Lights.
01:34:43.400 --> 01:34:45.289
That is disappointing.
01:34:45.920 --> 01:34:47.331
Very disappointing.
01:34:47.920 --> 01:34:49.490
Open your balls.
01:34:54.400 --> 01:34:55.481
Bollocks.
01:34:56.840 --> 01:35:01.641
Now, tell me about that tramp on the horse.
01:35:03.320 --> 01:35:04.481
Oh, my darling,
01:35:04.560 --> 01:35:07.564
I tried desperately to
be unfaithful to you,
01:35:07.680 --> 01:35:09.125
I really did.
01:35:10.160 --> 01:35:11.844
But I just couldn't do it.
01:35:13.760 --> 01:35:16.081
It's a terrible moment
when you find yourself
01:35:16.160 --> 01:35:18.845
falling in love with your
own spouse, isn't it?
01:35:19.680 --> 01:35:22.126
Now, that is the look that softens
01:35:22.200 --> 01:35:24.202
every bone in my body,
01:35:24.840 --> 01:35:26.126
except one.
01:35:28.240 --> 01:35:31.005
Do you mean you are ready?
01:35:32.680 --> 01:35:34.728
I see no obstacle to such a course.
01:35:38.480 --> 01:35:40.005
My love, surely you recall
01:35:40.080 --> 01:35:42.686
I have already been circumcised.
01:35:44.920 --> 01:35:46.524
Mmm...
01:35:47.920 --> 01:35:49.285
Charlie?
01:35:50.120 --> 01:35:53.169
Mrs. Mortdecai, as you well know,
01:35:53.880 --> 01:35:56.611
I am a man of few words.
01:35:59.480 --> 01:36:02.643
I deeply, deeply love
01:36:04.560 --> 01:36:06.085
my moustache.
01:36:08.400 --> 01:36:09.561
But
01:36:09.640 --> 01:36:10.971
I have discovered
01:36:12.400 --> 01:36:13.925
that I love you
01:36:15.680 --> 01:36:16.727
more.
01:36:19.960 --> 01:36:21.007
Proceed.
01:36:24.480 --> 01:36:26.642
Would you really do that for me?
01:36:28.160 --> 01:36:33.007
For you, there is nothing I would not do.
01:36:37.080 --> 01:36:39.321
Well, in that case, Mr. Mortdecai,
01:36:40.520 --> 01:36:44.161
I should be very pleased
if you would keep it.
01:36:45.120 --> 01:36:46.246
Really?
01:36:47.080 --> 01:36:48.730
I mean...
01:36:49.040 --> 01:36:50.121
Mmm...
01:36:50.680 --> 01:36:51.966
Oh, darl...
01:36:53.280 --> 01:36:54.691
Your gag reflex.
01:36:55.840 --> 01:36:57.171
Try me.
01:37:08.320 --> 01:37:09.526
Pookie.
01:37:10.200 --> 01:37:12.248
I have never been so...
01:37:12.272 --> 01:37:32.272
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